Here - Pride Center of New Jersey

Summer Issue 2016
Table of Content
Page
Editor’s Letter
2
Groups that meet….
3
State of the Center
4
PCNJ’s Response/Orlando 4-6
The Bathroom Issue
7-10
Focus Groups
10
Summer of Autumn City
11-14
Women’s Speed Dating
15
Global Issues—Ukraine
16-17
An Interview With
18-19
PCNJ needs
19
TrueSelves Support Group 20-23
Flyers & Ads
24-29
Picture Pages
30
Business Cards
31
We Are All Orlando
Editor: Pandora Scooter
Publisher: Nicole Brownstein
Summer 2016
A Letter From The Editor
A Time for Radical Self-Love
from the Editor
Radical self-love is just that: radical. From radical self-love can come great things: positive change, acceptance, collaboration and bonding. Those who embrace themselves thoroughly - faults and all - are more likely to spread that kind of
acceptance to others. They are more likely to inspire that kind of acceptance in others. The LGBTQ Community is in
need of Radical Self Love - as individuals and as a community.
Orlando has hit us hard, yes. And as more and more news reports come out, it seems that this heinous act was perpetrated by a person filled with self-hate — possibly for being gay, possibly for being Muslim, possibly for not being Latino…who knows. We don’t and won’t know. But it is clear that he had self-hate running through his veins.
Who among us does not know what it is to harbor some amount of self-hate?
I carried a very heavy burden of self-hate for many decades and, let me tell you, it created walls between me and everyone else. It was destructive and debilitating. It weighed me down. And it took a lot for me to unlearn the ways of selfhate and adopt the ways of self-love. But through a ton of therapy, and very, very good friends and the desperate need to
feel better about my life, I achieved self-love.
We all must achieve self-love so that we can love and accept one another. And I’m not talking about straight people and
gay people. I’m talking about LGBTQ people loving other LGBTQ people. Lesbians must embrace Bisexuals and
Gay men. Gay men must embrace Trans men and women and bisexuals. Gay and Lesbian people must accept and love
Pansexuals. Gay men who hate the word “queer” must accept those in the community to identify as Queer. We have
some work to do on radical self-love within our community. Victoria Maione puts it so well in her response to the vigil
when she says we can’t be any single letter any longer, we have to be us.
Us. We. Community.
Why do we only come together to mourn after tragedy? The last time I saw some of the people who were at the Pride
Center’s vigil for Orlando was four and a half years ago at the Speak Out I held for Tyler Clementi. Do we need an excuse to come together as a community? A tragic excuse? Isn’t it enough that lawmakers are passing legislation across
the country that discriminates against or even puts in jeopardy LGBT lives? Isn’t THAT enough of a reason for us all to
stick together?
I don’t know about you, but I love all people. Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Pansexual, Demisexual, Asexual, Romantics, Queer, Trans, Non-binary, Kinky, Vanilla, Cis, White, Black, Brown, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Wiccan, Atheist, Rich, Poor, Middle-Class, Abled or Disabled, Mentally Healthy or Disordered, Tea Party, Republican, Libertarian, Democrat, Liberals, Progressive, Non-Political, Extremists and Pacifists.
It costs me nothing to love everyone. It costs me everything to hate anyone.
Orlando has reminded us that We Are One. Let’s try and remember that always. For all time. Let us never again never again - need an Orlando or a Tyler Clementi or a Matthew Shepard - to remind us of this. Let us keep this in our
hearts forever.
We Are One.
Radical Self Love, Community.
Power to the Peaceful and Love to All,
Pandora
2
Summer 2016
Groups that Meet at the Center - Times/Group Leader
Groups that Meet at the Center— Times/Group Leader
Many groups run during the evenings from 7:30 to 9:00 pm. Please call the Center between 7pm and 10pm at 732-846-2232
to confirm the time for the group you’re interested in is running. Also, check www.pridecenter.org for descriptions of all these
groups.
All Genders Welcome
Booked for Supper, 2nd Thursdays, [email protected]
LGBTQ Social Justice, 3rd Tuesdays, [email protected]
Karaoke Night, 1st Friday,
Out of the Box, 3rd Fridays, [email protected]
Writer’s Group, Thursdays, [email protected]
Lesbian & Gay Men of New Brunswick
New Jersey Furries, 4th or 5th Saturdays [email protected]
Raices Latinas LGBT, 1st & 3rd Mondays, [email protected]
HIV Testing, changes nights each month
Art & Music for People (AMP), 1st Sats, bi-monthly, [email protected]
Youth Groups - All Genders Welcome
Come Out and Play, 1st Tues & 3rd Tues, [email protected]
Youth Drop In, 2nd & 4th Saturday afternoons, [email protected]
Under the Rainbow, 2nd & 4th Thursdays, [email protected]
Men’s Groups
Men’s Coming Out Group, Wednesdays [email protected]
Men’s Living Out Group, Wednesdays, [email protected]
Men’s Movie Night, 2nd Saturdays [email protected]
Gay Men’s Social Night, 2nd & 4th Tuesdays, [email protected]
Living Soulfully, [email protected]
Male Art Drawing Session, 2nd Sundays
Young Men’s Social Network, 2nd Mondays, [email protected]
Transgender Groups
Trueselves, 3rd Sundays, [email protected]
Youth Drop-In, 2nd & 4th Satuday afternoons [email protected]
Rope, Kink, Leather Education - Various Genders Welcome
Rope Share, 1st Sundays,
NJ Rope Bite, 4th Mondays
Jersey Boys of Leather, 1st Wednesdays, [email protected]
Jersey Kollege of Kink, 2nd Thurs, [email protected] or [email protected]
NJ Hypnokink, 3rd Saturday afternoons, [email protected]
G-Rope, 4th Mondays, [email protected].
Women’s Groups
Living Out Women, 2nd & 4th Wednesdays, [email protected]
New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women
Women’s Coming Out Support Group, 1st & 3rd Thursdays, [email protected]
Board of Trustees Meeting, 2nd Tuesdays, open to the public, [email protected]
3
Summer 2016
State of the Center
Message from the President
June 12, 2016
In Response to the Pulse Nightclub Shooting:
My heart goes out to the LGBT community of Orlando and
to the families, friends, and loved ones of those who were
killed. This horrible tragedy leaves me angry, sad and a little lost and bewildered. In reality, it could have been any
one of us. I cannot emphasize enough how we must always
remember to be vigilant and protect each other at all
times. Our community is strong! We must stand tall and
support one another with love, kindness and open arms. As
we reflect on this terrible event, we must remember our
loved ones, allies, and how far we have all come together.
The Pride Center of New Jersey stands with our extended family in Orlando and
beyond.
Mark McSpirit
President, Board of Trustees
The Pride Center of New Jersey
The Pride Center’s Community Response to the shooting in Orlando
In the early morning hours on June 12th in Orlando, 49 GLBT people were shot and killed at
Pulse Nightclub. 53 more people were injured. In the following days one more who was injured died, bringing the death toll up to 50. Most of the wounded and killed were Latino and
gay and male. In the interest of providing a space for our community to grieve, mourn and
commemmorate these innocent lost lives, the LGBTQ Social Justice group organized a vigil
that was held on Tuesday, June 14th from 8:00 to 10:00 pm at the Reformed Church of Highland Park. Here are some impressions of the vigil from those who were there.
The reality for our entire community as a whole, is that we need to be cohesive. And we need to
fight as one community. It can’t be L or G or B or T or Q or any one letter anymore. It has to
be us! We need our gay brothers and sisters and our straight allies to stand up and fight for
equality.
On Tuesday night I saw that. I saw like-minded individuals standing up and saying proudly “this is who I am,
this is what I want”. Regardless of religion, race, gender, sexuality- what people want is freedom,
4
Summer 2016
The Pride Center’s Community Response to the shooting in Orlando
and basic policy reform. I think most of us are ready to tear down any more barriers. The names of those innocent people we lost in Orlando, and all the lives we lose each year within our community, should be tattooed
on every single person in this entire world.
We were expecting around 150 people for the vigil, and 300+ people were in attendance; preachers of multiple faiths, teens, immigrants, gay and straight, and I believe that’s a great stepping off point. June is Pride
month, but I’m proud 24/7 365. I’m sad, angry, moved, beyond emotion, but mostly I’m ready. I’m ready for
policy change, equality, respect, and love for all.
— Victoria Maione, Co-Chair LGBTQ Social Justice group
Pure love filled the social hall of the Reformed Church of Highland Park last night, as hundreds of gentle,
humble, creative and vulnerable souls joined together to grieve and support, to voice fear and hope, anger and
dismay. Self-hatred and the homegrown violence of bloody, militant patriarchy drove us into one another's
arms. Yet out of this gathering and witness, a new kind of queer community space seemed to emerge, where
each person is encouraged to thrive as their true self. The more we listened, the more we began to understand.
Pastor Seth meant it when he said RCHP would be honored to host queer spaces and support the queer community any way we can. Our hearts break when we glimpse the grievous harm the church has done and continues to mercilessly inflict. We believe the beloved community only comes about when each person is honored
with a seat at God's table. Let us know if it would be helpful to organize a multi-faith/no-faith spiritual.
— Elizabeth Estes
The vigil on Tuesday night was powerful, uplifting and inspiring. I was reeling from the shock and anger that I
felt about the shooting, and this was just the thing that I needed: to mourn amongst many others in our community. I loved hearing what so many had to share, and the peace of the candlelight when we all stepped outdoors. The love that I felt that night gave me hope that we DO have the power to make lasting positive changes
in our country when we stand together. The attack in Orlando has left an unforgettable rift in our community
that, I believe, will be a newly awakened driving force towards those changes. We will be heard.
— Mindy Schmitt
How do we even begin to mourn the loss of 49 precious souls in an utter breach of humanity? I can only hope
that we began to honor their memory by assembling to read their beautiful names and grieve as a community
in word, tears and song.
— Hayden Greyson, LGBT activist and singer/songwriter
It was incredibly moving to see everyone come together in solidarity after the tragic and senseless act of violence in Orlando. Although sympathy from our cis and straight allies was appreciated, it was most important
to hear the voices from the marginalized people in our own community, too often silenced by hate. The courage they shared by speaking out on stage was the most empowering gift of all.
—Gene Talbot, Board of Trustees member
5
Summer 2016
The Pride Center’s Community Response to the shooting in Orlando
I have never been to a vigil before. I felt my heart pounding in anguish for the ones that lost
their lives at the Pulse nightclub, a place that was supposed to be safe. I felt an unrelenting desire to express to everyone around me that there is so much more love in this world and that
this tragedy will not shake my faith in humanity and I will not let anyone take that away from
me.
I thought about all the people who lost their life and of all the people whose life has been
changed forever by this horrible tragedy. My first reaction was dismay. I could not believe that
such a heinous act of violence could happen here. I was completely shocked at the brutality of
the violence against a group of peaceful, loving people. Such anger, so much hate. What was
going through his mind?
So many people came to this house of faith to express their feelings. We shared in the sorrow,
the grief and the comfort of knowing that there are many caring people, all around us. It was
difficult to hold back the tears as the names of each victim was called out with a slice of their
aspirations in life, knowing that they would never have that opportunity to fulfill their dreams.
For all the brave ones who stood up on stage to reflect on the souls of the departed, I commend
you, for I would not be able to hold back the tears.
There is a power that's greater than the one when so many hearts sing in unison and harmony.
We came together to celebrate the hearts and souls of the ones that could no longer be physically with us but will always be in our hearts. I cannot sit here and not move to do everything
in my power to change the world by changing one heart at a time. I will never forget this night.
Who are the ones who were silenced
Who are the ones who are loved?
Open your heart, let them in
Knowing that love will set you free.
Open your heart, open your soul
Don't be afraid to let yourself go
Yearn to be free, then you will see
Love is everywhere it can be.
Don't ever give up on your dreams
Knowing that love will set you free
Knowing the love in your heart is for real
I may not be versed in the anthems of the brave but they resonate in my heart as it does in all
the hearts that were with us that night. We shared in the peace and the unity that makes us who
we are. Let the world see that we are not afraid that we are as one.
Jillian Deak, July 1, 2016
Your Monthly Savings = $40.00
6
Summer 2016
The Bathroom Issue
Kelly Lauren, a transgender
woman who has performed as
a drag entertainer for 37 years,
shared the above photo with
the caption “Do you REALLY
want me in the same restroom
as your husband or boyfriend?” Picture was posted in
reply to “Bathroom Bills” in
Houston, Mississippi and
North Carolina.
North Carolina has been drawing national attention for new legislation that blocks cities and
local governments from passing antidiscrimination measures that could protect gay and transgender people. Here’s a closer look at how this law, which is seen as a major step backwards
for LGBT rights, came to be.
On Feb. 22, Charlotte, N.C., passed an ordinance expanding North Carolina’s antidiscrimination laws so that LGBT people would also be granted protection in places of “public accommodation” — which, among other things, would allow transgender people to use the bathrooms of the gender they identify as. This ordinance was to go in effect on April 1.
But in response, at a special session on March 23, North Carolina’s General Assembly proposed and passed the House Bill 2 (HB2) — or the “bathroom bill” — and Gov. Pat McCrory
signed it into law that same night.
The new law did more than repeal the Charlotte ordinance. It made the state’s law on antidiscrimination — which covers race, religion, national origin, color, age, biological sex and
handicaps — the final word. Meaning cities and local governments can’t expand
“employment” or “public accommodations” protections to others, such as on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity.
Minimum wage also falls under the state’s antidiscrimination law, so this law means local
governments aren’t able to set their own minimum wages beyond the state standard.
7
Summer 2016
The Bathroom Issue—continued
Proponents of the new law say that Charlotte’s measure expanding North Carolina’s antidiscrimination law was governmental overreach by the city. They also argue that this is a matter
of safety for women and children in public restrooms and showers. But LGBT activists say
that safety hasn’t been an issue in the 18 states or the more than 100 cities where protections
for gay and transgender people already exist.
The backlash to the law has been widespread, from officials from other states to dozens of
North Carolina-based businesses to national corporations and organizations like ESPN, the
NBA, the NCAA, as well as Hollywood filmmakers. A federal lawsuit has been filed challenging the constitutionality of the law and arguing the state could be in violation of Title IX,
which would put billions of dollars of federal education funding at risk.
North Carolina isn’t the only state that’s been caught up in these discrimination debates.
Since January, almost 200 anti-LGBT bills have been introduced in states, which many people see as reactions to last June’s Supreme Court marriage-equality ruling. Recently, Georgia
Gov. Nathan Deal vetoed a religious freedom bill, saying, “I do not think we have to discriminate against anyone to protect the faith-based community in Georgia.”
So, will this North Carolina law bolster like-minded legislators in other states or will it get
stopped in its tracks? We’ll have to wait and see. But the next time you hear about North
Carolina and the “bathroom bill,” at least you can say, “Now I get it.”
—————————————————————————————————————
House Bill 2 seems destined to dominate North Carolina’s fall election. Some on both sides of
the debate see advantages in ensuring that happens — by placing the law on the ballot.
The U.S. Justice Department announced Wednesday the law known as HB2 violates the U.S.
Civil Rights Act and jeopardizes billions in federal education money. But Senate Republicans
are still considering putting HB2 up for a vote of the people, said Sen. Tom Apodaca of Hendersonville, powerful chairman of the Rules Committee. Apodaca floated that idea as the legislative session was beginning and said Thursday that it remains a possibility.
With Democrats calling for the law to be repealed, Democratic political consultant Gary
Pearce may seem like an unlikely referendum supporter. But he says he’s all for it.
“I feel like it’s going to be a magnet for young voters who were attracted to (Bernie) Sanders
and many not be excited about Hillary Clinton,” Pearce said.
HB2 is hurting Republicans, he said, and putting it on the November ballot would end up helping Democratic candidates by drawing young voters to the polls. That would help Democrats
win metropolitan, swing legislative districts, he said.
Bishop Patrick Wooden, a speaker at pro-HB2 rallies in Raleigh and leader of the Upper Room
Church of God in Christ in Raleigh, also likes the idea of a referendum, but for a different reason.
8
Summer 2016
The Bathroom Issue—continued
“It would only strengthen HB2,” Wooden said. “Regardless of how it’s covered, a majority of
North Carolinians agree with HB2, from what I understand. And it shows that this is not some
rogue piece of legislation that doesn’t reflect the thinking of everyday North Carolinians.”
Wooden was an outspoken supporter of the state’s last referendum on a social issue – the
spring 2012 vote to add to the constitution the definition of marriage as a union between one
man and one woman. The same-sex marriage ban cruised to a 20-point win. A federal court
ruled it unconstitutional about two years later.
Thomas Mills, a Democratic consultant and congressional candidate in the 8th District, said
trying to turn a controversial law into a constitutional amendment is bad policy and a dangerous political strategy.
“Making this the central issue of the 2016 elections has risks for both sides,” he said.
“Democrats should be talking about Trump and Republicans should be talking about the economy in North Carolina.”
Beyond the question of whether a referendum would help Democrats or Republicans is that of
the popularity of HB2 itself. Even on that, there’s no agreement.
A Houston anti-discrimination ordinance that opponents dubbed “the bathroom bill” was
soundly defeated last year in that Texas city.
HB2 has several parts. The most talked-about section overturned a Charlotte ordinance that
would have allowed transgender people to use the public restroom of their choice. The law nullifies the ordinance, requiring transgender people to use the bathroom that corresponds to the
sex on their birth certificates. HB2 includes several other sections that limit municipal antidiscrimination ordinances, prevent municipalities from requiring contractors to pay their employees more than minimum wage, and bar the filing of employment discrimination lawsuits in
state court.
Most of the debate about the law, however, is about the bathroom part. Poll results vary. The
poll questions on HB2 are worded differently, which helps explain the results.
But all four polls show Attorney General Roy Cooper, the Democratic candidate for governor,
leading incumbent Republican Gov. Pat McCrory.
Brad Anderson of RABA Research said HB2 seems to be a drag on McCrory.
▪ An Elon University Poll taken April 10-15 summarized the Charlotte ordinance as “allowing
transgender individuals to use public facilities, such as bathrooms, that best match their gender
identity.” The poll asked whether the state should prohibit cities from passing such ordinances,
and 49 percent said it should, while 39 percent said cities should be allowed to pass such policies, and 11 percent didn’t know.
▪ A survey by Democratic pollster Public Policy Polling taken April 22-24 asked registered
voters if they “support or oppose House Bill 2” and found that 45 percent opposed it, 36 percent supported it, and 19 percent weren’t sure.
9
Summer 2016
The Bathroom Issue—continued
▪ A poll conducted on April 27 and 28 by RABA Research asking registered voters if they
“approve or disapprove of HB2 – the state’s new anti-transgender law” – found 50 percent disapproved, 35 percent approved, and 16 percent weren’t sure.
▪ A poll by the conservative Civitas Institute conducted April 23-25 found 61 percent agreed
that the Charlotte ordinance “creates a loophole that gives sexual predators access to women’s
locker rooms and bathrooms, and women and girls feel unsafe and uncomfortable being forced
to share the women’s bathroom with a biological man who may or may not identify as female.”
Twenty-nine percent in the Civitas poll agreed more with the statement that the Charlotte ordinance is “a reasonable policy for transgender people who may prefer to use the bathroom of
the opposite biological sex because they feel unsafe or uncomfortable using the bathroom of
their own biological sex.”
The language of poll questions influences responses, said Tom Jensen, pollster for PPP.
PPP asked a simple question about HB2, without defining it, to figure out what people already
knew or had seen or read in the media, he said. The level of awareness of HB2 is much higher
in the Triangle than in other parts of the state, he said.
Divergent lines of argument have already formed, with supporters calling it a “commonsense
bathroom bill” that keeps men out of women’s bathrooms, while supporters emphasize the economic damage from lost jobs, and convention and concert cancellations.
Those arguments offer a preview of the ad messages voters would hear if HB2 makes it onto a
ballot, Jensen said.
Focus Group
We are looking to highlight a different group in each issue of the PCNJ Newsletter.
Please help us by writing an article about your group and submitting it for publication.
If you are uncomfortable writing an article yourself, or if you just need some help, contact
either Pandora or Nicole and we can arrange to get you the assistance you need.
We will run a feature story on your group and highlight all of the good you do.
Come on, get on board and shjow off a little bit…..
10
Summer 2016
The Summer of Autumn City by Linda Remache
In September 2014, Autumn City played the Women's Art
and Music Performance series (WAMP) at the Pride Center
of New Jersey. Since then, the band has had incredible success and growth. Aster Pheonyx on vocals and lead guitar
and Audra Thomas on bass welcomed Amanda Kelly on
percussion. Their accomplishments include: a full length
studio album entitled “Tuesday’s Song” with a CD release
show that sold out in 24 hours; winning the People’s
Choice Band of the Year, Community Band of the Year, and
Top Female Vocals (Aster Pheonyx) awards at the Elephant
Talk Indie Music awards in 2015; a segment on Access 23
TV NY; and an article with a band photo on the cover of
Steppin’ Out magazine’s December 2015 issue. Most recently, Autumn City headlined the Main Stage at the Asbury Park Pride festival and were asked to play at the grand
opening of the Asbury Hotel. If you’ve never been to an
Autumn City show, you owe it to yourself to go and become part of the show. Autumn City is an incredible live
band, whose soulful lyrics and strong alternative rock
sound will leave you with a different experience every time
you see them. I spoke to Amanda, Aster and Audra about
what Autumn City means, what it’s like to be a musician and what fans can anticipate for the
band in the next few months.
1. Two summers ago you went from audience member to band member. What was that transition like?
Amanda: Quick, it happened really fast but I was happy it happened because I really enjoy Autumn City’s music. To become a part of it was really amazing.
2. What are your favorite songs to play?
Amanda: “Don’t Walk Wway” because my part has some really cool snare-heavy runs and
“Need to Remember” because of the way I change the bass line from flow to beat. The beginning is about pacing, then the chorus adds the half-step and kicks it up to become more groovy.
Aster: “Need to Remember.” All of our songs but especially that one.
Audra: All of them, but “Don’t Walk Away”, “Drown” and “Need to Remember”. “Need to
Remember” has such feeling behind it.
3. What was it like to headline the Main Stage at the Asbury Park Pride festival?
11
Summer 2016
The Summer of Autumn City —continued…..
Amanda: It was a whirlwind of a day for me; I started off marching with the Pride Center [of
New Jersey] in the parade. Because of the weather all the set times got pushed up so I ran back
to the festival grounds to make it back in time for the set. It was so much fun, I really enjoyed
it and it was kind of surreal because I’ve attended the festival so many times and then I got to
be on the other end of it.
Aster: Pretty %$#@ awesome!! It’s amazing to be a part of something like that and kind of indescribable. It was equally as amazing as the CD release party but in a different way.
Audra: Amazing, and definitely indescribable to be part of something that big and important.
4. If you could tour with any musician or group who would you choose?
Amanda: I would choose a band called This Day and Age even though they are no longer together. They are very talented and bring lots of layers of musicality. I could learn a lot from
them on how they develop their sound. They were really amazing and I never got to see them
live.
Aster: I think it would be so beneficial to go on tour with someone you look up to, who has influenced you. I’d have to choose Tedeschi Trucks, and sit-ins with Amy Helm and Warren
Haynes. They have a really tight-knit community and it would be incredible to collaborate and
play and learn from them.
Audra: Indigo Girls, Patti Smith and Ani DiFranco. Not just because I love and admire them all
but I think Autumn City’s music would fit their style.
5. What is in store for fans in your next album?
Amanda: It has a similar Autumn City intensity to Tuesday’s Song but it’s going to be more
about growth and progression. A lot of our first album was the end of a chapter and with this
new one the possibilities are now endless.
Aster: With Tuesday’s Song we all had VIP passes to hell, with this one we’ve overcome those
issues and it reflects the strength and feeling behind the songwriting and deep soul connections
between the three of us.
Audra: More feels and more chemistry between us.
6. Where do you envision Autumn City five years from now?
Amanda: Touring, giving back, making music.
Aster: Touring, writing, playing bigger music festivals and giving back to the community. We
recently played three shows in 23 hours, Elephants for Autism, Relay for Life and the Jersey
Shore music festival. I think we might have to try and top that one day and do more than 3
shows.
12
Summer 2016
The Summer of Autumn City —continued…..
Audra: Touring, giving back. Elephants for Autism is a cause that we believe in, and being one
of the first bands to play the new Asbury Hotel was pretty kick ass. Just playing and doing
what we love.
7. Looking back on how far you’ve come, what advice would you give yourself when you
were just starting out?
Amanda: Don’t be afraid, play louder. Not just for me but for everyone out there, you can do
anything if you put your mind to it. I never expected to be in a band, I never said to myself,
“Hey, I want to be in a band” but I’m really grateful for all the experiences I’ve had while
playing in Autumn City. Don’t sell yourself short, anything can happen.
Aster: Communication, and how important it is to getting closer. We’re at the point now where
we don’t have to say anything, we just look at each other.
Audra: Be open to change, keep growing. Never stray and always give back.
8. What are some of your most memorable fan moments?
Amanda: We’re on social media and Facebook. I like talking to fans after shows. Just come up
and talk to me even if it isn’t about music. For me, to hear fans say they hear more than the
three sounds I hear come out of the cajon is great. People have come up to me and said they
13
Summer 2016
The Summer of Autumn City —continued…..
Aster: At the Twilight series in Keyport and during the CD release party at the Saint in Asbury
Park, Aud went out into the audience and Nicole played part of the bass line. Also at the CD
release party in the middle of “Indigo” I stopped singing because of how loud the audience was
singing along. It’s also pretty incredible to have fans come up and ask if they can cover our
songs. We know that people take time out of their day and spend their hard earned money to
buy tickets to shows and we are so thankful for that.
Audra: Facebook is great to interact with fans, but when we get to meet and become friends
with fans at shows that feels good. We really care about all our fans and friends who come out
to see us. It’s also great to hear people say that we inspired them to start playing. For us that’s
the goal, to reach people through our music and the feeling they get when they hear us play
and inspire them. Fans are our friends, I know a lot of their favorite songs. We really appreciate the support of our fans.
In addition to their upcoming shows, stay tuned for Autumn City’s second album, title and release date are TBA. The band is recording everything all on their own, and are in the process
of making a music video for their song “Need to Remember.”
Check out Autumn City on Facebook, subscribe to their Youtube channel, sign up for notifications on Bandsintown, and follow on Twitter @AutumnCityMusic.
Upcoming Dates:
July 18 - Feature on QueerSpeak Podcast
July 30- Espresso Joe’s Keyport, NJ
TBA- Wonder Bar, Asbury Park, NJ
October 1- WAMP at the Pride Center of NJ, Highland Park, NJ
14
Summer 2016
Women’s Speed Dating at the Center
March 7, 2016
Pandora Scooter
Over the years that I’ve been facilitating the Women’s Coming Out Support Group, I’ve been
asked time and time again to host a women’s speed dating event. So, finally, in March of this
past year, I did it.
It was very challenging to put together
since this speed dating event was for
women interested in meeting other
women (vs. tops meeting bottoms or
butches meeting femmes). Since there
were no “type” match ups, every woman
at the event had to have the chance to
meet every other woman there. This became a practical and mathematical challenge the likes of which I haven’t faced
since doing algebraic word problems in
10th grade! But with the help of my
mother (a math whiz) and a lot of planning, I was able to figure it out.
In all, 19 women showed up to the event
and it took approximately two and a half
hours to have every woman meet every
other woman. Friendships were formed,
a few romantic relationships were
sparked and, in all, everyone said they
had a great time. I’m looking forward
to doing this again in the Fall/early Winter. If you’re interested, keep on the
look out for announcements in the Fall.
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Summer 2016
Global Issues: The Struggle for Gay Rights in Ukraine
On the streets of Kiev, Ukraine,
on June 12, approximately 1,500
people walked
through the city center, across an
area of about 10 blocks. Not a
great distance, but a
triumphant one: this was KyivPride. Last year, Kiev's pride
parade was marred by violence
when marchers were attacked by
members of far-right groups, wielding stones and smoke
bombs. The event was broken up almost immediately, and several people were injured,
according to a June 6, 2015 article on kyivpost.com.
This year, although similar brutality was threatened, no one was injured, making
this Kiev's first major pride parade to conclude without violent incident. The police sealed
off those ten blocks and searched anyone seeking to enter. Photos of the event show a wall
of helmeted officers in blue lining the parade street, alert to any threat. There were more
police officers than marchers: about 5,500, and their presence was warranted. The New
York Times reported that 57 people were detained, according to Ukrainian police chief
Khatiya Dekanoizdze. The event was brief, less than an hour, and attendees were urged to
disperse quickly, to avoid being attacked once the police withdrew.
New Jersey's largest Pride parade, which celebrated its 25th year in Asbury Park
on June 5, was not solely a parade, but a festival scheduled from noon to 7pm, with
lingering presumably encouraged afterward. Each year, 20,000 to 30,000 attendees are
expected at the peaceful event. Musicians sing, more than 150 vendors set up their stalls,
and a wide range of foods scent the air. There are activities for adults and children. In
contrast, the Kiev parade appears small and embattled, but it is no less brave for all that.
It is defiant. The community keeps organizing and attending these events in the face of
hatred, fear, and ignorance.
In 2012, Ukraine's first pride parade was planned to take place in the capital, but
it was cancelled due to threats, and Kiev had to wait another year before it could have its
first parade in 2013. On that day, 13 people were arrested for trying to break up the small
parade, according to a May 25, 2013 bbc.com article. In March of this year, in the city of
Lviv, in western Ukraine, an LGBT equality festival was encircled by far-right protesters
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Summer 2016
Global Issues: The Struggle for Gay Rights in Ukraine—continued
throwing stones and chanting threats.
On Nov 12, 2015, the
Ukrainian parliament
passed a bill that brought
workplace
protection to LGBT
Ukrainians. Ty Cobb, director of Human Rights Campaign Global,
said of the bill, "This is an
important step forward for
LGBT Ukrainians, and the
nation’s
leaders have affirmed that its LGBT citizens deserve the right to work without
discrimination, harassment, or abuse," according to hrc.org. It's important to note that
this victory had a shadow: the bill was rejected the first time it was read in parliament,
mere weeks before. The passing of the legislation was a requirement set by the European
Union that had to be met before it would grant Ukraine a visa-free travel agreement.
There is no legal recognition for same-sex relationships in Ukraine. Homophobic
views are rampant, and far-right homophobes are vocal. Since 2014's Euromaidan
Revolution, in which pro-Russian President Viktor Yanukovych was ousted following
protests and conflicts, LGBT activists have been hoping for the situation to improve.
Euromaidan espoused the values of the European Union. Same-sex marriage or same-sex
civil partnerships are legal in a growing number of EU member states, and the EU
instructs its diplomats to actively defend the human rights of LGBT people.
Judith Gough, Britain's ambassador to Ukraine, who is openly lesbian, was
present at the June 12 March in Kiev. "A few steps forward (literally!) for #Kyivpride. A
big leap forward for equality in Ukraine," she said on twitter.
"Kiev is not Sodom," is a favorite chant of the anti-gay protesters, according to the
BBC.
They're right. Kiev is free. Kiev is strong. Marching.
On the same day that Ukraine's parade won a victory when it concluded without
bloodshed, a gunman in Orlando killed 49 people in Pulse nightclub. Around the world,
Pride parades continue. They grow and flourish. We know that the battle isn't over, but in
Ukraine as in the United States, we march on.
written by Erin Cooper
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Summer 2016
Interviews
An interview with Tara C, Volunteer Host
By Gene Talbot
Tara has been an important volunteer at the Center ever since she started in the spring of 2015,
jumping right into Pride season with us. Besides her weekly shift, she is also a part of the Programming Committee and regularly covers for other Hosts - and she’s still looking for more
ways to help out! Tara is a talented person with an education in music, who plays piano and
teaches voice lessons. Sometimes you can see her creative doodles on the giant wall calendar
we have in the lobby. Read on to hear more about why we’re lucky to have her:
What’s been the best part of your volunteering experience at the Center?
“The most fulfilling experience has been meeting like-minded people in the community and
making some great friends. It's also a nice feeling when you can really help someone when
they call or email asking for resources.”
What words of advice would you give to current volunteers?
“I would say just do your best to help people and be friendly, and don't be afraid to ask if you
need help. Also help keep the Center clean by using the shiny new vacuum!”
What would you say to encourage someone who’s hesitant to volunteer?
“I was one of those people afraid to start volunteering at the Center, and it ended up being one
of the best experiences of my life so far. Sometimes you have to just jump in, so go for it!”
Tara went on to say that “Gene is the coolest Volunteer Coordinator ever,” so we can guarantee
that she is one of the nicest people you’ll encounter when you visit!
Interested in joining the volunteer team? Contact Gene at [email protected] to hear
about our various volunteering opportunities!
—————————————————————————————————————Interview with Kenneth W. Brotz
Kenneth Brotz has been volunteering at the Pride Center
for several years now. He leads our very own Karaoke
Party on the first Friday of every month, starting at
8:30pm - you can even hear him sing a few tunes if you
stop by! Sometimes he can also be found attending our
Men’s Living Out group.
What’s been the best part of your experience leading a
group at the Center? “Being a good host and the people who come to karaoke night,” Kenneth replies.
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Summer 2016
Interviews—Continued
How is the Karaoke Party an important part of the PCNJ community? “It is a great outlet for people who
love to sing and be good clappers as well,” says Kenneth. [The term “clappers” refers to those people who
come to Karaoke Party not to sing, but to cheer on their peers. An audience makes the whole thing more fun!]
What would you say to encourage someone who’s hesitant to be a Group Facilitator? “Go for it,” says Kenneth. “It is only once a month and the experience is worthwhile.”
What would you say to encourage someone who's hesitant to stop by Karaoke? “Do not be shy...If you do not
want to sing, be a part of the audience as a good clapper,” advises Kenneth.
=
=
Things the Pride Center Needs
Post-it notes
Garbage bags (tall kitchen/small kitchen)
Recycling bins (blue bins)
Windex/Cleaner
Computers/Office Equipment (from 2012 or more recent)
Paper Towels
Toilet Paper
Soap (pump dispenser)
Please let us know that you can donate any of the above by sending an email to [email protected]
We’re a non-profit 501(c)3 organization, which means that your in-kind donations are tax-deductible.
19
Summer 2016
TrueSelves’ support group caters to NJ’s increasingly visible
transgender community
With a flick of switch, a dark room is illuminated.
Slowly, a group of men and women trickle into the basement office in Highland Park. One by one they fill up
empty chairs, placed next to one another in a circle.
The chatter begins.
“What is normal anyway,” one member asks.
“‘Normal’ is a setting on a dryer,” another replies.
“Is there difference between someone who doesn’t
want to get it cut off but still enjoys stuff that
women enjoy,” a man asks.
“It’s a difference between pre-op and post-op,” the
moderator answers.
The group has questions about gender identity, therapy, and acceptance to name a few topics. Participants share their struggles with anxiety, physical
appearance and fitting in. They seek recommendations for good
electrolysis technicians and plastic surgeons.
But they aren’t looking for your approval. Instead,
this group is challenging the norm, refusing to conform and daring to live a life of authenticity.
“Gender is between your ears; sex is between your legs,” the moderator with wavy strawberry blonde hair
says, motioning with her hands.
She’s wearing a plum-colored tank top, cropped white shorts and bowed ballet flats paired with an ankle
bracelet.
“Or gender is who you go to bed as; sex is who you go to bed with,” she continues.
The TrueSelves group is among a few of its kind. It is one of only a handful of New Jersey-based support
groups – not to be confused with social groups – for individuals who identify as transgender, according to
group moderator Nicole Brownstein.
“There is a difference between going to a place to help identify who you are and understand yourself better,
and a place you go to party or get dressed up just for the sake of getting dressed up,” Nicole, a trans woman,
explained.
“Yes, cross dressing is a part of transgender and most transsexuals begin as cross dressers, but they evolve.
They realize it isn’t wearing the clothes – it’s about being the person and coming out and living as who you
really are,” she said.
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Summer 2016
TrueSelves’ support group caters to NJ’s increasingly visible
transgender community—continued
Finding freedom
On this particular Monday, around 20 people are in attendance at the meeting, held every third Sunday and
first Monday of the month. Nicole, also referred to as Niki by members, opens the floor up for discussion. No
topic is off limits.
“I wasn’t ready to come here for a while because I was kind of in between,” Jill, a transgender woman
conservatively dressed in light gray business slacks and a pink blouse says. Her dark chocolate brown hair is
perfectly parted on the side and soft loose curls frame her face.
“At home, whenever I had a chance I would get dressed up and just be scared that anyone would drop in,” she
says, crossing her right leg over her left. Her black, strapped high heels peer out from beneath her slacks. She
places her freshly-manicured hands –bright, red nail polish – upon her thighs.
“I had it perfectly down,” she continues. “It would take me 30 seconds to get out of everything… that went on
for years and years and after a while, I would start slipping a little bit and people started finding out. But I was
at the point where I just couldn’t bear going back and forth; I had to say something at some point.”
The reveal, Jill says, finally freed her.
TrueSelves is part of The Pride Center of New
Jersey – a nonprofit serving the state’s LGBTQ
community – made up of members who attend
regularly and newcomers trying to find out if the
group is right for them.
Nicole says the number of people who come to the
meetings has steadily grown. And, whereas she
used to receive inquiries about the group from one
or two people a month when she took over last
November, today, she’s seeing four times that
amount.
“The transgender community is starting to get a little braver,” she explains. “They are looking for some help and ways to come out and get accepted.”
Nicole’s membership roster of such individuals living in central New Jersey alone has reached close to 100.
“These are bright, intelligent, articulate men and women, few who are still trying to figure out where they fit
and that’s why they are here,” she stresses.
Accurate data on how many transgender people are living in the U.S. is hard to come by.
Frequently used data from The Williams Institute, a national think tank at UCLA Law, says nearly 700,000
transgender individuals are currently living in the country.
But Nicole isn't convinced. She believes the true number is at least two to three times higher “because of all
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Summer 2016
TrueSelves’ support group caters to NJ’s increasingly visible
transgender community—continued
the transgender people who are still in the closet and who don’t step out their front door.”
New Jersey is “very well populated with transgender people,” Nicole says. The state has taken numerous
strides in recognizing the transgender community over the years and has passed several landmark pieces of
legislations including the 2006 transgender anti-discrimination law, the transgender anti-hate crimes law
passed in 2008 and also the transgender inclusive anti-bullying law which followed two years later in 2010.
Other victories for New Jersey’s community include a 2009 Motor Vehicle Commission policy that allows the
gender noted on state driver licenses to reflect a driver’s gender identity or expression – without requiring sex
change surgery to do so, according to Garden State Equality, a statewide advocacy and education organization
for the LGBTQ community.
Acquiring official identification with a transgender person’s “new” name and gender is often time-consuming
and difficult, Nicole explained, underscoring how important having such identification is when it comes to
inclusion.
Nicole, 69, transitioned three years ago, starting with hormone therapy. She began living as a woman full-time
two years ago and considered her transition “complete” in the past few months, when she received all of her
new legal documents, including a new birth certificate with the correct gender marker.
“I got my birth certificate from New York City and all of a sudden I felt like I was reborn; it was truly a wonderful experience,” she said.
Her story resonates with many in the community.
A place of understanding
Nicole’s feeling that she was different came at an early age – probably within the first two years of life, she
said. “I knew that something was wrong, that something was not right,” she explained.
The now “full-time retired lady” kept her struggles private – every day meant pretending, acting, denying a
part of herself. During her time living as a man, personal fulfillment came in other forms. She worked for IBM
for 43 years –starting her career there as an engineer and ending her time at the company as a global manager.
She was married for many years and raised two children.
She’s traveled the world – not once but seven times. Most recently, she cruised through the Scandinavian
countries and visited Saint Petersburg in Russia.
But, of the many milestones she’s successfully navigated, Nicole says transitioning is one of her biggest
accomplishments.
The art of dating, however, is one piece of that puzzle that she is still trying to figure out.
“Dating is a tricky thing,” she admits.
It’s not as easy or straight forward as if a person was cisgender, Nicole explained.
22
Summer 2016
TrueSelves’ support group caters to NJ’s increasingly visible
transgender community—continued
“Do you tell him now and watch him run away or do you wait until he has gotten to know you and then tell
him and have him angry at you for not telling him in the first place,” she asked.
“I don’t know what the answer is to that,” she confesses. “I’ve tried it every which way and I still have not
come up with a good answer.”
While trying to navigate all the in-betweens of transitioning that are often not publicly discussed, Nicole
yearned for others who understood.
And so a friend brought her to TrueSelves. She attended the meetings sporadically the first year, eventually
began attending regularly, and then took over as the group facilitator last November.
“It’s amazing what a wonderful feeling you get when you are able to help someone and give something back,”
Nicole says.
She runs the group with the same generosity and kindness she received from a few women who lent such sisterly support to her when she began her own journey.
“They took my by the hand and led me saying, ‘This is how you do it and this is who you see,’ ‘You don’t
want to do this because that’s a road bump,’” she explained.
Thanks to them, her transition went smoothly and Nicole was able to get everything completed, including gender reassignment surgery, in a relatively short amount of time.
“I’m a done deal,” Nicole said with a chuckle and twinkle in her eye. “I have accomplished everything I ever
set out to do.”
“Now it’s my turn to help the next generation who are finding themselves and expressing themselves as their
true selves.”
The group aims to bring in six to eight professionals yearly to talk to members. Guest speakers this year have
included a licensed social worker who discussed therapy while transitioning, and also a TSA representative
who explained to the group what to expect when going through security checks at airports.
Getting through airport security when one’s government-issued ID and physical appearance don’t match is a
big concern for trans people, Nicole explained.
In the coming months, the group will welcome one of the state’s leading endocrinologists and a renowned
plastic surgeon.
“This year is a banner year for the transgender community,” Nicole says. “More and more people are coming
out and being identified, more people are standing up and saying, ‘Hey me too,’ more people are saying, ‘I
need help,’ and it’s starting to get recognized.”
Article and picture published with permission of Kamana Shrestha, Feature Writer- FiOS1 News
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Summer 2016
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Summer 2016
Pictured: TrueSelves with Dr. John Taylor
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Summer 2016
TrueSelves Support Group
Dedicated to the support of members of the Transgender community.
Meeting on the first Monday at 7:30PM and the third Sunday at 4PM of
each month.
85 Raritan Ave Suite 100 Highland Park, NJ 08904
732 846-2232
Facilitators—Nicole Brownstein & Kimberly Ann LaGregor
Pictured: TrueSelves with Dr. John Taylor
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Summer 2016
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Picture Page
Orlando Vigil—Highland Park—6/14/16
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