Circuit Noize Magazine, LLC

TM
TM
From the Editor
Is the Circuit a spiritual place? Those
outside our scene scoff at the notion. They
see a bunch of drugged-out party boys
acting like kids.
The fact is there is a very wide range of
reasons that guys do the Circuit. Most of us
go through an initial fascination with the
drugs and the sex. Some of us get stuck
there. Others evolve.
We evolve by finding value on the
Circuit that is in some way life-affirming.
Several articles in this issue explore ways in
which Circuit boys find these positive
experiences.
However, I don’t think the boys who
are trapped in addictions are any less
spiritual than those who have evolved. All
of us on this planet share a similar set of
issues. We simply choose to deal with our
problems in different ways.
Addictions are symptoms of spiritual
crisis. While it is easy to find fault with
those in the midst of this crisis, it takes a
compassionate and enlightened person to
recognize these crises for what they really
are: one stage in someone’s life journey.
Since many of us do evolve out of these
behavior patterns, we must be learning
something. There must be a reason for the
madness.
Rather than condemning the addicted,
why not assist those who are caught in the
trap to recognize their plight and to begin
the process of self-discovery? If you look
closely, what you really see on the Circuit is
a bunch of people working through some
very difficult issues. Someday, our culture
may come to realize that a place of spiritual
crisis is also a highly-charged place where
new ideas can be born. Perhaps what we’re
really up to is creating an alternative spirituality in the Western world, one whose
roots are actually as old as mankind.
Editor in Chief
Publisher
Advertising Director
Senior Editor
Schedule Editor
Art Director
Distribution
Promotions
Cover Photo
Accent Photos
Circuit Photos
Writers and Contributors
East Coast Office
West Coast Office
E-mail
Website
©Copyright 2000 Circuit Noize. All rights reserved. Contents may
not be reproduced without permission from the publisher.
Publication of name or photo of any person or organization in
Circuit Noize is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual
orientation of that person or organization.
Published in February, May, August and November
-Steve Kammon
Circuit
Steve Kammon
Stephen Ceplenski
Gary Steinberg
818-769-9390
Jeffery Taylor
Tony Hayden
Klaus Gerhart
Mike Spicola
Circuit Boyz Productions
Joel Wateres
David Morgan ©
Circuit Boyz Productions
Jeremy Jones
Michael Snell
Darren Williams
Slater Heavener
Havard Scott
Marty Bender
Eric Crabtree
John R. Ballew
Dane Hall
Mark Rogers
Christopher White
Paul Dillon
Michael Lennox
Pamela Maris
Curt Freitag
John Smith
Dennis Fleming
Kirby D. Schroeder
Thomas L. Stoodley
J. Chris
Yogi Amal
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4
Noize
Table of Contents
Click on Any Article to View
My Favorite Things by Dane Hall .......................................... 04
Let it Flow by Mark Rogers .................................................. 12
Treacherous Travels by Christopher White .......................... 18
Is an X always an E? by Paul Dillon .................................... 22
Circuit Superheroes by Jeffery Taylor ................................ 26
The Ears Have It .................................................................. 32
Dance of the Passionate Heart
by Michael Lennox, Steve Kammon and Pamela Maris ........
Paul van Dyk: Out There and Back by Curt Freitag............
Circuit Training by John Smith ............................................
Playing in the Circuit Romper Room by Dennis Fleming ....
Your Sacred Body by John R. Ballew ..................................
Transcending the Dance Floor by Steve Kammon ............
Spirituality on the Circuit? by Kirby D. Schroeder ..............
Fall Circuit Schedule ..........................................................
Just the Music by Thomas L. Stoodley ................................
Security Rising by J. Chris ..................................................
Addiction is a Virus from Outer Space by Yogi Amal ........
Circuit Sage by Michael Lennox ..........................................
Cover Photo
Photo by: Joel Wateres (www.wateres.com)
Airbrush Artist: C. Jay
Lighting: Ross
Location: Salvation
Circuit
5
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38
42
48
54
56
59
66
69
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96
Circuit Superheroes
by Jeffery Taylor
A flash of light… a burst of color… giant wings soaring above
the crowd. Sightings of two costumed crusaders have been
reported all over the Circuit recently. But just who are these
masked men?
Metropolis has Superman. Gotham City has Batman and
Robin. Miami seems to have its own
dynamic duo - Rubio and Kidd
Madonny, the “Future Boys” of RKM
Design and Production - captivating
clubgoers with their creative designs
and awe-inspiring productions. These
real-life Wonder Twins fascinate
crowds all across the Circuit as they
morph from Samurai warriors and
stilt-walking robots to multi-colored
“Plasmen” and “EgoAliens”. But
Rubio and Kidd aren’t content with
dominating just the Miami club
scene. They want to “conquer the
galaxy.” And they’re well on their way.
It all started five years ago in the
metropolis of Miami when mildmannered go-go boys Louis Termini
and Javier Baez met on the set of the
movie Birdcage as a couple of “Gstring extras”. Performing in clubs
since they were seventeen years old,
they had become tired of doing the
same old thing. Sparks flew as soon
as they met, and they realized there
was “something special” between
them. They united, putting their
minds together to create something
different. “We had a vision – we
wanted to change the scene.”
And change the scene they did.
Rubio and Kidd astounded audiences
at their premiere costume fashion
show in 1996. A year later, they left
onlookers wide-eyed and open-
Circuit
mouthed
with
couture creations at
their World Premiere
Autumn/Winter 1997
fashion show at the
Miami hot spot Bash.
From the start, it was
evident that these two were
not just a couple of mere
mortals.
In addition to their
design abilities, Rubio and
Kidd incorporated their
backgrounds in dance and theatre
to create a style all their own. They
became “Visual Performance
Artists” taking the club
experience to a whole new
level. “We don’t compare
ourselves with anybody
else. We don’t compete
with anybody else.
We’re just living our
own dream, always
recreating ourselves,
always evolving.”
This evolution has
become more than just a
full-time job - it has
become their life. From the
time they wake up to the time
they go to bed, Louis and Javier don
their alter egos of Rubio and Kidd, scheduling
appearances,
designing
costumes,
choreographing performances, answering
26
Noize
phones, meeting with
promoters and flying to outof-town engagements.
Their life is a work in
progress or, rather, a “play in
progress.” When they start
brainstorming, they are like
little kids with a
freethinking creativity that
gushes
forth
with
unbridled enthusiasm.
Their energy is intense
to watch as each one
feeds off the other’s
ideas, suggestions
ricocheting back and
forth between the two.
Although they concede
that a job that takes
twenty-four hours a day,
seven days a week can
be grueling, they also
admit that it is a lot of
fun. Besides, they
giggle, “It’s better than
having to do it for
anybody else!”
Although they work
together with childlike
abandon, Rubio and Kidd
are very business-savvy.
Their impressive ability
for
business
management
is
evidenced both by
their appearance
at most major
Circuit events
and by the
s t r o n g
personall e v e l
Circuit
relationships they have built with
many of the top promoters on the
Circuit. Their résumé reads like a
Circuit Noize party schedule:
Snowball, Gay Pride-New York,
Disney Gay Days, Cherry IV and V,
IML, White Party, Altitude, and many,
many others.
This past Memorial Day, RKM
put on a full-scale production at
Pensacola’s Abracadabra, dazzling the
crowd with a sensory-bombarding
spectacle. Rubio appeared as a
futuristic wizard towering above the
crowd on stilts while Kidd led four of
the other dancers as a 30-foot dragon
that wove its way through the crowd.
The drama unfolded as the dragon laid
a large fabric “egg” through which
could be seen the silhouettes of a
number of baby dragons, pushing
their way through to their “birth”.
The performance ended with a huge
pyrotechnic display that left the
onlookers awestruck.
They acknowledge that RKM is
more than just Rubio and Kidd.
Rubio points out that, “Everyone that
works for us – our talent, our
production staff, our seamstresses –
they’re all part of the reason that we
are RKM. We can’t do it all
ourselves.” They emphasize the fact
that the success of Pensacola was due
to a strong collaboration among all
parties involved – RKM, the
promoters, the DJ, the lighting
designer, and the dancers. Kidd notes
that, “When you work with the best,
you give the best.”
One member of their team that
they are quick to acknowledge as “the
27
Noize
best” is their Airbrush Artist, C. Jay.
Adding a very unique dimension to
each production, C. Jay airbrushes the
bodysuits that Rubio, Kidd, and the
other dancers wear as well as their
faces and bodies. He also airbrushes
images on much of the decor that
RKM designs, allowing the theme of
the party to come through in every
aspect in which RKM is involved.
The deluge of color and the multidimensionality added by C. Jay’s skill
takes the visual aspect of RKM’s
endeavors to a whole new level.
Recently named “Creative
Directors” in charge of all
productions for Crobar, one of the
hottest nightclubs in South Beach,
RKM is finally able to implement
their designs on a grand scale. Rubio
and Kidd are excited about the
opportunity to transform the club
each week based on the theme of the
parties for the upcoming weekend.
Decor is a very important aspect to
these “masters of visual performance,”
and they are eager to discover new
ways of both designing decor as well
as incorporating the decor into the
productions in their new playground.
In addition to their new
“residence” in Miami, Rubio and
Kidd keep another “home” in New
York. For the past three years, the
duo has been turning it out at Twilo “home” also to one of the world’s
most renowned DJs, Junior Vasquez.
They just returned from their recent
engagement at Twilo’s Millennium
Pride event, Freedom . They admit
that it was a high point for them “like a dream come true” since not
too many people get to perform at
Twilo – and even fewer for such an
Circuit
important event.
Although
they
had
worked a lot
with Junior
at Twilo, it
wasn’t until
this past April
that Rubio and
Kidd had the chance
to deal with him on a
personal level. They were
given the opportunity to
perform with Junior in Tokyo at the
opening of a new club, Womb. It was here that
they got acquainted with the legend. This has
led to their next adventure - Rubio and Kidd are
going into the studio to work on a song they’ve
written that Junior will produce. It’s an
incredible opportunity for them – to work with
one of the most creative and influential
individuals in the music industry – and they
couldn’t be more excited.
This isn’t the first time they’ve been in the
studio, however. Their initial foray into this
field was with the person they refer to, ironically,
as “the Junior of Miami”, Eddie X, who
produced their first title track, “Future Boys.”
This song premiered in Miami at the last Winter
Party, and remixed versions are due out soon.
And, of course, to “take it to the next level,”
Rubio and Kidd want to incorporate these songs
into their act.
Rubio and Kidd have been hailed as the
“stunt men of design and performance – daring
to go beyond anyone’s imagination on runways
and dance floors across the globe.” These
Circuit superheroes, “Future Boys” Rubio and
Kidd, are making giant leaps in single bounds.
RKM Design and Production
www.rkmfutureboys.com
28
Noize
Security Rising
by J. Chris
His large, brawny hands slide up my thighs, bristling against
my crotch. My heart rushes with anticipation, as I sense his
closeness to my groin. I don’t dare look down - frozen, I hardly
breathe. Anxiety surges through my veins, my heart pounding
as his fingers trace the outlines of my crotch and inch toward
my ass. Questions fill my mind. What should I
do? Is this going too far? Did I bring this upon
myself?
Such questions filled the minds of
countless eager clubgoers this past May upon
entering Ten 15 Folsom, home to a Bay City
tradition, Mass, a popular gay tea dance.
Flanked by uniformed police officers, menacing
guards allegedly groped incoming customers,
ordering partial disrobings and browbeating
patrons with threats of arrest. After the sixhour event, national and local headlines read:
SF club security results in seven arrests.
Many consider the search and seizure just
one of the latest in hyped security strategies
intended to prevent drug use within. And San
Francisco’s SoMa nightspots
don’t hold the market on
new tough measures.
Nor are gay parties
the sole subject of
the
scrutiny,
which
many
believe
are
broiling in the
intensifying heat
of the media
magnifying glass.
Circuit partyers across
the country say they have
recently experienced and
witnessed a new trend, citing outrageous
disregard for customer respect. And while
attendees agree on a few explanations, the
Circuit
solutions are more nebulous.
Ten 15, which has spent the last
three years of its 13-year existence
wrangling with authorities to stay
open, attempted to instigate its new
Iron Fist door policy on Sunday, May
28. Desperate to maintain a clean bill
with San Francisco police (who have
logged over 600 club incidents since
‘97), owner Ira Sandler hired a new
head guard.
“It seems [Sandler] hired a new,
very overzealous, militant asshole as his
head of security,” Mass promoter Gus
Bean told the Bay Area Reporter. “This
jerk took it upon himself to go way
overboard and embarrass, terrorize and
humiliate customers.”
Thomas Morelli told
reporters that the security
guard, “had a finger up my
ass and in my crotch.” His
friend, also searched, was
turned over to San
Francisco police, taken to
jail and booked on
possession charges.
The following week
Ten 15 management defended
the new zero-tolerance drug policy.
Club attorney Joseph Wood publicly
apologized for treatment that may have
been “found uncivil or uncaring.”
“The club has no option of eliminating
the security procedures,” Wood added.
89
Noize
To remain open, the bar agreed to a
25-page settlement that includes strict
measures. The City has insisted that
the club videotape all public spaces
and continue its heavy frisking moves many call “Gestapo-like.”
So if Ten 15 blames the police
department, who does the blue
blame? Society. Citizens are dialing
in, say the SFPD authorities - an
aftereffect of mounting media
Newsweek and the nightly news. Scott Van
Tussenbrook places some of the blame on
attention created by internal strife within the gay
community. “I can remember my first year
when the parties seemed pretty deep
underground - this was before [Michelangelo]
Signorile wrote his biased and chatty tell-all
book, giving the world the completely wrong
impression of us,” the Los Angeles resident says.
“Before there were Column One stories in the
LA Times about rampant drug use at “gay
attention surrounding teen drug
usage. Countless list members of
Circuit Party Insanity - an online
discussion group of over 600
partygoers, DJs and promoters - agree
that news of isolated drug-related
incidents have marred the Circuit
scene, as well as the entire gay
community.
“Ecstasy and other club drugs
have become popular with teens at
raves, and what was once more of a
gay culture dance thing is now
affecting mainstream America,” wrote
one CPI member. “The police did not
care about it when it only was a small
thing effecting gays. Now that teens
are involved, they are focusing on
stopping it everywhere.”
But the culprits aren’t just Time,
raves,” those who knew, knew - and those who
didn’t, didn’t.”
Van Tussenbrook says he’s witnessed half a
decade of increasing security, a “direct relation to
the amount of press the parties are getting, both
in the gay and mainstream media.” The days are
gone where one was treated as an adult. “Now
searches of pockets, shoes, and crotches are
commonplace - what’s next, full body cavity?”
Some experts believe that an increased
police state comes around on a cyclical basis,
spurred by elections. With many politicians up
for re-election in 2000, office seekers hope to
garner votes by appearing tough on crime.
“These operations increase in an election
year. In Michigan, our state police kick into high
gear in even number years, because they become
the governor’s footsoldiers,” says Sean Kosofky,
director of policy and Victim’s Services at the
Triangle Organization. “It’s completely a tool of
Circuit
90
Noize
oppression, a tool of partisan politicking. And
it’s completely about power and fundraising.
These operations are about embarrassing [gays]
publicly, and scaring the shit out of them.”
Along the same lines, many Circuit-goers
attribute the insensitive behavior to
homophobic police and security guards.
Simpson, who occasionally visits Austin’s 6th
Street mainstream bar district, said he’s never
witnessed such heavy-handed searches at the
straight nightclubs. This was not the case in
San Francisco where instances of onerous
security checks and arrests by Ten 15 Folsom
guards have also been reported on
predominantly straight nights.
Bean said he’s ruled out homophobia, and
said, “the arrests were not limited to the gay
clientele.” He added that seven drug arrests
occurred at the “straight” party that followed
Mass.
Matt Kalkhoff agrees, saying gays actually
get higher respect in other metropolitan clubs,
like New York’s Roxy or D.C.’s Nation. “On
Friday nights, during the rave parties which
attract mostly straight people, security is very
tight, and some things are not even allowed,
like pacifiers,” Kalkhoff said of clubs in D.C.,
where he resides. “Then, on Saturday, the gay
night, it’s basically a free-for-all, with very little
security around. It’s interesting how in some
cities, the gays are targeted, while in others, the
straights are targeted.”
According to John Bogack, some club
owners are less concerned about being loyal to
their patrons and more interested in the bottom
line. “In times past, when the gay community
was a more organized political whole, I think it
would have been inconceivable that the police
would have more freedom than us in our
clubs,” the Patchogue, NY, resident said. “One
of the reasons they get that freedom is of course
that club owners have picked sides, and they are
not with us. They have joined the police,
putting profit ahead of any concerns about
Circuit
what arrests might do to any one of
us.”
Be it media-spawned hype,
election strategies or simple
homophobia, most agree that the
solutions lie within the gay
community. Markus Thom of
Oakland, CA., said he can only speak
from his relatively brief experience
with the Circuit, but he agrees that
dance floor patrons hold the power.
They’ve drawn the spotlight, and they
can dim it, as well, says Thom. But
they can’t do it alone, he added. “An
environment of mutual support – even
for the total stranger dancing next to
you - must be fostered,” Thom says.
James Winsor, who has seen
rising club security levels in his town
of San Diego, echoed Thom.
“Enforcing this nation’s drug laws
should be the job of the state, not
private enterprise. Local police are
essentially deputizing private club
security at no cost to them.” And
while Winsor accepts the notion that
clubgoers must straighten up, he says
the responsibility also rests with club
owners, who are being extorted into
waging the war on drugs.
Regardless of the cause or
solutions, for those who instantly
associate Thanksgiving with Miami
and Easter with Palm Springs, hostile
pat downs and crack probing are
unlikely to subside soon. “In the next
year or so, you’ll find more clubs
adopting more Draconian policies,
because of society pressures,” wrote
one CPI member. “Eventually, the
pendulum will swing back again, but
for now, more severe crackdowns seem
to be in the works.”
91
Noize
Circuit Training
by John Smith
Returning to work was torture. A day earlier, we were shirtless
by the pool basking in the warm California sun, surrounded by
men so beautiful as to make you weep and wonder how such
beauty could be sprinkled around so liberally, yet pass you right
by. It was the final day of the White Party weekend and our
only dilemma was deciding when to
head over to the T-dance. No wonder
they call it post-party depression.
The White Party 2000 was my
Circuit Boy debut and I had spent
many months training for it. Assisting
me was my Circuit mentor, Tom, who
can tell you that the process of
turning me into a Circuit Boy was no
walk in the park.
“He used to be fat and wear
glasses,” Tom likes to brag. You can’t
blame him for being proud. After all,
he turned this ugly duckling into a
Circuit Swan.
My Circuit Boy training began
last August after I was hired to write a
nightlife column for the Chicago Free
Press. For my first column, titled
“Short Circuit”, I asked my buddy
Tom to introduce me to the Circuit
Boy scene in Chicago. Tom dressed
me up in his “Circuit” clothes and
took me out for a shirtless night on
the town. Afterwards, I jotted down
these observations:
What Is A Circuit Boy
- Circuit Boys are not born, they are
created in gyms across America. The
hallmark of the Circuit Boy is a fit
physique and a tendency to use the
bathroom a lot (see Water
Consumption).
Circuit
Water, Water, Everywhere
- H2O is the beverage of choice for the Circuit
Boy, but do not confuse this with a desire on the
Circuit Boy’s part to stay sober. He’s just trying
to avoid spontaneous combustion (see Chemical
Friendly).
Dancing
- Part of the reason Circuit Boys look so toned
is that their primary activity is dancing. Like the
heroine in The Red Shoes, some will continue to
dance until they fall unconscious (see K-Hole).
My intention was to write only one column
about the Circuit scene, but I saw something
that night which intrigued me. What I
witnessed was a spirit of camaraderie I had never
before seen in the gay community. I wanted to
dig deeper. And so, what began as a “Short
Circuit” evolved into something much more.
That night was the beginning of an amazing
journey steeped in spirituality, frivolity, sex,
drugs and high energy - a journey that would
eventually bring me to Palm Springs, California,
for my very first Circuit party.
*************
My first lessons in becoming a Circuit Boy
were local and I absorbed much during these
early adventures (particularly through my nose).
I learned many things and acquired many skills skills that prior to obtaining, I would never have
imagined using - like Glo-stick Twirling and
Bumper Unclogging.
After months of careful preparation under
48
Noize
Tom’s supervision, nursed on the mother’s milk
of DJs like Manny Lehman, Warren Gluck and
Victor Calderone, the time had come to plan
my Circuit Boy debut. There were, however,
some final items that still needed to be checked
off my Circuit Boy To-Do List.
John’s Circuit Boy To-Do List
1. Sign-up for flagging lessons
2. Watch instructional video, “Circuit-Party
Packing”
3. Bid on portable defibrillator on eBay
4. Develop hot, muscular body
It was January when we scrutinized the
calendar and calculated that these last few tasks
could be completed in time for White Party
2000, Easter weekend, in Palm Springs. With
only four months to spare, I vowed to finish my
training buff and well-packed.
Flagging Lessons
My flagging teacher was Fanboy Cory,
who learned this incredible art form from
Candida Scott Piel, the “mother” of New York’s
tribe of Fanners, and in the flagging/fanning
Circuit
community, that makes Cory my fandaddy and Candida my fan-granny. In
this way, people like Cory have been
spreading art of fanning.
Playing with flags can be
addictive. After my first lesson, I
couldn’t wait to get my own pair. I was
later presented with a gorgeous pair of
sparkling, purple lam¾ flags - the
color, fabric and weight all chosen for
me by my fan-daddy Cory and I’ll
treasure them forever.
By custom, a flagger is supposed
to make his own flags. When
Grandma Candida learned my flags
were being made for me, she had a fit.
I was lectured over the phone on how
making my flags would allow me to
become better acquainted with their
weight and aerodynamics. I promised
Candida that I would cancel the order
and make my own damn flags. Which,
of course, I did. Right after I hung up
the phone. I swear.
Hot Bod
To make me Circuit Boy buff,
the posh and generous Cheetah Gym
gave me a free membership along with
the services of one Doug
“Motherfucker” Murphy, Certified
Personal Trainer and Professional
Sadist.
On our initial meeting, I handed
Doug a copy of Circuit Noize
magazine and asked him to pick out
the Circuit Boy my body would most
resemble at the end of our training.
Doug handed back the mag with his
finger pointing to a boyishly
handsome lad, with a tanned,
49
Noize
muscular physique. I was quite
pleased with Doug’s selection, but at
the same time was concerned about
the corrupting influence such beauty
could bring. Could I handle it? But
then Tom pointed out that no matter
how buff my bod turned out, I’d still
have my face and hairline.
It is not uncommon for clients
to hit on their personal trainer - less
heard of, however, is the client who
puts a hit on his personal trainer. By
our third session, I was looking in the
Yellow Pages under “Mafia”. No
matter how many filthy names I
called Doug under my labored breath,
though, the results were worth the
suffering. For the first time in my life,
I had perky pecs, bulging biceps, and
a trim little waist. Though I’m not an
overly vain person, when my training
ended, the most dangerous place in
the world was between me and a
mirror.
********
After so many months of
preparation, when it came time to
board our flight for Palm Springs, I
felt a certain sadness, as if the White
Party was the end of something, not
the beginning. Of course my attitude
quickly changed once we landed,
finding a town overtaken by
thousands of hot men.
Seven events make up the White
Party weekend. Seven parties mean
seven different outfits, which means
the Monday following Easter, Palm
Springs suffers a glut of bellboys with
bad backs. Of these seven events, Tom
and I managed to hit - well, all seven
(the lattes were very strong). We
danced with Victor, splashed with
Boy George, and grooved with David
Knapp. Each party topped the last,
but the best was yet to come.
Ironically, the party everyone
Circuit
most looked forward to was the Closing Party,
featuring DJ Manny Lehman. The party toys
were on full display when we arrived (plus a few
items that were apparently reverse-engineered
from alien party-toy technology). Tom and I
found our groove near the Special Needs Dance
Area, which is where the fanners, flaggers, and
glo-stick twirlers are found.
We danced as if each song was the last,
knowing eventually we’d be right, but wishing it
wasn’t too soon. Manny Lehman’s fierce Circuit
beats compelled us to dance while we gazed in
wonder at the platoon of flaggers spinning their
multi-colored linens. I was suddenly reminded
of my own flagging lessons. Fanboy Cory had
described the moment at a party when the DJ
plays an “old school” song that everyone
remembers. “It’s sad, but also it’s a happy
moment,” Cory told me, “because you think
about the people you’ve lost.”
Reminiscing to familiar songs while
spinning under the swirling lights of the dance
floor, the flagger becomes lost in the twirl as he
conjures up old friends.
“We call this the time when the angels
come out.”
And so I had learned the true meaning of
the Circuit. It all came together, my months of
training, right there on the dance floor. It’s not
about the hype and the glitz, nor the sex and the
drugs. The Circuit is about people coming
together to celebrate life, great music and each
other; it’s for remembering our past and for
savoring our fleeting moment in the sun.
*******
My accidental involvement with the
Circuit world didn’t come to a close when our
plane touched down in Chicago. The White
Party was the beginning of something, not the
end. Besides, I still have this hot little bod that’s
begging me to attend Black and Blue.
John Smith is a columnist for the Chicago Free
Press. His weekly column, “Free Hand”, can be read
on-line at www.chicagofreepress.com
50
Noize
Transcending the Dance Floor
by Steve Kammon
There is a special place of peace and tranquility on the dance
floor. It is often hard to find this place, as the path to reach it is
in constant flux. Yet, when you find this place, you know it.
Let’s call this place “the center.” The center is both a place of
the dance floor and a place within your own body and mind.
This means that you can find the center on
many different dance floors. At the center,
nothing matters except the music, the dance
and the wonderful people that surround us
with their love. At the center, we understand
what it means to truly exist within the
“Spirit, Body, and Soul” by Slater Heavener
constantly created present moment. At the
center, we find a blissful state of happiness that
is complete in itself.
When you find the center, you have
stepped outside of the normal flow of time as it
exists in the third dimension. The center is a
Circuit
timeless place.
The mystics,
throughout the ages, have spoken of
the center. The path to the center is as
varied as the people that populate this
planet. The path that we Circuit boys
have found is no less valid than the
path discovered by the yogis of India
or the Tai Chi masters of China.
In our normal state of
consciousness, we are constantly
distracted by our own unique set of
worries which bombard the mind over
and over. These fears can wear a rut
within the brain’s synapses that acts as
a set of tracks for our personal train of
fear. At “the center,” though, this train
is suddenly derailed. We look at these
fears in a new way. Suddenly we can
see that these fears are actually our own
personal challenges in this life. As Jesus
said, these fears represent “the cross
that is ours to bear.” Viewed in the
light of the center, these fears represent
the central struggle of this lifetime
rather than a burden that we simply
cannot face.
We Circuit boys have a very
unique relationship with the center.
We have succeeded in creating a closer
connection to the center than most of
the religions that exist in the Western
world. Our connection to true spirit is
stronger than many of those who
profess to have dedicated their lives to
God. We have learned to use the
59
Noize
substances of the party to reach an
ecstatic state in a way that has been
understood by many of the earth’s
greatest shamans. But before we pat
ourselves on the back for our own
insightfulness, let us also admit that
in using such powerful tools as these
mind-altering substances, we
oftentimes get lost along the path and
end up in dark places which have
nothing to do with the center.
On the Circuit one can find an
enormously wide range of people.
There are many who have learned to
harness the power of dancing on
entheogens (a non-judgmental word
that describes hallucinogenic
substances that can be utilized for
spiritual purpose). But there are also
many who either have lost sight of the
real goal or never knew what it was
they were looking for in the first
place.
The Circuit is a place of
rampant addiction. What many fail
to understand is that addiction is a
symptom experienced by someone on
a spiritual quest. Addiction is an
attempt to fill the void within. That
void can be truly filled only through
genuine spiritual experience. Such
spiritual experience is very possible on
the dance floor. Many of us have had
these experiences at one time or
another. It is time that we begin to
understand more about how we
actually get to the center. It is time
that we make this journey our
priority.
How can we begin to harness the
power that many of us sense on our
dance floors? How can we magnify
the positive aspects of our dance
Circuit
floors and learn to better control the issues of
addiction that can arise from the same place that
others find spiritual growth? I have recently
found some answers to these questions that have
worked for me. Because a journey to the center
is such a personal experience, the answers that
work for me may or may not work for you. But
I believe that I have stumbled upon a path that
will work for many who know that place on the
dance floor that I call “the center.”
The first step towards making the dance
floor a more spiritual place is to understand
from where our transcendent experiences come.
Too many of us credit the pills and powders that
we consume on the dance floor for the powerful
experiences that we have there. It is time to
understand that these substances are merely
shortcuts to places that we are quite capable of
reaching on our own. Furthermore, even when
we do take the substances - it is our own
intention that creates the ecstatic dance
floor experience – not the
substance. We are the
wizards! It is time to stop
limiting ourselves by
believing that we
need these clunky
man-made wings
to fly.
While I had
long believed
the theories I’ve
just espoused, it
took true-life
experience to
make
these
theories real for
me. I found that
particular
life
experience in a
teaching called “soul
dance.” Soul dance is
based upon a traditional
60
Noize
indigenous dance form that came to this
country through Malidoma Some of the Dagara
Tribe in West Africa. A soul dance is a
substance-free dance ritual that uses the power
of five archetypal forces - Water, Fire, Earth,
Mineral, and Nature. Throughout the soul
dance, the instructor explains each of these
forces, guides us in how to incorporate each
force into our dance and provides the music
that represents each force so that we may
experience it at the deepest levels of our
physical body. A soul dance creates connections
between the body, mind and spirit. A soul
dance makes it possible to journey inward to
the center through the use of movement, dance
and the intent to find those magical places
within.
In participating in a soul dance, I
discovered that same transcendent place (the
center) that I’d previously attained only through
the use of a pill. Furthermore, I stayed
in this elevated place for more
than a week! The teaching of
soul dance is not antisubstance. Rather, the
reason
it
is
recommended that
you
not
do
substances at a
soul dance is so
that you can
gain a clearer
understanding
of how to create
a transcendent
place
within
yourself without
relying on foreign
substances.
Many of us have
found a connection to
spirit on the dance floors
of the Circuit. It is time for
Circuit
us to take ownership of what we have
been creating.
Through the
community with others that we create
and through the music and
movement of the dance we lift
ourselves to new heights. There are
ways that we can learn to better
understand the ways that we
transcend the dance floor that go
beyond the short cuts we have
become reliant upon.
61
Circuit Soul Dance
Circuit
Noize
is
sponsoring the first Circuit
Soul Dance, which will be
presented by the Bad Boy Club
of Montreal. This event will
take place the afternoon of
Saturday, October 7, at the
nightclub Stereo, in Montreal.
Soul Dance will be an official
event of the Black and Blue
Festival – the largest Circuit
gathering in North America.
With one of the top ten sound
systems on the continent, live
drummers and performers, and
unique special effects – we will
create an atmosphere that
borrows from the best of the
dance cultures of the new
millennium
and
our
indigenous ancestors. We
invite all seekers of the center
to join us on this journey.
Noize
Dance of the Passionate Heart
by Michael Lennox, Steve Kammon and Pamela Maris
Does the realm of the spirit live in us? Or is it floating above us
in that area of time and space we as human beings have created
to ground ourselves in this third-dimensional non-reality?
Where is God? In our hearts? In our bodies? In our minds?
Human beings have been searching for the answers to these
questions for millennia. And in this
Age of Aquarius that we are entering,
it appears that more and more of us
are asking questions. We search high
and low and, more often than not, are
left with even more questions than
answers.
So what are the answers? There
is good news and bad news. The
good news is that there are no
answers. The bad news is that there
are no answers. We are each free to
create our own personal connection
to the realm of spirit - the realm made
up of all that is not part of this
physical world. For, anything that we
can conceive in our heads is, in some
sense, quite real.
Some of us seek out spiritual
endeavors that move us toward
balance and give us access to higher
vibrations. What we need, however,
is a form of spiritual endeavor that
combines energy from all our spiritual
points.
Common to most indigenous
cultures is the concept of communal
dance as a societal mechanism for
creating connections between a
community. And while most of the
Western world has long forgotten the
original purpose of dance, there still
exist such rituals - from square
dancing to the techno beat of modern
day raves. In these customs, we create
Circuit
a direct connection to the power of communal
dance. When we dance with all our heart, we
become very present in our bodies. When that
dance is communal, we have the opportunity to
create community, that is, to bond with other
souls. When we dance with the purpose of
creating community, while so firmly established
in the body (and therefore less present in the
mind), we gain access to an experience that
touches a broad range of our spiritual natures.
One indigenous culture that continues to
exist in the modern world is the Dagara tribe in
West Africa. The lifestyle of the Dagara is rich
with the lore of their traditional culture. Their
lives are filled with ritual, they still understand
the importance of communal celebration, and
they understand the need for rites of passage to
mark the progression of life. The elders of the
tribe play a key role in providing spiritual
guidance. In a stunning example of glorious
simplicity, when a woman nears the end of her
term of pregnancy, the elders perform a ritual
where they interview the child in the mother’s
womb. The mother is put into a trance so that
the child can use her voice to speak to the elders.
They ask the child why it is coming into the
world - what its purpose is. Through this
interview, a meaningful name can be chosen for
the new child - a name that will help the child
become the person he or she is meant to be.
The elders also practice rituals of vision
quests - contacting the dead ancestors of the
tribe in the other realm to guide them in making
decisions for the tribe. Africa today is a
continent in dire straits. They are in desperate
38
Noize
need of help from the West in the form of food,
medicine and technology. But through these
vision quests, these elders have seen that they
also hold the basis of what we in the West are
searching for. The elders of the Dagara saw that
the West needs the keys to spirit that they still
hold.
In the West, our lives
have become so disconnected from
spirit that our
whole culture
is in danger
of
selfdestructing.
We
have
become
a
nation where
addiction is almost
universal. These compulsive disorders are
symptoms of the lack of spirit in our lives. We
seek spirit, but we are looking in the wrong
places. Rather than connecting with true spirit
within ourselves, we use techniques of instant
gratification which soothe our souls for a short
time. It is easy to become compulsive about
sweet candy that is readily available. But
shortcuts to bliss leave us feeling ever more
empty if we compulsively abuse them in a
repetitious search for something to fill the void
within.
We believe ourselves superior to
indigenous cultures because of our technology.
But it is exactly because they have not been
pulled into the modern world that indigenous
people are more able to create true connections
to their spirit nature. The elders of the Dagara
saw that only by sharing this knowledge with
the West could they do their part to heal the
world. So they sent out one named
“Malidoma,” which means “friend of the
Circuit
enemy,” to be a spiritual teacher in the
West. The elders, through Malidoma
Some, have shared their knowledge of
ritual. They explain the importance of
inviting spirit to come into a ritual
and allowing spirit the freedom to take
the ritual where it will. The elders also
teach us to reconnect with the Earth’s
energy. Instead of thinking of nature
as something that must be tamed, we
can connect with its wildness.
The elders seek to impart some of
their wisdom to the rest of the world
before it is lost, trampled in the rush
to embrace the technology of the
West. It was in studying the wisdom
of the Dagara that Pamela Maris was
guided to create Soul Dance – a
Western interpretation of Dagara
ritual.
Dagara rituals deal
with five different
elemental forces
- fire, water,
e a r t h ,
mineral,
a n d
nature.
S o u l
D a n c e
incorporates
the power of
each of these
forces
into
a
ritualistic dance. There is
a segment of the dance for each of the
five elements. The facilitator instructs
the class in the nature of each of the
five elements. The five elements are a
universal “language,” connecting us to
our spirit, each other, and the
39
Noize
mysteries
of creation.
The dance for each element is
inspired by a different style of
electronic dance music. For example,
water is smooth and flowing, while
fire is chaotic and wild. Each element
is described in general terms before
the dance of that element begins.
The nature of the Soul Dance ritual is
all about creating your own personal
connection to the spirit of these
elements through spontaneous movement. During each phase of the Soul
Circuit
Dance, there are rituals that create interaction
between the members of the group. Like a
Circuit party, a lot of the energy of a Soul
Dance comes from the connections
established between the dancers.
Movement can be used in very
diverse populations to create
community, understanding, and
acceptance on a deep, non-verbal
level. Spiritual experiences emerge
as we let go of preconceived
notions of how we should move
or look, and allow our innate
energy, body wisdom, spirit whatever you choose to call it to move through us. This creates
a fertile ground for new
possibilities, healing, profound
insights, shifts of perception, and
breakthroughs to occur.
Many of us contact these same
forces on the dance floors of the
Circuit. In a Soul Dance, the power
comes from acting out each of the
primordial forces. Each of the five
elements is archetypal in its nature, and by
connecting our soul to these varied archetypes,
a healing energy moves within us at the very
deepest levels of being. The healing and
energizing effects are transformational.
In the afternoon of October 7, 2000, a
Circuit Soul Dance sponsored by Circuit Noize
is being produced by the BBCM as part of the
Black & Blue Festival in Montreal. The circle of
energy that the Dagara elders first envisioned
will be joined as a result of this Soul Dance.
This will occur because the BBCM will donate
proceeds from their event to AIDS charities
within Africa. And thus the Dagara will have
contributed to renewal of spirit in the West. We
call upon all who understand the spirit of the
modern dance movement to help us in fostering
the healing energy that we know is abundantly
present on the dance floor.
40
Noize
Playing in the Circuit Romper Room
by Dennis Fleming
“Chicken hawk”, “cradle robber”, “twinkie twinkler” - these are
all tangy names and phrases given to those whose preference for
a sexual partner glides more towards a younger piece. How
often have you seen a mature-looking guy walking down the
street with a much younger kid and wondered, “Is that his son
or his boyfriend?” Or maybe you have observed a guy who looks like he stepped out of a
Colt calendar making out on the dance floor with a club kid who looks like he just stepped
out of high school and wondered to yourself, “How did those two ever get together?” This
article’s purpose is not to place judgment on those whom a person prefers in the sack, but
rather serves as a means by which to tell if you might be robbing the cradle by playing in
the Circuit Romper Room.
• Your boyfriend cannot attend Montreal’s Wet & Wild party in May with you because
it falls on the same weekend as his senior prom.
• After a night of clubbing, while everyone else is on their way to after-hours parties, you
find yourself hanging out in front of the local high school, hoping for a glimpse of the
star quarterback.
• Your date becomes ecstatic when he hears his favorite song, “American Pie”. He then
adds that Madonna really writes the best songs.
• On your trip to Mardi Gras, you and your boyfriend are stopped in the Sydney airport.
The Australian customs agents suspect you may be internationally transporting a
minor who is not a relative.
• You can’t stay for Susan Morabito’s Equinox party after the Black Party in New York
because your boyfriend has a trigonometry test on Monday.
• Your boyfriend has every Back Street Boys, ‘N Synch and 98 Degrees CD and
considers Brittany Spears a diva.
• The boy you met last week backs out of your plans to take him to Gay Disney in
Orlando because he just went there last week on his senior class trip.
• The cute boy you have been cruising all night starts his pick up attempt with, “Excuse
me sir…”
• The attendant at the first aid station tells you that your trick cannot stay there because
they are hired to baby-sit partygoers in K-holes, not boys who are tired because there
are up past their bedtime.
• You find yourself being asked to a lot of movies and amusement parks with your
boyfriend and his friends because they get reduced prices when accompanied by an
adult.
• After a night where you invited your latest love-interest to spend the night, you get up
and go to work. Your new flame gets out of bed and goes to homeroom.
Circuit
54
Noize
Is an X always an E?
by Paul Dillon
Earlier this year, the death of a young man at Happy Valley
made headlines around Australia. The use of ecstasy and a
range of other ‘party drugs’ was suggested as the possible cause
of his death. The media often enjoys whipping the community
into a frenzy with this type of story but rarely follows through
when the results of the post-mortem are actually released.
It must be said that it is often extremely difficult to get the results made public.
Often the families of the deceased do not want the results published for obvious reasons.
They have already lost a loved one and the added stigma of illicit drug usage as the cause of
death must be incredibly hard for all concerned. Sometimes it is vitally important that the
details surrounding a death are disseminated to current and potential drug users so that
they know the facts and can then make better informed choices.
According to the post-mortem conducted on the young man, a substance known as
PMA was detected in significant levels. No alcohol or other drugs was found.
PMA (paramethoxyampheta-mine) is an amphetamine-type drug with both stimulant
and hallucinogenic properties. It has no medical use. Its effects are similar to those of
MDA, although PMA is much more potent and far more toxic. It first appeared as a
recreational drug in North America in the early 1970s, usually sold as MDA, and became
associated with fatalities soon after it entered into street use. In Ontario, for example, the
deaths of nine young people were confirmed to be caused by PMA between March and
August 1973.
The toxicity of PMA is related to excessive central nervous system stimulation. Users
may experience hallucinations, delirium, restlessness, agitation, muscle contractions,
thrashing around, rigidity, sweating, high fever, seizures, coma and death. It has been
estimated that PMA’s effects may be seen by taking
approximately 50 mg. An ecstasy tablet
can weigh anything from
Paul Dillon is the Media
Liaison/Information Manager of the
National Drug and Alcohol Research
Centre in Sydney, Australia. Thanks to
the Electric Dreams foundation for
originally distributing this article.
Circuit
22
Noize
150-200 mg and can contain up to 50% of active material, so it would not take many pills
to cause a problem. Friends of the young man said that he had taken at least two tablets
before he started sweating and shaking.
PMA has been linked to a number of Australian deaths over the years. Six people died
in South Australia between September 1995 and January 1996 after taking PMA, either
alone or combined with MDMA. All indications are that the users believed they were
taking MDMA alone and did not realize that PMA was present in the tablet they used.
Late last year, two people died in Perth after taking what they believed to be ecstasy.
They were both found to have significant levels of PMA in their bodies.
Sydney’s gay community was first warned about PMA just before Sleaze Ball 1994,
when some ecstasy tablets were seized and analyzed. PMA was discovered and warnings in
both the gay and straight press were made to ensure that partygoers took great care if they
were planning on using ecstasy. Unfortunately, this kind of public service is not likely to
be duplicated in the United States when the DEA discovers similar contaminants in the
U.S. ecstacy supply.
PMA deaths highlight one of the major risks when using ecstasy. No matter what
anyone tells you, you simply never know exactly what it is that you are taking. PMA and
DXM are two contaminants that have been found in U.S. ecstacy.
It may be that help is on the way. A new web site has made it a mission to test the
ecstacy being sold on our streets. Check out: http://www.dancesafe.org/
Here, under the heading “laboratory pill testing,” you can find actual lab results for
the contents of pills, with pictures of the pills and the city where the pill originated. You
can also send a pill to the people that run this web site, and they will post the results to the
web. This brilliant use of the internet means that those that send in pills do not need to
include a return address to get their results.
Let’s encourage these pioneers in education by frequently visiting their web site and
making contributions by providing the ecstacy samples that they need to effectively warn
us of the dangers to which we might be exposing ourselves.
Through this kind of effort, we can make it unprofitable
for drug dealers to use anything but the
substance they are claiming
to sell us.
Circuit
23
Noize
Circuit Sage
by Michael Lennox
Dear Circuit Sage,
I am a personal trainer - 6’2”,
198 lbs., great body. I have been going
to parties for quite some time now and
enjoy dancing the night away. I do
partake in some party favors (which
shocks most people since I don’t even
drink or smoke). I’ve enjoyed being in
the center of it all but find that after all
these years, I need to shift to the outer
ring of the dance floor and step off the
box. I believe that to be in the center
you need to be altered. I might be
wrong but I do know that it heightens
the experience. I am beginning to find
that the minor amount of substances I
take affects me mentally more and more
the next day. So recently, I have cut
back. This is the hardest thing I have
done - to change a behavior and a mood
that has been so fun for so many years.
I find myself looking at these events in a
different light. Maybe it’s the
realization of age, time, and boredom.
Or maybe I just need a change of
scenery which the outer ring of the
dance floor can provide. Or maybe the
Circuit has lost its spark for me
temporarily.
Dear Stud,
So you’re 6’2”, 198 lbs. with a
great body? Are you single? And will
you relocate to LA? Look me up!
Anyway – to the point. You are
talking about the natural progression
of a person through their life.
Nothing lasts forever. The activities
that stimulated you in your twenties
don’t have as much appeal in your
thirties. Jobs lose their luster as time
passes and challenges subside. And
Circuit
certainly relationships shift as the face of love
changes with our partners. These are common
examples of processes that all of us go through.
It can be the same experience one has with the
Circuit.
I like to think of things in terms of “choice
versus consequence”. We choose to do those
things for which we accept the consequences.
For substances, it can mean the after-effects - if
you choose to use, you must also choose the
consequences of their effects. For many of us,
these effects are more difficult to bounce back
from than they are for the younger fellows.
The use of substances will heighten any
experience. However, it is important to note
that any experience that can be achieved with a
substance can be achieved without them. Many
would find these acoustic versions of a high to
be less than satisfying. I would disagree.
Your choice to move to the outer circle is a
noble one if the inner circle no longer reflects
who you are. You may find a home there or you
may even find that your next home is out of the
Circuit completely. Wherever you find yourself,
I hope you like the man you are.
-Circuit Sage
Dear Circuit Sage,
I’ve had some of the most spiritual, lifealtering experiences while partying on the dance
floor. My lover, my friends, and I will dance for
hours, arms around each other, smiles from ear to
ear, swaying to the music, while sharing our
heartfelt love for one another. This feeling lasts into
the next week. After being away from the parties
for a couple of weeks or so, and back into my daily
grind, I have trouble recalling why it felt so
wonderful. How were we able to reach such a
place of acceptance? I want to feel this way all the
time, but instead feel separated, manipulated, used,
and frustrated by the people around me. Is it simply
the drugs? Have I been searching for friends in the
96
Noize
wrong place? Do others feel this way?
Signed -Schizo
Dear Schizo,
Can we talk about your name for a
moment? You are, after all, writing to a forum
run by a psychotherapist – you do realize that!
You made my day with this question! I’m
going to start with the last thing you said. “Do
others feel this way?” is what you asked. And
the answer is,
“Yes,
of course!”
The Circuit is a microcosm of the society
that supports it. As such, you will find every
experience you could possibly find out there in
the real world reflected somehow in what one
experiences in the Circuit or at events. That
includes, of course, those who misuse and abuse
substances and struggle with addiction. There
are many in the Circuit who use drugs
responsibly and still others who have chosen the
sober route. But it only starts there.
The more important element has to do
with emotional and spiritual awareness. There is
a tremendous energy created by thousands of
people gathered for any purpose. I think adding
the element of celebration to the picture (as the
Circuit
Circuit is undoubtedly a celebratory
ritual) you find the experience of
group energy all the more palpable.
So, are these life-altering experiences
or just boys on drugs? Both,
depending on the individual and
what they bring to the experience.
The drugs you take that allow
you
to
experience
such
unconditional love are enhancement
agents. They do not produce
anything in the central nervous
system that is not already there
in the first place. There are
other ways to unleash
that power (and I tell
you
this
from
experience). They are
slower and more
subtle but they work
nonetheless.
Meditation and dance,
for example, can produce
the same effects as X and K.
The day-to-day feelings you
have are part of life, too - that is,
feeling used, feeling manipulated.
However, it sounds as if you have
set your life up as a series of very
predictable highs and lows. The
danger to this setup is that if you are
not careful, you will continue to
need the drugs to reach the highs
and continue to feel pulled down
lower by your day-to-day life. You
need to try and find ways to
appreciate life and life’s gifts in
between Circuit events. Your goal
should be to feel connected to the
exciting power of love and life that
is available to each and every one of
us, each and every day, and not
97
Noize
become dependent on the Circuit for
this connection.
-Circuit Sage.
Dear Circuit Sage,
My boyfriend and I go to these
parties and have a hard time
balancing between friends
and sex. We like to get
down and dirty with
boys on the dance
floor, but usually
end up getting
these “there they
go again” looks
from our friends.
While we value
our friendships, we
have these “urges” to
prowl. Either way, we feel
like someone’s always
disappointed. Any advice?
Dear Sluts,
My first question is...where are
you guys gonna be this weekend???
Seriously, the theme of this topic
might be “You can’t please
everybody!” We are not here to analyze your friends (though I think I’d
have a field day with the prospect!), so
we’ll have to stick with you guys. And
the important question to ask is - why
do the judgmental looks of your
friends bother you?
Chances are there is a small part
of your own selves that judges your
Circuit
behavior. There is no such thing as being
completely okay about anything. We are all
conflicted in various ways about choices we
make. Although it is often safer to pretend or
argue that we are totally “worked out” about
something, this is rarely the case. Your friends’
reaction to you can be thought of as a projection
of your own judgement of yourself.
I’m always inclined to err on the side of
taking care of your own needs as primary,
especially in a situation where to do so doesn’t
harm anyone else. Your “urges” are natural and,
more importantly, part of who you are. Since
there is a fun and safe way to explore this side of
you, I encourage you and your partner to
continue to do so.
Rather than do anything with regard to
your friends, perhaps you might sit down with
your partner and talk out ALL the feelings that
come up around this behavior. Be honest with
yourselves and each other. Try and talk about the
parts of you that feel judged. Talk about the
parts of you that fear there might be something
wrong with what you do. Since you primarily
feel okay about what you like to do on the dance
floor, avoid rationalizing or defending the
behavior. Really try and connect with the parts
of you that do not feel okay about it. It is
important to start the conversation knowing
that it’s NOT about stopping the behavior. This
may allow you to feel freer in exploring these
feelings.
When you handle this within yourself,
your friends may still continue to give you those
looks. But chances are they won’t bother you as
much, if at all.
-Circuit Sage
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The Ears Have It
…you never know who’s listening
“Is this crowd getting older
or just LOOKING older?”
“The Bible contains 6 admonishments to
homosexuals and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn’t mean God
doesn’t love heterosexuals, it’s just that
they need more supervision.”
›
“Are you going to hear Victor spin?”
“Ooooh. Listen to you - Mr. Lingo.
‘Victor spin’”
<said in a very mocking tone>
“Wellllll, what was I supposed to say,
‘Are you going to hear Victor
‘play his records?’”
›
I remember when if you had
a 3 1/2 inch floppy, you hoped nobody
found out about it!
›
“I love G! It’s the only drug I do now.
There’s no hangover and there’s
no blood test for it so you really can’t
get busted for having it in your system.
It really is the perfect drug!”
“Yeah, now if they could just fix that little
DEATH thing.”
›
“I HATE size queens
....but I LOVE their boyfriends!”
›
“We met this gang of seventeen year olds.
They were right out of the cellophane.”
›
“You’re cute!”
“Oh pu-leeze...it’s four in the morning.
Everybody’s cute!”
›
“I met this guy on the internet last night.
He sent me his picture
and I invited him over.
But when he got here I was pissed.”
“Why? Wasn’t he the guy
from the picture?”
“It was the same guy alright.
Unfortunately, he was in Miami,
but the camera was in Chicago.”
›
“I think you should know....
as long as I wash my face,
you’ll always have a clean place to sit.”
›
“I can’t handle that crowd.
They’re either hustlers
or old men chasing hustler dick,
and more than willing to
throw their soul under a bus to get it.”
›
“I am so ready for
the tweek-end to be here!”
Circuit
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Just the Music
by Thomas L. Stoodley
Hey gang, been a while since we went
over the latest and greatest. Sorry about
the absence in the last issue, there was a
technical problem, but I’m back and
ready to tell you all about the new stuff!
Singles in Review
Norma Lewis
“Someone That I Used To Love”
Circuit Diva Norma Lewis is
back with a new, awesome single.
With U.S. mixes from Welcome,
Julian Marsh, and the Either Remix
team, there’s something here for
everyone. Welcome’s mix is a
straightforward club anthem, with the
focus on the vocals. The Morning
mix, by none other than Circuit
legend Julian Marsh, has that
beautiful flowing touch we expect to
hear in the wee hours of the morning,
while the Either Club Vocal mix and
Dub mix, create a more dark,
haunting feel for the song.
Abigail
“If It Don’t Fit”
Some of you may remember our friend
Abigail from her great energetic covers of
“Smells Like Teen Spirit” or “Constantly
Craving”. Well, a cover queen she is no longer.
Following the success of her recently released
“Let The Joy Rise”, we find Abigail heading even
deeper into clubland with a new pumping
single, “If It Don’t Fit”. With producer &
remix honors going to the club-friendly
Thunderpuss 2000 team, I am glad to see new
material for such a great voice. With this single,
Abigail has joined Groovilicious Records, a
move which is sure to keep her pumping in the
club scene. Congratulations to both Abigail
and Groovilicious for a marriage made on and
for the dance floor.
Gaelle Adissoon as feat.
By Ananda Project
With
mixes
by
such
distinguished names like Joe
Claussell, Plasmic Honey, Ben Watt
(of E.B.T.G), and an edit by Danny
Tenaglia, this great song, with its
powerful message, is sure to lift you
up and get you going. Be sure to
check out the energetic Plasmic
Honey mix - it’s not their usual noise
- more the reason why it’s my favorite
mix.
Jocelyn Enriquez
“When I Get Close To You”
As I was finishing up this column, this
single arrived, and it is so good, I had to put it
in. I predict that this one is going to be a big,
big hit for the clubs, the Circuit, the radio, and
your stereo. This is a great song sung by a great
vocalist with huge remixes by Thunderpuss and
Luctroluv. Brought to you by the same label
that gave us the wonderful Amber, you can not
go wrong with this one.
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Sarah Cracknell
“Lipslide”
What a debut album! The lead
singer/frontwoman for alternative pop
legend Saint Etienne has gone solo and
created an album of fine pop melodies with
great hypnotic dance beats as well as classic
balladry. What a voice! Lush, full, smooth
and playful, it moves me outside of myself,
like an angel come to save my soul. Every
song is a jewel, and the entire album a must
have for all music collections.
Albums in Review
Byron Stingily
“Club Stories”
Talk about a Who’s Who in the club scene!
This album has some big names producing on
it - Danny Tenaglia, Peter Rauhofer (Club 69),
D’Influence, and Basement Boys. Wow!!! This
compilaiton has already produced two singles,
“That’s The Way Love Is 2000” and “Why
Can’t You Be Real”. I have found that I’m
loving the Tenaglia-produced “Stick Together”
with its lush, progressive feel, as well as the
Peter Rauhofer-produced “Stardance”. Byron’s
falsetto should be familiar to all that love dance,
having been around since the early days of
house as the lead vocalist in the legendary Ten
City Band.
Nomad
“Songman”
If you’re a fan of Deep Forest or Enigma
you will want to add this CD to your
collection. Based out of Australia, this band has
created an album of sultry grooves and
entrancing tribal beats, laced with exotic chants
of aboriginal dreamtime. Be sure to also check
out the first single, “With You”, wonderfully
remixed by Junior Vasquez.
Circuit
Kim English
“Re-Energized”
Singer/songwriter Kim English has kept
the hits coming, and this CD does not
disappoint. Nervous Records has taken
some of her hits and remixed them one more
time for your listening pleasure. Standing
out to this reviewer are the following tracks:
Junior Vasquez’s mix of “Learn 2 Luv”,
Friburn & Urick’s mix of “Time for Love”,
the ever-huge hit “Unspeakable Joy” remixed
by Razor & Guido, as well as new mixes of
“Supernatural” and my favorite, “Missing
You”. Ms. English has the wonderful ability
to include positive messages in her
songwriting without having it come across as
lesson. I wish we had more songwriters like
her!
Compilations in Review
Various Artists “Plastic Vol. 3”
With this, the third in the series, we
find Network Records presenting more great
trance/dance songs. One of them that is
sure to be heard on the floors of your
favorite dance floor soon, is the BT-mixed “I
Love You”, with vocals by Sarah McLachlan.
If you love trance, this is a great collection of
songs to have and to hold.
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Winter Party Vol 3 mixed by DJ
Monty Q & Tony Moran
Centaur seems to be pumping
the compilations out. This CD starts
and ends with one of the biggest
crowd pleasers of the last few years,
LightHouse Family’s “High”, a new
energetic mix by Tony Moran himself.
The fun does not end there - ten new
tracks written and/or produced by
Tony Moran are debuted on this
compilation, including a very well
done cover of Donna Summer’s
“Heaven Knows”. If you like bubbly,
uplifting, fun music, this CD is for
you.
Magnitude 2000 mixed by DJ Neil Lewis
Wow, this is the Circuit CD to compare all
others to. Tremor Music seems to understand
that to create a compilation that tells a story or
takes you on a journey, you need to let the
director, DJ Neil Lewis, choose and arrange all
the tracks. That’s just what this label has done.
And my friend DJ Neil Lewis has impressed me
both with his technical skill and with the
selections on this, his first commercial effort.
He weaves a tapestry, using some songs we know
as well as a few that this reviewer must go and
find for his collection. The best way to describe
this CD, is to tell you that while I was listening
to it, I was transported to a wonderful Circuit
event, and the vibe was better then good, it was
GREAT!!!
Coming up in the next issue: the new
Kristine W album, “Ask the Artist”, and
much more…
If you have any questions or comments, please email
me at [email protected].
DJ Amateur Contest
Just The Music is proud to announce our first amateur DJ contest. To enter, send a
tape mixed by you to the address below with a cover letter containing your name,
mailing address, contact numbers and email address as well as a listing of the tracks
in the order in which they are found on the tape. All tapes will be fully heard by
three judges and scored based on technical skill, creativity, and flow. The winner
of this contest will be invited to perform at a real Circuit event. Please remember
that this is an amateurs’ contest - if you have performed in a club or at a event for
pay, you are not eligible for this contest. All entries must be in by August 20,
2000. We look forward to hearing the story you put on tape.
Mail all entries to:
Just the Music
DJ Amateur Contest
412 West 49th St.
Suite 5F
NYC, NY 10019
Circuit
88
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Let It Flow, Let it Flow, Let it Flow
by Mark Rogers
Bigger is not always better. The increased people-power at a
large event can undoubtedly create an enhanced party
experience. Yet, the biggest parties on the Circuit often lose
something in their execution. Too often, the big parties leave us
feeling like cattle. Even when a space is plenty large enough to
accommodate the number of people
present, the dance floor can still turn
into a glut of bodies. In these
situations, it seems like people are
always excusing themselves as they
slink past in the crowd. There is no
doubt that it takes a special talent to
make the super-sized parties feel
comfortable and hospitable. The
experts in this area are the Bad Boys
of Montreal who produce the largest
indoor dance event in North America.
Even though last year’s Black
and Blue event had 22,000 attendees,
it still felt cozy. Beyond the obvious
organizational skills it takes to keep
such an event from becoming a
nightmare of Disneyesque lines from
hell, there is one key factor in partier
comfort that the BBCM have
consistently pulled off at their largescale events: dance floor flow.
This is a very elusive dance floor
quality. To design good flow into a
dance floor, one must almost be a
Feng Shui master. There is no
rulebook to guide one in designing
good dance floor crowd flow – but
when the flow isn’t there, it becomes
very apparent in the level of
discomfort on the dance floor.
Robert Vezina of the BBCM
councils that good dance floor energy
flow relates to the partyers being able
to see right away the “natural” crowd
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flow in a space. He and his team create
“psychological corridors”. They do this by
strategic placement of peripheral stages,
bleachers, curtains and light structures. These
same dance floor structures are used to
Photo: Stéphane Barbeau
purposely create different “energy” areas on a
huge dance floor. Access to services (bars,
toilets,entrances and exits, etc.) is also wellplanned since these are the destinations of the
crowd’s flow. The best setup allows fluid
circulation all the way around the dance floor
with services that are anchored to significant
structures. This allows people to easily get
where they are intending to go.
BBCM actually prepares architectural plans
of its setup to exact scale. A committee reviews
the positioning of all elements to make sure the
design allows for proper crowd flows. As a final
check, the plans are then approved by the fire
department to be sure that, in case of an
emergency, the crowd can flow with no hidden
or obvious obstacles to the movement.
To have good dance floor energy flow, you
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must also have a well-defined center. (In a
party of more than 5000, it is possible to create
multiple dance floor centers.) There are those
partyers who migrate to the center of the dance
floor to be crushed in and surrounded by
sweaty man-flesh. They need to be able to find
the center. I once saw a medium-sized dance
Photo: Luc Richard
floor that had a large fountain at its center.
With colored lights shining on moving water, it
was a beautiful effect, but it meant that there
were no people at the center of the floor. It was
like a dance floor without a heart.
In addition, it is important that the crowd
be able to move about smoothly without
unnecessary friction with other
dancers. This means that the option
of simply having one large open space
is not a good design. In this case,
there are no natural corridors for
people to move on and off the dance
floor. One large dance floor without
structures to provide anchoring does
not allow anyone to have shelter from
this source of continual chaos.
If you go to the Black and Blue,
be sure to take the time to fully
explore the space by the end of your
night. The amazing thing about this
event is that it is truly large enough to
allow you to flow through your dance
floor journey experiencing many
different parties that all exist as part
of the one huge event. And, at least
in this case, you will find that the
immensity of the party adds a
dimension to the party experience
that is unrivaled on today’s Circuit.
Big Party Angst
It is easy to feel disoriented at the beginning of a party as large as the Black
and Blue. To minimize these effects, it is important to hang on tightly to your
friends at the start of the night. Set up solid plans for meeting up should someone
get lost. If you are overly-sensitive to dance floor angst, you might want to wait
and arrive around 2 in the morning. This allows you to avoid the period when
everyone in the whole place is trying to get comfortable. The general confusion at
the start of the event is quite contagious and it is easy to find oneself the victim of a
groundless fear that seems to permeate the room. As people adjust to the space, the
crowd begins to gel into something that is more manageable. You begin to
understand the overall organization of the party and feel like you can split off from
your friends for a while without being in danger of disappearing into the void.
Circuit
13
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My Favorite Things
by Dane Hall
Brow thick with thought and concentration, I flip through the
pages of my hefty “At A Glance” date book. I’m searching the
monthly calendar overview layouts, seeking to verify a period of
time. I find the tiny square with the bold-faced number in the
upper right-hand corner I’ve been looking for. It has “Black
Party” written in it, then circled and
surrounded by three hastily scribbled
stars. Two exclamation points dance
close by, added for good measure, I
suppose, just in case I needed to
remind myself of just how excited I
was for the night.
I fast forward a number of pages,
nearly rewarding myself with a paper
cut on one of the date book’s faux
gold-trimmed pages. (To get the book
without the “gold” was not an
option... I checked.) I find the next
tiny square with a bold-faced number
in the upper right hand corner. It too
has something written in it, also
circled, and this time I’d underlined it
not three, but four times. And yeah,
there are a couple of exclamation
points around the fringes. Truth be
told? It’s a night I’m looking forward
to a great deal.
With a sigh that lives somewhere
between regret and acceptance, I find
that the time span between the first
tiny square and second tiny square
located pages away is three months.
A full three months since my partner,
Edward, and I have left the pressures
and burdens of the “real world”
behind and slipped, quite willingly,
deep into the magic and mystery of
the dance floor.
“Oh, dear friend,” I say aloud,
“you have been missed.”
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After having taken these voluntary periodic
breaks from “the scene,” I liken Edward and
myself to those plastic race cars I used to own as
a kid. You know the kind where you’d attach an
accordion-like device to the rear of the toy and
just pump, pump, pump until the car was nearly
bursting to go. And when you finally did set the
spinning wheels down on the pavement and
detached the pump, the car would speed away
like a bat out of hell and wouldn’t stop for a
good long time until it either hit a wall or
simply ran out of energy.
Well, that, in a slightly nostalgic nutshell,
will be me and Edward the next time we hit the
dance floor!
Staring at that second tiny square, just weeks
away in real time, I become instantly excited. My
mind becomes flush with sensations and happy
memories of times past. Times past almost certain
to repeat, albeit with slight variances, the next
time we slip on our sweatpants and stuff our tshirts into the side waistbands. Times past filled
with incidents that have grown somewhat
legendary among our circle of friends with
constant re-tellings. Times past that, no matter
how many times they are shared, never fail to
elicit a hearty round of laughs.
For these memories are a few of my favorite
things (well, favorite moments, really, but I
couldn’t resist the play on words for the title of
this piece, so cut me a little slack):
I look forward to the moment Edward and
I gather with our friends at another’s apartment
and we all soak in the sheer pleasure and
comfort of being together again. It’s the time
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when the night ahead holds infinite possibilities
and fond lasting memories that have yet to be
born. It’s our time together as family.
I look forward to the moment that, as a
group, we first enter the club and the combined
electric wallop of the crowd, music, lights, and
testosterone smack into us like a life-saving
cardiac jolt. Suddenly, as if our hips are
controlled by invisible strings, we’ll begin to
move nearly in unison and our smiles will add
their wattage to the light show already in
progress.
I look forward to the enthusiastic cycle of
greetings, hugs, and kisses from friends we’ve
not seen in a long time. The buzz that comes
from catching up, filling in, and touching base
as arms wrap
a r o u n d
shoulders
or pull
taut
sweaty chaos already in synch with the
resounding beat. We’ll all be smiling,
happy once again to share the groove.
I look forward to dancing with
Edward, watching that particular grin
begin to work its way over his face that
tells me he’s really digging being back
amongst it all. I look forward to
watching his eyes dip down as he
allows the music to saturate his limbs
before he’s off riding the wave of the
rhythm - my own Silver Surfer
dancing high among the stars.
I look forward to that moment
when strong hands, owner unknown,
clasp my hips from behind and I feel
another join my party, pressing his
chest to my back. When a voice
assures me, with a hot whisper in
my ear, his hands belong to a
friendly face, we notch up the
energy and really begin to
move!
These are just a
few of my favorite things
about a great night out
dancing with friends, old
and new. And I find that
with each of these voluntary
periodic breaks from “the
scene” that Edward and I take,
these moments become richer
and resonant even more so after
the fact. A special quality gets added
to the mix: Our night out becomes
something different, yet familiar.
While a majority of the faces are “the
same,” there’s a freshness to them that
reassures us, “Yes, it’s been too long,
but damn, we’re glad we’re back!”
waists
close.
As Edward
and I, both as a
couple
and
as
individuals, reconnect with those who, for any
number of reasons, we’ve not had the opportunity to spend time with or talk to.
I look forward to the moment when the
first strains of the “anthem du jour” pound their
way through the air, calling us, commanding us:
“It’s time to dance!” With adrenaline surging,
our group (which will have already grown in
number since walking in) will head for the
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5
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Paul van Dyk: Out There and Back
by Curt Freitag
In the days before I found my way into the world of dance clubs
and Circuit parties, my music of choice fell into the genre
known as Alternative Rock (back when it was still “alternative”).
Generally, in the world of rock ‘n’ roll, each song is its own
entity, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. However, just a
short year and a half ago, I discovered
the world of dance music and the
continuous DJ mix, where each song
is a part of a greater whole. Since
then, the way I view music hasn’t
been the same. A good CD is more
than just a collection of great songs –
it’s a collection of great songs that
takes you on a journey.
Of course, even in the realm of
the continuous mix, certain songs
stand out above others by the strength
of the response they invoke – a big
anthem to get the crowd jumping, a
trance classic to touch off a personal
inner journey, or a hard sexy groove to
start hips grinding and hands
exploring. The individual song is a
material used to create a larger piece of
art. The DJ often gets more credit for
the music than the original artist does.
A few of the elite DJ’s make their own
music as well, and if you can get past
those disconcerting gaps of silence
between the songs, there is some
wonderful music available to be heard.
On a recent trip to New York, I
was able to secure an advance copy of
Out There and Back, the latest release
of original music by Paul van Dyk,
the
legendary
German
DJ/Producer/Artist/Remixer. van
Dyk is one of Europe’s top DJ’s,
packing houses in London, Berlin,
Ibiza, New York, and beyond. In
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1999, DJ Magazine, Ministry of Sound Magazine, and the International Music Awards named
Paul van Dyk the world’s top DJ. I had the
pleasure to have witnessed him on two separate
occasions in San Francisco over the past year,
hearing two of the most incredible DJ sets that I
have ever experienced, each with a completely
different sound and feel. Put simply, I’m a big
fan.
Sycophantic ramblings notwithstanding,
Paul van Dyk does makes some of the best dance
music around. His first two American releases,
Seven Ways and 45 RPM, produced such dance
floor hits as “Words,” “Forbidden Fruit,” and the
classic “For an Angel.” However, even with this
discography of dance floor classics under his belt,
his latest release is clearly his best. Out There and
Back stands apart because it takes the listener on
the same kind of continuous journey that one
would expect from a night out at a club or a
continuous mix CD. Imagine a night out at
Club PvD – a continuous mix of music both
created and spun together by Paul van Dyk.
Early on, the CD gives us a pair of quieter
trance numbers to set the mood before
launching into a couple of tried and true dance
floor songs that were released late last year:
“Another Way” and “Avenue”. Both songs have
driving, galloping beats and wonderful hooks –
songs that will sound familiar, even if you can’t
quite place their names. “Avenue” flows into
“Tell Me Why (The Riddle),” a collaboration
with the Britpop band Saint Etienne which is
slated to be the next release from the CD. That
track is then followed by “Together We Will
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Conquer,” sung by none other than van Dyk’s
wife, Natascha. Probably not by coincidence,
“Conquer” is absolutely one of the most lovely
and romantic songs that I’ve heard in long time.
From there, the CD flows into a series of
tracks that are typical of the trance/dance genre
that van Dyk has helped create over the past
decade. Again, the strength of this CD comes
not only from the quality of the individual
tracks, but the sequence, the flow - the journey
- that van Dyk creates. The
second half of Out There
and Back gallops along
steadily (and wordlessly)
until the closing track, the
uplifting “We Are Alive.”
On this final track, he
brings out the big bass, the
female vocals, and the
classic van Dyk electricity
before he drops the listener
off from this wonderful
journey, revitalized and
ready for the world.
Recently, I read a quote
that said if the classical
composers of centuries ago
were alive today, they
would be making dance
music. After listening to
this CD, I couldn’t agree more. Paul van Dyk
has created a collection of new music that
evokes many different emotions, all through the
power of sound. Driving beats, romantic
melodies, dance floor dropouts, and the
occasional dreamy vocal all come together
brilliantly through the artistry of a man that is
truly one of today’s musical geniuses. Buy the
CD, dim the lights, then just lay back and
enjoy the journey as Paul van Dyk takes you
Out There and Back.
Circuit
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Your Sacred Body
by John R. Ballew, M.S., L.P.C.
What do you think of your body? Many gay men don’t like their
bodies very much. That might seem surprising, given the
amount of time many of us spend at the gym. We probably
devote more time and effort to cultivating our physical selves
than any other demographic group. Just the same, research
indicates that straight men like their
bodies most, followed by gay women;
straight women like their bodies less
than these first two. The group that
likes their physical appearance the
least is gay men.
Why is this? Gay men spend a
lot of time in places that place a
premium on physical appearance:
bars, gyms, sex clubs. We live in a
sexualized subculture that exalts
physical beauty and are constantly
bombarded by the media and
advertising masterminds with images
that reflect an impossibly high
standard of physical beauty. Under
circumstances like these, it’s easy to
confuse who we are with how we
look.
We all like looking at attractive
men, of course. Still, more and more
men – even men with bodies that
most of us would agree are muscular
and very attractive – find themselves
very dissatisfied with how they look.
At its most extreme, this situation is
called body dysmorphia – a
preoccupation with some imagined
defect in appearance when the person
involved is actually very normal
looking. This problem can lead to
depression and trouble forming
healthy relationships.
Research indicates that eating
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disorders and body image problems are linked
with public self-consciousness, social anxiety and
feeling dishonest about who one really is. Men
with internalized homophobia who have
difficulty accepting themselves as gay are
probably especially likely to develop a distorted
body image or eating disorder.
Compared with women, who generally
only worry that they are too fat, many gay men
worry that they are either too fat or too thin.
This misperception can become a genuine
distortion disorder that could be called “reverse
anorexia” or “bulkorexia.” Even when
dramatically muscular, men with this
misperception feel they are too small or thin.
It’s easy to see how men who have grown
up with images of limp-wristed, reed-thin gay
men form this sort of reaction and seek to show
that they don’t fit the stereotype. Preoccupation
with muscles becomes a way of relieving fears
about our masculinity.
Places where gay men socialize - especially
bars, gyms, and sex clubs - often emphasize
physical attributes or make those the first
criterion for checking someone out. It can be
difficult for someone who is older than a certain
age or different from the prevailing cultural
standard of beauty to catch someone’s eye in a
bar or club.
The Western cultural tradition we inherited
has often exalted the spirit while minimizing the
physical body, despite the fact that our spiritual
traditions often remind us that our bodies are a
reflection of the divine.
In Judaism, God is considered to have
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created humankind in God’s own image.
Christianity celebrates God putting on human
flesh as the central event of history.
Pagan spirituality also celebrates the body.
Recovery of Goddess imagery over the past
generation has helped women to understand
their wombs and menstrual flow and other
parts as sacred; exploration of both Pan and the
Green Man in male spirituality has helped us
do the same as gay men.
And yet we often view our bodies with
ambivalence or embarrassment. One New Age
chant I learned a few years ago goes, “I am not
a body; I am free. I am still as God created
me.” A related tradition sometimes talks about
our bodies as “Earth suits.” Both of these
perspectives make me at least a little
uncomfortable. Sure, I am not “only” my body.
But my body is not a suit of clothes. It is
sacred: a pathway to the divine, something holy.
My body is one of the things that makes
me unique. Bodies are specific. I’m not a
generic spirit. My soul resonates within this
particular body: male, 46 years old, gay.
As spiritual people, we struggle to give our
bodies a proper place in our spirituality. We
need to love and accept our entire selves –
including our bodies – without over-identifying
and objectifying them. Understanding that our
bodies enable us to connect with other men and
women through the mystery of lovemaking,
through touch, through eating and drinking
together, helps us to appreciate what a good
thing it is to have a body. At the same time, we
know that flesh is mortal. If we listen carefully,
we know that our bodies are speaking to us over
time telling us that our time here on earth is
not infinite. We will die. The body is our
teacher in this sense. It enlightens our
spirituality.
Accepting your body is a spiritual practice.
There are practical things you can do which
help heal your body image. First, take the
concern seriously. Don’t confuse who you are
Circuit
with how you look. Develop a sense
of identity based on all of your
attributes and on your values, not
simply on your appearance.
Put your body back together.
Consider stretching, yoga and massage
as ways to help yourself feel like more
than just “skinny legs” or “love
handles.” Indulge in body pleasures –
long baths, massage, good sex, a walk
in the park on a sunny day. Make
your own list.
Learn to appreciate body types in
all shapes and sizes. Don’t trash men
(or women) who don’t conform to the
“buffed” image. Seek alternative role
models. Don’t emphasize body size or
shape as an indication of a man’s
worth or his identity as a man. Learn
to value the person inside.
And
finally,
confront
homophobia, including internalized
homophobia. Don’t accept being
treated as a second-class citizen by
straight society or by other gay folks.
John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed
professional counselor in private
practice in Atlanta. He specializes in
issues related to coming out, sexuality
and relationships, spirituality and career.
He can be reached via the web at
www.bodymindsoul.org or at
(404) 874-8536.
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Spirituality on the Circuit?
by Kirby D. Schroeder
It may seem easy, at first, to dismiss the topic of this article as
nonsense. Certainly on its surface the Circuit is about
hedonism, not “spirituality” (whatever that means), and to tie
the two together may seem like nothing more than a
justification of hedonism in the name of something which is its
complete opposite. “I go to Circuit
parties to get in touch with my inner
being — really.” Sounds like I joke,
no? But let us suspend judgement for
a moment, and examine some of the
possibilities. Look closer...
Let’s consider some well-known
axioms:
“Fun and spirituality don’t mix.”
Well, that one is easy to dismiss
on historical grounds. The ancient
Greeks used to engage in events called
“bacchanalia” during which they
would drink wine and dance
frenetically as an act of worship of the
god Dionysus. (No doubt the
drinking and dancing were also a lot
of fun; Dionysus was a true party
god! I hereby propose that he be
officially named the patron
deity of the Circuit.) Of
course, lots of modern
peoples drink and dance
with no spiritual or
religious intent, and
there’s nothing wrong
with that - it is the
approach that makes the
difference between the
spiritual
and
the
mundane, not the act
itself.
“Sex and spirituality don’t
Circuit
mix.”
Again, let’s not be so hasty. Tantrism, an
Indian and Tibetan religious tradition,
specifically uses sex as a vehicle for spiritual
development. I am not willing to argue that the
attendees of Circuit parties are all Tantric
masters, though I think I have met a few who
were. Rather, it is important to note that
sexuality can be a source of intense personal
experience and expression.
“Drugs and spirituality don’t mix.”
Even a cursory review
anthropological literature shows
that this one is
patently false.
T h e
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of
the
Huichol Indians of Mexico have used the
peyote cactus ritually for generations in order to
connect with spiritual realms. Likewise,
mushrooms, marijuana, and alcohol have all
been used for this same purpose in different
places and in different times.
What makes each of these practices either
profane or sacred is the approach of the
person(s) involved. If your approach is selfdestructive or simply hedonistic, the sex and
drugs can become an obsession that leads you
nowhere. More than a few partygoers have
chosen this path, and that is their right. But it
doesn’t have to be that way. The Circuit is what
you make of it, and it can be much more than
what it appears. Look closer...
I have been going to Circuit parties for
about four years, two or three times a year.
Over that time, my attitude towards them has
shifted from a hedonistic
approach (which
was a
Circuit
lot of fun) to something much more
personal and meaningful (which is no
less fun and a lot more interesting). It’s
hard to explain, but I’ll try.
The magic happens as I look
around the dance floor and see those
countless smiling faces experiencing
and expressing such joy. The music
hits me just right, and I am lifted to
new levels of joy myself. I see and feel
that joy, I absorb it, and it crystallizes
within me. It fills me up until it just
has to burst out of me again. It is all I
can do to give it back ten times more
strongly to everyone around me. And
as joy washes over me, I keep wanting
to say, “Thank you.” “Thank you for
making me gay, for putting me here,
for letting me experience this. Thank
you for the wonder of being alive.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I
am humbled by the immense
experience of that gratitude.
I return to my already incredibly
blessed life with a renewed sense of
the importance of doing the
things I have set out to do,
of being kind to those I
come in contact with,
and of making sure
I
always
remember what
is
really
important. I
n e e d
reminders of
that once in
awhile.
I
think we all
do. I can’t live
in the center of
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the fire, but the brief visits are truly
religious in their meaning for me.
Couldn’t I just get that
experience from a strong cup of
coffee? Or maybe from a few groupcounseling seminars? Perhaps. But
that is not the point. Attending a
Circuit party keys up my energy to a
level of intensity which is very
difficult to experience on a day-today basis. Learning to live life as
though every second counts is not
easy, though I like to think I am
getting better at it as time goes by.
Indulging in the magic of the Circuit
dance is one path, a very powerful
path, to this understanding.
With power comes danger, and
that danger on the Circuit principally
takes the form of drugs and high-risk
sex. We all know these dangers, and
we must all continue to take great
pains to respect them. But because
something is dangerous does not
mean de facto that it should be done
away with. (If that were the case, cars
would have been outlawed long ago talk about danger!) When we are
aware of risks, we can take steps to
minimize them. It is the refusal to
minimize risk which is selfdestructive, not the exposure to risk
itself. This is a critical difference, and
one which the critics of the Circuit
seldom acknowledge.
A new term has been suggested
for the drugs of the Circuit which
distinguishes them culturally from
more profane (narcotic) drugs.
“Entheogen” (pronounced, “ENthee-o-jen”) literally means, “that
which generates a god within”
(related to “enthusiasm”). For those
who approach the Circuit as a
moment of spiritual opportunity,
entheogens can be an appropriate
Circuit
component. I doubt this word will ever achieve
a solid place in Circuit lingo, but I do believe it
belongs there. Feeling like a god has entered
your body is as good a description of the
experience as any.
I have a checklist I go over before I walk
out the door to go to a Circuit party, and that
list includes a few moments of quiet reflection –
a chance to center myself and prepare for the
intensity of what is about to come. When I
dance, I can’t help but smile – my cheeks
sometimes ache when I arrive home because I
have smiled and laughed so much! I allow the
music to work its own magic on my mind and
body, to transport me above my own routines,
to allow me a moment of intense introspection.
The risk of claiming a spiritual identity for
the Circuit is that it will eventually achieve the
same dustbin status as the LSD-use of the
previous generation. Certainly, LSD permitted
new spiritual experiences for some of its users,
but its use was never formalized and it
eventually became just another chemical for
largely escapist personal exploration. I think
that the Circuit has greater possibilities for
those who choose to see them, though I will
admit we may never live to see those
possibilities fully realized.
I do not go to the Circuit to escape from
life. I go in order to experience life even more
fully, at least for a few hours. I use my time on
the dance floor to reflect on the ineffable
transcendent wonder of being alive, of loving
sincerely and with all my heart, and, perhaps
most importantly, of giving thanks. My
approach is personal, but it is my fond wish
that such an approach will become more
common as time goes on. What we are doing
here is nothing new – our predecessors have
long since hammered out the details. It is up to
each of us to find a meaning in the experience,
and to approach it with the respect and
reverence that something so beautiful, powerful,
and, yes, sometimes even dangerous, deserves.
Look closer... And may Dionysus keep
watch over us all as we dance.
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Treacherous Travels
by Christopher White
The sun rises and the world begins another day. For some,
though, the previous day hasn’t yet ended. Deep inside a
darkened dance floor, spirits coexist in a blissful reverie. For a
short time, they feel safe - hidden away from the world and all
its troubles. Travelling from one dimension to another, these
nomads experience a peace they do
not normally find in their everyday
lives. When the doors swing open
and the brightness of reality rushes in,
however, these lost children are
herded out, squinting in the sunlight
as they abruptly return from their
cosmic journey.
Dance floors have become
modern-day places of worship
wherein Circuit boys can connect
with something greater than
themselves. The energy of a Circuit
party is magical, drawing in thousands from all over the world to come
together and bond. These gatherings
are different from other events. There
is a closeness among the participants a love that is almost palpable. For
many, this is a uniquely spiritual
experience.
Drugs such as ecstasy intensify
this experience even further. They
transport you to a different world - a
world in which there is no hate but
rather beauty and love overflowing.
When you’re in this place, there are
no worries - only euphoria. You feel a
happiness and serenity that is quite
uncommon in our hectic day-to-day
lives.
So what happens when the
beauty starts to wane? Unfortunately,
the potency of these drugs does fade
with continued use. Soon, what used
Circuit
to take you flying doesn’t even start the
propellers. The dosage you need for your
journey starts to double or triple, as does the
money it takes to make the same trip.
Aside from the physiological dependencies
to the chemicals, a psychological dependence
also manifests itself. You need to get back to that
blissful place and the price of the flight has no
bearing. You want to go on your weekend
getaway no matter what the cost.
Financially, this can become a big problem.
This lifestyle becomes extremely hard, if not
impossible, to maintain. Soon, all your money
is going to your weekend excursions. Soon,
you’re considering buying in bulk so you can
both get your stash cheaper and also make some
money by selling to your friends at a markup.
What used to be a fun Saturday night out has
now become your “other” profession.
And it’s no longer just Saturday night.
Now the first stop on your itinerary is a club on
Friday night. You then take off for the afterhours party that continues into early Saturday
morning. A quick layover at a friend’s
apartment gets you refueled. Your flight is then
bumped and you’re off to your next stop another club on Saturday night stopping at an
after-hours for a short stay before you reach your
last stop - the after-after-hours morning party.
Your trip has taken an entire weekend, but
thanks to the special fuel you’ve taken, you
haven’t even experienced jet lag.
We’re trying to reach that “final
destination” - that moment of bliss we
remember from our first experience. We
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increase the quantities to enhance the
experience. Soon, other drugs are brought in to
help us take off. We use some G to keep us
flying longer or a bump of K to change the
itinerary.
And we don’t feel that there’s anything
wrong with what we’re doing. We’re in control.
We’re not as bad as some of those “other
people”. They’re the ones who can’t control
themselves. You start to look at the people back
in coach and think how much better off you are
– so much more refined, so much more in
control. We should realize, however, that
comparing our behaviors with those of others
to justify our own actions is a warning sign that
there is a problem.
It’s funny how perceptions change. There
was a time when I would never have considered
even smoking pot. I remember friends of mine
back in high school that smoked and I would
think, “What a waste of time.” Then, I tried it
myself. After my first flight, I understood.
Same thing with ecstasy - I didn’t really
want to try it. I was happy at the altitude at
which I was flying. But people went on about
how wonderful it was. So I tried it. And I
liked it. And I said, “OK – but I’ll only do it
once a month...” which turned into “OK - but
only every other weekend...” then “OK - I’ll
only do it on Saturdays...” to “OK - I’ll only do
one on Saturday and save the other two for
Sunday night,” to “I really need to find some K
because I’m not really feeling that last roll and
I’ve already taken two.”
When does it end?
Maybe it doesn’t. It continues to escalate
and now you start to consider even stronger
substances - crystal, coke, acid. They can take
you higher than you’ve ever been before.
Besides, you need more fuel when you’re
travelling greater distances.
But haven’t we lost what we used to think
Circuit
was so special? Was the idea really to
go so deep, to be so tweaked that you
don’t even remember anything you did
the night before? Or maybe fall so far
into a G-hole that your friends aren’t
even sure that you’re alive? Club
security drags you outside to the
ambulance that has just arrived, lights
flashing and sirens wailing. Is this
where we wanted to land?
We bought our ticket just to get
away for a while. Before long, the
destination doesn’t even matter - as
long as it’s not here. The more we take
these trips to get away, though, the less
reason we’ll have to come back. Who
wants to return to a place with bill
collectors chasing us, landlords
hounding us, credit card companies
calling us, friends abandoning us?
Soon we’re just empty zombies,
tweaked beyond recognition, our eyes
pools of black as we stumble through a
world to which we can’t relate. Souls
searching for solace.
It’s a dangerous game and a fine
line between drug use and drug abuse.
Drugs provide an escape but they don’t
guarantee a destination. We have the
power to control our actions and the
free will to choose what we want.
Look around at some of the “other
people”- the ones you think are out of
control. How many more tickets do
you have to purchase before you land
on their island?
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Addiction is a Virus from Outer Space
by Yogi Amal
Compulsive addiction, in all of its forms, is a stealth sickness
whose aim is to destroy life. The source of addiction lies hidden in
darkness beneath layers of conscious thought, where the “Addict”
personality is content to leave it, undisturbed. Addict surmises
his problem is “dope” or “beer” or “cigarettes” or “food.”
He
focuses on exterior
problems, attempting to
eliminate one “ism ” after
another from his life. The
fruitlessness of this labor eventually
leaves Addict with a feeling of
hopelessness—a sense of utter futility
which then becomes turbo-fuel for
the disease to sustain and strengthen
itself. Most Addicts do not realize
that stopping addiction does not only
require self-discipline, abstinence or
(sorry, Nancy Reagan) “just saying
no.” The battle to understand and
arrest the source of addiction is an
inner one, a hero’s journey to the very
core of his being—where he must
expose and disable the deadly virus
that lives there.
In its pure state, addiction is a
slyly encoded implant, like a
computer virus that reactivates itself
daily. Once activated, addiction flows
Circuit
like a river
running. Addict may declare,
“that’s IT! Today I am absolutely going to stop
[doing drugs!!] [smoking!!] [having anonymous
sex!!] [fill in the blank!!]”, but this meaningless
ploy only constructs a temporary dam on the
river. The river’s powerful current still flows
undiminished from its source. Pooling behind
each blockade for awhile, the river addiction will
eventually push past it or find another route
around. Addict, “cured” of “smoking,” hasn’t
figured out why he feels suddenly compelled to
drink more liquor. Cured of nothing, he has
replaced one vice with another. This futile game
of trading compulsions can go on for lifetimes if
Addict is unable to outsmart and deprogram his
mental virus. Addict must come to understand
that this ignorance is verily what the sickness
relies on to ensure its continued grip and
endlessly feed its bottomless appetite—
frustrating every aspect of Addict’s health, home,
career, relationships, life.
All action begins as thought, and most
thoughts conclude with some action. You don’t
rob a bank without first imagining, plotting and
savoring the idea of it. And people who don’t
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rob banks most likely don’t give bank robbing
any thought. Compulsive thoughts, or desirous
thoughts you think every day, create what
Eastern philosopher Patanjali, in Yoga Sutras,
calls samskaras: “mental impressions or
tendencies hidden in the subconscious that are
created by repeated thought.” Human
thought is like an
electrical current in the brain,
a magnetic energy that moves along an
ingrained circuitous route toward whatever it
perceives it wants. Like a bowling ball that rolls
downhill in the same place so many times it
creates a groove—or a rut—the pathway of
desire/thought/action ingrains itself into the
brain matter. This is why the behaviors
associated with addiction seem so unstoppable:
the unconscious thoughts that created them are
immune to intervention from the conscious
mind. Recent advancements in the study of
human neurology actually allow doctors to
observe and map these electrical “routes” inside
the brain. This knowledge has been held and
passed on by Eastern Yogi’s and disciples of the
Yoga Sutras since the time of Lord Buddha.
Thankfully, Western science is finally catching
up. Odd, too, that chemical addiction, obesity
and alcoholism are far more common in
Western countries than in the more ancient
cultures of the East.
Every slave longs to be liberated from his
cruel master’s yoke, but secretly fears the
Circuit
unknown freedom that lies beyond the
confines of his slavery. Addict must
unlearn his ineffective ploy of placing
temporary obstructions against the
river’s flow and instead must embark
on the long and mysterious journey to
the river’s source. This process of
journeying inward and rewiring the
brain’s auto-piloted circuitry requires
more than just a
superficial
change in Addict’s decisions, conduct
and habits. It demands a revolution at
the very core of his life. The pathway
he must embrace is fraught with
unimaginable fear, enormous pain,
and crushing difficulties that
convincingly say “turn back” at every
step. But it is this first realization of
truth that is most important, and it is
only the bottomless misery of living in
addiction’s dark hell that calls it forth.
Here lies addict’s golden gift
hidden behind his hideous wound: a
consuming desire for the return to love
and happiness he knew existed before
he was stricken ill. This is the journey
beyond all journeys, the mythical road
to Shambala. It’s not just a cure for
smoking, or alcoholism, or drug
addiction, or obesity, those are just
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symptoms of the journey’s absence.
The utter self-destruction wrought in
Addict’s life is a blessing dressed in
demon drag: who else but Addict will
become willing—at any and all
cost—to surrender his entire life to
this quest toward self-realization and
wholeness? A happy housewife living
a charmed life in the suburbs with her
golf-playing husband are not on the
guest list for this voyage.
With great perseverance and
determination, the Hero/Addict must
initiate a divine romance with his
Self. His tools must be silent
contemplation and self-awareness,
meditation, aloneness and deep
“diving” within, buttressed on the
outside with unyielding honesty,
constant self-observation and selfinterrogation. This is the point where
Addict transforms into the Seeker,
and his intense self-discrimination
eventually will lead him to selfpurification. If Addict’s desire for
Circuit
inner revolution is sincere in thought, word and
action, the next stages of his journey unfold
naturally: first self-mastery, then self-perfection,
illumination, and finally, liberation. The
journey may also require a teacher, guide or a
mentor who is already on the path. And most of
all, the decision to truly disable the virus of
addiction requires sincerity, prayer and the grace
of a higher power.
The grave nature of the addiction virus is
not a temporary thing, nor an environmental
intrusion into one’s psyche. It is something
organic, karmic, undetectably hidden vis a vis
one’s essence, or true nature. No matter how
many times Addict trys to run or hide, he
ultimately returns into addiction’s poisonous
fold. Addict doesn’t understand why his life
remains in this state, he doesn’t know his brain
has been wired with this virus. He blames his
parents, his circumstances, or tells himself lies
that he really is in control. Addict will not wake
up with prodding from others. Addict awakens
to the truth of his illness only when his life has
been decimated by it.
The next time you see a smack addict
vomiting into the gutter, or a wino bumming
change, rever them. They are at the beginning
stages of initiation onto the revolutionary path
of the Seekers. One day, they too will seek the
hidden treasures and truth that lie hidden just
beyond the river Addiction’s mouth. Addiction
insists that Addict make this journey toward
wholeness, or be destroyed for ignoring it’s call.
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