A Girl`s Guide to Knowing Her Rights.

Get involved
As part of YWCA Canada’s commitment to violence prevention
initiatives for girls and young women, Power of Being a GirlTM
is a signature leadership conference for girls ages 12-17 hosted
during the Week Without ViolenceTM. To find a Power of Being a
Girl event in your community visit www.weekwithoutviolence.ca
Each year during the third week of October, Canadians bond with
people in over 90 countries around the world to mark YWCA Week
Without ViolenceTM, a week-long series of community events promoting
diverse approaches to creating a violence-free world. Rally your
friends, connect with your school and invest in your community.
Take part and stop violence before it starts at
www.weekwithoutviolence.ca
Connect with friends at a YWCA Member Association in your area or
join the YWCA GirlSpace online community for tween and teen girls
focusing on personal achievement and building self esteem. Check
out our web forums, blog, post your photos, take a quiz, chat with
friends and upload events to our online calendar. Best of all,
meet other girls in YWCA GirlSpace programs across Canada at
www.ywcagirlspace.ca
The Rose Campaign
The Rose Campaign to End Violence Against Women & Girls is a
national advocacy campaign commemorating the 14 women murdered
on Dec. 6, 1989, calling for national action on violence against
women and promoting strategies to stop violence in our communities.
Find out how you can become involved at www.rosecampaign.ca
www.ywcacanada.ca
A Girl’s Guide
to Knowing
Her Rights.
Legal research and writing: Pamela Cross
Illustrations: Willow Dawson
Design: Christine Whitton
Editor: Corinne Rusch-Drutz
Production: RedGap Communications
Special thanks: Ambar Aleman, Lillia Dhamani, Laura Pizzale,
Amélie Roy, Laura Tilley and the staff and participants at
YWCA Hamilton, YWCA Kitchener-Waterloo and YWCA Montreal.
Notice of liability
This booklet is designed to give girls in Canada information
about their rights and responsibilities as they relate to safety.
While every precaution has been taken in preparing this
booklet, neither the writer, researchers, designer, illustrator
nor YWCA Canada shall have any liability to any person or
entity with respect to loss or damage caused or alleged to be
caused directly or indirectly by the content of the booklet.
YWCA Canada does not give legal advice. If you have a legal
problem, see a lawyer or a community legal clinic.
About YWCA Canada
YWCA Canada is the country’s oldest and largest women’s multiservice organization. With 33 Member Associations operating
in more than 400 districts and communities across the country,
our Turning Point Programs for WomenTM - which address personal
safety, economic security and well-being – reach out to 1 million
women and girls in nine provinces and one territory. YWCA is
the largest national provider of shelter to women, serving
25,000 women, children and teen girls including 6,000 fleeing
domestic violence each year. We are the largest provider of
literacy, life skills, employment and counselling programs
in the country, and the second largest provider of childcare
services. For more information about YWCA Canada and our
Member Associations, visit www.ywcacanada.ca.
This project is funded by the Government of Canada’s Social
Development Partnerships Program. The opinions and interpretations in this publication are those of the author and do
not necessarily reflect those of the Government of Canada.
contents
1 Introduction
2 At Home
3 At School
4 Social Networking
5 Bullying
6 Dating
7 Stalking
8 Assault
9 Health
page
4
8
12
19
24
26
32
36
44
Important Ages
50
Resources
54
1
introduction
What are rights and responsibilities?
Knowing about your rights and responsibilities is an
important part of being able to keep yourself safe at
home, at school and in your community.
There are different kinds of rights and responsibilities.
Some are set out in laws (for example, criminal laws,
human rights laws) and others in rules (for example, your
school has rules, your parents may have rules). As well,
often communities of people may have their own rules or
values that they use to set standards for their behaviour
(for example, religious or cultural values or rules).
Formal laws have more power than any other set of rules,
but these other sets of rules may be more important to you
depending on what situation you are in at a particular
time. For example, when you are at school, the school rules
will have more of an impact on you than formal laws.
People in Canada have a number of legal rights that are
set out in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. These
include the right to equal treatment regardless of your
race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, sex,
age or physical or mental disability.
You have the right not to be abused or hurt by another
person.
You have the right to have whatever friends you want,
to hang out with other people, to have whatever
religious or political beliefs you want and to express
your opinions and beliefs.
You also have responsibilities, including the
responsibility to behave in a way that is respectful
of other people and their rights.
page 4
Even if you don’t know about a law or a responsibility,
you can get in trouble for not following it.
Even though it is not written down in a law, you have the
right to be listened to and believed and to be treated
with respect by others, no matter who you are, how old
you are, what the colour of your skin is, whether you are
a girl or a boy.
Many of us, especially young people, are not aware of our
rights and responsibilities. Often, we get information
about our rights from places or people that may be
unreliable or unaware of the law, like television, movies,
the Internet or friends and family.
This ‘zine has been prepared to help you learn about some
of the rights that are especially important to girls and young
women. We hope that once you know more about your rights,
you will have more confidence in making your own decisions.
It is also important to understand that you may find your
rights ignored or not respected. Unfortunately, there is not
always a fair outcome when a law or rule is broken. Deciding
what to do when you are treated unfairly can be difficult.
You may not always choose to assert your rights,
and that is fine. What matters is to know what your
rights are, and then you can decide when you do and
don’t want to speak up about them.
In Canada, we enjoy many rights and freedoms. Because
some of them change from time to time, this ‘zine does not
promise to be perfect or to include every right you might
be interested in. For that reason, we have included a
resource section at the end of the ‘zine so you can know
where to look for more information about your rights.
Safety
Everyone wants to be and feel safe. It is easier to keep
yourself safe when you know about your rights and the
page 5
law. However, you will still have to deal with people who
don’t care about your rights or who may want to hurt you
in some way. You can only control your own behaviour and
actions. This means, unfortunately, that you have to watch
out for yourself, and sometimes you may have to make
changes to how you live your life in order to be safe.
This may not seem fair, because it isn’t! You are not the
person doing anything wrong. However, since you cannot
control what other people do, sometimes the only way to
be and feel safe is for you to change what you do, even
if that is inconvenient or seems unfair.
Throughout this ‘zine, you will find ideas for keeping
yourself safe. They are suggestions, not rules. Not all
of them are appropriate for everyone. You might not want
to follow some of them. That’s okay.
Remember that, no matter what, you are not to blame if
someone else is violent or abusive towards you or disrespects
your rights in any way.
Parents
Lots of girls and young women have close relationships
with their parents. If this is your situation, we
encourage you to share this ‘zine with them and to talk
about the issues in it together. It can be helpful when
trying to make difficult decisions to have the opinions
of people who have had more experience and who have
your best interests at heart.
If that is not an option for you, perhaps you can find
another older person with whom you can talk through
difficult issues – a counselor, group leader, coach,
religious leader, an aunt or uncle or older cousin.
You should trust your gut instincts about who feels safe
and comfortable for you to share private information
and talk about difficult questions.
page 6
2 At Home
Can my parents yell at me?
A parent cannot:
Yes. In all kinds of relationships there is likely to be
disagreement at some point. However, when someone who
who has power over another person (for example a parent
over a child) yells at or insults that person regularly,
that may be verbal abuse, especially if it makes that
person feel bad about themself. This is not against the
criminal law, but it may be something that the children’s
aid society would investigate.
• hit or spank a child who is under 2 or over 12 years
Check out the section called “Important Ages” for
information about reporting child abuse to the
children’s aid society.
• use physical force on a child with disabilities
of age
• use any object – for example, a belt or a hairbrush –
to hit a child
• hit a child on the head
• hit or spank a child hard enough to cause a
physical injury
Can my parents ground me?
Even if a parent is not going to face criminal charges
for hitting or spanking a child, the child protection
authority could still become involved if there were
concerns that the hitting or spanking is child abuse.
Parents are allowed to make rules about how they expect
their children to behave as long as the kids are living
at home and the parents are responsible for them.
You have the right not to be hit by your parents.
Can my parents hit me?
It is against the law for people to hit other people. This
is called assault. When someone hits another person,
they can be arrested by the police and charged with a
criminal offence.
However, the criminal law says parents can hit or spank
their children to discipline them. They cannot hit their
child because they are angry or frustrated or in a way
that is degrading to the child. There is no definition of
“degrading” in the law, but one example would be hitting
a child in front of her friends or in public.
page 8
If your father, mother, step-father or step-mother hits you,
you can talk to another adult you trust, for instance a
counselor or teacher at school, a coach, a program leader
or a religious leader. If you are worried about your safety
(or the safety of someone else), you can call the police or
the children’s aid society to ask for help.
Can my parents kick me out?
Parents are expected to care and provide for their
children until the children reach the ages in the
chart about reporting child abuse.
If your parents abuse you or if they say you cannot
live at home anymore, the best thing for you to do is
page 9
talk to another adult you trust (a school teacher or
counselor, a group leader, a religious leader, a coach),
who may be able to help you make a plan. Depending on
your age, the children’s aid society may become involved
and may place you with another relative, friend of the
family or in foster care.
Safety at home:
If you have concerns for your safety at home, you might
want to:
• keep a spare set of clothes and a bit of money at a
friend’s house
• keep any important documents and possessions (for
Can I move out?
Children and young people are expected to stay living
with their parents until they reach at least the ages
in the chart. If you move out, your parents may no
longer be responsible for supporting you financially.
If your parents have split up and one of your parents
is paying child support, they may not have to keep
paying this money.
You may be able to receive social assistance (welfare) if
you move out on your own. In most parts of the country,
people do not qualify to apply for social assistance
until they have reached what is called the “age of
majority” (check the section called “Important Ages” to
see what the age of majority is in your province).
However, in some provinces and territories, you may be
able to receive social assistance if you are younger
than this if the social assistance agency believes you
have a good reason not to be able to live at home; for
example, if your parents were abusing you or refusing
to allow you to live at home.
example, a bus pass, birth certificate, health card,
cell phone) in a backpack that you can grab quickly
if you need to
• know where all the phones in your house are
• have a “safe room” in the house where you can go and
be away from whoever is hurting you (for example, a
room with a lock on the door)
• have a plan for how to get out of your house quickly
if you have to and know where you will go
• know how to describe your location to the police if
you have to call them for help
You have the right to live somewhere that is safe
for you. If your parents or someone else in the family or
house are abusing you or if your father is abusing your
mother, you should speak to an adult you trust. That person
can give you support and help you think about what to do.
For this to happen, you would have to tell the social
worker about your situation. The social worker would
probably talk to your parents and then make a decision
about whether or not you should get social assistance.
page 10
page 11
3 At school
You have the right to be safe at school, just
like you do at home and in the community. No
one – principal, teachers, counselors, coaches,
school bus drivers, other staff or other students –
is allowed to hurt or bully you in the classroom, the
hallway, the schoolyard, anywhere else on school property,
on the school bus or while you are involved in school
activities, wherever you may be.
Many schools now have “zero tolerance” policies. These
were created for a good reason – to keep schools free from
violence and safe for everyone – but they do not always
work effectively. This is because only some kinds of
violence – mostly physical - are addressed and other
kinds of violence – like bullying – are often ignored.
Also, in many cases, violence that happens to a person
because of their sex or sexual orientation is not always
treated as seriously as it should be and is sometimes
even ignored completely. Students of colour often find
they are centred out and treated more severely under
zero tolerance policies than are other students.
You may want to find out exactly how your school’s zero
tolerance policy works. If you don’t like it, you might
want to get involved trying to make it work better.
Do I have to go to school?
Yes. Children and young people in Canada must attend
school between certain ages. This age is slightly
different from province to province. You can check out
the ages where you live by looking in our “Important
Ages” section.
page 12
Can my teacher hit me?
It is against the law for people to hit other people.
This is called assault. When someone hits another
person, they can be arrested by the police and charged
with a criminal offence.
However, according to the law, teachers, like parents,
are allowed to hit or spank students if it is for the
purpose of discipline. They cannot hit a student
because they are angry or frustrated or in a way that
is degrading. There is no definition of “degrading” in
the law, but one example would be hitting a student
in front of the class.
A teacher cannot:
• hit or spank a student over 12 years of age
• use any object – for example, a ruler or book – to hit
a student
• hit a student on the head
• hit or spank a student hard enough to cause a
physical injury
• use physical force on a student with disabilities
Even if a teacher is not going to face criminal charges
for hitting or spanking a student, the school board
might become involved in disciplining them.
You have the right not to be hit by your teacher.
If your teacher hits you, you should talk to another adult
you trust. If you are worried about your safety (or the
safety of a friend), you can call the police or the children’s
aid society to ask for help.
page 13
Can my teacher yell at me?
A teacher can yell if it is the only way to get your
attention; for example if everyone in the class is talking
loudly and the teacher cannot be heard without raising
their voice.
most expect students to behave responsibly and
cooperatively while at school and school-related events,
to treat others and their property with respect, to
participate fully in the education program and to
follow the school rules.
Teachers have to be careful not to abuse the power they
have over students. One kind of power abuse would be
verbal abuse, for example, putting a student down or
insulting them in front of the class.
Students who do not follow the code of conduct or rules
may be disciplined. This could include being given
detentions, having privileges (like playing on a sports
team or going on a field trip) taken away or, in more
serious cases, being suspended or expelled.
What are my rights if I am suspended
or expelled?
What is the role of religion at school?
Each province and territory has school boards that make
many of the rules about how schools operate. In larger
provinces, there are many school boards, each with
responsibility for a specific geographic area. There are
different school boards for public (non-religious) and
separate (Roman Catholic) schools and, in some parts of
the country, for French, English and Aboriginal schools.
Private schools operate independently and have their
own governing systems and rules.
School boards make the rules about suspension and
expulsion, so they are different in different places.
However, generally, students and/or their parents have
the right to appeal a suspension or expulsion to the
school board.
You can find out about the exact procedure in your
school district by asking your principal, by calling
your school board office or by looking at the website
for your school board.
Do I have to follow the school rules?
Most school boards and schools have codes of conduct for
students. These are different in different places, but
page 14
There is lots of debate and discussion about the
relationship between religion and school.
Public schools are secular, which means non-religious.
In these schools, you have the right not to participate
in religious activities if you don’t want to. For example,
if you do not want to sing the national anthem because
it refers to God or if your school uses a prayer at the
beginning of the day that you are uncomfortable with,
you may ask to be excused. You may find that your
teacher or principal is not respectful of your request
and that it is just easier to stay in the classroom and
not participate. Or you may have a teacher or principal
who is very respectful and provides you with an
alternative activity.
Even though public schools are non-religious, everyone
has the right to freedom of religious expression. This
means that you can wear religious clothing (for example,
a Star of David, a crucifix, a head covering) for all
school activities, including sports, if you wish.
You can also talk about your religious beliefs at school,
as long as you do so in a way that is respectful of other
people’s beliefs or non-beliefs and that does not
interfere with the regular teaching in the classroom.
page 15
Even though public schools in Canada are not supposed
to recognize one religion more than another, they do
follow Canadian statutory holidays, many of which are
based on Christian festivals and events (for example,
Christmas and Easter). If you follow a different
religion that has different festivals and holidays (for
example, Kwanza, Yom Kipper, Ramadan), you have the
right to miss these days of school without any penalty.
Can other people go through my locker or
search my backpack without my permission?
A school principal is required to maintain order,
discipline and safety in the school. They also must
respect the right of students to privacy.
Fine then.
You smell like pot.
I’d like to see inside
your locker.
This can create a conflict if the principal thinks you
have something (for example, a weapon or drugs) that
could interfere with safety or order in your locker
or backpack.
Generally, no one can look through your stuff just in
case you might have something illegal. You must give
permission before your locker, backpack or other
possessions can be searched. If you do give permission,
and the principal or police find something illegal, you
can be charged. Even if what they find is not illegal,
but it is against the school rules, you might be
suspended or punished in some other way by the school.
You won’t
find anything.
I don’t have to...
If you’ve got
nothing to hide...
Even if you have not given permission but they search
your locker anyway and find something illegal, you
could be charged. It would be very important for you to
get a lawyer and to tell them that you did not consent
to the search. This could help get the charge against
you thrown out of court.
There are some circumstances in which your stuff can
be searched without your permission. If the principal
or police have strong reason to believe that there is
told you there
was nothing
in there!
page 16
something illegal, especially if it is weapons or
drugs, in your locker or backpack, they can search it
whether or not you give permission.
Do my parents have the right to know what is
going on with me at school?
Your parents are expected to support you with your
schooling by providing you with a safe home environment
and other assistance to help you be a good student and
by keeping themselves informed about what is going on
at school.
Generally, parents have the right to be kept informed
about your attendance, behaviour and progress at school
while you are under the minimum school-leaving age.
This means they can see your report card. In fact,
parents often have to sign their children’s report cards
or course selection forms so the teacher knows they are
aware of what is going on. They will be told by the
school if you are absent or if you are disciplined,
suspended or expelled.
If you stay in school after the minimum school-leaving
age, this information can only be shared with your
parents with your permission. If this is your situation,
and you do not want the school talking to your parents,
you should tell the principal just to make sure your
privacy is protected.
4 social
networking
The Internet, Facebook®, Twitter®, Flickr®, YouTube®, blogs
and other apps have become very popular ways for young
people to communicate with one another, share stories,
photos, videos and music and keep up with what is going on.
While these sites are a fun way to connect with friends and
share files, using these applications raises significant
privacy issues, and it is important to think about the
long-term implications and consequences of what you do
now. You should be very mindful of your privacy whenever
you use sites like these – while having lots of “virtual”
friends can be great, you want to be sure you protect
your privacy as much as possible.
What seems like fun during an evening of fooling around
with friends does not always seem like so much fun a few
days later if private pictures or stories make their way
onto a public site. It may seem like even less fun if those
pictures or stories show up years later when a potential
employer does a “google” search on your name.
Always remember that these sites are businesses. Their
primary objective is to make money, not to look out for
your well-being.
Before you sign on to Facebook®, Twitter®, Flickr® or
YouTube®, make sure you read the Terms of Use, Code of
Conduct and Privacy Policy carefully. This means
reading the small print too.
If there is anything you do not understand or that
makes you uncomfortable, check with someone you trust
who understands Internet technology before deciding
to sign on.
page 18
page 19
People under 13 cannot legally have accounts with
these sites.
This is quite an
Most file sharing/2.0 sites have codes of conduct
that prohibit:
impressive resumé.
• using the site for illegal activity
• using the site to intimidate, harass or stalk someone
• posting anything that is threatening, abusive,
harassing, obscene, hateful, racist or offensive for
any other reason
If your use of the site does not follow the code of conduct,
the company can end your access to it at any time.
Nata
I’m sure
lie G
reen
you’ll be hearing
from us.
You are responsible for anything you post. For
Res
ults
example, if you post something that is Illegal, it is
you, not the site, that can get in trouble.
reen
:
b
Na
This is information that the company will keep
forever. Be careful what you choose to share.
What you put out there will stay out there.
Thanks.
I certainly
lie G
Ugh, hardly
Smith & Smith
Photos
Home
material...
Info
Profile
Friends
Anything you post or share with your friends can be
passed on by them, which means it can become publicly
available.
Aw e s o
Ph
entr
al
s
ree ults for
n
hope so.
Wall
eak
otos
Hig
ta
h
Adv lie Gr
e
entu
res en’s P
of a
a
r
die- ty Bl
Sho
og
hard
w
part
Nat more R
y gir
a
l.
e
archived by the company indefinitely.
page 20
ie G
Bec ook |
om
N
Pok e Nat atali
a
e
eN
atali lie’s frie Gree
e V
n
n
Nat
iew d Wr
it
Nat
a
alie e on N
Spr lie Gre
’s
pho atalie
ing
en’s
’s w
tos
Br
C
Most of these sites require you to provide a great deal
of personal information to create an account.
For these reasons, it is very important to think carefully
before posting anything personal on one of these sites.
atal
ace
How can I protect my privacy?
You own the content that you post, but the company has
what is called a licence to use it in any way it wants,
as long as it remains posted. This means that something
you post could end up being used by the company in a
way that you did not intend. When you remove your
content, this licence ends, but the content can remain
for N
me pa
rty LO
L
Way c
ool ke
gger,
u pass
ed ou
Same
t!
time n
ext we
ek?!?!?
!
c u th
ere
all
All these sites have privacy settings. You should use
these to maintain as much privacy for yourself as
possible. You want to be the one who controls who has
access to information about you.
What can I do if someone posts
information/pictures about me without
my permission?
The first thing to do is to contact the customer support
centre for the site. Information about how to do this
appears on the site in the Terms of Use section.
All sites have links so that you can report any abuse
or misuse of the site.
If you know who has posted the information/pictures
and if it is safe, you could talk to them and ask
them to take the posting down.
If the information posted about you was very serious,
you might be able to take legal action against the
person who posted it. This would only be possible in
extremely serious situations.
You should talk to an adult you trust if you have
concerns about something posted about you on the
Internet, because that person may be able to help
you figure out what to do.
You should not agree to meet someone in person by
yourself when you have only known them on a site or
through the Internet. If you are meeting someone, you
should take a friend with you and make sure you meet
in a public place, with other people around.
You should not give out information about where you
live, go to school or work.
If someone is harassing or stalking you on a site, do
not respond in any way. Even though it seems unfair
because you have not done anything wrong, the safest
thing to do is to stop using the site. You can also
contact the company to let them know what is happening,
and talk to an adult you trust right away. Make sure
your friends know what is happening and ask them not
to communicate with the person who is harassing or
stalking you.
You have the right to use social networking sites
and be safe. Think ahead when posting and sharing
information or pictures and don’t share private information
with people you don’t know.
How can I make sure I am safe using
the Internet?
Keeping yourself safe online is important. Most of these
social networking sites have information on how to keep
safe that you can find in the Terms of Use section.
People are not always who they say they are, so you
should be very careful before providing any personal
information.
page 22
page 23
5 bullying
There are lots of ways people can mistreat other people.
Some of these are against the law and others are against
school, workplace and other rules or codes of conduct.
Bullying is a kind of harassment. It is any action or
language by one person that is meant to hurt – physically
or emotionally – another. Some kinds of bullying are
against the law. For example:
• vandalizing someone’s property like a backpack, iPod,
laptop, cellphone, skateboard or bike
• pushing, shoving, punching or kicking someone
• threatening to harm someone, their family or friends
or their stuff
• making repeated unwanted phone calls or sending email
messages or text messages that are not wanted
Other kinds of bullying may not be against the law, but
they still frighten or put down the victim. For example:
• calling the person insulting names or teasing or
mocking them
• using abusive language
• spreading bad gossip or rumours in person, by text
messaging or posting on a website
Knowing what to do when you are being bullied can be
hard. Remember — you are not to blame for the bullying.
Here are a few suggestions of things you can do that might
make the bullying stop or make you feel safer:
• if the bully’s behaviour is against the law (for example,
they hit you), you could call the police, who may charge
them with assault. See the section on assault below for
more information about this
page 24
• tell friends what is going on
and ask for their support
and help. Maybe together
you can convince the
bully to stop
• set up a buddy system so
you always have someone
with you when you think the
bully might be around
• even though it might be hard to do, you can try to
act brave and walk away. If the bully does not get
the response they want, they might stop bothering you
• if you are worried about your safety, tell an adult,
who may be able to help you make a plan to be safe
• depending on the situation, you could talk to the
bully yourself. Tell them firmly that you want them
to stop what they are doing, and then walk away
• if you know someone who is being bullied, you can let
that person know that you are there to help if they
want you to
• never become a bully yourself, even in response to a
bully. That just escalates the level of the bullying
and could make the situation more dangerous
You have the right to be and feel safe wherever
you are. If you are being bullied and don’t feel safe, the
best thing you can do is to ignore the bully and walk away
as quickly as you can. Try to find a group of people you
can join.
page 25
6
dating
I’m kinda
nervous to meet
Mom, Dad,
your parents.
this is Justin.
Can I date anyone I want?
There are no laws that say who you can or cannot date,
but your parents, your culture or your religion may have
rules, traditions or expectations about dating. For
example, they may say you cannot start dating until you
are a certain age or that you can only date someone from
your community.
Nah,
it’ll be fine.
As long as you live at home, you will have to find a way
to negotiate any conflicts about dating with your parents.
If they try to stop you from dating someone, you could
ask them to explain their reasons and then think about
how you can respond. Perhaps they just need to meet
your date a few times to feel more comfortable about
him/her.
If your parents don’t want you to date someone because
they are not from your community, perhaps you can find
a community leader to help you talk with your parents
about this. It can be difficult for parents, especially
if they are new to Canada, to relate to Canadian dating
practices, which are much more relaxed than in many
other parts of the world.
Er, Justin,
hello...
What about sex?
No one has to have sex. This is your choice to make. If
someone forces you to have sex, they have committed a
sexual assault.
You will make your decisions about if and when you want
to be sexual with another person based on your personal
values system. You may also rely on your family/religious/
cultural belief system.
What a
page 26
surprise.
It is always okay to say NO to sex.
If you want to have sex, there are some laws about how
old you have to be and who you can have sex with.
How old do I have to be to have sex?
In Canada, you must be at least 16 years old to consent
to have sex with someone else. There is an exception to
this: if you are 14 or 15 years old and the person you
want to have sex with is less than 5 years older than
you and is not someone who has power or authority over
you, then you can consent. If you are 12 or 13 years
old, you can consent to have sex with someone who is no
more than 2 years older than you, if they are not in a
position of power or authority over you. Someone in
power and authority would include a babysitter, an
older relative, a coach, a religious leader, a camp
counselor and other people in these kinds of positions.
Can I have sex with people in my family?
According to the law, you can have sex with anyone who
is legally able to consent to have sex – in other words,
if they are old enough and have the mental ability to
understand what they are agreeing to – unless that
person is your brother or sister, parent or grandparent
by birth or adoption.
There may be other people - such as cousins, aunts,
uncles, nieces or nephews – that you or your community
think it is inappropriate for you to have sex with,
even if it would not be illegal.
It would not be legal for you to have sex with your
stepmother or stepfather in most circumstances because
of the age difference and because they are in a position
of power and authority over you.
page 28
Can my parents stop me from having sex?
If your parents are not happy with the fact that you
are sexually active or don’t approve of the person you
are having sex with, they could try to stop you. If you
live at home, they could punish you, give you a curfew,
forbid you from seeing the person or kick you out. If
you don’t live at home, they could cut you off from your
family or stop providing you with any support.
If you are under 16, they could even call the police
and try to get them to charge the person you are having
sex with.
Even if it is not easy, it might be very helpful to find
a way to talk to your parents so they understand your
feelings and know that you are behaving responsibly
and making sure you are safe.
What if my parents try to force me to marry
someone I don’t want to marry?
Forced marriage is not permitted in Canada.
If you are under 16 years old, and your parents are
trying to force you to marry someone, you should talk
to an adult you trust and ask them to help you.
If you are afraid that your parents may take you out of
Canada to marry someone against your wishes, you should
talk to an adult you trust right away.
You have the right to make your own safe decisions
about dating and your social life. If you and your
parents cannot agree, try to find another person who can
help you talk about your differences and come to some
compromises.
page 29
Safety when you are going out
Knowing how to be safe and feel safe is very important.
There are lots of ways you and your friends can help
one another make sure you are as safe as possible,
wherever you are.
Here are some suggestions. They are not rules. Not all
of them are appropriate for everyone. You might not
want to follow some of them. That’s okay.
Remember – no matter what, you are not to blame if someone
else is violent or abusive towards you or disrespects your
rights in any way.
• If you are traveling in a car, be sure there is a
designated driver who you trust to stay sober
• Ask your parents if they will agree to come and pick
you up, with no questions asked, if you call them in
an emergency
If you have a cell phone:
• Make sure it is charged up and carry it with you
when you go out
• Have important and emergency numbers preprogrammed
into your phone, so you can reach your friends, your
parents and a taxi company quickly if you need to
General suggestions:
• Make sure someone knows where you are going and
when you expect to return
• Know where you are going and how you can get home
or to a friend’s place or public place from there
• If you are going somewhere that is not familiar to
you, try to go with a friend or friends
• Have enough cash with you that you can pay for a cab
ride in an emergency
• 310-TAXI will connect you to a cab anywhere in Canada
If you don’t have a cell phone:
• Carry change for a pay phone with you
• Know key phone numbers – your parents’ cell phone, a
taxi company, your friends
• Check out where the phones are when you get to your
destination
• Watch your drinks when you go out
• Agree on a plan with your friends ahead of time for
checking in with and watching out for one another
• Carry a whistle with you, especially if you are out
alone. Even if it feels embarrassing, blow it if you
are in an unsafe situation. It will likely scare off
anyone who is causing you trouble
• Only accept blind date recommendations from someone
If you need help:
• Use whatever communication tools you have to call
for help
• Send a text message to a friend asking her to call
for help, call a taxi, call your parents, call
the police
who knows both you and your date
page 30
page 31
7 stalking
Stalking is a word that is used by different people
to mean different things. In this ‘zine, we use it to
describe behaviour by one person that makes another
person feel uncomfortable or even afraid.
There are many ways someone can stalk another person.
No matter what the stalking activity is, the person is
doing it because they want to have power and control
over the other person.
Some examples of stalking behaviour are:
• calling you on your cell phone over and over and
over again
• text messaging, especially if the messages are
threatening
• hanging around outside your classroom, near your
locker, your house or where you work
• following you and showing up at places you go with
your friends
• sending you gifts that you don’t want
Serious kinds of stalking behavior are illegal. This
kind of stalking is called criminal harassment.
Unfortunately, there is not a straightforward list
of when this happens because it often depends on the
circumstances. Generally, it is repeated behaviour
that makes you feel afraid.
For example, a stranger following you down the street
one time may bother or even frighten you, but it is
probably not criminal harassment. However, if that
person is your former boyfriend and he has told you he
page 32
That’s the
Mark bought me
fourth time in an hour
this cell phone so
your phone has rung,
that we can always
please turn it off.
be connected.
Wow,
you’re lucky.
is going to follow you around until you agree to get
back together with him, it probably is criminal
harassment.
Stalking behaviour can be hard to identify, even by
the person who is being stalked. It sometimes feels
friendly or even romantic at first, but after time
starts to be annoying and then frightening.
Often, people being stalked are too embarrassed to tell
anyone. It is important to trust your instincts – if
someone’s behaviour is making you feel unsafe or even
uncomfortable, you should try to find someone to talk to.
Often, women who are being stalked think they can
convince their stalker to stop by talking to them.
This is almost never successful and, in fact,
often leads to more stalking because the stalker
thinks they have a chance of getting your
attention.
The police may be able to charge your stalker. The more
information about their activities you have, the easier
it will be for the police to decide what to do. You can
keep track of what your stalker is doing by keeping
notes in a small calendar or on your computer. It is
also a good idea to keep any gifts, phone messages,
notes, emails or text messages.
Safety if you are being stalked:
Here are some suggestions for keeping yourself safe if
you are being stalked. They are not rules. Not all of
them are appropriate for everyone – especially with
stalking, how you keep yourself safe will depend on
what your stalker is doing. You might not want to
follow some of them and that’s okay.
Remember — no matter what, you are not to blame
if someone else is violent or abusive towards you
or disrespects your rights in any way.
We know that these suggestions may seem unfair,
because they are all things that you need to change
about your life. Unfortunately, sometimes that is the
only way to get away from a stalker.
• change your email address so your stalker won’t be
able to send you emails
• change your cell phone number so they can’t phone you
• change your daily routine so it is harder for them
to know when and where to find you
• tell your family and friends that you are being
stalked so they can watch out for your stalker too
• keep track of everything your stalker does and when
they do it
You have the right to break up with someone and
not be stalked. You can ask for help from others,
including the police, if you are being stalked and are
worried about your safety.
• keep anything your stalker sends you – gifts, notes,
emails, phone messages – even if all you want to do
is throw them away
• try to avoid any interaction with your stalker
because they may see this as encouragement to
continue contacting you
page 34
page 35
8 assault
Physical and sexual assault are against the law.
Anyone who commits either kind of assault can be
charged with a criminal offence.
A physical assault is when someone touches you
physically without your permission, which is also
called consent.
Consenting means agreeing to do something once you
understand what it is you are agreeing to do. If someone
is pressuring you to do something, then you are not
consenting, even if you do it. For example, it is not
consent if you “agree” to let someone hit you because that
person threatens to tell a lie about you if you don’t.
You do not have to be physically injured for the person
to be charged with assault. If you are, the person can
be charged with a more serious offence, which is also
the case if they use a weapon or threaten you during
the assault.
about what has happened can help you with these feelings.
You can ask an adult or friend you trust for information
about counselling and support services. Your telephone
book lists crisis phone numbers inside the front cover –
you might want to call one of these numbers for support
and suggestions about where you can go for help. Check out
the resource list at the end of this zine for more info.
A sexual assault is when someone touches you in a
sexual way without your permission (consent). This can
include touching your breasts, your genital area or
even other parts of your body if it is done in a sexual
way. It also includes oral sex and sexual intercourse/
penetration, if you have not agreed to it.
There are also other kinds of sexual activity that are
against the law. For example, it is illegal to force
someone to watch someone else have sex or to look at
pornography.
If you have been physically assaulted, the most
important thing is to make sure you are safe from more
physical harm. You might need to call or text someone
for help or to come and get you from wherever you are.
Consenting means agreeing to do something once you
understand what it is you are agreeing to do. If someone
is pressuring you to do something, then you are not
consenting, even if you do it. For example, it is not
consent if you “agree” to have sex with someone because
that person threatens to hurt you if you don’t.
If you have been injured physically, you should get
to a hospital as quickly as possible.
There are some special rules about consenting to
sexual activity. Usually, you cannot consent to have
You might feel frightened or embarrassed or angry
because of being assaulted, and talking to someone else
sex with someone unless you are at least 16 years old.
However, if you are 14 or 15 years old and the person
you want to have sex with is less than 5 years older
than you and is not someone who has power or authority
over you, then you can consent. If you are 12 or 13
years old, you can consent to have sex with someone who
is no more than 2 years older than you, if they are not
in a position of power or authority over you. Someone in
page 36
page 37
Even if you do not think you have been injured
physically, you may want to go to the hospital for a
medical examination to make sure. Sometimes injuries
like serious bruising or internal bleeding do not
show up right away.
power and authority would include a babysitter, a
relative, a coach, a teacher, a religious leader, a camp
counselor and other people in these kinds of positions.
I’m not sure...
You can consent to sex and then change your mind. Once
you stop consenting, the other person is supposed to
stop what they are doing.
The law says you can so “no” to sex lots of different
ways. Of course, the easiest and clearest way is to say
no in words, but this is not always easy or possible.
We’ve been drinking.
Here are some examples of ways you can say no:
• “I’m tired.”
• “Maybe later.”
• “I don’t feel comfortable doing this.”
I’m tired.
• “I’m not sure.”
• “I think I have had too much to drink.”
You can say no in many ways
Even silence means no according to the law.
You can also say no by your body language or by
pushing the other person away.
If you have said no in any of these ways and
the other person refuses to stop, this is sexual
assault.
Date rape and acquaintance rape are terms used to
describe sexual assaults when the two people know each
other. They do not have to actually be dating or be on
a date when the sexual assault takes place.
Most of the time, women know the person who sexually
assaults them. It might be a relative, a school friend,
a coworker or boss or a boyfriend or ex-boyfriend.
page 38
@#%!$# You!
The term “date rape drug” is often used to describe a
drug that is slipped into your drink to make you not
remember what is happening to you. This is a bit
misleading, because in many ways alcohol itself is
a date rape drug, especially if you do not have much
experience drinking alcohol and don’t know how it
affects you.
A man may use alcohol or drugs so he can sexually
assault you without you protesting or remembering
what has happened later.
If you think you have been given a drug, doctors can
check your blood, but only if they test it within a very
short time after you have taken it, so you should try to
get to the hospital quickly.
It is important for you and your friends to pay
attention to what you are drinking and to watch
your drinks carefully when you go out.
If you have been sexually assaulted, the most
important thing is to make sure you are safe.
If you want to tell the police about your assault –
whether it was sexual or physical — you can call them,
even if the assault took place a while ago. The police
will take a statement from you and collect evidence
from you and by talking to the person who assaulted
you, if they can find him/her. They will then decide
whether or not there is enough evidence for them to
lay a charge.
If a friend tells you that she has been physically or
sexually assaulted, the most important thing is to tell
her that you believe her and to ask her what she wants
to do. If you know about services in your community,
you can tell her about them.
A girl or young woman who has been sexually assaulted
in particular needs to be believed and to know you do
not judge her for what has happened.
You have the right to be and to feel safe at home,
at school and in the community.
If you have been injured physically, you should get
to a hospital as quickly as possible.
Even if you have not been injured physically, you may
want to go to the hospital so you can have a medical
examination and be given treatment to protect you
against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections
(STIs) or so you can be tested to see if you were given
a date rape drug.
Whether you have been physically or sexually assaulted,
if you want to talk to someone about what has happened
to you, you can call a crisis centre. Many hospitals
have special sexual assault units to support women who
have been sexually assaulted. Many communities have
specialized centres for this, too.
page 40
You have the right to ask an adult, including the
police, for help if you have been assaulted either
physically or sexually.
You have the right to be safe wherever you are
and whatever you are doing. Making a safety plan and
talking about safety with your friends is an important part
of looking out for yourself.
page 41
Safety when you are going out
Knowing how to be safe and feel safe is very important.
There are lots of ways you and your friends can help
one another make sure you are as safe as possible,
wherever you are.
Here are some suggestions. They are not rules and not
all of them are appropriate for everyone. You might not
want to follow some of them. That’s okay.
• If you are traveling in a car, be sure there is a
designated driver who you trust to stay sober
• Ask your parents if they will agree to come and pick
you up, with no questions asked, if you call them in
an emergency
If you have a cell phone:
• Make sure it is charged up and carry it with you
when you go out
Remember – no matter what, you are not to blame
if someone else is violent or abusive towards you
or disrespects your rights in any way.
• Have important and emergency numbers preprogrammed
into your phone, so you can reach your friends, your
parents and a taxi company quickly if you need to
• 310-TAXI will connect you to a cab anywhere in Canada
General suggestions:
• Make sure someone knows where you are going and
when you expect to return
• Know where you are going and how you can get home or
to a friend’s place or public place from there
• If you are going somewhere that is not familiar to
you, try to go with a friend or friends
• Have enough cash with you that you can pay for a cab
ride in an emergency
If you don’t have a cell phone:
• Carry change for a pay phone with you
• Know key phone numbers – your parents’ cell phone,
a taxi company, your friends
• Check out where the phones are when you get to your
destination
If you need help:
• Watch your drinks when you go out
• Use whatever tools you have to call for help
• Agree on a plan with your friends ahead of time for
• Send a text message to a friend asking her to
checking in with and watching out for one another
• Carry a whistle with you, especially if you are out
call for help, call a taxi, call your parents,
call the police
alone. Even if it feels embarrassing, blow it if you
are in an unsafe situation. It will likely scare off
anyone who is causing you trouble
page 43
page 42
9
health
The laws and rules about when young people can make
their own medical decisions and when health care
professionals (including doctors, nurses, therapists,
counselors and pharmacists) are required to give
private information to a young person’s parents are
quite vague.
Generally, if you are 12 to 14 years or older, you
can make your own decisions about medical treatment
if the health care professional believes you
understand the situation and the implications and
consequences of the decision you are making.
However, doctors and others have a great deal of
discretion in deciding whether or not you can make
these decisions on your own as long as you are under the
age of majority, which is different in different parts
of Canada. You can see the age of majority for where
you live by looking at the “Important Ages” section.
You have the right to privacy in your relationship
with your doctor or therapist/counselor, with
some exceptions. All medical professionals - including
therapists, counselors, doctors, nurses and dentists – are
legally required to report to the children’s aid society if they
suspect child abuse of any kind: for example, if you are 15
and tell your doctor you want to go on the birth control pill
because your 20-year-old boyfriend wants to have sex with
you or if you are 14 and tell your counselor that you have
been sexually abused.
Some doctors may also feel they have an ethical duty
to tell your parents if they think you are involved
in something unsafe or inappropriate.
page 44
It is a good idea for you to ask your doctor or therapist
what kind of confidentiality they will offer you before
you share any personal information that you would not
want your parents to know about. You could also call
your local women’s shelter or rape crisis centre for
information about which doctors and therapists in your
community will work with young women without telling
their parents.
Becoming sexually active
Becoming sexually active is a big decision. Different
people are ready to think about this at different times
in their lives – there is no one age at which everyone
is ready for sexual activity.
You need to base your decisions on your own values
system and maybe also on your family’s or community’s
beliefs, and not be pressured into making a decision
that does not feel right to you.
This ’zine provides information about some of the many
issues you will need to consider if you decide to become
sexually active, but does not promote sexual activity.
We just want you to have information to help you make
your own decisions as well as you can.
One of the best sources of information about everything
related to sex is the Canadian Federation for Sexual
Health, which used to be called Planned Parenthood
Canada. You can find information about this organization
in our resources section.
page 45
Birth control
If you decide to become sexually active and don’t want to
become pregnant, you will need to practice birth control.
There are many kinds of birth control. Some, like the
birth control pill or a diaphragm, require you to visit
a doctor or a sexual health centre. Others, like condoms
or spermicide, you can purchase from a pharmacy without
needing to visit a doctor first.
The emergency contraception pill (ECP), often called the
morning-after pill, is another way to prevent a pregnancy
after you have had unprotected sexual contact. You need
to take this pill within 5 days of having sex; and the
earlier you take it, the better.
You do not need a prescription for this pill anywhere
in Canada. You can purchase it over the counter in most
pharmacies or get it from a sexual health clinic.
In some locations, the pharmacist will ask you questions,
including your date of birth. Different pharmacists
deal with this pill differently – in fact, some do not
dispense it at all - depending on their own ethics and
values, so it is a good idea to check out the drugstores
in your community to find out what their procedures are.
The ECP should never be used as a substitute for birth
control, but in emergency situations only.
Each kind of birth control has advantages and
disadvantages. It is important for you to get as
much information as you can so that you make a
decision that is best for you.
In order to ensure your privacy, you may want to use
a pharmacy that is not in your neighbourhood or where
your family members regularly shop.
page 46
We should talk.
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
Ending a pregnancy
Practicing safer sex can reduce the likelihood of
getting an STI, such as chlamydia, a vaginal infection,
gonorrhea, syphilis, hepatitis or HIV .
If you decide you do not want to continue with your
pregnancy, you will need to have an abortion. Abortion
is legal everywhere in Canada, However, it is not easily
accessible everywhere.
Safer sex practices include engaging in lower risk
sexual activities and using condoms. It is a good idea
to get information about and discuss STIs and safer
sex with a partner before becoming sexually active.
You have the right to ask your sexual partner(s) about
whether they have any STIs and you have a responsibility
to disclose information about any STIs that you have to
your sexual partner(s).
Pregnancy
An unexpected pregnancy can occur, no matter how careful
you are.
You may want to find out for sure if you are pregnant
right away. You can do this yourself by buying a home
pregnancy test at a pharmacy – you don’t need a
prescription. You may want to do this at a store where
no one knows you or your family, just so you have some
privacy. You should wait until you have missed one period
before doing this test or the result may not be accurate.
You could also have a pregnancy test done by your doctor
or at a sexual health centre.
Finding someone to talk to can be very helpful.
You may be able to talk to your parents, a friend or
someone else you know. If not, there are counselling
centres in many communities.
In most provinces, hospitals offer abortion services,
which are covered by provincial health insurance. Each
hospital has its own rules about the age at which they
will provide an abortion.
Most provinces also have abortion clinics, where you can
have an abortion without your parents knowing, as long
as you are at least 12 years old. Clinics strongly
encourage anyone having an abortion, especially if you
are very young, to tell someone about it and bring them
with you so you can have support.
In Ontario, British Columbia, Alberta and Newfoundland,
the cost of an abortion in a clinic is covered by provincial
health insurance. In other provinces, you have to pay a fee.
Abortion is not available anywhere in Prince Edward
Island. In New Brunswick, abortions can only be performed
in hospitals, and you have to have the written approval of
two doctors.
If you live in a small community or a rural or remote part
of the country, you will likely have to travel to a city
to get an abortion, which can be expensive and difficult,
especially if you do not want anyone to know about your
pregnancy.
You can get very good information and support about ending
a pregnancy from the Canadian Federation for Sexual Health.
You have the right to get the medical and therapy
help you need and to have privacy. Talk to local women’s
You should make sure the counselling centre offers an
open, non-judgmental attitude to all the various options
you may be considering – keeping your baby, adoption
and abortion – so that you can get good information about
each of them and support no matter what you choose to do.
support services and/or your doctor, counselor or therapist
to make sure you will get the help and privacy you want.
page 48
page 49
IMPORTANT AGES
Reporting child abuse:
Age of majority:
Adults who think a child is being abused are required
to report this to the children’s aid society. Different
provinces have different age limits for this.
Province or territory
Province or territory
Age
Age
British Columbia
19
Alberta
18
British Columbia
19
Saskatchewan
18
Alberta
18
Manitoba
18
Saskatchewan
16
Ontario
18
Manitoba
18
Quebec
18
Ontario
16
New Brunswick
19
Quebec
18
Nova Scotia
19
New Brunswick
19
Prince Edward Island
18
Nova Scotia
16
Newfoundland and Labrador
19
Prince Edward Island
18
Yukon
19
Newfoundland and Labrador
16
Northwest Territories
19
Nunavut
19
Yukon
No requirement to report
Northwest Territories
18
Nunavut
18
page 50
page 51
Going to school:
Province or
Territory
Children must start
school by this age
British Columbia
5 years old by
December 31
Alberta
Students cannot leave
school before this age
You have to be at least 16 years old to consent to have
sex with someone else.
16
6 years old
by September 1
16
Saskatchewan
7 years old
16
Manitoba
7 years old
16
Ontario
6 years old by
the first school
day in September
18
Quebec
7 years old
16
New Brunswick
5 years old by
December 31
18
5 years old
16
Island
7 years old
16
Newfoundland
6 years old by
and Labrador
December 31
Yukon
7 years old by
Nova Scotia
Having sex:
However, if you are 14 or 15 years old and the person you
want to have sex with is less than 5 years older than
you and is not someone who has power or authority over
you, then you can consent. If you are 12 or 13 years old,
you can consent to have sex with someone who is no more
than 2 years older than you, if they are not in a
position of power or authority over you. Someone in
power and authority would include a
babysitter, a relative,
a coach, a teacher,
a religious leader,
a camp counselor
and other people in
these kinds of positions.
Prince Edward
December 31
Northwest
6 years old by
Territories
December 31
Nunavut
6 years old by
December 31
page 52
16
16
16
16
page 53
RESOURCES
General:
Kids Help Phone
http://org.kidshelpphone.ca
Justice for Children and Youth
www.jfcy.org
Sex
Canadian Federation for Sexual Health
www.cfsh.ca
Healthy Relationships
Centre for Research and Education on Violence Against
Women and Children - Tools for Change, An Educators
Resource Site
http://www.toolsforchange.ca/index.html
Roots of Equality
http://www.springtideresources.org/programs/show_proj.c
fm?proj_id=3
White Ribbon Campaign
http://www.whiteribbon.ca/educational_materials/
http://www.whiteribbon.ca/ciab/default.asp
Bullying
Bullying fact sheet
www.lfcc.on.ca
Dealing with Bullies
www.kidshealth.org
Cyberbullying
www.cyberbullying.ca
page 54