Newspaper 2

Tuesday February 11th 2008
The
New York
Catcher
Young man loses his mind
A former student of the Pencey
Preparatory school in Agerstown,
Pennsylvania, was forced to
register to a mental institution last
night. He acted with violence and
seemed confused. Students are
terrified.
Pencey Prep Has been one of the most
respected schools for over 150 years. Will
this incident put a mark on it’s reputation?
more on page 2
“Holden can do Lagoon ducks vanish
so much better”
Exclusive interview with mr. Spencer, the
recently retired history teacher from Pencey
Prep, who among others, taught the troubled
teenager Holden Caulfield. Read Spencer’s
opinions on Holden’s mental state, how he
related to others and what kind of person he
really was. Read all about this and other subjects on page 3 in this issue of The New York
Catcher.
Observant New Yorkers may have noticed the sudden lack
of ducks in the Central Park lagoon. Sources have informed
The New York Catcher that this lack may not be out of the
ordinary, in fact a mr. H. Caulfield claims he has known
this all along, “The ducks go away every winter” he says.
Mr. Horwitz, a New York taxi driver has another opinion: “They live right in the ice. It’s their nature, they get frozen right in one position for the whole winter”.
Ornithologists have no comment on this matter.
- Austry Thurman
[email protected]
Tuesday February 11th 2008
2 | The New York Catcher
Local Boy Put in Asylum
A local boy named Holden Caulfield
was put in Holy Mary’s Asylum
this weekend after going berserk in
the dormitories of the Pencey Prep
school, from which he had been
recently expelled. According to his
former roommate, mr. Stradlater,
his insanity has been continuingly
increasing lately. Stradlater, who
was the one that called the police,
said that Caulfield was truly acting insane, “He had gone crazy, I
could just see it.” Stradlater said.
Witnesses on the scene report that
Caulfield was breaking furniture,
threatening people and screaming
at people that “they were phony”.
After police came to Pencey Prep
and picked Holden up, he was taken straight to the asylum after the
officers saw his condition.
When dr. Joseph Gilmour
of Holy Mary’s Asylum was asked
about Caulfield’s condition he said
“Without a doubt Holden has had
problems for quite some time and
at this moment we think that all of
his problems can be traced to the
death of his younger brother. After that event it seems that Holden
started to build in much anger
and hospitality witch has led to
him developing a bipolar disorder witch is very serious for a boy
his age”. This week Agerstown’s
hospital has been offering trauma
therapy to students at Pencey Prep
after these devastating events.
More about this issue will be in
the Sunday paper.
- S. Atler
[email protected]
Football sensation in Pennsylvania
Last Saturday a football game between the two schools, Pencey and
Saxton Hill went down in Agestown, Pennsylvania. The game
was very dramatic. Pencey were
over by 2-3 points the whole time
except in the beginning of second
half when Saxton Hill got over by
2 whole points. But that lead didn’t
last and Pencey took the lead again.
The game ended with Pencey winning the game. The player of the
game was without doubt Ward
Stradlater from Pencey who not
only scored the last goal in the
game, but also Pencey’s winning
goal. Pencey should be proud of
their audience, since it isn’t often
that a high school football team gets
so much motivation and support
from the crowd, a big part of Pencey
was present. That is great motivation when you’re playing on the
field. Again, a solid performance
by Pencey and it will be intresting
to watch them in the finals.
- Seamore A.
[email protected]
Tuesday February 11th 2008 | 3
The New York Catcher
Dear Phoebe...
Phoebe Caulfield answers all your questions
[email protected]
Dear Phoebe,
lately I have been writing scripts in Hollywood. I
have written some books but I’m all about the big
things right now. I think my little brother who really
looks up to me and is my number one fan doesn’t really think much of what I’m doing right now. I think
he thinks I’m selling out. How can I keep doing this
without my brother thinking less of me?
Sincerely,
Mr. X
Hello, Mr. X.
It can be very challenging to keep everyone happy
around you while trying to be happy yourself. Just
sit down with your brother and make him understand
that you want to face bigger and more demanding
tasks. Hollywood is a relatively big and dangerous
place, and it’s very easy to get fooled into doing
things that you wouldn’t usually do for payment. I’m
sure he’ll understand and you obviously care for your
brother.
Good luck!
-P
Lost & Found
Red hunting hat lost!
I’ve lost my red hunting hat, which
is similar to the one in the picture
below. It is very dear to me.
Please contact me
by email:
[email protected]
Lost!
The ducks at the Central Park lagoon
are nowhere to be found!
Dear Phoebe,
I read your column every day and I must say you
give excellent advice. Sometimes the young and innocent have the most rational minds. I’d better get to
the point so here’s my problem: I’ve been going out
with this boy for quite a while. He can be really sweet
when he’s in the mood but a lot of the time he just
behaves like a complete jerk. My parent’s disapprove
of him and my friends don’t like him but I must have
some feelings for him because I just can’t imagine
breaking up with him. What am I supposed to do?
Most sincerely
- your nr. one fan
Hi, “your nr. one fan”.
If your boyfriend makes an effort to be nice he probably cares about you. He might be going through a
phaze, or maybe he has other things on his mind.
If his “behaving like a jerk” continues, I think you
should consider taking a break. As for your parents
and friends, I wouldn’t worry too much about them,
If he’s right for you, you’ll know he is.
I hope you’ll come to a conclusion!
-P
Employment ads
Apartments
Elevator operator wanted at the Edmont
hotel. This is a weekend job, we need
socially forward people for this easy job.
Quiet young woman looking for a
room to rent. A hygenic non-smoker
from Hollywood.
Please contact us by calling: 555-555-5555
Contact Sunny at the Edmund Hotel where she
is staying at the present time
We at the Pencey Preparatory school
are looking for a new history teacher.
We are interviewing next week from
Monday to Friday between 2 pm to 6
pm.
We are located in Agerstown, Pennsylvania.
Please contact Sylvia at [email protected]
For Sale
I am looking for a rare, hard to find
record called “The Little Shirley
Beans” by Estelle Fletcher. Will pay
up to $5.
please call 444-444-4444
Tuesday February 11th 2008
4 | The New York Catcher
Mr. Spencer
Exclusive interview with one of Holden
Caulfield’s most trustful tutors
So, where did you meet Holden
Caulfield?
I taught him history at Pencey
Prep. He failed that class along
with others, he can do so much
better. Everybody knows that he
only passed English because he
didn’t have to do much work. He
knows among many people that
he is not stupid, he just, well has
his own way of doing things.
If you could decide what Holden should do in the future, what
would it be?
I think it would be good for him
to run his own business, because
Holden is such a critical and
clever person. If he would be running things, which I think he is
more than able to do then I think
he would really show what he can
do and be
condemned to work hard. I would
really love to see that.
Tell us about him, is he more
like a typical slacker or just a
lazy teenager?
The word typical can match him
but it can also be the other way,
he is so clever and he shouldn’t
be having any trouble at school,
but he is one of those people
who just need different attention.
Holden is in many ways a typical
teenager, thinks about women, is
moody and is really bitter at the
world. Still there’s no one like
him, you know what I mean?
How does he feel about his
siblings?
Well, the death of Alley has affected him in many ways but
he hides it pretty well, what a
tragedy. When Alley died of
Leukemia Holden decided to
take the anger out on himself, he
punched through the windows
in his garage and ended up injur
ing his hand badly. But D.B. of
course, his older brother is writing scripts in Hollywood. He is
Holden’s favorite writer, but he
doesn’t think much of him writing in Hollywood for the big
producers. Phoebe is probably the
person that has gotten the closest
to Holden’s heart, she is younger
than him, but she listens to him
and reads him.
Please tell us about Holden’s
former roommates Stradlater
and Ackley and his relationship
with them.
Stradlater is a very self conscious
boy, but is also a secret slob like
Holden calls him. He is muscular,
also popular among the ladies,
and I think one of the things that
bother Holden about him is how
much he knows that he looks
good and that he can get girls.
Ackley is kind of a typical nerd.
Holden finds him very intrusive,
the way he always comes into
his room for no good reason, just
to look through some stuff and
disorganize it. He has big pimples
and really nasty teeth, Holden
who is pretty sensitive when it
comes to people’s hygiene finds
Ackleys teeth very disturbing.
- G. Snoreman
[email protected]
The New York Catcher
Tuesday February 11th 2008 | 5