WB 7 - Kurt Hanks

7
DRAFT COPY
Getting Answers
I didn’t expect to questions I never asked
If you have ever got into any sport you know that
each sport comes with in accompanying world. In
baseball, for example, most importantly you have
the hat, then the stitched white ball, hard or soft, the
gloves, the bat and all the unique clothes.
Also, there are overt rules such as three strikes and
you out of play and there are subliminal rules such
as mentioning your close interaction with their
mom is OK, but you can’t overtly whack them on the
head with the bat. And so on . . . making a complete
setting all supporting the world of baseball.
The same comes with any other kind of worlds; each
creating limits and limiting certain expectations.
1
Seeing Things
Ernest’s earnestness
When this weird stuff first hit hard and I couldn’t run
from it, hide it under the rug or throw it in the closet.
It just refused to allow me to get rid of it or go away
on its own. How to deal with it then became my top
priority. Finding protection from certain elements of
this intruding force had also became an crucial issue.
Understandably, the first place I looked for help was
within the religion I grew up in –the Mormon
Church. I found it full of leaders who proclaimed they
had the answers, the power from God and could help
me. I found it all rather hollow and empty. Loudly
and incessantly proclaiming power, but finding none.
Getting Answers 7
Also, another completely different approach was in
following some newly arrived spiritual help. At times
it was crystal clear what it wanted me to do and
where to go for some help. One day a strong and
detailed impression to go to a local shopping mall
and wait there and a person who would show up that
provide some help.
I went to the shopping mall, found the place I was to
be at and sat down in a sunken seating area,waiting
to meet my help. It wasn’t long before, sure enough,
that person walked right in front of me. But I
couldn’t say a single word to him.
I’m not working with their kind
Well, I figured maybe the early Mormon Church had
real power, but they somehow had lost it. Early
church history repeatedly said through numerous
stories that there was spiritual powers back then. So I
went searching into its history to see if I could find
anything there that could help me. I needed help and
I needed it yesterday.
I didn’t recognize him individually, but I knew from
his facial hair and clothes what he was. He had a full
beard, wore a long sleeved shirt and pants for
summer attire. He was in his late 30’s. But I wasn’t
going into any conversation with him. I knew who he
was. He was a polygamist. You know a guy who has
more than one wife and what Mormons will be
forever famous for.
The internet existed, but it was just something
beginning and run by the military’s research arm
DARPA. Just starting in linking the university level
of knowledge, nothing like today. I could find what I
was then looking for easily with a few keystrokes and
the all-knowing Google today. But back then I had no
other choice but to go on a personal search. The
Mormon Church tended to obfuscated and right out
hide their real history so it was impossible in finding
the information I wanted by going the official route.
You see I was a Mormon and Mormons had left
polygamy in the past. But a number of groups were
around and still living what they believed was a
commandment from a never changing God. The
present day church excommunicates polygamists and
considers their behavior bizarre. Odd response since
the early prophets Mormons, so revere, were all
polygamists.
2
Seeing Things
I’ve known personally some polygamists over the
years. In fact, growing up before we moved out onto
the ranch, one of our neighbors was one. He had
three wive, each living in separate houses. One of
those wives was our neighbor and one of the kindest,
nicest people I’ve ever known. So exemplary that the
local Mormon Church just looked the other way and
let her come to our church anyway. Her inherent
goodness just melted folks.
But her husband was different – a royal pain in the
ass. Always right, always the most righteous and
always telling you so. To be real blunt, he matched
the behavior of all the other polygamist husbands I
knew. I had no exceptions. There may have been
some, but I didn’t know any. So the idea of dealing
directly with this kind of man didn’t appeal to me in
any way.
But I was getting desperate. so I gave up on my
resistance and said let’s try it again. I found this new
source often tried multiple times, I was that slow.
Though each subsequent approach was always
progressively more difficult.
Had a friend who was also searching in the same
historical area, but for different reasons and said he
had met someone who had access to many of the
historical records of the early Mormon Church. Back
in history when all the spiritual powers was
supposedly around. This person owned a bookstore
and was an expert on these historical records.
Getting Answers 7
the mall. His name was Ernest. He was in a hurry so
we didn’t have much time, but nothing he said or any
record he mentioned was new to me. So we parted
and I didn’t think much more of it.
The next night I had a dream in which I saw a
person. It was a female with red hair in her twenties
and her image was extremely detailed. I was to meet
her and everything would be OK. Whatever the hell
that meant!
Within a few days I was invited by my fellow searcher
to a party with this rare and old book dealer. You
know the same guy I saw in the mall and had
previously met at his bookstore. Curiosity got me and
I went with my friend. The party was at an older
tracked house. Its doors were wide open, with kids
and people going everywhere. Since we didn’t know
anyone we pulled off to the side out of everyone’s
way. I told my friend about the dream and seeing in
such detail this red headed woman. The friend asked,
“do you see her here”? I said no. Then she walked
through an open door holding a large bowl of foil
covered food. Found out she was one of Ernest’s
wives.
Things like this kept me looking around there, but
despite all my efforts never found any history that
would help. Not a single piece of paper. But the
unexpected happened and from the unexpected I
found some much needed answers.
I said sure and we set up a meeting at this bookstore.
It was the very same man I watched walk buy me at
3
Seeing Things
Getting Answers 7
An unfolding drama appeared
During my interactions with Ernest this personal
storyline played out.
One of Ernest wives left him for another man and
they both had subsequently moved to New England.
This other man and Ernest knew each other and
there was an underlying animosity between them for
years. So this particular person taking his wife away
was a personal affront or slap-in-the-face to Ernest.
(There is a deeper meaning to this particular
wording and I’ll get to it in a minute.)
Ernest was a man who had strong convictions about
himself and his lifestyle as being the right way
(sounded familiar). When he felt passionately about
something, he would back it up with everything he
had. So he traveled to the East Coast to get his wife
back. There he found himself in a heated dispute
with this man over what he thought was his woman.
He got into a physical fight. The woman stayed put
and refused to leave. Ernest left.
The other guy socked Ernest so hard on the side of
his face that a deep lesion developed, which rapidly
turned into cancer. He was told by doctors that the
malignancy would be fatal if he didn’t have it
removed and treated properly.
Mormons used to practice polygamy, but no longer
do. Except some in the culture stayed with it. This
has created two very different worlds each claiming
the same roots as only theirs to own.
The other man Ernest had fought with over that
woman subsequently and unexpectedly died and
Ernest was also headed towards the grave.
4
Seeing Things
Getting Answers 7
Well, Ernest thought of himself as an extremely
spiritual man. He decided that Jesus would heal him
in a miraculous way. He didn’t need the medical
profession healing methods to cure him. Besides, he
didn’t have the money to pay for any treatment. He
was positive that through his powerful faith and
prayers, the Lord would eradicate his encroaching
disease.
furniture. This doctor prescribed morphine. Difficult
to get, but she got it. It was the only drug that seemed
to help some. Ernest still died a terrible, agonizing
death.
As he waited patiently for the miracle, the tumor
grew until it distorted his face and jaw. He physically
changed from a bearded fundamentalist, then into a
normal face and finally into the elephant man.
The orchestrated miracle never came the way Ernest
wanted.
One day, while Ernest was standing in line at a
grocery store, the man behind him tapped him on the
shoulder. He said he noticed the growth on his face
and that it looked like cancer. Ernest confirmed it
was. The stranger went on to say that he was a plastic
surgeon, and he could personally remove the growth
and help with the disease.
Ernest said he didn’t have any money for medical
treatment. The doctor said it didn’t matter; he would
do the surgery free of charge. And guess what he said
next: “No, thank you.”
You see, Ernest saw his disease as a trial of his faith
that had to come before God’s miracle.
A few months later, the woman I saw in my dream,
Ernest’s plural wife, ended up pleading for some
drugs from a medical doctor to help him deal with
the incredible pain. Her husband was now violently
thrashing around the house literally destroying the
No miracles, but a little one tried
to happen
There are multiple stories here. My search for
knowledge I thought was maybe there. Me seeing a
much deeper story. Ernest, so rigid he didn’t even
acknowledge a little miracle when it did arrived.
Ernest’s death the end result of strong beliefs
relentlessly applied. But this entire event served only
as wrapping paper for an underlying pattern carried
over from a far distant past. Deep resentments
between souls locked in a jointly played-out story
that had to again run its course.
I got answers to questions I hadn’t asked. I wouldn’t
have asked these kind of questions because they were
outside my frame of reference. They had literally
never crossed my mind before. To capture even a
partial understanding I had to see these answers
expressed in a real life expression. Watching Ernest,
expanded this process of teaching me things from
outside my conceptual framework – from outside my
proverbial box.
What I found was that we are often living multiple
story lines. One story being who we think we are.
5
Getting Answers 7
Seeing Things
Buying into only a surface story over a much deeper
running script. The story we’ve invested so much in
may be only a thin covering over something more
substantial. This deeper level is what we really need
to face and deal with, not up on the surface where
our ego has invested so much. possession little-seen
documents that had
been spirited out of LDS
Church-owned
university libraries––
papers that dealt with
the original revelations
on such doctrines as
priesthood, Church
government and
polygamy.
Let me further illustrate by using, what else?, more
stories.
How I inadvertently started a church
At around the same time as the previous story the
following also happened:
I suppose my belief driving this search was if there is
any knowledge when the early Mormon Church that
created all the fantastic spiritual stories, but
somehow they were lost. I guess the same question
could be said about when Jesus walked the earth all
those stories all those miracles and where are they
today? Years ago I began to question the
foundational precepts of the Mormon Church, of
which I was then a member, and to seriously
research its authentic history. During my
investigation I heard rumors of a man in Ogden,
Utah––a Realtor named Jim Harmston – who
apparently had a boatload of documents that shed
light on how early Mormon doctrine had been
created. I was very interested in meeting him.
This was in the early 1990s, before the Internet, so
copies of historical documents were hard to come by.
There were whispers that Harmston even had in his
Jim had a stack of
historical research as tall
as he was.
When I tracked Jim
down, I was astonished
to find that the stack of
Church-related papers
he had was as tall as he
was. He seemed to revel
in being the owner of
such rare and secret
information, and would
eagerly show them to
people, making
voluminous copies to
distribute.
This idiot’s wrong move
I became friends with Jim because of our mutual
interest in this early history, and I subsequently
taught him how to create visual models that would
disseminate his knowledge in a compelling and
easily-understood way.
6
Seeing Things
Jim caught on to the model-creating process quickly
and began sharing his insights into church history
and doctrine in this new, visual way. Many people
were fascinated with the models, and Jim seemed to
bask in the attention. With this way of teaching, Jim
turned from being a librarian into a great teacher. He
began to give sermons and to collect a following. I
watched as Jim gathered more and more fans into
his world. His teachings began to become
increasingly fundamentalist as he studied early
church doctrines and tutored his enamored followers
about the End of the World that was soon to come.
I think I know how Dr. Frankenstein felt. I helped in
the creation of a monster. Deep seated intentions
where now stirred within Jim and he became what he
wanted to be. Denial all the way, but headed in only
one direction. Jim, I believe, wanted to be Joseph
Smith the founder of Mormonism. He wanted to play
that role. More than only reading and studying about
him. He wanted to become him. Live his story.
But remember, he is still a member at this time. Plus,
he repeated stated that he wanted to stay in the
Mormon Church. I saw things developing that said
otherwise.
To escape the coming disasters Jim and his wife,
Elaine, had move to the rural town of Manti, Utah.
This is where many others of like mind were
gathering to prepare for what they felt were the
winding-up scenes of this earth.
Jim eventually started teaching his devotees that, in
order to be in alignment with the original Mormon
Getting Answers 7
prophets’ teachings, one must practice polygamy. He
also lured followers into his world by saying that they
could get closer to God because of their association
with him. In fact, Jim began to preach that he,
himself, was Jesus Christ incarnate. (Gee, and I
knew him when he was a mere Realtor.)
The same research that turned Jim into a religious
fanatic led me out of the Mormon church. I visited
Jim and Elaine a few times in Manti, and could see
the direction they were heading, so I left and never
saw them again. But I heard from friends that Jim
formed his own church.
Jim stroked the egos of his admirers by telling them
how important they were in a prior life and that they
have a great destiny in this life. Being with Jim
reinforces those beliefs about themselves. To lose the
relationship with Jim would damage that belief, and
vice versa. Jim’s disciples are even willing to give him
large amounts of money and engage in illegal and
debasing marital arrangements move up to his town
to be by him to maintain the relationship that
validates their beliefs about themselves. Jim’s belief
about himself as a prophet and great leader is also
dependent on his followers’ adoration and approval.
Oh, I should mention that Jim ended up being a
polygamist and having 21 wives.
I have not seen Jim Harmston since he left the
Mormon Church and started his own religion, but I
have friends who have kept me up to date on his
shenanigans. When people asked jim how he learned
7
Seeing Things
to present his doctrines and prophecies in such an
intriguing, visual way, he said angels had taught him.
The answers I did get
I went looking for information and ended up having
a window into the world of what it was like when the
church I had belong to all my life began. I saw the
early mormon church, experienced what the people
were like. A living metaphor of what had been – and
it was insane.
The stories matched what I was reading from the
past and what I was also seeing in the present.
Rather than only read about it in carefully massaged
wording found in Jim’s documents, I also got to see it
happen firsthand.
Two events that really stick in my
mind in looking back at this story:
1. At a fork in the road
with a predetermined choice
One of the most tragic things, to me, about the story
of Jim Harmston, has to do with his wife, Elaine. One
day, before Jim had started his church, I was sitting
in Elaine’s kitchen, chatting with just her and a
couple of her kids. I noticed a stack of snapshots
lying on the table. Some of the pictures were of a
beautiful, slim woman who looked like a professional
model. When I asked who the woman was, Elaine
said, “That’s me, two years ago. “ I was shocked
because the Elaine standing before me was a very
Getting Answers 7
heavy woman who didn’t resemble the lady in the
photograph in any way. You would have thought that
they were totally different people.
I got curious about something and when I found
myself alone in the kitchen with Elaine I asked the
following. It had come up in some of our previous
conversations that Elaine had had an affair a couple
of years previously. So I asked her a question:
“Elaine, was God involved in your affair?”
She looked stunned for a second; then said, “Yes,
damn him, yes!” I said, “Why don’t you ask God why
it happened and what you’re supposed to do?”
She began to cry, and eventually answered, “Because
I’m afraid of what he might say.”
Using hindsight, it seems that something was trying
to pull Elaine out of a soon-to-be horrific scenario
where she would end up as one of 21 wives. But
Elaine’s definition of herself was so invested in the
role of being Jim’s repentant wife, she couldn’t leave
him.
Jim was able to manipulate Elaine and many others
to agree with his view of the world, and since they
wanted to maintain the connection (and keep their
supposed link to God), they had to acquiesce to his
way of thinking.
Jim’s dead now. His prophecies didn’t happen. Think
he died of a heart attack. I wonder how Elaine is
doing. Neat person caught between another’s
8
Seeing Things
Getting Answers 7
delusions and her own inadequacies. But now at least
she may be free.
I think that was very similar to the founding of early
Mormonism.
Maybe?
I had my answers I was searching for.
2. A pivotal point at the
same kitchen table
I left the Harmstons and the Mormon Church.
I was in the Harmston’s kitchen because I was
invited there for breakfast. Ended up being a hell of a
morning. First I saw Elaine’s early photos that I
talked about in the previous story then the following
occurred.
On the surface the next two stories don’t seem like
they relate to the previous ones. One story is about
thinking you are royalty and one after that is about
alien abductions. All four stories form an odd
seemingly disharmonious collection, but in looking
deeper they are all saying the same underlying
concept. I'll explain more later.
Jim was sitting in a kitchen chair going on and on
about a dream he had the previous night. “Felt like
visitors, felt like they gave something to me. He was
using us listening to try and make some meaning of it
all. He felt it was important, but not really clear.” and
he went on and on like that. Talking more to himself
than us.
This ended up being the dream, vision or whatever it
was that Jim founded his own church on. That
morning it was a foggy and unclear image, but as
things went on it became the reason he was a
prophet, you owned him everything and he should
have your wife. Jim pounded that dream into the
excuse for what he then proceeded to do. He built
this kitchen told faintly formed dream into the fact
that early prophets came and gave him the authority
and knowledge to do what he already wanted to do.
Looking deeper
Serving her highness
Sometimes people make a conscious decision to stay
stuck. The cost of leaving may be perceived as too
high. Here is another story from a family I got to
know. (Names are changed to protect the guilty.)
Lori had a built a world around her belief that said I
Am a Princess, and Everyone Must Serve Me. All the
people in her world had to be secondary to her and
her wishes, or she would make their lives miserable.
Lori’s husband Justin didn’t decipher her belief
before he married her. You know how courtship and
love blinds us all. Therefore, he found himself stuck
inside her castle as a court attendant.
9
Seeing Things
Getting Answers 7
He was always running around serving her because
that is the only way she would tolerate things. A
steady daily string of demands would rain down on
him. Oh sure, it was packaged in words such as,
“honey would you do this”, or “be a love an do this
for me”. But he was her main servant just the same.
Birthdays became unbearable. The demands were
never enough. One birthday Justin decided to knock
himself out and get and do everything she wanted. It
was quite the elaborate orchestration. Many
presents, beautifully wrapped coming from multiple
directions. Finally he achieved his goal when she
stated, “that was real nice”.
But all the time, money and focus; how could he do
this every time?!
If Justin had paid attention to Lori’s mom’s behavior
before the wedding, he would have seen the same
belief. Princess Lori had been taught well by the
Queen Mother. And her husband, Justin’s father inlaw was always busily engaged in serving her.
The essence of her belief about her husband was
that he was here on earth to serve her. He was
merely an expression of who she was and what
she wanted.
One day Justin was at his wits’ end, and he had a talk
with his father-in-law, who served his own wife’s
every whim. Justin’s father in-law said: “I gave up
fighting this situation years ago––the hell was just
too much if I didn’t knuckle under. I wanted to keep
the family together, so I just do whatever my wife
says. And if you want to keep your family together,
you’d better do the same.”
Justin knew on some level he was also locked inside
his wife’s castle, dancing to her tune. It was draining
10
Seeing Things
and totally unfair, but he chose to stay, believing he
had no other choice.
Justin, like his father in-law, decided he didn’t want
to pay the price of his wife’s displeasure, so he
followed in his father-in-law’s footsteps. To maintain
the relationship he had to go blind to any other
alternative.
Was there no way out of this enslaving relationship
without breaking up the family? Justin ended by not
even risking a confrontation with his wife. Serving
her was his only choice. He never knew if there was
other options because he never tried.
Last time I saw them it was business-as-usual. She
would say the words, “Honey, I need this to do such
and such” and off Justin would go to serve her royal
highness.
Alien manipulation
Because of promises made and empathy for those
involved I’m leaving out how I met this family and
how I know their story.
They have the look and feel of the ideal family. One
beautiful collection of people all the way from the
grandparents down to the latest grandchild.
Scrubbed clean and shinny in any photo they every
took. Photogenic and could stand in for professional
models of photos of the ideal looking extended
family.
Getting Answers 7
And they acted the part.
Wide range of semisuccessful ventures produced
a relatively good income for
all. I personally met one son
who seemed to be a leader
within this family, along with
the grandmother and a
selection of daughters. Didn’t
see any grandkids.
Impressive and cohesive
family.
But they hide a dark secret.
The women in the family all
have similar bad dreams and
recollections. They get
stollen away in the night and
have medical experiments
done on them. Almost a
cliche anymore. abducted in the They have used this
family for years to
night, body locked in place.
serve their
powerless to resist, mind
interests.
blocked. But the experiences
leak out gradually into some kind of awareness.
Strange creatures operating or examining them,
performing experiments. These experiences last only
during the reproductive years of a woman. The
grandmother finally is being left alone.
From my ranching experience one idea stands out.
This family is being used as a breeding herd. And
that is the story being told in secret.
11
Seeing Things
A family is caught in a collective terror that their
facade only tries to cover. They are powerless to do
anything about it. Three generations of assaults from
forces they are incapable of resisting. They go to
church on Sunday and sing praises to a God who
seems powerless to protect them from these
occasional nightly visits.
Their only option is to continue their facade of an
ideal family. While they are powerless to avoid the
continuing terror. But sometime incredible
frustration leaks out and that is how I learned about
it.
Do I believe their dark secret? Yes I do, but I think
their is more to this story than the family believes.
What stands out in this family’s dark story more than
anything else is that they have to live it. They are
powerless to do anything about it. That is what
probably causes this family to have such cohesion
and unity. They are stuck in a battle they can’t
overcome.
So what?
All these previous stories of Ernest, Harmstons, Lori
and the extended family have a common underlying
theme – they are all stuck in their story. All these
people are incapable of leaving the encasement of
their story; they seem predestined to play it out no
matter what.
We human beings are obsessed with stories. Whether
its from television, books, movies or games we suck
Getting Answers 7
them up. Sitting by a campfire or in front of a
computer screen we feed on stories. When we
interact we tell each other stories. At the very core of
how we learn is rooted in experiencing stories. Why
are you reading this – more stories. This life is the
living of stories. So the very essence of what we are is
in the consumption, presentation of and the playing
out of stories.
But as a race we seem stuck in our personal stories.
Locked into playing out the same essential scenarios
over and over and over again.
With the first story about Ernest I strongly alluded to
an ever deeper story that had to be played out in the
battle between two men. It was over a woman who is
also part of this deeper story. And when a key
intersection is passed in their jointly performed play
both male participants died. To again, I believe, play
out the same damn story on another stage.
The is the foundational structure that I believe goes
beyond the borders of a single life and is repeatedly
acted out. The fundamental Mormon theme and
polygamy is just surface clothing over a much more
extensive form. Like Romeo and Juliette in a modern
city setting. Yet the essential story structure is the
same as played out at the Globe theatre in early 17th
century London.
Remember the title I started this whole things with?
Getting answers I didn’t expect to
questions I never asked
12
Seeing Things
Here I am – a cowboy raised mormon kid, who likes
to draw kid, getting told concepts way outside my
experience. They were the same reasons consistently
placed before me in my search for answers. Not
answers I ever expected, but at the center of the
answers I consistently received. All routes leading to
this central concept no matter how hard I tried to
avoid it. Answers more related to being in India or
Western China than living in the American Mountain
West.
Simply put, the answers I consistently got was that in
order to understand the weird things happening to
me I had to step outside the constraints of this life.
Seeing things from a much wider perspective. Doing
otherwise and trying to evaluate from only within the
fenced in boundary between birth and death wasn’t
enough. Like ripping out a single page from a book or
looking at one image of a movie to try and
understand the entire story.
The suspension of disbelief
One job I had in working my way through college was
assistant art director at a motion picture studio and
later in life I worked on projects with firms such as
Warner Brothers or Lucas Film. Throughout these
experiences I learned an interesting concept called
the suspension-of-disbelief.
This is the idea that we accept the story being told as
real, at least during the telling of the story.
Overlooking the limits of a darkened theatre or pages
in a novel and see it, for a moment, as real. We “Buy
In” to the telling of the story. That is what scares us
Getting Answers 7
in a horror movie or gets us to shed a tear in a
sorrowful drama. If only for the duration of the
movie. We accept the premise that this person is
flying between planets or that she is a vampire. Story
telling only really works if we have a suspension in
our disbelief.
I think that is like the answer I was repeatedly being
told. But our buy-in has been total. We don’t just
walk out of the theatre or put the novel on the table
and everything is back to normal. We’ve made our
present story totally real. Not something we are
playing at. A complete suspension of any disbelief.
Actors totally losing themselves in our roles. Our
stories played becomes a reality lived.
Probably necessary in the past, thought we’re going
into a transitional place that is going to transport us
back into an awareness outside the limiting
constraints of this stage or earth life we’re acting in.
The time for the end of our stage performances is
now beginning. We are to remember who we really
are and why we are really here.
The most important part
Within this concept of multiple lifetimes or multiple
stories lies another idea. You can find this additional
concept within the ancient writings of India and
China, It is the concept of a Yasana. This is the thing
that blocks the soul from moving on. It is what keeps
us stuck playing variations of the same story over and
over again.
13
Seeing Things
As defined in Wikipedia: Yasana is a behavioral
tendency or karmic imprint which influences the
present behavior of a person. If I was to define this
word I would use the word paradigm. Yasanas or
governing paradigms locking us into playing the
same essential story expressed in a variety of
contexts (or dare I say lifetimes?)
Why are we so stuck? I believe it’s because we can’t
remember our past stories or see the inherent flaws
contained within them. We are stuck in playing out a
story generated by a paradigm or model we feel
defines who we are, often orchestrating situations
that validation this construction as being reality.
Never acknowledging our manipulations. from the
paradigms that define us we only are able to generate
stories that say the same thing.
Locked into these paradigms we can’t venture into
anything new. Which often forms a relentless
narrative of hidden duplicity. Dealing with what we
are actually doing is ignored. Our story has become
more than a mere model of something, but the thing
itself. Like an architectural scale model being taken
as the final building it only represents. Causing us to
get totally stuck in stories that are generated by an
underlying paradigm that can never be questioned.
Let’s try another way to say this: the denial of one’s
real intentions in order to present a image to others
of what the intention needs to be in order to
manipulate them into doing responses that validate
our stories as being absolutely real.
Getting Answers 7
Back to the story of Ernest. Back when the plastic
surgeon volunteered to help in the healing of his
disease. I don’t believe he could say yes to the free
surgery. It was contradictory to the story he was
playing and the deeper structured plot contained
within it. To allow this surgery is a very long
distance for a Earnest to travel. Too far beyond the
world or stage he had built and the roles he was
playing. He was chained to the bondage of his story.
Jim played out the role of a prophet. That is why he
collected and studied records on early Mormon
History. I helped him become a teacher. From there
it wasn’t much to become an inspired teacher, then a
prophet of God, and finally, God himself. He
expressed his story into living elements played out
with real situations and real people. He did more
that only read the stories he collected – he lived
them.
Could he have gotten out? No way. He wanted to live
in his play. The deeper paradigms running things?
Couldn’t go there. Doing so, would have destroyed
his story.
Lori, during one party I attended she went on and on
about her relationship with her husband. People
were gather around her listening and she used the
audience to do a sales job. “An equal partnership
built on unity”, she said and then continued, “We
care equally about each other and help one another”.
She was promoting, actually over promoting, the
equality of their relationship. All the while, other that
occasional presentations to prove otherwise to
Let me use the previous stories to further explain.
14
Seeing Things
anyone watching, Lori was living the paradigm of her
innate superiority over her partner.
She wanted to play out her story. Her husband did
too. Another time, another place there probably was
a real castle and real regal robes. On and on it plays.
The props, the backdrops, the audiences, etc. change,
but the essential story only repeats.
Imposition of other’s stories
Sometimes outsiders trick us into living stories that
are there’s, not ours. The extended family I talked
about lies there. Still has to do with a paradigm, a
story constructed from it and all hiding another story
someone else is living. A variation of a process, but
from outside influences. Story, within a story, within
a story.
This family is caught in the story of the Mormon
culture, caught in the stories of the larger American
culture, and caught in the story of another outside
alien culture using them. And then there is their own
individual stories. The list is long and involved.
But all these stories are ending. This imposition of
other’s stories from culture, from each other, from
outsiders and insiders, is ending. We will face only
one story. This story contains who we really are, our
authentic self, and why we’re here on this planet at
this time. A new incredible story is headed right
towards us.
Getting Answers 7
Well, there you have it in the smallest
nutshell I could put it in
But that is the extremely consistent
place I always ended up no matter
where I started my search. Always
arriving at this junction point
regardless of where I started.
Plus, I have the additional problems of remembering
people, things, places and events that didn’t come
during this lifetime, So to take a single lifetime or
single story as all there is has become absurd. Death
isn’t the end, isn’t even a beginning, just a part of a
cycle.
One last little story.
The ranch I grew up on is surrounded closely on two
sides by very high mountains. They rise straight up
from the valley floor and surrounding foothills. One
day in my early teens I drove my new motorcycle, I
just modified into a mountain bike, to the top of one
of those mountains on a newly completed utility road
accessing some microwave towers.
Finally arriving at the mountain top I stopped and
turned off my bike. The engine was wheezing, so I
needed to let it cool down. It was a long hard ride up.
I had never been there before. While there on top I
looked out over the valley and ranch that was all I
knew. I saw my world from another vantage point
high above. Only seeing miniatures in comparison to
the scale of the world I thought I knew. Scanning the
15
Seeing Things
distant horizon into other mountains and other
valleys. Some of which I have never been to.
When I came back off the mountain I was never the
same. My world shrank. I left home not too long after
that. The same thing happened to me when all these
weird experiences began. My world shrank. I left
home.
I care deeply about some people but my experiences
drove a division between us that I knew could never
heal. Family and friends across a chasm neither they
or I could cross. I lived on a thin thread of comfort
that my journey was just a precursor of what was to
come to them. So I waited, and waited, and when I
thought I couldn’t wait anymore I waited some more.
I was promised that some day this chasm would
close.
Now that time has finally began. It has been one
helluva long wait. I don’t have to failingly try any
more to reach them. It is not possible. They will be
brought to were I am. One son has already arrived.
His stories are now similar and weird like mine.
One last interesting problem: some of those people I
care so deeply about I’ve yet to meet in this life, yet I
remember them.
Looking forward to our meeting again.
16