How to Tell a DoGooder Friend You Can`t Donate. Again.

2/26/2016
How to Tell a Do­Gooder Friend You Can’t Donate. Again. | Money.com
F A MIL Y F IN A N C E C H A R IT Y
How to Tell a Do­Gooder Friend You
Can’t Donate. Again.
Antonia Massa @antoniabmassa
June 17, 2014
Have a pal who's soliciting for a pet cause every other week? Use these
conversational cues to decline without coming off as callous.
Got a friend who fiercely invests time
and energy in a charitable cause—and
always hits you up for donations to
it? Supporting an organization your
pal cares about feels good at first,
but you may not have enough funds
or passion for this particular charity
to keep shelling out for gifts.
Your friend may not realize that
repeatedly soliciting contributions
from you is making you
uncomfortable. “What’s blinding
your friend? Probably their
enthusiasm,” says Maggie Baker, a
financial psychologist and author of
Crazy About Money. Of course, the
fact that your friend’s request is
heartfelt makes it all the harder to
say no to him or her.
Here’s how to gracefully put an end
to your donations without losing a
friendship.
YOU SAY: “I am so impressed
by all the volunteer work
you’ve been doing. I admire
your commitment.”
Open the conversation by applauding
your friend’s dedication to the cause,
says Baker. If you’ve made your
friend understand how supportive
you are before you decline a request
for money, your decision won’t seem
like a personal rejection.
YOU SAY: “I’ve run through my
budget for charitable donations
this year, so unfortunately I
can’t make this a priority right
now.”
You don’t have to tell your friend all
the nitty gritty details of your
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How to Tell a Do­Gooder Friend You Can’t Donate. Again. | Money.com
finances—or even that you don’t
agree with the philosophy of the non­
profit or political candidate that he
or she is backing. Explaining that
you’ve exhausted your giving budget
this year will reinforce that your “no”
is not personal and help you avoid
any unpleasant locking of horns
about your divergent opinions.
Another diplomatic response: “It’s
great you’re doing that, but I’m very
careful about how I budget for
charity,” suggests financial therapist
and money coach Amanda
Clayman.This allows you convey to
your friend that you have other
priorities when it comes to charitable
giving.
What if you don’t have a budget for
your charitable spending? This is a
good time to create one. “It’s helpful
to have a budget,” says Neal Frankle,
a financial planner and author of
Why Smart People Lose a Fortune.
“When that budget is up, it’s up.”
Discover great TV
shows & movies.
Related: How do I set a budget I can
stick to?
YOU SAY: “I hope you
understand where I’m coming
from. For now I won’t be able
to contribute any more to this
cause, but thanks for thinking
of me.”
Be polite but firm. Avoid over­
apologizing for having different
financial priorities. “Don’t try to
manage other people’s feelings,” says
Frankle. “If you approach someone
with honesty and compassion,
hopefully they’ll reciprocate.”
Though this might seem like an
uncomfortable conversation,
financial psychologist Brad Klontz
says it will likely benefit both parties.
“Being really honest with your friend
is a test of the strength of the
relationship,” says Klontz. “The
person may be mortified that to find
out he’s making you uncomfortable.”
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