The Child Care Worker Vol.4 No.4. April 1986

The Child Care Worker
EDITORIAL:\'UUR CHANCETO HELP2
Vol.4 No.4. April 1986
PETERHARPERWRITESON TASKSOF LATERCHILDHOOD3
RUTHSANFORD:LOVINCWITHAN OPENHAND 6
HEREAND THERE 7
NEWSITEI\4SFROIVI
A CONFERENCE
PAPERON CHILD ABUSE: DR CHRIS MOLTENOWRITESON SEXUAL ABUSE OF I
AROUNDTHE NACCWRECIONS9
Ilie
RENEEVAN DERMERWE
SE FINAI.EARTIKELOORSTEP_TEENIO
hinilerversorgr
r.L-
THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION
OF CHILD CARE WORKERS
DIE NASIONALEVERENIGING
VAN KINDERVERSORGERS
Nationat Executive Committee
Nasionale Uitvoerende Raad
National ChairmanlNasionale Voorsitter
ErnieNightingale,
NHCRCC.
Dip.Pers.Man.,
AlCB., EthelbertChildren'sHome/Kinderhuis, 93 EthelbertRd.Meg, Malvern,4093.
Tel: 031-z14-6555
National TreasurerlNasionale Tesourier
John Saxey,AIAC. FICB(SA).
P.O.BoVPosbus 3212,CapeTown/Kaapstad,
8000.Tel:
021-71-7591
MemberslLede
Revd./Ds.
Rudolphvan Niekerk(Transvaal),
Revd./Eerw.Roger Pitt (Eastern Province/Oostelike
Provinsie),Ernie Nightingale
(Natal),Vivien Lewis (WesternCapeMesKaap).
National Directorate/Nasionale
Direktoraat
National Directorl Nasionale Direkeur
BrianGannon,BA (Hons.),MA
P.O.Box/Posbus199,
CLAREMONT,7735
Tel: 021-790-3401
Regional Secretaries/Streeklike
Sekretaresse
Transvaal
lsabelDunn
Homes& OrphansFund, P.O. Box 8021,
Johannesburg,2000.Tel: 011-377-7010
Natal
Dr. Jeannie Roberts, 104 Windmill Rd.
Berea,Durban,4001. Tel: 031-21-5894
Eastern Provincel Oostelike Provinsie
Lesleydu Toit, The Children'sHome,P.O.
Box/Posbus 482, King Williamstown,
5600
Western CapelWes-Kaap
Derek Groep, Boys Town Duin en Dal,
P.O. Box/Posbus71, Philippi,7781.Tel:
021-31-4154
DIEKINDERVERSORGER
THECHILDCAREWORKER
P.O.Bor/Posbus
199,Claremont,7735.
Tel:
021-790-3401
Die Kinderversorger
word op die 25stevan
elke maand uitgegee.Subskripsiegelde
vir
nie-lede: R5.00 p.j. po'svry.Advertensiegelde:R2.50per kol/cm.Stuur alle navrae,
advertensies,
artikels,briewe en nuusbrokkiesaanDieRedakteur,
Die Kinderversorger,
Posbus199,Claremont,7735.
The ChildCareWorkeris publishedon the
25th of each month. Subscriptionsfor nonmembers:R5:00p.a. post fr:ee.Advertisement rates:R2.50per column/cm.Send all
enquiries,advertisements,articles, letters
and news items to The Editor, The Child
CareWorker,P.O.Box 199,Claremont,7735.
Edito ria I Boardl Redaksieraa d
Sharon Bacher, Marcelle BidermannPam, Peter Harper, Ds. Freddie Burger,
Dina Hatchuel
EditorlRedakeur
Brian Gannon
EdltornaI
Your Chance
to Help
For some months now you have
h e a rd s q ueaks of church mouse
poverty coming from the NACCW
w h i c h , i n a l l s e r i o u s n e s s ,a r e i n
d a n g e r o f turni ng i nto a death rattl e.
Not for want of trying, but many
would-be funding sources understanda b l y fi n d i t more l ogi cal i n tough
times to contribute to primary child
care services which actually have
mouths to feed rather than to support
secondary services such as ours. We
have gone to press this month on
faith and hope in the absence of
"charity",
but apart from the continuing efforts of our fund-raising body
Action Care Trust, there is something
w h i c h a l l of us i n the N A C C W can do
to p u l l th rough the l ean ti mes.
D u ri n g the month of May w e are
"Write-yourself-a-cheque"
running a
Competition with which you can care workers in the Eastern Cape, but
personally help. You will be asked to
we remember Hester Michael for the
"cheques"
take a book of
and to get
love, joy and enthusiasm which
y o u r fri e n ds (and enemi es) to w ri te characterisedher work with homeless
themselves a cheque for any amount chi l dren.
between R500 and R1000. The entry
fee is R5 per cheque. At a function
Vacanc
to be attended by the NACCW's Slcuatlons
Auditors and National Treasurer in
CAPE TOWN
mi d -J u n e, the computer w i l l pi ck a
Child Gare Worker
random amount between R500 and
Children's Home invites applications
R 1 0 0 0 a n d the hol der of the cheque
for the above position on a residential
nearest to it will receive a real
or non-residentialbasis. The position
cheque for that amount in the next
offers:
post
and you, the seller of the (a)
A salary commensurate with exwinning cheque, will receive an equal peri ence
and qual i fi cati ons;
prize in the next post!
(b) An opportunity to work with a
It w i l l b e a fun competi ti on- but i ts
multi-disciplinaryteam ;
success may also be a matter of (c)
In-service training and assistance
survival for the NACCW. When you
w
i
th
chi l d care trai ni ngcou r se;
are asked to help, please don't (d)
Board and lodging for residential
squeak: gr:owl aggressively,and go
appl i cants;
out and relieve twenty unsuspecting (e)
Medi cal and P ensi ons chem e.
fri e n d s o f thei r R 5 notes!
Application should be addressed to
The Programme Director, OranjiaJewi sh C hi l dren' s H ome. P .O . Box 1204,
Cape Town 8000 or Telephone 02145-3209 for appointment to interview.
Sister Hester Michael
We have learned with sorrow and
regret of the death of Sister Hester
Michael who was for many years
associated with Grahamstown's Bethlehem Home which was closed last
y e a r. T h e Mother S uperi or of the
A n g l i c a norder to w hi ch she bel onged
i n fo rm s u s that S i ster H ester Mi chael
had suffered a weak heart for some
years, but that her sudden and
unexpected death came as a sad
s h o c k to the communi ty. R unni ngthe
o n l y c h i l dren' shome i n Grahamstow n
a n d i n d eed for many rni l es around,
meant that she was probably one of
th e mo s t professi onal l yi sol ated chi l d
PRETORIA
Child Gare Worker
Loui s B otha H ome for C hildr en: O ur
home requires residential child care
workers - ladies - to work with I
boys and girls of various ages in a
mul ti -di sci pl i nary
envi ronm ent .
A ppl i cants must be bilingual 'and
preferably in possession of a matric
certi fi cateor hi gher qual i ficat ion.
Full board and lodging is offered, as
well as a negotiable salary, medical
ai d and reti rementannui ty f und.
C ontact the P ri nci pal
M r s J.
Nienaber - at 012-736184for futher
detai l s.
t
t
I
rr
\t-
.\:
Ghr'd Develop-Tncni.
DevelopmentalTasks of Later Childhood
Peter Harper
Peter Harper is a Clinical Psychologist
attached to St Michael's Children's
Home in Cape Town
fa m i l y and to make fri ends. l t i s my
b e l i ef that al l chi l dren shoul d be
a c c o rded the ri ghts of human di gni ty
and respect, and that they should not
be treated like mini-adultsas so often
w a s the case i n V i ctori an ti mes.
There is some danger nowadays of
o u r bei ng mi sl ed by the fact that 10year-olds know much more (through
television, and the fact that they wear
o r i mi tate teenage and adul t fashi ons)
i n to thi nki ng that these chi l dren
s h o ul d al so behave l i ke mi ni ature
a d u l ts.
L e t us take a cl oser l ook at the
developmental tasks facing the child
in later childhood. The tasks centre
around personal, social and intellectual
growth and are acquired (or not
acquired) in the context of school,
peers and parents. This involves the
fo l l ow i ng areas:
"M os t
c hildr en fe e l th a t th e y a re
a c hiev ing s om e th i n g s p e c i a l , o r a t
least are becoming more important
p e ople, as t he y c o m e u p to th e
m iles t one of th e i r 1 O th b i rth d a y "
(L ov ell,1976, 14 3 ).
At t aining double fi g u re s i n l i fe ' s y e a rs
(lik e c r ic k et )s ee m s to b e a s i g n i fi c a n t
a dv anc e on wh a t th e s i n g l e fi g u re
meant before. Perhaps it is the fact
that r eac hing t h re e fi g u re s i n l i fe i s
rem ot e and unli k e l y ,a n d i t i s th i s th a t
helps make the age of ten seem to
be a rather eventful point to reach!
The later childhood years constitute
the per iod duri n g w h i c h th e c h i l d
l ear ns t he c u l tu ra l v a l u e s o f h i s
p a r t ic ulars oc iety . In o u r c u l tu re , th e Acquisition of Knowledge and Task
ch ild of t his age l e a rn s to me e t s o me Gompetence
of the expectationsof adult society in The western society in which we live
the classroom, from books and pic- is very much directed towards
tures, and teachers who tell him what a c h i evement, and demands that the
is good and what is bad, what he school child acquires not only scholasmust do and what he cannot do. tic skills, but also awareness of world
However, most of what a child learns affairs and knowledge of science and
at school takes place "on the art. These activities absorb an enorplayground" where the influence of mous amount of the psychic energy
peer group becomes very of the developingchild. The "achieveIhe
rmportant.
ment drive" emerges at about B-10
The child's interests and activities are yea!'s when the child begins to
w ide and bec ome a l l -i n v o l v i n gd u ri n g achieve for himself and not merely to
this developmental period. Success achieve in order to please significant
leads to the child attaininga sense of others. Often the unfulfilled needs for
competence, confidence and self es- social status and achievement on the
teem. but failure leads to an over- part of the parents (and child care
whelming sense of inferiority, the workers), may handicap the child in
development of a poor self concept his academic role. An active interest
and the use of immature behaviour. i n the chi l d' s school and sporti ng
Developmental differences in the activities cements a firm supportive
sexes become marked. with girls bond between adult and child and
l e ading in em o ti o n a l , p h y s i c a l a n d acts as a spur to achieve. However,
intellectual maturity. Whichever their fostering excessive dependence or
sex, children in this age group seem d e mandi ngtoo much i n the academi c
to mature rapidly and their rich fi e l d shoul d be guarded agai nst. In
interaction with their environments terms of the acquisition of knowstimulates personalitygrowth and the ledge, this age is an important period
attaining of individuality.
for frank sex information to be
From about the age of ten children imparted to children.
are often seen as being intent on
ru s hing headlo n g i n to th e i r te e n s . The Strengthening of Gender
They are precocious in many ways ldentity
that would startle families of a few The establishment of gender identity
decades ago. But it would be a has its origins long before the child
mistake to believe that today's 10- achieves his tenth year, but the
year-old is different from previous 10- activities and attitudes acquired during
year-oldsin emotional terms - i.e. as earlier phases continue to be pracfar as control over feelings is con- tised and reinforced in preparationfor
cerned or the need to feel part of the later effective sex role behaviour.
E
I
l.
J
I
The peer group is most important in
relation to sex role behaviour.By this
stage such behaviour is so strongly
ingrained that anyone who tries to
reverse his or her sex role behaviour
is rejected as abnormal. This constitutes a mechani sm f or t he cult ur al
modification of inappropriate behaviour, whereby aggressiveness and
sexuality are seen as masculine traits
w hi ch remai n stab le unt il adult hood
for boys, whereas the traits of
passivity and dependence are promoted i n gi rl s' behavi ou r .
Achievement of an adequate sexual
identity means feeling and enjoying
bei ng a boy or a gir l. This is closely
tied up with how the child, from early
years, has been feeling about his
body, excreta, sex organs and particuparents'
larly
attitudes
towards
sexuality.
Growth of lndependence
As the child grows older he is usually
able to accept increasingly longer
separations from the parents without
overwhelming feelings of longing and
homesickness. lt is interesting that
the upper class British education
system prescribes that the child
should leave home and continue
studies at a boarding school from
about the age of eight.
Independence in the everyday selfcare ski l l s e.g. ti diness, cleanliness
and punctuality, etc. appear, but may
still take years to perfect. Greater
personal freedom is possible as the
child achieves greater independence
and the world starts to become his
oyster!
A major problem is achievinga happy
medium between the child's develop
ment of self reliance on the one
hand, and protecting him from the
dangers of the world on the other.
There is no easy solution, but
certainly if you show that you doubt a
chi l d' s abi l i ti es or com m on sense
when in difficulty, he may appear
more resentful than anything else, but
perhaps more importantly, he will
begin to have doubts about himself.
Dependence - lndependence
We must be aware that every child is
an individualin his/her own right, and
a core problem facing a child of this
age is how to reconcile the need to
be part of his family and the
simultaneous need to be different. lt
is important to remember both these
needs when it seems difficult to
Developmental Tasks of Later Childhood
not only with same-sex Peers, but
al so w i thi n the cul tural group as a
whole, becomes a highly-valuedgoal,
therefore the child learns social skills
which will make him accePtable
others. Within the Peer group competitive games and sport are played
to shared rules while success is
encouraged in preparation for competitive adult life. True social friendships
mainly between same-sex Peers are
on bonds of mutual needs
formed
The need to be Part of his
and common work.
family and the simultaneous
The same-sex peer activities form the
need to he different.
basis for subsequent healthy sexual
identity. The withdrawn, shy, rather
effeminate boy with no masculine
Successoutsidethe home is one sign
interests who doesn't fit into a samethat a child is succeedingas an
sex peer group may exPerience
not being the
individual.Paradoxically,
considerable difficulties with heteroodd one out is an importantpart of
sexual interchange in adolescence and
gainingacceptance
at
as an individual
adulthood. To be accepted into his
this age. Both boys and girls like to
peer group the child may have to
be seen sharing most of their
forego some personal satisfaction.
contemporaries'interests,as well as
Membership of such a group provides
knowingtheir jokes, their ritualsand Children are bound to want to
him with status which he previously
speakingtheir language.
for
mistakes
make
some
from his parents. lf he is not
derived
Most childrenat this age detest and
accepted in the group he maY modifY
fear being shamed or even branded themselves.
"different" in front of others and
his behaviour, seek compensation in
as
adults should steer clear of tactless- As already intimated, a common hobbies, reading or animals or he may
peers, avoid
is sensitive sense approachis best. Childrenare become anxious with
ness. The 1G13-year-old
"loner".
to being seen by other childrento be bound to want to make some them and become a
pampered or cocooned, and being mistakes for themselves and we The purpose of group identification
shouldallow them this in such a way often mystifies adults. Perhaps the
laughedat is a torment!
A lot of the apparentcoolnessand that they are exposed to situations chance to be totally committed in one
in childrenat that are not too dangerous.E.g. let direction is a more important part of
assumedself-sufficiency
this age can be put down to their him jump from a tree if he wants to, the motivation. Getting completely
need to be seen as individualsso but tell him not to leaP out of a involved in something without any
that trust becomes more automatic moving bus. In the long term the counter-balance in the form of selfwhen it comes to a request to do lessons learned from a few bruises criticism, or sensitivity to others'
somethingnew and dangerous.The and fights are better than the effects comments, is a key sign of the age
group.
aloofness is only apparent however. of overprotection.
The experiencesthat children have at
to
No child at this age really wants
this time have a great deal of
Responsibility
be totally independent.
influence over the way in which they
good
to
idea
not
a
is
Nonetheless,
it
physical
this
side, childrenof
On the
age often give the misleadingimpres- deprive a child of part of his interact with others later in life
sion that they are indestrur:tible. childhood by giving him too much much is determined in earlier childToo many childrenare hood, but the way they come to
Nagginga child about postureor over responsibility.
strain is notoriously unsuccessful. burdened by having to look after terms with other people is still being
most younger siblings,and too manY are determined.
Good humour often helps
children will, for example, be too persuadedinto the academicrat race Observation goes on all the time
parents
each
treat
adults
and
how
of
amused to be cross if told that they to the exclusionof other Pursuits,
"look like a drunken trog", but theY often by a processof moral blackmail other, their relatives, friends and
what children see
beingtold e.g. "Just think of how we are strangers
w-illget the basic messag-e;
around them becomes the standard
in a serious tone not to slouch sacrificing for you to go to
which most feel inclined to reflect,
merelygets them to erect a barrierof school".
Finallyin terms of creatingpremature sooner or later. Of course when
SOUTNESS.
adults, a word of caution about children feel that part of their parents'
atmosphereswhere the expressionof behaviour is intolerable, they react
Safety
accidents
of
studies
emotion is discouraged.This often against it, and consciouslY try to be
Retrospective
in different. However, they usually behave shown that most accidents creates difficultiesin relationships
tray some link with what they have
people
frank
prevented.
These
be
should
later
when
life
have
been
could
with others about how they reallyfeel seen; for example a child who hates
includecaseswhere
(a) childrenhave not been adequately if they are to live together the way his parents shout at each
other may show a preference for
or clearlywarned that somethingis satisfactorily.
quieter friends and may avoid argudangerous;
ments and fights, but when provoked
(b) parents have expected too much Participating in and Belonging to a
beyond his endurance he will shout in
of their child, in terms of his being Group: The Growth in Social
a very similar way to ths one he
able to take care of himself,or his Relat-'lonshirps
handling of temptation to try out ln westernsocietyclose.Peqrrelation- knows but detests.
things. There are some ships gradually rePlqce the more It is very important that children who
dangerous
"parental tasks" which are intihate family ones. Being accepted, burrow deep into a craze of one
obvious
understand why a child should be
nice one day and very difficult the
next. The chances are that on the
first day both needs are being
satisfied in a balanced way, and on
the second day external stimulations
(from school, a hobbY game, etc.) are
masking one need while the other is
being satisfied.
preventive and which should perhaps
have been used earlier on. These
include:
1. Noticing how a child does something as opposed to simply telling him
how to do it safely;
2. Asking him if he knows or can
re me mb e r e.g. w hi ch of the pl ants i n
the garden are poisonous; and
3. Talking to him about e.g. electricity
and how certain jobs should be done
while
others are best left to
electricians.
Adults who lack contact with the
children in their care do not notice
what the chinks in their armour are,
and overprotective parents on the
other hand, paradoxicallyattend only
to their own fears and their own
needs to give instruction,so that they
have little idea of how much is
s i n k i n g i n a nd bei ng l earned.
t
a
"''s1.-;tT
I
Developmental Tasks of Later Childhood
d e s c r ipt ion or a n o th e r a re N OT a s su m ed t o be s tu p i d . l f th e y a re
co nt inuous lyc r iti c i s e dfo r th e i r e n th u sias m s , t wo th i n g s a re l i a b l e to
happen:
(a) They apcept that they tend to
think and to enjoy life at a lower
level, and adopt a course of underachievement both at school and later
when t hink ing ab o u t c a re e rs ;a n d
(b) They separate their ideas of
pleasure from relations with their
parents. Starting at approximately 10
this wedge gradually produces the
generationgap.
Until approximately 10, relationships
are more transient, but gradually the
child develops a more mature concept
of regular friends. A lot depends on
how much opportunity for contact
outside school hours is possible or
allowed. However, children are still
very adaptablein their friendshipsand
can be ruthless when they change
their criteria for what makes an
interesting friend. But they are thinking of social contact over a longer
te rm .
At this age, much of the business of
making f riends is centred round a
common interest - a football team,
fi shing, f an c lu b , e tc .
a l l o ffe r
contact. This is one reason why close
friendships may change as a new
enthusiasm takes over. lt also results
in a further separation of girls from
boys in friendshipsas well as in dayto-day activities. Even though they
attend the same schools, the kinds of
sport and leisure which are encouraged for each sex become more and
more distinct as they grow older.
In the peer group children tend to
develop specific reactions to and
expectationsof other children. Special
group activities and rituals promote a
sense of belonging and ensure the
e s t ablis hm entof a n " i n g ro u p " . T h e
child thus learns to define his special
qualities and ways of behaviour in
relation to how his group acts, and
frequently in contrast to how "outsiders" act.
Although popular children tend to
assume leadership roles, in their
assignment of such roles children will
l i s t en ( e. 9. in o rg a n i s i n g a b a s e b a l l
game) to an athletically skilled child,
or will look (if staging a play) to an
imaginative child. What we're looking
at is the fact that though leaders may
be more intelligent,active, aggressive,
achieving and socially adept, they are
also more competent in particular
interest areas.
Children at this age are often anxious
to be seen to be progressingquickly
towards an adult conversationallevel.
Striking a balance between helping
them to feel more at home among
older people and preventing others
from becoming bored and infur:iated,
trftri-*
rs not easy.
C h i ldren need a l ot of ti me w i th
adults of both sexes if they are to
get a feel for different kinds of social
interaction,in different circumstances.
Fathers who seek refuge in pubs at
weekends and mothers who say with
" now
re l i ef
he' s 11 you can both go
fi s h ing and keep out of my hai r at
weekends", are reducing their opportu n i ti es for thi s. The chi l d i s unl i kel y
to be the best company for either
should be appreciatedand enjoyed for
i ts ow n sake and no t as a m eans t o
an end, nor resent ed as a f inancial
mi l l stone around your neck. This kind
of message is easily communicatedto
the chi l d w ho the n wonder s how
qui ckl y he can get out of it , along
with the emotional pressures it
brings.
C hi l dren at thi s ag e have an enor mous potential for humour. Few jokes
please anybody as much as the
maddeningly repetitive riddles that
delight 12-year-olds.Children may try
Children need a lot of time
to explain some of the mix-ups,
with adults of both sexes.
oddities and funny things that happen
to them at school. Very often these
p a rent A LL w eekend, and he w i l l explanations only succeed in confusoften declare a preference for his i ng adul ts. Thi s ki nd of enjoym ent is
own friends and what they are doing. uncommunicable and even if we get
Children want to be drawn into things the gist, we often do not see how it
by mother or father, and achieving a could have been so impressive or so
balance between family involvement funny.
and freedom to be with friends is
very important.
Children at this age have an
Parents are responsible for a great
deal of exclusivity of groups at this enormous potential for
age, and the effects of learning and humour.
a p p l yi ng soci al di vi si ons and prej ud i c e s duri ng thi s peri od cast a l ong Let us conclude with a brief look a t a
s h a dow . S ometi mes chi l dren are number of speci fi c issues which ar e
taught to not play with others of of relevanceduring this phase of lif e.
d i fferent cl ass, rel i gi on or i ncome
bracket. This may not be taught Bullying
directly, but may take the form of
By its very nature, bullying usually
jokes made with other adults against happens to minorities. lt is a very
s u c h peopl e, and thei r i mpl i cati onsare unpleasant ordeal
often encounreadily picked up by the children. tered earlier than when the child is at
These lessons are not easy to undo secondaryschool. Typicallyvictims are
later because they have formed part singled out early on, and even when
of this very important early social they move home or change schools,
l e a rni ngexperi ence.
they are liable to similar experiences.
But it is at the secondary school that
Establishing a Working Relationship
it is often at its worst, partly because
with those in Authority: Some
of the higher levels of violence that
Comments on lntellectual
can occur in the older playground,and
partly because of the "code" of
Development
T h e chi l d' s rel ati onshi psw i th school silence and difficulties adolescentsgo
teachers and other adult authority through about communication in
figures, reflect his intimate relation- general, and which increase the
s h i p s w i th hi s ow n parents. A vi cti m' s l onel i ness.
negative rebellious attitude towards It is interesting that both the victim
parents is often generalisedto those and the bul l y are oft en sim ilar ! Bot h
in authority. The all-powerfuldecisions are often anxious about being able to
of those in authority are questioned get on with others, both feel inadand critical judgements based on equate in the way they mix socially,
reality experiences gradually emerge. and both lack a sense of perspective.
Piaget stresses that children can only Victims are often physically different
develop this critical judgement if they in some way that sets them apart
have experiencedauthority in a ration- (smaller,fatter, taller, etc.) and someal manner, but they still appreciate times they are gifted academically.
adults who must provide controls.
Unfortunately,many victims find diffiPerhaps this is the appropriate point culties in later life in getting on with
at which to look at some issues of others, since the sense of being an
s c h ool i ng.l t i s duri ng the l ater part of outcast, who cannot cope with atth i s age that most chi l dren w i l l be tackers, leaves a long-term scar.
moving from primary to secondary
school. This is a very useful time to
Generosity
reassess just what we believe is It is not stating anything new to say
g o i n g to be best fq our chi l dren.
that ol der chi l dren find it easier t o
T h e transi ti onmay be a di ffi cul t one, part w i th thei r possessions,and t his
but it is my belief that high school i s l i nked to three reasons:
Developmental Tasks of Later Childhood
1. Po ss es s ions m ay n o t s e e m a s
e sp e ci a llyv aluable as th e c h i l d g e ts
ol d e r (e. 9. 5c piec e) .
2. By this s t age he h a s h a d mo re
opportunity to learn that people are
supposed to help others and has
probably seen his parents donating to
ch a ri ti es ,et c . and
3 . Ol d e r c hildr en ar e l e s s e g o c e n tri c .
Th e y a r e able t o s e e th i n g s i n
perspective and can empathise"with
people who need help.
Various experiences lead children to
become generous. Studies have found
that children who watched an adult
donate to charity were generous in
their own donations. However, when
adults simply said that the child
should share his money with charity,
donationswere markedly smaller.
Th e l e ss on t o be lea rn e d i s th i s : l f
you want your children to talk
altruistically,just talk altruisticallyyourself. However, if you want them to
behave altruistically,you should act in
a n a l truis t ic m anner . C h i l d re n c a n
learn hypocrisyjust as they can learn
a l tru i sm .
Play
Rules provide a system and structure
for games. Whereas younger children
consider their rules to be absolutely
binding, as they grow towards adolescence children come to understand
rules as conventions,agreed upon for
specific purposes and therefore open
LOVTNG W]jH
AI'
to mo d i fi cati onby common consent.
R u l e s p ro vi de a framew ork for mutual
respect and co-operation.and set the
scene for enjoyment without fear of
random rejection. Games also provide
a re a s fo r the l earni ng of soci al
chess : deci si on makb e h a v i o u r: speed and power;
c a rd s : l u ck.
selves into others' shoes which
means they can have problems explained to them with greater appreciati on of both si des' argume nt s.Uncer tai nty and unpredi ctabl echanges of
mood worry these children most.
Provided they are not leaned on
heavily for emotional support, they
respond well and sensitively as
companions.
Remember though that it is far better
Children can learn hypocrisy for a chi l d as a grow i ng i n dividualt o
just as they can learn
be helped to enjoy these years, than
gai n a l ot of ski l l s and dist inct ions.
to
altruism.
Most academic gaps can be filled in
later, but the loss of the chance to
ln the context of games, children develop a confident personalityamong
learn to compete, but within a safe others of a like age is irreparable.lf a
w o rl d th a t mi ni mi ses the penal ti es child learns to hate lessons, seeing
a s s o c i a te d w i th l osi ng or fai l i ng. In them as a cause of trouble or f ailur e,
contrast to adults, children achieve then this lesson is often learnt for all
most enjoyment from experiencing t i m e .
ra th e r th a n from w i nni ng.
F i n a l l y ,i n l ater chi l dhood,games not References
only provide an area for the child to
Ginott, H.G. Between Parent and
learn to relate to other children, they Child Pan Books, London, 1970.
a l s o p ro v i de the ground i n w hi ch he H i l g a r d , E . R . , A t k i n s o n , R . C . a n d
discovers further his own capacities Atkinson, R.L. lntroduction to Psycholand worth, thereby elaboratinghis self ogy 7th Edition, Harcourt, Brace and
concept.
Jovanovi ch,N ew Y ork, 197 9.
Lovell, M. Your Growing Child RoutConclusion
l edge & K egan P aul , Londo n, 1976.
It is worth remembering that children Mussen, P .H ., C onger, J.J. and Kaare very resilient in this age group, gan, J. Child Development and Perand can take a few knocks without sonality 5th Edition, Harper and Row,
lasting effects. They can put them- New York, 1979.
a
0
OPETU HATTD
This week as I talked with a friend I a precious right, the right to take you not to cry. I will respond to your
recalled a story which I heard this re s p o n s i bi l i tyfor one' s ow n l i fe and need, I will care and comfort you but
"A
su mme r .
c om pa s s i o n a tep e rs o n , c h o i c e s a nd w ay of bei ng. W henever I w i l l not hol d you up w hen you can
seeing a butterfly struggling to free I impose my wish or want or try to w al k al one. I w i l l stand ready t o be
itself from its cocoon, and wanting to exert power over another, I rob him w i th you i n your gri ef and loneliness
help, very gently loosened the fila- o r h e r o f the ful l real i sati onof grow th but I will not take it away from you. I
me n ts t o f or m an o p e n i n g . T h e a n d ma tu rati on; I l i mi t and thw art by w i l l stri ve to l i sten to your m eaning
buttelfly was freed, emerged from the my act of possession,no matter how as w el l as your w ords but I shall not
al w ays agree.
cocoon, and fluttered about but could k i n d m y i ntenti on.
not fly. What the compassionate I c a n l i m i t and i nj ure by the ki ndest S ometi mes I w i l l be angry and when
person did not know was that only acts of protecting, and protection or I am, I w i l l try to tel l you openly so
th ro u gh t he bir t h stru g g l e c a n th e concern over-extendedcan say to the that I need not resent our differences
e r son more el oquentl y than or feel estranged.I cannot a lways be
wi n g s gr ow s t r ong e n o u g h fo r fl i g h t. o th e r p"You
are unable to care for with you or hear what you say for
Its shortened life was spent on the words,
ground; it never knew freedom, never yourself; I must take care of you there are ti mes w hen I mus t list en t o
b e c a u s ey ou are mi ne. I am responsi - myself and care for myself, and when
re a l l y l i v ed. "
that happens I w i l l be as honest wit h
I call it learningto love with an open b l e f o r y o u . "
and you as I can be."
h a n d . lt is a lear ningw h i c h h a s c o m e As I learn and practice more
"l
love I am l earni ngto say thi s, whet her it
slowly to me and has been wrought more, I can say to one I love,
in the fires of pain and in the waters you, I value you, I respect you and I be in words or in my way of being
o f p a tienc e.I am lea rn i n gth a t I m u s t trust that you have or can develop with others and myself, to those I
fre e o n e I lov e. f or if I c l u tc h o r c l i n g , the strength to become all that it is l ove and for w hom I care. And t his I
if I cal l l ovi ng w i th an open han d.
try to control, I lose what I try to possible for you to become
don't get in your way. I love you so I cannot always keep my hands off
hold.
lf I try to change someone I love much that I can set you free to walk the cocoon, but I am getting better at
b e ca u s e I f eel I kn o w h o w th a t b e s i d e me i n j oy and sadness. I w i l l itl
Ruth sanford
p e rso n s hould be, I r o b h i m o r h e r o f s h a re y o u r tears but I w i l l not ask
n
v
|}
'l
With acknowledgements to
The Observer
i*
t
lew/S/Ntt,iu;s
Dlscussions
wicrt
IlaCional Coumcil
probl em areas and i d ent if yinga num ber of tasks i n the next phase of the
project.
D i L evi ne and B ri an Gannon hel d a
mo rni ng meeti ng w i th E ska D ow l i ng,
J e a nette Myburgh and R os U sdi n at
N a ti onal C ounci l ' s B raamfontei n offi c e s on B th A pri l . The mai n i tem on
the agenda was a discussion of state
s u b s i di es for
chi l dren' s homes.
N a ti onal C ounci l has recentl y been
invited to nominate representativesto
th e N A C C W ' s R egi onal E xecuti ve
Committees as a means of closer cooperation between the two bodies.
o
c
Shirley Mobuselaof JohonnesburgChild
Welfareand Di Levine of the NACCWot
the recent working group on Alternotives
in Block Child Corein Johannesburg
E,e5,oek aan
BtoemJoncein
Di e Nas ionaleDi re k te u r v a n d i e N VK
h e t M aandag 7 A p ri l i n Bl o e m fo n te i n
d e u r gebr ing waa r h y g e s p re k k e me t
Ds . Hey ns en M e j . Ma ri a n n e F e rre i ra
va n die A K DB v a n d i e N G Ke rk
g e voer het , T en e i n d e m e e r h a rtl i k e
samewerking tussen die twee organi- At National Council'soffices, Di Levine
sa s ies t e bewer k s te l l i g ,h e t h u l l e ' n and Brian Gonnon of the NACCW (centre)
p a a r gem eens k a p l i k es a k e b e s p re e k with Ros Usdin and
JeannetteMyburgh
wat k inder huis ee n k i n d e rh u i s p e rs o n eel betref. Die subsideringen bedryfsMaggieNkwe of the Orlondo Children's
ko st e v an k inde rh u i s e ,o p l e i d i n g s k u r- AbFAhAm
tcrie,
Home and Dr Rudolph van Niekerk of
su s s e en m oo n tl i k e m e d e w e rk i n g l0ndesltuis
Action Care Trust with Helen Ryff of
m.b. t . s ek er e p u b l i k a s i e s i s o n d e r
World Vision of S.A.
a n der e oor ges el s .
D i e Nasi onal eD i rekteurhet op I A pri l
'n
mi ddagete w erksessi e met di e
P ri n si paal N
, i ck de B eer, en dri e l ede
van die bestuurskomitee van die
Ab ra ham K ri el K i nderhui s i n Lang' n paar
l a a g te bygew oon. H ul l e het
alternatiewe rigtings bespreek wat die
to e k omsti ge ontw i kkel i ngsvan ki nderh u i s e betref. A braham K ri el i s ' n groot
kinderhuis wat tans 320 leerlinge
huisves en is reeds besig met
v o o rui tbepl anni ng
vi r di e 21ste eeu.
AlCernacrves
in
Btack Crrird Case
A fu rther w orki ng group on the
ongoing project of the NACCW on
Alternatives in--Black Child Care met
in Johannesbrirgon gth April. Representatives of a number of national
a n d regi onal organi sati onsattended,
i n c l u di ng the S outh A fri can N ati onal
C o u n ci l for C hi l d and Fami l y W el fare,
W o rl d V i si on, the JohannesburgC hi l d
W e l fa re S oci ety, S OS C hi l dren' s V i l l a g e s , pri nci pal sand staff members of
two black children's homes in Soweto
Hannes von der Merwe, prinsipaal von Ons
and two NACCW staffers. This project
Ki nderhu is in Bloemfontein
i s s eeki ng a w orkabl e sol uti on to the
Daarnahet Mnr. GannonOns Kinder- acknowledged need for residential
huis beso.ekwaar hy hul pas opger- care for 17250 black children as an
igte eenhede besigtig het. Vandaar alternative to the expensive and
het hy besoekafgelOby Ds. en Mev. u n d esi rabl eexpedi entof bui l di ngl arge
Martin van Rooyen, wat al jare i n s ti tuti ons.Thi s most recent w orki ng
vriendevan die NVK is.
g ro u p succeeded i n cl ari fyi ng some
-$*"s-
Eloine Dovie ond Rita Mabuselaof the
SOSChildren's Villageschot to Dulcie
Mbere,principal of Othondweni Home
in Soweto
By 'n onlangsevergaderingvon die NVK se
Weskaapse
streek, Vivien Lewis en Ashley
Therongeselsmet hul gosvrou,Mev. Rino
Coetzeevan die Suid-AfrikoanseKinderhuis in Kaopstad
Gh":eAbuse
Sexual Abuse of Children
- A ProfiIe
Dr C. Molteno
Dr Molteno is Senior Paediatricianat
Red Cross Children's Hospital in Cape
Town. This paper /'s published with
permission.
The sexual maltreatment of children
may be traced throughout the history
of mankind. The evidence comes
from the literatureand art of practically every era. However,
child sexual
'
abuse has recently exploded into
public awareness. Society has reacted
with shock and dismay. Social agencies, health and legal professionals
were caught unprepared for the
emergence of the problem.
Today I am going to give an overview
of the subject. Before doing this, I
would like to set the scene by
reviewing those cases which have
presented to the Child Abuse Team
of the Red Cross War Memorial
Children's Hospital during the period
January to June 1984. A total of 20
sexually abused children have been
seen compared to 28 physically
abused. Thus sexual abuse accounted
for approximately 40% of all abuse.
The ages ranged f rom 5-14 years with
an average of I years. Eighteen of
the victims were girls and 2 were
b o ys. O f t he 20 c h i l d re n s e e n , 1 5
were coloured, 4 black and 1 white,
which roughly corresponds with the
outpatient attendancesat the Hospital.
Fifteen of the children suffered rape
or attempted rape, and 2 of them
contracted venereal disease. There
were 4 cases of incest and one child
was a promiscuous 12-year old. In
only 7 of the cases was the
perpetrator not known to the victim.
Most of the cases were reported to
the police, but only 4 or 5 have or
will probably come to court.
Definitions
Se xu alabus e m ay be d e fi n e d a s :
The involvement of dependent, developmentally immature children and
adolescents in sexual activities they
do not fully understand,are unable to
give informed consent to, and that
violate the social taboos of family
roles. (Sheckterand Roberge)
An o th e r r at her s im pl e r d e fi n i ti o ni s :
Se xu al abus e of a ch i l d b y a n a d u l t
carnal i ntercourse;
(b) has, or attempts to commtt, an
i mmoral or i ndecentact;
(c) solicits or entices to the commissi on of an i mmoral or i ndecent act ;
the perpetratoris guilty of an offence.
Incidence
The exact incidence of sexual abuse
is unknown. A figure of approximately
3 per 1000 i s gi ven in m any
countries. Howevbr, if community
surveys are used a much higher
for his own sexual gratificationwith- i nci dence i s obtai ned. For exam ple,
out consideration of the child's psy- the Kinsey Report found that 24o/oof
chosexual development. (Mrazek and females experienced one or more
Mrazek)
sexual contacts or approaches in
Obviously a number of different forms chi l dhood. Fi nkel hor cl ai ms t hat 15of abuse are included and therefore 34% of females and 3-9% of males
some classification is needed. This are sexual l yvi cti mi sed as childr en. lt
may depend on the
must be remembered that only 2oh of
Setting:
intrafamilial and 6% of extrafamilial
Intrafamilial(lncest)
cases are reported to the police.
Extrafamilial- known to victim
stranger
ldentification
oi
Sexual abuse may present in a wide
the Nature of the abuse:
variety of ways to many different
In c e s t
people e.g.: Direct reporting by a
Rape
social agency, a medical agency, or
E x h i b i ti o ni sm
the police; anonymous reporting; beChild molestation
haviour problems, including school
fai l ure; psychosomati c illness, e. g.
The following classifacationwas used abdomi nalpai ns, asthma; discover yof
in a large United Kingdom study:
physical illness or venereal disease;
Type 1 - Battered child whose injur- del i nquentor promi scuou sbehaviour .
ies are primarily in the genital area.
Type 2 - Child who has experienced Causes
attempted or actual intercourse or
Obviously,if we are to prevent sexual
other inappropriate genital contact abuse, we must first identify the
w i th a n adul t.
causes and background. Considering
Type 3 - Child who has been inap- incest first, there are 3 approachesto
propriately involved with an adult in the aetiology:
sexual activities not covered by 1 or
Sociological - overcrowding; poverty
2. (Mrazek, Lynch and Bentovim)
and low socio-economicstandards.
mental illness; alcoPsychologicalAnother form of definition and classifi- holism and mental subnormality.
cation is required for legal purposes'.
Family causes
ingrown families
Rape
Unlawful, intentional carnal who operate as a closed system with
connection with a female without her pathologicaltightness; chbotic, promisconsent.
cuous and disorganised families; exlndecent Assault- Commissionof an treme emotional deprivationin one or
indecent act against the complainant.
other parent (daughter may take the
lncest - Sexual union between two
role of the mother, fulfilling sex
persons who may not marry whether
responsibility).
for reasons of consanguinity or
Rape, on the other hand;, is the
product of youth and masculinity and
affinity.
Abduction - Taking/detainingor caus- may be associatedwith:
ing to be taken/detained a person, (a) Expression of hostility towards
b e i n g a n unmarri ed mal e or femal e w oman.
(b) Self control weakened by drugs or
under the age of 21 years, out of
custody of the legal guardian with
al cohol .
intent to have, or arrange for another (c) Plunderingsociopath.
(d) Defence against homosexualwishto have, unlawful carnal intercourse.
es or feelin$ of sexual inadequacy.
Legal Provision
Child molestation (including paedophiThe lmmorality Act, Section 14(11 lia) often involves a passive aggresm a k e s th e fol l ow i ng provi si ons:
sive personality.
W h e re the chi l d i s femal e - 1 to 16
Exhibitionism usually is associated
y e a rs , o r mal e - 12 to 19 years and with an immature, shy person. From
c o n s e n t has been gi vpn; and the
a psychoanalyticalviewpoint it repreperpetrator
sents an attempt to overcome castra(a) has or attempts to have, unlawful tion fear.
I
)
SexualAbuse of Chitdren
Regnonail
AROUT'D
FtEGTOI'S
e
v
v
v
)r
!.
tt
e
n
;
s
h
l
l
t
'
S
li
e
rt
a
r
!)l
I
rt
t:
)l
e
I
0
i
'
$
nHE
ing problemshavebeen documented:
Evaluation
Every case of sexual abuse needs a Problemsof sexual adjustmentinclude
detailed evaluation which requires pre-occupationwith sexual matters,
skill, sensitivityand suitablesurround- masturbation,rush into heterosexual
ings, and which maY be summarised activities, promiscuity,sexual delinquency, homosexuality,prostitution, NUCAI
as follows:
venerealdisease,pregnancy,molesta- On Friday2nd May a meetingwill be
HilltopsChildren's
Medical- Physicalexamination,gyn- tion of youngerchildrenand having heldat 9.30 a.m. at
Drive in PieterVilliers
Home,
61
incestuous
relationships.
including
aecologicalexamination
the formation
to
consider
maritzburg
lnterpersonalproblemssuch as frightexamination under anaesthetic-;
the
NACCW to
of
sub-region
a
of
parental
by
ened
shocked
of
adults;
special tests including culture of
There
Midlands.
Natal
the
for
cater
discharge, serology for venereal discoveryof assault; affection-seeking
children's
than
seven
no
fewer
are
ideation;
social
behaviour;
homicidal
is
diseases,and forensic,that semen,
isolation and conflict or fear of homes in the city, with others in the
hair,etc.
surroundingcountry areas, and it is
- with specialreference husband/wife,etc.
Psychosocial
not easy for peopleto get to Durban
problems,
learning
dise.g.
to nature of the contact, age and Education
for
the regularmonthly meetingsof
abilities
and
truancy.
maturity
maturityof the child,age and
Association,still less to weekly
the
problems
psychological
such as
of the perpetrator,type and qualityof Other
the relationship, length of sexual loss of self esteem; personalguilt or lecturesin the variouscourses.
contact, and attitudes of family and shame; nervous symptoms; obesity,
sleep problems;impulsiveself damag- TDArcUAA'
community.
is gasheerby die
ing behaviour;depression;and charac- Die Transvaalstreek
Sesde TweejaarlikseKonferensievan
ter disorders,neurosis,masochism.
Management
Oktober1987 in
The managementof sexual abuse However, there are a number of die NVK wat van GBplaasvind.
Twee
sal
Johannesburg
studies reporting no short- or longinvolvesthe following:
reeds
is
prominente
sprekers
oorsese
problems.
term
lt is generallyagreed
lmmediate
uitgenooiom deel te neem. Hulle is
that the qualityand responsein the
ProfessorLeon Fulchervan die Uniwill Gonclusion
first 48 hoursfollowingdisclosure
en
Skotland,
'n multideterminethe eventualoutcome.lm- Sexual abuse has emerged as a versiteit van Stirling in van
Direkteur
Garfat,
Thom
lt
is
essential
reality
requiring
action.
mediate and intensive intervention,
in Ouebec,
developthe diens kinderorganisasie
coupled with crisis support services that we as professionals
'n Hele dag word voor die
Kanada.
to
expertise
knowledge,
skills
and
are required.The child victim and
aan opleidadult offender should be separated tackle the problem bearing in mind Konferensieop 5 Oktober gewy, en
kinderversorgers
van
ing
is
of
the
children
that
the
wellbeing
immediately preferablyby removal
do
eksaminators,
staatsdepartemente,
of the offender. Removal of the the overridingconcern.
daaraan
sal
werknemers
en
sente
victim will appear to punish the
deelneem. Daar is ook besluit om
wrong party. Obviouslymedical treat- References
sessies en meer gespe'
minder vol "byvertoning"
L.
Sexual
Roberge,
Schechter,
M.D.
&
ment of any injuries or infections
sessies aan
sialiseerde
Exploitationin Child Abuse and Nemust be carriedout.
belange en
se
wat
almal
bied
te
glect:
-the
community.
The
family
and
Although the majority of
Legal
kan
bevredig.
sal
leerbehoeftes
Mass. 1976.
sexual abuse cases are not currently Cambridge,
criminallyprosecuted,it is important Mrazek, D.A. & Mrazek,P.B. PsychoPnournce
to advise parentsof what is involved sexual Development Within the Family Easaetn plans
to host a National
region
This
their
in
Abused
Children
and
Sexually
in criminalproceedings.lf cases do
in
come to court the child will need Families. Pergamon Press, Oxford, Seminar on Middlemanagement
the
during
Elizabeth
in
Port
Care
Child
1
9
8
1
.
preparation
considerablesupport and
Mrazek,P.B., Lynch, M. and Bento- last week of September 1986. The
for givingevidence.
vim,
A. Sexual Abuse of Children in Seminarwill be open to senior child
healthy
Rehabilitation Once a safe
professionals
environmenthas been restored,atten- the United KingdomChild Abuse and care staff and other
such as supervisors,social workers,
tion must be paid to the child's Neglect,7: 147-153,1983.
programmeleadersand
emotionalprobleqrs.The timing and Kinsey,A.C., Pomeroy,W.8., Martin, vice-principals,
midnatureof the interventionwill depend C.E. and Gebhard, P.M., Sexual others interested in developing
in
children's
roles
dle-management
Femalew
on the circumstancesof the abuse Behaviour in the Human
will be
Furtherinformation
and available resources. Treatment W.B. SaundersCompany,Philadelphia,institutions.
weekThe
second
shortly.
circulated
1
948.
may be aimed at the individualor
year which
family and it could be necessaryto Finkelhor,D. Sexually VictimisedChil- end course of the
addressother psychologicalissues in dren The Free Press, New York, incorporatesthe Basic Oualificationin
Child Care modular course for nonadditionto the actualabuse.Compre- 1979.
matriculants will be held in Port
Russel,
The
lncidence
and
D.E.H.
based
hensive community
Programmes provide an ideal setting for Prevalenceof lntrafamilialand Extrafa- Elizabethfrom May 30th to June 1st.
the management of such cases. milial Sexual Abuse of Female ChilUnfortunately.in SouthernAfrica such dren Child Abuse and Neglect, 7'. we3kaap
Die lede van hierdie streek vergader
133-145.
facilitiesare sadly lacking.
Mrazek,P.B. The Natureof lncest;A gereeld elke twee maande om ernreview of contributing factors in stige sake te bespreek,maar op 17
Consequences
The consequencesof sexual abuse Sexually Abused Chidren and Their April het hulle besluitom stokkieste
'n
draai en in plek daarvanhet hulle
are not clearlydefined.Opinionsvary Families.PergamonPress,Oxford.
as to the extent of the long-term MacDonald, J.M. Sexual Deviance: vlugbal toernooi vir kinderversorgers
gehou! Seker vanwed vuilspel is
Mrazek& Mrazekhave The Adult Offenderlbid. 1981.
consequences.
reviewedthe literatureon the subject Mrazek, P.B. and Mrazek D.A. The amper almal kamertoe gestuur,maar
and dividedthe effects into short-term Effect of Chitd Seiiat Abuse: Meth- later is alles vergewe en kon almal
saam tee en etes geniet.
and long-term.ln addition,the follow- odological Considerationlbid. 1981.
|
r
Ere Preaktyl<
10
met di e groep mi nder int elligent e
ki nders i n di e ki nderhui s,'n onver m od
om emosi es te i denti fi seeren m inder
i nsi g i n hul l e ei e probl em e.Ander s as
di e natuurl i ke moeder wat 'n ingebore/aangel eerde
begri p v an haar kind
het, het die kinderversorger soms
mi nder begri p en gevoel vir 'n
spesifieke kind. Hoe dikwels word
kinders weggewys deur mense wat
net nie tyd het nie, of moeg is, of
woorde van valse gerusstelling soos
probleem wees, maar omdat dit " K o m n o u J a n n i e " . I n ' n b a s i e s e
inmeng met die regte van sy kamer- negati ew e houdi ng bespeur die kind
maats, word dit dikwels die versorger onopregthei d en skyn; ont hou self s
se probleem. So ook word probleme l i ggaamshoudi nggee ons belangst elsoos vloek, laat kom, aandag trek, l i ng w eer.
ens. dikwels die versorger se prob- W anneer di e ti ener met 'n duidelike
l e e m o m dat ' n hel e groep mense ongel ukki gegesi g sO " D i t gaan goed"
verontrief word.
hoor ons nie-verbaalen sal ons oop
'n
D i e b e l a ngri kste opvoedkundi ge/di ssi reageer
om hom
kans t e gee om
p l i n 6 re verski l tussen di e normal e sy gevoelens uit te klaar en dikwels
g e s i n e n di e ki nderhui si s dat hi erdi e deur al ternati ew esy ei e o plossingst e
k i n d e rs ui t ontoerei kende gesi nne berei k.
k o m e n di e aanvankl i kedi ssi pl i nOre In refl ekti ew e l ui ster hoor ons die
v e s ti g i n g ni e normaalverl oop het ni e. ti ener se gevoel ensen bedoelingsen
O n th o u dat di e opl ossi ng van mens laat ons hom voel dat hy verstaan
s e p ro bl eme i n j ou ti enderj are di e
leerskool is vir die volwasse lewe. Die
b a s i e s e begi nsel i s dat ons ni e met Ons is die spiefiI vir die tiener
h u l p , k ri ti ek, neul , daad, drei gemente, om homself duideliker te sien.
p re k e , verkl ei neri ng of onreal i sti ese
g e ru s s tel l i ngsal i nmeng w aar di t ni e
w ord. Ons i s di e spi edl vir die t iener
o n s p ro b l eem i s ni e.
homsel f dui del i kerte sien.
Probleme soos huiswerk, betyds om
'n
Oop reaksie demonstreer dat die
wees, natre6n, rusies met maats, en
misverstande met ander volwassenes l ui steraaraanvaarw at di e t iener sO en
mo e t d eur di e ti ener sel f opgel os voel en erken die tiener se reg tot
gevoelens. Dit tree wisselwerkend
w o rd .
'n
Dit is soms egter raadsaam om te met di e ti ener se boodskap op.
Geslote
reaksie
blokkeer
kommunil u i s te r e n aanmoedi gi ngte gee, ander
kere is net tyd nodig om die tiener kasi e deur mi n of geen begr ip vir die
self die gevolge van sy dade te laat ti ener se gevoel enste op enbaarnie.
d ra .
Ek-Boodskappe
Let weereens op die formaat van die
Kommunikasie... om te luister
Die tegniek van reflektiewe luister ek-boodskap:
o Beskryf bloot die ongewensde
word gewoonlik beoefen deur opge"Wanneer
die tafel bemors is
l e i d e p ro fessi onel e persone, en i s daad:
dikwels vreemd vir die kinderversorger
'n
o Stel jou gevoel as 'n feit: "voel
e n d i e ouer. D i t i s
tegni ek w at
e
kgefrustreerd..."
maklik as neutraliteit geinterpreteer
o Stel die gevolge: "omdat ek nie
kan word en in valse gerusstellingkan
ontaard. Dit moet dus tentatief en daarop kan w erk ni e."
'n
'n jf
ek- en
met die grootste omsigtigheidgebruik Onderskei tussen
w o rd .
boodskap. Jy-boodskappebegin altyd
Benader die probleem of gevoel met persoonlike aantyging: "Jy is
breedvoerig eerder as om spesifieke morsi g" , " W anneer j y so r aas . . . ",
"Jy
gevoelens te probeer identifiseer."Jy
is alweer laat". Dit laat die ander
k l i n k v i r my ontstel d, gepl a, i s j y persoon skuldig en verdedigend voel.
te l e u rg e stel d?" Gee di e ti ener di e In plaas van om te sO "Jy maak my
"Ek
kans om sy gevoelens nader te
ontsteld voel", sO
voel ontsteld".
omskryf en te identifiseer.Die bood- Ons pl aas dus ni e die skuld of
"
E
k
s k a p v a n di e ouer moet bl y:
w i l verantwoordelikheidvir ons gevoelens
jou help en verstaan" nooit "Ek weet
op di e ti ener ni e. " Wanneer jou
presies wat verkeerd is" nie.
maats hier is wanneer ek van die
Daar is dikwels die voordeel dat werk af kom, voel ek dadelik vies
kinderhuise professioneel opgeleide omdat julle so raas" is 'n 7y-boodskap.
persone aangestel het wat die luister- Dit is in woede ges6 en impliseer
'n
tegnieke verstaan en vyat dan ander dadel i k
kri ti ek teen d ie t iener se
p e rs o n e e lkan opl ei i n di e gebrui k van keuse van vriende. Die tiener voel dat
h i e rd i ete gni eke.Ons vi nd egter, veral hy vi r di e ouer se w oede blam eer
Die STEP-TEl0,nf Benadefing
Py:ahtiese lllustrssies
Rene6 van der Merwe
ln hierdie finale artikel bespreek
Rened van der Merwe 'n paar
komponente
van
demokratiese
dissipline.
Inleiding
Om op die mees effektiewe benaderi n g te bes luit m oet d i e d o e l v a n d i e
wangedrag eers vasgestel word en
dan aan wie die probleem behoort.
l n d i e n die ant woor d " n e e " i s o p d i e
volgende twee vrae, behoort die
p ro b l eem aan die ti e n e r e n i s d i t
b e te r om nie in t e m e n g n i e .
1 . Me n g die pr oble e m i n m e t m y
regte en verantwoordelikhede?
2 . Ste l die pr obleem my ti e n e r o f
a n d e r i n gev aar ?
Voorbeelde
o Jan moet mOre 'n taak klaar h0
dit is 21h00 en hy het nog n i e
beginnie.
. Sy jas 16 bo-op die kombuistafel.
. Hy bes t uur die mo to r te v i n n i g u i t
d i e mo t or huis .
o Hy het begin rook.
Antwoorde
o Di t is die t iener s e p ro b l e e m e n
me n g nie m et ouer l i k e re g te i n n i e .
lndien ouers betrokke raak neem hulle
die kind se verantwoordelikhedeoor
en verhoed dat hy die natuurlike
gevolge dra.
o Di t is die ouer s e p ro b l e e m ; d i e
tafel lyk slordig en kan nie gedek
word nie.
. Dit is die ouer se probleem omdat
d i e ti e ner en ande r s e v e i l i g h e i d
bedreig word.
o Wanneer die t ie n e r i n d i e b e d
begin rook of as die rook ander in die
h u i s p la, is dit die ou e r s e p ro b l e e m .
In d i e n die t iener v ers i g ti g i s h o e e n
waar hy rook, is dit sy eie probleem
en kan ouers slegs op die gesondheidsgevaarwys.
Hoe dikwels word kinders
weggewYs deur mense wat
net nie tyd het nie?
In d i e k inder huism o e t o n s d u s o o k
vra of die probleem nie met die regte
va n a n der inm eng n i e . N o rma a l w e g
'n
sa l
s lor dige k am e r d i e ti e n e r s e
r
II
I
. art
il
Dle STEP-TEEN Benadefing
e
VOORBEELDE
G:E S L O T E N O O PR E A K S I E S
e
!f
Tienerse kommentaar
s
Ons gaannie meermet
mekaau
r it nie
F
0
s
It
d
rt
H o e r ae k h e t
'n
A
rt
s
tr
Jy verwagaltyd dat ek
perfekmoet wees;almal
maakfoute
d
5
1-
Die onderwyserhet voor
d i e h e l ek l a sv i r m y g e s k r e ee n a l m a lh e t g e l a g
D
D
Ek dink ek het ln kans
o m d i e s p a nt e h a a l ,e k
het hard geoefenmaar
net sewekry plek
I
t
t
l
I
E k g a a nf l i e k
I
Alles loop verkeerd
I
7
Geslotereaksie
Oop reaksie
'
n
J y s a lg o u a n d e r
J y k l i n kt r e u r i g
k6rel kry, moet jou
n i e b e k o m m e rn i e
Ek het mos gesdjy
A i j y ' s r e g t i gb l y n 6 ?
kan asjy harder
probeer
Wel jy kan beslisbeter D i t k l i n k v i . rm y o f j y
k w a a di s o m d a tj y d i n k
d o e na sd i t
ek verwagte veelvan jou
Wat het jy gedoenom Jinnejy voel sekerkwaad
enskaam...
die onderwyserte
ontstel?
Ek weet jy het hard Net sewe?!
probeer;ek is seker
j y s a ld i t h a a l
Wysdaar'ngoeieprent?
praat?
Toemaarjy sal m6re Wil jy daaroor
'n
Lyk my jy het slegte
beter voel
daggehad
Goed
t
I
"Wanneer
word.
die tafel vol krum- omdat jy tot soveelbeter in staat is",
mels is voel ek omgekrap omdat ek sal nie werk nie omdat die boodskap
dit nie kan dek nie", laat die inmeng met die regte en verantwoorverantwoordelikheid vir die oplossing delikhedevan die tiener. ln hierdie
"Ek
aan die tiener oor.
voel bekom- gevalsal slegsdie gee van informasie
merd wanneer ek die huis oop kry beter werk. "Om standerdses deur
omdat ek bang is dat ons besteel sal te kom het mens 'n gemiddeldvan
'n
word". Di6 is
nie-veroordelende 50% nodig in Afrikaans".
boodskap. Die moeder sO slegs wat
die ongewensde omstandighedeis en Positiewe Ek-boodskappe
"Ek
hoe sy voel daaroor.
kan nie oor "Wanneermy motor so skoon is voel
praat
die telefoon
wanneer daar ek wonderlikomdat dit so lekker is
soveel lawaai is nie", laat steeds die om in 'n blinkmotorte ry."
"As
oplossing aan die tiener oor.
ek "Dit sal my geweldigbaie help as jy
by die huis kom en daar is geen jou susterna die biblioteek
neem."
teken van iemand anders nie, voel ek In die kinderhuismoet ons weereens
onbelangrikomdat ek dan nie my eie die boodskapaanpasom die groepte
aand kan beplan nie".
bereik. Huiswerksal normaalwegdie
Briefie aan tiener nadat moeder kind se probleemwees maaras almal
"Toe
woedend werk toe is:
ek raas kan ons s6 "Wanneerdaar so 'n
vanoggend in die kombuis kom om lawaai is kan ek niemand wat dit
ontbyt te maak was die vuil skottel- nodig het help nie", of, "kan mense
goed nog in die wasbak. Ek het wat toetse moet skryf nie konsentreer
kwaad gevoel omdat dit al 'n paar n i e . "
keer gebeur het ten spyte van die feit Kinderhuisvoorbeeld
dat ons ooreen gekom het dat jy dit "Wanneer julle so lawaai voor my
'n
Dinsdae sal was. Ons kan
ander
redling maak, maar ek voel dat dit
onregverdig is teenoor my om elke Die gee van keuses moet
aand te moet opwas." Die moeder
realisties wees.
'n
besef dat
konfrontasie,wanneer sy
'n
kwaad is, net tot
magstryd sal lei.
Sy onttrek maar gee haar gevoelens deur voel ek gefrustreerd omdat ek
'n
as
feit weer.
n i e my w erk kan doen ni e. Gevol g:
"As jy jok
maak dit my so seer" of
Nog meer lawaai omdat daar nie die
"dit
maak my so bly as jV wen",
basiese gevoelsverhoudingof wederimpliseer dat die tiener jou gelukkig sydse respek was wat die ek'n
moet maak en is
vorm van boodskap impliseerrnie. Dit sou beter
"Wanneer jy
'n
afpersing.
so swak doen gewerk het ds
duidelike keuse van
'
'n
in
toets voel ek' teleurgesteld gevolge ("speel elders of kom help
V
e
n
)t
d
n
i
e
7
d
s
J
tI)
,
B
u
B
5 i
r l
l
E
I
l
I
11
my w erk" ) gestel w a s.
Soek Alternatiewe
In di e geval van die ongewast e
skottelgoed sou daar op die volgende
gesinsvergadering besluit kon word
dat di e ti ener hel p opr uim gedur ende
die kookproses of selfs die taak uitruil
'n
met
ander l i d va n die gesin. Die
gee van keuses moet realistieswees;
"as jy
nie
nie wil opwas, kan jV
kook" nie, as albei weet dat die
ti ener ni e kan ko ok nie. O nt hou
weereens by die soek na alternatiewe
die belangrike gesinsvergaderingwat
reeds bespreek is.
Wanneer dit die ouer se probleem is'.
V erstaanal bei di e probleem ?is dit die
hod telefoonrekeningof die lang tye
w at di e ti ener praat wanneer niem and
anders' oproepe kan ont vang nie, of
'n
feit en
albei? Stel die probleem as
"Wat
vra vir alternatiewe oplossings:
dink jV moet ons aan hierdie probl eem doen?" D i e t iener kan dan
aanbied om oproepe te beperk of
'n
selfs
deel van die rekening te
betaal.
"Jy
sal dit
Evalueer al die voorstelle.
aan jou vriende moet verduidelik", of,
"!y
skuld al klaar soveel geld vir die
nuwe tennisraket". Kies saam die
" Goed j y
opl ossi ng:
sal net t ussen 5
'n
en 6 bel en korter praat". Dit is
'n
ooreenkoms en
tyd vir evaluasie is
"Ons
nodig.
werk dan so totdat die
volgende rekening kom, en hereval ueer dan di e saak".
Wanneer dit die tiener se probleem is
Dit is eerstens nodig dat die tiener
die behoefte het om die probleem
met ons te deel en dan wenslik om
te luister en hom net te help om sy
"Waarom
dink
eie oplossing te bereik.
"
W
at
j y di t i s so?"
dink jy kan jy dalk
doen om dit te verander?" Die gee
"Jy
van advies,
moet net harder
probeer", help nie die tiener om te
groei en self te leer keuses maak nie.
Die ouer neem net weer die probleem oor.
In di e ki nderhui s wer k ons dikwels
met versteurde kinders, onrealistiese
verwagtings, ongemotiveerdheid. Die
keuses moet dikwels baie duidelik
uitgespel word. Skool verlaat is by'n
voorbeeld nie
oplossing vir probleme met die onderwyser nie. Die
keuses word dus byvoorbaat uitgespel. As hy gedurig laat kom kan hy
6f slegs in die dag uitgaan, 6f werk
'n
'n
vir
beter horlosie, en nie by
gladnie
gaan
vriend
terugkom
slaap en
nre.
Logiese Gevolge
Logiese gevolge impliseer nie straf of
"As jy
beloning nie.
laat kom is die
"opgeeet"
kos (altyd) koud", of,
"As
jy laat is slaan
(konsekwent). Nie
" beboet
ek j ou" , of,
en jou", of enige
ander totaal ongepaste str€jf nie. Om
Py:ahtiese lllusttasies
r
II
12
'n
- " $ p y d adel i kdi e gras" teenoor " Jy
kan enige tyd voordat jV uitgaan die
g ra s s n y , besl ui t sel f."
D i t i s d i k w el s moei l i k vi r oorbeskermende ouers om logiese gevolge toe
ln die kinderhuis is dit soms te pas omdat hulle in die proses
bejammerend raak. Dit impliseer dat
moeilik om 'n saak sy
d i e ti e n e r ni e di e ei se van di e l ew e
natuurlike verloop te laat
k a n h a n teer ni e. D i e ti ener raak
neem.
selfbejammerenden voel dat die lewe
h9. onregverd.igbehandel sodra iets
nie na sy sin is nie. Byvoorbeeld,as
betwyfeling van sy vermodns en Jan nie sy fietswiel reggemaak het
en ook dat die nie en 'n vriend nooi hom oor, neem
verantwoordelikheidsin
ouer verantwoordelikheidaanvaar vir die bejammerende moeder hom
die tiener se lewe. Dit beperk eerder as om hom te laat stap of
normale ontwikkeling en bou onrealis- eers die wiel te laat regmaak.
'n
tiese verwagtings op.
kind wat
Die logiese gevolg van
Omdat ons in die kinderhuis nret Vrydag vergeet het om sy sakgeld by
kinders met ernstige gedragsprobleme die tesourier te gaan haal, is dat hy
werk, is ons as versorgers meer direk nie Saterdaguit kan gaan nie. Dikwels
betrokke by die korrigering van afwyk- sal 'n oorsimpatiekeversorger eerder
ings. Dikwels kan ons nie ln probleem uit sy eie sak die geld leen en die
soos swak skoolwerk, vloek, rusies
met ander, ens. bloot aan die tiener
'n Verhorgemotief om beheer
oorlaat om op te los nie en moet ons
'n
Boete vir
noodgedwonge inmeng.
te kan uitoefen kom dikwels
vloek is dikwels nodig omdat die
in
versorgers voor.
groepsaanvaarding die swak gedrag
bevestig eerder as ontmoedig.
Logiese gevolge moet verkieslik kind sal nie gemotiveer wees om
'n
keuse volgende keer beter te onthou nie.
vooraf bespreek word en as
"As
jy
gestel word. Bv.
weer die Ons vermy dikwels die natuurlike
motor sonder brandstof laat sal jy vir gevolge van die tiener se optrede
".
'n paar
. . self omdat ons t6 bekommerd is oor wat
dae moet loop", of,
die tenk uit jou . sakgeld moet ander sal dink. Wanneer Jan oppad
'n
uit is in
belaglikeuitrusting,sal ons
vo l ma ak . "
eerder inmeng as om hom te laat
Wa n n e er die t iener l a a t i s o m . te
'n
funksie, kan hy as uitlag deur die bure. As die gevolg
vertrek na
gevolg van sy swak samewerking sy van winkeldiefstal inhegtenisname is,
rygeleentheid verpas en moet hy dan is ons bang vir wat mense sal sO en
loop. As hy laat is vir ete wil ander red die kind met die belofte dat ons
nie koue kos eet nie en moet hy dus, die probleem sal hanteer. Hierdeur
wat nog oor is, koud eet. Hy kan leer die kind dat hy besluite kan
selfs die skottelgoed moet was omdat neem en dan verwag dat ons die
die ander reeds met iets anders begin gevolge van sy dade sal dra. Moet
'n
nie altyd verplig voel om te praat of
het.
Oortredingvan die sosiale aard
'n
'n
te waarsku nie. Wanneer kinders
het gewoonlik
natuurlikegevolg.
'n
Ti e n e r s al ' s elf gou o n g e m a k l i k v o e l aandring om naby die venster met
wanneer sy sosiale optrede, of sy bal te speel, wag totdat iets gebeur
en pas dadelik gevolge toe. By ete
kleredrag,onvanpas is.
"Ek
h e t ni e vi r j ou gedek ni e omdat
Wanneer ons gedurig herinner en
aanjaag,neem ons die verantwoorde- ek weet dat jy nie reg is om te eet
l l kh e i d oor en is d a a r n i e d i e voordat jy gebad het nie."
geleentheid vir hom om die verantwoordelikheidvir sy eie versuim te Ten Stotte
aanvaaren self die gevolge te beleef Ons moet onthou wanneer daar
wraaksug en vyandigheidteenwoordig
nie.
In d i e k inder huisis d i t s o ms m o e i l i k is, daar geen positiewe dissipline
'n
'n
Verborge
uitgeoefen kan word nie.
om
saak sy natuurlike verloop te
motief om beheer te kan uitoefen
laat neem. Dink aan die dogter wat
met ongewensde seuns bevriend raak kom dikwels in versorgers, selfs in
tot vergelden wie self reeds gedragsprobleme ouers voor. Dit kan slegs"Wel,
as iou
openbaar.Die logiese gevolge hier sal ing en opstandigheidlei.
'n
jy dit
swangerskapof inhegtenisnamevir huiswerk nie klaar is nie, kan
"Jy
'n
wou
oortreding wees. Omdat hierdie altyd in TV tyd doen", of,
mos laat kom, nou kan jy sonder kos
kinders reeds afwykend is, is dit
nodig om die natuurlike ontwikkeling bly." Die persoon in plaas van die
te vermy en besliste keuses met gedrag word veroordeel.
"Ten
spyte
Laat die kind altyd weel,
onomwonde verduidelikingste stel.
Stra f dr ing aan op g e h o o rs a a mh e i d ; van die feit dat ek nie hou van wat jy
'n
keuse d o e n n i e , gee ek steeds vi r j ou om" .
natuurlikegevolge stel altyd
ti e n er t e beloo n w a n n e e r h y
doodnormale take vervul of sy vera n two o r delik hedenako m, i mp l i s e e r' n
I
NTO
EVERY
C H IL D R E C E I V EID
ALTERNATTV
CE
ARE
HASA RIGHTTO EXPECT
THREE
THINGS
I
Acceptonce and understanding of his past;
I
i
I
i
A ppropriate and i nform ed
core, education and
treatment in the present;
Positive commitment to
his future os a moture
and independent adult.
P R I N C I P L EO
SF T H E N A C C W
: *;s