November 7, 2013 Issue of KONK Life

KEY NEWS
november 7-13
Published Weekly
Vol. 3 No. 45
PUBLISHER
Guy deBoer
EDITOR|DESIGN
Dawn deBoer
NEWS EDITOR
Ralph Morrow
NEWS WRITER
John Guerra
PHOTOGRAPHERS
Developer launches marina
where others failed
Larry E. Blackburn, Ralph De Palma
EDITORIAL CONSULTANT
Connie Gilbert
CONTRIBUTORS
Guy deBoer Key News
Rick Boettger Local News & Opinion
Mark Howell Howlings
Ralph Morrow News & Sports
Louis Petrone Key West Lou
Steve Calderwood Wining the Keys
JT Thompson Hot Dish
Scott McCarthy The Gadabout
Kimberley Denney Bitchin’ Paradise
Paul Menta What’s Cookin’
Christina Oxenberg Local Observation
Jenessa Berger Get Your Wellness
ian Brockway Tropic Sprockets
ADVERTISING 305.296.1630
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[email protected]
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JOHN L. GUERRA
NEWS WRITER
After years of failed attempts, the redevelopment of the marina on Shrimp Road has finally
begun.
e press release last week anouncing completion of Phase 1 of the new Stock Island Marina
Village, “a Key West dockside community where
everyone knows your name,” ends a saga that saw
other developers fail. e collapse in the real
estate market, investor lawsuits and a lawyer’s
suicide outside a Big Pine Key restaurant —
all hampered success where LongStock II LLC
now claims it.
“e place had bad mojo on it,” said Rob
Smith-Martin, a Monroe County School Board
member and spokesman for LongStock II, the
new marina owners. “ese guys picked it up
and I came in and said ‘Let’s new vision the thing,
let’s make it more of an authentic integrated
community project.’”
What Smith-Martin means by that is the
previous plans of New Stock Island Properties
LLC called for a large luxury hotel, high-end slips
and other amenities for the wealthy. LongStock,
whose principal owner is a man named Matthew
Strunk (no relation to the family that owns
Strunk Lumber in Key West) took a low-key
approach to redeveloping the property. ough
Phase I of the Marina Village includes a few
“first-in-class, super-yacht facility,” most of the
work includes upgrading infrastructure.
e Monroe County Commission requires
that redevelopers of working waterfronts keep
space for light industry linked to maritime
professions.
“What we’ve done is set aside a third of the
property for working waterfront and for the
fishing industry,” Smith Martin said. “We kept
the areas for people who work with canvas sails,
repair marine engines and other work necessary
to keep the local marine industry thriving. We
have spots for artists, artisans and set aside a
liveaboard pier.”
Among other aspects of the normal-peoplefriendly place, Martin said plans include a large
community garden and a dog park; a new 440foot-long fuel dock and high-speed five fuelpump system; new Bellingham floating concrete
docks for 15 100-foot-long vessels, three 200footers and a few spaces for yachts up to 300 feet
long; a new ship’s store, captain’s lounge and Tiki
grille; new bathrooms, laundry facilities and bath
house.
LongStock also installed new sewer lines,
plumbing and rewired much of the power grid
on the docks and elsewhere on the property,
Smith-Martin said.
“We also put in an aggressive stormwater
management system, so we can collect all the
| Continued on page 8
www.konklife.com 3
CIRCULATiON
Kavon Desilus ASSISTANT
William Rainer ASSISTANT
KONK Life is published weekly by
KONK Broadcasting Network in Key West,
Florida. Editorial materials may not be reproduced
without written permission from the network.
KONK Broadcasting Network
Key West, Florida
(305) 296-1630 Office
www.konklife.com
Cover:
Dancer Zurima
Cisneros is one artist
of many scheduled to
perform at the 2nd
Annual Key West
International Latin
Arts Festival,
November 8-10.
Listing performances,
workshops, locations
available online,
www.latinartsfest.org
| CAROL TEDESCO
SAMUEL’S HOUSE FASHION SHOW at Beachside Marriott
MARY LYNNE PRICE | photographer
‘King of Paradise’
4 www.konklife.com
NEWS
KEY WEST POLICE DEPARTMENT
Cell phone thefts up;
nationwide problem
Looking and planning ahead
Key West Police arrested a Homestead
woman on three felony grand theft
counts after she was caught in a downtown bar stealing cell phones and purses.
Johnesha Brown, 18, was detained by
the owner of the Bottle Cap Lounge after
customers reported the theft of several
purses and their contents. e bar owner
reviewed surveillance camera footage and
quickly identified a woman who was still
on the premises. He called the police and
confronted the woman.
When officers arrived, they reviewed
the video evidence along with the suspect. Brown admitted the thefts and led
officers to an area outside the bar where
she had hidden the stolen items, which
included several cell phones.
e Key West Police Department
wants to remind cell phone owners to be
careful when out in public with these
expensive electronics. Over the past two
weeks, there have been a large number of
reported phone thefts.
But Key West is not alone. e problem is occurring all over the country. e
rate can be reduced if you help thwart
opportunities by keeping valuables close
and being aware of your surroundings.
| RALPH MORROW
Cordell Stevens (front row, second from left) is signed in to Take Stock in Children. Flanked by Monroe
County Schools Superintendent Mark Porter, far left, and John Padget, Monroe County Education Foundation
president; back row, Stevens’ mother Thomesha Milian and Stevens’ mentor Perry Frantzman.
Take Stock in Children
signs up 56 more students
RALPH MORROW
NEWS WRITER
Cordell Stevens is 15 years old and a freshman at
Key West High School, where he is already collecting
As and Bs. And, last ursday morning, along with
55 other Monroe County students, he was assured
that his college tuition and fees will be paid for four
years by Take Stock in Children.
All he has to do is keep his grades up (As, Bs, Cs),
not get into any trouble and meet with his mentor,
Perry Frantzman, once a week.
None of that should be a problem for Stevens, who
would like to get an education that will set him up
with a job to critique movies. He already has a start as
his favorite classes are TV Production and English
Honors.
“I like cartoons and comics,” he said as he was
signed in to the program and honored with six other
Key West High students at the ceremony at the high
school library.
It was all part of TSIC Week as the program began
its 14th year of providing aid for low-income students. Contract signing ceremonies were held at eight
county schools, including 20 students at Horace
O’Bryant Middle School.
“I’m also taking Learning Strategies, Earth
and Space Science Honors, Geometry and World
Cultures,” said Stevens.
e freshman is the third of four children —”the
third oldest” as he puts it. He was born in Key West
and went to school at Gerald Adams and HOB before
entering high school.
His mentor, Frantzman, who is retired, moved to
the island from New Jersey for good two years ago
after vacationing here several times.
As John Padget, president of the Monroe County
Education Foundation, told the new TSIC members,”For the time you’re with us, we’re going to
change your life. You’re going to college.”
He also explained other opportunities for the
students, such as summer trips to three colleges
“so you can see what they look like.”
| Continued on page 10
www.konklife.com 5
COUNTY OFFICE
Judge reruns for office
e Committee to Re-elect Judge
Mark Jones announced his run for
re-election. Jones was first elected in
1996 and is the longest serving circuit
judge currently on the
bench in Monroe
County. During his 17year judicial career, Jones
presided over cases in
every division of circuit
court and served as chief
judge of the 16th Circuit.
Jones
Presently he is handling
felony, drug court, civil commitment and
family law cases and is the circuit’s Family Law Administrative Judge. Jones is a
graduate of Dartmouth College and
SUNY at Buffalo School of Law.
He has lived in the Keys 34 years,
arriving in 1980 as a Navy JAG officer.
After honorably discharged, Jones
| Continued on page 20
IN THE ARTS
LOCALNEWS &
OPINION
TSKW buys bigger, better
building to house vision
e Studios of Key West/TSKW are
the new owners of the former Scottish
Rite Masonic Center which will open as
the new home for TSKW in Fall 2014.
Rosi Ware, TSKW board chairman,
said, “When we first set foot in the
Mason’s building, we knew we’d found a
home. One of Key West’s best examples
of Miami Deco architecture, it’s spacious,
sturdy and filled with light. Once our
renovations are complete, we will have
almost doubled our space with a 200-seat
theater, the island’s largest gallery for contemporary art, nine studios for practicing
artists and two classrooms, including a
cutting edge digital media lab.”
Jed Dodds, TSKW executive director,
stated, “Of course, there is a financial
imperative to the move as well. By
purchasing 533 Eaton St., we cut our
building costs by almost 20 percent
and build equity in a building we own.
Not that we’re entirely leaving the old
neighborhood. e Ashe Street cottages,
Mango Tree House and Sculpture and
Nature Garden will continue to anchor
our Artists In Residence Program,
provide a setting for outdoor events
and serve as an oasis of native plants
and artwork.”
T O D A Y 1107
Women golfers sought
Women golfers are invited to join the
18-Hole Key West Ladies Golf Association. All skill levels welcome. Play at 8
a.m. every ursday at Key West Golf
Course on College Road, Stock Island.
Season begins today and runs through
April 2014. New members can join any
time during the season.
INFO
(312) 590-0390
Jiayin
Shen
Rosi Ware said,
“Our
goal is to raise
$2 million here in Key West, and we’re
already a third of the way there. It’s a
good start, but we’ll be asking for your
help!”
TSKW was founded six years ago as a
multidisciplinary arts organization with
the vision of bringing world-class artists
to Key West, connecting them with local
residents and artists, and offering space to
explore creativity
INFO
tskw.org
Free lecture at KWGC
Meeting of Key West Garden Club
1:30 p.m. today, November 7. Meeting
free. e program,”Introduction to
Bonsai,” presented by Harvey omas,
a bonsai expert having learned the art
in France in 1985. He has created bonsai trees since that time. His current
collection includes a tree created in
1992. He will show examples of the
bonsai art and give garden club members a lesson on creating a bonsai tree.
INFO
1:30 p.m. Garden Club meeting,
Thursday, November 7, at Martello
Tower, 1100 Atlantic Blvd.
6 www.konklife.com
LAND MINES
. . . ON OLIVIA?
hen someone gets
into your house
three times in 10 days and burgles
you, you’ve got to take a stand.
Yes, Cynthia and I were burgled
thrice in October. (Schoo lmarm
Cynthia insists on”robbery” being
face-to-face, and”burglary” what
happened to us.)
e first time, I didn’t even
know someone had snuck into our
home overnight and cleaned out my
wallet. I simply took my wallet out
one day to pay for something, and
all the money was gone.
But the credit cards and ID were
there, so I thought I simply may
have dropped the $200-$300 some
where. I remembered handling all
the cash at a sandwich shop the day
before to rearrange the bills in
order, which I am sure we all do,
right? Maybe I dropped them on
the counter. I went there and
said,”I’ll leave a $100 reward if
someone found any cash I dropped
here.”
e counter gal looked puzzled,
but said, sorry, no money was left.
She was right. Because two days
later, I got up in the morning and
my wallet was empty again. is
time I knew the exact amount,
$300, which I had just withdrawn
from our bank. And Cynthia and I
clearly remembered the cash being
there the night before when we
went to sleep.
Oops. A back door was wide
open. We had forgotten to close it
after what turned out to have been
our last beddy-bye-bye-time skinny
dip of the season. I made a pro
forma police report, feeling it was
my bad for the open door, but
knowing everybody should know
that someone was going around our
wonderful neighborhood checking
out backyard entrances. I also
warned the neighbors.
So Cynthia and I were especially
W
vigilant about locking up, and I
replaced the locks on the two gates
to our back deck and programmed
new codes. Okay, now we’re safe.
Until the morning of Fantasy
Fest, Saturday. As I was boiling my
tea water, I noticed Cynthia’s laptop
was unplugged from its cord on her
counter workstation. She rarely
moves it. Uh-oh. I went to my
wallet. Cleaned out again.
is time we had the officer
come to our house for the report.
We confirmed the place was locked
up tight as a drum and no window
had been forced.
I asked the officer to arrest our
porch conch shell for complicity. It
must have handed over its key to
our burglar. My guess is half of the
porch conch shells in town
hide”safety” keys, and my first advice is to hide your key someplace
more clever, such as under the door
mat.
We could think of no other
explanation other than the burglar
had used a key for entry. e officer
asked if anything else had been
stolen. We had already confirmed
the silverware had not been
touched, but this is when I noticed
my year-old iPad 3 was gone, with
its charger. Arrgh! All told, about
$1,700 lost, about as much as we
have out on loan to three worthy
friends, an infuriating perspective.
| Continued on page 18
RICK
BOETTGER
COLUMNIST
‘ DAY FILLED WITH MUSIC ’ at Oldest House
C A L E N D A R 1109
RALPH DE PALMA | photographer
BVMP, November 10
e 5th Annual “A Day Filled with Music,”
4-9 p.m. Sundaym November 10, at the Oldest
House, 322 Duval St. FREE all-day concert in
Oldest House Garden with food by Veronica
Stafford, Coconut Woman, and music by Key
West musicians. $15 food tickets on sale now
at Bahama Village Music Program.
INFO (305) 292-9628
www.konklife.com 7
KEY BUSINESS
IN KEYWEST
Community Day
Health Fair
Keys AHEC (Area Health Education Center) is having a Community Day Health Fair 10am-2 pm
Saturday, November 9, at FKCC
Key West Campus, 5901 College
Road. Free Services include Skin
Cancer Assessments, Breast
Health Exams, Osteoporosis Assessments, Spirometry Testing
(lung capacity) and information
on our Tobacco Cessation Programs. Participants also receive a
Blood Glucose Check, Body Fat
Analysis, Blood Pressure Reading
and overall Risk Assessment
for Cardiovascular Disease
for a $15 fee.
INFO (305) 743-1111, Ext. 206
KEYWEST
LOU
Mayor responds to Yaniz’s attacks
JOHN L. GUERRA
NEWS WRITER
THE HOUSE WORKS TOO HARD
nLEGALITIES WITH
Louis Petrone
he U.S. House of Representatives works too hard. A blatant
misstatement. A lie. A joke. e American
people would be lucky if the House merely
worked. Not even hard.
I was watching television last week and
there was a news report that the House
was going home for several days. e comment further was the House would not be
working more than eight days each month
in November or December. ey would
return sometime the first week in January.
e video accompanying the story
showed Majority Leader Eric Cantor and
Speaker John
Boehner leading Republican members
out of the House.
e smile on
Cantor’s face bothered me. Pompous
and disconcerting.
Like look at the
LOU
sweet deal we have
PETRONE
and screw you.
COLUMNIST
What disturbed
me further is the shutdown time and debt
ceiling await us again in mid-December,
early January. e obvious thrust of the
story was such it did not seem to concern
Cantor and Boehner or their followers.
My curiosity was tickled. How can
these people take so much time off? I dug
a bit. is is the story.
Cantor is in charge of the work day
schedule. He published the 2014 one on
Twitter last week. He also published the
one for the year before.
In 2013 the House worked a total of
124 days. In 2014 it was scheduled to
work even less. 113 days. is abbreviated
working schedule began with Republicans
elected to the House in 2010. at is
when they regained the majority. By the
way, House members are paid at least
$174,000 a year regardless of how many
days they work.
Cantor claims House members require
extensive time off. ey need to be back in
home districts. It is necessary to keep in
touch with their constituents. Cantor says
a short House work schedule is required
T
“ . . . to ensure we never lose touch with
the constituents we each represent while
completing our work in Washington.”
Bullshit! How stupid he and his cronies
must think the American people are.
Keep in mind Cantor and his buddies
are the same House members who gave us
the recent government shutdown. e
numbers are telling.
2013 saw the House working 126 days.
Base salary is $174,000 a year. Plus all
kinds of benefits and perks. However, I am
only concerned with direct salary. 126
working days amounts to $1,380 per day.
In 2014 the House will work fewer days. It
appears they need two weeks more off. 113
working days amounts to $1,540 per day.
Let’s view time worked and dollars paid
from another perspective. Average American works 2,080 hours per year. Average
pay $29,000. $111 dollars per day. A far
cry from what House members make. I refuse to use the term earn. A House member makes 13 times the salary of the
average American.
Tea Party success returned control of
the House to the Republicans in 2010.
e years since are the poorest production
wise in modern times. e 112th House
passed 283 bills that went to the President
for consideration. e present 113th
House only 46 bills. Prior to 112th and
113th Houses, range of bills going to the
President per session was 300 to 700 plus.
I have some observations. If the House
wants to work part-time, members should
be paid part-time. If the 425 members
work only one-third the year, they should
receive one-third pay. If House members
need more time off, I suggest 20 years to
life in a federal maximum security facility.
Let’s continue with the numbers. e
House only works one week on and two
off. I believe it shows a contempt for the
American people. I have been harping on
governmental waste in recent weeks.
Brought on by Republican-sought cuts in
food stamps, Social Security and Medicare.
e House’s working schedule is a perfect
example of government waste where a $50
million per year savings could be accomplished. Again, the basic salary of a House
member is $174,000 a year. If they only
work 126 days a year, they should be paid
| Continued on page 22
8 www.konklife.com
Just a week after espousing the
kindness and loyalty of pit bulls,
City Commissioner Tony Yaniz was
in the news for emailing a pugnacious message to the Rotary Club.
Mayor Craig Cates spoke at a Rotary meeting days before the October city elections, which Yaniz
believes was tantamount to an uncontested campaign speech. Yaniz
walked out in protest.
Jim Fitton, the city’s port director and a Rotarian, sent an email to
Yaniz criticizing him for walking
out. Yaniz emailed Fitton back,
using a few choice words.
“F--- the mayor for bringing politics into our club,” wrote Yaniz
from his city commission email.
“F--- our club for not having the
balls to tell the mayor to stop
because they didn’t want to
embarrass him ...” Yaniz wrote.
It’s no secret Yaniz hopes to
unseat Cates in next year’s election.
Two weeks ago, Yaniz complained Cates didn’t do enough
to get the Florida Department
of Transportation to return North
Roosevelt Boulevard to two-way
traffic. Cates, County Mayor
KONKNEWS
DEVELOPER
| Continued from page 3
rainwater for the community garden designed to protect water quality in the marina, harbor and the
reef.”
Some 15 percent of the power
grid is solar.
Next phase of the project, to be
completion 2015, includes two
more waterfront restaurants, commercial fishhouse, retail fish market, nature trail and 80-room hotel
dedicated to anglers and divers.
e doomed $100 million, 500plus room Old Island Harbor project by New Stock Island Properties
foreclosed when the real estate market dived nationwide. e company planned to maintain the
working waterfront and add environmental amenities. Misfortune
and timing doomed the project,
Smith-Martin said. A press release
at the time stated the company
George Neugent and Florida State
Rep. Holly Raschein met with state
road officials in May to get the
project speeded up.
“It wasn’t the mayor who got
the highway back to two-way,”
Yaniz said. “A business coalition
put those people’s feet to the fire.”
He also criticized Cates for not
serving the people of Key West.
“Meanwhile, we have a mayor
drinking champagne and saying,
‘Let them eat cake,’” Yaniz said,
using the famous quote.
Cates said he’s weary of Yaniz’s
complaint that the mayor is out of
touch with voters. “I don’t even
know what that means. I don’t
know what the guy is talking
about,” Cates said Sunday. “I grew
up in Key West. My family has four
generations here.” Cates pointed to
his continuing push to build an assisted living center for aging Key
Westers and his work ensuring the
Truman Waterfront is developed
properly. “I know just about everyone in Key West and understand
what they’re going through. My
wife and I had to start from
scratch, and we’ve had ups and
downs in business like everyone.”
n
planned to “replace derelict buildings, a junk yard and clear abandoned structures on Shrimp Road.”
e plan included a staging area
where boats could land to evacuate
people before hurricanes and bring
supplies should a hurricane hit Key
West.
Among other problems were allegations lawyer omas J. DiDato
misappropriated and misapplied
$1.25 million from an escrow account earmarked to pay for a slip
that RPM Nautical Foundation
wanted for a research vessel at Old
Island Harbor Marina. When Monroe County State Attorney’s Office
launched an investigation into
missing monies, DiDato was found
dead of a gunshot to the head. Authorities ruled it a suicide.
e project fell apart after more
difficulties, including opposition by
the county planning commission.
Strunk paid $16 million for the
property and began planning Stock
Island Marina Village in 2010. n
NOVEMBER FESTIVALS
November 8-10
November 14-15
Festival features
Latin arts
Screenwriters’
Spotlight
e 2nd Annual Key West
International Latin Arts Festival
¡Esperando Nacer! 2013 offers a
unique opportunity to immerse the
soul, color and passion of traditional Latin American cultural arts.
Produced and presented by island
residents Valerie Carr and Christián
Monzón and sponsored in part by
Monroe County Tourist Development Council, the historic San
Carlos Institute is the primary
venue for the multidisciplinary
celebration which showcases artistic
folk traditions of countries including Argentina, Bolivia, Peru,
Paraguay, Brazil, Cuba and Mexico.
In support of the festival and the
contributions of Latin American
cultures to art and culture, Mayor
Craig Cates proclaimed November
10 to be Día de la Tradición after
a national Argentine holiday
| Continued on page 20
Oscar-winning screenwriters
Terry George and Paul Haggis host
Key West Film Festival with film
screenings at Tropic Cinema, 416
Eaton St. Inaugural programming
was George’s vision and his way of
showcasing significance of screenwriters to the filmmaking process.
Kicking off the Screenwriters’
Spotlight at 5 p.m., November 14,
is George’s”In the Name of the
Father” starring Daniel Day-Lewis.
Day-Lewis earned an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of Gerry
Conlon in this true story of the
consequences Conlon’s I.R.A.
bombing confession had on his
life and his father’s.
“Crash” screened 5 p.m.,
November 15, followed by a Q&A
with Haggis, who won the Oscar
for best original screenplay for this
film.
| Continued on page 20
| RALPH DE PALMA
Professional Argentine tango and folklore dancers and teachers,
Roxana Garber and Oscar Caballero perform at last year’s Key West
International Latin Arts Festival concert. The Miami-based duo returns
to perform at this week’s festival.
www.konklife.com 9
WININGTHEKEYS
Wining the Land of Oz
o, this week’s column has nothing
to do with Dorothy or her little
dog Toto, too (besides, I haven’t
heard a lot of good things about
Kansas’ wines). I’m talking
about the true land of Oz —
God’s country — Australia.
Now, the reason I’m thinking
of Australia right now is that I
lived there for a couple of years
and made some very dear
friends.
ey say that Australians are
very friendly, which is true, but
to make friends with an Aussie,
that’s another story. ey are
pretty much born, exist and die
in the same town, with the same
friends, so breaking into that
circle is difficult. But once you
do make friends with them, you
can never get rid of the bastards!
It’s been 20 years since I was
back there, and I still got an
email from a mate of mine telling me that I should organize
an Australian vineyards tour so
that I could get back there and
then we could go hit the pubs
and drink a lot of rum. ey’re
like elephants, they never forget.
So, now, on to God’s country.
To say that this is a wine
industry that is going through
change is a major understatement. In the ‘70s, the country
was know as a maker of mass
quantities of mediocre wines.
ey would put oak chips in
their chardonnays, and the reds
were fat and flabby. But, then,
several of the wineries started
working to produce serious
wines, and they started doing
serious research into winemaking. e results were incredible,
and just as California was starting to become known as a
serious wine growing region,
Australia was right there with
them. But one major difference
between California and
Australia was who was at the
N
| RALPH MORROW
KWHS freshman, Cordell Stevens
TAKE STOCK
| Continued from page 5
Padget encouraged the students to
qualify for Bright Futures scholarships which will pay for room, board
and travel, in addition to the tuition
and fees which TSIC pays.
Do that,”get your Bachelors and
leave college debt free,” he
added.”Parents, how does that
sound?” Paget received loud applause
in return.
Overseeing TSIC is program coordinator Leslie Holmes, who said the
scholarships will pay all tuition and
fees for four years at any of Florida’s
28 colleges and/or 11 universities.
Padget, Holmes and School Superintendent Mark Porter attended all of
the ceremonies.
“Mentors are always needed,” said
Holmes, who can be reached at (305)
293-1546.
[email protected]
n
| RALPH MORROW
forefront of serious winemaking.
In California, it was the
boutique winemakers, the little
guys that were only producing a
couple of hundred or maybe a
thousand cases of wine a year.
In Australia, it was the giant
firms. Penfolds (Oz’s Gallo
equivalent), Lindeman’s (kind
of like Sutter Home), and
Rosemount (we’ll compare them
to Kendall-Jackson) started to
and continue to produce some
of the finest wines available
in the world. I’ve mentioned
Penfolds’ Grange many times in
this column, and it is well worth
the $200-$250 a bottle it’ll cost
you. ey also make one of the
finest chards called Yattarna.
Rosemount produces its
Roxburgh chard and Balmoral
syrah, which again are worldclass wines. ere’s also any
number of boutique wine
makers in Oz, but imagine if in
the 1980s Gallo was charging
$150 for a bottle of its wine?
Actually, nowadays, Gallo is
making some great wines, but
that’s only happened during
the last 10 years.
But now things continue to
change in Australia. Southcorp,
a huge Australian beverage
corporation, bought all three
of the above wineries. And after
that, Foster’s, the huge brewer
| Continued on page 18
LOCAL
OBSERVATION
Hot and bothered
he Fantasy Fest migration
stampeded in and disrobed
and got bodypainted. Half way through the
week the rains came. A flash flood of Noah
proportions washing off their eye-popping
paint jobs, swirling away into overpriced
and mold-ridden gutters that are their
rooms for the night. All before last call.
e hot season was a swelter of solid
humidity. e air was unbreathable and
leaden. Luscious from flowers and fermenting seagrasses sweating on the beaches, and
thus ultimately nauseating. Gradually I
retreated and spent my days behind drawn
blinds, A/C blasting full power, emerging
only after sundown.
“Get me outta here!” I complained to
my genie. Some have sugar-daddies, others
have fairy-godmothers, I have Nalim, the
genie.
Today I find the island refreshed with
soft breezes, so much so I turn off the A/C
and shove open all the windows. Nourishing tropical H2O shuffles through the
rooms of my domain.
A malevolent, mischievous genie, that’s
what I get. My genie lives far away in a
bottle up a mountain. He is mostly happy
but can get restless, and then malicious.
Twenty-five years ago these same Fantasy
Festers came here to git naked and git
painted and stroll around. But they looked
different. It was hip because they were not
the bodies they have today. While it is
charming that diehards return and reinvent
themselves for the duration of their stay,
like temporary insanity, they might consider
not removing all their clothes. Just a
suggestion, but a quick glance in the
mirror will confirm some tits are too awful
for primetime. For example, if your nipples
are tangled in your belt buckle, put the
frittatas away.
| Continued on page 22
T
STEVE
CALDERWOOD
To receive Smokin’ Vines, a listing
of all food and booze events in the
Keys, send name and email to
[email protected]
W I N E A B I T, Y O U ‘ L L F E E L B E T T E R
Thomesha Milian with son Stevens
10 www.konklife.com
CHRISTINA
OXENBERG
LEiGH VOGEL photo
MEETING OF THE MINDS
LARRY BLACKBURN and RALPH DE PALMA | photographers
RALPH DE PALMA | photographer
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
RALPH DE PALMA | photographer
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
www.konklife.com 11
LOCALS APPRECIATION at La Naturelle
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
Jenn Rubio, store manager, and Queen Diane May
Michael Halpern and Maureen O’Brian
Kirsty White, owner
www.konklife.com 13
november 7-13
Schooner Wharf Bar
Oyster Johnny
Sunset Pier
Robert Albury
FUNTIMES
Schooner Wharf Bar
Raven Cooper
Smokin’ Tuna
Scott Kirby
Schooner Wharf Bar
202 Williams St., (305) 292-3302
www.schoonerwharf.com
n
Friday-Saturday 1108-09
Oyster Johnny & A299
7-Midnight
Five-piece good-time party band
of Oysters Fantastic member hailing from Southwest Florida. Plays
your favorites from 1970s to now.
Unplugged style, vibrant vocal
harmonies and comical antics.
Hog’s Breath Saloon
400 Front St., (305) 296-4222
n
Thursday-Sunday
1107-1109
Cliff Cody 5:30-9:30pm
Simplified 10pm-2am
Southern rock, folk, funk, reggae.
Monday-Wednesday
1111-13
Mike Willis 5:30-9:30pm
Jessie Brown Trio 10pm-2am
| Continued on page 16
Smokin’ Tuna Saloon
4 Charles St., off 200 block
Duval, (305) 517-6350
n
Bar 10am-2am
Restaurant 11am-10pm
Store 10am-9pm
Sign Up!
for KONK E-News
KONK Blast!
Schooner Wharf
Hog’s Breath
Marty Stonley
Cliff Cody
www.konklife.com 15
www.konknet.com/blast
FUNTIMES
Schooner Wharfstock
MELISSA PEARSON | Key West Foto
Schooner Wharf crew (above)
Billy Dickey, Brenda Shave,
John DeVault, Liz Lynch, Brian
aka “Princess”McGough,
Serenity Operacz, Kim Anderson, Cory Grandy, Missy Sanel,
Erin Jetsel, James Mimms and
Evalena Worthington feelin’
groovy!
| Continued from page 15
The Sunset Pier
at Ocean Key Resort
Zero Duval St., (305) 296-7701
(see page 17)
n
Thursday-Friday
Sunset Pier Unplugged
1pm and 6pm
Friday Boat races
Sunset Pier Unplugged 1pm/6pm
Saturday
The Doerfels 1-4pm
Sunset Pier Unplugged 6pm
Sunday Boat races
Robert Albury 6pm
Monday-Wednesday
Robert Albury 6pm
McConnell’s Irish Pub
900 Duval St., (949) 777-6616
www.SouthernMostIrish.com
n
Mondays Night Football
Tuesdays Fiona Malloy
(Irsh&American folk) 8-11pm
Wednesdays
Open Mic/Chris Rehm host
8pm-Midnight
Thursdays
Bobby Enhoe 8pm-Midnight
Fridays
Love Lane Gang 8pm-Midnight
Saturdays
Tom Taylor (Acoustic Classics)
8pm-Midnight
Sundays
River & Tiger on the patio
4-7pm
16 www.konklife.com
MARK HOWELL’S
HOWLINGS
e Keys at any price:
Kennedy assassination have good
Hammacher Schlemmer’s latest
reason to believe the roots of concatalog offers a Key lime pie that
spiracy reached deep into the Keys,
has “earned four national champinamely Plantation and Islamorada.
onships at the annual Great AmeriWilliam King Harvey had origican Pie Festival and captures the
nally been assigned by No. 2 man
authentic taste of Florida honestly!” Richard Bissell the responsibility
e 11-inch pie serves 10 and
of developing “executive action
costs $59.95.
capability” in the CIA (euphemism
*****
for assassination of foreign leaders).
If, like the majority Americans
We know that Harvey worked with
today, you no longer buy into the
Mafia leaders in CIA plots against
Warren Commission’s finding that
Castro and became friends with
a lone nut killed President
flashy mobster Johnny Rosselli.
Kennedy 50 years ago, you have
But during the Cuban missile crisis,
never been alone. From the beginRobert Kennedy ordered no more
ning, key Washington insiders in
CIA infiltrations into Cuba lest it
the highest echelons of power never jeopardizes negotiations with the
believed it. For example, President
Russians.
Lyndon Johnson, although he origHarvey disobeyed those orders
inally appeared to endorse the lone- and infiltrated three teams into
nut idea, later told Atlantic
Cuba. When U.S. Attorney General
magazine, “I never believed that
discovered this he removed Harvey
Oswald acted alone.”
from all further Cuban
Jackie Kennedy and
operations and was reRobert Kennedy also
assigned to Rome. In
rejected the commis1963, Harvey returned
sion’s conclusion. When
to the states and had a
artist William Walton
meeting with Johnny
— a friend of the First
Rosselli on Plantation
Lady — went to
Key. Harvey assigned
Moscow on a previexpenses for this
ously scheduled trip a
meeting to the CIA’s file
MARK
week after the assassion assassinations.
HOWELL
nation, he carried a
ose expenses included
message from RFK and
renting a boat in
Jackie for their friend Georgi BolIslamorada.
shakov, a Russian diplomat who’d
Rosselli (who had happened to
served as a back-channel link behave meetings with Jack Ruby in
tween the White House and Krem- months prior to the assassination),
lin during the October 1962 crisis:
is believed to have been recruited to
“e Kennedys believed the presikill the president at that meeting on
dent was felled by domestic oppoPlantation Key. Likely the boat was
nents.”
used so the two could talk privately,
Even Senator Richard Russell,
since Harvey Rosselli was then
a Warren Commission member, reunder heavy FBI surveillance.
jected the “single bullet theory”
ere’ll be more revelations
which was a foundation of the lone- as we continue to dig into
nut theory. And Cabinet Secretary
early-1960s’ history here in the
Joseph Califano, who helped deKeys and uncover connections
velop Operation Northwoods that
with South Florida attorney Ellis
envisioned committing a spectacuRubin and a No Name Key visitor,
lar crime and blaming it on Cuba,
the late Gerry Henning, the only
came believe Fidel Castro was beindividual we’ve personally met
hind JFK’s assassination.
who knew Lee Harvey Oswald
*****
and was in Dallas (carrying a rifle)
ose who’ve spent years investi- November 22, 1963.
| Continued on page 18
gating the Keys’ connections to the
www.konklife.com 17
NEWS& OPINION
KIDS’
CORNER
RICK BOETTGER
| Continued from page 6
Kids’ Korner Morgan Kidwell and Diana Nyad
Never give up!
ecently I got to
interview Diana Nyad.
e first time we met she was so nice,
she acted like we were friends, and
we already knew each other.
Diana is such an inspiration to all,
even me. She is such an inspiration
because she had a dream to swim
from Cuba to Key West, and she
never gave up. She tried five times.
e fifth time she was finally
successful. She swam from Cuba
to Key West this summer, and it
took her 53 hours.
It was interesting to hear about
the sharks and jellyfish. Although
she never saw any sharks. Diana told
me that they had shark repellent and
electrical shields under their kayaks
that put out a field of electricity that
would bother the shark’s sonar. It
didn’t mean it was 100 percent that
sharks wouldn’t go through and get
her, but it would really bother them.
So she never had to worry about
sharks while she was swimming.
My family and I went to see
Diana’s new movie, “e Other
Shore.” It is a fantastic movie,
and you should take the time to see
R
it.
I also got to meet Diana’s friend,
Bonnie. She is very nice and funny.
Bonnie was there with Diana
through every swim and journey,
and she is the person who motivates
her.
One of the things Diana told me
was that besides being known as the
person who swam from Cuba to Key
West, she also wants to be known as
a person who was a good friend.
Diana just signed a book deal, and
I can’t wait to read it when it comes
out. I hope you will read it too.
I hope kids are inspired by Diana
Nyad, just like I am, and never give
up on what you believe in.
n
Morgan
KIDWELL
Kids’ Korner
So here’s what you do after you have
been burgled. You give identifying
information for the police report,
because this gives you a chance of
recovery if the thief pawns your electronics. is does happen. I had all five
exterior deadbolts rekeyed that same
day. e safety key is as well-hidden as
the Atocha gold was.
And you plan further defensive
measures. We have considered a real security camera system, a fake one, and
a handgun. A real four-camera system
is only around $600. A stopper handgun now has a feature where you can
make the first bullet a kind of buckshot
that will disable an intruder, but not
kill him, if it turns out to be your husband coming home late or the neighbor’s dog.
We also made Cynthia’s bath a”safe
room” with quick-locking deadbolts.
But my out-of-the-box plan shows I’ve
learned at least something from America’s 12-year Afghan war. Land mines.
Claymores, to be precise. Guarding all
the doors and windows. Cheaper than
cameras, and no aiming problems as
with a handgun.
Burglars, leave our home alone.
You’ve been warned. Cynthia and I
have been violated enough. n
WINING
THE KEYS
STEVE CALDERWOOD
| Continued from page 10
of the beer of the same name, bought
Southcorp. en, as Foster’s wine
group became one of the world’s largest
makers of wine (more marketers of
wine), they came to realize that maybe
they should have stuck to beer, and
they spun off the wine business into a
new company called Treasury Wine
Estates.
e vineyards in Australia are scattered all over country, but in general
they’re in the south and near the ocean.
e Australian states that dominate are
South Australia, New South Wales and
Western Australia. e up and coming
regions are Victoria and Tasmania.
South Australia is the most
important region with about half of
Australia’s wine made here, and there’s
18 www.konklife.com
a ring of wine districts that circle the
state capital, Adelaide. e names to
look for include Barossa Valley (which
makes the finest shirazes), Coonawarra
(one of the finest regions for cab sauv),
Adelaide Hills, Padthaway, McLaren
Vale and Clare Valley.
New South Wales is the second
most important in terms of quantity,
and the Hunter Valley was the most
important to me when I lived there
because it was only 70 miles north of
Sydney, which was where I lived. is
region is know for its chardonnays and
shiraz, as well as one wine that is very
unique to this area and that’s semillon.
is is an ugly duckling white wine in
Australia in that when you taste it
young it’s OK, but after 5-10 years
of bottle age, it becomes a rich,
honeyed, nutty wine that is incredible.
Western Australia is the next most
important state, and this one is mostly
about quality, not quantity, and the
Margaret River district is the most
important of all. Here, producers such
as Leeuwin Estates, Cape Mentelle and
Moss Wood produce some of Australia’s
finest chardonnays, cabernets and
shirazes. ey do quite a nice job with
sauvignon blanc and semillon as well.
Finally, there’s Victoria and Tasmania. Victoria is mostly known for
Australia’s sparklers, and the cool little
island of Tasmania is building quite a
nice reputation for pinot noir.
is is a very cursory look at the
island continent but at least gives us a
quick glimpse into this amazing land.
Over the next couple of weeks, we’ll be
taking a closer look into the individual
states to see if we can’t find some jewels
and some values.
And that’s it for this week, so until
next time — wine a bit, you’ll feel
better! n
MARK H O W E L L
| Continued from page 17
Quote of the Week:
Even the sea can’t stop me from writing
something to read in my old age.
We’ve had no crack at eternity
in a billion years of trying —
One grain of sand possesses three
thousand worlds of glee not
to mention me, Ah sea
— Jack Kerouac,
“Sea: Sounds of the Ocean,”
1962
n
TROPIC
n I N R E V I E W W IT H
Ian Brockway
Out in the Dark
ichael Mayer (A Home
at the End of the World)
exposes the terrors of the heart in “Out
in the Dark,” an engaging drama about
two men in love: one Israeli, the other
Palestinian. is natural and homespun
film uses some of the apprehension
found in a Patricia Highsmith novel:
there are men in dark corners, smarmy
people and claustrophobic families. But
more importantly, the film is authentic
without resorting to melodrama.
Stylistically, “Out in the Dark” is a
cousin to the excellent film “Keep the
Lights On” (2011). Both films confront
societal pressures, confining mores and
the occult secrecy of sex.
At a bar, Arabic medical student
Nimr (Nicolas Jacob) catches the eye
of Israeli lawyer Roy (Michael Aloni).
M
SPROCKETS
After some banter about getting a drink,
they become hooked to each other.
When a friend Mustapha (Loal Nofi)
gets shot in the head for being a
collaborator, Nimr feels more and
more panicked, not only for the
Arab-Palestinian bloodshed but for
being a gay man in a society infused
with prejudice and hate. To make
matters worse, Nimr’s macho brother
has connections to extremist groups
and has a stock of automatic weapons.
Both Aloni and Jacob shine as two
lovers on the run. Nimr illustrates a
bohemian existence to some extent,
while Roy is almost completely
entrenched in the bureaucratic realm
of offices and corridors. Whenever these
two meet in covert collaboration,
however, a place of peaceful darkness
is born.
In each progressive scene, as family
members become more and more shaded
with intolerance and hatred, we feel the
walls close in.
What once seemed a welcoming
Tel Aviv garden of sex and belonging,
albeit left to cluttered rooftops, hidden
from the heterosexual gaze, soon
becomes an Orwellian nightmare
of violence and manipulation. Such is
the state of things.
In arguably the most devastating
scene, we watch in horror as Nimr’s
seemingly passive brother becomes
inflamed with bigotry and militancy
when he shoves a pistol in Nimr’s face
and exiles him from the family.
is is not a political film and most
of its dramatic energy comes from the
secret of romance in a landscape gone
mad with xenophobia. e Palestinian/
Israeli conflict serves to enhance the peril
of being gay in a society riddled with
hate and taboo.
e film’s final escape plan of Nimr’s
yacht might even suggest Tom Ripley’s
nautical and existential flight to Italy
sans any sociopathic tendencies.
www.konklife.com 19
Last Vegas
ey guys, if you can stand
Michael Douglas giving a
perpetually strained look on his face as
if he just read the latest New York Post
and Robert De Niro looking glum and
befuddled (but curiously adorable) as an
old New York toughie, then this is a film
for you. You guessed it — all seasoned
Hollywood legends are here (Douglas,
De Niro, Kline and Freeman) in “Last
Vegas,” a Bucket List-style comedy with
mere hints from “e Hangover.”
ese four Hollywood greats play
childhood friends in Brooklyn for over
50 years.
One day Billy (Douglas) now a big
shot exec obsessed with virility calls up
his three near Argentine amigos to announce his marriage to a blonde preppy
girl, 40 years his junior. e friends suggest a Vegas wedding and some hopeful
middle-gray mayhem is planned.
| Continued on page 22
H
COMMUNITY NEWS
KEY HAPPENINGS
COUNTY OFFICE
JONES
| Continued from page 5
2nd Annual Key West ChalkFest
Call to artists
e Key West Art in Public Places
Board puts a call out to artists for the
Key West ChalkFest, November 21-24.
Local and visiting artists will use the
promenade alongside the seawall at the
Truman Waterfront as their canvas for
intricate and colorful chalk art creations.
Adult and student categories and prizes.
A link to the event submission form is
available online.
INFO artinpublicplaceskw.com
worked in private practice and as an
assistant public defender.
He is 60 years old, married and has
two sons. Jones is an avid fisherman and
member of Rotary and the American Legion. He has served on local boards, including Big Brothers and Sisters of
Monroe County and the Key West Fishing Tournament.
LATIN ARTS
| Continued from page 9
celebrated on the birth date of the nation’s acclaimed 19th century gauchesque poet, José Hernández.
e festival kicks off 2 p.m. Friday at
Muse Key West (upstairs at Kelly’s
Caribbean Bar, Grill and Brewery) with
an Afro-Cuban Rumba dance workshop
taught by visiting artist Zoia Cisneros.
Offerings through Sunday include Argentinian Tango and Afro-Cuban
Rumba dance workshops, a Bombo! Argentinian Drum Line percussion workshop taught by Oscar Caballero, Latin
American artist’s exhibits, culinary offerings, poetry readings, and on Saturday
night, a main-event theatrical concert.
¡Esperando Nacer! Saturday night’s
concert event features Monzón and Carr
and spotlights a lineup of local and visiting guest musicians including Rolando
Rojas, Andrés Cisneros, Christian
Noguera, Melodia Cooper and Josh Warren. Expect performances by Miamibased folkloric and Argentine tango
dance luminaries/Tango Times proprietors Roxana Garber and Oscar Caballero, high-energy Samba sequences, a
fun-filled interactive dance — the Tic
Tic Tac —led by Judith and Zurima Cisneros with the ¡Eu Quero Dancar!
Troupe, and breakdowns of the Brazilian
Capoeira martial art/ dance form executed by master Jan Czerny.
Tickets for the 2nd Annual Key West
International Latin Arts Fest ¡Esperando
Nacer! 2013 theatrical concert available
at keystix.com.
Visit keywestlatinartsfest.org for a
complete schedule of events, workshops,
locations and sign-up information.
SCREENWRITERS
| Continued from page 9
“Crash” stars an ensemble cast, including Sandra Bullock and andie
Newton, and tracks 36 hours in the lives
of culturally diverse Los Angeles residents whose worlds collide, revealing
racial tension and the importance of tolerance.
Haggis’ films continue to be screened
over the next two days with Q&As following each screening:”In the Valley of
Elah” shows 5 p.m., November 16;”e
Next ree Days” 2p.m., November 17.
5 p.m., November 17, Q&A and
screening of George’s”Hotel Rwanda” for
which he was nominated for an Oscar
for best original screenplay. In this political thriller based on real-life events, Don
Cheadle portrays hotel owner Paul Rusesabagina, who housed and saved thousands of people from genocide in
Rwanda.
is year’s Screenwriter’s Spotlight,
featuring Paul Haggis and Terry George,
sponsored by the Tropic Cinema. For
tickets to all films and events go online.
INFO
keywest.festivalgenius.com/2013/films
KEYS donates $2,500
Keys Energy Services/KEYS donated
$2,500 to Key West High School sports
and fine art programs for the 2013-2014
school year. KEYS donated $500 each to
the KWHS Band program, as well as the
swim, girl’s soccer and softball and the
boy’s basketball teams. ese donations,
along with others from the community,
will help compensate for funding gaps
and support these programs and students
who benefit from them.
KWHS Sports and Fine Art program
representatives receive sponsorship
donations from KEYS.
20 www.konklife.com
Retiring Utility Board chairman Lou
Hernandez (center) receives standing ovation after a resolution honoring his 16-years of service to KEYS
is read into the record.
Utility Board OKs
resolution honoring
retiring Hernandez
e Utility Board approved a resolution honoring retiring Chairman
Lou Hernandez at its regularly scheduled meeting, October 30. e meeting marked the last official business
for Hernandez after 16-years of service to the utility.
Hernandez has served on the
Board since 1997 and in the leadership position of chairman since 2007.
During his tenure, he has been instrumental in guiding the utility through
numerous milestones, including the
name change of the utility to Keys
Energy Services (KEYS) and the joining of the Florida Municipal Power
Agency’s All-Requirements Project.
Hernandez was also instrumental in
the creation of the KEYS Cares program partnership with the United
Way of the Florida Keys and the utility’s early efforts to support environmentally friendly initiatives.
Hernandez is the former executive
director of Helpline, a 24-hour socialservice referral non-profit agency. He
previously announced he would not
seek re-election once his term expired.
e run-off election to fill his Board
seat took place November 5.
e regular meeting of the Utility
Board took place at 5 p.m. in the
Louis Carbonell Board Room of the
William Arnold Service Building,
1001 James St.
TERI EIBERT’S GOING AWAY PARTY at the Little Room
RALPH DE PALMA | photographer
THEGADABOUT
SCOTT MC CARTHY
| Continued from page 22
have got to see what he tips. Anything less than 20 percent and you should
walk away. Also, it is not a good sign when he looks at 30-something
women at the bar and calls them dinosaurs.
Okay, maybe you’ve made it past this stage, and he’s at your house
(which I do not advise) and now you’re between the sheets. A few friends
of mine were discussing some cringeworthy behavior that also screams
RUN (which is why you should not be at your own house): he moans your
name as he climaxes; as you climax he says creepy things like, oh, that’s so
beautiful; he tells you you have a great body . . . you just need to tone up a
bit; he tries to “accidentally” sneak into your back door; or, he assumes he
is invited to stay the night.
Based on past experience, I would say run when a guy tells you he loves
you on the second date, or buys a new house within three months of your
dating and shows you where he thinks the nursery should be. Or when he
asks for “Kimmer” time.
Does this sound totally shallow? Well, now you know why I will die
alone. Bitchin’ Paradise
n
www.konklife.com 21
T HE
O U TB A C K
GADABOUT
KEY HAPPENINGS
SHE SAID, GAY SAID
by Scott McCarty and Kimberley Denney
adabout and Bitchin’ Paradise have
joined forces to help the human race. So
many think of us as their voice of reason. We are here
for you. We are experts on everything: grooming, relationships, automotive, etc. Send us your questions!
G
Dear She Said, Gay Said: I’ve met someone I’m kind
of interested in, but I’m not sure if I’m interested
enough to pursue a romantic relationship. What
should I do? Signed, Unsure in Stock Island
Dear Unsure: I’m glad you asked because I am an
expert on relationships . . . I’ve
had like 100 of them. ey
usually begin online exchanging
pictures of our genitals and end
with a cab ride in the morning,
preferably to the airport. I know,
it’s not exactly Christian Mingle,
but it’s the perfect relationship.
Always fresh.
Don’t let the fact that I’m old
and alone fool you; I know of
SCOTT
which I speak. Cut and run just
McCARTHY
merely because you are [email protected]
ing it. Dump him the very second
that you see the most minor flaw, because it will only
get worse . . . exponentially. Don’t walk, run! Move on
and keep looking. If you don’t like the way he flosses,
dump him!
My most recent relationship lasted five months.
at’s a long-term relationship in my world (known as
LTR online). We all know how much it sucks to break
up with someone, so I just had the police come and do
it for me. Yeah, just came and took him away. I think
it was criminal trespass or something like that. It was
validating when fuve cops agree that “it’s HIM and not
Me.” Who needs Oprah to sort this shit out?
You know what, the more I think about this, forget
love relationships altogether. Your good friends are
your best companions and just bang strangers or
masturbate for the other stuff. e Gadabout
Dear Unsure: If you read my recent columns, I highly
advise you don’t even agree to a date before you have a
serious makeout session with your potential paramour.
ere’s no point wasting precious hours on a date if he
is a bad kisser. But let’s say he’s at least a decent kisser
(like, he doesn’t lick your teeth or jam his tongue into
your tonsils at perfectly pulsed two-second intervals)
and you go on the date. First of all, if he offers to split
the check, excuse yourself to the bathroom and don’t
look back. Let’s assume, though, that your date is a
gentleman (or gentlewoman) and grabs the tab: you
| Continued on page 21
Key West LOU
LOUIS PETRONE
| Continued from page 8
for 126 days. at would drop their salary to
$60,065 per year. An annual savings of $113,935
per member. Multiply the 425 members by that
number evidences a savings of almost $50 million a
year. at is, IF House members were paid only for
days worked. Like everyone else.
Perhaps politicians are all cut from the same
cloth. Perhaps not. e Senate works significantly
more days per year than the House. e Senate is
off approximately 70 days a year.
You would assume there is much written on the
issue. ere is not. My research discovered only two
articles of any substance. Both excellent. If further
interested, I suggest you read them. “Congress Announces It Will Be In Session Fewer Days In 2014”
by Mike Krumbotz/October 31, 2013 for the Yahoo
News Sideshow. e other is “House To Be In
Session Only 126 Days In 2013” by Robert
Longley/December 12, 2012 for
About.comUSGovernmentInfo.
e House of Representatives is a national disgrace. ey must be voted out. It will not be easy.
Americans have to get so mad at being fleeced that
they will not take it anymore. Otherwise, the status
quo will prevail. n
LOCAL OBSERVATION
CHRISTINA OXENBERG
| Continued from page 10
I’ll admit, between the heat and the breasts, I
began plotting an escape. Perhaps I absorbed too
much recirculating Freon, but after two months of
hiding in the A/C and rampant toxic-levels of cabin
fever, I complained to my genie Nalim, who lives up
north somewheres, and he instructed me, “Move to
Mississippi! You can buy something for a song.
Now’s the time.”
Nalim, a snake charmer, can cajole me out of my
basket of peregrinations and set me robotically
upon fresh paths. Instantly, picturing a pale green
field and a rainbow dappled farmhouse, I placed a
call to a pal in Mississippi, to discuss purchasing
one acre and a mule. Starting small.
en the weather changed, overnight, and my island home filled with fresh air, and now town will
drain of the energy of those 50,000 heat-creating
stampeding beasts in their tutus. e rains dropped
from a molten sky. Hot rain. Bathing the coral rock
with cool, and the hot season was over. My fantasy
22 www.konklife.com
of Mississippi crystalized, and I pictured footage of
me in the evenings, too far away from all that I love
about Key West and the fantasy evaporated. Just like
that. From Fantasy Fest back to reality. n
TROPIC SPROCKETS
IN REVIEW | Ian Brockway
| Continued from page 19
Sam (Kevin Kline) and Archie (Morgan Freeman) try to entice the likable curmudgeon Billy to
go with them, but he is mildly agoraphobic still
lamenting the loss of his wife Sophie. You know the
scenario: De Niro plays a more benign version of
the role he delivered from “Silver Linings Playbook.”
With a sitcom immediacy, the three agree to go
and try to raise hell. e jokes breeze by easily
enough with a giggling carbonated smoothness and
despite some of the silliness, there is a chemistry
and warmth that is hard to ignore.
e titters and sight gags are so much in evidence the film displays a quality that is untutored
and, dare I say, sweet. When Morgan Freeman tumbles out a window that is only a couple of inches
from the ground (in a bit that is right out of “e
Little Rascals” or a Mack Sennett short) it is funny
because Freeman does it with such a nonchalance.
And when all four are poolside as bikini judges (in
a scene which isn’t funny by itself) they have such a
lack of self-consciousness it produces a giggle.
Yes, the Viagra quips and the ogling of young
babes get repetitive as cinematic corn syrup and
filler, but these actors maintain a comic adhesive between themselves to make everything amiable like a
family that you instantly recognize and love to see.
Kevin Kline is perfectly on key as professorial
Steve Martinish character, and Morgan Freeman is
just what you might expect as a gentlemanly (but
quietly wild) man of Cool.
What plays badly is a scene where the old boys
pour vodka in the mouths of a squad of babes, and
the obligatory “young drunk girl” scene, but despite
the formulaic insertions (which are legion) some
glib dialog saves the night.
rough it all, “Last Vegas” is a fizzy chuckle.
Even though these heavies don’t stretch their acting
joints, there remains a pleasant seltzer to their
scene. We are so familiar with these characters that
you might not mind the Hollywood hi-jinx and
hoopla.
And it is a good thing that there are no
“Wild Hogs” or “Old Dogs” here, but just think
how refreshing it could have been had these
beloved actors played against type and done
something really wild. n