vol 5-23.pages

Vol 5-23
Jul 7/14
While most people believe that no English
word rhymes with "orange", that is not
true. "Sporange" is a rare botanical term
referring to part of a fern.
A three-year-old had been told several times
to get ready for bed. The last time his mom
told him, she was every insistent. His
response was, "Yes, Sir!" Since he was
talking to his mother (and she is a woman), it
was not expected of him to call her "Sir".
"You would say, 'yes sir,' to a man, I am a
lady, and you would say 'Yes Ma'am,' to a
lady," Mom said. To quiz him on is lesson; she
then asked him, "What would you say to
Daddy?"
"Yes Sir!" was the reply
"Then what would you say to Mama?"
"Yes, Ma'am!" he proudly answered.
"Good boy! Now what would you say to
Grandma?"
Marine Corps Exercise for people
over 60
Begin by standing on a comfortable
surface, where you have plenty of room
on each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand,
extend your arms straight out from
your sides. Hold them there as long as
you can. Try to reach a full minute, and
then relax. Each day you'll find that you
can hold this position for just a bit
longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to
10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb
potato bags, and then eventually, try to
get to where you can lift a 100-lb
potato bag in each hand and hold your
arms straight for more than a full
minute. (I'm at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level,
put a potato in each bag.
That eat is the only word that if
you take the 1st letter and move
it to the last, it spells it's past
tense, ate.
On July 7, 1930, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle died at
age 71 in Crowborough, Sussex, England.
Doyle began his career as a physician after
attending the University of Edinburgh, where he
had a teacher who astounded students with his
powers of deductive reasoning. He gradually
turned to writing and in 1887 introduced the
world to consulting detective Sherlock Holmes
in "A Study in Scarlet." Additional stories about
Holmes soon began appearing to an eager
readership in "Strand" Magazine.!
!
After a time, Doyle tired of writing about
Holmes, killing him off in an 1893 story. A
public outcry ensued, forcing Doyle to
ingeniously bring the famous detective back in
a series of stories a year later.!
Events - 2014!
July 10 - *Don't Step On A Bee Day”!
July 12 - B.C. @ Roughriders 7:30
pm!
July 15 -Cow Appreciation Day. And,
that's no bull! But, it is something to
"Moo" about.!
July 29 - Toronto @ Roughriders 8
pm!
Aug 4 - holiday!
!
English contains the most words out of
any language and the Oxford English
Corpus contains a little over 2 billion
words (yes…billion)
!
!!
The longest word in English with all its
letters in alphabetical order is "aegilops".
"Almost" is actually not far behind it.
!
!
"The only thing necessary for the
triumph of evil is for good men to
do nothing."
the, be, to, of, and, a, in ,that, have, and I
make up 25% of the words you use
The following sentence demonstrates all
nine ways that "ough" can be
pronounced: "A rough-coated, doughfaced, thoughtful ploughman strode
through the streets of Scarborough; after
falling into a slough, he coughed and
hiccoughed.”
!
The following sentence contains all 26
letters of the alphabet: "The quick brown
fox jumps over the lazy dog." It is often
used to test typewriters or keyboards.
I have my own system for labelling
homemade freezer meals.
Forget calling them "Veal Parmigiana" or
"Turkey Loaf" or "Beef Pot Pie."
If you look in my freezer you'll see
"Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know,"
and, my favourite, "Food."
That way when I ask my husband what
he wants for dinner, I'm certain to have
what he wants."
Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make
a sentence using the following words:
defeat, deduct, defense and detail.
!
Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck
went over de fence before de tail."
Five weeks old caracal kittens
"I'm worried about you always being at the
bottom of your class," said the father to his
son. "Don't worry Dad," he replied. "They still teach
the same thing at both ends."
"It isn't pollution that's harming the
environment. It's the impurities in our air and
water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President
A blonde had a near death experience
the other day when she went horseback
riding. Everything was going fine until
the horse started to bounce out of
control. She tried to hang on with all of
her might, but was thrown off. With her
foot caught in the stirrup, she fell
headfirst to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the
ground and the horse didn't even stop
or slow down. Just as she was giving
up hope and losing consciousness, the
Wal-Mart manager came out and
unplugged the ride. !
Thank goodness for heroes.
Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been
reading our marriage certificate
for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the
expiration date.'
"By the time they have been retired for
two years, 78 percent of former NFL
players have gone bankrupt or are
under financial stress; within five years
of retirement, an estimated 60 percent
of former NBA players are broke."
Bob says to Lester, "You know, I
reckon I'm about ready for a
vacation, only this year I'm gonna
do it a little different. The last few
years, I took your advice as to
where to go. Two years ago you
said to go to Hawaii, I went to
Hawaii, and Marie got pregnant.
Then last year, you told me to go
to the Bahamas, I went to the
Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant
again." Lester says, "So what you
gonna do different this year?" Bob
says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie
with me..."
Two blondes living in Texas were
sitting on a bench talking........and the
one blonde says to the other!
"What do you think is farther .........
Florida or the moon......"!
The other blonde turns and says
"Helloooooooooooooooooooo....can
you see Florida?"
If you decided to give up both food and
sleep indefinitely, you would likely die
from sleep deprivation before you
starved to death.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the
Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the
commandment to "honour thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one
little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
A philosophy professor stood before his class
An ant can lift 50 times its own weight,
and had some items in front of him.!
which is equivalent to a human being pulling
When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a 10-ton trailer.
a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and
After a magic show, a woman asked the
proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in
magician how he did one special trick.
diameter.!
He then asked the students if the jar was full? The magician kidded, "If I told you, I'd
have to kill you." She replied, "Well,
They agreed that it was.!
okay then -- would you tell my
So the professor then picked up a box of
pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook husband?"
the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into
the open areas between the rocks.!
A man ran through a crowded train looking
He then asked the students again if the jar was very agitated, calling out, "Is there a
full. They agreed it was.!
Catholic priest on board?"
When he got no reply, he ran back up the
The professor picked up a box of sand and
train shouting, "Is there an Anglican priest
poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled
on board?"
up everything else.!
He then asked once more if the jar was full. The There was still no reply. By now becoming
more desperate, he ran down the train
students responded with an unanimous - yes.!
shouting,
The professor then produced two cans of beer
"How about a Rabbi? Is there a Rabbi on
from under the table and proceeded to pour their board?"
entire contents into the jar - effectively filling the Eventually, a gentleman stood up and said,
empty space between the sand. The students
"Can I be of any assistance, my friend? I'm
laughed.!
a Mormon bishop."
The man looked at him and said, "No, you
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter
wouldn't do at all."
subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar
represents your life. The rocks are the important The Mormon was a bit taken aback.
"But why, good sir?" the Mormon asked. "I'm
things - your family, your partner, your health,
and your children - Things that if everything else a Christian and experienced with all sorts of
religious needs!"
was lost and only they remained, your life would
"Because," the man said, a bit exasperated,
still be full.!
"I need a corkscrew!"
The pebbles are the other things that matter, like
your job, your house, and your car.!
The sand is everything else. The small stuff."!
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he
On July 5th, 1937, SPAM was first
continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or
put on the market.
the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you
Remem
spend all your time and energy on the small
ber, if t
stuff, you will never have room for the things that
everyth wo men agre
e on
ing
are important to you. Pay attention to the things
doing t ? Only one is
that are critical to your happiness. Play with your
he thin
king!
children. Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out dancing. There will always
be time to go to work, give a dinner party and fix
"Flattery, n. A
the disposal.!
uires
crime that req
"Take care of the rocks first, the things that really
"
matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."!
an accomplice.
One of the students raised her hand and
inquired what the beer represented.The
professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just
A kangaroo cannot jump if its tail
goes to show you that no matter how full your
is lifted off the ground. It needs its
life may seem, there's always room for a couple
tail for pushing off.
of beers."
!