I want to deepen my friendships!

Ask America’s Ultimate Experts
“I want to deepen
my friendships!”
Friendships don’t just make you feel great—they do everything
from boost your creativity to bolster your immune system! Here,
our experts share proven ways to ensure your bonds stay strong!
1 Two-minute
2 Stay close in
Send an “affirmation-gram”!
Give your friendship
a “checkup”!
buddy-builders!
It’s a spontaneous heartfelt message, explains
psychologist Andrea Bonior, Ph.D. “Send a
quick text saying, ‘Hey, just wanted to remind
you that you rock! ’ ” Affirmations like these bring
you closer because they’re unexpected; their
sole role is to make your pal smile.
the long term!
“About once a year, sit down and
reflect on your friendship,” advises
Bonior. “Take note of any patterns
that are different from a year ago,
or if there’s something nice you
can do for your friend.” You
Did
might realize, ‘Hey, I used
to have regular brunches you know?
with Sarah, but we Having meaningful
haven’t gotten together friendships boosts
in way too long.’ That your longevity by at
realization can lead to a least 22%, a recent
phone call that’ll get you Australian study
found!
back on the friendship
wagon,” says Bonior.
3 Bridge distances
easily!
Share some excitement!
Do something emotionally engaging together,
from looking at an art show to seeing a weepy
movie, says expert Jan Yager. Why? Activities
that rev emotions trigger activity in the region of
the brain responsible for empathy—you’ll be
more in-sync with your friend as a result.
Send an e-mail—with a photo!
Fallen out of touch with your bestie? A great way
to remind a friend what she means to you is to
simply include a photo of the two of you in an
e-mail—a visual reminder of your relationship
says more than words alone.
Make your own “holidays”!
Research shows celebrating the little things in
life—like the last day of school with a teacher
pal—brings friends closer by giving them a “justfor-us occasion” that solidifies their unique bond
and underscores how well they know each other.
Reveal a secret!
New Japanese research shows that when
Americans share secrets, they become especially close. That’s Americans specifically—this
principle doesn’t apply to the privacy-loving
Japanese! Why the culture-centric advice? Our
society so prides itself on individualism that
when we confide in someone, we show endearing vulnerability that goes a long way toward
strengthening ties. No need to reveal too much:
Simply sharing a minor goof, like spilling coffee
on yourself, brings others closer because everyone can relate to having an off-day!
Introduce old pals to new ones!
Sidestep top friendship snags!
Getting married, changing jobs, having a baby . . .
in addition to being exciting, these types of common changes can trigger a shift in one’s priorities
that can make friends feel forgotten. The stayclose secret? “Try to make a standing date, a fixed
time, to spend together,” says Bonior. Adds friendship expert Brenda Poinsett: “Last summer I had
a friend who was so stressed out about moving,
she wanted me to pray with her,” she recalls. “We
were so busy, we thought we couldn't find the
time, but we made the effort to get together once
a week for coffee at Hardy’s, and we prayed with
our eyes wide open.” The upshot? “Scheduling
time for a real, live face-to-face is so worth it.”
Our expert panel
Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., is a clinical
psychologist and author of The
Friendship Fix. She is an adjunct
professor at Georgetown University
and a featured expert on Brooke
Burke’s ModernMom.com.
22
Friendship coach Jan Yager,
Ph.D., is the author of
four books on friendship
including Frienshifts and
When Friendship Hurts.
Visit her at DrJanYager.com.
Research suggests that when you introduce
a new friend to an old one it can refresh and
deepen the long-term friendship! The reason:
You discover new things about your pal by
seeing her through fresh eyes!
—Kristina Mastrocola
Researcher Brenda Poinsett
is the author of eight books,
including The Friendship Factor:
Why Women Need Other
Women and Wonder Women
of the Bible.
Photos: Kristiane Vey/Jumpfoto; Media Bakery (2); iStockphoto.
WOMAN’S WORLD 8/27/12
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