OH, YOU TURKEY 1. Turkeys like to sleep in trees. It safer and they

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OH, YOU TURKEY
FACTS ABOUT “THE BIRD” YOU MAY NOT KNOW
Turkeys like to sleep in trees. It safer and they get better reception on their cell phones.
Despite what the department of game and fish
says, your Uncle Bill really is a grade A turkey
The turkey was considered for the honor of
being our ‘Nation’s Bird’ but then the
founding fathers decided on debates and
letting the voters figure it out themselves.
Only male turkeys gobble. Anyone who has been to a
traditional Thanksgiving dinner knows that. Usually this
happens during half time.
Turkeys can fly for short bursts at speeds of 55 mph.
Because of this they rarely get speeding tickets. As Ben
Franklin opined, “they’re birds of high moral character.”
Turkeys have 360 periscopic vision. By turning their
heads the noble turkey can see all around them. During
WWI they were often tied to the mast of submarines
which is where we get the nautical term
‘periscope’.
When a turkey gets scared the skin on it’s
head and neck can change from its normal pink/grey to vibrant reds, whites
and blues! Take that, you silly eagle!
To aid in digestion, turkeys eat small
rocks. That is the reason you don’t see
them swimming in a pond like a duck. They sink.
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LIFE INSURANCE: A CONTRACT THAT KEEPS YOU POOR ALL YOUR LIFE SO THAT YOU CAN DIE RICH
I WORK 50 HOURS A WEEK TO BE THIS POOR
5 secrets you need to know in Windows 10
Windows 10 is finally here! Whether you're on the fence about Windows 10
or you're champing at the bit to try it, here are five secret features that you
need to know.
Customize the Start menu
On the whole, Windows 10 looks a lot like Windows 7. The Start button is
back and it opens up the Start menu, instead of taking you to the touchfriendly Start screen. You can tweak almost everything about it. Just click
and drag the edges to make each live tile as big or as small as you want.
Adding or removing programs, files, folders and live tiles is just as easy.
Right click an icon and select "Pin to Start" to add it to your Start menu.
Manage updates
For security reasons gone are the days of picking and choosing which updates you want and which ones you don't. With Windows 10 Home, you're
getting them all. You can control your updates through the Settings screen.
Just click Start and choose "Settings." Almost everything you need to do to
manage your system is here in this window. Click the "Update & security"
icon and select the "Windows Update".BONUS You can access the Control
Panel by right-clicking the Start button and selecting "Control Panel."
Search Windows and more
Windows 10 search is powered by Cortana, Microsoft's answer to Siri and
Google Now. Cortana will pop up the first time you use search. You can type
your searches or just use your voice. The more you use Cortana, the more
she learns about your habits and preferences. Over time, she'll get a lot better, figuring out exactly what you want when you search. She'll predict your
needs and offer you solutions like traffic or weather updates. It's pretty cool,
but also a little bit creepy!
Explorer window
If there's one thing that's synonymous with Windows, it's Windows Explorer.
I'm talking about the file manager that you can use to access anything on
your PC. Windows Explorer is still here, but it looks a little different. With
Windows 10, you automatically get a Microsoft Live account and 5GB of
free storage on OneDrive. In Windows Explorer, you'll be able to drag files
and folders quickly and easily between your OneDrive online storage and
your local hard drive.
Task View and virtual desktops
Windows 10 has a cool feature that lets you create unlimited new desktops.
While in Task View, It's the three little boxes just to the right of the Search
icon. click the little "plus" sign in the bottom right corner. It says "New desktop." Each new desktop is like a separate computer. You can customize one
for work, one for play, one for videos or whatever you want.
BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME...GOOD TRY, THOUGH
IT’S BEEN LOVELY TALKING,
BUT
I REALLY HAVE TO SCREAM NOW
I LOVE THE SWEDISH PEOPLE FOR THEIR DETECTIVE NOVELS, THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR AND, OF COURSE, THEIR CARBONATED VODKA
* On Nov. 22, 1718, Edward Teach, also known as
Blackbeard, is killed off North Carolina's Outer
Banks during a battle with a British navy force.
Believed to be a native of England, Teach
likely began his pirating career in 1713 on
the Queen Anne's Revenge.
* On Nov. 20, 1923, the U.S. Patent Office
grants Patent No. 1,475,074 to inventor and
newspaperman Garrett Morgan for his
three-position traffic signal. By having a
third position besides just "Stop" and "Go," it better regulated
crossing vehicles.
* On Nov. 21, 1916, the Britannic, sister
ship to the Titanic, sinks in the Aegean
Sea, killing 30 people. In the wake of the
Titanic disaster in 1912, the White Star
Line made modifications in the construction of the Britannic, but an explosion
caused catastrophic damage.
WHEN YOUR BOXX TELLS YOU NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE, ASK HIM TO DRIBBLE A FOOTBALL
* On Nov. 19, 1969, Brazilian soccer great Pele
scores his 1,000th professional goal in a game
in Rio de Janeiro. It was a major milestone in
a legendary career that included three World
Cup championships.
* On Nov. 18, 1978, Peoples Temple founder Jim
Jones leads hundreds of his followers in a mass
murder-suicide at their commune in a remote
part of Guyana. Many of Jones' followers willingly ingested a
poison-laced punch, while others were forced to do so at gunpoint. The final death toll at Jonestown that day was 909; a
third of those were children.
* On Nov. 16, 1988, in Pakistan, citizens vote
in their first open election in more than a decade, choosing as prime minister the populist
candidate Benazir Bhutto, daughter of former Pakistani leader Zulfikar Ali Bhutto.
She was the first woman leader of a Muslim
country in modern history.
* On Nov. 17, 1998, DaimlerChrysler begins trading its
shares on the New York Stock Exchange. The company had
formed five days earlier, when
the American Chrysler Corporation merged with the
German conglomerate Daimler-Benz AG.
(c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc.
FOR AWHILE I WAS LIVING ON THE EDGE. THEN I FELL OFF
ALL MY LIFE I THOUGHT AIR WAS FREE……UNTIL I BOUGHT A BAG OF CHIPS
GOOD THINGS ABOUT BURNING THE TURKEY

Salmonella won’t be a concern.

Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun
blackened.

Uninvited guests will think twice next
year.

Your broccoli cottage cheese casserole will
gain newfound appreciation.
 Pets won’t bother to pester you for
scraps.
THERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS THAT CAN’T BE ANWERED BY GOOGLE

No one will overeat.

The smoke alarm was due for a test.
 Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.

You’ll get to the desserts even quicker.
 It dawns on you that with some super glue
and feathers you could get rid of aunt Edna's
Pekingese.

After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and
play football.

The less turkey Uncle Joe eats, the less likely he will be
to unbutton his pants.

Everyone won’t fall asleep one hour
after eating.

You won’t have to face three
weeks of turkey sandwiches.

Crematoriums are calling for
bookings.
MY GRANDMOTHER IS OVER EIGHTY AND STILL DOESN'T NEED GLASSES. DRINKS RIGHT OUT OF THE BOTTLE
AN INCOMPETENT ATTORNEY CAN DELAY A TRIAL FOR MONTHS OR YEARS. A COMPETENT ATTORNEY CAN DELAY ONE EVEN LONGER
THE FIRST TIME I SANG IN THE CHURCH CHOIR; TWO HUNDRED PEOPLE CHANGED THEIR RELIGION
A THOROUGH KNOWLEDGE OF THE BIBLE IS WORTH MORE THAN A COLLEGE EDUCATION.THEODORE ROOSEVELT
CALVARY
People forget that all Christ's sufferings at Calvary were foreordained. They did not come on Him by chance: they were all
planned for the salvation of sinners. Not one throb of pain did
Jesus feel, not one precious drop of blood did Jesus shed,
which had not been appointed long ago. Infinite wisdom
planned that redemption should be by the cross: infinite wisdom brought Jesus to the cross.
YOU CANNOT SERVE BOTH GOD AND GREED AT THE SAME TIME
People forget that all Christ's sufferings at Calvary were necessary for man's salvation. He had to bear our sins. This was
the one payment of our debts that God would accept; this was
the great sacrifice on which our eternal life depended. If
Christ had not gone to the cross and suffered in our stead, the
just for the unjust, there would not have been a spark of hope
for us; there would have been a mighty gulf between ourselves and God, which no man ever could have passed. The
cross was necessary, in order to atone for our sin.
People seem to forget that all Christ's sufferings were voluntary and of His own free will. He might easily have summoned legions of angels with a word, but His heart was set on
the salvation of sinners. He was resolved to wash away all sin
and uncleanness.
I see nothing painful or disagreeable in the subject of Christ's
crucifixion; on the contrary, I see in it wisdom and
power, peace and hope, joy and gladness, comfort
and consolation. The more I keep the cross in
my mind's eye, the longer I dwell on
the crucifixion in my thoughts, the
more I am satisfied that there is more
to he learned at Calvary than anywhere
else in the world.
Excerpt from J.C. Ryle’s pamphlet on salvation:
http://www.biblebb.com/files/ryle/calvary.htm
NO TRUE RELIGION HAS MANDATED KILLING OTHERS AS A REQUIREMENT FOR ITS SURVIVAL
THE BIBLE SHOWS THE WAY TO GO TO HEAVEN, NOT THE WAY THE HEAVENS GO
ONE ACT OF OBEDIENCE IS BETTER THAN ONE HUNDRED SERMONS
THE WORLD WILL END IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OUT
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’M THINKING? NO. NEITHER DO I; FRIGHTENING, ISN’T IT?
ALL MY LIFE I'VE WANTED, JUST ONCE, TO SAY SOMETHING CLEVER WITHOUT LOSING MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT
I CAN TEACH MY CAT ANY TRICK HE WANTS TO LEARN
* It was beloved British crime novelist Agatha
Christie who made the following sage observation: "It is a curious thought, but it is only
when you see people looking ridiculous that
you realize just how much you love them."
* If you've ever yelled out a warning in panic - "Stop!," "Run!," "Don't!" -- you've used a
monepic sentence, one that is complete with
just a single word. Of course, at the time you
probably weren't concerned about the grammatical nature of
your utterance.
* When in New Jersey, you'd best mind your manners at the
table. In that state, it's illegal to slurp your soup.
* If you're a sky-watcher, you may already
know that the center star of the constellation
Orion's sword isn't actually a star; it's a
nebula -- the only one visible from
Earth with the naked eye. In fact, the
Orion Nebula is so large that if the distance between the Earth
and the sun were 1 inch, the relative size of the nebula would be
12 miles.
TALENT & MONEY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ANY TO TALK ABOUT IT
* If you were to create a rope out of one full head of human
hair, that rope would be able to support 12 tons.
* It's a well-worn trope that men refuse to stop and ask for directions when they're lost. That point of view might seem to be
supported by the results of a survey conducted by the American
Automobile Association, which found that 34 percent of male
drivers admit to stopping to ask for directions. However, the
same survey found that only 37 percent
of women did the same.
* By the time he was 5 years old, 19thcentury French composer Camille SaintSaens was already composing waltzes.
Thought for the Day: "Wise sayings
often fall on barren ground, but a kind
word is never thrown away." -- Arthur
Helps
(c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc.