nthT eq •. 1w-i - Frank X. Lynch, SJ Library

Transcription

•.
1w-i
Love
•nthT
eq
INA MOR'l,'WA
by
AMARYLLIS
TIGLAO
TORRES
Love
in the
Time
of
Ina-Mora-ta
Explorations into Gender Constructions
of Sexuality and Reproductive Roles
by
Awiar11is T. Torres
Gender, Reproductive Health and Development
Monograph Series
2002
Copyright © 2002
by the University Center for Women's Studies
University of the Philippines
All rights reserved.
Contents
ISBN 971-8720-27-8
Recommended Entry
Torres, Amaryllis T.
Love in the time of Ina Morata: exploration into gender construction
of sexuality and reproductive roles / Amaryllis 1. Torres
Quezon City: UP Center for Women's Studies
and Ford Fouñdatioñ, c2002
p. cm. (Gender. Reproductive Health, and Development Project—Monograph Series)
1.Courtship—Philippines.
2. Marriage—Philippines.
3. Interpersonal relationsL__Philippines.
4. Dating (Social customs).
I. Title lISeries:
Acknowledgments 1
Love, Pinoy Style
VI,
1
2 Gender Research in a Rural Community
13
3 Ligawan sa Lalawigan
(Courtship in a Rural Community)
25
4 Pagsasama so Hirap at Ginhawa:
Marriage at the Core of Gendered Relations HO 801 T67 2002
5 Ang Pamilyang Pilipino (The Filipino Family)
51
85
6 Summary: Gender, Sexuality and
Reproductive Roles across Two Generations Genàer, Reproctive Health, an?) Developnent Project
Project management Team
Project Leader: Carolyn I. Sobritchea, Ph.D.
Co-Project Leader: Thelma B. Kintanar, Ph.D.
Editorial Consultant: Diwata Reyes
Project Staff Janet S. Barraca, Victoria R. Bitanga, Sofronio T. Castroverde,
Julius dela Torre, Agosto M. Ferrer, Ardis Anna V. Gonzales,
Laniza A. Lacsamana, CO. Ricafort, Jr., Neilda F Sioson
LOVE IN THE TIME OF INA MORATA Book Designer: CO. Ricafort, Jr.
Cover Designer: Teena Saulo
Aitwork: Estela Saulo
-
,.
133
References 147
Appendices
149
vii
Acknoiv ieÔ@vnéns'
This study of gnder cô stuiorcs
on
exudlity 'ãd reproductIve
roles wotld not hv bééri posible'ith6ut the pa'ficipation of thevc'omer
andmenlivingin tobdrarigayf BOtolanZambiles'Their names haves
been changed in this édrt?but I am cêrtàin that thy will remerribeNh
discusiohs reproduced hêf I h6pe thdt I have captured the esenceof their
disclosures'and that theyilld ' e vith the inteipetafios I have given. My
special gratitude 9-66i toAnra, who seivêd csThy C6thmun lrforn6ntdnd
convinced the rural folk of Manggahan and MabUrolto join our reearch.
I also acknowledge with profound gratitude my research collaborators, who joined me in the conduct of the focus group discussions. I wish to
thank Prof. Leocito Gabo of the Department of Community Development,
College of Social Work and Community Development of the University of the
Philippines, who acted as FGD Moderator for the male groups. Despite his
extremely busy schedule, he was kind enough to join me in this study. My
gratitude also goes to Mr. Christopher Leones, graduate student of Community Development, who found the time and energy to co-facilitate the FGDs
with Prof. Gabo and transcribe the texts thereafter. I hope that the research
has advanced his own consciousness of gender issues in a rural community.
My unbounded thanks goes to my ever-dependable Research Associate, Ms.
Marlene dela Cruz, who has remained with me through the years and always
finds meaning in our various excursions into feminist research. Finally, I wish
to thank my personal Secretary, Ms. Lilibeth Cabaya, who helped manage
viii
the administrative details of the research without additional compensation.
Without her able assistance, our efficiency would have been considerably
reduced.
I wish to thank the University Center for Women's Studies and the
Ford Foundation for their interest in this area of research. Without them,.
Love in the Time of ma Morata would not have been written this year.
Finally, 1 with to express my gratitude to my family: to my husband,
Ruben, whose political life has pushed me towards developing a greater
interest in the rural lifeways of Zambales, to my younger children, Mike and
Kitsie, who stood by patiently, deprived of my attention, while I traversed the
gendered lives of rural people; to my married children, Mia and Celia, and
their respective spouses, Emil and Zeus, who always try to understand and
emulate my gender interests, and to my grandchildren—Himig, Katha, Likha,
Jason and David—who provided me with constant joypnd welcome respite
between my writing sessions.
To one and all, my deepest grôtitude.
MARYLLIS TIGLAb TORRES
May 2002
I
Love1 Pinoy Style
are favorite themes in
Philippine culture The popularity , of love stories, written in either
Filipino or English, cannot be disputed, if one were to considerthe
plots of stories, in comic books and magazines. Of late, Jow-cost
pocketbooks written in Filipino, with such titles as Till Death Do
Us Part, BizrnalikKa sa Akin, (Return to Me), or Ikawang:Iniibig
Ko, Maniwala Ka Sana ( please Believe That I Love Yu) have
become popular,,reading.Book stores display These titles prominently on shelves labeled "Tagalog Romance" alongside selections
written in English. Over the radio, listeners invariably hear the
lilting voices of popular singers, both Filipinos and Western vocalists, who become icons of -the young and the young-at-heart with
their ballads of romantic love, passion and desire, veiling allusions
to the sexual act in metaphors and vocalizations. .
LOVE, COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE
Popular fare on television is no exception. The most wellliked soap operas today (circa 2002), which command the interest
of viewers of all ages, both women and men, revolve around love
themes. The favorite among these daily, programs is Pangako Sa
Iyo (I Promise You), which centers on the romantic exploits of the
heroine ma Macaspag. Young professionals hie home to be on time
for the show. Community activities, parties and other family affairs are planned around its time slot, with meals taken either be-
W Love in the Time of ma Morata
fore or after the show. Women exchange their impressions on ma
Morata's fate during lunch hours, in beauty parlors, in jeepneys,
and even during community assemblies.
T he Research: DescriL,in9 Gener Construct i ons
Love in the Time of ma Morata ''
3. To determine the value of children and the family
among women and men of two generations;
4. To relate changing and persistent constructions of reproductive roles and relationships to events transpiring in the community and society.
across Two Generations
Given the centrality of "pag-ibig" and "pagmamahalan"
(love and caring) in Philippine culture, I decided to embark on a
study of gender constructions pertaining to love, courtship and
marriage Several questions were in my mind To what extent have
traditional customs and beliefs concerning sexuality and reproductive roles of Filipino women and men remained as they were in
earlier generations 7 Are the practices surrounding pregnancy,
childbirth and child-rearing still describable in the same ways as
they were documented by scholars in the sixties and seventies?
Are the sexual practices of Filipino couples still cloaked by the
double standard and female inhibition? Have the contents and dynamics of reproductive roles and relationships c anged 7 What circumstances in the family, communit ' and Philippine society have
affected these cultural traditions ? What are the contemporary gender constructions of reproduction and sexuality?
To obtain nswers to these questions, a qualitative study in
a rural community was designed around the following objectives
1.
2
To determine constructions of sexuality among older
and younger women and men;
To identify symbols and practices attendant to pregnancy, birthing, childcare and parenting,
Romance anô PaØ-roromansa
happiness was the victory of revolution on one side
and the fulfillment of love on the other.
Nina, in Hug 1994:271
Love overcomes time, space, even death.
[Michaela, in Hug 1994:271
The popularity of telenovelas, both those locally-produced
as well as imports from Mexico, bespeaks of a preoccupation among
Filipinos with notions of romance and romantic love. But romantic
love is conditioned by age. Romantic attachments among the young
are expected and encouraged, while older adults are likely to have
traversed the experience and moved on into more serious concerns. Romance is also gendered, an experience that ushers in images of heterosexual experience. It is an idealized expression of
attraction between opposite sexes, combining images of what are
attractive in a man or a woman, with norms of behavior towards
the object of love and desire. In its gendered expressions, romantic love connotes pleasure, personal satisfaction and happiness.
Romantic love is a historical and cultural concept, and its
forms of expression and social acceptability have shifted through
time and place Hug (1994), for instance, traces the word to the
history. of European languages, where romance languages denoted
3
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Love in tbe Time of ma Morata
the vernacular as opposed to the classical Latin. Romances were
originally part of European popular literature: tales of love, adventure and the vagaries of imagination. As such, they formed the
literature of the common man or woman, the unschooled or unsophisticated. Eventually, the characteristics of these stories became
associated with the word itself. Hence, tales of male chivalry, of
rescuing virgin maidens from cruel fates, of overcoming obstacles
to romantic happiness, and of "undying love" have been and remain the themes of romantic literature the world over.
In contemporary Philippine society, romance among the
middle classes carries with it many of the notions of male chivalry
and protectiveness, coupled with female passivity and affection.
In the vernacular, however, "romansing" and "nagroromansa" refer less to polite actions of couples in public, as it does to active
indulgence in sexual behaviors. It is also used in specific contexts,
as in the use of the term "romansang marino" (romance ala seamen) to refer to creative forms of sexual intercourse. Hence, romantic expressions may be differentiated by class and circumstance.
Love anô Marriage
In most cases, romantic attachments described as "pagiibigan" and "pagmamahalan" (loving and caring for each other)
are seen to have their logical ending in a marriage or "kasalan."
Marriage is generally viewed as a sacred institution meant for procreation. It is the foundation of the family, and a husband and wife
remains merely a couple ("mag-asawa") and is not a family ("maganak") until a child is born (Medina 1991). The marriage rituals,
Love in te Time of ma Morata
'P'
however, reinforce gender roles, and women enter marriage with
promises of subordination and caring for the needs of their husbands, while men do so with vows to protect and cherish their wives.
Still, marriages are often made through personal choices, rather
than through parental arrangements.
The process of mate selection begins with courtship or
"pagliligawan," a ritualized expression of caring and attraction for
a (usually) heterosexual partner. It may be a long or a short process, but it is marked by frequent interactions between the attracted
couple, which may or may not include sexual relations. In traditional Filipino society, a proper courtship was initiated by the male,
who asked permission to "visit" the girl he desired at her home. It
was carried out under the watchful eyes of the girl's parents, older
siblings and other relatives. Parents could refuse to allow their
daughters to accept a bisita (visitor), while sons may be asked to
visit only girls de buenafamilia, or those coming from the "right"
social and economic background.
The role of parents, other family elders and community
influentials has shifted considerably in the last century. Westernized notions of romantic love, freer movement of the youth, media
and other influences have eroded the formal structures and rituals
of "pagliligawan." Today, young women and men meet unchaperoned in public places, exchange avowals of love over the telephone,
via e-mail and chat rooms. They also indulge in sexual relations
with little thought of marriage. The latter is borne out by the Young
Adult Fertility Survey, where a small percentage of both male and
female respondents admitted to "going all the way" On their dates
(Raymundo et al. 1999).
6
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Love in the Time of ma Morata
Genôer, Love anô Marital Relations
As earlier mentioned, romantic relationships revolve
around constructions of behaviors which have to do with gender
roles: There are certain behaviors deemed appropriate for men
that are unsuitable for women. For instance, among Filipinos, it is
generally expected that men make the "first moves" in a courtship.
Girls who do so are considered "fresh" and "forward." Instead, a
young woman interested in a man would resort to devious and discreet means to get his attention, and will fake surprise or disinterest if he calls or asks for a date. Even in marriage, husbands are
expected to take the first steps in love-making. Wives have to be
patient, make hints, or maneuver circumstances when they want
to have intimate relations with their spouses. At the same time,
loving wives are anticipated to be caring and attentive to their
spouses' needs, experts in home-making skills, and nurturant with
their children
The gendered nature of romantic love detracts from the
fulfillment of 'fhappiness" in many instances. "Love" has kept physically abused women from leaving their husbands. It has stopped
many highly qualified women from entering the labor force, and
pushed othersto accept low status employments locally and
abroad. It also fuels whole industries devoted to physical attractiveness, so that women become the prime consümërs of beauty
products, diet schemes and wearing apparel that will ensure their
partners' continuing romantic attraction to them. Among men, jealousy and possessiveness over their wives have led them to inflict
emotional and physical abuse on their "loved" spouses, if not curtailed their wives' mobility in social production. Male notions of
romantic love have also predisposed men to continually seek
Love in the Time of fna Movata
''
affirmations of their sexuality and attractiveness with women other
than their spouses.
Genôer, Sexuality anô Repro ôHctive lo(es
Undrlying notions of,love' and romance is hum'an sexuality. Dixon-Mueller (1996:139) defines sexuality a encompassing
the physical capacity for sexual arousal and plasüre as well as
personalized and shared meanings attached to both sexual -behviors and the formatiOn dfexual and gender identitiëslAs such,
.seualit is the 'iepreentation and interpretatioti of biological unctions in ]ieiarchical social ielationshij)s. It is.lii{kéd tOgenderboiistruètions and the two are interlocking domains (Standing & Kiekka
1989, cited in Dixon-Mueller 1996)
'b While 4t4sassociated with phyical'desire, sexualityissocially constricted. Hence,Awhat is sexually'attraciive in one bulk
tiire is not necessarily the same in añothér.'e,tiál'attract ivenss
varies? aèross time if one were •• to' us iforiiIs a tiltiJrF standár ds:.For'instance,statues of Venus and Aphrodite fashioned by
th'e anèient Greeks depict the fémle fOrm äsfull Lhipied and fléh.
P aintings of nude women in the Renaissance'Period ãinotiiiich
differ&rit. Some of these female fohiis, in fact, reoflpwoëñ
with fat arms and legs, and ' qell-defined, ro'ufidea âbdOmëns. Eic
ropean art dealing with the female figure can be viewed 'in stark
cOntrast to depictions of women in Oriental art, where they hãvé
smaller frames and delicate features; Even representations of the
male form vary across cultures, so that Western art tends to emphasize musculature and dominance, while Eastern art focuses on
7
8
''
Love in the Time of ma Movata
'
dress and regalia, whether of eminent male personages or of warriors.•
classes. Least socially-acceptable to this time, however, are sexual
relations with same-sex partners.
In modern times, standards of physical attractiveness have
also varied across the decades. Celebrity stars in the 50S and 6os
(like Lana Turner and Ava Gardner) had full figures, with rounded
hips and bosoms. In the 70s, along came Twiggy, who began the
fashion of celebrating anorexic forms. It was in the same period
that the Barbie doll, became popular, a replica of an idealized female form, with a wispy waistline, large breasts, and slender legs.
In Philippine cinema, thin women with fiat figures are not considered as sexy. Past and current icons of female sexuality have full,
shapely figures. Filipino male icons, in turn, have well-built frames
and handsome features that sometimes border on being pretty.
Given traditional concepts of masculinity and femininity,
sexuality means different things to men and women. Filipino men,
for instance, feel free in expressing their sexual desires and seeking gratification. Filipino women, in turn, are constructed (and see
themselves) as the objects of sexual desire, often hesitant to express their own desires while allowing men to initiate sexual behavior (Estrada-Claudio 1996). These gendered constructions of
sexuality thus replicate unequal gender relations. For EstradaClaudio, this situation provides reason for feminist advocacy. She
states (1996: 146):
paro so loloki at babae hindi dapot maiwan ong
The attractiveness of a potential sexual partner, however,
is not confined to looks. Men with considerable wealth and social
status are sought after as sexual partners and husbands, regardless
of their physical attributes. Women who are charming and submissive, and possess the skills for homemaking, may be preferred as
girlfriends and spouses over those who are intelligent and independent-minded but ignorant of housekeeping. Differences in educational attainment also make a difference in the choice of spouses,
so that men are hesitant to proclaim their suit for women with higher
education than themselves. Ethnic origin can influence choice, and
both women and men may look for lifetime partners in their own
provinces rather than elsewhere. Age also matters, and Filipinos
tend to look askance at a relationship between an older woman and
a younger man. Choice of partners across social classes is frowned
upon, especially between wealthy women and men of the lower
bolangkas ng pog-ibig so sinaunong yugto ng baog no
pogmamahal so sarili. Dopat makibaka ang mga
oktibistang cultural upang lumikho ng konsepto ng pogL
big no hindi nakotuntong so sakripisyo ng kababoihon
paro so makasariling koslyahan ng kalolakihan.
(TRANSLATION: ... for both men and women, society
must discord gender relationships constructed during a time
when there was a dearth of love for oneself. Cultural activists should struggle for o concept of love that is not based
on the sacrifice of women to achieve the selfish satisfaction
of men.)
For Dixon-Mueller, there are four elements of sexuality
that can be studied from a gender standpoint in relation to reproductive health (1996). The first addresses the number of "sexual
partners," current and past; the timing and duration of sexual part-
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Love in t,eTinie ofina Mol,atav
Love in te Time, of ma Moata
nership, the identity of partners; the condition under which-specific partners are selected; and the rate and conditions of change of
partners. The second element encompasses "sexual practices," including the frequency and forms of sexual expressions For DixonMueller, sexual practices have implications on contraceptive,
choices, as well as diseases to which women are put at risk The
third element has to do with "sexual meanings," or collective and
individual beliefs about the nature of the body, eroticism,
and ap1.
propriate sexual behavior. The last element in her framework pertains to "sexual drives and enjoyment," including women's and
men's knowledge of the body's sexual and reproductive capacities,
and the ability to obtain physical and emotional pleasure from fantasy, sexual encounters, or self-stimulation.
Genôer Constrijctions anô SecI4aht
across twoGenerations
This study focuses on the links between gender constructions and notions of sexuality in a rural community. These constructs will theii be examined in relation to marital choices and
relationships, gender roles and reproductive practices across two
generations of women and men. Finally, the implications of gender
dynamics on rproductive health programs will be disci:issed.
I..
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.,0 -
-
Focus-group discussions form the base of data in this report. The FGD is a- discussion-based intervjew . thatr involves the
use of simultaneous respondents -to.generatequalitative data
(Millward 1995, cited inConaco 1999). It is focused on a particular
subject matter, and relatively "staged" by a moderator with ant,
agenda of discussion topics on hand. It is useful in feminist research that places importance on intersubjectivity, underscoring
'
difference and diversity of women's lives, while aiming to understand common experiences and viewpoints (Conaco 1999).
In this context, our research aims to describe both separate and interrelated notions of gender and sexuality from among
a small set of male and female research cooperators. We wanted to
examine gender differences in constructing sexuality and reproductive roles, and describe the transactions, conflictual and cooperative behaviors engaged in by couples in these relationships.
Using group discussions, we were interested in unraveling individuated processes of gender relationships among older and
younger women, and discovering their linkages with other cultural
or social variables. Parts of the texts of the research cooperators
are reproduced in this report, to provide the reader a glimpse into
their individual personalities. Inasmuch as this research is informed
by highly personal disclosures, I believe that a better understanding of gender dynamics is attained by reproducing some significant narratives and discussions. Our FGD participants were comfortable with one another and with us, and they described their
experiences in very colorful language that was often accompanied
by a whole range of emotions: joy, sadness, nostalgia, regret, and
satisfaction. We hope to capture these moods in this monograph.
While we are confident of the internal validity of our results, we make no pretense of having unearthed the universal nature of sexuality and reproductive roles in a rural society. Undoubtedly, given the methodological character of this study, further research on Filipino constructions of sexuality and reproductive are welcome additions to the feminist literature.
Genôer Reseacb
in a Rural Cowlwu4nit9
I
in a rural community for various reasons. To begin with, traditions and norms are
supposed to be more steadfast in a rural setting, given the greater
simplicity of its lifestyle. It becomes an empirical question, therefore, to determine to what extent sexuality and gender roles have
remained the same across generations in a rural community. Secondly, sexuality is supposed to be conditioned by class and location. Sexual practices of urban residents are much better understood, if only because media feeds on the urban culture and reproduces it. Hence, it is interesting to find out to what extent urban
trends are also evident in a low-income rural location. Finally, I
wanted to better understand the men and women of Zambales, who
have come to occupy a significant part of my life. This study is an
effort to understand their gender roles in the context of rural culture and values. The project was conducted from July 2001 to
February 2002.
DECIDED TO CONDUCT THIS RESEARCH
14
Love in tbe Time of ma Movata
'
Tie RnraI setting
The province of Zambales extends along the South China
Sea, on the western side of Luzon Island. It is about 220 kilometers
from the National Capital, bound on the south by the province of
Bataan and on the east by Tarlac and Pampanga. On its northern
boundary is the province of Pai'igasinan: There are thirteen municipalities in Zambales, and one chartered city (Olongapo). All
towns reach out to the sea on the west, while the Zambales Range
traverses these municipalities on the east, separating them from
the towns of the contiguous provinces. The historic Mt. Pinatubo
is located along this mountain range.
In 2000, Zainbales had a phlation of about 618,000
I
,
(NSCB 2002) Zambales towns (other than Olongapo City) totaled
e
433,612 in'populâion. 'ih 1997, the av rage annual fathily income
was P128,' 582 with a real per capita incdthé of P18,306 (NSCB
2002; HDN-UNDP 2000). Income is de, ried prin cipally fr o m
farming and fishin. In 1997,'the Human Development Ind e x of
Zambales was computed as 0.59, placing it in the 18th place across
All Provinc e s of the country. In 2000, some' 250,000 persons in
the province were ethployed Unémployment was computed as
•
41,000 (NSCB 2002):Hence, the income index of Zambales is only
Ir,
r
.
0:25 (HDN 2000):Ndnetheles, Zambales enjoys good educational
'standing; with 'a fui'ktionäl liteiacy rate of 81.71 and combined
'
V -' '•,'-.-.
I
school enrolment rate of 89.97% (HDN-UNDP 2000). Life expe ctancy in the province is close to the national figure: 65 years among
men and 69 years among women.
'•
V - -
r.
-
This study includes men and women from two contiguous
barangays: Manggahan and Maburol (not the real barangay names)
in the town of Botolan. When one travels from Manila, Botolan is
Love in the Time of lila Moata
'
the eighth municipality of Zambales. In 2000, it had a population
of 46,602 and . 9,629 households. BarangaysManggahan and
Maburol are situated closeto the coastline of Botolan, and the residents enjoy access to both fishing and farming. The houses here
are neatly positioned along either side 'of asphalted roads. Rice
fields are located towards the , eastern portions of the barangays
while beaches fronting the South China Sea are on the west. There
are 170 households in Manggahan and 28o in Maburol. Farming
and fishing are the principal forms of livelihood in these barangays
In addition to agricultural workers, farmers and fisherfolk, there
are transport workers, teachers, government employees, entrepreneurs and other pr o fessionals living in the barangay. A number
of families also have -members who 'work (or have worked) overseas, mainly as sea-based male workers. Their houses are distinguishable, because these are usually lärger, painted and more modern in design.
The co ^nmunitN Resource Persons
I was interested in determining gender constructions across
two generations of couples. To fãcilitàtè the Choice of community
resource persons (or research cooperatis), I enlisted the help of
Anna (a pseudonym), a young woman I had befriended during the
summer of 2001. She resides in Manggahan, and the choice of the
barangays is related to this fact. I told her that I was doing a study
on "pagliligawan, pagmamahalan" and "samahan ng mag-asawa"
(courtship, love and marital relations). I said that I wanted to conduct a group discussion with couples on these topics, to ascertain
their experiences and feelings in this regard, and that they could be
assured that their identities would not come out in the final report
15
ió
V
Love in the Tinie of ma Morata of the project. I asked her to invite four married women and four
married men with ages above 50 years, and another set younger
than 35 years. I also requested that, if possible, members of the
same families or marriage partners be included in the groups. Anna
herself was invited to become one of the resource persons.
From Anna's accounts, it was relatively easy to find local
people interested in sharing their time and their views for the research. This was especially true of the women, who had free time in
the afternoons. It was a bit more difficult, however, to find males
who could join the focus groups during the scheduled sessions,
even if they wanted to participate, principally because of their work.
The community resource persons who finally participated
in this study include 12 women and seven men, all married. Eight
of the women and five of the men reside in Manggahan; the rest
come from Maburol. The ages of the seven women in the older
group range from 44 to 69, while the range in the younger set of
seven women is from 24 to 39 years. The three older men in the
group had ages between 52 and 64, while the four younger males
were between the ages of 24 and 39.
'7
TABLE 1. Profile of resource persons
Name
Barangay
Age
Years Married
Age when
married
A. Female Resource Persons
Nena
Manggahan
69
23*
20
Au
Manggahan
64
42
22
Lani
Maburol
63
46
17
Ines
Manggahan
49
29
20
Zeny
Manggahan
46
0
26
Lino
Maburol
46
23
23
Riza
Maburol
44
25
19
Terry
Manggahcn
39
16
23
Anna
Manggahan
33
12
21
Rina
Maburol
33
6
27
Nadia
Manggahan
27
7
20
Sheila
Manggahan
24
4
20
B. Male Resource Persons
Allow me now to introduce the resource persons. Their
names have been changed to protect their identities (Table i).
All of the research cooperators, or resource persons, had
been married only once, and—except for Aling Nena and Mang
Tony, who have been widowed— their spouses are still alive. However, two of the younger women (Sheila and Anna) are separated
from their husbands, in on-off relationships. Both these women
had given birth in the past year. All except one of the men are
natives of Botolan, married to co-provincemates. Mang Joe's wife
is from Region I. Of the women, Lina initially came from Metro
Tony
Monggahan
64
42**
22
Larry
Manggahan
59
33
26
Joe
Maburol
52
29
23
Arthur
Manggahan
39
16
23
Willy
Manggahan
33
14
19
Dan
Manggahan
29
10
19
Ricky
Maburol
24
2
22
widowed in 1975
**widowed in
2000
18
P'
Love in the Time of ma Mo'ata
Manila, but had migrated to Olongapo, where she met her present partner. Nadia is originally from Bataan. The husbands of Anna and Riza are non-natives of Zambales.
Five of the older women completed elementary education.
Lina graduated from high school, while Ines finished a vocational
course in "steno-typing." Among the younger women, Nadia, Terry
and Rina graduated from secondary school. Anna and Sheila pursued higher education, but both failed to complete their courses.
Of the men in the older age group, Mang Larry had completed a
commerce degree. Mang Joe graduated from high school, while
Mang Tony finished only Grade 6. In the younger age group of
males, Dan and Ricky had some college education while Arthur
and Willy graduated from high school.
At the time of the study, Willy and Mang Joe claimed to
have no steady jobs, Dan and Arthur are tricycle drivers, Mang
Tony and Ricky are fisherfolk, and Mang Larry is a retired seafarer. The wives of Arthur and Mang Joe are engaged in vending,
while Larry's spouse is a public school teacher. The rest of the
spouses are reportedly unemployed. Seven of the women in the
research are vendors, selling snacks or fresh foods. These are Aling
Zeny, Nadia, Sheila, Terry, Riza, Rina, and Aling Lani. Aling Lina is
a volunteer health worker, Anna, Ines and Au have no regular employment, while the oldest in the group, Aling Nena, is unemployed
but supported by her children. Four of the women have spouses
with no steady incomes. Sheila's husband is a computer encoder
and Nadia's spouse is a tricycle driver. The husbands of Zeny and
Aling Nena are farmers, while both Riza and Rina are married to
carpenters. However, Aling Nena and Aling Lina report that their
husbands had multiple sources of income—farming, carpentry or
Love in the Time of ma Moiata
'
construction work. (See Tables I & II in Appendix for the profiles
of research cooperators.)
Originally, I had wanted to get at least a mother-daughter
pair and a married couple as my resource persons. However, it
turned out that the individuals recruited by Anna are related to her
in one way or the other, and are not merely her neighbors. There
are two families represented in the study, which Twill call the Cruz
and Cruzado families. Aling Nena is the oldest member of the Cruz
family in the focus groups. Zeny and Arthur are siblings, and are
the niece and nephew, respectively, of Aling Nena, while Sheila is
her granddaughter. Mang Tony's late departed spouse was a cousin
of Aling Nena. Nadia's husband is also her relative.
Mang Larry, in turn, is the oldest member of the Cruzado
family in the study. Anna and Ricky are his children, while Dan is
married to Mang Larry's youngest daughter. Aling Lani is the second cousin of Larry, and Rina is Lani's granddaughter. Hence, she
is the niece of Anna and Ricky. Au is another of Mang Larry's cousins, and her daughter Terry is married to Arthur of the Cruz family. In this respect, the Cruzado clan is linked by affinity to the Cruz
family. Lina and Riza are nieces of Mang Larry, while Ines is married to Lina's brother, who is also her cousin. Finally, Willy is a
nephew of Mang Larry.
An intricate network of kinship relations can be described
among the selected community resource persons, all of whom are
related to the Community Informant, Anna, in one way or another.
Thus, this study on gender constructions of sexuality and reproductive roles represents a slice of the family stories of the Cruz and
Cruzado clans.
19
'i
The Researcb Team
Four individuals associated with the College of Social Work
and Community Development acted as FGD moderators. I was one
of two women in the group, the other being the Project Assistant,
Ms. Marlene dela Cruz. A male faculty member of the College, Prof.
Leocito Gabo (Tex) facilitated the FGD for males along with a graduate student, Mr. Christopher Leones (Chris). Tex and I have had
prior experience in facilitating focus group discussions. Tex, in his
role as an Eastern Catholic Bishop deeply involved in community
apostolic work, has extensive experience in dealing with problems
of love and marriage. He is gender-sensitive and is currently writing a dissertation on women's issues. My own experiences as psychologist, community practitioner and feminist guided me in the
research. Marlene completed a master's degree in women and development and has the background to understand gender ideology. She assisted me in a previous research on the life stories of
grassroots women. At the time of the study, Chris was still completing his units for a master's degree in community development,
and has experience in community work. Marlene and Chris acted
as documentors for the FGDs, while Tex and I played the roles of
principal moderators.
T be Researcb Process
Following a review of existing Philippine literature on sexuality and reproductive roles, I, as principal investigator, developed a Data Portfolio meant to capture the objectives of the research. The Data Portfolio was circulated to the rest of the re-
'P'
search team, and discussed in two meetings prior to pre-test and
data collection.
The Data Portfolio is divided into two general areas of concern: (i) love, courtship and marriage—including queries on romantic love, sexuality and sexuality practices, and gender roles in
marriage; (2) pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing—including
questions on birthing practices, the value of children, parental
roles, family planning and birth control. The contents of the Data
Portfolio may be read in the Appendix.
Data-gathering for this research comprised three stages:
• Pre-test FGD in UP, with women of an urban poor community
Focus-,group discussions in male-only or female-only
groups
Validation FGDs in mixed-sex groups
The pre-test was conducted to refine the FGD guide developed for the study. This was conducted with female resource perSons from a community close to the University of the Philippines.
The draft FGD guide was corrected and finalized on the basis of the
results of the pre-test.
Three same-sex FGDs were conducted to elicit gender
themes on sexuality and reproductive roles. The decision to have
same-sex groups, with same-sex FGD Moderators, was based on
our desire to make the resource persons as comfortable as possible during the discussions. Prior researches have shown that
mixed groups may inhibit one or another sex from fully sharing
their experiences. Two Validation FGDs were undertaken to feed-
2.I
11
'i'
Love in t be Time of ma Morata
'i'
back the results of the previous FGDs in mixed-sex groups, as a
way of filling-in data gaps and ambiguous information, and to show
the resource participants the results of their previous discussions.
This time, we wanted to see whether anyone would contest the
disclosures of the previous FGD groups, especially those who were
spouses, or parents and their children.
Because there was only one younger male resource person
in the first FGD, I asked Anna to invite additional young men for a
second FGD session. She acquiesced, and three men younger than
40 years of age were added to the groups. Tex and Chris interviewed them in the morning of our second visit with the resource
persons from Botolan.
In addition to FGDs, a two-page Personal Data Sheet was
given as a self-administered questionnaire, to avoid having to ask
about demographic information during the FGDs. The Moderators
assisted those who had difficulty in understanding the questionnaire for one reason or another. The two data collection instruments are appended to this report.
The FGDs were taped and transcribed by Marlene and Chris.
Summary matrices were developed from the raw transcriptions
for each group, separating the texts of younger and older members, and following the sequence of the Data Portfolio that had
been developed for the research. These summaries were copied on
Manila paper and presented to the two different groups for validation. Responses to questions in the Personal Data Sheets were tabulated by resource person and presented in matrix form.
Five () focus group discussions (FGDs) were held with the
12 female and seven male resource persons. In July 2001, the first
set of FGDs were conducted at the residence of the Principal Investigator in Iba, Zambales. The women were grouped together
with Amar and Marlene as FGD Moderators, while the three older
men and Arthur composed an-all male group with Tex and Chris as
Moderators. The decision to hold the FGDs in Iba rather than in
Manggahan or Maburol was arrived at in consultation with the resource persons. They wanted to visit my home, in the first place.
In the second place, we would have had to do the FGDs outside of
their homes, because there was no space big enough to accommodate the groups. They did not think this would be a comfortable
situation, especially because we would be discussing very intimate
matters. Thus, the FGDs were held in two separate rooms in a beach
house of Iba. Privacy was ensured during the discussions, and outsiders entered only to serve merienda (snacks).
The Validation FGDs were held in September of 2001, following the FGD with the additional younger men. The groups this
time were mixed. In my group were included one family of related
males: Larry, Dan and Ricky. In Tex's group were Au and Terry, a
mother-daughter tandem. Terry and Arthur are also spouses.
Sheila and Lina were unable to attend the Validation FGD, so that
there were only nine members in my group and eight in Tex's FGD
(see Table 2).
The validation-focus-group discussions were again transcribed and summarized according to the data portfolio. This time,
the summaries of the discussions were presented together and categorized by the age-groups and sex of the resource persons. These
summaries, the transcriptions, and the tabulated Personal Data
Sheets were used for the analysis and interpretation of the texts.
The organization and content of the Data Portfolio serves as the
23
24
'P'
Love in the Time of ma Moi'ata
TABLE 2. Composition of Validation-FGDs
Amor' s Group
Female Resource
Persons
Mole Resource
Persons
Tex's Group
Female Resource
Persons
Mole Resource
Persons
Li3awan sa
La(awiOan
(Com4rtsbip in a Bjtrai Conimnnit)
Older Members
Ines
Lani
Zeny
Joe
Lorry
Older Members
Nena
Au
PAGLILIGAWAN IS A GENDERED RELATIONSHIP, characterYounger Members
Rino
Rizo
Tony
Ricky
Dan
Younger Members
Terry
Nadia
Anna
Willy
Arthur
guide for the presentation of the collected information on sexuality and reproductive roles.
In January 2002, a NewYear's Party was held in my house,
to serve as a reunion of the resource persons in the present research. This affair had been agreed-upon during the validation session. Most of the women and men from the two barangays who
took part in the study attended the party. At the time, they were
looking forward to seeing their stories in print.
Against this background, let us now examine Filipino constructions of love, courtship and marriage, among younger and
older women and men, in a rural setting.
ized by certain social expectations from either the man or the
woman. In public discourse, courtship is attended by feelings of
attraction, which is conditioned by personal criteria of what constitutes "attractiveness." It may also be linked to the process of
searching for and choosing potential marriage partners who are
viewed to possess desirable qualities—as wives, husbands or parents. At the same time, there are social expectations of how the
courtship process "develops," and there are obligations often expected of men. Generally, in Philippine society, the woman is supposed to be the passive recipient of attention in the courtship process, rather than one who actively seeks a mate. The experiences
of our resource cooperators bear out some of these discourses,
but contradict others.
Bin,t-bintan
(Flirtation)
Whether young or old, the men we interviewed in barangays
Manggahan and Maburol took the first steps in courtship. The older
26
'P'
men aver that, in their youth, it was the parents who chose thir
children's marriage partners. Mang Tony relates:
Noong urlang ponahon hindi pa nagliligawan ang
mag-asawa eh. Walarig nanliligaw diyan kundi magulang
at magulang ang nag-uusap. Magulang at magulang
kung baga, ikav and ttdy .ako ianan ar'g'tatcy rig
kabila ... tayo ang nag-uusop dahil gusto kitang maging
babe. May anok kayong binata, may anak kaming dalaga;
ganun ang istorya ng unang panahon no nadatnan ko.
Magulang ang nag-uusap para so kanilang mga anak.
(TRANSLATION: in the old days, courtship before
marriage was not practised. No one cur-ted 'nyone only
parerits [did the ihfr their ' hildr]. .'.."Yot are
the fatherof one [party]!.: and I ath the fathrftFe otheri
[party]... Let'stalk because I want you to.be rnydaughter's
father-in-law. ... You , have a bochel& son, and I.have ,a
.
L
'
•,
daughter" ... That was how it was' ,done then.
Parents
handled the courting for their children.)
- .
.
:.'i
Despite this practice in Zambales, the tèxtsindicate that
less formal processes define the courtship éxpèrences of the men
-in the older groupLarry,'Tony and 'Joe. Mang TOi!ly himself admits that he' toOk the initiative in courting his would-be wife. FOr
Larry and Joe, "biru-biruân" (in this case, teasing' Or flirtation)
started it all.
So una kung nakita nagkakilola kami, pangalawa
nakukuha so biro biro ... kabiro-biro hanggang so nabiro
siyang talaga ... Nabiro long rig medyo masama, sumama,
hindi ako ngayon makapalag hanggang so nagsama
kaming dalawa.
(TRANSLATION: When we first met, we dot to know
each other. Then, we started to kid and tease each other.
Love in the time of ma Morata
'P'
Thèn,before long, the teasing became more intense. Then
she took things seriously,'arid before ,l knew it, we were.
together and I couldn't get out of the tight spot until we
finally li'ed with each other.
sang arawnagkita kami so kasalOn .1..,biru-biro,
kagaya nila tukso,.tukso. Nung ano, nasa plaza ako
papunta siya ng Maynila, kiriawayan ako, noka short ako
ft
naka tsinelas
smarna ako
ioon no develop
. (TRANSLATION: One day, we met,-at a wedding. There
was a lot of kidding and teasing 'going:on Once, I was at,'
the plaza and she was gôingjo Manila.- She beckonedto
me. Although I was lust in shorts and slippers, I went with
her and that was how everything developed.)
Larry
For both Joe and Larry, therefore, their relationships with
their future wives became serious only when the latter showed interest. It was only when the women reacted positively to their "biru.
biruan" that they decided to pUrsue their suit.
.
Flirtation and jest also characterize the courtships of the
younger men. They relate how they had met their sweethearts in
social functions of their, town, like in dances and fiestas.
.Di ba usa ho 'yung soyawan so Boryo a Plaza?
dumadayo kami doori ... doon na-develop. Una, .biro:
biro muna hanggang so niligawan ko no nga ... doon no
ho nag-umpisa 'yon.
(TRANSLATION: Dances held in the barrio or plaza
was the in-thing those days and young men would go there.
27
2.8
'P'
Love in te Time of ma Morata
That was how it all startedAt first,
around until Hinally courted her.)
*
•
-
we
Love in the Time of Inamorata
were lust kidding
-
F
Willy
So sayawan ko rin no natingnan 'yung misis ko. Parang
nakitd ba, tapos kinabukasan iyon ... eh nauuso kasi 'yung
pupunta a . kanila, mag-iinom, magpcparamdam ba.
Hanggangsa nagkaligawan, no-developed.
F
-
Facilitator: Pero yung ginagapas mo para so kanila?
Arthur:
Oo. Pero yung hindi mo sukat no akaIiin ncmatapos,
matatapos mo eh.
TRANSLATION
Arthur:
F
F__F
F
I experienced working tocurry favors with her parents,
like harvesting rice.. ,It's like what you neverthought
L,.
you could do, you were abLe to ... Just to impress
-
tnem.
F
F-F
F
FF
Facilitator: But what you were harvesting was for them?
Arthur:
"Panunuyo" (winning-over the family) is a practice recorded
in earlier studies and is part of oral tradition. During this period, a
girl's parents test the seriousness of the intentions of a suitor by
the quality of his efforts in farm work. Unlike in other cultures, it is
F
Arthur: Naranasan kongmanuyo yungmaggapasng palay.
'Yung hindi mo. .subokakalain matapos, matatapos
mo eh. Ndgpapakitang gilas.
F
(TRANSLATIONJ:We here lust kids then, but it wlikb
we were a love team in a ... For example, in dances, we
wouidbë partners. In high school, I would go to her barents' hdue until . . we became husbnd and wife.)
F
tF
Ricky
Bata pa long kami, parari dà16a6kmin parár
mag love team ba so anó .. haIimbawaa masayOwan,
magka-partner kami. Hanggang so high school 'yon
pumupuntaako sabahay ng magtIang, tapos hanggang
ngyon ... nagkatuluyanho kami.
29
the suitor who is expected to provide the bride-price in Zambales.
Arthur, one.of the younger mèn,.had to render service to his potential in-laws before marriage: ..
-
(TRANSLATION: ln,a dance, that was wheFre I first saw
my wife. It was like, I saw her and the net day' ... it was the
practicethen to go to their house, have some drinks, and
let her know that you have some feelings for her. Then I
started courting her; it developed.) -
Only Dan seems to have had serious intentions in his courtship, because the woman he married was his childhood sweetheart.
He recalls:
'P'
Yes. But what you never imagined you could finish
you could.
Willy also helped1 to build the house of his girlfriend's family, but it was less of an expectation from them and more of a voluntary action on his part. He said: -
F
Ako pa, eh, tumutulong-tulong ... kasi ... siyempre
naman girl friend ko naman ang anak, nila. Tumulong
akong gurnawa ng bahay kahit walang sahod ... pagkain
long, libre sigarilyo, matagal tagal din.
(TRANSLATION: I rendered services to [my paent-inlaw], ... of course, since their daughter was my girlfriend. I
offered them my free labor to build their house ... lust meals,
free cigarettes, and for quite some time, too.)
30
'
Love in the time of flia Morata
Love in the rime of Ia Moata
Among the older males, Larry.also undertook ?panunuyb"
for five years for the family of his former, girlfriend. He says
"nanilbihan ako ... yung nag-iigib ng inumin, kasi sa amin maalat
ang tubig." (I served my fiancée's family ... fetching water, because
in our barrio the water is salty). But 'in the end, he left the girl to
elope with the one who is3 now his present wife
Lani's parents, however, objected to her suitor, so he would
'
....
visit her on the sly:
- Noong niligawan ako ng asawa ko, ong pag-akyat
niya so akin ng ligaw, dumadaan pa siya so bintana,
dahil ayaw siya ng nanay ko.
P0
(TRANSLATION: When my husband was still courting
me, he would pass through the window of our house because my mother did not like him.),,,
Kwvsui'taôa icÔ Sia
(I Was Attracted to Her/Him)
Among the women, Nena is the only one ' WhO shares her
e*perience of fOrnial courtship. Her suitor visited her at home once
a mnth for a whole year before they were maried He would also
serenade her (naghaharana). Meantime, she was "falling in love"
with him.
1
1.
[N]oong makita ko siya, kumakatok-katok no ang
'.''
. ., '
0
dibdib ko. Iyunpala, kursunada ko siya.
(TRANSLATION: .[W]
. hen I saw him, my heart started
'
...,
to po'und.' I 'realized
I faIlinfôhi.m.)
Nonetheless, there was no time in their courtship when he
asked her about her feelings. She narrates:
Di nbm&iakô ?idgpa1'd-"oe 'noon, ... ',vlang nag" 00 " nbon. 1 lyurIang'nahahaIota' Idng.iyuri. Hindi'kami
sumasagot ng "oo." Iyôñ' long ihihdldta nya. lyun nga
long namanhika,n no.
(TRANSLATION didn't really answer him with a "yes"
as nobody said "yes" thn. It was something that could be
perceived ... but not answered with a definite "yes." He
iust sensed it and then he asked for my hand in marriage.)
In the case of Ines, she met her husband who was then
working in a sugar central. She liked him because he was kind
('mabait") and becase he is a Zambaleño Eventually, she eloped
with him Nadia 's husband was a customer in the shop where she
worked for her relatives. She was taken in by his thoughtfulness,
although she did not like him at first because of the gap in their age.
,.'., i.
'j
'•
-1 . '' -
Wala po akongano so kanya poon, hindi ko. siyo
crush, kasi po me edad so akin. At saka meron akong
...
'Iu•'.
.
'-.3T'.
'1
/ :,
bang crush noon no guwapo, maputi ... Nadala lang po
-. I ''ako sabola niyka'i' ndbbla p0 iyu'n asawa k&'
Mabuladas. Sabra po ang mga'pambobola .niya.
Nagbibigay so akin ng rose tapos mag-aano p0 siya so
akin ng love letter, cards. •,
(TRANSLATION: I didn't hve'any felings for him then;
he was not my crush because he wasmuch older than me.
And besides, I had another crush then, handsome and fair
I .was taken in by his sweet words because he was a
good talker. He flattered me. He really knew how to soften
me up. He would give me roses, love letters, cards.)
The narrations of these women allude to the bases of their
attraction to their future husbands. In the cases of Lani and Nena,
3'
32
'P'
the feeling was overpowering and could not be pinned down to any
single factor: "Kursunada ko siya!" (I was attracted to him). Character, however, is what attracted Ines and Nadia to their suitors. In
addition, Ines mentions a factor that many other Filipino women
find attractive in a potential mate: "Kabababayan ko siya" (He was
my provincemate). The physical attractiveness of a suitor also
counts. As Lani says:
'P'
Nag live-in kami ng one month. Tapos noon natakot
rin oko so parents ko noon kasi wala din po silo dito, mga
kopatid ko ang guardian ko... Payat no poyat p0 ako
noon eh. Iyun Palo naglilihi no polo oko noon. Pero hindi
ko pa po sinobi, hindi pa po ako umamin no nagli-live in
kami. Nang boyfriend ko. Nagtopat no long ho ako noong
kinuho no namin iyung mga gamit doon so pinagtirahan
namin. Umuwi no kayo no so Zomboles at mamanhikan
no, kailangon ganoon ong mangyori, sobi ng mga kopatid
lyung nanay ko ipilit ako doon so lalaking ayaw ko.
ko kosi kargo p0 nila ako.
Ay, ang baba naman niyon, dahil toga San Narciso iyun
(TRANSLATION: We lived together for a month. And
eh ... moliit. Kohit moyamon siya kung moult noman siyo...
then I was scored of my parents because they weren't here,
(TRANSLATION: My mother forced me to like this man.
He was very short and he came from San Narciso, ... really
short. He may have been rich, but he was too short ...)
my siblings were my guardians. I was very thin then. It
turned out that I was already pregnant. But I didn't want to
admit that I was already living with my boyfriend. I only
told the truth when we went to our house to get my things.
None of the other women cared to share the bases for their
feelings, not even Anna and Shiela who lived-in with their boyfriends before they finally married. Anna even avers that, despite
the fact that she was already infanticipating, she would have preferred not to marry her boyfriend. In Sheila's case, she was persuaded to marry her boyfriend by her siblings.
Two years kaming noging mogsyoto pero hindi ko siya
gusto noon. Kahit buntis no ako ayaw ko pang mogpakasal
so kanya. Parang sapilitan.
(TRANSLATION: We were already going together for
two years but I really didn't love him. Although I was already pregnant, I didn't want to marry him. It was like I was
forced into it.)
Anna
My siblings told me to go home to Zombales where he
should ask for my hand in marriage because that was the
right thing to do. They were concerned because I was their
responsibility.)
Sheila
A clear gender difference emerges in narrations of our community resource persons about courtship. The women, especially
the older ones, seem to find it easier to express their feelings for
the men in their lives. Without being prodded to, Lani, Biana, Ines,
and Nadia tell us why they were attracted to their suitors. It appears that Filipino women growing into adulthood in the fifties and
sixties were in full control of their feelings and showed no reticence in showing it. Obviously, the "Maria Clara syndrome" characterized by subterfuge and the repression of feelings of physical
attraction for a man, which was the social prescription in 19th century Philippines, has been abandoned by the present generation.
34
'i'
Love in the Time of lihi Morata
The younger women who shared their courtship experiences did
not express too many feeling about their boyfriends. Anna even
avers that she did not really love her boyfriend But, they were
attracted to their boyfriends all the same, because they willingly
engaged in intimate relations with them. Nadia, for her part, found
her suitor thoughtful and attentive, therefore romantic.
None of the men in our focus groups spoke of love or passionate attachments to the girls they pursued. Men in the older
generation tended to be wary, and would not make any further
moves to pursue their love interests if they did not get any signs of
being reciprocated. Hence, they brush off their initial courtship
moves as 'birubiruan lang, and they signify that it is the women,
in fact, who encouraged them to continue the rituals of courtship.
Nadia's husband, Ricky and Willy are different in this respect. They
admit to' having actively pursued their romantic interests, until
these women became their wives.
Romantic relationships among the younger group were less
difficult to initiate. As Anna recounts, her boyfriend gave her an
ultimatum:
'.,
• 1.
.
•.
-
, Niligawan niya ako so Quiapo Church. Sabi niya,
-
w
h'uog'tayong
adlis hanggat hindi mo ako sinasagot. Bumili
so uderpas ng bulakIk.Tdpobi niya 1guti mb
no ako. 'Sigd" sabi ko, naging' magsyota kami ng
year. ,,,,
,
,
',
•,
(TRANSLATION: He 'courtd me inide thQuiao
Church and told mewe wouldn't leave the chufth until he
got my answer. He even bought some flowers from the.
Lacson Underpass and asked me to accept him. I said,
"Yes" and we went steady for a year.)
r,
'i'
Sii'n6anØ Ga(i 0 Sii'nban@Tabi?(Dawn Mass or Dawn Tryst?) , ..
The average age at which a Filipiiiaothai eerienced
her first sexual intercourse is 20.9 years in rural spaces, and 23.1
years in urban areas. These values are cloeiy linked to the median
age of women at their first marriage-23 among urban women and
21 among rural women (NSO-DOH-MI 1999). However, 58% of
young married males and 35% of young married females reportedly engage in pre-marital relations (Raymundo etaL19). About
half of the sample of married women and men in the Young Adult
Fertility Survey (between the ages Of 15 and 24) had lived together
with their spouses before marriage, some 30% had elopèd, and a
quarter had lived together and eloped (Raymundo et al. 1999).
How ôo the community resoin'ce persons in our stI4O
conipai'e . with these statistics?
'Bytheir own admissioh, almost all the 'men in the younger
age group enjoyed premarital sex with their respective partners
In fact, Dan married young because his high school sweetheart
became pregnant Willy and Ricky also indulged in premarital relàtions although their wives did not become pregnant before marriage. Sheila and Anna had live-in relationships with their boyfriends, extending to a month for Sheila and almost two years for
Anna. Marriage took place when each woman became pregnant,
although they had engaged in sexual relations without any thought
Of marriage.
35
36
'
The opportunities for sexual relations in a rural area are
again linked to social occasions. The younger men's discussions
are instructive by themselves:
Facilitator: Pero 'yon nopoko-koraniwan no so ponohon ngoyon
o so koponohunon noun no mogkoroon muno ng relosyong sekswal bogo mog-osowo.
Willy:
Kosi ong relosyong sekswol siyempre so akin pog
olom niyo ho 'yung simbong gobi?
Facilitator: Oo.
Ricky:
Don:
Kosi so 0mm ... di pog modoling orow wolang tricycle, ...di nogiolakad hanggong bayon.
Hindi nomon simbong gobi 'yun eh, kundi "simbong
tobi" namon 'yun, eh.
Ricky 'Yun ong tinotowag no "simbang tobi," mogpopoolam
no mogsisimbo, syempre modoling oraw 'yon molomig,
kung soon silo umabot doon no. Gonyan ong nangyoyori so omin.
Willy: Minson matopos ong Posko, ong doming buntis; moroming ikinokasol. ... Mga ilong buwon, ... totlong
buwon ... ikakosal no dahil may laman no, eh.
Ricky: Kosi noglalakad ho ... kosi walong tricycle, eh totlong
kilometro 'yon eh. Mogigising ng mgo alas dos, 'yun
polo hindi umoobot ng simbahon kung soon-soon
long so tabi diyon.
Facilitator: Okey oh, mogonda no may simbahon tolaga.
'P'
TRANSLATION
Facilitator: But that is so common nowadays, to have sexual
relations before marriage.
Willy:
Yes.
Facilitator:
It's like it's tried and tested.
Ricky:
It's because sexual relations for me ... do you know
what is coiled? "Simbang gabi" (Down Moss)?
Facilitator:
Yes.
Ricky:
In our place, there were no tricycles and so we would
walk to town
Don:
That was not a "simbong gobi," but "simbong tabi"
(down tryst).
Oo.
Facilitator: Porong subok ngo.
Ricky:
Ricky: We called it "simbong tabi." We would ask permission to attend Mass and of course at down and it
was cold and we would do it wherever we wonted,
where it was convenient. That's what happened to
US.
Willy: After Christmas, there would be many pregnant
women and many weddings. ... After some months,
three months, ... they had to marry because a baby
was on the way.
Ricky: ... It's because they would walk; there was no tricycle, and that was three kilometers long. They would
woke up of two in the morning and would end up
everywhere, except in the church.
Facilitator: Okay. It's really good to have a church.
Among the older women, Lani and Ines had eloped with
their suitors. In both cases, these women eloped over their parents' objections to their choice of marriage partners. In Lani's case,
37
38
Love in the Time of ma Morata ' W Love in the Time of ma Morata
her mother disliked her boyfriend because of his looks and habits
("Dahil maitirn, sabungero pa" [He is dark complexioned and a gambler]) . The parents of Ines objected to the match because her suitor
was her cousin. Larry had also eloped with his girlfriend, because
her parents found him an unworthy choice for their daughter. He
was challenged by their criticism, and decided to stand up to his
father-in-la'w:
nang noloman ng mga magulong, oyow no so akin of
losinggero, basog-ulero at boboero. Honggong no force
oko no 'dàon niliwon ko no siyo no... nagpumilit oko
no ligowan siyo ... no force ol[o no itoran siyo ... Pero
yung father niyo dati.kong teacher so high school, industrial arts. Nokohondo row ong baril niyo .. nung kosol no
komi . . .ong boril polo niyo 'yung pikpong 'yong perde
na min eh hindi oko
goni i. Hdmikin mong 1 sakripisyo
11
mokadoon'so boyon rasa boryo ksi kchi ... dito komi
nag^ ba_ ba"n gl ka" pa ka mi hina-huntdim 'doin
...............
ing nga row ako so boyon.
(TRANSLATION: ... when her parents learned, they objecled to me becu'se I w a s adri,hkord, rublemakerod
her, I inistéd on courting
woanzér. 1 was forcd to
hr: Then' was forèd to elope with her. But her father wos
my industrial arts teacher in high school. He said that his
gun was ready for..me.But when we were already married
1 it turned outthot. his gun wösonly on air . gun. Imagine the
sacrifice that lhod,to make as couldn't pass by the town
, by boat, as
coming from our barrio. I had to pass by I was told her father was looking for me in town.
Larry
In all instances, these resource persons had sexual relations with their partners when they eloped. Marriage, however,
reconciled them with their families.
Aaw ng Nanay Ko sa Asawa Ko
(My Mother Did Not Like My Spouse)
• ' Parental objtioxs appa1'ently had little weight in the
cIoice bf life partners, even among women and men who were growiñjup in the 50s and 6os. Ràther,physical attraction and romnic
love dicthied the course of courtship. Lani ecounts standing firm
in the face of her thother's intense dislike of her suitor:
Isinumpo oko ng nonay ko, sobi niya ay pag noigonok
ka dodoon ang anak mo so bibig mo '... Nagtanan p0
kami noon. Noong nagkasol po komi, 'hindi p0 humarap
ang nanoyko, ibong too no po ang nagpokosal SO 0mm.
Bosta'riagkasol no longpo. Toloang ' ayaw ng nanoy ko
so'osdwo ko. Tolagngusto ko po siya.'
(TRANSLATION: My mother cursed me and said, "If
you ever have oboby, it will come out through your moi.ith."
We eloped then. When we got married, my mother didn't
corre) Somebody else gave me away in rnorriog. We just
got.married.'My mother really didn't like my hisbond. But
I really loved him.)
.
,. !': .
. .
. ..... .
k.
The incest taboo prèscribes'against
sexual relations within
lkl.
the family and marriage between relaed kin While such a n" orm is
common across cultures, there are apparent differences to which
this is a value within different communities in Philippine society.
Mendez and Jocano (1974), for instance, report that young adults
in the rural town of Baras, who are related by consanguinity, are
dissuaded from entering into romantic relationships, much less,
marriage. However, marriage between relatives is encouraged in
Tarong, in the Ilocos region (Nydegger & Nydegger 1966). Ilokano
parents even suggest unions between their children and their cousins, as a way to ensure the stability of marriages.
39
40
'i'
Within Zambales, it seems that marriage between relatives
is discouraged. In the case of Ines and her boyfriend, both families
objected to their union because they were cousins, a fact that they
were unaware of during their courtship. However, the information
failed to dissuade them from their plans. Thus, when Ines states
with pride that her marriage produced seven healthy offspring,
she contests the qualms of her parents, and of society in general,
over intermarriage.
'P
acter wanting, his own parents criticized the girl because of her
physical features.
Galit ang biyanan kong babae. Sabi niya, "Ba't
gugustuhin mo 'yung lalaking 'yon eh ang yabang-yabang,
paloging gulo no tang tuwing titingnan ko ... tropa-tropa,
pampagulo ganyan ... palo-gulo 'yon huwag kang papotol
diyan. Wala kang makukuha diyan, wala kong
kahihinatnang buhay diyan."
(TRANSLATION: My mother-in-law was angry. She said,
Nagtanan po kami ... meron kaming mga isang buwan
bago kami sumuko. Buhay pa po ang biyenan ko noon.
Maganda no nfl po ong ono namin dahil tinanggap no
nfl siya ng parents ko. Kasi nga p0 noon, ang problema
nga po polo ay magpinsan Palo kami. Relatives polo kami.
'Why do you like that man? He is arrogant, a troublemaker and whenever I see him he's with a lot of friends.
He's no good. Don't get involved with him. He's good for
nothing. Nothing good will come out of your relationship
and your life with him.")
Hindi p0 namin alam iyun ... Kinasal din kami ng maayos.
Ngayon ho ay may pito kaming anak, dahil kambal
Hindi boto, 'yung tatay ko gout no galit. Girlfriend ko
sabi niya ang hobo ng nguso eh ... pintasero ang totay ko
Maayos naman ang pagsasama namin.
noon eh. Nakita niya 'yung babae sabi niyo eh ba't iyan
(TRANSLATION: We eloped and it took a month before we went to them for their blessing. My in-laws were still
living then. Our relationship was good as my parents ac-
ang nililigawan mo ... eh wala akong mogawa ... golit no
galit ang tatang ko. Sabi niya ang dami doming bobae
diyan, ang dami mong pagpipilian eh.
cepted my husband. The problem was it turned out that we
were cousins. We were relatives but we didn't know that
(TRANSLATION: My father was very angry as he didn't
when we started the relationship. But finally, we married
like her. He said that her upper lip protruded too much.
with their consent. Now we have seven children; we even
My father was a fault-finder. When he saw her he asked
me why I was courting her. I couldn't do anything as he
have twins. We have a good marriage.
was really furious. He couldn't understand my choice as he
Ines
Objections to marriage partners do not come from girls'
parents alone. Parents are also wont to express their criticisms
over the girls that their sons pursue. In Willy's case, his girl friend's
family disliked him for their daughter as much as his own family
objected to his love choice. While the girl's parents found his char-
said I had so many women to choose from.)
These criticisms affirm gender constructions that beauty
and comeliness should underlie one's choice of a wife. For a potential husband, however, personality rather than looks is what counts
more. These valuations remain consistent with the observations
of Mendez and Jocano (1974). In their study of qualities deemed
41
42
''
Love in
the Time of ma Moata'
desirable by parents for potential mates of their children, they
describe being "mabait" as an important factor. In addition, parents would like their children to have husbands who are hard-working and employed.
The present texts fail to elicit the value of virginity as an
important character of a would-be wife. Nydegger and Nydegger
(1966), writing about rural values in the 6os, point to "chasteness"
as the essential attribute of a potential wife. Our resource persons
do not bring up the matter at all in their disc1osure. From these
accounts, chastity before marriage does not seem to be important
anymore. Older and younger informants alike tell us that they engaged in pre-marital sex. Among older couples, it occurred in the
course of elopement. In the case of our younger inforfnants, it was
part of their boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Whether or not
sexual relations were experienced as a prelude to • a life-long relationship,' however, pregnancy certainly provided the basis for
marriage.
Love
in the Time-of hia Morata V
entered into sexual relationships need to talkabout the marriage
feast leforehand Sheila's siblings, for insfance, took the initiative
in ensuring that she would not have a child out of wedlock When
they discovered she was with child, they sought out her boyfriend
and encouraged the couple to marry. However, their marriage was
delayed due to the absence of her boyfriend's father, who was a
seafarer The marriage ceremonies could not'b le held unless he was
present.
.5 I In the meantime, she had delivered their child.
Durin'g' th"pagsuson," the concerned parties discuss the
arrangements for the wedding ceremony. In earlier years, the boy
may be asked to render services first to the girl's family as part of
his "panunuyo." In the •storiesof our resource persons, however,
the "pagsusong" refers more to preparations for the wedding feast
more than anything else. Only two of the men had to undergo
cc
panunuyo." In these accounts, moreover, some of the couples
lived together even before the marriage rituals were held, which
then merely serves to Sanction afait accompli.
PaØsMson
(Formal Marriage Arrangements)
Langit-Langjt
A marriage cannot be officiated unless the parents of interested couples first come to some agreements. Called
"pamamanhikan" in Tagalog, the term used in Zambales is
"pàgsusong." Traditionally, "pagsusong" follows a courtship period during which time the couple get to know each other better. In
the stories of our , resource persons, "pagsusong" is done regardless of the nature of the relationships between a girl and a boy.
Even the parents of couples who have eloped or who have already
According to the older women, sexual training was absent
in their youth. Their mothers never discussed sexuality with them
and they had to learn it on their own, often in the arms of their
mates. For Nena, an elaborate ritual, witnessed by her whole family, accompanied her initiation into sexual relations. The colorful
narrative of Nena is reproduced below:
(Heaven-Heaven)
43
44
'
Love in te Time of Na Morata
Love, in the Time of ma Morata
• ,Nena: Bogo ang pogkosalnomin, me langit-longit. Iyung
mebubungon, me krus.so diyan so hogdonan no
nilologyon pa ng sundong, iyung boyoneto. Na muupuon iyung pulong ponyo. Gonon. Bogo Ito, nogmio MehiJdologome nog-uisd. Nang thotaib.
no mogkosol, ang koligoyahon ko. Tologong moligoyang moligoyo oko, Hindiko alom no iyun.bong
•pagsiping niyo so akin ay bobolo. Pero kami hindi
nomin olomtologo lyon, wolo kosi niyon noon. Koyo
h4di romirl halolomon: Ay d001 riokomi. no'tulog
silong ng longit-longit, tologong noong hmnolikon no
niyo oko at soko ng niyokop no niyo oko tologong
nogpupumiglos oko. Akolo ko iyung koligoyohan ko
ewn bd.Ay, iiyu6 pdlb 'ayibo. Hindi nomin olohi
iyon. Basta isoñg bagoy.:.
Fdcilitotor: Ahhindi niyd dlom?. r f/..g
:
Nerio: Ah, oo. Kayo nogbunoon muno komi dito so silong
ng "longif-longit." Iyung mgogamit diyonay nongogsitumbo tologo, ... walo pa koming uuorc noo
kundiiyung bongkong mohoba no kowoyon.
Facilitator: Soong kuworto kayo
Neno:
So solo nomin
Focilitotor: Doon kayo unong nogsiping?
Neno: Oo, doon kami unong nogsiping. Ang doming too
don ... puno. Kosomo namin ongmgo too, ... ong iso
• kongkopotid :.. dóonsa silorig... ang lahot ng bath
1 difo.lyongkopatid kong isa, so kuino.... NogbUnoon
komi ... Noong hindi no oko mokolobon, siyo nomon
meron polong nonmnilip doon so silong ... sumisilip, kung ono Song ginogowo. Noong wolo no okong
lokos, sige ibmnigoy ko no. ... Ang sokit-okit ... Norodomon ko iyun ng isang linggo. At tologong din ugo
oko.Tologong iyun ong koranoson ko. At wolo oko
noong nololoman diyon. Akolo ko moligoyo no oko
at mogsosomo no komi, ... iyun polo ... wolo tologo
koming olom diyon.
Facilitator-, Hindi kayomnabihon ngnonay nyo tungkol so mgo
bogoy rio. lyon [sex education]?
Neno:
Lani:
.Ay, hindi nomon.
Kosi Madam, lahot n mgo mogulong, kopotid
Fociljtotor: , Gonyon din ong nongyori so inyo?
Loni:'
0o tolaganggoioon.Wolo hang kuworto noon.
Neno
Wala hang kuworto noon
Loni:
Wolong kuworto noon. ..; Lam—para.
Facilitator: Di pinonood kayo ng onilyo, ... Ganon bo iyun?
Nerio:'
Nokokumot ñonhh koml!'
L.
Lo'ni: Pagonun-ganon kayo, Madam (muwestro ng komoy
no porang nogdri-dribol), hmndi kayo mokito dohil
pareho koyong nokokumot (Towonbn).
Nena: Kinobukosan; npUntd si'o doon so tiyuhmn niyo.
"Hoy,". koko, "soon ka pupunto?" Bobalik.siya doon
so nonoy niyo. "Ay, bumalik ko rito," boko kako sobihin
niya iyung gina'a niyo a kin. Hindi nomon polo, at
rhos masikreto pa ang mgo loloki kesa boboe, 00.
Akolo ko sosabihin 'diToang mgo ginowo niyo so akin
noong gobing iyün.
Loni:
Pero hindi mo olarn iyun, ... ong hanmnilip so inyo ..?
Neno: " lyun polo iyuig honilip silo pa long ong nogkukuwon
niyon
Facilitator: So, koroniwon me nononood so ilolim?
Neno:
Oo, at ong sohig nomin ay kooyon long at soko may
silong.
45
46
'
Love in the Time of
ma Morata
TRANSLATION
Nena:
No.
Nena: Before we got married, there was the "langit-langit"
Lani:
Madam, ... all the parents, siblings
''
(heaven-heaven). There was a white sheet installed
overhead, ... a crucifix, below were a sword, a
bayonet, ond a red handkerchief. This was set up
Facilitator: It also happened to you?
Lani:
Yes, that was how it really was. There were no rooms
then.
before the Mass. There were maidens, others were
chatting. When the wedding ended, I was very happy.
I was really very, very happy. I didn't know that
when he lay down beside me, ... that served as warn-
Nena
Lani:
There were no rooms then.
There were no rooms ... just a lamp...
ing. We lay down under the "langit-langit" (sheet)
and when he started kissing and embracing me, I strug-
Facilitator: So the whole family was watching you? Was that it?
gled to break loose. We didn't know anything about
Nena:
We were covered by a blanket!
all this.
Lani: You moved this way (hand in dribbling-like motion).
Facilitator: Ohl You didn't know?
They couldn't see us because you were both covered
Nena: No, I didn't. So we struggled under the "langit-langit."
by blanket (Laughter).
Everything around us tumbled and fell, even the
Nena: The next day, he was going out so I asked, "Where
long bamboo bench.
are you going? Come back here." He said he was
going home for a while ... I was afraid he would
Facilitator: Where was this room [langit-langit] located?
tell everyone about what happened the night beNena:
In the living room.
fore. But I learned that men are more secretive than
women.
Facilitator: That was where you lay down together?
Nena: Yes, that was where we lay down together. It was full-
Lani:
But you didn't know that. What about the one peeking
from below?
Nena:
I later learned that he relayed all the "events" to the
family.
packed. My siblings were there, one was below the
house. Another was in the kitchen. We fought. When
I was too tired to fight, I realized that someone was
peeking below to watch what was happening above.
When I had no more strength to resist, I gave in. It was
very painful and I felt the pain for a whole week. And
I really bled. That was my experience. I really didn't
know anything about it. I thought I would lust be happy
Facilitator: So, it was common to have someone peeking from
below?
Nena:
Yes, and our floor was made of bamboo slats and
there was a space below the house called "silong."
living with him. It turned out to be something else. We
didn't know.
Facilitator: Your mother never talked to you about it?
This detailed account of the nuptial night provides rich
insights into the place of marriage in a Filipino family and commu-
47
48
'P'
Love
in the time of ma Morata
nity. Symbols of the sexual act make up the "langit-langit"—the
sword and the red handkerchief stand for the act of sexual penetration. A white sheet covers the area where the honeymoon is to
take place, called the "langit-langit" (like heaven), a symbol of the
ecstasy associated with fulfilled sexuality. But a crucifix is strategically placed to sanctity the act. Members of the bride's family are
present on the nuptial night, ignifyihg thir affirmfion of the
marriage. Finally, someone is assigned-to watch the consummation of the union, and this individual is to report the event to the
family, and probably to the rest of the community.
The gendered nature of. sexuality
is evident
in this account.
.
Like Aling Nena,and the many rural women of her generation,
they probably entered into niarriage unawàre'ôf its sexual nature.
No one provided instructions, and brides were kept uninformed
about what to expect on the nuptial night. Such is apparently not
the' casë'ith the groom. -Aling Neñá's hüsband knew exactly what
wasexpected to take place, t a1thoughher discomfiture with her
1 .. .
•.........
F. ICI
first sexual experience tells us that her husband was also a neophyte. In a sense, the dominant position of the husband in mar-t
•
-
, I
t.t
-
r
-,
-.
riage is mirrored in the consummation of couple's union: he takes
the lead, she may struggle but will eventually give in; he is informed,
she is kept unschooled and innocent, therefore helples.
The "langit-langit" is no longer practiced in Zambales, according to our resource persons. The nuptial night is now a private
affair between the newly-wed couple, although there..are indica tions that "paniniip" (voyeurism) still takes place. Young women
are initiated into sexuality even during the courtship period, although their male partners still take the lead. As some of the young
women stated, their boyfriends and husbands were sexually mature when they had their first sexual encounters. Pornographic
Love in
tbe Time of ma Morata
'P'
videotapes and magazines provide the men with their education
into sexuality practices. In some cases, prior relationships with
prostituted women served to educate them. Although unstated,
the women of today probably also have access to these "educationâl materials" in human sexuality. Sexuality education is also a
part of the high school curriculum, and young people are more
aware of their sexual functions. Nonetheless, they still take risks,
and unplanned pregnancies complicate the romantic relationship.
This account of courtship practices in a rural community
reveals that, in many ways, relations among Filipinos can be as
colorful-and intense as what one may find in aiomance novel. In
many instances, conflict in the relationship emanates from family
expectations of masculine roles and feminine characteristics. The
narratives woven into tales of elopement speak of the tenacity of
romantic love in the face of social disapproval. The social function
of community activities, religious practices and other public events
is evident and lends color to romance. They act as the springboard
for initiating courtships and heterosexual relationships. Greater
sexual awareness, moreover, redefines romance in the younger
generation, who look at intimate sexual relationships as part of the
romance. In the end, when a courtship culminates in a marriage,
kinfolk and the community consider it their privilege to partake of
the joys of fulfilled romantic love.
But, the newly-married couple does not always "live happily ever after." Marriage entails new expectations, breeding new
forms of struggle and challenges in negotiating the gender roles of
women and men. The next chapter will describe these interpersonal engagements in gender relationships within marriage.
1W 1W W
49
Pasasama sa Hirap at Gii'ibawa:
marriage at the Cove
of Genôereô Relations
AT THE ONSET OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM, marriage is still
the normative relationship within which many Filipino adults find
themselves. In 1998, 47.3% of women between the ages of 20 and
49 were married by the age of 22. Among women over 35, only
about 21% had never been married (NSO-DOH-MI 1999). In Central Luzon (where we find Zambales), the median age at first marriage is 22.1 years, and 79.75% have been married at the age of 35.
Unmarried women in Philippine society may thus become "objects
of pity, ridicule and surprise" (Mendez & Jocano 1974).
Marriage among Filipinos is valued as a lifelong relationship, which sanctifies parenthood and provides a stable setting for
the nurturance and training of the young in socially approved ways
(Mendez & Jocano 1974). As such, less than i% of married men
and women have separated after marriage (NSCB 1999). At the
same time, however, it is more likely in 2002 than in 1970 to find
separated couples among one's friends and relatives. Despite the
absence of legislation, one also finds many more couples into second marriages even if their former partners are still alive and well.
52
''
Marriage is a social institution that brings into play gender
roles in a heterosexual relationship. The gender division of labor,
which differentiates the roles of women and men in production
and reproduction, is best seen in a marriage. In fact, gender roles
in marriage and in'ñ nin
public
(i..doiT
production) can be seen
as part of asiiigle system of social production (O'Laughlin 1974).
Asymmetry in gender relations, typified by male dominance and
female subordination, characterizes the marital relationship in
many cultures. In Philippine society, the marriage contract gives
men a privileged command over women's labor and the exclusive
right to their.,sexuality (Eviota 1992). For this reason, women's
contribution to productive work is often classified as "unpaid famii labor." Society has defined men to be the breadwinners while
1women are in charge of nurturing the family and ensuring the health
and fitness of their, husbands and children. I Whatever contributions they, make to social production are masked in this construction of the gender, division of labor in the family. The double standard of morality, in turn, is rooted in the notion that men have a
"natural" need for sexuality, while women have to remain sexually
attractive'i6 satisfy men's sexualurges '(Mélntosh '1979). Thus,
whii men'are naithfultothei vves, they are merely seen to be
fulfilling th'eir
whn women take on lovers,
wom'en ivhO have iiirhed their backs on thirsoëial
tresporsili'lities in the family.
,: .
'
- '-,, , -
•
To what extent are these social constructions of marital
roles reproduced in . the accounts of our, resource persons?.
Love in t he Time of ma Morata
Length of marriages
'P'
of Resowrce Persons
In general, women in provinces of Central Luzon. marry at
the age of 22 (NSO-DOH-MI 1999). The median ages of our female
resource persons when they married were slightly lower:'Thosë in
the older age group have a median'age at'flrst marriage of 20, while
those in theyounger group have a median of 21 years. The men in
the groups were not much older. The average age at marriage of
the older men is 23.6 years; those in the younger age group married earlier-20.75 years (Refer to Table 2 in Chapter Two)
Given this profile, Lani has been married the longest: 46
years, followed by Tony: 42 years before he was widowed. The
most recent marriages are those of Ricky (2 year ago)' and Sheila
(4 years). On the average, the seven older women have been married for close to 3oy ars, while the three older men been wed
for an average of 35 years. In the younger age,' groups, the five
women average nine years of marriage, while the four men average
10.5 years.
Tsro f the r€source persons have been ' widod. Nena
lost her husband after only20 years 'of tharriage (in 1975iafldShe
never "re-married. Tony lost his wife in 2000, after 42 years df
marriage. Sheila 'and Aiina are technically separated from iheir
husbands. Their spouses have not lived with them for a great part
of their marriages; neither do the men provide child suppbit. Ho*ever, they sometimes come to visit their wives in Zambales. None
of our resource persons , are into second marriages. .
54
'
" M agpakaravni Kayo"
Love in the Time of ma Murata V
Mahalaga din ang pag-aasawa dahil diyan mo
maaano ang buhay mo ... diyan mo ma-piano
("Go and Multiply")
Romantic love dominates the courtship process. However,
in the views of the women and men from Manggahan and Maburol,
marriage is serious business, which ceases to focus on the couple's
relationship. Instead, marriage is about having a family.
[Aing sabi ng isang pan, magpakarami kayo
kaya nga ang babae't lalaki nag-aosawahan para
magpakarami. Yun ang main purpose ng mag-asawa.
(TRANSLATION: One priest told us to multiply as that
is the reason why men and women marry. That is the main
purpose of marriage.)
Joe, 52 years old
Mas mahalaga ang anak ... (Children are more important ...)
Anna, 33 years old
Among the younger men, the transition from bachelorhood
to marriage is seen as a mark of adulthood. Raising a family means
that one's carefree ways now have to give way to a sense of responsibility. It also gives purpose and meaning to one's life. As Willy
and Dan put it, a bachelor has little purpose in life, but a married
man will work for his family.
Habang panahon binata ka, walang mag-kukuwan
ng buhay mo dahil wala kang pinag-uukuIan ng ... yung
maghahanapbuhay ka.
(TRANSLATION: A bachelor has no direction in life
because you have no one to focus on ... no one to work for.)
Willy
(TRANSLATION: Marriage is important because then
you can plan your life.)
Dan
For Ricky, trust and understanding in a marriage are important. A wife, he says, should not always think that when her
husband is away with his friends, he is seeing another woman. However, he also opines that a married man should keep reasonable
hours with his barkada.
Yung barkada, barkada long talago yan pero iba no
yung barkada so noong binata kaysa so may asawa ka
no. Kasi ikaw may iniisip ka no eh ... hinihintoy no ako ng
asawa ko
(TRANSLATION: You should look at your "gang" differently when you have a family than when you were lust a
bachelor. This is because once you're married you have a
responsibility and you should be thinking, "My wife is waiting for me.")
A man is obliged to marry a woman that he has impregnated. This is part of the responsibility he assumes, because a
Woman who bears a child out of wedlock is a pitiful individual
("kaawa-awa; agrabyado"). The men realize that social expectations put to shame single mothers, and it is incumbent upon them
to prevent this from happening. Thus, when premarital relations
bear fruit, the man has no choice but to marry the woman. Otherwise, she will be the object of pity and gossip in the community.
Besides, the woman and her child find themselves in a disadvan-
5
56
'i'
taged position if marriage fails to take place. She will have no basis to ask for child support and the offspring cannot carry the father's
name.
The responsibility to marry in such a situation is doubly
important when the girl comes from one's own barrio. In this case,
the reputation of both their families is at stake. Willy recounts his
father's opinion on the matter:
"Kilalang-kilala ang pamilya natin at kilala natin ang
pamilya ng babae. ... Tatakbuhan mo, ... magtatago ka
so Maynila ... nakakahiya ... 'di maganda yon ... iisang
baryo long tayo," sabi niya. Alangan namang pag-uwi
ma palagi j<a no long magtatago so bahay.
(TRANSLATION: "Our family is well-known and we
know her family. If you run away and hide in Manila
that is embarrassing ... that's not good ... we are all in
one barrio," he said. You cannot hide in the house all the
time.)
Love in the Time of
ma Moata
'j'
Pagsasawia sa Hivap at Gin1awa
(Together for Better or Worse)
The women were asked to describe their relationships with
their spouses. It is interesting to note generational differences in
expressing "love after marriage."
Kung siya ay nangangatwiran; pagbigyan ma siya.
Kung siya ang nagaggalif kahit mali siya, palipasin ma
muna.
(TRANSLATION: If he argues, give in to him. If he is
angry, even if he's wrong, let it pass.)
Lina, 46 years old
"Mag-galangan pa, iyun ang number one .. respeto
so asawa.
(TRANSLATION: Respect for each other ... That's rule
one ... respect for the spouse.)
Terry, 39 years old
Part of "pagkalalaki" (masculinity), therefore, is to assume
responsibility for one's actions when child-bearing takes place.
Besides, the men realize that they cannot remain bachelors forever. In fact, they perceive marriage as important because then
there is a family to look after your needs ("Kung may pamilya ka
may mag-aalaga sa iyo"). Implicit in this text is the man's expectation that his wife, and later, his children, will attend to his needs.
Let us now listen to the women. Do they share these social constructs?
For the older women, it was considered unacceptable to
contradict one's spouse. It would be socially incorrect to go looking for the men, especially when they were on one of their drinking
sprees. Women in this group also spoke at length of their respect
for their spouses, and how because of their poverty, each one had
to do his or her part in the marriage. The men worked the farms
and the women looked after their needs. When the men were angry
or upset, they would allow their tempers to cool down, rather than
react to the bullying. Nonetheless, "nagtutulungan" (helping one
another) is used to describe their relationship.
The older women focused their narrations on their
spouses' propensity for drinking, and how this has been nn irrii-rni-
57
58
'i'
in their marriages. At the same time, they narrate their reluctance
to confront their husbands for their drinking habits, "dahil ayaw
ko siyang mapahiya" (I did not want to embarrass him).
Lina rebels against her husband's late nights out, and confronts him on this. In the end, however, she gives in and he is able
to do what he likes. Her anguish is clear in her text:
Halimbawa so maghapon, hanggang kaninong
umaga, gabi no wala pa. Sino namong babae naman
ang pinahihintay diyan hanggang umaga ... Par Dios par
'P
boas in your house and I will leave." (Laughter) That is
how he answers me. My husband knows that I lust talk a
lot and he doesn't take me seriously. One thing, Madam,
when my husband and I are not talking to each other, my
children are all very sad. And that is what I don't like. Yes,
Madam, that's true. And so, even if it's my husband's
fault, I give in to him. I understand my children's feelings.
Lani, however, shares her formula for making her husband
more manageable. She tells us about a ritual that is rich in gender
symbolisms.
Santo, igugol ma ang moghapon no hindi ko uuwi, the
whole day ... pero gabi no uuwi ka, eh ang baboy at ang
Lani: Tarandato pa ang asawa ko madam noon, losing kung
hoyop kung wala no ang gabi hinahanap ko kung soon.
onu-ano, merong itak, me pana, dabawo long ang
Kapog umogo, pag wola diyan kung maoari ubusin at
anok namin. Ang ginawa ko me matando nomong
ubusin ma ang liwanog. "Iyung kalabaw iuwi ma daihin
nagbulong so akin. Sabi nib, "Para mapoomo ma
ma so kung soon, basta so akin ang bahoy at soka lupa."
iyang asawa ma, iyung pinoghugasan, ika nyo, ng
ano ma ... tiisin ma, iyung dugo ma so panty ma..."
Ang sagot niyo, "Kung gusto mo ipasok mo lahat iyang
kalabaw dito so bahay mo at aalis ako." (Towonon) lyon
ong sagot niya so akin. ... lyung osowa ko olom nomon
niya kung madada ka no kung ano, no hindi ka totohanin.
Ipiniga ko pa iyun. Eh, oko ang nagtitimpla ng kope
kasarapan niya ... (Tawanan)
Facilitator: Nibagoy so kape niyo? (Tawonan)
At soka iyung isa pa madam, pog hindi kayo nag-uusap
poti mga anak niyo malungkot. Iyun pa ang ayaw ko. Pag
Lani: Nilogay ko pa .. pora hindi nahalata, Madam. lyun
hindi kami nog-uusop mag-osawa, mga onak ko, ang
kasi ... kasolanan pa iyon. Talagong garantisodo.
Dabawang buwan ginawa ko.
lulungkot nib. Oo, totoo pa madam, kayo kahit no
kasalonan ng osowa mo, ako ong sumusuko so asawo
Facilitator: Araw-araw?
ko. At naiintindihan ko ang ono ng mgo anok ko.
Lani: Hindi pa naman, basta kung meron long, kung nob(TRANSLATION: For example, the whale day he is out until
late at night. No woman should be made to wait until early
sing. Basta may regla, ipiga ko, kunin ko pa ang
morning. My God, you can be out the whole day, but
panty ko, kunin ka pa ang panty ko ... uhm, sige ko.
Sabi niya so akin ay "Bakket, timplahan mo oko ng
Please, come home at night. I look for even the pig and
other animals if they're not home at night. In the morning,
kope," sobi niyo so akin. Todas ka so akin. Iyun pa,
when he leaves, he is out till sunset. I tell him, "You can
bring the corobao elsewhere, but I should have the house
and the lot." He answers me, "You can put in all the cara-
Madam, ang ginagawo ko. At saka bohot ng ito. Hinarang ko iyung pinaghugosan ng ... (Towanon)
6o
'i'
Lani:
Nena:
Love in the Time of ma Morata 'P'
Momatoy man po ako, iyan pa ang ginawa ko. Tab-
with her hand) And he would readily do so. He doesn't
gang ong osowa ko, eh
drink anymore.
Barumbado ong asawa niya, eh.
Facilitator: Umamo naman?
Lani: Ang asowa ko umomo noman. Ang bait-bait so akin
ngayon. Basta nalasing no, umilnom no, nakita nya
oko, sabi ko, "Hoy, uwi muno" ... (Sabaytayo, kumumpas ng kamoy no pauwi). Uwi no siyo. Hindi no
ngoyon umilnom.
TRANSLATION
Loni: My husband was a complete jerk then. He would drink
Apparently, the way to make men less domineering is to
share part of women's unique characteristics with them. In this
case, it is menstruation that is supposed to make a husband
"maamo" (submissive). It is as though by allowing them to imbibe
one's sexual nature, men will absorb women's feminine traits as
well. Hence, hardheaded husbands will succumb to their wives'
domination. However, this is all done in subterfuge and is part of
women's "secret" ways for handling their husbands, handed down
from older to younger generations.
and he even had a machete, and a bow and arrow.
We only had two children then. An old woman whispered to me, "To tame you husband, let him drink the
washings of your menstruation." And so I squeezed
the blood from my panties. Uhm ... uhm ... Then I
mode his coffee and he liked it, found it delicious
(Laughter)
Facilitator: You put it in his coffee?
Lank
I did, ... so he wouldn't notice it. That was a sin but it's
guaranteed. I did it for two months.
Facilitator: Everyday?
Lani: No, only when I had menstruation. For example, when
he would get drunk, I would get my panty, and squeeze
hard, uhm. He would ask me, "Why did you make
coffee for me?" ... It was what I did. I swear ... I did it.
This approach may be contrasted with the younger women's
description of their marital relationships. Among them, open communications and shared responsibilities in the house and at work
are considered ideal factors in the husband-wife relationship. It
also disputes the notion that men have no roles in housework, as is
the misconception that women have no role in providing for the
family (many of the younger women are self-employed). The women
state:
So aking pagsosama ng osawo ko ngayon tolagang
dopat ipairal long iyung "give and take." Pog-uunawaan.
Unang-una ho iyun para ho moging matiboy ang
pogsasama ng mag-asowo. Dohil kung pareho hang
pobaging mainit ang ulo, woba hong ibubungo ng maganda
ang galit. Dapat ho palagi ang pag-ibig ang moraramdam
Neno:
Her husband was really a jerk.
Facilitator: So he was tamed?
Lani: My husband was tamed. He is so good to me now.
Whenever he would get drunk and would see me, I
just had to say, "Hey, come home now." (She beckons
para pag-ibig din ho ang mogiging resulto.
(TRANSLATION: In my relationship with my husband
now, we follow the "give and take principle." Understanding. That's the first thing so that the relationship will be
stable. if both are hot-headed, no good will come out of it.
61
ói
'P
Love in the Time of ma MoTata W
Love in t&e Time of ma Morata
Love should always be felt so that love will also be the
outcome.
Terry
Dapat ho, Ma'am, halimbawa ho, naghahanapbuhay
ang isa so inyo, halimbawa ako nagtitindo kami so school,
kung baga Ma'am di no kailangang gisingin pa, para
samahan ka, magkano ang maititinda mo, no hindi ko
naman koyang buhatin nag-usa ka lang. Kailangan me
kusa siyang tatayo pora dalhin no doon. Hindi, gigisingin
mo pa. Eh kaya minsan nagalit ako sabi ko mabuti pang
umuwi ka no so inyo.
(TRANSLATION: For example, Madam, I am a vendor
at the school. I expect him to help me carry things that I
cannot carry myself. He should have the initiative to do
this. I shouldn't have to wake him up to help me. That is
why, sometimes, I get angry and I tell him to go bock to his
family.)
Rina
So amin mag-asawa, kasi nakikita ko pa iyong meron
p0 koming communication so isa't-isa, doon pa iyung
mas sweet kami, logi kaming nag-uusap kung onuman
ong problema, pinag-uusapan, iyung nai-share ko so kanya
ang lohat ng pagod ko. Ay para mos magando ho kasing
sasabihin ko ay mogkakoroon pa ng kuso iyung lalaki.
(TRANSLATION: For us, we communicate with each
other ... we are sweet with each other and we always talk
about our problems and share with him my efforts. These
give him motivation to do things of his own initiative.)
Nadia
Unlike their mothers and women of that generation, young
women like Terry and Nadia seek to affirm the romantic bases of
their marital relationships. They think of "pag-ibig" in terms of
maintaining harmony in the marriage. But harmony is attained
through egalitarian relations rather than through subservience.
The value placed on men's gender roles, as breadwinners, also affects the marriage relationship. In the case of Rina, the perceived
thoughtlessness of her husband when she goes to work irritates
her. In fact, she feels that his actions would justify a separation.
While Rina is still planning it, Anna and Sheila have separated from their respective husbands because of the latter's irresponsible ways. Anna's husband has failed to support her for the
larger part of their marriage. She separated from him in the past
because of this, but her parents enjoined her to reconcile with him
for the sake of their daughter. She obeyed and promptly became
pregnant again. He disappeared and came to see her only after the
miscarriage of their second child. Even then, he could not support
her financially in her time of need. So, she asked him to leave
Manggahan and return to his parents. Sheila has a similar tale to
tell. In her case, her husband leaves her intermittently, ostensively
because of his work in Manila, but also because he is a "chick-boy"
and maintains a mistress in the city. He has failed to provide enough
support for their infant child, which is why she has been forced to
vend snacks to elementary school children.
Katidon@ sa
(Life Partner)
All the resource persons agree that marriage means helping one another as a wedded couple. But "pagtutulungan" may differentiate between the gender roles of a husband and a wife. Willy
explains:
63
64
'P' Love in the Time of ma Morata
So akin ang inoasahan ko, pagkaono, 'pag may
hanopbuhoy oko nagpopoloot, nangingisda, gusto ko long
so asawa ko no asikosuhin niya ang mga onak ko 'yun
long. Para pagdoting ko ngo namon ng noghahanopbuhay,
nakikito mo 'yung mga onok mo malinis 'yon hindi kakolotkolat. Kosi minson pag mog-asowo kayo, pag nokito mo
goling ka so manghuli ng isda eh, kolot-kalat 'yung mga
anak-mo ang dudungis. Noso so inyo 'yon eh mog-usop
koyong mag-osawa, 'yon ang pologi kong sinosabi so
konyo kohit no onong hirap paro magkaintindihan kayo.
Alagoan niyo 'yung mga bato, ganyan.
(TRANSLATION: For me, whenever I would go out fishing, I expect my wife to take care of our children, that's all.
When I get home, I wont to see my children clean and safe
at home, not wondering in the streets. Sometimes, when
Love in the Time of ma Morata W
long no loloki ang oosohan, kayo long so pogkokataon
porang nogsasalit-soliton long kayo.
(TRANSLATION: For me, we should help each other. I
left for abroad first and then she left after I came home. Of
course, it is natural to depend on the husband. But sometimes, when circumstances call for it, you have to take
turns.)
Despite their avowed willingness to participate in domestic
work, the male resource persons nonetheless state that their actions expose them to teasing and ridicule from other men in the
community. Men who help around the house are called "Andres" in
the community, short for "Andres-standing" (understanding husband), referring to husbands who are dominated by their wives.
you get home from fishing, you see your children out in the
streets, dirty. It is really up to you. You should talk it over,
that is what I always say to her. No matter how difficult
things may be, we should talk so we can understand each
other. She should take core of the children, like that. ...)
However, others opine that men should help their wives
with the housework, especially when the latter have to do productive work or have just delivered an infant. In Joe's mind, the marriage vow to stay together—"Magsama sa hirap at ginhawa" (To
stay together for better or for worse) underlies this value. Men
from both generations realize that they need to take over household work when their-wives are out earning a living. For instance,
Joe does the housework when his wife is out vending fish. In Ricky's
case, he and his wife took turns in working overseas. He says:
So akin ho, 'yung pope] ko minsan parang tulungan
kamirig dolowo eh. Una ako ang umalis tapos nung ono
ako, siyo nomon ang umalis ... Pero tologang natural
The accounts of our resource persons indicate that sharing
work within the private sphere of the household is more likely to
be valued when the wife has a livelihood of her own, or is in fact the
principal breadwinner. But for men busy with productive labor
and whose wives are not gainfully employed (like Willy), the expectation remains that wives engage principally in reproductive
work. Like the men, the older women (Nena, Zeny and Lina, for
example) believe that being helpmates means fulfilling one's socially prescribed role. "Pagtutulungan" means to be nurturing, patient and "pasensyosa" (patient) as wives; to be hardworking and
good providers as husbands. Sharing in reproductive work, therefore, is not perceived as a usual masculine role. But, under severe
constraints, men are expected to (and expect to) help out their
wives. As earlier described, younger wives have a different idea of
this construct, and they seek more egalitarian relationships with
their spouses. Such an opinion comes from the women in the group
who are self-employed, or have been stayed in Manila as college
65
66
'i
students. Economic participation and higher education among
women, therefore, have influenced gender constructions of marriage relations.
Both women and men share the notion that men should act
responsibly ("naaasahan"), especially when they have children. Men
who fail to support their families are regarded as worthless for
having failed to fulfill their gender roles. Even women who are selfemployed and have the means to raise their families share this attitude. They feel that there is something amiss in their relationships
when their husbands are not good providers. The ideal of men-asbreadwinner continues to be strongly held among our rural resource persons. This is a situation that works against the gender
interests of men who are unable to hold steady jobs because of
poverty, lack of skills and unabated economic difficulties in Philippine society
"1131411 Tank's
The resource persons were asked about the place of sexual
relations in marriage. Both women and men declare that sex in
marriage is important. According to them, it does not only satisfy
biological urges; it can also color other aspects of the marital relationship.
The women, for example, aver that when they refuse to
have sex with their husbands, the latter get into a bad mood the
next day. "Mainitin ang ulo, tatamad-tamad" (hot-tempered, lazy)—
these are the ways in which men express their disapproval and
sexual frustration. The men, on the other hand, relate that unful-
Love in the Time of ma Moata 'P
filled desire also leads to unfavorable behaviors from their wives.
Ricky recounts:
Kung minsan naglalambing ong asawa. Tapos pag
hindi mo pa pagbigyan ng isang gabi 'yon, pagdating ng
umaga, wala kong kape. Patago magtrabaho 'yon, pati
so bata gout no gout ... kung anu-ono no ong binabonggit
(TRANSLATION: Sometimes, the woman wants sex and
shows it. But when you don't respond that night, the next
day, you have no coffee. She works on the sly, and gets
very angry even with the children ... she says all sorts Ef
things.)
According to the women, men need to satisfy their desire
for sex because of their biological make-up. They compare sexual
appetite to a car which has a "full tank," therefore, the energy has
to be released and there is a need to "change oil." The women's
dialogue about sex goes thus:
Riza:
At saka, Madam, para bang sasakyan no "mag-chachange oil." Ganoon (Tawanan)
Facilitator
Anong "change oil"?
Anna:
Parang "full tank" ka noon, no sabing ganoon
Riza:
Porong, Madam, kapag hindi ka nogbawas, eh,siyempre ... sasakit claw ong [puson] nib
Anna
Matigas claw, kayo "change oil," mosokit claw
Lani:
Matigos ang puson
Anna
Kayo nag-"change oil"
Lank
Eh, bokit tayong mgo babae waba namang
Anna
Full tank!
67
68
'P
Love in the ±in'le of Ina Morata
TRNSLATION
Riza:
.
One thing more, Madam, it's like a vehicle that needs
an "oil change."
Facilitator
f.,., ;i $, What oil change?
Anna:
It's like a' "full -tank," so to speak.
Riza:
It's like, Madam, if you don't release a little fuel, of
---'-cdurse, it's going to hurt...
Anna:
Lani:
It's hard and so oil change its painful they say
Anna
'•f.•'
Their belly is hard ... '
So an "oil change" is needed
• '... Lani:
But we:womeri don't have ..
i,.
..,'
A
••
(:'
to The meli admit that they become restless arid angry when
their wives refuse to have sex. Many of them narratehow, they
repeatedly try to convince their wives to have sex ("sige na, o sige
na," "ang pangako mo sa akin") ("please, you promised me"), despite the latter's prôtetatioi-jagod ako," "tulog na ako" (I'm
tired, I'm sleepy). A-husband vould even wake up-his wife before
dawn to be able to "change oil": "Ayos na, nakaraos na" (Okay, I'm
done with it).
•.•
-I-.
.
It is perhaps in tle r' eal i bf, s exual relations where male
domination and female subordination can be expressed in the extreme. Some women (from other studies) relate how they submit
themselves to their husbands even if they have worked all day and
are worn-out, or are disinterested in sex. Some wives fear that their
husbands may become violent and abuse them. Others submit in
the belief that to do otherwise may push their husbands to the arms
'
of other women. The public accounts of our resource persons are
different in that; evenif frustrated sex can result in bad temjeFs;
no violence were reportedly expeHenced by the women because of
their refusals. The men themselves recount how they waited for
the opportune time, or resorted to romantic and affectionate behãvibr ("paglalambing"), to arouse their spouses. .Nadia, who
parently enjoys a happy relationship with her husband, states that
.
sexual relations can be negotiated: ..:.t'
Pdg iyngd6wa k pa'qao sinsabi kd'kd'agad'd'kanya, Eh ang sama ng pakiramdam ko Kunyari pagod
no pagod ako, kunyari masama ang pakiramdam ko. Pero
me time kasing anoang bloke, :po sinasabi ko so kanyo;
"Hindi bale sa . susuoçI.naang." lyung asawa ko mabait
naman
(TRANSLATION: When my husband likes to do it, I tell
him right away, "I don't feel well." And 'I'Pretend to be very
tired and I'm not feeling well. But there are times when he
persists but I tell him, "Iext time. " My husband under
stands.)
L.
J
. The man's dominant position in sexual relations is expressed in terms of who iiiitiatës the activity. The: term used for
this is "pangangalabit," which has no literal translation in English
but could be taken to mean "stroking" or caressing one's partner.
Another symbolization of women's passivity in sexual intercourse
is the use of the term "ginamit ng asatva" (my husband used me).
Both women and men agree that men are usually the ones who
initiate sexual activity. This is not to say that women don't hint
that they want to have sexual relations: "Basta galaw ng galaw, ikot
ng ikot sa kama, ayyy!—Lani" (I keep moving and moving around
in bed). But this is truer among the younger rather than the older
69
70
'
Love in the 'rinie of ma Morata
women. Nena, for one, thinks it is not for woman to initiate sex:
"Mahiya naman tayo maski sa asawa natin" (We should be embarrassed, even with our spouses), she says. Besides she adds, "Alam
na niya yung ganoon" (He knows what I want).
Hana pin Mo Yung Kifiti
(Arouse Her)
It is interesting to see what rural women and men know and
think about sexuality. Among the women, preparing for sex refers
to making oneself attractive to the partner. They say:
Anna:
Dapat mag-shower ka muna para kung [magtalik] kayo dapat mabango
Ines:
Puwede namang hindi no maligo
Nena:
Eh! Ayaw ko nga
Lan:
Di ba iyun ang masarap, di ba? Bago ka matulog, siyempre maghugas ka muna.
TRANSLATION
Anna:
You have to take a shower first before you do it
so you smell good.
nes:
You don't have to.
Nend:
I don't like that.
Lani:
Doesn't that feel good? Before you sleep, you
wash first.
Among older women, it is also considered necessary to use
oil to moisten the vagina before sexual intercourse: "Lagyan ng
langis para madulas."
'
The sexual attractiveness of the male partner matters to
the women. Hence, they prefer to have sex "kung bagong ligo"
(newly bathed) and not when their spouses are "mabaho na kung
madaling araw" (smelly after midnight). However, the women realize that these rules don't hold in the early years of marriage. Zeny
argues that, for newly-weds, sexual activity cannot be scheduled:
Tag bagong magkasama, kahit na anong oras ... kahit madaling
araw" (Newly-weds have sex at anytime, even in the wee hours of
the morning).
For the men, initiating sex includes foreplay and being sensitive to their wives' erotic zones in love-makin: "Romansa muna"
is the name of the game.
Bago ka muna pumunta doon so main game, romansa
muna yon.
(TRANSLATION: Before going to the [sex act], proceed first with the foreplay.)
Joe
Hindi ko p0 masasabi no biro 'yon ... totoo 'yon.
Dahil merong babae diyan no basta pumatong ka, sisipain
ka, ... walang lasa 'yon. Romansa muna ... Hanapin mo
yung kiliti nila.
(TRANSLATION: You can't say that it is a joke. It's
true. There are women who will kick you if you just get on
top of them. That's no good. Romance her first, look for
her erotic areas.)
Larry
Magkuwan muna kayo, mag-loving-loving
seremonya. Kasi mag-asawa no kayo, ... kahit anong gawin
niyo bago mag-"sex." Magromansahan muna kayo kung
71
72.
'P'
Love in th e Time of ma Moi'ata
(TRANSLATION: Do some "loving-loving" first.'.. s6me
rituals. You're husband and - wife and you can do anything.
before sex. Touch each other's bodies, in different parts,
both men and women ... ,explore the sensitive parts.)
,.
Kailangan ,ng "foreplay," ba. Ah, [romansahin]mo 'm'una 'yung babae ... pasoyahin muna bago ma ipasok ...
73
ners in sexual intercourse. However, they feel that they have to
make themselves attractive in this respect. The men are the active
partners, and they initiate love-making as well as ensure that both
spouses achieve sexual gratification. Nonetheless, the younger.men
share how their partners are active in the process of coupling.
saan-saang porte ng katawan, parehos kayo babae't lalaki
kung saan-soang parte ng katawan natin.
Willy
'
-
1
Sasabihin narnon ho so iyo, ng asawa mo kung soon
siya ... anong gusting-gusto niya.
(TRANSLATION: Your wife will tell you what she wants.) Ricky
(TRANSLATION: Foreplay is needed. Make her happy
before you insert ...)
Creative forms and positions in love-making are labeled
"romansang Marino," referring to the sexual propensities of sea
- .
.......
farers. It meansknowing
wing how to look fO r the erotic zones of a female partner ("hanapin mo yung kiliti"), having sex using different
positions, and enàbliigthe "womaflto achieve oas before (or
together with) the man. The men allege that, in the course of time,
they have learned to be more creative in their sexual relations with
their wives. One position that , elicited much laughter during the
discussion among ' the male resource persons is called "roplano"
or "elesi" (airplane or projeller). When probed, the resource perSons stated that it is a form of sexual intercourse where the partners are standing and the man lifts the woman, in the course of
which theytend to move around. Hence, the comparison is made
to the "elesi" or eroplano. On the other hand, sex without "romansa"
is compared to "flicking like a duck" ("kayod na lang tapos na,
walang seremonya").
Several gendered images of sexual relations emanate from
the texts. The women perceive themselves to be the passive part-
-
,Maraming stroke ang babàepag rnarunong,"rnarami.
'(TRANSLATlON:Th'ewomawh3ô'sxIIyexperienced'
'knows m'ony strokes.)!, Ldrry'
Opinions about the place of sex in old age are also gendered..
Lani; for instanc,' objects to her-husband's sexual, advances after
46 years of marriage because of her age: ?Ang tanda-tanda kona
po, eh, ayaw ko na sanang makisiping sa asawa ko" (I am already.
old, I no longer want sex). For some men, the sexual urge remains
even in middle age., Tony, in fact, believes that men in their 50s,
again become preoccupied with sex. , , ,
,.11,. ,"'
''3.
,•'''')
Tsokotama nfl 'yorg mga sabi ng nga matdtanda na
- 'yong P0 nag 50 years ka no, paraking bumdtaTalg'ang gusto mogabi-gabi ... 49-50 gonun malakas. Naranasan
ko 'yan, nagagalit no ago so akin ang misis ko noon eh.
Dahil gusto ko talaga bago ako popalaot titira ,muna ako.
Parang molakos ako.
.
all
'i' Love in t be Time ofin
Love
ma Movata
the
(TRANSLATION: And what the old folks say is true that -
when one is in his 50s, he experiences a revitalization.He
wants it every night .....49-50 years old, the urge is strong.
I experienced that. In fact my wife was angry with me
then. I liked to do it before going out fishing. I felt strong:)
Male resource persons also believe that sex, when done in
moderation, can be beneficial to a person. It is a good form of
exercise, they say, and can even help to reduce one's bhod pressure.
The resource persons in our older age group, both women
and men, report that they'continuè to have sexual relations with
their spouses, albeit not as frequently as when they were younger.
In fact, age seems to have little to do with the frequency of sexual
relations. Rina and Nadia, who are in their 30s, tell us that they
have lost interest in sex: "Matamad-tamad na ako dyan ... hindi ho
magandarlalo na pag may anak na kayo" (I.no longer have any
desire. It's not nice especially when you already have children);
while Lani, Ines and Zeny (who are over 45) apparently, have acf
tjve sex lives.
'
..'
'' Men are better informed than womn about sex, and
learned about it in their yoith. Among theroiinger in pornographic videotapes and magazines provide information. Some state
that they learned sex from older women, usually prostituted women
("sa pokpok.na babae"). Most men experimented on sexual techniques with their girlfriends. Larry and Tony, moreover, aver that
sexuality comes ntturally to men: "Parang likãs na sa sarili mo
yon, eh." The younger women in the group confirm that their boyfriends and spouses learned from these same "informal" sources of
sex education. None of the women, however, admitted to having
Time
of ma Morata
''
had multiple sex partners, even when they were still single. Apparently, most of hat they learned about 'sexuality came from their
relationships with their present life partners. "Hindi'namin alam
iyan" (We knew Iiothiñgãbout sex), declare Nenä. The younger
women also knew very little about sexuality practices when they
started having sexual relations: "Isang posisyon lang" (I knew only
one position).r Only Sheila refers to sexuality education as a source
of information on sex: "Pinag-aaralan kasi . 'yan" (It is learned in
school).'
•
. r
,, -
- ' .
NinjaTuvt(es
While the female resource persons aie i1nt about extramarital affairs, the men ädint to it and Justify their actions. In
most cases, extramarital relations happen vhen the wife is absent
(as when the man is working elsewhere) or when she refuses to
have sex for a prolonged period. The texts' of the men speak for
themselves:
Im
Kasi,.,kolimitan minsan, isang Iinggo wala ... oyaw
niya kasi mahirap namin pilitin ang misis mo. Kung hindi
.. ..
. ko
!L
mo kasi minsari nakukuha so biro-biro eh ... ayaw
'ganun ang misis ko ehEh kung hi 'di rio makuha, wald.'iJ
-4
Merondiyan kung gusto; rinsan may isang..'daan. Ninla,
turtles, eh.
(TRANSLATION: Inmost instances, we do it only onceJ' P
a week. If she doesn't like it, 'it's difficult to force your wife., .
If you can't have your way by kidding and teasing, then nothing happens. That's how my wife is. There are other
women available, if you want, sometimes for a hundred
[pesos]. It's like "ninjo turtles.")
Willy
75
76
W
Love in the -time-of ma Moata
Love in .tbe 'rime of ma Morata
I
Kung pagbobasihan natin sa panahon ngayon, kung
''
Despite their excursions into extramarital affairs, the men
aver that sex with their wives is still more enjoyable Besides, it is
safe sex:
nambababae yung lalaki, parang normal long bosta pino
long ang doting. Patogo-tago long so sulok.
(TRANSLATION: If we look at it these days, womaniz-
I
- ing is normal, as long as it is done with'finesse. You have
'
Iba yung pakiramdam mo so babaeng hindi mo mahal,
to be discreet about it)
Ung boyarang babae. Iba tolaga yung feeling mo so asawa
mo ... respeto ganun.
Lorry .
(TRANSLATION: You feel different with a woman whom
Noong,Iumabas ho ako ng bansa,... pero dito so
you don't love, a woman who is paid for sex.. You really
Pilipinas ... wala mulo nang mag-soma kaming mog-asowa .
have a different feeling with your wife, respect, like that.)
So ibong bansa ho, talagong kahit no anong daungan
ko, kahit negro, sige o kahit mabaho ang kilikili, moputi.
Riky
Kasi pog-winter siyempre mabaho silo niyon, hindi naliligo
'
'yon, eh. Ang buhay tolago ng marina, gonun, eh.
Kasi kUrg bayarar, 1 vala ..., di tildd so isowa mo.
' Sa'bayaanna-daIangan 'ká; ... so asawa mowalan
'(TRANSLATION: When I left the country, ... but here in
the Philippines, I had no extramarital relations since my
L
i;
alongan so sex dohil tiwalang-tiwala ko no wala siyang sakit.
-
'
wife and I lived together ... In other countries, yes, wher-
(TPAJcIATICH.
ever Iwould go;'whéther she was a block woman or a
" wife..'.'. You doubt her., ..."Yôu have no qualms about
smelly white woman. In winter they smell because they don't
making love with your wife because you trust that she has
take a both'. That's the life of a seamdn).
no sex-related disease.)
Ricky
In àddition to 'commercial sex, extramarital relations with
other women in the community are possible Thus, they can happen under the noses of their wives: "Sa tabi ng dagat, sa silong ng
sampaloc, bastamakaraos lang" (On' the beach, under the tamarind tree, just to get sexual satisfaction). For the informant who
said this, sex with a non-prostitute is preferred because it is safer:
"Takot ako kung hindi ko kilala yung babae" (I hesitate to have sex
with a woman I don't know).
Willy
As in other stifdies '(see Tan 2001), there is a tendency to
see sex as "natural." This attitude is more predominant among the
men than the wornen,who do not seem to active1y, seek sexual
relations outside of marriage. Although media is replete with materials on sexuality, which often encourage men to seek sex, they
believe that the urge 'is there to beginwith. However, romantic
love continues to be factored in seeking sexual relations. For the
married men who have indulged in extramarital relations, sexual
relations are still more enjoyable with their own spouses. As Picky
sees it, sexuality is an expression of love:
77
'Pr
78
Love in te Time of ma Movata
Yung ano, caring ba ... mahal niyo ang isa't-isa...
Tapos 'yung pangangalaga so'yo ng ... pora so akin,
moramdaman mo nfl kung talagang mahal mo ang asawa
mo. Iba 'yung ano eh ... ba 'yung pakiramdam mo s6
Love in t be Time of ma Morata
'Pr
Joe tells the story of a cuckolded husband in their community. He considers the man as deranged forhaving.tolerated his
wife's infidelity.:
baboeng hindi mo mahal, 'yung bayarang babae.
Meron akong kapitbahay no ganyan eh. Kapwaho
(TRANSLATION: It's about caring ... that you love each
siyang goling din ng Saudi pero siya mas matagal siya,
other. And then you have the affection and concern for
umabot yata siya ng anim no toon. Umalis siya ng Pilipinas
each other. You'll also feel it if you really love your wife.
wala pa siyang anak primerong tan,pag-uwi niya mron
If'diffentyou feel diffe'ren't with a paid woman, some-
no siyang isang anak. Sinasabi nga namin so kanya no si
you don't love.)'
*
kumpare sumasalisi, ayaw pa maniwala bumalik siya.
Pagbalikniya, dlwci nadk hnggarg so umib& hg
The male resource persons also accept the possibility of
women going
into extramarital relations. In this case, they don't
1
consider- it as part of women's nature, but rather a function of individual differences: "Nasa .tao yan... may babae talagangmakati"
(It's an individual preference; there are promiscuous women). But
it is less likely to happen, according to Tony, if a man is a good
provider. He states: -
io
tatlo; Hindi pa masagi so kanya no nak 'yon ni
Kumpareng Toto.... anak dow niya yon. Sabi kokako sira .
.1
(•,
.1
'
palo ulo mo eh ... Ang isip noon may soyadyata.
:rTL. '. .
,
.
-
-
. ..
(
.
(TRANSLATION: I have a neighbor like that. Both of
them went to.Soudi Arabia but he stayed away longer, I
think for about six years. When he left, he didn't have a
child yet, when he came back, he had one child already.
We were telling him that his good friend was sneaking in
Alam ma kasi ang panlalalaki, nasa too rin 'yon. Tsaka
M.
I!
butha wouldn't believe us. He went back abroad. When
ang asawa kasi kung nabibigyan ma naman siya ng tarnang
he came back, he had two children already until they be-
pangangailangan eh hindi ,rnagiisip'yan ng •hindi
m ago nda Lola no so kaiuhyan,kung hindi mo siya
-......V
naapibayaan so chat ng angangailangan nila so
came three. It never even entered his mind that they are his
friend Toto's children. He insists that they are his children.
I think he's crazy.)
V *
V
kabuhbyán,hindi makakdisip 'yon ng pangargaliva.
+
V•
•.
V.
..
(TRANSLATION: You know, extra-marital relations, for
woman, also' dp on thwo'nicn. 'And besides, if d
woman has hatshe needs;she won't thin' of doing wrong
things. This is especially true when she has what she needs
in life to live comfortably; she won't think of having relations with other men.)
L
.
-I,' II
r
/
.
Thus, the social construction of extramarital affairs differentiates between the gender interests of men and women. Since
men have natural sexual urges, extramarital relations can happen
if they lack sexual gratification in their own marriages. Men who
work abroad or in the city, away from their wives, are also to be
forgiven for seeking sex with the "wiwit" (loose women or paid
women). However, the need for sex is not considered as part of a
woman's "natural" urges. Rather, women who indulge in sex out-
8o
'Pr Love , in the Time of ma Morata
Love in the Time of ma Morata 'Pr
side of marriage are perceived to be dissatisfied with their husbands' breadwinner role. If it happens, then the woman is "makati"
(promiscuous), a term not used to apply to men with extramarital
affairs.
•
:'.'
smell or smells of urine) is repeatedly used to symbolize' lack of
care among unmarried individu'als:
Arthur:
Ang tawag so amiri doon eF "mabaling" o "rnapanghe . " (Laughing; reference is to unmarried men.)
.'
C..,
Facilitator
Maba(en0 ane , Matanôa n@ Binata
Arthur:
(Elderly Bachelors Smell of Urine)'
Larry
Given the centrahtyof marriage among Filipinos, we were
interested in knowing the opinions of our resource persons on
women and men who remain unmarried. Male and female bachelors are considered at a disadvantage because they have iio families to care for them in their old age. They say:
- -- .. Hindi ;nag-aasawa.
.
Sheila
Nakaka-awa yung lalaking walang asava (A 'man
without a wife is pathetic).
moboling
Parang walang ipinag-ibo so bulok.naamoy ng
baka at kambing.
TRANSLATION
Arthur:
ç''
..
We say they have a pungent smell (Reference is to
unmarried men) (Laughing).
'-Facilitatôr:-" What's the conriectibn -between pungent smell and
-..marriage?f .............•
Arthu
Walang nag-cas'ikas6 (No one to look after her/him).
..
Matandana
wala pang asawa
"mapanghe" no.
Tony:
• 1
Nakaka-ciwa, Madam'. Walang'maghihilot so kanya
(What a wretched creature ... no wife/husband to rassage her/him)
Anong koneksiyon ng panghe so pag aasowa2
they don'tg'e't marriedlit
Larry:
-
..
•-,
. They're old but are still unmarried. , They're smelly.
,Tony: ,,,. No difference from a cow, or,o goat that smells.
•
, •
,
,.L'
'r
p-
Nadia
The social fui'ictiOn of the family as care provider is strongly,
expressed in the accounts of our resource persons. Unmarried peraièat a disadvantage because they have no children to look
aftei their needs. The allusion to "mabaleng" or "mapanghi ang
mâtaidai'ig binata o dalaga" (an old maid or bachelor has pungent
-'.
Possession of material goods is not deemed enough to corn- f, .
. .
t
--
'''-r
- . '
. %.
pensate for remaining single; Lani declares:
.
Kahit babae nakdka-awa din. lyung auntie ko ha,
Maddm ha, taIaang iyang Si Edna, talaga ha ... talaga,
Madam, magbiyahe-biyahe, ang dami nyang mga alahas,
ang darning kumot galing so Ilocos po, nakaagpotayo
ng bahay, eh siyempre me lumiligaw so kanya no ayaw
niya dahil gusto niya mataas, sabi nyang ganoon, Ayaw
ko," sabi nyang ganoon. Ngayon akala niya siguro ganoon
ng garioon hindi siya tatanda. Tumanda no siya ng
81
82-
Love in t,e' Tinie of Ina Morata
tumanda, wala ng mag-aloga so konyo. Ang ponghipanghi no po niya dahil nokokoihi no po. Kowowo talago.
Nomatay no wolang kosamo, masungit pa namon. Lahot
ng gamit niyo binigoy , doon so mga pornongkin
(TRANSLATION: Even women are also pitiful. I have
on aunt, Madam, her name was Edna. She would travel o
lot, had o lot of leweiry ord a lot of blankets from ' Ilocos.
She was able to build a house and of course, she had
suitors but she didn't like them. She wanted to marry a big
shot, she said. She lust didn't like them.' probbl
thought she wouldn't grow 6ldWh'enhe became old, no
one took care of her. She smelled like urine because:shé'
couldn't control herself anymore: She was really pitiful. She
died alone. To top it oil, she was cranky. She gave all her
things to her nieces and nephews.)
;'
..
Feminine traits such 'as' reticence and submissiveness to
parents are cited as possible reasons why some women remain unmarried. Willy says, "Baka takot hong makipagrelasyon sa lalaki"
(Maybe she is afraid to have a relationship). Dan confirms this and
says some women remain unmarried because of a frustrated affair
'("nabigo siya"). Ricky adds, "Kung hindi, takot sa magulang"
(Maybe she is afraid of her parents). The other men opine that
women with
qualifications also find it more diffi high educational
':
.
.
'f
') '"
4
cult to marry. In this case, men are intimidated by a woman's higher
.,
.
,
social standing and may be reluctant to court one.
Moyroon diyan 'roson ti3ngkol so profession ... dahil
karamihon ng teacher no ... koramihon to logo siguro 50%
hindi nag-aasawa. Kasi ang mgo ibang lalaki nahihiya
manligaw so mga professionals ba. Halimbowa istamb'oy
ako ... nokokohiyo ligowan ang mga professional.
Love in the Time ,of ma Morata
'"*''
(TRANSLATION: Another reason isprofessioniA lot of;.
teachers, maybe 50% don't get married. It's probably be .
.
. .
fl... . . . .. . . ..-.,... .,-
cause some men are scored to court women who are pro-.
"fessionaIs; For example-, if l"vereo bum, ( would be' intinii 'dated to court a professional.)
:83
.t
Larry
Some men, on the other hand, may remain unmarried because they find, i difficult to face up to the, responsibilities of a
breadwinner.
",_UZJi !
j ,.
Joe:
Tony:
Ü
•'
''-
.., .' . .
.
..',,"-' .....
,., ., ','.j'
',
.
..
.Hindi siguro marunongmonligaw ... mahino ang bob,
'L'.1. .'.l
1
•,i';'',,'.,,'
..
J'L:
mahino ang fighting spirit no bako sabihin no
''
-'aaowo"okó,'di kO kayon buhyi'"
May ganoong loloki ... ikinakotwiran nib "Boka hindi ko
silo koyang buhdç'in."
TRANSLATION
Joe: He probably doesn't know how to court; he is shy, or he
doesn't have the fighting spirit. He's afraid that he wouldn't
be able to support a wife.
Tony:
There are men of such kind ... they reason out that they're
not sure if they can support their wives.
Several gender constructions are imbedded in the assessment of our resource persons of the unmarried state. Men may be
unable to marry because they don't know how to take the first
steps in courtship. Worse, they may not be ready to provide for a
family. Such men are, in a sense, viewed as "not manly enough."
Among unmarried women, too much femininity, on the one hand,
or the assumption of masculine roles, on the other, may prevent
women from entering marriage. Thus, a woman who is submissive
may choose not to marry rather than go against her parents' wishes.
84
i'
Love in the Tinie of ma Mor,ata
Or, women who are capable of providing for themselves and are
economically independent may choose to remain single, probably
because they can no longer submit to male domination. Men are
also more hesitant to have outspoken women for their wives. These
accounts suggest that the notion of differentiated and unequal gender roles between women and men are seen as ingredients of the
marriage state.
Finally, the notion that marriage and the family are the
sources of love and care for adult women and men emerges from
the discourse. In this case, it is social norms on the relations between parents and children that are implicated. The gendered nature of family relations will be discussed in the next chapter.
1W 1W 1W
5
AnO Pan'1iL9an0 PiIipino
( T he Filipino Fawii(y)
THE TRADITIONAL IMPORTANCE OF THE FAMILY to Philippine society is described in our written history. Spanish chroniclers wrote about it extensively, and American social scientists
described it at length when they took over the colonization of the
islands (Jocano 1995). Through the years to this day, extens'ive
studies continue to be undertaken on the Filipino family. This preoccupation confirms the key position of the family as the basic
building block of Philippine society, over which the State assumes
responsibility. The 1987 Constitution of the Philippines states:
The State recognizes the Filipino family as the foundation of the nation. Accordingly, if shall strengthen its solidarity and actively promote its total development.
Article XV Section I,
in Aguiling-Pangalangan 1995
Philippine society focuses on children as essential elements
of the family. Hence, the term "mag-anak" ("anak" means child) is
used to denote the nuclear family while "kamak-anakan" refers to
the kin group, including parents, offspring and all other persons
related to oneself by blood or marriage. While family relations are
W Love in the Time of ma Morata
86
crucial to our lives as Filipinos, it is also a sphere of relationships
that brings to the fore differentiated gender roles. A number of
studies have described at length husband-wife roles in the family
as well as obligations and responsibilities of parents to their off.j.
spring. As described earlier (éhater 3), the husband's r6sponsil3ility is often tied up to his role as economic provider and dominant
partner, while that of the wife is linked to the role of nurturance,
housekeeping and care-giving (Sevilla 1989). The socialization of
Filipino children is also governed by certain norms, which describe
increased differentiation of masculine and feminine roles as they
1 enterado1escenc(Torres.1988).
.,
i ct
the Filipino fáthily rémàiñs 'àt'the hub 61 soèiá1rlaits f6rd ridatteins hà'e changed thiough'the éáis.
1STuitiàIity within the last 'dé'cad hahifted'tà1atefag'es than as
évidéiiièa'r1ief periods.'B 'ét rè'ri'i98' arid 1998 alone; tlie' 'meat fiit ihäiriae "of Viötheiiin rural •'aràs has from
20.7 years 4to21 yé'a Men tendtO ñ'iãrry 1ate; 'üà11yàtthãe
of 2 (NSCB 1999). T
11 differential hi thes'ge at marriage Of urban
women has been larger: from 22.3 to 23 years (NSO-MI 1994; NSODOH-MI 1999) Fertility has declined in the same period While
the average number of children born to women between 15 to 49
years in 1993 was placed at 4.34 for urban and 5.65 for rural women,
the corresponding rates in 1998 were 3.7o and 5.28 births In Central Luzon alone, the rates decreased slightly, from an average of
4.58 children born in 1993 to 4.15 children in 1998. These figures
are lower than the average number of children born in 1960, which
was p1ad at six. The median ae of rural women when they give
"bii'th to their first children is 22.2 years. Among urban women, it is
'slightly higher: 243 years. In Central Lüzon, the avrage age of
wothen having their'first child is 23.3 years (NSO-DOH-MI 1999).
while
Love in the Thne4of Ia Movata W
As a result of lower fertility, family-household sizes have
become-smaller: from an average of 6 members in 1970 to 5 . 3 in
1990 (NCRFW-ADB 1995) Headship of households remains a male
prerogative.' However, 'the I number, of fema1eheaded households
has risen, from' io% in 1970 to 11.3% ifl1990.The increasing humber of younger- married,' single and 'separated omen 'among female household heads accounts for this increase' (NCRFW-ArB
1995).
.'
.
.
'VT14.
rdYi'.
Si9e Lang ng Sige
(Just Go Ahead)
The median number
of'''children among our older resource
-.
" :'
' '"•
persons' is five to six children. Among the younger ones, the average is between 2-3 children, although Terry and Arthur,have five
offspring. In the older age 'groups, Larry and Joe; Liha;'Lani, and
Nena did not plan on the number of children they wanted to have.
They said: "Wala kaming birialak ..: basta ñag-anâk na," "hindi
kami nag-pIano noon, waIáh n'ag-paplano noon," "sigé lang ng sige"
" '- r'1-
(We made no plans; we just went ahead). Riza and her husband
planned on five children but exceeded this and had seven. Au wanted
three children but now has five. •.:,,,-,
'1 -
-
•'
- .. The
older
women and men report that birth control is reI
-
4
r
sorted to only after several children have been born. Larry's wife'
I
I
11
1
J
had a tubal ligation after having five children. His wife 'underwent
the procedure without his consent, while he was abroad as a seafarer. However, he did not resent this as it was all for the better:
"Para sa amin yun, eh" (She did it for us). Zeny also had a ligation,
because her last pregnancy was abnormal and she was suffering
L
87
88
1'
Love
it
te Time
of ma Morata
from high blood pressure. Hence, Zeny has only three children. In
the case of Riza, her husband's absence while working as a seafarer, served as the "birth control" method. After his retirement,
they resorted to withdrawal. As a result, they have seven children.
Lani used the IUD (Intra-Uterine Device), but only after her last
child was born. She had it removed after an infection developed,
by which time she was 40 years old.
Ines attributes having seven children to the failure of the
rhythm method. Now that she has reached menopause, however,
there is no longer need for any birth control. She explains:
[K]osi lagi hang nasa kalendaryo. Nag-planning
p0 oko noong apat no ang anok namin, nag-rhythm. Eh
so koko-planning nagdoble, sumunod iyung kambal. Kaya
hindi no oko nag-planning'mulo ng mag-anak no ako ng
kambol kayo nasundan pa ho ng isa. Wola no. Wala
Love in the Time
of ma Murata
'P
ng wola no akong permanenteng traboho noong araw.
'Yung pagkain at soka 'yong pampa-aral ng mga anok
eh anom eh. Sabi ko, koko tama no ang limo koya ... so
owo noman ng Diyos noitotawid naminsila. Kayo long
pa iso-isa
(TRANSLATION: We didn't talk about children. What
happened was she had the first and then the second. And
then I experienced poverty because I didn't have a permanent job then. We worried about the food and the schooling of the children. And so I said that we should just limit
the children to five. With God's help, we were able to send
them to school. But only one at a time.)
Tony agrees that one's ability to support a family should
determine the number of children one has. Unfortunately, sexual
urges may disrupt these plans. Tony and his wife wanted only four
children, but they wound up having seven. He recalls:
nong kotos. Wala no po koming pinag-usopon, basta sigesige. Kung kailangon, kailangan, sige.
(TRANSLATION: We controlled with the help of the
calendar. We planned when I had four children, with the
rhythm method. But as we planned, our children doubled.
We had twins. So we stopped planning when we had the
twins and another one come. And so we threw all caution
to the wind. If it had to be, it had to be.)
Poverty is a factor that has weighed in the decision to limit
the number of children. Joe and his wife, for instance, decided to
limit their children after five had been born, because they thought
they could not support a bigger family. He says:
"... wola koming pinag-usapang anok. Eh nongyari no,
nonganok siya noong una ... umabot so dalawo, ngayon
naranasan ko ong kahirapan ... So hirap ng buhay dab
Ang unang pinag-usapan namin apat no long sana.
Koya long medyo ginanahan pa. Sumobra, naging pito.
Woba so piano yung tatlo dahil ang gusto namin dalowang
boloki at dalawong babae long sana. Eh medyo napagana
koya sumobra ... naging pito.
(TRANSLATION: We first talked about having only four.
However, things got out of hand and we had seven children. We didn't plan it that way because we only wanted
two girls and two boys. But we lost control and had seven.)
Family planning is more evident among the members of
the younger age groups. Dan wants six children but is presently
satisfied with his three children because he has no steadyjob. Ricky
has one child and plans to have a second one when the older child is
four years old. Willy is satisfied with having three daughters: "Di
na masusundan dahil sa hirap ng buhay" (We can't have more chil-
89
90
'P'
Love in t he Time
Love in t h e Time of ma Morata
dren because life is difficult) but regrets not having a son. Among
the younger women, Sheila, Anna and Rina don't want more than
the one or two children they already have. Nadia and her husband
plan to have three children, and already have two of their own.
Terry and Arthur did not plan to limit their children, especially because they had four boys in a row. Finally, when Mt.
Pinatubo erupted, they got the girl they desired. Arthur shares
their experience thus:
of ma Morata
'W
Facilitator: Pero pinagkasunduan niyo no withdrawal no long?
Dan:
Withdrawal no long sana ... hindi namin pinaghandaan, withdrawal no long. Eh hindi no nawithdraw
nadeposito no eh.
Facilitator: Sino ang ang nagsasabi no bunutin, ikaw o siya?
Dan: Ako, pagka lalabas na Eh nung nagkataon no parehas no nag i-enjoy ba ... "Huwag mo nang bunutin"
ika eh, mabibitin din ako, sabi niyo. "Diretso no lang."
TRANSLATION
Kasi 'yong anak ko sunod-sunod no apat, ... puro
Dan: Yes, we used the pills. First, the pills, then the inject-
lalaki. Noong pumutok ang Pinatubo nag-evacuate kami
able contraceptive for six months, only for six months
so she wouldn't get pregnant.
so ano, so bayan, doon ako nagkababae ... Pinipilit ko
ring manganak ng babae.
Facilitator: But you had sex the whole time.
(TRANSLATION: I had four children, one after the other,
all boys. When Mt. Pinatubo erupted, we evacuated to
Dan: Yes. Then we tried withdrawal. However, we got so
the town proper and that was where we had the girl. I really
carried away when we were nearing the climax that I
wanted.to have a girl.)
couldn't withdraw anymore. (Laughter)
Facilitator: But you agree that you would just use withdrawal?
The wives of Ricky, Dan and Willy have been on contraceptives. Ricky and his wife decided that she would use pills after
their eldest was born. In addition to pills, Dan's wife used an injectable contraceptive for six months. However, they resorted to withdrawal afterwards, and had a third child. Dan recounts their dilemma:
Dan: Ah, Pills nga, so Pills. Una 'yung Pills, pangalawa
'yung injectable ... 'yung six months injection. So
babae, hanggang six months long para hindi magkaa no k.
Facilitator: Pero tuloy tuloy 'yung sex niyo?
Dan:
Oo. Tapos 'yung, withdrawal no ... eh 'yun nga ang
huh, hindi no nabunot eh, napasarap no, eh (Tawanan).
Dan
Yes, we tried withdrawal as means of controling birth,
but before I could do so, it had already been deposited.
Facilitator: Who would give the signal "when" to withdraw, you or
her?
Dan: I would. But it so happened that both of us were enjoying the act so much that she asked me to "go ahead"
as she was already nearing her orgasm. So that was it.
Dan's wife was expecting their fourth child when the FGD
was conducted. They have decided that she would undergo tubal
ligation after their baby is born.
91
'P
92.
Love in tte' time of ma Morata
Love in teTjnie of mi Morata
Willy's rife was on pills but developed an infection 'and had
to stop using it. He attributes her condition directly to the fact that
''93,
. (TRANSLATION: But sHe had a hard time persuading
'me because I hove no son. I told her that if she hod a
ligation, I would have a child by another woman. She told
she was on pills.
me to hove my way. However, I relented and signed the.
papers. But I roll'' wanted to have a ion. We talked about
Misis ko may side effect so puwerta ng babae ... nagko-
that. ...'l really wanted to have a:són.).. .
infection. Hindi natutunaw, talagong ang darning
ipinakoyod ng misis ko kasi nag-pills din ong misisko,
eh. Apat no taonbago nasundon 'yung pangolawa, kaya
malakirig gastodin kako so hospital. Talagang ipinakayod
"yon, hindi polo natutunaw 'yung pills.
h.an
y wife
(TRANSLATIONd
a. infection when she
: M.
...........
medIt the
see pills didn't melt and so the
was on the bills.
doctors had to scrape off a lot. It took four years before we
*
had a third child and we had to spend much for the hospital. They really had to scrape so much. The pills just-didn't
melt.)
.
:1.
. ..
Shei1aand .Rina had taken birth control pills in the past.
Both discontinued their,use because of reported side effects. Sheila
took pills after the birth of her first child but discontinued it because she felt 'she as ibsing weight ('pãr
ako
pàrañg hindi àkb liiyang"). She' concize 5d-her ecod êhild six
months after uiiigthe pills; Since she temporarily separatCdfröm
her hflsbaiId, sIe ha'ták&n no contraceptive.
-
I
*
Because of this experience, Willy's wife refrained from using the pills; she was determined to have tubal
ligation
.J1t after their
.
.... .
third child was born.. Willy, at first, spurned the idea because he
r.i,)S
-
. . f .rfl
was too intent to have a son In fact, he threatened his wife with
comniittiiig iifidelit' r if she insisted. But he finally gave his consent when he realized the limitation of their economic sttion in
life.
:cLtrRina; on the other hand, took the pills for two years but she
develbped'an infection. A doctor at the Rural Health Center therefore proscribed its use. To prevent a sécoñd pregnancy, she now
refuses to have sex with her spouse. ' She does not want her husband to use a condom, either, for fear of having another child:
Facilitator: Ayaw mo nomang gumomit ng ibong method?t
,_
S-
1: Ora
Pero ang hirop'niya akng niIigañan ndôn dahil iriiisip
kb wala- akongHalaking 'anok. Sige r kakako, kung
magpopa-ligate ka, di mag-danak ako so iba. Bahala ko,
.
obin rris ko ... .pero nag kuwan din ako; pinirmahan
ko 'yu-ng kuwan. Peroarig gusto ko talaga may anak akong
lalaki, 'yung usopan namin. Gustong gusto ko taloga no
mogkoroon ng artak no laloki.
................................
()
Rino:
'1
Ayow ko, Ma'am, ayoko nornan ng condom, boka
1
i
•-zJ
pumutok doon, ... bako pa oko moperwisyo.
l' .
' rj i
'. ii,.'
'•':..-,
.Ca'
Facilitator: Bokit, me nabolitoon ka no ba na.moy nongyoring
I If
I
ganyon?
Rino:
Terry:
,
s.. P . -'
ri I'
h.,
•,
Sabi nib, Ma'am, meron ganoon. Kayo ayoko.
Me butastoIaga on'cohdom, ndgkakaroon ng leakage doon. Lagyan mo muna ng tubig bogo mo gamitin.
TRANSLATION
Facilitator: You don't wont to try another method?
W.
Love in tbe'Tin'ie of ma Morata
I don't'wont to, Ma'am, ... I don't trust condoms.
They might leak and I would eventually suffer the consequences.
Rina:
-
•
.
...
tumor'.-I. Her account, however, points to other reasons for the
tumor:
ç
Lani: -.-' - 'Iyunipala kapag hindimo noi-pacheck-up iyun, lab
kang napirdi doon sa IUD.NagkO-bukol iyun so matris.
Jlang taon no p0, mag 20 taon na pa hindi napopacheck'up. Sige ng sige, buhat nbuhat diyon. Noong
J nogko-bukol, Madam, iyan pinatanggal ko, pinaalis ko.
'"a' e you heard of a similar instance? Facilitator: " H
.1...
They say that there have been instances, like that. That's
Rina:
why I don't trust them.
(_
•
.
-.
lea k. That s why yo u have to
- Condoms-sometimes
DOu
t est one-by filling if wih water bèforèusingt.'
•.
Terry:
,
.
-
-
Facilitdtàr: Iking.taon kcyo noon?
Mga kuwarento pa.
Lani:
Nadia had an IUD. insertion after her second baby . But she,
felt some pains and decided.to remove it after two years. Her hus
band now.uses condoms. Anna had another formula for birth con-u
trol: avoiding physical intimacywith her spouse: "Kanya-kanyang
kumot, kanya-kanyang tulog" (separate blankets, separate beds).
In the case of Riza,- she and husbandused the withdrawal method.
But it was-apparéntly'a failure: "Pero nagkasunod-sunod
had children in succesion).
•
'P'
.
Facilitator: n ,Ah, puwede pang manga'nak. La-n,:Hindi no po, pinatanggol ko no pa ang matris ko
T
DaIavong beses h tinoriggol
Facilitator: Ah, tinonggabah. kayo ng matris?
Loni:
,•
t4
iwipeks,on
(Infect io n)" -
-i
•
t-
'
i-r' :'rr
•v
V
Cpa, tinanggal no po iyung matris. Eh kasi po, Mom,
j
..
-.
,..
r
-. -
naga uKo , tinongga
no.
r
'j
j,Ti;'-
:_s
TRANSLATION:'
I'
'
,
.- •./
?•'
Lani:
- It seems that if' yo'-u don't-.
have theIUD checked, some-.
thing goes wrong.,j had a lump in my uterus. I had,it
1
.
- - ( .
uJL.
'
I.
....
for twenty years without any check-up. When l • learned.
`ClboUtt^e lump, I had it removed.
.
'•,
'
c
Our resource persons report unfortunate experiences in
,,' ,..)
using contraceptives, particularly with pills and the IUD. Both
1
- .
..they
developed
k"s'wifeàndRinã
stopped
iisiig
the
pillswhen
kic.
vaginal infections. It is unclear, however, whether the condition
was directly Iiiiked t6 the use of ill or related to other factors.
They were .asked to stop taking the contraceptive and attributed
the ill- effects to the pills. Both Lani and Nadia neglected to have
their IUDs checked. In Lani's case, she claims to have developed a
41
--
Facilitator: How old were you then?
Lank -
-'.'-I was about forty.
. -.
.
.
Facilitator: Oh! You could still hove children.
Lani:
- No more, Madam: I had my uterus removed, twice.
Facilitator: You had your uterus removed
Lani:
Yes, my uterus was removed. I had a lump there; so it
was removed.
96
'P
Love
in the Time of ma Morata
Nadia felt some discomfort and pain. She attributed these
to the IUD, which had not been checked-up. She recounts:
Love
in tbe Time of ma Morata
'P'
The older men believe the use of contraceptives affects
the libido of the woman. Joe thinks it decreases sexual desire, while
others perceive it makes a woman more promiscuous:
Ang ginagamit po naming family planning method
iyung una IUD, iyung nilalagay ... parang ano po, parang
Joe:
... Pagka humihiling ka nagagalit. Parang so madaling sabi wala no siyang kiliti so katawan.
Arthur:
Hindi, ganito, eh ... parang naano ka so kapitbahay
me nararamdam ako noon kasi 2 years no siya hindi ko
rin napapa-check up. Me nararamdaman ako, ang iniisip
ko baka so IUD ko, lading nasa-isip ko, kaya baka so IUD
namin. Mas lalong tumapang ... iniwanan 'yang
asawa at nag-asawa ulit. Kahit no soon abutan, Sir
ko kaya inano ko no pa. Me masakit p0. Kaya pinatanggal
ko pa so Center.
doon no banatan no.
(TRANSLATION: The family planning method we were
using at first was the IUD. But I felt something because I
hadn't had it checked for two years. I felt something and I
thought it might have been the IUD. It was always on my
mind and so I had it removed. There was some pain. So I
Joe:
I
Arthur:
Tony:
Parang ganun no nga dahil hindi umiilag so mga
Lorry:
Yun palang ligation may side effect ... mainitin ang
ulo. Dahil sarado no 'yon eh ,'yung dadaanan ng sperm,
sarado no.
Para palang aso't pusa 'yon, kahit so plaza puwede.
TRANSLATION
Joe:
When I want it, she gets angry. ... In other words, she
doesn't like it anymore.
Arthur: No, it's like this. Look at my neighbor. She became
more intense. She left her husband and married again.
Whenever the urge seizes her, she does it right then
and there.
Joe
Arthur:
You call that by a different name. She's a maniac already.
Something like that.
Tony:
Yes, it's something like that. She is not afraid of anything. When she feels it, she does it
Larry:
They're like dogs and cats, doing it even at the plaza.
(TRANSLATION: It turned out that tubal ligation has a
side effect. She was always hot-tempered because the pathway for the sperm has been blocked.)
Parang ganoon.
ano... basta inabutan ng kati doon no.
had it removed at the Center.)
There were other effects or symptoms that the resource
persons attributed to contraception. Rina says her blood pressure
went up because of the pill. She also experienced heart palpitations. Willy says his wife was short of temper ("mainit ang ulo")
when she was on the pills. Then, she experienced abdominal pains
("masakit ang puson"). Even Larry attributes his wife's temper to
her being ligated. He says:
Iba no ang fawag doon, maniac no 'yon.
Male contraceptive methods were not popular among the
resource persons. None of the men had undergone vasectomy, even
98
''
Love ivi the Time of Iia Morata
while they acknowledged the need for birth control in their strained
economic circumstances. Arthur proudly declared, "Ako, Sir, hindi
ko nasubukan na gumamit ng condom" ("Sir, I have never tried
using condoms"). The men also aver that condoms are dirty and
uncomfortable— "ma-aligasgas" (coarse), "madumi" (dirty),
"parang guwantes" (like hand gloves). Dan and his wife, Riza and
her Husband had used the withdrawal method. But this led to more
children than they had planned for. Nadia's husband prefers the
condom to withdrawal, and is the only one in the group who reportedly uses it. However, he buys his supply far from the barangay,
so that his barrio mates will not knowh uses condoms. Nadia talks
about her husband's reticence:
Nahihiya, nga minsan •ang asawa • kong bumili,
nahihiya siya, kayo minsan sabi ko doon ka bumili 'so
drugstore no walang masyadng too: Binilhan iyurg
motanda so bayan. Nahihiya.
(TRANSLATION: Sometimes, he is ashamed to buy and
so I tell him to buy it at the, drugstorewhere there are not
too many people. So he bought from an old person in
town. He is shy.)
The resource persons state thit they learned about family
planning from health centers, usually from midwives
("komadrona"j The.womeii,both young ñd old, recounted how
the midwife would ask for their medical histories before recommending a method. The oldermen, on the other hand,narrated
how they were introduced to family planning in pre-marriage counseling seminars. Only Sheila states that she was encouraged to use
contraceptives by a non-medical person. In her case, it was an older
woman, her mother-in-law, who taught her to use contraceptive
pills.
Lovei11 the Time of ma Moi'ata
I
W
Faniiij P(anninj
The family planning profile of our resource persons is cón
si jentwith national and regional datár(NSO_DOHMf i99) In'
addition, gender values becoiie evideni'ih relation to fariily iiit
fling practices. To begin with, the use of contraèétioñ tends to
increase with parity. Especially among the older , gioups, the use of
birth control commences only after ,a number of children have
been born
couples decide, or are forcedby,circurnstance, 1.
to start practicing family planning. The same is true for ouryounger
resource persons, especially because a couple of , thern got pregnant.before marriage. However, , a generational difference occurs: j
the younger couples decide on famil y pl anning after fewer chi1-,
dren are born. Meànwhile;the older women discontinue birth con
trolas they, approaci menopause. p
Both in
and traditional birth cOntrol methods have
been ued1 1W our resource 'jie'ons. The contraceptive ill was
used by several of them, but two evntually discontinüéd itsue.
Among the traditional birth control practices, withdrawal and calendar rhythm methods were mentioned. Several wives also under-jj
went, or planned to undergo, tubal ligation.
.
'târi"cet fo fãiiil planin is iiiore evident among the
nen'than the inenin oice a ,if ' iiideivehtffbkl ligatiôiY
without her husband's knowlde, probably foi feshü1dnt
have his consent. In another case,tl hiisbands persuaded onl
after the wife had a series of talks 'rith him. Wl 'ilj both niãc2
ceped their wives' decisions, it is apparent from 'their textthat
they were initially uncomfortable with the siluation. The uiieasiness may be linked to their belief, discussed at some 'Point in the
FGD, that birth control practices provide an opening for female
Resi
99
100
'
promiscuity. The women, fon their part, are wary of some modern
methods because of unwanted side effects. This is consistent with
statistical data, which describes "side effects" as the biggest reason
for contraceptive discontinuation of the pill, IUD and injectables
(NSO-DOH-MI 1999).
Choice of method was guided by the midwives, but has a
gender component. Most of the reported birth control practices
are women-specific methods. The male partner of one of the resource persons uses condoms, but does so reluctantly and with
much subterfuge. Two couples practiced withdrawal—a cooperative birth control practice. One of them recounts how it was important for a man to be "patient" for the method to succeed: "Pinapauna ko muna siya, tapos pag natapos na, ako naman ang mag-aano.
Eh nagkataon na parehas naman na ano ... hindi nabunot" (I let my
wife achieve orgasm first before I do. But on one occasion, I failed
to withdraw on time). Another woman would rather not have sex
at all because her husband refuses to have withdrawal.
There are many "myths" attached to contraceptive practices. Aside from increased female promiscuity, men think that
ligation or other methods decrease the libido. The women, in turn,
believe that their husbands would not enjoy sex with condoms or
withdrawal. They are also reluctant to use these methods because
they anticipate decreased sexual gratification from these practices
("mabibitin"). The women and men also have incomplete information about modern methods. Vaginal infections and pain are automatically attributed to the use of pills or the IUD, disregarding the
circumstances of specific cases more closely. One man believes his
wife had to undergo DNC (dilation and curritage) because the pills
had lodged in her uterus ("hindi pala natutunaw ang pills"). One of
''
the women connects her tumor and subsequent hysterectomy to
her prolonged use of the IUD. Moreover, the women have unnecessarily put themselves at risk by not having regular check-ups
while using these methods.
Despite these difficulties in family planning (FP), it is noteworthy to mention the consistent reference to the health center
midwives and doctors as the sources of information and services
for family planning. They provide premarital counseling, give PP
advice, and dispense contraceptives without cost to the couples.
The resource persons also show respect for them and their advice.
Maiakas ang Pintie
(Very Intense)
How does a husband or wife know that the woman is pregnant?
For the women, observed biological changes in their bodies signal the onset of pregnancy. Among these would be the stoppage of menstruation, enlargement of the breasts, morning sickness, and queasy stomachs. Cultural expectations also color their
perceptions. Riza and Nadia say they become lazy and crave for
specific foods. For Nena, however, sexual gratification is the gauge
of pregnancy. She recounts:
Mosoma ang pokiromdam, at soko tayong mga bobae
di ba kung iyung nasarapon ka nfl at anak no iyun
kamo. Iyung tologang masarop, talogang masarap, pag
iyun no, onok no polo iyun. Meron namon iyun nobale
wolo. Iyung moramdoman mo no, hindi ko no reglahin.
101
'i'
102
Love in tbe. -time of ma Moata.
Love'n the time of ma Morata
especially when their wives are irritable or demand immediate satisfaction of their food cravings. Joe discusses this with Tex:
(TRANSLATION: You don't feel well and ..., if youreaIly,enjoyed [the sex act], then it means that a child was
-
formed, When you enjoyed it, then a baby would come out
of it. But there are times when you don't feel anything. You
Facilitator: Ano 'yong pagtingin natin so pagdadalantao? Tayo,
just feel that you won't have your menstrual period any-
paano riatin tina-trato ang nagdadalanta'o?
more.)
I- -
I.-
*
:-•
Joe:
.,
-. . ., •• .
L.,arry likewise links pregnancy to the sexual appetite. He
declares:
4
'P'
..
-
Eh siyempre komo asawa natin 'yang nagdadalantao
4
siyempre ini-ingatannatin.'yan.Mga hindi dapat
niyang gawin ... ganon long naman.
Facilitator: . Espesyal ang kalagayan niya pag na'gdadalantaa siya.
nakiha tho, maakàvi(Bita'
-, woman whois pregnant . craves a lot).
Facilitator: Ah matakaw? (Craves what?)
Larry
.
Facilitator: Akala ko matakaw so pagkain, eh (I thought she craves
I
,
Larry:
-•
h.Siya ang ilaw ngaFnan, ikaw naman ang poste
ng Meralco.
Facilitator: How do we look at pregnancy? How do we treat some
1 one whois.pregnant? .
fJ,u rj ,.
Joe: Of course, since it's our wife who is egrant, we' tak
care of her. There are some things that she shouldn't
do. That's it.
So pagkain din (Also food).
yj jrtj 01
:f)
The men say they learned about their wives' pregnancy
U
beèaise their tell theth o. Moreove, their beEaviors change ("nag
..-.LJ
nba ang ugah ). Ricky shares:
Facilitator
4
I'
4(Ji.
.. .'iL.. .
... ....
Joe
. .
añg totoos&bboe,rndlakasongpintg pag may làman.
Her condition deserves special treatment Of course she is wise she's your partner She is the
'light of the home and you are the Meralco post.
1 '
- 7
1
--
Husbands cannot refuse special requests from their
-
'•C.T' .
. .', j _4 ; .1,
'j
fl.. 1
infanticipating wives, for fear that a miscarriage may occur in the
pregnancy.
.
*
'Ti
(T RANSLATION:
She becomes Hot-tempered. She be-
comes intense. Thdt's how a woman is; she becomes interfsvherfsh isha'virig a baby.)
-
.
deli -
cote, when she's pregrant.
Wainit , ang' s blo , la6i. Malakas ang pintig. 'Yun tal ago3
j;.
Siympre,marunong so buhay yon eh, katuwang yon
TRANSLATION
Matakaw so sex. Karanasan ko 'yon eh (Lustful. That's
my experience).
Jö
*
Pregnancy, especially the period of paglilihi during the first
trimester, provides the signal for "special care" to be accorded to
the wife. The men say they now have to be more understanding,
Yung iba ... may mga maselan no anó eh ._ pag
hindi ma nasunad 'yong kahilingan nila, baka malaglag
'yang ano
103
104
'P'
Love in the Time of ha Morata
Love in the Time of. ma Morata
(TRANSLATION: Others have sensitive pregnancies and
if you don't give what they want, they might miscarry.)
'i'
born. Dan does not want his wife to look at or become involved in
sjrsfu1
events for fear that this may affect their child in the womb.
Arthur
Mahalaga kasi ang papel natin tuwing naglilihi ang
asawa. Kasi hindi ka maaaring mog-bisyo kung nadoon
Lso konya.bika mologlag 'yong ano eh. Maselan ang
paglilihi/pagbubuntis ... susunod ka doon so gusto niyang
makain ba a gagowin.
• (TRANSLATION: We have a y itol role when our wives
are pregnant. You can't indulge in vices because she might
lose the bob'y. Pregnancy is a sensitive stage and you
have to follow what she wants you to d,and give her what
she wants to eat.)
But the men are aware that, in some instances, their wives'
demands are artificial and unnecessary. Father andson have these
....... i.
h.
•
• :.0 -
.
In some ways, the prénant woman's irritability augurs well
for the husband. Tony says;...........
Kapag sinusungit ka raw ng asawa mo't naglilihi
ang magiging wangis ng anak ikaw, sa'yo. Ganoon ang.
kasabihon ng matatanda noon.
(TRANSLATION: They say that when your.wife becomes
cranky with you when she's conceiving, hen the baby will
look liIe ' you. That's what the old people say.)
'Máternal iñrJsins and distress are also important to
,
.,.. 't i ,.
I
.. •
avoid during pregnancy. Ricky, for example, warns his wife against
looking at ugly persons for fear that she would have a imngoloid
baby ("baka mapag-lihian ang 'mongoloid"). His wife also hung
"patola" (loufa) all over their house while pregnant. As a result, he
says, his newborn son's penis looked like a "patola" when it was
.,'
.
.
.
Huwagrmong kontrahin ang gusto niya. Pero' kung
abusado
, namon siya, di bahola no (Laughing) ... mob•,,
lmon mo naman kung abusado no. Sampal ang;
' 1.
.
........rl.i '.'
abot (He laughs).
.
.
Facilitator: Meron ba tayong karanasan no ina-abuso niya no
sarnontalangrnapagbigoy tayo?
Tony
(
.
-
Lary:','.So
'.
akin, wala' naman P'ro rnaromi ang babaing
• ganur, no taposna maglihi kunwari naglilihi pa, uma•
.abuso no palo.
Ricky:
Unawain mo no long si"a, kumbaga unowain mo no
Kosi kungminan tabagang inacino anoka no...
'yung parang okala mo sinasadyo niyo, noqng artearte niya. Pero ganun talogo ang misis ko.
TRANSLATION
..
Larry: Don't contradict what she wants. But ifshe abuses,
then that's something else. Anyway, you will know if
she is abusing already. Then you can slap her (He
ç.
laughs). .
Facilitator: Do we have any instances wheri sh ábusedyur gen.
erosity?
Larry: As for as I am concerned, there is none. But there are
a lot of women like that. They are already post that
craving stage but they pretend that they're still in it
and they are already abusive.
105
ioó
'i'
Love in t&e,Tinie of ma Morata
-
Ricky: ,Just understand her, try to understand her. Sometimes,1
we feel that she's too pretentious already. But,that's
really how my wife is.
H
-
--
Love- in te Tinie of In'a Morata
. r..t:Focilitator: o
,Ricky:
Dan:
fl
r * A pregnant woman's aura is so strong that her actions can
affect her husband's own behavior. For instance, she may demand'
that her husband be always at her side so that he has less time for
his friends. In fact, a woman often uses her delicate condition as a
pretext for controlling her lii.iband's drinking. There is also a belief that, when a wife steps over her spouse, the latter will be outof-sorts for the day.
*
--
•
. -.
Ricky:
Rick,: Hi*ndi ... Ndnasan ko ho"yung ... parang lantanglantang ak6 pagdating nanä ano ba. 'Yung gusto
mo ikaw ang mahiga nang mahiga;
Facilitator: Nalilipat sa'yo 'yung (poglilihi)...
Ricky:
'do, naliliat.
% ,
. "o,
Don:
Pag hinakbangan ka, meron ganun no pongyayari.
It was like it was transferred to you
. , Yes. It was transferred.
Yes, if she steps over you. There have been.cases like
that.
•., 1.jA
0
Love also figures in the care 'of a pregnant wife. Jde would
endure his wife's demands out of love. He declares:
Hindi maaar"in6 hindi tdy'umunod so sawn'
noglilihi. ... mahal mo 'yon eh. Pinakasolan ' mo 'yon, eh
kasama mo so habng buhay. Kayo kung kinakailongang
-
,
magausa Ka, c nina. i. naman masamo.
Ttoo rin Yung ao
pararig naano ka no rin eh,
kosabihanngmatatanda. Halimbawa natutulog ka
• rito, pagbumangon kahinakbangon ka, maghapon
ikaw tulog ... parang ang famloy mo ... no experience
ko no 'yon.
Facilitator: Pero alam mo'yon no hinakbangan ko niya?
'P'
(TRANSLATION: We cannot say no to our spouse who
is pregnant. You love her. You married her and will be your
companion for life. So if you must suffer, ... there's nothing
--wronviththct.)'- ' -
.
'1'
.:' -.8q •;iL'
Riza confirms the belief that a wife's inability to get what
she wants while "naglilihi" leads to a threatened abortibiiIn addition, she avers that a pregnant woman with a delicate condition has
a low uterus"(mababa arig matris")'. The-men agree that their
husbands, should accord them with special care while "naglilihi."
However, the narrative speaks of seeking gratification for their
increased sexuality whilepregnant rather than a concern for special foods or their husbands' understanding:
-r TRANSLATION ,
Ricky
•
It's also true what the old 'edple say. When your wife
steps over you . in bed, you will feel sluggish the whole
day. I experienced that, already.
Facilitator:
Ano naman ong papel ng osv'
nagdadalantoo kayo?
Anna:
Toga sunod ng mgahilig... pagdating ng gabi,
hi, hi, hi, hi.
Nena:
May kapalitnaman basta gabi
(cY.
Facilitator: But did you know that she stepped over you?
Ricky:
Py
-
No. I experienced feeling very tired and sluggish, like
you 'ust want to sleep the whole day.
drlà'Idki noong
107
Love in tie Tinei.of. ha Morata
'P'
io8
Kasi'kJng naglilihi, malibog naman dng babae.
Lank
Nena
Love in the T
' ime of lila Morata
'. .
Pero totoo, pero hindi kayo nagsasabi ... pero totoo
'P'
Willy:
When my wife is pregnant, she loves sex.
Riky:
She's really hot, right?
Tofoo ...
TRANSLATION
Facilitbtor: -
What is your husband's,role.while you're pregnbnt?
Anna:
H6 sfbuld fulfill óu desirs . . like at night, hi hi; hi,hi.
Nena:
There's a trade off at night.
- .
. .. ....
A woman enjoys sex . when , she's pregn'ant;
.4.............But it's true although you don't.wont ,totell ... it's
Lani:
'
Nena:
true.
................................
Lani: %...........
. . True ...
The women take special care of themselves when pregnant.
For .instance, they are advised not to take cold drinks
or foods
("sabi ng matatanda"). Sheila, in fact, links her miscarriage to this
practice. She alsbéiiees hát etih too many sweets 'will lead to
a-breached delivery. Nena, in'turn i states that a pregnant woman
should not oversleep lest she contracts ben-ben ("nakakamanas
ang masyado sa tulog"). In fact, the older women gives advice for
the younger ones to work as this is good for a pregnant woman
La'ni;
• A.
The younger men also speak of their wives' heightened libido while pregnant.
1
.Kasi walang menstruation yan. / diretso ... .wala.ng,
istorbo.
Al
Ricky: .
Willy:
Hi
o,.ang ,hilig mangalabit pagnaglilihi. - .
RickyY .Wdlo-ng"rid flog " pabditis,
...............
1u ,1
Wll2 r
ng risi ko
'Bslilihi
Ang mit, ano?
Ricky:
:
-
Kung buntis ka, kailangan lakad ka ng lakad. Sige
...... lakad kang. lakad paa hidikammdnasin.
Nena:
-
-"
-:
Facilitator: ,. Kayo ? Kahit burftis?
.
- .
Nena:-
So
bukid
at
nagtatanim.
, •-
TRANISLATIO..:o Ricky:
.
.
r
Kayo . din? .-..- kahit buhtis?
Nena:
Wdlâ ndilangayoh'
i .?
,.
: . .-# U1) 1
Hindi na sila agtatanim
n
ngayon. Kami talagang
' -lL .T'
Lani:
.--
It's bec&i she has no menstruation so there is nothingto bother us.
Willy:
Yes, she asks for it when she's pregnant.
Ricky:
Nomenstruation, no "red flag" when pregnant.
-!
.-
Facilitator:
j-..
Nena:
Matatamad no silo ngajon. .,
Kaminagbabayo... .
Lina:
... para maalis ang beriberi claw, pagpapawisan
r,")
p
.
fl
hili.
t
Ang mga babaeng buntis ... trabahador talaga,
pOnupJñta s6 bukid of ndgtatarim.
TRANSLATION:
Loni:
. .
-
-
1':.
..
You have to walk'ajot'when you're pregnant. You
really have to walk and walk so youwon't get edema.
109
''
110
Nena:'r
Pregnant women are really workers, going out to the
field and planting.
Facilitator: You did that? ... even when you were pregnant?
• en:'
'Ye
:.. out in the field ... planting.
Facilitator: You too?... even when pregnant?
'P'
period when husbands manifest their concern and caring, thereby
shifting the usual gender roles between spouses. It is also the time
when husbands exhibit their protectiveness for their wives, as part
of the masculine role. Despite all these, the couple's ultimate concern remains the baby's welfare.
That's not true anymore nowadays
Lino
• Nena:
They don't plant anymore. We really did the .lantirg.
May) Dungis sa uio
'Loni.
They're lzy noi.
(Dirt on the Head)
-
ff
Nena:
We used to pound paloy.
Lino:
So the beri-beri is avoided, to sweat.
•
-
Both fact and fiction attend pregnancy in the rural communities we studied. While the biological manifestations are correctly
perceived, the behaviors exhibited by women during the first trimester of pregnancy are more culturally dictated than physiological. Belief in the effects of maternal impressions on babies remains
eti 'factors. Hence, the feastrong, while completely ignoring ge'ne'tic
tures of a child are perceived to be affected by negative experiences during pregnancy rather than by inherited traits. Women
mix together the advice of older women with scientific knowledge
in caring for their bodies. The women, for instance, link edemas
and beri-beri to sleep regimes rather than with vitamin deficiencies and salt intake, cold food and drinks with overweight rather
than carbohydrate intake.
fl• ..,
•.-
.
"-.-,-,
•aj
Howec.rer, it is during pregnancy that women are able to
muster greater equality—even dominance—in their relationships
with their spouses. It is the time when husbands subordinate their
own interests in favor of their wives' whims and appetites. It is the
Pregnancy does not necessarily mean a decrease in sexual
activity. The women, both young and old, state that they continue
to have sexual relations with their spouses until late in the pregnancy, even until their due dates. However, care must be taken not
to affect the condition of the child in the womb. This requires a
different position during intercourse. The role of intimate relations during pregnancy was discussed at length:
-.
Sheila:
Hindi po, kosi so amin naman poreho kami, kasi ang
ini-isip nornin iyung baby baka mapiso.
Loni: Maupo no siya ... ay hindi no radoganan iyung ... e
di umupo no siyo ... bosto gomit-gomit no siya bosto
urnupo no long siya
Facilitator: Horgong onong buwon kayo nogpopogamit?
Lani:
Pitong buwon ho, Madam, moski slyam
Anna:
Five months, Ma'am
Loni: Oy, moniwolo oko ... Kahit moloki no ang tiyan ko
ginogomit pa ako, eh. Hanggat hindi mopiso lyon
tologa nomon...
iii
III
'P
Riza: Madam, talaga naranasan ko iyan. Talaga ginamit
ako. Hindi naman puro ... merori talaga ... pag labas,
Madam, ng bata me dungis so ulo.
Sheila
• Must not sit on bench
Kahit naman isagad iyan ng isagad
• Must not leave house at night
No, if's because we're both concerned with the welfare of the baby. It might get crushed.
He sits.., so that he won't crush the ... so let him sit and
use me as long as he, just sits.
Facilitator: Up to what month do you allow yourselves to be used?
Seven months, Madam, even up to nine...
Anna
Five months, Ma'am.
Lani: Hey, you won't believe this ... Even if my tummy is already very big, he still uses me. As long as it does not
get crushed, really
Riza: Madam, that's true because I experienced it. He really used me. When the baby comes out, it has dirt
(semen) on its head.
No, it's because they say that also helps in the delivery
of the baby, as advised by the midwife.
Anna
Visitor must not stay by the door
advise iyan ng ano eh midwife.
TRANSLATION
Ines
' Must not lie down on bamboo floor
Di kasi nakakatulong din claw iyan so pagla-labor,
Anna:
Lani
'P'
Must not eat certain foods
Ines:
La ni
And you can test its limits...
Pie nanc' Taboos anô Practices
Mendez and Jocano (1974:85-86) list some 20 forms of
taboos in Baras to be observed when a woman is pregnant. Most
frequently endorsed by their informants were the following:
• Must not look at ugly pictures
Our resource persons in Zambales subsciibe to some of
these beliefs, including the taboos on food and ugly images. In addition, men in the groups expressed the thought that if a husband
failed to satisfy his wife's food cravings, she would suffer a miscarriage. Unlike the women of Baras, those of Manggahan and Maburol
do not believe that infanticipating women need to stop working.
The older women, in fact, consider doing heavy work as beneficial
because it ensures an easier delivery. On the contrary, they look at
too much rest orsleep'as harmfulto a pregnant woman. These
representations coincide with the beliefs of Ilocano women
(Nydegger & Nydegger 1966).
The ages of our resource persons did not differentiate them
in their beliefs regarding pregnancy. Both young and old women
and men subscribe to one or another taboo or pregnancy practice.
Moreover, it is interesting to note that there were more expressions of concern, among the men than among the women, about
the ill effects of contradicting a pregnant wife. The latter were more
concerned about food taboos and their libidinal impulses during
pregnancy. Nonetheless, fewer taboos are articulated by either
women or men in the narratives than have been found in earlier
researches on pregnancy. A positive finding of the study is that all
113
114
W Love in the Time of ha Morata
the women, both young and old, visited the health centers for prenatal care and advise.
Unlike the women of Tarong who avoided bitter food and
medicine during pregnancy (Nydegger & Nydegger 1966), the
Zambaleñas considered cool food and drinks as harmful to their
babies. Like the Ilocano men, Zambaleflos believe that they too
undergo "paglilihi." In particular, our resource persons mentioned
experiencing sleepiness and lassitude. Similar to Ilocano couples,
our resource persons, particularly the women, describe no sexual
prohibitions accompanying pregnancy. On the contrary, they say
that sexual activity tends to increase during a pregnancy because
of the woman's heightened libido.
Love in the Time of ha Moata
Magkatay n@ Manok
(Slaughter a Hen)
According to the men, preparation for childbirth commences on the wedding day. Gifts and money received are saved
for this all-important event:
Arthur: Kasi dito, Sir, bago ka mag-asawa, tsaka ayos no
lahat 'yung ... may ilalaan kong pera so ano eh pagaasawa.Tsako parang hanapbuhay din 'yong kasal
dito eh. May sabitan
Facilitator: Ahl So 'yong mga yon inihahanda no 'yon para so
pag-aasawa pa long?
Tony:
Finally, pregnancy alters gender constructions of masculine and feminine roles. During this period, husbands used to being
served and cared for in all their needs find it necessary to nurture
and satisfy their wives' cravings and whimsical desires. Women
who used to be submissive to their husbands now consider it appropriate to make demands and to force their husbands to submit
to their caprices. They even become more unguarded of their sexuality and initiate sexual activity more openly with their spouses.
These behavior prescriptions and shifts in gender role take
place because a child is on the way. Probably more than anything
else, the woman is lavished with care and attention and protected
from harm to ensure the infant's safe entry into the world.
'
Binibigyan ka nfl naman ng pera para ka magsimula.
Parang tulong, regalo ba.
Arthur: Doon nga naubos 'yang kinita ko so kasal, eh. So
Caesarean. Eh, kung wala kong P10,000 ... 1985 pa,
eh.
TRANSLATION
Arthur: This is because, Sir, before you get married, everything
has been taken care of ... you have laid aside some
money for your marriage. And besides, the wedding
serves as a fund raiser. There is the "sabitan" (pinning
money on the clothing of the couple).
Facilitator: Ah! So these things have been prepared for from the
wedding day.
Tony:
You are also given some money to start with. Like some
help in the form of a gift.
Arthur: That's where all the money I earned during the wedding went. To the Caesarean operation. What if you
don't have P10,000 ... and that was even in 1985 yet.
115
116.
''
Lovein the time 1 6f Ina Morata
Love in. tbeTinie of. ma Morata
Money received or saved from the wedding dày is , spent foi
the needs of the infant such as diapers, alcohol, bab,r clothes, a
well as for
the chickens
to be served
as "tinolang manok" or "arroz
iI
1W
.
caldo," to provide the energyshe needs during her birthing.
The female resource persons and the skoiises of the men of
this study delivered most of their babies in their homes. In a majority of cases, a "hilot" (traditinal midwife) and a professional
midwife acted together, as birth attendants. In some cases, a doctor
attended to the home delivery. Unless complications were anticipated, many of the children of the older 'omen were delivered at
home. Among the older women, Nena delivered twice in the hospital because of abdominal pains. Zeny gave birth to her last child in
the hospital by Caesarian Section, while Ines delivered her twins in
the hospital. Among the younger women, Sheila and Nadia also
gave birth in ,a hospital, but their cases were normal
The male resource persons revealed that while many of
their wived preferred giving birth at home, they nonetheless relied
on the midwife's .adyice.whether it was safer for their wives to have
it at home or at a hospital. Ricky, however, describes the problem
they faëe whenthëi rives g&for hospital checkip. Apparently,
sonhosjiials look 'upon' child delivery as ,a profitable venture.
Ricky shares his sentiments below:
:
)
'"•
Mahirop long kasi so hospital; pag tinaiong ... anong
irobaho, ngrnistermo, pog snabi mo magondo ong
traboho ... "Ceasorian 'yon,".sobi niyci, "hindi kayo ong
normal." lyon ang nongyoyari so mga ospitol dito so atm.
Holimbowo, itatonong ong trobàho ng asawo ... "Ah, construction, nôFal 'yan." Pag'riagando ong trobaho no
nosobi mo, hndi kayo on normal nitb .. "Kailangon
ma-Ceosorian."
'P'
117
(TRANS LATlON:Theroblem.withhavin the boby.borñ
in a hospital is this: The doctor inquires oboutthe husband's
work: When he learns that the husband has a good-paying job, he says, "Your case isCeasorion." ... Thishoppens in hospitals here ... But if the husband just works as a
construction worker, the doctor ellslièienf,
'pot "You can
i
r: .
have a normal delivery.")
Husbands whose wives deliver at home are busy during the
birthing. As mentioned above, the1iu, r achicke.i' for 'cooking
"tinolang manok" or "arroz caldo." They then make sure that their
wives take the soup during her laboring. The women said:
Fadlitdt: Anoongia n'd'awong lolakeob'ong kayo
ay nongonganak?
rAnno:,
Nogkokotoyngmanok(ha,ha,ha)
lrie: Nbglluto:..
'. ..............
',
Nena:
Koin ko ng lugow
Facilitator:
Pinapakain ng log?
Loni:
Para molakos . . .
Ines:
Kumoin ng arroz caido
•..
-
9.1.
Facilitator: Bago monganak?
Zeny:
Hobong
nag-lolobor
...
,
.
'.0'!' ............
Facilitator: . Hobong nagla-lobdr inapakoin?
Neno:
Pinopakain oh ... poro lalokos siya. At meron namang
"ire" iyung hindi mo no morinig iyung doluyong
TRANSLATION
Facilitator: What did your husbands do when you were giving
birth?
.
118
'i'
Love in the Time -of ma Moata Anna:
. They slaughter a chicken (ha, ha; ha).
TRANSLATION
Cooking
Nena:
asks you to cut down a branch ofthe kamatsili and
They gave us porridge
stick it belowte'floor of the house.
.
... To be strong...
Ines:
... And arroz caldo...
1 ^f 14s
....Facilitator: 1 .Before the delivery?
J,
.
.
Facilitdlor: Yoiivere made to eat during labor?
. Nea:
Yes, so that I wouldhave enough energy to bear down
hard and wouldn't be able to hear the waves.
The meh tré i'isually ihsfiucted by the "hilot" to cut 'a branch
of the camachile tree and place it beneath the floor (if the house
has bamboo slats for flooring), as the tree is beIievedtoward off
evil spirits. They also interpreted the falling of all its leaves as the
proper moment for the wife to have sexual intercourse. The men
describe the practice as follows:
Arthur:
Tony:
Kasi, Sir, pag nonganak ka so hilot eh ... magtatagpas
ka ng sanga ng èaiicili istjsuksok doon so ano silong...
Ano kasi 'yon kas iFat i
matatonda ' nong araw.
- Kaya ) nilalagyan ng..r'yong mga . gilid . sa silong
kapagka bagong panganak, para claw maka-iwas so
mga aswang.
Arthur: Tapos pag nalaglag
no raw 'yong lahat ng dahon,
puwede mo nang ganunin. (Referring to sexual intercourse while laughing)
Tony:
.
Tony:
Lani:
Durinlabor ...
.
Arthur: You see, Sir, when the midwife ' dlivers the baby, she
Facilitator: They daveyou eggs to eat?
,Jeny:
.
'i'
Pero so totoo 'yan, nanggaling 'yon
so mga matatanda.
.
. The old people would say this in the olden times. They
r
also make an enclosure below the house when some
ôneihavin a L^ so that the vam p ire
{J
.. .
Arthur: Then when the leaves of the kamatsili fall off, you do
that with your wife again. (Referring tb sex while laugh-
ing)
Tony:
But in truth, that belief came from t dId peoI e.
Husbands also have obligations when their wives, give birth
ina 1 hospital. Dan would buy the things needed for the deliveiy,
look after his wife.and the
A. older children. Terry underwent a caesarian operation . an,
. d Arthur had to be there during the delivery.
He signedt ie consent forms for the operation, a hospital, requirement: "Kasikung may, mangyari sa asawa mo, hindi
.. - mo sila sisisihin"
(Sothat you.don't hold the hospital responsible if something.hap
pens to your wife).
.
.
Among some couples, they consider it taboo for the hus-
wis
bind to enter the birthing room. The
themselves may prefer
C1111 .
not to see , their husbands, for they tend to curse and blame them
when they feel the contractions, ko siya,"
"nagmuthura, masakit daw") ("I drive him away," "I curse him when
the pains come"). For others, however, the husband is part of the
experience, holding the woman from behind to help her whenever
she feels the contraction. The husband also takes charge of boiling
water for the delivery, and boils water for his spouse's vaginal
douche. While the woman recovers her strength, the husband takes
119
120
Love in te Time, of 'ma Morata
'
care of household chores—doing the laundry, cooking and looking
after their older children.
Meanwhile, to facilitate birthing, the women are encouraged to move around rather than simply lie down. Lani say, "Lakad
ngiakad hanggang sa lumabas na ... ang dali" (Keep on walking
until the baby comes out easily). This is not similar to the hospital-based delivery practices, but is closer to the Lamaze method.
,
,I
I'
Gan'iot sa
•
/,
1
r Nèna: When the placenta comes out, it is placed no codonut shell. Thdn it is wrapped'in newpoer so the'
baby grows up to be intelligent. It's wrapped in newspaper before it's buried under the ground.
,Riza:
Neno:
Nena:
Riza:
Nena:
Kopiroso
.
Moult long no piraso, inihaw. Talagang maitim na
maitim, ilagoy so inumin.
Para dow hindi ko mobibinot. lyon.
A small piece
Al
Just a small piece is broiled ... it's charcoal block,
and mixed in water.
So that themother won'tbleed or have on infection.
That's it.
lyung tinik ilologay p0 doon so may baga, m000moy
mo no namon P0 iyung singow noon. lyun ong gomot
iyunanggomot so binot. i,i,
(TRANSLATION: You place the fishbone over live cools,
smell its aroma. That's the cure ... the cure for relapse.)
Neno Lumalabas iyung inunan ng bata bago nilalogay.
so bdo. Binabalots6diyaryo paramoging matalino.
lbolót so diyaryo b60 ibdon ná sd lupa.
•
Broiling food over charcoal seems to be widely perceived
as a preventive measure for "binat" (relapse). Aside from the
"inunan," women are required tó"eat fishbone that have been
broiled over charcotl Riza explains
1J.
Kukuho ho silo ng maliit (so inunan), iyung una
'pong panganak ... iyung maliit ...
They cut off a piece of the placenta, during the first
childbirth, just a small piece....
Nena:
. .• .
Riza:
(Cure for Postnatal Relapse)
Riza:
-,..TRANSLATION
Binat
Accoiding to Willy, the placenta ("inurian") is either buried or thrôwh into the s'e. Accordingtb the older
ever, it should be phiced mu cdconut shell, covered with newspaper . and buried to ènsüre that the newborn child grows up to be
intelligent; During the first birthing, a portion of the placenta is
alo cut' off and broiled, mixed iii liquid and drank by the mothei
hi the bèlief that the concoction will prevent "binat" (relapsd that
,"
causes bleeding or infection) .
rl
'-
But they are prohibited from eating fish that has not ben
broiled, especially the slimy variety ("malansa") or fish that easily
decay (like the bonito).
The "hilot" continues to visit the mother after childbirth
until she takes , her first bath, nine days after the delivery. The.
"hilot" comes to massage the muscles, limbs and joints of the woman
III
121
'P'
Love , in the Time of lila Morata
Love in The Tiiiieàf ma Moata
("kasu-kasuan"), and to render other forms of assistance. Among
the older women, oil and pepper were applied by the "hilot" during
the massage sessions. Among the younger generation, these have
been replaced by baby rowder and mentholated ointment. Then,
when time comes for the mother to take a bath, the older resource
persons had to stand over live coals. This, apparently, is no longer
practiced by the younger women.
'i'
Although many of them deliver their babies with the help
of"hilots," the younger women no longer subscribe to many of the
post-natal rituals described by Nena, Riza,Lani and the other older
women. For instance, the binder has -been replaced by the girdle:
Instead df guava leaves, they wash with tepid water. And, much to
the disappointment of Nena, they-wear-short pants soon after a
: . ..
delivery.
.
.
• F1
Lani:
Hindi po nila nararanasan, Madam, iyurlg me boga
dito, gariyan pa Madam, kung me baga kung moliligo
no kami. danyan p' oc:' Maclam, ganyan p0 ... (Bukaka,
so ilalim ang.sinasabing baga)
r
Komi naka-saya, nakatapakang
paa. (Gestures with
Nena:
her feet apart)
TRANSLATION:
.
.L-
.
Lani: They havenot experienced that, Madam. But this is
how it is. When wewereto take a bath, we.had,to
stand over live coals. Like this, Madam, like this
(She stands with her feet apart over imaginary live
Th
.4
coals).
Nena:
We would wear wide skirts, with bare foot. (Gestures
with feet apart)
I
-
-
.
-
&,r'
-
-
•-' - 'I
According to the older women, another protective measure is to cover the head. when going outdoors ("nakatalukbong
ang ulo para hindi mahamugan"). The vaginal douche is taken from
boiled leaves of the guava tree, which has to include only fresh
leaves ("yun lang sariwa, para naman sariwa"). Women in the older
generation also wo're binders ("bigkis') around their stomachs, alleg'edly to prevent bleeding Wearing short pants was also tabc
because it would caü wth
veins.
•
Biting Practices an' 6 Taboos .
.,.
t The partnershij prócesdurii-ij birthing narrated by 'our
resource persons is not ñnique in' Zambales In Taiong, Ilocos and
Baräs,Rizal,'Iiusl yands and wives re-enact many of the gender roles
we have describedin relationto bfrthing(Nydegger & Nydegger
1966;Mendez & Jocano 1974). In all thèserüral places, a husband
is expected tobe present and supportive while his wife is undergoing labor. He boils water for the delive iiy and i expected to wash
the bloody linen used for" Childbthh.'He dOes' the house chores
while his wife isrecovèring her strength ánd16oks after th- older
children..'. I i. . . ............--:'
"
--
.j'.
j'0
r
. -: ,
-- L !'i i
.
•
.
-
I.
II
-
-
The husband's responsibility over the placenta is a com¶
.'-, ;.
-.-'x
mon experience, although in different guisé. As in Zambales,- the
I
'
t
JU
4
j
Tarongan husband had to dispose of the placenta. However, in
Ilocos in 1960, the placenta was hung on a tree rather thaii thrown
away, to be used later to cure -respiratory ailment of the child. In
both places, a .tip of the placenta of the first-born child is pulverized, mixed with-water and drank by the mother to prevent "binat."
The Ilocanos also believe that this will ensure future successful
childbearing. In much the same way as our older resource persons
I
ii
124
'P
Love in tbe Tii-ne of na Moata
Love in the Tinie of ma Morata
'P
described it, the placenta is placed by the Baras father in a coconut
shell and wrapped with paper to forecast the future of the baby. In
the 6os, the Baras community believed that when the placenta is
wrapped in a newspaper, the child wouldgrow upto be intelligent
and a wide reader. If the wrapper has musical notes, the baby would
possess musical ta1ent.If the. wrapper has many numbers On it,
then the child would make good in business. .....
Sexual relations between the Zambaleflo couple are resumed when the leaves of the cãmachile branch previously prepared by the husband fall off. Another sign is the chamber pot, i.e.,
when the urine has no mixture of blood , ("pag malinaw na ang
urinol, pwede na"). This particular post-natal custom, however,
has not been documented in Baras and Tarpng, so we have no information regarding the extent of the practice across provinces.
There are also similarities in other post-natal practices
across rural communities. When women have the "hilot" to attend
their births, these traditional birth attendants come daily afttthè
birthing to massage the joints and limbs of the new, mother. As in
Manggahan.and Maburol, the "hilot". in Baras in the 6os rubbed
and massage the women with coconut oil: In Zambãles, the lini.
ment was a mixture of oil and pepper, or in..more. recent. time'a
mentholated ointrnent.inRial and Zambales, women wash them-:
selves , daily with wáter containing guava leaves to preeiit.infection of the open uterus. (Our'resource persons recount thatthe
leaves must be fresh). On about the ninth day, the rural wOmeii are;
allowed to take a full bath. In past decades, the bath had to be done
with the woman while standing or sitting on a special chair ovei
live coals. Our resource persons said they did this with feet wide
l
1
.
apart and wearing long skirts, or the "saya 'None of the younger
women, however, reported doing the same procedure after a home
delivery.
'The birthing 'practices déscribd here are now mostly unknown to the modern Filipina, especially among the hospftal-cli-.
ent mothers. The lise of live coasl, as mentioned above, has been
replaced by the infrared lamp to hasten the healing of wounds.'
However, some of the , traditional practices have 9cientifielbasis.,
Water-boiled," guava leaves, for example, possess antiseptic prop
erties similar to what doctors prescribe for doucheing after child-'
birth. The physical comfort enjoyed by women whose joints and
muscles are massaged after a birthing is very satisfying, and modern women can certainly benefit from similar experiences in a,
pital setting.
.
. .
.
.
The belief that cold air, food and drinks are bad for the new
mother is shared even by those in Zambales and Ilocos. However,
only the Zambaleños report practising the taboo against eating certain types offish ("bawal ang malansang isda").
Symbolic rituals accompanying childbirth in the rural c6mmunity are plentiful and gender-specific. We have become more
Aware of the links between heredity and a child's intelligence, and
younger parents are probably amused with the placenta-ritual described by the older resource persons. Howévér, ritual practices
giving husbands specific roles during birthing provide them with a.'
distinct sense of participation in the delivery of their offspring, an
experience unknown in the sterile , rooms of a hospital. The placenta is now thrown away or sold for medicinal purposes, without
either spouse seeing it. Bed sheets with blood areleft in the deliv-
125
ii6
'Pr Love in t&e Time of'ina Morata
'Pr
ery rooms and cleaned in washing machines. Part of man's initiation into parenthood, therefore, has been lost to modernity.
drank plenty of liquid: "kape lang ng kape" (pots of coffee), wore
binders and had regular - massage ("hilot").
-
Today, women are encouraged to move around and recover their basic functions almost immediately after giving birth.
Gone are the days when a new mother was enjoined to remaih in
bed until after a week or a rrionth. She can eat anything, warm or
cold, éspeially food that stimulates lactation. Bathing is allo*èd
as soon as a woman leaves the hospital (2-3 days after a delivery),
and without attendant rituals. These new prescriptions for post'natal care are meant to signify the strength and independence of
women. At the same time, the fact that childbirth entails an enormous amount of energy expenditure has been sidelined, and women
may exert more • effort than is actually, good for their continuing
health.
Breastfeedin sari go on for several years, even when the
children are ready for school. Anna breastfed for six years and
Riza for three years., Lani recounts that she would breastfeed her
babies even, if her breasts were ,chapped from their sucking ("kahit
hiwa-hiwa na sige pa rin"). There are several ways narrated for
weaning babies from the brast. Ines talks of "locking the breasts"
("sinususian"), a praEtice aarently referring to making the breast
unpalatable to the infant Chili is applied to the breast, so that the
child will be repelled by its tartness. Other women said they applied lipstick. In Zeny's case, she weaned her child by sending it off
to another town with her husband.,'
A' A'
Traditions,' rituals and piactiés ha've their values in' par-'
tiular9060-litO'rical selling. We need to recover and re-discOve thOsethàt 'help to define 'hiasculine and feminine' roles in'
ways that are consistent with gender equity. Rural customs associated with pregnancy and birthing provide some of these social constructions.
'.'''
'.
'•
•j 'f:. , '
' '
X-',"
•
Pa-papasuso. at Pa O- awat
'
'
•.., .'.,,
-
,'T
'
,., '
{
.
(Breastfeeding andWeaning)
All of the 'women breastfed their liabies. The younger'
women would eat green leafvegetables such as the malunggay
and alugbati and drank milk to stimulate lactation: The older
women; however, Opined that these were unneCessary. They just
Ipinagka(oob ngDiJOS
(God's Gifts)
r -
,
•
The parents in this study welcome offspring of both sexes,
without any apparent preference for either boys or -girls. They consider children, as gifts from God and should be accepted, whether a
boy or a girl: "Kung ano ang ipinagkaloob ng Diyos, tanggapin."
Hence, a couple may want to 'cOntinue having children until they
have both sons and daughters. As described earlier, for instance,
Arthur and Terry-had four sons and still tried to have a daughter.
Willy, in turn, has three daughters and resisted his wife's plan 'to
have a ligation because he wanted a son. He says a son is necessary
in order to carry the family name into the next generation
("magdadala ng apelyido"). Picky has a son and wants the second
child to be a girl.
117
x2_8
Love..in the Time' of ma Morata
'i'
• Social importance, nonetheless, is attached to having a male
child, especially as first-born. Ricky graphically describes his experience on his ship, when he learned that his wife had given birth
toaboy:
•
12.9
Hindi ganun din so laloki, pog napariwara ganoon
din ong lobas pare sa boboe.4...
-
Joe:
'P'
Iry
..c
•c
.
'Yung bobae, 'yon ong 'pinaka-mnoono ko.no kuan
....,'.yun. bang .iba ong .pag.-oolçlga d,itoso.aiak no
baboe.
)4... 1
4
TRANSLATION
"Yon nandoonlong ako uminom ako ng uminorn s
bako topo's nobng ono,ir'aiis kami tumawag ako so
.0mm. Kosi paolis no komi flu/n eh, noong nalamon ko no .'
turnawag ako, nanganganak. Eh pc-pull out no 'yung '
borko pu pull out no kami
noong naso loot no mga ilang oros tumawag ako so satellite sinabi ngo so
L.
akinna loloki. 'Yun, ñoortg nakita ng kapton ko no laldki,
ndghandd kô no konya ng alak dahil peg unbng anak
,ña lolaki dovi ,popôinomeh ... papasigorilyo pa. Mgà.
pamahiin polo 'yon, iyon nopogastos rin ako. .
(TRANSLATION: There I was, I was drinking in the
ship and when we were about to leave, I called home.
Then 1 learned that she was having the baby already. When'
we were in the middle of the sea, I called again by satellite
and was told that it was a boy. When the captain learned that it was aboy, he told me to preparesome drinks as it
was the custom to treat youfrends with drinks and cigarettes when your eldest child is a' boy. These' are custom's
.
oid pertitiondhd so I sfocedtdsperid.)
r
(,,'
Larry:
Don:
,
; ••. ., .
-
1.
.
.
.
No- ',it's 'th'e same with boys and girl '.If a boy is
waylaid,- , the result is the same as with a girl.
,. . .
.
•. ;: A girl is different. You have to take care of her
• differently.
''.:'
The men have different opinions on how to treat their sons
and daughters. They also, declare that eaèh familyhas its own way
of treating children: "Hindi parehas ang pagtiñgin." Only Larry and
Dan say that girls have to be brought up more carefully.
41
... it's because a girl is different. You know that a
"girl iniore delicate ... the boy can gd wherever he
wants ... but a girl cannot as she might be waylaid
).,
in life.
-
La r: ..........kasi ibaang babae. Alam monarnan ang babae,
mas delikado ang babae ... 'yung lalaki kahit soon
Fupunta\(yan kung ano eh .. proong babae pag
napariwara yon eh.
•(
The maleresource persons think parents tend to favor the
same-sex children: Tag lalaki ang anak momakatatay 'yan ... pag
babae makananay" (Boys :are 'closer to their fathers, girls 'to their
mothers). For iiistaqice,mdthers enjó dressing up their daughters. Fathers, in turn, want to share their èipIoits witlithéir sons.
But both jârents try to instill disêiliné' to ' thiir children.' Hence,
while not said directly, our resource persoii perceive the need to
socialize children into gender roles.
'The narratives' of tIifemàle Fesource persons bear this
out more clearly. Instead of answein'the question' "Are there
differences in bringing up daughters or sons?" the women instead
described the advantages of having daughters. In their views,
daughters are more important because they will care for you until
your old age. They are also more compassionate regarding the
welfare of their parents. In other words, the feminine character of
130
'
Love in t beTime -of ma Morata
daughters makes them better prepared to provide care for aging
and needy parents. On the other hand, sons, because of their masculine roles, are seen to be more reluctant to share scarce economic resources with their parents, especially because it is their
wives who manage the family budget. Nena dominated the discussion on this matter:
• Nena: -: Babae, ... lalakimas maganda ang babae hanggang
-
so poglaki.
Ines:
-Ines:
• ,,.
.Nena:
a, Kung magtanong tayosa ating mga anak: no laldki,r
halirnbawaiyung monugang natin, medyo.
.... makuripot...
Madomot. Kaya sabi ni Nancy rnas . .matimbang ang
babae
jj A, ,
Jil ,.' ,...
TRANSLATION:
..., - ..
.-
.
,. • ., j ,
Nena:
A girl is better..She , is . good until she grows up.
Facilitator: •Why, Ma'm?
.
.
Nlena: When they get married and have lobs, thedaughter,
would always give,you money. ln,my case, I have no
bb and it isonly my duagthers who give me money.
It's more difficult with sons. Even if you lust ask him,
he says, "Mother, you see ..." But my daughter really
understands ,me.
• -
-
stingy... - • -
-
. -•• . •---•,
...
.
Ines: •
Stingy. That's why Mother saysthatdaughtèrsbre!
•
•
,rnore
precious.
,-
. •.,
r
•s.
S.
•
ti
;
....•
Despite this, however, the women also state that children
Ati 411
have individual differences, whether male or female
-..
-
Zeny:
.....•
Iba-iba talaga ang ugali rig5 rnga dnaknatr
h:
r Nend
1-Meroriiy-b6lewala ka. . • " '
.......
5:'
.t.tk
Nadia :
Meron naman iyung malambing
Jr;
t' . .n,L iJ
Nena:
Malambing sa iyo.
.............•
:-
•
Facilitator: ,Eh, kayo anong trato so ipyo?so:kanila? - • :
Jft.'ii
Ines:-
-_f.(
Neha:A
-
•.L Patos.-
-
.. ..............
-a
•
-.
.
t Pare -p reho ... Kay tagal pinaghira
ai npagpapaaKi, en.
. - I
5
S
I
TR.ANSLATlON.. ' Zeh
Ines: .
If we ask our sons, ... if their wiv'es' are somewhat
Nna -
Facilitator: Bakit, Nay?
Nena: Kung mag asawa so paglaki iyung babae at me
trabaho hindi maaaring hindi binibigyan. Kagaya
so akin ngayon, wala akong hanapbuhay kundi ang
ma anak ko'Iarigang hagbibigay so akin ... Mga
anak no babae. lyung mga lalaki, mahirap ... magtanong ka long so kanya .:. "Nanay ano ..." ahh
mahirap. Gaya-hg anakko no babae, maiintindihan
tologa. ,
-
.
•,
'i' -
... -: •
'Our childrrr ill F'a
-characters.S 5 .'
-. ..-. -.
- t'
r.k
diffre?ri ersdIiiarj'
Neria:
There are those who
nobd'
-..
.5.
- :i , r' ".j' -.- '•'.. '-ri
Nadia:
There are those who are loving.,• fNena:
Affectionate to you. -,... ,.
.5 •
Facilitat6r: Wharaboufyoô, ,'doybu tra{ them.eqTally? . •
- • .
•-
.-_ •
,,
S_ ......-
Ines:
Yes, equa lly.
- Nena:
Equally. We brought them up for a long time.
131
Love'in tieTinie of Ina Morata
T &e Value of. Cbi(ôren
Children bring happiness into the home as well as good
luck. These are some of the values Filipinos attach to children.
Another importance attached to children is economic provisioning, as helpmates in the house or in the fields, and as financial provi deis in'th parent'old 'age (Nydegger & Nydegger 1966& Jocano 1974; Bu atao 1470).Abov6 anything else, children 'are
welcomed into the family as God's gifts.
Our resource persons replicate these values in their own
narratives. A bias or preference for either a male or female child is
absent, and the women and men of Manggahan and Maburol generally say that they treat a daughter or soh in the same way. Nonetheless1 the ntionhat girls haVe to be protected to avoid disrace"Huwag mapariwara"—emerges from some of the disclosures, as
well as the tendency of parents to socialize their children in gender-specific ways.
An interesting aspect of this research is the discussion into
the greater, value of female children in one's old age. Given their
socialization into feminine roles, daughters are perceived to be
more caring and responsive to the needs of elderly parents, especially when they have the economic means to provide assistance.
While this has not been xploied iii earlier' studies, it is an insight
supported by studies of female ov&seas workers, who work at all
hours at demeaning jobs, placing their personal wellbeing and social relations at risk, to be able to provide for the needs of their
parents. Gender constructs in relation to one's family of origin is
an area Cf research that seems to be worth pursuing.
6
Genôer1 SexHa(1t an?J Reproôuctive Roles
across Two Génerations
THIS STUDY AIMED TO DETERMINE CONSTRUCTIONS
of gender and sexuality across two generations of rural women and men
in Zambales Focus group discussions were completed to obtain
iiiformation on the opics of interest to the researcher To provide
a summary view on the interlocking concepts of gender, sexuality
and reproductive roles, the gender and reproductive health frame-work of Dixon-Mueller (1996) is applied.-
r
Initiating Sexual Partnesbips
Resource persons in our older age group state that, in their
time, one's parents heavily influenced the choice of marital partI
-IA
ners. Despite this norm, romantic love governed the choice of all
the marriage partners in our groups, both young and old In about
two cases of this study, the preent spouses of two research cooperators were not the only women in their lives, as they had earlier
relationships in their youth that did not prosper. They entered
into new romantic liaisons because of the endearing characteris-
134
'P'
Love in the Time of Inanioi'ata
tics they found in their present spouses. The character and personal traits that often govern the choice of lifelong partners in'dude: "mabait," "malambing," and "mabola" (kind, affectionate,
flatterer). Physical attraction is also a factor, but often undefined:
"Basta gusto ko siya" (I just liked him/her).
''
with men with whom they have forged romantic relationships. For
both the older and younger women, the sexual experience happened with men who had made some form of love commitments.
The discourse of our resource persons on the 'processes of
I
courtship does not fiilly mirror femi1e passi rity in forging rofiia
tic relations. While the women recount that their spouses took the
first steps in initiating courtship, the men aver that they had been
inveigled to marry their present partners. The women, they said,
somehow encouraged their attention and flirtations, exhibiting
behaviors that signaled their reciprocation of romantic attraction.
But the encouragement is cloaked in feminine constructs: a smile
across a street, saying "yes" to an offer to enter into a romantic or
I
_t
sexual relationship, smuggling the suitor into the house. In response
to these behaviors, the men obtain affirmation of their own attrac;tiveness (an ego boost?), confirmation of mutuality in romantic
l l *
attraction, and take the next steps in the courtship. The women, in
turn, are able to satisfy their own romantic longings by providing
the signals to encourage a suit: They do this in the face of parental
objections and other deterring circumstances.
-. Men seem to take the position that sexuality is part of their
nature. Therefore, they can appropriate it whenever they need
sexual gratification, even if they have to pa for it. The younger
men freely engaged in premarital sex while still single. In their
cases, aside from their girlfriends, sexual intimacy was experienced
with prostituted wonEienmatr6ns and other older women in the
community. Marital commitments are not perceivc as a deterrent to seeking sexual partnerships. Again, men consider it part of
their nature to look for other sexual partners when their spouses
are unable to provide gratification. The experience of seafarers
and migraht workers catancis out in this respect. For them, it is construed that extra-marital relations are inevitable. In fact, the sexual
experimentation that they engage in is seen as instructive, and they
bringback their experience totheir marital-beds. Their wives are
apparently aware of tIieii infidelity and none have separated from
their spouses on this account. If the men are to be believed, their
wives in fact come to enjoy the new forms Of sexual inkimacy that
they employ after their meanderings.
The nature and context of pre-marital sexual relations
among women"'have , changed over the years Among the older
women, premarital sex occurred during their elopements, with the
`prdspect of marital commitment from their partners. Amdng the
yiiifger woineh, however, a couple of them enjoyed prolonged
intimat relations while living-in with their boyfriends, without
necessarily any promise of marriage This situation reproduces
the notion that women o'ften prefer to engage in sexual relations
Nonetheless, romance remains part of men's construction
of sexual intimacy, and they differentiate between sexual behaviors with their wives and thOse with other women: Forthém, sexual
intimac,' with one's spouse is more satisfying because there are
factors other than physical gratification that circumscribe the behavior. Mutual commitment, affection and responsibility— shared
meanings of marriage—influence constructs of sexual gratification.
P
135
136
'i'
Love in the Time of inamorata
Lifelong Partne1'sips
All of the rural women and men we worked with had experienced only a single marriage, even the one who had been widowed early. The present profile is consistent with national statistical data. Both women and men construct marriage as more than
sexual relations. Rather,they place sexuality as part of a longerterm and more inclusive social relationship, albeit an important
one. This being said, our resource persons differentiate between
masculine and feminine roles in the family. As might be expected,
the men ar&socially expected to be responsible for economic provisioning. Even women who are economically active express this
notion and criticize their male partners for being less capable of
economic leadership in the family. Women, in turn, are perceived
to be responsible for household maintenance and childcare, even
when they are at work. Consistent with feminist literature, moreover, the texts of our older female resource persons describe the
• undervaluation, of women's participation in subsistence agricultural production. The women perceive their husbands to be the
• principal economic breadwinners, even while they recount in the
same breath their continuing work in the farms when they are pregnant.
• Economic independence and a modern outlook, nonetheless, differentiate men's and women's views on the gender division
of labor. Older women are more accepting of the cleavage between
their entitlements in the public and private spheres. Older men
likewise deem it their privilege to come home to a warm meal and
an orderly household, without necessarily having shared in the
work. Younger women and men, however, are more expressive of
their efforts to share reproductive responsibility in the family, in a
'P
give-and-take relationship ("pagbibigayan"). This is especially true
of couples where both partners have ongoing economic activities.
Apparently, the reality of economic life in contemporaiy Filipino
society, where either wife or husband (or both) has to engage in
remunerated work to support the family, is an enabling influence
towards changing traditional notions of the gender division of labor. This observation is confirmed in other settings, especially in
urban areas, where younger women and men report greater sharing of reproductive responsibilities to enable each one to efficiently
fulfill both productive and reproductive undertakings. After all, as
our resource persons maintain, a wife's work benefits the family as
much as the husband's economic activities do so Within a society
dependent on cash income for family survival, the contributions
of women to social production are becoming more visible and significant. Studies dealing with these new family patterns and gender
re-constructions require greater attention (See for example the
study of Pin gol 2001).
T be Ci4[tura( Cntext of Sexuaiit
- Masculine dominance in sexual relationships typifies the
life of our resource persons. They initiate sex are more informea
of methods and techniques, and take principal responsibility for
achieving mutual sexual satisfaction. Part of the mans responsi bility is to arouse the woman. Pornographic films and magazines,
as well as sexual encounters with experienced women, provide the
knowledge necessary for them to give their wives sexual gratification. Foreplay ("pagroromansa") is considered an integral part of
sexual intimacy, without which the experience is crude and unsatisfactory (flicking like a duck).
'37
138
'i'
Love in the time
Love in te 'fiine
of Inamorata
The women, in turn, construct their role in sexual relationships to be that of being attractive to their husbands. Nonetheless,
these gender differentiations do not necessarily mean that the
women are passive sexual partners. Younger couples have become
more sensitive to one another's eroticism and both aim to achieve
ofgasm. Even older women openly express their sexual desires, by
touching the sex organ and other body parts of their spouses, as
well as by making subtle verbal suggestions.
Both women and men express the idea that men have a
natural urge to engage in sexual intercourse Engorgement is likened toa "full tank" and its release is "changing oil." Women are
not expected to have as much sexual desire as the men, however,
and their gratification is still presumed to depend on the man's own
sexual appetite Women who like frequent sex are labeled "makati'
or, promiscuous. This gendered construction of sexuality affirms
the observation of Estrada-Claudio (1996), who comments that
while sexuality appears in narratives as a component of attaining
masculine personhood, gender ideology leads women to suppress
it. Instead, they resort to subtle expressions, metaphors and indirect allusions, sometimes even completely denying their sexual
urges to the object ofdesire.• Gender inequality, therefore, affects
the scope of women's personal choices even in the realm of sexuality.
'
139
to Use traditional birth control methods, as has been observed in
earlier researches. Poverty and economic difficulties, however,
serve as push factors for family planning. But contraception is resorted ad only after a child or several chilthen, have been born.
Risks tothe mother, as well asmulti-parity,also serve as motive
factors for family planning: in the cases we documented, ligation is
the contraceptive choice of women who want no more children. It 1
is not necessarily their, husbands' choice, however, and the men's.)
resistance is overtly expressed.-,This has led some women to have
the procedure completed without the knowledge of their spouses.
The need for a husband's consent to tubal ligation requires a reevaluation, in the light of gender constructions of unequal entitlements in sexuality and reproduction..
Pregnancy and'birthing, the endresults of sexual activity,
provide opportunities for greater equity in gender relations. These
are periods in the family's life cycle when culture dictates men's i
responsibility topartake of its processes. In-the process, men's
role in reproduction, as well as their parental responsibilities are
affirmed by culture. It is unfortunate that modernity has deprived
young couples of these rituals, which are rich in sexual symbol isms as well as indigenous knowledge for the proper care of expecting and birthing mothers. .
-..i -
-I
.-
•
-
-
The gendered expression of sexuality has implications for
reproductive health. Husbands may be suspicious of the sexual
activities of their wives when they use contraceptives, since this
frees them from unwanted pregnancy—the best evidence that there
have been sexual relations. It threatens the prerogatives they have
taken over their wives' sexuality. This may explain the propensity
of ma Moata
_•I••
... '
Gi ft s -f rom Gob
• The value of the family as sacramental and sacred deters
Filipino parents from having biases regarding the sex of their offspring. Children are perceived to be gifts of God, and either male
or female children are welcome. Couples are happy when they have
'1
140
'
Love in the'Tii'ne of Inaniorata Love in the Time of ma Morata
both sons and daughters, as each have their roles to play in the
family. Socialization into gender roles still happens, nevertheless,
with mothers taking daughters under their wing and fathers undertaking masculine activities with their sons. The notion that chili
dren are important in one's old age is still a widely-held value. Hos-'
ever, an insight from this research is the gendered nature ofparental dependence. It would appear that daughters are considered more'
caring of elderly parents than are sons because of their gender'
socialization and continuing gendér.roles.
..'
L
inipiicationfor ! Rcp yoôtctive 4 Hea(th Po(ic
anô Pro rani Deve(opnent
-
The infoirnation we amassed on seivality practices and
reproductive roles has implications for policy formulation and
program development on reprpducthé health. Some of the directions indicated for reproductive health programs aredesdribed in
this section.
EôMcatiOna( pro grcin'is on safe' seDC'
Our findings on Filipino patterns of seeking sexual partnerships point to the need to advocate more firmly for the use of
male contraceptives. Men engage more freely in sexual relationships before and after marriage. Yet, they use no contraceptives
and are greatly at risk of contracting sexually-transmitted diseases
(STDs). Their own texts indicate that they are aware of these risks.
Yet, they are proud to say that they use no condoms. Since they
also enter into sexual relations with their romantic partners while
'i'
having paid sex, the danger of passing on diseases to their wives
remains a great possibility.
Educational programs on safe sex need to be more widelyimplemented, targeting both urban and rural men. Wives of sea-'
farers also have to become more aware of the risks they face each
time their spouses come into port. HIV-screening, STD education
and counseling programs, should ideally become part of the package of services offered in health centers, including governrftentâl ^
and private facilities.
.
..sexaiity ,eôiication .
Premarital- relations ãfe COmmon among the ounger
groups. When ,the premarital relationship results in pregnancy,
culture. dictates that it has to be affirmed by marriage, whether or
not the persons concerned are ready for lifelong commitment.
These circumstances indicate the need to provide contraceptive
education and services to young single women and men. Virginity
before marriage has ceased to be a premium, and romantic love
now, entails sexual , intimacy. There is therefore a greater need to
encourage sexuality education among young adults, so that mar-,
riage remains an option rather , than a "forced choice."
Sexuality educiiioñ should be gender-sensitie:1t i nót
enough that young people learn the biological aspect of sexuality.
They also need to become aware of the socio-cultural
of male-female relationships. It becomes an opportunity for the'
youth to be schooled on egalitarian norms of gender relationships
as they move through their life cycle. The cultural context of ado-,
lescent sexuality, courtship, romance, marriage and parenting need
141
142
'P
Love in the Time of Inamorata Love in - the Time of ma Morata
''
to be discussed in relation to developmental goals of gender equality.
dire need for nohforniaL training sessions, especially for women,
on sexuality among adults with limited educational attainments.
The study reveals -many misconceptions about contraceptive usage. For instance, IUDs are suspected of causing tumors.'.
Birth control pills are considered causes of vaginal infections.
Condoms are said to .'leak" and suppress sexual gratification. Wide-.
spread use of withdrawal as a form of birth control also bespeaks
of a lack of information about its ineffectiveness. Educational materials that directly address these and other misconceptions about
contraception need to be more actively disseminated. Given the
study results, which reveal the key role in family planning of traditional "hiiots" and trained midwives, they should be en'éifraged to
correct these misconceptions in the communities. -
Men often learn to deal with their 9exuality through pornography and -paid sex. Many women do not indulge in these prac
tices and are "surprised" -by their first sexual encounters. They
also rely on their spouses' know-how of-sexual practices to obtain
gratification. Women's experience of intimate sexual relationships
will be enriched with a better awareness of its forms and practices;
of arousal and orgasm., Since couples agree that sexuality is :a
important aspect of marital relationships, - such information can
make their marital relationships more predictable and satisfying.
1•,
--
-.
" j r. :;Womenin their senior, years also need sexuality counsel
ing. They, need to be aware of the effects of declining fertility and
menopause on their physiological make-up (e.g. dryness of the
vagina) and learn ways .to overcome these limitations-to sexual
gratification. Our resource persons indicate that age is not a deter-,
renttO continuing sexual relations. What needs to be done is to
help older couples who desire to continue their sexual relations
deal positively with their altered biological responses. -
'-Sexuality 6ducdtion , needs to touch upon gender roles tin
relation'to sxualit'. Foi instance, the perception that sexual'désire and promiscuity is "natural" among men has to be challéng'èd
and linked instead to social notionsof machismo. Women's sexual
desires have to be diSèd and cptd as part' o4their
personhood, rather than tieated as aberratiois typicaloiil fjmiscubus women. It shouldalsdbe'cothplmeritea by inforiiiáti8ri
ci'nbirth control.And, since unwantedregnancbftenei1iân
unplanned marriaéle ad'female responsibilities as'parents
have to be part.of the curriculum in sexuality . education.
Just as contraceptiveeducation shOld nbt be confined to married couples, sexuality education should not be limited to adolescents. A great majority of the common "tao" in Philippine society ar6 unable to complete secondary school, where sexuality education , is part of the formal school curriculum. This highlights the
-
:.•
s har eè parenta( responsibilities
,
Marital relationships are changing in the rural setting in
many ways. Our resource persons show that the productive-reproductive divide is no longer as clear as it used to be, especially in
families where women have economic activities independent of
their husbands' work. These new patterns of relationships should
be recognized and valorized, as relationships that can move in the
direction of equality and empowerment. it should be supported by
143
144
'i'
Love it the Time of inaniOi'ata
services and informational material that will enable couples to deal
positively with Their redefined roles:
.
.
Hoiisebound husbands need malefocused programs to
enable them to engage efficiently in reproductive activities. Sup-.
port groups of house-husbands could be formed to show the com
munity and society that men's roles in reproductive labor remain
.equally important as their own and their wives' productive cOntributions. The positive ithacts on marriage and the family of shared
reproductive work can be highlighted through real-life examples.
.. •.:
-
.
1
.. .
Women engagedin'
'
trades,
and other forms of economic
acii'.rity need to be capacitated. Training in small business management, product development, and credit programs can enhance
their stãtiisas producers and partners in economic provisiôfling:
At the same time, they need to understand that the time they spend
away from théir..houehoids does not make them leser wives Or
mothers. Filipino couples have to become more awáie of changing
patterns of gender relationships; so that these can becOme the basis for gerider equality... ...
.. . -
Cooperative roles ô4ring birtbing
Our research describes practices ittending the birth of a
child that provides husbands and would'-be father g with Clear responsibilities during this significant period in family life. Especially
in households where' .childbirth is done, at home, husbands have
important tasks to attend to.
Cultural practices during birthing that emphasize masculine participation should be rediscovered and developed to new
Love in t&e -time-6f ma Morata
'P'
forms of shared responsibilities. Such a program appears to be
important ,especially
couples, where hospital-based de. for ,urban
,.-liveries tend to sideline the role of expectant fathers. The Lamaze
Method should be promoted, as a method that encourages husbands to actively participate in the birthing process. ,- Home deliveries,
which
dominant in rural areas, have to be enriched
-
':, remain :•-
--
. .
. '.
with modern knowledge on sterile environments.
The
.
,. ,Lamaze
. .
Method can also be taught to both midwives and rural couples.
Whatever it takes, the active role played by rural husbands during
birthing needs ' to be e'iicOuraged arid reinforced. It also has to be
linked-to the coniiriuingpartthej'dan play 'as parents and huibandih ealitafianhoiiséliOlds.
r.
I
.... ..j
,
•
qi.Y
-I
.,
.............. . r A.
MaSa@es aiô p'ostuiata( care
Women expend a great deal of energy during the birth procëss. The study describes how traditional midwives massage the
thiils' a' nd joints Of new mothers in' the first days fo1lowin
delivery. Pat of their role is nt only to monitor the woman's blood
fio* but a1s6 to make her more comfoitab1. Whatever the trdi
tional bases for these were, such practices undoubtedly help nevr
mothers to overcome birth fatigue and regain their strength. Women
who deliver babies in hospitals (like I did) can only envy rural
women who are provided such relief. Perhaps, immediate postnatal care can include massages, to help relax the joints and muscles
of new mothers. Then we can say that hospital-based delivery is
woman-friendly and not only child-friendly.
145
146
'
Love
in t&e iieofInamovata
Last Worôs
Referencç
This study illumines the gendered nature of sexuality, réjioductioh and family relations in two rural communities. It'poiiitro
to continuing differentiations of gender roles, while at thd's'ãine
tirrie describing generational diffeiences in their expression.'It also
reinforces the value of marriage and the family in Philippine scciey, as scialrelationships that are carried out in at atniospher1ôf
mutual responsibility, are adcmiiiitment.
•
...-
.,
-.•- .•
j.
•,.
There are many windows for social interventions reproduclive health that emerge.frorn the study. Sexuality and contraceptive education programs can be formulated in the context of,
gender identities and roles. Emerging patterns of egalitarianism in
marital roles can be reinforced and supported. Traditional practices that emphasize shared responsibilities can be sustained and
broadened in their reach.
In
. sum;-wliãt needs to be 're-defined are social expectations
of masculine and feminine roles, so that marital and family 1 relations will be characterized not only by sanctity, harmony and respect, but also by equity and 1 equality—between women and men
Jill
across generations.,
t,i
..., ,1•,
.
,
-
trT
•,"I. ('
i
•.'
-
4'
';.
-.
-
U.A
-
'Q
. .
. .
....... - ,..
Agiiiirg-PangàIargn, EIiz geth (1995). "The Family under Philippine Law. In The
Filipino Family:ASpectrum of Views and Issues. Edited byAur6ri Perèz Quezon
.City: UP-Office of Research Coordination & UP Press..
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Bulatao, Rodoifo (1975). The Value of Children. Honolulu: East-WestCe'nter.
Conco, Ceilia'(1 999). "The Focus Group Discussion." In GenderSensitivë and
Feminist Methodologies: A Handbook for Health and Social Researchers.
Edited by Sylvia H. Guerrero. Quezon City: University Center for Women's
Studies- Uniersity -of.the Philippines.
. . '.
.
Db'o-Mueller, Ruth(1 996): "Th'Seuality Connection in Reroducti'e' Health." In
Learning About Sexuality.' Edited byZondra Zeidertein ai'd Kirstn Moore.
.,,, New York The Population Council-International Women's Health Côalition,
Ddiingo, Ma.Fè (1977). "Child-Rearing Practices in Barrio Crus-n-Ligas." Philippine Journal of Psyh'ology;1 0:3.!66.
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'Estrada-Claudio, Sylvia (1 996). "lsdng Panimulang Pagsisiyasat so Konstruksyon ng
'Pdgkabbaesa Ki:ilturcing ' ilipinb." Unpublished doctoral diser4ation, University of the Philippines.
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1 Eviota Elizabeth (1992) The Political Economy of Gender Women and the Sexual
" Division' of Labour" in the Philippines. London: Zed Books.
Jocano Felipe Lando (1995) The Filipino Family In The Filipino Family ASpec
: 'ru Of Views and Issues'. Edited by Aurora Perez. Quezon'City: UP -Office of
"ResarchCoordindtion & UP Press.
HDN-UNDP (2000). Philippine Human Development Report. Makati: HDN-UNDR
k
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Hug, Annette (1994). "Romantic Love: A Feminist Study of.Change." Unpublished
master's thesis, University of the Philippines.
Medina Beler, T."(1 991) The Filipino Family Quezon City University of the Philippines Press.
,McIntosh, Mary (1 979). "The Welfare State and the Needs of the Dependent Family." In Fit Work fer Women'
by Carol Smart and Barry Smart. London:
Croom Helm.
Mendez, Paz P and F. Larida Jocano (1974). The Filipino Family in its Rural and Urban
Orientation: Two Case Studies. Manila: Centro Escolar University.
National Commission on the Role of Filipino Women and the Asian Development
Bank (NCRFW-ADB) (1995). Filipino Women: Issues and Trends. Manila:
NCRFW-ADB.
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tbe Time of inamorata
National Statistics Office & Macro International (NSO-Ml) (1994). National DemoI .'
graphic and Health Survey 1993. Calverton, Maryland: NSO-ML
National Statistics Office, Dept. of Health & Macro International (NSO-DOH-Ml)
(1999). National Demographic and Health Survey 1998. Manila: NSO & Ml.
National Statistical Coordination Board (NSCB) (1999). Women and Men in the
Philippines:' 1999 Statistical Handbook.
National Statistical CoordinationBodrd (NSCB) (2002). "Countryside in Figures."
www.nscb.aov.ph .
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Nydegger, William &C. Nydgger (1966). Tarong:An/locos Barrio in the Philippines (Six Cultures Series: Studies of Child-Rearing). Vol. VI. New York: John
Wiley & Sons..
O'Laughlin, Bridget (1974). "Mediation of Contradiction: Why Mbum Women Do
Not EatChicken."ln Women, Culture and Society. Edited by Michelle Rosaldo
and L. Lamphere. Stanford: Stanford University Press.
Pingol, AliceT. (2001). Remaking Masculinities: Identity, Power and Gender Dynam
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Raymundo,Corazon, Eliseo de Guzman, and Lita Domingo (1999). Adolescent
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Sexua!iiy,in the Philippines Quezon City: U POVCRD -U PPI- East-West Center
Population and Health Studies.
Sevilla, Judy (1989). "The Filipino Woman andthe Family." In The Filipino Woman
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RUSHAR
Standing H ilary and Mere Kekka( 1989) Sexual Behavior in Sub Saharan Africa A
Review an'd Annotated Bibliography. London: Overseas Development Administration.
Tan Michael (1998) Sex and Sexuality Policy Research Briefs UCWS UNFPA UN
'Population Fud Women s Health Research Cnsortium Prolect
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Tan, Michael, Ma. Theresa Batngan, ard Henrietta Cabado-Espanola (2001). Love
'id Desire: Young Filipinos and Sexual Risks. Quezon City: University Center
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EIitd by Am ylIisT.TorresBci'nkok: UNESCO RUSHAP
Torres, Amarylls T. (1982). ," Decision -Making, Aspirations and Media Preferences of
Filipino Out of School Yoith Philippine Journal of Psychology, 15
Torres, Arnarylls T. (1988). "Gender Imagery in Philippine Psychology." Philippine
Journal of Psychology, 21 :24-38.
Appenôices
Data Port folio
A. Guide for the Focus-Group Discussions
Ginabayang Tatakoyan
ATING PAG-UUSAPAN MUNAAG TUNKOL SA PAGLILIGAWAN DuO
SAZAMBALES
Paanonagliligawan
ang mgo kabotaon nuong panahon ninyo?
Sino ong gumagawo hg first move's?
Paaro 'nt agkakakilala ang rngi babae at talaki?
Poona nogiging molapit so iso't-isa?
Poona ipinapakita no may gusto so iso't isa?
Anong "say" ngpamilya sapagliligawan?
May mga obligasyon ba ang lolaki so pamilyo ng baboing
nililigowon?
may mba' obligas yon bd a ng babae so p iIyank6tipon?
Nongyayori ba 'no, may relasyon no ang magno&yo bogo mogosowa?
Nagiging dahilan boito so pag-aosawa?
Poona nagkakatuluyon so pag-dosowoong mag-nobyo?
Ano ang°palagoy ninyo
so pog aasowo2
Mohalaga ba ito parö so isong baboe/ lalaki?
Ano ang tingin ninyo so sang boboeng hindi nakdpog-asawa?
Ano ong tingin ninyosa isong lalaking hindi nakapog-asawa?
Poona niyo mailalarawan ang pagsosamahon rfg mag-oswa?
Anong inaosahan ninyo mulasa isang asowa? MUIa so sorili bilong
osawo?
Anu-ono ang popel ng osawang bobae ? ng loloki ?
Poona ang hotion ninyo so gawoing bohoy? so pog-oologo ng
anak?
Poona ong hation so poghohonopbuhoy?
152
r
'P'
153
PAG-USAPAN NAMAN NATIN ANG TUNGKOL SA PAGMAMAHALAN
vSAPAGITAN NG MAG-ASAWA.
Soon kayo/ ong misis niyo nongongonok—so ospitol o so b'ohoy? Bokit
dito?
So inyong pologoy, ono-ono ong poroan upong mogpokito ng
pogmamohol so osowo?
Anu-ono ong k'oi!ongong ihando so pongonganok?
Anu-anong . bagay ong kailangang magawa bogo manganok ang
sang baboe?
Anu-anong bagay ang kailangang magawa pagkotopos
r m'onganok?.. : -
So inyong tin gin, mohologo bo ong relosyong sekswol so pogiton ng
mog-osowo?
-
-
'
Sino ang karaniwang nonganga lab it upong mog-seks?
-"a
Nasosoyahan ba kayo so "seks.iife" ninyo?
r'
. Anoangolam-ninyotungkol so bagay no ito nuong unang nagasawa?
May nadagdag ba so inyong koolaman mulo nuon? Poona?
C . -' r 0
.-.
May mgo espesyo l no bagoy
bong koilangong gowin ang babo.e o
lalaki bogo mag-seks? Pagkotapos?
Mohologo bo ong.re!asyong sekswal so mgo moy.edod no?
Ano ong pope/ ng osowong !oloki so pangongonok?
.-I
Anb ong papaw ninyo tugko! so g oruon bota?
noong mga , dap gawin ng.nanay attotay habong 5anggol pa
ang anok?
Ao king dopat gawinkopag lumaloki no on mga boto?
-. , ',.,.
., "So tingmn nmyo, m'...ay
kambahan bo-ang katung k u ian- ng noflnay at
'r.totqySop,0gpopaloking bota?
So tingin niyo, may kaibahon bo ang pogpopaiaki so botong baboe
:j
L/ -trnp'r.,,
.•
at loloki?
NGAYON NAMAN AY PAG-USAPANNATIN ANG TUNGKOL SA
PAG DAM I N PAM lLYA
Anong pononow niayo'tungk6i so pog-aonok'dt po-6iti-61 'so pogdomi
. ";
ngonok?.
cr. .. 'c c.
lion ang binalak ninyóng moging onok2 lion ong naging anak
niyo?
Alin"ong mas gusto nlyong maging onak—bobae o lalokm? Bakit?
i
L
.-_ iC'- t
B
'r1
q
Personal Data Sheet
:c
I. Tungkol sa Mag-asawa
Gumamit ba kayo ng family planning nuoriguiio pa koyong kasol?
-i.nongporaonat bakit ito ang nopili?LBakit.hindi gDmomit?
Gumagomit ba kayong family planning ngayon? Anong poroan at
bakit ito ong ñopili?/Bakit hiñindit? "Dk
Konino o paono nokakuha'ng koalaman .tungkol 'safthniIy planning?,
tlr"
.
*.. .
'Poano karoniwang.no!alornon kung.nogdadolontoo ong boboe?
4. Tirahan ng asowa niyo:
Ano ong do pot ny.pogtingin.so pogdodo!ontoo?
5. rllong ,taon,na koyong nakatira so kasciukuyang address?
May rnga espesyal no pagkainbong dapat ibigoy? . -.
May mgo pag-iingaf bang kailangang gowin?
Anu-anong bagay o. pangyoyori• ong mooring mako-opekto so
pagdadolantao?
0 ' 1
.
Anong popel ng asawong laloki habong nogdodolantoo ong
boboe?
j P1 1 , .
Sino ong koroniwong nog-popoonok so mgo koboboihon dito?
1. -Pongalan:-----__2.
.
Pongolan ng Asaw':A,A TioIb'r
,'&
L'.'-fl
C'r4
.cC'1 ..
6. Saong probinsya/iunsod kayo nonggaiing bago so
kasolukuyong tirahon? ..
154
.
.
7:- Soangprobinsya/lunsod.nonggaling ang inyong asawa bago
so kasalukuyang tirohan?
8. Civil Status:
r
nagsasoma
nryr!;.
13 hiwa lay
U
•
fr•.
U biyudo/biyudci
.-:
J
U . hiwala,,, nagtatrabaho so
ibang lugar
.
..
9. Kailankayo . nog-asawang kasolukuyang asawa?
(ta6n): .
U
• c
-
OC Ci
10.
91; [Kun
o-nag-hiwaloy:
orc..
I
.......
13. Anu-ano ang pinagkakakitaan ninyo ng pera o hanapbuhay?
tC
a Sarili
-
t
b. Asawo:
-----------------II Kasaysoyan Bulang May-Asawa,
14. , ,]. long toon no kayong nagsasorna ng kasalukuyang niyong asawa?
.
. nagingasawa niyo?
15. Siyalançbo
ang
;jr
-
16: [Kung hrndi] lIon ang naging asawa ninyo bago yung
kasalukuyan?
tV
•.' •i
?:
o4 ,:.
17. llang,taon kayong nagsarna nung nauna , ninyong asawa?
18.
IV
Bakit kayo nagkahiwalay?
lIan9 toon no kayong nogsasama ng kosalukuyong ninyong
kabiyok?
20.
hang taong gulang kayo nuong nag-asawa so kasalukuyang
kabiyak?
-
21.
[Kung hiwolayo biyuda/o] I lang taong gulang kayo nung kayo
ay naghiwolay/nabiyudo/biyudo?
22.
Kayo bo ang unang asawa ng inyong kabiyok?
,
: .[pinakarnalapit so birthday]
11. Edad rig Asawa:
s r- r.y'i ri'n'.i
.:.ritrc41 .
ri
12. Anong natapos ninyo so paaralan?
a. Sarili: .......... .
b. Asawa:_______
19.
23. [Kung hindu Pang-ilang asawa kayo ng inyong kabiyak?
KiiIan kayo no-biydo/a
,
Edodigsarili:,.
•
''
24.
Ilang taon silang nagsama nong nauna niyang asawo?
25.
Bakit silo nagkahiwalay?
26.
lang toon arig misis/mister niyo nuong kayo'y nagsamo/ kinasal?
27.
lIon ong naging anak ninyong dalawo at anu-ano ong kanilang
mga'edad so kasalukuyan?
Pan golan rig anak
Toong gulang
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I
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
AMARYLLIS TIGLAO TORRES (Ph.D.) is Professor of Community Development at the College of Social Work and Community Development, University
of the Philippines, Diliman. She has been been with the University since
graduating from Psychology, and had served the University in various capacities. She had been Chairperson of the Department of Community Development (1982-1984), Director of the Office of Research Coordination (19831984), and Vice-Chancellor for Academic Affairs (1993-1996) at UP Diliman.
Professor Torres has written several books and articles on women's studies.
The Filipino Woman in Focus in
1987 for UNESCO-RUSHAP in Bangkok, which was reprinted by the ORC in
She edited the collection of essays entitled
1
995. This was followed by the book Gender and Development: Making
the Bureaucracy Gender-Responsive, which was based on a research project
that she undertook with Prof. Rosario del Rosario for the UNIFEM. In 2000,
the Institute for Gender Studies of Ochanomizu University in Tokyo, Japan,
published her article "Women at Work on the Borderlands of the Global
Economy" in its
Journal of Gender Studies. In 2001, she was principal
author of an article entitled "How Much Really Goes to Women? A Case
Study of the GAD Budget in Angeles City" (with Susan Pineda and Donna
Carlos), in the book The Genàer Budget Trail: The Philippine Experience,
published by the Asia Foundation.
In recognition of her academic accomplishments, Professor Torres was named
one of the "Outstanding Young Sciqntists of the Philippines" in 1985 and as
"Most Outstanding Psychologist of the Philippines" in 1995.
In 2000, she
received a Certificate of Recognition for "Outstanding Contributions to Women
Studies" from the Women's Studies Association of the Philippines. She is also
listed in Baron's Who's Who of the Asia-Pacific Rim (1999-2000), in the
World's Who's Who of Women (1992), and received the "Twentieth Century
Award for Achievement" from the International Biographical Centre.

nthT eq •. 1w-i - Frank X. Lynch, SJ Library

Transcription

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