Katrina the Matchmaker (part II) - Chabad

Mon, Feb 13, 2006 5:58 PM 02/14 tues liv CMYK
C-6
TUIESDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2006
THE TIMES-PICAYUNE
. ..
CONTINUED
a Katrina
kind of
love
WEDDING,
ter doing all that heavy labor. I
figured she must have been
looking at me wondering, ‘Why
“ They were shopping at
is this guy coming here so
Whole Food,” said Nechama
tired?’ We talked for a couple of
Kaufmann, Rachel’s mother.
hours — about our back“She says to Bluma, ‘I’m lookgrounds, our families, things we
ing for a wonderful girl for my
were interested in. I was very
wonderful son.’ Bluma says she
interested in what she had to
knows a wonderful girl from
say, so we went out again.”
New Orleans, Rachel Kauf“The first date was short,”
mann.”
Rachel said. “We talked about
That casual exchange, made
our goals, our likes and dislikes.
while stocking up on kosher
I thought, ‘OK. He’s nice. I’ll go
food at a grocery store, would
out with him again.’ ”
lead to one of the most sacred
And she did — again and
and joyful days in Rachel and
again and again, growing fonder
Mendy’s lives: their wedding
with each date.
day.
“Everything clicked,” Mendy
But before this match made
said. “We share the same goals
possible by Katrina could be fias to how we want our kids to be
nalized, Kaufmann and Traxler
brought up. We share the same
would face a more rigorous
opinion on many topics. We felt
matchmaking process designed
like we were very compatible.”
to erase any doubt as to
Within three weeks of their
whether each was compatible
first date, Mendy asked Rachel
with the other.
to marry him. It was a simple
•••••••
proposal in a hotel lobby — no
In Hebrew, the matchmaking process
ring hidden in a fortune cookie
is called shidduch, and it is a
or banner flying through the air.
very carefully prepared
“I didn’t want to get caught
arrangement designed to bring
up in all the fluff,” Mendy said.
a man and a woman together
Without hesitation, Rachel
for the sole purpose of finding a
accepted. “I liked everything
marital partner.
about him,” she said. “He’s a
“Before a couple goes out,
real person and very smart.
the parents will contact friends,
We’re a good balance.”
teachers, principals, camp direcAs is customary in Hasidic
tors to find out about their chartradition, they flew to New
acter, what kind of people they
York, where they formalized
are,” Nechama said. “There is a
their engagement with a visit to
whole list of criteria. We take it
the grave of Rebbe Menachem
very seriously. And if we feel
Mendel Schneerson, the oneour children are
time leader of the
compatible, we tell
Lubavitch moveour children about
ment. It was there
the person to see if
that they asked for
they want to go
his blessing as they
out.”
began their new
There is no flirtlives as one.
ing, no physical
In planning the
contact, no partywedding, the
ing. Contrary to
Traxlers and Kaufpopular myth, it is
manns considered
not a forced marseveral locales but
riage.
settled on New Or“ We see what
leans after all inwe like about each
volved agreed that
o t h e r, ” R a c h e l
the city ’s Jewish
said. “If we don’t A wedding guest enjoys
community needed
like each other, we a lighthearted moment
something to celedon’t have to con- with the groom, Mendy
brate.
tinue going out.”
Traxler, below.
“ We n e e d e d a
David and
happy occasion and
Nechama Kaufa reason to be tomann admired Mendy’s work
gether again,” said Rachel’s
ethic, sense of humor and regrandmother, Phyllis Kaufspect he showed toward his parmann, who lost her home in
ents. Nechama called him a
eastern New Orleans.
mensch — a Yiddish term for a
•••••••
kind, decent and honorable perThey set Feb. 7 as the wedding date
son.
and Touro Synagogue on St.
Moishe and Shoshana
Charles Avenue as the venue. In
Traxler liked Rachel’s warmth,
announcing the news in an eintelligence, devotion to Jewish
mail titled “Katrina the Matchstudies, family background and
maker,” Rachel’s father, David
willingness to give of herself to
Kaufmann, wrote:
help those in need.
“Divine Providence was defiBoth Mendy and Rachel
nitely navigating their way. Littested negative for Tay Sachs
tle did they know that their stay
and other predominantly Jewin Houston would provide one of
ish genetic diseases, another
the most wonderful changes in
step in the matchmaking
their lives. This union between
process.
the two families is symbolic of
Pleased with the results of
the connection that has been
their research, the Traxlers and
forged between New Orleans
Kaufmanns went back to their
and Houston and our respective
children and suggested a meetcommunities.”
ing. Both agreed to give it a try.
In the Hasidic tradition, a
On the day they met, Mendy
wedding is considered as sacred
spent several hours delivering
and solemn as Yom Kippur, the
sukkahs — outdoor huts used in
Day of Atonement. Couples neithe har vest celebration of
ther see nor speak to each other
Sukkot — to hurricane victims.
for a week before the ceremony,
By the time he was done, he had
and they spend most of their
less than an hour to get ready.
wedding day fasting and in
“I literally had a half-hour
prayer and spiritual reflection.
before we went out,” Mendy
“It’s an expression of the hosaid. “I jumped in the shower,
liness of the occasion,” David
got dressed and picked her up.”
Kaufmann said.
As is customary under HaGuests began pouring into
sidic tradition, the two met in a
Touro Synagogue an hour bepublic place — in the parking
fore the ceremony. Among them
lot of a strip shopping center in
were contingents of Hasidic
one of Houston’s most populous
Jews from Houston and Crown
Hasidic neighborhoods. From
Heights, a largely Hasidic comthere, they went to the lounge
munity in Brooklyn, N.Y. Many
of the InterContinental hotel,
brought cameras with them so
where they spent the evening
they could snap pictures of
talking.
Rachel — considered royalty on
“I introduced myself as ‘nerthis day — as she sat and
vous, and you are?’ ” Mendy
prayed in a throne-like chair.
said, laughing. “It was the first
In a separate room, Mendy,
time I sat down in three days af-
.. .
from C-1
STAFF PHOTOS BY KATHY ANDERSON
Mendy Traxler celebrates his marriage to Rachel Kaufmann with a tabletop dance at Touro Synagogue.
Mendy is flanked by his future father-in-law David Kaufmann, left, and his father, Rabbi Moishe Traxler,
during a prayer before his wedding.
Rachel Kaufmann works her way through the crowd of guests at her wedding, which the family held in
New Orleans because ‘we needed a happy occasion and a reason to be together again,’ the bride’s
grandmother said.
Wedding guests balance a drink cup and a bottle of whiskey atop their heads as the celebration kicks
into high gear.
flanked by his father and future
father-in-law, recited traditional
Hasidic discourse on the significance of marriage. Nechama
Kaufmann and Shoshana
Traxler performed the symbolic
breaking of a plate, signifying
that just as a broken plate is irreversible, so too should Mendy
and Rachel’s union.
“Mazel Tov! Mazel Tov!” the
nearly two dozen men who were
gathered in the room shouted at
the sound of the shattering
plate.
With the marriage ceremony
just a few minutes away, Mendy
prepared to see his bride-to-be
for the first time in a week.
With friends and family members singing a sacred 18th century melody called “The Alter
Rebbe’s Nigun,” Mendy slowly
approached his bride-to-be, and
in a ritual called the bedeken,
placed the veil over Rachel’s
face.
A few moments later, Mendy
was standing under the chuppah — symbolic of the couple’s
home — awaiting Rachel’s arrival. With nearly 300 guests
packing the Touro Synagogue
courtyard, many had to stand to
get a glimpse of Rachel as she
walked toward her groom. Clad
in a modest yet elegant raw silk
gown and carrying a bouquet of
white roses, she circled Mendy
seven times, another ritual symbolic of the seven days of creation and the continuing circle
of life.
The tradition-steeped ceremony concluded just as all Jewish weddings conclude: with the
groom stomping on a glass followed by the guests’ jubilant
cries of “Mazel Tov!”
As their friends and relatives
moved into the social hall,
Mendy and Rachel were escorted to a private room for
yichud, a chance for the newly
married couple to break their
fast and have time to themselves before joining their
guests for the wedding feast.
But when they entered the
hall, which was divided into sections for men and women, eating wasn’t nearly as much on
their minds as dancing. On the
women’s side, Rachel ran
through a human archway,
stopped momentarily to greet
her guests and then headed
straight for the dance floor to
partake in traditional circle
dancing.
On the men’s side, the festivities also included circle dancing,
only rowdier and faster. As the
wine flowed, so did the merriment, with one guest attempting to dance on his hands and
others balancing cups of water
— and in one case a bottle of
whiskey — atop their heads.
Mendy danced on a table as his
friends lifted it in the air.
As the meal was being
served, the fathers of the bride
and groom took time to welcome their guests and remark
on the significance of the day.
“ The level of destruction
(from Katrina) was such that no
one could live here,” Rabbi
Traxler said. “There was such a
degree of destruction and demoralization here that people of
New Orleans didn’t know if
there would be a tomorrow
here.
“But out of misery comes
amazing light,” he said, referring to the joyful times that often come out of tragedy. “And
tonight is the culmination of an
amazing thing.”
•••••••
Staff writer Barri Bronston can be
reached at (504) 826-3448 or
[email protected].