we prove that the better-looking QB almost always wins

pdQ
Super cute
5
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Super Bowl XXXVIII, 2004
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SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 2008 | SECTION L
Forget the statistics — we prove that
the better-looking QB almost always wins
Kim Crow
PDQ Editor
E
very year, the female half of PDQ overhears a lot
of chatter about the Super Bowl. Individual stats,
team records, history and player match-ups are
recounted in great detail, as if parsing these facts
will actually help fans determine which team will win the
Big Game.
It’s all nonsense. Here’s all you need to know: The team with
the better-looking quarterback will win the Super Bowl.
History tells us this is true. Look at the legendary ringsporting quarterbacks — Joe Namath, Roger Staubach,
Joe Montana, Steve Young, Brett Favre, Troy Aikman, Tom
Brady — all handsome men. Like most theories, though,
this is not foolproof. We can’t explain Terry Bradshaw.
We put our theory to the test by gathering a panel of
female Plain Dealer reporters, none of whom had ever
watched an entire football game and wouldn’t know Drew
Super Bowl XXXII, 1998
Bledsoe from Drew Carey.
“The Brian Sipe era was the last time I ever cared about
football,” says reporter Karen Sandstrom, proving both her
credentials for being a panelist — no football knowledge whatsoever — and an appreciation for athlete attractiveness.
We gave the panelists photos of the starting Super Bowl
QBs from the past 10 years and asked them to point out the
better-looking of each pair. Most match-ups were decided
with ease, but interestingly, the more heated the who’scuter discussion, the closer the score of each game.
We ended up with an 80 percent accuracy rate — not bad
for a bunch of neophytes. Perhaps Browns coach Romeo
Crennel should put us on retainer. Our “study” shows that
no matter how good a season regular-guy Derek Anderson
had, the Browns have a better chance of winning a Super
Bowl with heartthrob Brady Quinn at the helm.
Sorry, Derek. Facts are facts.
vs.
Tom Brady
New England Patriots
Super Bowl XXXV, 2001
Our theory doesn’t get off to a good start with
this game — Favre is clearly the better-looking
of the pair, with his crinkly eyes and warm smile.
Yet, Elway’s teeth have a strange hold on one of
our panelists and she insists he won the matchup. She’s right.
Our pick: Patriots.
Super Bowl XXXIX, 2005
Trent Dilfer
Baltimore Ravens
This is a very even match — McNabb has the more
adult, sensual appeal, yet Brady has a classically
handsome edge.
Our pick: Patriots.
Actual score: Patriots, 24-21.
Super Bowl XL, 2006
“This is like trying to pick a better-looking rock” was
the doleful response for this off-year in QB cuteness.
In the end, Dilfer wins for his strong jawline.
Our pick: Packers.
Our pick: Seahawks.
Our pick: Ravens.
Actual score: Ravens, 34-7.
Actual score: Steelers, 21-10.
Super Bowl XXXVI, 2002
Chris Chandler
Atlanta Falcons
Tom Brady
New England Patriots
Kurt Warner
St. Louis Rams
This is a tough one. Warner looks masculine but kind,
cheerful but not stupid. Brady is a very pretty young
man, but though more mature ladies argue in favor of
Warner.
Our pick: Broncos.
Our pick: Patriots.
Actual score: Broncos, 34-19.
Actual score: Patriots, 20-17.
Kurt Warner
St. Louis Rams
Steve McNair
Tennessee Titans
Actual score: Rams, 23-16.
Brad Johnson
Tampa Bay
Buccaneers
Rex Grossman
Chicago Bears
Manning is appealingly boyish and looks good-humored; Neanderthal-ish Grossman looks more likely
to drag a woman by her hair back to his cave.
Our pick: Colts.
Super Bowl XLII, 2008
vs.
vs.
This is a tough one. In the closest Super Bowl
game ever, two great-looking guys battle it out,
splitting the vote evenly. “Are there ever ties in the
Super Bowl?” we wonder, but in the end, Warner’s
sparkling smile wins us over.
Our pick: Rams.
Peyton Manning
Indianapolis Colts
Rich Gannon
Oakland Raiders
Tom Brady
New England Patriots
Eli Manning
New York Giants
Our pick: Buccaneers.
No contest. While Manning has an endearing allAmerican quality, “Can we just talk about his nose?”
asks reporter Evelyn Theiss, summing up the general opinion. Brady will clearly be the winner of this
matchup.
Actual score: Buccaneers, 48-21.
Our pick: Patriots.
Johnson is much more interesting looking, more
square-jawed and masculine. We decide Gannon
looks like he works for NASA. Winner: Johnson.
Predicted score: 34-17.
4
Tell God about
it: Bartenders
have one less
duty: In Carlisle,
Pa., teams of
chaplains will
be hanging out
in local bars so
they can lend a
sympathetic ear
where necessary.
‘Freelance
help needed’:
A Sacremento
woman advertised
on Craigslist for an
assassin to kill the
wife of her lover,
offering $5,000
to the folks who
responded to her
generic ad of a job
offer. FBI agents
arrested her.
5
GREAT THINGS
TO DO THIS WEEK
1
Find love during
a dating event
at Around
the Corner in
Lakewood on
Monday. 6:30
p.m., ages 28-38,
$35. Register at
www.8minute
dating.com.
2
Actual score: Colts, 29-17.
Super Bowl XXXVII, 2003
vs.
?
vs.
“Chandler looks like a rejected John Kerry running
mate,” one reporter sums up the Falcons’ milquetoast QB. Elway’s more strapping outdoorsy style
wins the day — and the game.
Super Bowl XXXIV, 2000
Bill
Leavy
referee
Super Bowl XLI, 2007
vs.
vs.
Chopper style:
In Brazil, two
men on a
motorcycle pulled
out a machete
and chopped off
a woman’s waistlength hair. Hair is
a hot commodity
there, where hair
more than four
feet long will sell
for about $550.
5
Matt Hasselbeck
Seattle Seahawks
OR
Ben Roethlisberger
Pittsburgh Steelers
Actual score: Broncos, 31-24.
John Elway
Denver Broncos
Donovan McNabb
Philadelphia Eagles
vs.
Kerry Collins
New York Giants
2
3
vs.
Tom Brady
New England Patriots
Determined:
A Michigan
man rode his
John Deere lawn
tractor through
a snowstorm to
get four bottles
of wine at a liquor
store. Police
nabbed him for
drunken driving on
the way home.
Family
business: In
California, three
generations of
shoplifters were
caught at a store.
Grandma, 59,
daughter, 36, and
two grandkids –
ages 5 and 8 – were
detained by police.
Actual score: Patriots, 32-29.
While Roethlisberger’s scruffy
look had its admirers, Hasselbeck’s cheekbones and shoulders won over the panel. But
insiders know who really won
this controversial game: handsome referee Bill Leavy.
Super Bowl XXXIII, 1999
Jake Delhomme
Carolina Panthers
No contest here — Delhomme’s neck is almost wider
than his head, and “he’s a millionaire, can’t he get a
better haircut?”
vs.
Brett Favre
Green Bay Packers
1
To reach Kim Crow: [email protected], 216-999-4046
vs.
John Elway
Denver Broncos
HEADLINESYOU
MAYHAVEMISSED
FROMLASTWEEK
Be fat and
happy Tuesday
at Fat Fish
Blue’s annual
Mardi Gras party
in downtown
Cleveland, 5 p.m.
$12 cover includes
buffet and live
music. www.
fatfishblue.com.
3
Learn about
the Year of the
Frog during
a lecture at the
Cleveland Museum
of Natural History
on Wednesday.
7 p.m., $5; www.
cmnh.org.
4
Whole Foods
in University
Heights and
Woodmere
will host free
singles events
on Thursday from
6 to 9 p.m., with
“great pairings”
such as mac &
cheese, PB&J and
more. Details: 216371-5320.
5
Work off that
food by running
up 37 stories at
Tackle the Tower
on Saturday at
the Galleria and
Tower at Erieview
in Cleveland. 9
a.m.; $20 and up.
Benefits Ronald
McDonald House.
Register: www.
hermescleveland.
com.