Run #1989 - Abu Dhabi Island Hash House Harriers

HASH 1989
Otherwise known as Armageddon HASH, it rained…again!
HASHMEISTER: Tea Boy
HASH BEER FACILITATOR*: On The Leash and Doggy Style
* most important job on the hash.
HAREz: Bumble Balls & Push The Button
COMMENTS ON THE RUN: “Not enough water” “Good arrows” (a rare
compliment but don’t worry, not sincere) “Too wet”
SCORE: Minus 425 for the number of raindrops and the Harez BS apartment,
run. Bumble Balls looked quite sad, hoping to be the worst run of the year but
nowhere near the minus nine gazillion he would need.
NEW RUNNERS: Just Ashley brought her two sons: Just Henry, a university
student originally from Baltimore is here for 2 weeks during Spring Break, he will
run with us again and his favourite farm animal is a Lemur. Just Alex, is in Grade
7, stands 6 feet tall (he is waiting for his real growth spurt next), he enjoyed some
tasty cider at the BS so he will definitely join us again. His favourite farm animal:
Eric is not Ashley’s son, is from Alabama and works as an aircraft mechanic (he
would not say which F-99 nuclear powered fighter plane that flies at 5000 km/hr
in the U.S. military arsenal that he works on at the top secret Al Dizzy military
base, but his secret is safe with Hashers), he does not know how long he will be
in Abu Dhabi so… definitely a Lifer! His preference is for the Horse.
Sandra is from Germany, has Hashed in other countries but waited 2 weeks to
join us, her previous Hash names are Camilla Parker Balls (Parked Her Balls?)
(definitely too long and irrelevant, we will have to shorten this up) and Dr. Freud,
she will Hash with us again and her favourite animal is a Rabbit.
CELEBRATIONS: Not a single divorce but one birthday, for Tar Hole.
LEAVERS & RETURNERS: Chicken Legs returned from 4 weeks of being in Abu
Dhabi trying to live in denial that he was not a Hasher, he is back but we don’t
know how long it will take for another cranial episode to hit…Just Ashley,
speaking of insanity, has returned from Riyadh…Push the Button is back from
where she actually lives full-time, California…While Your Down There is on her
way to Alaska to run hand-in-hand with From The Bottom Hole through the fluffy
snow, it will be very romantic with enough down-downs to stay warm…Irish
Mother F is back from Austria or Australia but same-same…Cubby Hole is on the
way to Nepal…Chicken Legs is going to Scotland for the World Haggis eating
championship, current record is 20.56 kg in one hour…Frankfurter is off to South
Africa to sort out that Zuma guy…White Trash will be in India for the Agra Hash…
On The Leash is going on a work holiday.
HASH SOCIAL: In summary: April 15th Reem Hydration Run, April 22nd Liwa
desert camping trip, May 13th World Famous Hash Ball, May 17th” Bali InterHash.
On Friday April 8, thereʼll be a farewell brunch for Two Easy. Boo!
On Friday April 15, weʼll hold the third edition of the Reemhydration Run, the
urban counterweight to our desert run, the Rehy Run. You can pay now to Cubbie
or Two Easy for Dh200/250 members/nonmembers.
On Friday April 22, weʼll have a Planet Jakku run and camping trip in the dunes
of Liwa, which stood in for the planet in the latest Star Wars movie. The campsite
is a few minutes drive from the five-star Qasr al Sarab hotel (featuring a five-star
breakfast buffet and five-star plumbing) May the farce be with you!
On April 29 and 30, weʼll try to do the Snake Gorge canyoning trip. SHJ is going
to be in Madagascar that week but hopefully someone else will step up and this
trip can go ahead.
On Friday May 13, thereʼs the epic hash ball (which we might actually start
organising soon...) and to either continue the party or to punish ourselves for the
previous weekendʼs excesses, there will be the Bali Interhash on May 17-21 and
a Jebel Shams ascent weekend on May 20-21 near where the midsummer hash
camping was held.
Then in November, thereʼs our 2000th run, combined with the 10th Rehydration
Run.
RELIGIOUS ADVICE: Oozie officiated by starting with his usual plethora of racist
and sexist jokes – commendable!
Dr. Freud was the first to endure the wrath of the RA for something to do with not
needing a liquor license because she has not lived here long enough and is
above such trivial matters.
All sons were called in for…being clever ☺
Then the RA brought in Just Caitland and Just Ashley to grill them for information
that would lead to their glorious new names…Just Caitland told the circle that she
is unemployed, likes to knit and is very quiet. Obscurely, the RA then asked if she
had ever done anything foolish in the past, when it was suddenly revealed, in
front of all 200 Hashers in attendance, that she got a tattoo when she was 18.
Oozy was overjoyed with this little tidbit and demanded to see “the ink”…Just
Caitland exposed the artwork while the RA treated himself to a VERY close
inspection to prove it was a forgery.
Next up for interrogation and torture was Just Ashley. She tells us that she works
in the Gulf Region (which seemed VERY suspicious and vague…), is from Idaho
and collects rusty metal. Her sons were also grilled for information but they too,
were surprised about the rusty metal hobby…and provided us with no further
information. Just Ashley is likely a CIA agent trying to infiltrate our Hash and must
be watched carefully.
Moving onto further sins: the Scribe was distracted by various nudity occurring in
his vicinity which may lead to a few inconsistencies but…Tar Hole and Access
Granted were called in for arriving to the wrong apartment with champagne and
cigarettes; all Holes got to join them.
Chopper Up was punished for running with the Off-Island Hash (is there
something ELSE beyond our island?).
While Your Down There was awarded a down-down for talking and talking and
talking and talking and talking…Brick Sh$thouse and family and Just Henry were
brought in for overloading the elevator at the BS…Frankfurter’s B#tch won
himself a liquid award for complaining that the run was too long – before the run
even started.
Guac Twat was punished for being early (for the first time, ever). Rough Rider
was in for leaving his wife while Dr. Freud was in for taking pictures and telling
everyone that it’s okay to take photos of whatever she wants because she’s “new
here”.
Doggy Style was caught sinning because she complained that none of the songs
were on Oozy’s famous Song Sheets.
While Your Down There was presented with a down-down for taking used and
inappropriate bedroom apparel from Ras Al Hymen and Fainting Sex Goat – Irish
Mother F was invited to join in this scene because he admitted to being on the
inside of this event somehow…hmmm…
Just Masha’s children were also punished for bringing some crazy new-age
technology that the RA called: (a) a skateboard, (b) a Ouija board, (c) a
snowboard, or (d) he had to be told that it’s called a “hover-board”.
Tar Hole had to admit that she lost her Hairy Chested Rat Chaser. Standing in the
hallway with nothing but an empty leash was the giveaway...On The Leash joined
her for this depressing event….meanwhile, one of the Hares, Bumble Balls,
drank to drown his sorrow of losing a walker.
All 22 of the McGettigan’s St. Patrick’s Day brunchers were award winning
sinners for surprising the Riders by showing up en masse to their apartment for
an after-party, that they didn’t know they were having.
It was decided that Just Caitland had provided enough information to deserve a
Hash name. After several rounds of high-tech decibel metering of the favoured
names: Second Wife, Tramp Stamp, Lady of Leisure and Mrs. Balls…drum
rooooollllll…Just Caitland is officially, from this moment forward in Hash History,
to be addressed as: SHOW ME YOUR T@TTS!
NEXT WEEKS RUN: Pimple Penis, somewhere near (or in) Emirates Palace
Hotel.