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Freedom
through
Forgiveness
DR. JAMES MACDONALD
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Freedom through
Forgiveness
Dr. James MacDonald
P.O. Box 764, Arlington Heights, IL 60006-0764
1.888.581.WORD www.WalkintheWord.com
Other Related Resources
from Walk in the Word
include:
Always Resolve Everything Now
Cassette and CD series
The Passions of Jesus: Finding Out What Fires Him Up
Cassette and CD series
When God Shows Up
Cassette and CD series
We pray that this booklet will be helpful to you as you seek
to grow in Christ and walk in the Word. If we can be of
further assistance to you, please contact us at:
Walk in the Word
P.O. Box 764
Arlington Heights, IL 60006-0764
1-888-581-WORD (9673)
These resources and more are available in the online store
at www.walkintheword.com or by calling 888-581-WORD.
Copyright © 2000 by Walk in the Word/
Dr. James MacDonald
Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, Copyright ©
1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The
Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Printed in the United States of America.
No part of this book may be reproduced without the
written consent of the author.
Freedom through
Forgiveness
Survival Skills
Life moves at an exhausting pace. If you want to
survive, you’ve got to have some survival skills. For
example, if you live in a large city, you have to be
able to drive aggressively. Recently, I was driving back
from a Bears’ game with some out-of-town friends.
They commented, “Man! You’re driving crazy!”
I explained, “if you’re going to make it in Chicago,
you have to be able to drive aggressively.”
Another survival skill is overcoming stress. If you can’t
deal with stress, you’re not going to make it! You
have to be able to get life’s heavy stuff off your back
or you’ll soon be down for the count.
Now here is a survival skill that applies to anyone,
anywhere, at any time. You have to be able to forgive.
If you’re going to succeed at work, at home, at
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You also have to know to stay out of some neighborhoods. I know a guy whose car was peppered with
bullets in a random, drive-by shooting as it was
parked on the street in his neighborhood. Needless
to say, he’s moving.
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church, wherever you are, you have to be able to
forgive those who hurt you. If every time somebody
slights you or insults you or crosses you, you pack
it in your sack and drag it around with you through
life, you are not going to survive. You absolutely have
to forgive.
The Purpose of This Booklet
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My goal in writing this is not subtle or complicated.
As a pastor I meet so many people struggling with
unforgiveness. Over and over I hear the same
questions—how could I forgive that? or why should
I forgive her? My prayer is that this book will not
only answer your questions but also bring you to a
place where you are 100% ready and willing to forgive.
Yes, you! My goal is that you would take every
wrong that has been done to you, every deliberate
slight and every incidence of abuse that you have
ever experienced—and choose to forgive it. Yes,
“with men it is impossible, but with God all
things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).
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How Common is Unforgiveness?
Everywhere we turn we see the effects of sin.
The prophet Isaiah said, “All we like sheep have
gone astray, we have turned, every one, to
his own way” (Isaiah 53:6). Sheep are some of the
most stubborn animals our Creator ever made. They
are obstinate, focused on doing their own thing. The
Bible says we are all just like them. We are prone to
go our own way and because we do, we injure each
other. Husbands cheat on their wives, children rebel
against their parents, parents abuse their children,
pastors injure their church members, bosses mistreat
their employees, teachers damage their students . . .
the list could go on to infinity. Every time one person
injures another, forgiveness must be granted or
the wound will never close and heal. Imagine the
multiplied millions of times forgiveness is needed
just within a few miles of your house, or better still
within your own home and mine.
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Yes, unforgiveness is common in the world.
How common is it in you?
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Who Cares About Forgiveness?
Jesus does! Jesus is fired up about forgiveness.
He’s passionate about it. He talked about forgiveness
so often because He knew it would be a struggle
for all of us.
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Remember how He taught us to pray? “Our Father
in heaven, hallowed be Your name . . . Give us
this day our daily bread. And forgive us our
debts as we forgive . . . ” (Matthew 6:9-12).
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Over and over we see Jesus’ passion for forgiveness.
In Matthew 6:14-15, He said, “For if you forgive
men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will
also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men
their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive
your trespasses.” In Mark 11:25, He said,
“Whenever you stand praying, if you have
anything against anyone, forgive him that your
Father in heaven may also forgive you your
trespasses.” Wow! That means when we’re praying,
it’s as if God was saying, “What? What? I can’t hear
you. Forgive those people first, then come and bring
your requests before Me.” Scary, huh?
Remember one of the final things Jesus said on the
cross? As He hung there and died to pay the penalty
for our sins so we could be forgiven, He prayed,
“Father, forgive them!” (Luke 23:34)
Forgiveness is everywhere in the life of Christ.
You can’t spend 10 minutes in the Gospels without
concluding, “Man! Jesus is fired up about forgiveness!” It’s because He knows what unforgiveness
does to our heart.
THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR UNFORGIVENESS
Jesus Christ leaves no doubt that there is never an
acceptable reason for unforgiveness. The classic
illustration of this teaching is in Matthew 18. While
Jesus was teaching on conflict resolution, Peter’s mind
was wandering to forgiveness. He was wondering if
there’s a way out of it. Verse 21 says, “Then Peter
came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my
brother sin against me, and I forgive Him? Up to
seven times?” Peter was willing to forgive to a point
as long as he knew when “enough is enough.”
He suggested seven times but Jesus countered with,
“I do not say to you up to seven times, but up
to seventy times seven” (verse 22).
Jesus was not suggesting a hand-held calculator for
forgiveness. He taught that forgiveness is limitless.
It’s every time, all the time, forgive!
“The hurt is too big; I can’t possibly forgive
something that BIG!”
Now is that crazy or what? Wouldn’t you think that
the bigger it is, the more you would want to get rid
of it? Nobody’s life is ruined by getting cut off in
traffic. Nobody’s desperate and bitter late in life
because of the bully in the schoolyard. It’s the big stuff
that ruins our lives. The bigger it is, the more we
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People use a variety of excuses to avoid their biblical
responsibility to forgive. None of these hold up to
Jesus’ standard for forgiveness.
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should want to get rid of it. Are you being destroyed
by a massive injury you won’t let go of? The bigger
it is, the harder you could fall.
“I can’t forgive until I forget.”
Wrong answer. The truth is that you will not forget
until you forgive. As long as you remember, as long
as you cherish that hurt, as long as you wake up in
the morning and review the ugly thing, you will never
forget about it. In fact, until you forgive that injury it
will not only remain incredibly fresh in your mind, but
keep growing. When you forgive, when you release
it, you will begin, over time, to forget.
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“Time will heal this pain; I don’t have to forgive.”
Yeah, right! Time heals nothing. Time might bury
some things. It might cram some issues down under
the carpet or into the back of your closet or into the
far corners of your heart. Step back and look at how
you’ve been behaving to avoid the pain. You know
it’s not healing. Time does not heal. Forgiveness does!
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What Happens When
We Don’t Forgive?
Are you struggling to forgive? Maybe a review of
the consequences will help. Unforgiveness hurts the
person who grips it. It’s like a hot coal searing the
palm of your hand. The tighter you hold onto it, the
more it burns. No one suffers like the person who
will not forgive. In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul says,
“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil
speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also
forgave you.”
Let’s look at the words Paul uses to describe the
consequences of unforgiveness.
BITTERNESS
Bitterness is perpetual animosity, which inclines the
person to a harsh opinion of others. The word
bitterness in Ephesians 4 comes from the Greek word,
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Unforgiveness has many dramatic and destructive
consequences that can devastate us and those we
love. Many a man has lost his wife because he hated
his boss. Many a mom has lost her kids because she
hated her dad. Many an adult has lost his friends
because he hated his enemies. When unforgiveness
becomes bitterness, you had better get some body
bags ready because it destroys everyone in its path.
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pik. It means to cut. The bitterness of unforgiveness
cuts our insides to ribbons. To expand on the definition,
it is a fretting, irritable state of mind. Bitterness is a
sour, crabby demeanor. It is acid in the heart. It is the
scowl on the face. It is the words of venom.
Aristotle said bitterness is the “resentful spirit which
refuses reconciliation.” Bitterness says, “You will
never be right with me. There is nothing you can do
to square this away.” What a lemon is to your
mouth, bitterness is to your heart.
WRATH
Wrath is deeply settled indignation. It’s the flowing,
foaming constant anger. It’s the burning furnace
inside. It’s the everyday choice to stoke it till the flame
ignites afresh. That’s wrath. You hurt me and I won’t
forget, I won’t let go, I won’t forgive. You’re going
to pay.
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ANGER
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Anger is different from wrath. Wrath is deeply settled
and often goes on for long periods of time. Anger
is the temporary passion of raw emotion. It’s the
outburst of rage. It can be violent: the phone clicking
in your ear, the fist through the wall, the broken
glass, the physical contact. Anger erupts and then
dissipates. It’s often rooted in unforgiveness.
CLAMOR
Clamor is the noise of relational strife. It’s the loud
self-assurance of the angry person who requires
everyone to hear their grievance. Clamor is, “You hurt
me and now you’re going to hear me. Now!” Clamor
is the tight-lipped, teeth-clenched overflow of an
unforgiving heart.
EVIL-SPEAKING
The Greek word for evil speaking is blasphemia. It’s
the depths of evil speech. Although it’s the word
from which we get our word blaspheme, it’s not just
against God. It’s slander. It’s reviling. Evil speaking is
words intended to injure. It’s the “I’m going to say
this and I don’t care who it hurts!” Cold, calculated,
ready-aim-fire words—that’s evil speaking.
MALICE
Unforgiveness starts with bitterness and ends with
malice. These are the emotions that destroy the spirit.
Pull up the tree of damaging emotions and when you
get to the root, you will find unforgiveness. It doesn’t
happen all at once, but over time unforgiveness will
destroy you.
Imagine a little bag like a marble bag. One by one
you put the offenses of life into the bag. Before you
know it, it’s full. So you need a bigger bag, a gym
bag. And into the gym bag goes the marble bag full
of offenses. And then before you know it, more
things happen. “Why did Joe say that?” Why did
Mary do that?” After a while, if you don’t resolve
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Malice is the all-encompassing end result of
unforgiveness. It’s the capacity to locate wrongdoing
and do it. The word literally means bad-heartedness.
It’s a willful “I’m going to feel this and you can’t stop
me because I have every right to feel this!” If you
ever hear that concept creeping up inside you, you’re
struggling with malice, which is rooted in the soil
of unforgiveness.
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and forgive, you need a duffel bag. Pretty soon
you’re carrying a garbage bag and then a dumpster.
You drag around your dumpster and before long you
live at the dump. And you are “down in the dumps.”
Why? Because you don’t forgive.
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That is why Paul says, “Let all bitterness and wrath
and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put
away from you with all malice.” We are
commanded to put all of those things away. You may
wonder, “Why would a person want to carry those
things around?” I think it’s because they really don’t
understand the enormous cost of unforgiveness.
Do you?
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How Does Unforgiveness Affect
My Relationship with God?
Scattered quiet times? Distracted prayer life?
Inconsistent spiritual hunger? Perhaps unforgiveness
in your life is impeding your relationship with Christ
(Psalm 66:18). Sin blocks fellowship with God.
Sometimes we don’t spend time with God because
we’re afraid He’s going to say something we don’t
want to hear, as in “Forgive, then we can talk!”
True or false? We attempt to come before God
shielding the part we don’t want Him to touch.
That’s not intimacy. That’s pretending, and God
doesn’t pretend.
Leonardo Da Vinci was not just a great painter; he
was an incredible intellect. He was an architect, a
draftsman, and an engineer and, most importantly,
he had a great faith in God. One day he sat down
to paint the Lord’s Supper, but just before he was to
begin he had a bitter argument with a friend. It was
a major blowout that left real tension and friction
when he tried to paint.
Get this: When it came time to paint Judas, still
angry, he painted his friend’s face. It’s a well-known
fact that Da Vinci was a devoted follower of Christ,
and when the time came to paint the face of Christ
Da Vinci couldn’t do it. Try as he might, in spite of his
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A CHRISTIAN WHO WOULDN’T FORGIVE
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incredible talent, the beauty of Christ would not
come to him. That is, until he painted over the face
of Judas and got right with his friend.
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Today, many believe that Leonardo Da Vinci’s work in
The Last Supper is one of the most beautiful portraits
of Christ that has ever been painted. What a portrait
of the need to forgive! The likeness of Christ can
never be reproduced in our lives as long as unforgiveness resides there.
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How Does Unforgiveness Affect
My Relationships with Others?
Unforgiveness is a waiting game that puts happiness
on hold. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Life revolves
around that past hurt. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
We’re chained to yesterday. The tragedy and perversity
of the whole thing is that the offender is often
oblivious. We must stop wasting our time thinking
“the boss will realize that the company will never
make it without me” or “Dad will see how wrong
he’s been.” That day will probably never come. If you
want to love your family and friends and pastor and
church members for a lifetime, you must forgive.
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You can never have an enduring relationship without
forgiveness. Every relationship offers opportunities for
forgiveness, whether for small offenses that easily pile
up, or for significant offenses that the relationship
will not survive unless you forgive. It’s true in marriage.
It’s true in every pastoral relationship. It’s true in every
ministry and small group relationship. It’s true in every
friendship. It is always, always, true. There are no
enduring relationships without forgiveness.
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WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?
First of all, you must understand what forgiveness
is not. Forgiveness is not a feeling. You will never
feel forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice; it’s an act
of the will.
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Forgiveness is releasing another from the obligation
of personal injury. It is treating them as though it
never happened. It’s not pretending it never
happened; it’s treating them as though it never
happened. There’s a big difference.
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Jesus Christ is Our Model
for Forgiveness
Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as
God in Christ also forgave you.” Forgive just as
freely as Christ forgave you—just as quickly and
generously as He forgave you. Jesus models forgiveness. He was falsely accused and mocked, beaten
and spat upon, ridiculed and crucified. As He hung
on that cross for your sins and mine, He said,
“Father, forgive them.” We are to forgive as Jesus
Christ forgave.
Now that’s a great definition of forgiveness.
“He released him.” Forgiveness is the decision to
release a person from the obligation that results
when they injure you. If I were to walk up and do
something to injure you, that would create a debt.
You could say, “You owe me, man. You took
something from me and you owe me.” Forgiveness is
saying, “You don’t owe me.” Released! Forgiven!
((( (((
The parable of the unforgiving servant is the perfect
illustration of true forgiveness. In Matthew 18, the
king was extremely angry with the servant who owed
him millions of dollars. He pulled in the servant and
said, “You have to pay me right now.” The servant
begged and said, “Have mercy. Please forgive me.”
The king did, and said, “You don’t have to pay.”
He released him from the debt.
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Forgiveness is a decision to treat the person as
though it never happened.
Remember, forgiveness is not pretending an offense
never happened. Not at all! Forgiveness is not
interacting with the person and giving him every
opportunity to do it again. Forgiveness is treating the
person as if the incident never took place. It’s releasing
him from the obligation that resulted from his
having injured you. That’s what the king did with the
servant. That’s what we must do.
But the servant did the unthinkable. He went out and
grabbed the guy that owed him ten bucks and nearly
choked him to death for it. The king found out and
was outraged. “I forgave you millions and you can’t
even forgive this guy ten bucks?”
((( (((
You may be thinking, “What this person did to me is
a lot more significant than ten bucks!” You’re probably
right. But I am telling you, take that sin and put it on
one side of a scale and put your sins against Jesus on
the other side. If you think the scale doesn’t crash
down under the weight of your sins, you don’t get it
yet. That’s the whole point.
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No story we could tell could outweigh our offense
to God. To come to the place where you can forgive
is to realize all that God has endured during your
own rebellion and sinfulness. Jesus Christ released us
from a debt we could never repay. He commands
that we do the same for others. “Be tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also
forgave you.”
How Do I Forgive?
Change happens through a crisis, first, and then a
process. As you move from the crisis point you must
live out your choice to forgive in the process. Let me
explain how to do both.
WHAT DO I DO IN THE CRISIS?
The crisis moment you must have is facing up to all
of the unforgiveness in your life—whatever it is. You
must make a choice and say, “I forgive that. I’ve got
to be freed from that.” Follow these steps:
Repent of your unforgiveness.
This is critical. You say, “God, I have been an unforgiving person. I’ve cherished and held on to hurt and
it’s wrong. I’m sorry.”
Say, “Lord, I know there are people I need to forgive.
Some I can remember and some I can’t. Would You
bring to my mind all of the people I need to forgive?” Get a piece of paper ready. As God brings the
names to mind, jot them down.
Name the person and name the pain.
Say, “God, I forgive Bill for…” Say it right before the
Lord. He hears and He answers. In the crisis of that
moment, there is incredible healing. I have seen
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Ask God to reveal all areas of unforgiveness
in your life.
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people freed by the simple act of naming the
person and naming the pain they caused. “Well,
that’s fine for now,” you say, “but what about how
I feel tomorrow?”
WHAT DO I DO IN THE PROCESS?
The process of forgiveness is acting upon the crisis
and following up by keeping these three pledges
consistently:
I won’t bring it up to the person.
The next time my sister calls me on the phone, I
won’t hang up on her. I won’t be cold to her. I won’t
withhold myself emotionally from her. I won’t bring it
up to her.
I won’t bring it up to other people.
I won’t call my other sister on the phone and say,
“You know I’m so upset with Frieda for what she did
to me.” I won’t bring it up to another person.
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I won’t bring it up to myself.
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This is definitely the most difficult part. I’m not going
to bring it up to myself. I’m not going to cherish
it and think about it over and over as I stand in the
shower or drive in the car. I’m not going to review
the pain by keeping it in my wallet and looking at it
every day. I’m not going to think about it when I see
a picture of that person.
These are the keys to achieving true forgiveness.
When you fail in the process, you must return to the
crisis. If you do that consistently, you will have victory
in this struggle. Perhaps it’s something you have
forgiven in the past, but it keeps coming up. It’s not
gone and you know it’s not gone. So turn from the
process and go back to the crisis. Name the person
and name the pain again. Ask God for the strength
to live out that forgiveness and enter into the process
again. Try not to bring it up to the person, to others,
or to yourself. Go back and forth between the
crisis and the process until God truly heals the pain.
Do this faithfully and you will experience freedom
and victory.
I have experience in these matters. There is one
person whom I have been trying to forgive for many
years. I thought I had forgiven, but saw only recently
that I had to return to the crisis again. I am surprised
at how many times I have had to come to this.
I thought it was dealt with, but the process was
not complete.
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Come to God and choose to forgive the person who
has hurt you. Not “I need to forgive,” not “I should
forgive,” not “I’m going to forgive someday,” but
“I do forgive this person.”
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What are the Benefits
of Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is like cleaning out the drain of your spirit
that is so clogged by unresolved hurts. Name the
person, name the pain and forgive. When you have
truly forgiven someone who has hurt you, great
things begin to happen:
NEGATIVE FEELINGS BEGIN TO DISAPPEAR.
You used to bump into that person and think, “I hate
you, man.” You probably didn’t say it out loud, but
in your heart, you had those feelings. When you
have forgiven, those feelings of anger, bitterness and
resentment disappear. Love, concern, mercy, and
compassion replace them. You begin to get God’s
perspective on the situation.
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YOU LEARN TO ACCEPT THE PERSON,
NOT THEIR SIN.
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You begin to accept the person who’s wronged you
and you start to get some insight into why he did
what he did. You think, “What he did was so
wrong!” But then you say to yourself, “Do you know
what? I’m starting to get a little perspective on why
he might have done that.” This helps you accept the
person despite his sin.
YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS IMPROVE.
When you forgive, you grow in your ability to bear
with the failures and shortcomings of others.
Unforgiving people are very harsh people. They don’t
just beat on the person who sins against them; they
beat on everybody else around them. Unforgiving
people aren’t popular people. They are bitter people.
Once you’ve forgiven and let go of the baggage of
unresolved issues, you will become more gentle and
understanding of others.
YOUR WALK WITH CHRIST FLOURISHES.
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Jesus draws near to those who obey Him (John 14:21).
When we do what Christ commands, we begin to
experience the joy of a genuine walk with Him.
Feeling better, facing the person, better relationships,
closer to God . . . wow! Forgiveness produces such
excellent results in our lives.
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Have You Been Forgiven?
Now it is decision time. Is your heart ready to deal
with the unforgiveness in your life? Are you ready to
get it settled today? First, you must answer the most
crucial question. Have you received God’s forgiveness?
Can you look to a time in your life when you
understood that you are a sinner who will never get
to heaven on your own? That Jesus offers forgiveness
you could never earn and really do not deserve?
Can you remember a time when you turned to Christ,
in repentance and faith, and asked Him to come into
your life and forgive your sins? Have you made
that choice? Have you confessed Jesus Christ as your
personal Savior?
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Maybe you’re saying, “I think the reason I haven’t
been able to forgive is because I never really accepted
God’s forgiveness.” If you have not made that choice,
you can make it now in this very moment. God is
ready to forgive you if you will pray this simple prayer
from your heart,
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“Dear Father God, I know that I am a sinner. I know
that I cannot get to heaven on my own. Thank You
for sending Jesus into this world to die for my sins.
I now receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I accept
Your gift of forgiveness. Come into my life now and
be my Lord and Master, I pray. In Jesus’ name.
Amen.”
Returning to the
Lord of Forgiveness
Perhaps you have received the Lord Jesus and
yet have somehow wandered off the path that His
forgiveness provides. Have you chosen to be
unforgiving, to cherish hurts and pains that have no
place in the heart of a follower of Jesus?
To get back into fellowship with Christ pray from
your heart,
“Lord, who do I need to forgive? Lord, I invite you
to bring those faces and names to mind now in
this moment.”
As He does you can pray, “Lord, I forgive . . . the
name and the pain.” Go ahead and do that now.
“Lord, I forgive…” Continue until you have forgiven
each person.
Our Lord is waiting for you to choose to open your
heart and receive His forgiveness. He commands that
you forgive others as He has forgiven you. And He
has given you the tools you need to do it. He wants
you to have the freedom that only forgiveness can
bring. “If the Son makes you free, you shall be free
indeed” (John 8:36).
((( (((
“Lord, You are so forgiving and now I choose to
forgive. I pray this, Jesus, in Your strong, strong
name. Amen.”
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Freedom through
Forgiveness
DR. JAMES MACDONALD
Me—forgive her? You don’t know what you’re asking.
You’ve carried it around for too long—that suitcase packed with
pain, grudges, and cherished offenses. Someone has hurt you
and you’ve drug the memory of it around for years.
You want to be free of this burden that chains you to yesterday—
but how? This booklet will not only answer that but it will also
present the plan that will help you be 100% ready and willing
to forgive. Yes, you! Through the power of God’s Spirit, learn
God’s way of forgiving every wrong that has been done to you.
Yes, “with men it is impossible, but with God all things
are possible” (Matthew 19:26).
Igniting passion
in the people of God
through the proclamation of
truth
Walk in the Word is the Bible teaching ministry
of Dr. James MacDonald. James’ teaching emphasizes
the precise exposition of God’s Word and its practical
life application. Our goal is to ignite passion in
the people of God through the proclamation of truth.
But it isn’t enough just to hear the Word—we must
actually do what it says. Originally from Canada, James
and his wife Kathy have three children and make their
home in suburban Chicago. He is the founding senior
pastor at Harvest Bible Chapel, one of the fastest growing churches in the
Chicago area with a congregation of more than 6,000. Learn how to
please God with your life with Walk in the Word’s practical daily broadcast
available all the time at www.walkintheword.com.
))))))))))))))))))))))
P.O. Box 764, Arlington Heights, IL 60006-0764
1.888.581.WORD www.WalkintheWord.com
))))))