A New Year`s Grief

Hospice of Central New York
PAT H WAY S
“A Path to Living With Your Grief”
www.hospicecny.org
January/February 2015
A New Year’s Grief
By Joyce Nevola, LMSW
Bereavement Counselor
Entering a new year can be an opportunity for growth, renewal, and rebirth. Hope invites us to start over
again and to let go of the past. We embrace new horizons, stretch ourselves beyond our self-imposed limits,
and rejoice in new discoveries. We make new resolutions. The world around us swells in celebration. A new
calendar year of birthdays, anniversaries, and heartfelt traditions has begun.
But when we are grieving, we tend to look back instead of forward. Our grief journey has made us weary;
our hearts are still broken; our hope has been dampened; sadness has drained our energy. We do not want
to walk into a new year leaving our loved one behind. We are afraid of taking even a few steps forward
alone. Everyone wishes us a Happy New Year and we wonder what we have to be happy about.
Grief teaches us to live in the present, to accept ourselves where and how we are at any given moment. It
ebbs and flows with sparks of light and darkness all at the same time. It calls us to be gentle with ourselves,
to love ourselves more, to embrace our brokenness, and to stand tall in our vulnerability. It teaches us to cry
and to laugh without feeling guilty about either. It has no timetable, no calendar page to turn. It honors our
loved one at every moment and recreates the love we have shared in new ways without our even knowing
it.
January 1st is just another day. 2015 is just another year. Let us live in the hope of today and the promise of
a brighter tomorrow.
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Soulful Surrender
By Danielle Breman, LMSW
Bereavement Counselor
“The darkest hour is just before dawn. Change often
occurs just when you’ve given up, or when you least
expect it.” –Shakti Gawain
We have all had the nights that can be described
as “the dark night of the soul” when your
emotions feel heavy and your heart hurts. Know
during these moments that “this too shall pass.”
As humans, we have always wanted to know the
answers to our questions on life and death; why is life filled with chaos and pain? Is there life after
death? What are we here to accomplish?”
What if we each had the knowledge that the earth was our classroom, and that each experience,
relationship and every interaction we’ve ever had were lessons? We can certainly all agree that living
on earth is difficult; but that is why we learn so much. Coming to terms with the “why” of major life
events is one of the biggest opportunities for growth we can have. Many believe we are in this life
for a purpose, whether or not we’re aware of it, and that purpose is to learn and to accomplish what
each soul has chosen. Our soul has come to evolve, to grow and often times it is our pain that can
help awaken us. Awaken us from the worldly distractions that fill our daily lives.
Inevitably, we all experience loss of a loved one at some point in our lives; the nature of that loss,
whom we lose, what our relationship with that person was like in life, and how we choose to
address that loss—will determine the nature of our grief and our grieving process. To live through
the loss of a loved one is a lesson in itself. We may not understand why today, tomorrow, or for a
decade. Rest assured, at some point we will always get an opportunity for understanding and
insight.
Ram Dass states “The heart surrenders everything to the moment. The mind judges and holds back.”
In this quote, Ram Dass encourages one to surrender to the present, believe and feel that your loved
one’s soul had accomplished what it set out to prior to coming to earth. Consider that your loved
one has merely left his or her physical body only to transition into a higher realm that our human
senses are not attuned to.
Adult Grief Support Group
For those who have experienced the death of a loved one (open to the community)
January 5 – February 9, 2015 6:00 PM - 7:15 PM
Facilitator: Susan Bachorik, MA Bereavement Counselor
To register, call 634-2208 by January 2nd
Panasci entrance doors open at 5:45 and group starts at 6:00
Hospice of Central New York 990 Seventh North St, Liverpool
To check on cancellations due to weather or emergency, call 634-1113 x307 two hours prior to the event.
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When a Man Faces Grief
by Susan Bachorik, MA
Bereavement Counselor
If you are a grieving male, the world may not see you as the bereaved person that
you are. Because of your gender, in our society, you may be seen only as the
support person- a role you probably play very well. Society can have different
All Photography By
social expectations on men and women.
Niel Moralee
If you have been taught from an early age that “big boys don’t cry”, you may feel ashamed of crying.
Other people may not be comfortable with your tears. Don’t hold the grief in. Find a safe place or
someone to share with who isn’t afraid of your grief. People may mistakenly tell you to be strong
or may tell you that you are strong for holding it in. Don’t confuse grieving with weakness and not
grieving with strength. Holding in grief is very hard on the body and can make you physically ill.
Gender may affect the way you grieve. Try hard not to behave as others think you should but as you
need to.
Invisible Grief: Some men avoid grief in one of the following ways: silence, secrecy, action, anger
and addiction. When men experience loss, they often get overlooked. When others fail to
acknowledge their losses, men tend to feel isolated, misunderstood and compelled to keep their
grief a secret. Some men may be conditioned to repress their emotions. Therefore, often what lies
beneath isn’t what is visible on the surface. Men who do learn to open up and share their grief may
have many benefits to their emotional and physical health, as well as for their relationships and
marriage. They may also feel more energy and happiness.
Keep this in mind when you are grieving. You will grieve in your own way, influenced by who you
are, how you’re made, what you’ve experienced and how you’ve been raised. You may use fewer
words than those around you. You may wish to seek out a compass or map to understand grief’s
terrain. Just remember, every man is unique in the way he approaches his own healing.
SPOUSAL LOSS GROUP
Meets on Monday afternoons in the Solace Room.
Call for confirmation of time the group meets.
No registration required. Open to the community.
Use the Panasci Entrance.
If you have any questions, please contact Susan Bachorik @ 634-1113 x 209.
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ADULT GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP
For those who have experienced the death of a loved one. Open to all in the community.
Monday evening for six weeks
February 23 – March 30, 2015
6:00 PM – 7:15 PM
Danielle Breman, LMSW
To register, call 634-2208 by February 20th
Panasci entrance doors open at 5:45 and group starts at 6:00
Hospice of Central New York
990 Seventh North St, Liverpool
To check on cancellations due to weather or emergency,
call 634-1113 x 307 two hours prior to the event.
The Hospice Grief Center
Hospice of Central New York provides support for
Hospice families for 13 months following the death of
their loved one. There is no charge for our services.
Community members are welcomed to attend
workshops and drop-in groups at no charge. Donations
are appreciated for community members requesting
individual counseling.
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HEALING HEARTS KIDS AND TEENS CORNER
Children and Grief
by Laura B. Harting, LCSW, Children’s Grief Therapist
Children express grief differently from adults
When we as adults experience a significant loss, such as a death in the family or a divorce, our grief
encompasses a whole range of powerful feelings – pain, sadness, hurt, fear, anger, disappointment
and guilt. It is just a natural for a grieving child to experience these emotions as for an adult. A
child may even be strongly affected by the death of a pet, a move to a new house or community,
a friend moving away or a change in schools. But while we adults find relief by giving voice to our
grief, articulating our feelings through stories or thoughts we express to friends, family, a pastor or
counselor, children lack the verbal ability to express what they are feeling through words. Instead,
their grief often comes through in their behavior.
Children who are experiencing grief may cry, have angry outbursts, pretend nothing has
happened, withdraw, regress to earlier stages of development (i.e. a 5-year-old who stopped
wetting the bed two years ago may start wetting again), become overly affectionate with adults,
cling to a surviving relative, whine, have nightmares or become afraid to go places or do other
things he or she had gone to or done before the loss. Such behaviors may be a normal part of the
child’s response to loss and grief.
This behavior is really saying: “I hurt. I need help. Please help me.” During these times of grief,
adults need extra support, help and caring. For children, even more vulnerable than adults, the
need is greater. They need extra time and attention from an adult who can help them articulate
their thoughts and feelings, offering compassion and comfort through words and actions. An
adult can help the child understand that what he is feeling is natural and normal. This is very
valuable to the grieving child.
Hospice of Central New York
will start taking applications for
Camp Healing Hearts
The day camp is for grieving children entering
grades 1 through 6 in September of 2015.
2015 Camp will be held August 24 - 27
To get an application and brochure call
634-1113 x 211
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Hospice of Central New York
990 Seventh North Street
Liverpool, NY 13088
Non-Profit Org.
US Postage Paid
Permit No. 24
Syracuse, NY
Current Resident or
NOTICE
Calendar of Events
January 1st: Camp Healing Hearts Registration Starts
January 5th: Winter Adult Support Group
Hospice of Central New York
does not discriminate on the
basis of race, ethnicity, color,
sexual orientation or religion.
If you prefer not to receive
Pathways, call 315-634-2208.
February 23rd: Spring Adult Support Group
Articles Inside
A New Year’s Grief
Soulful Surrender
When a Man Faces Grief
Grief and Children
All events held at
Hospice of CNY
are fully accessible.
To check on cancellations due to
weather or emergency,
call 634-1113 x 307 two hours prior to the event.
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