You Were Well Loved - CUA Magazine
Transcription
You Were Well Loved - CUA Magazine
By Ellen N. Woods “You Were Above: Neil, center front, with his buddies freshman year in Spellman Hall, circa 1997. Right: Neil, far left, and friends outside their trailer in Curley Court, circa 2000. Well Loved ” In the four years since the murder of a student, friends and family remember the adventurous spirit and joy of a young man and share how they are healing. A small crowd gathered on the grassy Sherman Circle in the Petworth neighborhood of northwest Washington, D.C., on Nov. 8. They had come to plant a flowering crabapple tree. Among the group was a mother, several Catholic University alumni, a priest, a D.C. homicide detective, a federal prosecutor, and the mayor-elect of the nation’s capital. It was a bittersweet day as they shared memories and stories of a young man who was killed near that spot, about three miles from campus, more than four years ago. Some called the day “healing.” Many were struck by the weather. “The bright sun, the color of the leaves. It was as if the day was glowing; it was golden,” said Heidi Godleski, B.A. 1965, who came 24 The Catholic University of America Magazine from her home in Norwalk, Conn., to honor her late son, Neil. “I looked around and I said to myself, ‘You were well loved, Neil.’” “It was a crisp fall day, and it felt like a celebration,” noted Rev. Jude DeAngelo, O.F.M. Conv., University chaplain and director of Campus Ministry. “Some of Neil’s friends were there with their small children. And I thought about how they’ll share stories of Neil with the next generation.” Father Jude had attended a candlelight vigil in Sherman Circle three nights after Neil was murdered on Aug. 22, 2010. On the night of the vigil, a large crowd of Neil’s neighbors, friends, and coworkers gathered to remember him, and to take a stand against violence on city streets. Because of community advocacy resulting from Neil’s death, lights were installed around the circle two years after that vigil. “I thought back to the darkness and sadness of that night more than four years ago as I stood in the circle again,” said Father Jude. “This time, there was a sense of breathing new life into a place where death had occurred. Planting that tree was part of the healing process.” Neil’s classmates Jason Nuzzo, B.A. 1999, and John Falcicchio, B.A. 2001, helped organize the tree planting, working with the National Park Service, city government, and Casey Trees to provide a tree that would thrive in that location. “The tree and the new lights would have been in Neil’s view as he rode his bike home that August night,” said Falcicchio, who has since returned to the tree for reflection. “There is a lot of symbolism there, but it really does feel like we are keeping his spirit lit.” A Circle of Friends for Life Neil Godleski first came to Catholic University in 1997 from Norwalk High School in Connecticut, where he was a wrestling champion. He was excited to attend his mom’s alma mater. He liked the campus, the city, and the people, recalled Heidi. He made fast friends. “I remember those first few days at Spellman Hall. I was a Puerto Rican kid coming from a mostly black high school in Baltimore. I was nervous, not sure I would fit in,” says Vladimir Estrada, B.B.E. 2001. “Neil was the first one to come up to me. He had kind of a hippie vibe to him. He had long hair and he was so chill. People gravitated to him. Whether you knew Neil for five minutes or five years, you were his friend,” said Estrada, a biomedical engineer with the U.S. Army. Matthew Quinn, B.A. 2001, M.A. 2013, also has fond memories of meeting Neil freshman year. “He was always the most fun guy in the room. He was engaging and daring, and lacked pretension. He was quick with a joke or a story, and he was nearly always upbeat and positive,” said Quinn. “He was the best kind of friend you could want, the kind who makes you feel perfectly at ease with who you are because he wasn’t going to pretend anything, so you didn’t have to pretend anything.” Through two years at CUA, Neil’s circle of friends continued to expand. “He was a character. Everything he did was an adventure,” said Estrada, who had “Godleski” tattooed to his left forearm after his friend’s death. One of Estrada’s favorite memories is of Neil streaking through Movies on the Mall. “He had no problem taking the dare, and he even carried sparklers to make it more interesting. I’m laughing right now just thinking about it. That’s the thing about Neil: You can’t help but smile when you think about him. We’ll all be in our 80s and we’ll still be telling Neil stories.” Following his sophomore year, Neil took time off. When he returned, his friends were in their senior year. He lived with them in Curley Court, and when they graduated, he decided to head out into the world with them. He sought new adventures — among them working as a white water rafting guide. But by his late 20s, he realized he wanted a college degree and he wanted it from Catholic University. So he re-enrolled, switching his major from psychology to biology, even though it would require more time and going back to freshman-level basics in some of his courses. A Senseless Loss In August 2010, while pursuing his goal of a biology degree, Neil was living in the Petworth neighborhood and working as a waiter at Phillips Seafood restaurant on the southwest waterfront. He was riding his bike home at 12:30 a.m. on Aug. 22 when he approached Sherman Circle in the bicycle lane. A group of teenagers stood on the other side of the street. One of them fired five shots at Neil as he rode past. The shots missed him but, most likely startled, he fell off his bike. While he was down, the 16-year-old gunman approached Neil and shot and killed him at close range. Reportedly, the killer then made off with about $60 in tips that Neil had earned that night. Spring 2015 25 Photo: Kris Connor Photography Neil (pictured above) was remembered at a community vigil in Sherman Circle shortly after his murder. At 4:30 that morning, two police officers knocked on the front door at the home of Heidi and Dan Godleski in Norwalk. “I knew immediately something terrible had happened. My husband and I were numb. There was an element of the surreal. You can’t believe this is happening to you,” said Heidi. The following day she and her daughter, Maria Elena, visited Heidi’s 94-year-old mother in the assisted living facility where she resides to tell her the horrible news. “It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I didn’t want her to hear it from someone else.” As the Godleskis began to prepare for the funeral of their 31-year-old son, a Mass at St. Vincent’s Chapel on campus drew an overflow crowd of friends, staff, and faculty. After the Mass, Father Jude recalls that Neil’s friends 26 The Catholic University of America Magazine seemed lost. “There must have been about 75 of them. And I told them to stay and sit, and I listened as they shared stories. They needed to be together.” The family held a visitation on Aug. 25, followed by the funeral the next morning. “The very first person to walk through the door of the funeral home for Neil’s wake was President John Garvey. He had just become President that summer, and didn’t even know our Neil, but there he was. I will never forget it.” Neil’s funeral was filled with more than 200 family members and friends from throughout his life — still reeling with disbelief and anger at the senseless loss of a young man who never wished anyone harm. “It was gut wrenching,” recalled Stephen Balshi, B.B.E. 2001, Neil’s freshman-year roommate. “I had never been to a funeral before for someone who hadn’t died from illness or old age. He was my good friend, so full of life. It was hard to comprehend his loss, so sudden and from such a violent, senseless act. We were trying to celebrate his life, but we were falling apart,” said Balshi, a biomedical engineer. “Neil was always the one who walked out of the rubble,” said Nuzzo, who works at a Washington, D.C., consulting firm. Neil’s friends love to tell a story of him getting hit by a car while riding his motorcycle in D.C. He called that old motorcycle the “washerdryer combo” because it sounded like the combination of an unbalanced washing machine and a dryer that is full of change. “A car blew a stop sign and Neil crashed right into it, flipped up on the hood, and pounded on the windshield as the shocked driver forgot to apply the brake,” said Quinn. “When the driver did stop, they assessed the damage. Neil was fine. He had literally landed on his feet. His bike had a broken taillight, but was fine. The guy’s car, well, the axle was cracked in half and was undriveable. Neil got on his bike, met me for lunch, and then drove up to his white water rafting job for the summer.” It was stories like these that made it hard for Neil’s friends to believe what had happened to him when they first received the news of his death. “We had every reason to believe that he was invulnerable because he got himself into and out of so many hair-raising scrapes, and if you were his wingman, you could be sure that you would get out of them, too,” said Quinn. And when they initially heard his murder was a robbery gone bad, Neil’s friends had further reason for disbelief. “If somebody had stopped him for money he would have given it without a fight. In fact he was always giving money to people who needed it even when he didn’t have much of it himself,” said Falcicchio. “Neil was the one person this kid [the shooter] should have known in his life,” said Nuzzo. “That was one of the saddest things for us to process. Neil would have stopped for him, he would have cared about him.” Still in Their Lives In the years since Neil’s murder, his friends and family have struggled through stages of grief. Heidi said talking about Neil and honoring his memory have been the most helpful. And it is sometimes the simplest gestures that make the biggest difference, she said. “We attended a University Mass of Remembrance at CUA in the fall after Neil died. The rugby team came, all wearing chinos and black knit shirts, such a sign of respect. Neil played on the rugby team during his earlier years at Catholic. But these students didn’t even know him.” Some of those same players stopped by the Godleski home the following year while playing a tournament in New England. They stayed for dinner and listened while the Godleskis told them about their son. But that willingness to listen is not always the norm. “So often, people avoid mentioning him to us to spare our feelings. But it has quite the opposite effect; it makes us miss him more,” said Heidi. So she has worked to keep his name in the conversation. Through the Division of University Advancement, the Godleskis have established an endowed scholarship. The Neil Godleski Scholarship assists nontraditional students (those older than 22), either first-time or returning students like Neil. There also is a scholarship in Neil’s name at Norwalk High School, where Heidi spent the first 10 years of her career as a Spanish teacher. Neil’s parents, Dan and Heidi, received his honorary bachelor’s degree at Commencement 2011 from then Dean of Arts and Sciences L.R. Poos. His high school hosts the annual Neil Godleski Invitational wrestling tournament. “It brings out so many of Neil’s childhood friends and they love to tell stories about him,” said Heidi, who jumps at any opportunity to tell you about a little boy who loved to keep up with his big sister. Neil and Maria Elena each learned to swim by age 2. Their mother taught them Spanish at an early age, and they quickly became fluent. “They taught swimming to children who were learning English as a second language. It was an early introduction for them in the joy of helping others,” said Heidi. Neil was a natural athlete who took up the martial art of Tang Soo Do with his dad. Neil went on to earn his black belt and compete in tournaments. Even in high school he exhibited the same selflessness his CUA classmates would come to prize. He was once named an American Red Cross Hero of the Year for organizing a fundraiser for a high school classmate whose house burned down on Christmas Eve. One of Heidi’s most precious memories is a trip to Mexico. When she was a student at CUA in the 1960s, she went on a summer mission trip to Mexico. She stayed with a host family, with whom she has kept in touch to this day. A year before Neil was killed, he and his mom took a trip together to Mexico and stayed with that same family. “I was so happy to see them get to know my son. Of course I had no idea how much that trip would come to mean to me.” Two years after the murder that grabbed the attention of D.C. media due to its heinousness, the Godleskis’ resolve to honor Neil’s memory was on full display. Every day for three weeks in September 2012, the family sat in D.C. Superior Court for the trial of the teenager accused of murdering Neil. “During those weeks my husband and I liked to stop on campus. We would eat at the student center. It was somehow comforting to be surrounded by young people. And we stopped to see Father Jude in Campus Ministry or to see President Garvey in Nugent Hall. And then we would always stop in the Basilica to pray.” Heidi says her faith has been essential. “The simple act of prayer has been soothing, and of course knowing that we will be reunited again one day with our son.” The jury deliberated for three days. The Godleskis left for home before the verdict, too emotionally exhausted to wait it out. The prosecutor called them with the news of a guilty verdict. “There was some closure in knowing there was justice for our son, but it doesn’t fill the hole in our lives,” said Heidi. Dan, Maria Elena, and Heidi came back to Washington in December for the sentencing and read victim statements before the court and the perpetrator, detailing the toll of their loss. The young man who murdered Neil — a ward of the city’s Department of Youth Rehabilitative Services at the time of the murder — was sentenced to 42 years in prison. “I still think about Neil a lot,” said close friend Matthew Quinn. “I found a way to forgive the individual who took him away, but I still struggle with the hole that’s left in my life from his absence. When my son was born two years after his death, I gave him the middle name of Neil because he is like family to us, and my children will know him through the stories we tell. I try to remember that I need to love my life because Neil loved his so intensely.” To the tree planting in November, Heidi brought handmade felt cardinals for those in attendance. They hung the small red birds on the tree and many kept a cardinal to remember their friend. Falcicchio placed his cardinal on the window sill in his office at the John A. Wilson Building (D.C.’s city hall), where he works as chief of staff for Mayor Muriel Bowser. “It is a constant reminder of the good work left to be done in Neil’s name,” said Falcicchio. Nuzzo and his 2-year-old son, Porter, hung the cardinal on their Christmas tree. Porter was born on Aug. 22, 2012, “bringing needed joy to a very sad anniversary,” said Nuzzo. Father Jude put his cardinal on a shelf in his room where he keeps mementos from his life. “Neil’s cardinal is a little icon for me — reminding me to pray for all those who have died by senseless violence, and of a mother who chose a creature that can fly to represent her son and his flight to God.” Web Extra: As we put this issue of the magazine together, we realized we had a similar theme in two stories — the tragic loss of a young person. (See “Celebrating Jamie,” page 14.) So we called on two University experts to address the topic of grief. To read an interview with Monroe Rayburn, director of the Counseling Center, and Father Jude DeAngelo, University chaplain and director of Campus Ministry, visit cua-magazine.cua.edu. Spring 2015 27