Communication and Condom Skills

•
•
He'alth Workshops 'For,
Young 51ack Wo~en
Facilitator's Manual
,
Workshop }:
Communic~tion ..:and Condom 5kills ,
Table otContents
W orksho p):Communication...
and Condo m5 kills
77
Materials Checklist
78
Ac.tivit~A: G ree ting & Icebreaker
79
Activit.t.J 5 ;Motto
81
A ct ivit:! C : Fhe nome nalWoma n
8)
Activit.t.t D :L uv & K isse s
86
91
92
95
A cbvity H, ) Ways to SAY It
98
A cbvity I,Talking the Talk
106
Adiv<tyJOF'KaH "Ke hea'Sal"
108
I I I
Activit.t.J L CondomC o nsumer Report
1 12
Activit.t.J M :Tho ughtWorks Assignment
11 +
Workshop) L valuation
117
74
Workshop )
SiHLE
Workshop ):
Communication
.
and Condom Skills
75
Wock, hop ;
Communication
.
and CondomS kills
T op ic ,
Assertive Commun ication and Condom Skills Training
Objectives,
To increase the women's skills in resistin g partner pressure to engage in unsafe sex
To enhance the women 's ab ility to recognize the difference between assert ive , aggres·
sive, and nonassertive behavior
To teach a model of assertive communicat ion
To increase the women 's skills in negotiating safer sex
To dispel common myt hs about using condoms
To increase the women's proper condom use skills
To teach a model to put condoms on properly and consistently
R at ion ale,
T his session addresses resisting partner pressures to engage in unsafe sex. Often, it
is difficult for young women to make healthy cho ices about sex when they are not asser-
tive during sexual encounters, especially if their partnerplays the dominant role in those
encounters. Young women must assertively convey the ir sexua l intentions and possess
the skills to negotiate safer sex in order to make ch oices for a healthier lifestyle.
While males and females are both responsib le for safer sex , the responsibility often
falls on the female partner, because males do not always practice safer sex . Previous
sessions have focused on the fact that you can protect yourself from engaging in unsafe
sex . This session will provide women with the skills to properly use condoms . Through
role plays women wi ll also learn how to eroticize condoms to deve lop more pos itive attitude s towards using condoms.
Incentives (option al) ,
Diary and condom case
76
5iHLE Intervention Works hop J
Outfi ne
Greeting Ii" Icebre aker
Ha ndbook page
21-: Scavenger
tlu nt
SiHLL Motto
Fo, tcc4 , SHLE Mott o
Who are SiH LL Sistas?
H andbook pages 25-26: fhenomenal Woman
Luv
Ii"
Kisses (Risk Keview)
V is ual A id : Luv & K is ses Cards [reter to F rogram M a te ria ls envelope)
Activit~
L'
What's In It For You
Activi t~
F,
Wh~ D on't Feople Use C ondoms?
t-tandbook Fage 27: Wh:l Don't Feople Usc Condoms?
Handbook Fag,c 2 8, Wh~ I D on'L & Wh~ I'll Start
KISS
H andbook Fage: 29 : Keep It5imple S is ta!
H andbook Fage )0 : How to Tal ks Condo ms with a Man...
} Wa~s to S a~ It
Foster J 1, ) Wa~ s to Sa~ It
H a nd bo o k F ages') 1- ) , : F a es fve , Aggre s sive and A sse rt ive
H andbook r age :;+, Toni & Your NewD ress
T alking the Truth
H andbook Fage :;5:Andre & Tjuana
OFRaH "Rehearsal-
r
Ha ndbook age :;6, D o's & D on'ts ot CondomUse
Act i vit~
K,
Alcohol Ii" S ex
Act ivi t~
L
C ondom C onsumer Re port s
H andbook Fage ';1 : CondomConsume r R.ep o rt
Th ought Works A ssignm ent
Ha ndbook Fag,c,
)8 - )9 , Thoug,htWock,
W o rks ho p ) L va lua tio n (refer to Lval uations envelope)
77
Vv' orksbop 3'
Materials Checklist
_ _Teach ing manual
_ _Sign-i n she et
_ _
Handbook Pages for Ses sion 3:
__Page 24: ScavengerHunt
_ _Pages 25 -26 : Phenomenal Woman
_ _Page 27 : Why Don 't People Use Con do ms?
_ _ Page 28 : Why Don't I Use Condo ms ? & Why Will i Start ....?
_ _Pag e 29: KISS - Keep It Simp le Sista!
_ _Pag e 30 : How to Ta lk Condoms with a Man...
_ _ Page 31: Passive
_ _Page 32 : Ag gressive
__Page 33: Assertive
__Page 34: Toni & Your New Dress
_ _Page 34: Andre & Tijuana
__ Page 36: Do's and Don'ts of Condom Use
_ _Page 37 : Condom Consume r Repo rt
_ _Pages 38-39 : ThoughtW orks
__Session 3 Evaluation (retert o Evaluationsenvelope)
___Session Posters:
Poster 4: The S,HLE Motto
_ _Poster 11 : 3 Ways to Say It
_ _Session Ma ter ials
__penfpenc ils
_ _ nametags
__easel pad
_ _ easel
_ _ markers
_
_ tape
_ Luv & Kisses cards (refer to Program Materials envelope)
_ Passive, Aggressive & Assertive cards (refer to Program Materials envelope)
_
_
_ _ penis models or other penis proxies
_ _ condoms of multiple brands/varieties
__petroleum jelly
__water-soluble lubricant
blindfold
__prizes (for icebreaker)
basket
_ _paper
78
W orksh o p ) A ctivit3 A
Greeting tiT Icebreaker
Furpose :
To grec:t o ne
a not he r, re into rce
t he message at
timeline ss a nd
enhance g ro up
bo nds_
Greet each participant as she arrives. Ensure that all of the
gro up has signed in and gotten a na me tag.
F ccr Ed ucato r:
For our icebreake r today, we are go ing to have a Scavenger
Hunt (Refer to H andbook page 2+ S cavenger Hu nt). You
Materia ls
Needed,
Na me T ags
S ig n-in S heet
H a nd b oo k page
2+: Scavenge r
Hunt
will have 3 minutes to find a group member to "match" each of the
descriptive statements below. Each time you find a "match,"
have her sign her name next to that statement. Only one signature
per group member on anyone handout! The first pe rson to
complete her list and shout "S, HLE" wins! If no one completes the list before the time is up , the sista with the most
signat ures wins. Remember you may be asked to "prove" you r
matches -- such as if you found someone who wa s born in the
same state as you , you may be aske d which state.
,
/
Fe nd s/ Fens
Fnze e
T ime :
1
o min utes
79
Handbook Fage
2.1-
Scave nger Hunt
You will have 3 minutes to find a group member to"match"eachofthe descriptive statementsbelow. Each time youfinda "match," have hersign hername next to the statement
describing her. Only one signaturepergroup memberon each handout! The fi rst personto cornplete her list and shout "5iHLE." wins! If no one completes the list beforethe time is up, the
sista with the most signatures wins.
FINDASI5TAWHOWAS DORN in the ,ame
5 TATE
_
MO NTH
_
FIND A515TA WHO L1KE5
(a5~OU)
THE 5 A ME
_ _ (a s ~ou do.)
MU S IC
S F0 R.T S
HO E:>E:> Y
_
_
_
FINDASI5TA WHO HA 5 DE EN TO ...
A MO VIE IN TH E FA5T WE E K
FIND A515T A WHO ...
L1 VE 5 CL05E T O YOU
HA S T WO S I5TER.5
15 A N O NLY CHI LD
SHLE.!
80
'A'orb-hop ,
Activit'y
E>
Motto
Furp o5e :
To read and re in-
'occctheSHLL
Display Poster 4: SH LE- Motto.
/..
Fc cr E-ducator,
M o tt o .
Let's stand and say the
M aterials
Needed,
Fostec4,SH LL
M otto
Tim e :
, minutes
SiHLE- Motto togethe r.
WE- ARE- S TRONG, 5LAUTIfUL
51ST AS - INFORMING, HE-A LlNG,
LIVING, E-MFOWE-RING OURSE-LVE-S AND OU R
CO MMU NIT IE-S
WE- ARE- S ltlLE-'
-,
8/
foster 1-
82
W orkshop) A ct,vit.l::l C
fhenomenal VVoman
Handbook p ag e s
25-2 6, f he no me nal W o man. A
F u rp o se :
Refer to
To refine the
volunteer or the Peer Educator reads the poem alo ud . Spend a
few minutes discus sing the following points abo ut the poem:
S HLLSstas'
sense o f bea ut q. self
wo rt h and p ride .
M aterial s
N eed ed,
H a nd bo o k pages
25-26, fh cnomcnal
W o ma n
T ime :
10 - 15 minut es
/
Feer E.ducator:
Let's talk abo ut:
Maya Angelou 's references to phys ical beau ty
Her references to inner beau ty
Her obv ious pride in be ing a Blac k woman
The author's self -esteem and sense of self-worth
The meaning of the line : "I'm a woman phenomenally. "
83
HandbookFage
25
FH ENOMENAL
WOMAN
F rett!:;l women wonder where m!:;l secret lie s.
I'm no t cute or b uilt to su it a t ash io n model 's e ize .
!:lut whe n I start to tell them ,
The!) think I' m telling lies.
I sa!),
It's in the reach at m!:;l a rms,
The spa n ot m!) hips,
The steide of m!) step
T he cuel ot m!) lip s,
I'm a woman
F he no me na ll!).
F he no me na l wo ma n
That's me.
I wa lk into a ro o m
Just as co o l as
!:;IOU
please ,
A nd to a man,
The tellows stand or
F all down o n their knees .
Then the!:;l swarm around me,
A hive ot honeq bees.
I sa!),
It 's th e t ire in m!:;l e!:;le s,
And t he tlas h ot m!) t e et h,
T he swing in m!:;l wa ist ,
And t he jO!) in m!) feet.
I'm a wo ma n
F he no me na ll!).
F he no me na l wo ma n,
That'~ me .
84
Hand book r age: 26
M e n t he msel ve s hav e wond ered
What th ey see in me.
The!J tr!J so mu ch
E)U t the!J ca n't to uch
M 'y inne r m'yster'y'
Whe n I tr!J to show them
T he!J sa!J the!J 5611ca n't see.
I s a!J,
It's in the a rch of m!J back,
Th e su n o f m,y smile,
T he ride of m!J brea sts,
The grace of m!J st!Jle .
I'm a wo ma n
fhen ome na ll!J.
Fhen omenal woma n
T hat's me.
N o w 'you understand
Just wh!J m!J head's not bowed.
I don 't have to shout o rjump a bout
Or have to talk real loud .
When ,you see me passing
It ought to make !Jou pro ud.
I sa!J'
.
It's in the click of m!J heels,
T he bend of m!J hair,
The palm of m!J hand,
th e need t or m,y ca re .
'C a use I 'm a woman
f he no me na ll!J.
Fheno menal woma n,
T ha t's me.
- M a!Ja Angelo u
85
W o rks ho p ) A ct ivit9 D
Luv &- Kisses
F urp o s e :
F e er- E d uca tor:
To cnhance thc
Now you are going to have a chance to "rate the risk" of different
types of sex ual behaviors. We are going to pass the bas ket of
LUV & KISS L S CA RDS around the gro up. Take one card
from the ba ske t and pass the basket on.
S HLLS,ta,
knowlc dgc about
what scxualbehaviors place wo me n at
n,Uoc HIV/STI,.
(Please refer to the Prog ram Materials envelope for the cards.
The cards and risk levels are reproduced on the following pages
for your reference du ring the activity. You will need them aga in in
the final S HLL workshop.)
Ma terials
Needed,
After everyone has drawn a ca rd, point out the three sheets of
easel paper and how they are labe led ac cording to the Levels
T hree Leve!sor
R,iskCards&
L uv&Kiss es C a rd s
CFlease rererto the
Frogram M ate nal
envelope {cr the
ot I\.isk.
r
Fee r E-d ucato r,
cerds.)
) shee ts or easel
pa pe r : One for
eac h L evel ofR,isk
I'd like you to come forward, one at a time , and read you r
card and place it on the appropriate risk level.
Now that everyone has placed their ca rd . let' s look at ea ch risk
leve l and discu ss what all the different behavio rs at each risk
level have in common.
Tape
5 asket
T ime:
12 - 15 minutes
86
Workshop ) A ct ivit~ D ,VisualA id
T hree Levels of Risk
Cu t the follow ing three terms into separate cards for Worksh op ) , Acti vit~ D and post them on
the wall or eass el pad . Place each "Luv &- K isses" ca rd (on the followin g pages) unde r the
appropriate "Level of Risk . n
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
SAFE SEX
(Little or No Risk)
• • • • ••• • ••••••• • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • • •••• • ••••• • • ••••• •• • • • • • • • ••••
SAFERSEX
(Some Risk)
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
UNSAFESEX
(MEGA Risk)
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
87
W orkshop J Act ivit:,! D , V isua lA id
LUV & KISSES CA R.DS
Cut the followi ng words and phrases into separate cards . Place in a basketto be passed
around to participants durin g ACTIVITY
• • • • • • • ••••• • •• • • • • • • •••••• • • • • •••• • •••••• • ••• • •• • ••• • • •••• • •
F antas,y
• •• • • • • •• • • • • • •• • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • •• • • • • •• •• • • • • •• • • • • •• • • • • •• • •
5010 Masturbation
(D,y Yourself)
••••••••• ••• •••• •• •••••••••••••••• ••••• •••••• ••• •• •••••••••••
Mutual Masturbation
(Masturbating One Another)
• •• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Hugging
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • ••• • •••••• • •••• • •• • • • • • • • • • •••• • • • • • • • • • • • •
Dod,y Rubbing
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Dr,y Kissing
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
88
W orkshop;, Activity D )VisualA id pg.2
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Massage
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Showering Together
• • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • •••• • • • • • • • •••• •
Oral5ex with No Latex
Condom or Latex 5arrier
•• •• • •••••••• ••••• •••••••••••• ••• •••••••••• •••••• •••• ••••••••
Vaginal Sex with a Condom
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Talking "Dirt~t
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Fhone5ex
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
89
Wo rkshop;:, Act ivit:! D,Visual A id pg,)
•• ••••• ••• •• • ••••• ••• ••• •••••• •• ••••••••••••••••••••• •• ••••••
Vaginal5ex with No Condom
••••••••••• ••••••••••••••••••• •••• ••• •••••••• •• •••••• •• ••••••
An al5ex with No Condom
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Oral5ex with a L atex
Condom or Latex 5 arrier
(De nta l D am or plasti c Wrap)
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Futting Fingers in Vagin a or
Anus with a L atex Glove or
Finger Cots
(Sort ot C ond om tor a Finger)
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
90
L
W o rks ho p ) Ad ivit~
What's In It For You
F urp o s e ;
To increase the
SHLE.S,tas'
know le dge about
H I\I,I~lI l p,e,ent io n .
Foster 6, What C an H appen When a Woman
Gets an5 T I? Briefly review the STI facts that were present ed
Display
in Workshop 2.
H ealth E ducator,
Remember:
Ma terials
Needed,
f oster 6 ,\A/hat
C an Happen
W he n aWo man
Getsan5 TI?
Time:
15- 20 min ute s
STl s can hurt you.
You may not be able to have babies
You can makeyo ur unborn child sick
You increase your chance for getting cancer
You increase yourchance for gettingAIDS
Although some STls arecurable, some are not. Some you will
have for life -- for example, herpes, genital warts and HIV/AIDS.
Briefly review HIV facts:
. Transmission
. Na cure
- Protection
Answerquestions that the participants wrote down and submitted
in the lastworksh op.
. "Brainsto rm" with the group about how an unplanned pregnancy might affect their dreams and goals.
H ealth Edu cato r.
To avoid an unplanned pregnancy -- use condoms each and
every time yo u have sex.
91
W orksh op ) Activ it~ F
r
Wh!J Don't eople Use Condoms?
fu r pose :
Refer to H a nd b o o k page 27 , W h~ D o n't
Feopl e U
se
Condoms?
To introd uce to t he
S H L eSstas
s ome common
reaso ns w h~ ~oung
wo me n don't use
c.ond o ms and to
reint ro d uce the
concept ot se xual
re 5ponsibil it~ fo r
uSing c.o nd oms .
Materials
Needed,
easel Fad
M a rke rs
Handbook pase
27, Why D o n't
Fccr E.d uca t or,
Me GA RISK is the risk of STts, HIV/AIDS, and unp lanned
pregnancy. Some of us have decided that Me GA RISK is
too much risk for us, and we've decided to lowe r our ris k by
choo sing to use a condom EVERY time we have sex . Why do
you think some people don't use cond oms EVERY time they
have sex ?
(As the group responds, write their responses on the ea sel
pad.)
...never really though t about it
...didn't feel at risk for STDs, HIV/ AIDS, or
unplanned pregnancy
...on the pill/used other birth conlrol
...afraid to "insult" partner
...partner refuses
...don 't always have one with you
...don 't know how to talk a guy into it
Feople U se
Con doms?
Refer to Ha ndbo ok p ag e 28 , Wh~ D o n't I Use Condoms?
H a nd b oo k page
2 8 , Why D o n 't I
Use C o ndoms?
Fe e r E.duca tof>
Time:
Fill out this page at home. Reflect on you r val ues, goals and
dreams. Think about those reaso ns we've talked about for
using condoms every time you have sex.
7 minutes
92
Handboo k r age 27
93
Handbook Fage 2 8
""t1'/ don't i use COndomS?
why will istart using condoms?
94
W o rhho p, A ctivit!} G
KiSS -
Keep it S imple S ista!
F urpo se:
F ccr E.ducat or,
To teach the
Ifyouhavedecidedto loweryour risk, you willneed to talk to your
guyabout yourdecision. Let's look at some simple steps for
talking to your guy about using condoms.
SHLE.Sstasa
model to as s ist them
inasking theirsex
partner(s) to use
5 i:.ta!
con doms.
I . ANT IC IFA TE. - FLAN A HEAD
Pick the righl time to talk -- When is a good time?
alone, quiet,nostress,
not in a moment of passion!
M aterials
Needed,
H andbook page:
29
KISS-Keepit
S imple S ;sta'
HandbookEge
I alk
with a
, 0 : H ow to
C ondoms
Man...
T ime:
I O minut es
Refer to H andbo ok page 29 , K ISS - Keep it Simp le
z. COM M U N ICATE. -
COMMUNICATE.THE.
RIGHT WAY'
It's not only what you say, but how you say t ,
RE.ME.ME>E.K
- Youhave a right to make decisions that will help you stay healthy
andreachyourdreamsand goals.
- Youhave a right to express you rsett-ln a way that tells
howyou feelandwhat youwant without hurtingothers.
). N E.G O T IA T E. - L1STE.N
Be a good listener. Let him know you want to be with him. Suggest
alternatives.
You say:
He says:
Yousay:
Let's use condoms!
Let's not !
Let's talk!
It's veryimportantto know whatyou will sayin response to a guy's
questions, complaints, orefforts tochange your mind. Anticipate
how you th ink yourguy will reactand "practice"yourresponse,
using H andb o ok page )0, H o w t o T alk Condo ms ... as a
guide. Notonly is itimportanttoknow what you wantto say, but it is
important how you say it! We will be talking about the three different stylesof communicationand which ismosteffective for talking
toyourguyabout usingcondoms.
95
H andbook r age 29
KI5 5 -- Keep It 5 imple 5ista!
ANTICIFATE
FLANAH E.AD
Pick the right time to talk -When is a good time ?
alone, quiet, no stress ,
not in a mo me nt of pa ssion !
Know what you wa nt to say ·(See H andbook page
2-
)0:
H ow to T alk Condom s with a Man .)
COM MU NICATE
CO MMUNICATE. -- The Right Wa~ !
It's not only what you say,but how you say it.
REMEM5EK
You have a right to make deci sions that will he lp you stay heal thy
and reach your dreams and goal s.
You have a right to express you rself -- in a way tha t tells how you
fee l and what you want witho ut hurting others.
) - NEGOTIAT E
L1S T E.N
Be a good listener. Let him know you want to be with him .
Suggest alterna tives;
You say: Let's use co ndom s.
He says: Let' s not!
You say: Let's talk!
96
H andbook Fage
)0
How to Talk Condoms with a Man
Who Doesn't Want to Use Them
If your partner says:
You can say:
"You're on the pill , I don't need a condom."
"I'd like to use it anyway. We'll both be protec ted
from infections we may not realize we have."
"I know I'm clean (disease-free). I haven't had sex with
anyone in _
months."
"Thanks for telling me. As far as I know, I'm diseasefree , too. But I'd still like to use a condom since either
of us could have an infection and not know about It."
"I'm a virgin ."
"I'm not. This way we'll both be protected. "
"I can't feel a thing when I wear a condom, it's like
wear ing a raincoat in the showe r."
"Even if you lose some sensation, you'll still have plenty
left."
"I'll lose my erection by the time 1stop and put it on ."
"I'll help you put it on-marf help you keep it."
"By the time you put it on, I'm out of the mood."
"Maybe so, but we feel strongly enough for each other to
stay in the mood ."
"It destroys the romant ic atmosphere, "
"It doesn 't have to be that way."
"Condoms are unnatural, fake, a total turn off: '
"Please let's try to work this out-an infect ion isn't so
great either. So let's give the condom a try. Or maybe
we can look for alternatives."
'What kinds of alternatives?"
"Maybe we'll just pet, or postpone sex for a while."
"T his is an insult! Do you think I'm some sort of
disease-ridden player?"
"I didn't say or imply that. I care for you , but in my
opinion, it's beslto use a condom."
"None of my other girlfriends use condoms . A real
man doesn't use condoms. "
"Please don 't compare me to your other girlfriends . A
real man cares about the woman he dates, himself, and
about their relationship."
"I love you! Would I give you an infection?"
"Not intentionally. But many people don 't know they 're
infected. That's why this is best for both of us right
now"
"Just this once. "
"Once is all it takes ."
"J don't have a condom with me."
"J do." or ''Then let's sat isfy each other without intercourse."
"You carry a condom around with you? You were
planning to seduce me!"
"I always carry one with me because 1care about
myself. I have one wit h me tonight because I care about
us both ."
"I won 't have sex with you if you're going to use a
condom."
"$0 leI's put it off until we can acres." or "OK, then let's
try some other things besides intercourse."
97
W orks ho p
) Wa!Js to
Furpose :
To te a c h t he
S HLE.S,'a,to
dist inguish behl,een
p assive , a s sertive
and aggressive
communication
st'yles.
:7 A ctivit'y H
SAY It
F eer Educa tor,
Not only is it impo rtant to know WHAT you want to say, but it is
important to know HOW to say it ! Let's look at the diffe rent ways
you can communicate with your guy.
Display Foerer
I " )
W a:Js to Sa:J It
Refer to H a nd b o o k pages) 1: F ass ive, ) 2 : Aggress ive,
a nd)) , Asserhve.
Mate rials
Needed,
Mode l each type of communi cation (passive , agg ressive , and
assertive) using the scenario M O ' H A IR 5 L UES
F oste r 1 I:) W a!js
t o5a~ I'
Ha ndbook page
) 1, Fassive
Handbook page
) 2: ~ress ive
Handbook page
)) :Assertive
Feer Educato r,
MO
H A IR. 5 LU E S S cenario
Yo u have finall:J decided to get :Jour hair braided. Y o ur
gidfriend told :Jou that he r co usin does a reall:Jgre atj o b at
braids. Y a u go over to her house to get !.:lour hair d o ne .
After s he b ra ids !.:lour ha ir, !.:lou lo ok in the mirro r a nd t he
braids are lop-sided, and :Jou look "to' do wn l " T he gid tells
~ou that ~ou o we her .$+ O! H o w do ~ou re s p o nd ?
T i me :
15 - 20 min utes
After each enactment, spend a few moments discu ssing the
characteri stic body lingo and language of each type ~- pa ssive ,
aggressive , and assertive . Help parti cipants see the dist inctive
difference in communicating assert ively such as: use of "I"
statements, not blam ing or criticiz ing .
98
F o s te r I
J
9.9
Handbook F";;e ;
I
FASSIVE.
TOO LITTLE. "AT T IT UDE."
1.
Being unable to tell someone how you really feel about a situation or
what you want or need.
2.
Going with the crowd when you are unsure of a situation.
3.
Saying yes when you really want to say no.
4.
Acting this way so that you will be liked, to be nice to someone or not to
hurt the other person 's feelings.
"5od!:J lingo"
Speech :
say nothing at all, saying " urn" a lot, skipping around the subject
Voice:
soft, whining
Eyes :
not looking at the person, looking down or away
Posture:
shoulders drooping, head down, unable to stand or sit without
fidgeting
Hands :
shaking
100
H and book r ag e ) 2
AGGR.ESSIVE
TOO MUCH "ATTITUDE"
1.
Expressing yourself, standing up for yourself in a way that is punishing,
demanding or threatening to someone else .
2.
Trying to get your way by putting someone else down.
3.
Taking or getting what you want without considering the feelings and
rights of the other person.
4.
Threatening or forcing a person to give you something.
"5od!j lingo"
Speech:
cursing, name calling, put downs, hostile remarks
Voice:
loud, tense, shouting
Eyes:
cold, staring, angry, calculaling, glaring
Posture:
stiff, rigid , hands on hips, turning your back to/head away from
someone while engaging in conversation
Hands :
pointing finger, waving fist, throwing hands up in a manner that
dismisses that person ("talk to the hand syndrome")
IOJ
Handbook rage ))
ASSER.TIVE
THE. RIGHT "AITITUDE."
1.
Communicating your feelings and opinions in a direct and honest
manner instead of hoping the other person will figure out what is on your
mind.
2.
Saying " NO" to things you don't want or things that put you in a
situation that threatens your well being.
3.
Expressing yourself honestly while cons idering the needs and feelings
of the other person without jeopardizing your own needs.
4.
Not letting others use you and not using others .
"5 od,y lingo"
Speech :
honest , direct words
Voice:
clear, firm , confident , loud enough to be heard but not too loud
Eyes:
direct eye contact but not glaring
Posture :
head and shoulders raised
Hands:
relaxed
102
W orks ho p ) Act iv it~ H , F a rt 1
?
Wa!:Js to 5AY It, Fart 2
T o n! & Y o ur New Dress
f urp ose :
Fcc r E.d uca to r:
To teach t he
I'm going to choose 3 "volunteers." I want each one to d raw a
ca rd (passi ve , aggressive, assertive). Then I want each of you to
role-play an ap propriate response to T an i & Y our New
Dress based on the com munication sty le from the ca rd yo u
S HLE.Sstasthe
d iffe rence be tv.'een
passive, asse rt ive and
aggressive commun ica tio n stqles 6:J
ha ving t hem mo d e l in
nons e xua ls cena rios,
both verball~ and
thcough bod~
languag e , t he s e
thre e communic a tion
st:J!es.
M ateria ls
Neede d,
chose . Ref er to
ti andbook page
)+
Toni & Your Ne w
Dress
T o ni & Y o u r N e w D re ss S cenario :
Y o ur g irlFrie nd , T oni, b o rrowe d !Jo ur new d ress . S he
pro mis es t hat sh e w'ill have it cle a ne d after she we a rs it.
She returns it t o !Jou wit h make-u p s ta ins a ll over t he
fron t . What d o ~ o u 5a~?
Following each "perfo rmance:"
Ha nd b o ok page
} t , T o ni &Yo ur
New D ress
r
aesive , ~ressive,
& Ass e rt ive Cards
(r-ete r to the: f rogram Mate ria ls
envelope]
Wh ich form of communication was jus t demonstrated? Was the
lang uage , bod y lingo, etc. appropriate fo r that communicatio n
style?
T ime :
10 - 15 minu te s
103
r
\:\/orksho p ) A ct iv jt~ H , a rt 2, VisualA id
• • •• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• •• • • • •• • • • •• • • •• • • ••
Fassive
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Aggressive
•• •• • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• •• • • • • • • •• • • •• • •
Assertive
••••• ••••• ••• •• • • • ••• • •••••••••••• •••••• ••••••••• • ••• ••• • ••••
104
11 a nd book Fage
•
j+
Toni &
Your New Dress
Role-play your response based upon the communication style written on your card -- either passively, aggressively, or assertively.
5CENARIO:
T ON I & YOUR NEW DRE5 5
Y ou r gi rlfriend , To ni, bo rrowed ,tj0ur
new dress. 5 he p rom is es th at sh e wi ll ha ve it
cle an e d a fte r sh e wears it. 5 he return s it t o
,tj0u with make-up sta ins a ll ove r th e Fro nt.
Wh at do ,tj0U sa,tj?
•
•
105
Workshop ~ Activi t,:,
Talking the Talk
Furpose :
Review H andbook page
To te ach th~
Refe r to H andbook page ) 5, A ndee & Tj uana.
S HLE.S,ta,the
dift~r~n ce between
paSSive ,agsresslve
and assertive communication etqlcs b,:;t
having the mmoclel in
sexual sce narios,
both verbal!,:, and
thro ug h bod.::J
language , thes e
three comunica tion
s tules.
Materials
Needed,
H and bo ok Eg~
, 0 ; How to I al k
Condoms ...
H and bo o k page
)5,Andee&
T j uana
)0,
H owto Talk C ondoms...
Dividethe group into pairs to role play the scenario below.
Afte r each "assert ive"enactment , allow group members to
evaluatethe performance.
Scenario: A NDRE & T IJ UANA
T j ua na has been a ttending a wome n's g ro up ca lled
Si H L E. S he has learned a lot abo ut being a steong
5 Jack wo ma n who has a righ t to rea lize her drea ms an d
goals. She has learned an important wa~ to sta~ h ea l th~
-- a simple wa~ to peevent S T ls, H IV/ A IDS, and
unpla nned pregna ne:;. 5he has mad e the de cisi o n to
use condoms EVERY time she has sex.
T j ua na ha s bee n d ati ng A nd re Fo r thre e mo nt hs , and
she reall~ likes him. The~ have been having sex, but th e~
have no t been us ing co ndo ms . N o w T ijuana is re adq to
talk to A ndre about using condoms E'V ERY time t h e~
have s e x.
Role-play Tijuana's talk with Andre. Make sure that
you use an assertive style of communication. Pay
attention to your language and body lingo!
10 -15 minute s
lOG
J
Handbook r ag e ) 5
Talking the Talk:
Andre
&-
Tjuana
Tiu a na ha s been a ttending a wome n's g ro up
ca lled .:JiHL E... She ha s le a rned a lot abo ut b e ing a
strong E>l a ck woman who ha s a right to re a lize herd
reams a nd g oa ls. S he has learned a n imf'ortan t wa~ to
sta~ h ealth~ - a s imple wa~ to preven t S Tis , HIV/
AIDS , and unplan ned pregna n c~ . She ha s ma de th e
decis ion t o us e co ndo ms E..V E..RY t ime she ha s se x.
Tju an a ha s been d ati ng A ndre ~o r thre e months,
a nd s he re all~ likes him. The~ have been having sex, b ut
the~ ha ve not be e n us ing co nd o ms. N ow T j ua na is
read~ t o ta lk to And re ab out using condo ms E..VE..RY
t im e th e~ have s ex.
Role-play Tijuana's talk with Andre. Make sure
that you use an assertive style of communication.
Pay attention to your language and body lingo!
10 7
Workshop) Ac:tivi t,YJ
OFRaH "Rehearsal"
Foeter 10, OFRa H.
Furp ose:
Display
To teach t he
H andbook page ) 6, D o's & D on'ts of CondomU se.
S
H LE. S sta, the
steps tor proper
condom use
Ma t e ria ls
Neede d,
Refer to
Review the steps of condom use, demonstrate them, and then
have participants practice. (See next page for instructions for
Pee r Educator OP RaH Demonstration.)
Provide supervision, feedback, and reinforcement as needed.
F oste r 10:
OFRaH
tl andbookEage
)6: D o 's & D o n't s
of Condonl U se
Fem s models, or
othe r proxies
Condoms
Fet roleunlj ell.tJ
Wat er~ bas e d
lub rica nt
Ti me :
20 minutes
lOS
W orksho p ) A ctivit.:J J
Feer Demonstration ot OFRaH
•
Display the plastic penis model.
•
Di spl ay and des cribe condom samples -- lubricated, non-lubricated , with spec ial
reservoir tip , etc . Mak e the following "Special Points":
.:.
DON'T buy condoms made of any material other than latex.
•;.
DON'T use old (outdated) condoms .
•:.
DON'T use oil-based lubricants:
Petroleum jelly (Vaseline)
Baby Oil
Vegetable oil
Lotions or hand cream
PERFO RM:
1.
2.
3.
•
Vaseline condom demonstration
Blow up condom
Rub petroleum jelly on one spot for about 3 minute s.
When condom breaks repeat message:
" No oil-ba sed lubricants !"
.:.
DO use wate r soluble lubricants:
K-Yjelly
Spermicida l jelly
Aqua Lube
.:.
DON'T use a condom more than once.
Demon strate the following -- describing your actions as you demonstrate!
1.
Open the pac kage carefully without twisting, biting, or using fingernails.
2.
Demo nstrate unro lling the condom a little bit to be sure it's rolling down the
outside .
3.
Pinch the tip of the condom, leaving 1/4 - 1/2 inch of space at tbe tip where the
semen will go.
4.
While still pinch ing the tip, unroll the condom all the way down to the base of the
penis model.
5.
Smooth out any air bubb les that may be trap ped inside . Add lubricant (wate rbased) on the outside of the condo m.
Qu ick Review:
"Open, pinch, roll, and hold!" That's simple enough , isn't it?
109
Handbook Fage: ) 6
Do's
&
Don'ts ot Condom Use
DO:
U s e a late x condom
Check expiration d ate
U s e a wate r based lubrica nt like K -Y j ell:J o r A 9 ua Lub e
Use a condom eve r:J time :Jo u have sex
K e ep condo ms in a cool, d r:J place
,
DON'T
DO NOT use a lambs kin o rnat ura l condom
DO NOT o pen condo m p a ckag e wit h t e eth o r na ils
DO NOT us e oils like lotion, Crisco, bab:J o ilo r
petroleumj e ll:J t o lub ricate :Jo ur condo m
DO NOT ke e p :Jour co ndoms in t he g love compa rtment o t a ca r o r ne a r he at
liD
Workshop ) Ad,vit~
K
Alcohol & Sex - Not aGood Mix
F urpose:
Fccr E..d uca tor,
T ote.achthr-.
I need a vol unteer to come to the front for a demonstration.
Sf-ilL S,ta,
th~ impo rta nce.ot
avoid ing alcohol
prior to and du ring
sex.
(Blindfold her and spin her around eight times)
Now, put a condom on this penis model.
This isthe effect alcohol has on one's motor skills:
ALCOHOL slows down body function. Thoughts and reactions
will become slower. Vision, heari ng, and speech are affected.
Materials
Needed,
ALCOHOL impairs you rjudgement and lowers you r inhibitions.
This means tha t you will say an d do things that you wou ld not
normally do !
F~nis ModeJ
ALCOHOL can make it difficu lt for yo u to follow through on you r
decision to use a condom EVERY time you havesex.
Condoms
T ime:
Allow others a chance to "spin."
8 minutes
111
Workshop) Activit~
L
Condom Consumer Report
Furpo se :
Refer to H and o ut ) - I ;, - Condom Consumer R e po rt .
To teach the
Divide th e group into group s of three and give each g roup a
differen t type of condom.
SHLES,,,,,the
importance ot
ex.am'ningthe condom
tor satd~1 personal
appeal and ease at
application.
,
f ccr Eduea tor,
I want each of you as a group to exa mine your condom •• like its
M aterials Needed:
H an dbook page) 1:
Condom L o nsume r
Report
packaging. its color. etc. and report your "findings" on Handbook pag e ;' 7 , Condom Consumer R epo rt . Then report
your findings to the other groups as though you were trying to
market o r advertise the condo m you hav e been g iven .
Condoms ot various
brands
Time :
15 - 20 minutes
112
Hand book Fage; 1
Condom Consumer Report
Directions: Examine the cond om and till in all the information that is requested . Be su re to
open the condom so that you can closely examine what it looks and fee ls like .
Name of Condom :
A.
Features of Condom (Check the ones that are true for your condom)
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10 .
B.
_
lubricated
non-lubricated
spermicide
ribbed
colored
reservoi r tip
extra st rong
lambskin or latex
Non-oxynal9
othe r
W rappings of Individual Condoms:
C.
Condom Pa cka ge:
1.
2.
eye-catch ing
1.
plastic wrap
paper wrap
2.
emba rrassing
3.
foil wrap
4.
5.
6.
7.
capsule
3.
4.
non-threatening
appeals to young people,
male-oriented
fem ale-oriented
other
B.
other
easy to open
difficult to open
read ab le expiration date_
5.
6.
_
O.
Other comments about this condom:
E.
Overall rating on condom (circle one)
5
"Da Bomb"
4
3
"Ah-ight"
7.
2
_
1
"Wac ked"
113
Workshop, Activit:J M
ThoughtWorks Assignment
F urpo se:
Refer to H a nd book pages ) 8-)9, T ho ug htW o rks
To re view the
c o nce pts taug ht in
toda:J '5.session .
f eer E.du cato r:
Read each ofthe situations on H a nd book pages
)8- )
9,
Th o ug htWo rks and choose the most assertive res ponse.
M ateri a ls
Needed,
Handbook pages
;8-;9'
ThoushtWmb
T ime:
5 minutes
114
r
Handbook agl.": ) 8
ThoughtWorks
Practice choosingassertive responses! Read each of the situations belowand choose the
most assertive response.
SITUAT IO N
I
You have a lot of homework andyourmotherasksyou todo the dishes.
a)
Why don't you do the dishes? Can't you see I have tons of homework?
b)
All right, Mom.
c)
I have a ton of homework tonight and I'd rather not have to do the dishes
so I can get my work finished.
SITUATION z
Several friends at a party ask youto try drugs, but you don't want todo it.
a)
Well,justthis once won't hurt.
b)
You' re all crazy! What do you want to do thai tor?
c)
No thanks, I really don't want to try drugs.
SITUATION)
Your teacher has made a mistake grading your exam.
a)
b)
Youcheated me out of ten points on this problem.
I've discovered an error in the way my test was corrected.
c)
Say nothing.
S IT UATION 4
Your boyfriend tells you his parents will be outof town and you can spend theevening
at his house. You do notwantto go, although youcare for him very much. You are not
busythat night.
a}
My cousin's coming from outof town and Ihave to be with her.
b)
How can you think of doing something like thai? What would happen if
anyone found out?
c)
I don't feel right about doing that. Let's go to a movieinstead.
SIT UATION
5
Your friend wants to copy you r homework and you believe that copying is wrong.
a)
i worked hard on this and I want the full credit tor the assignment. I don't
want totake the chance of getting caught.
b)
Well OK, be sureto change the words some.
c)
That's cheating.
JJ 5
H cmdGook Fase j 9
SITUATION 6
You would like to be nominated for student council.
a)
I think I am qualified and woul d like to be nominated for student council.
b)
Don't nominate Sarah: she's a creep.
c)
You think to yourself: I hope someone nominated me.
S ITUAT ION ?
Someone you do not want to go out with asks you to a dance. He is the first to ask you.
a)
I'm sorry. I already have a date.
b)
What? Sorry, I'm busy.
c)
Thanks for asking but I'd rather not.
SITUATIONs
Yourparents want you to attend the college they went to, but you would rather go somewhere else.
a)
I'll think about what you have said, but I need to make my own decision.
b)
You always try to run my life. I've had it.
c)
If you're sure that's what is best.
S ITUAT ION 9
You are talking to your boyfriend and sudden ly realize that if you don't leave immediate ly you
will be late for work . He wants to keep talking.
a)
I really oughtto be going .
b)
Oh, no you don't! You're making me late for work.
c)
I know you want to talk more and we'll get together after I'm through working. Bye.
S ITUATION
10
You want to enroll in auto shop but people are trying to discourage you by calling yo u names
and making fun of you . They do not feel being a mechanic is a reasonable occupat ion for a
woman. .
a),_ _
You're all male chauvi nist pigs. I can do anything you can co - only better.
b),_ _
I want to learn to be a mechanic. You'll probably be surprised someday at what
I can do.
c)_ _
Okay I won't enroll in the class .
Educato r's Answer Key:
116
VVorkshop:7 Lval~atlo n
What D o YOU Think A bout...?
F u r p o se :
Th e Health and
Health E.ducator,
Fccr Educators
At this time , we want to know what you think about today's session.
This is yo ur chan ce to rate what we've done for the pa st two hours.
dis tribute an eva luation ot the session
forthe partiCIpants
to fill out.
Tell us what you liked and wha t you didn' t like. Please be ho nest
in your responses.
Do not put your name on the evaluat ion. Your co mments are anonymous·- we won 't know wh o said wh at.
M a t e r ia ls
Noeded,
On the eva luation is a list of statements abou t today's activities.
Plea se rate the statement by wri ting the numbe r in the blank that best
de scri be s your op inion of wha t we 've been doi ng. The sca le is:
Lvaluation torms:
What Do You
Think A bo uL. ?
(fleasc referto the
Lvaluation e nvelo pe
tor t he Session)
evaluation [orm.)
1 = poor
2 = fair
3 = good
4 = very good
5 =exce llent
We a re going to give you about 5 m inute s to finish it.
T ime :
5 minutes
117