Roanoke gayzette - Council of Community Services

The Drop-In Center’s
Roanoke gayzette
Serving the GLBTQ Community of Southwestern Virginia
Volume 4 Issue 2
The Coming
“It’s not that I don’t trust my instincts, I
just think knowledge is the only thing that
can keep me safe anymore.”
Many Men, Many Voices
For Gay & Bi Men of Color
October 22nd 12-5pm
The Drop-In Center 356 Campbell Ave, SW
Downtown Roanoke
$$ Cash Incentive $$
Lunch Provided
10 spots available, Call to reserve yours
540-982-2437
Or email [email protected]
October 2011
Out Issue
Roanoke TRANSformation
Drop In, Get Tested
Free and Confidential HIV Testing
is a social support group for individuals who
no longer identify as the sex they were assigned at birth and have transitioned, are transitioning, or are considering transitioning.
The Drop-In Center
356 Campbell Ave.. S.W.
Roanoke, VA 24016
Phone: (540) 982-2437
The 3rd Tuesday
of every month
6pm-7:30pm
The Drop-In Center
356 Campbell Ave SW
Downtown Roanoke.
For more information call
540-982.2437 or email
[email protected]
HIV+ Support Group
From 6:00-7:30 pm
The 4th Tuesday
Of every month.
The Drop-In Center
356 Campbell Ave,
Downtown Roanoke
For more information, please call
540-982-2437 or email [email protected]
Director
Pam Meador
[email protected]
Center Manager
Ann Sprouse
[email protected]
Program Coordinator
Kristen Rice
[email protected]
Case Manager
Mary Leigh Capps
[email protected]
Project Specialist
Emily King
[email protected]
Project Specialist
Carl Jones
[email protected]
ADVERTIZING OPPORTUNITIES
The Drop-In Center
The Roanoke Gayzette will be offering ad
space for sale in our upcoming issues.
has new hours!
Don‟t miss this great opportunity to put your
business or organization‟s information directly in the hands of your customers!
M-F 9am-1pm & 2pm-6pm
Contact us to discuss YOUR advertizing opportunities with the Roanoke Gayzette!
[email protected]
Or call 540.982.2437
This newsletter is meant to provide the most up to
date information available relating to issues of transgender persons, women who have sex with women,
and men who have sex with men. Information presented is not to be considered medical advice, nor
does it constitute an endorsement by the Council of
Community Services, its staff or volunteers. Medical
and treatment decisions should be made with the
consultation of a medical professional.
PAGE 2
PAGE 19
Notes from The Condom Lady
Hello! Happy October! October is such an
amazing month…Coming Out Awareness…
Halloween…fall…and Breast Cancer Awareness month.
Now, on to this issue’s article; we will be
looking at breast cancer/breast disease.
This issue has personally affected me. My
grandmother and my mother had breast cancer in both breasts. Several years ago, I had
to have a lump removed and the scare was
so horrible that I want to make sure everyone understands basic knowledge and risks.
So please read and take note…
After skin cancer, breast cancer is the
most common cancer among women. One
out of every three U.S. women diagnosed
with cancer receives a diagnosis of breast
cancer. The American Cancer Society estimates that 230,480 new cases of invasive
breast cancer will be diagnosed in 2011 and
39,520 will die from the disease. Only lung
cancer accounts for more cancer deaths in
women.
Breast cancer is not exclusively a disease
of women. For every 100 women with breast
cancer, one male will develop the disease.
The American Cancer Society estimates that
2,140 men will develop the disease this year.
The evaluation of men with breast masses is
similar to that in women, including mammography.
Risk Factors
Getting older.
Being younger when you first had your
menstrual period.
Starting menopause at a later age.
Being older at the birth of your first child.
Never giving birth.
Not breastfeeding.4
Personal history of breast cancer or some
non-cancerous breast diseases.
Family history of breast cancer (mother,
sister, daughter).
Treatment with radiation therapy to the
breast/chest.
Being overweight (increases risk for breast
cancer after menopause).
Long-term use of hormone replacement
therapy (estrogen and progesterone
combined).
Having changes in the breast cancerrelated genes BRCA1 or BRCA2.
Using birth control pills, also called oral
contraceptives.
Drinking alcohol (more than one drink a
day).
Not getting regular exercise
Early Signs
New lump in the breast or underarm
(armpit).
Thickening or swelling of part of the
breast.
Irritation or dimpling of breast skin.
Redness or flaky skin in the nipple area
or the breast.
Pulling in of the nipple or pain in the
nipple area.
Nipple discharge other than breast
milk, including blood.
Any change in the size or the shape of
the breast.
Pain in any area of the breast
Women’s breasts can develop some
degree of lumpiness, but only a small percentage of lumps are malignant. While a
history of breast cancer in the family may
lead to increased risk, most breast cancers are diagnosed in women with no family history. If you have a family history of
breast cancer, this should be discussed
with your doctor. Additionally, having any
other risk factors for breast cancer does
not mean that you will get breast cancer,
but anyone with risk factors should talk to
their doctor about ways to lower risk and
regular screening. Early detection of
breast cancer means more treatment options and a much better chance of survival.
Facts
Seventy percent of all breast cancers are
found through breast self-exams. Not all
lumps are detectable by touch.
Eight out of ten breast lumps are not cancerous. If you find a lump, don’t paniccall your doctor for an appointment.
PAGE 18
Mammography is a low-dose X-ray examination that can detect breast cancer up to
two years before it is large enough to be
felt.
When breast cancer is found early, the five
-year survival rate is 96%. Over 2 million
breast cancer survivors are alive in America today!
Detection
An early breast cancer detection plan
should include:
Clinical breast exam every three years
from ages 20-39, then every year thereafter.
Monthly breast self-exams beginning at
age 20. Look for any changes in your
breast.
Baseline mammogram by age 40.
Mammogram every one to two years for
women 40-49.
Mammogram every year for women over
50.
A low-fat diet, regular exercise, and no
smoking or drinking.
How to do a Breast Self-Examination
IN THE SHOWER Fingers flat, move gently
over every part of each breast. Use your
right hand to examine left breast, left hand
for right breast.
Check for any lump, hard knot or thickening. Carefully observe any changes in your
breasts.
BEFORE A MIRROR Inspect your breasts
with arms at your sides. Next, raise your
arms high overhead.
Look for any changes in contour of each
breast, a swelling, a dimpling of skin or
changes in the nipple. Then rest palm on
hips and press firmly to flex your chest
muscles. Left and right breasts will not exactly match - few women's breasts do.
LYING DOWN Place pillow under right
shoulder, right arm behind your head. With
fingers of left hand flat, press right breast
gently in small circular motions, moving
vertically or in a circular pattern covering
the entire breast. Use light, medium and
firm pressure. Squeeze nipple; check for
discharge and lumps. Repeat these steps
for your left breast.
A Letter From The Editor
Inside this issue:
“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anaïs Nin
Page 2
Staff & Center Information
October 11th is National Coming Out Day. Whether you‟re celebrating the fact
that you‟re out, coming out in a new situation, or if you‟re contemplating taking
that step for the first time, this day is for you. It‟s also for the people that you
will, or have, come out to; it‟s a beautiful thing to have someone feel that they
can confide in you and trust your friendship in that way.
Page 4
Backstreet Cafe
We have some great resources to help you come out or to help the people
you‟re coming out to, we have a couple of really good coming out stories, and
we have some celebration of the end of Don‟t Ask, Don‟t Tell which is enabling
the people who fight for our freedom to experience a little more freedom in
their own lives.
But there‟s so much more going on in October! It‟s also Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Pam Meador gives you a good spoonful of info about Breast Cancer in both women and men as well as how to do a self breast exam in Notes
From The Condom Lady. Save First Base! Save The Ta-Tas! Save your life or
the life of someone you love, check yourself, get regular mammograms if
you‟re in the age/risk factor groups for which they‟re recommended and remind the people you love. Get more information about breast cancer at the
American Cancer Society and Center for Disease Control and Prevention‟s
websites.
Lastly, one of my favorite holidays; Halloween. We even managed to squeeze
in a little ditty with some fun and funny Halloween costume ideas. We hope
you enjoy and have a safe and fun Halloween.
We have two new regular contributors making their debuts in this issue! Blair
Celli is a talented local writer who has recently embarked (with her partner of
ten years) on a new and exciting journey of motherhood...to twins, no less!
She will be sharing her adventures with us in her new column starting in the
next issue. By way of an introduction, Blair is sharing her coming out story on
page 9 of this issue. Also, we have received some amazing cartoons from
Louie. This guy draws so much and gave me so many choices for this issue, it
was hard to choose! But I think you‟ll get a good giggle out of his work, so
make sure to check him out on page 17 of this issue.
So, why an October issue? Well, The Roanoke Gayzette is revamping it‟s publication schedule. Our first issue of the year has always been the Pride Issue,
but the way that made the other issues fall was creating difficulty for some of
our advertisers and contributors, so we decided to switch things up a little. We
will have a Nov/Dec issue to close out 2011 and then start our Fifth Volume
with the Jan/Feb 2012 issue. I hope that clears things up!
And, finally, a piece of advice: “The next time someone asks you, „Hey, howdja
get to be a homosexual anyway?‟ tell them, „Homosexuals are chosen first on
talent, then in interview...then the swimsuit and evening gown competition
pretty much gets rid of the rest of them.‟” ~ Karen Williams
We hope you have a great October and look for our Nov/Dec Issue to be out in
just one month!
Page 5
Coming Out Resources
Page 6
Halloween Costume Ideas
Page 7
Twunny with Bunny
N
NEW
Page 9
E!
Coming Out by Blair Celli W!
Page 10
The Rainbow Minute &
Fashionista Roanoke
Page 11
Along the Yellow Brick Road:
Meandering with Joe Cobb
Page 12
Community Center Update
Page 13
Pride Update
Page 15
Dear World, Meet Cheryl
Page 17
!
W A Cartoon by Louie
NE
Page 18
Notes from the Condom Lady
Page 19
The Park
“No matter how
far in or out of
the closet you
are, you still have
a next step.”
~Unknown
~emily
PAGE 3
Twunny with Bunny
Continued from p. 16
BUNNY: Well that sounds like something I might wear… I was expecting
a beehive!
356 Salem Ave
Downtown Roanoke
Join us for drink specials Tues & Wed Nights!!
Cabaret Night Every Thursday!
Show Times at 9:30, 10:30, & 11:30
Mon October 31st
Open Halloween Night
With Drink Specials!
Thurs October 13th
Talent Night
Thurs October 20th
Cabaret Variete‟
Question 18 BUNNY: I„m a huge TV
head and for some reason „Designing
Women‟ popped into my head while
preparing for our interview (LOL). As
a „designing‟ women yourself, which
of the following characters do you
most identify with?
Julia Sugarbaker Mary Jo Shively
Charleen Frazier-Stillfield Suzanne
Sugarbaker
BABS: Why Susanne of course, I‟m
an ol‟ pageant queen just like her.
Now I‟ve never twirled a baton, throwing it higher and faster than anyone
ever has before, but Bunugarbaker, I
find myself more like her than the
rest.
Question 19 BUNNY:You have put
together some of the most creative,
award winning talent numbers for
yourself and others. They always inspire me. What inspires you when
creating?
BABS: I would love to say that I have
some magic ball that gives me these
crazy idea, BunBetty, I can only say
it‟s the person that gives me the inspiration. I use their limitations to give
me my perimeters and then I zero in
on their strengths. Some people
dance, some do comedy and some
are serious….then I go from that point
forward. I believe a road trip by myself or with my friend Betty usually
proves the most successful for me!!
Question 20 BUNNY:Last December
you were named The Park„s
„Entertainer of the Year„, an honor
well deserved after your years of
dedication to the GLBTQA entertainment community and the GLBTQA
community as a whole. As your year
as EOY winds down, what thoughts
are going through your mind?
A Cartoon by Louie
Thurs November 3rd
Original Cabaret
Friday November 4th
Free Oral Rapid
HIV TESTING
Thurs October 7th
Halloween Show!
Sat October 29th
Halloween Party!
By The Drop-In Center
Test drive your costume!!
9pm-12am
$5 Gift Card to all who test!
Come down and play a game of pool!
Try our delicious dinner items!
PAGE 17
PAGE 4
BABS: After 30 years of performing,
producing, managing, supporting,
tucking, pinning, duct taping, sponsoring and dressing all of those female
and male impersonators, male leads
and now female leads, I have paid my
dues. If I could give the most important advice it would be, don‟t have
babies and name them after you until
you have perfected your own art and
grown up!!! Babies shouldn‟t have
babies! Give yourself time to become
the best entertainer you can be and
then you‟ve earned the right to give
others advice! I wish the next Entertainer of the Year the best luck possible and enjoy the limelight while it
lasts!
Thanks so much Bunvira, for thinking
of me! I‟ve enjoyed your unusual array of questions and the humor and
talent you give us! You‟re my she-ro!!!
I am queer and I am coming out
for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality this National Coming Out Day because too many of
us still can‟t.
I am queer and I am coming out
for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality this National Coming Out Day because we need to
connect and get to work! There‟s a
new generation coming behind us.
What are we going to give them?
I am queer and I am coming out
for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality this National Coming Out Day because people told
me I couldn‟t. I can, I did, and it‟s
AWESOME.
You know Greggie, I think maybe
it does get better…if we make it better.
Happy Coming Out Day, y‟all!
l
y
r
e
h
C
The Fellowship
Bowling League
Will be holding an
organizational meeting
at
AMF Hilltop Lanes
on Williamson Rd.
Sunday Oct. 16th
at 2pm
For more info, call Sheena at
Hilltop Lanes
540-366-8879
Pride Update
Twunny with Bunny
Continued from p. 12
or finding new homes for animals
that needed love and care, there
was something for everyone. And
our food and drink vendors had
favorites from years past as well
as some newcomers!
Continued from p. 8
I would like to take a moment
before wrapping up the wrap up of
Pride in the Park to acknowledge
our sponsors. Without them, this
amazing event that we put on
each year would not be possible
and it would not be FREE! Sponsors like Wells Fargo, MCCBR,
and Bank of America help out
Roanoke Pride so much, as well
as our other sponsors. And thank
you to all of those individuals that
saw Cody Hudson and became a
“Friend of Roanoke Pride!” Remember to like them on Facebook!
All in all, it was the most amazing Pride in the Park to date! The
feedback has been incredible. On
behalf of Roanoke Pride, Inc., I‟d
like to say THANK YOU to EVERYONE that came out to support
Roanoke Pride, to support your
family, friends, and allies, and to
everyone for speaking out and
being proud! For me, it was humbling to look out over Elmwood
Park and see close to 5000 people smiling, socializing, being who
they are, and unafraid to love
each other! YOU are the reason
that Pride in the Park is a SUCCESS every year. Mark your calendars now…PRIDE IN THE
PARK 23 IS ON SEPTEMBER 16,
2012!!!! All of us TOGETHER will
make it even better than this year!
Don‟t forget to buy your tickets
for the Roanoke Pride Dinner
Auction! A fun evening of wonderful food and fantastic auction items. Mark your calendars
for Sat. Oct 22nd. For more info,
check out our website ,
www.roanokepride.org
PAGE 16
BUNNY: You‟ve known a few „pains
in the neck„, huh? (LOL)
Question 14 BUNNY: All Hallo‟s
Continued
Eve‟ is right around the corner… one
of my favorite holidays. What‟s the
one item you hated getting in your
bag of treats on Halloween?
BABS: Well, Beelzebunz, I‟d have to
say that‟s the healthy treats like
McDonald‟s or Burger King coupons
or the stupid little plastic toys. GIVE
A BITCH SOME CHOCOLATE…now that‟s my trick!
BUNNY: Girlfriend, we need to talk if
you think Mickey D‟s is healthy…
Question 15 BUNNY: Trick or Treat!
What was your favorite Halloween
costume?
BABS: Oh Wickedbunz, I would say
that‟s a tie between the DRAGULATOR and Cruella Deville…I won first
place in the Halloween Contests with
those and I feel they are the most
like me!!! “Puppies!”
Question 16 BUNNY: I‟m so loving
all your nicknames for me… If you
had to choose a new stage name,
what would it be?
BABS: Lord, girl, I do and did have
a stage name: “I‟m CARMILITA
CONCHITA CONSUEALA CONCEPCION, I love to sing and
dance…I AM an en-ter-tain-er!”
(Now you see why I just go by my
own name).
Question 17 BUNNY: Most of the
queens in Roanoke are familiar with
your work as Big Wigs of Roanoke.
As most know, I don‟t wear wigs as a
rule, but if I were to put one on my
tiny little head, and I‟m not saying I
will, but for the sake of argument… If I
were to wear a wig, what type of wig
would you put me in? (and I‟m not
saying I„ll wear it)
BABS: I would like to create one of
foam tubing or barbed wire for you!!!
My creative wigs were always my
best ones, RuBunz, it would be an
extravagannnnnnza, darling! Something GAGA-LICIOUS!!
Continued on p. 17
Coming Out Resources
Some good places start if you’re thinking about taking that big leap out of the closet.
Human Rights Campaign‟s A Straight
Guide to LGBT Americans
http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/
straight-guide-to-lgbt-americans
Not just for straight people, this
guide is a great read for anyone
who is thinking about coming out,
OR who people come out to.
Maybe its been awhile since you
came out and the trauma/drama
isn't as fresh, maybe all these
people are coming out as bi or
trans and you‟re not entirely sure
what to make of it. In any case,
its nice to see folks helping other
folksto be supportive and caring
as people go through, what in our
community, is something of a
right of passage.
Check it, and a lot of other great
resources out at www.hrc.org
LetsTalkAboutSexTheFilm.com
The film will help you talk to
your kids about sex no matter
what their orientation is and the
website will let your kids learn
independently about safer sex
and healthy relationships with
information that isn't heterocentric and even sometimes specifically geared towards GLBTQ
youth. If you don‟t feel like you
can have “the talk” because
they‟re not your kid, it‟s a great
place to send them for the information that will keep them safe,
happy and healthy. The website
also has great facts presented as
engaging graphics and resources
for faith communities. All in all,
it‟s fun and educational!
Netflix has the movie to stream
on your computer!
Mom, I Need to Be a Girl, by
Just Evelyn
Local Churches
A seriously heartwarming and tear
jerking story of a mother‟s journey
of acceptance of her trans daughter. It‟s a quick read but unforgettable. Available online as a printable
pdf. In five languages in addition to
English. Seriously, just check this
out no matter what.
Unitarian Universalist Church of
Roanoke www.uuroanoke.org
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/co
nway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html
PFLAG.org
Classic! You might remember Parents, Friends, and Families of Lesbians and Gays from the movie
Reality Bites, but it has grown and
changed with the times. While
there isn‟t a chapter in Roanoke
anymore, there is one in Christiansburg/Blacksburg and their
website is full of fantastic resources. AND they‟re not just
friends of Lesbians and Gays, but
bisexuals and transgender folks as
well. They‟re your one-stop-shop
for support as people come out to
you.
Our Trans Children
http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upl
oad/Publications/OTC_5thedition.pdf
Just one example of PFLAG‟s
fantastic resources, this is another
great booklet of condensed information (just the facts!) for parents
of trans kids or adults. I always say
that time and information is the
way to create acceptance, this
booklet is a great way to get that
info in a form that people can take
in, in their own time as they‟re
ready to process it. Available at the
web address above as a printable
pdf.
PAGE 5
Metropolitan Community Church
of the Blue Ridge
www.mccblueridge.
Loudon Avenue Christian
Church www.lacc-dc.org
All of these Roanoke churches
are welcoming and their pastors
are happy to have GLBTQ members or to speak with families with
regards to their concerns about
religion.
Bisexual Resource Center
http://www.biresource.net/comingoutas
bi.shtml
Great information about coming
out as bi. Sometimes it feels like
nobody will ever understand the
bisexuals; a great place to get the
support you need and deserve!
Google it!
Wow folks, I just googled “coming
out resources” to fill this last box
and found so much stuff that I wish
I had room to print!
From resources for the coming-outers to the coming-out-ees, there
are a lot of things out there to support just about anyone of any age
who has come out or who has had
someone come out to them as just
about anything.
Please be responsible with your
googling, though. Chat sites may
not be safe or appropriate for
youth, for example. Now that
you‟re coming out into this fabulous
life, keep yourself safe so you can
enjoy it!
Great Gay Halloween Costumes for Two…
Whether its you and your honey or you and your bff, drag or not, here are some
great ideas for double Halloween trouble! Now, trick? Or Treat?
From http://www.365halloween.com/halloween-costumes/friend-couple-costume-ideas07.php
Dear World,
Meet Cheryl...
Let‟s take it to the streets, and look
cute doing it. That‟s who we are.
For the Ladies
Daphne and Velma: The more interesting half of the Scooby Doo team wear brightly colored outfits that you can probably find at your local thrift store. Notice how even with the
huge, dorky glasses and sweater that Velma is still totally foxy?
Ginger and Mary Ann: Another classic duo with costumes that are probably already in
your closet are the lovely and comedic ladies from Gilligan‟s Island. You‟ll need a long,
clingy dress with big red hair and red gingham with dark pigtails.
Shining Twins: The Grady Twins are unmistakable with their cult status, but surprisingly
not a costume you see very often. Don matching blue dresses with a bit of splatter and
you‟ll be ready to play forever and ever.
Xena and Gabrielle: This is a popular costumed duo at conventions, but you can also go
the store bought route. The dynamic between the two women makes this a great buddy
or couple costume.
Absolutely Fabulous: The brash and hedonistic Patsy and Eddy are perfect costume
choices for a Halloween party. The hair (blonde beehive and unruly red mane, respectively), fashion disaster wardrobe, and perpetual bottle of booze are good for a laugh, but
the scathing one liners are what make these really fun costumes.
Siamese Twins: For the couple who simply can‟t be apart, you can‟t go wrong as conjoined twins. Sew together 2 skirts (for ease of movement) and start practicing your
shambling. Also works for inseparable guy couples.
Thelma and Louise: These outlaws are clad in denim, sleeveless tops, huge curly auburn hair, neck and hair
scarves, sunglasses and red lipstick.
For the Fellas
Batman and Robin: What a great team. Superhero costumes have been a hot choice for
several years in a row, but Batman and Robin will never go out of style. And neither will the
innuendos.
Jay and Silent Bob: Except for Jay‟s really long, stringy blonde hair, here‟s another costume
choice that you might have sitting in your closet. They‟re the ultimate slackers so the costumes really take a back seat to the mannerisms and Jay‟s one-liners.
Hot Fuzz: Nicholas and Danny are the ultimate buddy cops, with an English twist. First order
of business in these costumes is to fire your gun in the air and yell
“Aaaaaaah!”
Ambiguously Gay Duo: Spandex clad Ace and Gary are your ticket to nonstop double entendres. Actually, you might be surprised how many people
made a go at this costume. If hits on flickr and Google are any indication of
satisfaction, then this costume is a real winner.
Spy vs Spy: Have fun pranking your spy nemesis all night! All black or white
costumes are easy to assemble, so just make a posterboard cone for the
mask and add an extra large brim to your hat. This would work just as well for women, too
PAGE 6
Greggie is one of my most
lovely, dearest and deeply intelligent friends. Today he is also
rightly and massively frustrated.
“Cherbear,” because that‟s what
he calls me, “I‟m really tired of all
the hate shown toward gays and
lesbians, not just in America, but
all over the world. Audiences at
Republican debates are booing
gay soldiers, and the candidates
just stand there allowing all that
hate, then talk about how the repeal of DADT is giving some kind
of special privilege to gays. The
hate is making less and less
sense each day, and yet it's still
there. How do you reconcile living
in a civilized country, when those
that want to be in charge and their
supporters are living in the dark
ages? It's hard to remain positive…Will it really get better?”
I wanted to respond with lyrics
from Bette Midler‟s “I‟m Beautiful,
Dammit,” but tried going the intellectual route instead. I got so depressed and negative; I should
have stuck with Bette.
I think we all totally get what
he‟s saying. This is the intellectual
Dark Age, and we know how it
feels to be hated in one‟s own
home(land). Maybe I just don‟t
really consider America to be as
civilized as we like to think we are
in the first place (at least not in
terms of human rights), and so I
survive the same way I did as an
out and loudmouth teenage
queer: No matter what happens, I
don‟t ever forget to dance! Find
something, anything, to celebrate.
It‟s almost National Coming Out
day, and Greggie, I swear things
are getting better. If y‟all need some
encouragement in this political climate, just look at the repeal of
Don‟t Ask, Don‟t Tell.
For 17 years, our country required
honest queer people to lie about
their sexual orientation in the name
of National Security. America
searched their private property for
proof of homosexuality (despite being told not to ask), and threw over
14,000 gay service members out,
calling some “unfit to serve.” These
are the ones that we know of, the
ones brave enough to come forward to the Servicemembers Legal
Defense Network.
As of this writing, we‟re not even
one week into the change yet, and
things are already happening as a
result:
The day of the repeal, 101
queer soldiers came out in print
(identified by name, rank and duty
station) in a special DADT issue
of OutServe Magazine, a publication for GLBT soldiers that up until
now had to be completely anonymous. In this issue, the once
nameless publishers came out
alongside their fellow service
members.
A press conference aired live
on TV featured currently serving
GLBT service members coming
out, also identifying themselves
by name, rank, branch of service,
and sexual orientation.
Some queer service members
discharged under the act have
already reenlisted.
PAGE 15
Over 3 million people have
watched a video on YouTube of
a gay service member stationed
in Germany coming out to his
dad in Alabama on the day of
the repeal, showing people
around the world the intimate
feelings and struggles with coming out that many gays experience.
How many others have come
out, not on YouTube, live TV, or
in OutServe, but in their own circles of friends, family, coworkers
or commanders? How many
GLBT people, as a whole, are
now able to come out as a result
of this already momentous year?
Things are changing for all of us.
Now what? How do we make
things better?
My answer? As much as we
can, we collectively come out,
queers and allies together. We
support each other. We throw off
the fear and we take it to the
streets. I wasn‟t able to attend,
but I loved the Facebook pictures
of the Roanoke Pride March. I got
chased down Church Avenue
once, and it was divine to see all
of you taking back our streets.
Let‟s keep speaking out!
Make National Coming Day
2011 a day of celebration! The
Human Rights Campaign website
has a great list of events for coming out day, such as: hold a speak
-out or rally; come out to your
elected officials; set up an information table; hold a book drive;
sponsor a film or cultural festival
(how fun would that be?); or hold
a queer prom, dance or party (my
personal favorite). They also have
a Facebook App for people to donate their statuses for National
Coming Out Day. They have lots
of templates to choose from, but I
chose the make your own option,
such as:
(Continued on p. 16)
Read the Roanoke Gayzette
Online
www.starcity247.com
GLBT
ROANOKE
Twunny
with Bunny
An informative and
interactive website
for GLBT Roanoke
By Bunny Flingus
Including:
An up-to-date calendar of
events of interest to the
GLBT community
Show your support for the GLBTQ
community of Southwest Virginia
A central information/
community Bulletin Board
for jobs wanted /offered, for
sale items, etc.
Advertize with
The Roanoke Gayzette
A Resources Area with
GLBT friendly businesses,
products and services offered by members of the
GLBT community, etc.
For more info and pricing, call
Emily or Pam at540-982-2437
Information regarding political/social activism, and
volunteerism opportunities
O
Links to other web sites of
interest
An Artist Area where they
can share their work
A Group Area to help visibility/expansion of existing
groups, and to help spark
new ones
www.glbtroanoke.com
PAGE 14
Hello Gayzetters…
For this issue I decided to interview
one of the most accomplished and
well known entertainers in Roanoke. Not only has she been
awarded such honors as Miss Central PRIDE Emeritus 2002, Mr. Virginia MI United States 2007, Miss
Femme Fatale United States
Emeritus and Creator 2009, Miss
Don‟t H8 2011-2012 and Miss
Unlimited Lipstick Emeritus 2011...
She‟s also one of the valley‟s best
known hosts and has provided assistance to many of our GBLTQA
entertainers as a promoter/
manager/producer/dresser/backup
dancer. She‟s the driving force behind Big Wigs Of Roanoke and The
Haze Family (Roanoke‟s Drag
equivalent of the Kennedy‟s). She‟s
usually found at the side of her
partner of 11 years, Terri (aka Colten Haze).It was no surprise to me
when last December she was
named The Park‟s Entertainer of
the Year. Her name is Barbara Maberry, though you may know her by
her stage name… Barbara Maberry.
Question 1 BUNNY: You‟ve worn
many hats over the years. We
know you as an mc, a female entertainer, a drag king, a promoter
and more… Which hat were you
wearing when you first started out?
BABS: Well, Bunz, I began this
crazy ride as a dresser for many of
the old school girls in female illusion
in Roanoke. I traveled to local, state
and national competitions with them
and was known far and wide for my
impeccable dressing skills. One Halloween I even won 1st place for my
“DRAGULATOR “ costume, complete with written explanation: Able to
dress a drag queen in 5 minutes,
able to whip up an up do in 20.5 minutes, able to sew you in a gown in 8
minutes flat.etc, etc etc.” So, Bunzita,
as you can see, I began back stage
on my knees.
Question 2 BUNNY: You„re associated with an organization that many
in Roanoke are not familiar with, but
should be… “Don‟t H8”. Can you tell
us a bit about “Don‟t H8” and your
involvement with them?
BABS: Chip Matthews¸ Lexy Schiess and some other very concerned
and open-minded folks got together
to create Don‟t H8 to promote tolerance and acceptance of all people.
They soon became a 501c3 which
put them into non profit status and
gave them credibility in the community. They utilize entertainment to
promote their mission, they visit
schools and churches promoting
equality and acceptance to all. They
began a contest two years ago to
incorporate title holders… to help
keep their vision going. Last year, at
50 years old, I competed for the pageant against 7 other ladies (biological
females and female illusionists).
Crazy as it may seem, there were
seven bathing-suit clad girls (skinny,
young hookers in bikinis and onepieces) against this old broad in
Sportswear. SLOW AND STEADY,
oh yeah and OLD won the race.
Question 3 BUNNY: You have been
PAGE 7
hosting shows in Roanoke for a
long time. If you were given your
own DIY show on TV, what would it
be about and what would you call
it?
BABS: Well, Bunz the Builder, I
would say, “Hello, TV LAND, this is
Barbara Maberry and you have
tuned into “HOT GLUE and DUCT
TAPE 101”. You can build, create
or construct anything with those
two items and I believe we could
cover everything from building a
house to constructing costumes to
fixing shoes. The possibilities are
endless…
Question 4 BUNNY: Long before
the arrival of “Femme” or “Lipstick”
entertainment/competitions in Roanoke, you were performing as a
female. It‟s no surprise that you
had a big hand in bringing this form
of entertainment to the valley.
What was one obstacle you had to
overcome in doing this?
BABS: My obstacles, you ask?
Well, everyone has always thought
I was a trannie!! I used to write for
SHOUT Magazine and I would
travel with Patrick (the Editor/
Owner) to all of the system competitions and everyone would ask if I
was entering. Lord, I would laugh,
deepen my voice and say…”Sorry I
have ovaries.“
Question 5 BUNNY:As I mentioned
earlier, you have also performed as
a drag king… Biggie B. What ever
happened to Biggie and will we see
him again?
BABS: Well, Bunny Phoo Phoo,
Biggie moved to Havana, Cuba
(you know he is a cigar smoker)
shortly after his reign as Mr. VA
and competition at Mr. US MI. He‟s
been down there farming “tobacco”
and is the country‟s most famous
MI night club host and entertainer…BA BA LOOOO! He still
has his passport, which means, we
never know when he‟ll make a reappearance. Biggie got started to
prove to the powers that be that
male illusion was something
good!!! He worked...we got
Continued on p. 8
Twunny with Bunny
Continued from p. 7
contests after that!
Question 6 BUNNY: Where„s
Waldo?
BABS: As you know, Bunzovsteel,
Waldo runs the retirement center
where old drag queens go to die.
BUNNY: Sad.
Question 7 BUNNY: According to
my favorite resource, Wikipedia…
„Lipstick lesbian‟ is a slang term
used to describe lesbian women
who exhibit extremely feminine
gender attributes, such as wearing
make-up, wearing dresses or skirts
and having other characteristics
associated with feminine women.
Which of the following shades of
lipstick would you say best describes your personality and why?
„Bitching‟ Burgundy „Sweet‟ Scarlett „Vexing‟ Vermillion „Racy‟ Ruby
„In Your Face‟ Fuchsia
„Mesmerizing‟ Maroon „Party Girl‟
Pink
BABS: Oh Bunzinator, you know,
no good drag entertainer can have
only one….I mix them according to
my mood. So I would make my
own combo of “Bitching, Vexing,
Racy, Mesmerizing, In Your Face,
Sweet Party Girl, Glitterized, Nude”
. I think that color would go with
everything!
Question 8 BUNNY: You have recently been handed over the reigns
to The ROANOKE PRIDE PAGEANTS. What do you hope to bring
to the pageants next year?
BABS: Oh BunBun, I‟m so glad
you asked that question. As you
know, the PRIDE PAGEANT has
amazing attributes and a long history of amazing title holders. I was
honored to be named to direct the
future pageants, but as you know,
it takes a village and I am fortune
to have MICHELLE TRENT and
DOLLY DAVIS as my co-directors!!
Ten fabulous years of successful
contests under the guidance of
Pam Meador, Ashley Adams and
Sean Kristopher Colby will be a
tough act to follow, but the new team
will work diligently hard to follow suit.
We will most likely consider developing even more inclusion and progression than ever. More divisions and
more adornments, which I believe
will be two areas I‟d like to see occur.
But you know me, I will always encourage change!
Question 9 BUNNY:(Singing) ”I„m
coming out, I want the world to know,
got to let it show.” National Coming
Out Day is Oct. 11th. Which of the
following Diana Ross songs best describes your „coming out‟ experience?
A - „I‟m Coming Out‟ - You got right
to the point.
B - „Ease on Down The Road‟ - You
eased into it.
C - „Do You Know Where You‟re Going To‟ - You stumbled and fumbled
with your words.
D - „It‟s My Turn‟ - Someone else
came out for you.
E - „Ain„t No Mountain High Enough‟
- You haven‟t come out yet.
BABS: Bun-isha, that would have to
be, “It‟s My Turn” as the best descriptive song. My mama found my
letters from my girlfriend and told my
dad and my sister. Well, lord, after
that they told my doctor….guess they
thought he‟d cure me! NO SUCH
LUCK!!
Question 10 BUNNY: What„s one
piece of advice you can give someone planning to „come out‟ on Oct.
11th?
BABS: As a counselor, I would say
chose who you tell and what you say
very carefully. Don‟t wear FUSHIA
PINK, cut your hair in a faux hawk,
wear six inch pumps and a fluffy
white boa and Sashay Shante
around your classroom screaming
the words to “Born This Way” at the
top of your lungs. But once you feel
safe and have good gay friends to
support you, then Buniqua, FLAME
ON and BE WHO YOU WANT TO
BE! Look at me, have I ever conPAGE 8
formed
Question 11 BUNNY: If someone
looked through your pocketbook
right now, what is the sexiest thing
they would find in there?
BABS: My lipsticks of course, I like
the creamy, glimmering sweet flavored ones and I so enjoy putting it
on in front of people…long…sexy…smooth strokes.
MUAH!
BUNNY: In that bitching-vexingracy-mesmerizing-in your facesweet-party girl-glitterized-nude
shade?
Question 12 BUNNY: You have
performed many numbers over
your career. If you could only perform one of these numbers for the
rest of your career, which would it
be?
BABS: Well, Bunquiqui, I would
have to say, ONLY GIRL IN THE
WORLD, that number was the one
I made the biggest BANG doing….I
fell on my face right at the crescendo of the number two Fridays‟
ago! BAM!
Question 13 BUNNY: I„m not crying, I got soap in my eyes.) On
Sept. 23rd we said goodbye to Erica Kane and all the folks in Pine
Valley, PA. All My Children was
cancelled after 41 years. You
haven‟t been cancelled
yet(snicker)… but… What cancelled soap opera would best sum
up your „dramatic experiences‟ in
GLBTQA entertainment?
BABS: Farewell (sniff), Erica
Kane, you DIVA! Excuse me a moment while I blow my nose and
wipe my eyes!!! Bunny Flingola,
we‟d have to go way back… to describe (my „dramatic experiences‟ in
GLBTQA entertainment in Roanoke)… I‟d say DARK SHADOWS,
because they are a bunch of blood
sucking little night dwellers that devour each other until there‟s nothing
left but the vampires themselves.
Barnibus Collins, I will always love
you! (Twilight Schmilight)
Continued on p. 16
Pride Update by Sean Avidano
www.roanokepride.org
“Speak Out, Be Proud!” These
four words have been the theme
for Roanoke Pride this year, culminating with the 22nd Annual Pride in
the Park on Sunday, September
18, 2011. In the history of Roanoke Pride‟s annual celebration on
the third Sunday of September,
never have more people come together to speak out and be proud
than they did this year. An estimate has attendance close to
5,000 people, easily making this
the largest Pride in the Park ever to
celebrate the GLBT community
and their allies and supporters.
This year‟s celebration featured
so many new and exciting
changes, all of which seemed to be
big hits with those in attendance.
One of the biggest highlights of the
day was the first ever parade that
was held in downtown Roanoke.
Frank House worked tirelessly to
organize this event during the day.
While we‟ve had marches around
Elmwood Park in years past, this
year thanks to Frank‟s determination and dedication, we took that
march off the sidewalks and into
the streets to celebrate pride in
ourselves and our community.
Just as important, it was a way to
speak out for our desire to not
have special rights, but equal rights
and to be treated just like everyone
else! Dolly Davis served as our
Grand Marshall and rode at the
front of the parade. DJ Mannibles
(Shawn Manns) pumped up-tempo
music all along the route that had
the people dancing and cheering.
At the end of the parade, three vehicles featured our Roanoke Pride
titleholders in the first two cars
(Maccon Haze, Southern Comfort,
Rodney, Bunny Flingus) and in the
last car, Miss Unlimited Lipstick
(Amy) and Miss Roanoke Pride F.I.
for 2010 crowned at Pride in the
Park (Aundrea Lee). Interspersed
between all of this was hundreds
upon hundreds of people marching
and celebrating along the way.
Frank gave an estimate of approximately 800 people that participated
in the first ever parade! Thank you
to ALL OF YOU for being a part of
this wonderful first!
Speaking of firsts, this was the
first year that we had a beer and
wine garden at Pride in the Park.
Leslie Miller and Jennifer Mecca did
a remarkable job getting things together for it, from getting all the pricing and information, setting up the
area, and coordinating all the volunteers to help out. Molly McClintock
also helped out a great deal in getting Barefoot Wines on board with a
donation of wine to provide even
more options for everyone. It
seems to have been a huge success and the money that was raised
from it will help out in securing our
entertainers for next year in hopes
of making Pride in the Park 23 even
better! Thank you to everyone that
supported it and everyone for being
responsible and courteous!
Another first we had this year was
a National titleholders show for any
Roanoke resident that‟s held a national title in the world of entertainment (Female Impersonation and
Entertainment, Male Impersonation
and Entertainment). Multiple systems were represented by the entertainers of Sean Krystofer Colby,
Barbara Maberry, Colten Haze, and
Amy. Kudos to all for a great show!
Speaking of shows, a special
thank you goes out to all of our current and former Roanoke Pride titleholders that performed. Ashton,
Sinister Abbey, “M”, Eva, and Dillon
all did a wonderful job in the first
show. Savannah Savage got the
PAGE 13
crowd going between headlining
acts with a little “We Are Family.”
Miss Ledd and Aundrea Lee were
stunning and showing off some
fabulous costumes. And the current
titleholders: Maccon Haze, Southern Comfort, Rodney, and Bunny
Flingus, all showed why they won
back in August with amazing entertainment and star quality!
Dewey Goodwin packed the day
full of so many entertainers that provided something for everyone out in
the audience! From two MCC Choir
members opening up our celebration with their beautiful and uplifting
voices to Chys Matthews closing
out as the headliner with a wonderful acoustic set, entertainment
abounded. Khymestri Science was
a crowd favorite. More crowd favorites included two acts from North
Carolina, DV8 featuring Connie
Conover and the Don‟t H8 group.
Meat Down was our first ever hard
rock/metal band at Pride in the
Park.
Amanda Stathos and Sierra Christine belted out some incredible vocals. And our other headliner, Brandon Anderson, sounded remarkable. Of course, with Leslie Rueff
singing the National Anthem as
Pride in the Park began, it was a
sign that the entertainment was going to be the best yet as she did one
of the best renditions I‟ve ever
heard! Thank you Dewey for all
your hard work!
This year saw a record number of
vendors present at the festival.
Each vendor offered something different. From people and businesses selling items or showing
support to our community, to political organizations reaching out to
share their views, to local groups
talking with people about their camaraderie, to educational groups
being involved representing their
institutions, to non-profits doing free
HIV testing (thank you Drop-In Center!) Continued on p. 16
LGBTQIA2 Community Center Update
Update: 9/26/2011
We are, as of this date above, in
Phase I of this study which is looking at the level of interest and support for a LGBTQIA2 ..community
center to be located here in Roanoke. This twelve person committee was formed in February of this
year, and has developed necessary documents, researched various other community centers in
our area and beyond, and surveyed leaders and our general
community as much as possible.
This latter step of survey collection
has been crucial to our final decision making process- whether we
will continue to phase II or not. A
primary element of this study is to
research and listen to what our
community tells us regarding the
prospect of having a center here.
What are the demographics of our
community, do they want a center,
if so..what would they like to see in
a new center, and how would they
be willing to support that being established, and in it‟s future operations? Approximately 500 surveys
have been collected from community
leaders, members and allies. It was
widely publicized, and if you took the
survey we greatly appreciate your
participation.
On October 8th at MCC here in Roanoke, this committee will meet for an
extensive, decision making, final
Phase I meeting. We will look thoroughly at all survey data collected,
we will look at results from the community leader surveys, and we will
discuss all those results openly at
that meeting. In addition we will look
at any other pertinent information
obtained from other area centers,
through visits and conversations with
them etc. Towards the end of that
meeting an objective, anonymous
vote will take place…with one question: Do we continue into Phase II of
Tearing
down walls.
Building
up hope.
Metropolitan Community Church
of the Blue Ridge
806 Jamison Ave, SE
Roanoke, VA 24013
this project, or do we stop. A twothirds majority of the committee
members is needed for continuation to Phase II.
Coming Out in El Paso
by Blair Celli
Regardless of the vote outcome, a
report summarizing the basis for
the vote, specifically detailing factors for continuing or not, will be
written for conveyance to our community.
Dear Readers, Please Welcome Blair Celli, The Roanoke Gayzette‟s newest columnist! Blair will be writing about her adventures as a co-mommy of
twin boys and foster to many homeless pets, but thought she would take
this opportunity to introduce herself with her coming out story. We hope you
will tune in for her first column in our Nov/Dec issue!
Results of that meeting will be
made available asap through the
community web site :
www.GLBTRoanoke.com . Again
we thank everyone for their help
with this project up to this critical
point.
El Paso, Texas isn't the place to
grow up gay. It's probably changing rapidly now – I bet I could find
at least ONE lesbian now but back
then I had no clue. In sixth grade I
went to spend the night with a
friend. Her mother was gay and
had a long-term partner who was
a priest and a clown in her free
time. I was so hung up that the
lady was a clown in her free time
and that they drank *whole milk!*
that I didn't register that they were
gay. It never crossed my mind. I
KNEW that gayness was a phenomenon that occurred in men …
I still had never met a lesbian. I
didn't even know there WAS a
word for a gay woman until high
school. No, really. It's true.
Regards,
Frank House (Chair)
Roanoke Diversity Center Study
Group
[email protected]
You have to understand that El
Paso is overwhelmingly Catholic
and I was in a Catholic (all-girls)
school. (Irony!) There are clear
rules about what is right and what
is wrong. I was introduced to
enough gay men and knew them
very well; homosexuality in
women didn't exist to me. The
thought never occurred at all. Yes,
I'm being serious. I completely
thought gayness only happened
to men.
I learned the word lesbian in high
school. I had a blue backpack
with patches I‟d sewn all
over. One was a rainbow because
I LOVED rainbows as a metaphor
for new beginnings. A friend of
mine pulled me aside and advised
me to remove the patch because it
meant I was “a lesbian”. I remember clearly looking at her and say-
540-344-4444
www.mccblueridge.com
Sunday Worship
11:00 AM
PAGE 12
ing, "But, I'm not a boy!" And
thus began my education. She
didn't TELL me women could be
gay too, but she sure looked at
me like I was an idiot - I gathered
that it was indeed possible for
me to be gay. I ripped the patch
off my backpack and had a little
arc of glue residue there for the
rest of my high school experience. A phantom rainbow.
I continued to try to find my
way through high school, dating
boys I wasn‟t in to, looking shyly
to the floor whenever I had a
feeling I couldn‟t explain and
keeping myself as busy as possible. I don‟t even remember
anything but vague inklings of
difference and that strange flutter in my stomach one night
when a friend kissed my cheek
in parting. Didn‟t kisses make
everyone feel that way?
My mother was always frustrated with me when we were out
shopping or in public. A fashion
icon, I am not – but she would
consistently ask me how I was
ever going to find my style. She
would coach me and try to get
me to look at how girls were
dressing around me: “Did you
like what she was wearing?”
And my face would get hot and
flushed because I wasn‟t looking
at the girls at all. It made me
want to be sick and elated all at
the same time. I couldn‟t even
begin to explain it to her. How
many years did I walk around
trying to stare at the ground and
pretend everything was okay?
PAGE 9
College is where my „official‟
Coming Out began. I started
gravitating toward lesbians, telling myself I was just an openminded, friendly individual who
didn‟t see sexual orientation as a
barrier to friendship. Yeah.
Okay. Sure. And then it became
clear that I was having crushes
on people I spent time with. My
eyes opened.
My Coming Out story wanders
even to this day and evolves
every minute (you‟d be amazed at
how much being a co-mother of
two causes you to have to out
yourself!), but my Coming Out
story was in essence a self discovery. Milestones like coming
out to parents, families, and
friends are usually inevitable.
But first, you have to Come Out
to yourself. How many years can
that take? So many. Is it ever
really over? Probably not. You
own who you are every single
day of your life.
Blair Celli has always lived by the
philosophy: "Bloom where you're
planted" and has been growing in
Roanoke since 1999. She is excessively positive and optimistic about
the world around her. She shares her
life with her partner of ten years, their
twin boys, and many furry creatures.
We Want YOU!
We‟re always on the lookout for
more LOCAL interest and we‟d
LOVE to add some regular
contributors to
The RoanokeGayzette.
Maybe you‟d like to review restaurants or books.. Maybe your
life is just so interesting,
it must be shared.
If you have an idea for a column
or series, be in touch. We would
love to hear your ideas and get
your thoughts out there for folks
to see.
Email the editor at
[email protected]
Fashionista Roanoke‟s
Guide to Fall Trends
By Garland Gravely
97.3 WRIR RICHMOND
“Finally, Don‟t Ask, Don‟t Tell
Is Over”
Starting today, September 20,
2011, openly gay, lesbian and bisexual people will be permitted to
sign up and serve in the US Armed
Forces. This came after President
Obama, the Secretary of Defense,
Leon Panetta and the Chairman of
the Joint Chief of Staff, Mike
Mullen signed a readiness certification on July 22 that kicked in a
60 day waiting period.
Since the policy went into effect in
1993, during Clinton‟s administration, over 14,500 gay military members have been discharged.
Still, LGBT service members could
face problems. The US military didn‟t include sexual orientation and
gender identity in its antidiscrimination and harassment
policies. The repeal also didn‟t include transgender members, and
same-sex spouses won‟t qualify for
housing, medical and joint duty assignments that are available to heterosexual spouses.
As the temperatures drop and the leaves are starting to go from
green to multi-colored, this fall season promises to have something
for everyone!! Here are the hottest trends for Fall 2011 for Men
and women.
Trends for Women:
The color Red
Statement Coats
A strong sculptured shoulder
Neo-Navajo and other tribal inspired
prints
Menswear influences
Graphic Black &
White
Brightly Colored pants
Leather Skirts
Chic ponchos
Tuxedo dressing
Graphic tartans, plaids, stripes, and polka dots.
Cozy sweaters.
Trends for Men:
The Bold Striped
Sweater
Brown Biker Jacket
Three piece Suit
Graphic Sweatshirt
Cropped Peacoat
Wide legged pants
Plaid and Stripes
Broken-in Corduroy pants
Camel Blazer
Herringbone overcoat
“The Rainbow Minute,” a radio show on
WRIR, Richmond Independent Radio, is
produced by Judd Proctor and Brian
Burns and airs on 97.3 FM every Weekday at 8:59am, 12:30pm and 4:30pm.
Listen to the WRIR‟s audio stream at
www.wrir.org
“The Rainbow Minute” is dedicated to preserving and sharing the rich history of the
GLBTQ community.
PAGE 10
Along the Yellow Brick Road:
Meandering with Joe Cobb
(The following is an excerpt from the
forthcoming book “Our Family Outing: A
Memoir of Coming Out and Coming
Through” by Joe Cobb and Leigh Anne
Taylor)
The next morning I woke up feeling uneasy. I was determined to tell my family
the truth. I called Mom and Dad and
asked if I could come over. They were in
the kitchen when I arrived, concerned.
The risk of telling everything carried the
risk of disconnection and rejection. Walking into the kitchen that morning felt like
walking into a wilderness without any
sources of strength or nourishment. I was
afraid of how my family would respond.
After a few moments of awkward silence, I opened up and told them that I
had had a fling with a man, that I was
pretty certain I was gay, and that Leigh
Anne and I were separating.
Dad didn't say much. I spilled everything out and it was still dancing around
the room, taking its sweet time in landing.
Mom came and sat beside me, gently reassuring me through her own tears. No
matter the depth of hurt, her love was like
an anchor, a sure and certain hope. In
those moments, Mom, in her words, and
Dad, in his stillness, were the Word made
flesh, dwelling with me.
After her tears subsided briefly, Mom
said, "Joe, I don't have a problem with you
being gay. I have a problem with you getting a divorce."
When we finished talking, I called my
brother, Alan, and his wife, Holly, and
asked if I could come over and talk with
them. I stood, embraced Mom and Dad. I
wanted to share my truth in person, with
each of my family.
When I got to Alan and Holly’s house, I sat
down on the couch in the living room. Their
two youngest children were also in the room.
I took a breath and told them exactly what I
told Mom and Dad. They held me, and their
children circled around me, climbed on me,
and hugged me. I paused enough in the
telling to remember that their youngest was
to be baptized that Sunday in church. In
preparing for his baptism, we had taught him
to say to the pastor, "Thanks for the water.”
Next was my youngest sister, Peggy. I
called her and asked if she was home and
made the next leg of the journey. If there
was any blessing in all of this telling, it was
that my parents and two of my siblings all
lived within two miles of each other. Not
much time passed between each stop.
As I told Peggy, I could tell she was having
a hard time hearing my confession. She
didn't want to know about the affair. She
talked about Exodus, a transforming program for homosexuals. I wondered how she
knew about this program. I tried to listen,
but felt agitated. I wanted to leave. But I
stayed. She needed to say what she was
feeling and I needed to listen. Her greatest
concern was about me leaving the marriage.
She also told me that she didn't believe a
single event or even a series of events define a person.
As I sat and listened, I reminded myself to
hold the memories as gifts, open them to
new understandings, and gradually remove
the power of their shame. And in the gifts, I
would find my gift and my heart. Confession
digs out the dirt, turning secretive family systems on their head, opening the way for true
treasure, filled with gifts of a life yet to be
lived.
PAGE 11
I thanked Peggy, and left. I would call
my other sister, Nancy, who lived out of
town, when I got home. Completely
exhausted, I got in the car. As I was
driving along Kellogg, a major highway
through the heart of the city, I began to
sob, great heaving sobs, tears drenching my face to the point I had to pull
over and cry until the tears subsided
I sat there for a long time. Everything
I'd kept intact that morning, so that I
could speak truth after truth, broke. My
eyes were red, my cheeks puffy, my
face wet, and my spirit empty. I slowly
pulled back onto the highway and drove
the rest of the way home. I called my
best friend, Gayla. She came over immediately. I sobbed so much I ached. I
told her about feeling totally helpless
and filled with anguish. I was angry toward my abuser and told her how my
youngest sister thought about considering prosecution. Gayla sat with me,
listened to me, emptied her pocket of
fresh Kleenex for me
I knew I shouldn't be alone, because I
felt incredibly lonely, desperately alone.
Trying to see a path ahead through a
sudden downpour of cleansing tears, I
could not travel on. I had to sit a while
and bare my soul. Gayla was present
with me. I called my therapist. Gayla
drove me there and waited.
Joe Cobb is a writer on spirituality and
glbt issues and a clergy with the Metropolitan Community Churches. Joe was
recently selected as one of 30 Creative
Connectors for Roanoke and the region
to create unique initiatives in technology, talent, tolerance and territorial assets (place). Joe and his partner live in
Roanoke and have four children.