1 - Monash University Research Repository


1 - Monash University Research Repository
© Monash Student Association (Clayton) Incorporated (MSA). Lot’s Wife is published on behalf of MSA. All enquiries about the
reproduction and communication of material from Lot’s Wife should be directed to MSA.
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Note: The first half of the paper is non-CAF (Compulsory
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discretion. The second half of the paper is CAF funded a n d
subject to the VSU legislation.
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N e w s In Briefs
F e d e r a l Election Section
( W i t h Party b r e a k - d o w n s , G S T a n a l y s e s ,
w h y t a x isn't t h e o n l y issue a n d m o r e )
M o r e N e w s o n Arts Faculty C u t s
In t h e 3^7 h a l f :
Don Celm
Michelle Davies
Chris King
Travel S e c t i o n : T i p s , C h i p s a n d W h i p s
Asha Holmes
DIY W e b - s i t e s
Powderfinger Interview
Jen C o s
Kothryn James
Daniel Ceinn
Tomsin Molesworth
Michelle Davies
Chris King
Dan Celm
B u n d a b e r g R u m Footy T i p p i n g
M u n c h M e , Bundaberg Photo Page, Letters, MSA Reports, Top Ten, Cartoons, Lot's O n , Quizzes, Prizes,
Idol Gossip, N o ' F r o m the Bar Room Floor', N o 'Activities Report', a n d N o w o n d e r Pender's f a m i l y w o n ' t
recognise h i m .
M e g a n Pearson
These people managed to avoid
the potential candidates and made
it in to the office to be of great assistance and have a bloody good
time with us: Alyssa, Beau Zlatkovic,
Kanela Giannakakis, Will Fowles
(too noisy), Slotts, Ozan , Ada, Dove
McLay, Rennie Breimis, Simon "Life
Saver" C o o k e , Micky Crossland,
Pretzel, TrayC Richter, Ursula, Liam,
Nick Chiam, Ben (Stogie Boy) and
Macca at the bar who kept up our
spirits a n d , of course, our resident
cartoonists, Duncan Yardley a n d
Darby Hudson (although they both
gave stuff to Forrogo). p.s. We're really sorry Jacy, and we love you
A n d r e w James
Anthony Brasher
Luke Oliver
Remember, we only have one more edition left, and it's .
going to be a fun silly one, so get your submissions in by
•Monday September 2 1 . We want to see your name in printi'
M a r c Jongebloed
Richard Johnson
Ronny Liew
Keith Kendall
Leslie Liew
P u b l i c a t i o n Schedule
S e m e s t e r Trro
Helena Sverdlin
Editorial Policy
Lot's Wife does not publish any moterial Ihat is sexist,
racist, homophobic or militoristic. So don't even bother
trying to submit it. We also hove a major problem publishing thot ordinary stuff (ie Crop). Please keep the literary
stondord of our newspoper up (that includes you Low students who everyone knows ore spawn of Satan). If you're
going to submit good stuff, please give it to us on disk in
W o r d 6.0 format. If you have a problem with the lack of
editions a n d spoce this year, call the VC a n d ask for a
budget increase. Otherwise fuck off and get o hair-cut like
him. You know, the one thot mokes the flobby bitof skinon
the back of your neck stand out. Lot's Wife is publist^ed by
our motes at Westeroport Printing, none of whom hove bod
Don't mention t h e war.
Rani I n t e r v i e w
Reviews, Reviews, Reviews, Reviews
Claire H a m m o n d
The Crew:
Oliver Daly
i r e e n Teek
Jacy C u l l u m
July \^
July 15
M(.n - Thu
July 2(1-2.1
August ID
August \Z
Mtin - T h u
August 17-20
August 26
August 31
September 2
Mon - T h u
September 7-H)
September 16
September 2.^
Mon - T h u
Sept28-(>cr I
Otn.ber 7
Emma Hunt
Non-CAF Funded
Non-CAF Funded
page 3
letten to the editon
• ''I.,I
Welcome to Elections:
Hove a Nice Day
Send In The Hacks
Dear Lot's,
Dear Lot's,
There are a few Indicators that student
elections are with us again. There are
the teaser posters, the lecture bashes,
the tacky t-shirts, and the
preponderance of "friends" whose
name you can't quite remember, but
who seem to always remember yours.
There is one other indicator: the Lot's
Wife letters page. In all the years that
I have been at university there is one
thing you can bet on: that the edition
of Lot's just before election week will
be filled with lots of pathetic. Immature,
little jibes at various people from
differing factions who are all competing
for the same elected positions on MSA
committees and executives.
To those reading all these letters, It is
worth bearing one thing In mind - in
five, ten or fifteen years time, when the
average person thinks back on their
university years they will remember
certain things. They'll remember the
experiences they had, the loves they
lost and the friends they made. They'll
remember times of frivolity and times
of stress - times that they wished
would last forever and times that they
wished they could more readily forget.
And while some may remember the
Union nights brought to them by
Activities, or the editions of Lot's that
they enjoyed so much, very few will
remember who was their elected
representative on the Education Affairs
Committee, who sat on WAC, or even
who was their student President. Kind
of puts things Into perspective.
Michael McLecking
P.S. Hope I'm proven wrong about the
letters column, but I doubt It.
I was a bit confused by the last
paragraph of DannI Ujvari's othenwise
excellent article (The Decimation of the
Arts Faculty - edn 7). Confused,
because the Arts Faculty staff had
asked the MSA to use organised
protest as a last resort (which we have
done), and which the Education Affairs
Committee (of which DannI is an
elected member) has known all along.
Then I remembered; DannI only
attended one of these meetings before
giving her position to someone else. I
also remembered that DannI was
elected to Welfare Committee last
year, but resigned early on.
page 4
Far from "representing women", the
bid was prepared by a very limited
group of women. The collective
structure set up to organise the
conference, If the bid was successful,
only allowed Involvement by a very
limited group of women; and upon
completion of the bid, copies of It were
very difficult to obtain for discussion
by more than that very limited group
of women.
It does come across as If Sandra might
have been trying to control the
NOWSA 1999 conference, doesn't It?
But I don't suppose that counts as
trying to Increase one's own "individual
political power".
I also noticed that DannI signed herself
as a student representative on the Arts
Faculty Board. Interesting again,
considering that there have been five
Arts Faculty Board meetings this year,
only one of which DannI has attended.
Rebecca Boreham
Arts/Law 3
I wondered why DannI would attack the
MSA while being so contemptuous of
the students she, herself, is meant to
represent. Then I remembered election time is notorious for drawing
out hypocrisy wherever It resides.
DannI Is running for Education Officer
- a bit rich considering she's been
elected to three positions In the last
two years and fulfilled none of them.
Dear Lot's,
VP Education Officer
Monash Student Association
Dear Lot's,
It is interesting that Sandra Roennfeldt,
In her Women's Officer's Report In the
Green Week Edition of Lot's raises the
question as to whether women
become Involved In feminist politics to
Increase their own "individual political
power" or to "represent women" as a
whole. I find this particularly Interesting
In light of the most recent Network of
Women Students in Australia
(NOWSA) conference.
Monash women submitted a bid to
hold the NOWSA conference of 1999
at Monash, but the proposal to bid was
only raised at the last WAC meeting
of Semester One - leaving only a few
Non-CAF Funded
weeks (Including exam period) to
prepare the bid.
Surely Not Anottier
Electioneering Letter
Dear Lot's,
How do you know when it Is election
time? MSA officebearers and Labor
club students who seem to be publicity shy and afraid of being involved In
campaigns are suddenly appearing all
over the place, desperate to get their
name In print, their photo anywhere
they can, and to actually talk to the students they have ignored all year. Does
this also have any connection to the
lack of student Involvement and Input
until now and the hurried attempts at
solving problems that have been Ignored until now?
Call me a cynic, but I would rather see
them active all year, involving students
all year and dealing with important issues when they come up - not just at
election time.
Hamish Clark
Let's Bag MUFSO
Beefcake for All
Not Just The Rlcti
It Is appalling that the most Information
that we have heard about the MUFSO
student plan has come from reading
Lot's Wife ~ not from the Monash
Student Board (MSB) on which we
both sit. Why was such a far-reaching
and potentially destructive plan for the
MSA Implemented without any student
consultation, without any Input from
MSB - let alone an SGM, where
something of this magnitude must be
Why did the two MSA representatives
to MUFSO - Jacqui Cameron and
Gavin Ryan - refuse to discuss, table
or mention any aspects of the plan with
MSB before the launch, despite
vehement questioning? As of Monday
August 31, the MUFSO Student Plan
has still not been tabled at any MSB
meeting. Furthermore, the document
clearly rolls over and submits to what
the vice-chancellor wants, at a time
when it is clear that what students want
and expect from Monash University Is
clearly so different from what the vicechancellor wants.
Ashley Ford
Ya'ir Neumann
MSB Representatives
Dear Lot's,
Well, it's been almost a year since that
fateful decision was made by the
former Monash Student Board
engineered by Tanja Kovak. Nearly a
year and everyone's still fighting over
it. Isn't It time that both sides put their
petty, political differences aside and
worked together to sort It out?
It's not just one side stopping the
resolution of the conflict. It's more the
case of an Inability on the part of the
Wholefoods Collective to work with
certain members of the Monash
Student Board and vice-versa. It's
been too long, and frankly, as a
student, I'm concerned at the amount
of time that seems to be wasted. There
are many more Issues to be worried
about, but, as It Is nearly election time,
we'll have the Wholefoods fiasco as
the core issue to argue over.
Swallow your differences and sort It
out. Organize a time when all
concerned parties (and not a roundup of stragglers meant to put the
pressure on) can discuss the ins and
outs with the Friends of Wholefoods
: A F Funded
Pleased to meet you - oh no don't stand up - oh you are!
constitution. Then, agree. It's about
time that you all just fucking solved it.
"Swallow your dreams. You can reach
your goals. Beefcake. BEEF^CAKEI"
Sarah Turner
Representation for All
Not just ttie Postgrads
Dear Lot's,
represents only Clayton enrolled
postgraduate students. This leaves
over 3000 Monash University
postgraduate students from other
postgraduate specific representation.
The MPA does not seek to break
anything. Indeed, the MPA seeks only
to join together all postgraduate
students of Monash University. Under
its current structure the MPA is
prevented from achieving this level of
The MPA does not want to argue with
any student body over "its share of
student fees", the MPA simply wants
to ensure that it will have the
necessary infrastructure to fully meet
the specific representative needs of
over 8000 Monash postgraduate
The issue of wider postgraduate repVesentation is not an economic one, it
is an issue that deals with the specific
representative requirements of postgraduate students. Given the changing nature of the university environment, it is important that postgraduate students have a strong presence
within the wider Monash University
community, in order to monitor standards and levels of teaching, especially
with regard to supervision, and to protect resources that are essential to
postgraduate study.
Munchkin, Sweetie
Darling; Munch Mel
Dear Munchkin,
Dear Lot's,
Country Road indeed! Is that the best
you can do? You forgot to mention that
we Law students are all Chapel St
going, cafe latte sipping, mobile phone
and lap-top toting, solarium-tanned,
gym frequenting, arrogant, over
confidant, Calvin Klein-clad, annoyingly
well-elocuted, chardonnay-swilling,
pointy-nosed Peter Costellos in the
making. Country Road-darling where
have you been? Country Road is so
1996, we Law students wouldn't be
caught dead in it! Thought I'd bring you
up to date.
An open letter to the VC of Monash
Love from,
Laureen Villegas,
Arts/Law V
(Written while sitting on a leather
chesterfield sofa, smoking a large cigar
and perusing the financial pages)
Compu-pu-pu-pu-pupu-pu computer games
Dear Lot's (and all you out there),
You may have noticed lately that there
are some lovely bright stickers
appearing on the computers in the
labs. These stickers exhort (look it up)
Do you really want to be remembered
as a man who stands for nothing and
no-one? Actually, you will be
remembered for something - as the
worst Vice Chancellor, not only of
Monash University, but of all time. You
will be remembered as the man who
destroyed the Arts faculty of Monash
University while turning this institution
into a sort of private prison, replete with
security cameras and wandering
security goons. You will, in short, be
remembered as the man who
destroyed the faith of the brightest
minds in the present era.
to major national confrontations, eg.
The euthanasia debate.
As a former student of his bioethics
centre, I believe I am qualified to add
a few words to complete the picture.
While at his centre, I developed a new
theory of ethics to counterbalance his
hegemonaical model of publicfocussed utilitarianism in which I
pointed out that individual justice was
of greater importance in law and ethics
than general utilitarianism (which was
more relevant to politics and
economics, although the concept of
justice is still applicable everywhere).
Hence I have been able to point out
that non-selective application of rules
and models, like utilitarianism, with no
consideration of individuals rights, will
lead to the type of dissonances which
do occur as a result of rapid change
to society's values, culture and
economic principles.
Malcolm Barr
Or maybe not. Maybe it could be that
you will make a stand against all of this
corporatised university njbbish. How?
Rumour has it that Monash University
owns a filthy amount of property that
is doing absolutely nothing Be
courageous. Sell the dodgy property
and use the proceeds not just to
sustain the diversity of courses, but to
expand the diversity of courses. What
a marvellous example that would set.
Anthony G. Kent
Mad Mol 3:
Beyond A Joke
Dear Lot's of Non-mistakes,
Surely wider student representation
within Monash University can only
benefit all students of the university.
Darriel Jeffree
MPA President
The "turn off the
computers collective".
Non-CAF Funded
Firstly, let me congratulate you on your
willingness to personally address the
recent protest meeting outside your
"home". But let me ask:
This is because, unless the computer
is used by someone else straight away,
it sits there wasting power all by itself.
In addition, the computer centre
recommends that you always re-boot
the computer to protect yourself
against those nasty viruses - so it may
as well be turned off!
So remember kids, unless there are
people standing waiting for a computer,
turn it off. This applies especially after
four o'clock or so, when the labs are
quite empty! This way you help to save
power and all the things that bring you
power (but that is a story for another
I broke my Wooklc.
VC: Flashbacks, 1972
Non-CAF Funded
An item on p.8 of your Green Week
special regarding the promotion of
Professor Peter Singer to Princeton
University desen/es comment.
Your Envirowatch reporter was unable
to do justice to Professor Singer's role
in the general ethical debate in all
Australia where he has adopted a
utilitarian approach to bioethics leading
Non-CAF Fundec
Before I get on my soapbox about the upcoming federal election, I would like to
indulge in some light and fluffy matters. Hasn't the weather been divine lately?
The sun is shining, it's warmer, the winter blues are dissipating and despite the
Impending doom of exams, summer is coming.
' ' , / . . . l . »-«•''
Save The Arts:
Harpoon a Lawyer
It Just Wouldn't Be The
Same Without Ptill
Dear Lot's,
Dear Lot's,
I am just writing to say well done to all
the people who attended the 'Save the
Arts Faculty' rally on Wednesday 26*'
August. While the speakers were
nothing spectacular, and the chair was
very lacklustre, such a large showing
of support from the students was
Last Wednesday morning, as usual, I
rode my bike to the Post Graduate
Centre, then wandered over to Admin
Building 3a for a shower There I was
greeted by a security officer who very
politely informed me that due to
unspecified student actions, only
authorised staff were being admitted
to the building.
If you didn't get a chance to sign the
petition at the rally, it's available in MSA
reception. The prevention of people
entering the administration building to
attend the Arts Faculty Board meeting
through non-violent means was a
spectacular success which forced the
Vice Chancellor to come out and
speak to the students. He saw the full
anger of the students and was
questioned about a number of issues
affecting students. It also provided a
great avenue for the media to highlight
the issue - check out The Age and
Australian on Thursday 27" August.
Scott Brewer
Shitscared Are
Dear Lot's,
I was disgusted to read Rich Johnson's
crap attempt at a sports report in the
last edition of Lot's. He tried to claim
that Shitscared were superior, but I ask
What's so superior about a bunch of
wanker Engineers getting together
with more money and more people
than any other group in Green Week?
Apparently Peter Wade, General
Manager of the University, had given
the order, so although Security agreed
that I hardly looked like a radical
student terrorist, they adamantly
refused to defy orders and let me into
the building.
Last week I saw Prime Alien Carcass (the Players' Comedy Revue) and can I
just say, it was such a pearler. I haven't enjoyed a show so much in ages, so I
thank the cast and crew for forcing me into such a cheery mood. I also saw
Julius Caesarwhich was presented by Monash drama students. There are such
talented and enthusiastic people here at Monash and I hope that more students
support the many other shows coming up soon.
OK. Serious now. Given that a federal election is nigh, we give you our 'Election
Edition'. Naturally, we could not offer a comprehensive guide of issues and
policies to consider, but we have outlined some important points. Granted - t£ix
reform, the GST and increasing global economic troubles must be considered.
But, I would like to make one simple request. When you vote, please remember
that any govemment has a responsibility not only to balance the books, but to
sustain the welfare of its society. We need people who are leaders, not just
good accountants, to manage Australia. Just my opinion...
So, it's that time of year again. Student elections, made even more unbearable
this year because of a coincidental federal election. It would almost be funny if
it wasn't so painful. What I will say is this: Use your right to vote, don't let it go to
waste. It is your right because you are student of this campus. It is the way you
get to decide who will misuse student funds next year.
Meanwhile, over a weekend ten days
eariier, a television was stolen from the
Post Graduate Centre lounge. Despite
the existence of a swipe card system,
supposedly recording every entry/exit
to and from the building, and
numerous cameras, at least three of
which should have recorded the thief
in action, the disappearance is still
Speaking of funds, I hate to be a whinger, but by God it takes a lot of money to
run a student newspaper. You will note the black footers across the bottom of
every page in the first half of the paper, they indicate the parts of the paper paid
for by advertising. Lot's Wife is currently the only student newspaper in Victoria
required to demarcate its pages between OAF and Non-CAF. Gone are the
halcyon days of pre-VSU vyhen Lofs could come out every two weeks, now we
struggle to get ten issues out a year (and that is with substantial advertising).
It's a crime and a travesty, but there is no money and you suffer for it.
Apparently University Security has
enough resources to prevent a lawabiding student from lawfully entering
an admin building, but despite
electronic movement records and
closed circuit TV footage, cannot
identify a blatant thief.
Well with all this election stuff going on everyone gets pretty serious about
things. Federal elections, Student elections, Local dog-club elections; and all of
them seem so important at the time.
Makes you wonder about Security's
Phil Crohn
Paranoia 36
Ooh aah, well done Rich. If you hadn't
have won you should be ashamed of
yourself. My Grandmother and her
pokie-playing friends could have taken
out Green Week with the amount of
resources at your disposal.
I don't think I'll ever get too seriously involved in politics, I find the whole process too frustrating. First there's the problem that not everyone shares the same
idea of what the best means are for achieving a greater good, let alone what
that greater good is supposed to be. Then there's just the restriction that comes
with any position of power; namely that like everything else in life, it only lasts
for a certain time. Even if someone was able to acheive world peace, it wouldn't
matter too much. Some fuckhead would come along with a gun and the whole
thing would just start all over again.
I prefer to live in the social wortd rather than the political one. I believe that true
goodness cannot be forced form above, but must come from the grassroots up.
I believe in spending time with others, sharing a beer, or having a smoke, or
whatever your preference may be. Most importantly, I think we should all laugh
about things more often. It helps to keep everything in perspective. As soon as
you start to take things too seriously, you've already lost. Besides, everyone
looks prettier When they're smiling. Maybe if we all do it often enough a little will
rub off and others will start living with the same philosophy. I think I'd forgotten
that recently, but it's good to have it back again.
But I will give you one thing... it was
nice to see a Sports sub-editor actually
write something for the paper
Remember: If you can make just one person laugh as you carry out your day-today task, then you're probably not that funny.
Lord Testiclies
page 6
Goodbye, Isevin Arnold,
Arts students have taken their protests
to the Administration at Monash University in recent weeks. On Wednesday,
August 26, a National Day of Action was
held at the Monash Clayton campus,
attracting hundreds of people who congregated between the Menzies and the
Union buildings. The protests signaled
a change in tactics for the Monash Student Association, who had previously
ventured into the city to participate in
student Days of Action. However,
turnouts at these rallies had traditionally in the past been low, with the inner-city universities being able to attract
far larger levels of students, in part due
to their geographical advantage. Judging by the numbers who attended on
the 26th, the decision appears to have
been a success.
Attended by hundreds of students, the
protest was against the University's decision to close some faculties in the Arts
department, and to merge others. A
temporary stage and PA system was set
up with speakers from the Classics department, both staff and students talking bout the obvious problems which
its closure would bring to them.
From there the protest moved to the
outside of Administration where an open
speaking forum commenced. However,
that was soon cut short when many
amongst the group began to barricade
the entrances of the building in an attempt to stop the meeti ng of Academic
Board from taking place - a meeting
which was scheduled to discuss and
accept the recommendations of the Arts
Faculty blue print. Minor
scuffles broke out when
academic board members
tried to force their way
through the protestors,
however no one was hurt
and the situation soon
cooled down.
But the most amazing incident occurred
when an impromptu question-and-answer forum occurred between protestors
and the Vice Chancellor, David
Robinson, as he came to confront the
group. The Vice Chancellor was received
with a respectful level of silence as interested students heard his responses
to questions fired from students and
staff. Describing himself as the Chief
Executive Officer (CEO) of Monash rather
than as a Vice Chancellor, Mr
Robinson's answers were mostly pad-
ded with empty rhetoric. The session
lasted for approximately half an hour before the Vice Chancellor re-entered the
Administration building and the crowd
The Monash Student Association and
NTEU have vowed to continue their fight
against course closures; closures which
have left many students wondering
whether they will be capable of finishing their degree in their desired field.
. " ' J j ••;"
J- V •
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Matthew Williams, eleven, has won
against a Surrey council order to
evict him from his treehouse. Matthew, nicknamed 'General Survival',
lives in the treehouse with his
mother and fourteen year old
brother as he protests against the
building of a road through remnant
woodlands known as Silver Birches.
The owners of the woodlands were
granted a possession and eviction
order but last week the High Court
put a stay on the order until a full
appeal hearing begins on October
1. General Survival was delighted.
"I am here because I want to save
the silver birches and the wildlife on
this site," he said. "I have friends
who like the woodland because they
can play in it. I like living in the tree
house and spend my time picking
up litter and tidying up the woods
and parkland. Sometimes I help with
the cooking. I like veggie food."
His mother, Lorraine, said, "He believes in what we are doing. I just
want to make the world a better
place, more green and less concrete. I think we are a lot better off
living in a tree house than on the
council estate in Kingston where we
used to live. That place was just a
haven for drugs and crime."
He was given his nickname by
friends after being involved in several other protests. But there has
been a price. "I was kicked out [aged
eight] of The Mount school in Kingston because I was behind. I like
my fife now. I spend my days playing with former school friends from
Kingston, helping my mother find
and prepare food and trying to
learn how to read. I love it there
mostly. All my friends come to play
with me there and I don't want
that to come to an end because
the trees have all been chopped
down to make a road. I want to
save the trees for other children."
A support group has gathered
round, and Nigel Veal, an English
graduate, has volunteered to
teach Matthew to read and write.
Supporters argue that he has the
right to stay because Agenda 21,
signed by 100 nations at the Rio
Earth Summit, upholds the right
of young people to protect their
environment. His case will be the
first to test Agenda 21.
Jon Sumby
Reference: The Electronic
nee have disappeared in the past fifteen years.
niques and the destruction of beach Remember the Garlic, and 'Ava Good
nesting sites for development. Tour- Weekend
ist resorts are mainly the cause as
Limiting the amount of the planet we people seek more and more exclu- Researchers'at the German Federal Nadominate, and tolerating diversity more sive and idyllic places.
ture Protection Agency have found that
in the places we do dominate, will eneating gariic scares off mosquitos.
tail tackling two of the most intractable Last month the most important nestforces in the modem worid: galloping ing site for the green and loggerhead Also on the mosquito 'most hated' list
per-capita consumption and rapid popu- turtle in Mexico and the Caribbean were eating plenty of vitamin B l and
lation growth. No consen/ation strategy, has been sold for tourist develop- the scents of lavender, peppennlnt and
Life Support Gives Bad Report
however ingenious, can get around the ment. X'cacel Beach is a two kilome- the tomato plant.
Unprecedented biological collapse fact that the more resources one spe- tre stretch of beach atQuintana Roo,
has begun worldwide, according to cies consumes, the fewer are available Mexico, and is considered critical to These traditional methods were at least
a WorldWatch Institute report, Ufe for all the rest.
the turtle's future. An online petition as good as chemical sprays and creams
Source - M.Vandemann
Support Consenting Biological Diverto preserve the beach is available by on the martlet the Agency said.
sity. Among the report's findings;
emailing [email protected] with Source - Telegraph Group Umited.
three-quarters of the world's bird Critical Turtle Nesting
'OK X'cacel' as the subject and your
species are declining in population Beach Threatened
name, city, country as the text.
Compiled Jon Sumby
or threatened with extinction. AmSource - Cturtie List
phibians are declining woridvidde. In All marine turtle species are endangered
Indonesia, 1,500 local varieties of as the result of modem fishing tech'Non-CAF Funded
page 8
You won't need a pen and paper. My order's simple.
There are reports that Howard may
have called an election to reduce
Australia's unemployment rate and
to stabilise the negative effects of
the Asian crisis on the Australian
economy This may sound very odd,
but it was reported that the
The long anticipated Coalition tax Australian Electoral Commission
package was finally released, not expects to employ 60,000 casual
surprisingly it included a 10% GST. workers for the upcoming election.
Health, education, child-care, hos- There will be fifty teams that will go
pitals and nursing homes, local gov- around the country twelve days
before polling to visit remote areas,
ernment rates, and water and sewerage charges will all be exempt and also there will be 8,000 polling
from the consumption tax. The places. The AEC expects the election
Prime Minister has continually told to cost $60 million.
his critics that the revolutionary tax
The traditional owner of the Jabiluka
reform package does not solely include a GST. In fact, other features uranium mine site, Yvonne
Margarula was found guilty for
of the package include significant
reductions in PAYE, tax free thresh- trespassing. She commented that
old increases from $5400 to this decision sets a very unpleasant
precedent for traditional owners in
$6000 and increases in family assistance to low and middle income Australia.
Two men have received suspended
The opposition released their tax sentences in a North Queensland
package not long after, and again court, charged with smuggling
it surprisingly did not include a snakes. Australian quarantine
broad consumption tax, or a GST.
service officers in Cairns seized ten
It has set out to provide an increase green pythons as they were
in the threshold for the 43 percent
smuggled into the country in a man's
tax rate from $38,000 to $43,000 trousers. Testing by the government
by 2001-02, an increase in the science organisation revealed
Medicare levy by 0.2% for high viruses that may have been
income earners and imposes a damaging to our aquatic life.
32% sales tax on caviar and private
jets. There is also funding for public The global financial situation
infrastnjcture such as road and rail worsened in the last month, with
projects and most importantly, the political and economic troubles in
package provides a family tax credit Russia. This had a negative effect
of about $63 a week for an average on Australian indicators, with the
family with two children.
dollar hitting a post-float low. Some
For all of you who are still in a state
of hibernation, if the sounds of
federal and student elections are
not enough to wake you up from
your deep sleep, please let me
know where your cave is.
The recommendations of a review
of the Monash Arts Faculty include
cutting subjects with enrolments of
less than sixty at first year level,
twenty-five at second year and fifteen at third year, staff cuts of up to
fifty-five people and the removal of
straight Arts degrees at all Monash
ing. Monash is to lose $40 million in funding over
the next two years.
A final decision on the review's recommendations
is to be made by the university council at the end
of October.
Kathryn James
campuses except Clayton. Under
the proposals, Clayton subjects including Classics and languages such
as Greek, Latin, German and Asian
languages could disappear. Other
areas which may be under threat ^.
include Anthropology, Sociology and
English, while further subjects may
be merged. If the recommendations
are implemented, at all other campuses, students will only be able to
study arts on their home campus
as part of a combined degree. Their
only option for studying straight Arts
will be to do so by distance education.
commentators labeled this trough A week of student action against the
After a battle on tax policy, it was period in the economic cycle as cuts included a rally on 26 August,
potentially devastating to the global at which the vice-chancellor David
time for war! The PM endured that
economy. The political system in Robinson addressed hundreds of
joyous journey to the GovernorGeneral, and later on that day Russia was in a further state of students who were voicing concerns
announced that the nation would serious uncertainty when President about the proposed cuts. He
go to the polls on October 3"^. A Boris Yeltsin sacked the Prime claimed that while the recommenMinister Sugei Kiriyenko, and the dations of the review had not yet
poll two days later had the coalition
and the ALP tied on 40% whilst One pariiament rejected the acting Prime been accepted, some cuts would be
Minister Victor Chernomyrdin.
Nation was on 10%.
necessary because of the large reOzan Ibrisim duction in federal govemment fund-
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On the 2 1 " of August, in the wake of
the bombing of American embassies in
Kenya and Tanzania that killed 257 people, the United States deployed cruise
missiles against two sites in Afghanistan and Sudan. The locations attacked
were a factory in Karthoum, alleged to
have been producing chemical weapons, and suspected terrorist training
facilities in Khost, Afghanistan. The local press reported that at least twentyone people were killed in the attack on
Khost, while three hundred were reported missing after the bombing in
The American government has claimed
that the sites were linked with Saudi terrorist Osama bin Laden, believed to have
been responsible for the embassy
bombings. With twelve Americans killed
in these attacks, it has been argued the
cruise missile strikes stemmed simply
from an obligation to protect American
citizens. However the attacks have
brought strong condemnation from the
Muslim worid, who have labelled America's action as 'state terrorism'. Immediately following the attacks, Sudanese
protesters attacked the US embassy in
Karthoum, and militant Muslim groups
have warned of the possibility of revenge
attacks against the US.
The sceptics among us are perhaps not
entirely convinced that America's uncharacteristically speedy punitive military action was intended purely to combat terrorism. While it seems evident
that there was a clear military basis for
the attacks, the timing was impeccable. The President's media briefing on
the bombings occurred just as Monica
Lewinsky ended her testimony to the
grand jury.
Kathryn James
The federal election campaign is in full
swing, following John Howard's longpredicted announcement that the election will be held on October 3. Tax reform is, of course, the major issue on
which the campaign will be fought. The
Coalition is promising a 10% GST to
replace sales tax and other state taxes,
coupled with income tax cuts worth $13
billion and reform of the tax system.
Labor rejects the idea of a GST, but is
similarly promising tax reform. Including tax cuts aimed at those earning below $50,000.
Other issues on vitiich the parties will
be campaigning include the sale of the
remaining two-thirds of Telstra, industrial relations, upfront fees for undergraduates and health funding.
Currently the Coalition holds ninety
House of Representative seats and the
ALP forty-nine. In order for a change of
government to occur, the ALP would
need to win twenty-seven seatsfromthe
Coalition. However the Coalition would
lose its majority if it lost only twentytwo seats, leaving the balance of power
in the hands of minor parties and independents.
Kathryn James
Last-minute check for stains before Bill goes on television to address the public
Johnson & Johnson
PHONE 9543 6641
Disposable Contact Lenses RRP $47.00
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Ounitan St.
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page 10
Non-CAF Funded
Canti«Rd. 1
What do you caW a guy with a shovel in his head?
with the Federal Election approaching, there are plenty of Issues dominating the headlines. Obviously there Is none more so than that of tax reform, and more
specifically, the GST. While this will remain the major issue in a majority of voters' minds. Lot's Wife asks you to look beyond this one-dimensional approach.
Look instead towards the social issues, towards the issues of education and towards the issues that will shape not only the next few years of our lives, but our
approach towards the next mlllenlum. In these politically volatile times, Lot's offers you the best of all angles - from Labor to Liberal; from Democrat to Green; from
Ipswich to Canberra. Welcome to the election guide for Lot's Wife. Just remember, when October 3 comes around, please vote (not 'cause we give a fuck about the
future of Australia, but because we 'd hate to see any of our readers get fined). So read on and become informed... well, a little more than you were before.
The future of taxation
Not a Referendum
Labor, Liberal, Democrat, GST, taxes on 4WD's and caviar- how to vote in the upcoming federal election is going to be a tough decision. For many
voters, the choice will not be between policies, so much as a decision as to which major party is the lesser of two evils. Tax, the economy and
unemployment are proving to be the major issues of the election campaign, especially with fears about the regional economy going global.
In the face of uncertainty about
Australia's economic future, the Liberal
party seems to be offering a more farsighted tax reform package, which, if
successful, may deliver long-awaited
and meaningful reform to Australia's
convoluted and unsatisfactory tax
system. By comparison, Labor's tax
package seems to be centered on fears
about the Liberals' proposed GST. So
how are we, the Australian population,
to decide? For many of us, the details
and long-term effects of the respective
tax packages will be over our heads,
and we will have to rely on informed
commentators to help us along.
The political and media focus on tax
and economics is, however, problematte
for a public which needs to make a
decision on their choice of government
for the next three years. Voters must
remember that, despite the fact that
their attention is being directed to
economic issues, there are many other
matters which election candidates need
to properly address. Tax and economic
reform, while obviously critical for
Australia's future, are not in themselves
sufficient as a platform on which to elect
a government for the nation.
Think back to federal issues that have
captured media attention in the past
six months (for example), and then ask
yourself: "where are they now?" A short
list would include the following:
§ MUA/Docks dispute
§ Native Title and the IV/Vc legislation
§ Unfair dismissal laws
§ Jabiluka uranium mine
§ The rise of the One Nation Party
§ The West report and cuts to higher
education funding
§ Health and hospital funding
Each of these issues is of tremendous
importance to the Australian people,
and Australia as a whole. The manner
in which they were handled by each
political party is an excellent indicator
of the parties' underlying value
schemes, and their attitudes to social
justice. Perhaps more significantly in
an election context, these issues have
highlighted differences in the vision that
each party has for the future of
Australia's future will not be forged on
economic reform alone, and this
upcoming election is just that - an
election, and not a referendum on tax
reform. What kind of a nation should
we be working towards in the next
century? The media may forget to pose
this crucial question, but voters must
remember it if we are to choose a whole
government, and not just a Treasurer.
Kanela Giannakakis
page 11
This simple process is probably the most
election - there is a perception that one
in four Australians want One Nationesque
Greens and Democrats. If the Democrats
Preferential Voting is just what it sounds
like: voting by awarding preferences. The
Say this next contest is between the
Person A's vote stays with the
Democrat candidate, B's vote for the
candidate you would most like to see
Consider a hypothetical election: there
Greens becomes
elected, your first preference, gets your
are six candidates; a Liberal, a Labor, a
Democrats as well. If the Greens win,
number one vote, your second preferred
Green, a Derhocrat, a Shooters Party and
Person A's vote goes to the Liberals and
candidate gets your second vote, and so
B's stays with the Greens.
on down the list until you have used up
Logically, only one person can win the
all the boxes.
seat. This is done by counting all of the
The Federal Government is in the
votes and then allocating preferences.
process of changing the law so that the
One candidate at a time is eliminated,
previously allowed vote of 1,2,3,3,3,3,3 on
from the bottom up.
a vote for
The single-most important point is not
to use your preference vote for who you
demonstrate your order of preference for
the ballot is now considered informal and
who you would like to win. The results
not counted. This change benefits the
The top three preferences for Person A
change (albeit subtly) the political make-
major parties, as sooner or later your vote
are Shooters Party (1), Democrat (2) and
up of the Australian political system. Just
will go to them.
Liberal (3).
as One Nation may lead to a bias and
The top three preferences for Person B
tone in the major parties, so too will first
This change makes preferential voting all
are Animal Rights (1), Greens (2),
the more important. Why give the major
Democrats (3).
championing the environment, human
parties your first, or even your second
Assuming that the Shooters Party and
rights etc.
preference, that you did not intend to vote
Animal Rights are the first two candidates
for them.
to be dropped from the electoral race,
Don't waste your vote. Get your money's
Person A's vote goes to the Democrats
Political parlies study the voting behaviour
and B's to the Greens. These votes have
of the electorate to see how they need to
the clout of the first (Primary) vote and will
'change" their approach. (This is the
determine the next candidate to be
worrying aspect of the Queensland State
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\lon-CAF F u n d e d
page 12
Mon-CAF Fundei
What do you call a guy without a shovel in his head?
The Australian Democrats, often
considered the party of youth, are
standing four Monash students as
candidates in the coming federal
election: Adam McBeth in Bruce, Poliy
Morgan in Hotham, Danlei Berk in (Holt,
and Amanda Leeper In La Trobe. Lot's
Wife met with them and asked why they
chose the Democrats, and what Issue
they thought the election would be
fought on.
Adam McBeth - Bruce
Adam has been around student politics
for a while, having taken part in countless
campaigns defending
education. He writes frequently for Lot's
Wife, and has a show on 3MU.
Why the Democrats? "I joined the
Democrats because I believe in standing
up for people who don't have a political
voice," he said. "That includes Aboriginals
and Torres Strait Islanders, nonheterosexuals, and migrants. Of course,
it also includes young people. The
Democrats are the only party with an MP
under 30, even though a third of the
population is in that age group. We really
are under-represented."
Labor's recent performance with regard
to the Common Youth Allowance was of
particular frustration to Adam, as they
in-CAF Funded
voted against Democrat amendments to
reduce the age of independence to either
18 or 2 1 . "Labor must take full
responsibility for treating us like children
until we're 25,' he said.
Ho nominated youth unemployment and
the fight against One Nation's divisive
policies of hatred and blame as the key
issues of the campaign. "The other
parties will try to focus on tax to keep
attention away from their poor records in
other areas. The Democrats will promote
a fair tax reform plan, but we think other
issues are equally important."
Polly Morgan-Hotham
candidates on merit, that, record makes
a mockery of the need of a quota system
to get women up to 35% in the ALP."
She nominated credibility as the main
election issue. She pointed out that the
Democrats' 20-year record in the Senate
has forced honesty and accountability into
the governments of both Labor and the
Daniel Berk ^ Holt
Daniel is a member of the Monash Choral
Society and a keen swimmer, as well as
a person with a political conscience.
Polly works part time at the main library
and was a founding member of the
Monash Fiction Writers. She is a fan of
Xena, but don't hold that against her.
Polly joined the Democrats because of
their exceptional record on women's
issues. "The leader and deputy leader of
the Democrats are both women, and a
majority of our Senators are women,' she
said. "Considering we only select
He joined the Democrats because they
were the only party speaking out on
human rights abuses in East Timor, and
becEUise of their environmental record.
Like Polly, Daniel thought the election
would tie fought on the issue of credibility
"Education, the environment, health
unemployment are all being overlooked
by the major parties at this stage," he
said. "It's a real shame if people decide
their vote on whether one tax bribe leaves
you a few dollars better off than the other.'
Amanda Leeper - La Trobe
Police Studies
Amanda is an animal rights activist and
youth worker, as well as the Democrat
spokesperson on police issues.
She joined the Democrats because of
their action on human rights and animal
welfare issues.
Amanda thought that the response to One
Nation would be the major election issue.
"This election will define what sort of
country we want to be, depending on who
holds the balance of power in the Senate
- the divisive One Nation or the inclusive
and forward-looking Democrats."
Democrat deputy leader Natasha Stott
Despoja with, left-to-right,
Leeper, Adam McBeth, Daniel Berk and
Polly Morgan.
Non-CAF Funded
page 13
W h y t o Vote
Why You Should Vote Liberal On Octobers
The Federal Election on October 3
represents an opportunity for all of us to
choose the direction in which Australia
will head into the twenty-first century. The
ALP is offering a 'more-of-the-same'
approach, which will see Australia retain
its antiquated tax system, outdated
economic policies and the continuance
towards a total wellare state. This was
the approach that saw our debt and
unemployment climb to record levels,
interest rates peak at just under 20%
(hitting the "battlers" hardest), and
generally turned Australia into the joke of
the Asia-Pacific.
Alternatively, we can vote Liberal. This will
be a vote for reform and a change in
direction that will bring us in line with the
rest of the world.
The primary focus of the Liberal campaign
is tax reform. The proposed changes
contained in the Liberal policy will see
the introduction of a broad-based
consumption tax (more commonly
referred to as a GST), This will see us
move into line with the vast majority of
OECD nations and go a significant way
to solving many of our current economic
Firstly, many people argue against the
GST because of its regressive nature.
While there is undoubtedly a regressive
element to such a tax, this must be
compared with what Labor is proposing
as an alternative. They are advocating the
perpetuation of the present indirect
taxation system (a GST by stealth),
consisting of various excises and duties.
In addition, the current system is more
regressive than any GST would be. With
the current complex structure involving
questions as to what income is, and a
plethora of deductions, we have a
situation where low-income earners are
paying what is expected to be their fair
share of the tax burden, whereas we have
the rich paying less tax than their
chauffeurs. This comes about because
low income earners do not have the
INon-CAF F u n d e d
page 14
resources to hire expensive lax lawyers
and accountants to structure their tax
affairs and take full advantage of the
loopholes, thereby minimising their tax
burden. A flat GST simplifies the system,
making it easier for businesses to
operate and allowing individual taxpayers
to know exactly where they stand. Which
system is more regressive now?
In any event, the Liberal package contains
measures to alleviate any perceived
regressive effects. A generous system of
rebates and increases In allowances (up
to 4% - including student allowances)
achieves this end. This is funded through
the fiscal surplus that has been
generated through the responsible
economic management that has
characterised the Howard Government
and can be fairly seen as paying the
Australian people back for their sacrifices.
Beyond the sheer benefits lor individuals
within society, come the benefits for the
nation of adopting this measure of tax
reform. Specifically, this would come in
the form of increased investment and
hopefully the stabilisation of the
Australian Stock Exchange. There is no
doubt that news of the tax reform was
welcomed by much of the business
sector, and that it's implementation
would boost business confidence. That,
combined with the fact that the reform
package eliminates many unnecessary
hidden taxes, would evidently open the
way for greater levels of returns,
investment and growth. Such a prospect
should be seen as not only a benefit to
the 'big end of town', but also to small
and medium-sized businesses whose
increase in profits are more often than
not re-invested and pave the way for
increased employment.
In terms of leadership, Howard has
admittedly come under criticism over
certain issues, but it is remiss to ignore
those times when he has shown
strength. Most importantly, his leadership
was tested at the commencement of his
term as Prime (Minister when he was
faced with the gun control dilemma
Non-CAF Funded
arising out of the tragedy in Port Arthur,
backbenchers, and the prospect of putting
the Liberals coalition partner, the
Nationals, off-side, Howard pushed
through with the legislation which saw a
successful gun buy-back amnesty
initiated. When it came to Wik, Howard
again was criticised from both sides of
politics, but what is often ignored is that
he was able to get a Bill through
parliament on such a controversial and
divided issue. In doing so he not only
ensured that the nation would avoid
degenerating to a race-based election,
but guaranteed certainty on land rights
for the first time since the High Court's
Mabo ruling.
Howard and the Liberal party have also
upheld the mandate given to them at the
last election to push ahead with the
rationalisation of the economy. The sale
of one-third of Telstra has not only
enhanced that organisation's functioning
capabilities beyond the levels achieved
through its corporatisalion, but has seen
great returns for mother and father (small)
Investors and $1 billion allocated to
environment presen/ation. Furthermore,
due to the Telstra Bill, access to
telecommunications in the bush has
been extended to more far-reaching
N o n - C A F Funde<
places than ever before - so much so
that some rural exporters are now
capable of conducting trade via the
internet, opening themselves up to the
global market.
There is also fiscal responsibility,
minimal inflation levels that are the envy
of other OECD nations, and workplace
relations reforms (which achieved
Democrat support) just to mention a few.
Consider all these, and consider the
economic direction of the nation when you
come to vote - if doing so you will
undoubtedly see the benefits in voting
What do you call a guy who drives a truck?
Why Vote
promotion of equal employment
opportunity for women through adequate
child-care policies. It means a
commitment to principle and a global
view of society and to citizens who are in
most need of assistance before giving
tax concessions or making funding
commitments. It is not, however, policy in
a vacuum.
Politics Is becoming a bit like AA these
days. It seems that open admittance to
being a complete bastard automatically
saves even the most dubious of political
Listening to 'commentators' analyse th
Howard/ Costello tax 'reform' package
recently, it has become apparent that
while the GST is almost universally
regarded as socially regressive and
discriminatory in its application, the fact
that it's part of a reform package
(publicised at the considerable expense
of tax-payers) gives it some sort of
concession. Work it out.
This election seems to revolve around a
chicken-or-egg kind of question. That is,
does Australia want a fiscal system in
which revenue is simply raised, or is it
more important to arrive at social policy
goals which in turn dictate the targets of
taxation, levels of taxation and levels of
I'm not a big chicken afficionado. This
does not, however, mean that the Hanson
'print more money' strategy really grabs
me either.
The happy medium is what Kim Beazley
is offering^ by establishing a social policy
framework which means that funding for
real opportunities for life-long learning is
It means that there is a commitment to a
universal and publicly-funded health care
system. It is a commitment to sustainable
employment programs and to the
As John Howard makes fiscal
responsibility the central plank of his
election platform, his advisors are
becoming desperate. When John
Howard was Federal Treasurer during the
Fraser Government, his fiscally
responsible contributions to Treasury
included double-digit Inflation and a
taxation system, with effectively optional,
Income tax.
The proposed introduction of a GST has
prompted speculation about rising rates
of inflation. Coupled with its incapacity to
cooperate or even negotiate with the
ACTU and other trade unions and
employee bodies, the government offers
no attempts to minimize the potential for
a wages blow-out and further hikes in
Pensioners' recent CPI inflated payments
will almost certainly be swallowed up by
price rises, along with the much
discussed tax concessions, which are,
in part, intended to compensate the
victims of a consumption tax. Fab.
The policy objectives of the Liberal/
National Coalition have utilized vague
terms like 'mutual obligation' to
implement schemes like work-for-thedole. While young people are compelled
to work in base, no skills, go-nowhere
jobs without assured working conditions
and for a pittance, government is not
reciprocally compelled to assure those
young people of adequate housing,
health care, education or long-term job
As Australian unemployment levels
remain at crisis-point, young people are
right to expect a responsive government.
This term of government has seen the
move to a privatized employment service
- the flawed Job Network scheme, and
the debacle that is the Youth Allowance.
Rather than ottering young unemployed
people the advice and professional
assistance they require, these schemes
have seen inexperienced, and at times,
untrained advisors tell young people
what they already know. It has been a
discretionary decisions and pot luck.
The ALP has made a commitment to
abolishing up-front fees on gaining
government. It has made a commitment
to increased tertiary funding, despite the
enormity of the task of re-building
educational institutions which have been
financially gutted during the past two
At the last election, the Coalition
promised that current students would not
be expected to pay increased HECS and
that they would not introduce fees for
degrees. Having discounted the last
promise entirely, they have also effectively
required enrolled students to pay
ancillary fees in the course of their
studies to prop up under-funded
Universities struggle to find funds to
sustain subjects, courses and even
campuses. Institutions are planning and
undertaking flexible, on-line delivery of
subjects rather than employing staff
across campuses to teach subjects
directly to students. Cuts to operating
grants have meant cuts to laboratory
hours, tutorials, library facilities and
computer access.
While universities search for funding to
maintain the quality of education offered,
the Coalition has thrown funding at its pals
in the private health system. The Howard
Government introduced a rebate scheme
for those taking up private health
insurance as an incentive to move away
from reliance on Ivledicare. At the same
time, private insurers increased their
premiums and sopped up government
funding which should have been directed
towards a drastically under-funded public
health system.
Labor's platform prioritizes, rightly, a
universally accessible, publicly funded
health system. It established the Medicare
system, and maintains a commitment to
this successful, equitable system by
increasing the percentage contributions
made to Medicare by the wealthy through
its proposed tax scheme.
This term of government has seen the
rights of indigenous people trashed by the
amendments to the Native Title Act, and
the push for a uranium mine at Jabiluka
in Kakadu. Despite vocal objections to
such racist and visionless measures, the
Coalition has persisted.
Australia simply cannot afford another
term of the Coalition's lies, selective
deafness and irrelevance. On October 3rd,
kick the bastards out.
page IS
out to defy
one ^ 1
Since Don Chipp first vowed to 'keep the
Democrats have held the main position
in Australian politics as an alternate voice
to the two major parties. But the defection
of Cheryl Kernot to the ALP and the
increasing prominence of One Nation on
the political circuit risk undermining some
of the gains made by the party in recent
With the Federal
and the
preparing to face one of their greatest
challenges. Lot's Wife spoke to Meg Lees
about her parly's chances and the issues
she thinks will shape the outcome.
Senator Meg Lees admits that at times
she is worried about the future of
Australia. However, she sees the
upcoming election as a positive
opportunity for people to determine the
path that the country will take as it ventures
beyond the year 2000. More specifically,
Lees views the election as a personal
challenge, and one that she claims she
Is ready to take. Issues such as the rise
of One Nation and cuts to education,
amongst others, seem to have made her
and her party, the Australian Democrats,
more determined than ever to regain the
balance of power in the Senate; and to
hold on to their mantle as the third major
party in Australian politics.
Lees believes that the Democrats are
better prepared than ever. As the election
campaign, or "silly s e a s o n " as she
referred to it, began in earnest, the
Democrats were right on schedule in
page 16
a^ •
teims of having formulated their policies
and organised their election material. As
for the polls. Lees remains optimistic:
They're better than they were this time
going Into the last Federal election."
Whether this will manifest into holding
the balance of power is yet to be seen.
The opinion polls are almost all showing
the Democrats, at best, level with, and in
a majority of circumstances, trailing,
Pauline Hanson's One Nation party.
Because all Indicators suggest that
neither the Coalition nor the Labor Party
will be able to rule the Upper House in
their own right, Lees has focussed a lot
of the Democrat's campaign on an 'us or
them' mentality.
Lees admits to being frustrated by the
disproportionate amount of coverage
given to Hanson and One Nation
candidates, but is quick to point out why
that is the case. "It's because they are so
strange and say such extraordinary
Although the Democrats may struggle to
gain the same level of media coverage
enjoyed by One Nation, Lees believes that
the onus ultimately falls back on her party.
"We have to go out on the front foot
attacking what they stand for - attacking
the sort of Australia we would become if
they were successful... [It is our intention]
to actually focus people's minds on what
It will mean to actually have that
represented In parliament. It might be
good, interesting news and make for a
fun story on the night's TV news; but what
does it mean if those values are actually
taken in, particularly to a position of power
in parliament?"
However, that does not mean that the
Democrats will be campaigning on a
one-dimensional platform.
There is a lot more to the campaign than
just this, but it is the highlight because
we want people thinking right up front,
[from the] first week, there is more than
just the tax package and the policies In
this campaign. On one side there's the
policy issues, but on the other side it's a
matter of values as far as the sort of
Australia we want."
One other such issue that the Democrats
will be looking at is In the area of cuts to
education. Education has been a cause
well championed by the Democrats,
particularly through the party's deputyleader and spokesperson for education
and youth affairs, Natasha Stott-Despoja;
a point not lost on Lees:
"That's where Natasha comes from,
that's where her level of expertise is. I'm
very pleased to be able to hand many of
these issues over to Nat and to know that
she will cover them very thoroughly and
with a lot of personal understanding and
involvement from her years in student
For Lees personally, education plays an
important part in her party's policies. She
had to rely on an education scholarship
to get herself into tertiary studies back in
the 1960s, while many others she knew
missed out. This situation is one that the
Senator is scared we may be reverting
back to. As such she does not want to
see young people's decisions on further
education simply come down to a case
of economics forcing them to drop out.
'We will continue to fight for free and equal
access to tertiary education. We are, after
all, supposedly the Clever Country and
yet we are doing everything possible to
limit the access to tertiary education. In
particular, my concern is for those
students who are not even able to get
through secondary education thanks to
the cuts to the public education sector. In
other words, we are losing more and
more of our talented young people before
they've even had the opportunity to get to
Of course, a chat with Meg Lees just
wouldn't be complete without mentioning
Cheryl Kemot. After all. Lees only recently
gained the position as leader of the
Democrats after Kernot's very public
departure to the Australian Labour Party.
At the time the move was touted as
possibly starting a downslide lor the
Democrats. What added insult to injury
were the reasons given by Kemot for the
shift, namely that she wanted to actually
have a constructive role in the political
decision-making process - obviously
implying that she was unable to do this
from her position as leader of the
Democrats. For Lees though, it means a
new beginning rather than the beginning
of the end.
What'e the difference ijctween the Spice Giris and Indian curry?
doubted economic and social nouse.
visit to the Greens web site will provide a
more comprehensive survey of policies.
providing for increased development
What follows is a quick excursion into the
Green world of politics:
international action to abolish
Third World debt
The Greens stand for four central
providing increased green technology
principles: social justice, environment,
and transfer skills to developing
democracy and non-violence.
Stephen McMahon- Greens
opposing human rights abuses and
interrelatedness of all ecological, social
political oppression
and economic processes, the
ensuring tha^ Australia plays an active
general principles of the Greens are:
ecological sustainablllty.
ensure that human activity respects
Long-range Future Focus
the integrity of ecosystems and does
Avoid action which might risk long-
not impair biodiversity
term or irreversible damage to the
ecological resilience of life-supporting
safeguard the planet's ecological
encourage the development of a
The Greens are a political party that
consciousness that respects the
operate with significant differences to
value of all life.
those parties currently on offer. The most
significant difference is the consensus
"It [Kernof s departure] has given us
a greater boost in terms of getting
our members involved, in terms of
enthusiasm and we haven't looked
back at all... Obviously I have a
different style, but it hasn't retarded
our progress - it hasn't meant that
we have gone backwards. Our
membership is in fact better."
Curiously enough, if Labor do not win
the upcoming election, and if, as
Lees hopes, the Democrats do hold
the balance of power in the Senate,
then Lees may very well end up
having more political power than
Kernot. While such a thought may
be reassuring in her private mind,
it's certainly not the driving force
behind Lees.
The driving force remains the future
of Australia - ensuring that we are
not "dragged back into the 1930s
and 40s''. Senator Lees believes in
a tolerant and culturally diverse
Australia and as such will do all she
can to prevent One Nation from
gaining a toe-hold of power in the
Australian parliament. Does this
represent a shift in the Democrats'
ethos from 'Keep the Bastards
Honest' to 'Keep the Racists
Honest'? Meg Lees is adamant that
it is more: "We are determined to
keep them out."
Dan Celm
renewable resources and ensure
sustainable use of renewable
model rather than the traditional vote. This
increase opportunities for public
can make for long meetings in which the
participation in political, social and
adopt more comprehensive social,
issue at hand is discussed in detail. It
economic decision-making
also means that vocal and pushy types
break down inequalities of wealth and
assessment practices
do not win the day simply because they
power which inhibit participatory
facilitate socially and ecologically
are able to bully others into submission.
responsible investment.
It also puts an end to "getting the
numbers", a usual process in many
Social Justice
Meaningful Work
eradicate poverty by developing
encourage, develop and assist work
initiatives that address the causes as
that is safe, fairly paid, socially useful,
well as the symptoms of
The Greens stand
for four central
principles: social
justice, environment, democracy
and non-violence.
personally fulfilling
and not harmful to the environment
provide affirmative action to eliminate
encourage and facilitate more flexible
discrimination based on gender, age,
race, ethnicity, class,
education, training and
membership of a minority group
social welfare so that more people can
engage in meaningful work.
introduce measures that redress the
imbalance between rich and poor.
respect and protect ethnic, religious
and racial diversity
adopt and promote a non-violent
recognise the cultural requirements
The party is also branch rather, than party,
resolution of conflict
of the original Australians
focused. There is no "party line" -
develop an independent, non-aligned
assist in ensuring the achievements
individual branches can operate as semi-
foreign policy
of Aboriginal land rights and self-
autonomous groups, generating press
develop a self-reliant, defensive, non-
releases, actions etc. These then go up
nuclear defence policy.
the line (the reverse to other political and
social organisations) and may become
An Ecologically Sustainable Economy
policy for the state or national group.
develop economic policies which will
The Greens also have gender equality
ensure greater resource and energy
built into their processes. Rather than
efficiency as well as
aiming for gender equity by some future
date, all executive positions are shared
development and use of environmentally
sustainable technologies.
50/50 as a binding rule.
facilitate a free flow of information
between citizens and all tiers of
ensure that Australians have the
benefit of a locally responsible,
diverse, democratically
controlled, independent mass media.
Global Responsibility
At present the Greens are probably widely
Promote equity between nations and
seen as a group of "tree-huggers" with
peoples by:
little political viability and perhaps
Non-CAF Funded
Indian curry's g o t qir\Qer.
facilitating fair trading relationships
Stephen McMahon
For more info call 9543 5984
Non-CAF Funded
page 17
Federal Election-
The Tax Packages
The Federal Election to be held on October 3 Is one that
will be fought on the issue of tax reform. Both parties are
offering changes and a direction for the future. This article
will attempt to outline and briefly comment on the major
features of both the Government and Opposition tax
As mentioned previously, the major
feature of the Coalition's tax reform
package is a GST. Set at 10%, it is broadly
based, applying to all goods and services
within the economy except for health,
education, childcare services, hospital,
nursing homes, local government rates
and water and sewerage charges. The
revenue raised will be distributed
amongst the States, alleviating the
funding constraints often complained
about by the Premiers.
It is important to remember that this is
only one feature of the package, not the
only feature. First and foremost,
significant income tax cuts will be
concurrently introduced. The tax free
threshold will be raised from $5400 to
$6000 and all but the top marginal rate
(47%) will be reduced. The brackets
themselves will change, with the top
marginal rate only applying to those with
a taxable income in excess of $75000.
According to the Coalition's press
releases, this will mean more than 80%
of the tax paying population will have a
top marginal rate of no more than 30%.
The GST will also replace the majority of
other indirect taxes at work in this country,
most significantly the Wholesales Sales
Tax (WST) and stamp duties. As a
consequence, contrary to what many
people think, many prices will decrease
as a result of the introduction of this
regime. The general consensus is that
an expected once-off general price
increase of around 2% will occur when
the GST is introduced. However, the
Coalition claims all Australians will be
better off as a result, due to the increase
In expenditure being more than
compensated for by increases in takehome pay resulting from the income tax
rate cuts.
It is recognised that certain categories of
taxpayer (for example students and the
unemployed) may not benefit even with
the tax rate cuts. Consequently, income
support payments are to be increased by
up to 4% from the time the new tax
structure is to be introduced (July 2000).
A frequent complaint by business
interests with regard to a GST is the
complications that would result in the
accounting systems. This is fair, but it
should be remembered that many
merchants are already required to
maintain similar records for the WST. The
Coalition has also promised a $500
million package to assist small and
medium sized businesses. In any event,
the ASCPA points out that, for most
businesses, only minor alterations to
accounting systems are likely to be
needed and only one to two hours per
month need be devoted to the recording
The primary features of this package are the income
tax cuts and new
rebates which are
largely family oriented.
in most cases.
How is all this to be funded? A GST is
able to access the cash economy, due to
the manner in which it is administered.
The Coalition estimates this will provide
an additional $3 billion in taxation
receipts. Changes to the taxation of
certain entities, such as trusts, may go
some way to this end. Dipping into the
budgeted surplus will make up the
shortfall. This represents what I believe
Non-CAF Funded
page 18
to be the weakest point in the Coalition's
tax reform package, as such predictions
are of dubious value at best, given that
we are yet to see the final outcome of the
current Asian economy crisis, or to feel
its full impact here. Both are likely to
adversely affect any economic surplus for
the projected period.
No one argues that there is not a
regressive component to a GST, which is
the primary argument against its
introduction. However, as already stated,
measures have been included to relieve
the regressive impact of the tax, resulting
in the expectation that all Australians will
be better off.
To say the least, the ALP's tax policy has
not created nearly as much interest or
comment (good or bad) as the
Coalition's. This is largely due to the fact
that there is no significant reform,
although the changes promised would
certainly improve the existing situation.
The primary features of this package are
the income tax cuts and new rebates,
which are largely family oriented. Even
so, singles still may receive relief of up to
$750 per year. Some sizeable tax rate cuts
will occur, although not as deep as the
Coalition's, as there will be no significant
changes to the indirect taxation system
to make up the difference.
will the fringe benefits tax (FBT) and capital
gains tax (CGT) legislation. These last
two points represent significant points of
concern, as they represent significant
shifts in the manner in which the taxes
have been administered, not necessarily
to the benefit of the economy except in
the very short term. The CGT measures
In particular are worrying, as they appear
to be very retrospective in their application.
In short, both packages promise a lot.
The general consensus amongst
experts is that the Coalition's package is
the best for the long term, as it provides
benefits economy-wide in terms of
simplification, encouraging savings and
overall relief tor both businesses and
individuals. The ALP's does not go far
enough in terms of reform. A GST may
not be what is required (a debatable
point), but reform undoubtedly is needed.
This article has been unable to cover all
the details of either package, the intention
to be just to briefly outline and comment.
Before October 3, it is important that you
find out as much as you can, as the
outcome of this election is likely to affect
us all for many years to come.
Keith Kendall
From a business perspective, there are
some very attractive details, most notably
the reintroduction of the 150% R&D
concession and a new 20% development
allowance. Both these measures should
significantly contribute to growth in
business investment, which means more
The ALP proposes to pay for the
measures in a number of ways. Firstly,
the taxation of trusts will be reformed, as
Non-CAF Funded
What'5 t h e difference
beXween a smoker and Kermit t h e Frog?
''Honey, 1 shrunk the Government!"
"It's good for you, it's good for me, let's all
have a GST!" This has been the constant
considerations (and a quick hello to all
refrain of the Federal Government for the
you Com/Law students out there), the
past six months as it has sought to
Government's package has very little to
convince the Australian public that the
offer in the way of real tax relief in any
taxation system Is in need of fundamental
case. Whilst the Treasurer may wax
reform. And when one considers that the
lyrical about across-the-board tax cuts,
top marginal income tax rate applies to
he can sleep comfortably at night
everyone earning more than 1.3 times
knowing that much of the revenue
average weekly earnings, and that
forfeited through such cuts will be clawed
feminine hygiene products are classified
back in time as inflation pushes income
as luxury goods under the whole sale
earners into the next tax bracket. The
sales lax and are thus subject to a 32%
failure to address the problem of "bracket
tax rate, it becomes difficult to dispute the
creep" by either of the major parties
claim that the current tax regime is
makes a mockery of their claims to be
chaotic, arbitrary, unfair and in dire need
offering real tax relief. This wilful
of a radical overhaul. But do the
dishonesty is particularly acute in the
Coalition's policy proposals provide us
case of the Coalition, given that John
with the means of raising the revenue
Howard abandoned the policy of indexing
needed to fund vital services such as
tax brackets in 1981 when serving as
health and education in the long term?
Treasurer in the Fraser govemment on
Once one sifts through the soundbites
the grounds that the revenue foregone
and considers the broader implications
of the Government's tax package, some
attendant to maintaiging an honest fiscal
serious reservations about its ability to
fulfil these objectives inevitably emerge.
The bleatings of the Labor party
One of the key characteristics of the
notwithstanding, the notion that the tax
Coalition's package is that it is not
consent from all state and territory
revenue-neutral. Whilst the GST will
governments and both houses of Federal
replace a raft of inefficient indirect taxes,
Parliament (this would require consent
the much vaunted income-tax cuts are to
from every major party and the parlies
be financed, at least in pari, by drawing
holding the balance of power in the
on the Government's budgetary surplus.
Senate). Finally, given the racheting
However, given the volatile
downward of income tax rates in the past
economic climate at present, there exists
fifteen years of economic restructuring
a strong possibility that
and the political capital invested by both
budgetary surpluses will evaporate, or at
major parties in promises to cut income
the very least be substantially diminished.
taxes, it would be an audacious (read:
In such circumstances, the Government
suicidal) volte face for any government to
would be left with the choice of either
increase income taxes after the election.
system must be fundamentally reformed
manouevre, it must be remembered that
is indisputable. Nevertheless,
the ideological character of the Coalition
policies proposed by the Coalition do
government predisposes it towards
nothing to guarantee the revenues
actually exploiting a mood of crisis to
required to sustain a viable public service,
further its "small government' agenda.
whilst the tax relief offered Is at best fairly
The Government's decision to slash
ephemeral. Readers who favour the waif
public expenditure rather than renege on
look In government should definitely vote
its 1996 election promise not to introduce
for the Coalition (and no, this is not a joke
any new taxes when addressing the
at Mr Beazley's expense). The confluence
budget deficit was motivated as much by
of an uncertain economic outlook, a less
ideological commitments
flexible tax system and a political
government as it was by political
establishment obsessed with outbidding
reneging on promised tax cuts (which
expediency - given that economic
each other in the name of winning the
would draw politically uncomfortable
hearts and wallets of the middle classes
government in the past fifteen years have
will provide Costello and his fellow
met with little success thus far (the size
carnivores with much scope for winding
of the public sector relative to GDP has
back government. Conversely, readers
not declined markedly, although the rate
who remain committed to the provision
comparisons with the Keating L-A-W tax
cuts of 1993) or radically reducing public
expenditure in order to avoid going into
deficit. The option of increasing revenues
from other indirect taxes (the option
pursued by Keating when tackling the
post-'93 election budget deficit) would be
foreclosed given that the GST has been
introduced precisely to eradicate such
taxes. Moreover,
it would be politically
impossible to revise the rate of the GST
upwards to accommodate for revenue
shortfalls given the need to acquire
In a global economic environment as
precarious as any since the 1930s, the
Coalition's tax plans would thus lock in
the Government to massive cuts in public
expenditure. The international money
markets will not tolerate high public sector
deficits, and the political dynamics of
taxation reform in Australia foreclose the
to wind
of public sector expansion has certainly
of adequate health and education
slowed in recent years), the opportunity
services for those who would otherwise
to roll back the state in a period of crisis
have no access to such essentials must
could prove irresistable to many Cabinet
recognize the Coalition tax package for
the danger that it is - for the Australia it
argued that an economic crisis could
The implications for social justice that
and relaxed.
radically (and suddenly) reconfigure such
would follow from a further evisceration
political dynamics in ways that would give
of the state are indeed dire, but even if we
option of raising revenue from either
higher income taxes or greater reliance
on indirect taxes.
Non-CAi- Funded
A smoker cravce a c\q in t h e pack, ar\d l ^ r m i t craves a p\q in t h e sack.
portends would be far from comfortable
Whilst It could be
Andrew Phillips
Non-CAF Funded
page 19
post graduate
The Howard Government has recently
released its GST-based tax package,
claiming that education is "GST-free".
Postgraduate research however, is likely
to incur substantially increased GSTrelated expenditure, as the following
considerations show:
Many goods and services, including
public transport, books, stationery,
Internet use, food, clothing, field trips,
equipment hire/purchase and other
study related materials will incur a
University administrations will pay
a GST on all goods and services purchased. Although universities, private
colleges and TAPE colleges can claim
tax refunds for this amount, students
can not and may be asked to bear the
costs of further departmental budgetary constraint.
• The 30,000 students currently living nationally in residential accommodation administered by universities will face increased rental expenditure, in order to offset the GST paid
on all goods and services incurred by
administration. Rural students living
on campus will be particularly affected, as will low Income families and
students. Although AUSTUDY,
ABSTUDY and Youth Allowance are
set to increase by 4%, this will not provide adequate compensation for increased GST-related expenditure.
Australian Postgraduate Awards, received by many research postgraduate students, will not be adjusted to
offset these increased costs.
Given that many goods and services
will incur a 10% GST, Faculties, Departments and Centres will face further budgetary difficulties. These difficulties would impact negatively on
all facets of Faculty, Department and
Centre spending, including research
The Federal Government has not, as
yet, stated unequivocally how research will be affected by a GST. The
only tertiary education activities which
Non-CAF F u n d e d
page 20
are explicitly listed as GST-free are
tuition fees leading to a formal quallfkiation. The status of HECS fees is
still unclear. Explicitly liable are
courses not leading to a formal qualification, and ancillary lees (goods and
services sold or leased to students).
A Tax Consultative Committee, government appointed and to be chaired
by a 'distinguished Australian', will
address these and other GST-related
Although the government is promising income tax relief to offset the GST,
students who in the rule earn little,
and therefore pay little income tax, will
not benefit from these concessions.
The sciences, which rely heavily
on expensive technical equipment,
will also be adversely affected, with
large corporations such as the CSIRO
finding the extra 10% GST an impediment to maintaining current research
support levels. The sciences, which
estimate that materials constitute
around 20% of research project costs,
would incur substantial GST-related
expenditure, and a GST would also
apply to university consultation fees
associated with research.
Universities are likely to incur considerable costs in administering a complex "GST-rebate" system, a cost
which may be reflected in increased
fees and services to students.
Given te recent Howard Government
inspired funding cuts to the higher
education sector in the order of $840
million, and the half billion dollar cut
to student income support, it is unlikely that universities will receive increased funding to offset GST-related
According to the Commonwealth Triennial Funding report on higher education, funding for research infrastmcture is already set to fall by 55% over
the next two years.
Australian research and development
will be particularly disadvantaged
through increased purchasing costs
and the need to offset GST-related
expenditure by increasing the
charges and fees for the commercial
Non-CAF Funded
services universities provide. This will
result in a decline in industry's willingness to invest in this vital area.
Commissioned research will also
incur a 10% GST. The Business Expenditure on Research and Development (BERD), which fell for the first
time ever in 1998, is likely to fall even
further as the result of a GST.
Although research and development
are not mentioned in the tax package,
tertiary institutions will presumably
pay the GST when they can not demonstrate a cost connection with an
The NTEU believes, after an initial analysis of the GST-based tax
package, that union fees will most
likely be liable for the GST
Darriel Jeffree, newly elected President
of the f^onash Postgraduate Association
(MPA), believes that T h e GST will impact
on a student's decision to pursue postgraduate study, given that there will be
pressure on universities to Increase fees
to compensate them for increased infrastructure and resource costs. The ramifications of a GST on HECS fees still needs
further clarification. Basic living costs will
also rise; then, if one considers that the
average age of postgraduate students is
around 29 years and that many have
young families to consider, it seems that
postgraduate study will become increasingly financially prohibitive. So, despite
Non-CAF F u n d e d
claims to the contrary, the GST will in effect be a tax on higher education." And Jill
Thorpe, President of the Council of Australian Postgraduate Associations (CAPA)
believes that "No group is more aware of
the damage that university budget cuts
and increased fees have caused than
Australia's 130,000 postgraduate students. Any vision for the country's economic and social well being will involve
strong government support for the development of its intellectual capital."
All students can use the upcoming federal election to send a clear message to
the Federal Government that education
is a right and not a privilege.
For more information, contact the
Monash Postgraduate Association on
(03) 9905 53197 or fax them on (03) 9905
51384. You can also visit the I^PA website
at: http://www.monash.edu.au/students/
You can also contact CAPA at
[email protected] or visit their
web site at http://www.capa.edu.au
Karl Rapp (PhD)
MPA Executive Committee
-)n-CAF F u n d e d
W h a t do you call t w o bir<;l9 in t h o siKty-ninc position?
Liberal Budget
How it sold out on
In July, the Age newspaper was spot, on in their statement
that cuts to university operating grants and HECS paved the
way for the Liberal government's projected budget surplus.
The Liberal Government's budget was clearly aimed at
particular groups which are traditionally wooed around
election time, including the elderly and the rural sector.
However, it ignored the very real problems that these specific
groups face. As usual young people, students and women
were ignored, neglected and downtrodden.
How did the Budget Affect Women
Domestic Violence:
Crisis Payment for People in Extreme
The Government's setting aside of $5.1
million dollars for a one-off payment to
assist women who are in financial
hardship as a result of domestic violence,
or a crisis situation was piecemeal.
also put childcare out of the reach of
resources for federal and family court
women with no financial means. It has
matters. Women are frequently parties
education and access to further higher
meant that Community Childcare centres
in family court matters and are generally
education means women will be unable
can no longer provide cheap services
unable to access adequate resources to
to overturn the barriers which prevent
within the financial means of women,
get representation in divorce and
access to particular industries and
including those who have escaped
parental responsibility matters.
domestic violence.
to the
The changes to the Human Rights
The average annual figure of 11,000
victims of domestic violence means that
each person will only receive $150. This
money can in no way provide any real
help or assistance to victims of domestic
violence. It is not enough to enable
women to leave their residence and
establish a new home, and in any event it
ignores the real hardships women face
in leaving situations of domestic violence.
One of the main reasons women are
prevented from leaving violent homes is
due to lack of access to financial means,
to not only move house but to continue to
support themselves and their children.
Rather than handing out one-off cash
payments, governments need to provide
programs which enable women to enter
the workplace, while ensuring adequate
levels of childcare.
Commission and the cuts to its budget
government's lack of commitment to the
dismantling of the childcare system has
workplaces. The expenses of childcare
Liberal government is merely seeking to
for parents that are studying are often
redistribute the current legal aid funding
unable to be met by student parents and
to these areas, which will mean the
the quality of their education suffers
system is stretched way beyond its
through the need to work for income to
capacity, and plenty of women will still
support their study. This is something
miss out on funding needed to ensure
experienced by many other students and
fair representation under our justice
young people as well.
equal rights of women. The Commission
functions no longer as a body which can
workplaces and provide assistance for
people whose human rights have been
violated. Lack of staff and funds mean
the Commission is reduced to one which
merely passes on information about the
responsibilities companies have under
enforcement of companies rights and
obligations means little has been
achieved towards ensuring women's
equal participation in many industries.
Higher Education:
The Liberal government is not committed
The cutting of HECS places, changes to
to increasing the equality of women in
HECS tiered system of funding and cuts
Australia because they are not committed
to childcare have all had an adverse affect
to spending money in areas which affect
on women students. The combination of
the equality
large HECS debts and lack of access to
education, welfare and child care.
Changes to the industrial relations
of w o m e n ,
campuses, and in the wider community,
system combined with this lack of
has forced many mature age women to
reassess their plans to re-enter the
government's substandard response to
higher education system, and in many
the CEDAW and the UN Commission for
cases to cease continuing on to graduate
the status of women all indicate a
and post-graduate levels.
in vital areas, and
philosophy aimed at impeding rather than
improving the conditions of women in all
Legal Aid:
A lack of tertiary
The budget also made no provision of
funds to allow greater access to
Higher education has been sacrificed to
levels of society.
pay for the proposed budget surplus,
Sandra Roennfeldt
meanwhile youth and women suffer the
Women's Officer
page 21
Since our Vice Chan^ltiaiLypt David
Robinson, took up his positiotiarwonash
in 1996, the academic standard of the
university has taken a massive beating. With
economic "rationalism" as the basis for most
of his policies, along with a scramble for a
good reputation among the general public,
departments and faculties have been
squeezed of their "excess" money. Despite
there being more than enough to pour into
an upgrade for the library, officially
described as a "facelift!.
Along with this, we had the introduction of
up-front fees for domestic undergraduates,
paving the way for those who can afford an
education to get one ahead of those who
deserve one academically. We then had a
softening of standards so that you can get
5% less, and still get a high-distinction. Now,
we have a cut to the Arts budget of $4
million, and a cut to the Science budget of
$2.5 million. These cuts will disadvantage
thousands of students and seriously affect
the quality of degrees that Monash offers.
What has happened to the idea of a
university as a "seat of learning"? It has been
replaced by a theory that it doesn't matter
what academic standard Monash sets, if it
looks good to the full fee paying domestic
and international students then that's OK.
Well, maybe that's a way to balance the
books in the short term. In the long term, it's
no better than not taking a sleeping bag
when you're camping in the snow because
you want to save weight.
The university claims that this "budgetary
impost" is due to the pay rise that staff had
to fight so hard for, even though they were
the worst paid of any university in the
country, along with federal government cuts.
But why was so much money spent on the
library's outside (and not it's inside)? Why
was an obscene amount of money spent
on a security camera in the most secure
area of the campus? Why is our Vice
Chancellor one of the highest paid in the
Southern Hemisphere? W h y d i d the
administration not suffer a 20% staff cut?
Why, indeed, was the lion's share of the cut
imposed on the Faculty of Arts, instead of
areas like Information Technology, or Law?
Moreover, given that the budget cuts apply
over the next three years, why is there such
a rush in the Arts and Science Faculties to
impose them by the end of this year?
Chemistry lost half a million dollars in one
hit - this doesn't give anyone a lot of time to
plan how to cope with the cuts. Classics is
being closed at the end of this year, and fifty
odd teaching staff within the Arts Faculty
will find themselves out of a job by the end
of December. This poses immeasurable
problems for current students, who will find
themselves without a meaningful way of
completing their majors next year.
I am a student of Ancient Creek. With the
closure of the department of Classics and
Archaeology, the hvo lecturers that Monash
employs who are qualified and able to teach
that language will (probably) not be reemployed. The Dean of Arts has assured
me that I will be able to complete my major,
but, quite frankly, I am sceptical, even to the
poi nt of disbelief, as she cannot tel I me how.
There has been talk of hiring a lecturer from,
for example, Melbourne University, either
to send students over there (which poses
huge logistical problems for me) or to get
him/her over here. Both suggestions fail to
provide a cohesive development of study,
as I know that Monash's way of teaching
this language is unique, and incompatible
with any other. Another suggestion was an
internet-based course, but a language is
fundamentally about communication,
except for the rote learning v^ich we never
do in class, but in our own time anyway. A
computer is a communication tool, like a
telephone, and anybody can see the idiocy
associated with replacing a lecturer with a
Part of the plan for the Arts Faculty is to
impose budgetary restrictions: if a subject
area cannot demonstrate its financial
viability, it will be closed. Another section
imposes minima for subject enrolments per
campus. Rather than being judged on
academic merit, the departments are judged
on economic strength. And if small
departments can't be closed down that way,
they will be closed down because their
subjects have been discontinued as a result
of low enrolments... think about that.
The areas which would suffer most under
the proposed changes are those which rely
upon large amounts of contact time with a
small number of people, and those with low
enrolments: Classical studies. Modern and
Classical languages will all suffer. Adecline
in standard throughout the faculty must
follow the staff cuts, as the rernaining staff
members will be overworked (with a student
to staff ratio more than four times greater
than the standard in Europe). Students will
have more crowded tutorials and less time
in which they can contact lecturers out of
class. The remaining staff will be severely
So what is being done? The answer is that
the people who should be doing most are
doing very little. The Dean of Arts finds
herself in an almost untenable position, and
has rolled over at the Vice Chancellor's feet,
even though she has little or no prospect of
staying on as Dean past April next year; the
Vice Chancellor himself is refusing to reevaluate his budgets, even though Monash
makes a nice profit each year, and the money
is evidently being splashed around; only a
few staff are being vocal about the change,
as the Vice Chancellor's tactics are to silence
opposition, and many staff are not game to
put their jobs at risk.
There is too much at stake to let these
changes go unchallenged. A decline in
standard pre-empts a decline in the
university's academic reputation. Adecline
in the university's academic reputation
makes our degrees worth less. A devalued
degree makes it harder, especially in this
economic climate, to get a job, both
nationally and internationally. On top of al
that, a lack of people trained in disciplines
like pure maths and theoretical physics
which provide advances in areas like
engineering and information technology,
means that we as a nation cannot progress
and compete at an international level in the
future. Any budgetary savings are bound to
be followed by a more significant economic
loss further down the track. Any fool can
see this is short-sighted, so ask the vice
chancellor not to be so!
[email protected]
Michael Power:
[email protected]
Non-CAF Funded
page 22
Non-CAF Funded
Non-CAF Funded
Hello Smithere, you ^re very Qood a t turning me on.
Years ago the aardvark and the ant had a
relatively cooperative and understanding
working relationship. They both had a
advancement and cultural knowledge. The
aardvark would oversee, some ants would
teach and others would listen. They would
debate issues and all ideas were welcome.
Diverse interest was encouraged.
6uf, If wasn't long before the aardvark
realised that the removal and consumption
of ants promoted his own sense of
achievement. The aardvark has a very long
tongue and taste is a high priority for him.
So, when looking for which section of the
ant community to consume, he went for
the delicacy. He went for the ants with the
richest flavour, the greatest
awareness and the highest number on mass.
Gradually these classic, artistic ants
disappeared. One by one at first and then
dozens at a time. For many, ant life went on
as normal for they didn't look to see how
their fellow ants were doing. It was only
when the aardvark publicly announced that
he w o u l d be consuming a certain
proportion of the population that the ant
community really sat up and took notice.
The ants who were skilled in argument,
critique and creative thinking bound
together, and when they asked 'why us?',
the aardvark explained that they held no
real value. They could be sacrificed in the
name of progress, and those ants dealing
w i t h advancement and working in
developing areas could be spared.
Eventual ly, there were no ants left to question
the actions of the aardvark. And although
the remaining ants had developed new
scientific and technological theories they
could not be expressed.
They had forgotten their past and the lessons
to be learnt from it. They had lost their
imagination and the will to question the
assumptions of the world.
The ants had lost their rich and unique
flavour - they had become bland.
And the aardvark was bloated.
Claire Hammond
Water aerobics
' ''
# c.
Swimming lessons
•* ^,
Sauna, spa & steamroom
" '
All at subsidised prices for students
Special: Swimwear & Beachwear Clearance Sale
Dcmg Ellfa i__
S^mmifig P o o l
Non-CAF Funded
A bird in t h e hand is messy.
»»03 4115
990S 4113
Non-CAF Funded
page 23
p o o p o o h
The biggest tosser that I've
wife bought books before they
personally met in the last few
weeks is a customer thai came
into the bookshop where I work,
Or perhaps you'd prefer to hear
and proceed to abuse my co-
about a guy in the USA (sorry
worker... for doing his job. II went
Michael) who sent someone a
Well fuck me backwards, election week is on us
Howard is a shit, but do we want Kim Beazley
again. During this time, potential office-bearers are
as our Prime Minister? 1 mean, the guy looks like
a little something like this (and I
letter bomb... that was 'returned
busier than a one-armed man trying to roll on his
a fucking beanbag with legs. I am so confident
quote): "What are you fucking
to sender'. Not only had he put
condom before he loses his fat. And why? So thai
that he will lose that if he does, I will voluntarily
doing the vacuuming for? Can't
his return address on the bomb,
hacks, losers and other assorted pussbuckets can
undergo a week of manual colonic irrigation. A
you fucking leave it until after
he opened it. His plan didn't
get together and conduct smear campaigns against
PM who takes his aspirin with mayonnaise? Fuck
work? How are we supposed to
entirely fail however - the bomb
each other. Fair dinkum, I have lost count of how
fucking concentrate on the
did go off when the letter was
books?" Etc, etc. Woah there
many times I have been bombarded w i t h
pamphlets and other shitful paraphernalia upon
Speaking of mayonnaise. Bill Clinton has been
entering the Union building. At least I won't have
in the news lately concerning the yoghurt stain
to buy toilet paper for the next six months. In fact,
he left on the shoulder of Monica Lewinsky's
I can conduct my own 'smear campaign' by wiping
dress. Can't the fucking guy aim? I challenge him
my dirty arse with every bit of election material I
to a game of Skirmish, except the only weapons
can find. It would be better than wiping my arse
we have will be our cocks and our only
with the sandpaper that the Uni provides in its
ammunition in our scrotums. In fact, we should
toilets anyway.
Mister! Surprisingly, he and his
Kanela Giannakakis
call it 'Spermish.' I tell you what, if I were in the
audience I'd be wearing a fucking raincoat.
After enduring a week of incessant harassment
from these pathetic scumbags, we then have to
front up for a Federal election. Obviously John
Why student elections are like
Q, ^ktr^
10. There's too much wanking and not enough action.
<J 4t>-/7el\-lo'i+n-i^ae.'i
111* a++i-/ucLa^,
l o U s In/z^iielf inho
It's best to keep away from those who BiTE.
By the second morning you just want them to shut up and
go away.
The less talk the better.
A bit of Porn makes for a little more fun.
^m<,e.\\ off
A whole week is spent campaigning just to get in,
A wet Liberal is hard to find.
"Y'lf-e -
page 24
If Impact is successful, it means you've just been fucked.
No one can keep it up for a whole week.
At the end of the day, all you have to do is put 1 in a box.
Confucius say: Man who enter airplane sideways is going t o Bangkok.
Monash Student Association Activities Presents
Presented in conjunction with the Monash German Club
.vv o. .J-
•. German deer,
Wednesday 23rd Sept
Free @ lunchtime
All you can drink
' fcst ^^
&eer, dtron^btm',
Soft<Jrink& Water
iofWrinka Water
/ ^
^ F ' ^ f c ^ ^ ^ r
^ '
Water Only
German 3ar\d Free BDQ
Friday 25th September
Cellar Room, Union Did, Clayton.
Wednesday 14th
October 8pm
$6 Conc/$8 Full
Tickets from Activities
Full Bar - Over 18s only
Photo I D Required
Full length 2 hour show
(plus intervals)
Position Vacant with Lof's Wife for 1999
To sell advertising and sponsorship in order to finacially support the production of approximately ten issues of Lot's Wife per year.
-Selling advertising and sponsorship for Lofs Wife, including
cold calling and putting together pitches and packages
involving the paper and maintianing relationships with existing
-Record keeping, including the maintenance of a data base of
advertisers and sponsors.
-Preparation of advertisements, including design, as required,
and informing Editors of placement needs.
(in order of importance)
1. Previous experience in sales or as the sponsorship officer of a
club or society, or similar community based organisation;
2. Knowledge of advertising t e r m i n o l o g y , a l o n g w i t h a n
understanding of printing specifications, terminology and processes;
3. The ability to monitor budgets and plan accordingly;
4. Basic PC and desktop publishing skills - e.g. Adobe Pagemaker,
CorelDraw, Word and Windows 95;
5. Ability to commence work immediately after appointment will be
very highly regarded;
A D D I T I O N A L I N F O R M A T I O N : . 6. Demonstrable understanding of basic sales and marketing
Per edition income targets are in the range of $3,500 to $5,000 concepts;
per edition.
O n a commission basis - 15% (to be confirmed at interview)
Applications addressing the selection criteria should be addressed to Ms. Juanita Fernando, Manager, Student Media and Programs
Group, Monash Student Association, Wellington Road, Clayton, 3168.
For information about the position please phone Ms. Juanita Fernando, 9905 4163 (extn. 54163 for internal calls).
Sam - 9am
Buzz * Click
El n Tash
Please sir, 1 want
some more
Givin u a buzz
Kegs n Slatts
News, reviews, noroscopes, great music and loads more to get you up and at 'em.
Today, Tomorrow &
Maybe Yesterday
Monash Exchange
Sam - 10am
Issues/Current affairs
and world music
Politics with bile...
Koori issues
Girl Zone
Lost in the web
Empty Vessels
10 am-12pm
The Postgraduate
Women's Issues Interviews
Enter the world of PC's
Postgrad issues, chat
hair removal(?)
games and the net
We're so good...
We scare ourselves
Sid, your pop tarts
are ready!
Unknown Pleasures
Oz Rock, Flares
and the Nerdboy
A different live show
12pm- 2pm
Pile '0' Biie
Koori Hour
student exchange info.
Classic alternative
punl</sl<a/industrial tunes
Greg works the crowd
triple Mul
every week-rotating!
Plnochio Theory
Dystrophy after 9
International Lounge
2pm - 4pm
Soul and funl< grooves
IVIovin and shakin'
Dirty Rotten
Don't Fal<e ttie Funid
crazy, silly
Cultural issues
International issues
4pm - 6pm
: Drivetlme
Dukes Of Hazzard
Reservoir Hogs
Dial 'M' for Metal
Dust Our Broom
Karma House
Prescription Beats
6pm - 8pm
tvletal releases and info.
Blues with flavour
'Tunes of Enlightenmenf
Aust. and International
Varsity Beat
Australian Only
What's the Story?
The Word
100% Oz music
Aust, us, UK Alternative
Tim Rogers' fave!
Get down with the
Eclectic progressive
The Chair
Get comfy
Gossip & guff
Whether it's:...
The latest news £ind reviews, plus all the tune^ to blast you home safe and sound
yeee haaa
8pm - 10pm
Beats, hardcore and funk
Life on Mars
10pm- 12am
For lovers....of music
You work it out..
Indie rock & power pop
Hard-house, trance,
It's golden days time!
us and UK
Spinning tunes while
Less than six
12am -2am
_ |
Doee Id-
Double Happiness The Half-way House
the city sleeps
Manic Mix Maestro
No Doze
You will be able
Beef Jerky Bob's
to stay awoke all night
Ctiewin satisfaction
Need a dose?
find a penny, pick it up, and you'll have a ueelcee form of current in Australia.
Why is it that the 'rollie' seems to be in its twilight age? Rolling your own
cigarettes is inexpensive. Certainly a bonus for the average uni student who
spends most of their Austudy on booze and drugs. Also, 'rollies' are less
ridden with chemicals -therefore, eliminated is the infuriation of the forgotten
'burnout'. Oh yeah, and the health bit too.
The Lost
Art of
Perhaps these advantages are ignored because of
the obstacle of rolling. Few people I know roll on a
regular basis. The 'rollers' are usually crowded around
at parties like fvlessiahs. In vain, they try to teach
the enthusiastic onlookers the secret of the perfect
'rollie'. The onlookers usually nnake a concerted effort
at the art, ending in a fumbling drop of the mix.
Rolling being cheaper, a sign of a misspent youth,
and a damn good party trick, I went In search for the
Buddha of this Sacred Art.
Not unexpectedly, my search ended with an
adolescent of the 1960's. He has imparted his
knowledge to me with the proviso of his anonymity.
These stoners often grow up to be mortgage-laden
business men, but in his prime, he had an afro and
suede vest opening onto a bushel of chest hair, to
match his abundant skill. To be in keeping with the
master's wishes, I have given him a pseudonym The Guru.
The secret is said to be In the digital position. Once
your tobacco (or whatever) is prepared In your palm
in a cylindrical shape. It is placed onto the paper,
glue side facing at the top.
(The Guru spoke very slowly during the following
Instruction, stressing Its importance.)
The paper should be held with the left hand, the thumb
holding the front of the paper, and the index the back.
Then move into the rolling process your right hand.
Keeping your index fingerf ree, hold the 'rollie' between
your thumb and middle finger (sometimes known as
the rude finger). Use the right index to work the
tobacco evenly along the paper.
Now that it is even, roll the paper up and down between
your fingers, rolling it tighter into the cigarette shape.
When it Is to your satisfaction, fold over the lower
flap, lick the glue and roll it shut. Status and prestige
will follow. Of course, those frequently and heavily
inebriated, may be better off with a rolling machine.
The Guru also left me with some parting pearis of
1 believe in publicly funded education.
If you have rolled your dooby too tight, and you just
can't smoke the sucker, just roll it back and forth
between your fingers to loosen It up. Also, if your
tobacco Is old and dry, It may loose its flavour and
burn your throat. To remedy this, roll as instructed,
then blow into one end, the moisture from your breath
will rehydrate it.
If the paper is burning unevenly, simply use yoursallva
as a dam. Put a little on the paper just below the fast
burning section. I asked his Eminence, The Guru,
about getting rid of brown tabacco spots, which often
plague the hands of Roll-Your-Owners. He suggested
lemon juice, failing this go to a solarium so It all blends
. .
So those of you who were R.Y.O. (Roll Your Own)
challenged, can now go forth, with this wealth of
knowledge, into Bohemian grandeau, like the effigy
of cool-The Guru.
pace acoun
Travelling Tips
for Tertiary
Trippers: Part 2
Of all the things you will lug around, your
passport, money, ticket and insurance
are definitely the most important and
should be carried separately to your
luggage and close to your body. A
money belt or neck pouch are the most
popular devices for the important
documents and the choice is yours. I
prefer the money belt just because it is
less easy to rip off and is often better
disguised. However, it can be
uncomfortable and I know at least one
person who has snapped a visa card in
half while bending over with a one on. A
money belt can also get really sweaty
and is bulky, ie. you can't wear it at the
beach. For that reason, some people
argue for the neck pouch which is easier
to reach and less troublesome.
You basically have the choice between
cash (Australian or foreign currency),
traveller's cheques, or credit cards.
Cash is great because there are low
exchange fees and you can get some
very good (although a bit suspect) deals.
American dollars are like gold in most
places around the wortd and generally
you will be safer with these than Aussie
notes. However, cash is irreplaceable
and so it is a good idea to have
traveller's cheques (which are
automatically insured) as well. I wouldn't
rely on traveller's cheques too heavily
just because you are restricted to
banking hours and will have to pay huge
fees to change them. Credit cards are
an excellent money source and ATM's
are becoming more and more
widespread. If you are a bit weird about
using a foreign ATM machine, you can
always do the cash advance option
where you just fill out a slip and the bank
teller will give you the money.
Probably the best method is to take a
little bit of each kind of money with you.
If you are really unlucky and you find
yourself without money of any sort you
page 28
can always phone home and get money
wired to a bank in that country.
Insurance is a betting game and if you
think you can win, then don't bother
with it. Most people decide that the
odds of something happening are high
enough to justify insurance. That's cool
-just read the literature carefully and
be realistic about it. You can get
information and application fonns from
travel agents.
To repeat some age-old and rarely used
advice - go easy on the luggage.
Seriously, you will be surprised how
little you need and how heavy the things
that you don't need can be. These seem
to me to be common mistakes:
H/Wng boote - get really heavy and
really muddy. Unless you are doing
some full-on trekking you can
probably get by on runners;
Sentimental items (eg. my favourite
jumper, shoes, jeans, teddy) travelling trashes your clothes and
everything else. It is likely that your
teddy will disintegrate and your
Levis will be ruined. If you really
can't bear to leave home without
it, take it with you, but remember
that at some point, you may be
posting, selling orthrowing out your
loved possession.
Soolfs-everyone thinks they are
going to read from Day One, and
even if this is the case, books will
probably be the heaviest item. A
lot of travellers do book swaps so
at any one time you will only be
carrying one novel. This is a good
solution to the book problem and I
recommend that you limit the book
quota to two (and that includes
your guide book).
Other Essentials
I have also noticed that these items are
commonly overlooked:
Calculator - for doing currency
Locfcs-a myriad of uses including
novel and a toothbrush. The thing is that
chaining luggage to train racks,
securing hostel doors and for your as long as you have your passport,
money and ticket, you can't really go
own luggage.
Personal Photos - for visas and wrong
other permits.
Photos from home- people will ask And that is pretty much everything to
about Australia and love to see get you started. As for the next step
(that is, what to do when you land) well,
photos of koalas and other
I can't really advise you. It is a bit scary
creatures. I met a Canadian guy
who went to Indonesia with about once you have passed customs and
thirty photos of Autumn trees and are really on your own. However, one
snow. The Indonesians have never small consolation is that you can
seen red/gold leaves on trees or always go back home, at any time and
huskies in snow and were rapt to from anywhere. That thought alone is
be given these as presents. If you usually enough for me to gather my
courage, push open the airport doors
go to Nepal, try bringing some
and hurtle myself into the unknown.
photos of the beach - you will be
Jess Stokes
endlessly popular.
Other souvenirs
bookmarks, even
lollies go down really
well in Asia and other
parts of the world.
There will probably be
some point where you
will stay with a local
family and it is
embarrassing not to
have some sort of
souvenir to give them
(especially the kids).
Guide book - this
helps especially if it
KUQIQ LUmpur $729
has maps of the cities
R6cf ho^ P^S'iCi
ST/^ Travel.
This list is only a guide everyone does things
differently and you may find
that you travel best with
nothing at all. I met a girl
in Israel who had the lot
stolen and swore it was the
best thing that could have
happened. She travelled
the Middle East with a
(inci airfare, 7 nts accom, & transfers)
You'll finrf ttS a-*:
Union Building
Monash University
Clayton Vic 3168
Tel: 9905 3128
Who needs the l^kvik-c-mart?
1996 was one of the best years of my life. It was the year I was an exchange student in America. Of the many wonderful experiences
of that year, some of my fondest memories are of the trips I took to Chicago.
A Day In the Life of
memorabilia from the Sixties
Seventies. There was even a complete
outfit worn by the Beatles on display!
Other gadgets included a coin punch
which would punch a penny with the
imprint of a building with the date and
Chicago written on the bottom. It was quite
One of my only regrets of this first trip to
Chicago was that I desperately wanted
to have a look in the Nike Town store on
The first trip I ever took to the 'Windy City'
entity. It has no affiliation with the well
was right after the senior prom. After a
known basketball player, outside of the
great evening I was dog tired and as
name. There is a private dining room on
soon as I jumped in the van, I fell asleep.
the second floor which is supposedly
It took five hours to drive from Fort Wayne
kept for MJ, but he has never dined there.
Indiana (where I stayed). I must have
From what I gather, MJ just gets a lot of
woken up four hours into the trip, because
money for the privilege of being able to
I had lime to savour the last of the Midwest
use his name.
countryside before it gave way to a
sprawling metropolis.
The menu at MJ's restaurant Is typically
American, with steaks, burgers, salads,
My first impression of Chicago from inside
and grilled chicken. There was one thing
the car was how busy it was. As we
that caught my eye - The Pre-game Meal.
entered the city on the interstate, there
This consisted of a 22 oz New York strip
was a train line that ran in between the
(that is a very, very large piece of meat)
two directions of traffic. To get to the train
and three baked potatoes. I got to thinking
station, the passengers would have to
if MJ actually ate that much before a meal,
cross part of the interstate on a pedestrian
then he would never be able to jump so
bridge and descend to a train station.
high! I ordered a big Mike, which is a very
Our first stop on this trip was the Chicago
nothing much else.
large burger, with three beef patties and
Museum. The museum is a large white
building with tall Roman style columns
After lunch, we spent the rest of the day
out the front. Inside there is a very large
trying to find the science museum. We
open foyer with hanging balconies of the
had heard that there was a German U-
four other floors overiooking it. There were
boat Inside that one could walk into and
many theme areas ranging from the
take a look. I was fascinated and wanted
history of the Pacific people to the objects
to go. It took us four hours of driving
of destruction in the Second Worid War.
around to find it, by which time it was
There was also a dinosaur exhibit, but
closed for the day.
breathtaking. The observation deck is a
place everyone should visit.
Michigan Ave. When I got there at 8:30
p.m., it was closed and there was a notice
saying that it closed at 8:15 and 15
We wound up the day at a McDonalds, of
all places. But this was no ordinary
seconds on week days. Who ever closes
at that time? 15 seconds, HA!
McDonalds, this was THE rock and roll
Don Wan
& A SWEHE. . . .
we didn't go in because it was another
five dollars. Behind the museum is a large
aquariaum, which we did not visit on this
day, but which also came
The one other thing we did see was the
Sears Tower. The Sears Tower is the
tallest building in Chicago. There is an
observation deck on top. What a view! One
could see the whole city from such a
After the museum, we were all hungry, so
vantage point. The cars moving in circles
we drove to Michael Jordan's restaurant
down below seemed so insignificant, so
for lunch. The restaurant is a curious
far away. The view of Lake Michigan was
You always were a cunninq linguiflt, James,
Tbt BMk^kertrml S^ehlltti
967Q iSQl
page 29
ok c o m p u t e r
Caught in the Web
T h e Internet, World Wide Web, WWW, the Web, the Net. They
all rely o n one thing to work . . . web pages. If people didn't write
H T M L flies, then other people would have nothing to 'surf!
So w h a t is H T M L ? H T M L stands for Hyper Text M a r k u p
Language. H T M L is basically a standard language in which
this is like the header to a page
everyone can create V e b pages'. It's easy to edit and use and
<NffiTA N A M H = " G E N E R A T O R " CONTENT="Mozilla/4.04
there are heaps of tools and programs to help you or you can just
|en]C-monwin/008 (Win95; I) Netscape]">
edit it with a simple text editor. It uses things called tags to
This 'META'
structure h o w your page looks with things like headings, lists and
search keyword and author and the program used to write the page. In this
links. These tags basically tell the viewer program how to read
case, it's the later of the three.
Hae normally sets up information about the page such as
the text so when you look at it, it looks good.
< T I T L E > J o e Blow's Home P a g e < / T r i ' L E >
There arc lots of different H T M L editors o n the market and on
This tag tells the viewer what title to put right at the top in the icreen above
the Web itself. It's just a matter of taking your pick axu) using i t
the menus. Notice how the tags are started and are ended by adding a I to
Some don't like to use W Y S I W Y G programs so that they can
have more control over what the pages look like. These guys can
Links to < A HREr="stuff.html">different
This is what a basic link looks like. 1 would have the words 'different stuff'
use programs as basic as N o t e p a d in Windows or even the ever
faithful D O S editor. Web viewers nowadays even have composers
This just closes the header part.
built into them so that when your d o n e surfing you can write.
underlined and would take you to file called stuff.html.
< B O D Y TEXT="#00000O" B G C O L O R = " # F F F F F F ' >
It*s quite easy to write web pages and to create your own site.
Now we get into the body or the meat ofthepagf. A more basic tag would
<A HREF="linked.htmr><IMG
There are just a few basic steps you need tn take when you're
just say BODY but this one actually gives colour information for the text.
ALT="LINK" BORDER=0 H E I G H T = 4 8 W I D T H = 7 2 > < / A >
You can set the text, background, links and followed link colours to be
This is what a more complex link can look like. T h e added features
starting o u t
work out h o w m u c h you know about writing pages and
anytbingyou want.
h o w m u c h assistance you want from an editing program
k n o w what text and information you want to have on
of this one is that instead of underlined words to click on, you
would have a picture to click on.
< H l > W e l c o m e to the house of J o e < / H l >
the page (typing it out before hand would be good)
This tag is one of six different heading tags you can use (1 is the largest
know what graphics and logos you want (if you have
and 6 is the smalksi).
That's it, now go away
them o n a disk already that helps, or else your going to
have to scan them)
know roughly h o w you w a n t the page to look (actually
This just inserts a paragr<^b into the text. Notice that this tag doesn't
drawing up a page plan is normally a good idea)
require it to be ended with a </p>.
V^ \
This tag changes the font and is normally used at the bottom of a page to
type in people's email addresses.
put it all together!
O n c e you have your H T M L file and graphics ready to g o youVc
Hi everybody and welcome to the j o e Blow H o m e page. T h e
ready to upload t h e m o n t o a server computer that's permanendy
following pages tell you heaps about me. While not everyone
connected to the N e t so that everyone else in the w o d d can sec
may want to know about me, the stuff is here and since you're
HREF="maiJto:[email protected]">Joc B l o w . < / A >
here then you might as well find out. W h o knows, I might even
This is a link to joe's email so you can write to him by clicking on it. Often
get a job or a blow j o b . . . I mean date out of this!
copyright stuff would go here as well
your creation. It's that easy!
Let's have an inside look at w h a t a 'real' web page looks like
underneath the gloss and in the code.
Just have a look below at my really < B L T N K > H O T iinks.</
This bit just starts the page off. Spaces in between lines and test normally
This tag makes the text in between itjiash. It can be one of the cutest or
These last few tags just tidy up the page and close it of.
don't matter as the view looks for tags.
one of the most annoying tags ever to be used.
Well that's w h a t a basic p a g e w o u l d look like. For m o r e
information on how to write H T M L have a look at www.w3.org/
<H3>Hoi Unks</H3>
M a r k U p / G u i d e / which has a ten niinute guide written by Dave
Raggett. G o o d luck and I hope to sec your creation on the web
Ronny Liew
[email protected]
page 30
So you're a fcmini&t - isn't that cut«.
ok computer
[email protected]
Add-ons are designed t o change a game from the 'norm* and
increases the games* playability. In most cases this is only a level
editor which allows you to change the maps a game uses. Most
game developers w h o allow add-ons have increased the sales of
their game.
T h e best cases would have to be from id Software, famous for
the games Doom, Doom 2, Quake and Quake 2. These games have
m a p editors and much more. Using special editors the whole
look of the game can be altered. Additional weapons can be
created, all new monsters, and the Images changed.
O t h e r games that have some ability for add-ons arc Duke Nukem
3D, Warcraft 2, Diablo (Helifire), and ]edi Knighl. Some of these
add-ons are quite large and require payment, but most (especially
maps) can be downloaded frtim the internet, for free.
Some sites 1 found are listed l>el{»w:
http://www.ugo. net/yellowpages/actii)n/doom.html
- A list of Links to Doom add-ons
- List of Links \o Quake add-ons
When I was silting at my c o m p u t e r trying to come up with a
There's the usual chat site, where you talk to otiier fans about
theme for this edition's instalment of Site By Taste, I t h o u j ^ t to
whatever, an email discussion list (the official one) - which is
myself, "What makes my Monday nights so special?" Is it because
known as the Booster Club here — and a download page where
another fine week has started and I'm looking forward to the
you can download all the usual video, audio and image clips.
remaining four days which I can spend with all those lovely
Through the Booster Club, there are links to other South Park sites
people at Monash? Yeah, right. O r is it because Friends is on. N o ,
where you can get stuff you can't get anywhere else. I didn't
they're all repeats.
have time to check exacdy what this entails, but I will as soon as
- List of add-ons for a range of games i^'ar 11, Doom, quake,
duke 3d)
all my assignments have been handed in.
N o , I decided Soi4th Park is what makes my Monday nights so
special. Kind of sad, I know, but, hey, I majored in accounting,
T h e Behind the Scenes page was pretty cool. They only had two
O K ! A n d I know they're repeats, but being bke the other 9 9 % of
links here, but seeing as they let you view the storyboards and
the population w h o never watches SBS except when the World
chat to Matt Stone and Trey Parker (the writers for you heretics
C u p is on, I didn't see them when they first went on air.
out there w h o don't watch quality television, or South Park), I
consider this to be a definite case of quality over quantity.
So, 1 looked up five South Park websites, and here's my list:
T h e Store is worth visiting, even if you're not going to buy
5. www.ecocentrica.org/chcesegod/niail/news.html
anything. They have the usual T V show stuff, you know, small
4. wu'w.juice97.com/spvids.html
things like keychains, magnets, mugs, to the bigger items, like
3. sentraI200.sentral.kl 2.ia.us/'-cire/splinks.htm
denim jackets and backpacks. Apparendyyou can buy real Cheesy
2. nightfall.simplenet.com/southpark
Poofs through this page (swecet!), but when I visited, it didn't
1. southpark.comcdycentral.com/southpark
seem to be in much of a selling mood.
T h i s e d i t i o n ' s N o 1: 8 0 u t h p a r k . c o m e d y c e n t r a l . c o m /
There is also a Playgpiund, where you get to play ail these really
deep thinking type games, like Kenny Sliders and Cartman (as in
Pacman). But I liked the Vote section, where visitors are asked
In the words of the great Eric Cartman, this site kicks ass! Being
for their responses to some serious in-depth questions, like: A r c
the official South Park site, there's pretty m u c h everything a South
all independent films about gay cowboys eating p u d d i n g and
Park fan could wish for. Although, I am told somewhere you can
D o c s selling T-shirts kick ass?'
get the translations of what Kenny says in each episode, but 1
couldn't find them here.
In short, this site is a must visit for any South Park fan. T h e only
d o w n side is that M r Hanky seems t o feature a little t o o
T h e first choice you get to make is whether to view the animated
prominendy for my liking, but then 1 suppose shit happens, doesn't
or non-animated site. T h e animated site requires a special viewer,
A better iuld o n in any ^;ainc
Many more are on the net and can be found by doing a search o n
various search engines, using keywords like G A M E A D D O N S
a n d / o r the name of the games you are interested in.
O n e of the better ones, I found on my tour of the net was an
add-on for Quake. It is called Future vs. Fantasy. It is quite big
and it keeps adding updates, but you have to pay for anything
other than the shareware version. F r o m what 1 have heard about
it, the ten-dollar registration-fee is pretty g o o d , ' b u t don't take
my word for it! G o to http://fvf.war7.0ne.com and have a look
for yourself.
which is available free at the site, but I didn't have time t o
download it, so I only got to check out the non-animated site.
Party Towels.
page 31
TA r
1> ^J-
/ •
L^irvPi^pe^ Plxrt^
The Society of Arts Students is
proud to announce the winners
of our inaugural
competition. After a long period
of discussion and debate we
finally we have awarded Adeline
Johns-Putra with first place and
second place to Ali^x Edquist.
Tliis competition will continue
next year except that it will be
held in first semester and will
have a specific and relevant
theme. More details about this
competition shall be announced
at the beginning of next year.
Thank you to all entrants this
year and best of luck for 1999's
competition. AAany thanks also
to Penguin Books for all their
donation of prizes. If Adeline
and AUx could give 5 A 5 a call
on 990s 9118 or 0413 119 873 we
can arrange a chance for you to
pick up your prizes.
i" Prize *i-^
Off the pill, on holiday/
Months alone and miles away,
Miles between that separate,
Reason enough to ovulate.
Primal regularity
Starts up again inside of me:
Still true,
M y body counts the days till it
returns to you.
Artless sexuality
Counts itself down inside of me:
M a d e pure,
M y body counts the days till it
is yours once more.
i"^ Prize - 7 -
We are all made up of the same mattery
It is true.
Some are quite skinny,
Some indeed fatter,
But it is true.
M y eyelashes are made from
Lenin's shoe,
(although my tears 1 believe come
from Waterloo].
What remains of the Romanovs
remains to be seen.
Yet to say they are gone
Is a thought quite obscene.
It is strange.
For my ankles are made from
Both my left and right(that makes II)
But ridiculously out of place
against my solid legs and hardened
Attached to a shaky foot
And a most superstitious big toe
Which marches me off to
Tsarkoe. Cod Bless Selo.
But there between my legs
there exists danger,
Poorly disguised as a lamb
from the manger.
It is quite a dark, mysterious
A n d remarkably similar to
Rasputin's feature.
Ugly, bedraggled, with a common
Yet such wondrous stories and
prayers it has sung.
You see,
To sin is to win
And Oh, 1 have sinned.
On many a time
I've misplaced my station.
Yet what a way to redemption
Through this loss to temptation.
this dangerous,
mystical power
Does not work for every hour.
11 knows no cure for a blood disorder
Which monthly overturns even the
Imperial order.
M y stomach contains an entire
With lords, a baron and a local squire.
Lord Fat has become an
extravagant glutton,
(From a pampered life on cakes and
He's extended his estate up to
Baron Belly's button.
Yet, from the thigh on down
There rules a squire,
(who admits he's fond of the rare
pull your
fliifjer out
page 32
^ /
With faithful bloodhounds
He begins his hunt,
In search of game,
That leads to my toe.
But soon I'll make them silent.
Even the Black Hundred which
resist to my violence.
M y peasant toes can move freely
Indeed, since they were freed from
their shoe
They've become quite outspoken.
Although their faith is quite shaky
From being constantly broken.
With Stalin's moustache right
under my arm,
This presence for many
Is cause for alarm.
M y odour.
It is strong.
It's the crudest, foulest,
Harshest pong.
Stronger than thirty million hands.
For garlic's the key to flush out your
Any impurities 1 sweat out quite
For my glands have conviction.
Enough to make even the strongest
quite sickly.
Each body t h a t s t a n d s up in
I'll fell with my razor sharp sickle
Tlien drain out their cries,
till they slow to a trickle.
The skin of a Fin.
A belly hole like a Pole.
Intestines which stretch from
Riga to Odessa
(And a kidney that's collapsed
from the strain and the pressure).
And 'no' my dear, my liver's not •
It's shrivelled and weak and
decidedly Prussian.
With the soles of my feet,
I'll hammer the ground.
Then put up a wall
And sell half for a pound.
With concrete nails,
With an iron will,
With a Bazarov faith I'll achieve
Plus nil.
If every life was a human hair,
Then I'm afraid my pits are cause
for despair,
M y humour?
Why it comes from Witte,
But is it just rumour
That my wit makes you bitter?
They're soft and rooted with too
many souls.
A marsh which is lived in mostly
by ghouls.
For it's me, myself and
1 that's my hero.
Although who can be sociable
When it's twenty below zero?
Express Media and Lot's H^fe
very cheerily present T I N Y
EPICS - A national university
short story competition.
The winner will receive $150 $500'/ a subscription to
Voiceworks Ai^S^ne,
and will
have their story published in all
participating newspapers and in
Voiceworks. Four runners-up will
receive $25 - $50 * and a
subscription to Voiceworks.
Entrants must:
be under 15
keep to a i/ooo word limit
' submit entries to the Loc'^s
office by 18 September.
the amount of prize money
depends on the number of
newspapers entering the
PS. If you a,re interested in reviewing some books/ please come in to the
Lee's office and see Michelle because we have lots to give away!
A woman necde a man like a fish needs a bicycle
gftfAT^E^ V^l^n^lg.
Have you ever been raped
by a knife?
Here/ S'ITJ is your knife.
Let it be.
Did Virginia sip
her tea just so?
And mindlessly rave
about swindling builders?
Did Sylvia masturbate
Before she dived
out a window?
1 don't know.
A Vested Virgin? Perhaps.
Worth more
paired with a knife.
Silvered no more.
Who cares.
Shall we feast?
On expanses
of gorgeous ripe flesh
Members only.
Sorry Miss.
Will they chorale for years?
Like stupid fair chimeS/
in a melodious rut.
Delicious for some.
1 didn't want to disturb you
silence crept from your door
you were dreaming 'the night is yours alone'
light walls
powdered indigo
- it does matter
my eyes unpeeled
cumbersome breaths
every shift of air
a star that tiptoed past
my window
1 heard them all
damp cheeks
salt on my pillow
1 implored the moon
to drop a message
in its milky light
•'•" '^k
G lad 1 see upon this day
the finest ship now set free.
For far too long that vessel
To the dock and left untended.
For like a harbour master, I,
Standing guard upon the pier
Am saddened to see such a
Kept from the boundless sea.
But when she sails, at long
There will be no denying
The tears that swell within
my eyes
Seeds of such sweet and sour
will fill the sea with pearls of
as she sai Is away from me.
I ^ B M
•HT V ' \
Wf~ i K A
' / iV)*
H ^^
1 JK
HH^K ^H*
. ' 4 ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ••
To enjoy and love.
Love? A s to spurn?
Damned fickleness and
Hear me
1 11 •
'' B
. V,
1 Vi
r S
1 9
^H '^
Build the road, lay the
1 B
- / ^ J P ^ ^ "iM
^ •*
1 n^^k
I ^^_ JM
JptK Ml
P' "'^^j
l! -^ ^m-
V ^m
\ HL '
~A ii^^
1\ • 'MJf ^mKl^i
is: '^Bli
r .'1^ ^ ^ t
Has the wind of deliverance
A ruffle, a stir, a soft hush
How to define this euphony,
its dulcet undercurrent.
Can it be real?
Ah, but for weak assertion,
It bites so deep in its absence,
N o t to Traipse but to Stride,
Create, Develop and Mould
•• V
Say these four worirfs c^uickly: whale, oil, beef, hooked.
_, T
%^^^K ^wf
' - f
side by side
the rooms
laying quietly
not to bother the other
Does the Polemic hide,
Giving rather to a stream of
shapeless prose.
Dialectic is in wanting
Nay, but sit you down and
gaze in amusement,
Two desires, too hesitant,
The door opens; enter and
Let the colloquialism and the
Good Times Roll.
fl^B • 1
A hundred comers
there must be
in this world
where hearts
go unnoticed
in this endless rem
' %. r*'^^
sitting on the edge
in a comer
of the earth,
Force me to snort
fat flakes,
that make me
chortle and fizz
like that Pink lemonade.
Like a dream which fails to
Rfifc "^
^- 8 R ^
for clarity
in this midnight room
isolated and obscure
feet dangling
over a spotted galaxy.
/ \ "^tv-St v^
^ ^ '^
heart submerged
eyes searching
And so what of it?
Dark dancing thoughts
lock doomed
By some shapeless haired
That once died.
'The words 'Pink' and 'fizz'
were first used together by
that phenomenon Sylvia Plath
in her
poem 'Cut'.
/ ^1
, ,1^'*^
<' .!^^H
Yet, no cars are to run, no
buildings to be built
Toy with me, lead and play
with me,
Why, anything but to leave me
So, your tidings?
Here's to a sonnet of shite,
And a lexicon of woeful prose.
One finds oneself in unity
with frustration
Learn, live, change, accept,
develop and improve,
But for the cost,
If only ephemeral. Of soul,
Heart and Mind.
page 33
A/VTiolefoods SGM: October 8, Upstairs
Union Foyer
Finally, after months of sometimes fruitless discussions
and conflict, MSA officebearers and members of the
Friends of Wholefoods have co-operated to develop a
proposal to resolve the \yholefoods dispute in a way that
satisfies everyone involved.
A Student General Meeting has been called for Thursday
October 8 (first week after mid-semester break). We need
the approval of about 700 students at this SGM if we are
to finally resolve what has been a damaging and frustrating confiict.
After several positive meetings, a proposal has been formulated to incorporate the Wholefoods Collective into
the MSA Constitution. If this proposal is approved by
enough students, it will become a part of the Constitution
and the relationship between the Wholefoods Collective
and the Monash Student Board will be formalised and
protected. This will end the confusion over the respective roles of the Collective and the MSB, which has been
the main issue in the debate over Wholefoods for the last
few years.
Although the proposal still needs to be finalised in some
areas, some of the most basic points in it include:
• the aims of Wholefoods, which include remaining a
vegetarian and vegan space that encourages volunteer participation
There are a few loose ends to tie up, but the proposal has
the in-principle support of both the Friends of Wholefoods
and the Monash Student Board. We need the support of
students though, if this is to be followed through and be
incorporated into the Constitution.
the responsibilities of the Collective, including the
responsibility for drawing up a budget submission and
an annual operational plan, and the responsibility for
developing general policy for the running of
procedures for resolving disputes between the
Wholefoods Collective and the Monash Student
the self-governance of the Collective - except that it
must operate by consensus decision rnaking and have
some requirements for notifying members and quorum
The proposal will be finalised in the next two weeks and
then checked over by a lawyer to ensure it is legal and
consistent with the rest of the MSA Constitution. A final
copy will be placed on the MSA noticeboard and be available from MSA by the start of next term.
We finally have a real chance to work together to establish a workable and constructive arrangement for the continued operation of Wholefoods - but we can't do it without wide student support. If you have been angry or frustrated about the Wholefoods situation this year, or if you
just eat there and want to see it remain a viable and functioning service of the MSA, you should attend this SGM
and be a part of making this positive change.
If you have any questions or comments
please see Gill or Mel in MSA or Hal
from the Friends of Wholefoods.
Wholefoods SGM: October 8, Upstairs
Union Foyer
page 34
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a screwdrii/er?
Women's Officer's Report
The next big event on the Women's Collective calendar is
The Women's Festival from 21 st - 26lh September (last week
before mid-semester break).
The Women's Festival offers women the chance to participate in a range of women's cultural events and mediums,
Feminist art, theatre and film rarely gel to shine in a complete festival program. Many younger women artists and performers often find il hard to get private and/or government
funding to put on experimental theatre, exhibit artwork or
publish their writings. The Women's Affairs Collective
funded and set up the Women's Festival to encourage women
students al Monash University to gel more involved in theatre performance, writing, dance and other mediums of expression. The program allows patrons to attend a number of
performances and also gives women the opportunity to explore their own beginnings of creativity in the numerous
workshops throughout the week. The Collective hopes the
festival will revitalise women's culture at a campus level
and allow future women students access to a network of
women artists, writers, performers and funds to enable experimentation with feminist ideas and concepts.
Art Exhibition.
Art & Design
1 - 2pm
1 - 2pin
Little Fish
1 - 2pm
Little Fish
Short Films
5 - 8pm
The Phantom
The Phantom
Little Fish
Little Fish
The Phantom
The Phantom
2 - 5pm
Dance &
2 - 5pm
Music &
Little Fish
Liule Fish
The Phantom
The Phantom
NQ3 Sexuality Report
This semester's campaign ran from the
1st to the 4lh of September. Quieter
certainly, discounting Wednesday post
fourish, but to borrow from Warren: it
was an intimate experience. Focusing
on education and discussion and the
dissemination of new ideas on campus.
The Tuesday forum involved a discussion on the forms that sexual abuse
takes and some of the paths that people
take in response, as well as offering alternatives. Katrina O'Donnell from the
South-Eastcrn Centre Against Sexual
Assault (CASA) stressed that people
deal with abuse in a variety of ways
requiring individual approaches rather
than a blanket method of counselling.
As a group we explored social and legal avenues as ways of finding support
and providing safety. She explained that
in terms of reporting assault (including
same-sex assault) certain police stations
operate with 'community' police as opposed to 'regular' police - these stations
include Prahran and Northcote, but
definitely not St. Kilda. Community
police are the friendlier branch that
have received training in dealing with
these cases sympathetically.
A screwdriver
Wednesday's debate "Should gay men be allowed
to donate blood" - while
conceding that anal intercourse is a practice placing
people in a higher risk category, the debate opposed
the idea that all gay men
practice penetrative sex with
multiple partners and explored whether or not excluding men having any
sexual contact with another
man from donating is discriminatory.
MUISS Election Results
Nominations for MUISS executive committee positions were opened from
20"' July 1998 and closed on 12 August 1998. Voting was carried out in the
MUISS lounge from 17'" to ig"" August 1998. Two hundred and fourteen
international students showed up to vote over the three day voting period. At
close of voting on 19* August 1998, the votes were counted and the following candidates were elected to the following positions:
Wholefoods transformed
into a fairytale cyber-snowstorm, with Fantasia playing
in the chill-out zone. The
dance-floor took a while to
warm up, but boy did il
NQS would like to thank all
those who participated and
helped make the week a success.
in screws, and &III Clinton ecrewe in t u r n s .
General Secretary
Activities Officer
Education Officer
Media Officer
Services & Welfare Officer
Andre Koh Yeow Leung
Karen Phua
Chrislyn Yeoh
Penn-Nee Chow
Sujala Pant
Raymond Yap
Albert Wiyogo
Lui Tat Meng
MUISS Returning Officer 1998
page 35
When Powderfinger captured
Australia's attention in '96 with their
'breakthrough' album Double Allergic,
they showed that you didn't need to be
manufactured or sound like an American band to make an impression in this
country. And with the forthcoming release of their third album Internationalist, bassist John Collins talked to
Lot's Wife about the new album.
How long did Internationalist take
to record?
It look about a year for us to write it,
and we recorded it in June.
'The Day You Come' showed a different side of Powderfinger Could you say
when you started moving away from the
rockiness oi Double Allergic'^
When we wrote it I suppose, which was
about two months after we finished
Double Allergic. We didn't mean to
do it, it just came out like that. We try
and write songs the way we think we
should do Ihem and we don't head in
any direction, whatever comes out and
that's the way it ends up.
So the song writing has been pretty
constant since you finished the last
We wrote a few songs and then we
stopped for ages, and then we went
back and wrote some more and got the
two together and put it into an album.
Who does the writing, or is it a
group effort?
I suppose 50 percent of the stuff is done
by Darren [Middleton, guitar] and Bernard [Fanning, vocals], and the other
stuff we put together as a band. And
Bernie writes most of the lyrics and
Who's singing on 'Over My Head'?
Because it doesn't sound like Bernard.
That's Darren [His first time as lead
page 36
Have any of the new tracks been
tested in front of a live audience?
How did the overseas market take to
the sound of Powderfinger?
In Canada it was
really good, we
We Wrote A Few Songs And ""-^v^
did some supports
Then We Stopped For Ages,
N ^°^ ^""^ '''8
bands over there
And Then We Went Back
and got lots of
And Wrote A Few More
positive feedback
We played 'Day You Come' most of
the time last year, and a few other
songs, but most of them we haven't
played live yet.
You've toured the US, how was that?
Well, we've only played in the US
twice, but we've done two tours of
I suppose you'd
call it. And hopefully we're going back at the start of
next year. It was inspiring the way we
were treated over there.
And what's in the future for
I suppose just touring and trying to become more successful. 1 really want to
tour overseas but we'll .see how that
goes. That is the plan but you never
know what's going to happen.
Powderfinger are touring around Australia at the moment so catch them
when you can, and their new album Internationalist is out now on Polygram
Anthony Brasher
Have you any ideas on what the next
single could be?
We're thinking of releasing that song
"Don't Wanna Be Left Out and "GoodDay Ray" as a double A-side, 'cause
they're really short.
anpha sports - it's hottsr than dsep heat in your Jock strap.
'^SA I
-"» «
'* >.
free Bundaberg Gear
of a lot of people, you'll never get the
same amount of respect. Has Rani done
any shows yet? 'Urn, yeah I've done
Brisbane and Sydney already and that
went down really well. We're just waiting to get some shows in Victoria.'
When will that happen, when you have
a little more publicity down here?
'Yeah, I mean we've just put a new
single out to.radio, "Do What You've
Gotta Do". I think that's really really
important, it's very hard to actually sell
albums and let people know that it's
out there without any airplay. But despite that, for the first week on the chart
I think it did okay. I think it's about
ninety something nationally, but after
we did all the publicity in NSW it
ended up at number 51. So I was really happy with that. I didn't expect it
to make it into the charts at all. I
thought we would have to wait until it
got some more airplay.'
Imagine you're the daughter of a famous singer. You see how well Jakob
Dylan and Sean Lennon do for themselves, and you feel you could make
it if you tried. Well, that's not exactly
what happened to Rani, Kamahi's
daughter, but the end result could well
be the same. She's just released her
debut album The Infinite Blue, a mix
of R'nB numbers and soulful little
tunes, with some loops and beats
thrown in for good measure. The public have been quite responsive too, with
her first single "Always on my Mind"
reaching number 32 in the ARIA charts.
Lot's Wife sat down with her recently
and talked about the album, live shows,
and that family connection.
"Always on my Mind" was quite popular with the punters, which was surprising when you consider that no one had
heard of her before its release. How
happy was she with the response?
'Yeah, a little bit surprised but very very
happy. I think we possibly went out on
a 1 imb with the first single to do a song
that was dancey and sounded the way
it did, especially when the record company was looking for some sort of commercial response. But, it went down
teally well, we were very happy with
page 38
Well, it seems that Rani's doing
pretty well for herself- a new album,
a few hits in the charts, and a solid
live reputation. Let's hope the luck
continues, because she's one of the
few local artists that has the potential
for commercial success in the future.
Or at least a few ads for Dilmah tea.
Andrew James
the result.' So, the record company
wasn't looking at it when thinking of a
first single? 'No, the record company
was happy with it, but it's a bit of a
gamble to do an original song when a
lot of people would do a cover first out.'
A debut album for an arti.st is something
that all future releases are going to be
compared to, so in many ways it's important to set some goals for it. What
did Rani hope to achieve with The Infinite Blue! 'I guess as much as possible
just to let people know that it's out there
and that hopefully they'll enjoy it. For
me it was just trying to find the beginnings of my own unique style of music
and finding a nice combination of the
different styles that I've always loved.
While not making it sound too disjointed, because that can happen.' How
can one get a sound that's too disjointed? 'Well there's dance, there's ambient, lots of jazz as well, so I was trying to find a path for all those styles
without making it sound all over the
place. To be honest, it's taken two years
to make the album, so it just feels great
to finally be here.'
Recording an album is all well and
good, but unless you can cut it in front
God grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to tnow the difference,
-'^>.gfe-^:^ -rrir^^^-.r,^- .^'.«:^ll..v
1) What is thefirstline said in the series?
2) What X-tremely famous actor appeared in the series? |i.nd, wljat was his character's
3) Fill in the gap:
walk with me.
4) What was the name of the secret society Sheriff Truman was a member of?
5) Name the brothel.
6) What's Laura Palmer's identical cousin's name?
7) Name the porriographic magazine that Laura Palmer answers ads in.
8) Name the title and artist of the opening sequence song.'
9) What game does Dale Cooper play with his arch-rival?
10) Fill in the gap: the
are not what they seem.
11) What drink and piece of food come recommended at the Double R Cafe?
12) Name the character David Lynch played.
13) What is the name of Ben Home's hotel?
14) What was Bob trying to spell out with the letters he left under his victim's fingernails?
15) Who was thefirstvictim of Bob/Leland? '
So, what's news? Well, with Gwyneth Paltrow and Matt
Damon co-staring in a steamy romance it will be interesting to see how their respective partners deal with it. After
all, Matt is going out with Gwyneth's best friend - Winona
Ryder, and Gwyneth is currendy seeing Matt's best friend
- Ben Affleck. You'd hate to be around for those awkward breaks in conversation.
On the animated front, Disney is producing a second
Pocahontasfilmwith one of the lead voices being that of
Mel Gibson's brother (don't ask me his name). And in
the year 2000, Disney will release The City ofAtlantis.
This new-millennium release is said to set the standard
for all animated films that will follow. The voice of the
lead in this predicted eye-opener will be none other than
the short guy himself- Michael J Fox.
Claire Hammond
s)(UEa Esaaai (ji 'wgqoa (t^j 'piQH UisMWN JESJD a u (fcl
•uopaoofti 'sidsiddBpireaajjoodi 's|MO(0l 'sssqo(6asiruoaainf'SmilBif (8'piJornqs^u{£'/^ppcM (9-spEf
paXgauoCe's/CogssnoqiiooaaiLKt? '3JU(£ (3)S!U3a•XuAOiiOTaPfA«a(t ..aumsij SuioSui.[„(i :syHMSNV
Girls, you can all let out a sigh of relief, Leonardo DiCaprio
will not be starring in American Psycho. After long talks
he decided that he just couldn't commit to the scheduling
time. Although, it wouldn't be too unrealistic to assume
that he realised what it would do to his career. He would
lose a lot of his well-earned popularity.
Aaron Spelling fans will be thrilled to know that Laura
Leighton (Sidney from Melrose Place) will be joining the
cast of 90210. And everybody's favourite Spice-Girlhas-been, Geri Haliwell, has recently joined the
Scientologists. Call it harsh, but no one thinks for a second Geri actually believes (or understands) what they stand
for. It has been put down to a 'strategic' career move. In
other words, she can't get any work and figured that becoming a Scientologist may just help. I suppose if you're
on the bottom of a very big pile, any ladder, no matter
how shaky, is worth a shot.
T h a t s Right: Loads of Free Shit
1 o cli
The BBC is taking Noddy to US television audiences.
Noddy and friends will, of course, appear in true American style with cute child actors, big musical numbers and
star guest spots. One big name to hit Toy Town is Carol
who will play the Tooth Fairy. It will be interesting
Scissors, Paper, Rock is one man's struggle to retain self worth in a
if Big Ears and Noddy are attacked by the PC
society that has almost forgotten he exists. This fascinating play, writPolice
again. Or maybe for the American audience
ten by Daniel Keene, focuses on middle age and the unemployed. It is
posse will go 'git dem selves some acabout to perform a season at La Mama's theatre in Carlton, and betion'.
ing the most generous people that they are, they have offered us two
double passes to see the Wednesday 22nd of September show.
Thefirsttwo people to come up to the office and challenge me (Chris, Andfinally,to videos. This next month is a big one for
new releases including Great Expectations, Stella Does
that is) to a game of scissors, paper, rock will win them.
Tricks, Good Will Hunting, Mouse Hunt and Replacement Killers. The big one to look out for is Titanic, which
will be out on September 30 and available for purchase
as of that date.
Claire Hammond
\ lovtf the smell of napalm in the morning.
page 39
N / l EINW
, - - ^
sating paradise. However, it chooses not
to foreground the potential of 80's gimmickry, and rather channel-surfs between drama, light comedy and the overwhelming ideological naivety of a decade that was.
It seems that the increasing absence of
the 1980's makes its myth grow stronger, sentiment grow fonder and the cash
flow greater for the Hollywood moguls.
The Last Days of Disco, however, has
the more 'any' directorial control of
Whit Stillman, who in this title suggests
both a hedonists holocaust and a pul-
The story centres around Alice (Chloe
Sevingny), Charlotte (Kate Beckinsale),
the Manhattan club scene and a poshplatter of Harvard boys. Alice, the least
'experienced' of the two girls, is guided
by the equally vacuous but more annoyingly pretentious Charlotte. The film
works hard to incorporate various characters, including the nightclub owner,
the doormen, the clientele and a gaggle
of other peripherals.
A love affair with someone twenty years
your senior? A war trial in which remaining silent is your only crime? An inability to decide who is to blame?
The Reader effectively describes a
search for truth and for blame. Based in
post-war Germany, the main characters
stand in stark opposition to each other:
Michael Berg, the young boy to whom
life is still a mystery, and Hanna, the
embodiment of mystery herself.
When you read this book, make sure
tliat someone else you know reads it
too, because it will occupy your head
for quite some time.
Many years later, in a courtroom,
Michael is faced with a woman who
he, as a boy, simply could not comprehend. No longer a boy, Mirhael the law
student tries to make sense of a Nazi
past. The result is a challenging and
overwhelmingly complex response.
Bernhard Schlink draws together unlikely and difficult characters, and manages to turn their interaction into something confronting, challenging, and very
very disturbing. A fantastic novel about
war and the desire, in retrospect, to both
condemn and to understand.
The biography states that a new album
from Snoop Dogg is "more than just a
record release, it's a chance to saver (sic)
the talents of one of hip-hop's few genuine superstars." I'm not casting aspersions on this person's intelligence, but I
think they should get the diarrhoea
treated before they dribble on a loved
ones. This album varies, between shit
R&B ("D.O.G'S gel lonely 2", which is
a rip off of'The Time"), shit remakes of
hip-hop classics (DP Gangsta, last seen
as "Gangsta, Gangsta"), shit sequels to
Snoop's own classics ("Gin & Juice 11")
and, wait for it, original material. The
originals would have made one hell of
an EP, but since I don t know of a No
Limit release under twenty songs, that
just wasn't going to happen.
Kobi Leins
Volker Schlondorff's adaptation oUiisi
Another Sucker falls short of its potential. Palmetto follows reporter Harry
Barber (Woody Harrelson) from a stint
of incarceration (mistakenly convicted)
back to Palmetto - a peaceful yet criminally riddled Florida town. He is immediately re-acquainted with his former
girlfriend Nina (impressively played by
Gina Gershon), but is unsettled and
unable to find any clear direction. When
spending a quiet moment in the local
pub he meets Rhea Malroux (irresistibly played by Elisabeth Shue). Unfor-
page 40
Darby Hudson
This aside, Disco doesn't play itself out
to any conclusion as such, but instead
revels in the girls' various encounters
with the Harvard boys, and to a lesser
extent, drugs, manic depression, and venereal disease. This is played out on an
anlhematic 80's canvas, making for
clever satire. Hints and tips concerning
relationships and the timeless art of
'picking up' aren't as blatantly comic as
an 'Agony Aunt' column. Rather, they
fall into the vicinity of clinical revelations, ala 'Dolly Doctor'. Whilst Disco
would seem to promise a catalogue of
kitsch, and looks like Romy and
Michelle, ilgoes like a Jane Austin in an
over-sized sequin dress, standing at a bar
that only serves coffee. It's a sophisticated and dry 80's reality check, but that
just might be your cup of mirth.
tunately, a familiar tale ensues. Harry
is allured by a proposition to make a
quick $50,000 which involves the mock
kidnapping of Rhea Malroux's daughter in an attempt to extract half a million dollars from her frugal 'Sugar
Daddy' husband, Felix. However, in
true Coen Brothers style, Harry is
drawn into a far more sinister plot. The
usual identity twists and turns result,
whereby the audience is exposed to the
past of Palmetto's residents. What's
more, there is the obligatory sexual tension between Harry and his cohorts plus
a touch of murder. Whilst the performances were very solid. Palmetto failed
to draw me into its various plot devices.
Recently, this genre has been bashed
to death and simply did not sustain my
interest. Nevertheless, it partially redeemed itself with a semi-unpredictable
finale. When flipping through the pages
of the paper to check out what's on at
the cinemas, place Palmetto at the
middle of your list. Although it's a
neatly packaged filin, you've seen it all
Mark Czapnik
N O T To
Mystikal and Fiend prove that they're
two of the best studio gangstas of the
nineties, but the highlight is the shortest
song on the album. Big Pimp 'n shows
up again, harking back to the Death Row
days, and delivers a hilarious monologue,
declaring that "The slock market has always been 100% when it comes to
pussy.... niggers pay for pussy." Pimp on.
He wants to be a drug-selling dogg.
Justin Evans
If the answer is 'Uberal'. it must have been a fucl<ing stupid (Question.
Georgia). She is a crazy, fresh character whose everyday situations are
overblown by her over-active imagination (take for instance her view of
cappuccino breaks).
Channel 7, 8.30 Monday
This new series from David E Kelly, creator of Picket Fences and Chicago Hope,
premiered recently on Channel Seven.
Ally McBeal has won critical acclaim in
America and Calista Flockhart (Ally) has
won a Golden Globe for her role.
To sum this show up into a sentence, or
even a paragraph for that matter, is near
impossible. Ally McBeal is a show that
cannot be classified. It is a quirky mix of
life troubles, love, pain and a vivid imagination. It involves a complex mix of
drama, comedy and even fantasy. Ally is
a young, twenty-something lawyer who
found her career by following her then
boyfriend, Billy. She even ends up at the
same law firm as him (and his wife,
The most interesting aspect of this new
series is that you can't quite put your
finger on how it works. Some argue it
is too dis-empowering for women (take
Time's recent front cover) or too stereotypical, and others see it as a lighthearted look at life in the late nineties.
Overall, Ally McBeal is worth a look,
but will probably take a few viewings,
at the very least, to figure out, especially the drama/comedy mix.
It's cute, it's different and it's appealing.
Claire Hammond
Calista Flockhart as Ally McBeal
I Directions in Groove
I (DIG) have once again
I managed to bend musiIcal genres to create
Isomething quite speI cial. Curvystrasse is the
I follow-up to their seclond album Speakeasy,
I and signposts a new diIrection for the band.
. The album has a crispy
I outer shell of sexual
soup lyrics, followed
by a layer of smooth
[flowing cool and Bebop lines, a layer gui-
m^ xiijr wys tr^ sse
Stories about cities, foreign and exotic,
are cither brilliant or completely mediocre. Or so I thought until I read Losing
Alexandria. This text is an amazing
compilation of both.
Losing Alexandria is one woman's tale
not of her search for her childhood city,
but of her search for herself. The text is
originally soft and dreamy, but digresses
into a sensationalised and spurious
search for self The talk of sophisticated
Europeans setting up new lives for
themselves in Alexandria turns to psychotherapy, failed relationships, and
inner conflict.
Alexandria, one of the old cities of
Egypt, was fascinating and titillating.
Victoria Thompson, as much as she
would like us to believe it, is not. The
content which refers to the history of
tar jazz and a solid Drum and Bass
(D&B) centre. Quite obviously, this is
an album of layers. Il charts a progression from a more familiar D&B sound
on the first track 'Rumor Has It' which
is reminiscent of Portisheaci, Bjork or
Massive Attack, through to the last track
'O'Cumbayah' with a heavy improvisational influence, and rough timing which
is most closely approximated by a symbiosis of Chick Corea, Ronnie Jordan
and John Coltrain.
This is a great soundtrack to all life situations. It is something to play in the car,
or while doing that essay at 3:00 am. It
is an album to break-up to or, as South
Park's Chef would say, it is an album to
make sweet love to. This album can rev
you up for that Saturday night on the
tiles, and bring you down in the Taxi
home. This is an album to put on at a
party, or to sit and chill with a bottle of
cognac and Cubans.
This is a brilliant album, and a sensational new direction in groove. Without a doubt this is the best album DIG
has produced.
Jeremy Tan
the city is fascinating, the reflection in
the narrator fails to refract quite the
same passion and mystery.
An expose which was doomed to fail.
Frailties of a city may not be directly
translated into personal weakness. Although Victoria Thompson describes a
life many would love to live, it loses
something in the telling. Read E.M
Porter's version or, alternatively, imagine Alexandria. Either way it will be
better for your senses and a more effective use of time.
Kobi Leins
page 41
• ^
In the ever cosy and endearing environment of La Mama theatre in Carlton, all
are welcomed to share the fascinating
and intoxicating journey in the 1860s
through exotic continents, emotions and
insect specimens. Written, performed
and directed by talented WA based,
Monica Main, The Insect Spinster reveals the reaction of a young woman, full
of life and vigour, to the cold social
boundaries of the era.
theory of evolution and her utter fascination with insects. Miss Thrip could be
seen as rather eccentric, but the 'Alice
in Wonderland' state she is in seems to
be a reaction against the social rigidity
and the "grey wool of England" that tries
to mute her spirit and thought.
With beautiful costumes and witty use
of the stage, props, and visuals The Insect Spinster is very entertaining. It is a
fantastic concoction of a poetic script,
great characters and wonderful ideas Understandably this is what could have
happened to women in the 1800s who
were intellectual, adventurous, energetic
and had a lust for life and nature.
"If you never do anyUiing unexpected,
nothing unexpected happens!"
Miss Veracity Lavinia Thrip, the main
character, detours in her travels to an arranged courtship in Brazil andfindsher
self emersed in life and nature in the
"breeding, pupating, gestating jungle" of
Africa. She ponders and theorises with
much wonder on life, death and her
seemingly strange culture. She does this
through her inspiration from Darwin's
Say the word 'swing' and more often
than not you get the image of a dark
and smoky club out of the 20s. Except
when you hear the sort of swing that
comes from the Cherry Poppin' Daddies. Their fourth release is a compilation of the best tracks from their previous three independent releases and
a couple of new tracks they've done
since signing to the Mojo label.
They've been on the scene since 1989,
and it's really about lime that they hit
the big time. Their combination of
swing and ska (you've got to love a
good brass section) is sexy and refined.
and these guys are unquestionably in
the forefront of what could be a thirdwave swing era.
The best part about this album is the
way the Daddies combine a groovy
sound with an almost punk lyricism.
Covering such wide ranging topics as
unrequited love ("When I Change
Your Mind"), social injustice ("Mr
White Keys") and an alcoholic father
("Drunk Daddy"), they don't seem to
let anything get them down, and this is
catching. It is close to impossible to
listen to this and stay in a bad mood.
Upbeat, wacky and downright fun, this
album is a must for anyone sick of the
post-grunge, alt-rock and bubblegum
pop that's being ground out today. One
thing it shows for sure is that their skaswing combination is a winning formula and well worth checking out.
Sarah Turner
page 42.
S C A N D A L,
Leila Koren
The Prissteens are a four piece band
from New York and this is their debut
album. When you first look at their promotional pictures you think, 'three girls
and one guy, yeah it's gotta be easy listening'. When actually you start to listen to the music, it's quite a different
story. Their music is an up-beat mixture of grunge and teenage rock, and is
often about relationships. All in all,
they're not a bad listen. Their promotional material sums up them nicely
'booze, sex and clothes is what they
' like, rock'n roll is what they play'.
Ronny Liew
Student Theatre have two exciting
shows coming up in the Melbourne
Fringe Festival - Vinegar Tom and The
Poe Show. Written by Caryl Churchill
and directed by Lisa Dyson, Vinegar
Tom compares and contrasts a story of
the persecution of supposed witches in
England during the middle ages. The
experiences of contemporary Australians are combined with the original
dialogue in voice and movement, resulting in powerful, innovative and
confronting music theatre. It tours to
four non-traditional performance
spaces in Melbourne's city and suburbs, including the Micawber Park
Tavern, Metro Nightclub, Monash Uni
and Three Faces. As one of the Fringe
Festival's largest shows. Vinegar Tom
is performing from September 30 to
October lO(Wed-Sat).
The Poe Show is a stage adaptation of
two of Edgar Allan Poe's tales - The
Pit & The Pendulum and The Masque
of the Red Death. The Pit & The Pendulum explores the limits of mental endurance. In contrast. The Masque of the
Red Death is a rich and decadent joyride through the panic and denial which
accompanies a deadly epidemic. The
Poe Show is a culmination of the physical theatre work both Hilary Elliot and
John Britton (Co-Artistic Directors for
Student Theatre) have brought to
Monash University during their first
year in residence. This program concentrates on the clarity of storytelling
through a combination of spoken word,
physical imagery and ensemble expression. The Poe Show appears as part of
the Melbourne Fringe Festival at
Monash University from Wed 7'" October - Sat ID"' October and Tues 13'"
October - Fri \6"' October. For bookings and general enquiries call 99053108.
Megan Pearson
you're bad Bart - and I lite iti
In recent times there have only been a
couple of kid's films that are fun for
adults to watch, and Small Soldiers is
one of these. Picture this: An international weapons systems manufacturer
decides to expand it's operation to include the toy industry. Picture further
that the toy department has access to
the weapons department's computer
chips. Picture also that this company
is run by Dennis Leary (of "I'm an
asshole" fame). Fantastic. It is these
premises that set Small Soldiers up to
be one cracker of a kid's flick.
much in the same line as the Dirty
Dozen, and are voiced, in fact, by the
original cast of The Dirty Dozen. The
Gorgonites (voiced by rock legends
Spinal Tap) have entirely different
programming; essentially all they can
do is to try to escape getting eradicated
by the Commando Elite. Small Soldiers also includes the best use of a
Spice Girls song in a film I've ever
seen. Add Phil Hartman into the equation and you end up with a piss funny
Duncan Lockie
Essentially the film revolves around
two sets of toys, the Commando Elite
and the Gorgonites. The Commando
Elite are a bunch of hard-arse soldiers,
Hole "Celebrity Skin" (Geffen)
If you lliought Courtney Love had lost it after her stuttering movie career and Versace
make over you are in for a little shock, she's back and the venom dipped claws are
out. Full of buzzing distortion and with Love's poignant lyrics this is something to
crank up loud. Tlie first taste of the Sept. 8* album and also one of five songs cowritten by Billy Corgan, but is it worth all the hype? Get it andfindout.
MXPX "I'm Ok, Your Ok/Chick Magnet" (Polydor)
Jesus! These guys are so goddamn happy, it sounds like they've been fed industrial
strengtii Prozac, read the complete works of Noddy and been told that they can get
all the sex they want by smiling. Also have about the same level of originality as
Even. Use this single to drive Jehovah's Witnesses away from your door
WondertullLj clever, shapp-eijed
witn wit and a wnimsical
sense oi humour.
- I Gnnein l u r a n .
W U i t
S t i l l m o n ' .
1 ne L a s i
Even "No Surprises" (Rubber)
Well, Even have lived up to their single title and have given us something that yields
absolutely no surprises whatsoever This Is Even doing their 'delightful' retro pop
tunes on autopilot, sounding no different to anything else tliey've recorded, this means
Triple J will love it. Ash (guitar/singer) should have stayed witli Rail, at least they
had an original songwriter.
Primitive Ghost "Skin" (East West)
Slinking along like a sly black cat, the subtle beats and vocals of this single make it
one that would be at home in any club or in your bedroom. But the true shining point
of the track is the instrumental mixes which, after starting slowly, peak with an orchestral gasp. Fine local stuff.
Money Mark "Maybe I'm Dead" (Mowax)
This is a damn fine pretty pop song from the fourth member of tlic Beastie Boys. It's
virtually a whole song of catchy hooks and an utterly unforgettable chorus that'll
have you annoying your friends in no time. Remixes by the Dust Brothers (they
brought us Hanson) and Underdog make this a fine bouncy Spring type single.
Powderfinger "The Day You Come" (Polydor)
Instead of bursting back into the music limelight with a big bombastic attention grabbing single, Powderfinger have cruised through the side door and released probably
tlie best Australian single in ages. While die track doesn't instantly grab you, it's
after repeated listenings that you get the true scope and grandeur of the song. Prepare
to fall for this band all over again.
Single of the Edition
Tori Amos "Raspberry Swirl - Sucky Mixes" (Atlantic)
There's nothing really to say, it's Tori and it rocks. A song made to move your hips
to, on the dance floor and in the bed. Did I say it was by Tori and it rocks? A woman
who crafts her songs so beautifully and enchanuhgly tliat you wear the CD's out from
over use. I'll just say again that it's Tori and she rocks.
Anthony 'You wilt respect my AUTHORITAH' Brasher
Jesus eaves... at the Commonwealth Bank.
page 43
For up to date results in the Footy Tipping Comp. Clieck out tlie results sheet on the outside of the Lot's
Well, here we are at the end of the AFL Season already!
So, unfortunately, the 1998 Bundy Tipping Comp has
come to an end. But don't cry, there are still the Finals to
watch, prizes for some of you, and for the rest, there is
always next year. So, "Who are the winners of the
prestigious awards in this cut-throat competition?" I hear
you cry. Well, here goes:
First Prize goes to David Shafir who picked a total of
116 wins (ie. that's an average of 5.27 per Round). David
receives a Bundy esky full of (you guessed it) Bundy &
Coke, as well as three bonus slabs, a trophy and, of course,
fame and glory.
Second Prize goes to Corrie McKee on 115 (with an
average of 5.23 - missed it by that much!) Cotrie receives
three slabs of Bundy & Coke and a pat on the back
Third Prize goes to Jamie Scuglia on 114 (that's an
average of 5.18). Jamie receives two slabs (but don't feel
sorry for him missing out by only two winners, because
he has already won three slabs for picking eight winners
in Round 18).
The Booby Prize goes to Rockin' Ronny Ronster Liew
who managed to keep his score down to only 59 (and,
no, he didn't just use Draws to get a low score - he can
actually be that shit at lipping). Ronny receives the token
one slab for the loser prize, and the awe of us all.
AH winners can come and claim their prizes from the Lot's
Office by Friday 25 September. Fame and glory may not
yet be available - please allow at least one week, and
include $5.95 for postage and handling. (PS. Norman Chia
can come up and get 2 slabs for picking 8 winners in
Round 20)
Well, I can hardly see the computer screen through the
tears, but I must say my final goodbyes. I'd like to thank
the Editors for allowing me (being a so vague, oh, and a
chick) to run the Tipping and for their cheery faces in the
office. I don't know how they do it. I'd like to thank the
AFL for continuing to exist. Rich Johnson, a Sports Editor
for Lot's (but that's nothing to do with the Tipping), and
the person who discovered coffee.
So, have fun during the Finals and the Off-Season. And
just remember, footy is not life (it's just the only thing we
live for - well, one of the things anyway, somewhere
between food and sex and sleep and... oh no, I'm rambling.)
Fare thee well,
Jacy Cullum
The Not-Quite-Footy Quiz
Out of all the people involved in the AFL, from players,
to coaching staff, from umpires, to management, from
the media to other personalities and past players. Who:
1) Would you most like to sec to disappear off the
face of the earth?
2) Has the worst haircut?
3) Has the best butt? (or body overall)
4) You would like to meet? (and why)
5) Is most likely to become Prime Minister (or
6) Is actually intelligent? (And how can you tell?)
7) Are you most likely to sell your soul to spend the
weekend with?
8) Is the dirtiest thug? (meanest)
9) Is most likely to cross-dress?
10) Do you reckon is a member of the One Nation
11) Owns a fish and chip shop?
12) Would've cried on the anniversary of Lady Diana's
13) Spends most time in front of the mirror?
14) Has the most annoying voice?
15) Has/needs speech lessons?
16) Fantasises about Eddie McGuire? (apart from
Eddie himselO
17) Has the best looking wife/brownlow date?
18) Is most likely to have sex before and after a match?
19) Is the best in bed?
20) Would lose the most money playing at Crown?
21) Would make the best MSA President, Activities
chair, etc.
Jacy Cullum
(wUh some help from the Activities cj-ew)
page 44
Darren Gasper campaigning for Education Vice-President
To live is to love and to lose.
Presented by the LSS
ms^amir.:: ^-aKj
Your comprehensive guide to a social
Med Ball
15 September
Philharmonic Society
17 September
Clayton Korean-Japanese
Restaurant, $12
Contact Crystal 9544 2090
18 September
19 September
Koori Week
2 1 - 2 5 September
Irish Oub
Halloween Party
21 October
22 October
Law Students Society
Law Ball
17 September
Regent Theatre
$55 for members
Free Lunchtime Concert series
Organ - Thomas Hey wood
17 September
Tre Fontane, Feast of Fools
24 September
Corrugation Road
15-26 September
Rising Fish Prayer
6 - 1 0 October
Vinegar Tom
2 and 9 Oct
Adult $15, Cone $10
outside Engineering BIdg 60,
Handel's Messiah
10 November, 8pm
Choral Series 5
11 November, 8pm
Itiit KUx Ticket?
The Poe Show
Adult $12, Cone $12
Student Theatre Space Monash
Glinka Ruslan and Ludmila
Brahms Violin Concerto
Stravinsky Petrushka
13 November, 8pm
To win one of four double passes
to the following plays, go to the
Box Office at the Alexander
Theatre at 9:30am on the date of
the Opening Night and do the following:
The Phantom Body
18, 19,23-26 September
8.30 pm
All tickets $10
Student Theatre Space
Little Fish
18,19,25,26 September
6.30 pm
23-25 September
Just a gentle reminder that the
Alex reserves eight tickets for
student rush, at $10, for every
performance of it's Fit For Life
season (ie. Corrugation Road,
Rising Fish Prayer and The
Herbal Bed)
The Herbal Bed
2 7 - 3 1 October
Rising Fish Prayer - IcU us where
Businessman Ken's pencil is.
Opening Night: Tuesday October 6
The Herbal Bed - name the famous author who is the father of
the main character of this play.
Opening ni^U TXiesday October 27
(Hint: The answers are in the
Alexander Theatre season
booklet, available at the theatre).
and guests
Saturday 3rd October
Monash UnL-Caulfleld Campus
tickets S12&S15H-lif from
MonSU Service Desk (Caulfield], MSA Activities
[Claytoni Alexander Theatre box offlce [Clayton] or
tlcketmaster outlets
over 18's only. ID required
page 46
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Lot's contribution to surviving
Monasii student elections.
Sorry, I'm
I give a ^
rat's arse
oting, just
not about .
Hand me that
pamphlet and
I'll shove it u|^
^our arse f
Eat Shit
& Die
tliought it
I need to
go to tlie
Cut 'em out and stick em on !