TOWLE`S PILLS . . .

0
THE
TEA TABLE TALK.
miscellaneous Saks and
KODAK
FILMS
DEVELOPED
•nd
Prints w f c
Disp-ttohed s a m e d a y
.
Churl a m P e a t o n . 4fi, U n t y s Tnn-roxd, L o n d o n . V****'*^
K K A
a
C
HRISTMAS
rnOTOLATK
CU:iW.-An»
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.
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A
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v
8
O Y C I . l C O V E R S . Ouaranteed T w e l v e M . m t h T ^ T ^ ^ :
\J
qualities n t U. a n d 4s. M.
T u b e s . •>». <,,j • O t ^
above are marvellous value.
A l l new
rod-..
lu
tii,
m a k - r i . Pout F r e e .
S e n t on a p p r o v a l . ) |
,.;'*">!]
w i l l i n g l y i f dissatisfied. W A I T K ' 3 C Y C L E i/v'-Sl
LUndmam. M-ntymerysliiie.
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MORTGAGE
INVESTMENT
8
REE O F I N f O M K
TAX. - I M w in
- B r i t i a h I n d u s t r i a l proposition di«pl i c i n g r e r - , - . " - t i o a
Monopoly.
I t interested i n Mnitfwire w i t h u n i , , , , , , . ' ^
freehold
S c u r i t y . g u a r a n t e e d .inart rl>inter.','*!,
s u b s i d i a r y benefit--, a p p l y to AT. VI I t . U . I AX
CnSLJM
WE \ L T U
F . & t'..
V i e t u n a Street, l o n d o n , B.ty < -
w
ll
mi
0 !
X
<
l
v
I O
TOBACCO! CIGARS! CIGAR^TTFoT
tlR
wZLi&n '
P r i e - s . E n d l e s s variety of T o b a c c o n i s t , " ^ . ^i«t
Oo.-d«:ind sh--p Fittings. T h e T r a d * o n l v s i . . . , 7
O p n i n l orders a Bpeerilitv. B e n d for I ' r i r . V ' 1 • O R I I i E T O M * C O L E . Ltd.. Cannon S t . , B i n o i ,
U
t
r
o
o
i
s
'
i
i*
tr
4ii vou carry men w i t h o u t a r a n -S* . 7 . iropossible/' answered the P r e m i e r .
KSt men, and give me a week's no'ice
_ . i and 1 pledge myself t o do i t . "
U&ffL voii pledge? " asked" Sir J o h n
^,21
'niv « o r d , and, i f necessary, my
"1 ^ he
answer.
It*'. " jou do i t i n a month's t i m e ! " was
| e * n do'°^t i n eleven days to F o r t
I
lie" t * "
" e i d up the
•q»ApP^ ' i make one s t i p u l a t i o n : I shall
1H
1
THE
I.R.S. G O L D E N
COMPOUND
TABLET*
iv
ARC O F P R I C E L E S S V A L U E T O A L L L A D I . a
T h e v aff r»l n M
i n every i m t a
•worth'
h o u r s . C o » ' « l w i t h gold. pr«pa.red Wit* ,1,
w « i « h t in C"'.d. they are f a r snperi ' to bitt.':. apip]
and
pennvrov;*!. fcc. a n d a l l s i r a i ' a r pn^paratiorw
i ^ - SJ
. %
i .
n a A « a i
post free, ini i lain w r a p p e r . I s . 3 d . awd(trt*M« .,,
d.
l ' i r e t . . n ! r f r . . m the I . R S . C o m p a n y (I J . . ' )
2 s .. »9 d
It. >d. L o a d o n . S . W .
*V
145. Btoi-V
t
,alt
t
U<
1
T
1
o n
V
a
n
H
o
r
n
e
w
a
s
v
1
I*" ''themdirection
"P
y
for
i n
m
o
w
n
y
a
u
d
t h
y
a
r
e
'
°
transport and supplies."
^ " ' n o t going
Quartermasters and
Vr", (utviv folks bothering about red-tape
!iipP '''
> *• describing
fc i" '*|*!j
was being b u i l t i n sections, and
I ; were many gaps i n i t . B u t th© sleds
C^k hii brought four thousand nu-n up to
f n the railway lino were available. I n t o
. v m Horn* packed the soldiers like sar* barrel. He directed his own trans­
fer no he took them across the enow when- there was a S^P *• ^
r a i l w a y line, and
'Viibed Qu'Appi'lle i n six days, thus leaving
i i i v - to epare over aurl above the contract
:\'ie
had made. A n d the rebellion wa/
«shed.
t
JS* •sstsu
T
Mrlfally
Ui
t
„tLr™*
ttsR?*.
:
(,,.m-*HttU
H IT. Hrwarth.
Kitt-. '.S.
dswirsr.. Ifc« Sf.i-T tl.I U i 'ion Worth-•«.«* ^ « r r al!
W ' t r « i l i r i t . . i ^ had tai.C'l. T W M :n*rct» h j d
tev»de-U tb* i s*(ii. ••«•>. miin;l»vl with ti»« tt^<ai,
• n d •: e C w n ! i i . « . t 1 M * | « C M jajg^itrn t h e
feiltfi^l fchouVd : «• p v a M t d m m . The Ii.-.p«'ci..r
t w l U u a r d i * » » Mirj.i.M-a - I »»*rve!U»u» levult. 4
I S. i * . i - ^ l
w t h i n t e r ^ t i r i f ;>«rticu^ri
J . r. H t W E T T , 88 division atraot, S H u l T i r i
lies
e
V
a
a
v
e
n
H o r n e
s
^
:
UNFAILING
s a i d
n
V
1
WOMAN'8
o
FRIEND.
a
n e
T O W L E ' S PILLS
li'imwtut** T
n.>ile»» » S Y irr«:u!»riry of r h *
Towi*r'» Pill*. They will fxmrkly reiTHote »ll mi(T•
1/1*. f t , i t .
f nil rb*TOt*ti. o r t»*«nt a n y w n e r s
E,
T. T O W L I
A
CO.,
• '11,1,
Ltd.,
11. L o « C R O W .
NOTTINGHAM.
• - . < . - * t-OHMimirif w w l . n . i . u * • • i n - —tno^ti** v
Writsftw
iiniNAtu
c
K
r s , p
* * °- e'
y * O n s p n a l Awarded
Certiorate of M e r i t at t h e T w r u
n
• Kxhibiu«>n.ls01. I O I Y e a n * reputation.
P r o m p t a r d R o l i a U e J M r T i a D W . T h e O n l y Genuine.
WIDOW
W
W f 4
E L C H *3
P I L L S
.
COOKING FERNS FOR FOOD.
Japanese students at t h o University o f l
W a s h i n g t o n amazed t h e i r fellows by g j t h e > |
ing common ferns, or b r a c k e n , l i o i l i n g theral
and eating them as wo eat asparagus. They]
said these ferns were excellent food. This i
t h e way they cook them i n J a p a n : Tb
stems aro boiled i n water t o w h i c h ashes an
added, t h i s to take out t h o acid flavour^
W h e n nearly cooked tho w a t e r and ashes art
poured off and tho cooking is completed :a
clean b o i l i n g water. T h o Japanese call thia
dish " w a r a b i . " Sometimes t h e y m i x it vitl
oysters.
Professor R i g g . o f the Univeisitj
of W a s h i n g t o n , says tho f e r n contains mon
starch t h a n tho potato. Tlve Puget Prun
I n d i a n s used t o pound t h e fern roots to
p u l p and bake tho p u l p as bread.
FREE
DRINKS.
Stevedores,
that
large
body
of docjj
labourers who assist i n t a k i n g on liocn'
either bv hand or by crano. t h e hurre wa
of champagne which" are shipped to Eng
l a n d , have a K t t l e way wheroby they
manage t o get a free d r i n k o f the sparl
l i n g wine. I n h a n d l i n g a ease of charr
pagne t h e stevedore w i l l c l e v e r l y control
to break i t at one p o i n t , b y guiding *
t h u m p i n g down on i t another heavy ca
T h i s is so s k i l f u l l y done t h a t i t smas+.es
case i n such a way t h a t t h e t h i e f t » »
a b o t t l e w i t h o u t being olwervod. I f he :« I
s k i l f u l " s n a t e h e r " he can -never be
as the whole smashing business is put do
an
fil'MOL'R OP T H E C H U R C H .
»aj the minor interests of the p h i l a n H asi social reformer, Joshua Rowntree.
f tie collecting of stories about preachers.
|j Awing are some t h a t he most frequently
•'?* - E- Robson i n his biography of M r .
5'>tee : Allen and U n w i n ) .
I j ! a ehr.pel prayer-meeting i n a t o w n near
•f3"ri.!ijh a brother began t o p r a y t h a t , i n
taaat gi y
t h e r o f his
' ttijjht have crowns given them t o wear.
J
o r
(
The cooperage business seem'' to p--J
apace—at least, i t d i d p r i o r t o the w«r.
t h e U n i t e d States there arc\ r o u s h i y . ^
three hundreel m i l l i o n
barrels
' '""
every year.
O w i n g t o A m e r i c a ' s eaoi
supplies ot wood, there seems
7 •
hood of t h a t c o u n t r v keeping: the l e ' l
trade.
A n d she
has
wondcrfiuly e »
machinerv for t u r n i n g o u t onorn:
bers of barrels.
Tlw, cement
bw»m<1
sumes a verv larrrc n u m l n T of b;irr<'
^
least t h i r t v - f i v o m i l l i o n barrels
for
this i n d u s t r y every
year. ' " , , , : ,
comes next, w i t h ' a demand of
",
more t h a n t w e n t y - t h r e e m i l l i o n b a r r ^ ^
e x p o r t i n g of sugar needs < l
\,
fh^
m i l l i o n barrels every t w e l v e m
-''~ ^
6iich
things
as
coffee,
spice.-.
supPl
cheeses, f r u i t and vegetables,
..,),• t l
of five m i l l i o n barrels each
to S»| l demand.
t , ;
r
r
!
i
w
a
g r e a t
f
e
c
a
r
v
I
o
t
u
c
r
a n o
r
d seven-eighths.'
a n
Leaker, this t i m e probably a t a more
fc^,''
asked how he had o-ot
fcT, - t " g . ' W e l l / he replied, ' i t was
'•Mi" -'
satisfactory.' ' H o w was
, "Wl, it was soothing because h a l f
•enee went to sleep, i t was m o v i n g be[Mi-r half went o u t , and i t was satis,jmm
they d i d n ' t ask me t o come
11
w a s
a
m
f
,
3
lf
a
u
d
SIGNS O F R A I N .
<
:
;
c r n
u , t <
m , t
r f
c
o
j ' » another otession a preacher was about
•OBwetn a brother feelingly offered prayer
I M m t h e weeds, ' L o r d , give h i m u n c t i o n
*F*
k,m guiiiptiom, for he needs them
ABOUT B A R R E L S .
n
;
i
"
h ° ended, ' A n d ,
l. here'1 he one for me, too. T h o u knowest
I'^c-.-iT
accident.
THE
A PERFECT
DIAMOND.
i diamond of the first water should be enless and transparent, w i t h o u t auy
,n or flaw (says the "Scientific A m e r i It is of the second water i f i t is colouraith small but u n i m p o r t a n t faults, or it' i t
ut faults but w i t h some traces of c o l o u r ;
j third water i f i t is colourless, but w i t h
tv: laths, or i f i t is d i s t i n c t l y coloured.
Etjrmt valuation is therefore very difficult,
y tttm fabjeet to the jeweller's j u d g m e n t .
Cr thi.- re.-etJii 1'rof. Bociwal gives to the layU the teilov.iiig h i n t s : Stones of the first
Iter are carried only by the highest class­
e s . The requisite is perfect lack o f
5,ar, or—what is mere h i g h l y prized—a t i n g o
In general, beautifully c o l o u r t d diui command fabulous prices, and are to bo
lh in the treasure vaults of princes,
of tho second water are numerous,
lit are supposed to be microscopically pure.
Utmost always show some iuclusious. There
oiteiitinies traces of yellow colour i n thio
id;, and. because this can-bo seen best i n
fcight. one should never buy diamonds at
Iri'., for the prevailing l i g h t s cause stones
; ire even noticeably yellowish t o appear
Most of the stones of the o r d i n a r y
tare of the t h i r d q u a l i t y , and the dealers
Itocfjierup their faults by combining them
Iannis for border-stones or for the popular
Has, diamond hearts, marquise rings, e t c
ii> tke- may be colourless, they are often
I fsil o: Jaws that they would be ranked as
kit," er diamond* good only for mechanical
p?»w. i! there had not been such a demand
If* S • * is to increase the price.
B
Ordered by f p i - i a l u t s f j r Uie C u r e of a i l Cumilainis
S o l d i n bozoa, 1,3 a n d V: of a l l C h e m i a t a , or pow rrw
from
a
* O. K E A B S L E Y (Depot C C P . ) ,
•*, W ^ i o o
Bndite Road, H . K .
c
0
t c o
m
j.;, '
° s t trusted -weather maxims
hi* r ' "
change w i t h the change
%^ Rollin H . H a r t , i n t h e
i' i ^
out t h a t t h i s m a x i m was
ie'
t i m e s i n succession bv a
t
"-father Bureau, b u t w h i l e the
r^t? **
hundred times,
j«"
: ' - t w o hundred times when i t
0
m
u
s
t
a
m t s
S a n d
8
lUlrt
s a T s
FAMOUS HOWITZER.
. however, t h a t there are
' d l y scientific weather signs
iaj
/"oM before
our
eyes
and
j°y
the
best
meteoTOinstance, the " r i n g around the
all,
' P ^ u c o d by a t h i n , filmy
f,i.
of minute particles of ice—a
• * i not b u i l t t o last. iJfther eome
ij,
m o t i o n w i l l p u t a stop t o i t
: ;.Kianner, or i t w i l l pour "cats
k j , " thin three days a t most.
In
?W t " °
hundred t h e rule
" >.
better sign is the " r i n s ;
-e sun."
•
•
c}
s 0 u i
lre
A
of
howitzer differs f r o m aa
heavv field a r t i l l e r y , i n that,
vf<
s
r
h means i t is porsible t o t ' ^ '
tl
s of a t t a c k i n g t r o o p * n f f j "
n<r«l
cnt
of t h e i r contact w u l i *
_\x*
moment
_ 6 i n . howitzers used i n t h e OTI
|
Th<»
fire a shell weighinc; 1201's.. ^
f aaAa t the rate of nearly 800ft. ^
"
t 0
0
h
FC
T
R
I
L
F
H C
1
I< :
_
oo' * ' -'
establishments
are now •
ii
by the M i n i s t r y of M u n i t i o n s ,
been added.
. pruS
The German m i l i t a r y t r i b u n a l a . ^
1
recentlv sentenced t o d e a t h one
^nda.
of Bruges, B l a n k e n b e r g h e , ana
^ ytr
but
the sentences were c o m m u .
^
.
servitude for life.
A woman
tenced t o the same p e n a l t y .
pl= «j|
H O U S E H O L D I N S E C T S . ^ " j l e a * . JM
Therefore k i l l t h e m .
"?!'
oil ' * J
Beetles, A n t s , Wasps, M o s q w oos,
o^1
gerous.
E V E R Y insect cow ing
t M
w i t h Heating's Powder DIEfc-^ \
ba« , J
• f j C T l S
Signature, or. [ e d ^
M
each t i n . None genuine w i t n e u
soldier boy a t i n .
4,052
fcaV
1
E
B
ton|
r
c
;
u t
y
0Uce
o
f
a
u r e
I n,
P
°nd simple, and so is
| j ^ « : * r V farther t h e e i g h t , tho
' I t is not pessimism t h a t
* i n . l ' " ! ? the coast predict a down.
P k o u t the separate
.'»ie»C ~ y island, or people i n moun**t SJ*
i t " t o o good t o last " when
I niV**"
l l y invisible, comes i n t o
.'Vso"
shrewd meteorologists i n maki?" 5di'
^ s and also i n d e c l a r i n g
Wrry better when a r a i n s t o r m is
v
j
1
5
1
0
c a n
t
i c
awa
c a l 1
e < , n e r a
1
!on
46
a
s >
a
c
( n 0
a
d
nv
? m c i n g weather signs, howS . « k y " is p r e t t y nearly the
When the deep w a r m blue
\
then w h i t i s h , a n d y o u r
rltlr
adows fray at the edges
«ot bj'j * you have a sickening sky.
i. , * " brought n p ready-made from
**» manufactured d i r e c t l y over­
ly . i " the sky, t h e n , is a f a i r l v t r u s t ;'"B I.
C
E M A
JV,
a
n
d
BU
n
(Jt
r
:
r
stamps to N E W B A ^
l l d
o
f
i f e e l f
a
n
d
s o
t
h
€
'ie i
.
. " i"
» an j f ' ° ' - Intensely w h i t e clouds
j T » l » j "^'lv blue sky mean b r i g h t
, • ° y i s h clouds o n a l i g h t i s h
rain.
u <
s
n
r
a
Gt
Fottingham, and tbey
jnough Mason's
Jad"^Poli "
already
emblazoned
P. ' » n i i « r e T a space for the record
%r j a '-.^aievements, a silver shield
lo
Union Jack, on Saturday
„, Soval
" s t r a l i a n Forces by the
Ik 2J behalf of the women and
" J t i s h Isles.
arm
v
make 8 gallons
A
1
Beer.
M E R C U R Y — W E D N E S D A Y , AUGUST
Miss F . L . Stevenson, who has the distinc­
t i o n of being the first lady secretary t o a
British
Cabinet
Minister
(Mr.
Lloyd
George), is a first-rate example of the newstyle business ? i r l . Shi: began her education
at Clapham H i g h Seh >ol and continued i t
at the Royal H o l l o w s / College, where she
took the degree of B . A L o n d . , w i t h classical
honours.
She is accr.'iiplished, fair-haired,
and quite young, and li i s plenty of interests
outside her work.
Onf of her most useful
accomplishments i n her present post is her
a b i l i t y t o s;;eak French
fluently.
•
1916
OTHER MEN'S MINDS.
CLUB WINDOW.
FUN AND FANCY.
Said a lady who is concerned for the repu­
t a t i o n of her sex i n the matter of discreetseas: " M o s t men are possessed of the lielief
t h a t woman is a n a t u r a l b o r n chatterbox,
t h a t she can keep n o t h i n g t o herself. I t is
every g i r l ' s d u t y to act so t h a t she may lie
a l i v i n g evidence to the c o n t r a r y . Lot her
show men that there are women who ktww
how t o restrain their feminine propensity to
gossip. L e t her remember that the g i r l who
keeps quiet is given credit for k n o w i n g a
great deal, while the c l m t t e r ' x i x tells a l l she
knows, and gains no credit by i t , for no one
lttaches much importance to her
utter-
W h a t p r o p e r t y would h a r e remained t o
any of us if i t had not been for our soldiers
Mr.
Courtiee Pounds t e l l * t h e
following
good s t o r y : A f t e r the first n i g h t of a cer­
t a i n play some t i m e ago, t w o theatrical
celebrities were discussing the performance.
~Do
y o u t h i n k i t w i l l be a
financial
suc­
cess?" asked one. " M y dear b o y , " was the
instant r e p l y , " it's' bound to be—there's
" Pounds' i n i t ! "
T h e sewing-machine agent r a n g the b e l l .
A
p a r t i c u l a r l y noisy and
vicious-looking
bulldog asswtod i n opening the door. T h o
dog
stood his g r o u n d . The agent retreated
slightly.
" W i l l t h a t dog bite?" he asked.
"We
d o n ' t q u i t e know y e t , " the lady said.
We have only j u s t got h i m . B u t we are
t r y i n g Uim w i t h atraugers.
W o n ' t you come
inV'
WOMAN'S
and
sailors.—SIB
E.
A
CAESON.
CRUSADE.
One of tho graver things now emerging
from the conflict is our larger view of a l l
the issues involved.
A t the beginning we
believed our p a r t i n the war was necessary
o vindicate the r i g h t s of B e l g i u m . We are
now
realising t h a t i t is a crusade on behalf
of the common, basal
r i g h t s of m a n k i n d ,
and the very foundation of civilisation.—
REV.
lECCS."
DR.
JOWBTT.
WORK.
GERMAN
Woman's work is undoubtedly more or less
harassing, and, . i s the saying goes, never
done-—the one meal follows on after
the
other so q u i c k l y . There is the a r r a n g i n g of
the hou.^>hoid work, etc., day i n , day o u t ;
t h a t , w i t h the
further b r a i n w o r r y of
domestic economy
and the
looking
after
things i n general, as well as the
servant
question—for few and far lietween are the
maids who w i l l take much interest i n t h i n g s
in these days. As a matter of fact, so great
is
the scarcity of servants,
that
many
Some years ago a Japanese Minister made mistresses h i v e to rely on the help o f an
woman.
N o wonder the
a visit of ceremony upon L a d y Lansdowne. occasional day
gets r u n down and has
nerve
He
was a c h a r m i n g gentleman, and con­ mistress
trouble,
for,
after
a
l
l
,
what
peace is t h e r e !
versed on many subjects of interest w i t h his
hostess. I n bidding her adieu, bending low- every hour b r i n g i n g its work, etc., and she
must not say a n y t h i n g t o her lord and
over her hand, he m u r m u r e d , " F o r g i v e i t
master, otherwise she is accused o f grumb­
me, madam, i f I have cockroaehed on y o u r
l i n g , and so she has to keep the hundred
t i m e to-day."
L a d y Lansdowne l a u g h i n g l y and one problems and worries w h i c h cross
t o l d her husband the story, a d d i n g : " H e is her path to herself, and thus i n t i m e ber
such a nice l i t t l e man, you k n o w ! I t h i n k nerves suffer.
it would be r i j r h t to tell h i m of his mistake.
I shall explain t o him t h a t encroached, not
coekroached, i s the correct
expression i n T I M E ' S V A L U E .
English."
One o f the first
and
most i m p o r t a n t
•
•
•
lessons t o be learned by a l l who would get
To
make a long story short, the l i t t l e on i n his or her c a l l i n g is the a r t of econo­
Minister
and L a d y Lansdowne soon met mising t i m e . A noted scientist was wont t o
all his t i n i " his estate; and as w i t h other
again. I t was at the Foreign Office, and Lady
states of which th>> young come into posses­
Lansdowne drew her new friend apart. " I
want t o make a l i t t l e explanation," she said. sion, i t is sometimes rarely prized t i l l i t is
T h e n , ' w h e n life is fast
"You
t a l k E n g l i s h a l l but perfectly. Indeed, nearly squandered.
the
hours
I have only heard you make one mistake. waning, they begin t o spend
Now,
instead of saying t o me, ' I am sorry wisely, and even t o husband the moments.
to have cockroaehed,' you should say, ' I am U n f o r t u n a t e l y , habits of indolence, listlesssorry t o have encroached on VOUT t i m e . ' ncss, and procrastination once firmly fixed
T h a t is the w o r d , encroached!
Y o u nnder- cannot lie suddenly t h r o w n aside, and he or
s t a n d ? " The Jnp was silent for a moment. she who has wasted the precious hours o f
Then the cloud l i f t e d from his face.
A life's seedtime find t h a t thev cannot reap a
flashlight m i g h t have passed over i t . " I see! harvest i n life's a u t u m n . Lost wealth may­
I see ! " he cried. " I may say, t h e n , when be replaced bv i n d u s t r y , lost knowledge by
addressing L o r d Lansdowne. ' I am sorry to study, lost health bv temperance or medi­
The
have cockroaehed on your t i m e , ' b u t i t is to cine, but lest time is grono for ever.
you,
madam, I must say, ' I am sorry to men and women who achieve the greatest
things do them not so much by prodigious
have hencroached on vour t i m e . ' "
but
f i t f u l efforts as by steady, u n r e m i t t i n g
t o i l , by t u r n i n g even the moments to ac­
count. They have the genius for hard work,
Miss Lena Ashwell is a c h a r m i n g and de­ which is the mcst desirable k i n d of geni'is.
l i g h t f u l actress, but is not noted for the
t r i c k of m a k i n g her words clearly heard by
pUiygoers i n the more remote parts of the
theatre. One ni<?ht. d u r i n g the first i n t e r v a l T H I N G S TO R E M E V E E R .
ot' a play i n which the popular actress had
There is a s u b l i m i t y i n patience. T o do a
r a t t l e d along her speeches i n a more t h a n t h i n g and, when needed; to keep d o i n g i t ,
o r d i n a r y i n d i s t i n c t fashion, an
attendant to wait for the desired end, not sluggishly,
walked up one of the gangways on the stalls but
d i l i g e n t l y , i f neeesary, not
despondfloor c r y i n g "Opera-glasses?
Opera-glasses, i n g l y , b u t ever w i t h a brave hope—this is
please?
Opera-glasses?"
"Opera-glasses be grand character.
Tiie savage l u r k s so near
hanged," shouted a man from the back of the surface i n every one of us t h a t a con­
stant ^ watch must i)e kept upon the passions
the p i t ; " b r i n g us some e a r - t r u m p e t s ! "
and impulses, or he leaps out i n his -war­
*
paint, and the poor integument of civilisa­
L a d y de Bathe has evidently retained her t i o n t h a t held h i m is flung aside like a use­
merry w i t , which, i n the past, delighted less garment. W h a t is the reading of books
but conversing w i t h the wisest men of a l l
monarchs.
A t the Hippodrome, L o n d o n ,
few
years ago she had a pleasant
l i t t l e countries, who thereby communicate to us
most deliberate
thoughts,
choicest
r^eontre w i t h the late Sir E d w a r d Moss. Sir their
best
inventions, couched i n
E d w a r d wished to speak to her on eome notions, and
expression
and
digested
in
exact
matters of business, and, as she .was i n her good
dressing-room, he said what he had t o sav i n method? I t supplies the room of experience,
t h e passage outside.
He called her Sirs. and furnishes us w i t h prudence at the ex­
pense of others. W e are but passengers of a
L a n g t r y . under which name the lady was
day, whether i t is :n a stage-coach or i n the
billed t h r o u g h o u t L o n d o n ; b u t f o r eome
immense machine of the universe. W h y ,
t i m e t h e conversation was a monologue. then, should we not make the way as plea­
Somewhat puzzled, the manager of the H i p . sant t o each other as possible? Short as our
podrome persevered w i t h his questions, u n t i l ]ourney is, i f is long enough to be tedious to
a voice, speaking slowly from the dressing- him wh~ sulks i n his corner, sits uneasy h i m ­
room, s a i d : " S i r E d w a r d , i f you call me self, anil e l W v s his neighbour to make h i m
Mrs.
Langtry, I
shall call
y o n Moss* ride uneasy alone.
Empires."
•
•
«a
•
9,
MOTHER AND HOME.
n
"J^ *y (says M r Morris) had one
i T > * * « i t h i r t y miies to be completed.
L^** t"„ Home, recognising t h a t i f the
Sr.** ,'. to be crushed w i t h o u t disastrous
J*'-t;,-rt
,
1A
"
. wt « Canada
the soldiers would
a*el'...tires
i *eoiivevcd. to ..
the scene of. •insurrcc
i S « h at d t l a v . offered to the Premier,
m
k MaeDonald, t o undertake the task
r
e
Lady
Lytton.
whose
husband,
Lord
L y t t o n , succeeded the Duke of Devonshire
as a C i v i l L o r d of the A d m i r a l t y , has always
taken p a r t i c u l a r interest i n his career.
She
shares many of his views, even about tem­
perance,
vegetarianism, and woman's
sufrage.
L a d y L v t t o u is related to the late
Mr. Plowden, the famous magistrate, and is
devoted to her four c h i l d r e n . She is never
so happy as when she is w i t h them and her
husband in Switzerland, for a l l the f a m i l y
aro tremendously keen on Alpine sports.
e l
m
F
.
(.-tcvcusi M r . K e i t h M o T
w a r , a s H i peace, the t a i l e d a n
h<ip*'d valiantly i n the cause ot
bvcn before t l i c •' r a i l, w aSy • was ..
IJffB
o o m--.
.
ri-inpaov w o r e i n v o l v e d i n m a t t e r s
- J the
t h e 'story
story o
chievement
° nd
off tt hh ee ii rr aachievement
En7>. ]!iel Rebellion, when the I n d i a n
tug , . f d population of t h e Western
U
in arm* against the Dominion
P * \ and the scattered w h i t * eettleB d i r e
ore' '
r0"1,
nio-norable
h
«rn£lto£l0.pan.t.me. Kg Q t U ,
>
r u l s r s , S a m u e l D r i v e r , l l e e s b . n tb.:id. I d , ,
" " " M ? * " • «.-'
. PRIVATE
G I ' N"!' I . K M A N
MAKKS
r .
ti h
h _ Post
* oorryr V
B^fcfc^
.ii
n rmocupg n
l o s t ((pprriivvaatteellyy)),, on
on PI loo' m
u tii*M
^SCPo
Bar>
oV*
tia to £ l , ( « i , to L a . l i e s or U e n t l e m r a , a t 10 «
trT
A. S a n d . , s, B t s t t u o R o a d . E x m o u t h .
P** c e « j >
• f &t d
Fait
n
W
B L E TRANSPORT F E A T .
^ i i n c " S t o r v of the Canadian
1
TEESDALB
•
EDUCATION.
The German education is simply instruc­
t i o n , and t h e i r idea of c u l t u r e is a k i n d of
State product, an instrument of the (govern­
ment.—MR. F. H .
RAWLINS:
TO P U N I S H G E R M A N Y .
But t o those who urge t h a t Germany must
bo allowed t i m e to recuperate as one of the
nations of the earth, i n view of the methods
which she has adopted of outrage and pillage
and v i o l a t i o n , and the base betrayal of
friendship and h o s p i t a l i t y , I say t h a t for a
generation
German
goods
and
German
wares, German businesses, German
partnerhips, and German men should lie excluded
from the pale of the B r i t i s h E m p i r e . Give
them a good long t i m e t o repent, b u t be sure
t h a t they do repent; aud then let them come
and pray t o be readmitted i n t o the neigh­
bourhood and fellowship of decent civilisa­
tion.—SIR
GEORGE
A
FOSTER..
W A R
FOR
PEACE.
All
Frenchmen hate war as such. The love
of
peace is almost universal t h r o u g h o u t
France, and i t is for t h a t reason—the love
of jie:u-e—that we shall continue the war
t h a t M I not
of our
socking—PRIVATE
CAIIANNES.
THE
D E A T H O F ART.
A r t is dead.
There is no more A r t l i e i n g
produced, and i t is as plain as a sign-post
t h a t we have entered a period as barren of
•minting, l i t e r a t u r e , and music as were the
Dark
A g e s . — M R . GEOKGE
THE
MOORE.
MARCH OF T H E B R I T I S H .
The march of the tribes of Israel t h r o u g h
the wilderness to the Promised L a n d was a
very small t h i n ^ compared w i t h the march
of the B r i t i s h race to the sound of t h e i r
guns i n Flanders and France and G a l l i p o l i
and
Mesopotamia.—Ml. JAMES
THE
DOUGLAS.
BELGIANS.
I believe t h a t after the war the male popu­
lation i n B e l g i u m w i l l be found to have
suffered less t h a n
those i n other
Allied
countries, because from the beginning seven
millions out of the eight millions of popula­
t i o n have been isolated.—M. E M I L E C A M MA2RTS.
H O M E
"SCRAPS O F P A P E R . "
The t i m e w i l l come when treaties w i l l be
more t h a n truces, when i t w i l l again be
possible for them to be observed, w i t h t h a t
religious f a i t h and sacred i n v i o l a b i l i t y on
which depend the s t r e n g t h and the preserraof
Empire.—LORD ROBERT CECIL.
UNUSED BRAINS.
A f t e r t w o years of f i g h t i n g i t is astonish­
ing t h a t the brains of the nation should b e
s o l i t t l e represented i n the organisation and
administration
o f our
immense
lighting
Baroness von Boeder, wife of Baron Boeder, H I N T S ON P.urKrNo.
machine.—MB. CHURCHILL.
F i r s t Master of Ceremonies'at the Court of the
W h e n packing, whether for a l e n g or
German Emperor, was Miss L a v i n i a Watson
younger daughter of th» H o n . R i c h a r d and short holiday, make a list of the t h i n g s re­
F R E E M E N O F T H E UNIVERSE.
quired and collect a l l the heavier items such
Mrs.
Watson, o f Rockingham Castle. N o r t h
Materialism is t h e paralysis of the m i n d .
amptons-hire, t o whom D k k e n s
dedicated as boots, shoes, brushes, and so on, and place
I f you want men not to lie slaves you must
"David
Copperfield."
The
novelist
fre­ these at the- bottom of the box or portman­
recognise them as something else; as souls
quently stayed at t h i s famous castle, which teau. B.iots and shoes should be wrapped i n
newspaper,
where
boot
bags
are
not
avail­
and as citizens; as beings h a v i n g a positive
is supposed to have suggested Chesnev W o l d
able,
and
carefully
fitted
i
n
together.
Small
status
and charter of freedom i n the n a t i o n
and " T h e Ghost's W a l k " i n " P l e a k House.
and
i n the
universe.—MB. G . K. CHEST^BRockingham, a fine old Elizabethan
house, soft articles, which w i l l not spoil bv crush­
ing,
such as stockings, may be" placed
TON.
riot a ca«tle, contains the iron-bound t r a v e l
l i n g t r u n k of K i n g J o h n , who used t o visit between them to keep them i n position.
When packing dress skirts l a y them flat on
the place for h u n t i n g i n Rockingham Forest
TEACHING
RESPONSIBILITY.
and there is a massive stone gateway b u i l t a table or !>cd and fold carefully on the
I f only we could i m p o r t i n t o i n t e l l e c t u a l
r
i g h t side, placing a sheet of t i c i u e paper
by
E d w a r d I . , for old R o c k i n g h a m " Castle
t i a i n i u g some of t h " scn.-o of responsibility
was a royal abode u n t i l sold by James I . between the folds o f those of t h i n m a t e r i a l .
which is so i m p o r t a n t a feature of a l l physi­
to Sir Lewis Watson, afterwards L o r d Rock­ Then fold them across once from waist to
cal and moral t r a i n i n g , a very great i m ­
hem. Blouses can lie folded or rolled, and
ingham.
all underwear should be rolled before placing
provement would be made i n education of
in boxes, as i n t h i s way i t occupies less
al' sorts.
I t h i n k t h a t lies at the root of
room. A pocket, which can lie easily made the success of the system of naval education.
Dr.
Elsie Inglis, the famous woman d o c ­ of a square of linen and tacked to the l i n i n g
tor,
had some t h r i l l i n g adventures i n Serbia in the l i d of the t r a v e l l i n g t r u n k , w i l l be — S I R H E N R Y M I E R S .
w i t h her u n i t .
D r . I n g l i s is l i t t l e i n size found most useful for trifles such as veils,
but d a r i u g i n s p i r i t
W h e n captured by the handkerchiefs,
TOO
OLD AT FIFTY-TWO.
and ribbons. Bottles when
A u s t r i a n * towards the end of 1915 she struck carried should always, after being carefully
There is a good deal t o be said for hang­
t e r r o r i n the heart of one of the guard, who corked, be wrapped i n soft paper and t h e n
ing a l l public men at the age of
fifty-two,
fled before her, the s t o r y goes, and had not placed together i n a sponge bag, a6, should
t h o u g h under nuch a r e g u l a t i o n I should
t h e courage to r e t u r n .
She has recovered they leak, the contents w i l l not t h e n reach
myself have perished eight years ago. Were
from a t i m e of starvation and t e r r i b l e hard­ arid spoil the other contents of the box.
i t i n force t h r o u g h o u t Europe, the condition
ships
i n the
march across Serbia and When packing hats, a l l h i g h ,
upstanding
of the world at present would be much more
Austria.
t r i m m i n g should bo removed, and the hat
prosperous.—MB. B E R N A R D S H A W .
•
•
•
pinned or tacked t o the side or l i d of the
box
i n which i t travels, whether i t be a
The late Emperor W i l l i a m o f Germany
canvas or c i r d l i c a r d box. B y d o i n g this the
THE
COMING
WAR.
appointed Mme. A l b a n i Court singer, and hat w i l l arrive at the end oi' the journey i n
There is a b i g war to come after the pre­
gave her a gold medal i n recognition of her Derfect condition.
sent war. I do not mean i n the field, b u t i t
h a v i n g learnt German, i n order t o s i n g
is vthe character of the n a t i o n i n the f u t u r e
" L o h e n g r i n " i n the langnage o f the Father­
on which v i c t o r y w i l l depend i n the indus­
land. The present Ivaiser some years ago
t r i a l , commercial, and scientific walks o f
p a i d a t r i b u t e t o the famous p r i m a donna.
When she visited B e r l i n over t w e n t y years B R E A T H E P E o r s ? L Y .
l i f e . — S I R ROBERT BADEN-POWELL.
ago she was received by the o l d Empress
•The
following
deep
b
r
e
a
t
h
i
n
g
exercises
are
Augusta. BNiring the i n t e r v i e w i n came the
Kaiser
Wilhelm
and
the
K a i s e r i n , who useful i n helping to expand the lungs, I f
DEEDS, NOT WORDS.
asked for a song, and then another, a n ^ practised d a i l y : Stand as erect as possible
The only p a t r i o t i s m t h a t counts i n these
w
i
t
h
shoulders
t
h
r
o
w
n
back
and
chest
for­
vet
another.
W h e n A l b a n i had sung her
days is tho p a t r i o t i s m t h a t is ready to ex­
last
b a l l a d , th© Kaiser, shaking
hands w a r d , arms h a n g i n g close t o the body, tho press itself i n deeds and to carry its deeds
h e a r t i l y w i t h her, s a i d :
"Good-bye! and head up, and lips firmly closed. I n h a l a t i o n
to the point of personal sacrifice.—MR. C E C I L
when y o u see her, give my love t o grand­ should now be taken very slowly, and at tho B E C K , M . P .
same t i m e the arms
must
be g r a d u a l l y
mamma.**
raised, the backs of the hands inwards, u n t i l
they closely approach one another above the
BLACK, BUT BRITISH.
G i r l s i n Korea have no names, or w h a t head. The movement should be so regulated
We raise i n East A f r i c a perhaps the best
tlrat
the
arm--,
w
i
l
l
be
exteuded
d
i
r
e
c
t
l
y
over
would be considered names w i t h us.
The
coloured troops i n the w o r l d , and h a v i n g
l i t t l e ones are given a pet name at t h e i r the head at tho moment the lungs are com­
seen t h i s source p r a c t i c a l l y untap);e:l for
b i r t h , and these they bear u n t i l they aro pletely filled. This position should be m a i n
service elsewhere, I wonder " w h y , w i t h tho
ten
years o l d , after which they are
no tained for a few seconds, before the reverse biggest black empire i n the w o r l d , we have
longer used. A f t e r her t e n t h b i r t h d a y t h e process is begun, and as the arms are gradu­ made so l i t t l e use of i t t o help us i n the
ally l o o m e d , the breath is exhaled slowly.
young woman is known as " M r . K i n i ' s
fighting
line.—MAJOR WEDGWOOD, M . P .
Repeat t h i s exercise five or six times i n suc­
daughter,"
or " M r . K i m ' s
girl
baby."
cession.
The l a t t e r t i t l e is considered the
moTe
honourable.
I f there are several
daugh­
A M P H I B I O U S POWER.
ters i n the same f a m i l y , they are
d i s ­ TURQCOIDES.
Tho
t r u e characteristic
of a l l
British
tinguished by suoh words as " b i g " (for the
A f t e r a t i m e turquoises lose some of t h e i r strategy lies i n tho use of amphibious power.
eldest), "second," " t h i r d , "
"fourth,"
etc. fine colour. I t can easily be restored by i m ­ Not the sea alone, b u t the land and sea
A f t e r marriage they are known by t h e i r mersing them i n a solution of carbonate of
(together; not the Fleet alone, b u t the A r m y
husband's name and t i t l e , w i t h the w o r d soda. The blue, however, i t is said, cannot in the hand of the Fleet. I n t h i s lies every­
" h o u s e " affixed.
They may also be d i s t i n ­ be restored again after t h i s operation, i f i t t h i n g . — M B . W I N S T O N C H U B C H I L L .
guished by the name of the place
from again grows d u l l . This only applies t o com­
which they came when m a r r y i n g , as " M r s . mon
turquoises.
The O r i e n t turquoise does
OUR
SPLENDID INFANTRY.
of the House of K i m . " " T h e Y o u n g l a d y not
lose colour.
w h o came from Kong-Jo," etc.
G r e a t as the B r i t i s h i n f a n t r y were i n the
days of W e l l i n g t o n and Napoleon, they have
•
*
»
COLOURING FLOWEBS.
never been greater t h a n they are now. One
The
Grand
Duchess
Olga, the
eldest
W h e n flowers are placed i n a bell-glass t h r i l l s w i t h pride when one t h i n k s t h a t one
daughter of the Tsar of Russia, is a very over a vessel c o n t a i n i n g a very small amount
belongs to the same race as thoso m e n . — M B .
clever y o u n g lady.
The
Bussians
f a i r l y of ammonia, a change o f colour is usually
L L O Y D GEOBOE.
worship
her.
They
know
how
serious produced.
M a n y violet-coloured flowers t u r n
minded she is, b u t they chiefly l i k e her f o r green, and when there are several t i n t s i n
VICTORY A L L BOUND.
her other, her j o l l y and s p o r t i n g side.
N o them, red t u r n s gween and w h i t e y e l l o w ;
o n e is fonder of outdoor life t h a n she, and deep carmine, black. W h e n
subsequently
A new era is about t o d a w n , and i t is f o r
more
especially she loves r i d i n g — a l l
four put
i n t o water, these artificial colours re­ ns to grasp i t s significance. Thero must be
daughters o f the Tsar a r c s m a r t horsewomen main for hours. W h e n violet asters are no more social w a r , b u t v i c t o r y a l l the t i m e
—and w i l l sometimes say she envies the l ' f e moistened- w i t h very d i l u t e d n i t r i c acid, they — v i c t o r y of i n d u s t r y , commerce, the arts,
of a circus rider m o T e " t h a n t h a t of any acquire a pleasing odour, and t u r n red.
justice, h u m a n i t y . — M . G U S T A V S H E R V E .
other woman.
a
•
•
•
a
•
#
.
mons.
. . .
Some wounded soldiers have
a
Strang*
hobby. They like to keep the bullets t h a t
wounded them. Surgeon-General Sir A r t h u r
Sloggett, the Director-General of
Military
Service, tells an interesting story of how, at
a hospital on the V e l d t in South A f r i c a , t h e
demand
for
bullets
often exceeded
the
supply.
W h e n t h i s happened the officer i n
charge
wonld
have
several
bullets
fired
acr-iinst the w a l l and then sent back to
E n g l a n d t o be mounted i n gold a n d worn by
sweethearts and mothers as mementoes.
The R i g h t H o n . Winston C h u r c h i l l tells
a c a p i t a l story of a major-general who com­
manded a brigade d u r i n g the Boer W a r .
D u r i n g the first days of Spion Kop the
general discovered a soldier s i t t i n g safely
behind a rock and a lonir way behind the
firing
line.
" G o o d afternoon, m y m a n ! "
he said i n his most nervous apologetic voice.
" W h a t are you doing here?" " S i r , " replied
the soldier, " a n officer told me to stoji here,
sir."
"Oh!
Why?"
" I ' m a third-class
shot, sir."
" D e a r m o , " said the geueral
after
some reflection—"that's
an
awful
p i t y , because, you see, y o u ' l l have t o get
q u i t e close to the Boers to do any g o o d !
Come along w i t h me, and I ' l l find you a
nice place;" and
a
mournful
procession
trailed off towards the most advanced skir­
mishers.
#
•
•
L o r d Beresford is, as everyone knows, an
I r i s h m a n , and he delights i n t e l l i n g stories
of I r i s h w i t t h a t have come w i t h i n bis o w n
personal experience.
W h e n he put up for
F a r l i a m e n t for W a t e r f o r d he
encountered
an I r i s h voter who was looking very g l u m
and discontented. " A h , ye're no m a n , I x i r d
Charles!" remarked
Paddy.
" S u r e , ye're
no m a n ! " " W h a t do y o u ' m e a n ? " asked his
lordship i n astonishment.
W i t h the a i r of
one who really disliked to fi-.id f a u l t w i t h a
Ueresford. the voter r e p l i e d : " A r r a h , t h i n ,
tlie last toime a Beresford stood for P a r l y m i n t i t ' s u p to the knees Oi was i n blood
an' whisky, and sorra a dhrop av a y t h u r
have O i seen t h i s toime!"
SERVICE.
No greater or more direct service can be
rendered by the workers of t h i s c o u n t r y t o
the forces i n the field t h a n to give the l a t t e r
the encouragement and our enemies the disoouragemeut of t h e certain knowledge t h a t
the present i n t e n s i t y of bombardment and
assault w i l l , i f necessary, be continued i n ­
definitely.—ME. AsQunn.
tion
•
Viscount Grey is probably the most re­
t i r i n g member of the Cabinet.
He cares
p r a c t i c a l l y n o t h i n g for society, and when­
ever he can snatch a brief period from the
busy round of jiolitieal life, he invariably
retires t o the c o u n t r y , there to fish and to
study nature. Viscount E d w a r d , indeed, is
one of thoso quiet, strong men, to whom
success seems to eome i n spite of t h e m ­
selves. " T h e b a l l , I am t o l d is at my feet,
but I d o n ' t want to kick i t , " said Viscount
Grey on one occasion.
H i s very reticence,
however, seems to have pushed h i m t o t h e
f r o n t , and he is one of the very >'W modern
jioliticians
whose
acts are
endorsed
by
nearly a l l parties i n the House of Com­
Mr. Justice D a r l i n g is noted for his jokes
in court, and, u n l i k e some other judges, he
seldom fails to be really humorous.
On
one occasion a witness remarked to h i m : " I f
a bad egg were t h r o w n a t a p a r l i a m e n t a r y
candidate, he m i g h t say ' o h , ' from
surpriso." The judge, who has himself been a
candidate for Parliamentary honours, shook
his head and replied, amid.->t loud laughter
"No,
you make' a m i s t a k e ; he would not
say what you suggest, you may be c e r t a i n .
•
•
•
K i n g George dearly lores a good storv.
Once,
when
dining" i n H a l l
with
the
Bouchers of Lincoln's I n n , he laughed so
uproariously at one told by L o r d Coleridge
t h a t , after he had r e t i r e d , the n a r r a t o r
was induced to t e l l i t over again for the
benefit of tlie guests who wore out of hear­
ing of the Royal p a r t y . I t related (says Sir
H . Lucy i n his book of reminiscences) to an
ex-Lord
Chancellor
who gave
occasional
dinners at which the scarceness of the meats
was equalled only by the scantiness of tho
wine.
One n i g b t . when his lordship was
entertaining a select
company
of
judges
and leaders o f the B a r , a section of t h e
party at the end o f the table remote from
their
host
became
boisterously
merry.
" T h e y seem rather noisy down there," said
the pleased L o r d Chancellor to his ne;ijhbour.
" I wonder what i t ' s a l l about"?"
"My
dear l o r d , " said fehe amiable guest, " i t
is only t l « n a t u r a l consequence of even a
l i t t l e wine taken on an e m p t y s t o m a c h ! "
•
•
•
L o r d L y t t o n , Civil Lord of the A d m i r a l t y ,
is a jieer w i t h a koen interest i n social ques­
tions. T a l l ,
cleun-shaven,
and
debonair,
w i t h c u r l y h a i r , he is a picturesque
figure.
He bolieres i n woman suffrage, runs model
public-houses, and has a decided leaning
towards
vegetarianism.
B e m a r r i e d Miss
Pamela Plowden, aud is the father o f four
children. H i s country house, K n e b w o r t h ,
where he dispenses an open-handed hospi­
t a l i t y , is one of " t h e stately lioiues of E n g ­
land."
•
•
•
Sir Thomas Dewar is a notod traveller,
and a sportsman of a l l round m e r i t . Some
years ago he nearly had conferred upon h i m
an order which is certainly not possessed by
any l i v i n g Englishman—namely the Order of
the Husked Oocoanut.
I t was when Sir
Thomas was i n Samoa, and Uie duskv
monarch of the islands was very t r o u b l e d
because his favourite clock had stopped. Sir
Thomas mended the clock, and the K i n "
was so pleased t h a t he desired to confer
ui>on his benefactor
the Order o f
the
Husked Cocoanut
Sir Thomas
was, n o
doubt,
flattered
by the intended
compli­
ment, but he left
before receiving the
honour.
•
•
•
Mr. R u d y a r d K i p l i n g used at one time t o
conduct
a l l his
business by
means of
cheques, p a y i n g even the smallest of bills i n
this way, and of this l i t t l e fad an a m u s i n "
story is
told.
After a while the
author
found to his amazement t h a t his b a n k i n g
account allowed a much bigger balance t h a n
the
counterfoils
of
his
cheque - book
warranted. F o r some t i m e he was at a loss
to account for this strange fact u n t i l one
day, happening to visit a certain
office
where the p r i n c i p a l
was an enthusiastic
autograph
collector, he saw one o f his
cheques framed and h a n g i n g on the w a l l .
It
appeared
that
the
local
shopkeepers
found t h a t they could often get more for
K i p l i n g ' s cheques from
autograph
hunters
who
desired to keep them i n t h e i r collec­
tions t h a n they could by cashing them i n
the usual way—-which salved the r i d d l e o f
the author's b a n k i n g account.
1
•
Sir
•
•
H e r b e r t Tree tells the following s t o r v :
" I was p l a y i n g R i c h a r d i n D u b l i n , and t h e
next day I was i n v i t e d to luuoh w i t h a
famous judge, who was a great
ShakeI spearean scholar. The t a l k t u r n e d on the
1 p l a y of the previous n i g h t , ' R i c h a r d I I . , '
and a lady exclaimed: ' O h , M r . Tree, w h y
did
you appear i n such a dishevelled state
and look so woebegone when y o u a r r i v e d o n
t h e coast of W a l e s ? ' ' A h , ' "said mv host,
w i t h a remarkable display o f t a c t , ' you see,
R i c h a r d had j u s t come back f r i m governing
I r e l a n d . ' T h i s sallv was received w i t h much'
j amusement by tfie assembled
guests, th_
o n l y one who seemed n o t to appreciate i t
j being a h i g h official from the Chief Secret a r y ^ Lodge! "
1
Mrs.
Newcomb: " G o o d m o r n i n g . I a t h i s
Miss Wise's p r i v a t e ac:idefny?" Mra. B i n k o
( h o t l y ) : " N o , i t is n o t ! T h i s is a p r i v a t e
house and these aro my own c h i l d r e n . " M r s .
Newcomb ( h a s t i l y ) : " W h y , I t h o u g h t i t
must be a school, because the c h i l d r e n
looked so educated and scholarly and—and
refined, you know.'' Mrs. B i u k s ( g e n i a l l y ) :
Oh,
yea, o f course."
Tradesman: " T h e n when misdit I call f o r
payment of t h i s ac-ount-"
Debtor: " W e l l ,
would
Friday
suit
you?"
Tradesman
(eagerly):
** Vcs!"
Debtor
(cheerfully):
" T h e n call cverv F r i d a v . "
Slaahem: " I cut my barber i n half-adozen places w i t h his own razor t h i s morn­
ing."
Da A i r y : " F r o m the looks of y o u r face
he seems to have r e t a l i a t e d "
SI as h e m :
"Naturally.
You see, I shave myself."
She: " J n s t look at the t r o u b l e money cen
get you i n t o . "
H e : " Yes, but look at t h e
trouble i t can get you out of'."
Customer: " Y o u d o n ' t seem very quick at
figures, my boy." Newsboy: " I ' m o u t o f
jiractioe.
You see, most of tho gents say.
Keep tho change!' "
Teacher:
"Tommv,
spell
! wrong.* **
Tommy:
"R-o-n-g."*
Teacher:
"Thafa
wrong."
T o m m y : " T h a t ' s what y o u asked
mo to spell.**
Policeman (to clubman r e t u r n i n g homo
l a t e ) : " H e r e , ray maa, you can't open t h o
door w i t h t h a t ; i t ' s y c u r c i g a r . " C l u b m a n :
" G r e a t Scott (hie), then I ' v e smoked m y
latchkev!"
The B r o t h e r : "She's got lovable eyes,
kissab'.e I i ) « , a hugg-able shape, and holdable hands." H i s S:»ter: " Y v - , and she's g o t
removable h a i r , adjustable lips, colourable
brows, and a transferable complexion."
" I wish I wserc an o s t r i c h , " eaid H i c k s
a n g r i l y , as he t r i - d to eat one of his wife's
biscuits, but c o u l d n ' t . ' 1 wish you were,"
returned M r s . Hicks. " I ' d get a few feat bora
for my h a t . "
Two I r i s h m e n were w o r k i n g on the roof o f
a . b u i l d i n g one day wlien one made a mis­
step and fell t-> the ground. The other leaned
over and c a l l e d : " A r e y«»z dead o r alive,
Mike?"
" O i ' i u a l i v e , " ssid M i k e feebly.
" S u r e , you're such s liar O: d o n ' t know
whether to belave ycz or n o t . " " W e l l , t h e n ,
Oi must be dead.'' s:iid M i k e , " f o r yez w o u l d
never dare t o call me a l i a r i f O i WOT
aloivc."
The lawyer was d r a w i n g up
Enpeck's
w i l l . " I hereby bequeath a l l my property
to my Wife." dictated Enjieck. " G o t t h a t
d o w n ? " " Y e s , " answered the lawyer. **Ou
c o n d i t i o n , " continued EnjKck.
"that
she
marries w i t h i n a year."
" B u t why t h a t
o u i d i t i o n ? " asked the man o f l a w . " B e ­
cause," answered the meek and lowly testa­
tor,
" I want aoaatbodj to be sorry t h a t I
died."
She: " T h e waiter is h a n g i n g around as
though be expecVd something. - H e : " O h ,
yes, he's a t i p p i o a l w a i t e r . "
Lady (rather difficult t o please): " I tfike
t h i s one, b u t I see i t ' s made i n G e r m a n y . "
Salesman: " W e l l , i f you l i k e i t , madam,* I
wouldn't take too much notice of t h a t state­
m e n t ; i t ' s probably another German l i s . "
On entering a grocer's idiop one dav an
elderly lady asked the assi-tant i f he" had
any eg-g^. " Y e s . " replied the man p r o u d l y ,
" a n d they are not to be beaUm." " W e H " "
crii>d the tatty, advancing towards the door,
" t h e y are of n * u.-e to me. t h e n , becaiato 1
w a n t to use them i n a p u d d i n g . "
Port Officer: " W h a t have you on board,
c a p t a i n ? " C a p t a i n : " O u r cargo consist* of
one thousand
c:u*cs o f oranges."
I'<.rt
Officer:
"Y'-s." Captain:
"One
thousand
cases o f eggs." p a r t Officer: " Y « w . " Cap­
t a i n : " T h r e e aaVta of yellow fever."
" I understand t h a t ysiu have a new motor­
car? " " Y i - s . " " D o vou d r i v e i t youme-lf? "
"Nobody drives i t . W e coax i t . "
"Are
you i n p a i n , my l i t t l e m a n ? " asked
the k i n d «!d gentleman.
" M o , " aimwered
the boy, " i h c paiu's i n me."
Bones ( l e l i i i i g a s t o r y ) : " W e l l ,
ing wore o n " Jones: " I t d i d .
did
i t w e a r ? " Bones: " W e l l , i f
know. I believe i t was the alone of
dav."
the even­
eh? W h a t
y o u must
a summer,
Vaudeville Dancer:
" W h e n do yon
go
o n ? " Vaudeville Singer: " J i i c h t after t h e
t r a i n e d eats."
Vaudeville- Dancer:
"Good­
ness m e ! W h y d.x--n't the manager t r y t o
vary the monotony of his act*?"
Mrs.
New'.ywed: " M y h u - ! o n d admires
e v e r y t h i n g about me: my voice, m v eves,
my
form,
mv
hand.-'"
Friend:
"And
what do ymi adaaire abraat h i m ? "
Mr*.
N e w l y w e d : " H i s good taste."
.Peggy was tarn years younger t h a n B«*-ie.
As is the way w i t h younger si-rter.-, Bcsasie's
outgrown clothes U c . i m e Peggy's h u m i l i a t ­
ing
heritage. One day B.*-:e "made an ex­
c i t i n g discovery. " M v goodness." she said.
"I've
g t a loci^e tooth. I t h i n k I I I p u l l i t
out."
"Oh,
don't,"
Peggy
.:. »f.:.-.i
" M o t h e r w i l l make me wear i t . "
She (on the A t l a n t i - l i n e r ) : " D i d yoo ob­
serve the ^rx-at appetite of t h a t stout m a n
at d i n n e r ? " H e : " Y ' e e . ; he must be w h a t
they call a stowaway."
He:
" Y o u r m i l l i n e r ' s b i l l has cost me last
vear as much as the salarv c f my t w o book­
keepers.
That is more t h a n I "c:<n a f f o r d . "
She: " W e l l , discharge ouo of t h e m . "
Father ( a n g r i l y ) : " I f my son marries t h a t
actress I slial! "cut h i m "off absolutely, and
you
can t e l l h i m so." Legal Advisor: " I
know a better plan t h a n t h a t — t o l l
the
girl"
"Any
complaints,
corporal?" said
tha
colonel. " Yes. sir. Taste t h a t , s i r , " mi$
t i i e corporal prcraptlr. The colonel put t h o
l i q u i d to his lips. " W h y . " he said, " t h a t *
the best soup I ever tasted."
"Ye*, eir,"
said the eorjioral, " a n d the cook wants t o
call i t coffee."
Robbie mo* a r'u<rb>>oiir who was itmofcing
some fine, b a a law! tobacco, sent bv hie son
in America. He took out his own pipe osten­
t a t i o u s l y . " H a " you a m a t c h . Sandv?" he
queried.
The match was forthcoming, b u t
n o t h i n g more. " I do believe." said Robbie,
" I ha' left me tobacco at t a m e . "
"Then."
said Sandy, after a s i l . - n v , " v e m i c h t CM*
me back ma tnaU-h."