Terrastock 5 report by Windy Weber
Transcription
Terrastock 5 report by Windy Weber
T heres any number of people who could have written a review of Terrastock 5, which took place in Boston, USA during October 2002, and indeed many of the professional or semiprofessional journalists who were in attendance that weekend have already done so for various different international newspapers and publications. I particularly wanted an insiders view for the Terrascope itself however, and ideally one which said as much about the atmosphere surrounding the event as it did about the music. A Terrastock festival is an intensely personal experience for everyone who attends; we each of us go there with our own different hopes and expectations and take with us the baggage of our daily lives, often making long and complex journeys just to be there in both the literal and metaphorical sense. Windy Weber, one half needless to say of Windy and Carl (see Terrascope #27 if you need to know the story of the band itself) endured one such tortuous journey in order to attend and from speaking to people over the course of the weekend I came to realise that for many, Windys was sadly not an untypical story and that the Terrastock festivals actually mean one hell of a lot more to those attending than being simply about the music as we always announce in advance of each one in order to still any expectations of them being a corporate beanfeast or media showcase. If therefore youre looking for a band-by-band breakdown of the occasion or a report on how the Bevis Frond performed their usual psych-rock masterclass, Sonic Youth shook the very foundations of the building, the Spacious Mind blew minds and amps in equal measure or how the Acid Mothers Temple brought things to a resounding close, well Im sorry but look elsewhere. Both Broken Face and Dream Magazine have published articles covering the highlights, and Byron Coley submitted some superb articles to Mojo and the Wire. What follows is an intensely, at times almost painfully so, personal account of just one persons Terrastock – and yet somehow it speaks for everyone who was there as well as hopefully painting a picture for those who werent. Windy breathes life into the performances and throws a welcome light on some of the, arguably, lesser known acts who performed that weekend. Break out the hankies, settle back and enjoy. The year 2001 was very hard on me. My mom passed away in April (on Easter Day) and I had to be medicated to deal with it. My mom had always encouraged me to be whoever or whatever I wanted, had always supported my artistic and musical endeavours, counselled me in love, shielded me from storms, rescued me from pain. My mom had been everything to me my whole life (Carl of course means this much to me also, but there is a love for my mom that is irreplaceable) and now she was gone. Imagine the sun disappearing, or the world coming to an end, and you may begin to see or feel what this loss was and is still like for me. So I was on anti-anxiety drugs Zoloft for everyday and Xanax for when the anxiety was overwhelming - and I turned into a little robot. I told Carl I wanted no control over anything (this from a control freak!) and asked him to just take over my life. I asked him to run the store and the household, and to just give me tasks to do each day. I had to clean my moms house (the siblings wanted to sell it ASAP, and since all but one of them is out of state, it meant this task befell me), and start the task of dividing her things up. Throw stuff away, keep stuff, clean the house to sell it, mow the lawn, get poison ivy, and cry every day. My mom did not want to carry on without my father, who had passed from a second severe heart attack in July of 1999. A week before our store opened. Not that he would have cared (he was not into music in his later life and often asked me why Carl couldnt fix my car when it broke down - dad was a mechanic) but I would have liked him to have seen the store. No such luck. Mom essentially died of a broken heart (an enlarged heart that finally burst) which she had helped along by drinking excessively and mis-using prescription drugs. I never imagined life without my mom, and even now I have trouble with it every day. I cant call her, I cant hear her voice, I cant hug her anymore. It causes me a great deal of pain, and it may well for many years to come. What a truly awful way to start 2001. And so my birthday came and went - the first one without mom. I was drugged and robotic and cried a lot, and my friends had just come to accept this. They called me all the time, and sent thoughtful emails about their own losses, and supported me in ways I never imagined. They would just come to the store to spend a whole day with me so Carl could have a break, and they cooked us food, and helped out with things. Kathy Harr (whose mom is terminally ill) made an extra effort to call every Sunday and talk for hours, always on her own dime. She and I met through Ben Goldberg at the first Terrastock, and Kathy had become our booking agent. The two of us became fast friends, and while she was no longer booking bands (what a sad day for indie rock musicians in the USA) our friendship was stronger than ever. Our distribution reps (Helen at Matador, Susie at Dutch East) would call to check in on me and tell me funny stories if I needed them (I always did). And we toured in July with Landing, the nicest group of people I think Ive ever met, and they opened up their hearts and their homes to us (I think we stayed at Aaron & Adriennes half of the nights we were out on the east coast). We had big communal dinners and long talks about politics and religion and music and music and music and we played good shows each night (I didnt have as much stage fright while medicated!!) and had a wonderful time. For a few hours each day I could escape being miserable, and that whole trip actually was like a vacation from the real world - I had no responsibility - every one else made all the decisions and I just rode along in the car like the family dog. Its weird after being a control freak your whole life to just give it up, to literally be just like the family dog - do whatever youre told, eat when someone tells you, whatever is fine, but that is how I felt. I couldnt be anything more - I was just incapacitated. We came home and life continued on - slow, weird, Carl in charge. I went for a lot of walks with friends who would come to the store to see me. I felt a need to be with people I loved and trusted, both for safety and for distraction, and a need to burn off energy to help relieve my constant anxiety. Carl and I had also started walking the dogs everyday to help with my nerves. One morning we got up early to walk the dogs. Carl was working on the computer in the front bedroom, and I sat down to stretch and turned on the TV. The newscasters were yelling and saying crazy things as the picture slowly warmed up, and then I saw a picture of the World Trade Center with a big flame coming out of it. What the hell is that?!, I thought. The newscasters said a plane had hit the tower, and was it a plane that was going to crash anyway, or had gone off course, or what? I called Carl and we watched together for a few minutes. This was really weird. What was going on anyway? The news people started saying it may have been a terrorist attack and thinking that was just crazy talk, we left to walk the dogs. Out of the yard, down two blocks, around the park, turn the last corner to come home. I say, hey, if it was a terrorist attack, I hope they dont fly a plane into the other tower, and Carl says that would be an awful thing. We get in the house, turn on the TV, and five minutes later the second tower is attacked. Now, I have a history of dreaming things before they happen, or seeing things from many miles away, of knowing something is coming or has happened, but this was the worst time ever. Carl and I just looked at each other. How many other people had somehow known this, too? How many other people had even let their mind think such an awful thing and then have it happen? It seems only some of the people in the second tower felt it, or thought it or saw it coming, and started their evacuation. The TV said 50,000 people could have been in those buildings, but calmed us somewhat by saying the buildings couldnt collapse, they were built this special way, people could get out and stuff. But it kept getting worse. The flames grew bigger, debris blew through the air, people were dazed and injured. How many people were in those buildings? How could this have happened? What was going on? The newscasters said one of the planes was from Boston. One of my sisters lives in Boston, and travels often for her job. I called my local sister just to make sure everything was okay. My Boston sis was home and fine. A little relief. I thought of all our New York City friends, Ben Goldberg especially, and called his parents to see what was going on. Ben had found a way to contact his mom, and he was alright. Thankful to hear this news, I could only wait to find out about our other friends. This was agony. The not knowing part was just agony. We all know what happens after that. We all know. This awful tragedy that affected nations around the world, that killed almost 3,000 people. Personally, the loss of my mom had been huge and traumatic, and now I tried to imagine how much worse it must be for all those in New York, in Pennsylvania, at the Pentagon. I knew my mom was dying, and while I may have not had the relationship with her before her death that I wanted, I knew her time was coming. None of the families affected on September 11th knew. They were not going get the closure I got, they would not have ashes they knew belonged to their husbands, wives, children, friends. Their void would be so much greater than my own. I felt an incredible tear in the fabric of the universe. The depth of this day and all its loss may take a number of lifetimes to get through, and I was thankful to be medicated, even though I could still feel the loss the world had experienced. I now felt a need for my friends who were far away. I wanted to see them and hug them and cry with them the way I had with my friends locally. My global friends were hurting, and I was hurting, and I wished we could all be together. I wanted (as did many others) a Terrastock. I wanted it to be right around the corner (time wise) in October or November, like the last few had been. I wanted it right then! I felt a need to touch the people I knew and loved, to see their faces, to look in their eyes and feel their presence. I needed the immediacy of their smell and the tightness of their hug. I wanted to hear their voices. I needed to see these people, my extended musical family, because I felt loss, and lost, and scared and alone. I had my family around me when my mom passed, now I needed my global musical family around me as the world had lost so many members of its family. There was no Terrastock in 2001. Phil had been on medication too and fighting his own demons, so none had been planned. I wouldnt get to see these friends of mine that fall. I would have to wait. And while I was upset to not immediately have my way, I realised it probably would have been cancelled had there been a Terrastock scheduled for the fall of 2001 anyway. Weird how those things work. Noone wanted to fly. No one wanted to leave their house. The news was full of terror, and warnings, and misery. We got married on Thanksgiving 2001. Our families all came home to be with us, as did Kathy Harr and Landing, and we had a day of celebration with the people we loved and needed the most in our lives. It helped us through a time we hope to never experience again, both personally and globally. The joy of our marriage carried us forward for many months, and in early 2002, the word came: there would be a Terrastock in the fall!! It would be just like our wedding - our friends and loved ones from around the globe joining together for 3 days of love and celebration. A re-entry into the musical fellowship we had enjoyed in years past and had so desperately longed for in the year before. Terrastock 5 had meaning to so many people in so many ways. Ways that maybe could not even be expressed, except to look into the eyes of the ones you loved and missed, and see their presence in front of you, and hear their voice. Terrastock 5 meant things to me that only certain people can understand, but it meant a great deal to our musical community as a whole. We needed the healing of hearing each others voices and music, of holding each others hands, of knowing that we were okay. Joe Turner and Phil and Aamir Malik and Steph Costello did a great job. There were bumps in the road, yes, but when thinking of how much work goes into these events, and how much shit they had to deal with by having to find a new venue in a short time and keep the dates the same and actually build a stage on Sunday morning and a million and one other things, they really did a good job. Hundreds of hours of hard work so we could all have a three-day party. They even secured hotel rooms for all of us (this was the first Terrastock where we did not stay with friends and sleep on their couch; we actually had a hotel room with a beautiful view of the river). And of course all the volunteers, especially resident curmudgeon Bob Rudell and his great wife, Lynn, without who much more chaos would have ensued. We had a boxed set to sell at T5. We had the box, and all the art. Our CDs did not show up in time for the weekend, but neither did the Landing/Paik split, the Abunai! 12"s, the new Paik CD - and the Kinski discs came but still had a defect. Sometimes I think I am the only one who has to deal with stupid shit, but I think this time I was just the only one who cried because of it. The bands were awesome. Some of them werent to my taste (Motorpsycho - I didnt care for their whole showmanship thing, but Carl and Paik loved them, which proves again to me that age can have a big effect on liking or disliking music they are all older than me!). Still, Motorpsycho gave a great performance and did a damn good job of making the crowd happy, which is really what were all here for - a weekend of fun and music, so obviously they fit right in. I think all the bands gave a stellar performance. Period. And here is why I think that: do you have any idea how scary it is to play to a group of people who LOVE music? who know about the festivals and have read the old reviews and the Terrascope mag and know what good psych is and on and on? Do you know what that pressure feels like? To know 500, or 600, or 700 people will be watching your every move, taping you, taking pictures, listening with an ear that KNOWS music, an ear that knows what mistakes sound like? Its terrifying. And not just to me, but to my friends who are playing, to the bands Ive only met in passing, to the people I dont know yet. SHIT YOUR PANTS SCARY!!! Just to be able to get on stage and perform under such circumstances is amazing, and then to be good on top of it? Every band there gets my thumbs up for making it through their set in one piece. The first day was scary because we had to play. My brain was fried, and my body shook and I broke out in hives and had an anxiety attack. Carl had to hug me a lot, which is also Daron from Landings job whenever we play together, so I was practically glued to either of them all day. Daron has this incredible grounded energy, and so whenever I turn into a helium filled balloon and need to be brought back to earth, Daron is perfect. He has a big shoulder and a long arm, and just hugs me back into my body. I watched Pat Orchard wring sounds out of his guitar that just swooned, totally gorgeous washes of beauty. I didnt recognise Pat, though, because in my mind he has long thick curly hair, and this time he had very short hair. I was glad the bands were playing according to schedule, or I would have been very confused by Pats change. I saw Stonebreath, and was once again amazed at how intricate and wispy and otherworldly their sound is. They are great musicians on instruments that arent conventional, and they create the soft mythical underworld/ fantasy land sound that accompanies every book on wizards and witches and enchanted forests and fairies in the flowers. Stonebreath are musical storytellers, and fit into the festival brilliantly. I only saw a few moments of Hopewell, and since Jay Russo is a dear friend, I am very sad to have missed their show. Carl and I had personal business to attend to, and had to take a break. (Pretty bad, huh, to have only seen a little of the days offerings and need a break already! I feel like I was such a wimp listeningwise this year). When we got back to the club, we had a short while before the dinner break was over, so Adrienne Snow took me for a long walk through the neighbourhood to help ease my anxiety. She could be a championship walker! When we tour together she and I walk everyday. Even though it was raining it felt good to spend some of my extra energy. Then it was time for the music to resume! The Charalambides were godsends, as watching them helped me prepare for our set. I do not know how Christina sings when she is so nervous - her voice just comes out and is beautiful. The girls were all dressed up (dresses and heels and textured hose - they looked as if about to play about everything, and it shows. What require at least 40). I ran around to with the symphony orchestra) and the I remember from the end of the night ask for help I asked Nick Bevis music was sometimes dark, is a blur of guitars and hugs. A great Saloman (big hug and kiss, How are sometimes light and airy, very pretty end to Friday night. We did not go ya darlin? Nice set, etc, lots of hand guitar swirls that took me right out out - we stopped by Paiks room for a holding, usual Nick sweetness), but of my body. In fact, the beer and a chat, and Robs (Paik no tambourine. I asked Rustic Rod, Charalambides performance relieved guitarist) girlfriend Tonya had just who looked very healthy and in good many of my own performance gotten off the plane to spend the spirits (must be all that singing about anxieties, and I thank them weekend at the festival. She had wild spiders and dentures and crazy stuff immensely for this!! I would have tales to tell about delayed planes and I heard him singing that morning only changed seeing them in one way airport searches and why her favourite which was excellent, by the way, and - if I did not have to play at all, and bra broke just in time - she had balanced out by Nicks riffage and could have just laid down on the floor brought some goodies to Boston in guitar wandering - Ethereal to listen. That would have been a real her bra, and had she been wearing Counterbalance is another of the treat. But I saw the girls onstage, I her under wire bra, she would have festivals staples, and rightfully so knew they were nervous, and I could been intensely searched as the wire they do a great job every time!), and see - they had not fainted or wet their sets off the metal detector and then got a hug and a kiss, but no pants, or thrown up on stage, and she would have been busted! Weird tambourine. He thought he may have therefore I could get up there, too. miracles happen everyday. a line on one, though, and off in a We had to set up while the Major different direction I went. Saw Phil, Stars were on, so I missed most of Saturday there was much stress - asked where Brendan was, got a hug their set, but at least I got to hear not for us, but for our friends. Paik and a kiss (those Englishmen are so some of Waynes guitar. He is great had forgotten a drum/cymbal/ fun!!), and a line on Brendan - but at using an ebow (I still have lots to tambourine thingy (its an integral no tambourine. Then one of the learn, and should watch Wayne and part of their sound) and Landing had Dipsomaniacs ran up and said he had Kurihara more closely from now on). been put in a time slot that only left a tambourine we could borrow, and And I remembered seeing Magic them ten minutes to set up (they it was okay to tape it to Ryans drum Hour back home in Detroit, and what great tones Wayne and Kate get. Then it was time.... I cant describe our performance, but it felt good, and we like playing with Ryan, so we managed to make it through. I feel more relaxed with Ryan on stage, because I feel as if everyone is looking at him, and I become invisible. It gives me a freedom to create that I often times do not feel. I have a hard time improvising if I think people are looking at me! How have I been performing for nine years being this nervous? Well, at least I dont have to use the toilet every 30 seconds like I used to. I have been told there were really cheesy soft core porn bits being shown while we played, which is unfortunate because I just wanted the nice green snow. The porn stuff sort of makes sense though because we have a number of friends who have told us, very openly, I had the best sex the other night while one of your CDs was on! thanks!! and I get all embarrassed because who wants to think about your friends doing it to start with, little to your own music... kind of creepy... but we made it through. We played loud, for once, and we played, what I feel, to be more of a psychedelic piece. It felt good to be loud and free in front of everyone, and I had such a great release when we were done. Sometimes that is why I play - the relief I feel when Im done was worth the nerves I felt before. And then Ghost played. Great as always. Ghost are so professional Some typical Nick sweetness - Photo by Stu Pope kit! Problem one solved. One of the best things about the Terrastock weekends is the amount of helpfulness to be found/had. Everyone involved at one time or another needs to borrow something or lend something, and this adds to the community spirit. Bands come knowing they can lean on each other for support or amps or a beer for the nerves, and it is an asset to the festival each year. Found Brendan Quinn (Stage 2 manager) and asked how to relieve Landing of an only 10 minute set up time, at which point he said the Essex Green could just go on the other stage, and so then Landings stress was relieved. I felt very happy!! (Notice how the hug and kiss part was missing from Brendans description only those English guys have it goin on!). So I saw a little of Greg Weeks, and it was really cold in that room, and despite cold fingers I thought they sounded great. They didnt hit any wrong notes (that I could tell), and were very good about being the sound man/room sound testers of the day. Paik played next. They were awesome. They practice so much and it really showed. Yeah, they were nervous as fuck, but they got up there and acted tough and made it through admirably. Great groove, loud bass, loud guitar, Ryan doing his stick twirl. Im glad they were able to use their own video during their performance, because it adds a lot, and helps the band feel like no one is looking at them. (Why are we all so shy? We need lessons from Motorpsycho!) I loved knowing all the songs, and seeing so many new people discover them. Awesome! I saw a tiny bit of Landing, and had to take a break. This was when I was crying out of frustration that our CDs were at a shipping station in Boston, but I was a nobody to UPS, and so my discs just were not going to be delivered. Carl and I had worked so hard to get them done in time, and I just couldnt take the stress any more. Ali from Paik took me to the bar for a drink and a change of view. (No, I dont mean an attitude adjustment ). I felt like it was okay to miss Landing, because Ive seen them at least 20 times (I am a very lucky girl!) and I knew they would be wonderful. They always are. I also felt bad to miss them, because it was their first Terrastock, and they had seen us at our first. At this point I need to thank Jon Whitney (Brainwashed) who was willing to drive me to the UPS depot, and was the one who just finally told me I had to let go of the idea that the CDs would be coming. He also hugged me while I cried, poor man, which was sweet of him. Im glad he didnt just leave me standing there by myself in the doorway - he was really comforting. That is one of the things that means so much to me about Terrastocks - how many of our friends we get to see that otherwise we just dont get to. But it means Terrastocks are like weddings - you really only have a few minutes to spend with each person you know. I felt very scattered all weekend, and did not spend much time with many people. I saw Surface of Eceon. Adam Forkners wild hair waving! I am positive that Adam is Mark Bolan reborn, right down to the guitar and the flowers and the stories about dragons! The boys on stage just jammin! It was funny for me to see that because they are soooooo mellow when they play as Landing. Loud crazy psychedelic loudness. I did not care for the sound at the back of the room, and it was too packed for me to get much closer. Carl was upfront (enough that he knew Adams socks were hanging off his feet!) and said the upfront sound was just amazing. Everyone I talked to who was up close loved it, and so Im sad I stayed away for too long to have squeezed up there (in the past few years I have developed a fear of being in a place I cant easily escape from, and so I stayed at the back of the room for each band in both rooms) Damon and Naomi are staples of the festival. They played the Turn of the Century song I love so much, and as before they reminded me of two canaries in a bright sun filled room, sweet and pure and lovely. I have always been amazed by Damon & Naomi. I have been a fan for many years. To be able to play at the same festival as them just thrills me. Naomi played her gorgeous red bass, and the harmonium, and she and Damon sang together and made beautiful music. They also did a protest song. One of the only ones the whole weekend. I liked the feeling of seeing something special, being a part of something special. I had never been anywhere that people were protesting, and I liked thinking we as a group were part of something bigger, part of a group of people who had a voice, and could at least try to change the world. Then Tom Rapp played, and made me want to cry (the Rocket Man song was so sad...) and his former wife and singing partner Elizabeth was amazing and I just loved it. I did not know who Tom Rapp was until the first Terrastock, and even then I just did not catch on. Pearls Before Swine? Who? Then I heard the original version of The Jeweler, and some other songs, and I said to myself, These are This Mortal Coil songs! I read the TMC liner notes and saw that Tom had written some of my favourite TMC songs, and found myself feeling rather ignorant about the whole thing. To see Tom do The Jeweler live at T5 was exhilarating, and while he played I could hear the This Mortal Coil version in my head, and the two blended beautifully. People in the crowd gave him so much respect, and I saw this great evidence of music transcending age, and how everyone there was swept up in the moment, and once again on Saturday night I felt really a part of something amazing. Sunday was still cold and rainy, and it was a mostly one-room event from the evening onwards. I did not see much in the way of music, firstly because the room was so crowded, and secondly that it was my last chance to visit with my friends who I only see at events like these. My musical highlight of the day was the Lothars who did an incredible set of earthy droney aboriginal rhythm. Wow!! It was the best Lothars set Ive ever seen! Dean had this mouth instrument that made a great drone and he seemed to be keeping the beat while everyone else droned in deep tones that reverberated through my body. I really loved it. I went on to spend the rest of the day with Kathy and Josh (Harr and her sweetie), Ramona (Lothar lady) and Landing. I just had to spend time with our friends, even if it meant standing out in the rain. At one point I was able to talk to Ben Goldbergs mom on the phone! She is the mother of every band Ben helps out, and she has a heart of gold. And then our time was over, and we went back to the hotel early. We had a 15 hour drive the next day, and thought we should be rested for it. Leaving the club was sad. It was hard to say goodbye to our friends. It meant so much for me to see them, and see that they were alive and okay, and I did not want the weekend to end. I did my best to not cry, especially when I hugged Kathy Harr goodbye, and the members of Landing. We went back to the hotel, and spent a little time with Tom and Christina of the Charalambides. We had a congratulatory drink to welcome them to Kranky Records, the label we now share as home. Then we went to sleep, and started the long drive home the next day. Id like to have seen more bands, but I just cant take in that much of anything in a short period. This is the biggest reason I think this festival works, though - the music is similar and yet diverse enough to let people really indulge in the acts they love, and get a taste of everyone else. And how many other musical events allow this kind of closeness and experience? The audience is comprised of all music fans, whether they are musicians or writers or listeners from the USA or the UK or anywhere else in the world. The bands span from world-renowned to just discovered, and regardless of where they fit into that span they are happy to have been included, happy to meet new fans and new bands, happy to share the joy of the weekend with everyone else there. You just cant get this kind of experience anywhere else. Terrastocks are one of a kind. Terrastock 5 report by: Windy Weber, with an introduction by Phil and additional editing by Will.