A Guide to the Sacrament of Marriage in the Diocese of Baton Rouge

Wedding
A Special Section of The Catholic Commentator | August 25, 2010
A Guide to the Sacrament of Marriage in the Diocese of Baton Rouge
Photo by Kleinpeter Photography
2B
The Catholic Commentator
WEDDING
August 25, 2010
Wedding coordinators bring couples, church together wedding for protocol
By Barbara Chenevert
Staff Writer
They have seen just about everything: groomsmen showing
up on airboats; brides passing
out; kicking and screaming flower girls refusing to walk down
the aisle; mothers, fathers and
even brides late for the service;
rings and licenses forgotten at
home.
But in spite of the stress and
chaos, wedding coordinators at
churches in the Diocese of Baton Rouge say there is something
special about their jobs.
“It’s a happy time, watching
people starting a new life together. There’s always happiness and
excitement,” said Teri Huff, wedding coordinator at Sacred Heart
Church in Baton Rouge.
“Every single time I sit in
church in the back row and
watch the vows and the first kiss,
it gives me chills,” remembers
Kendall Hebert, coordinator at
St. Jude Church in Baton Rouge
and Holy Family Church in Port
Allen.
Several churches in the dio-
cese have added the position
of wedding coordinator to help
schedule weddings, conduct rehearsals, set up the church for
the service, line up the wedding
party and generally ensure that
the ceremony takes place with
the dignity befitting a sacrament.
“We help the priest or the deacon a lot. As women, we tend to
be more in tune with the bride,
the little things: how to hold your
dress to walk, how to carry your
flowers, how to walk down the
aisle,” Deanie Smith of Our Lady
of Mercy Church in Baton Rouge
said. “We make sure somebody
with the church is here to make
sure everything runs smoothly.”
“We try to make it as comfortable and joyful as possible for
their special day,” said Kathy
Amedee, who, along with Dee
Cavalier, coordinates church
weddings at St. George in Baton
Rouge. “We pray with them and
gather them together. What we
do is spiritual as well as functional.”
Celeste Savoie Dawson, who
was recently married at St.
George, praised the work of
the coordinators. “For most all
brides, this is a first, and everyone is looking to you for answers,
which is very stressful. Having
the wedding coordinators there
to guide me and keep everyone
else in line on my big day was a
blessing,” she said.
However, any wedding coordinator will tell you that things
don’t always go according to
plan.
Huff said one bride split the
back of her dress within seconds
of her entrance into the church.
“The bridesmaids were already
going down the aisle and I am
trying to pin up her dress. The
bride kept saying, ‘Don’t worry
about sticking me, just do it,’”
Huff said. There had already
been several mishaps at the rehearsal and later during the
wedding, the bride tripped on a
step and fell. “I told her if she believed in omens, she better run,”
Huff said.
Hebert said she got involved
in wedding coordination because the out-of-parish priest
scheduled to perform her wed-
“We help to make your wedding or
party an event to remember.”
Party Tents • Dance Floors
Glasses • China • Beverage Fountains
Tables • Chairs • Chafing Dishes
Chocolate Fountains • Linens & Skirting
Wedding Items
11189 Airline Highway, Baton Rouge
(225) 292-7353 • www.gingerspartyrentals.com
Kathy Amedee, wedding coordinator at St. George Church in Baton
Rouge, gives mother-of-the-bride, Karen Savoie last-minute instructions on how to light the unity candle. Photo by Barbara Chenevert | The Catholic
Commentator
ding ceremony at St. Jude seven
years ago didn’t show up. “We
never thought we had to worry
about that,” she said. At first she
thought he was just late but time
continued to pass. Fortunately,
one of the ushers in the wedding
party mentioned that his father
was having dinner right then
with Father David Allen, then
pastor of St. Jude. So they called
Father Allen who agreed to perform the marriage ceremony.
Father Allen “walked in in an
LSU shirt and khakis. He leaned
to my mom and said, “What
are their names?’ ” But he did a
beautiful wedding, Hebert said.
Hebert’s parents and in-laws
later took Father Allen out to
dinner to thank him, and Herbert and her new husband joined
them. It was during dinner that
the first discussion of having a
wedding coordinator at St. Jude
came up, and Hebert agreed to
take the job.
Smith tells of the time the
groomsmen showed up in an
airboat positioned atop a trailer.
During Mass, after the Gospel
reading, all the groomsmen put
on big eyeglasses with large noses. After the wedding vows were
said, they popped party poppers.
“We joke now that we have to include in the wedding guidelines
‘no party poppers,’ ” she said.
Cavalier recounts a wedding
where the bride didn’t show up
on time. “We called and she was
still at home.” The family said
they were waiting for the traffic to die down, but the church
was full of people, Cavalier said.
In the bride’s defense, there had
been a wreck on the interstate,
but when she finally arrived 30
minutes later, she wasn’t even
dressed. “We had to wait on her
mother to arrive, too,” Cavalier
said.
Huff said a wedding party
showed up without the rings or
the marriage license at one Sacred Heart wedding. The mother
of the bride took off her gold earring and wanted to use it as the
ring. Huff said no to that, and
someone left to get the items.
However, when he got back to
church, the service had already
started, so Huff had the gift
bearers bring the license and
rings to the altar during the presentation of gifts.
Hebert said every wedding is
different; some want traditional
and some don’t. “Some families can be adamant about what
they want, but we have policies
in place. I want to make their
day special, but we are in God’s
house. When we explain our reasons (for the policies), they understand,” she said. “I pay attention to what they want, and I pay
attention to detail,” she said “We
try to keep everything organized
and elegant.”
Cavalier said it tickles her
to see brides get stressed over
things that are not important.
“It’s hard to tell them that everything is going to be OK and not
to worry about the details,” she
said. “Most of them have been
dreaming of this day. I hope I
can help make it as perfect as
possible. I love the brides and I
love being part of the most important day of their lives.”
WEDDING
August 25, 2010
The Catholic Commentator
3B
11B
Before saying ‘I do,’
couples should consider
who will do what
By Mary T. Carty
Catholic News Service
WINTER SPRINGS, Fla. – In
vintage romantic movies, there
is often the final image of the
groom carrying the bride over
the threshold into their new
home to live “happily ever after”
and the audience never gets a
chance to see what their life will
be like on a normal day after
they move in together.
Today’s modern couple is more
likely to cross the threshold exhausted from the honeymoon
carrying their own luggage and
asking: “What’s for dinner?”
This simple question opens
up a whole series of responding questions such as: “Is there
any food? Who is cooking, setting the table, serving the meal
or doing the dishes? What time
should dinner be served?”
These seemingly small and insignificant decisions concerning
the couple’s first meal in their
shared home illustrate the number of never-ending details that
require choices and actions that
will define the marriage.
Most Catholic couples are required to go through marriage
preparation classes, where they
will discuss some real-life marriage situations. The discussion
is intended to help prepare them
for life after the wedding, when
they will be forced to face issues
related to household space, food,
rest, intimacy, chores and possibly even money.
Although it is impossible to anticipate all of the potential situations in any marriage, it may be
helpful for engaged couples to
take a look at the following questions before the wedding and
begin to work together to decide
who is doing what.
– Who is doing the cooking,
grocery list and menu for the
week?
– How and when will the laundry get done?
– What time will the alarm be
set for weekdays?
– What church parish will they
join and which Mass will they attend?
– How and who will pay the
bills?
– Will their meal times be reg-
ular and will thanks be given?
– How can love be kept alive
and is there room for fun in marriage?
– How will household space
for personal things like books
and DVDs be determined?
– Will there be a special time
set aside each week to talk about
schedules, dreams, goals and responsibilities?
The list seems a bit overwhelming, but there will be a
lot of time after the wedding to
cooperatively find answers. Here
are some general suggestions
that might help couples navigate
through some of these daily trials and responsibilities:
– Household issues: First
write a list of household tasks
that need to be taken care of. Decide who does what for the first
few weeks, and then revisit the
list. Having a written list is both
a reference and a reminder.
– Finance: Estimate monthly
expenses, discuss how and when
Discussing these
details might
seem like a
lot of work,
but ultimately
couples are
laying the
groundwork
for their
future
years together.
bills will be paid and decide how
money will be budgeted. The
challenge is to pay the bills and
set aside a bit of money for fun
and entertainment.
– Food: Enjoying delicious
food together is fun while unifying, and there are many opportunities, from romantic dinners to picnics to holiday feasts.
Keeping an ongoing grocery list
and meal plan for the week and
Deciding up front, before the wedding, who will be doing what in household chores can save a couple from
many arguments early in their marriage. CNS photo
deciding when to eat, what to
eat, where to eat, and who will
cook may be helpful tools to deal
with the daily food/meal tasks.
– Friends and family: Spending time with new and old
friends and both families is important and enriching. The challenge is balancing both spouses’
schedules. A calendar is a helpful
tool to keep track of and plan for
upcoming events and holidays.
– Intimacy: Intimacy is a new
way of showing and sharing love,
and it may take time and patience for both partners to feel
comfortable talking about their
physical relationship. Since this
is new territory, it may be helpful for each of the individuals to
read about intimacy in marriage
and then compare notes.
– Communication guidelines:
Last, but not least, setting up
some guidelines concerning
discussions sets a positive tone
from the beginning of the marriage. A few basic communication considerations are: Treat
the other person with respect.
Keep an open mind. Clearly state
thoughts and listen, really listen.
Use a pleasant tone of voice. Remember the terms collaboration,
cooperation and, occasionally
compromise.
Discussing these details might
seem like a lot of work, but ultimately couples are laying the
groundwork for their future
years together. A smooth transition to the “happily ever after”
phase depends on not getting
bogged down with arguments
about why a spouse didn’t make
the coffee or put away the dishes.
CC
Bring this coupon to Don’s Seafood & Steak
House, Baton Rouge and when you purchase
one entrée at regular price, receive up to
$8 off a second entrée, of equal or lesser
value OR use this coupon to receive up to
$5 off a second lunch entrée. Offer valid
Mondays through Thursdays. Dine-in only.
Specials not valid for private parties.
Book your
rehearsal dinner
in our
private room!
O
4B
The Catholic Commentator
WEDDING
August 25, 2010
Couples look for ways to reduce wedding costs
By Sheila Archambault
Catholic News Service
WASHINGTON – Many couples are scaling back their wedding plans as they feel the pinch
of today’s economy.
These couples are still getting
married, but they are limiting
the guest list, cutting back on the
menu or having the reception
at the same location as the ceremony. According to a national
survey conducted by a company
that sells wedding dresses and
accessories, weddings nationwide have been scaled back.
The survey said more than
half of all brides do not plan to
spend more than $25,000 on
their weddings and 77 percent
of those saving money said that
paying off debts took precedence over throwing a lavish
wedding.
“Brides always strive to create
the perfect wedding day without
spending a fortune; it is simply
more pronounced due to the
state of the economy,” said a consultant with the survey.
The 2009 survey revealed that
the “first area that brides-tobe would be willing to adjust is
the number of guests, followed
by the wedding cuisine. When
asked what items they refuse to
compromise on, the top responses were wedding bands and,
not surprisingly, their wedding
dress.”
JoAnn O’Brien, wedding coordinator at Old St. Patrick’s
Church in Chicago, said that
even though couples have expressed concerns about wedding
costs and the state of the economy, the number of weddings at
the parish has not gone down.
O’Brien said she advises
couples to not spend an excessive amount on flowers because
the main focus of the ceremony should be on the bride, the
groom and the wedding party.
Parish coordinators are not the
only ones with advice for making weddings less lavish. Current bridal magazines and blogs
are emphasizing do-it-yourself
wedding ideas and weddings on
a budget.
Some couples are going green
by using second-hand wedding
dresses or reception decorations. Others are assembling
their own wedding invitations,
making their own centerpieces
and flower arrangements.
The Knot, a website with wed-
Allow us to Cater Your Wedding
Occasions in Our Elegant
Banquet Facility or the
Location of Your Choice!
Engagement Parties ~ Rehearsal Dinners
Bridal Luncheons ~ Showers
(outstanding new bridal luncheon menu)
Themed Dinner Buffets ~ great for
Bachelor or Bachelorette Parties
Contact Lauren Ruddell for all your catering needs
7521 Jefferson Hwy. ~ Baton Rouge, La.
225-924-9841
[email protected]
www.cafeamericainrest.com
Many couples are opting for simpler wedding ceremonies, and choosing to scale back on guest lists, catering costs and invitations. A national survey said more than half of all brides do not plan to spend more than
$25,000 on their weddings. CNS photo
ding ideas and resources for engaged couples, advises couples
to start their wedding budget by
first talking with families about
who will be paying for what.
“Some brides’ families still
pick up the entire tab, but more
and more grooms’ families are
participating, too,” the website
said.
It said couples should ask both
their families to commit to a
specific dollar amount and then
add up all the contributions to
create their wedding budget.
“Alternatively, it may be easier to ask each set of parents to
finance a particular aspect of
the wedding – such as the cer-
emony, honeymoon, or catering
– instead of just committing to
a dollar amount,” the Knot said.
For other ways to trim costs,
the website’s top piece of advice
was to cut the guest list, which
would reduce catering costs
and save on invitations and the
number of centerpieces. It also
advised having the wedding during an off-peak season – usually
December to April.
The site also offered plenty of
ways to cut costs on reception
food and drink. It urged couples
to skip the main course and just
supply appetizers and drinks or
offer beer, wine and a signature
cocktail instead of a full bar. It
also suggested ordering a small
one- or two-tiered cake that
could be supplemented with a
larger sheet cake for guests.
As for printing costs, the site
suggested ordering single-page
invitations and e-mailing “save
the date” notices.
John Finn, business manager
at St. Bartholomew Catholic
Church in Cincinnati, whose
daughter recently married, said
she was able to stay under-budget for her wedding, thanks in
large part to the venue.
She was forced to limit her
guest list because the chapel
was only able to fit around 225
people.
HELPNG THE BRIDE –
Bridesmaids perform
many important duties including: helping
the bride shop for a
wedding dress, giving advice about music, decorations and
favors, assisting the
maid of honor in planning the bridal shower,
planning the bachelorette party, helping the
bride get dressed for
her wedding and calming her nerves as she
prepares to walk down
the aisle. Photo provided by
Kleinpeter Photography
WEDDING
August 25, 2010
The Catholic Commentator
11B
5B
Marriage preparation
programs offered by the
Diocese of Baton Rouge
Contact your parish priest early in the engagement so
that he may assist you in preparing for the sacrament
of matrimony and recommend appropriate marriage
preparation programs offered through the Diocese of Baton
Rouge. Church parishes have all the forms necessary for
these programs. It is suggested that a couple participate
in one of these programs during the first months of their
engagement in order to get the greatest benefit from them.
Engaged Encounter
What is it? A weekend with
an atmosphere that allows each
couple to concentrate exclusively
on one another, free of the tensions and interruptions of the
world. Provides for engaged couples to dialogue honestly and intensively about their prospective
lives together, including their
attitudes about money, sex, children and their role in the church
and society.
For whom is program appropriate? Engaged couples
marrying in the church
Time: Friday at 7:30 p.m. until Sunday at 4:00 p.m.
Place: Bishop Robert E. Tracy
Overnight Retreat Center and
various other locations
Cost: $210 per couple
Number of participants: 2532 couples
Dates: 2010: Sept. 10-12;
Nov. 19-12; 2011: Jan. 14-16;
Feb. 11-13; Mar. 18-20; Apr. 8-10;
June 3-5; Aug. 12-14; Sept. 16-18;
Nov. 18-20
Contact: Engaged Encounter
at 225-337-2214 or get more information online at www.ceebr.
org
Life Choice
What is it? A one-day workshop similar in content to Engaged Encounter weekend. The
Life Choice (Pre-Cana) experience combines talks and workshops without the overnight stay.
Couples have an opportunity to
work on their relationship and
explore various topics, including communication, finances,
natural family planning, sacrament, morality and sexuality.
For whom is program appropriate? Engaged couples
marrying for the first time
Time: Saturday 9 a.m. to 4
p.m. Place: Catholic Life Center,
1800 S. Acadian Thruway, Baton Rouge
Cost: $95 per couple
Number of participants:
About 35-40 couples (Register
early as weekends fill quickly.)
Dates: 2010: Sept. 25; Oct.
23; Nov. 20; 2011: Jan. 15; Feb.
26; Mar. 26; Apr. 30; May 28;
June 25; Aug. 13; Sept. 17; Oct.
15; Nov. 12. Visit the website at
www.diobr.org/documents
Contact: Mila Gernon, Diocesan Marriage and Family Life
Department 225-242-0164
Natural Family
Planning
What is it? A program that
helps couples identify the most
opportune time to achieve or
avoid pregnancy. Classes take
place once a month for four
months. Topics covered include
reasons for using natural family planning, marriage building
tips, individual chart interpretation, church’s teaching on sexuality and responsible parenting.
For whom is program appropriate? All engaged or married couples
Time and Place: Varies
within the diocese; call the Diocesan Marriage and Family Life
Department 225-242-0135
Cost: $75 per couple
Number of Participants:
Individual or group
Contact: Call Diocesan Marriage and Family Life Department, 225-242-0135; or register
Couples who follow diocesan guidelines and take classes to prepare for their years of marriage have an
advantage. Since much of the subject matter and questions may be issues the couple have never discussed
or only touched upon. CNS photo
with Couple to Couple League at
www.cclbatonrouge.org
Remarriage Program
What is it? A program for
engaged couples who have been
married before and are in a position to marry in the church.
Couples meet with a mentor couple to discuss communication,
friendship, former spouses, stepfamilies, family background,
step-parenting, conflict, money
management, sexual love and
sacramental marriage.
For whom is program appropriate? Previously married
couples able to be married in the
church
Time: Varies
Place: Sponsor couple’s home
Cost: $60 per couple
Number of participants:
Varies
Contact: Mila Gernon, Diocesan Marriage and Family Life
Department 225-242-0164
http://www.bumbabella.com
custom made
Flower Girl Dresses,
Hand Smocked Bonnets,
Christening Gowns and more
(225) 284-1098
2415 Dogwood Ave.
Baton Rouge, LA 70808-2123
Planning a Wedding Reception,
Rehearsal Supper? Call Us!
We have the ideal facilities for small and large
gathering: indoor/outdoor, around the pool,
wet bar, A/V system, plenty of parking and
more! Call now for rental information!
225-275-3200 • www.brcyo.org
10555 Mollylea Dr., Baton Rouge
6B
The Catholic Commentator
WEDDING
August 25, 2010
Organization is key in
planning a church wedding
By Carol Zimmermann
Catholic News Service
WASHINGTON – Although U.S. dioceses require most couples to give at least
a six-month notice before planning a wedding, the time frame is not meant simply
to give couples more time to work out all
the necessary details.
Instead, it is meant to give couples sufficient preparation time to form strong,
lasting marriages.
Before couples get too caught up in the
details about guests, wedding attire, food,
music and photographers, they should
take the time to carefully plan the focus
of the day – the wedding liturgy. The
website www.foryourmarriage.org, sponsored by the U.S. bishops’ Committee on
Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth,
can steer couples through the specific requirements for a Catholic wedding.
For starters, couples need to talk with
the church parish priest and reserve a
wedding date on the church parish calendar. They also need to find out what the
parish allows and expects in the wedding
celebration. Many church parishes offer
helpful resources for couples and even
have wedding coordinators.
Early on in the wedding planning process couples will need to attend a marriage preparation program. These programs are set up in a variety of formats
such as intensive weekend programs,
weekly meetings and “in-home” mentor
couple programs. Couples can find what
programs are available near them by contacting their diocesan family life office or
their church parish.
Couples do not have to start from
scratch when it comes to making plans
for their wedding liturgy. Most church
parishes have been doing weddings for a
long time and they know all the ins and
outs of the process. Couples usually meet
with a priest or parish representative who
will walk them through what they need to
plan.
The bride and groom can choose among
prayer options in the liturgy and also pick
the Scripture readings from a selection of
Old Testament and New Testament options. Couples also can compose petitions
for the prayers of the faithful and select
people to do the readings.
Beautiful wedding liturgies and strong marriages can result from careful planning and
preparation. Churches urge couples to begin marriage preparation at least six months
prior to their wedding date. CNS photo
Regarding wedding music, the parish
organist or music director can offer choices for the sung and instrumental music.
“Music that does not speak of God’s role
in your marriage is best reserved for the
wedding reception,” said Paul Covino, editor of “Celebrating Marriage: Preparing
the Roman Catholic Wedding Liturgy.”
He also is associate chaplain and director
of liturgy at the College of the Holy Cross
in Worcester, Mass.
Couples also can decide if they want to
repeat the wedding vows after the priest
or deacon or to memorize them. Father
Rick Hilgartner, associate director of the
Secretariat of Divine Worship for the U.S.
bishops, suggests that couples memorize
their vows “to experience the exchange of
consent in a more powerful way.”
He also said that when couples spend
time memorizing the vows, they have
the chance to ponder their meaning and
“hopefully remember the words for years
to come, as the words take on more and
more meaning in their day-to-day love
and care for each other.”
In an article on the bishops’ website on
marriage, Father Hilgartner also pointed
out how the wedding entrance procession
should be. He said it should be more than
the bride walking down the aisle escorted
by her father, the bride and groom should
rather follow the liturgical ministers and
be escorted by their parents.
“The bride and the groom enter freely
and equally into marriage, and the entrance procession symbolizes that, as the
couple approach the altar to stand before
the Lord,” he said.
Father Hilgartner also stressed that
above all, the wedding liturgy is an act
of worship. “As such, it is a time to offer
praise and thanks to God for his gifts, and
to seek his continued blessings and help.”
As couples complete plans for the wedding liturgy and the reception, they are
also advised to take time for personal
prayer.
“A Catholic Bride’s Wedding Planner,”
written by Tracy Becker, and published
in 2009, urges couples to start a wedding
novena nine days before the wedding and
receive the sacrament of reconciliation
the day before the big date.
WEDDING
August 25, 2010
The Catholic Commentator
11B
7B
Higher mental and phycial fitness correlates with marriage, says study
By Carmen Blanco
Catholic News Service
WASHINGTON – Married people who have never been divorced
or widowed are more mentally
and physically fit than remarried
or previously married individuals,
a recent study shows.
This study, published in the
Journal of Health and Social Behavior in September 2009, is
the first to consider both marital
status and transitions in and out
of marriage in relation to a wide
range of health factors.
The authors, University of Chicago sociologist Linda Waite and
Johns Hopkins assistant professor Mary Elizabeth Hughes, suggest that people enter adulthood
with a particular “stock” of health,
which is affected by marital gain
and loss.
According to the study, chronic
conditions such as heart disease,
diabetes and cancer are 20 percent more prevalent in divorced
or widowed people than those
who are married. Those in the divorced and widowed group also
have 23 percent more limitations
in their mobility, such as problems
walking or climbing stairs.
The study focused on 8,652 people ages 51 to 61 to examine four
areas of midlife health: chronic
conditions, mobility limitations,
self-rated health and symptoms of
depression.
Those who never married had 13
percent more symptoms related to
depression than married people,
but findings did not indicate an increase or decrease in the number
of chronic health conditions.
People who had remarried
showed 12 percent more chronic
conditions but no more symptoms
of depression than those who have
remained married.
The researchers suggested
short-term health effects of
marital status and transitions
are long-lasting and accumulate
over the course of time. In previous studies, data have shown the
transition to marriage brings immediate health benefits through
financial, emotional and social
resources that are less available to
the unmarried.
Divorce is often stressful for
both parties, and fears of less income and a loss of support and
companionship take a toll on
mental and physical health. People who remarry also may face the
challenge of stepchildren.
Although almost half of all U.S.
marriages end in divorce, according to the National Institutes of
Health, Waite told Catholic News
Service the rate has been stable
since 1980 and may even go down.
The Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate, a Catholic research agency at Georgetown
University, found only 24 percent of adult Catholics have gone
through a divorce. Another 11 percent have either divorced and are
currently remarried, or are living
with a partner or are widowed.
Previous studies on marital
changes and health have tended to
focus on mental health and have
found that marital transitions
such as divorce or widowhood
cause a shift in mental health –
primarily toward depression.
The U.S. Department of Health
and Human Services cites research on its website suggesting
marriage decreases the onset of
depressive symptoms while divorce increases it. It also states
the symptoms are long-lasting,
remaining even after the divorce.
Waite and Hughes’ study similarly concludes that the negative
effects of marital loss linger long
after remarriage and that divorcees and widowers who don’t re-
marry show poorer health in all
areas.
“Today, people are asking things
of marriage they never asked in
the past,” Waite told CNS. “As a
culture, there is a mindset that
the physical attraction and emotions that you first feel when you
meet someone are supposed to
last through the marriage, and
if they don’t, individuals have a
right or a duty to divorce and seek
them elsewhere.”
“Happiness and the strong
physical emotions one feels are
only caused by chemicals in the
brain. They were never meant to
last. Their job is not to keep you
bonded, but to get you bonded,”
she said.
Celebrating
42 Years
of Bridal Excellence!
Bridal Boutique
has been Baton Rouge’s
Premier Bridal Salon
since 1969.
With one of the largest
selections of bridal attire
in the South, locally
owned Bridal Boutique
has become a Southern
tradition.
We invite you to become
a part of that tradition.
Call to make your
appointment today!
225-925-1135
8750 Florida Boulevard
(corner of Airline & Florida)
Study data have shown the transition to marriage brings immediate
health benefits through financial, emotional and social resources that
are less available to the unmarried. CNS photo
Monday – Saturday: 10am – 6pm
Sunday: Noon – 5pm
The Catholic Commentator
WEDDING
CTIONS
8B
Antiques Village is a big tourist draw for Denham Springs and
education center.
from 10:00 a.m. to 12:00 noon, consist of a 20
other professionals
minute video called Einstein's Messengers and a
avitational waves from
tour of the control room where the operating
istence were first put forSee Attractions, 36
PublicMany
tours,
on Fridays
couples now used environmental safe bubbles instead of rice or bird seed as the bridal couple leaves. CNS photo
Making Every Moment Count
Corporate Events • Meetings • Banquets
Weddings • Receptions
Full-service Catering
8743 Stephenson Drive • Denham Springs
(225) 665-4080 • www.ForrestGrovePlantation.com
[email protected]
LIVINGSTON PARISH 2010 MEMBERSHIP DIRECTORY • page 3 5
August 25, 2010
White weddings get
a touch of green
By Carol Zimmermann
Catholic News Service
WASHINGTON – The tradition for brides to wear “something old, something new, something borrowed, something
blue” for good luck may now include the stipulation that
these things also be environmentally sustainable – or green.
The things old and borrowed certainly meet green criteria, as they involve recycled products; but the new and blue
might take a little more effort.
But doing more work to be less wasteful seems to be acceptable to modern couples. As more of them seek to have
eco-friendly wedding ceremonies and receptions, a whole
industry of stores and websites have sprouted up with advice and products.
A green wedding can involve slight changes to traditional
wedding fare or more complex plans to make sure the invitations, bridal attire, menus, favors, rings, gifts, flowers
and even honeymoon travel are all environmentally sustainable.
Even Brides magazine is on board with the trend, with a
special planning guide for a green wedding called “eco-chic
weddings.”
According to Millie Martini Bratten, editor-in-chief of
Brides magazine, you do not have to sacrifice style or taste
to go green with your wedding plans. “If anything, it makes
the wedding even more meaningful,” she said.
Catholic couples in particular may want to consider ecofriendly weddings, since the Catholic Church has long advocated the need to show proper stewardship of God’s creation and many of the saints spoke about doing this long
before it became trendy.
Eco-friendly wedding planning can start on the right foot
with invitations that are either e-mailed or printed on recycled paper.
Green bridal attire involves either re-using a wedding
gown from a family member of buying a previously worn
gown from a vintage clothing shop or eBay, for example. If a
bride really wants to buy her own dress, she could purchase
a simple dress that could be worn again of consider donating the wedding gown to a charitable organization such
as Brides Against Breast Cancer or the I Do Foundation.
Bridesmaids could also donate their dresses to the Glass
Slipper Project, a program that distributes formal dresses
to high-school students unable to afford prom attire.
For wedding flowers, couples should consider what is locally grown or available at organic farms. They could also
use potted plants for centerpieces that guests could take
home.
The old tradition of throwing rice at couples after the
wedding is a green no-no as rice can be dangerous to birds.
Throwing birdseed, as some couples have opted, has similarly been blacklisted as birdseed may contain non-native
or invasive plant seeds. If guests must do something, blowing bubbles seems to fit the bill without causing any environmental harm.
For food and drink, think local and organic. Include options for vegetarian guests. Some green wedding websites
suggest that outdoor receptions use biodegradable dishes
and flatware or rented silverware and flatware instead of
using disposable materials.
Wedding favors needn’t be gift bags of chocolates but
could be seeds, plants, fruit or something made by a local
artisan.
Couples, especially those marrying later in life who
have many of the household items they need, might want to
consider creating an online gift registry for charity. Couples
SEE GREEN PAGE 9B
WEDDING
August 25, 2010
The Catholic Commentator
11B
9B
Catholic program aims to fix broken marriages
By Ed Langlois
Catholic News Service
PORTLAND, Ore. – A successful marriage takes some hard
work and sometimes a little extra
help.
That extra help is something
couples gain from Retrouvaille
– French for “rediscovery.” It is a
Catholic program that helps couples overcome marital difficulties.
Steven and Suzanne Taylor, parishioners of St. Clare Church in
Portland, credit the program for
turning their marriage around.
The couple met in 1977 as students at the University of Portland. They got married four years
later and immediately embarked
on demanding careers. In 1987,
they had their first child, and then
another three years later.
But 17 years into the marriage,
the couple was barely speaking to
one another. Hidden or seemingly
intractable resentments became
like boulders weighing life down.
In 2000, Suzanne walked into
Steven’s office and asked him
point blank if he wanted to be
married. Although he didn’t, he
could not bring himself to say it.
He reluctantly agreed when Suzanne suggested a Retrouvaille
weekend.
Retrouvaille was founded in
1977 by a Canadian couple, Guy
and Jeannine Beland. The Belands
took the Marriage Encounter experience and adjusted it for the
needs of couples with profound
crises, not the usual ailments.
Steven had little hope for the
weekend. Suzanne had more. The
exact shape of Retrouvaille sessions is kept confidential. But by
the end, the couple was able to
embrace and begin the long work
of repair.
What happened? For one thing,
the weekend offered tools for
communication. Three couples
who had already saved their marriages told their stories. A priest
spoke, a reminder that God is part
of the process. The sessions offered some major tips: Don’t try to
fix your spouse, work on your own
actions instead.
In those few days, Suzanne and
Steven discovered they were not
alone in their struggles, that help
was always available and that
there was hope. They began working through the concrete steps for
healing offered by Retrouvaille.
The healed marriage does not
return to the giddy days of infatuation, but to a deeper joy and a
more genuine appreciation.
“It’s not an instant fix,” said
Steven, who developed skills to
communicate better with his wife.
Not only did they work to save
their marriage, the two are often
frequent speakers on the topic
through Retrouvaille. In 2007,
they received the University of
Portland Alumni Community Service Award for their for in it.
For this couple, once focused
primarily on their jobs, helping
damaged marriages has become a
sacred vocation.
“I went down into the darkness,”
Steven said. “Then I found the
greatest light for me is my wife.”
Married couples are not the only
ones to recognize the benefits of
Retrouvaille.
In 2000, a friend invited Benedictine Brother Cyril Drnjevic to
observe a Retrouvaille session.
The monk heard couples speak
of crises, betrayal and bitterness.
He saw their amazing journey toward healing, and knew he was
witnessing a piece of the paschal
reality of Christ.
“It led to a mystical experience,”
Brother Cyril said.
In the past eight years, he has
attended six Retrouvaille conventions and even helped found
a related organization that helps
couples, lay ministers and priests
renew the presence of Jesus in life
and ministry, living the paschal
mystery.
Couples, Brother Cyril has observed, often go for years with
something gone awry at a deep
level. Usually, couples have lost
trust or lack skills to communicate
all that must be expressed.
Faith also seems to be a key.
“There has to be faith that God
is present in this situation, that
we can be healed,” Brother Cyril
said, citing Retrouvaille statistics
showing that if couples both trust
the process and have faith in God,
80 percent of those marriages are
saved.
“It’s because God is faithful to
his sacraments,” Brother Cyril
said. “This is not something we do
by ourselves.”
In 2008, Pope Benedict XVI
spoke to a group of 300 Retrou-
Couples listen to one of the speaker at a Retrouvaille weekend. CNS photo
vaille leaders, calling them “custodians of a greater hope for married couples.”
The pope told the marriagesaving group gathered at his summer residence that he recognized
God’s hand in their work.
Marriages, even wretched ones,
the pope said, are sacraments of
Jesus’ covenant with humanity.
During a related convention
in Rome, Retrouvaille adherents
heard from theologians who reminded them of their vital role in
Christian ministry.
Msgr. Sergio Nicolli, director of
the Italian bishops’ office for the
family, told the group that married couples are not isolated entities, but belong to the church community.
He urged all Catholics to act
as if they had a vested interest in
married couples, offering mentorship and encouragement. Engaged couples should be made
aware that they are part of a body
of believers that includes Retrouvaille, which is there to help if
needed, he said.
To contact a member of the Baton Rouge Retrouvaille team, call
225-261-1901 or go online to www.
retrouvaille.org.
225-923-3182 • www.lancehayesflowers.com
GREEN: Make your wedding ‘eco-chic’
FROM PAGE 8B
that sign up with www.justgive.
org can ask their wedding guests
to donate in the couple’s name to
one of more than 1 million charities including Catholic Charities
USA, Catholic Relief Services and
dozens, local Catholic organizations.
Paul Covino, editor of “Celebrating Marriage: Preparing the Roman Catholic Wedding Liturgy”
and associate chaplain and director of liturgy at the College of the
Holy Cross in Worcester, Mass.,
noted that couples can take part in
these charity registries or make a
donation, from the money they receive as gifts, to their church parish’s social outreach committee or
food pantry.
He also suggested that couples
include a request for wedding
guests to bring to the wedding
nonperishable food items which
can be brought to a church food
pantry or a local food bank.
Covino’s suggestion was not
merely to be eco-friendly but to
“express the care for the needy
that a Christian couple is called to
reflect in marriage.”
D’Lei’s
Fashions
Allison & Evin Beck
12442 Jefferson Hwy.
Baton Rouge, LA
70816
225-752-1830
www.dleisfashions.net
10B
The Catholic Commentator
WEDDING
VIOLINIST
In need of something
special for your
wedding day?
Christina N. Boudreaux
Violinist
225-892-5227
[email protected]
August 25, 2010
Catholic website celebrates decade of match-making
By Laura Kilgus
Catholic News Service
PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Brian
Barcaro, co-founder of Catholic Match, could be considered
partly responsible for the nuptials of thousands who met their
spouses through the dating
website that got started in 1999.
He said the site, www.Catho
licMatch.com, currently has
100,000 active users and nearly
half a million singles have used
it over the past decade. These
figures alone indicate that singles are actively looking to date
someone who shares their same
faith.
“There is no question, looking at outside statistics, that the
religious dating sites are find-
The perfect day, place and cuisine...
Perfect Memories!
A beautiful facility embracing 4.5 acres of land,
with pond, gazebo, and accomodations for indoor
or outdoor events for up to 500 guests.
ing more growth,” Barcaro said.
“People are re-evaluating what
makes up a marriage. They really want someone to share their
faith with.”
What sets Catholic Match
apart from secular dating websites, he said, is the strong sense
of community. He explained
that providing a community for
their members has always been
a priority for Catholic Match.
“If we can build a community
of singles, the relationships will
build themselves,” Barcaro said.
Bryn Evans, 27, of Providence
said that since he joined Catholic Match he has “come to realize how many others are out
there who share the same faith
as I do.”
Catholic Match asks members whether or not they accept
specific teachings of the Catholic Church, including: abstaining from premarital sex, use of
contraception, sanctity of life,
papal infallibility, Immaculate
Conception, Eucharist and holy
orders.
“Unlike a secular website,
people are coming to Catholic
Match for a uniquely Catholic
experience,” Barcaro explained.
“There are a lot of things that
you want to know about someone which may not be appropriate for a first or second conversation. The questions allow people
to meet others where they are
philosophically. We have also
found that ... may be one of the
first times they reflect on where
they stand with certain church
teachings, and it gets them in
conversation with others.”
The website got its start when
Barcaro met Jason LaFosse at
a parish picnic at St. Boniface
Church in Pittsburgh in 1998.
The two started talking about
a website and launched one a
year later called St. Raphael,
which changed its name in
2003. Barcaro said that when
they initially launched the site,
he and LaFosse hoped it would
be a catalyst for marriages,
create friendships, and maybe
even help them find their future
wives.
Barcaro, an active member of
Catholic Match, said he has “no
great insights in dating or marriage,” adding with a laugh that
“running a dating site does not
make you a dating expert.” He
said meeting so many people
over the past decade and hearing their personal stories has
made him more compassionate.
“For some people, Catholic
Match has become an integral
community in their lives,” said
Barcaro. “They share all these
stories and it’s really pretty fascinating. People are very grateful.”
Other than the continual
growth of the website, in the
next 10 years, Barcaro hopes to
have more of an international
outreach and to continue to encourage Catholic Match participants to meet others for social
activities and other events.
“We really do think that offline activity is the key,” Barcaro said. “If you are not getting people off-line you are not
doing your job.” He also said
the site would like to do a better job with divorced Catholics
who have had their marriages
annulled, to provide support for
that community.
Barcaro explained that even
though members are meeting
and corresponding with fellow
Catholics, it is still important to
be cautious online.
“The church, just like our
Website, is made up of sinners,”
said Barcaro. “While we are confident we have a higher concentration of good people on Catholic Match than say, a general
site, it is even more important to
use due diligence and to really
be prudent. You should use the
same due diligence whether you
meet someone at Mass, a bar or
online. There is no reason to let
your guard down until you feel
that you have really discovered
what you need to know to make
sure the person is credible.”
14214 Old Hammond Hwy. • Baton Rouge, LA 70816
225-272-0136 • Fax: 225-273-1690
www.ashleymanorcatering.com
PERFECTION!
Committed
to creating a
memorable
experience
for you and
your guests,
we provide
beautifully
presented,
great tasting
food, along
with the highest
standards
of service.
P. O. Box 929 • Brusly, LA 70719 • 225-749-6354
[email protected] • www.labayoubistro.com
STEADY THE GROOM – A groom waits at the altar for his bride, perhaps hoping she will be on time.
Wedding coordinators try to keep events of the day on schedule, but circumstances sometime
complicate that objective. Photo by Kleinpeter Photography
WEDDING
August 25, 2010
The Catholic Commentator
11B
11B
Sacrament of marriage requires
preparation in Diocese of Baton Rouge
By Laura Deavers
Editor
A couple choosing to marry in the Catholic Church should realize that their wedding is more than a public display; it is a
sacrament.
A Catholic marriage is sacramental, not
just legal; sacred, rather than merely secular, public as well as personal.
The couple signifies and shares in the
mystery of that unity and love which exists between Christ and His Church.
As with all sacraments, preparation for
marriage is necessary for those who will
be receiving the sacrament. Preparation
is also needed for the wedding liturgy.
The wedding liturgy is never to be seen
as an event or show for the bride and
groom with family and friends attending
as an audience.
A well-planned liturgy gives insight into
the importance the couple has placed on
their wedding. But there are some diocesan policies that pertain to weddings.
In the Diocese of Baton Rouge, weddings are not permitted on Sunday or on
holy days of obligation. Nor are weddings,
even without the nuptial Mass, permitted
after 3 p.m. on Saturday or days preceding the holy days of obligation.
Weddings on other weekdays must be
scheduled to begin no later than 8 p.m.
There is no diocesan norm prohibiting marriage during Advent or Lent. But,
where weddings are scheduled during
these times of the church year, the couple
should be advised to take into consideration the special nature of these liturgical seasons. In practice, the décor and
liturgical arrangements determined by
the parish during these seasons take priority over the environment desired by the
couple for the wedding.
In the Diocese of Baton Rouge, weddings are usually to be celebrated in the
parish church where either the bride or
groom has a domicile, quasi-domicile, or
month-long residence. With the permission of the pastor of either the bride or
groom and the pastor of the place of the
proposed wedding, a wedding may take
place in some other parish church. With
the additional permission of the proper
religious superior, a wedding may take
place in a chapel attached to a religious
house.
Weddings may not be celebrated out-of-
In the Diocese of Baton Rouge, a priest or deacon can perform the sacrament of marriage
in the couple’s local church parish. CNS photo
doors, in commercial halls, secular facilities or private homes.
In the Catholic Church, a marriage of
two Catholics normally takes place within a Mass. For a serious reason, a marriage between a Catholic and a baptized
non-Catholic may take place at a nuptial
Mass. Permission may also be granted for
a Catholic and a non-baptized person to
be married at a nuptial Mass for a grave
reason.
When either the bride or groom is not
Catholic, the couple is encouraged to
choose a wedding liturgy that does not
include Communion. Since at present,
Catholics and other Christians do not
have shared Communion, it would be inhospitable to have only the bride or groom
receive the Eucharist. Those attending
who are non-Catholic would be denied
coming to the Eucharist, which gives a
SEE SACRAMENT PAGE 12B
12B
The Catholic Commentator
WEDDING
August 25, 2010
SACRAMENT: Diocese of Baton Rouge puts emphasis back on vocation of marriage
FROM PAGE 11B
strong sense of disunity.
The wedding liturgy is complete whether or not there is a
Mass.
The bride and groom are the
ones receiving the sacrament
and they are also the primary
ministers of the celebration.
There are also many other ministers at the wedding, each hav-
ing a special role in the service.
Care should be given that those
persons asked to be ministers
during the celebration have a
clear understanding about what
they are being asked to do and
that they are people of faith. The
other ministers include the witnesses, the ushers or ministers
of hospitality, ministers of the
word, ministers of the Eucharist,
ministers of music, gift bearers
and altar servers.
The wedding is a community
celebration of the love the couple
has for each other, a love that is
to be a sacrament, a sign of God’s
faithful love in this community.
Because the marriage ceremony is a public act of worship as well, it should reflect
the communal nature of the
!
0
t3
s
u
g
u
A
n
e
p
O
We Stay Up Way Past
Their Bedtime.
sacrament, with the guests serving not merely as spectators,
but mone as participants in the
marriage celebration. They are
called upon to pray, to sing and
to witness the love of Christ in
the Church and in society, to be
signs of Christian love and support for the couple as they begin
their married life.
The couple is encouraged to
choose the readings, prepare
the general intercessions, and
select the music for the wedding
liturgy. Music will add much joy
to the wedding and it is used to
help the people to pray. So congregational singing is preferred,
even though a vocal soloist or
choir may be very appropriate at
certain times before and during
the liturgy.
The Diocese of Baton Rouge
recommends that music be chosen that is technically correct
and of good quality. That which
is cheap, trite musical cliché
should not even be considered.
Consulting with the organist or
musical director of the church
where the wedding is to be held
will help the couple avoid many
mistakes and possibly embarrassing situations.
The music at weddings should
serve to emphasize the sacred
event, not distract from it. Careful attention should be paid to
the lyrics, the words of the songs
that will be used at the wedding.
All lyrics sung at the wedding
ought to be readily identifiable
as prayer. If it is not, then they
are out of place in a liturgical
context.
Music at a particular wedding
must be judged on how well it
will enable this particular group
of people present at this wedding to express their faith. When
choosing hymns, do not overlook
religious songs of ethnic origin.
These are very helpful in reflecting the couple’s background and
in involving their friends, relatives and family.
Some churches require adherence to parochial guidelines for
wedding music in hope that the
suggestions contained there will
offer even more help in planning
the celebration of the wedding.
There are several books available that contain readings from
Sacred Scripture that would be
appropriate in planning for a
wedding. These books also contain relevant commentaries on
the readings to assist the couple
in choosing the readings and the
Gospel that would be appropriate for their wedding.
Announcing the new LakeAfterHours Kids
• Seen by Board Certified Pediatricians
• Child friendly environment
• No appointment needed
• Convenient extended hours
• Most insurance plans accepted
• Services include treatment of minor injuries, rashes,
ear infections, vomiting, colds and lacerations & more
Quality Care That Caters To Kids
U R G E N T
C A R E
12525 Perkins Road, (YMCA Boulevard)
765-
Hours: 3pm-11pm, Mon-Fri
9am-11pm, Sat-Sun
LakeAfterHoursKids.com
Lake After Hours Kids is not intended for
major emergencies. If you are experiencing a
life- or limb-threatening situation, please dial 911
or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.
BRIDE’S BOUQUET – A bride’s bouquet is an important traditional part of her outfit. A lot of thought and care often go into the
selection of its flowers and arrangements. File Photo