PDF of 4 features - Public Collectors

ELL TOUPEE
BIG
TTffi
,APPY FLO
e
K
s
':'d
ffiif
,,i
DOZI
OMESTEAD
=URGE
,REV,
,F,LMS
t
'
{
I
t : : : . : l : 1 . : : : '
- : : . :
:
:
i
: l
r : : . :: : : : :::: : l :
(
*li.,.:j#"ffi
':.:.fl:1i;:
KILLDOZER
c\aMMiT:i
All answers are those of Mr. Michael Gerald, Killdozer's celebritv
singer.
Celebrtty ProIlIe:
Take your ttne and answer all the questions. No partial credit will be given for
incomplete thoughts, even buddtng genius.
THE AMI-CIIRIST:
No doubt about it, the Snuggles Bear is the Anti-Christ.
comes on TV, which I watch constanUy, my testicles receed (proof positive).
When it
WHITE TRASII: Refers to that breed of people that eat Spam as adults, drive rusty
Camaros, shop at Wal-Mart, and proudly say of thef trailerhome "I own it." White
Trash congregate at county fairs and auto shows and in the woods during deer season.
Some white trash culture has permeated the greater culture, e.g. "Shit happens," home
shopping networks, and Cajun food. (Cajuns are swamp-dwelling white trash, although
trailerhomes cannot be parked in swamps). New York artists are by far the worst.
FAVORITE BODILY FLI'IDS:
rnother in the family car.
The tears of a chi]d whose puppy has been backed over by
PORNOGRAPIIY: I think "People's Choice" porn would be a good idea. There should be
more celebrity porn. I'd like to see Marsha Brady sandwiched by Dom Deluise and
Buddy Ebsen. I'd also like to see Tootie from Facts o;flgte show off her fist-sized nipples.
The best IVe seen yet v/as Art Linkletter giving a nm job to a sow in heat in the classic
peep show Ballbus ters.
FAVORITEEDEROGATORY WORDi Jazz, or reggae. it's a toss-up.
FAVORITE BAI\IDS: The DeFranco Family, the Love Unlimited Orchestra,
Chocolate, Black Oak Arkansas, and damn near anlthing that isn't on SST.
ANAL FISTIJLA
Hot
Henry Rollins and,/or Donny the Punk.
FAVORITE POSITION: I€ad truck in a convoy.
BUGS BItNf\fY: A transvestite. He is constantly dressing up to seduce Elmer Fudd.
Foghorn I€ghorn on the other hand, now that guy has plenty of male hormones.
CHILDIIOOD ABUSE: No, my parcnts loved me. They still do.
rA\/ORITE PLACE TO EAT CHEESEBITRGERS:
Wisconsin.
Spiro's cyro Emporium,
Ptainfleld,
IDIOTS WHO SHOIJLD BE SHOT DEAD: Rastafarians, mirnes, Sigoumey Weaver, people
in Minneapolis, Karen Finley, Henry Rollins, Robert Christgau, Neil Simon, people
who wearJams, the owner of the Cat Club, and whoever took Hello Inml off the air.
MOVIES AND/OR VIDEOS3 The Btllg Jack trilog/ is hands down the best. Especially
the scene in Trt(l,l oJ Billy Jack, Irr which the bov with only one hand and a hook is
taught how to play a guitar.
MASTTTRBATION: I don't need to do this, but if I did, I would use a g-D picture of Ma.rtha
Og5n yhlle Lqing a l_ar of sand, or else use a photo of Martha Raye while using a hoover.
I'11bet Heffy Rolltns has to masturbate ouite a btt.
SUBURBAN
VOICE
D.0.4.
EXODUS
G00G00Dolrs
KILLDOZ
ER
SOULSIDE
WRECKING
CREW
ffi
I
I
HfrHH,H,
I
!
I
t
I
!
I
Ig
t1
B
fi
v
I
p
!
B
fr
as
ahead,
lies
intelvie\,
inleres!ing
lhe
Quite
jov,
Killdoze!'
and
wisconsin's
uaais;n,
P!ide
-offe!
B
u
r
l
I
v
e
s
to
il1
from the hentallv
on everything
opinioni
eith
of the big noise'
naslers
Tt is ttio,
r;
Mark Twain.
and 9ut-leve1
savagerv
pee!s
in!ense
to
match !hei!
few
the mosc
belts,
their
unde!
have 4 records
.r"r"t.ffi"",
"' L iltLt ttel e
on Touch & Go.
r ni n "
B aabbyy B uunnt L
being
one
recen!
(bass/vocals).
Bill
( i i LI l lddodzzee! r
Gera]d
Michael
i n c LLu a l e s
fiobson (9uila!)
and Dan Hobson (druhs)...
Are you guys
Ef:
Birthday Party?
oh, yeah.
BiIl:
rtre Birthday
biii
And {e're
il;hael:
sj.ck
of
Palty
broke
better:.
people
conParing
uP a long
tine
vou to
the
ago.
ideas.
ati_- Telr me abou! some of the lyricar
in the rnetro section of
Ne,rspape! articles
frTchaer:
goinss on
I
o
cal
paper.
LocaI haPPeninss,
iEdllii
esPecialLv sitver
l]iedding anniversa!ies,
national.
golden anniversaries.
No, c'mon. . ,
sv:
Alright.
EJchael3
I
{en!
out
on a
!angent.
NewsPaPer
And lJsr sLuff thdt /ou hedr.
DM:
And th-nqc thdt \aPPen rn
r,4rchdeI:
is Madison?
kind of place
svj--Ftrat
It's
a co11e9e !o!tn.
little
town.
rt's
a wonderful
iin,
babes and dudes.
150,000 corn-fed
utopia !
frl;hael:
between 2 lakes.
ffiuesttea
around
Palking
of whoopies
'.litb
lots
eirr,
people
who wele kicked
are
aIl
the
FI66pies
then they cu! the taxes.
hospital
mental
state
{he!e did vou guvs
speaking of menlaL hosPitals,
w:
of
ras on the innersleeve
tha!
I6at
oatient's
report
on
to ne one molnrng,
handed it
The man himself
Michael:
but I
whole name was on there,
carl...his
ii
mV to work.
his
entrre
nane,
of
actudtly
berter
tno-911
Puttin9
'ano
so I
phone numoe!,
unich
were
on there,
.ddress
one morning,
No, he was on the street
crossed.Lr
all
ou!.
'
c
a
u
s
e
a
nd I
he tooked like a hiPPie
6:30, handed it !o me
"ok,
but it
mate!ial,"
is religious
I bet this
though!r
"am I A PsychoPath?"
and I read all
entitled
eas so(etbing
of iL dnd, yes, le's d osYchoPaLh.
he's a PsychoPath?
ou! if
fiha! vas doing
9y:
not enough mo.ey to
Because there's
:
vtlete
hosPitals
patients
in the mental
i;;Ea1
They a1I waLk around Madison.
shete aIl
our street
That's
Michael:
PeoPLe
6Ei-: we're quite fond of them.
T h e Y 'r e c u t e a n d c D d d l v .
M i c h a eI :
keeD
Bili:
fi:;-a
do{n
benches rarn.
Thele's
boon box and
big
and
she
conducts
all
the
steep rn bus stops,
the
a
naned Nancy eho walks around and
the
boon box
and she sets
balon
on end.
I!
s a
for
hours
it
vonderful tosn.
obese
thele's also just a hu-fuckin'-munqously
-Mt ri ac chxa e l :
ror""
ttrat w e c a t l l h e " c a m e l l a d y " b e c a u s e o f h e r
body build.
Two of us ale married.
oan:
ro each other,
EfTr:
Michael:
To NancY and the
because
are
married
two
Hobson brothe!s
Dan.
Nor the
kind.
iEire
tne narrying
to say.
ahat's
what Dan likes
8r,11:
for the tou!.
his ring
Bill
look off
frf;taet:
'
on because r
I don ! have ny wedding ring
@i-ectuarry,
and if
I catch nv
that's
my sidetine,
work conslruction,
off.
get ripPed right
ic'd
on a narl,
finger
He caught his nose on a board.
Dan:
fuck anvlhing
kind.
I'll
I'm not the narrying
frTEnaer:
bark.
iiiE-?-oesn't
"sweet
Home
you!
have
been
of
cove!s
A couple
sv:
"cinnaFon
Young
how Nell
and,
seeing
Gir1"
and
ffabama"
"southern
song as a
wtoted
thelr
Man" and skynyrd
wroce
bolh
sides
of
to present
did you do both
!o it,
response
on PurPose?
Is that
the story?
person
that
upto pick
filst
lhe
You know. you'le
trLL!:
card.
you a sold
sta!
on vour report
gibve
we'l1
M 9l1!9lr
sort
o f f u n n y because nobody eLse has ever
That's
BilI:
me
fo!
uP, excePt
tha!
El;Fed
NeiI
Young
it's
kind of the trong
Unfortuna!eLY,
!,4ichaeI:
A
baltIe
of wils.
of minds,
b3!!le
in that
1r!hle
;ong
shlthead
fron
canada and some dead Confedelate
RepubI ican
his
how Neil Young has sPilched
rt's
kind of stlanqe
sv.
anyeay.
affi l iation,
;61itica]
Bill:
He's just old.
with
those
once associa!ed
I guess rE I
tlictraer:
I'd
try to 90 as far to the
and Nash
crosby, st!IIs
g
!
b
!
E
s
B
;
Michael
cipposit e extlene
as I coutd.
Bill:
Mr. crosby,
though,
what a consuMate
Did you
see h.im after
ne qoE our of his
Jdil
looked
tike
a mobsler,
a big fat nobster.
Michael
r
good without
But he looks
b
a
k
ing
the
sv:
You guys take a1l the culrural
Michael:
lie like a celebrity.
Yeal,,
like
on
your
last
EP,
you
had
Burl
Ives
on the
Michael:
Yeah, and this
year ir,s
Nikita
Khrushchev.
Do .your
sort
of
see a paratlet
between
Burl
rves'
!I:
storytellj:n9
and youE storytettins.
I sr r€ss, yes.
lCgi
Michaelr
Parallel?
Bill:
behind
You mean a parallel
universe?
parallel
N(),
Iike
in
palking.
Are you
Bur I Ives in the storytelling
universe
or in
glgleg]:
,_ (coughs, chokes, etc,. )rhat ras an answei.
Dan: You ibette! answer better than that.
g.lglCgl:
lr: lhink of myself as Mark rwain.
parked
fron!?
gLL!:
so
are you a believer
of the leconsritution
of the
souL
into
another
being
and you're
Mark Twain.
is
rhar
what you 're
saying,
Mike?
Michael:
I
believe
rn the c o n s t i t u t i o n .
The constitucion
guarantees
me the right
to be obscene.
to quote
a famous
BilI:
Iarry
EIYnt.
There's a really
inleresE!r9
cdse.
He-a's
a narr who's been paralyzed
and his pee-pee doesn'!
'
1
e
'
s
publisl ino srur.
| . J l - yr s
even work a ymore yer
sEtll
He nakes noney.
Oh, il;'s
honey? O(, Iget
it.
put it
Bu t,
back lo Burl
Ives,
1et's
!his
At the
monen t we nade that
wele obsessed
p.obably
him.
5
ni nutes
1ater,
it
would
have
tike
Nipsey Russell.
sohebody else .
or, yesterday,
l,{ink]er,
Jo A hn Wo!ley.
Hoq abc,ut
Mason Reese?
I sar hin
on one of
SI:
Bill:
sv:
ago
In ;an attenpt
to hake people sive ae snugsjes.
That's
nc't true.
I saw Mason Reese on TV a
and
he
l ooks
exactly
the
sane a6 he did
"borgasmord.
Masor'r Reese is fahous
for
One th ing about
l4ason Reese is be's
a
I{ebster
the kid f r o m " S i l v e r
spoons, "
a|
He should
have been
I
know,
Mason
a lot
ties
b ecause he
few
t0
years
years
of
novie
!4icha€1:
than
SV:
ETrr,
I
rhinklng
BJt re .ound a Pl.ture of
of Ernesr
Borgnine.
chuck
putting
of
Ernest
Bu!L fi!st.
I'm
s!it1
Connors,
Henry iJinkler
I like chuck Connors because it,s
repured rhat he
efl],
ord a loL ot gay porno fticks on Ehe sjde. ;hrch I rhink
is a reaIIy
great tn.Lng for any numan being Lo do.
M.'crael:
Xarl
Md]den,s the onty nan wno even approaches
"The toseidon
the talen!
of EEnest Borgnine.
But, easily,
Adventure"
was ftade by Ernest
Bolqnine.
"The T!ial
tie saw a good novie
on Iv roday,
!3a:
of BiIly
Michael:
4LLL:
gleat.
The kids
at
the
free
schoot!
rhe kids at rhe flee scboot are a l I
They're learning so much there.
about
30,
it,s
But there
was a child
in the novie.
a boy {ith
lllchaet:
a
hook lnstead
of
a hand and they
taught
rlim to guilar
at
the flee
school.
Brrr:
obviously,
guilar.
slide
Michael:
He struMed
with
his hook.
ahis is not unlike
hos
we Lauqhr
Bi LLy,
a functionrng
half-wit,
play
to
Dd:
After
we got him marliedt
Mrchael:
r,ie 90!
hin
married,
car,
leplaced
his
brain
rith
taught
him how to drive
a
a hook so he coutd ptay
Ds:
Mike's unnarried
but hers a got a main squeeze who,s
ta 11e! than hin.
Michael:
A coupl€ of lnches taller
than me so I have to
wea! coPboy boots in bed...
SV:
Let's
!alk
about musicat influences.
yes, uliah
De:
We used !o lislen
!o bands llke
Micbael I
Kiss,
My
firsr
concert--blew
qerosFlLh.
we our Steve Tyler
and Joe Pelry on
g:l!,
classical
rock.
concePt of classical !ock
Speaking
of
lhat,
isn.t
the
the most maudlin
you've
thing
your
life,
classicatty
rlained
rock
an oxyRoron.
I
don 't
lea]ly
like
Yes anymore.
but
r
really
!-glf:
en toyed them for awhile.
BrLL:
Especially
w h e n R i c k Wakenan was in the band.
Dd:
The guy's got too high of a voice.
He's a puss.
Iqi chael r
Bu! the nrushroons they
had onstaqe
were g!ea!.
Rise
above
lhe
floor--i!
was eerie.
Like
they
sere
ever
heard
in
Bill:
Don't you
stuprd sei I ike
Michael:
I 'd
Mlchael:
Mas€n Reese is a lifelonq
obsession for ne. He's
;a; d; -oal abbl el e. ,
I
truusstt w ad nntE t oo lLr e
L ae ka k 'hrias c h eeeekk..
Bill:
Actuallly,
Mason Reese--you night
not know Chis, but
I'lichael
ceralal
changed his nane. He used to be Mison Reese
S!9!C9l:
Borgasno!d
vi.lael:
a big fan
that' s leally
great
about
David
crosby
:is even though
he was a total
coke addict,
he was
fat
as
hell.
Sonehow,
he found
tine
to eat
in
betreen
doing
a] 1 tha!
cocaine.
What an arnazing man!
w
l
r
a
t
o
t
h
e
.
c
o
v
e
r
y
o
u
versions
have
go!
you
that
!C,
riecorded?
haven't
.cator
Michaelr
Countly',
by MoLly qatchet,
"llong
cool 9roftan In a Black
D!ess."
we played
rhat
4LL!:
one perf(:ct]y
and lre decided
that
really
sucks.
"
s
u
s
p
i
c
i
o
u
s
"
I
t
,
s
"
R
uby,
llichael:
Minds,"
Not Unlrsuat,"
Don't
Talte Yout Love ?o Town."
"L'a Grange," a Bank wiltians
song "KaLi la. "
4iL!:
9!:
:
we wele actuatly
!f_l_L,
Bolgdine on "Bur1. "
had 5100,000
have
5100,000
blow
to
to
do
on a !ea11y
just
about
'rLittle
sv:
why the tltle
Baby Buntint"?
It's
what
Elvis
used to
calt
Linda
!9.1:
woman that came afte!
PrlscilIa.
Thonpson,
rhe
EIvis Probablv used
A n y w a v s, i L ' s a P h r a s e t h"ahto n e
BlIl:
v. get ne another
Thar, dlong wich,
T?EEuentrv.
and make me .nothe! banana and
o! Lhe rrideJ
."i
;;;;;;
ter"'
; e ; n u c b u t t e r s a n d w i c h f r i e d i n a p o u n d o f b u" It n
tellectuaLs
EP'
ivr
wtracabou! the ritle of vou! fils!
i;e The shoeshine Boys of the Rullng Elite"?
long statenent
just
a conPletelv
seettred like
It
9i11:
IEEE naae n; point about anvthing unle€3 vou took offense
you are, the more-vou
I suPPose lhe more ladical
to it.
lhe mole you d oe
The lesE radtcal,
hioht aqree wiEh lt.
cane out,
tlhen that title
riia or-olssea off about that.
but'
a lo! of people accused us of being anti-intellectual
to even
b
r
a
i
n
s
b
i
t
o
f
it
lakes a little
r don't
inoi,
fioure out 'rhat .it neana.
!vi
I
l
your sones se-em!o tert .-li:"
iPg.1t-!1": ::ll:'
p.opf"j
r rive in a lown like chat and r think'
,o-ixi"o
" nnyy q oodd' , ' t nt hi se e
b ooouuuEtt s h eerree Ir l i vvee'."'
nngsg s oonnn9gg3ss a D
s e g uuyvss a rree v rrriitttriin
siiri
Yeah,
xadison
is
verv
blue
co]Iar.
Even
though
baEed'
It's
verv btue collar
tosn, it's
IF?
a liberal
John Cougar
Not like
detinitely.
background,
Uike's
are
songs that
these naudlin
Mellencahp 'rho's ltriling
pa!riotisri
o€ a blue collar
aDDeaIinq to the !idicuLous
irhat we'!e doins i3
knee-je!k r;ac!ion.
i tolalIy
,ilx..,
except lthen
You're not patriotic
nore li.ke everyday life.
vou think aboul i!, which is rarelY.
n
e
xt check's
n
,
h
e
r
e
a
b
o
u
t
vour
-i vc ,o n i n qY o u ' r e n o r e c o n c e l n e d
trom or vour n€xt fuck'
Nhal you'd reallv like to do ro vour wife
Exaclly.
BiIl:
what vou'd like to do !o vour
;F;;
she bitches a! you.
r!'s the
friends when yo'r tnink Lhev're being stuPid'
roo! of all violence and evil and wonderEulness in chrs
ehole sociely.
"setting
sonny's balls on
iJhat v;s the stolY behind
Sv:
TTre" on "ahe PuPPy"?
a iong
That's
Bi.lI:
quite
real1y
iE6-sere
notorcvcle
about this
In
unintelligent.
gang in Madison
fact,
lhev didn't
lhis quv into
They're initiating
even own motorcycles.
club and he oade a bunch of lude co @nts
this notorcycle
hin and did atl
so they kind of killed
to then. b;fo.e,
'cause thev
They were reaIIY sluPid
those thin96 Lo him.
qo! cauqh! because they bragged about it to a bartencler.
sniPPets from the rr1al.
irre t"pe tras a lot oi little
sick over EngLebert
sv!
tou also have soheone getting
"
L
o
n
e
l
y
ls A Man without Love."
ru-mperdink's
gilf:
because Engelbert is kind of on the right
well,
fie aloesn't
removed fron it.
u"t
he's
totally
i?i?x,
the
But it's
obviouslv.
know what he's singing'
rea]lv
And, actually,
all
lhere in the song'
idea--it's
riqht
uiie store soRe lines in his sods fron lt.
!t's
ale stolen.
a ]ot ol lyrics
You may notice
Dan:
a rot of limes than it is to s.ite
vour
to ste;I
EE?ier
Bill:
A lot
cooler,
lluman fillhb. re r"k,1d v@risror rh. s'ta-diM.d Bd Bnrdssirp. ourrfi rr6 M 6o?d.
drss.t . ti 6 lwd stF s Hi n d|. d! ol rE t d rid le.chd
WdrI ldrb.doondnd.diyriosq.tu
,rud ftsid bn Dboolo. trhrftrbtuell
drub.olAdiro so 8&, riis r(rrdcu6!.a
bq/rd.id tr 'tsOE lr 4106 tsl ll7 (LP/Crt750 C0lr5 m)
rd3P
r a y a bnr eu s F u i d s r o
.l
s s ' rF o . o d sP o
\
i-
i' /,
ssT Marod8r 12r3)
335.50r0
ca rhe ssT Horhe (2r3)335.1955For Gsn riro
loo'. -
FIGITIINE THE CI,AIMP.
DOWIT OtrUINI'TIPTN]T'TN':T
tttrUSrC ArVIt PRrlfi's!
Il[e a"re a non-profit orclani:ziation that
was forned to be ,n outlet forc all ki.ntls
mediar no m.atter how
of ildependent
aynarr the audielce. We are an ,'rlternative
rip-off
to lrlgb atore Prices a.d
bookt
eistributors.
for
that
Look to us
you
can't
record, tape or fa-zine that
you
wlrat
finit. Or betp us ltet in sto(ik
tbiak the world is nissin€ oul; on.
On MaSr 15 we be€in sellin$ t() the pubtic.
.
Sentl for a catalo,lt.
fc:
\-
^SrrS
i(\
€
ffim
qr*<ef,,-t An intervbw
\low
" f\e
le..<t!
,"ALI & AI.Ail
to
be
seeo!
TY:t{adl.soE
at
!!
flr
YiId
Dlacc
rhole
rash
conceried.A
th€ TlE B.btes...
Itke
a Ptetty
ia
rutic
b{ud.
of
MG:A whole rash of two or three ,
TciMEcFr HEtrscE as seLl.
D A N : Y e a h ,b u t t h e y ' r e n o t t o g e t h e r
any oore.
MG:They haven'! been together for
years.
Babies
ao the
Tal
fi: Both
vou
_
nuch
haven't
realLy
leceived
over here.
atteBtio!
MGw
: e haven't really tried.
fi:OEe sould have thought that Burl
of a lot
eould haee got you a hell
acclaiE iE these parts.
of cEitical
the
M G :I
rhink
this
ne$ one is
firs t one !hat's been..
really
l,eII
ovea
BIL: Dis tributed
here;
DAN:No
body
uas
intetested
in
picking us up.
they had any
MC:Cory said that if
they eould have said so.
interest
this
in
BIL:They \.rere interested
you
if
one they also said that
sanna come over go ahead so ue
did, and here !'e are!
Io Llttle
TY:So ehy Eore iEterest
Baby BuEtiDS thlD tbe stuff before?
BIL: l,lell, you've got ne.
M G : T h i s o n e s m o a e b i .t c h i n g !
you the
ooe pleese
TY:Doea this
dos t?
Tf: In telIectua ls Are The Shoe Shl.De
13 that
Boys 0f the Ru11o8 ELlte
deleted Doe?
HC:You can't get i! anyirhere.There
uas a thousandcopiesrwe pu! it out
our selves.
D A N : l J e ' r eg . o i n g t o r e - i s s u e i ! '
H G : Y e a h , T o U c H ' N ' G oa r e g o i n g ! o b e
re-issuing
ic.l,ie l,anted to l,ail
unril che !housand started becoming
r e a I v a I u ab l e !
you csD tat
therr !11 out
TY:Ihe!
fror uoder your bed?
MG : Un f o r t u n a r e I y ' r e d i d g e l r i d o f
alI of !hem,I'd like !o heve some
nov, ve solrl lhem aLI for three
D o L I a r s a c o p y a n d o o 1 {v e c o u l d g e t
thirty.
TY:[Jere you pleased rith
that?
M G rN o!
D A N : l J e t r ep l e a s e d w i t h e v e r y t h i n g
tha! ve've done.
B I L : W h a t t h e f i r s r o n e !? !
Were ue pleased wifh that?
MG:AI the time i{e eere imptessed to
see a record l'ith us on it.
TY:Eoe lont ago sas thstrnou?
BIL:Four or five years ago.
DAN: 1984 it cameout.
yith
Tl:Today
your
plsyiDg
IEGAZIOIE eould you Eoroally
play
uith a baDd iD thet veiD?
BIL:lle're not familiar
rith
them
reaIIy.
M C :T h e y I r e I t a l i a n s . O e l j o u l . d r e f u s e
to play l{ith Italians! !(Laughter).
We pLayed with SNFU in Canada,lre
saEmed them up,bu! in the united
Stales lJe eouldn't be on a biII
wilh ttlem likeLy,and se cer!ainly
uouldn't narm lhem up.
Tf:So ia there !o!.
of a gcbler Lo
the ousie sceue Lu the State6?
DAN:There is a cross-over to some
extent but I think rieht
nor, in
America
there's
all
Ihis
speed
stuf f .
MC:They appeal ro people 10 years
younSer lhan us foE one thing,some
tines tsenty years younger than usl
There is a hardcore band i.n Madison
made up of eight year olds ritht
ff:E YeaE olds?
MG:Yesh, one of then is the son of
lhe
bass player
from
fhe
Tar
8abies.8u! I don't e6nna tive them
p u b l i c i l y , s n e sk y
undue
Iitrle
bastards !
TYaEov 8re!t
aD loflueDce
hae€
Country lg gestcr!
rad Bluc! bee!?
l ' l c: N o t b l u e s .
B I L :I l i s t e n t o a L o t o f b l u e s .
TY:ID
the
Ysy
they
tell
thelr
sto rles.
H C : 0 h ,y e a h .
B I L : E s p e c i a l l y C o u n t r y a n d l r e st e r n .
Y C : l , l h o ' st h e E e a I l y c r a z v o n e ?
b L L : u n r 5 c f e a m t n Jq . . .
MGr...Haekins.
BIL:tle like him a Lor,
M G r A n dT o m l / a 1 ! s .
get
this
really
TY:Letrs
thiDk
the foods crap
trivial.You
hete?
D A N :A b s o l u l e 1 y .
no!
eating
the
BIL:Maybe we're
right sruff.
M G : Aq u o l e , I s a i d t o d a y i n a l e t t e r
home"I Lhrew up on the aeroplane
the best tasting
rhing
and it's
I've
had
since
I
sol
here!"
(Laughrer). (A ,reird
l-ooking guy
scroutrges
a
cigaaette, and
J L V P J . / t . . . .
Mc:!le had some good food last night
though at an indian restaurant but
BIL:Too pricy.
MC:Real expeDsi.ve and the man eho
served us was veEy mean.
DAN:I think he spa! in our food.
TY:They shoeed KILLDoZER the roYie
here oa Eo|rdsyris that sore kiDd of
POEtent?
8IL: l,le pulled some strings!
M G : Y e a h S o u ! h e r n St u d i o s a r r a n q e d
that for us! !
Tf:GoiDg back to food. ghat's
the
KILLDOZER BaLe off?
M G : P e o p l e$ E i t e t o u s a n d e e j u s t
eanted to see if ue could influence
ehai
they send.People send some
really
stranSe shit
to us in Ehe
mail.lJe lhoughl we couLd maybe \.re
ire
can nrake it
useful
shit,so
decided on recipes.
(Some dude but!s in and there is
some confusion to vho the fuck he
uas )
TA3Let's to baek to the speed thlEt
r secoEd.People sccr to bc pitaoD you
hollD8
elth
thoae
thraah
baEdsreid
thrt
scer!
to b€ rithty
6lreEte..
8 I L : T f , at ' s p r e t t y i n ! e r e s ! i n 8 r c o s
r,re've never pLayed fast
in our
Iives.In fsct lhe l.hole lhinS a Iot
of the t ifle sas io play a sloe as
' r e p o ss i b L y c o u l d .
H C : I n t h e N F I Eu e e e i e i n t h e S D e e d
Ki Lls section !
DAN:Jesus.
TYlglth thet plc' of you.
HG:That vas a terribLe picture; se
had a man rho had never held a
camera in his Iife take fhat.
BIL: Isn I t tha! amazing anyone can
get their pictures in there!
"ge AEe
TY.Oa SNAKEBOY the so!8
Goilg To The Beach Today.' Thatis
probebly
your oost EeDaciDg soEg by
z
beiDgpEobably
,".. "r.""..r* J
iatended?
effect
a
BIL:Isnrt it funny hou thaE works? |
DAN:It's inlentional.
I
M G : 1 , 1 ed i d n r t
knov Hhat the sonr I
should be about,rn' then Dan saidi
I
knos a tood joke,Ietrs make it the I
'
r
e
happiest thing
can Lhink of.
I
B I L | I t s e e m e dt o s o r k o u E .
I
M C r Y o us e e w i t h a l l o f o u r s o n g s , s o I
people find
them disturbinS,
but I
they're aII jusE good jokes.
I
BIL:ge find Lhem reaLIy humorous. I
It's a black humour.
I
fiiYou
code acroaa as beiDg really
bitter.
I
MG:HeII no! I,Ie'vegot good Iives.
ouat
adrit
little
fi:I
I sas !
uergoua about doiu8 this lEtervley.
BIL:oh EeaIIy ! Did you think ,e
were axe murderers or
somethinq
Iike rhat!?!
'
N
'
DAN:
s a y F U C KY o U!
'EaobuEPer l{artYr'
ehetr You
fi:oo
saY'FucK Yogt- It's
thi oolY record
tti"
""er
heerd that on.shere lt
EeaD lt.
souDds IiLe they really
MG:I say il a Iot!
BIL:The only people I rhink I could
Drobablv axe murder are these lvo
luys ri!hr here(Mike and Dan).There
the only ones T get med enoughat,
fi:ghats
the fasciDatloo
Ylth Cystg
aEd puatulea etrd the llke.
MG:lrell as you tet older you gror
them you knos.
suffered fron acne
BIL:lJe've all
vulgarous.
M C :I h 8 d a c y s t o n m y b a c k s o I
r r o t e a s o n s a b o ut i ! . I h a d i t
r e m o v e d .B a sj . c ; I I y I ' n d e s p e r a t e f o r
prob6bly 'rEite
topics,I think I'lI
a sonS about throt,inB up on the
a e E o p L s n eo, r
elmosl getting
run
doun
today
because
I
keep
forgetting
!o look the riBhi ray
dovn the s!reet.because vou aLl
drive on Ehe wrone side hereAnd EitI got squeezed like a
beetle in fhe subway today.
DAN:l,leIaughed at him and he pot
kinda madat us.
M G : W e r eg o i n g t o l r a l e s , T o m J o n e s 1 s
from WaIes werre Iookin? forl'ard to
i t ! l,ie're also going to- go and see
-behind
XX:Itts
a fence nor,r isnrt
ir?
TY:Yeahryou caD't touch it.
X X :c o o I .
M G : S oy o u c a n r t f e e l t h e D o w e r ? !
XX:Youcanrt bend a coat hanger and
feel a surge of energy!
TY:You should
checl
out
Ayebury
rhile
your
dovE
there.Itt3
;
gurrouuded
village
by
this
treDch, that vea once the deDth of a
oulti-story
park.gith
car
these
stones at the edge of the ditcb.
They tr!trsported
all
the dirt
froE
the ditch
atout
teeoty liles
avay
aDd built
! huge hllll^ny
ray vherir
did you get the Ed ceiD X-rey fror?
MG:A friend
of ours had a friend
uhose -roorn mate(thatrs
the sey it
: , : ,:,: :
::::l : .
: ::: l,:
:.:.1
' l|',!
f
ii1
I
i:i
$i
lhere
stole
the
shole
is
a
Ed cein
X - r a v M G :A r t h u r
B r e m e r .H e I s
f rorn B I L : Y e a h , m a y b e
fiIe.It
h a d X - r a y s o f h i s h e a d , h i ; Irisconsin
too,he I s lhe man that connection
L u n g s , f r o m t h e t o p o f h i s h e a d a n d s h o t G e o r g e W a l l a c e a n d p u t h i m i n M C r J o h nt h e l o n p .
XXX:John HoloJs
his feet,
the
man vith
a wheel chair.
X X X : T h e r e r e r e s o n e r e a l h i t h t e c h X X X : e e o r g e W a l l a c e e a s e r a c i s t ? h o s c h l o n t a b o u! r h i s b i t .
X-ravs.
ran for
pres iden t of
t h e U n i l e d TY:A vhat?
8 I L : A s c h l o n-P .
H C : W e l h o u g h t o n e o f l h o s e e o u L d b e St a t e s .
D A N i Ah o E n ,
mrgnEynlce.
MC:Governor of
Alabama.He still
TY:gele they tlleB efter hls delth? r u l e d A l a b a m a f r o m h i s w h e e l c h a i r B I L : A s o o d y .
HG:John Thomas.
XXX:Oh,no.Wegof then after he lJas but Arthur Bremer put hi.m there.
D A N : As t i f f v .
dead but they eere taken when he XXX:Like a benevolent despo!.
eas alive.
em
a te s d e 6 I
M G : H e w a s g o i n g t o t E y t o k i I I H C : L a s c n i p h i r . e s D e n t s- nr a
time 8-oing Ehrough
H C : H e d i e d n o t l o n g a f t e r i h a t . H e Richard Nixon but then found that of
for
died only teo or lhiee yeals ago
George {laIIace was easier to get pussy that seemed !o as tound our
h o st s .
XXXTHe
vas
such
an
odd
BIL:There is a lot of slane for
phenonenoorand he just happened to XXX:He didnrr kill
h i . m r h o u -slh{ .h o
be in the state tha! re lived in.
HCrHe didnrt
realLy care
he things ltke that in America.
l{C:A local
just
foLk hero!
He lived killed.He
had to kill
sofie- M G : E s p e c i a I I y w i t h g u y s l i k e u s , r h o
a r e o b s e s s e dl J i ! h s u c h t h i n c s .
ecross the lake from us ln
the body to be imDortanl.
that
state mental hospital tiII
TY:I uas under the i[PressioD
i h e d a y TI:it
dldn'r
iorl
very rell.
else iE the
sooethiDt
he dled.
MG:No, because aIl
he did
u a s pussy [eaot
X X X : S o m e! i n e s y o u ' d s e e h i m o u t i n c r i p p l e
a man no body Iiked any state3.
6 b o at f i s h j . n 8 .
way.Not like
Larry
FIinr
rho is BIL|llhat do you think it means?
Y G :F i s h i n t f o r C a r p . T h e y ' d S i v e h i m a l s o i n a u h e e l c h a i r f r o m s o m e b o d v TY:Cunt.
a Iittle
lrooden spear and leE him shooting at
him,but he's
f o n d l y BIL: Salnething.
spea! some Carp.
loved
by
everybody,he I s
E h e M G :P o o se L .
b lL: lr)'n.
TY:On
the
cods
Faeourite
Dog publisher of Hustler.
ghere
codpilatioD
M G : T h e u n h e a l i n g o o u n d!
that
thinq
it Tl:Els
Ylfe dled Eeceotly'Breoer
sayi
TY:ErE, thatt s h6rrible!
iu custodi
after
t h e B I L : Y e a h f r o m A . I . D .S
EeaIly into slang every_
atiacl- n
BIL:lle're
Tt:So dld Joh! Eohes-
a-
you do shat you do?" Ir's a littLe
iike this speed thinS?
DAN:l,lerve done a number of shows out there , bu! I suppose ee can
'rith
lhe EUTTI{oLE SURFERS and t{e a n s s e r 1 c .
u s e d t o d o a l o t o f s h o e s , r i t h B I G D At N : H e r e \ r e a r e . i t ' q ' enbootu t .s o m e t h i n t
lje ve reaLly though!
\{ere
stiII
they
BLACK uhen
H G : S oi r e d o n ' l h a v e t o h a v e i o b s .
losether.
I for one,for BIL:tle aII have jobs,
MG;It's hard ro tell.
t h e m o s t p a r L , n e v e r e a t c h l h e m . I MG:lle aLl have jobs but thete not
just
staY some{here else
usually
hard jobs.
and dEink.
BIL:The costs are Dhenomenal.
TY:Anv reasou foE tbat?
much.Itrs
D A N ; W eb r e a k e v e n
B I L : Y 6 u ' v e s o t t o d r i n k a t s o m e a n e x p e n s i v e h o b b y .P E e t t Y
poinl and itrs harder to drink ehen MGrtle do i,hat re
to
meec
do,
you're playing !
chicks.to
se! drunk and to become
i'lc:ilhen your bur for the oonth, do r a m o u s ! e x e J t w e r v e a I I
me! the
you 8et tired
of \.,atching olher chicks
jusL
the
so' rlolr it's
a
f
t
e
r
n
i
q
h
t
.
n
i
s
h
!
bands
drinkinP and fame.
p
l
a
y
!
,
,
i
t
h
t
h
e
DAN:But ve don't
TY:EDPlish baEds are very ouch staE
8UT'IHOLESURFERSthal much' '
you find
LiDd of
th;t
about
t h e vehieles,do
talkinS
noE
M G :I ' m
statea.
[uch
iD
the
ao
attitude
B U T T t t o L ES U R F E R S ' t h eo t h e r b a n d s i n M G :N o , m o st p e o p l e i n b a r d s l , o u l d
seneral.The. BUT'IRoLE SURFERSI'd concider Lhal hopeless.
'Jhen ee play wilh
ratch
ilgays
people
ltho PlaY
are
D A N ;T h e r e
t h e m . S C R A T CA
HC I D , I ' d n e v e r m i s s a s f u l l n e w * a v e m u s i c . .
them.Bu! ehen You PIaY in sone toen BILTTo be big in EnBland is to be
kids' you've never
siEh someIittle
in a place the size of the
l h e i r s e c o n d big
heard then and it's
St a t e o f g i s c o n s i n .
nigh! ou!.
you cstr
itrs
site
TY:Because of
B I L : A n d y o u s e e o n e s o n g a n d Y o u stay in your gaEste
aicler
tettiDs
k n o e e x a c t l y s h a ! e v e r y s o n g s S o i n g atrd sicLeE for yeara befoEe eoyoue
to be like.
you aDd hype you or
YiIl
Botiee
D A N :I L ' s t h a t s P e e d c o i e Y o u k n o ! '
rhat evet.
t t c : S l o ' r r S L o , r ,S l o s ' o n e ' t e o , t h E e e B I L r A n d E h e n b e d e f a n e d .
go really fas!. I donr!
and they
oAN;Then everybody hates you.
eanna w6tch tha t.
BIL: You're yes terdays band.
r bt8 thlEt over here ooY. Tf:gould
Tf:Thlts
publicltY
you lile
the
t
o
o
.
i
n
A
m
e
r
i
c
a
t
'
s
b
l
r
-irhere se eo it's
D A N I:
a little
bit
oger here?
(
L
o
a
d
s
d
a
!
e
9
t
t
o
u
r
a
b
o
u
l
o
f
9
t
u
f
f
differenE.Itrs
pick
nice
to
up
'n'
BIL:l.lhaEever.
shit.)
t h o s e w o r d s s o y o u c a n s p t i n g t h e m a n d t l oI l a n d
MG:9e'd love to be bi.g!
H c :B o y v e ' r e c o n f u s e d h e r e .
on people.Even in the states it's
BILrBut rere. not Sonna die if 're're
BIL:Thst's just becauseof jet Ia8. not.
d i f f e r e n t e v e r y l r h e r e y o r . rg o .
D A N : I ' m c o n f u s e d m o s t o f t h e t i m e D A N : t l e ' 1 1b e o k .
TYaAre you popular in the states?
any lJay.
8 I L : N o!
fun to keeP doing'this
BIL;If itrs
D A N :E m m m o .i .n t h e n o r l h .
M C : I t ' s n o t j e l l a g t h a t m a k e s m e has been fun to cone over here
MG: It
varies,
f e e l l i k e b e l i v e i t o r n ot .
there are certain
step ou! into traffic.I
places, the noEth east, the pacific,
a n d l d m a n l r h o s e g o l t e n s e n i l e , a n d Tl:gov
to tlkc
far eould you lite
north |Jest..Seat!Ie and in Texas.
foreo tten where he is.
tt?
DANiIn the mid-t,'esl wetre popular.
8lL:You don t
teel
rlPht
u n t i l D A N : W e ' dI i k e t o 8 e t t o I t a l y I
M C :B u l l i k e i n C a I i f o r n i a . . N o .
you've
had maybe six
or
seven B I L :l . l e ' d l i k e
vegas
in
!o
be
D A N : W e m i g h t b e b u t s e r v e n e v e r p i n t s r a n d E h e n t h e v h o l e e v e n i n g i s e v e n ! u a I I y . 9 e ' d l ike to be wearint
played lhe.e.
real level and steady.You might not
BIL:l,ie played once along time ago.
yoLrr
be
walklng
s traight
but
MG:In the South. no not at aIl.ge
s Eeaoy.
(y o'"rlr
don'r mind.
you
TY:Ig
there
any
thtES
particularly
TY:Tbat could be b€cause of Sseet
YeEt to do rhile
your
gooe Alabala.
iD this eouDtay?
BIL: I
don' t
knos lhe
South is
A L L : S e e St o n e h e n g e .
I
really s LEanSe.
M G :H a v e a g o o d l i e a l .
MG:The university
of Alabama radio
BIL:So is
there any thing you'd
slation
made that there theme sonr
recommend.
and they teE bonb threats ehen !het
TY: Leave t
play itl
(Loads noEe lJaffle about hos many
you
Tf:Eoe
do
thlEl
the crltics
I i1k e
1
KILLDOZER
in
P e o P Ir e
e
eapecially
YlIl
dcal Yith you oveE N o r l h a m p t o n . )
here?
8 I L : LLeet t' s' s
ire can
B
see
if
find
a
8IL:That
aII
depends on
E h e queslion that sould be a nice segue
critics.
back in..ge
never reaLly covered
1 , ,n"t1t
l ' l c : H e y , u e ' v e g o r E d v i n P o u n c e y s bake offs.. EeII him some of
the r11 o l''
l/."\
p e c k er i n o u r p o c k e t !
recipes.
/1u
BIL:After
m e e l i n g u s h e p r o b a b l y MG:l.laterrnelon pie was easily
the
naces us.
best.This is the aclua1 recipe.You
TY:Youtre not alooe ,I
thlnt
he
take a watermel,on and cut it into
hates ahost
egcrvoEe.
eight circLer disks, then you have
MG:Yourve 8ot
ieally
tiny
pool
!o have a pie pan,ihen it says of
played pool
balls
here,se
last
lhe eighi disks take the one thaE
sas very difficul!!
nighc and it
besr fits .the pie pan,p'.rt ii inro
LittIe
biddy balIs,I
i u s t t h o u S h t rhe pie pan then bake it.
'd vant io know!
vou
TY:ghe! you open tt up 13 lt stlll
there?
-8IL :And in America they're a Iot
n e a v 1 er ,
pEob8bly
B I L : N o .i t ' s
reaIIy
iE
they nake pool balls
Tg:Didu't
disgusting.
out
of
aole kind
of
the states
M G : H eh a d a g o o d o o e f o r I t h i n k l t
oDe poilt?
expLosive by ni3teheret
uas Russian Tes.Which lras made lJith
I
knolr what you're
DAN:I think
an eight ounce jer of Tang,I don't
ta lki ne about,
knou if you have lhat here.I!'s
a
M G r T h a i 's i o t e r e s t i n S .
posdered orange drink.It
l,as lhe
|
DAN:Theyblel' up occasionally.
beverate of
the
a st r o n a u t s . I ! s
TY:IheEe vere lots of deatharesl modern sluff.He gef lots of
...AEyYay shat soEt of batrda do
recipes lhat involve hot dogs.
you like
lf you don't
to play rith
BIL:Here is a tood question."lihy do
8a,6"@wvryffi
$ts
I
v
+
,(
t
clothes
Like EIvis !.as riSht tJhen
he sas reaIIy heavy.ge'd Ilke to
cet !ha! heavy loo:
Snu,llot of oioole think that bands
do
think
abou!' th6t,but re jus!
\rha! \re do.Practice some sonts and
PUt OUt A recoro.
HG:ge do it
for the oomen!'sofer
t h e m o m e n th a s I a s i e d f i v e Y e a r s .
vra
a
srld
llll.
Coffe€
TY:(La8
evil
vrr expectr.ot e !.rI
lidtetrl
ridget! ( Laugh ter ) .
BIL:To kins he is a midset.
MG:Kingsa-very taII mai.I'm 5 foot
six 120 pounds.Trice as much money
a s e e ' 1 1 m a k e t o n i s- h t .
you
thLuk
to
the
do
TY:ghat
"Anerica!
PARTY'
BIRTmAY
coopaEisons
that coEe your gay.
BIL: Very Liring.
DAN:Boliox,thaa's a good vord for
rt.
uould
M c :B a c h m a n T u r n e r 0 v e r d r i v e
be a good sound comparisontthey're
a canadian band.
i t I L : l n e V'ouch
re
a{.tEUIL.
of ehat you do is a
TY:Eou
aRaiost
bardcore.
reactiod
-not
BIL:Werre
a reaclion apalns!
ihat,I don't hate ir.
M C : W ej u s t n e v e t n o t i c e d i t .
DAN:The only reason ire evea got
associaled with it was because \rhen
we sLarted out they were the only
kind of shoes you could do.
l{c:0r you could class your selves
off as being an ariy band.lle {ere
loo much of a bunch of slobs io
ever do that.
fi!So
corpaEiaola
to FLIPPER..
M C :I
don ' I
nind
comparisons to
FLIPPER.
8IL; I I ike FLIPPER.
MG:I'd prefe.r !o be compari.ed to
F L I P P E R r h a n t h e B I R T I I D A YP A R T Y . I
IiKe
the BIRTITDAY PARTY but bein.
Tnr{A(
compared . to
lheo
automatically
meansyou re noc oriaine I.
8IL:Ano!her thing ai char rime Ehe
only th!ng that was any thing other
!han reaIIy
fasr tdas rhe BiRTHOAy
Party.For one thinR se dontt shoot
up .drugs, we're fair-Iy healthy young
!acls.
M C : A E R o S M I T H :t h a t s o u l d b e a e o o d
comParison.
8IL; KANSAS
HG:If you can imagine YES viEh an
e I e c t Ei c v i o l i n (Lo9ds of
off
bear t!ivra,Ehat
y o u ' I 1 n e v e r k n o e a b o u t n o t r !)
. . ...HC: For spending our money rre
cane at the |Jrong !ime,but l,e cene
Co eeEn your money.So ve came at
the righ f time.llerre exporters.
TY:Theretre arards for that.
D A N :E v e n t a l I y
the queen will
say
your
A-ok by me aDd pur her stami
on Itff:Doiut
youE bit
for
the trade
deficit?
BIL:Yeah, balance the budget for
KeaSan.
...MC:'Have you evel had an erection
so hard you could hammer a nail
lhrough it?.....
(Lots lols rnore but ee'11 have ro
cut
it
short
here Including
hou
they dtove over a rastafarian
at
playing
Ashbury_, also
ll g
\ l+
r rgol oc z e r r e c o r c t s -b a c k \ . / a r d sa n d t h e
h i d d e n m e s s a g e s .)
A r\rPPy NAKTNc'$\r9 lc --az
i., .j
A Killdozer Tour.
7-27-90 Topato
Well, we finally got to meet the lead sin8€r
of M€n Without Hats! We helped him out of a
perplexing problem: to name thI€e Bad Company songs. We did, he thanked us, and he even
said he d head ofus.
Then we had sorne dinner, Somebody
ouggestedGreek food, but I just can't knowingly
give money to those people. We went out for
some Canadian food.
Well, let's just run through all that has
happened so far. Bill stopped by Dan's house at
the apprcpriate time to head fior Chicago and our
first show but Dan was nowhere to be found. He
was downtown at the barbershop, getting a trim,
shave and manicurc. The boys wound up leaving Madison two hours late, so Bill had to drive
90 MPH to Chicago (not too difffcult in a state as
flat as Dlhois). Once in the city of Broad shoulders, he was pulled over by an oven-zealous flatfoot who had clocked him cruising at 30 MPH in
a25 MPH zone. He made Bill buy him a dozea
doughnuts.
When the boys finally arrived at my pad,
we boogied on down to the Cabarct Metro,
Chicago-s prelnier concert venue, to prcpal€ for
#
our concErt showcase, -Micheel
Oddly enough, we were interviewed in
our dressing room by several foreigners who
wtite for American magazines. One cRap,a Polish refugee,asked us what it's like to play in a
very scary hardcore horro! band. He was writing
for the Illinois Entertainer.
Dave Riley, who was visiting us "backstage," fult sorry for Billy. Dave heald that Bill
hadn't Sonewith us to Europe. Billy felt sorry for
Dave when he heard that the ex-guitarist in
Davds old band was in England producing the
Cocteau Twins and is also a role model for smug
young college boys with glass€s.-Dan
We had a TV in our drcssing rcom so that
we could get hyped up for the slow by watching
Decrassi High. It was a fantasticepisode,
The next day we were up and on our way
to Ann Arbor, MI. Iake Shore Drive was our
chosen route through ChicagO which afforded
us a splendid view of luxury housing.
We got on I-94 and took it all the way to
Ann Arbor. It is a good road, well-maintained
and quick.
In Ann Arbor, we found our club, the
Heidelberg Restaurant, wherc we were met by a
"I'm the Hunter Thompson of our
i)umalist.
generation," he said. 'tlooray," we replied. He
Yow FleshSpilng/Summet'90
followed us evenrwher€ and tape recorded everything we said and did. He also helped to drink
our Budweiser.I can't wait to r€adhiswonderfu!
little article. I_E!!I rememb€r to alter our con
tnct to excludeBudweiser,as well as Heinelen,
ftom our liquor requirements.-M
7-22-90
On to Toronto for our show at the ADocalypse Club. The warm-up band, Lu>,uryCirist,
featured Trevor, ex-Butthole and possessor of
the worst back-acne($acne") in the independent music industry. The Queen's Expressway,
the QEW, is a remarkably smooth, well-planned
road. Reasonenough to annex this place (Ontario) as our fifty-first statel-D
Luxury Christ stripped naked in our mutual dressing room. This seemsto happen to us
whenever we play in Canada. (Tragic Mulatto
showed us thefuwares in Vancouver.)Canadians do shar€ one id€al wifh Americans in that
their boysarecirrumcis€d,At leastLuxury Christ
is. Not very well-endowed, though. -M
On our day off in Toronto (the gig was
cancelledin favor of a hardcore skanKest).we
ate out at a health food restaurant. Foun€€n
dollars for salad, soup and a beer seemeda tad
steep, even with the neaa-worthlessCanadian
currency,but the soup was beanso it was fine. I
THETR-E
A,R,E
EDIPSHTTS
s*l
|*
1
s"i
t
' *
t
*
f
,*
c
I
'.
h.& .; -
couldeniertain
thck)ys wjth my analpranks.Then a blizzard came along and houndcd
D
us all the way to Albany, NY. The QEW was
Any placc wlr.rc bt't r is considcrL\l h€lth
fcrcd is C)K by rne.
Wc cnjoycd the "bt'st coffcc in town" at a
dou6hnut shop. I hcrc arc thousnn.ls,rnakc ihar
miliions, of douEhnut
shops in Toronb. That's
ccrcl. -M
.ni
Aswotrxrl'd down
Sp.rdina Avenue, ()ui of
thc corncr ol mv cvc I
caughi sight of tw() Ca
n a d i a n s h i t h . ' i r d sL r r a t i n g
thccrapout of erchothcr.
a
Quicklv, Bill c\lruttl
perf.tt U-turn, and \\c
s e t t l c db a c k t o w a t . h t w L )
Canadians do what Ca
nadians do bcst b .'nch
BI
othcr, minus thc h(^-ke]'
I-:l
siicksand skatL:- L)
Spcakint
of
noaKcy/ !! e canlc across 41
s h o pw h o s c s o l c b u s i n , r s s l m
"compu
was
tcriq{ d
h o c k c v s k a t e t , l ac 1 c
sharprning." We'\'c nls{) s(r'n prdi}'many fcl
lows c;rrying hrrlev sticks around town.
closcdduetoa iargetruckpile..upand wehad to
detour along the scenicroute. We caught a brief
glimpseofNiagaraFallsandthena longglimpse
of the Dow Chemical I'lant. I'd have to say the
New York Thruway was a top
quality stretch of road
also, albcit too expcnsive
at thc cashboxcs.
The club in Albany, the
QE2, was an old Whitc
Tower hamburgcrstand.
-M
-&
n
:
f
Acrossthcstr!€t\1edined
on wing plalters at the
Chick'N C'lorc. The first
man b talk to us at the
club we classifierl as an
Eastern
Seaboard
Shithoad. According to Rand
McNally's Rcgional Shithead
Spottcr'sguidc. the EasternScabo.ird Shiihcad can be distinguishedby his hairslyle:a ncar
crcwcut that for no good rcason at all is really
long down his nc'ck and ovcr his shiri collar.
hencecalled "mud flap." He donned an entire
acidwash outfit complete with tctight Dago
jcans.-D
1-23-90
Albany. we discoverct, is a town almost
void ofcSgs.Wc searchedthetown farand wide,
turning up dozens of pizza parlorc and chicken
t*
n
;? i-
siands,but no cafcs.Finally we found a cafewith
cggs and all and ihe waitr.=s announced that
thcy wcrc all out ofhash brownsl (,Home fries,,
as ihcy say out here in the Fasr.)So we didn,t
bothcrwith thc cggs.
ThenwcSot the hellout of Albany,gladly.
It'sonc of thosctownsthat thc wholetimewCre
You FleshSqing/Summet '90
57
when he took us to a titty bar called Blondi6,
wherc we saw a stripper named Jasmine who
plays a flute with her cunt. She played "Old
MacDonald Had a Farm" - I've never geenanything like it. Then she lauched a ping pon6 ball
that hit Tom on the chin. -M
The next day Tom took us to this place that
had the famous Philadelphia cheesesteak.I had
taken no more tlran one delicious bite when a
homeless person dernanded that I give it to her,
becauseshe was hungry. Then a Pinkerton man
in the mall came and forced her to leave the
premises. Boy that cheesesteal<tasted good. -D
7-25-90 Washington, D ,C,
When we arrived at the D.C. Space, we
were met by a fat dyke who was unnecessarily
rude to us when we informed her that we were
the band. '1{ell, you CAN'T load in NOW!" She
said. '"!Vehave dinner TIIEE-ATE-ER." We knew
that if she heard one more word frcm us she-d
have our dicks out back in the dumpster. We
wisely left to go for a walk (as if wdd stay for
dinner theater). After three or four blocks, we
were spotted by some homeless men who were
hanging about in front of a chicken stand. One
shouted at us, '?ley, lemme axe you sumpin'!"
so we turned tail and returned to the club. By
then it was s€ven o'clock, so we sat at the bar and
starteda tab. We were in the mmd to drink too
much and play a bad show. -M
7-2F90 PhiladelVhia
We left
left the nation's
nation's capitol
capitol around two,
bound for Philadelphia. The freeway is pr€tty
good the whole way, and go€s pretty fast, We
arrived in town early, so we hunted down Tom
lax. We found him at Dave s Bar; it was his
Thursday night da* leatue night, Tom is quite a
dartist, a real atNete. Dave-s is a csp bar, 90there
are a lot ofguns packedby drunks in uniforms.
It was very crowded and I ripped a pretty
good chuff that caused a patrcn at the bar to
comment, 'Man, who the hell iust died and
c9mmencd to
Then Tom won
the dait game! -M
I was amazed that I was able to "double
out," as the stink Michael had cr€atedat the bar
had left my eyes watering unmntmllably. Of
coulse my teammateswere overjoyed, Ther€'s
nothing likewinningwhen the odds areagainst
you!-Tom lax
L4tar:
At the club the Khybe! Pass, a homeless
man offered to lend a hand brinSing the instruments in for some spare scratch. We decided to
barter East Coast style, When the "wr€tched
exctss" had finished hauling the equipment into
the club, we rewarded him with a generous glass
tull of ginger brandy. Imnically, he was quite
pleased with this arrangement and managed to
drink more than half the glass before choking at
which time he b an to clugh and spit bile and
liquor amund the room. Fortunately, the
manasementkicked him out. -TL
Milton Wayne, the creator of "Milties" (one
of the prize-winning recipes in our BakeOfo, was at the gi& sporting his "I Won The
Killdozer Bake.Off' Te€ shiit. (Note for collector: only thrce of theseshrts exist!) He
pr€sentedus with a largestuffedbuzzard M
Some 8uy told me that I changed the life of
some finhead fucker who hassled Michael
during our first show in Philly about four
yearsago. Afterthe pummelling Igave hrm
then, hegot a normalhaircut, becameanice
guy and joined the Na!y. I guess music can
actually changethings. -D
1-27-90
Last night Tom taught me I shouldn't fall
asleepto fast in his home.JustasI siartedto doze
off, he flipped a ninja LP at me and ripped open
a huge half-inch gash on my forehead. Dazed
in thern we wonder why the hell we're there. We s€nted us to the audience, who booed him and
w€trt to Boston, travelling on the Massachusetts shouted, 'Shaddup!"
Tumpike. It's an OK road, except that you have
Today we went for breaKast with S.ott
to pay to use it and there aren't any AM ladio
Sabatke,one ofour hosts. Maggie Brcnnan and
stationsalong the way.
Meg Madzar left to go earn a living as we slept.
Once in Boston, naturally the first thing we S<ott played hooky and stayed home. So we
did was get lost. We bought a map and poked our went to a deli run by Greeks.For some reason
way thmugh the slop and shithead s.Snow makes these people who introduced buftfucking to the
people here not capable of driving. Cities in the world run restaurants that sell every damn kind
Eastdon't s€emto believe in snow plows and the of food: tacos, Wros, pi22.a, chicken buckets,
p€ople of Boston don't undelgtarrd the concept omelets,and weiners,all from the samekitchen.
of shovels.
And it's all food that sucks.Especiallythe coffee.
But wegot to theclub, Bunrattj/s (despite Why can't a Creek make a decent cup of coffee?
Petds giving us the wrcng address) (fuck you This deli was )am-packed with your archebrpical
Michael - Ed.) and went from there to Donna the Eastern Seaboard Shithead. 'Theh's so much
promote/s hous€ for pasta. It was good and I ate food theh ya can hahdly eat it," said one near us,
too much.Shetold us that theclub owner called looking down at his plate of corned beef hash 'rf
her at 10:30 that moming to cancel the show eggs special. And if you look too long at such a
becauseof the blizzard. The owner thoueht that brainiac,awestruckbyhiswitlessness,he-slikely
nobody would get to the show and tlhat we to shoot a 'livatcha lookin' at, ya'a faggot uh
wouldn't makeit ther€either.What sod ofcandy- sumthin'?" at you; a real in-your-face kind of
ass€d breed is the Eastemer?
guy. These bagoombas are prevalent in Boston,
Later that evenin& in our dressing room, New York, Hoboken...in fact, the whole East
we were visiting with Nate Kato, famous mem- Coast.And yet we constantlyarc interviewed by
ber of Urge Overkill. A woman that knows both smarmy 2inedudcs fmm thesecitieswhoaskus
Nate and us dropped in to say "hello." Nate what it's like to live in a tultural backwater" or
observed that she lost weight, especially the "isolated wasteland" like Wisconsin, "full of
chest.' fou lostyour rack," he said. Sheinsisted rednecks and serial killers." Well, bite my left
that thiswas not thecase,and to his delight, she nut, at least Wisconsin hayseedsare a friendly
allowed Nate to inspect. He stood behind her, bunch. It just astonishcsme that so manypeople
withhershirt upand bra down, displaying to all move from the Midwest to New York, "because
her rack in his bony fists. Later still, Nate pre- New York is so cool and hip and smart." while
most native Nelr Yorkers are just a bunch of
d u mb-asseswho likely think of the cool and hip
and smart Fople as just a bunch of queers.A
woman we knew from Madison moved to New
York. Sometime ago, at one of our shows at
CBGB'S,we ran into her. (The hip and cool, on a
ffrst-name basis with the club, call it ,seabees.,,)
So we asked her if she'd like a beer. "Oh no," she
said, "beeris soo Midwestem. I only drink Stolly."
I just walked away from her, later she introduced me to her friend Michael Cyro, underSround music's own John Denver. Hewouldn't
even shake hands or say "Flow do you do?" -M
1-2+90
We just stopped at a Sbarro Pizza shop on
the turnpike from Philadelphia to Baltimore.
Dan askedthe pizza shop employeewhat kind of
toppings th€y had.'ldhat the fuck'cha wanr?,,
was the courteous rcply.
Sinceour tour was convenientlyrout€d so
that we played in Washington,D.C.aJterplaying
Boston, with a day off in b€'t\^/een,we decided to
drive asfar asPhiladelphiato staywith Tom l-ax.
He is theeditor ofthe finestand most substantial
publication in the music biz, "Silt Breeze."
The road was pretty mugh, especiallythe
strctch fiom Connecticut to New jersey. New
York has managedto creafethe worst pavement
on Earth. The NewJers€y Turnpike was a good
stretchof road, though.
In Philly, we were greeted by Tom with
dinnerand aTVset.But the r€alexcitementcame
"{s*
.
\
\TJT
You FleshSpring/Summer'90
I
and blceding,l rcaliz€d that I had made a huge
sodal hux pae by tryin8 to fall rsl€eP too early.
I guese I'mi lucky man to still be alive. -Bill
A 'friend," who had
ob3erved the lesgon I'd
tauSht Bill, r€rna*ed to me,
"Thafr the stupidest thing
I've ever eeen you do."
Arguably the stuPidest
thlnS I've 6,er done wae to
lnvitethis 8clewhead b my
house to b€gin with. -TL
putusup,but hdd ju8t be€n 6,icted himself. He
said he had a friend, who tutned out tobe hie e<girlfriend's new boyfriend, over in Manhattan
We wet€ aousted out of
our room at noon and
decided to find some br€afticks in Hoboken. We
found a quaint little hole
called Shirley's. The waitr€ss ther€ has ffgur€d out
that if she stays in the back
of the dining room, by the
door to the kitchen, the
customers won't bother
her.
off ro NYc. we
show€d up at Maxwell's in
lovdy Hoboken, NJ plenty
ea.ly and had a bite to eat
frorn the Maxwell's kitchen.
Tom had a Maxwell Burger,
"tumoF
which h€ said was
like." Dan and I each had
eome things with long ltalian names, both of which
tasted like macanoni and
cheese. We should know
betts that to eat Italian food
in a place where the kitchen
staff is all Puerto Rican Julia Cafritz arrived and agt€€d with out conclusion.
During soundchecl the sound man, who
wa9 an electrical engineer, made us Promise not
to tum our amps up very loud. Of course, we'd
never do that.
Aft€f, the show we disclveEd that we had
tro plac€ to stay. Our friend BtEnt was going to
niceliftlemotel next to the Holland tunnel. What
a day!-M
1-2&90
She wore some attractive
ti8ht-fittin' jeans with a
huge gold zipper up the
ass and had a splendid
sticky-looking bouffant
that fr_amedher face like a
sunflower.
and we could stay with him. Off we went, on up
to 11oth strcet. He said, ',l^/dl€ right around the
comer, let me make a phone call." When he got
out of the van to use a pay phone, we notic€d a lot
offolks on thestrcet eyeballingourvan, it's tires,
hubcaps and contents,as well as us. I assumed
these folks were homeless. We left Brent there
and drove back to Hoboken where we found a
We sat next to the door to
the streetand p€oplecontinuouslystood in the doorway, holding it open,
to see if there was a table fr€e, Of course, ther€
were no tablet and they would just stand there
holding the door. "\{hy don't you seeif you can't
hold that door open a little wider," Dar quipp€d
to one cluple, who then did so.
Finally, we were all served portions ofcold
eggsand colder frmch toast.
I
qo
:
o
\
a
o
o
€
q.
You FleshSpilng/Summet'90
1Aftet such a fine 6ast we went down the
str€{* to Maxwelfo, where we had left all our
equipm€nt the night b€6ore,The gan6 from MTV
wae thele, making some show called Pirate TV.
A man oqlained to Dan that th€y had us€d his
drumkit as a prop. 'So?" Dan replied, "I don't
get cable." Tom seemed bedazded by a young
actressd!€ss€d in a Liftle Bo Peep cGtume. -M
Later, at CBGB'g, I walked into our "dressing !oom" to find Christina ftom Boss Hogg,
who I gu€ss is some solt of punl tock supeF
vixe& taking pictures of her boyfriend, Jon
Spencer, with my carnera! I thouSht that was
kinda odd, but then I saw shewas takint pictutes
of Michael too, so it was fine. -D
So now CBGB'S has a pizza patlor. I tried
some of their pizza, it's shit. We went out for a
walk to tet decent pizza.
WhileTom, Dan, and I waited up the block
ior Bill to catch up with us, a hobbling homeless
black man on acrutch shuffled on up to us and
said, "I letcha take my pitcha 6o' a dolla'," pointing at Dan's camera.Tom said, 'No.l'llgive you
a quarter to beat it." The homeless said, 'That'd
be a fine deal." Tom gave him a quarter sayin&
"Now
cel! it."
Afta some mote pizza, we found Gerard
Cosloy sitting in the CBCB'S re.ord store. We
suck€d down some beeru with him and chitchatted about Peter. -M
Oh yeah, I really enpyed Boss Hogg and
the lads from the Unsane looked like normal
6lk from the Midw€st, not black leathered punlc
from NYC. I dug their version of 'Tour Sticks."
Inmediately after the show we drov€ to
Philadelphia, to take Tom home and avoid the
fiasco of finding lodging in NYC.
We arrived at Tom's apartment around
five A.M. and found a Basque mar lying on the
couch that Bill had been looking iorward to
sleeping on. Tom's rEmmat€, Bob, cahe out of
his llom to explain that this was his Basque
friend. We all slep on the floor while the Basque
Inan lay on the sofa, smoking. Around ten, Bob
came out of his rcom, poked the Basque man in
the che8t and pointed to the door. So the Basque
rrun lit a cigarettg got up, and left. -M
7-E-91)
Herc we go again, on the road, We got up
bright and early, and hit the Pennsylvania Tumpike by 1:30. This isrlt a bad !oad, but hardly
worth the eight or nine buckr it co6t to drive on
it, with no place to stop and eat but Roy Rog€rs'
all along the way, Whays worse, the sp€ed limit
is 55 MPH the entire length.
At the Upstage in Pittsburgh: 6nally, a
punk rock club with good lighting in the crapper
and plenty of toilet paper! Such a pleasurable
club.
We went to get dinner at a place down the
block called the Original, ni8 'C,'." Th€y must
use half the electricity in Pittsburgh with all the
flashing neon they have.
Imagine Dan's and my amusement when
Bill ordered large fries.
He didn't see, as we did, that large fries
weighed five pounds and cost $3.72. Even with
the both of us helping him eat them, there was
about two-thirds of them left. Wherds a home-
leae person when you need on? lnto the trash
they went. -M
After the gig, we would up staying with a
dude narned Dave, and at his place we watch€d
a movie starring Anthony Zerbe as a mad scientfut, and KISS asthe hero€s, even though they ar€
(nights in The Service of Satan. We w€re informed by Dave that a certain other undelgrDund
band said we were squaEs. We retorted that
wdd been to a lot ofstrip clubs aswell as havirg
met the sings of Men Without Hats. What squa!€
do€ that kind of stuff? -D
1-3890
Columbus, Ohio. Such an exciting town. It
was altemating b€h,veel rain and snow when we
arrived, and by the parking lot next d@r to
Staches a homeless man was sleeping on a heat
grate. After the show, an ambulance was thete, It
s€ems the steam coming out of the grate had
stopp€d, his waterlogged blanket froze, and
now the homeless man was pretty close to dead.
What an evening!
This moming we "enFyed" bEakfast at a
place called Country Folks. The place reeked of
pot pourri, and all the meals had names like
"Hungry Folks Platter"
and 'Down-Home
Combo." Dan's bacon carne after we had all
finished our meals, so he refused it, making the
bovine waitless look terribly foolish. Then we hit
t-70.
We'rc going to St. lruis a day €arly just
trecausewe have nothing better to do.
In Indiana we saw a Stuckey's so we
stopp€d. It turned out to be nothing more than a
Dairy Queen living
livins off that great
sreat name. The
YourFleshSpilng/Summer'90
6l
place was run by a bunch of religious fuckwits
just lik€ the €ntir€ state of lndiana. -M
2-7-90
So we found a Day'e Inn by the St.
touis Airport. With jumbo i'ls passing
overhead we stepped out to a liquor stot€
and got gome Molson's Golde-n, the only
non-Burh beer in this city. We asked the
liquor store clerk where we might find a
burlesque shdw. He said we'd have to go
back to East St. Iruis, Illinois. An old salt
next to us told us that's a bad place. We
w€nt back to our room and watched TVOn Wednesday we got up early and
boogied down to Denny's for Crand Slam
bEakfasts. They wouldnlt let us order
S€niorSlams. Thebest thing about Denny's
is that in the r€stroom thry have wax paper
rings to plac€ on the s€at. Th€y are called
?rotecto," and fve never felt safer than
when I've shit at Denny's.
After a hearty breaftiks we drove
down to downtown St. Louis to visit the
National Bowling Hall of Fame and Mus€um.What a plac€!
Then we went over to the Arch and
rcde the elevator to the top. The exciting
there ate national park
Frt of this is that'This
mustbeoneofthe
rangersup there!
cushiest posts in thc park sewic€ for a
ianger!" I thought.
When you get to the top, you can
look out the windows and seethe muddy
Mississippibelow and EastSt.l,ouis on the
other side. Then you can tum around and
s€e St. Iruis. When I did, I exclaimed,
"Vrrhata fucking ugly town!" I then!€alizedthat
th€oerangetsdidn't haveit sogood.'
When we 8ot down th€re were dozenr of
kids waitin8 to go up. Wherr they got on bord
the elevator, they all stard to scEan|.
The ranger just said Ep€atedlt 'Shrddup "
At the Big that night, the sound man bold
Dan and me, 'They got a 8aying about
St. lrui8 weath€r... If you don't like it,
stick around, iyll change."
N€d we met a guy who said, "I iust love
to tum off the lights, get rcally warted,
tum on a black light, and play lgd at
76rym;'
Now we're on IJS Highway 61, a two
lane road all the way to Iowa City, and I
have gix or seven Protect6 in my hip
pocket.
Oh shit, I alrnost forgot! We stopp€d at a
Waffle House for breafticks. Guesswhat
we ate. -M
2-2-90lo@e City
Damn cold in lowa. Wehavebnd memories ofthis town. The last time we played
here, a guy h the audienc? got soexcit€d
he leapt fTom the stage and broke one of
his knees.
After the BiB last night, at Cabds Oasis,
we went to the home of Chris, Iowa Beef
Experience's boisterous guitarist. What
a pa-rty therc was! Guys and gals ever-
Yow FleshSqing/Summet'%)
1-
"Plone
fnfiilfWffi
$cxy"
.||Nrdrr8.t"u.
fttfrrtr'!lhfiIilr
I
T
;1!i*]:,li*"g*r.
s6,he,€y
cAe4?02
.os,(4,5)6s5
11$
whet€ with a big old halfbarrel ofold Style in the
kit hen. Thie is the sort of party that Easterners
iust don't know how to do.
Dan and I were Drettv well baked when we
l€ft, so Bill drove us to 7-11 wherc Dan got
v€ry excited about beef Frky and I tried to
take more chocolate chip cookies than I had
paid ior. Bill paid the difference on the cookies,and I bummed up wherr I discovered later
that I t@k raisin cookies by mistake.
We went and got a motel outside of
town, and the pillows there had baggies for
pillow cases.
I woke up this moming feeling like I d
had better days, and then we ate at PerKn's,
confirming that I had indeed had better days.
Th€ things I lil@ best for breakfast - scrambled
e88s, hash browns and pancakes - all are just
shit at Perkins. The fr€nch toast I ate was OK
but not at all what I really wanted. A day that
starb at D€nn/s is always a better day than
one that sta.rtsat Perkins. Ofcourse a day that
etafts at Wame House is the b€st day of all. M
2-3-90
The highway from Iowa City to lGnsae
City O40 from I.C. to Des Moines, then south
on I-35 to K.C.) is a dec€nt pi€ce of pavement,
but the w€ather was wrstched. Fr€€zing rain
glazod the roads like doughnuts. The club in
lanr.rence, the Outhouse, is a sh€d two miles
outside of town in a cornfield. When we Bot
there, the staffwas buming garbag€ out ftont,
and th€y had a pr€tty Sood blaze roaring. Our
label-mates, the JesusLizard, were there roo, so
we sh@k hands. Then we broke down and
hugged each other.
The Outhouse's heating system consisted
of two s$gallon baEels on their sides, mounted
on a stand one above the other, with a chimnery
going from the bottom one, up through the top
one/and onouttotheroof.Therewerelogsbumingnin each, with a pile of logs on the flor in
f
Whetr I went to use the toilet, I saw a
titmous€ was living beneath the 6tool, looking up at me. I hoFd that I could get through
the eve-ning without needing to shit, because
that mouse would surely get into my troug€r3,
and there was no toilet papetr, and the corn
cobs out in the 6eld were frozen.
The show was an all-ages gig, and in IGnsasthat m€ans no b€€r allowed in the vqrue.
We kept ours cold on the ice underneath the
Jesus Lizard's van in the field of corn. Every
time I went outside for another cold one, I'i
s€e this dude passed out on the ground in
front ofthebarlel with thegarbagebumingin
it. 'Shit," I thought, "He's going to probably
freeze to death." Finally, on my fffth or sinh
trip out there, I kick€d him until he woke up.
Then theJesusLizard played and DaveYow
set himself on 6re.
latet, when we were all packing up and
Selting ready to leave, Dave Simms moved
the J.L. van and ran over our last twelve.pack,
popping seven of the boftles. -M
2-5-90
The drive from IGnsas City to Omaha
wasn't too bad, although the AM radio in
theseparts is Eallylacking. Thank goodness
it only takes a couple ofhours. Omaha is a city
Photo by Ma y P.rcz
Yout FleshSprlng/Summer'%)
63
of many eteak houses. We didn't €at in any of
them. Inst€ad, we ate at a Meican rcstaurant
and video store, run by a woman who must be
related to Charo.
the show was aSain one with the J€us
Lizad, who wer€ thrilled to s€e that Dan had
ltolcfl the entire Proteclo dispenser package ftom
the Denny's wh€re we all ate in Kansas City. The
Erost astounding thing of all at brea-fticks that
d@ming was that Dan had ordercd the Nachos
SuDreme.
Aft€r the Omaha 8i& Tim Mo6s, the Prc
moter and our host, drove me ovet to Council
Bluffs, IA, where liquor stores can stay oPen later
than in Omah4 to fetch beer br the Sang waiting
back at his pad. As luck would lEve it, we were
two minu6 bte! The young ftlla in the store
said HE would like to let us have some mor€
hoot h, if he COT LD but the stor€ was owned
by the Sheriff. -M
2-77-90 Madisoa
Iast night in Minneapolis we Played a
show where Peter D. lead the crowd through a
'tus stop."
series of line dances, including the
pal,
Tom
llazelmyer,
our
We had fun with
who r€{used to play any tunes with us any more
because we suck.
As we were loading out of the club, the
Seventh Str€et Entry, I noticed the neglected
package of Protectos tha t I had stolen two week
eart;ftom a Denny's in KansasCity. Lo and
behold, a diabetic had stashed his insulin hyPodermic needle in the cardboard cr€ase of the
boxl Billy quickly seized the spike and
Mo
u
promply disPosed of it in an aPPrcPriate container. -D
After the gi& we went to Petds house for
some refreshments and what I thought was to be
some pleasant cronversationwith Pete and Tom
and ourselves, The little 8et-together develoP€d
into a convention of fat slagsasevery overweiSht
boring bitch in the city of MinneaPolis (that's
"Party."
pretty many!) arrived at Pete's digs to
Things only got worse when Bill and Tom left,
andSteveMcl€llary toPdog at FistAvenue a.k a.
Unele Sanfs, showed up with seveml of his pals
I became quite an idtated little fellow, and tried
desperately to flee from them, but whichever
room I went into, therc they were, shmoozinS!
Finally, Dan and I took destiny into our
ownhands.Dantoldoneof Stevds PalstoBethis
Husker Du-lovin' ass off of the couch, and we
unfolded it into a bed and went to slecP.
The very next day,I had the bottle flue. M
I sat in the van and Peeled a tangerine,
given to me by my sister-inlaw, as I watch€d
Michael spew up chunk after bile-coated chunk
ofhis breakhst onto the shoulder of I-94 between
Minneapolis and Madison. The tangerine was
tagty, nonetheless. -D
2-18.90
In Madison, we encounteredTHEE worst
Dromoterofour illustrious musicalcareer.There
were no microphonesat the club. Hewason the
phone trying to scorea sound man for the show.
His nameis Drn Hoboon,and I would adviseall
touring bands to steerclear of this chucklehead.
You FleshSpring/Summer'90
Art Paul Schlosserwarmed uP the evening
with a brilliant performanc€, singing tribut€s to
vegaables and such.
Iowa HExperiencedid theirdamdest to
overcome a nealsuck-assPA, but I don't think
that the evening was in their favor. -M
3-2-90 Houston, TX
Dan and I flew from Chicago, Bill from
Minneapolis. We were on different airlines, and
the consensus is that lunch on American Airlines
is better than lunch on Continental.
After the show, at Fitzgemld's,we veentto
a place called Emo's. We were therc with Danny
Flaim and Kathy Kowgirld, and they had a drinking contest with Dan. He kep insisting that a
Wisconsinitecould drink any Texan'sassunder
the table.
Danny, in an ill-advisd attempt to outdo
Dan and lGthy, kept going to the bar and requesting, 'Drinks to make my friends ga sick
and puke." Of course,heenioyedthesamedrinks.
As it tumed out, Kathy $/on the contest.
Whilewe retumed to their house,Danny waited
at thebartogetacaseof beer.Hetooka longtime
coming home, and when we looked outside
twenty minutes later, he was plancing about in
the field acrossthe stEet in his platform shoes,
redvelvet pantsandamountain man<oat.IGthy
coaxedhim out of the field and into the house,
wherehelaid downonthe floorandslePtasfolk
around him.
Dartied
Much later, after Bill and I had gone to
sleep, Kathy found Dan with his dick hanging
out standing in the living room about to Pisson
h€r boxful oftools. He looked u p at her,
in what she descriH at "that dead fish
lol he har" and shrted to pee. She
gnbbed him by the arm and pushed
hirn out the door, as he mumbled, '1f I
don't get some sleep, I'rn gonna die."
Today we tented car, a luxury sedan. It was a shetch New Yotker, and as
Danny noticed, much roomier than last
yeals nodel. We took it on a si8hts€e
ing tour of Houston. Firgt we gaw a
fencr made of junk, and met the old
black ftllow who built it, dressed in
knee high wadere and holding a highbalt.
Th€n we went to the pigdom, once
tlre home of Itirilla the Boy-Saving Pig
(sioterof Ralp[ the Famous Diving Pig).
Unfortunately, the town FatheB have
decided there is no rcom for pigs within
city limits.
Then we saw the beer can house,
one man's brilliant scheme to put aluminum siding on his home cheaply.
Hds dead, but the house rcmains a
monumellt to American know-how.
You can H your ass there are no beer
can hous€s in Tol<yo.
Finally, we went to the Orange
Show, a tribute to o.anges, "the perfect
6ood."
We ate some Mexican food. Now
wdre going to watch "Andy Cn ffitch,"
then go back to Emo's. -M
3-&90
The drive to Austin in our strctch
Nerr, Yorker was luxury at its most exquisite. Getting out of Houston was a
ttPf.jilf' "'rf,'{;!?: l*:;Hif*;"#ix'fl'#,Y
about the highways in hir hometown.
Not to fault iim; ie doesn,t own a car.
A Pinkerton man at a downtown warehouse gave us d ircctions that involved
drivin! the wrong way up on€-way
stre€ts.
Somehowwe rnadeit.
ftl
r
.-.
l|
"
" j5 ..
..N.,
tj
I
I
.
i-:
f"1;ffi^
The road was well-paved and scenic
,
most of the way, especially once we
. |E,,
r t
.:
"-1.,'.
&ik"
.
_- l{l
got to la crange where we eniryed
'the bestdamn sandr^/ichin town.,'
,
ilfis,nt".r#:a::
from the Cannibal Club. Thry were
rne rieartor rne oanender ior rta!o!!s
W
C
|' ' 1 : : ,; , '" "' . , i *
. l '
, , ..
^-"'"r
i:i-^RRH','I
.7!f ,..,.4
: _
f ' !'.4,'-.1-
i I ;13ilf'".i:Tf'*Yr.',i*
.--, .,
:i.lf-effi.
f&ffilr*''
I
:.r'*Tiin#*F*,*
^1.
.+T
nfl't' .. hisbottleo'fWildTurkey.We;edamn
la ,,r , good chicken kabobsand weird little
(. r_l weiners made from vegetableprodlr I
uc. (Michaet and Dann! actualiy en-
a
,5'ln-
,:r-:;.;r.!D
excePt Kht,
except
Kint, and Dan got his ass me!cilessly whipped by Gibby in a wild
cluple of mundsofping pong.Everyone caml o:rlsid:.anj marvelled at
joyedthe totu pups!-D)
l{r.ll nor^ we're flvino h^mF wF,rp
"
TV dinnerson the plane,lasagne
with
steak.
a
af
YourFleshSpring/Summer'90
6
Danny Flaim and lGthy Kowgirld made
me proErise to mention that Texas, €Pecially
Houston, is the funnest, hippest, and Sreatest
place we have wer been. So I did. -M
,7990
Wdre heading for the West. North
Dakota is a place with ftw peoPle and
fuwea gagstations. We have no idea what
it loks like, as we dr,ve all the waY
across it at ni8ht. The sun came uP when
we wene somehther€ in the middle of
Montau, sowe pulled off the well-paved
highway in Mil€s City 60r some breaftiks
at the48 sCafu. Good food, good servic€,
lousy coffee.
There seemsto be a frw cowboys in
Montana. As we ate we observed that
one clwbo/s PickuP truck in the Parking lot had garbage buming in the back.
When he left the 4B's and backed out his
pickup truck we noticed that amongst
the burning garbage were seveml gas
qlns,
We drove some more until we
stopped at Butte for some more chow at
the M&M Cafe. I susPect that the c.ok
and dishwasher, a couple of old-timers
are men with no past, old hoods on the lam,
living false lives under false names as they hide
out from the long armof thelaw.l can't imagine
any other rcasonto be in Butte.The M&M is also
a bar, and seems like the sort of place where
brawling is popular. The whole town of Butte
could be summed up as a community of trash.
As we dined, two youngstcf,s came in and
shined my bots for a dollar. Thrydid a horoelhit
sixtecn
Fb of it, but they Baid they w€te only'1hat
you
dolla$ short ftom bulng a tr-ampoline
can iump twelve feet high in the air on." Always
one to mcoumge children in their efforts to break their own necke, I
chipped in.
Then we walked out, sholling Fst
some handsome young men in Scorpions shirts, sitting in a parking lot
sippin' on malt liquor, 'tley dudes,"
we said as we strolled past.
We crused Idaho in the blink of an
eye and we spent the night at a fine
motel in Spokane, Washington. The
people of that town all mispronounce
the name of their own hometown. We
full asleep so early that we woke up at
six a.m. -M
3-27-90
Most ofthehousing in town, in the stateforthat
matter, is trailer homes.
After waking up at such an early hour
we enpyed the hotel's "continental
breakfast" (coffee and douShnuts) for
two and a half hours. We've determined that as
you go west from Wisconsin the coffee getg pro-
\,
*,{
kingcarcass
"blind"
kar005 l.p. only
Ilt:\
no chainstores,
no mailorder,
no catalogue,
no resoonse
room311
611broadway
newyork,n.y.10012
6
-Jir5
''
(without
s.a.s.e.)
"...beseeingyou..."'
You FleshSpilng/Summet'%)
(
g!€ssively weake!, until you'rc ddnking the digcolored hot wat€f, they serve in Spokane.
Durin8 breakfast, I let rip with a fart that
ruined breakfast for evervbodv in the room. We
all laughed merrily,
We thought we'd go to
Vancouver a day early and
enFy the nightlitu, but we
w€leh€ated to the nightlift in
a Canadian customs offic€,
dong the longest unguarded
border in the world.
When we did get to
Vancouver wherc we stayed
at Denise the promoter's
house we eniryed the company of two large dogs. One
was named BassCuitar Dude
who ttied to dance the Lambada with me. and the other
was Paisley Blue, a vicious
Doberman who growled in
her sleep and howled constantly while awake.
The next morning, we
wentouttofi nd scrambleeggs
and almost mistakenly ateat a
"cafu" which was in fact a
lesbian pool hall. The air smelled of sweat and
there was enough flannel to out6t every band on
Twin Tone. We backed out and ate at some dive
inrt€ad,
later that evening, after rcund check and a
radio interview, we were back at Denise s home
fur Promote/s Pasta. This was fine until the
promoter's brother and his girlfriend showed up
to smoke dope while we ate. -M
Coing back to the old U,S, of A. there was
us to the top of the Space Needle where we had
a round of expensive b€er. Be€r costs rnore at
high places due to its tasting better at tl€ater
altitudes. We had some food at the Dog House,
one of Tom Hazelmyels
favorite hangouts.
A homeless man with an
enormous dog and a
beard asked me for
money. I gave hin all of
my change, and he got
pissed off when he saw
that it was all Canadian
money. 'Seggars can't
be choosers," I said, and
walked on having taught
him a lesson.
no ptoblem other than meeting the boftom insPectors.
In Seattle we stayed with John Bigley and
Valerie Broach. They have a dog named Roosevelt that seemed to fancy me and we danced.
They cooked a barbeque for us. They took
The road to Portland is
so good that we got to
the club hours early. As
luck would have it, ther€
was a dance club near
the
venue called
Slabtorn. Bill took us
therc. Inside, there was
a topless dancer in
sw€atpantswhothrew herselfspasticallyaround
the dance floor like she was on acid. She had a
b€lly that betrayed her fondness for beer. Whetr
she was finished the bartender mn across the
room to the DJ booth and asked for "a big round
of applause ior Candi." Then she said, ,Now
You FleshSpring/Summer'90
67
enhy watching Tonl .r she sPinr .round tle
Mav Poh ard brushes h.t dtet! .Sainrt you."
Then she nn back to the bar.
Toni war hefty but bettet dress€d than
Candi, weadng a eatin white dreee. Her darrce,
other thar spinninS atound the May Pole, con3bt€d of $anding with h€r back to u8, twitchin8
ffnt he left buttock and then hef, dght one'
Slabtown ir one hell of a clasey irint. It'a not a
stripper bar, becausethe danc€rsn6'er
take their doth6 off. Ifo iust dassy.
After our show we w€re offerEd
eevemlplaceeof lodginp but all were
eitherfrom amazingdiP6hit! whosevetry
presencewasintolerablgorde€t*PeoPle
who wantedto drink and Partydl n8ht.
Weneededohepsowebund a ni.e motd.
On our diive to Californb, we dis"
coveredthat Oregonis a statefull of Prc
vincial rustics,wheE cafesservepeculiar
concations they call Mqican food. As
8oonasyou 8etto Califomia peoplelook
real C-alifomian.
At the I-80/I-505 interchange,
therds s nic€ little truckstoP with tele'
phone3 at the tables. Since we wete €ating bte
afticks anyway, we w"nt ahead and called Pae.
We couldrft think of anything to sa, w€ iust
wanted to use the phone at the table.
Now we-re in Frisco, the citay by the bay, at
Paul Rellels home. He took us to the oc€an
where we saw thoueands ofhermit cI-ab€.Back in
town wewalk€d down HaiSht Str€et, wh€te we
saw dozens of homeless people- Thetds something about the homele6s in San Francisco, th€t
I^'ESTERN
lok awful, c€trvedon a little stf,o6o.rn ttay wlh
a little plastic 6orkand knife, and that fuchnt
little portion-controlcontainerof WaflleSymp,I
threw th€ whole mess away and got Dolly
Madisondoughnutsat the ga5station.
It was fortunate drat we came by to cheer him
eld€rly man decided that Carl'8 Jr. was a Sood
for a couple of days. -M
il-2-90 Los Atgebs
We left Frisco at an unpleasantly eady
hour, so early that I was still drunk. It was a long
drive to L.A. We stopped along the way at sohe
des€rt outpost where the gas was $159/8allo&
and the only restauranl was MacDonald's
Goddammit if they don't make theworst fu cking
pancakeg on the fuce of the fucking eatth at
MacDonald's. Shit, is this a bad day. Th€y even
Fina.lly we got to L.A. What a town! LonS
Beach isn't wodh mentioning, so bfs Eet
straight to fabulous Hollyw@d! We saw
all the Stars' nam€e on the sidewalk. We
went to Frederick's Lingerie MuseuEL
Then we got a map of stars' homes. W€re
we shocled to find that the Beverly Hillbillieg' mansion has been torn down! I
thought it wa6 a national monumeltt. Still,
the glamour in this town is absolutely
fabulous. Englebert Humperdinck still
lives in Jayne Mansfields Pink Palace.
Sadly, there's a horror even $eater than
the fate of the Clampett estate, SHAKEY'S HAS
CHANGED THEIR PIZZA CRIJSTI I kid you
not. Once the greatest pizza known to cMliz€d
ma& it has now been altercd to nothing mor€
than tomato sauc€ on a soda ciacket. They call it
their new Classic Crust. fm forc€d to declar that
I will never eat there again. -M
There are more rock bands than people in
L.A., and as a Esult many spinoff induskies
'more than enough I
3 :9nq_?" ep^tG€(
Bo-02 Slaughtelhouse
Road- 3 song 7" eP
Bo-03 Bi 1I Feeny
I
'endanqered
species
'calm and haPPY'
b/w
12 BO-04 InspecEor
'still
on your ful I
onIY
Iength cassette
7" records- $3.50 PPd
cassettes- 56.00 PPd
add 52 for overseas
u.s- cash or m.o.
only. to s. wipfl i.
lat€r that dat we ate at Carl'o Jr, whidt is
Paul hurt hir backplaying basketball,and amazingly iuet like MacDonald's, I had to sldt
durint mostofourvisit hewa! in miserablePqin. aft€r €atin& but wag forE€d to skip it whetr an
SCORCII
BO-01 Appl iances-SFB
I
iurt !€emto be college stude(rts on a camPing triP
or some similar adventurc. The most disgusting
thing about the homeless in this city is that th€y
breed, and take their wretched offspring drcssed
up like dirty lttle hippiee out at an early age to
l€am the family bade of Panhandling.
VERSIJS
placeto tech his grandsonhow to usea
ioilet. Ar I stoodo;bide waiting for them
to ffnish,l heardthechild ecr€am,soI hft.
EASTERN
HO\^/I-
PB-l Sekiri 7" ep. $3.25
-naked and steamyPB-2 Japan Bashing VI. 1
7" compilation
53.75
w,/Boredoms, UFO or Die
Hanadensha, Omoide
Hatoba- . . 4 bands.
-hot and lathered-PlJ-J I ne boreooms. >J. z)
2 songs from their
lost Boretronix
nearly
sess1ons. - .
-rinsed
and soakingGET CLEAN WITH THE
KANSAI UNDERGROUND!!
add 51 for postage.
u.s. cash or m.o- to
hopkins.
You FleshSPring/Summer'9()
'!r*
*,,
otos\zeo
{f:t
Availablenow on
RESO/A\CE
LPs Casseftes CDs
5r7 WESIz)th STFE€I r5t5
NEWYOF(. NY IO@t
have Irown th6e. My favorite cottage lock and
toll busin.so is hair oatension and reDlaement.
You calr go into a shop on Sunset Blvd'. as bald as
Phil C.ollins and come out with a meta.lshaS like
the dud6 in White Snake or Dokken.
Nothing really needs to be said about San
Di.to, wheie our n€rd stop was, but pl€nfy can
be said about the best town we've b€en through
in y€ars!-D
'ltlelcome to Fabulous las Vegas"
the sign
at the edge of town rcads, and fabulous it is.
All the Stars were in town: Sammy, Julio,
Steveand Eydig Dno, Jerry trwis, Don Rickles,
Siegfried and Ron Toni Tenille, Kenny Rogers,
Tony Orlando (with Dawn!), Ray Stevens,Englebert, Tom Jones,Wayne Newton, Robert Goulet,
Tony Berhett, The Smothers Brothers, Ricardo
Mont€han, Redd Foxx, Dom Deluis, Bert Convy,
George Hamillon, Arur-Margaret, Nick Cave,
Charo, P.eggy l,ee, Vicki Lawrcnce, cavin
McL€od, Jo€y Heatherton, and of <ourse, Frank
Sinaha. And thafs iust sorne of theml
Our collective heart was bursting as we
ErotorEd down the Strip, part Newtor/s own
famous and glamourous Caesa/s Palace, with
the rad io playing "I'm Proud to be an American,
God Blessthe US.A." by [.ee Greenwood asloud
a! it could go. We headed out of town toward the
freewan feeling good about the world as we
headod for Fort Collins, Colorado.
later that night, teror set in as we drcve
Fst mile after desolat€ mile, without sight of a
tas slation or any form of lifu othet than rnule
deer. Just as we were about ready to shit in our
pants, on our last gallon of precious fuel, we
We set out aft€r breafticks looking forcame around a bend and there was Gr€en ward to a sGenicdrive over the Rockiesand
River, Utah. The Mormon tas station atten- the last stop of our mega-tour, Fort Collins,
dant madeit plain that he didrf-t carefor us, CO. Little did we susFct that our kusty van,
bu t we were grateful to get tas no uratter how 'The Booger," would nearly suffocateon the
much of a bastardand religious screwball the thin supply of oxygen as we climbed to 1Otr&
guy we got it from was. -M
fe€t at Vail Pass, The engine sputter€d,
Since Michael was driving about 45 coughed, and wheezed like Felix Unger.
MPH, aswell ascoastingin neutral down hills
Dan and I conducted a littl€ exDeriment
in order to save our dwindlin8 gas supply, to seehow the alHtude effectsgettitrg drunk,
oncew€ had a full tank again Ihad to nake up " We only had one bottle of Miiler figh IJfe
tim€ by driving 85MPH. W€ stopped to sle€p left, but it made us both fall asleeo.
in Grand Junction, Colorado, The next momWe woke up at the Fort CAlins rr'FW
ing, hungry for breaKast, we drove off down hall, where we were gre€tedby Creat Caesa/s
the sbeet. We passeda Denn),/s,but because Chost. Th€y gave us tivo casesof Huber.
Dan didn't speak up quick enough for
Around 11:30or so, Fo CollinJ finest
Michael's satisfaction,we couldn't stop there. arrived, clad in brown shirts, and shut down
(I hate bo waste time backtrackin& time is the show. They made everyone,including
us,
money -M). We s€ttled upon a little div€ leave the VFW hall.
called the Kettle. This particular Kettle was
We left town after having a few nore
owned by a former Chicago Bears football beerswith the Ghosts,and stopFd at a place
player. For some reason the Psychic C-osmic called Debbie Duz Donuts fii coffee and
Forcesof the Rocky Mountains causedall of doughnuts. Debbie's is a toplesedonut shop
us to order the samei tem:waffles.This turned oubide of Fort Collins b', the freeway. It is in
out to be a mistake, becausethose sameCos- an abandoned Standald station, and iys real
mic Forces made the high school dropout classy.
short order ch€f undercook all of our waffles.
Now, Dan and Bill are somewherealong
We gentthem back, of course,and then heard the Platte river in central Nebraska, on I{0,
a lot of swearing coming from the kitchen. and I'm homewardboundon NWA, enjoying
Whenthewafflescameback,only Mike s was a little foil packetfull of blanchedpeanuts,under-cooked, so we were satisfied. -B
M
4-+90
a a o
You FleshSprlng/Summet'9O
e