k i k o s a n c h e z

wandering
k i k o
s a n c h e z
a collection of ten years’ worth of poetry
and yes, drama
1
transience
of twilight...5
torpe...6
drowning...7
huling gabi...8
transience...9
fortress...10
christmas...12
paco...13
sentences
was it worth it?...15
dahilan...16
capuccino, dear?...17
rotonda...18
kapit sa patalim...19
sprawled on the floor...20
redemption...21
after
five years
after five years...23
a man asleep...24
downtown...25
gerardo...26
for j...27
persephone...28
3
transience
4
of twilight
a new dawn of demise
coming accross with writing hands
celebrating death of eras
not so distantly past
like transient ghosts
of vivid memories
they squalor
beneath the consciousness
with tendrils searching
every pore of your weakness
yet by now
you are half-marble
have this, have that
and the grips tighten
but nothing etches
but the stains of the wicked
past.
5
torpe
sinikil ng iyong labi
ang aking pagnanasa.
habambuhay kong gugugulin
ang mga gabing
sinasambulat
ang aking lihim
sa salamin,
naghihintay
na mabasag
o basagin,
kung anuman ang ikasasaya natin.
6
drowning
fended every demon lately my love
worked from nine in the eve until seven
grabbed a cup of coffee on my way home
rode the bus and off to the moon i go
what happened to that melody my love?
what had become of the musings
and the songs
and the dreamings we had
is there any way to get them back?
i guess not. i guess not.
hold on tighter my dear love
for this boat is sinking and i am yet to fly
i don’t wanna be washed away again
so hold onto my hand and close your eyes
so whatever happened to those questions?
aren’t they to be answered now?
am i singing out of key?
it’s okay coz from now on i’ll be singing alone
i guess not. i guess not.
7
huling gabi
basag na lumad
ang tumambad
sa kalahatian ng ating gabi
at sa kaunting umagang
hindi ko nasaksihan
o napahintulutan man lamang
saglit lamang ang indayog ng katawan
ang masikil na musika’y iniwang biglaan
at ang siglo’y magtitiklop ng kanyang mga
dahon.
8
transience
amidst digital voices
rung by wordless encounters
a boy wanders
window by window
through effervescent channels
a desire for a roof
yet only find
a shelter for a night
in the morning he
finds himself waking
only to realize
he never did.
9
fortress
ive been doin cartwheels lately
all around my chest
holdin tight to something gone
ive realised i was foolish
keeping your love
cos love just aint keepin me company
like it used to
you havent really gone that far
i can always run and keep up
but your trail
its the only thing keeping us apart
and you would hate me
for saying this
oh yeah you’d hate me a lot
10
so why count plenty of suns
when shadows are all i have
why listen to grown up stories
no one had really wised up
those kings of your castles
who fought all your battles
is tired of slaying his dragons
so what good is a moat
with a drawbridge afloat
if no one is supposed to come back
11
christmas
i weep on your doorknob.
that cold, shiny thing that protrudes from your door.
and silently, i await your answer
without ringing the bell
or even knocking
but i peeked a little from your window
and i saw someone else
and you seem happy
and i am happy that you are
but why do i
suddenly find the urge to knock
just say hello
without intending to say goodbye
feigning goodbye one more time
and those trees you cut were supposedly mine
and that mistletoe should have been ours
i wanted to be your man
i wanted to hold you once more and never let go
but you’re happy
and now my charade is over
i love you. and loving you has crippled me to do so
again.
12
paco
along the yellow streets
outside my house
the waters
murk
in silence
dreamily speaking
‘he comes, he comes’
like silent, ambient
reminders of hope
yet flood,
like men,
like love,
only arrives (when)
unwelcomed.
13
sentences
14
was it worth it?
i lived
not whole and never
only breathing to survive the act of breathing
the next thin air to touch my
lungs stricken with soot
of painfully brewing sickness that wreaks
absurdity
then wither
then why seek
why wait
why challenge
only to wither again
15
dahilan
kaya gumawa ako ng tula.
dahil lumuwas ka ng maynila.
babad ng tabsing ang iyong medyas
na dati’y puti sa kula
na minsang dumampi sa aking paa.
naglaho na.
sapagkat tinangay ako ng agos.
pinawi ng tubig ang siklab
na dati’y nag-aalab
na minsang pumaso ng puso mo.
namatay na.
16
capuccino, dear?
and so my life started
who’s to say? what glories await every sip
out of the tragic cup that is my fate
and does the fragments lie diluted overtime?
i don’t think so.
they. too. shall decant and separate
like many others do
when so many times i wish i would
have another cup
and another look helped me
realize
those bright lights, dim lights,
you were staring at me
and i realized that i was too
and the music was just so perfect
or was it just my mood?
and we danced and we laughed and we sipped and
we talked for about three cups
and we were finally caffeinated
and jiggy and sluggish
and we went home smiling.
i’m tired and the coffee finally kicks in at 5:30 in the morning.
17
rotonda
napurol na ang lapis ng makata
isam’buwang gutom at walang pantasa
sigalot ng sikmura ang natitirang ala-ala
na minsan siyang nabuhay
sa mundo. sa mga bulaos ng maynila.
na tahanan ng halang
at nagugutom na sikmura
na sabik sa pag-asa, nasabik sa pag-asa
hanggang sa tuwirang itinaboy, itinikis
at sa gitna’y itinayo ang monumento ni
balagtas
18
kapit sa patalim
kinalyo na si kuya sa pagkapit sa kanyang ulirat
hinabi na ng drama ang iyong nagmamatigas na balat
sisimsimin mo pa rin ang natitirang lupit ng kanyang mga taludtod
at unti-unti’y gigibain ang kanyang mga bigkis,
ng mga pangarap mong hindi nya maarok
ng serye ng iyong tulang matalim at hayok
bukas, sa tala siya luluhod
ikaw, sa kaban ka malulunod.
19
sprawled on the floor
it wasn’t at all entertaining
i withdrew my breath every time i remember
and everytime i did, more so had i not forgotten
i had never been able to forget.
it was the darkest of nights
and more so to come.
the pain brought my anguish more
and betrayed the futility of trying to forget
that, that night,
when i came in and destroyed my sanity
was the same time the i figured
that i had to destroy you too.
i love you.
i had to do what i had to do.
20
redemption
a night moves quietly
with an awkward glance
at your bellowed laughter
i smirk, then
grin, then sheepishly
giggle at the horizon
that is
a feet and a half
in front of me.
21
after five years
22
after five years
the dawn has always
been the same
yet mornings are never
any different
for the leaves that swayed
had been swayed
out of existence
and the creeping tendrils
had left but remains
on the trunk of
the tree that was
innocence.
wisdom had partook
the slightest nooks
yet wisdom shows no face
in reality, only dirt
were left among
the spaces that should
have resided, dreams
23
a man asleep
if ever you see the world again
you will see faces
will you be able to remember
or will you continue living in your dreams
will you hear more laughter
or the silence of their tears
the world does not lie on your shoulders
the burden is never yours to bear
go on and live again for however you dare
the fight is never over until you choose to surrender
24
downtown
front a monitor
i sat, staring
reading, typing
surviving a country
-ful of despair
left by wonderful
beats of pop, and popping,
i wrote disgraceful facades of my happiness
and what was left of
my dignity, taken, given
by nights of talking
without use of my mouth,
sometimes
yet through my disgrace,
pride was bor
and at last i bid farewell
to an old friend,
now a distant foe.
25
gerardo
in the midst
of your past
and future,
and cold beer,
and laughter,
and grudges,
you gave me
a look.
of longing,
of weariness,
of so many
things you have
kept hidden
and you held
your breath
and my hand
and we glanced
this way and that
and saw eyes
daunting, haunting,
of envy, of spite
and you, yes, you
held on tighter.
26
for j
you sleep.
in your pillow.
that is, my arms.
and i.
watch you snore.
so manly. like.
so many times you have.
and i.
stroke. no, feel.
my skin on yours. like
so many times i have.
and i
feel. the restless.
queen that i am.
becoming the king. that
you are.
27
persephone
darkness has been
haunting you lately
my love, dreams
have not shattered
yet, for you
as you take that plunge into that void that you fear most, find that i shall scour every cruel space to save you.
28
about the author
Kiko Sanchez lives in Obando, Bulacan with a rabbit and some other furry
dander-producing organisms. He writes for other people, takes calls for other
people and sells other people’s stuff. Any indication that he is a melodramatic
gay guy is true.
29