2013 - january/february/march

Learn the backward step that turns your light inward to illuminate your self.
Body and mind of themselves will drop away, and your original face will be manifest. – Dogen
jan-feb-mar 2013
attention.......................................17
conversations with a shuso..........13
dance as my zazen...................... 21
driving............................................ 7
encountering red pine..................19
enmeii jukku kannon gyo
from the ino............................... 21
flower arrangement workshop.....19
hearing bananas
from the tanto.............................. 1
jane schneider............................... 2
jukai remarks (begin on).................... 8
mahayana...................................... 5
mindful learning ..........................18
mirror mirror.................................. 7
peter schneider............................. 3
pure happiness.............................. 5
quantum consciousness...............16
random buddhist quotes............. 20
random lessons from
sewing rakusus..........................12
shivering dog................................. 7
the board report.......................... 22
wanna-bhikku................................ 6
beginner’s mind zen center
northridge, california
www.beginnersmindzencenter.org
teachers..................... Yozen Peter Schneider
Myokaku Jane Schneider
board president....................... Spencer Levy
tanto........................................... Cody Farley
ino ............................................. David Boyns
the backward step
editors....................................... David Boyns
Jon Fish
hearing bananas from the tanto
Working for Vickie in the Tassajara kitchen was always a pleasure. She was a stout woman
with white hair who resembled Aunt Bea from the “Andy Griffith Show.” While assistants
to the Tenzo in previous years had seemed overly officious (sometimes downright cold),
Vickie had a patience and a warmth. She allowed the students to be okay with the fact that
we didn’t know how to hold a knife, or know what a “medium chop” looked like, or what
size to tear lettuce for the salads.
One morning, a group of us were lined up with cutting boards ready to chop potatoes for
the guest soup when Vickie told us a story that I will never forget…
“During my first ever practice period,” she said, “I was alone on kitchen duty while everyone
else was sitting zazen next door. My task was to peel and chop bananas that would be added
to a fruit salad for the morning’s breakfast. I was about 10 minutes into slicing bananas on
the cutting board when the door opened and the head priest entered. I had not heard the
bell,” Vickie continued, “and knew full well that zazen was not over, so having the priest
come into the kitchen was alarming, to say the least.
‘Vickie, what are you doing?’ he asked.
‘Cutting bananas for the fruit salad,’ I said.
The priest studied me for a moment, then replied: ‘Vickie… banana is not a noisy fruit.’”
The lesson for Vickie was simple. A noisy knife was a noisy mind.
This story deepened my definition of mindfulness. Being mindful was more than just
bringing full attention to whatever I was doing. It also meant being mindful of others while
doing it.
Vickie’s story was on my mind when I took two weeks vacation during the December holidays. My wife Jennifer and I resolved to stay home to enjoy our son’s first Christmas. (The
“stay-cation” as the kids call it.) For sure, it was a holiday to remember. But being home
all day for two weeks was also a reminder that my wife and I have different philosophies
regarding tidiness and daily upkeep in the house. Let’s just say that one man’s “sloppy” is
another man’s “laid back.” I’ll remove my shoes before entering the house, but leave them
plopped aimlessly at the back door. I’ll prepare sandwiches for lunch but not put the bread
away, or pull clothes from the dryer only to leave them stacked in the living room.
Come on, don’t I get some credit?! Look at me being a good husband!
But this year something was different. This time, for whatever reason, Jennifer did not
have to act as the whistle-blower. Instead, I actually noticed myself doing these things.
An empty coffee cup here… a wadded candy wrapper there… Did I do that? This was the
mind-less-ness that has led Jennifer to say she wants to strangle me. (I had deluded myself
into hearing: “I love you!”)
continued on page 5
clouds / photos by David Boyns
page 1 • jan-feb-mar 2013
jane schneider
mindfulness
In our practice, we emphasize “mindfulness.” We talk
about paying attention to every activity, whether sitting or
engaging in indoor or outdoor work and activity. Mindfulness is a means to an end, bringing body and mind
together. There are many ways to do this: counting breaths,
following breathing, chanting “namu kie Butsu” with each
stitch during rakusu making, putting your attention in
your mudra… etc.
All are means to pay attention, to be aware, to have body
and mind together, to give 100% of ourselves to the task at
hand, to stop dreaming. The Precepts that we take during
our Jukai ceremonies are also important methods for creating conditions of mindfulness in our daily lives. These
Precepts are:
First...........
Second......
Third.........
Fourth.......
Fifth..........
Sixth.........
Seventh.....
Eighth.......
Ninth.........
Tenth.........
not to kill
not to steal
not to misuse sex
not to lie
not to give or take drugs
not to discuss the faults of others
not to praise oneself while abusing others
not sparing the Dharma assets
not to indulge in anger
not to defame the Dharma
These Precepts exhort us to refrain from
harmful behavior to others and to ourselves.
Yet the sutras say that the self is an illusion,
that we are deluded in believing that self is
permanent and separate from other permanent
selves.
But even so, to “do no harm” is a good practice. To “do no harm” is based on a delusion,
but an effective one, because we believe that it
is true and always act on that belief. When we
follow the Precepts we feel better about ourselves because we like what we do. It makes
us feel that we are part of a bigger community. It works because the end result is
similar to the truth that we are already
connected, interdependent.
Ignoring the Precepts is so opposed
to reality that confusion is the result of our actions. This
creates negative karma. If we knowingly break a Precept,
believing that we are willfully doing it creates shame. We
may not even be aware of it but because of interconnection
and interdependence, we feel the karmic results of our treatment of others.
No matter how we see ourselves, either as defeating others or
as being defeated by others, or, as in the best of circumstances,
cooperating with others, belief in a permanent, unchanging
self is delusion about the nature of reality. Behavior that contradicts reality results in suffering. We may not even be aware
of the suffering until it flowers in us, many times removed
from its source.
Still, good behavior with others creates good karma in our
lives. This gives us the mental, emotional and physical space
we need to look more carefully and see how true are the beliefs
we hold about ourselves and others.
We will find that no matter how much we succeed in our
desires, the final result is never enough. Like a football
game, no matter how many times the game is won, there is
always another struggle to win. There is always that hole into
which everything vanishes, everything changes. Nothing
can be grasped; nothing can be contained for our continued
enjoyment.
We suffer from loss, bewilderment, and what appears to be
opposition to our intended goals. Inflexible beliefs
make us vulnerable to constant mistakes of
perception. And we grow older, though not
necessarily particularly wiser… unless, we
stop in our tracks, and really begin to
pay attention. We call this place “Beginner’s Mind Zen Center.” The mind of a
beginner is flexible and open, ready to see
things-as-they-are. Reality and perception
can flow together; the moment can flower
as-it-is
In our society prejudice, such as racism,
can deceive and cause evil behavior among
human beings. It can cloud minds so thoroughly that the humanity of another can be
forgotten. Being prejudiced about the permanent
nature of self causes us to forget the fluid nature
of reality, of each moment. We have to look
at our reality without prejudice of any kind,
without the filters of emotion, and thinking. In meditation we begin to do that
just by counting our breaths. To our
thinking mind, counting breaths
continued on page 4
jan-feb-mar 2013 • page 2
peter schneider
on practice is like marriage
When Suzuki Roshi began teaching in the late 50s and
early to mid 60s, he often spoke about way-seeking
mind. Way-seeking mind is the thought of becoming like
Buddha: it’s the thought of complete, perfect enlightenment, samyak sambodhi.
When you decide to try out meditation, that is not yet
way-seeking mind, or it may not be, because most often
people who try out meditation don’t just “start” or “begin”
that first time.
They’ve come thinking it would be good for them, or
they’ve come thinking that it will make them feel better.
But they don’t have the exact experience they were expecting or hoping for, or for some reason, they don’t return.
It is like being attracted to and going out with a person on
a date, but very often, as your experience has shown you,
it doesn’t go beyond the first date.
Way-seeking mind is more analogous to deciding to get
married. We are making a lifetime decision. And then
getting married is like taking the precepts. While deciding to get married is a commitment to another, having
a way-seeking mind is a commitment to yourself, rather
than to Buddha or to Buddhism.
And then spontaneously finding that you do have indeed
a way-seeking mind may be similar to saying “I love you”
to someone.
So in a way, taking the precepts sounds rather serious.
You may ask yourself, “Does it mean that I have to follow
them through the rest of my life? Does it tie me down
that much?”
In fact, as Suzuki Roshi might say, we have already taken
the precepts: you just don’t know it because they are the
face of your True Self in action.
The precepts, then, tell you how you’d really like to act if
you really knew who you were; if you really were aware of
your deepest nature.
Asking yourself why do I need them if I already have
way-seeking mind is like asking your loved one, “Why
do I actually need to get married if we are happy the way
things are around here now ?” if you are living together.
And practice, like marriage, has built-in problems, of
course. In practice, in doing zazen, you find and come
in conflict with your own selfish nature. In marriage this
page 3 • jan-feb-mar 2013
can sometimes
be deadly when
there are two selfish human beings
involved, neither of
whom knows their
own inner nature.
So practice can
seem like marriage,
though in your
case you are a stone
bumping itself, and
in marriage it can be like two stones bumping together.
The more one is selfish, the more one gets bumped. But, as
you experience the result of your own selfishness, which of
course is all that karma is, you find it is just the result of who
you are.
While in marriage, when people both understand that they
are selfish when they want their own way, although perhaps
not thinking about it that way, they then give into each other.
Indeed, this being the case, marriage in itself can be a good
practice.
Where Buddhism works differently is that way-seeking mind
is different from falling in love, because Buddha is not the
perfect mate for us, as, for example, Jesus is for Catholic nuns.
Buddha was always a man and never a god. Rather, as Suzuki
Roshi says, “He is a person who knew his and our nature more
than anyone else. A Buddhist teacher is just someone who has
studied human nature a lot.” So, practice is for us just studying ourselves and discovering our true human nature.
Some people come to meditation because they want to get
enlightened. And, a few do indeed accomplish this rather
quickly. That is, they have a glimpse of what their true nature
is like. And having had that, it helps them to want to continue
their practice.
In this sense, it is like having way-seeking mind. It is another
way of having way-seeking mind. It gives you confidence in
having your own true nature.
But, it isn’t necessary to have that experience. If you practice
long enough, you will have the experience. But, it is not necessary to look for it, to ask for it.
continued on page 4
jane schneider: mindfulness / continued from page 2
looks just logical enough to continue, but not satisfying enough to stay focused. The thinking mind is confounded and begins to slow down.
Practicing mindfulness is a way to sidestep a confused mind and look without prejudice, a very brave act,
as it literally means to let one’s self go, to put one’s self aside. That is a very difficult thing to do, because we
interpret putting one’s self aside as a loss. That means, who we are, what we believe, how we act, where we
come from, and so forth.
When a scientist does research, he or she has to look at the results without prejudice. Without that kind
of integrity the research would be meaningless. Our research has the hardest subject of all: ourselves. Our
research, beginning in zazen, requires the same integrity and leaves the door open for a wider understanding
of how we see ourselves.
Last weekend, talking about the Precepts led to a humorous activity. While sewing I asked everyone to put
a quarter in a jar every time they said something negative about another person. It was sobering to see how
much of our time was consumed with inconsequential words, in these cases, harmful words. It looks like
refraining from negative words about others could lead to long silences between people. That’s not a particularly bad thing, as a moment can flower beautifully even in silence. Offering money was not the point in that
practice. Mindfulness was the point. We practice mindfulness to look at our thinking mind, without prejudice, without judgment, to look at our thinking mind directly, not through opinions, other people, or any
kind of outside knowledge.
We are like someone who has a case full of treasure, but we are afraid to open it for fear it may be full of dross. So we’re content
to carry it around and only look at the case while imagining the treasure. We end up comparing our case to everyone else’s. If we
open up we might find that we all have the same treasure. But that’s risky, we think; what if we don’t?
Being mindful about our thinking mind and emotions is not becoming self-engrossed, either. That’s a waste of time. Mindfulness
is like walking a path in the woods and being aware of stones or holes or other obstacles in the road without forgetting the surroundings. Being mindful in activity doesn’t mean we forget the context of other activities and people. Mindfulness is not static,
but vibrant, fluid, flexible, and inclusive.
Our practice is not about becoming virtuous people and dispensing virtuousness to others. Mindfulness and following the Precepts will, finally, make us kinder, more compassionate and flexible people.
So open your case and discover the treasure there. And if you find some dross in there too, enjoy it. It makes the treasure
personal.
peter schneider: on practice is like marriage / continued from page 3
When the time is right, that’s what happens. Until that time, without considering that time as a goal, you only have to make the
commitment to yourself, to understand your own nature as Shakyamuni Buddha understood his own. And that is to experience
complete, perfect enlightenment.
And in practice, as in marriage and relationships, there can be difficult times. So, Keizan Zenji, and other Zen teachers have said,
“Once you have way-seeking mind, you must be courageous and diligent.”
Here, there are three things to remember: way-seeking mind, courage, and diligence. Your way-seeking mind, like your love,
must be strong. You must not give up. Rather, in practice, you also must give in. When you have done a lot of that you will find
that to take care of yourself is to take care of others, like you would take care of your children.
So, in Buddhism, when you forget about yourself, you will find your feelings for others as leaving yourself: leaving the need to
think about yourself, leaving your thoughts behind. This gives you the room in your mind to let in others, to take care of and
help others. That is the bodhisattva spirit.
Taking care of others becomes the same as taking care of yourself. Not having to take care of yourself anymore is what freedom is
all about, that is what enlightenment is all about. In this case, there is no difference between yourself and others.
And, this all starts with way-seeking mind.
jan-feb-mar 2013 • page 4
hearing bananas / continued from page 1
But not this time. There I was, relaxing at home for the holidays, but
at every move I could hear Vickie’s knife hitting the cutting board.
Clack, clack, CLACK!!
And that tied a nice bow on 2012 for me. I have heard the banana.
And the banana is me.
In my quest to integrate the practice into everyday life, it’s sometimes the simple lessons that get skipped. I would never get up from
zazen without brushing off the zabuton. Where we sit becomes a
sacred space – the cradle that holds us in both the relaxation and the
struggle. But to carry the practice with us everywhere means that we
are held by ALL spaces – and thus all spaces are sacred. The couch when watching TV… the drawer that holds the clothes… the
clothes that cover our bodies. They are just things. But things that are sacred in their own ways.
So I’m feeling a new awakening at home that I hope will last. I’m savoring the coffee, but putting the cup in the dishwasher, not
just for my wife, but also for me and the environment I occupy. Because when you get right down to it, my wife is not the only
one who likes a tidy coffee table.
And if my wife wants to strangle me a little less in 2013, that too is a nice benefit of Zen practice.
To her, I preemptively say, “You’re welcome.”
– Cody Farley
mahayana
The Greater Vehicle is not some gilded
carriage decorated with cherubs and
flowers, Cleopatra’s barge, or a Shaivite
juggernaut. It’s an old beater that no one
seems to own. It starts and runs ok, but
the tires are bald and the wiring’s all torn
up and smoking. The interior looks like
it’s gone through a flood. The passengers are well suited to
it–a demented bag lady, innocent and optimistic youngsters, a stupid
but perfectly nice iguana. Grass grows from soggy floorboards and who
knows what’s in the trunk or under all the junk in the torn back seat.
The moon-roof is stuck open. The driver knows the situation is hopeless
but cannot abandon anyone in the car or even conceive of it.
– Zenshin Tim Buckley
crane / photo by David Boyns
buddha liquor & market / photo by Mark Middlebrook
pure happiness
To be happy is to be your truest self. Otherwise known as “congruence” or “resonance,” your inner and outer realities agree. You
are “keepin’ it real.”
When you sit, there is no possibility of being a false self: there is no external standard to compare with. No one to win approval
from, no one to impress. When something hurts, you acknowledge it: YES, it hurts! No need to hide from the pain. Breathe into
it. When something feels good, YES! it feels good. Again, breath into it, acknowledge it.
Although sitting Zazen is essentially neutral, it is pure bliss. It is 100% true, 100% congruent. You feel what you feel, at the
moment that you feel it, with no need to hide or deny it. That is happiness.
– Jon Spalding
page 5 • jan-feb-mar 2013
wanna-bhikku
why the navy?
Pretty much every person I know gave me a really quizzical look when I told them
I was joining the Navy. Naturally, most asked me why I made such a decision, and
many were particularly curious about how this decision related to my identity as a
practicing Buddhist. After answering each of them one by one, hearing how the story
changed from person to person, I resolved to start a blog to discuss the interweaving of both issues as I see it. Maybe this is an egotistical
thing to do, but I feel that this exercise is possibly beneficial
are many of them
enough that it is okay.
in California,
A nice lady who gave me a ride to Tassajara for one last visit
before I shipped off asked what made me decide to join “the
war machine.” One of my teachers said simply, “being a
warrior is not Buddhist.” To the lady, my answer was something to the effect of wanting to understand the military
from the inside rather than keep the judgments I have made
with zero direct experience. I didn’t really have an answer
for my teacher. But I think both conversations exemplify
many American Buddhists’ feelings about the military and
Buddhism — feelings I do share, in part — and thus are
something I really want to examine.
I joined the navy because of a confluence of many issues in
my life. For one thing, I was not happy with where I was: I
worked at a coffee shop, I was living paycheck-to-paycheck,
I had no car, I had lost the motivation to continue pursuing
stand-up and/or acting… I did not feel like anything I was
doing gave my life any meaning. I was also unhappy about
having never challenged my analytical thinking skills; I
majored in theater (which is a decision I still am very happy
with), but I could easily have done some kind of engineering
degree instead. I wanted to travel more. I wanted to meet
and work with many different types of people.
Beyond these personal, practical issues lay a different kind
of reason for joining: it is my heart’s deepest wish to ordain
as a monk in the Zen Buddhist lineage of Suzuki-roshi,
eventually studying to lead and teach others in the practice.
I feel strongly that time in the Navy will not only shore me
up financially but will also provide a lot of good experience
which will benefit me as a leader. Aside from not being in
a good financial position, I felt going straight from “aimless L.A. ne’er-do-well” to “monk in the mountains” would
not serve my goals. I wanted to do something in the “real
world” before retreating for extended spiritual study. I feel
that such experience would give me a certain “street cred”
in the eyes of whomever I may lead in future… I figure
people will be more receptive to guidance from someone
who struggled with a life more like one they might be leading as opposed to someone who only ever led more of a
slacker/seeker existence. Perhaps I am wrong. But I would
not be content to set up a zendo and welcome the sort of
people who routinely seem to show up at such places (there
particularly in the
Bay Area). There
seem to be many
good teachers
who are available
for that demographic. I wish
to engage more
of a “blue-collar”
crowd, people who
are more reluctant to seek out Eastern spiritual practice; I want to bring
meditation practice to people who might miss out otherwise.
As for the compatibility of working for the military and guiding toward
Buddhist teaching, I question the notion that a Buddhist should avoid
the military. I feel that most people would think Buddhist philosophy
of non-violence, the precept against taking life, etc., would make a military career off-limits. After all, such work usually entails taking the life
of sentient beings, or at least aiding such efforts. However, I question
what is accomplished by avoiding doing such “dirty work” oneself. I
will be an engineer in a nuclear power plant aboard an aircraft carrier.
In all likelihood, I will never have to actually kill a person. However,
the planes taking off from the carrier will be dropping bombs, so I am
helping in a way. But aren’t all Americans helping by paying taxes?
Doesn’t merely enjoying the protection of the military mean that each
of us is already liable for the actions of the men and women who actually serve? What is gained by walking the ethical high ground while
others must go a different route? I feel certain that a truly appropriate
response to these questions is not so obvious, and I did not want to be a
spiritual snob. We are all one; the differentiations between “Buddhist”
and “warrior”, between “engineer” and “marine”, between “military” and
“civilian,” are arbitrary and demand examination. I hope to examine
these definitions up close. What’s more, I feel it is helpful to fill a spot in
the “war machine” with a body that really wishes for peace; perhaps in
my own small way I can help bring the gears to a halt. And while I feel
unequivocally that a military is necessary, I feel there is much room for
improvement in the manner in which our country runs military engagements. I think I may be more effective at bringing about the change I
wish to see in the world by being a part of this institution than by staying
out. These issues may elude resolution though I live a hundred years, but I
feel that for me to study them in this way is crucial.
– Chris Burnham
jan-feb-mar 2013 • page 6
driving
The steering wheel grips my hands.
The seat sits against
bottom.
Pedals dance beneath foot.
Windshield changes colors.
Rising on the interchange,
curving to the west,
the car knows nil of the onramp
nor of the driveway coming.
Tires thud on slab partitions.
The wind whirs
around the mirrors.
My hands grip the steering wheel
as my foot shifts to the break;
I am suddenly ahead
and less suddenly behind,
once again deaf and once
again blind.
I’m on the onramp, controlled,
and on the driveway stains.
I’ve turned the radio on.
I’m in Syria,
in Myanmar,
in Washington,
Detroit.
I’m welling in my chest
and clenching in my jaw;
grumbling in my stomach
and regretting it all.
The pain brings back breath.
It steers the car back, too.
I reach for radio silence;
see a future;
feel a past;
observe the discontent elapse.
Windshield changes colors.
Pedals dance beneath foot.
Seat sits against bottom.
The steering wheel grips my
hands…
mirror mirror
a poem by Jon Spalding
I turn my head to its limit,
trying to see my back.
And end up spinning in circles.
And then you were there,
a mirror angled just right.
I look ahead and find my way.
shivering dog
Shivering dog, waiting in the stairwell.
He has water, food.
Passersby pet him—he has company.
Tied to the railing, he can’t go anywhere.
It’s cold in the stairwell.
His master is busy with this and that.
The dog is a good dog, he can wait.
He wags his tail as people pass him.
But also whimpers in his restless shivering.
So well behaved.
Say hello to his master
Hello he says
Like a 10-year-old,
With gray beard and withered face.
So polite and friendly.
He’s a good man.
Then one day,
Shivering dog was no more,
Not yet replaced with a new one.
The old one has died, sick and lonely.
Was it illness from the cold, or heartache?
I greet his master.
Hello! he echoes with a distant stare and a weak smile.
Does he shiver in his office, alone?
– Jon Spalding
– Matt Propper
rearview mirror / photo by dreamstime
unspoken / drawing by Matt Propper
page 7 • jan-feb-mar 2013
jukai remarks 6 january 2013
bob payne
Thank you to all those of this marvelous
sangha who made this possible. Helen
for her teaching and patience with my
fat fingers and flexibility to working with
my unusual schedule, Sande who did
mysterious things and made great things
happen like our rakusu cases. Stacy who
helped me see the practice in the sewing.
David who made things easy to sit and
get our rakusus done. Cody and Mark
for contributing stitches. And to my
dharma brothers and sisters for their help,
sewing camaraderie, and discussion of old
movies.
In terms of what this means on my Dharma path, I would
indulge your patience for a bit of a story. It began as a seventeen year-old being told by an amazing girlfriend that I
wasn’t “present.” And when I told her what I wanted, she
said she would have to sit and think on it awhile. And, she
told me about her father who would go away for weekend
retreats with this Japanese fellow named Suzuki, which
made me wonder why a famous violin teacher would be
holding retreats in San Francisco.
Then as a musician, learning the ultimate musical
expression being that combination of preparedness and
connection realizing a state of flow with fellow musicians
and an audience. Discovering in a comparative religions class
in college that Buddhism is kind of about creating that same
sense of flow in everyday life. To reading a bed-time story to
my daughter Melissa and knowing the instant she fell asleep
by being swept away by a powerful flow of relaxation. To
being told by that same high-school girlfriend 36 years later
that she married somebody who was very “present.” And
that her experience with Buddhism started with this book by
Suzuki Roshi called Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind. To discovering the book in the gift shop of the Norton Simon Museum,
then experiencing a taste of that sense of flow in the third
sitting on a stack of pillows before I learned what a zafu was.
Thank you Seanne for that life-lesson and showing me where
the path started.
And to bring this story back around, thank you to our bodhisattva teachers Jane and Peter Schneider for their teaching,
making this Zen Center happen and showing me how to
bring this fragmentary path into a useful focus and a more
skill-full way of life.
jukai celebrants / photo provided by Nancy Marriott
rakusu sewing group / photo by David Boyns
rakusu calligraphy / photos by Stacy Dickler
jan-feb-mar 2013 • page 8
jukai remarks 6 january 2013
ellyse adele vitiello
I have been coming to Beginner’s Mind Zen Center with baby steps for decades. I
started with Kyudo with Shibata Sensei at the Open Center and Shambhala Center
in NYC and later at Zen Mountain Monastery in the Catskills and Karma Choling
in Vermont.
My reading started with The Hundred Thousand Songs of Milarepa translated from
the Tibetan by Garma C.C. Chang and his song to Lady Paldarboom on practice
and meditation:
jukai celebrants / photo provided by Nancy Marriott
garden / photo by Tim Buckley
Take the sky as an example, practice without any sense of limit or position. Take the sun and the moon, practice without
any sense of clarity or distortion. Take this mountain, practice without any sense of movement or change. Take the great
ocean, practice without any sense of depth or surface. To bring out mind, practice without any doubt or hesitation.
Lady Paldarboom replied I was happy practicing, but uneasy with the clouds, the stars and planets, the grass and trees, the
waves and many thoughts.
Milarepa responded, If you are happy practicing with the sky, the sun and moon, the mountain, the ocean and the mind,
Be the Sky itself. Be the Sun and the Moon itself. Be the Mountain itself. Be the Ocean itself. Be Mind itself.
When she practiced with these instructions, she came to a clear
understanding of the nature of pure being. Later, she went to the
dakini realms in her own body accompanied by the sounds of
cymbals.
When I arrived in Los Angeles I attended Unfettered Mind with Ken
McLeod at Against the Stream Center in East Hollywood. There I met
Edward Wright who told me of the Beginner’s Mind Zen Center in
Northridge. I met Peter and Jane and thanked Edward.
The Backward Step is a publication of
Beginner’s Mind Zen Center
9325 Lasaine Avenue • Northridge, CA 91325
818-349-7708
www.beginnersmindzencenter.org
Please direct all inquiries, comments
and submissions to the editor:
[email protected]
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© 2012 Beginner’s Mind Zen Center. All rights reserved.
page 9 • jan-feb-mar 2013
jukai remarks 6 january 2013
jon fish
so I am reminded
to thank my teachers and their teachers and their teachers,
back to the beginning of a lineage. Now my lineage. Deep thanks.
each teaching, not just by talk or even action
maybe teaching most by being their true selves, sharing glimpses of truth
and yet still teaching in the in-betweens
so I am reminded
to thank my parents and their parents and their parents.
each giving rise and caring for and letting go of the next
as best they could, given their parents and their circumstances
and their abilities and their inabilities
each teaching not so much by talk or even action
but just by being their true selves, sharing glimpses of truth
and yet still teaching in the in-betweens
so I am reminded
to thank you, my companions.
each sharing what we are able to share of our true selves
even as we search for what that means
and yet still teaching in the in-betweens
I am a grateful student of my teachers
and of my parents
and of you, my companions
so I am reminded
mind changes from moment to moment, and with it reality.
moving from head to heart and
deeper
truth awaits
being true in every moment
being re-minded
so I am reminded
first warm morning breath
brilliant and so full of sound
watch! what happens now?
first hot morning breath
mirage, anticipation
what might happen next?
first cool morning breath
still tired, remembering sleep
what did I forget?
first cold morning breath
inhale sky, fog out
no time for stopping
parent’s. final. breath.
with. struggle. gasping. holding.
so easily let go
so I am reminded
vast sky
blue
sky full of ocean
ocean full of sky
sky in breath
breath in sky
sky in rock
in the in-betweens
sky within the smallest, simplest
single-most, purest thing
you can think of
sky in thought itself
sky between us
just sky
vast sky
blue
just so
so I am reminded
six days out: fourth recess lake, john muir wilderness / photo by Jon Fish
page 10 • jan-feb-mar 2013
jukai remarks 6 january 2013
maria hall
I’ve been meditating regularly for about a year now, which makes
me the least experienced meditator among this year’s Jukai
ordainees. But I’m no stranger to Buddhism. In college, I enjoyed
studying Buddhist teachings and art. Later on, after I got married, my husband set a great example by sitting zazen first thing
each morning. But for some reason, I thought sitting wasn’t “for
me.” I thought Zen practice was solitary and boring. Why would
anyone want to just “sit there” and “do nothing?!?”
I would’ve started practicing sooner if someone told me Zen practice is a team sport! Just like athletes in training, zazen requires
personal discipline, but just as important, we need experienced
coaches who understand our potential and guide us; teammates
who share our commitment; and opponents to test us. Zen practice feels like that to me. Like a pitcher trying to learn to throw
a curve ball by reading a biography of Sandy Koufax and then
throwing the baseball in his backyard alone, there are limits to
what we can accomplish alone. We’ve got to get out in the world
and practice – together!
I can’t describe in words the growth I’ve experienced in the past
year, but I can say I’m generally more solid, less worried, and
slower to anger. But that’s not because of sitting solo; it’s because
of sitting – and being – with the Sangha. I’m so grateful to
have stumbled upon a world class team at Beginner’s Mind Zen
Center. We’re not vying to win the World Series, but we are all, in
our own unique ways, working together to become a little wiser
and more compassionate, sharing a commitment to bringing
about true liberation for all.
Jane gave me the name Ji Den So Sei, meaning “compassionate field,
courageous vow.”
from the preface to his work
still listening to crows by Richard Weekley
The beginning of this book
Is not its true beginning
The beginning is an illusion.
Remember that.
The beginning of this book
Cannot be found.
This book begins on every page
And ends on none of them.
The beginning is like the end.
The end is the beginning.
page 11 • jan-feb-mar 2013
furniture
missoula, montana
photo by Beth Wolfson
random lessons from sewing rakusus the class of 2012
Pronunciation. To the great amusement of all
within earshot, I confused the word “rakusu”
with the word for the Japanese tattooed organized criminal class gangsters know as “Yakuza .”
Google did not help. During the weeks of sewing,
my pronouncing improved somewhat: the first
syllable is accented and sounds like “rock” to me,
the middle syllable is silent and finally “su” is said
softly. Lesson: take teasing with humor. (Ellyse)
Persistence. When I saw the Stacy’s rakusu up
close and personal, despair was tempting. More
challenging than origami, but all seven of us were
to work together with assistance of Jane, Helen
and Stacy. We had ample time. And when mistakes were made, removing stitches and re-sewing
was an option. Each new component requires
learning new skills. Meaning, new techniques are
difficult at first and then with repetition become
easier. Even though we are learning to abandon
clinging, the desire for smaller and more nimble
fingers did require some investigation on the cushion. (Ellyse)
Acceptance. With a deadline looming, another
decision arrived. Not all stitches are perfect, some
may have to be tolerated, even if they show, permanently, that errors have been made. True in
rakusu as in life. Realizing that the rakusu will
be perfect however it comes out. Each stitch as
an expression of personality. Some big and bold,
others small precise and tightly controlled…
another opportunity to learn about our ourselves.
(Ellyse)
Asking for help. Reading and interpreting
written instructions and measuring in centimeters and inches, and
dividing without calculators, may be beyond those with arithmetic
phobias. Asking for help, more than once, when told “you can do
this!” is humbling, but not all skills are distributed evenly. (Ellyse)
Namu kie butsu recitation. It should be simple to sew as if saying
a rosary or chanting a sutra. Being a social creature with the habit of
chatting up my associates, I needed encouragement, and was repeatedly told to cut the chatter, and sew. Getting to know the Sangha
can be done with the intention of following instructions, although
occasional lapses of talk about Zen Center activities, books, food and
films did occur. (Ellyse)
Gratitude. Jane looked at my two weeks of effort on the face of my
rakusu and examined it with a ruler and said “Good measuring.” My
amateur sewing looked awkward, even to my unpracticed eye, but
Jane made a positive comment
with simple truth and sincerity.
I am thankful for the support,
assistance, stitches, and sense of
community effort contributed
by the members of the sangha.
(Ellyse)
Mindfulness. Verbal instructions may get vague when sewing alone
at home. Each stitch is an opportunity to make an error, especially
when using a contrasting color thread which is supposed to stay visible from one side and invisible on the other. Points of view differ
widely. (Ellyse)
Rakusu Making as Practice. Looking into the root causes of
frustration sparked by engaging in new, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable skills brings another dimension to our practice. Maintaining a
semblance of mindfulness as the needle sinks into finger flesh, working a thread through a needle that seems to be in mortal fear of being
threaded, realization that hours of work was for naught for misunderstanding a simple instruction, pride of accomplishment as the jumble
of cloth and thread starts to actually look like a rakusu. All opportunities to deepen our practice through looking at and learning how to
accept the less helpful thoughts that arise. (Bob)
Reality Bites & Soothes. I have always enjoyed sewing, making
something useful from raw materials or repairing things. This sewing
with friends became more than just sewing. Did I allow comparison
and self-criticism into the room? Did sarcasm and irony escape my
lips along with the friendly banter? If so, there was also sympathy
for tearing out stitches and re-do’s, really helping hands available at
every turn. My sewing companions became siblings, taking big steps
together, now and into the future. (Ellyse)
rakusu sewing group / photos by David Boyns
page 12 • jan-feb-mar 2013
conversations with a shuso 20 january 2013
Shuso, in my life I encounter many people in positions of
power and authority who act irresponsibly. They abuse their
authority, engage in substance abuse, and treat others unfairly.
Given these complexities, how can we engage these people,
encourage them to act differently, and act to the benefit of
others?
Response: Your first duty is to be yourself and respond naturally to suffering in a compassionate way. Accomplishing this
may take a long time, and only through practice may you be
able to act reverentially as a compassionate witness. Act to
benefit those who are being harmed or the person is doing
the harming themselves. We should remember the Bodhisattva Vow and trust in that vow; trust in the self and see the
vow and one’s self as one thing.
Shuso, sometimes I feel like the Three Treasures and my
teachers are like a vast ocean holding me up. But, sometimes is
seems like I am held and supported by things I don’t understand,
like I am a guest somehow. Because of this, I feel troubled and
oppressed in this situation. At times, in this ocean there is too much
water. How do I find my ground? What exactly are we doing here?
Response: The Dharma is water. We flow and keep flowing. In
the morning when I put on my okesa and chant “Great Robe
of Liberation,” I don’t actually know what that chant means. I
entrust it to the great mystery. If the Three Treasures, teachers,
and your sangha are a mystery, that is okay. We don’t need to
decide which molecule of water we like and don’t like. While you
are in this household, simply take care of the sangha. We don’t
need to know whether we are sinking or swimming. I can’t give
you more helpful words. Recognize when we can’t understand
things and trust the mystery.
Shuso, what is it like when the forward foot steps onto the floor?
Response: The back foot is sure to follow. To step forward is practice into liberation.
Shuso, in the Heart Sutra, after speaking about ignorance and the
ending of ignorance, it says there is no casual liberation between birth
and death. What does this mean?
Response: There is no ignorance and there is no enlightenment.
We often send up smoke signals about our experience – ignorance
smoke, enlightenment smoke. Both are useful, relative guides to
our practice. Be mindful about creating the smoke. To have some
sense of enlightenment and suffering is not an absolute given.
There is an end to suffering. Even though there is no enlightenment or ignorance, it is useful to have them as tools to support
our practice.
Shuso, how can I find the balance in my life and my place among
so much suffering?
Response: It may seem that at places like Tassajara and Eihei-ji
that monastic practice is a difficult practice. But, in actuality,
page 13 • jan-feb-mar 2013
lay practice is more difficult. We are confronted with issues of
political economy, violence and atrocities, and work life. This is
lay practice. When we practiced with Suzuki Roshi, most of us
in our hearts were against the Vietnam War, racism, and social
injustice, and came to Tassajara to practice Zen, but we couldn’t
leave these issues outside. During this time, many people were
really getting hurt. There was a lot of anger and fear, and for
myself … self-righteousness. Luckily, I am not king of the world;
I am only Shuso for another half-hour. During this time, there
was also the Cold War scare. Our question was, should we go out
as baby bodhisattvas and protest the war, or should we sit zazen
in a canyon, eating brown rice. Suzuki Roshi had gone through
World War II, holding a nonviolent position. He said, “war is
inevitable.” Horrors and atrocities are inevitable. You can’t stop
them. Just be glad you are not doing the killing. We should feel
terrible sorrow for those doing the killing, while we worry about
organic tomatoes. Be grateful for people doing the killing. We
have to live with it, in its shadow, and practice hard to accomplish the bodhisattva way. We practice to become enlightened
and come back lifetime after lifetime. Take a deep breath, as if to
say “I see you.” That’s lay practice. Maybe it will take you to the
streets, hospitals, or protest lines. Act from your heart. Know it is
basically hopeless. Even with electric cars, there will still be radical climate change. Change is inevitable. With this in mind, you
will have great freedom. Sorry for
going on so long. I am selfish.
Shuso, full or empty?
Response: Neither.
Shuso, sacred or common?
Response: Neither.
shuso ceremony / photos by Michael Sheehan
conversations with a shuso / continued from page 13
Shuso, five or three?
Buddha Way. As bodhisattvas, we continue practicing.
Shuso, I have a question about emptiness. It is an empty
Response: None.
question.
Shuso, show me the source of language.
Response: [hits staff on block]
Response: [raises the shippe staff high overhead ]
Shuso, Suzuki Roshi said, the most important thing is to find the most
important thing. What is the most important thing?
Response: Not knowing.
Shuso, I don’t have a question for you, but I want to say thank you. I
am grateful for being part of this ceremony, and for you being my teacher
today.
Response: Later, I am supposed to say I am grateful for this opportunity, but I am not worthy. I will express it now.
Shuso, I have many hopes. Often the distance between these hopes and
their completion is vast, and it causes me pain. I have read that a hopeless
life is a joyous life. I trust this, but I cannot live it. It seems that I have a
dead life. Can you speak to this?
Response: Not myself. But, there is a quote: “Wake up like a dead
man. Sit like a dead man. Sleep like a dead man.” In a sense, does a
corpse have hopes? I assume not. Be dead. Play dead. Shovel a little dirt
on top. Have hopes for something separate from you? Forget about it.
Just live life with full confidence. If you are dead, what can you do?
“They’ll kill me if I get it wrong?” Give up hope, and you
will feel like a bird. This answer may not satisfy your longing, but it is the truth.
Shuso, Suzuki Roshi said that one of the most important
teachings is that “everything changes.” Is that why Bodhidharma said, “I don’t know?”
Response: Bodhidharma caused Emperor Wu great trouble.
He escaped on a reed across a lake, sat in a cave for nine
years. If I say “Ellyse!” … who hears?
Shuso, in your practice, when mountains and rivers block
your way, what do you do?
Response: Swim and climb, climb and swim. We do not need to do
anything special. If we float down the river, or are sitting under a
willow tree, we shouldn’t be climbing. These are rich metaphors, but
there are mountains and rivers that block your way, and there are
not mountains and rivers. We can’t break it down. There isn’t even a
moment when we stop on a trail. That is a billion moments. Mountains
and rivers may seem like matters of life and death, but not to solve the
great mystery, as the han outside says, that is the great matter. Have
intention to conquer life and death at the price of our consciousness.
When mountains and rivers come your way, do not hesitate. Mountains and rivers, life and death, the great mystery, can only be solved
right now! We solve it, right now through practice and sitting. Even
when sitting, it doesn’t matter if someone forgets to ring the bell. Come
back to the stillpoint. To sit upright, and meet life and death is the
Shuso, how can you see when you are blind?
Response: To be blind is not to be able to see. The problem,
however, is not being blind. It is seeing that is the problem.
The practice is one of mindfulness. Sometimes we treat
mindfulness like it is “Now, I put the left foot down. Now,
I put the right foot down.” In Zen, mindfulness is not
exactly this. It means to be alert to whatever is going on.
It is not like Amazing Grace, where we are “blind but now
can see.” Within vision, how can you see more? Hear more?
Taste and think more clearly? That is our practice. Alert
attention. You notice things you haven’t noticed before.
Every apparent object, movement, fall of sunlight is an
enormous blessing. We are continually blessed. But if we get
stuck in blindness, we have gotten sidetracked by our own
suffering. Want to let go of suffering and blindness? Forget
about it. People who are blind have vision without their eyes
and develop profound vision with other senses.
Shuso, when I came to practice six years ago, I felt my life
was short and I didn’t have enough time left to get
something out of practice. I still have these feelings.
How can I let go of these feelings and support my
practice?
Response: I am familiar with the notion of sand
running out of the hour glass. We have to ask,
“Who is supposed to do what?” and “Why you?”
and “Will the world be any different?” If I forget
to give time to the food bank, will they be upset?
Who is important? Why you? You who? “Yooowhooo!” This is something you have invented.
Realize this is something you have created. If we forget this
“you,” we will become very free and not feel like so many
responsibilities are up to us. Feel free to respond naturally
with one’s own action, time, self. That should take care of it.
None of us are the only ones taking this bodhisattva vow.
Good luck.
Shuso, the precepts say that we should “vow to deliver
innumerable sentient beings.” Slaughtering animals is a heavy
transgression because it cuts short the lives of future Buddhas.
The Lankavatara and Śūraṅgama Sutras both condemn meat
eating as well. Can you talk to this?
Response: You are looking at a meat eater. I have also killed
animals in order to eat, to feed others. In considering this
issue, I have to look up from my own worm-like position.
To kill is a terrible burden, but human life is such that
shuso ceremony / photo by Michael Sheehan
page 14 • jan-feb-mar 2013
conversations with a shuso / continued from page 14
someone has to kill – hunters, sociopaths, those engaged in their
patriotic duty to defend freedom. I am no one to lecture you on
one’s diet. In Buddhism, we are called to minimize harm. My
second teacher tricked me into killing for him. It is important
that we don’t get moralistic about the precepts. The precepts are
a way we can find our way through contradictory, double-bind
situations. While it may reduce negative consequences by being
a vegetarian or vegan, if we get moralistic – thinking “I am
better than you” – are we serving the world, or are we removing ourselves from it? The bodhisattva is often seen as a celestial
being that hovers about our world, but bodhisattvas have to
visit many realms. They must visit the creatures in hell and in
heaven. If, for you, the precept against killing means not eating
meat, don’t eat meat. Suzuki-roshi used to say, “Don’t make
vows; you may have to break them.” Remember Bodhidharma’s
response to Emperor Wu: “No merit.” No merit.
Shuso, in the ground of nothingness, how do I know if I have
enough nothingness?
Response: [Laugh. Loud laugh. Full laugh fills the room. Staff
sounds.]
Shuso, I don’t really have a question.
Response: I think you have a question in you. Let’s hear it.
Okay, I’ d like to go back to the question on vegetarianism. We have
to consider the fact that can’t be negated, that the Buddha did eat
meat. He died from uncooked pork.
Response: This is a very different topic. Our effort to attain the
bodhisattva way becomes very personal. If you have any choice
at all about food, you will get silly about it. Some people eat
beans and rice every day. Some eat venison. We have lots of
choices, but we can get lost in those choices. The Buddha was
a vegetarian, as a Brahmin that is certainly true. This issue is
where decisions of food choices come into one’s personal life.
We can get far out. When I was younger I ate a macrobiotic
diet. A six-foot-four man on a macrobiotic diet [laughs]. I got
skinny and sick on a macrobiotic diet. Sometimes our choices
can be just silly. The precept is to give life whenever you can,
with eyes, breath, voice, etc. But when we cut off the breath of
another person, the voice of another person, we can take away
life. You should just be yourself, and offer up yourself. We need
to make the precepts a personal matter as we see fit.
Maybe you feel you shouldn’t eat milk, eggs, or the cows in
bound servitude. Practitioners in the Jain religion fear killing things – they often wear masks so they do not breathe in
insects, and strain their water. Many starve to death.
We can follow these kinds of practices and not hear a word of
Dharma. Where did Hui-neng go when he left Tung Chian
page 15 • jan-feb-mar 2013
Monastery? He went to live with the hunters. Although Hui-neng
was a vegetarian, he lived with hunters for a time, and he would
cook his veggies in the same pot. When it was done, he would eat
his veggies.
This issue reminds me of a story I recently heard. A woman
encountering a homeless man offers to give him money, but only
conditionally, saying “If I give you money, you must promise me you
will not use it to buy drugs or alcohol. You will only use it to buy
food. And please, make sure the food you buy is only organic!”
Shuso, the uttering of sincere babble, the loquacious stream seems to
go on and on. Our ancestors resolved the great matter in one word or
phrase. Show us!
Response: Accept!
Is this the form that American Zen practice will take? Is this what American Zen
practice will be … loquaciousness? I should
accept this?
Response: You already know the answer
to this. Accept the teaching, the Dharma.
In time, America will develop its own
form of Dharma to guide its own needs.
Is this what Bodhidharma meant when he
said “I don’t know?”
preparing shippe / photo by Stacy Dickler
Response: No. No merit. Emperor Wu still did not get the fundamental point.
Bodhidharma did not go on and on.
Response: Talkativeness runs in my family. It is a family trait.
Shuso, we have heard talks during this practice period about the One
Bright Pearl. In these talks, we heard about the broken tile that cannot
be cast away. Today you have
shown us “whole tile Tim.”
Show me “broken tile Tim.”
Response: This is “broken tile
Tim.” There is no difference.
[Bows]
quantum consciousness
In the world of physics, quantum mechanics is a topic of study that accurately describes how single particles behave. For example,
quantum mechanics can be used to predict and describe the way that light, which is a bunch of particles called photons, interacts
with your eyeball; quantum mechanics also describes how the electrons in your computer or your phone move around. In fact,
the invention of the transistor earlier this century was a major milestone in the implementation of quantum mechanics, and without transistors I could not publish this essay.
One of the amazing and mysterious predictions of quantum mechanics is that a quantum mechanical object (usually a single
particle like an electron) is in more than one place at once. In fact, the Nobel prize for physics in 2012 was awarded to two physicists, David Wineland and Serge Haroche, for demonstrating this property for atoms and for light. In Wineland’s research, he
took a single atom, and put it into a quantum mechanical state in which it was literally in two separate locations at the same
time, separated by about 10 times the diameter of the atom. This is known as “quantum superposition,” and although you could not
see the atoms with your own eyes, it is a great technological accomplishment. In another example, a researcher made a very, very
small vibrating plank (similar to a diving board). He observed the plank to be simultaneously vibrating up and down and standing
still. Talk about a paradox!
However, what is equally interesting is that if you are not careful when you observe
or measure the location (state) of a quantum object, you disturb it so that it settles
into only a single state. By observing the state of a quantum object, you can force it into
one state at the exclusion of many possibilities. In the world of quantum mechanics
this is known as “collapsing the wavefunction.”
How Can You Be in
Two Places at Once, When
You’re Not Anywhere At All?
Title of a 1969 comedy recording
by The Firesign Theatre
Can you imagine observing a car driving past you on the freeway, going over the
speed limit and completely stopped at the same time? That’s the equivalent of the
quantum diving board. Or even more incredible, can you imagine that as soon as
you looked at the car that was in two states at once (both stopped and going fast), it suddenly and at random chose one of the
two states, simply because you looked at it? Clearly, this is not possible for macroscopic objects like automobiles.
But there is one way that these quantum mechanical principles do apply to our everyday lives, and even more so to our Zen practice. That is the working of the human mind, which has been hypothesized to be a quantum mechanical object, although current
knowledge of how the brain works, and what science has to say about consciousness as we experience it, is a work in progress.
Yet you don’t need to become a neuroscientist to experiment with your own mind and to observe how your consciousness works;
by studying Zen you have already begun to do this. And the quantum principles I have just mentioned—superposition of states
and collapsing the wavefunction—are simple to observe within yourself and others. For instance, you can observe a superposition
of your emotional states. Have you ever been angry at someone you love? When this happens, you experience both the anger and
the love simultaneously.
Other emotions can also be mixed. You can even observe the observational paradox that is equivalent to collapsing the wavefunction. This observational paradox arises whenever you interact with someone and observe them. For example, I might be having
a wonderful day, having just meditated for several hours with few thoughts in my mind. Then a well-intentioned friend comes
by and asks very seriously, “How are you doing today?” with a worried look on his face. At first I say, “I am wonderful!” Then
my friend says, with an even more worried look, “No, really. How are you doing?” I immediately think that something must
be wrong with me because my friend is worried about me, and this starts me thinking about all the things that worry me! For
instance, I might have been given 6 months to live by my doctor, or have some nagging health problem that I am monitoring.
Or as a result of my friend’s insistent probing, I might remember that ultimately we are all going to die, or even eventually, the
Universe will implode by some unimaginable process. Because my friend observed me, I have changed. This is ubiquitous to our
experience.
For instance, when people always tell you “you’re so good at such and such” you begin to believe that “such and such” is your
only talent. As a result you start to identify with “such and such,” holding onto it as if it was the only thing that makes you who
you are, or as if it was the only thing you could ever do to earn a living. These beliefs are nonsense of course, since almost anyone
can, over time, learn almost anything and do almost anything that they set their mind to. But the example serves its point: by
being observed by someone, your state (who you think you are) is created. Yet if you hadn’t been observed, your raw potential is
page 16 • jan-feb-mar 2013
quantum consciousness / continued from page 16
limitless and your mind could be in several different “places” at the same
time – most of those being happy, curious, adventurous and fully creative
places.
The first lesson is that you must be careful how you observe other people,
as your observation changes them. Most of the time, it is best to observe
people “out of the corner of your eye” – including yourself. Observing
yourself in this way takes some practice (perhaps years of meditation
practice!).
There is a deeper parallel to this “state collapse” process in consciousness
(in fact there are many more parallels, but for brevity sake, let’s stick to
NASA
just one here). I would suggest that the “you” that is experienced while
deep in meditation is a broad superposition of states of mind – so many that who you are ceases to exist. It’s in this way that
we become free during meditation – free from our own and from others’ expectations and beliefs about ourselves. Then, when
you enter your daily life and “put your work clothes on again,” you suddenly collapse into who you think you are and into the
expectations from other people. Yet, if you can carry your meditative mind-state into your work and the rest of your day, you are
allowed more freedom from these attachments about the future and the past. Such freedom is important to “liberating” ourselves.
If you spent your whole life unable to escape your constructed notion of who you are and how you should behave, you would
never be able to learn, change, and adapt to new circumstances.
For instance, our masculine culture teaches boys and men that showing emotions “normally” associated with girls and women is
a sign of weakness. As a result, many men don’t have much experience with and therefore aren’t confident in how to feel or show
compassion, or how to deal with and express sadness. Boys that cry when they are sad are made to feel weak and are shamed. But
when something sad happens, a man who hasn’t learned how to express his sadness honestly might avoid the sadness by drinking
alcohol or immersing himself in a hobby. Such distractions don’t heal or even express his sadness. After meditating for some time,
however, a man may gain clarity so that in moments of sadness he can see that it’s all alright to express his sadness, and find the
freedom to experience his emotions, and ultimately heal sadness.
The second lesson is that by not “observing yourself,” you allow yourself the freedom to be more creative, to be more compassionate, to be more in the moment, all as a direct result of not collapsing your mental state to one of infinite possibilities. This
collapsing process can leave your mind in a “rut” that you cannot get out of except by practicing not collapsing your mind state.
From my experience, this collapsed state can lead to
psychological inflexibility, a sense of being stuck and
unable to change.
– Jon Spalding
attention
Gassho to Richard Weekley for helping me clear away the cob webs
Half watching a chain of ants draw
itself over a fallen maple leaf, I recognized
my own hand. While the ants,
ignoring me, followed
each other to the nest, I crumpled
without looking
the letter I had just signed
home.
– Matt Propper
page 17 • jan-feb-mar 2013
getty villa lotus / photo by Justin Zumbro
mindful learning
A primary reason meditation improves our lives is that it enhances our ability to learn, remember, and understand;
or, in other words, meditation makes us smarter. For me, the Zen meditation that we practice at Beginner’s Mind
has resulted in an improved ability to learn from life, as well as from school. The calm mind developed through
meditation leads to greater focus as well as vastly improved patience. Patience is crucial to learning, because we
cannot control when new insights and understandings will arrive, but we can only work towards developing knowledge and perceptive abilities from which insight develops. Up to the point of developing comprehension, we will feel
uneasy; in fact, we may feel off-­balance, anxious, or even depressed when we are attempting to understand something that we do not fully understand. It requires great patience to wait out this period of discord and to continue
attempting to understand.
The patience that one must develop for one’s own learning is also necessary in order to be a good teacher. While I was tutoring at a
nearby community college (College of the Canyons) in 2011, the patience I developed through meditating became quite useful. Often,
I was confronted with assisting students from all different age groups, ethnicities, and even countries—and as diverse as these students were, the underlying difficulty with mathematics was nearly uniform—fear and impatience. Fear and impatience were the two
common problems that students faced in learning math, yet these hindrances have nothing to do with math itself, but with an attitude
developed over years of poor and inattentive instruction, from teachers and school systems that were not patient with the students.
Although I claim to be a “wonderful student,” I too continue to suffer the detrimental effects of this rigid educational culture.
I completed my bachelors of science in Aerospace Engineering at University of California, San Diego, and will soon earn a master’s
degree in physics from California State University, Northridge. My final academic goal is to complete a PhD in Physics, and if I am
lucky, become a physics professor. This effort requires great perseverance–endurance and patience–in order to sustain motivation to
complete another degree at yet another university. And even with all these past accomplishments, I still face the occasional bout of
test anxiety, and fear of math and science. I believe that this is because my teachers, due to factors outside their control or due to their
own inattention, create a hostile and stressful learning environment. This is a primary factor that led me to Zen—a desire to deal more
effectively with a stressful and discouraging learning environment in order to complete my goals. If you are afraid of failing or judgment, you will never push yourself and test your limits. And if you never push yourself to your limits, you will never learn.
I have often­times blamed my teachers for not providing an ideal atmosphere in which to learn. Attending only public schools, my
classes were always filled to the maximum, and it seemed we spent more time taking exams than actually learning. Yet, at Elite Education test preparation company in Northridge, I was faced with teaching algebra to a half dozen advanced pre­‐teens and experienced
the other side. Though my small class was well-behaved and all went smoothly, I quickly came to appreciate the challenges facing a
teacher: standing in front of a group of sleepy or hyper kids, each bringing his or her own problems and personality to the classroom,
and trying to teach them a lot of material in a limited amount of time. Most kids would rather be playing video games, and few of my
students felt like doing the immense amount of homework that’s necessary to learn algebra in just eight weeks. The least creative but
nearly sure­‐fire way to keep such a group behaving well is through frequent, stressful exams.
The most creative way, however, is to create a supportive, caring, and fun learning environment. I experimented with this by working on math problems together as a group, not telling the students the correct way until they had struggled a bit trying to figure it out
on their own. To my surprise, the students really got excited by going up to the board and writing out math problems, and so I used
this tactic often. Everything else just seemed too boring for both the students and myself. Had it not been for my meditation practice, I may have relied on exams to ensure a quiet and well­‐behaved group of students and have continued to lecture the poor kids for
hours on end. Because I was unafraid to experiment (as meditation reduces your overall fear and improves creativity) I ventured into
“unknown” territory and tried to liven up the class.
Although I know that there are better ways to learn than the standard routine of lectures, homework and exams, I continue to
patiently work my way through my education with professors that don’t know how to make a class enjoyable and who sometimes lecture directly from the textbook. My meditation practice has given me the patience and perhaps even a little wisdom to sit attentively
through this seemingly endless, often boring, and usually uninspiring process, so that I may someday be in a position to do things
differently.
As meditation is my primary practice at BMZC, teaching and learning in an academic setting are my career’s practice, and I enjoy
using what I have learned in Zen practice in my academic life. So if you, a friend, or a loved one would like more information about
mindful learning, please let me know!
– Jon Spalding
page 18 • jan-feb-mar 2013
flower arrangement workshop
The class will based on the art of simple floral arrangements that the instructor
has learned from taking classes, and from having practiced for years in her home
and in our zendo.
Goals: Learn the basic techniques of flower arranging. Cultivate attention to
detail, patience, and compassion. Develop confidence in making simple beautiful
arrangements for yourself, for your friends and for your family.
When & Where: Saturday, 6 April 2013, 2:00 pm - 4:00 pm at Beginner’s Mind Zen Center, 9325 Lasaine Avenue,
Northridge, CA 91325
Materials that will be provided: A small vase, frog (traditional pointed flower holder), pebbles/stones, florist wire
and tape, fresh flowers and foliage. (Please bring gardening shears or scissors if you have them.)
Register: On or before Sunday, 17 March 2013; cost (to cover materials and a donation to
BMZC): $25.00. To register, send an email to [email protected] and make your payment
of $25 to BMZC (bring a check to a Saturday morning, or pay on-line using the beginnersmindzencenter.org “donate” link and use the “special instructions” feature during PayPal checkout
and leave a note that this is “for flower class” ). In order to give us sufficient time to purchase
materials, please register AND bring your payment by March 17th.
Your Instructor: Kaishin Stacy Dickler
photos (and flowers) by Stacy Dickler
encountering red pine
When it was announced that well-known Buddhist author and translator Bill Porter
(Red Pine) would be giving a talk at the Los Angeles Zen Center (LAZC), I knew
that I didn’t want to miss this opportunity to learn from him. And, knowing the
LAZC area, it was important to arrive early for the sake of parking. It turned out
that I arrived earlier than I expected.
Not knowing where in the LAZC complex that Red Pine would be speaking, I
stopped by the office to inquire. One of the robed personnel gave me directions
– and almost simultaneously said to me, “He (Red Pine) is sitting right there,”
pointing to the couch. “Why don’t you talk to him?” Hearing this, Red Pine got up
and we shook hands.
After some small talk, I asked him what was his take or view regarding the Taoist/
Zen question. He responded that while he agreed that Taoist and Zen practitioners
certainly encountered each other in China, and it would not be unusual for some
influence to naturally occur from these meetings. He was nonetheless confident that
an older Indian Buddhism did not blend with Taoism to make Zen.
During our conversation, without my asking, he volunteered the
following two items:
• After spending more than twenty years in China, he could say that about half
of all the hermits he met were women
• And it wasn’t until last year that he was finally able to get off food stamps.
According to him, he’d been on food stamps almost eighteen years.
page 19 • jan-feb-mar 2013
photo by Jon Fish
– Ed Wright
not-so-random buddhist quotes
“regular” schedule*
mon
6:30 7:30am
40-minute zazen
+ service
tue
6:30 7:30am
40-minute zazen
+ service
7:00 7:40pm
40-minute zazen
wed
6:30 7:30am
40-minute zazen
+ service
thu
6:30 - 9am
40-minute zazen
+ service
+ breakfast
7:00 7:40pm
40-minute zazen
6:30 7:30am
40-minute zazen
+ service
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
7:30 8:00pm
30-minute zazen
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
8:00 9:30pm
book discussion
9:30 10:15am
zazen lessons
One day, the Buddha asked his disciples “How long is life?”
“Maybe fifty years?” replied a disciple.
“Wrong,” said Buddha.
Another disciple said “Months.”
“No,” Buddha said.
“Days? Weeks?” another disciple suggested.
“Wrong. Wrong,” said Buddha, “Not years, not months, not weeks, not days.”
Then they asked “How long is one life?”
Replied the Buddha: “Our life is only as long as one breath.”
fri
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious
books.
sat
by appointment
Call (818) 349-7708
or email us
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
10:30am 1:30pm
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many
generations.
30-minute zazen
10-minute kinhin
kinhin = walking
meditation
30-minute zazen
w/ dharma talk
Service
Samu
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with
reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it
and live up to it.
samu = work period
Tea
– Buddha
upcoming events
4/13
1 - 2pm
Hana Matsuri
Buddha’s Birthday
Ceremony
4/20
8am - 5pm
Zazenkai
6/1
+
6/2
6:30am8pm
Sesshin
6:30am5pm
check the calendar at
*
beginnersmindzencenter.org
for changes + updates
page 20 • jan-feb-mar 2013
translation by Robert Aitken
KAN ZE ON
Kanzeon!
NA MU BUTSU
Veneration to the Buddha!
YO BUTSU U IN
With Buddha I have origin;
YO BUTSU U EN
With Buddha I have affinity;
BUP PO SO EN
Affinity with Buddha, Dharma, Sangha;
JO RAKU GA JO
Constancy, joy, self, and purity.
CHO NEN KAN ZE ON
Mornings, my thought is Kanzeon;
BO NEN KAN ZE ON
Evenings, my thought is Kanzeon.
NEN NEN JU SHIN KI
Thought after thought arises in mind.
NEN NEN FU RI SHIN
Thought after thought is not separate from mind.
dance as my zazen
a photo-essay by Beth Megill
Practice and discipline are concepts I am very familiar with. Embedded in a life of
dance, I return to the studio each day regardless of the circumstances. I am in the
studio when I feel great; I am in the studio when I feel terrible. When I first started
seated meditation, it was physically easy for me. Sitting still was something within
my grasp because of my years of physical discipline. I love zazen for the physical simplicity
of the practice. It is a time for my body to become irrelevant. A time when I am not defined
by my physical self. I have moments when I get tired of dance. I don’t want to return to the
studio or do the work required of me. Sometimes I don’t want to move at all and all I want to
do is sit in zazen. But, I see now that dance is my zazen. Seated meditation is a relief for me,
and it can even feel like an escape at times. My work and my opportunity to “save all beings”
comes in the dance room. And, I am practicing Buddhism while standing at the ballet barre
as well as on the zafu.
page 21 • jan-feb-mar 2013
Kanzeon = Kannon = Guanyin = Guanshiyin = Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva
enmeii jukku kannon gyo from the ino
the board report
from the BMZC Board Meeting Minutes for 9 December 2012
In Attendance: David Boyns, Cody Farley, Spencer Levy, Mark Middlebrook, Jane
Schneider, Peter Schneider, Beth Wolfson, and Stacy Dickler (ex-officio).
The end of the year BMZC Board Meeting was held in December of 2012. At this meeting
the Board reviewed and discussed four general topics: 1) the schedule for 2013, 2) potential
capital improvements for BMZC, 3) BMZC finances, and 4) issues related to BMZC
governance, membership, and decision making.
YOUR BOARD
president........................... Spencer Levy
treasurer....................... Donna Mendoza
tanto..................................... Cody Farley
ino........................................ David Boyns
at large.......................Mark Middlebrook
Beth Wolfson
teachers..............Yozen Peter Schneider
Myokaku Jane Schneider
ex-officio.....Stacy Dickler, samu leader
Jon Fish, tenzo
Schedule: In the discussion, the Board emphasized the early part of the 2013 calendar
year, starting with the practice period scheduled from January 2nd-January 20th. Also discussed were potential guest speakers
who will be visiting BMZC during 2013, the first of whom will be Religious Studies professor, and Buddhist Scholar, Dale
Wright on February 15th &16th. The Board approved the annual BMZC Garage Sale to be held the weekend of March 9th and
10th, and an Ikebana workshop scheduled for late March. Other events were also generally discussed, including those scheduled
from Spring through Fall of 2013 (e.g. practice retreats and holiday celebrations), and the Board approved the calendar for the
year.
Capital Improvements: The board also talked about a number of potential capital improvements for BMZC. This discussion
ranged in topic from the acquisition of re-usable, bamboo dishes, the purchase of a Jizo statue for the backyard, new gardening
projects, renovating the zendo entrance with teak flooring, the construction of a teahouse or gazebo in the back yard, and
trimming the trees in the backyard. Some of these were
considered projects to be immediately pursued, while others
deemed to be “dream” projects for future endeavors.
Finances: Spencer and Donna reported that we are almost
$6000 in the black for 2012. The proceeds from the 2012
garage sale were especially productive. The Board discussed and
approved expenses for several items: reimbursements for Peter
and Jane’s trips to the SFZC Branching Streams meetings, to
the meeting of the American Zen Teachers Association, and
to the Mountain Seat Ceremony for Dan Welch at Crestone
Mountain Zen Center. The Board also approved funds for
new robes for Jane and Peter, weekly funds for the purchase
of zendo flowers, and computer software to complete BMZC taxes. Finally, the group also discussed
allocating funds for dana for group teachers, but did not come to a definitive decision on specific amounts.
clouds / photo by David Boyns
Governance and Membership: Finally, the Board proposed the appointments of Jon Fish and Stacy Dickler, as tenzo
and samu leaders respectively, and that they be asked to attend future Board Meeting (for the first six months as non-voting
members). The Board also discussed the need to formalize governing/board fundamentals, specifically, the need for transparency,
definitions of procedures, positions, roles, and term limits for board members. Additionally, the group also discussed the need
for the development of several documents: an organizational charter, an ethics agreement for members, and a clearly delineated
system for addressing grievances among members. Although there was a general consensus that the current culture of the
BMZC sangha may not necessitate the creation of these documents, it was agreed that they would be beneficial for the future
development of BMZC. The Board concluded the meeting by talking about issues related to membership, potential outreach
programs, and community engagement activities.
Upcoming BMZC board meetings were scheduled for February, June, and September of 2013, with the June meeting being
organized as an “all-sangha” meeting, and the September board meeting being open to the entire BMZC sangha.
jan-feb-mar 2013 • page 22