1004 - University of Surrey Students` Union

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01/03/01
Issue no: 1004
Competitions
p8
Life after the
Womb
p17
Comic
Relief
Barearts
p18
p7-14
They think it’s all
over - it is now!
By Tom Sugarman
Elections Corespondant
The climax of months of toil, frus tration and sleepless nights came
to a climax last Friday evening
when the results of the Sabbatical
elections were announced. An
hour later than scheduled, the
results were in! The candidates
and their supporters, assembled in
Harris bar, were told to move down
to the union dancefloor to receive
their fate. The night’s first successfully elected candidate was Lisa
Widdows who will be next year’s
Vice-President for Education &
Welfare. Although Lisa was the
only candidate in the contest she
easily saw off the challenge of
RON (Re-open the nominations)
by taking a mammoth 90% of the
vote. After her victory Lisa told
Barefacts that she wanted to thank
all her supporters and that she was
relieved to have avoided the humiliation of the nominations being reopened. When asked if she had
any advice for future candidates
she replied, ‘Chubba Chups are
the way to go for a successful
campaign!’
VP Finance & Development was
the first contested result of the
night. The first ‘candidate’ to be
eliminated was RON on 156 votes.
The next eliminated candidate was
Mark Limbrick. Those who voted
first for Mark acted as ‘king maker’
since the elections are run on a
transferable vote basis i.e. the
candidate voted for after Mark
received that vote which meant
that John Geeson was victorious
on 449 votes, 62 votes of which
were transferred form Mark. On his
success John wished to thank his
friends for all the help they’d given
him especially for organising his
campaign. Defeated sabbatical
wannabe Mark Limbrick said he
thought he’d done better than
expected, admitted he was disappointed with his hustings performance but was going to enjoy himself regardless.
VP Sports & Comms
The order the results were
announced followed that of
Hustings so the next result
received was VP Sports. Denise
Goodwin won at the third stage
after RON’s and Simon Chappel’s
votes had been transferred. Before
the result was known Denise was
relaxed stating that ‘whatever will
be will be’ and that she was very
tired with the effects of campaigning all week, a dissertation and a
physiotherapy session all catching
up on her. Obviously jubilant in victory Denise was quick to credit others and paid special tribute to
friend Hannah who she said she
couldn’t have won without. The
ecstasy of success is always in
contrast to the dejection of the
defeated candidates and this
occasion was no exception.
Unsuccessful candidate Dave
‘Beaker’ Civil was gracious in
defeat and said, ‘I’m disappointed
to have lost in one of the closest
races for a while but I wish Denise
all the best for next year.’
Tristan O’Dwyer emerged victorious from the contest for VP
Communications and Marketing.
His
statement
before
the
announcement was made that he
was ‘quietly confident’ was clearly
prophetic. He also mentioned that
it was the most tiring week of his
life and that, in his own words, he
was ‘getting mashed tonight’,
(Friday). Fair play to both losing
candidates who were prepared to
give quotes both before and after
the result. Luke Hickey said he
enjoyed the week campaigning; he
was only expecting to come third
so had done better than he
expected, although was particularly shocked that one women admitted to voting for him because he
was the best looking candidate.
(Would that lady please contact
Union reception for details of the
nearest optician – ed). When
asked about his future Lovebite
said he’d wait and see what happened, but thought he would end
up travelling. Andrew Thomas
noted that all the candidates got on
well but wanted to mention that to
inject some fun into the tedium of
the election he bought with him an
inflatable alien whilst campaigning!
Andrew certainly won’t be dwelling
on defeat though as he has ambitions to create a new indie centred
music magazine – he adds that
anyone interested is welcome to
write on it!
Da Cul Cha!
The Societies and Culture VP
position was won by the most
resounding margin of all the sabbatical positions. James Buller triumphed with an almighty 627
votes out all the 1142 votes cast.
James with his distinctive ‘JPB’
campaign, imitating the construc tion company motif was understandably ecstatic and had a
whole list of numbers to phone to
spread his good news. Most candidates said they had amicable relations with their competitors but
James made one stark illustration
of this - when he was fixing a ban-
ner fellow Societies and Culture
candidate Phil Hatwin helped him
put the banner back up.
The President
The final result to be read out was
the most important job of all - the
President! This was the biggest
turnout of any of the Sabbatical
elections but Adam Jakeway stole
a resounding victory with 676
votes with nearest challenger
Logan Hillier on 507. Adam
declared that the contest had been
interesting, had been worth every
minute but also that it had been
the 3 most stressful weeks of his
life and that he had virtually no
sleep during those 3 weeks. Logan
noted during his campaign that
‘Bangra’ music was popular and
that the was a popular desire to
bring music nights in the Helen
Rose Bar into the main Union in
particular ‘Innocence’ night featuring R’n’B and Hip-Hop.
continued on page 3
From left to right: (back row) James, Denise, Adam, Lisa, (front row) John & Tristan.
[email protected]
News 1-3 n
Features 5-6, n
Barearts 7-14
n
Lifestyle 16 n
Sport 18-20
2
News
Editorial
Editorial Team
Editor
Kevin Marston
Deputy Editor
Luke Hickey
Production Editor
Andy Thomas
Hi all,
It’s only a very short editorial this time as I don’t have
that much time to write it. So lets make a start.... congratualtions to Tristan O’Dwyer who is the new
Communications & Marketing Officer for next year
and I hope you enjoy the late nights.
This week’s edition sees the introduction of a new
symbol to the paper. So if you see the following symbol located on any of the articles in the paper please
be advised that this article may conatin material that
could be of offensive nature to the reader.
01/03/01
please come and see me or send us an email.
‘phased’ will be hitting the streets again in May and
so barefacts are looking for feature writers for this
task. So if you want to write a feature, do an interview,
write a story, review a gig/theatre/book or anything
please let us know. If you want to contribute in any
way but are not sure what to write then contact me or
David Abbott (features ed) as we both have ideas.
hmmm, it’s not particularly a short one is it....oh
well
kev
News Team
Mike Rolfe
James Buller
Political Editor
Reuben Thompson
Features Editor
David Abbott
Music Editor
Owen Hazelby
Film Editors
The introduction of this symbol into barefacts was
suggested by the Ethical adn Environmental
Committee of the Union as they had received a few
comments about the material in bf over the last year.
On another note I would like to thank all the people
who have responded to the barefacts advert for writers and if anyone else would like to write for the paper
Libby Hurt
Sports Editor
Dave Chapman
Marketing Team
Ali Danby
Ellen van Keulen
Contributors
Tom Sugarman
Simon Robinson
Anna Wheeler
GU2
All the Sports people
barefacts
Union House, University Of Surrey
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Tel: 01483 879275
Fax: 01483 534749
email: [email protected]
Deadline for Publication
Monday 12pm
Submissions
preferably on disk / email in Word 6.0 Format,
Text in Arial, size 9 font
barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper, published by the University of Surrey Students' Union Communications Office.
The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors, and do not necessarily
represent the views of the Editor, the Editorial Board, the University of Surrey Students' Union
or the University of Surrey.
This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission
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© USSU Communications Office 2001
...News In Brief...News In Brief...News
Surrey Braced Against Food & Mouth
A 5-mile zone around a Guildford abattoir has been
set up in response to the Foot and Mouth disease crisis currently sweeping the country.
Chitty's slaughterhouse in Slyfield housed a bull that
may have been infected with the airborne cattle virus.
Blood tests on the animal have proved inconclusive.
Concerns were raised when it emerged that infected
pigs might have been transported through Surrey last
week.
As a further precautionary measure, three Surrey
farms, which supplied the Essex abattoir where the
disease was first identified, have had 21-day livestock
movement restrictions placed upon them. A Council
spokesperson said however "we are still one level
below declaring an 'infected area'".
While harmless to humans, Foot and Mouth is dev astating to herds of certain animals. Angus Stovold, a
farmer in Shakleford said, "If we do get it, it would be
a disaster."
At the time of going to print (Tuesday), there were 19
confirmed outbreaks of the highly contagious Foot and
Mouth disease. The latest was in Anglesey showing
that the condition is spreading around the country.
So far Surrey has not been hit and the Council has
taken measures to reduce the risks of the county
being so. Guided country walks have been cancelled.
Many attractions and nature reserves have also been
closed until further notice. The Ministry of Agriculture,
Fisheries and Food (MAFF) is urging the public, to
avoid walking or riding in the countryside, especially
near any farmland. Dogs being walked in rural areas
are expected to be kept on leads
The Council's Youth Service centre in Dorking has
been temporarily closed, forcing the postponement a
large Scout convention and "cyclocross". Surrey's 160
Duke of Edinburgh's Award centres have also put off
all outdoor expeditions. Youth Manager, Martin
Cusselle, said: "Many areas that are traditionally visited by young people on expeditions will be cordoned
off. If the crisis continues it is likely to have a big
impact on the award programme."
Meanwhile the Council's Trading Standards
Department is continuing to help police and MAFF officials monitor the situation across the farming industry
in Surrey. They are enforcing the nationwide ban on
livestock movement declared by MAFF.
Suspect For 32 Year Old Murder
A man is being held by police investigating the murder of a Surrey schoolboy 32 years ago.
Roy Tutill was killed in 1968 as he returned home
from school. He was sexually assaulted and his body
was discovered later in woods near Leatherhead. A
man was arrested and questioned last week about the
case as well as two attempted abductions in 1998 and 1999.
Tutill was 14 and travelling from Kingston Grammar
School to his home in Brockham. He was last seen trying to hitch a lift at the Chessington roundabout at
Hook at 3.55pm on April 23.
Surrey police have always kept the investigation
open, being optimistic of a breakthrough. Now working
with the Metropolitan Police, Det. Supt. Dave Cook,
said they were now following "very strong" new lines
of inquiry.
The detained man is aged in his 60's and was living
in the West Midlands.
Eggs, Milk & errmm...??
Pancake fever gripped the universtiy this week.
Annual Shrove Tuesday saw many students holding
pancake parties in kitchens all over campus.
On Wey 1 Emma and Hudda had an efficient production line going for their housemates. After 20 delicious servings the pair concluded they were top notch
tossers.
The day is traditionally for using up food in preparation for fasting during Lent, part of the Christian,
Easter festivities. Alex H eyed the Aftershock bottle on
the table and considered finishing it off. People commonly use Lent to abstain from some favourite consumable. Alex decided against her initial idea.
Meanwhile the Surrey Advertiser was forced to des perate appeal for more material. "Calling all pancake
lovers. Where are you?" asked an insert in last week's
paper. It painfully continued: "It appears there are only
a few official pancake races taking place in our area...
We can offer a little post publicity, so if your school is
or society is preparing to batter the ceiling call us".
01/03/01
3
News
NUS REFERENDUM
continued from page 1
All the successful candidates
attended a dinner with the Vice
Chancellor, various university VIPs
as well as, of course, the newly
elected sabbaticals in the Oak
Suite that evening. Despite the fact
that only 10% of those eligible to
vote did so’ this year’s election had
one of the biggest turnout’s in the
university’s history. The closing
event of the election campaign
came at midnight at the FNO
Beach party where the results were
read out to the masses with the
elected candidates, on stage,
embarrassingly thanking people for
their support.
Another equally important election that was counted on Friday
was the bi-annual NUS affiliation
debate. The electorate voted a
resounding ‘Yes’ to remaining part
of the NUS with 92.6% voting for
affiliation to continue. However,
clearly enthusiasm for the NUS is
not shared by Imperial College,
London who are currently not affiliated to the NUS.
Congratulations to all the successful candidates who will be
back next year but commiserations
to all the unsuccessful candidates
who put in so much effort into the
campaign.
.News In Brief continued.
Scottie commented "Give me
somewhere to live and I would not
be kipping on the tarmac."
Pauline Humphreys of Guildford
Homeless people in Guildford were
stripped of their belongings and Police said, "We have a real problem with a certain group of people
kicked out last week by authorities.
who are a frequently abusing resiHowever the vagrants have defiantly returned to their favourite site dents and passers by, dropping litter and generally behaving in an
and intend to stay.
anti social manner."
Police and Council workers
"Unfortunately because they are
descended on premises owned by
not always committing criminal
BT in Haydon Place on Tuesday
offences and they are on private
morning. The location is popular
amongst the rough sleepers as the property the police do not have
sufficient powers to deal with them.
building has outlets for hot air at
It is extremely frustrating when we
ground level. Complaints from
local residents however provoked receive numerous letters of complaint from local residents who
BT in to action.
Vans collected rubbish and furni- then accuse us of not doing anyture while the pavement was disin- thing about the problem."
BT, the Police, the Council and
fected. Personaly property of the
vagrants was taken to a nearby other agencies met this week to
consider a long-term solution to
shelter for collection. By Thursday
the issue.
however the homeless were back.
Paddy said, "They are not moving
me on from here. I'll stand my
ground. They can only arrest us".
Homeless: Moved On,
Come Back
be heard
[email protected]
4
Your Emails
01/03/01
Your Emails
To: barefacts
From: Chris Apostolou
Subject: RE: GATS
Cc:
I am writing in response to the
article written by Emma Van
Huysse regarding the General
Agreement on Trades and
Services (GATS).
The World Trade Organisation
(WTO) was established to reduce
the trade barriers that governments create to protect domestic
industry from competition. It is a
well known fact that competition
increases efficiency and the general well-being of society, in the
UK for instance gas prices have
continually fallen for the last five
years due to increased competition.
By pursuing profits this does not
mean that a company is 'against'
society, if done properly (as the
WTO intends) the competition
introduced lowers prices for
these services the poor so desperately need. When governments are allowed to favour
domestic companies, these companies know that they do not
have to bother to improve the
quality of their services as people
have no choice to buy from them.
It also untrue that these initiatives
are forced upon countries, the
WTO is a multilateral organisation and membership is voluntary,
as is whether a country signs up
to any agreement.
The organisation occasionally
To: barefacts
From: Name & address supplied
Subject: Housing
Cc :
does get involved in dispute resolution and recently ruled against
the EU which was refusing to
allow Latino countries a fair
opportunity to import banana's to
Europe. Now there are increased
jobs for third-world workers in the
industry, and cheaper banana's
for Europeans, a win-win situation. This involvement also stops
many countries from going to
war.
There is also great protection
for health and the environment, in
the WTO's 'constitution' of the
GATT article 20 it is clearly stated
that countries are allowed to take
actions to protect human, animal
or plant life or health and to conserve
exhaustible
natural
resources. Other clauses aim to
promote interests such as food
safety.
The best way to help the thirdworld escape poverty is to
encourage firms to enter countries, pushing up wages and standards. It is easy to see for
instance in China where special
economic zones for investment
were set-up around 25 years ago,
that the average wage can be
around ten times higher than in
excluded area's which are as
poor now as they were 52 years
ago when the WTO's predecessor the GATT was established.
Once again a blunder by the
accommodation office has left
hundreds of students in a troublesome situation, on a randomly
produced waiting list for on-campus accommodation. Many students at this university are doing
four-year courses and assume
that final year on-campus accommodation is guaranteed, but in
truth this is far from the case!
Only a few courses at this university are three years in duration, and most obvious being
nursing and dancing. For these
students the time of application
for next year's accommodation
has been and gone, and now they
are discovering the grim reality of
the system. Many are left on
what seems to be a randomly produced waiting list, and here is one
such story in detail:
A young lady from a small island
off the coast of France (not mentioning any names) has been
refused campus accommodation
for her third and final year. This
means that she has been left very
high on the waiting list for accommodation on campus.
She
inquired as to why she was not
guaranteed a place on campus
being an international student,
and they replied that she was not
classed as an international student, even though her family pay
To: barefacts
From: Name & address supplied
Subject: Housing
Cc:
Dear Barefacts
According to Alex Stanway
(Barefacts 15/02/01) the market
is apparently far better at allocat ing resources than any government could ever hope to be,
going on to suggest that this is
“obvious” and therefore brooks
no argument against any claim to
the contrary. Just what are the
“obscene” wastes of resources to
which Alex refers earlier in his/her
letter? For sure the Millennium
Dome (equal in cost to five years
plus of free higher education for
all by the way) and certain other
wobbly monuments to the
Reverend Blair’s ego would not
get much disagreement from me
as obvious white elephants from
the outset. That said the relinquishment of the state’s role in
the provision of resources to private organizations and charities
is another matter entirely.
Do we really wish a return to the
days of provision for the homeless being reliant upon the recipient’s acceptance of what may be
an alien religious moral code
being foisted on him/her? Must
over £4000p.a. fees for her to
attend this university. Granted
this is not the full amount payable
for a person not of British origin,
which is around £9000, but I'm
sure you will agree, it is still a considerable contribution to this university's welfare.
Surely there is a floor in the system, there should at least be
some order of merit for this decision, but alas having spoken to
many people on the fatal list there
seems to be no logical order.
This girl may now be forced to live
in nursing accommodation just
behind Gill Avenue. OK for some,
if you don't want to be treated as
student, and if you don't want to
partake in student life on campus,
stranded along way from campus,
which is especially an issue with
all the security notices we keep
seeing about never walking alone
at night. Plus, if this is what she
is forced to do, the nursing
accommodation is being refurbished during next year, causing
her to be living in a porta-kabin
while writing her dissertation! Not
something I would fancy.
After the hunt for off-site accommodation last year, many second
year students were left stranded
by this university in very awkward
situations, living miles away and
commuting in for their lectures,
therefore being denied a social
life, through not being able to
afford the long trek to the union
and probably shattered from all
that travelling. Or alternatively
being left with nowhere to live,
frantically searching up until the
last minute before term started,
even then many being left in the
lurch with nowhere!
Soon it will be the turn of the
current first years to undergo the
rigours of the system, where they
could be winners of the university-housing lottery, although most
will come out as the unfortunate
losers. Good luck to you all, we
all pity you having been there ourselves. If this is the case next
year and many people are without
on-site accommodation after
returning from their industrial
years next, there will be anarchy.
The University need to address
this situation soon. The solution
is not building one "train" of new
housing to solve the problem of
lack of on-site accommodation. If
there are too many students for
the accommodation available, it
seems that there are only two logical answers, more accommodation or less students, the choice is
yours University of Surrey! Intake
into this university is growing
every year, isn't about time something was done?
To : barefacts
From: K A Warren
Subject: HRB Express
Cc:
we also go down the road of ad
hoc educational provision, which
if present at all requires the student to adopt the political beliefs
of the provider. I for one am glad
I am not studying at Bob Jones
University or I may be the subject
of a witch hunt if this letter is printed!
The point is that the benevolence of the great and good is
rarely without a price, even where
it exists at all which leads me to a
second related point. Does anyone genuinely believe that if 40%
of the nation’s wealth were “freed
up” that some would “trickle
down” into charities and education? How much is “some” in any
case. There are enough examples of the disintegration of public
services under privatization to fill
a book let alone an e-mail. For
one I give you the railways. Nuff
said. In fact just wait until March
26th and see how long it takes for
your mail deliveries to become
shall we say, somewhat like the
railways.
Of course we are not “given”
such services for free. We pay for
them through the taxation system
that Alex Stanway finds so repellant. But that is just the point.
When I or my son receive a public service such as education it is
OURS. We have already paid for
it and we receive it without the
taint of any benefactor.
Alex is of course correct in
asserting that such rights should
not be “handed down” from above
as “entitlements” to be withdrawn
at a later date yet it is a misreading of history to think that this was
ever so of the few remnants of
public provision that still survive.
They were fought for and won by
suffragettes, unions, some politicians, and even students (once
upon a time!).
For sure government is both
centralized and slow, and yet, I
would much rather submit (for
now!) to such an arrangement
than be provided for by the anarchy of the greed merchants in the
city. No singing hymns for soup
for me thank you very much!
yours.
Barry Fentiman.
I am writing to complain about
the foul taste left in my mouth
from the lies fed to me by the staff
at the HRB express. When I have
been either low on food or working late to a coursework deadline,
getting food from the HRB has
been essential. It saves the time
of having to cook a meal and food
is available when most other
shops are closed as I'm sure you
are all aware.
When I'm working late, my
work schedule is planned bearing
in mind I can get food during the
HRB express' opening hours. Not
an outrageous assumption to
make. Far too often I have gone
there around half an hour before
it's scheduled close to find it
closed. On two more recent
Sundays, I even asked the staff in
there what time they closed. On
both occasions I was told midnight. The first time, at 1130 pm, it
was closed when I returned. The
second time, I returned at 1050
pm and was told they were not
taking any more orders. On both
occasions not only did I waste
time making these trips, I also
Please send all responses to emails to barefacts not the author.
If you would like to write a letter then please send it to [email protected]
had to waste time cooking as
well.
We all should be allowed to go
to the HRB express at our convenience. They shouldn't choose
to serve us at theirs. I worry
whether the staff are being paid
for these hours that they aren't
working, unnecessarily adding to
the debt of the union. I appreciate
that the staff continue working
after food stops being served but
surely then the times advertised
should be changed If they continually fail to achieve their commitment. Some common decency
would also not go a miss when
informing customers what time
they intend to close. This situation should be checked by the
appropriate people so will not
happen to other people depending on the HRB express.
K A Warren
01/03/01
5
Feature
Rich W Goes To The Elections
It appears that no matter where who would American's most like to the acquisition of whichever sabyou go at the moment, be it to the have around for dinner'. Now you batical position was desired - that
toilet or to another country, you might argue that, of course, you really appears to be the way it
really cannot get away from an want a man with a good personali- works. (That's not to say that the
election of one sort or another: ty to become your president (other- person who finds themselves in
we've already had the London wise we would be in the realms of that position isn't the person for the
mayoral election and the American dictatorship), but the whole pitch of job - it's just to say that they'll cerpresidential (excuse for an) elec- the campaign battles was more tainly be a beneficiary of those cirtion and now we're going to be 'Gore vs. Bush', not 'Democratic cumstances).
subjected to a General Election at vs. Republican': it always has been
I think my other worry with an
some point in Easter. Not only and it will always will be.
electoral process such as the one
these, but we also have our own
Bring this back and apply it to our we've all experienced is as a result
VP and Union President sabbatical own elections and what do you of people's starch unconcern for
elections going on at the moment get? Posters on the wall with some candidates proposed dealings if
(although by the time you'll have person's face on them, familiaris- elected to 'office'. I mentioned earread this, we'll all be far too aware ing themselves to the students they lier that I didn't like campaigners
of who's in and who's not).
hope will vote for them. Don't get forcing issues down my throat in an
In all truth, it equates to a lot of me wrong here - I'm not saying that attempt to secure my vote and it's
elections.
is necessarily the fault of the candi- this I'd like to address - it almost
Now I can only speak for myself date: they are only going about feels like a loss of autonomy and
here, but I'm a little sick of these things in a way that seems to have that I cannot feel relaxed when tryprocesses by which our supposed become the norm over the past few ing to walk from A to B. It's a feel'representative
years or so. ing that everyone has experienced
v o i c e s ' ...The essence of the whole No, I think it is in a much more familiar way b e c o m e election, was not 'who had more a fault in whenever a 'homeless' person
appointed - it
the way people asks if you have any spare change,
would be nice the better manifesto’ but go about figur- you instantly feel more self-conto turn on the more 'who had the better ing out who scious and a little uncomfortable;
news or walk personality'...
they will vote the same occurs if you come
across camfor. I'll bet that across a monk in the street when
pus without some banner-wielding, the vast majority of students who they ask you to donate money for
slogan-shouting, vote-pinching have voted over the past week whatever cause they happen to be
candidate attempting to convince haven't even come close to read- supporting. The fact is, they
me to vote for them because ing the manifestos of the candi- approach you and take away
they're better than the other per- dates. It's almost guaranteed they whether or not you have a choice
son; it would be nice to not have lit- didn't attend hustings. So how can to donate or not - they give a list of
tle bits of paper with some clever this majority of people therefore reasons why you should give
little play-on-words stuffed into my justify the votes that they have money and you are left feeling terpocket for me to find at a later date cast? They can't, after all, turn rible because you deny them your
and wonder how on earth it got around to a
change. My
there; it would be nice to not see dissenter and ...Being a familiar face or point is, you
the face of someone I've more than list reasons having a pretty girl cheering may actually
likely never met before plastered for
their
for your side probably donate at a
all over any advertising space I choice of canlater date, or
happen to set my eyes on. All d i d a t e culminating in the acquisition may already
these things would be nice, but I because they of
whichever
sabbatical have done
know they are never going to hap- probably don't position was desired...
so, but in that
pen.
know
what
case,
you
So why is this? Why do we sud- the candidate was hoping to have made your own choice and
denly have people we don't know achieve. What is more likely, I your own decision, based on your
trying, it would appear, to become believe, is that they were simply own beliefs and ethics, with regard
our friends in order to guarantee walking around campus and then to any charity/collection fund they
our vote. Well, we only need to suddenly set upon by the cam- are supporting. Somehow, by
look at the nature of an American paigners I mentioned earlier and approaching you and asking, they
Presidential campaign to see. then goaded into voting for whoev- remove the freedom of choice and
When George W. Bush and Al er happened to get hold of them instead, to a certain extent, force
Gore went head-to head, they first. Very effective from the cam- the issue. Now, applying this back
were literally fighting against each paigning point of view (for which I to an election, we have exactly the
other: the essence of the whole applaud the candidates) but some- same principle - people coming up
election, as with all American elec- what negligent on the voter's to you and pushing you to vote and
tions that have gone before, was behalf.
not letting you get on and do it
not 'who had the better manifesto
Hence we find ourselves in a whenever you want to. I underand who was going to offer a better position of being a familiar face or stand that they need to make up for
America to its civilians', but more having a pretty girl cheering for apathy (this refers back to the
'who had the better personality and your side probably culminating in 'starch unconcern') and that they
may argue that people would never
vote if they didn't create such an
explosion of awareness, but it
would be nice if someone had a
more subtle campaign - this would
mark them out somewhat and
maybe work in a reverse psychology kind of way. Perhaps if someone
campaigned behind the slogan
"Don't Vote If You Don't Want To",
they might have a surprising
amount of success.
As it is, the results will already
have been documented, discussed
and demeographed and we'll all
carry on next year not really knowing what the people we have voted
for are actually doing for us. We'll
be under a government that I imagine will have been re-elected and
we'll be moving closer to a unified
Europe quicker than you can say
"Tony Blair has got more hair than
William Hague and that's probably
the only reason he's Prime
Minister". As I mentioned before,
elections are being fought over the
battle ground that is personality
and not on the field labelled 'manifesto bulletin points'. Maybe, therefore, we can look forward to the
day that our most popular television and music celebrities move
into the field of politics and we
argue not over whether we should
become a part of Europe, legalize
drugs and allow human cloning for
scientific purposes, but instead
over having laws enforcing at least
one night out a week, discussing
the new seasons fashion on
Newsnight and having a referendum on the next series of Big
Brother being allowed to go ahead
or not.
Fundamentally, that's the problem with politics - it's just not cool
and funky.
HAIRTEC
(01483) 440414
24 Madrid Road
Reduced
prices for
Students
Tuesday’s
- Friday’s
inclusive
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Apollo
6
Millionaire
01/03/01
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
Lovebite here; another week, another millionaire, and it appears that the
features ed, one David Abbott has given me rather a large amount of
space to fill in my introduction this week, so I have two choices, either
subject you all to another photograph of me in one of my C&A poses or
just waffle for quite a few lines. I chose the latter.
This weeks sees the newly elected sabbs battle it out to win the coverted crown of general knowledge. To celebrate this I thought I would make
the quiz just that little bit harder.
So in the hot-seat this week are president-elect Adam Jakeway,
comms-elect Tristan O’Dwyer, societies-elect James Buller, finance-elect
John Geeson, sports-elect Denise Goodwin and education and welfareelect Lisa Widdows.
Don’t forget the grand ‘Weakest Link style’ final in the union, probably
Friday 16th March (week 9). And don’t forget to support Comic Relief that
day by either giving us your money or voting many times in the
Phantom’s election. Since Mr. Abbott has left me this much space to fill,
I might as well explore the virtues of voting for him. So don’t forget vote
[1] David Abbott for the gunge. If not you could always vote for Kev, I’m
sure he deserves it.
The Questions
1 (£100): What food is traditionally eaten on Shrove Tuesday?
a: Eccles Cakes b: Fairy Cakes c: Cream Cakes d: Pancakes
2 (£200): Which country hosted the 1966 football World Cup?
a: England
b: France
c: Australia
d: Germany
Denise
Goodwin
Adam
Jakeway
First up was the new
sports sabb, Denise.
She began with little
confidence, saying, “My
general knowledge is
pants. I do wish that it
was real money though,
as I’m skint.”
Despite this, she
began really well, sailing through the first five questions with consumate ease. Problems began with
question 6, where she openly professed to not have a
clue and duely asked the audience. Denise decided
that the answer to question 7 was badger before giving me a chance to read out the possible options, she
quickly changed her mind upon hearing this and
answered correctly. However, question 8 proved her
downfall, as she first took a 50:50, then decided that
the Wasps rugby player Mark Denny wrote the novel
rather than Jules Verne. Always promising from a
sports sabb.
Next was the new
president, the oneway man Jakeway,
who began by saying, “I hope this one
is easier than ther
one in Chancellors.”
Well, the first four
questions
proved
relatively easy for
the new supermo,
but he began to falter on question 5 as
his lack of knowledge on nature matters was exposed.
However, the audience were overwhelming in their
answer and he decided to follow. Questions 6 to 8
proved no obsticle but question 9 proved the downfall
as he took a 50:50 and then guessed wrong, saying b
- Paris and wasted all his hard work.
£1,000
£1,000
3 (£300): By which name was Richard I also known?
a: The Tigerheart b: The Lionheart c: The Bearheart
d: The Sharkheart
4 (£500): In which city would you find the Louvre Museum?
a: Paris
b: Washington c: Sydney
d: Vienna
5 (£1,000): Which animal’s home is called a dray?
a: Badger
b: Squirrel
c: Fox
d: Gerbil
6 (£2,000): Who recorded the album ‘Rubber Soul’?
a: Queen
b: The Beach Boys
c: Status Quo
d: The Beatles
7 (£4,000): What kind of animal is Sooty’s friend Soo?
a: Dog
b: Cat
c: Penguin
d: Panda
8 (£8,000): Who wrote the novel ‘Around the World in Eighty Days’?
a: James Spearit b: Jules Verne c: Mark Denney
d: Simon Davinson
9 (£16,000): Which city is the setting for ‘French Connection II’?
a: Marseilles
b: Paris
c: Bordeaux
d: Lyon
10 (£32,000): In which decade did Juan Carlos become King of Spain?
a: 1950’s
b: 1960’s
c: 1970’s
d: 1980’s
11 (£64,000): What colour are borage flowers?
a: Red
b: Yellow
c: Green
d: Paint
15 (£1,000,000): If it is noon at GMT, what time is it in Managua?
a: 4am
b: 5am
c: 6am
d: 7am
50:50
1: a:0% b:0% c:0% d:100%
2: a:98% b:0% c:0% d:2%
3: a:1% b:95% c:4% d:0%
4: a:85% b:3% c:4% d:8%
5: a:4% b:76% c:18% d:2%
6: a:9% b:9% c:17% d:65%
7: a:37% b:16% c:2% d:45%
8: a:26% b:32% c:24% d:18%
9: a:23% b:26% c:25% d:26%
10: a:23% b:19% c:42% d:16%
11: a:19% b:16% c:29% d:36%
12: a:27% b:16% c:31% d:26%
13: a:23% b:28% c:24% d:25%
14: a:32% b:17% c:21% d:30%
15: a:22% b:14% c:36% d:28%
1: keep a & d
2: keep a & b
3: keep b & c
4: keep a & c
5: keep b & d
6: keep c & d
7: keep c & d
8: keep b & c
9: keep a & b
10: keep b & c
11: keep c & d
12: keep a & d
13: keep a & b
14: keep a & b
15: keep b & c
Next years VP for
Education and Welfare
was third up and began
with a request, “I’m an
ex-blonde
dancer,
please be easy.” We
can only assume that
she meant she wanted
the questions to be
easy. The newly redhaired lass copied
Adam in sweeping
through the first four questions as if they weren’t even
there and then requiring the audience’s help in
answering question 5. However, Lisa’s downfall
proved to be earlier than Adam’s as she required a
50:50 on question 6, then guessed wrongly that the
Quo released Rubber Soul. Still, was right to guess as
she didn’t loose anything.
The geezer was up next
and began with his
trademark honest, “I’m
not normally good at this
quiz lark but I’ll try to
keep up the financial end
up by getting disqualified
like Luke Mac did.
Well, John was right to be worried, he got question
1 correct but began struggling as early as the second
question, taking a 50:50 and then saying England, “I
knew England won but thought it was a bit obvious
that they also hosted it.” Questions 3 and 4 were a bit
easier but John again required assistance on question
5, where the audience were required to help him
through, he followed their advice and secured the gauranteed thousand pounds. The run ended on question
6, where he thought it was Paris, took a 50:50 to make
sure and answered Paris. Unfortunately it was Paris in
French Connection I, not II.
£1,000
£1,000
13 (£250,000): When did Britain first occupy Hong Kong?
a: 1831
b: 1841
c: 1851
d: 1861
Audience
John
Geeson
d: Blue
12 (£125,000): Where was tennis player Monica Seles when she was
stabbed?
a: Madrid
b: Milan
c: Paris
d: Hamburg
14 (£500,000): Anthophobia is the fear of what?
a: Flowers
b: Insects
c: Sport
Lisa
Widdows
James
Buller
Tristan
O’Dwyer
The penultimate victim
was the new societies
and culture VP. James
is a bit of a vetran of
Millionaire, having taken
part as part of the bf
1000th issue one. He
did reasonably well
then, managing £4,000.
“I enjoyed doing it last time, and hope to do even better this,” he enthused before we began.
Well like many before him, James walked through
the first four questions barely pausing for breath but
struggled on question 5. He began by thinking the
answer was badger but then changed his mind and
decided he wasn’t sure after all. So he took a 50:50
and realised it wasn’t gerbil, so decided upon Squirrel.
Question 6 was also problematic, he thought it was
Queen but used his audience lifeline just to make sure
The audience said The Beatles so he followed their
advice. He sailed through questions 8 & 9 but decided
to take the money and run on question 9, having done
better than last time.
£8,000
Last but by no means
the least was Tris, bf’s
editor-elect. So will he
do any worse than Kev
at this lark. Almost certainly not, but we’ll see.
Tris began quietly confident, “I usually do well
in both the TV and bf
Millionaire, so I’m expecting to do well here, although
I could be digging a grave for myself.”
Tris sailed through the first four questions but question 5 again proved to be a stumbling block as he used
his first lifeline (audience) to help him. Question 6 was
easy enough for the music buff but question 7 saw him
unstuck. He took a 50:50 after knowing that Soo is
either a dog or a panda, luckily for him dog was one of
the options dropped and he correctly said Panda. After
hearing question 8 he immediately answered Palin
before realising his error and changed his answer to
Verne. His run ended on question 9 as he incorrectly
guessed Paris. “I should have known that, being
French, he concluded.
£1,000
The Answers: 1:d 2:a 3:b 4:a 5:b 6:d 7:d 8:b 9:a 10:c 11:d 12:d 13:b 14:a 15:c
Snow Patrol
This Week in barearts:
Snow Patrol & Straw Interviews,
Music Reviews,
OFU
& GU2
8
Music
01/03/01
Music News
If you haven't heard already then where
have you been, but the Brit awards were
announced on Monday night with Robbie
Williams coming away with the most awards.
The self confessed sex symbol clinched
Best British Male Solo Artist, Best British
Single for 'Rock DJ' which also won him the
Best British Video. U2 walked away with
awards for Best International Group and a
lifetime achievement award and Coldplay
won more awards to add to their collection
by winning Best British Group and Best
British album. The nights biggest surprise
was the fact that Craig David nominated in 6
categories failed to pick up any awards. The
main list of winners are as follows:
Best British Group: Coldplay
Best British Album: Coldplay-'Parachutes'
Best Pop Act: Westlife
Best British Dance Act: Fatboy Slim
Best British Female Solo Artist: Sonique
Best British Male Artist: Robbie Williams
Best Newcomer: A1
Best British Single: Robbie Williams 'Rock DJ'
Best International Male: Eminem
Best International Female: Madonna
Similarly this week the Americans
announced the award winners of their
biggest annual music awards, the
Grammy's, where U2 managed to pick up a
hat trick of awards by winning record of the
year, song of the year and best rock performance by a group for 'Beautiful Day'.
Eminem also collected three awards but
feels he was hard done by when jazz rockers Steely Dan won best pop vocal album.
However, this didn't stop Eminem to go on
and perform a duet with Elton John much to
the delight of the audience, who endured the
giving out of 100 awards.
In other non-music award news, Atomic
Kitten have managed to shrug off all competition once again to remain no.1 'Whole
Again' for the fourth week running. Over the
previous weeks they have managed to prevent singles from U2 and Wheatus from
reaching the top spot and it was the turn of
Outkast's 'Ms Jackson' to come runners up
in second spot.
Madonna has confirmed that she will be
performing a world tour during the summer
Atomic Kitten
- top cats!
and she claims that the shows will "mind
boggle the senses." Speaking to a US magazine, Madonna revealed that she is "finally
going to fucking drag my ass into a rehearsal studio" for her first world tour since 1993.
It’s...
Competition Time!
Hello again, not much space this
week, I appear to be competing for
space with some arts and film column. Last week saw just the one
internal competition, for the
posters, mug and t-shirts. They
were won by Lesley Cornfield; well
done Lesley. Smirnoff is, of course,
renowned for vodka. This week
I’ve got some Lenny Henry tickets
and a cocktail shaker to give away.
So send your entries into
[email protected] by 5pm
Monday 5th March.
Win a Cocktail
Shaker!
Win 6 FNO
Tickets!
1) Peach snaps, gilliano, vodka and
orange juice
2) Whiskey, red bull and tomato juice
3) Gin, vodka, baileys and lime
6 tickets, FNO Friday 9th March,
week 8, in the union, no queuing,
…with my reputation. Well, if you
answer in the most apt, original
and witty way they could be yours,
just tell us:
Win Lenny Henry
Tickets!
meet sensible
young ladies...
If you had one wish what would
it be?
...and sophisticated young men
There appears to be a cocktail shaker in my pigeonhole, nobody is too
sure why it’s there so we thought
we’d give it away. If you fancy it
answer this really easy question:
What spirits and mixers are contained in the cocktail ‘Sex on a
beach’?
shaken, not stirred
Over the last two decades Lenny
Henry CBE has risen from being a
cult star on children’s television
(TISWAS with Chris Tarant) to being
one of Britain’s best known and
loved personalities - who has had a
crucial influence on the creation of
black-centred comedy and characters. After his 1999 sellout tour and
staring in two acclaimed television
productions, Chef and more recently
as the headmaster of a failing school in Hope and Glory, Lenny returns
to the stage with his brand spanking new show for the people of Britain,
entitled Have You Seen This Man?
The show promises to be ‘funny, topical, naughty but nice, Lenny
aims to bring his small yet aesthetically pleasing powers of observation
to bear on sailing the Atlantic with Tony Bullimore, alcohol, guns in the
ghetto, South Africa, religion, enlightenment and much, much more’.
Lenny himself promises, “Japes, wheezes, stuff with the audience, lots
of music…the unveiling of some new characters and lots of plugs for
my wife’s tour”. The tour visits the Guildford Civicon Thursday 8th
March . For more information call the box office on (01483) 444555. But
if you fancy two tickets to see the show answer this question:
Lenny Henry is married to which famous Comedienne?
Dawn French
Dawn German
Dawn Latino
It is rumoured that she will be playing live
shows in the UK, possibly at Earls Court and
Milton Keynes Bowl.
Simon Robinson
Lovebite’s Arty Bit
Bonjour luvies, you know it’s always a busy time of year in Filmland during February, with all those award ceremonies, parties, and drinking, it
must really hard for all the celebs. Well the British Academy Film and
Television Awards (BAFTA’s to you and me) were announced Sunday
with Gladiator picking up five awards in all including best film and the
‘Orange Audience
Award’. Billy Elliot
also had a good
night taking away
best actor for fourteen-year-old
Jamie Bell, best
supporting actress
for Julie Walters
and best British
film. Bell picked up
his award with
more self-assurance and dignity
than some recent winners as he said, “To be nominated with all these
guys - Tom Hanks, Russell Crowe, Geoffrey Rush and Michael Douglas
- I was kind of thinking of not bothering coming because I thought what’s
the point?”
Next up is the 73rd Annual Academy Awards (Oscars), surprisingly Bell
isn’t even nominated for best actor but Walters is in the running for best
supporting actress and Billy Elliot itself for a couple of other awards. Not
surprisingly Gladiator is up for pretty much everything and is widely
tipped to win most of the main ones, with Crouching Tiger, Hidden
Dragonalso doing rather nicely, with 10 nominations. The awards themselves are on 25th March.
Right now to the theatre part, well March promises to be a classic month
at the Guildford Civic. First up in the man, the legend, Lenny Henryon
8th March. (See the comps for a chance to win tickets and more details
about the show). The 11 th sees Warren Mitchell bring his unique brand
of humour to the Civic, with his show ‘The Thoughts of Chairman Alf’
and more comedy on 15 th March with a night of stand-up entitled
Screaming Blue Murder. Legendry 70’s rocker Rick Wakeman then
comes down the following week on the 19th March. The day after is the
turn of The Levellers (look out for your chance to win tickets to this in
next week’s bf). March 22nd is the turn of The Solid Silver 60’s, part of a
nationwide tour featuring some of the best from the magical decade.
Music continues with Magic – A kind of Queen visiting our humble
shores on 23rd March rounding off the month. A few dates for your diaries:
May sees Jimmy Nail (5th), The Counterfeit Stones (17 th) and Bjorn Again
(28 th) visit us, but more of them nearer the time. For tickets call the box
office on (01483) 444555.
Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud plays host to Naked Justice, a play by John
Mortimer (the same bloke who wrote Rumpole of the Bailey) about the
murder case of a seventeen-year-old boy, staring Lesley Philips as barrister with a conscience. The play runs from 5th –10th March.
Finally congratulations to David Jason and his partner Gill Hinchcliffe
on the birth of their 9lb 6oz baby daughter.
Luke Hickey
Interviews
01/03/01
9
A slight case of the Chills
Snow Patrol Interview
words: Simon Robinson
“We make every album as
though it is our last ever”, says
Mark McClanland, bassist from
Irish band Snowpatrol. This is
quite a serious statement from
such a young band, but it is this
feeling that their band is terminally ill that enables them to
capture such passion and emotion in their music.
The story of Snowpatrol, consisting of Gary Lightbody
(singer/guitarist),
Mark
McClanland and Jonny Quinn
(drummer) began when Gary
and Mark met at university in
Dundee and since finding a
drummer in Jonny the band
“became a job, but not a nuisance like most jobs.” Their
first album, ‘Songs for Polar
Bears’ which came out in
September 1998 was seen as
“just a weekend thing that went
really well” says Mark. This
statement is said with so much
excitement it was difficult to
believe that this all happened
almost 3 years ago and it still
sounds like he can’t believe it.
Their new album ‘When its all
over we still have to clear up’,
is spoken about with the same
amount of enthusiasm, “we’re
completely happy about it.
Recording has been a very
long process but also very creative. We have been able to
make a complete piece of work
that we hope will stand up
there against every other
band.” And happy they should
be as their latest offering is full
of sublime and beauty to wish
away they those long winter
nights. The fact that bands are
coming back into fashion
according to Mark “can only
help.” The trouble is he claims
“everyone is looking for fads
and trends, things like nu-metal
last year”, he just hopes that
Snowpatrol don’t get forgotten.
This is unlikely, as Snowpatrol
have been put alongside current Scottish favourites like
Travis, Belle and Sebastian
and
Teenage
Fanclub.
However, they don’t care who
they are compared to or “what
pigeon hole we have been put
in. It really doesn’t effect us. It
doesn’t effect how we make music.”
“what pigeon hole we have been put in. It
really doesn’t effect us. It doesn’t effect
how we make music.”
Snow Patrol
Snowpatrol to where
“we just shut everyone else out, we don’t brought
they are now, readily poised to
rely on anyone else to get involved, It is a have their name heard by all. It
is their reason for their obsesnatural process a very natural thing.”
sion with snow that best
This is how Snowpatrol make that they are great songs.” describes Snowpatrol that,
their music by just focussing This is where living in Glasgow “everyone’s got a smile on their
solely on it, “we just shut every- helps there is a “big musical face when it snows.” And with
one else out, we don’t rely on community where everybody Snowpatrol around life’s a conanyone else to get involved, It helps each other. London stant blizzard and boy does it
is a natural process a very nat- seems too big and England make us happy.
ural thing.” It is a wonder then seems like a very long place to
how Snowpatrol come to cre- go.”
Despite their almost The new album out now...
ate such musical soundscapes claustrophobic approach to
by just writing on there own in a recording, playing live is a difstudio. But according to Mark ferent matter, “touring is one of
this is due to the “heart and my favourite things,” says
soul” that they put into it. “The Mark, “its on a par with being in
first record was by an almost the studio. It’s always what I’ve
different band. We used to wanted to do, it’s a great
push lovely songs to the side crack.”
but now we have the confiIt is this Irish charm and new
dence to play them and realise found confidence that have
Strawstack
Straw Interview
Words: Anna Wheeler
Quite right.
The band reinvented them selves
after
first
album
bf talks to three members of up 'n' 'Shoplifting'. So how did the style
coming 4 piece "pop rock outfit" change? "It got better", states
Straw: Duck (very energetic, talka- Duck simply. "It was quite beatsy,
tive keyboard genius), Andy now it's a lot simpler. We took all
(apparently a jedi knight, but also the crap out of it, kind of weeded it
a drummer in his spare time) and out, gave ourselves a bit of a
Dan (quiet bassist). They're in a musical diet! and now we're honed
very jovial mood and obviously down to playing our instruments,
can't wait to get on stage tonight that's it. There's no programmed
where they will be support to Reef stuff or sequencers or anything
at the Guildford Civic Hall.
like that at all. It's all the 'Real
Mattie (lead singer) and Duck McCoy'." Although they are still
poached Andy from another "horri- very proud of the first album, "It
ble" band, and Dan joined about a was a snapshot in musical time",
year ago. "Dan ate cake and made Duck jokes, they can't wait for the
us tea", says Duck. "It wasn't until new album 'Keepsakes' to be
the third meeting that I played released in March. The first single
bass" Dan laughs. "It's more from the album is 'Sailing Off The
important that he's a nice guy", Edge Of The World', released on
agree the others. Aaahh, bless, a February 19th. Duck says with
pop band that actually like each pride (It's the) "greatest piece of
other. Straw describe themselves music ever committed to any foran "an indie band, but we don't mat. It's going to change the
want to look like one, although we world, it is." What expectations do
are signed to Sony, the biggest the band have for the single? "Top
label in the world so it's stupid 40 definitely, I'd like top 10" says
really to call ourselves indie". Duck. Do the band care about
chart success? "Yes", says Dan,
"because it's got a great chance
of making it sell more albums".
Duck agrees "The album chart
means a lot to me. Because it
means you've succeeded and
that you get to make another
record".
The band think playing live is
"fantastic". Duck would "recom -
mend it to anyone". Andy, "We
don't get nervous. We just get up
on stage and play music. It's very,
very simple and very easy,
because we all like each other and
we all get on and we all try and go
in the same direction". Do Straw
mind being the support band?
"No" says Duck, "we quite like it
actually. It's good to mix and
match, do a bit of both". "There's
no pressure" agrees Andy, "and
you get two thousand people coming to see you every night without
even trying", finishes Duck. "It's
great." Do they get on with Reef?
"Yeah, yeah, they're really nice
guys", says Duck. "We played
them (at football) the other day
and whipped their arses. Beat
them 12-9", he says with a smile.
"Reef are excellent. I've only ever
really seen them live, but they rock
as a live band. I'd buy a 'Best Of
Reef', and live, I'd pay to go and
see them again."
The band are influenced by
"core elements" explains Andy.
"The Beatles, Simon and
Garfunkel, the Beach Boys, Steely
Dan, just good music", and this is
definitely reflected in the set they
play later on that evening. When
the band start throwing ice cubes
around the room I decide it's time
to leave. But watch out for Straw in
2001. "We'd like it to be our year",
says Andy, and it only seems fair
that it should be.
01/03/01
GU2 Profiles
11
Radio Shows
A selection of the shows on
GU2, watch out for future
issues for more profiles
for a crime they didn't commit. They were
alleged to have passed their exams. These
men promptly set about hi-jacking the University
Radio Station, as presenters on GU2.
Womble Radio
Today, still wanted by the public, they provide
Caffeine Powered Radio, C.P.R.
Mondays 9-11am
Jamie and Lovebite drag you kicking and
screaming into a new week with their own brand
of inimitable humour and the odd prank phone
call, together with today's top music and a few
classics from over the years - but best of all, the
weekly chance to win A PINT OF LAGER!
News
Mon, Weds, Fri - 5pm
The original J-Team members, Mr. Tea and
Judge Mental, present J-Team Classic. Tune in
every Thursday evening at 9 for ALL the classic
tunage as well the crazy features such as
Hammertime and The Queen's Speech. Listen.
These guys soon managed to pull together a
Dance act, a Rock and Alternative show as well
as the latest addition to the team, our very own
Chart and Pop show.
For the latest dance and garage, join DJ Deano
and The D.T. on Monday night at 9. On top of
the music, there will also be plenty of prizes to
go with the usual J-Team madness. So tune in
to J-Team Dance EVERY Monday at 9pm.
Catch up on the latest news from campus and
beyond together with weekly entertainment,
political and sporting features. Join Luke and
Ben every Monday, Wednesday and Friday - If you prefer something with a bit more of a
'rang' to it, J-Team Rock and Alternative, prelive at five.
sented by DJ Steed and The Drummer Boy, will
have you bopping. If that's your thing, tune in to
Phoneti K’s Alternative
J-Team Rock and Alternative EVERY Friday at
4pm.
Saturdays 7pm-9pm
A show not for the weak hearted as Phonetic K
brings you to the forefront of the Alternative
nation with music from nu-metal - Grunge Stoner-drum ‘n’bass - hip hop and much more
so watch out, your mind might just expand into
a new horizon.
The J-Team
In 1999 two lay-abouts were sent to University
And last, but not least, we present J-Team CP.
For the latest sounds from the charts and all the
best pop music, be near a radio at 5 on Tuesday
evenings. So all you closet cheese fans, give
Neighbours a miss and tune in to 1350am GU2
at 5pm EVERY Tuesday.
Listen to The J-Team on 1350am GU2 most
weekdays.
‘GU2 1350am’ is the brand new radio station brought to you
by USSU and UniS. It looks set to be the most exciting communications and entertainment tool to of the moment, with
two brand new fully equipped studios. GU2 is run by students for students so there’s plenty of scope to get involved
in the many aspects of radio management or presenting. If
you enjoy music and are thinking towards a career in broadcasting or media then why not join our experienced team as
a DJ, reporter, reviewer, sound engineer, producer or publicist. Full training will be provided and anyone is welcome.
12
Singles
Music Reviews
backdrop. Some cool strings build the tension and enrich the sound. Musically it’s a bit
limited; the cord sequence is the same all
the way through. ‘Paint the Silence’ is best
described as a mixture of Stone Roses and
the Charlatans, not bad. 6/10 A.R.
THE YOYO’S - Sunshine Girl
An excellent single, both lyrically and instrumentally. I had never really heard of them
before but somehow new this was going to
be good stuff from the “Slick backed rockers”. You know it’s a song with good vibes
and good spirit and essentially is good
music. 8/10 C.H.
CUSTOM – Faster Grace (Blurb)
This debut single from Custom sounds like a
British Green Day on harder drugs. Full of
attitude the current UK scene is awash with
and complete with searing guitars and
vocals ‘Faster Grace’ is a bright start. But
throughout you get this nagging feeling that
its all been heard before. 6/10 S.R.
SOUTH - Paint the Silence (Mo Wax)
This is the first full-release single from
South. Singer Joel Cadbury provides great
Ian Brown like vocals to the guitar and drum
DREAM – He Loves U Not (Arista)
This is your average pile of shit that comes
all the way from the good ol US of A, stays in
Albums
SNOW PATROL – When it’s all over we
still have to clear up (Jeepster)
Cor blimey, by the sounds of it life’s pretty
depressing. But then why should we be
happy, we’re stuck in a miserable British
winter and summer looks like it’s a long way
away. That’s where this second album from
Snow Patrol comes in handy by giving us
that perfect album to dream of those long
summer nights.
Right from the
Grandaddyesque opening track, ‘Never
gonna fall in love again’, to ‘Batten down the
hatch’ which is an autumnal melancholic
masterpiece which the Velvet Underground
would be proud of, Snow Patrol take you on
an emotional journey right to the edge of
despair and back. ‘When it’s all over we still
have to clear up’ is depressing and bleak in
content but beautiful, exquisite and sublime
in retrospect. 8/10 S.R.
TALVIN SINGH - Ha (Island)
His debut ‘Ok’ received the Mercury Music
Prize in 1999 and ‘Ha’ has made reasonable
progress for a follow up. Singh’s work is
always hugely contrasted which is refreshing to the eclectics among us. If your taste is
varied and experimental it will appeal, if it’s
solely rock don’t bother. 8/10 M.S.
MY VITRIOL - Finelines (Infectous)
‘Finelines’ is the debut album from ‘My
Vitriol’. It features the singles ‘Losing touch’,
‘Cemented Shoes’ and ‘Pieces’ amongst the
16 tracks. It is awash with dark sounds,
heavy guitars and powerful lyrics. Some of
the sounds are deeply inspiring but others
are just repetitive. Som Wardner provides
the vocals and has a great voice for the
sound they have created. It is harsh where it
needs to be but equally soft at other
moments. This is a very mixed album and
certainly has its moments. The stand out
tracks are the singles, ‘Windows and Walls’
and ‘Grounded’. It’s generally a good album
but I don’t know why they included a track
called ‘C.O.R’ as it’s just 39 seconds of
shouting. If you like Feeder and the Foo
Fighters this album is certainly worth a listen
and hey you may even like it’s dark side.
7/10 N.M.
Cohesion – VARIOUS (Collective)
What with all the atrocities occurring in
Kosovo this double CD compilation has
brought together some of Manchester’s
finest and future finest artists to raise money
and awareness for two charities MAK
(Manchester aid to Kosovo) and MAG
(Mines Advisory Group). This album contains the best that the Manchester musical
community can offer with the likes of New
Order, Ian Brown, Happy Mondays, Badly
Drawn Boy and Doves all contributing. For
a charity album this contains great music
which would be worth listening to even if a
record company was going to make money
from it. But as there not there’s no excuse
now! 7/10 S.R.
LUNA - Live (Beggars Banquet)
Luna Live is culled from three separate
shows, two from New York in 2000, one from
Washington in 1999. The band are said to
be masters at the live act so here they are
offering us what they’re best at but in fact
the band has a kind down to earth style they
don’t rock enough and don’t shout. Its all
surround by this peaceful aura and it is
down to earth. 6/10 J.F.
THIRTEEN :13 - 50 STORIES ( Polydor )
50 Stories is the second single of
Thirteen:13 ‘s forthcoming debut album
‘Deny Everything’. Last year they toured
with JJ72, which might be a useful hint to
Single of the Week
GORILLAZ – Clint Eastwood
(Parlophone)
Mixing the likes of Ibrahim Ferrer
(Buena Vista Social Club), Damon
Albarn, Miho Hatori and Jamie Hewlett
is a crazy idea, but it works a dream.
Gorillaz are one of the first ‘virtual’
bands who don’t have a fixed line-up,
but instead use different vocalists and
musicians to achieve the effect they’re
after. 9/10 O.C.
the charts for a week or two and ends up in
the reduced pile in HMV within three months.
Avoid. 3/10 J.H.
Album of the Week
LOWGOLD - Just Backward of
Square (Nude)
Having supported Coldplay on last
year’s UK tour, comparisons are
immediately
drawn.
However
Lowgold know how to rock out and
play with definitive power behind
vocals and guitars. This debut is
subdued and melancholic yet at the
same time original and uplifting. If
you enjoyed the singles then go out
and buy it. 9/10 M.S.
some of you. All in all, 50 Stories is not bad,
but nothing that hasn’t been there before.
6/10 N.G.
ROTHKO - In the pulse of an artery
This is a very eloquent and finely tuned
compilation of some of Rothko’s best music,
and the band itself is regarded as one of the
best base emphasised live bands around.
The music is all very sober, possibly too
much so and you feel not one rhythm, not
one note is out of place. It comes across at
times as lazy and at others as narcotic.
Whether one likes it or not there is no doubt
that this is music of a very high standard.
6/10 C.H.
EXPERIMENTAL POP BAND – The Track
Suit Trilogy (City Slang)
If you like weird music, then this is for you.
Well, if you like people who want to think
they’re weird, this is for you. You get the
impression right from the start of this
albumthat the band are just trying far too
hard. It’s obvious from the name too. It’s not
that the songs are bad – they’re generally
not. They just have “experimental” stuff
Out On The Road
At the Drive-In / My Vitriol / Terris— February 2nd , Astoria
Tonight the Astoria contains a lot of very and leave all but the few of their fans present
relieved people. They thought they were to disappointed.
be subjected to Gay Dad, but following a last
Headliners, At the Drive-In, however are
minute cancellation are instead treated to quite different. Walking on stage, they stun
indie rockers and NME favourites, Terris. I the crowd into silence by demanding no
have to admit that I don’t like Terris on crowd surfing and no pushing, lest someone
record, but they really aren’t bad live. get hurt. Nobody really minds since it is an
Although lacking a bassist, once they have opportunity to get all the assholes out of the
warmed up a bit, the last few songs demon- building since they are bound to ignore the
strate how good they could be if they lost the instructions. Sure enough, three are thrown
slightly pulpish air they have adopted.
out during the set. Although not a band I’d
My Vitriol on the other hand are a band I considered overtly political, it seems the
have been trying to see for a year now, so I band have a message behind every song,
was pleased to see them go through an and the band even complain that people
above average but staid set, containing sev- dance too much to Arcarsenal since “it is
eral new songs plus old track Grounded and such a sad song”.
singles, Losing Touch, Pieces and Always
It is, though, rare to see a band with as
Your Way. They do little to woo the crowd much energy or presence as ATDI. They
however, keeping almost stock still on stage, stride around the stage with singer, Cedric,
01/03/01
walloping the drum kit with his hands at
every opportunity and king of the big hair,
Omar playing both guitar and keyboards at
the same time. The crowd is impressed.
They shout for more.
The set included the majority of the tracks
on the latest album, Relationship of
Command, including One Armed Scissor,
Arcarsenal,
Catacombs,
Rolodex
Propaganda and Invalid Litter Department,
as well as too tracks from much earlier
release, In/Casino/Out, in the form of
Hulahoop Wounds and Napoleon Solo. It
was obvious that the older stuff went down
really well with even those people who hadn’t heard it before.
Reuben Thompson
added, that only irritates the listener. Think
of an inferior ‘Younger Younger 28s’ with a
crap singer and you’re pretty much there.
Somethingsaremoreimportantthanmusic’
makes you think “Well actually no, tunes are
usually a good thing”. ‘Bang Bang You’re
Dead’ and ‘I Like It’ are cartoon pop, supposed to be amusing, but not. The band can
play their instruments, they just need to go
back to basics and stop trying to be so
clever, because they’re blatantly not. 4/10
A.W.
This weeks reviews are brought to you by:
Nigel Martin, Alex Read, Matt Southcombe,
Simon Robinson, Oliver Chamero (I spelt it
right this week Oliver, about time too. Sorry
– music ed.), Christian Hunter, James
Hemingway, Anna Wheeler, Juan Fanals
13
OFU
01/03/01
"I can't talk, I'm in the library."
But, hey, who needs talking when
you can shout, eat ice cream, kick
a football about and witness a
shark attack, all without having
irate librarians berate you? And all
this on a Sunday morning, when
most of the participants are more
typically asleep? Oh yes…
Conceived as OFU's first short
film for nigh on 25 years, Jaws In
The Library (working title) played
havoc with student sleep patterns
and normal library taboos alike.
The early start at the hideously
unsociable time of 9:30am on a
Sunday morning was well made up
for by the chance to get up to otherwise frown-worthy "antics" in the
library and to produce what may
well be considered the finest piece
of experimental cinema the university has ever seen. But then, to be
honest, the university has not seen
very much experimental cinema.
The story is essentially a tale of
love between one girl and a large
inflatable fish, which is all perfectly
normal; at least, it is all perfectly
normal in the warped mind of
OFU's chief writer and storyboard
artist James Dibley. But the concept started out rather differently.
Having filmed a number of docu-
mentaries and animations, all shot
on 16mm film, OFU decided to
make a spoof of Jaws. This decision was inspired by one of OFU's
films from the early 1970s. Called
Enter The Newt, it was a bizarre
parody of a certain famous martial
arts film, featuring the lost
Japanese fighting technique of
"Origami", amongst others.
Under the quirky authorship of
Andy Gale, the Jaws plot took
shape: a shark assault on a poor,
defenceless girl who, rather than
swimming in the sea as might be
traditional in a shark attack scene,
happened to be reading a book in
a library. Meanwhile came the
potentially tricky problem of persuading the manager of the library
to allow OFU to shoot the film in
the building outside of normal
opening hours. Fortunately, he was
quite keen on the idea and agreed
to open it early on a Sunday. "A
morning in bed with The Archers
and a paper just can't compete with
a shark in the library," he said.
While work progressed on the
storyboard, another problem
cropped up: how to persuade people to act in the film. In particular,
producer David Abbott found a dis-
Please excuse me, I appear
to be wearing a stupid hat
tinctly hostile reaction to his recruitment technique, which was to wander drunk around the Union at
FNO, asking random women if
they would star in a film wearing
only a swimming costume.
Eventually, a compromise was
reached with several very brave
volunteers agreeing to participate.
Shooting of the film was carefully planned in advance to make the
best possible use of the unique
opportunity available and, despite
an initial snag (when the storyboard artist presented several new
pages of material just moments
before filming began), everything
ran extremely smoothly, with the
team relishing their roles on a
"real" film project. Director David
Turner, better known as "Mad
Scottish Dave", clearly relished his
job as the film's director, managing
to create incredible levels of subtlety in an otherwise one-dimensional plot. The three volunteer
actors also threw themselves
whole-heartedly into their roles and
it became clear at an early stage in
the proceedings that the finished
movie would be a strong Oscar
contender next year.
With time and filmstock both in
limited supply, the ending to the
film was hurriedly re-written to
incorporate a surreal twist in the
plot. While this process was going
on, the Second Unit Director (Sami
Sarkardei) and Props Manager
(Jayne Elliott) took the opportunity
to interview Eddie the shark for the
"Making Of" documentary, which
will be a major feature on the DVD
release of the film.
All the necessary footage was in
the can just in time and several students waiting on the steps outside
the library were bemused to see a
gaggle of filmmakers emerge from
The Star of the Show, the
show, the shark not the girl.
the building just before opening
time, complete with camera, floodlights, surfboard and shark.
The film is currently in post-production and will be shown before
one of OFU's films later in the
semester and at a major film festival near you...
OFU would like to take this
opportunity to thank Robert Hall,
for giving up The Archers; the three
volunteer actors, for willing to be
excessively silly in ridiculous clothing, all in the name of art; Chops
for the loan of a surfboard, complete with genuine sand; and the
residents of 48 University Court,
who have been unable to wash for
a week due to the various items of
film equipment being stored in the
bath.
Matthew Sheppard
Right Mr. Shark, here’s
what I want you to do.
All The Depth And Complexity of a
Gravestone Inscription
Many people of the Western world
nowadays feel their lives are utterly devoid of variation, excitement,
or even the tamest intimations of
covert guerrilla warfare. Evenings
across the globe are whiled away
with trivial forms of entertainment,
which do little to enrich the spirit or
nourish the mind.
Eric Dantes of Calcutta writes,
"My patience for this life is at an
end. Last night, I spent seven
hours doing nothing but sipping
vodka and attempting to psychically communicate with my dog. This
morning I saw the last 'Police
Academy' sequel, and I think that I
shall have no choice but to kill
myself now. I must die with honour."
This Sunday at 8pm, Oscar Film
Unit shall be showing "Runaway
Bride",starring Richard Gere and
Julia Roberts. It's a pleasant and
non-threatening romantic comedy
suitable for the mildest of girlfriends. And with more sly twists
and turns than a inter-uterine
device, "Runaway Bride" is sure to
inspire much thrilling conversation
in the queue at HRB Express after
the feature.
The following Wednesday,
University Arts Cinema shall be
showing "Alphaville", a genuinely
inspired and surreal blend of science-fiction, philosophy, and film
noir from the legendary Jean-Luc
Godard.
Secret agent-cum-private investigator Lemmy Caution checks into
a hotel in Alphaville, a carefully
constructed world ruled by a computer named Alpha 60. The residents of this world inhabit a primlycouttured hell of desensitising
drugs, outlawed emotions, and
pure logic.
Lemmy, meanwhile, is quietly
investigating a series of curious
disappearances. Together with his
friend Natascha, he pursues his
mission in this peculiar world, leav ing a breadcrumb trail of chaos in
their wake.
"Alphaville" is a light-hearted and
bizarre film, revelling in the subtle
humour and all-pervading incongruity of its utopia. Fans of "The
Prisoner" will feel instantly at
home. Moreso than a simple SF
story, "Alphaville" becomes a quiet
and dignified hymn to the power of
independent thought and human
emotion.
Oscar Film Unit will be screening
"Runaway Bride" in Lecture
Theatre G at 8pm on Sunday 3rd
March. University Arts Cinema will
be screening
"Alphaville" in Lecture Theatre G at
8pm on Wednesday 7th March.
[column by Geoff Kay]
With International Week fast approaching
barefacts asked some of the International
socieities to write an article on their country. So
here are some of their articles with more next
week. And remember if you want to know more
come along to the International Exhibition next
Tuesday evening.
The Cypriot Society
The Island of Cyprus
The island of “Venus” as known
by mythology is situated in the
northeastern
part
of
the
Mediterranean Sea. Due to its
geographical position, Cyprus is
the crossing of three different continents, as Asia, Africa and
Europe; Cyprus has often been
conquered by a lot of nations. As
the British, Turkish, Venetians,
Francs and others. However, it
has always kept its culture incorruptible and has not been influenced by any other nation.
The formal language of the
Greek –Cypriot community is
Greek and the majority of the
community
adheres
to
Autocephalous Greek Orthodox
church of Cyprus. The capital of
Cyprus is Nicosia in the sector
controlled by the government of
the Republic of Cyprus. Nicosia is
situated roughly in the centre of
the island.
One of the main Cypriot financial
resources is mainly tourism, which
brings a lot of income in the country. Every foreigner once visits
Cyprus, gets amazed by the beauty of the island. The beaches, the
nightlife, are like a dream come
true for any foreigner. The food is
absolutely delicious and often
people are seen to enjoy it a lot.
Places such as Ayia Napa
became known worldwide for their
amazing nightlife and their incredible beaches.
Another domain, which brings a
lot of foreign currency in the country, is commerce, import export.
The main export products are
wine, cheese such as “xaloumi
cheese”. There are also a lot of
shipping companies in Cyprus
where trade commerce in a lot of
countries in the world.
In the future, thoughts for visiting Cyprus may occurred to everyone of you reading this, remember
that Cyprus is a country which has
a lot to offer to a visitor (very exciting nightlife), and anyone can
have fun. It is worth it if you can!
Therefore give it a try!! Why not??
More about Cyprus may be
seen at the International Week at
the Main Union!!!
See you all there!!
INTERNATIONAL
OFFICERCYPRIOT SOCIETY
PHOEBE HERACLEOUS
The Hellenic Society
Greece is a country steeped in
ancient mystery. For culture, history or just fun in the sun, nobody
can help but be impressed by the
constant reminders of classical
civilizations that inhabited Greece.
It is a country where remnants of
the past are almost everywhere.
One thing is constant in Greece:
‘It is a nation of great variety and
with some of the most valuable
and indelible traditions’.
Greeks are proud of their inex haustible traditions, history, civilization, charm and simplicity of
their lifestyle. It is without any
doubt a truly inspirational popula-
tion and country.
Greece is the cradle of western
civilization. The origin of drama,
history and philosophy, the birthplace of democracy.
The Malaysian Society
Malaysia is a young nation with a
small population yet is blessed with
numerous natural resources. Since
independence, Malaysia, has
enjoyed steady growth and pros perity. It has also earned the
respect of many developed and
developing countries. In its early
growth years, Malaysia concentrat ed on developing its agricultural
resources and its primary indus tries such as tin, rubber, palm oil
and other crops. This brought
weatlh to the people. The government of Malaysia recognised that
15
International Page
01/03/01
in order to further hasten the development process, it had to encourage manufactoring activities.
‘Made in Malaysia’ products were
manufactored for export to earn
foreign exchange for the country.
Thus began the transformatiom of
Malaysia’s economy. In line with
world trends, and the demand for
financial and other services,
Malaysia too began to focus on
these areas, to promote a new
service-oriented economy that
included the provision of imformation servies.
The Singapore Students' Society
The Singapore Students' Society
has currently 77 registered members. 10 of our members are of
other
nationalities
(British,
Portuguese,
Malaysians,
Mauritian, Chinese, Greek). We
are proud to be one of the most
active and cohesive societies in
the University. We represent our
members' interests and are dedicated to meeting their social and
developmental needs.
We
encourage active participation and
the spirit of volunteerism in all our
members. We had wonderful
opportunities to work with other
Societies like the Taiwanese and
the Chinese-Asian societies,
organising events such as the
Chinese New Year Celebrations in
the past and we hope to continue
to work together again in future.
One of the goals of our society is
promote cross-cultural activities
and to attract students from other
nationalities. Look out for our little
trips to Chinese supermarkets and
places of interests as well as our
Asian Cooking Classes sometime
soon. The Society appreciates the
support given by our sponsor,
ContactSingapore. Do check out
the website if you are interested in
visiting or are looking for a job in
Singapore. ContactSingapore is
at www.contactsingapore.org.uk
Sweet ‘n Sour Pork
Serves 2
Est. preparation time: 8 mins
Est. cooking time: 34 mins
Ingredients:
Ingredient amounts have been
scaled and may need to be rounded where appropriate
8 ounces pork strips, diced
1/3 onion, peeled and sliced
1/3 (8-oz.) can pineapple chunks,
crushed
1
tablespoon 1 teaspoon C&H
Pure Cane Golden
Brown Sugar, firmly packed
1 tablespoon cornstarch
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon soy sauce
1/3 teaspoon salt
1/24 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/24 teaspoon ground ginger
1/3 green bell pepper, seeded
and chopped
1/3 (6-oz.) pkg. sugar peas
Directions:
In a baking dish mix pork strips,
onion,
pineapple(undrained),
brown sugar, cornstarch, lemon
juice,soy sauce, salt, pepper and
ginger.
Cover and microwave on MEDIUM until the pork is no longer
pink, 25 to 30 minutes, stirring
every 3 minutes.
Stir in green bell pepper and sugar
peas. Cover, and microwave on
HIGH until the green bell pepper
and sugar peas are tender, about
3 to 4 minutes.
Serve hot.
16
Lifestyle
01/03/01
Dr Russ
Dear Russ
Is it worth using a recruitment agency to try to find
employment?
Dear Nick
Over the years I've come
across many different views
about recruitment agencies.
They range from "I wouldn't
touch them with a barge-pole"
to "There's no way I would
have got my job without their
help". So why are they so controversial? First of all, graduates often worry that it will be
expensive to use an agency.
Actually, it is illegal for them to
charge you for their services.
They make their money by
charging the employer who
asked them to deal with the
vacancy in the first place.
Secondly, I must say that new
graduates often find agencies
are rather unhelpful when they
first contact them. This is
because they are mainly interested in people who have
experience relevant to their
client's needs. New graduates
often don't have quite what
they are looking for, hence the
cold shoulder.
Fortunately, University of
Surrey graduates who have a
Professional Year under their
belt aren't in this position.
They have something to offer
and agencies are likely to
show much more interest.
Remember, though, that they
only want to make money from
placing you. They are therefore quite likely to encourage
you to accept a job offer even
if you're not entirely happy with
it.
AGM’s
GameSoc
LTA on Sunday 18th March at
3pm.
Fencing
Thursday Week 8
7.30pm, UniSport
Main Hall
Womens Football
Week 9 (15th March)
8pm Varsity
Ultimate
Monday Week 10
19th March 8pm
Venue TBC
I'm often asked how to track
down agencies who deal with
particular jobs. Fortunately,
there is a very comprehensive
directory produced by the
Recruitment and Employment
Confederation in the Careers
Service which lists them all
according to their areas of
specialism. This is also available on the internet at
http://www.rec.uk.com.
Another way to find out the
particularly active agencies is
to scan the advertisement
pages in appropriate journals
e.g. Personnel Today or
Computer Weekly.
The
chances are that the agencies
advertising there will tend to
specialise in that area and you
can give them a ring to see
what else they've got on their
books.
agency, all you need to do is
get in touch. They may ask for
your CV or may ask you to fill
out one of their own forms.
They will also ask you what job
you have in mind so you must
think this through beforehand.
If you do get the cold shoulder,
it's probably because they
simply don't have vacancies at
that particular time for someone with your background.
Finally, you may like to know
that in some years as many as
10% of Surrey's graduates
obtain their first job through an
agency. For me this is convincing evidence that they are
worth using.
Russ Clark
Careers Service
Once you have found an
GM
NOTICES
Rifle Club
The University
Chaplains
9th March
For more info contact
[email protected]
present:
"FREEDOM - a Journey through
Lent" a study group with liberating appeal.
Thursdays at 1.05 p.m., starting
1st March
in the GRANT MITCHELL ROOM
*All are Welcome*
WANTED: BASS PLAYER &
GUITARIST TO JOIN UNIVERSI TY BAND SKETCH. ALL
REPLIES WELCOME.IF INTERESTED E-MAIL JOHN AT:
[email protected].
Gossip, Sex & The Universe
01/03/01
LIFE AFTER
Big Sister
We have some disturbing reports of some late nightshenanigans that have been happening in the richest of battersea
court. It has come to our knowledge that certain final years
have been enjoying each others company to such a degree
that they are keeping several housemates awake deep into
the early hours with their sexual olympics. Or is their subject
just that exciting? We therefore think that this matter be
brought into the open in the hope that the innocent members
of the floor may get a decent nights sleep. Lets hope they get
the message, Yes or No!!!
With the elections over, all of those sexy arrowed women are
going to have to find a new cause to turn their charms to. Talk
about tactics! Then again, it evidently worked! Drums and gogo girls just couldn't compete with their supreme skills and
strategically placed badges. Best campaign for 8 years, so we
hear.
Valentine's day seems so long ago now, but with the mysteries of all those secret admirers still looming, we thought
we'd give you a hand to figure out who they could be....
Saying it with flowers seems to have been the way forward
for many a man. One of you really took it to town; rose petals,
poetry, the works. Are all sailors this romantic, or should the
word be creepy,
obsessive maybe?!
An easy way out for others though wouldn't you say K features? Speaking of whom, could he be the reason for the disappearance of our chum Unicorn? Could it be that he's been
giving her more than just a rose.... You really should come up
for air from time to time. You've been getting away remarkably
lightly so far this term. This will all change. You've been
warned.
Well that all from us from the world of Big Sister......apart
from of course the phantom flinger itself. So empty promises
and empty threats, but we have been warned that we are
going to get it at the end of the year would you like a public
slaying or just a private affair? We know who you are and want
to know if you want a bit of rough and tumble with us?
lots of love,
Boa & Asp
Caught on Camera
If you have any photos or personals that you would like to see in bf, then
please pop into the office or send us an email to [email protected]
This Week’s Personals
* LITTLEJUDE - why don’t you come down
to Chancellors next week? There are two
blokes are your cute arse.
*Spock, Spock he’s our man, if he can’t do it,
no-one can.
*Q. & Jo N. sitting in a tree, k i s s i n g. Who
is the secret bf admirer?
*Bfpg5-Grill a christian? Hmm i'll have mine
with bbq sauce.
*I can't find my karma, I can't find my state of
nirvana.
*Oh no tilly, you are a lazy poomeister.
*Apoligies to all I harrassed last week,
Thanks to those that voted, and Good Luck
James, Adam, Lisa, Denise, John and
Tristan.
*Becky ‘Perry-Look-at-meee-everyone’
Tutt…Thanks for the set up, u cheeky
gypsy!!
*Luke 'God' Godfrey has the nicest arse in
the world...from your secret admirer......x
*It must be really depressing having a seventeen yr old after your body Gav!
At least console yourself with the fact your a
fat, welsh ,rotund c$%t
*At least you haven't got much of your dissertation left to write....wait a
minute...
*Funkyberry has a modular mind. So even
when bits of it stop working, hestill kinda has
a general idea of what is going on.
*Randy?! Condoms now available 24/7 from
machines in AP toilets!
*AP condom machines installed on the initiative of Nightline!
*But NL still gives away 2 Jonny's each for
FREE !!!
*Chef, we did warn you, now we must act.
Expect us to give Big Sister the gossip about
you, then it’s time for the Phantom Flinger, let
her do her worst.
*A certain mechie would like to thank his fantasticly nice and particularly leanient lecturer
Dr. Rockliff for her recent kindness with
Maths tests.
*This week’s competition: work out the secret
email hidden in one of the 25 scorching bf
mail articles, then email the best anagram of
your name to that address, the best entry
wins £25.
*Welcome to the loony bin.
*Lick me Budweiser shirt girl, we need to go
for a drink. E mail to [email protected]
*Peter H. there’s a rumour going round that
you can’t shoot peoperly, well that’s what she
said.
*Jez, he was only SIXTEEN
*F, J & L, schoolgirls tomorrow, can’t wait!!
*Raj…Remember any more ditties??!
17
*Who are you daydream?
*I know more about Gazza than I know
THE
WOMB
by Rich W
There are three things you need to keep in mind
whenever you are watching “The Antiques Roadshow”
on an early Sunday evening. Firstly, the people that
take in their little, ‘been in my family for several generations and has a lot of sentimental value’, ‘my God, who
on earth would like something like that’ type ornamental
things are in no way interested in antiques: all they are
interested in is the money. Look closely next time one
of them gets told that their lovely Chinese teapot (the
one they thought served Louis XVI during his reign in
the 1700’s-ish) isn’t worth the £20,000 they were hoping
for, but more £500 because it is in fact a copy of one of
the originals - you’ll notice the feigned surprise followed
by absolute disgust and a sudden hatred for the once so
revered teapot. I can guarantee the first thing they’ll do
when they get home is throw the damn thing in the rubbish.
Secondly - if something is worth a lot of money, then
that doesn’t mean that it’s just worth a lot of money, it
means that someone, somewhere, is quite willing to fork
out some silly amount of cash to own this antique that a
money-grabbing capitalist happens to own. I’m not sure
about you, but I really can think of better things to be
doing with money than spending it on ‘things’ that noone else in their right mind would consider purchasing.
So next time a little dithering old lady gets told that her
hideous porcelain doll, with original lacy dress and
slightly demonic eyes - the one that makes you hide
behind the sofa every time you see it, is worth around
£15,000, remember that someone is actually going to
pay for that and that they are going to be ecstatic to
have it as part of their collection. Someone was right there is no accounting for taste.
Finally (and this is my main point): just how many
experts can you get on antiquities and other stuff that’s
really, really old? Honestly, I’m not joking, the last time
I watched “The Antiques Roadshow”, there must have
been at least fifteen different people talking about the
things people had brought on. I mean, where do they
get these people from? How do they know what ornaments the public are going to bring and manage to get
a corresponding expert there in time? How does the
expert know so much about the stuff? Is it really a proper job - because if it is, how did they get into it? I know
there are little antique shops all over the place, but do
people really go into them and but things from them or
do they just go in and say things like “aahh, isn’t that
quaint?” I’m confused.
The main reason for my confusion, I guess, is how
these people got into this job in the first place. I think we
all remember our careers advisors at school and what a
complete load of tosh they used to feed us when we had
to talk to them, so how is it that these expert-folk made
it to where they are? Surely their careers advisors didn’t suggest it as a possible career path - that would be
too off-the-wall: all I remember them suggesting was
something like accountancy or being a lawyer - you
know - proper, sensible stuff. I think it would have been
cool to go to the careers chappy and say “hello, I would
like to be an expert on antiques and be involved in the
selling and purchasing of the aforementioned goods”.
Would they have a phone number to go and call? I’m
sure they probably would.
Of course, the other thing you could do to try and
throw the advisor off their familiar path would be to try
the following: “What would you like to do then, sonny?”
“Well, Mr Careers Advisor, I’ve always wanted to be a
careers advisor - how would I go about getting onto
that?” Then all you would have to do is listen to the person sitting in front of you waffle on about how they got
to where they are and you wouldn’t have to say a word
- I know it kind of defeats the object of the exercise, but
that was what school was all about - finding different
ways to entertain yourself.
But antiques expert - that has a certain ring to it.
Hmm, only problem is I can’t quite see how my degree
is going to help with that career path and I can’t quite
see the parents digging it, either. Maybe I’ll have to
forgo the possibility of wearing tweed jackets and just
watch these folk as they value different objects week-in,
week-out at antiques stalls all over the country.
I’m going to have to hide my disappointment.
18
Sport
01/03/01
Comic Relief - Phantom Style
Hiya, it’s me again. How are you? Well, I’ve been busy this week getting this year’s only important election sorted, the
one for who is gonna get gunged.
There are 12 candidates: (Lovebite / Kev delete below as necessary)
Kevin Marston (current Comms sabb, long haired scruffy bloke who, despite moaning about having too much
work to do, is always playing with his frisbee when I visit him).
David Abbott (union chair, the real goatee and doing a Masters in Electronic Engineering – surely he deserves
being splatted just because of that).
Bulent Yazici (union technology officer, the Sex God of the Sailing Club who describes his pastimes as getting
wet).
Jo Nobblet (societies chair, the girl who is lusted after by at least one bloke in bf, maybe he could produce
some photos of her getting gunged).
Adam Jakeway (president-elect, rugby player and security – must get your vote if you’ve ever been thrown out
by them).
Logan Hillier (star of Guys and Dolls playing a slimy greasy gangster – want to see him slimy in real life?)
Spenser Theobald (a man so laid back, he’s virtually horizontal all the time. Will the sunglasses still be on his
head when he’s gunged?)
James Buller (societies-elect, have you seen his new sexy haircut? it would be a shame to ruin it).
Tristan O’Dwyer (comms-elect, bit worried about this one, should I gunge the bloke who’ll be my boss next
year? Yeah, of course I should)
Denise Goodwin (sports-elect, the blonde bombshell on crutches, surely we need to do something to spoil her
looks if only for a few minutes).
Lisa Widdows (education-elect, the girl usually found behind the union bar with the butterflies in her hair).
John Geeson (finance-elect, the jack-the-lad always up for a laugh, fancy seeing the ‘yoke’ on him?)
Right now you know who the nominees are, how do you vote for them? Well, none of your fancy 1,2,3 here, just a
simple tick in the box of the person you want slimed.
Pick up a voting form from Union reception; it’ll cost ya 50 pence a vote, all proceeds to Comic Relief and you can
(and are positively encouraged to) vote as often as you like. Comic Relief is a registered charity, number 326568.
(Had to say that bit, it’s the law).
You can vote from now till Wednesday of week 9 (14th March) and don’t forget to watch the splatting live in the
union on Friday 16th March. Lastly are you doing anything else for Comic Relief? If so let the bf team know by emailing [email protected]
Surrey Sport welcomes new Nurses
For any new Nursing students out
there, welcome to Surrey Uni and
welcome to the sports side of life
here in Guildford. With fifty clubs
(see below), we invest a huge
amount of time and money on
sports and take pride in welcoming
everyone regardless of ability. Any
sporting achievements (such as
the recent Women’s Football
league title) are just a bonus.
To celebrate Sport we have an
annual Colours Ball, the launch
party of which (along with GU2)
you might well have been at last
night. The actual Ball is the 4th
May and tickets are now on sale.
Although it does cost you £50 you
get a heck of a lot for your money
and is considered by many to be
the best night of the year. See the
website (details below) for more
details.
To get involved with any aspect of
sport at Surrey, check the Union
website; www.ussu.co.uk then
“sports” or have a look at the club
notice boards (near the offices).
And while I’m here, another thing
to get involved in is our efforts for
Comic Relief. My advice: vote for
Jo Nobblet - third year nurse. In
fact I will personally pledge a tenner for her to be gunged.
Chops (Sports Ed)
The view from the Millenium Suit; venue for this
years Colours Ball.
TKO (Total Knockout)
Yes all you TKO enthusiasts we have a new teacher to
carry on Rose Coopers fantastic, bubbly class.
And you Guys out there - our
new teacher is JOHN-O,
just to prove that Surrey
classes are streamlined for
you too!!
This definitely is a FUN
based class which involves
upper body boxing and kicking moves, all put together
with simple, low impact aerobic routines—— IT’S SIMPLE and it’s a great way to
punch away those pent up
feelings !!
Come Along WEDNESDAYS
5.30 in the University Hall
and TUESDAYS 1.00 pm at
the Sports Centre Studio
19
Sport
01/03/01
STEP AEROBICS
Join COLIN at classes on
Tuesdays and Fridays at
6.30! [5.30 classes are full]
at the Sports Centre Studio]
American diner style meal, a
shot of Vodka and a great
party!
More details form the Sport
Centre ext. 9201
LOTTERY
The lottery has now been
postponed 1 month so there
is now plenty of time to get
yours number. Support for
this venture would be greatly
appreciated by your fellow
students.
SPORTS DAY
Wednesday 21st March,
Entries by 16th March.
What a day this is going to
be at the Varsity Centre
Soccer, Tennis, Hockey,
Frisbee, Netball, Rounders,
Tug-o-war and Karaoke.
Mixed teams of 8 – 10 people, staff & students.
£10 per team
JIVE NIGHT
Jive Night is making its
debut at the Varsity in
March. Similar to Latino
Evenings this new event will
be a huge success. Ticket
prices will be the same as
normal and will include and
For more information contact
Campbell Livingston ext. 9242,
email [email protected].
Mens Footie only score
1 cos 1 of them scored
Sporting
Vernacular
and therefore got another kicking.
When will they learn? American
Football have been forced out of
the league due to injuries and stiff
competition while Ultimate Frisbee
came last in their first compeition. I
hope Surreys luck will have
improved by tomorrow as the Surf
Club will be in their first BUSA
National Championships.
Mountain Walking have
been off to the Brecon Beacons for
a trip involving strange named
mountains and slightly chilly conditions.
On a sad note, Sir Donald
Bradman, has died in his sleep at
the age of 92. Known as The Don,
he achieved an incredible average
of 99.94 over 52 tests. Former
Test umpire Dickie Bird described
Bradman as “a genius” at the
crease.
Jez Hill
Welcome all new Nursing students. (see page 18).
Colours Ball (4th May)
tickets are now on sale. Make sure
you get yours soon or you might be
disappointed. Just think if you
don’t come, you will miss the
chance to see what Men’s
Waterpolo are doing to stick-out.
Last year they appeared sporting
(no pun intended) shaved ‘n’ dyed
blue hair.
If you are on a Sports
Club committee (especially any
social secretaries out there) make
sure you get your members to
come along.
Before the Ball is the
Sports Day which is just under
three weeks away now and should
be another good event for your
sporting calendar.
This week all our competing teams had a hard time. Men’s
Football had another sending off
sunshine. Eventually we continued
along the Simon’s epic route plan,
we led us to climb up a waterfall.
Fortunately the waterfall was lacking water since it had frozen.
Spag. Bol. for dinner and a visit
to the pub helped us recover from
the walk, however when we left
the pub we realised it had been
snowing steadily for a few hours.
We all went to sleep wearing as
many layers as possible to stay
warm, after the experience of the
night before. However the extra
layers did not help since it was so
cold overnight that all the water to
the caravan froze, so we had no
water in the morning. Excellent
engineering by Evan meant that he
was able to defrost the pipes to the
caravan. We then ventured out in
the Minibus again, but got halfway
up a hill and decided it was too icy
to continue. We then had the problem of getting the minibus back
down the hill. A massive snow-
fight ensued, which was definitely
lost by Art. Antifreeze helped the
minibus tyres were able to grip,
and we managed to park safely.
The side of the mountain was then
ascended, and promptly descended
by Simon sitting on a survival bag.
Only a collision with a bush saved
him from a messy end.
Unfortunately we then had to leave
Wales to return to Sunny England.
After last weeks excellent 4-1 victory over Shottermill which didn’t
warrant a match report due to Andy
Bray’s jammy hat-trick, it was with
some confidence we approached
this important game against
Shalford. The 10-1 loss against
Brunel on Wednesday had long
since been forgotten, mainly due to
most of the team getting so shitfaced at the Beach Party we probably wouldn’t have recognised our
own mothers. Due to Ross Wehr
pulling a women of questionable
repute and still being at it for kickoff, we were forced into starting
with only ten men and once more I
was forced into goalie action.
Having stolen Robin and Kaiser
Sumner from the 1st team we started strongly and were definitely creating the best chances. Robin was
‘unlucky’ not to get us an early goal
but with the sun in his eyes opted
to head wide from at least 5 yards.
Andy Long also got involved with
some wayward finishing but can be
excused because as a Saints fan
he is probably still in trauma from
last Tuesday. We were unfortunate
to concede 2 bad goals before
Ruth’s Ben notched his first goal
and took his incredible scoring run
to 2 games! At this stage we looked
the better side and with the addition of Berry’s mate Matt who
turned up after 25 minutes and
joined in, we should have been
looking at making the game ours.
Unfortunately this wasn’t to be.
With me controversially sent off
just after half time for a challenge
that wasn’t so much late as in
another timezone, Shalford were
able to dominate the 2nd half and
score seemingly at will. There were
still some excellent individual performances to report, just that none
of them were that excellent as to
stop us getting dicked on. Ben did
add a second with a cheeky lob
and Mark Shaw bagged a record
breaking second goal of the millenium. Alex ‘Liam’ Read battled well
in midfield and several times used
his silky skills of sticking his arse
into opponents to good effect. Kier
Milligan and DJ Christos also
defended stoutly under the watchful eye of Sumner who may just
about have earnt a starting role on
wednesday.
All in all, a good team performance but a moment of madness
cost us the game. Sorry guys, how
was I to know he was only 16???
Unis 3 - Shalford 8
“Well, your story is very compelling
Mr. Jackass ... I mean, uh,
Simpson. So I’ll just type it up on
my invisible typewriter.”
Chief Wiggum - Springfield Police
Dept
Last Friday the Mountain Walking
set of for The Brecon Beacons.
Our excellent navigational abilities meant that we were able to
find our way to the campsite down
isolated Welsh country roads at
1am in the morning, but managed
to get lost in Farnham on the way.
We awoke the morning after and
decided the best word to describe
our situation was cold. We quickly
cooked a massive fried breakfast
in an attempt to warm up the cara-
van. We then embarked on the epic
walk Simon Cox had planned for
us. This involved the five highest
points of the Brecon Beacons,
including Corn Du and Pen-y-fan.
We stopped for lunch at the top
of Fan-y-big (probably spelt
wrong), where most of us ate stale
pitta bread with primula but Pete
had smoked salmon, so gained the
nickname Sir Peterlot. We continued onwards down to the reservoir
where everyone had a nap in the
Chops ps. Vote Jo[1] for gunge.
MWC Chill in the Beacons
MM
SURREY PRIDE
U LTIMATE (F RISBEE )
GET A
RIGHT GOOD KICKING !
Some people enjoy a nice relaxing
weekend doing nothing more than
sitting down in front of the television with a cup of tea, a newspaper
and a biscuit of one variety or
another. Others, though, need
something with a little bit of an
edge: it sounds funny to say it, but
some prefer nothing more than
running round like an idiot chasing
a small flying disc, more often than
not colliding with another likeminded idiot or, if the worst comes
to the worst, a wall. They actually
enjoy aching muscles, bruised or
broken toes and the feeling of not
being able to walk properly. Ladies
and Gentlemen, I give you the
world of Ultimate Frisbee.
This weekend saw the involvement for the first ever time of a
Surrey Ultimate team at a tournament with other universities - we
are now truly “out of the closet”. A
team of nine enthusiastic enthusiasts left very early on Saturday
morning (for some, it was still
Friday night) in a convoy of two
cars and set off for the bright lights
of Nottingham: Slurrey Slingers
was about to put UniS on the frisbee map by kicking some
metaphorical butt...
...it’s just a shame it didn’t quite
turn out that way. Given that it was
our first tournament, we didn’t
expect to do very well - in all honesty, we weren’t expecting to score
a point. So, by the time it came to
the first game and we found ourselves a point ahead, there were a
few looks of surprise and bewilderment - could we, the tournament
virgins, really win a match?
In a word, no.
The skill and experience of the
other team (who eventually finished second) showed through and
we soon found ourselves on the
end of a bit of a drubbing.
So the day wore on and we
began to realize, via numerous
other thrashings, that we had quite
some way to go until we could
compete with the teams we were
playing - at least we were picking
up a few tactics that had previous ly neglected to come our way.
Problems off the pitch were starting
to occur and we’re not talking animosity - we’re talking injuries (and
the possibly slightly adverse
effects of the night before). Some
folk had been sensible and had
decided to have an early night
before the early start - a good idea,
...and so it proved: even though
you’d imagine, in order to get some we could have won had we had a
sleep.
Two team members, fully fit team, we didn’t because
though, Rich Rees (the captain) fatigue began to take its toll. For all
and Rich W (your poor author), the efforts of Suzy, Rich, Karen,
thought they knew better and rolled Rob, Rich S and Rich R (the only fit
in from the union at an hour even ones left) it all ended with us propthe pope would call un-holy. This, ping up the rest in a resounding
combined with the fact that ‘Big’ last place.
Lukey M sustained a rather nasty
But that didn’t matter - we’d had
toe injury following an encounter the experience of being the first
with a wall, did
not help.
So the day’s
play ended: 6
games,
6
defeats
and
one team was
left wondering
what the hell
was going on.
Best thing to
do, we figured,
would be to go
and carry on as
a couple had
done the night
Ultimate Frisbee looking fun
before. Off we
went, then, and
represented the UniS spirit as best team ever to represent UniS at an
we knew how - we danced a funky Ultimate tournament and we
beat and drank some cheeky pints. received a small bong as our
Our only problem was getting to wooden-spoon prize: you’ll underwhere we had to go: convoy of two stand, though, that none of us
cars - can’t be that difficult for one knew quite what you are supposed
to follow the other, you’d imagine. to use it for...
Ah, maybe it is. Picture it - Stew
...given the opportunity, I know
driving the front car, Rob following that we would all do it again - the
not quite close enough behind. friendliness of all the teams really
Within minutes there were cries of was something I don’t think any of
‘can anyone see Rob?’ from the us had ever experienced before. It
front car and ‘will the bloody idiot went as far as after every game,
slow down?’ from the second car. both your own team and your
It all ended about an hour later opponents all go outside and pretafter the front car went over an A- ty much have a group-hugging
road that the following car hap- session, where everyone else says
pened to be going along and we all how brilliant everyone else is and
met up with each other on the you play silly games for a short
other side of the city from which while, all roughly held together by a
we’d started off.
slightly ambiguous bit of string. It
The following day, we began to really made no sense at all, but
rue our funkiness and curse our then again, neither did much about
drinking abilities - the casualty list the weekend we all just had.
made for impressive reading: Luke When all is said and done, we
M sitting out with a bruised toe; were all knackered at the end of it
Rich W asleep continuously, rous- and had a tremendous sense of
ing only at the mention of food; satisfaction of what we had done...
Stew Fudge - another victim of a
...and remember - if you’re the
toe incident (a fellow opponent this slightly nutty type and have nothing
time and not a wall); Rich S - a lit- better to do on Sunday at 12 noon,
tle hungover; everyone else - make sure you find your way to the
aching muscles. We were in trou- UniSport sports hall so you can find
ble - three matches to go and we out what it’s like for yourself.
were down by at least three players - we really had no chance...
Rich W
S TINGERS
Due to injuries and illness the
Stingers were forced to withdraw
from this British Collegiate
American Football League fixture
Following the toughest decision
of his coaching career Head
Coach of the Stingers, Pete
Vaughan, said “ My players have
given everything this season and I
am proud of them all. We were
given the toughest schedule in the
country and we knew we would
have difficulty in view of the key
losses we suffered, due to graduation, from last years team. People
stepped in and stepped up and our
early season 3-1 record was a
credit to their efforts. Luck has not
been with us and we have suffered
further losses - all of them to key
veteran players. We were ready to
leave for Cardiff when we got the
news that 2 of our remaining 5
linemen were unable to make the
trip. I know that of the 17 people on
the bus at 7-00am this morning 3
V
C OBRAS
were far from fit but had comitted
themselves to playing regardless.
We had no Center or Tight End
and only 3 linemen in total. There
is only so much you can ask of
people and as coaches we have
the responsibility for the safety of
our players - myself and Steve
Rains (Offensive Co-ordinator)
therefore very reluctatly decided
that the team would not travel.”
The Stingers end the season 34-1 and will look to bounce back
next year. Testimony to players
efforts and the difficulty of the
schedule is that UEA, who we
defeated twice, will now progress
into the play offs. Some of the
Stinger players will continue training with the British Senior League
Division 1 PA Knights who are currently preparing for the new Senior
League season - practice is at 11
am on Sundays (Varsity Centre).
David Skinner
S PORTS P ROFILE : TRAMPOLINE C LUB
Warm up…
Availability: Attached and loving it
Name & age: Louisa Phillipson,
21 going on 15
110%…
Best feature: My mates
Favourite position (this question
applies to relevent sports only –
no innuendo intended honestly):
Who am I to ague with “10 different positions in under a minute.”
What you look for in a man or
women: Sexy Forearms
Best thing about your sport:
Matching hair scrunchies
Nickname: Lou, Lolli, Tigger, Wizz
– take your pick.
Worst thing about your sport:
Wearing a lurvely leotard
Best single moment in your sporting life: Winning Grade B
National Finals last year
Ultimate sporting dream: Making
a GB team
Worst injury: Concussion – doing
a double back somersault
Sporting idol: Erika Burt – a trampolinist who has represented GB
after having sproglets
Most embarassing sporting
moment: Going all the way to St
Moritz to compete and falling off
the end!
Tip: Keep your bum tight and
watch your toes
Hidden aspects to your sport:
Bum glue!
Cool down…
Worst fear: Leotard up my bum,
how embarrassing
Chancellors or Roots: hmm! Pub
crawl potential
You in three words: Mad, bad,
bouncy