Bromley Safe Parenting Handbook

Transcription

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Introduction
Welcome to the Safe Parenting Handbook! Being a parent is one of the
most difficult jobs there is. It is challenging and rewarding, but one for
which there is very little training for parents.
Every family experiences difficulty from time to time and this can test the best of
parents. When there are additional pressures, these can make a hard job nearly
impossible. At these times it may be hard to think about what help or information
you might need.
When things go wrong it does not mean that someone has failed in parenting things go wrong for everyone. It is often the way difficulties are handled that can
make a difference to your children, both now and in the future.
What is the handbook about?
This handbook offers ideas and information to help you find your way through
what can be a maze of issues and advice. It lists some of the warning signs of
particular difficulties and offers helpful tips. There are contact numbers and
further information to help you find out more and support you when you are
deciding how to deal with your worries and difficulties.
Who will receive the guide and how can parents use it?
This handbook will be made available to parents in Bromley, and distributed to
new parents via the health visiting service and to parents with children in
reception year at school.
This handbook has been produced by Bromley’s Safeguarding Children Board professional agencies working together to promote safe parenting.
I hope you find this handbook helpful and worth keeping for future reference.
Gillian Pearson
Director of Children and Young People Services,
Chair Bromley Safeguarding Children Board.
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Contents
Babysitting - Who can I leave my child with?
Bullying - The real story
Child exploitation - New technology, old problem
Children left alone - Common sense and the law
Children with disabilities - You are not alone
Depression & mental ill health - Dealing with the uncertainties of life
Domestic abuse - How does it affect children?
Don’t shake the baby - Different ways to cope
E-safety - New technology, old problem
Loss & bereavement - Coping with grief
Missing - From home and school
Parental substance misuse - Your behaviour counts
Private fostering - Every child matters
Road safety - Basic rules for everyone
Safer sleeping - Reducing the risks of cot death
Safety outside the home - Are your children safe?
Self-harming - Understanding and support
Smacking - The great debate
Worried about a child - Should you mind your own business?
Helpful organisations
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Children rely on their parents for their safety
Your child has the right to care which is free from risk
Make sure your child gets the best quality care
Select your babysitter carefully
Avoid leaving your child with someone under 16
Ensure your babysitter can contact you in an emergency
Who can I leave my child with?
“Leaving Natalie with anyone is
difficult, but I really need to have a
break sometimes. I would worry all
the time if I could not rely on and
trust the person looking after my
child. I’m really glad I spent the time
I did finding the right babysitter.”
Warning signs
Children will not always be able to tell you if something is wrong, so note changes
in their mood, behaviour and appearance. Agree with the babysitter to discuss, from
the beginning, all accidents and anything unusual that happens whilst in their care.
Action
Use people you trust to care for your child or ask them to recommend someone.
Speak to other families who have used the babysitter you are thinking about using.
What to say
Tell the babysitter all about your child’s routine, the things they like and don’t
like. Tell the babysitter about your rules, like no smacking. Always leave a
contact number in case of emergencies.
Prevention
Make sure you feel completely comfortable about your babysitter before you
leave your child in their care.
Contacts
• Bromley Childcare Information Service 020 8464 0276
• Home-Start 0800 068 63 68 www.home-start.org.uk
• SureStart 0870 000 2288 www.surestart.gov.uk
• The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA) 0121 248 2000
www.rospa.co.uk • NSPCC 0808 800 5000 www.nspcc.org.uk
As parents the safety and well-being of
your child is up to you. As a result it is
important that you think very carefully
about the person you are going to leave
them with, whether this is a stranger,
close relative or a friend.
When you leave your child in the care of
someone else you are taking a risk with his
or her safety and wellbeing. When thinking
about a temporary carer for your child it is
important that you choose someone with
the abilities and high standards that you
would expect of yourself. This includes
someone who will make sure they are fed,
changed, kept safe, given room to play, and
feel secure and who can deal with
difficulties which may happen.
Generally a babysitter will come to your
home to take care of your child. Make
sure you talk to your babysitter before you
leave. Let them know when to expect you
back and make sure they have contact
details in case of emergencies.
Babysitters do not need qualifications or a
certificate to look after children. As a result
anyone can be a babysitter. The Children’s
Legal Centre and the NSPCC advise that
the minimum age of a babysitter should be
16 years of age. This is based on the idea
that at 16 and above, a young person
understands possible dangers and risks
and could get help quickly if needed.
This age limit is also linked with the
possible action that could be taken by the
Police if anything were to go wrong and
an injury resulted. It is most likely that you
as a parent would be held responsible if
anything goes wrong if your babysitter is
under 16 years of age. Often a good
babysitter will be well thought of locally
and can be recommended by a friend or
neighbour. However, it is very important
that you and your child meet them first
before you decide to leave your child in
their care. Try to plan in advance so you
have plenty of time to meet the babysitter
before hand.
Do not leave your child in the care of
anyone you feel uncomfortable about,
even if that means missing an evening
out, or work.
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Bullying behaviour is unacceptable, children have the right not to be hurt
Bullying can happen to any child at any age
Speak to your child’s school immediately if you have any concerns
Children need ways to protect themselves and seek help
Advise your child to run, yell and tell
Racial harassment is a form of bullying
The real story
“It happens most days. They call me
smelly and fat. They’re in the same
class and they’re always laughing at
me. They said if I tell it will be ten
times worse. Sometimes I don’t go to
school - I can’t stand it anymore.”
Warning signs
Running away, non-attendance at school, other learning and behavioural
difficulties for no obvious reason. Your child has injuries with no feasible
explanation for them.
Action
See the headteacher at the school for their support and action. If bullying is
occurring outside school, consider contacting the family of the child who is
bullying and try to find a way to work together to sort it out.
What to say
Refuse to put up with bullying. Walk away, tell an adult or friend and avoid
fighting. Parents - listen to your child, reassure and be there for them.
Prevention
Talk to your child about their school day. Teach your child to respect others from
a young age. Teach your child that prejudice and bullying is unacceptable.
Contacts
• Bromley Y 020 8464 9033 www.bromley-y.org.uk
• Education Welfare Service 020 8313 4158 www.bromley.gov.uk
• Bullying UK www.bullying.co.uk
• ChildLine 0800 1111 www.childline.org.uk
• Kidscape 08451 205 204 www.kidscape.org.uk
Bullying happens when someone hurts or
frightens another person on purpose.
Bullying can include: teasing or name
calling, hitting and kicking, or stealing
and damaging another person’s things.
Spreading rumours, ignoring someone,
cruel text or email messages, being picked
on because of race, religion, sexuality,
disability or just seeming different.
Bullying is a frightening experience. It can
isolate and damage a young person’s selfconfidence. Some ongoing bullying can
have negative long-term effects on
children, leading to depression and even
suicidal thoughts and actions.
School days are a time when the influence
of other children is very important and
fitting in is seen as essential. If children are
thought of as different for any reason, they
can be picked on and bullied. Sadly, we still
live in a society in which to be different in
any way can mean ridicule and bullying
(often copied from parents). It is crucial to
be alert to the possibility of bullying and
make sure you know the tell-tale signs.
You may think that your child is unlikely to
be bullied but the reality is that bullying
can happen at any time and to any child.
Bullies who continually harm other
children need support and help as well.
They may have experienced difficulties of
their own at home, which may have led to
their actions. Reporting concerns may
help them to get help as well.
• Bullying can happen anywhere but
most commonly it happens in school.
• Bullying can take many forms, from
verbal abuse to physical attack.
• Bullying is the repeated abuse of a
child by one or several people.
• Bullies are not always older than the
child they harm.
• Most bullying is done by children who
are the same age as the victim.
If your child tells you about a friend or any
other child who is being bullied - listen
carefully and take this seriously. That child
may not be able to say for themselves
what is happening.
Today all schools are required to have an
Anti-Bullying Policy. However, school
action alone cannot guarantee success. It
is important that parents, schools and the
community work together in partnership
to secure support and protection for the
child for both the present and the future.
It is essential that parents make contact
with their child’s school as soon as they
become aware of any problems before
they become huge.
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“He’s been really nice to me, he
says he is my special friend. I’m
not supposed to tell anyone, it’s
a secret - or something bad will
happen to me. I think my mum
would be upset or angry with
me if I told her.”
Often starts out with apparently innocent activity
Child exploitation has devastating effects on children, both physically
and mentally
Exploitative adults are very sophisticated and well practised in how they
approach children
Whilst children are usually abused by people they know, carers should be
aware that they might be targeted by a stranger
Often children will not talk about incidents of sexual exploitation
Be sensitive to changes in your child’s behaviour. It is up to attentive
adults to recognise the signs of sexual exploitation
Help and support your child, no matter what
New technology, old problem
Warning signs
Changes in behaviour or mood, inappropriate sexual activity, sleep disturbances,
bed-wetting and soiling, unexplained marks, problems at school, going missing,
self harm. Indirect clues, like asking about sexual experiences or leaving
pornographic material, diaries, or letters where they can be found.
Action
If your child confides in you, support them. Tell Social Services or other
appropriate organisations. If you think your child has been physically injured,
seek medical help. Talk to your child about what is happening.
What to say
It is important that your child feels that you believe what she or he is telling
you. Make it clear that telling what happened was the right thing to do and
that you will protect him or her from further harm.
Prevention
Know where your child is; be familiar with their friends and daily activities.
Teach your child to trust their own feelings and assure them that they have a
right to say NO to what they sense is wrong. Listen carefully to your child’s
fears and be supportive.
Contacts
• Duty Social Worker Referral & Assessment Team, East (Orpington)
020 8461 7319 or West (Penge) 020 8461 7050
• Out-of-hours emergency contact 020 8464 4848
• Police Child Abuse Investigation Team 020 7230 3700
• Child Exploitation and Online Protection www.ceop.gov.uk
• NSPCC 0808 800 5000 www.nspcc.org.uk
• Parentline Plus 0808 800 2222 www.parentlineplus.org.uk
Child exploitation takes many forms,
including child prostitution, child
pornography and pornography on the
Internet. The vast majority of children do
not get involved voluntarily; they are
coerced, enticed or are utterly desperate.
Sadly, children are sometimes abused by
people they know within their own family
or wider network. As a parent you need to
be able to recognise the signs that your
child might be a victim of child pornography
or any other form of sexual exploitation.
Child pornography has devastating effects
on children, both on those who are
exploited in the actual pictures and those
who view it. Exploitative adults will
encourage children to view child
pornography, which leads them to see
pornographic acts as acceptable and
normal. This acceptance can make them
more susceptible to being the subject of
future sexual involvement.
Preventing
children
from
being
photographed or portrayed as the subject
of pornography is difficult. Because abusers
have no distinguishing characteristics, it is
difficult to warn children about what an
abuser is or looks like. But you can warn
children about the abnormal actions of
abusers and make sure that children know
that they have the right to say NO.
Child prostitutes are victims of sexual
abuse. Unfortunately these victims often
become offenders themselves, as in order
to support themselves or to escape from
the life they lead, they get involved in
drugs and petty crime.
Internet-related child exploitation is now a
major cause for concern. Remember that
as you or your child moves through the
Internet, you leave information about
yourself. Become computer literate and get
to know the sites your child uses. Establish
some Internet safety rules with your child.
You should be aware of the indicators of
sexual and physical abuse and
exploitation, such as those listed under
‘Warning Signs’. For instance, you might
become aware of and concerned about
your child’s relationship with an older
person (whom your child might describe
as a friend, whether male or female)
and/or frequent absences from home/
school. Obviously there could be other
explanations, but it is important to help
your child no matter what the cause of
the symptoms or the behaviour.
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“When mum goes out, I lock the
door from the inside - she calls in
the letterbox to say goodbye, I leave
the lights on in case anyone tries to
get in. She usually comes home in
the night when I am asleep.”
Never leave a young child alone
Children under 13 years should not be left alone
Children are not ready for this amount of responsibility
Leaving a child alone places them at risk of harm
It can be a lonely and frightening experience
Plan who you could contact for emergency care
Common sense and the law
If a child is not ready to be left alone they
can feel sad, lonely, frightened and it can
be dangerous. There are many possible
risks, both physical and emotional, which
could affect your child in a bad way.
Warning signs
Parents who have little support. A child who is often seen outside and all alone
for long periods of time. Childcare arrangements that keep going wrong.
Action
If there is immediate risk of harm to a child, call the police.
What to say
If you are worried about a child being left alone, talk to the parent, a Health
Visitor, Teacher or a Social Worker.
Prevention
Think about shared babysitting and chat to neighbours, friends or other parents.
Find out about After School Clubs and Holiday Play Schemes.
Contacts
• Bromley Childcare Information Service 020 8464 0276 or email
[email protected]
• Bromley Primary Care Trust (Health Visitors) 01689 853339
• Sure Start Penge 020 8676 7025
• One Parent Families/Gingerbread 0800 018 5026
www.oneparentfamilies.org.uk and www.gingerbread.org.uk
Also it is not possible to rely on a child to
let you know how much care they need.
They may say that they do not mind being
left and may find it fun at first, but they
cannot fully know the possible risks and
how to handle them.
Even ordinary things that happen in life,
such as hunger, a storm, the phone
ringing or someone coming to the front
door can cause problems. An accident,
feeling ill or a power cut may occur and
these are not things that a child would
know how to deal with.
It is never possible to leave your child and
assume that someone will look out for
them unless you have already spoken to a
trusted friend or neighbour and asked
them to keep an eye out.
If they are told, the Police or Social
Services may take action if they think that
a child has been neglected by being left
alone. Neglect happens when a parent or
carer does not meet children’s basic needs
of food, shelter, security, attention or
protection from danger.
The NSPCC have issued guidelines advising
that children under the age of 13 should not
be left alone. While this is not the law, it is
suggested as good practice. Children under
this age cannot manage the responsibility
of being left alone and this may be
particularly so if they have a disability.
As a young person grows older, leaving
them alone after school, for an evening or
during the day is less worrying as long as
they are prepared and know what to do if
they are worried or need anything. So
preparation for this is vital. If your child is
13 or over and you feel he or she has the
understanding to deal with this, it is
important that they know where you are
and who to contact in an emergency.
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Disability affects some 15% of people in the UK at some time in their lives
Your child is protected by the Disability Discrimination Act
The Government, your local council, education and health authorities are
there to help
You may be able to receive financial help to assist with caring for your child
Support groups, parent groups and other organisations are out there to
help you cope
“When I found out that Josie was
disabled I didn’t know how I was
going to cope. I just didn’t think
I’d be able to do it alone. Pretty
soon I realised I didn’t have to.”
Warning signs
Some children’s disabilities are diagnosed fairly early. Others take time to
appear or happen suddenly. If you think your child may have some form of
disability, contact your health visitor or GP for advice.
Action
Don’t think you have to go it alone. Get as much information as you can about
your child’s condition. Find out what services, support, benefits and advice is
available and make contact.
What to say
There are many organisations specially set up to give support and advice to
parents of disabled children. Contact them and tell your story. There will be
others out there just like you.
Prevention
You can’t prevent your child’s condition. But you can minimise the disability
they experience by ensuring that they get the best support available, and by
remembering that they have rights.
Contacts
• Bromley PCT (Health Visitors) 01689 853339
• Bromley Association of People with Disabilities (BATH) 020 8663 3345
www.bath-disability.org
• Bromley Autistic Trust 0208 464 2897
• Bromley Scope for People with Cerebral Palsy 01689 824543
• Duty Social Worker Referral and Assessment Team
East (Orpington) 020 8461 7319 or West (Penge) 020 8461 7050.
• NHS Direct 0845 4647 www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk
• Benefit Enquiry Line 0800 88 22 00
You are not alone
If your child has a disability the future may
seem like a daunting struggle, not just for
them, but for you too. Remember you and
your child are not alone. The Government,
local council, health and education
authorities provide a wide range of
benefits, facilities, support and advice for
disabled children and their carers.
Legal protection
Your child is especially protected by law.
The Disability Discrimination Act makes it
unlawful for any service provider (including
schools, businesses and organisations) to
treat disabled people less favourably than
other people because of their disability. It
also requires them to make reasonable
adjustments to make their services
accessible to disabled people.
Health
From the start, your Doctor and local
health service are there for you. They’ll
provide the help and advice you need to
discover and assess your child’s disability.
They’ll help you plan the treatment,
therapy, equipment and ongoing medical
care that your child may need.
Benefits
There are several specific benefits that
you could receive to help you with the
costs of caring for a disabled child. These
include Disability Living Allowance, Carers
Allowance, help with extra housing costs
and Carers Blue Badge scheme.
And don’t forget free dental treatment
and prescriptions, help with the cost of
glasses, and in some circumstances travel
to hospital, school meals, and even road
tax exemption.
Education
Depending on their kind of disability, your
child may benefit most by attending a
special school - an environment specifically
designed to match their educational needs.
Alternatively your child may receive the
extra support they require through the
special needs provisions available in a
mainstream school. Your education
authority and health service providers will
help you assess your child’s special
educational needs and recommend the most
appropriate way forward for their education.
Extra support
Your council can provide extra support for
you and your child. This can include
special leisure facilities and short breaks,
aids and adaptions and many additional
services for particular needs. Also there
are many local, national and international
organisations and charities specially set
up to provide further help, advice and
support to people just like you.
Make contact
You’re not alone, so make contact today
and get the support you need.
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Many things can set off mental ill health
Your child needs you to listen
Get professional help
“At first I thought she was just
being moody, but as the time went
on I realised something was wrong.
She’s getting counselling now - it’s
slow, but I’m hopeful she’ll get out
of this terrible black hole.”
Warning signs
Not sleeping, mood swings, eating disorders, not caring about their appearance,
dropping friends and hobbies, staying in their room, crying, not doing so well at
school, finding it hard to work, or being self-critical.
Action
If you think your child is depressed, talk to them and find out if there is any way
you can help. Be patient and understanding - what may seem like small problems
to you can be too much for a young person. Talk to your Doctor and discuss what
treatment (such as counselling) may be helpful. You could speak to your child’s
school to see if they have noticed any differences in your son or daughter.
What to say
Listen to and talk to your son/daughter. Help and encourage them to get their
lives together. Depression can’t just be switched off, it takes time and
understanding to overcome it. Try to get them to contact useful organisations
they can talk to in private.
Prevention
A supportive and understanding family means your child may feel more able to
talk to you about any problems, rather than bottling them up. Chat about their
interests, hobbies, friends and schoolwork so they feel you understand the
different parts of their lives.
Contacts
• Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) 020 8315 4430
• Bromley Mind 01689 811222 or freephone 0800 096 2844
www.bromleymind.org.uk • Bromley Primary Care Trust 01689 853339
• Doctor • NHS direct 0845 4647 www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk
• YoungMinds Parents' Information Service 0800 018 2138 www.youngminds.org.uk
Dealing with the uncertainties of life
Growing up can be a difficult time and
young people have a lot to deal with
physically, mentally and emotionally.
While every young person feels highs and
lows, for some, about four or five in every
hundred - this turns into depression.
Children and young people are more
vulnerable and sensitive to what is
happening to them and are less
experienced at being able to deal with
problems and anxieties.
Depression can be started by a number of
things, such as: parents divorcing or
separating; feeling ignored and unloved; not
being listened to; losing friends; changing
school or moving home; worries about their
looks, sexuality, health, exams or abuse.
What may seem like small problems or
worries to an older person can seem like a
much bigger problem to a child or young
person. Boys are more likely to get
depressed than girls and suffer from
serious mental ill health.
What are the signs?
While young people can sometimes seem
unhappy and quiet, you may feel that this
is more than just a phase. Signs may
include being unable to sleep, eating too
much or too little, mood swings, staying in
their bedroom all day, or giving up
interests and hobbies. Crying, avoiding
friends and family, finding it hard to do
their schoolwork, or not caring about
what they look like are other things to
look out for. They may talk about death or
have suicidal thoughts.
How to help
If your child is suffering from depression
they need help. Don’t ignore their worries
and take any talk of suicide seriously. You
need to listen. Try to understand what
they are going through and get
professional help if you need to. Get them
to talk about their worries. If they don’t
feel they can talk to you, there are a
number of helplines they can contact. If
you are concerned, help them to see their
Doctor or School Nurse. A Doctor can
discuss ways to help, a referral to a
trained therapist or counsellor may help.
To escape from their feelings children and
young people may not want to go to
school, become violent or carry out crime
such as shoplifting.
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“I crept downstairs because I
heard arguing. Dad was standing
over mum kicking her. I made
sure that my sister did not see,
but we still heard. When mum
came upstairs, her nose was
bleeding and we all cried, we
stayed there until dad went out.“
Warning signs
Any violence between adults will affect children badly. Get support and help as
soon as possible. The longer it lasts the more damaging violence is.
Action
Report your concerns about yourself or someone else to the Police. If you are
worried that your child might be affected, talk to them about what is
happening. Spend time together talking through worries they have.
What to say
Children need time to talk about the feelings they have about abuse. Children
need to know that it is not their fault and that this is not the way it should be.
Prevention
A violent partner must seek help to stop their actions. Make sure that you offer
a good role model for children so that they learn better ways of acting.
Contacts
• Bromley Advice and Information Service 020 8313 9696
• Bromley Domestic Violence One-Stop Shop 020 8284 8870
• Bromley Domestic Violence Textline 07963 479602
• Bromley Freedom Programme 020 8313 4920
• Bromley Police Community Safety Unit 020 8284 8760
http://cms.met.police.uk/met/boroughs/bromley/09contact_us/index
• Bromley Victim Support 020 8776 7071
www.victimsupport.org.uk/vs_england_wales/contacts/bromley/index.pp
• Bromley Women’s Aid 020 8313 9303 www.bwaid.com/
• Respect phoneline for perpetrators 0845 122 8609
• All urgent calls to the police must be made to the 999 Emergency Service
• National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247
www.womensaid.org.uk and www.refuge.org.uk
Domestic abuse teaches children to use violence
Violence can affect children in serious and long-lasting ways
Where there is domestic abuse there is often child abuse
Children will often blame themselves for domestic abuse
When abuse occurs in families, alcohol is often a cause
Pregnant women are often victims of domestic abuse
How does it affect children?
Domestic abuse is a crime and a major
social problem affecting many families.
Children who see, get involved or hear
violence are affected in many ways. What is
certain is that children do hear, they do see
and they are aware of abuse in the family.
Children will learn how to act from what
their parents do. Domestic abuse teaches
children bad things about relationships
and how to deal with people.
For instance:
• It can teach them that abuse is the
way to sort out arguments.
• They learn how to keep secrets.
• They often do not trust those close to
them and think that they are to blame
for abuse, especially if abuse happens
after an argument about the children.
Many people find it difficult to understand
why people stay in or return to violent
situations. Fear, love, the risk of
homelessness and financial issues can make
it very difficult for partners with children to
leave and some may just not want to.
Short-term effects
Children are affected in many ways by
abuse, even after a short time. These
effects include: feeling frightened;
becoming shy and quiet; bedwetting;
running away; violence; behaving badly;
problems with school; poor concentration
and emotional upset.
Long-term effects
The longer children are around violence,
the worse the effects on them are.
These can include:
• A lack of respect for the non-violent
parent.
• Loss of self-confidence, which will
affect how they form relationships in
the future.
• Being over-protective of parent.
• Loss of childhood.
• Problems at school.
• Running away.
If you are worried about domestic abuse,
discuss it with someone else such as your
health visitor or the domestic violence
helpline. If you are violent and have
children, you can seek help to stop what
is happening.
If you are a victim you can apply, without
the need for a Solicitor, for a NonMolestation Order in the Family
Proceedings Court. Contact the Duty Clerk
at your local magistrates court.
If you would like details of solicitors in your
area who deal with family law, contact the
Law Society on 020 7242 1222 or look in
the Yellow Pages.
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“I thought I couldn’t
manage. She cried all the
time, I was exhausted and
nothing worked. I felt
such a failure. I got so
angry with her I felt like
shaking her to stop her
noise. I had no idea how
much that could hurt her.”
Warning signs
A range of signs can indicate if a child may have been shaken, including feeding
difficulties, lethargy, eye injuries, vomiting, irritability, speech and learning
difficulties, developmental delay, seizures and paralysis.
Action
If you are worried about your child, take him or her to see your doctor, Health
Visitor or to the Casualty department. Seek support, including the helplines
listed under Contacts.
What to say
Develop communication with your child using eye contact, smiling, cuddling and
talking. This will develop your understanding and responsiveness to your baby’s
needs when he/she is having difficulties.
Prevention
It is never safe to shake a child, not even in play. It is important for siblings
playing together or for the babysitter or any other carer to be made aware of
the dangers.
Contacts
• Bromley Primary Care Trust 01689 853339 (Health Visitors)
• Children’s Social Care Referral & Assessment Team,
East (Orpington) 020 8461 7319 or West (Penge) 020 8461 7050
• Cry-sis 0845 1228 669 www.cry-sis.org.uk
Shaking is often a response to extreme frustration
Shaking can cause damage that you cannot see
Shaking can cause damage that is long lasting
Never shake a child for any reason
There are different ways to cope with a crying baby
Do not suffer alone, seek support from others
Different ways to cope
Why do people shake babies?
Often, although not always, babies and
young children are shaken when a parent
or carer becomes very frustrated when they
will not stop crying due to colic, illness or
feeding difficulties. On average a baby will
cry for at least two hours every day. If a
baby has additional difficulties, they will
cry more and this can be very stressful.
One-in-ten babies cry much more than this
average and many parents experience a
great deal of difficulty managing this.
Many parents may not realise the extent
of the damage that a shake can do to a
young child. Parents/carers who have a
low tolerance level may become angry
and more likely to give in and shake the
child. However, there are many
alternatives to try and people to talk to.
Some very rough play with a young child
can also cause some similar injuries so
never shake a young child.
What damage can shaking cause?
Shaking a baby can cause death or serious
and long-lasting brain damage. Shaken
Baby Syndrome is an injury that results
when a baby is shaken so that his or her
head wobbles rapidly back and forth. The
force of this can tear the blood vessels
that connect the brain and skull. This
happens because a young child’s neck
muscles are not strong enough to hold
their head firmly. The action of shaking
can cause serious damage, even though
the parent does not perceive it as fierce.
Never ever shake a baby for any reason.
Ways to cope with a crying baby
Crying is the way all babies make sure
that their basic needs are met - they may
be hungry, thirsty, need a change of nappy
or even some company. Crying is neither
your fault nor the fault of your baby.
Some of the ways to cope include:
• Count to ten before doing anything
and allow yourself to calm down.
• Consider using a dummy.
• Hug and cuddle your child - perhaps
with the use of a baby-carrier so that
they are close to your body in order to
help soothe them.
• Go for a walk or a drive to help them
sleep.
• Make use of a helpline in times of crisis.
• If necessary walk out of the room for a
short time, ensuring that you are nearby.
• Ask someone else you trust to take
over for a while.
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The Internet can be fun and is useful
Have family Internet rules to encourage safer use
Paedophiles can use the Internet to contact children
It is important that parents understand the Internet
“Greg is ten the same age as me.
I haven’t met him but we chat on
the Internet all the time. He’s
really funny. He wants to meet
up tomorrow to play football. I
can’t wait to see what he like.”
Warning signs
Keeping it secret when using the Internet, changes in how they act, unusual
sexual questions, leaving clues (such as emails) that they are having chats with
others which seem sexual or you are not comfortable with, or problems at
school and not telling you where they are going or who they are meeting.
Action
Set up and stick to your Internet-use ground rules. Learn all you can about the
Internet and how to use it yourself so you can understand what your child is
viewing and whether it is suitable.
What to say
Discuss with your child the dangers of chatrooms and looking at unsuitable
websites. Make sure they know that any personal information, including their
real name, should not be passed on to anyone else, but let them know that if
they are worried about anything they see or read on the Internet they can ask
you about it.
Prevention
Keep the computer in a family room, with the monitor facing outwards, so you
can always see what’s on screen. Discuss which websites your child is looking at
and take a look for yourself. Make sure your child is aware of the dangers.
Contacts
• Child Exploitation On Line Protection Centre 0870 0003344 www.ceop.gov.uk
• Know it All - Childnet International www.childnet-int.org
• www.chatdanger.com • www.kidsmart.org.uk
• www.parentscentre.gov.uk • www.stoptextbully.com
New technology, old problem
The Internet is a wonderful and quick way
for young people to find information, help
them study and keep in contact with
friends or meet new ones.
Unfortunately, the Internet is also an easy
tool for child abuse. Paedophiles use
chatrooms to become friendly with
children or young people, often by
pretending to be another child. Other risks
include people who want to get personal
information like names, addresses or
telephone numbers for fraud. Using the
Internet too much can lead to an
unhealthy lifestyle and can be addictive.
Keep it safe
Keep an eye on what’s going on by keeping
the computer in a family room, rather than
in a bedroom. Learn how to use a
computer, access Internet sites and try out
a chatroom for yourself so you understand
what can happen. Check out which sites,
including online gaming, your children are
visiting to see if they are acceptable.
Ask other parents to tell you about good
chat rooms or websites for your child.
Look for sites that check messages in chat
rooms and those, which include clear
guidelines for use, child-friendly advice,
warnings and how to report concerns.
You can buy software filters which block
access to websites with a sexual content.
These don’t make Internet use totally safe
so it is still much better for you to take an
active interest in the sites your child is
browsing.
Set ground rules:
• Limit the amount of time your child
spends on the Internet - and stick to it.
• Discuss the kind of websites they can
visit which are right for their age.
• Make it clear to your child that they
must never give out their real name,
address, home or mobile phone numbers
or any other personal details or post
photos of themselves on the Internet.
• They should always let you know if
someone is asking questions or
wanting details they don’t feel happy
about giving.
It’s important that your child understands
why there needs to be rules. Explain that
because they can’t see or hear the people
they chat to on the Internet, they may not
be who they seem. Paedophiles gain the
trust of young people on the Internet.
Remind your child that strangers on the
Internet can be just as dangerous as
strangers on the street.
If your child keeps it secret when using
the computer, if you notice changes in
how they act, problems sleeping or
changes in routine or they are suddenly
asking about sexual matters you could
look into whether their Internet use has
anything to do with it.
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Share your loss
Loss or death affects everyone differently
Talking helps ease the pain
Understanding the grieving process will help your child
Be there for each other
Coping with grief
“Since his father died, my son seems
to have disappeared into his own little
world. I desperately want to help him,
but I don’t know what to do, he just
doesn’t want to talk to me.”
Warning signs
Everyone reacts to death differently and it takes some people longer than others
to come to terms with a loss. Give your child as much time and patience as they
need, but if you think they are having long-term difficulties, you may want to
think about talking to a bereavement counsellor.
Action
Take your cue from your child. You may not be the person they find it easiest to
talk to, so encourage others to be there for them. But always let them know
that you are there for them if they need you.
What to say
Your child may think it’s too painful for you to talk about a loved one who has died.
Let them know that there are times when you want to talk. Talking about someone
who has died helps keep his or her spirit alive. Remember to let them know it’s
alright to still laugh or have fun - it doesn’t mean you’re grieving any less.
Prevention
Keep the lines of communication open as the more you talk, the easier the
healing process will be. As a parent you can help your child through this difficult
time. You can tell them if someone you know has died, and how you felt.
Contacts
• Bromley Community Bereavement Service (Adults) 020 8290 6293
• Bromley Community Counselling Service (18+) 020 8460 7711
• Child & Adolescent Mental Health Service 020 8315 4430
• Cruse Bereavement Care 0870 167 1677 www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
• Your Doctor
Loss, such as divorce or separation from a
boyfriend or girlfriend, someone leaving
or death is difficult for everyone.
Their behaviour may change as they deal
with their emotions and try to come to
terms with their loss.
The death of a loved one can seem
overwhelming. The death of a pet who
has been a part of the family for many
years or the loss of a close friend moving
away can also be extremely traumatic for
young people.
They may find it hard to cope with day to
day realities. They may take their anger out
on you, get into trouble at school, find it
hard to concentrate on school-work or want
to go out with friends more, pushing the
boundaries and maybe experimenting with
alcohol or drugs, as a way of forgetting.
Grief can take many different forms.
Young people need a lot of patience and
understanding to help them work through
their grief. There is no right or wrong way
to react and everyone responds in different
ways. There will be a range of emotions
your child is likely to go through:
• Numbness as they try to understand
that someone is really not coming back.
• Anger at the person who left or died,
at you, at others or themselves.
• Blaming themselves for their loss.
Thinking they may have driven
someone away.
• Guilt possibly blaming themselves in
some way, or feeling guilty because they
don’t think they’re grieving ‘enough.’
• Fear that the world as they know it has
changed forever.
• Sadness at never seeing that person
again.
• Relief, if the person who died was in
pain or suffering.
• Depressed, feeling that life has lost all
meaning.
How you can help
It is easy for young people to think they are
the only ones who have suffered
bereavement and that no one else
understands, but talking to other people
will help ease the process. Talk to your child
as much as they want to, but they may find
this hard, so encourage friends or a teacher
to be there for them, too. Talking to a
bereavement counsellor may also help.
Make sure the school knows of their loss
and that they will need time, understanding
and help as they work through their
bereavement. Cruse, the bereavement
organisation, also has a website specifically
aimed at young people.
If you too are suffering, then it is going to
be particularly hard for you to not only
deal with your own emotions, but those of
your children, too. Try to keep talking to
each other, so you can share your grief,
rather than each of you grieving alone.
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“I was shocked when she ran
away although, looking back, she
was more of a loner than her
brother. I now know that she had
been missing school quite a bit.
We stopped talking when my
partner moved in but had been
really close before that.”
Warning signs
There may be none but does your child seem to be unhappy? Are you sure that
they are not truanting from school? Has anything happened in the family that
you haven’t talked to your child about?
Action
If you think your child might be missing from school, talk to the school or an
Education Welfare Officer. Contact the Police if your child goes missing and you
don’t know where they have gone.
What to say
Make sure that your child knows how important they are to you. When you
have to tell your child off, tell them that it’s the way they are acting that’s the
problem - not them. If something has gone wrong in the family, don’t let your
child think that it’s their fault.
Prevention
Keep an eye out for changes in the way they act. Spend time with them and be
interested in them. Do you know who your child’s friends are? Be very careful
about their access to the Internet and ‘chat rooms’.
Contacts
• Bromley Police 020 8313 1212
• Education Welfare Service 020 8313 4158
• Get Connected - 0800 096 0096
• Message Home (for young people to get a message to their parents)
0800 700 740
• Missing Persons Helpline (24hrs) 0500 700 700 www.missingpersons.org.uk
Make time for your child to talk to you about their worries - even when
you have to tell them off
You know how important a good education is - let your child know this
Only keep them off school if they are too ill to attend and not for days out
or shopping trips
Be honest about things that might be happening in the family
Look for early signs that your child might not be happy and talk to their
school about these
Help is out there please don’t be too embarrassed or afraid to ask
From home and school
The law says that parents must make sure
that their children get a proper, full time
education and it is against the law if their
child does not go to school regularly and
on time. Children who miss school are
much more likely to have problems with
their learning and getting the job or
college place that they would like. They will
often find it harder to make and keep
friends and they are at much greater risk of
getting into trouble in and out of school.
If they are missing out on school or
lessons they are more likely to come
across adults or other young people who
might want to cause them harm.
When children miss school without their
parents knowing, this is called truancy.
Children who ‘truant’ regularly often do
this because they are worried about
something. There might be something
happening on the way to or from school
that is worrying them. They might be being
bullied. They might be finding some lessons
or subjects too hard (or too easy) or they
might be having problems in finishing their
homework. Sometimes, children will be not
want to leave home because they are
worried that their parent might come to
some harm whilst they are away.
Children from all sorts of backgrounds run
away from home for lots of reasons. Many
of us will remember planning to run away
when we were younger because we felt
unable to cope with our problems, or
thought that nobody cared about us or
because we thought we had been treated
unfairly. Usually, if a child does go missing
from home, it will be for a very short
period - usually until the child thinks that
the parents have noticed they are not
there. Often, they will turn up at the home
of a friend or relative.
When children run away, they are not
being naughty - they are trying to tell us
that they are unhappy or trying to find out
just how much we do care about them.
If your child goes missing and you don’t
know where they have gone, contact the
Police.
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“ I thought my drinking
was just the same as
anybody else’s. I thought
the kids didn’t notice
and I didn’t realise for a
long time how they
were being affected.”
Warning signs
Your use of alcohol or drugs might result in changes to your child’s behaviour.
They may act out or have changes to their appearance or stop seeing friends.
Often children may become withdrawn and ‘disappear’ in order not to draw
attention to their family.
Action
Think about your actions - what does your use of alcohol or drugs teach your
children? Are you sure that your children are not aware of what you do? If you
think your use of substances is affecting your children, talk to someone.
What to say
Your child may be reluctant to talk to you or be fearful of what your reaction
may be. Encourage them to talk to someone who can help them - there is
support available at school, in youth groups, on the internet, or from special
projects. Help them to do normal things like go out or socialise with friends.
Prevention
Be conscious about your use of alcohol or drugs. If you think they may be
causing problems for you or your child, get more information and seek help for
yourself and your child.
Contacts
• Drinkline 0800 917 8282
• FRANK 0800 77 66 00 www.talktofrank.com
• Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) 020 8315 4430
There are strong links between parental drinking or drug use and the
emotional development and well-being of a child or young person
Parental drug or alcohol use is linked to problems including damage to
relationships, impacts on family finances and the ability to provide a safe
and stable environment for children
Drug or alcohol use does not automatically lead to harm but it does lead
to an increased risk of harm
Your behaviour counts
Drinking or drug use might just be
something you do when the kids are away
or in bed. But it can begin to take over.
Firstly your children will be influenced by
your behaviour - whether your answer to
a problem or a crisis is to take a drink or
some drugs. Things can progress to the
stage that you are not taking the proper
care of your children or protecting them.
There is support available for children to
meet with others in similar circumstances.
It is important that children and young
people have a routine and the chance to
do normal things like homework, and
socialise with friends. This is especially
true if children or young people have to
take on the role of caring for or being
responsible for an adult.
Think about what your behaviour says to
children - do you come in from a difficult or
stressful day and reach for a drink or head
to the medicine cabinet? Children learn
what they see and begin to think that
alcohol or drugs are a solution to
problems. Often people start using drugs in
a similar way to relieve stress or tension.
No matter how careful you think you are
children and young people are often very
aware of their parents’ behaviour. Both
alcohol and drugs can affect your ability to
look after your children and have serious
effects on them as they grow up.
If you think you or some other adult in
your household has a problem seek
advice or support. Things are beginning to
become a problem if your use of alcohol
or other drugs is affecting the following:
It is important that you talk to your
partner or some other relative who could
offer support to you and your children.
Children may be reluctant to talk to adults
because of stigma around alcohol or
drugs or fear about the consequences.
• Relationships - has someone spoken to
you about their concerns for you?
• Your work - have you been late, missed
work or performed poorly as a result of
substance use?
• Your health - are you having difficulty
sleeping, feeling unwell or needing to
use something to make you feel better?
• You have come into conflict with the law
- have you been drinking and driving, or
arrested for possessing drugs?
These are all signs that you should seek
help. All of these things will affect your
ability to look after your child.
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Private fostering is different from public fostering. Public fostering means
that the local authority chooses a foster carer to look after a young person,
but private fostering is a private arrangement
If you don’t tell your local authority that you’re a private foster carer, you
can be fined or even go to prison
Over half of all private foster carers don’t know that they have to tell their
local authority that they’re a private foster carer
Every child matters
“My cousin’s son has
just moved in with us,
and his parent’s are
overseas so he’s really
missing them. Hopefully
he’ll start to feel more
at home soon.”
Warning signs
Some warning signs that a foster child is not being looked after properly: if the
child is always hungry or tired, his/her clothes smell and look dirty, he/she is
missing school.
Action
If someone has asked you to be a private foster carer, tell your local authority as
soon as possible. If someone in your community is a private foster carer or has
asked a private foster carer to look after their child, encourage them to tell their
local authority if they haven’t already.
What to say
If you know someone who is a private foster carer or the birth parent of a foster
child, make sure they know it’s important to tell their local authority so that the
child stays safe and well. That way, they can also get some help and advice.
Prevention
If you’re thinking about asking someone else to look after your child, be aware
of what might happen. You might think you know the private foster carer well,
but your local authority has access to police records so may know things about
them that you don’t. That’s why it’s important to tell your local authority of your
plans so they can protect your child.
Contacts
• Duty Social Worker Referral & Assessment Team
• British Association for Adoption & Fostering 020 7421 2600 www.baaf.org.uk
Sometimes, parents ask another family to
look after their children. This is called
private fostering.
Parents might want their children to be
privately fostered because:
• They work or study long hours.
• They live abroad and want their child
to be educated or get medical
treatment in Britain.
• They’ve separated or divorced.
Private fostering means that a young
person under 16 (or under 18 if they are
disabled) is looked after by an adult who
isn’t a close relative - for example,
someone who is not their parent, aunt,
uncle, step-parent, grandparent, brother
or sister for 28 days or more.
If you’re a foster carer
Most private foster carers are excellent,
but unfortunately there have been some
cases of young people who have been
treated badly.
If you’re a private foster carer, you must
tell your local authority. They would like to
visit to check that the young person living
with you is safe and well, and also give
you help and advice on how to look after
your foster child if you need it.
If you’re going to be a foster carer, try to
tell your local authority at least six weeks
before your foster child comes to live with
you. And if you move home or a child
leaves your home to live with someone
else, you must also tell them. If you don’t
do these things, you might be fined and
might even go to prison.
It can be hard for a young person to live
apart from their birth parents or family, and
so you will need to give them extra support
and understanding. It’s also important that
you treat your foster child the same as your
other children. For example, they should all
get the same food and clothes.
What else should you remember?
Before a young person comes to live with
you, find out about them from their birth
parents - for example, whether they have
any medical problems or whether they
require a special diet. Remember to
register the child with your own doctor
when they come to live with you.
Also, keep in contact with your foster child’s
birth parents, so you know where they are
living, and they know that their child is OK.
It’s not always easy being a foster carer even if you’re good friends with the birth
parents, things can still go wrong. That’s
why you all need to be clear about what
you expect from each other.
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“One of Kyle’s friends
was nearly hit by a car
last year - he ran across
the road to get his
football. Now we make
sure that Kyle knows
about the dangers and
how to stay safe.”
Warning signs
Children are most at risk during the summer, when more spend time playing
outdoors, and in the winter, when roads can be wet and slippery. Never use a
car seat that’s been involved in a crash, is over ten years old, comes without
instructions, has parts missing or is cracked, or doesn’t have a label which tells
you the date it was made.
Action
Teach your child the Green Cross Code: Think. Find the safest place to cross.
• Stop. Stand on the pavement near the kerb • Use your eyes and ears to look
for traffic • Wait until it’s safe to cross • Look and listen. When it’s safe, walk
across the road - don’t run • Arrive alive. Keep looking and listening for traffic
while you cross.
What to say
From an early age, teach your child about road safety. Remember that children often
copy their parents/carers, so prevent them from picking up bad habits by being a
good role model. For example, cross the road sensibly and wear a seatbelt yourself.
Prevention
The law says that children aged three or up and up to 135cm in height must use
a child car seat or a booster seat in a car. Children must also use a seat belt if
there is one. If you’re stopped by police and your child isn’t in the right car
seats, you risk a £30 fine.
Contacts
• Arrive Alive, a highway code for young road users:
www.thinkroadsafety.gov.uk/arrivealive/greencross.htm
You can also order free road safety leaflets from this address
It’s vital to teach your child about road safety from an early age
Make sure they know the Green Cross Code (Stop, look, listen)
The road is not a playground, it’s a very dangerous place
You can be fined if you don’t use the proper car seat for your child’s
weight and height
Basic rules for everyone
As a parent or carer, it’s vital that you and
your child know how to keep safe on the
road - whether you’re crossing the road,
cycling or driving in a car. That way, there’s
less chance of any of you having an
accident.
Crossing the road
Make sure your child knows the Green
Cross Code from an early age. This is a sixstep guide on how to cross the road safely,
and they’re never too young to learn it.
Children tend to copy their parents, so be
aware of how you cross the road and set
a good example. If there’s a zebra
crossing nearby, for example, use it.
Remember that child can’t judge speed or
distance properly until they’re at least
eight years old, so knowing about the
Green Cross Code is even more important.
One way to teach them how to be safe on
the road is to walk to school together.
Playing on the road
Teach your child that the road isn’t a
playground, it’s a really dangerous place.
Gardens and parks are much safer - and
nicer - places to play. If your child is playing
with a ball, they need to know that if the
ball accidentally goes onto the road they
must ask an adult to get it back for them.
Cycling
If your child rides a bike on the road, it’s
vital to wear a helmet. If they have an
accident, helmets can prevent them
having a serious head injury.
Other things to check include: that all the
brakes work, the tyres are okay and the
back reflector is clean. Children should
also be clearly seen, with reflective sashes
or arm-bands on their clothing if they’re
cycling in bad light.
In the car
If you’re driving children in the car, they
need to be in a properly-fitted, safe car
seat that protects them if they have an
accident. Make sure it’s right for your
child’s weight and height. Here’s a guide:
• Children who weigh 13kg or less (this is
usually babies a year or under) should be
in a rear-facing baby seat. Never place in
the front seat if there’s an airbag.
• Children who weigh between 9kg and
18kg (this is usually aged four or
under) should be in a child seat.
• Children who weigh more than 15kg
(this is usually aged four to six) should
be in a booster seat.
• Children who weigh 22kg (this is
usually aged four and up) should have
a booster cushion.
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Always put your baby to sleep in the ‘Back to Sleep’ and ‘Feet to Foot’ position
Babies aren’t good at staying the same temperature, so make sure they
don’t get too hot or too cold
Make sure your baby’s cot is a safe place to sleep, never sleep with them
on a sofa
Never let anyone smoke near your baby, or in rooms the baby uses
Think very carefully before sleeping with your baby
“It has to be every new
parent’s nightmare. But
thanks to a few simple
guidelines, we’re all
sleeping a bit better now.”
Warning signs
Cot death or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is becoming more rare.
Most deaths occur in babies under six months old. There are no clear warning
signs but there are things you can do to reduce the risk.
Action
Look at the prevention advice given on the opposite page and take the steps to
create a safe place for your baby. By following these simple steps the UK has
seen a major reduction in cot deaths in the last ten years. Make sure that all
people who take a role in caring for your baby know of the risks from cot
death, especially if they smoke.
What to say
Make sure that all people who take a role in caring for your baby know of the
risks from cot death, especially if they smoke. If you are unsure about what to
do get medical advice at once.
Prevention
Follow the prevention steps outlined on the page opposite.
Keep your baby’s cot in your room for the first six months, this way it will be
easier to keep an eye on their sleeping position and surroundings.
Contacts
• Bromley Primary Care Trust 01689 853339 (Health Visitors)
• Cruse Bereavement Care 0870 167 1677 www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
• Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths Helpline 020 7233 2090
www.fsid.org.uk
• NHS Direct (24 hrs) 0845 4647 www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk
• Speak to your GP, Midwife, or Health Visitor
Reducing the risks of cot death
To help your baby sleep safely you need to
think about where your baby sleeps and
how your baby sleeps.
Back to sleep
• Always put your baby to sleep on their
back unless a health professional tells
you not to. This has been shown to be
very important in helping babies sleep
safely.
• Never let your baby fall asleep on a
cushion, a sofa or chair, or on a beanbag.
• Don’t let anyone fall asleep holding
your baby.
The safest place
• A well-designed and sturdy cot in your
own room is the safest place for your
baby to sleep for the first six months.
• Keep the cot tidy and do not use plastic
sheets, bumpers, baby nests, wedges,
bedding rolls or any ribbons or mobiles
that your baby could get caught up in.
• The mattress should be firm, flat and
clean and have a waterproof covering.
• Cover the mattress with a clean sheet
and make sure there are no gaps
between the mattress and the sides of
the cot as your baby could get caught.
Temperature
• Babies can overheat, which is known
to play a part in cot death.
• Try to keep the room between 16 and
20 degrees centigrade.
• Do not use duvets, quilts or pillows
until your baby is one year old. Give
your baby one light layer of clothing or
bedding more than you are wearing.
• Never use hot water bottles or electric
blankets.
• Always position your baby in the ‘Feet
to Foot’ position, with their feet at the
foot of the cot so that they can’t move
down inside their blanket.
• Do not cover your baby’s face or head
indoors.
Sleeping with your baby
Never share a bed with your baby if you or
your partner:
• Are smokers.
• Have been drinking alcohol.
• Have been taking medicines or drugs
that make you sleepy.
• Feel very tired.
These may make you sleep more heavily
than usual and increase the risk of you
lying on top of your baby.
• Remember that, when sleeping next to
you, your baby will be warmer anyway,
so if they fall asleep under your duvet
they may get too hot.
• If you are breastfeeding your baby in
bed, speak to your Midwife or Health
Visitor about how to do this safely.
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Remember other homes are not always child-friendly
Always check a garden is safe and secure before letting your child play
Keep your child close when shopping
Children under eight should not be allowed out alone
Mobile phones are a good link to your child
Most accidents are preventable
“I thought he was right
behind me, but when I
turned round, I couldn’t
see my toddler
anywhere. I ran through
the supermarket calling
his name. When I found
him I just burst into
tears with relief.”
Warning signs
When you are out and about, you may be more easily distracted and not see
the signs that your child is at risk of injury. Your child is your responsibility, so
always keep a close eye on them.
Action
When visiting other people, or if you are out, look out for danger areas, such
low walls or broken glass; always keep your child close to you when shopping.
What to say
Remind your child, whatever their age, to look before crossing a road. Ask them
to take sensible precautions if they are old enough to be out by themselves.
Prevention
Most accidents involving children are preventable with adequate care and
attention. Never leave a small child unsupervised and keep a close eye on them
at all times.
Contacts
• Child Accident Prevention Trust (CAPT) 020 7608 3828 www.capt.org.uk
• The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA) 0121 248 2000
www.rospa.com
Are your children safe?
Pre-schoolers
Some experts say that there is no such
thing as an accident - and, according to
RoSPA (The Royal Society for the
Prevention of Accidents), most accidents
that happen to young children, such as
injuries from falls or drowning, could be
avoided with adequate supervision.
If you are visiting friends or relatives, keep a
closer eye than usual on your child as their
house may not be as child-friendly as yours.
Look out for dangerous areas, such as
knives sitting on counter tops, drugs such as
painkillers left within reach, or open
windows. Check that the garden is secure
and there is no access to ponds or pools.
It’s important to always be aware of where
your child is when you are out. When
shopping, always make sure your child stays
close to you - it is easy for them to get lost
in a shopping centre or large supermarket.
Supervise playground activities - ensure the
playground equipment is suitable for your
child’s age group, to prevent injury.
In the car, make sure your child is an ageappropriate car seat and is securely belted
in. You should also check that the car seat
is strapped in properly - many road
accident injuries occur due to wrongly
strapped seats, which do not restrain the
child adequately on impact.
Primary school years
It can be difficult finding the balance
between giving your child enough freedom
to gain confidence and making sure they
are safe. Children under eight should not
be allowed out alone. Teach your child road
safety from a young age, so it is habit for
them to check for cars before crossing a
road. Older children may be trusted to go
out for short periods by themselves, but
always agree a time for them to return or
to phone you. Remind them never to go off
with someone they don’t know, whatever
convincing story they may have.
Teenagers
It can be hard to keep track of your teenager
when they are out, but giving your teen a
mobile phone means they can call you if
they are in trouble, and you can at least
check that they are alright. If you have an
older teenage girl, remind her never to get
into a minicab that she has not called for.
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Self-harm is a sign of deeper problems
Understand the reasons why your child self-harms
Find out how to help your child
Understanding and support
“ I couldn’t understand
why my 11-year old
daughter’s arms were
covered in cuts. When I
found out what she
was doing, I went mad.
She’s just attention
seeking isn’t she?”
Warning signs
Look out for injuries such as cuts, burns, scalds or bruises. Your child may try to
hide them from you.
Action
Try to find out if your child is self-harming. Think of reasons why they might be
doing this so that you can talk through problems and find out ways of dealing
with them.
What to say
You will be upset but try not to judge them, show them you are angry or try to
force them to stop. Make time to really listen to them and try to get them to
talk about their problems. Suggest they see their Doctor who can get them
more help if needed. You could ask your child if they would like you to go with
them or maybe try talking about things as a family.
Prevention
People, who self-harm feel lonely and unloved. Giving your child time to talk to
you, discussing difficulties they have and letting them know you are there for
them will help. Your support will make them feel better about themselves.
Contacts
• National Children's Bureau www.selfharm.org.uk
• National Self-Harm Network www.nshn.co.uk
• The Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 (24-hour helpline) www.samaritans.org
Self-harming or hurting yourself can take
many forms. This may include: cutting;
burning or scalding; hitting; picking skin;
head banging against a wall or other
object or taking an overdose.
According to the charity Samaritans, one
in ten young people self-harm and girls
are more likely to self-harm than boys.
While the aim is to hurt, it is not usually to
kill themselves and it may carry on for
years without getting any worse.
People who self-harm often use it as a
way of dealing with problems, such as
depression, bullying, abuse or feeling
unloved. Young people who self-harm say
it is a way of being in control and use it to
help them cope, as the physical pain takes
their mind off their problems.
Self-harm is not just about getting
attention, as it is most often carried out in
private and kept secret from family and
friends. What they are doing is a sign that
they need help. Those who self-harm
usually think badly of themselves and need
even more attention and support. Young
people who self-harm often do not get help
for themselves because they may be
worried about what you will think of them
and their self-harm. Hurting yourself is a
serious problem, even if the person only
lightly cuts themselves. A person who selfharms can’t just decide to stop - they need
help to get over their problem. Most cases
of harming do not lead to death, but can be
a sign that your child may be thinking
about more serious harm or even suicide.
How you can help
If you know that your child hurts
themselves on purpose it is normal to feel
very upset, angry and powerless. Your child
needs your understanding and support.
Listen to what they are telling you without
judging them and try not to show you are
angry or upset or try to force them to stop.
If this is their way of handling problems
then other ways of dealing with them need
to be found and tried before they can stop
harming themselves. Helping them learn to
deal with stress and stopping the things
that cause them to self-harm in the first
place will be more useful.
If your child finds it difficult to tell you
about their feelings try to get them to talk
to another family member, friend, Teacher,
Youth Worker or Social Worker.
Make sure your child can get first aid
supplies to treat injuries and stop infection.
If a wound looks serious or your child has
taken an overdose however small call. You
should also try to get your child to call you
or the emergency services if they ever selfharm and hurt themselves seriously.
Try to get your child to talk to their Doctor,
who can tell them about other ways of
dealing with stress and who can tell them
where to get more help. One-to-one
counselling, support groups and practical
support can all help.
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“I get so frustrated
with him sometimes,
that I occasionally I do
feel like smacking him I don’t of course as I
know that will not
solve anything.”
Smacking does not teach children self-discipline
Smacking gives attention to a child’s bad behaviour
Children learn best by attention to things they do well
There are many better things to do than to smack
Smacking teaches children to hurt others
When self-discipline is taught, smacking is not needed
The great debate
It is important that children learn how to
behave and control how they act as they
get older. Parents have a very important
job as role models for their children in
helping them to learn how to do this.
Warning signs
A child who flinches or moves away when they fear they might be hit. Smacking
a child hard with a force, which (when you look back at it) you feel you shouldn’t
have done and feel bad about. Leaving bruising and other marks on a child.
Action
If you are worried about your own or someone else’s smacking get support
from the organisations listed under Contacts. If it is someone you know, offer
practical help and suggestions.
What to say
Tell your child they have gone too far or broken family rules. Use your tone of
voice and the expression on your face to help them understand that they have
reached the limit. Explain your reasons why.
Prevention
Make it a general rule not to smack your child. Use other ways to discipline; set
clear limits and explain them, be firm and stick to rules, ignore minor bad
behaviour and reward good (perhaps use a star chart).
Contacts
• Duty Social Worker Referral & Assessment Team
• Talk to your Health Visitor
Teaching children from a young age by
setting limits and explaining reasons for
these limits helps them develop selfdiscipline. Smacking, which controls your
child from the outside, has no long-lasting
good effects. In fact smacking usually
becomes harder in order to have the same
impact on your growing child. This is
where the thin line between smacking
and hitting can be crossed.
Have you ever smacked your child?
The answer from many parents reading this
will be ‘yes’. Every parent experiences
frustration with his or her child at some
time. It is at these times that a parent may
smack in the heat of the moment, but this is
an outlet for the parent’s feelings, rather
than a helpful way of training a child.
However, simply because lots of people may
have smacked their children does not mean
it is the best way to punish your child or
make sure they are good. Those who say
smacking is okay have argued that it is not
harmful in the long term and is the most
immediate form of discipline. However, it is
much more helpful and safer to notice and
reward your child’s good behaviour, in order
to encourage the behaviour you want.
Fewer parents are smacking their children
now. Lots of those who keep doing so
do it because they are not sure what else
will work.
In UK society parents are not allowed to
hurt their children whatever their
individual, cultural or religious reasons.
As a result, child protection professionals
will look at cases of abuse of children, so
that they can understand, stop it and
explain the result of it happening again.
In England and Wales the Children’s Act
says smacking is against the law if it
causes bruises, reddening of the skin or
mental harm.
There are a number of other ways to deal
with your child’s bad behaviour. Talk to
one of the agencies listed under contacts
to find one that works for you.
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Protecting children is everybody’s business
Adults have a responsibility to report abuse
Consider offering some support if you are worried
If in doubt share your concerns about children
Reporting concerns rarely leads to a child being removed
Act now - long-term abuse is damaging for children
“Everyday I hear the child next door crying.
Her parents are always shouting at her.
Yesterday, in the street, I saw her mother
hit her hard across the side of the head.
This is probably none of business but I am
worried and not sure what to do.”
Warning signs
There are many possible signs of abuse, ranging from injury to changes in the
way a child is acting. You could see something happen or a child may tell you
that he or she is being hurt.
Action
If you think that a child has been hurt, contact the Duty Social Worker or the
Police. If you are unsure, you can speak to a helpline such as the NSPCC and
your call will be kept private.
Should you mind your own business?
All families have problems at times but
can be helped by other family members or
close friends.
If someone you know is having
difficulties, you could:
• Listen to their problems.
• Help them cope.
• Encourage them to get more help.
• Support them by babysitting or doing
shopping.
There may be times when a child is at risk
of harm and you need to get help.
Prevention
Make sure your child knows who they can share worries with if and when they
need to. Listen carefully to children and notice any changes in them.
When we think, see or are told about a
child that is being hurt we can react in
many different ways. We may feel guilty,
angry, or shocked. Some people’s
reactions can stop help getting to a family
who need it.
Contacts
• Duty Social Worker Referral & Assessment Team,
• Family Rights Group 0800 731 1696 www.frg.org.uk
Many people do not tell because they
fear that:
• Children will get hurt more.
• They believe that nothing will be done.
• They believe that the child would be
taken away.
• They worry that the family may find
out who reported them.
• Telling may ruin family relationships.
What to say
Explain exactly what you have seen or been told. If you can, keep a note of
dates, injuries and the exact words used. These will help you.
In truth, it is best that action is taken early
to stop things getting worse. Long-term
abuse is much more likely to cause
problems for a child as they get older. Even
if you think something is just a one off,
other agencies may already have concerns
about the child. Your information could be
very important.
If you report your concerns to Social
Services, you will be asked for your details
and details of the worries you have. You
should write down what you want to say
before you speak to them so that you can
remember everything.
Reporting child abuse hardly ever results
in the child being taken away from home.
This is not the main aim of Child
Protection Investigations and rarely
happens. Social Workers can only remove
children from home with a court order,
having shown that there is serious risk. In
emergency situations the Police have the
power to remove a child from home for
72 hours.
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Helpful national organisations
Helpful local organisations
ADFAM
020 7553 7640 www.adfam.org.uk
Addictions Anonymous
01732 763491
Asian Women Resource Centre
020 8838 3462
www.asianwomencentre.org.uk
Fathers Direct
0845 634 1328
www.fatherhoodinstitute.org
FRANK
0800 77 66 00 www.talktofrank.com
Barnardo’s
020 8550 8822 www.barnardos.org.uk
Kidscape
08451 205 204 www.kidscape.org.uk
Beating Eating Disorders
0845 634 1414
0845 634 7650 (youthline)
www.b-eat.co.uk
London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard
020 7837 7324 www.llgs.org.uk
Brook Advisory Centres
0800 018 5023 www.brook.org.uk
Bullying UK
www.bullying.co.uk
Child Accident Prevention Trust
(CAPT)
020 7608 3828 www.capt.org.uk
Childcare Link
0800 096 0296
www.childcarelink.gov.uk
ChildLine
0800 1111 www.childline.org.uk
Community Drug Education Project
020 8691 0550 www.drugsinfo.org.uk
Cry-sis Helpline
08451 228 669 www.cry-sis.org.uk
Equality and Human Rights
Commission
0845 604 6610
www.equalityhumanrights.com
Missing Persons Helpline (24hrs)
0500 700 700
www.missingpeople.org.uk
National Childbirth Trust (NCT)
0870 444 8707 www.nct.org.uk
National Domestic Violence Helpline
0808 2000 247
www.womensaid.org.uk
www.refuge.org.uk
Bromley Children’s Social Care
Duty Social Worker
(East) Orpington 020 8461 7319
(West) Penge 020 8461 7050
Bromley Borough Police Station
0300 123 1212
Bromley Gypsy Traveller Community
Project
01689 839052
Bromley Primary Care Trust
01689 853339
Bromley Refugee Network
020 8249 1414
NHS Direct
0845 4647 www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk
Bromley’s Women’s Aid
020 8313 9303
NSPCC
0808 800 5000 www.nspcc.org.uk
Child and Adolescent Mental Health
Service (CAMHS)
020 8315 4430
Ofsted
08456 40 40 45 www.ofsted.gov.uk
One Parent Families/Gingerbread
0800 018 5026
www.oneparentfamilies.org.uk
www.gingerbread.org.uk
Parentline Plus
0808 800 2222
www.parentlineplus.org.uk
Families & Friends of Lesbians and
Gays (FFLAG)
0845 652 0311 www.fflag.org.uk
Royal Society for the Prevention of
Accidents (RoSPA)
0121 248 2000 www.rospa.co.uk
Family Planning Association (FPA)
0845 122 8690 www.fpa.org.uk
Samaritans
08457 90 90 90 (24-hour helpline)
www.samaritans.org
Family Rights Group
0800 731 1696 www.frg.org.uk
Alcoholics Anonymous
020 8467 1576
Education Welfare Service
020 8313 4158
Homestart Bromley
020 8857 7128
Phoenix Resource Centre
020 8466 9988
Sure Start Penge
020 8676 7025
Welcare
020 8466 0399
Young Carers Bromley
0800 015 7700 Freephone
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Bromley Safeguarding Children Board
Room B40, St Blaise Building, Civic Centre, Stockwell Close, Bromley BR1 3UH
Tel: 020 8461 7816
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Designed & marketed by Coles McConnell Ltd, Maidstone. © 2008 All Rights Reserved T: 01622 685959
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Bromley Safe Parenting Handbook

Transcription

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