Twinless-Twins-Confe.. - Twinless Twins Support Group

Proactive Grieving
with Mitch Carmody
TWINLESS TWINS CONFERENCE
NASHVILLE 2015
WOMBMATES
For Life
… I always got
your back
Sandy and Mitch Carmody March 12, 1956
Our First Birthday Cakes
THE TWINS
BEST FRIENDS
Gallant and Goofus
Our 29th
Birthday
Together
March-12-1984
Part of You is Missing
A Daily Reminder
A Reflection of Pain and Sorrow
Dreams Shattered
Our Twin, Our Lifetime Companion is Dead
…Now What?
Legacy
Proactive Grieving
-Turning Loss to Legacy
Proactive Grieving is embracing
your grief, taking ownership;
Going through it and not around it
…living the loss
not postponing it’s grief
Proactive Grieving is
Vulnerability
Proactive Grieving is
Resilience
Proactive Grieving is
Equilibrium
The Four Pillars of Equilibrium
Soul
Mind
Body
Spirit
Imbalance =Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance= Stress
Stress =Discomfort and Pain
Discomfort and Pain = Anxiety
Anxiety = Stress = Dis-ease
Achieving Balance
…Processing the loss
Grief for our twin is a life
long journey, one measured
in years not months
It is what we do in those
years that we can heal our
hearts
“It has been said, 'time heals all
wounds.' I do not agree. The
wounds remain. In time, the mind,
protecting its sanity, covers them
with scar tissue and the pain
lessens. But it is never gone.”
-Rose Kennedy
Our grief journey is not one of
linear stages but is more akin
to ascending a
stairway…each step
negotiated one at a time
-on your time.
1. Shock
2. Trauma
3. Acceptance
4. Introspection
5. Reinvestment
6. Serenity
Accepting the
challenge to
survive
We begin our
journey…
Our Twin Dies
A double bladed sword
to our heart
One side is that they died
The other side
the circumstances surrounding their death
Differences
Every manner of death is different
Every relationship with our twin is different
Every personality is different
How we process grief different
Every contributing factor is different
Every complication or additional loss may be
different
Every age becoming bereaved is different
Monozygotic
Identical
Dizygotic
Fraternal
Who am I as a
Griever ?
The Five Pathologies of Grief
Raw Griever……..loss is recent
heart is newly broken
Frozen Griever….complicated grief
heart is patched, possible PTSD
Reluctant griever… stuck, postponing grief,
heart is on the shelf
Proactive griever… an intentional survivor
heart has been repurposed
Seasoned Griever… has found equilibrium,
heart has expanded; Post Traumatic
Growth
The Five Personality Types of
the Tao
 Fire: Loving, Passionate, leads by example
 Wood: Action maker, Thinker, Planner, Doer
 Earth: Sympathetic, Thoughtful, Feeler
 Water: Creative, Sensitive, Effective, Wise
 Metal: Quiet, Calm, Insecure, Hopeless, Pessimistic
Pooh, the dreamer
FIRE
Rabbit, the organizer
WOOD
Piglet, the feeler, hugger
EARTH
Owl, the thinker, creator
Eeyore, the procrastinator, crier
Tigger, the pouncer
The Fortunate
Others
Christopher Robin to Pooh:
“If ever there is a tomorrow when we're
not together... there is something you
must always remember. You are braver
than you believe, stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think. But the most
important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll
always be with you.”
- A.A. Milne
Which Grieving Style are you?
Do you feel alone, hopeless & without purpose?
Are you educating yourself on the grieving process
and finding creative ways to process your grief ?
Are you embracing your grief , feeling
your emotions and actively mourning?
Are you setting goals, attending support
groups, planning events, being proactive ?
Are you just trying to get by with a weak smile,
cheerful attitude and creature comforts?
Proactive Grieving is
knowing yourself
Knowing your strengths
and your weaknesses
Proactive Grieving
is Using the Present Tense
Proactive Grieving is your
Personal Journey in
Becoming an Intentional
Survivor