WORDS FROM THE - House Of TARG

WORDS FROM THE
WIZARD
YEAR 2 BEGINS AND WE ARE STOKED!
LOTS OF IDEAS BREWING IN THE WIZARD
CAMP, WE REFUSE TO SIT STILL - TARG
IS LIKE A SHARK - IF IT STOPS MOVING
FORWARD IT SUFFOCATES.
Still working on gettin’ RUSH to do a intimate no
frills set, hunting for a sweet deal on a submarine, building a
custom TARG Magic Mobile Machine and multiple devices for
our Kookoobanana nights, dreaming up new and exciting ways
to improve your arcade experience while maintaining the strong
relationship within our wizard family of friends. We’ve got a great
month of entertainment and culinary delights planned for you - hope
yer hungry, see you at the show!!! - Yogi
SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO IAN JEANS FOR LETTING
US USE HIS AMAZING ARCADE PAINTING FOR THIS
HERE ZINE COVER. IAN ALSO CONTRIBUTED TO
OUR “STEP BY STEP” COLUMN THIS MONTH AND
SHARES THE SECRETS OF HIS DRAWING WIZARDY.
WIZARD
OF THE MONTH
TYLER
This Portal Wizard does security
at TARG & under his watchful eye
everyone’s safety is ensured while
the goods times are in progress.
He’s been in a bunch of punk bands
over the years but has mellowed out
a bit lately & plays bass & mandolin
in the folk/roots bands Toska &
Whiskey Fields. He also runs the
open stage nite at The Tea Party
Cafe on Friday evenings.°Tyler is an
unashamed Trekkie & has the tattoo
to prove it.° °
TOP 3 FAVE ALBUMS?
Scandinavian Leather by Turbonegro,
Cipher by Slim Cessna’s Auto Club,
Ziggy Stardust by David Bowie.
FAVE SHOW(S) AT TARG
Roberta Bondar, Brock Zeman, Bad Uncle
FIRST CONCERT
First GOOD concert? Mosh for Mutts
maybe?
FAVE STUPID MOVIE
Anything by Roland Emmerich, I laugh
at all the wrong parts.
DRINK OF CHOICE
Beck’s 0%, I’m probably the only person
who drinks this at TARG.
SECURITY FOR KLINGON OR
VULCAN PARTY?
Wouldn’t last 5 minutes in a Klingon bar,
and the Vulcans would be a total bore,
so....
OTTAWA PUNK PINBALL
TOURNAMENT RESULTS
Ottawa Punk Pinball and the House
of TARG held their 3rd International
Flipper Pinball Association (IFPA)
sanctioned tournament on Sunday,
April 19th. 30 men and women came
out for brunch and a day of head-tohead competitive pinball.
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE
TOURNAMENT’S WINNERS:
1ST PLACE - PHIL B. (Ottawa)
2ND PLACE - JASON M. (Ottawa)
3RD PLACE - ADAM K. (Montreal)
Special thanks to sponsors Beau’s All
Natural & Pabst Blue Ribbon for the
swag bag of prizes!
Wizards of all skill levels are welcome
at tournaments - follow Ottawa Punk
Pinball to keep in the loop on future
events:
Facebook: Ottawa Punk Pinball League
Instagram: @ottawapunkpinball
Twitter: @punkpinball
WELL TARGIANS, EVERY ONCE IN A
WHILE YOU STUMBLE UPON A BAND
WHO ARE REVERED BY ALL WHO HAVE
HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO EXPERIENCE
THEIR MUSIC. METALIAN IS A BAND
WHO CONTINUES TO AMAZE ALL WHO
WITNESS THEM & WITHIN A 45 MINUTE
PERFORMANCE
CAN
MAKE
YOU
QUESTION YOUR ALLEGIANCES TO THE
ELDER GODS OF METAL WHO LAID THE
GENRE’S FOUNDATIONS.
Ever since their first demo in 2005,
they have been carving out their
legend in the Canadian wastelands,
and have amassed a cult of die-hard
fans who will insist that they are the
best Canadian metal band to exist.
The first track on their recent EP
METAL FIRE & ICE, appropriately
titled INTROMENTAL, centres around
a slightly sped up Sad Wings of
Destiny-esque descending riff. Once
the title track invades your speakers,
the album becomes the purest
definition of amazing speed metal, and
only rarely slows down. METALIAN
stays vicious even when slowed
down, such as on THE TRAVELLER,
which features a riff which can only be
described as sonic bliss. Throughout
every song present here, there are
constant blazing solos, which are all
absolutely astounding.
While METALIAN draws a massive
amount of influence from British metal
bands such as SAXON, IRON MAIDEN,
and most noticeably JUDAS PRIEST,
they have a distinct sound and do not
directly follow in the footsteps of any
one band too closely.° Vocalist IAN
WILSON helps considerably with this,
as his vocal approach is varied and
unique. Additionally, he does not rely
solely on screams or lower melodic
vocals too much, and has a good mix
of the two.
With this new EP, METALIAN have
cemented their status as one of the
best metal bands in Canada, and for
any who are not familiar with their
music have presented an example of
the pure, unfiltered heavy metal that
they craft.
It seems that they have answered
our prayers as they are returning to
TARG this month on SAT MAY 23,
and I suggest that any self-respecting
metalhead check em out.
DEAR SLO’: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT SNOW TIRES?° I THINK
THEY’RE FAKE. IT’S JUST DETROIT TRYING TO RIP ME OFF,
RIGHT?
– Signed, Suspicious
Hey Suspicious: Snow tires are definitely NOT fake… how ever, they’re
not the answer for all situations. Take me for example – I drive my ’98 Ford
Fiesta all year ‘round (whenever I can get it jump started from my Mom’s
driveway, that is!). Winter, spring, summer, fall… I cruise my sweet ride
down Carling in all kinds of weather.°So here’s what I do:°I’ve got snow
tires on the rear end, a single ‘all weather’ on one side of the front, and one
‘summer’ tire on the other side. ° It shakes a bit when we hit about 60km/
hr but Fiesta and I are ready for anything mother nature can throw at us!°
Vroooom, vrooom... click, click click... hey man ya got a boost?
HI SLO’: I LIKED THE WEIRD/OBSESSIVE FOOD RULES THAT YOU
RECOMMENDED IN LAST MONTH’S COLUMN.° GOT ANY MORE?
– Signed, FoodRULES!
Dear FoodRULES!: Hey FoodRULES!°As a matter of fact I do…°Here’s
some more:
1. I don’t eat anything that is pickled, in brine, or has ‘dill’ flavouring.
2. I don’t consume ketchup, mustard, or relish (see above!).° The only
condiments I allow are mayonnaise and BBQ sauce.
3. I store EVERYTHING in the fridge – cans of soup, the sugar and
salt, boxes of cereal, bags of Fritos… you name it!°If there’s room,
it goes in the fridge.
HELP ME TOM: I HAVE SPENT 100’S OF DOLLARS ON SELF HELP
BOOKS. NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK. – Signed, Lou Zer
OK Lou: Losers can’t be choosers so being prepared for life’s curve-balls
is the best way to soften the blow. A rube like you needs a book that details
the full spectrum of your inevitable & pathetic future challenges - that
book is called The Ziggy Anthology.° Learn to laugh at your problems…
‘cause°everyone else finds them entertaining. See ya in the funny papers!
WHO’S THE PINBALL WIZARD
IN YOUR BAND?°
It was fitting that Toronto’s high energy punkers
PUP was the first band
to set foot on the House of TARG stage back in April 2014. Their “dream big
& reckless” ethos, relentless never give up spirit & penchant for fun are all
qualities that make the TARG heart swell. In 2013 they all decided to quit their
jobs, put out a record and play over 250 shows. Somewhere along the way
they garnered attention from Rolling Stone, Noisey, the Junos and tons of
folks looking for relatable angsty tunes and good times in the pit. Oh and they
also managed to seek out pinball hot spots on their globe trotting path to
“buzz-bandom”.
HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS HAVE
BEEN BUSY LATELY - WHAT’S
NEXT?
Opening night at the House of TARG°°last
year was definitely a highlight. Since
then we’ve toured all over Canada,
the US, the UK, Europe and Australia.
This summer we’ll be doing° the Vans
Warped Tour, which I think is some
sort of travelling circus. On top of that
we’ve been writing our new record like
crazy. Tours tours tours / songs songs
songs! We’re so excited we might poop
our pants. If we could afford to buy new
ones, that is.
WHAT’S THE ARCADE SCENE
LIKE ON THE ROAD?
Philly was great cause we played at a
venue called Golden Tea House - which
was an awesome punk/house venue
named for the golf video game
Golden Tee (of which there was
a broken down machine in the
corner of the room we played
in). But Boise was great cause
we played at a venue called The
Shredder. It was designed after the
dicey, gangstery bar that appears
in the movie Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles 2, and it’s walls were LINED
with video games and awesome
pinball. The crowds were wild,
and many games were had after
our set. Plus, at the end of the tour
we had a great show in Asbury
Park at the Asbury Lanes (bowling
alley / venue) and between load in
and soundcheck we got to check
out the Pinball Museum. It was
amazing. So many vintage games.
Nestor is studying to be a wizard, for
sure. But Steve is getting his skills
up due to his competitive nature.
On the last couple of tours we had
the opportunity to play some great
pinball tables: The Rolling Stones
game in St Louis, Revenge From
Mars in Minneapolis, the Simpsons
game in Albuquerque. And the
pinball museum - forget about it.
Wall to wall with insane, historic and
amazing pinball. The states is nuts
(and rightly so) about pinball. Lotsa
tables in Germany and Australia
too. Unfortunately its not so hot in
the UK. The only table I found in the
UK was this Elvis game in a small
record shop in Glasgow. It’s weird
that pinball is not big in there, but it
definitely explains why its so gloomy.
YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE YOU
ARE PRETTY WELL FED TELL US ABOUT THE FOOD
ON THE ROAD.
We’re well fed because eating on the
road is easy if you like eating crap.
Most times we’ll eat post-show as
opposed to pre-show. But we like
to switch it up and eat all sorts of
things from the Taco-Bell menu.
Sometimes we treat ourselves to
nice meals though. We had the most
amazing BBQ beef brisket in ST
Louis. The best meal was probably
in NYC at a 24hr perogie restaurant
called Veselka. Freaking delicious.
TARG DREAM #1 IS TO HAVE
RUSH PLAY HERE. HAVE
YOU GUYS RUN INTO RUSH
ANYWHERE? CAN YOU HELP?
It’s important to dream BIG. We’ve
never run into Rush unfortunately. But
I’ve heard that Alex Lifeson owns a
bar on College St in Toronto. We can
stalk him if you guys want.
MOST BANDS TOUR IN A
VAN OR BUS BUT TARG HAS
A SUBMARINER PROGRAM.
IS PUP INTERESTED IN A
SUBMARINE TOUR?
I always thought that we would be
more of a helicopter band, but what
they can do with submarines these
days is amazing. And ultimately,
it would make two of our dreams
come true - touring in a submarine,
and playing a show in the lost city of
Atlantis. So, naturally, when we heard
about the program, we were sold.
PUP
BIG DICK
* BOND GIRLS
HOUSE OF TARG
MAY 7 MAI
* *
*$10*IN ADVANCE
/ À L’AVANCE
DOORS OPEN / LES PORTES OUVRENT À 21 H
* *
* 19+ *
* *
TICKETS / BILLETS: VERTIGO RECORDS & ONTARIOSCENE.CA / SCENEONTARIO.CA
PRESENTING PARTNER
PARTENAIRE PRÉSENTATEUR
PICS FROM OUR OPENING NITE
APRIL 17 2014
A GUIDE TO ALL THE CONCERTS TAKING
PLACE AT HOUSE OF TARG THIS MAY.
FRI MAY 1/SAT MAY 2 - TARG & Bleak
Life Crew present:
BLEAK LIFE 2 - the annual music
festival featuring local and international
punk bands representing the full
spectrum of the genre - there will be
house shows at DIY venues around
town plus TARG shows including
rippin’ bands like WARSICK, ALCOHOL
FUELED, SLUMLORD, ADHAEROS,
FLEABAG, OGRESSE, BLANKS
77, UPHEAVAL OF OUTCASTS,
CHLOROFORM, PARASYTES, MUECO,
VALLEY BOYS, ST. RIPPER, ABSOLUT
and INSTINCT OF SURVIVAL. Last
year’s fest was amazing - TARG is
honoured to be hosting these wicked
bands!!
TUE MAY 5 - TARG & FWYS present:
DEAD PEASANTS REVOLT Cd Release
party w/sg LINDBERGH BABIES,
THE TENENBAUMS, WARFAIR and
FRESHLY CUT - a night of punk rock
celebrating the release of “Do not
die before you are dead” including
wizards DAVEY and JOSH - catch this
performance before they head overseas
for their European show!!
WED MAY 6 - TARG & the Diamond
Mine Agency present: DOUBLE
EXPERIENCE w/sg JULIA WHY?, THE
SICK SICK SICKS, THE MAXWELLS
and WOOD LAKE - a great bill of rock n
roll to soothe your mid week heart!!
THUR MAY 7 - TARG/NAC Ontario
Scene & Spectrasonic present: PUP w/
sg BIG DICK and BOND GIRLS - well if
you haven’t experienced a PUP show
then you’re in for a treat - high energy
show like no other and it’s SOLD OUT!!
There MAY be a few tickets available at
the door, no promises. You snooza, you
looza!! This show also falls on the first
THUR of the month (ROCK N ROLL
HOT DOG PARTY!) so there will be
free hot dogs and veggie dogs served
around midnight plus tunes provided
between and after sets by our friends
from OTTAWA EXPLOSION - food
fight?
FRI MAY 8 - TARG & BEAUS All
Natural present: SAM COFFEY & THE
IRON LUNGS w/sg THE SLIPPIES and
CASA LAGARTO - no weak link here,
just a killer night of rock n roll/punk/
power pop, don’t miss this stacked
bill!!
SAT MAY 9 - TARG, Air Guitar Canada
& Steam Whistle Brewing present:
AIR GUITAR OTTAWA FINALS feat.
SUNS OF STONE - pick a personality/
song and rock it out for a minute, if
you make it to second round...show
off your improv skills to a tune chosen
by the audience. Win prizes, fame
and a chance for a trip to FINLAND
to compete in the Air Guitar World
Championships!!
WED MAY 13 - TARG & Spectrasonic
present: YARDLETS w/sg ORGAN
EYES and BABERAHAM LINCOLN - a
sweet night of indie/psych/shoegaze/
pop bands - all killer, no filler.
THUR MAY 14 - TARG/CKDJ &
PBR present: THE HONEST HEART
COLLECTIVE w/sg THRIFTY KIDS,
MOSELY and US WITH WOLVES celebrating the release of their new
album “LIAR’S CLUB” a great mixed
evening of bands and tunes that’ll get
ya movin’
FRI MAY 15 - TARG & Black Widow
Promotions present: BLACK PUSSY
w/sg HELLBROS and BLACKBREAD
- things are gonna get heaaaavy!!
Stoner rock meets hard rock meets
wizard rock - this killer triple bill
will leave you gasping for air guaranteed!!
SAT MAY 16 - TARG & Ashton
Brewing company present: I CANT
BELIEVE ITS NOT: BLACK SABBATH
- Paranoid - some of Ottawa’s best
musicians bring their finely honed
skills to TARG in tribute to one of their
favourite artists - covering PARANOID
by BLACK SABBATH from beginning
to end with multiple vocalists chosen
from the amazing pool of Ottawa
music scene talent!!
THUR MAY 21 - TARG/TED/PBR
present: TAMPONS FOR TED
BENEFIT with THE WICKED MERCY,
THE GALLOP and BEARSHARK - a
benefit concert in support of Ottawa
Inner City Health - killer bands, a
great cause and donations of feminine
products are encouraged in lieu of
cash!
FRI MAY 22 - TARG & Beau’s
All Natural present: AMOS THE
TRANSPARENT w/sg PO LAZARUS
and AUKLAND - super excited to be
hosting this sweet night of awesome
bands from Ottawa, Montreal and
Toronto - a wicked mixed bill of
songsmiths and great players!!
SAT MAY 23 - TARG/ABC Brewery
and Val Halla Holdings present: and
evening of GUARANTEED HEAVY
METAL! 100% PURE METAL!
featuring Canada’s best metal band
METALIAN w/sg METAL PATROL
- old meets young when metal
worlds collide - BONUS - a full set of
METALIANS favourite metal covers
PLUS a full set of their originals whaaaaaaat? Dj VAL HALLA will be
on site to keep the metal flowing all
night long!
TUE MAY 2 - TARG/punkottawa.
com/Spectrasonic present: CHRIS
CRESSWELL (the flatliners) + IAN
GRAHAM (cheap girls) + RICH CHRIS a wonderful evening of music featuring
an intimate performance by each
of these highly talented artists - no
moshing please!!
WED MAY 27 - TARG/Spectrasonic/
Ottawa Explosion present - OUR
FIRST EVER ALL AGES SHOW!!! We
believe that a big part of any growing
music scene lies in a vibrant younger
generation of musicians and fans who
are excited to share the experience of a
community show with each other - this
great bill featuring THE DOWNTOWN
BOYS (Providence Dance Punk) w/sg
THE TREASURE FLEET and Ottawa’s
own WEED MOM will be our first
attempt at filling this much needed
niche while having a blast in the
process - please respect the rules and
regulations of the venue and we will see
many more nights like this!!!
THUR MAY 28 - TARG/Ottawa
Showbox/Arboretum Festival present:
NICK FERRIO (Peterborough Folk)
w/sg THE LONELY PARADE, JOSE
CONTRERAS and JON HYNES - a
stacked bill of folk/alt/indie rock
presented by some of Ottawa’s most
trusted promoters - settle in and enjoy
the ride!!!
FRI MAY 29 - TARG/Beaus All Natural
present: STEAMERS (Album Release)
w/sg BONNIE DOON and CORY
LEVESQUE - celebrating the release of
their first full length album, STEAMERS
bring together a night of power, folk and
spooky surf garage!! Pop in and raise a
glass to the journey.
SAT MAY 30 - TARG/Bruised Tongue/
Ottawa Explosion present: NEIL
MICHAEL HAGERTY (ex-Royal Trux/
Pussy Galore) w/sg DRAINOLITH and
TBA - a special performance by this
highly respected american guitarist,
songwriter and producer - PLUS - an
opening set with Alexander Moskos (exAIDS WOLF) as DRAINOLITH.
FREEPLAY EVERY SUNDAY 9PM
AS VIDEO GAMES GOT POPULAR IN THE ‘80S AND ‘90S, A
LOT OF THEM WERE TURNED INTO SATURDAY MORNING
CARTOONS. IF YOU KNOW ME, YOU KNOW I’M A CARTOON
FANATIC. HERE’S MY TOP 5 VIDEO GAMES TURNED ‘TOON
SERIES THAT FILLED MY SATURDAY MORNINGS.
#5. DOUBLE DRAGON
(‘93-’94). It only lasted for 26
episodes, but was great. Not
to worry, it wasn’t cheesy
like the movie. Worth rewatching.
#4. MEGA MAN (‘94-’95).
Seems to be the case for
all video games gone ‘toon,
but this one only lasted 2
seasons. Great Japanese
style anime.
#1. ADVENTURES
OF SONIC THE
HEDGEHOG
(‘93-’96). Who°didn’t
like the blue hedgehog?
This was the character
that made Sega popular.
Cool fact: Jaleel White
aka Steve Urkle did the
voice of Sonic!
#3. EARTHWORM JIM
(‘95-’96). Weird game, weird
‘toon, but thats why I loved
it. The theme song still gets
stuck in my head from time
to time.
#2. WHERE ON EARTH
IS CARMEN SANDIEGO?
(‘94-’99). This one actually
lasted 5 seasons. Had the
game for my C64, and loved
the ‘toon. Rita Moreno did
the voice of Carmen, pretty
bad-ass eh?
A NOD TO THE ODD
FOR HYDRO
FANS ONLY
Ever wonder what’s
inside that giant
apple on the 401
towards Toronto?
Well let’s just say
they specialize in
embroidered hydro
accident scene
t-shirts. Now you
know.
NO CAN DO?
Finally a product that
is easy to understand.
The ingredients label
simply°reads “Chicken
&°broth”. Thanks but no
thanks Blue Star.
DUSTER SLIPPERS FOR CATS
Cats have a lot of time on their paws,
so why not put them to good use.
Thanks to some smart inventors your
furry buddy can now help out with the
chores & hate you even more.
EYE DROP FUNNEL
GLASSES
Sure, eye drops are always a pain and
this product attempts to solve that
problem... but hopefully these specs
also come with “buyer’s remorse
ointment”.
BET ON PHONY PONIES
This slab of wax features recordings
of an announcer calling horse races
with 8 different & random outcomes.
I’ll bet this game never gets old.
WHAT A RACKET
Nope this racket wasn’t left in the
sun or brutally abused… it came
that way. In the 80’s some crackpot
made simple things more°challenging
by adding “ergonomic” curves to
hammers, goalie sticks and tennis
rackets. I’m sure the inventor AND my
tennis opponent had the last laugh.°
OTTAWAPINBLOG
BY JOSH MACKAY OF WWW.OTTAWAPINBALL.COM
bar scene, as Canadian live
music institution Call the Office
in London has recently added
some pins to their operation
with the help of longtime pinball
enthusiast Speedy Mike from
Speed City Records. I’ve heard a
few logistics phone calls to TARG
also may have played a hand in
this amazing turn of events.
FIGHT THE POWER
MONTREAL
It’s been a great year at the
TARG for us behind the scene
wizards. Both Geoff at Pinhead
Amusements and myself have
scrambled after hours to keep
the games working as well as
bring in new games to shake
thing up. Year one saw a pretty
unprecedented line up of both
pins and vids, and I don’t think
we are going to slow down any
time soon. It is getting harder
though.... What do we take out?
These are the things that keep
me up at night.
Our friends in Montreal are now
lobbying to have some gaming
bylaws from the arcade dark ages
reversed to allow an amazing
underground pinball lounge go
public. I went to the very hush
hush opening night of said
establishment a few years back
and it was amazing! Hopefully
everything works out for them,
they have a great set up and have
been a big part in the success in
the Ottawa Pinball Show since
day one. Check them out and
give some support at www.
northstarcoin.com Once these
archaic anti-arcade atrocities
(how’s that for alliteration?) are
dealt with, you will find me at
the Capersville machine with a
whiskey sour in hand whenever
I’m in MTL.
LONDON CALLING
SPACE IS THE PLACE
TARG YEAR II: ELECTRIC
BOOGALOO
We also seem to have turned
a few heads throughout the
Finally, we get to new and
exciting things for Ottawa
Pinball. Since the opening of House of TARG the demand for repairs
and new acquisitions required much more space to work on and store
machines. I’m happy to say I’ve moved out of dimly lit storage lockers
and into an amazing new shop! Things on my end will run much more
efficiently. I’ve also found a new location for the 5th anniversary Ottawa
Pinball & Gameroom Show. This year we will be holding our festivities
at Maker Space North located at City Center. This space is much more
accessible to everyone and if you haven’t been there I strongly suggest
you go. Kyle from Maker Space is a rad dude, and will gladly give you
a tour of one of Ottawa’s coolest new places. Be sure to check it out
at makerspacenorth.com. I’m really excited about this new venue and
will be keeping you posted on the event in the weeks to come.
Well, that’s enough run on sentences for this month. Next month I will
get back to featuring the new games in the line up and their history.
Thanks for a great year! - JM
STTNG: MULTI-BALL TIPS
Start multiball by making three locks, either to
the Borg Ship via the left ramp or via the right
orbit. A shot to the right orbit lights both the
ramp and orbit locks, but you must make the
third lock via the orbit. At the start of multiball,
the left Probe gun is loaded. Here, accuracy in
shooting Mission Start is very important; three
successful shots score at least 26O million and
add 3OM to the base jackpot.
During multiball, shoot Mission Start for
1x, 2x, 3x Jackpots, and shoot the
Left Ramp for 3x Jackpots. After a
left ramp shot, the ball is shot back
at you from the Borg Ship. It may
be easier to loop Mission Start.
Unless you get those Probe shots
at the start of multiball, the jackpots
won’t be worth nearly enough for a
good score.
ARG
NEW AT T