the guide to being a modern gentleman.

THE GUIDE TO BEING A
MODERN GENTLEMAN.
CREATED BY THE SCHOOL OF LIFE & MINI CLUBMAN.
Let’s set the scene…
More exposed than ever to public scrutiny – be
that online or in ‘real life’ – men are increasingly
concerned with their public personas. They are
investing more in fashion and grooming products
than ever before. In the last ten years, the number
of male grooming brands has almost quadrupled,
and men in their thirties or forties spend the
equivalent of almost a day’s wages every month
on their grooming regime.
SOME NEW RULES
ARE CALLED FOR.
But for the modern gentleman, looking good
and dressing well is less about narcissistic
peacocking and more about showing respect for
others while developing your own unique sense of
style. And it’s not just about knowing not to turn
up to your best friend’s wedding in the wrong
colour suit. The true gentleman spends time on
the more challenging task of learning to feel
comfortable in his own skin, whatever skin type
that might be.
The grooming industry isn’t the only area that’s
seen rapid growth. Since 2006, the number of
small companies started by those under thirtyfive has doubled, with three quarters of these
entrepreneurial ventures being led by men.
In a world where jobs for life are a distant
memory, the modern gentleman embraces change
and relishes the opportunity to go it alone.
Entrepreneurial and creative pursuits don’t just
revolve around ambitious new business ideas.
They are an essential part of everyday leisure
time, too. Men today are willing to spend longer
preparing a meal than women, and report that
they enjoy the process of cooking more than
women – demonstrating that today’s modern
gentleman is savouring new avenues of creative
self-expression.
The practical options for the modern man –
whether launching new business ventures,
travelling to far-flung climes, sampling
new cuisines or selecting from a myriad of
moisturisers – are wider than ever before. But the
core ingredients of being a modern gentleman
– consideration, respect and self-assured
confidence – arguably haven’t changed much in
the last 2,000 years.
We asked some of today’s primary influencers to
help us explore what being a modern gentleman
really means…
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WHAT MAKES
A GENTLEMAN
IN 2015?
What does it mean to be a ‘gentleman’ in today’s complex society?
Google it and you’ll find the term defined as a ‘civilised, educated, sensitive,
well-mannered man’. Given this definition, few would argue that it’s not
a moniker to aspire to. The core principles of confidence, consideration
and respect for others remain rock solid. However, in our interconnected
world, and specifically in today’s diverse, freethinking, yet image-conscious
Britain, the guidelines for gentlemanly conduct have moved on from our
fathers’ generation.
Take Daniel Craig. David Beckham. Eddie Redmayne.
Very different personalities. Very different examples of what it means to be a
gentleman today.
Driven? Yes.
Well groomed? Yes.
Comfortable in their own skin? Absolutely.
The challenge for the modern gentleman is to take care of the multifaceted
image you present to the world while remaining true to your inner values
and beliefs.
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GROOMING.
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GROOMING.
BY LEE KYNASTON
Described in the Financial Times as the “ideal
grooming editor” Lee Kynaston is one of the UK’s
most experienced male grooming experts, having
spent eight years on Men’s Health as Grooming
Editor.
‘All it comes down to is this: I feel like shit but
look great.’ Bret Easton Ellis, American Psycho.
Us men have recently cottoned on to something
that women have known for centuries: when you
feel rough inside, the best place to start is on
the outside. In other words, ‘Fake it ’til you make
it.’ As Oscar Wilde pointed out, it’s only shallow
people who don’t judge by appearances. And when
you look good, the world is more receptive.
The way men look after their appearance has
undergone a revolution in the last twenty years.
Where once a moisturiser might have been
considered outré, it now seems to be the bedrock
of every man’s grooming regime. It’s easy to fall
prey to anxiety and insecurity on these fronts,
especially in the face of advertisements and
Photoshopped media icons.
So yes, it helps enormously to enjoy your
grooming routine; but our long term aim is to use
the confidence that comes with looking good to
feel completely at home in our own skin.
RULE 1:
BE WELL GROOMED, NOT OVER-PREENED
Good grooming is like a magic trick: people
should be impressed by the results, but in the
dark about how you achieved them. Overdo the
fragrance, teeth whitening or eyebrow taming
and you just show the world your sleight of hand.
RULE 2:
CREATE YOUR OWN RITUAL
Many cultures (from the ancient Greeks and
Jews to the modern Japanese and Scandinavians)
practise bathing as a ritual. Hot water is relaxing,
yet invigorating like little else – that’s why some
of our best thoughts can come to us in the shower.
But take the time out from here on in to really ‘be’
in the shower, to quell the monkey mind and to
really feel the water on your skin and the scent
of the products you use. It’s not just the female of
the species that’s worth it.
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BUSINESS & ENTREPRENEURIALISM.
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BUSINESS &
ENTREPRENEURIALISM.
BY JOHN-PAUL FLINTOFF
John-Paul Flintoff is a writer, performer and coach.
His books have been published in 14 languages
worldwide. The latest, How to Change The World,
is a practical manual designed to help readers
identify the changes they want to see – and to
overcome the obstacles that might otherwise hold
them back. Previously John-Paul enjoyed a 15-year
career as a writer on The Financial Times and The
Sunday Times.
Entrepreneurialism is often associated with fame,
wealth and a willingness to take risks. However,
entrepreneurs are really in the business of
providing solutions.
Having identified a specific opportunity, the
entrepreneur rises above any fear of failure to
rapidly prototype solutions. They see setbacks
and other people’s objections as useful feedback.
They don’t get defensive or discouraged, but
simply improve the prototypes accordingly.
Last, and best of all, they work hard to share their
solution with others. In this digital age, with the
rise of social media and blogs, sharing has never
been easier and, in the case of the entrepreneur,
more potentially profitable. But the point of
entrepreneurship is to make people’s lives better.
It follows a message of service. In other words:
when life fires arrows, we can choose to catch
them, transform them into flowers, and find a way
to share those flowers with others.
their day. Have thirty minutes of time out per day.
RULE 1:
EMBRACE RISK
What sorts the men from the boys is how far they
embrace risk and the inevitable brushes with
failure that risk entails. Problems and pains are
your best feedback when it comes to refining and
improving your ideas. Pinpoint something in your
recent past that went wrong. A relationship? A
conversation? A work project? What you learn
will mean that whatever the short-term verdict,
the risk you embraced will pay off in the long run.
RULE 2:
STAY AGILE
Thinking like an entrepreneur requires not
holding on stubbornly when circumstances
change. Agility means choosing the things in
your life (from our skills and mindset to bags and
cars) for their adaptability and agility as well.
RULE 3:
TAKE A MOMENT
Sometimes, to move forward, you just need to
stop. Modern life is so busy we forget to think,
but time is often the best brain food. You need it
to keep evolving, innovating and improving, and
the most successful people in the world are the
ones who find a way to fit solitary thinking into
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FASHION.
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FASHION.
BY SAMANTHA CLARKE
Samantha Clarke is a style therapist and personal
brand educator, working with clients from
graduates to CEO’s on clothing and confidence.
Samantha teaches a class on ‘Dressing Well’ at
The School of Life.
The ideology of continual change currently rules
the fashion world. The race to create new looks
can make us feel that we are never acting, or
reacting, fast enough. Plato once said that ‘the
excessive increase of anything must cause a
reaction in the opposite direction’.
Now is the time to embrace the brave
responsibility to stand firm when the style
rat race charges ahead in various different
directions. By sticking to your own path, you
shun the need for quantity over quality and begin
to appreciate the present moment, rather than
jumping blindly from fad to fad. Confidence in
your own ‘look’ is essential in a crowded and busy
world: it implies efficiency but without any loss of
grace. And having an authentic style shows how
powerful you can be. As Mark Twain remarked:
‘Clothes make the man. Naked people have little
or no influence on society.’
True style isn’t just about sustainability and
breaking the fast fashion cycle. It’s about finetuning certain aspects of your wardrobe and your
life so that it has more character and becomes
more productive and resolute.
RULE 1:
COMBINE STYLE WITH SUSTAINABILITY
You’ve heard before that finding timeless
classics is important – even if it’s a bit more
expensive. This is true, but remember that
doesn’t just have to do with money but also
patience, thoughtfulness and ethics. Classic
fashion means shopping consciously. Take the
time to concentrate on timeless materials, fit and
construction that are in harmony with your body
and mind.
RULE 2:
CONSTRUCT A WARDROBE MANIFESTO
Your wardrobe should reflect a style that truly
reflects you, so continuously detox items and
clutter that do not serve you. Once you’ve written
your manifesto, purge a section of your wardrobe
ruthlessly. Think of it as a wardrobe workout, and
lose the flab.
RULE 3:
STAND OUT AS A STYLE LEADER
At its best, your style should be instinctive. The
designs and brands you choose are a message
to others about who you are and what you value.
When you know your style and shun the trendy
fluctuations, you stand out as a leader. So go with
your gut instinct, don’t self-censor. Eccentric
quirkiness is a great British tradition.
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HEALTH & WELLBEING.
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HEALTH &
WELLBEING.
BY DAVID WATERS
David Waters is a journalist who writes on men’s
lifestyle for UK and international newspapers and
magazines including the Telegraph, the New York
Observer and Departures. He is a qualified Yoga
teacher and The School of Life’s Relationship MOT
therapist.
In the past there’s been a tendency to divide the
world into ‘mind’ people and ‘body’ people, and
never the twain shall meet. Today, we recognise
that physical training is often a very necessary
part of any ‘mental’ work, hence the rise of yoga,
Pilates and new forms of ‘mind fitness’. Certain
Buddhist monks, for example, learn kung fu
primarily so that they can withstand the rigorous
hours of mindfulness meditation. The one is
training for the other.
Today’s sharp gentleman similarly lives his life
holistically. He understands that how he treats
his body affects his mind, and vice versa, that
there’s no real separation between the two. An
improvement in one area is often what unlocks
improvement in another.
RULE 1
PRACTICE YOUR OWN SPORTS PSYCHOLOGY
Playing sport doesn’t just build muscle and lung
capacity. It helps you to refine your ability to
strategise and practise collaboration and fair
play. By observing your knee-jerk emotions and
choosing to respond rather than react, you can
change your behaviour on and off the field, court
or mat.
RULE 2
KEEP MOVING
It seems odd that we often stand on the escalator
on the way to a gym class. Exercise begins the
moment you get up in the morning. The ‘active
living’ movement helps us to understand this.
Man was never meant to be sedentary. Walking
up the stairs, washing the car, and having sex can
all increase our fitness without a sweaty gym bag
in sight.
Some say that exercise is the new religion – that
gyms are the new cathedrals. Perhaps this is a
bit extreme. But it reveals a larger truth: physical
fitness can be very important, partially because
it’s always a subset of a much bigger theme: living
a good life.
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FOOD & DRINK.
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FOOD &
DRINK.
BY JENNY LINFORD
Jenny Linford is a freelance food writer, a member
of the Guild of Food Writers and author of fifteen
books on food and drink, ranging from cookery
books to ingredient guides.
The days when food was simply fuel are long
gone. Today’s modern gentleman is allowed
to revel in food, both cooking and eating it. A
modern man is a food geek. Enthusiasm – to the
point of glorious, nerdy obsession – is permitted,
even expected.
In a glossy digital age, the raw realities of how
food and drink is made have a real potency. They
capture our imagination and speak to us of a
more wholesome age, one in closer touch with
nature and our own bodies. Hence the rise of
butchery courses, beekeeping, baking, brewing,
cheese-making. These foods reconnect us with
nature; they remind us that we are not just minds
but organic bodies that need the right fuel to
thrive. The satisfactions offered by learning
about the craft of food are profound and merit
exploration.
When it comes to eating out, a thoughtful modern
man also embraces the democracy of dining.
Michelin-starred restaurants have their place in
his affections, but so too do street food stalls,
burger joints, noodle bars…
In a world of fast-changing, innovative food fashions, the modern man
expects the unexpected and acquires an imperturbable insouciance. Deepfried locusts, liquid nitrogen ice cream, sipping cocktails on a lake of gin –
he embraces all new culinary experiences with effortless sophistication.
RULE 1:
MAKE MEALS A COMMUNAL AFFAIR
The philosopher Epicurus refused to eat any meal unless he had friends
around to share it. Indeed, the word ‘companionship’ comes from the two
words ‘com’ (with) and ‘pain’ (bread). Too many of us eat alone, and by doing
so we take away one of the greatest aspects of mealtimes. Sharing food with
good company and taking time to relish it is one of life’s simple but profound
pleasures.
RULE 2:
LEARN A SIGNATURE DISH
Many of the best restaurants don’t have lengthy menus because they
recognise the value in perfecting a small range of dishes. Great chefs
understand the satisfaction of working on a signature dish, tweaking it until
it reaches perfection. Choose a dish that you can experiment with in the
kitchen and enjoy ‘perfecting’ it.
RULE 3:
MAKE DINING INTERESTING
For many of us, our busy lives mean that we have fewer and fewer
opportunities to engage in creative pursuits. Make dining interesting.
Drive to new places, go a little further afield. Cultivate an open-minded,
adventurous approach to eating and drinking, and dine out differently once
a fortnight. The world is your oyster/razor clam/cockle.
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TRAVEL & LEISURE.
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TRAVEL &
LEISURE.
BY DAVID BAKER
David Baker was the launch managing editor of
Wired magazine in the UK. His work has appeared
in numerous publications globally. He teaches a
variety of classes at The School of Life, including
How to Balance Work with Life and How to Travel.
It’s time for us gentlemen to take a fresh approach
to our travel and leisure activities. We could start
by calling our free time ‘time on’ rather than ‘time
off’. It is, after all, time to redress our work-life
balance and reaffirm the things we value most.
Leisure gives us opportunities to move
comfortably outside our comfort zones. We’re not
talking training for a once-a-year triathlon, or
throwing ourselves into new projects that soon
feel like a second job here. Today’s gent builds
trying new things into the fabric of his life by
gently exploring the world and discovering new
ways it can thrill and make him feel truly alive.
The trick is to go exploring in your five-to-nine,
which in turn can give you fresh energy for your
nine-to-five.
As the master of reflection, Marcel Proust said:
‘The real voyage of discovery consists not in
seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.’
RULE 1
NEVER STOP LEARNING
Make a list of things you’d never think of doing. It
might be learning to tango, trying wild swimming
or something simple like going to the cinema on
your own. Try one out one weekend. Cut loose
from the invisible chains of habits, and break out
of your comfort zone.
•
•
•
Go somewhere new in your local area
Go on holiday, but don’t have a plan other
than to explore
Change your route to work
RULE 2
BROADEN YOUR DEFINITION OF CULTURE
While museums, theatre and art-house cinemas
offer cultural enrichment, there are plenty more
options. Ask a friend from a different culture to
teach you how to cook a traditional dish, research
online and go to a lecture or explore a new
musical genre.
RULE 3
STOP TAKING PICTURES AND LEARN TO DRAW
Smartphones can make us spectators in our own
lives, never truly immersed in the moment. If you
want a picture to remember things by, put your
phone down and create one later from your own
efforts. (You don’t have to hang it on the wall.)
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