vol 5-23.pages
Transcription
vol 5-23.pages
Vol 5-23 Jul 7/14 While most people believe that no English word rhymes with "orange", that is not true. "Sporange" is a rare botanical term referring to part of a fern. A three-year-old had been told several times to get ready for bed. The last time his mom told him, she was every insistent. His response was, "Yes, Sir!" Since he was talking to his mother (and she is a woman), it was not expected of him to call her "Sir". "You would say, 'yes sir,' to a man, I am a lady, and you would say 'Yes Ma'am,' to a lady," Mom said. To quiz him on is lesson; she then asked him, "What would you say to Daddy?" "Yes Sir!" was the reply "Then what would you say to Mama?" "Yes, Ma'am!" he proudly answered. "Good boy! Now what would you say to Grandma?" Marine Corps Exercise for people over 60 Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room on each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides. Hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags, and then eventually, try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.) After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag. That eat is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells it's past tense, ate. On July 7, 1930, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle died at age 71 in Crowborough, Sussex, England. Doyle began his career as a physician after attending the University of Edinburgh, where he had a teacher who astounded students with his powers of deductive reasoning. He gradually turned to writing and in 1887 introduced the world to consulting detective Sherlock Holmes in "A Study in Scarlet." Additional stories about Holmes soon began appearing to an eager readership in "Strand" Magazine.! ! After a time, Doyle tired of writing about Holmes, killing him off in an 1893 story. A public outcry ensued, forcing Doyle to ingeniously bring the famous detective back in a series of stories a year later.! Events - 2014! July 10 - *Don't Step On A Bee Day”! July 12 - B.C. @ Roughriders 7:30 pm! July 15 -Cow Appreciation Day. And, that's no bull! But, it is something to "Moo" about.! July 29 - Toronto @ Roughriders 8 pm! Aug 4 - holiday! ! English contains the most words out of any language and the Oxford English Corpus contains a little over 2 billion words (yes…billion) ! !! The longest word in English with all its letters in alphabetical order is "aegilops". "Almost" is actually not far behind it. ! ! "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." the, be, to, of, and, a, in ,that, have, and I make up 25% of the words you use The following sentence demonstrates all nine ways that "ough" can be pronounced: "A rough-coated, doughfaced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.” ! The following sentence contains all 26 letters of the alphabet: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." It is often used to test typewriters or keyboards. I have my own system for labelling homemade freezer meals. Forget calling them "Veal Parmigiana" or "Turkey Loaf" or "Beef Pot Pie." If you look in my freezer you'll see "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," and, my favourite, "Food." That way when I ask my husband what he wants for dinner, I'm certain to have what he wants." Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail. ! Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail." Five weeks old caracal kittens "I'm worried about you always being at the bottom of your class," said the father to his son. "Don't worry Dad," he replied. "They still teach the same thing at both ends." "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President A blonde had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started to bounce out of control. She tried to hang on with all of her might, but was thrown off. With her foot caught in the stirrup, she fell headfirst to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground and the horse didn't even stop or slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged the ride. ! Thank goodness for heroes. Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.' "By the time they have been retired for two years, 78 percent of former NFL players have gone bankrupt or are under financial stress; within five years of retirement, an estimated 60 percent of former NBA players are broke." Bob says to Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation, only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii, and Marie got pregnant. Then last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again." Lester says, "So what you gonna do different this year?" Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..." Two blondes living in Texas were sitting on a bench talking........and the one blonde says to the other! "What do you think is farther ......... Florida or the moon......"! The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooooooooooooo....can you see Florida?" If you decided to give up both food and sleep indefinitely, you would likely die from sleep deprivation before you starved to death. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." A philosophy professor stood before his class An ant can lift 50 times its own weight, and had some items in front of him.! which is equivalent to a human being pulling When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a 10-ton trailer. a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and After a magic show, a woman asked the proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in magician how he did one special trick. diameter.! He then asked the students if the jar was full? The magician kidded, "If I told you, I'd have to kill you." She replied, "Well, They agreed that it was.! okay then -- would you tell my So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook husband?" the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.! A man ran through a crowded train looking He then asked the students again if the jar was very agitated, calling out, "Is there a full. They agreed it was.! Catholic priest on board?" When he got no reply, he ran back up the The professor picked up a box of sand and train shouting, "Is there an Anglican priest poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled on board?" up everything else.! He then asked once more if the jar was full. The There was still no reply. By now becoming more desperate, he ran down the train students responded with an unanimous - yes.! shouting, The professor then produced two cans of beer "How about a Rabbi? Is there a Rabbi on from under the table and proceeded to pour their board?" entire contents into the jar - effectively filling the Eventually, a gentleman stood up and said, empty space between the sand. The students "Can I be of any assistance, my friend? I'm laughed.! a Mormon bishop." The man looked at him and said, "No, you "Now," said the professor, as the laughter wouldn't do at all." subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important The Mormon was a bit taken aback. "But why, good sir?" the Mormon asked. "I'm things - your family, your partner, your health, and your children - Things that if everything else a Christian and experienced with all sorts of religious needs!" was lost and only they remained, your life would "Because," the man said, a bit exasperated, still be full.! "I need a corkscrew!" The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house, and your car.! The sand is everything else. The small stuff."! "If you put the sand into the jar first," he On July 5th, 1937, SPAM was first continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or put on the market. the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you Remem spend all your time and energy on the small ber, if t stuff, you will never have room for the things that everyth wo men agre e on ing are important to you. Pay attention to the things doing t ? Only one is that are critical to your happiness. Play with your he thin king! children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, give a dinner party and fix "Flattery, n. A the disposal.! uires crime that req "Take care of the rocks first, the things that really " matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."! an accomplice. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just A kangaroo cannot jump if its tail goes to show you that no matter how full your is lifted off the ground. It needs its life may seem, there's always room for a couple tail for pushing off. of beers." !