Ready Or Not, Here We Come: Managing Multiples: feature

ready or not,
Multiples are everywhere these days.
Experts and everyday moms of twins,
triplets and more weigh in on the best
ways to manage your mother lode.
clockwise from bottom left: ric frazier/getty, altrendo images/getty (2), mark hall/getty, jena cumbo/getty
story
58  babytalk.com | may 2010
Cris Phillips-Georg
here we come!
W
hen it comes to
multiples, more
than one often
means double
(or triple, or even
quadruple) the
fun. That first magical smile, those sweet
baby coos ... all of the good stuff comes
in droves. Of course, the challenges of
keeping pace with so many babies (multiple diapers, feedings and even tantrums)
can sometimes overshadow the perks.
That’s why it’s important to master the
day-to-day basics of tending to your
bountiful new brood. The result: more
time and energy for savoring the thrills
they’re sure to bring.
Why have multiples become more
prevalent in recent years? The increase
is attributed to the soaring use of fertility
drugs and reproductive technology, such
as in vitro fertilization, on the part of modern couples who have delayed starting
a family, says John Moore, M.D., FAAP,
a father of twins and assistant professor of pediatrics at Virginia Tech Carilion
School of Medicine. Since female bodies hit their baby-making prime in their
20s, with fertility steadily declining thereafter, these couples rely on technology
to dramatically enhance their chances of
conceiving, making later-in-life parenthood a reality, explains Dr. Moore.
How common is this trend? The
most recent reports from the Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention indicate
that the use of reproductive technologies has more than doubled over the past
decade, resulting in over 25,700 multiples
born in 2006 alone. That’s a whole lot of
twins and triplets making their debut!
As common and socially acceptable as having multiples might be, there
can still be a negative perception about
what the experience of raising multiples is actually like. Sure, to some it may
seem like a one-way ticket to the land of
stress and exhaustion (and there are days
when moms of multiples would certainly
agree), but these powerhouse mothers
can handle, and even transcend, the
day-to-day challenges of handling their
ample offspring. After all, these women
are ninjas of efficiency: The scheduling
precision, budgetary thrift and organizational prowess required to pull off even a
simple run to the grocery store with multiples in tow should qualify these parents
as Donald Trump’s next apprentice.
So, walk tall, new moms of multiples;
you can do this! Armed with pertinent
information from some of the nation’s
top experts, as well as supportive tips
from moms-of-many in the trenches,
you’ll be leaping over the hardest hurdles
of managing multiples in no time.
3 ways to save
on the double
1
it never hurts to ask
Baby-friendly businesses like
Babies R Us offer discounts for
multiples, but did you know that
discounts, typically at least 10
percent, can also be had at some
photo studios (JCPenney Portraits)
and play centers (Gymboree Play
and Music)? For a list of companies offering deals, visit the
Multiple Birth Products section of
mostonline.org.
it’s new to you
In lieu of purchasing new and
pricey matching outfits, stock
up at consignment shops. For
consignment deals online, visit
babyoutfitter.com, mykidscloset
.com or gently-used.com.
more, please
Standard baby product samples
are sized for singletons. So make
like Oliver Twist and ask for more
(please!). Call the manufacturers’
toll-free number and request multiple samples. They’re almost always
happy to oblige. To see a list of
baby-product manufacturers and
their contact information created
by other moms of multiples, visit
forums.parenting.com.
2
3
may 2010 | babytalk.com
59
It’s the “big gun” challenge of managing multiples: how to feed all the hungry birds efficiently.
The “breast is best” philosophy endorsed by the American
Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) becomes even more important when feeding multiples. Data from the National Center
for Health Statistics reveal that approximately 60 percent of
twins and nearly all high-order multiples are born prematurely. As a result of less time in the womb and nutrients
from mom being shared among several infants, more than
half of twins and almost all high-order multiples are also
born with low birth weight (LBW) of less than 5.5 pounds.
Breast milk provides the nutrition and antibodies preemies
need to gain weight and stay healthy. But exactly how does
a new mom pull off breastfeeding twins, triplets or more?
“Preemies can have challenges nursing, so seek support
from a lactation consultant at the hospital,” says Maureen
Doolan Boyle, a mom of triplets and executive director of
the national organization Mothers of Supertwins (MOST).
As for the mechanics of how to feed multiple babies, try
different methods until you find one that works for you, but
remember: Flexibility is key. “Every drop of breast milk you
give your babies is a gift,” says Doolan Boyle.
For Katie Hardee, a mom of triplet boys in St. Louis, that
method started as a rotating system of feeding two babies
on breast and then giving the third baby expressed milk in
a bottle. “When they were little, it was easy for me to nurse
individually, since the other babies would sleep the whole
time,” says Hardee. “But at around 3 months, they started
to realize that I was feeding another sibling. They would
start screaming and want their turn. At that point, I had to
be flexible. I started to nurse just one baby on breast, while
simultaneously bottle-feeding the other two pumped milk
or formula. I made it work.”
Dr. Moore emphasizes establishing proper latch-on
techniques with each baby before attempting complicated
tandem-feeding techniques. “Start with one baby at a time,
just alternating the order in which they nurse,“ he explains.
60  babytalk.com | may 2010
“It takes time, but establishing successful latch-on and suckling techniques is essential for long-term nursing success.”
Once each baby has gained weight and is breastfeeding
well, then moms can try tandem feeding.
There are three basic techniques typically used, according to Dr. Moore. First, the “football” hold: one baby on
each side of your body, feet pointing behind you, each
baby cradled to your side like a football. The second is the
“crisscross,” where babies are cradled across the front of
you in an X formation. The third is a hybrid hold: one baby
in a football position and the other cradled across you. “It
can become quite a complex dance,” says Dr. Moore. “Be
patient and kind to yourself. The key is to remain flexible.
Remember that pumping and supplementing with formula
are options; otherwise just take it day by day and do the
best you can.”
sleep tight
The old adage “never wake a sleeping
baby” may go right out the window when you have multiples. Shelly Vaziri Flais, M.D., a fellow at the AAP, a pediatrician
outside Chicago, Illinois, and mother of four—including twin
boys—and the author of Raising Twins: From Pregnancy to
Preschool, says having all your babies on the same schedule is the fastest way to restore order to your happy home.
“When one baby wakes, you simply have to wake the others as well,” says Dr. Flais. “You may feel guilty at first, but
newborns quickly begin to feel the sleep/wake pattern and
adapt. Once they do, they are happier and healthier, and you
maintain your sanity.”
Though they look cute together, the AAP cautions against
co-bedding multiples in order to eliminate the associated risk
of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). “Having them sleep
separately worked best for us,” says Amanda Nethero, mom of
23-month-old fraternal twins. “The nurses established the pattern of them sleeping separately in the hospital, but we wanted
the twins to be near each other. Our solution was to put them
in separate cribs in the same room. That way the babies slept
separately but could still see and hear one another.”
altrendo images/getty
who’s hungry?
Gearing up!
Before your house is overrun with stuff,
keep in mind that you’re bringing home
individuals with their own preferences and
personalities. One baby may love dozing
off in the swing, but another may not. So
don’t immediately stock up on multiples
of pricey products. That said, remember
that you only have two arms—and at some
point they’ll need a break.
stuff you need
ffa crib for each baby or, if you want your
baby closer to your own bed, a separate
co-sleeper for each. Arm’s Reach (armsreach.com) offers a wide selection of
options, including a few space-saving
mini versions.
ffa breastfeeding pillow made especially
to support two babies at once. A popular
choice is Double Blessings’ EZ-2-Nurse
Twins pillow (doubleblessings.com).
ffa stroller designed to carry your brood.
ffitems like bouncy chairs and stationary activity centers, where babies can
be secured safely while you do all those
things you need to do, like dishes, laundry and going to the restroom.
stuff you don’t
ffseparate play mats. Instead, create
zones—bouncy chair, activity center,
play mat, etc.—and rotate your babies
through them throughout the day.
fffull-size high chairs. Save room by picking up more compact options like travel
high chairs.
ffa rocking chair or glider. Your giant
nursing pillow won’t fit, so try a small
loveseat instead.
ffmultiple swings. They’re bulky, pricey
and not all infants enjoy them, so wait. If
you find it’s the only thing to get Babies
A and B to sleep, then buy another.
ffa pack ’n’ play. Use the crib for naps and
a changing table for diapering. Save your
money and invest in a play yard. The
North States Superyard XT works well
(babiesrus.com). You’ll thank yourself
when they start walking. —kim hays
62  babytalk.com | may 2010
Nethero found that separate cribs also helped her attend to the
specific sleep needs of each of her babies. “My son suffered from
reflux, so keeping him separate was necessary to help him sleep comfortably. We found swaddling his twin sister, using the exact technique
taught to us in the hospital, was the key to getting her to fall asleep.”
cuddle time
In the hustle and bustle of tending to the physical needs of your mini-mes, finding time to actually bond with each
individual baby can feel like a challenge. “The truth is, people really
do bond one-to-one,” says Dr. Moore. “Try spending a little individual
time with each baby every day, but don’t feel daunted or guilty if this
doesn’t happen right away when the collective needs of the babies
require so much of your attention.” Dr. Moore and his wife used latenight feeding time to bond one-on-one with their twins. “Some of my
fondest memories of their infancy were nights when my wife and I
were both up at 3 a.m. together. We would each tend to one of the
babies individually to bond with them, but it also gave my wife and
me quiet moments to just talk and bond with each other.”
Courtney Kowalchuk, a mother of 4-month-old twin girls, says she
and her husband also use this divide-and-conquer approach to baby
bonding. “When my husband is home, we take turns giving the girls
individual time,” says Kowalchuk. “We each hold and focus on one of
the babies after they’re done feeding or during playtime on the floor.
The babies really enjoy it and seem to seek that individual attention.
Their behavior can be a bit off whenever that one-on-one attention
doesn’t happen.” Dr. Moore encourages moms to do their best with
bonding but to remember that each baby’s unique personality will
blossom as they get closer to 3 months of age, the same time that
day-to-day demands of physical care start to level off. Cultivating a
deep, caring, and unique bond with each one of your little darlings
will get easier and more natural as that process unfolds.
expand your social network
With so many details and
demands to attend to, it’s easy for new moms of multiples to feel overwhelmed. Support from multiples-specific parenting groups and online
forums can provide invaluable advice and we’re-in-the-trenchestogether camaraderie. “I desperately felt the need for support,” says
Bettina McCormick, a mother of fraternal twins in Orlando, Florida.
“My husband is amazing. I couldn’t ask for better from him, but sometimes you just need to talk to other women.”
In addition to attending a weekly lactation meeting and a general
new moms’ group that included moms of singletons, McCormick
sought advice and encouragement specific to her mom-ofmultiples experience. She participated in an online forum and also
became a member of her local Mothers of Twins Club (which
assigned her a Big Sister to serve as a source of this-is-how-Idid-it advice). “The multiples group was particularly helpful,” says
McCormick. “The resources were great and having people to talk to
were great, but it was knowing that I wasn’t alone that really made
a huge difference to me.”
In addition to providing general support and encouragement,
moms of multiples groups also typically offer workshops and guest
speakers, outings and playgroups, group discounts, consignment
events, coupon-swaps and a wealth of new friends who can relate
to your experience. “Only a fellow mom of multiples truly knows
what your world is like,” says McCormick. To find a moms-of-multiples
support group in your area visit, nomotc.org or babytalk.com. For a
great multiples-specific online forum, check out twinstuff.com.