MARRIAGE - Mosque Foundation

mada II 1431
Issue 36
W W W. M O S Q U E F O U N D AT I O N . O R G
SEP TEMBER 2016 – thul hijja 1437 Issue 106
Message From The Imam
‫َو ِﻣ ْﻦ َآ َﻳ ِﺎﺗ ِﻪ َأ ْن َﺧ َﻠ َﻖ َﻟ ُﻜ ْﻢ ِﻣ ْﻦ َأ ْﻧ ُﻔ ِﺴ ُﻜ ْﻢ‬
‫اﺟﺎ ِﻟ َﺘ ْﺴ ُﻜ ُﻨﻮا ِإ َﻟ ْﻴ َﻬﺎ َو َﺟ َﻌ َﻞ َﺑ ْﻴ َﻨ ُﻜ ْﻢ َﻣ َﻮ َّد ًة َو َر ْﺣ َﻤ ًﺔ‬
ً ‫َأ ْز َو‬
Sh. Jamal Said
MARRIAGE
Brothers and Sisters,
As Muslims, it is incumbent upon us to make every effort to meet each life
transition we embark on with careful consideration and preparation relying first
and foremost on Allah (SWT) and the guidance He has provided us in His Book
and the Sunnah of our beloved Messenger, Muhammad (S). In light of what
seemed to be a jam-packed wedding season following a long summer Ramadan, I would like to take this opportunity to advise new Muslim couples and
their families whose weddings the community has joined together to celebrate.
This advice is based on over 30 years of counseling Muslim couples.
From my experience, I often find that many couples become quickly consumed
with tedious wedding preparations and very little time and care is taken to
receive training and education necessary for what comes after the wedding despite our calls that they attend counseling offered by our Masjid. Many couples
enter marriage carrying false assumptions and expectations
that carry them back to my office months and sometimes
weeks following the wedding. Unfortunately, the conflicts
they have experienced by that time have caused so much
damage to the undeveloped relationship that counseling becomes difficult and rebuilding trust requires work that they
are often not willing to do. For this reason, it is important
for each individual who is considering marriage or is currently married to recognize that marriage requires hard work
just like other life transitions. If a person rushed into starting
a new business or buying a new car or house without any
thought or preparation, most people would consider that person to be impulsive and careless. Is not marriage a decision
that requires more planning and preparation than starting a
business venture or making a large purchase?
Consider this verse from Surat Ar-Rum which is placed on
many wedding invitations yet often overlooked,
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves
mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed
between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for
a people who give thought.” [30:21]
Indeed, marriage is a ni’mah from the many provisions that
Allah (SWT) has generously bestowed upon the children of
Adam. It is important to note that Allah (SWT) makes mention of a specific group of people at the end of the verse,
“liqawmen yatafakkaroon”, those people who give thought.
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PERMIT 107
BRIDGEVIEW, IL 60455
PAID
PRESORT STD
U.S. POSTAGE
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MARRIAGE
MF BOARD OF DIRECTORS
1. Oussama Jammal
2. Safaa Zarzour
3. Abdallah M. Shuaibi
4. Ahmed Kamni
5. Habes Abdallah
6. Banan Said
7. Kalid Baste
8. Aisheh Said
9. Kamal Eldeirawi
10. Jafar Ahmad
11. Jamal Said
12. Jehad Matariyeh
13. Karen Danielson
14. Mohamed Aduib
15. Montaha Salem
16. Muin Abusharara
17. Hussein Ata
EDITORIAL BOARD
Oussama Jammal
Sh. Jamal Said
Sh. Ahmed Arafat
Tareq Abu-Ammer
Aisheh Said
Mohamad Chehade
Banan Said
Abdel Baset Hamayel
S e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 6 Vol. 06, Issue
106 Copyright © 2016 by The Mosque
Foundation. All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction without permission is
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September 2016 –Thul-Hijja 1437
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, marriage requires thought, reflection, self-awareness,
and much learning. Though many pages can be written about this topic, I selected a few practical points based on my experience in counseling newly weds:
1. Autonomy. It is vital for both newly weds and their families and friends to recognize
that they are their own independent unit. It is normal and healthy for loyalties from past relationships to shift into the new relationship, making the new partnership the most valuable for
each new husband and wife. Traditions and routines will have to accommodate for these new
changes. Many couples complain about not being able to attend a yearly family Eid breakfast
or travel out of state to attend every cousin’s graduation or see their friends every Friday night,
which they always did when they were single. It is simply not practical and not fair to the new
marriage for things to remain as they were. Spouses should engage in a selective process when
choosing what is most important and each must compromise giving up some things. Families
and friends should respect the decisions made by the couple and not exert pressure on them to
maintain traditions and routines. With that said, couples should not cut themselves off from
the world, on the contrary, I suggest that they make changes to schedule regular family visits,
especially to both sets of parents, and maintain their ties with righteous and supportive friends.
Some family or friends of either bride or groom might be the source of problems in the marriage
so it is important to be aware that while maintaining rights. Similarly, couples should schedule
weekly outings just for the two of them to spend time together.
2. Communication. Communicating with one’s spouse is not the same as simply talking or hearing. It requires giving and receiving meaning of words and feelings and actions with
empathy, respect, and consideration. If your wife shares she feels depressed at the beginning of
the marriage because she misses her family, support her. If your husband feels guilty about not
being able to fulfill the wants of his parents as he once did, support him. If something is on your
mind or a particular word or action of your spouse upset you, communicate it openly and honestly. If your spouse is telling you something you did bothered them, be willing to hear them out
without judgment or comparisons or having a scoreboard ready and instead sincerely apologize
for hurting them intentionally or unintentionally and make efforts to change.
3. Conflict. Conflict is a necessary and normal part of any real relationship. What is most
important is that we learn to resolve conflicts in healthy ways without harboring resentment.
As Muslims, we adhere to the Quran and Sunnah in times of bliss and times of hardship. When
a conflict arises, we turn to our faith to help us make a decision. Some couples struggle with
differentiating tradition and culture from Islam and have many assumptions and expectations
about the rights of the husband or wife that are simply false and completely opposed to Islamic
teachings. Therefore, couples should seek the advice of an Islamic scholar on these critical issues. I also advise couples not to involve their families into their marital conflicts since they
are biased and often too emotionally invested to make a sound decision. Our Masjid provides
these services at no cost. Do not wait to seek counsel. Seeking counseling does not mean you
are seeking divorce, on the contrary, it means you are stuck but the marriage is very important
to you. An important aspect of resolving conflict is practicing patience, which is a rare quality
in the fast-paced society we live in. Couples must remember there is no such thing as a perfectly
matched partner; there will always be things that each spouse must change and a few things that
they simply cannot change. As long as it is within the limits of Islamic boundaries, we must
learn to have patience to support them to change what they can, live with what they cant, and
find ways to appreciate the good qualities that they do have.
September 2016 –Thul-Hijja 1437
4. Intimacy. Allah (SWT) highlights affection to be one of the main qualities arising from the union of husband and wife in the
verse mentioned previously. This encompasses all forms of intimacy: physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. Each spouse shares
a responsibility in achieving these forms of intimacy with their partner. I will highlight spiritual intimacy since I find that it is often the
most neglected yet such an important task for couples to focus on and serves as a protective factor in their relationship. This includes
reminding each other of the performance of daily prayers, reciting and memorizing Quran together, abandoning bad habits, attending a
weekly program at the Masjid, fasting and giving sadaqa together, volunteering, and supporting one another to abide to Islamic rulings
including obtaining halal forms of provision, practicing lowering of the gaze and wearing hijab, and the many different ways of becoming closer to Allah (SWT) and gaining His mercy and pleasure.
Brothers and Sisters,
These are but a few suggestions for newly weds. There is so much that can be learned which is why it is important to stay connected to
your Masjid and at least a weekly program which can support you to have healthier marriages.
May Allah (SWT) place His barakah in all marriages and may He unite them to do good for this deen and Community.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from
yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in
them; and He placed between you affection and
mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give
thought.”
[30:21]
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MFCC Saturday Quran School
Highlights
Our mission at the MFCC Saturday Quran
School is to systematically engage our students
in learning to read from the Quran through the
Nooraaniyyah program and instill within them
a desire to memorize Quranic verses and recite it in the way it was revealed to Prophet
Muhammad (S) in a safe and nurturing evironment.
Students are expected to complete the Nooraniyyah curriculum in four years. After completing the Nooraniyyah curriculum, they are
trained in the reading of the Quran with the
proper tajweed and makharij and this point
should be able to read Arabic fluently. A prophetic sirah course is taught in Arabic during
the fifth year of study. The Exploring Islam
series is relied upon for Islamic Studies.
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September 2016 –Thul-Hijja 1437
Hear what others
have to say!
September 2016 –Thul-Hijja 1437
Masha’Allah, an amazing school with
amazing teachers. This will be my the
fourth year for my three boys. My eldest, Mohammad, who is 9-years old,
will be in the graduating class this year
and I registered my 4-year old daughter
this year. Masha’Allah, the MFCC Saturday School is a blessing from Allah,
my sons came to the school not knowing their Arabic alphabet and now, alhamdulilah, they can read Arabic. It is
a safe and organized envirnoment for
young Muslims to flourish.”
Arwa Musa, Parent.
“What I love about working in this school. Is that the
students and staff are one big family.”
“I have served as a teacher at the school‫سنقرئك‬
‫ فال تنسى‬for the past eight years. At the Quran
School I have learned to be an effective teacher
and a better Muslim with the support of the dedicated people who have made significantly impacted my life. Hearing my students who struggled to
read at the beginning of their journey reciting the
words of Allah (SWT) fluently filled my heart with
peace, happiness, and honor. This experience has
supported me to feel a sense of belonging and at
home.”
Merjan Razick, a teacher.
Nehal Abdallah, Secretary
“I have been going to the MFCC for six years now. Every
week when I went to class I would learn new things, like the
sirah of the Prophet (PBUH) and verses from the Quran,
while having fun with my classmates. I love how the school
has many opportunities like the Quran competition, which I
have participated in every year. Overall, the MFCC Saturday School is a great school for kids to learn about Islam.”
Wareesha Tabriz, student
“When our students have supportive families who
are involved makes our job easier and when they
do not it makes our job more important. In this
school, if a child cannot learn the way we teach,
then we teach the way they learn.”
“I have been attending the MFCC for many years now and
I have grown to love it. This school taught me many things
about Islam including how to read the Quran step by step,
and many other things which helped me become a better
Muslim. The teachers who teach at this school are the best
at teaching and explaining the subjects that we are studying. This school has been a great help for me and other students.”
Lama Hamdan, teacher
Ayesha Tabriz, student
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September 2016 –Thul-Hijja 1437
Mi camino
al Islam
Assalamu alaikum, Mi nombre es Marisol (Amnaa) soy originaria de México; y ahora soy Musulmana, Alhamdulillah.
Único, Allah. Hice mi shahada. Ese día volví a nacer, Dios es Grande.
Él me llamó y estoy bendecida por este llamado.
¿Por qué tomé esta decisión de aceptar el islam como mi modo
de vida? Esta es mi historia:
El islam ciertamente es la religión de la paz. Ahora puedo decir con
mucho orgullo: SOY MUSULMANA sin temor alguno. Encontré la paz
y la verdad que había estado buscando durante muchos años y la encontré
en esta religión El Islam.
Yo crecí en una familia con principios y moral en la religión
Cristiana. Mis padres nos inculcaron a mis hermanos y a mí
la religión católica porque (hasta la fecha) están convencidos
que es el camino correcto. Cada domingo nos llevaban a misa,
éramos pequeños y no teníamos la madurez para escoger otro
camino. Le agradezco a mis padres por la educación que nos dieron y estoy orgullosa de pertenecer a mi familia, alhamdulillah.
A pesar de la formación religiosa inculcada por mi familia, yo
sentía que había un vacío en mi vida; sabía que había un Dios
pero no lograba una comunicación con Él. Leía la biblia, y no
lograba entenderla. Cuando llegué a este país – a los 23 años –
aún seguía mi vida sin llenar ese vacío.
Comencé a buscar algo que me llevara a llenar ese vacío. Asistí
a varias Iglesias cristianas – Bautista, Mormona, Testigos de Jehová – inclusive aprendí sobre el Budismo y con todo respeto;
aún no podía encontrar esa comunicación con Dios que tanto
anhelaba.
Un día que estaba viendo las noticias pensé: ¿Por qué solo
hablan de terrorismo, musulmanes y el libro del Corán? No
tenía ni idea qué era el Islam, ni qué religión seguían los musulmanes y ni por qué una gran mayoría de países estaban en
contra de ellos; un sentimiento que nunca paso por mi mente ni
mi corazón.
Entonces fue cuando decidí ir en busca de un Corán, creo que
fue la llamada de Allah. Encontré una hermana musulmana y
en cuanto tuve el sagrado Corán en mis manos, mi búsqueda
finalizó y entendí que tenía la oportunidad de un nuevo comienzo. Alhamdulillah lo estuve leyendo por dos años. Por
designio de Allah empecé a conocer gente musulmana que para
nada reflejaban lo que las noticias decían. Empecé a sentirme en
paz y humilde. Me enamoré de Allah! Subhannah Wa’tallah.
Fue en noviembre del 2015 aquí en la Mosque Foundation con
el Sheikh Jamal que declaré mi voto de fe para mi Creador, el
Ahora sé que todos nacemos musulmanes, solo hay que buscar el llamado de Allah. Mi entusiasmo es tal, que quisiera salir y hablarle al mundo
entero del Islam, pero sé que mis rezos serán escuchados por el Altísimo
Allah y el abrirá el camino a muchos más que quieran encontrar la verdad. He aprendido que en el Islam no hay discriminación por razas,
posición social, ni edad y ahora sé que la mujer en el Islam tiene un alto
rango en cuanto a respeto y cuidado.
Yo sigo creyendo y respetando a Jesús – la paz sea con él – como uno de
los profetas de Allah y a María como su madre y una gran mujer. Confieso que en un principio fue difícil usar el hijab. Pero ahora me siento
feliz y radiante y solo quiero alabar a Allah cuando estoy en la mezquita
me siento muy contenta y siento la conexión con Allah, quisiera vivir ahí.
Soy de Allah y a Allah regresare inshallah. Mientras tanto me educo, me
instruyo y aprendo cada día más acerca de mi Deen, y para ese día que
todos seremos llamados, el día del Juicio Final. Allah, Exaltado sea, es
Grandísimo y Perdonador, cuando uno le pide sinceramente con todo el
corazón y sentidos por Su ayuda y Su perdón El escucha.
Le doy gracias a Allah por haberme llamado, me siento privilegiada. Le
pido a Allah me permita seguir viviendo y morir como musulmana. Pido
a Allah que tenga compasión por todos los necesitados de guía. Amen.
Mi testimonio de fe, Ash hadu an la ilaha il-la Allah, Wa ash hadu anna Muhammad Rasulullah; y deseo que mi último suspiro sea pronunciando este Shahada, inshallah.
Allah es mi Señor, el Islam es mi religión y modo de vida; Muhammad
(la paz sea con él) es mi profeta y mensajero y el Corán es mi libro.
Salam, Su hermana en Islam, Marisol (Amnaa) – México
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