Personal Development and Human Relationship

SUFFERING
LOSS
Personal Development
and Human Relationship
Managing grief
NEWS about the health condition of renowned artiste Lydia Shum Din-ha (沈
殿霞) has dominated entertainment news pages in recent weeks. It was a
tough time also for daughter Joyce Cheng Yan-yee (鄭欣宜), who not only
has to take care of her sick mother, who has just undergone surgery of the
liver and gall bladder, but also has to put on a brave face in front of the
media.
Artiste Carina Lau Kar-ling (劉嘉玲), meanwhile, is also in bereavement
over the passing away of her father. Television footage of the funeral
showed Lau, eyes swollen from crying, overcome by grief and having to
be supported by her partner Tony Leung Chiu-wai (梁朝偉).
Knowing how to cope positively with stressful situations in life like
these is an important part of maintaining a healthy life. However, the
subject of death has been such a taboo that most of us are left with little or no training in the subject. As no one is immune from grief associated with death and great loss in life, it is worthwhile taking a few
minutes to do some thinking about these issues.
Questions to ponder:
WHILE our readers are relatively young, some of them may already
have had the traumatic (重大創傷) experience of losing a family member or a loved one. For those who are fortunate enough to have been
spared such suffering so far, it is still relevant to take a bit of time to
ponder questions about death, which will inevitably come to us all.
Have questions about death and loss ever crossed your mind?
(1) Have you ever considered the question whether death spells the
absolute end of life, or do you believe in the idea of
an eternal life?
(2) What do you think about the belief of
certain religions that people will go
to heaven after death?
(3) Imagine the loss of a family member or
close friend. How would you face that?
(4) What can you do to help a good friend who is
going through the difficult time of having to
cope with the loss of someone dear to him or her?
(5) Does your contemplation (沉思) about death lead you to
explore the meaning of life? Do you treasure your life?
What is the meaning of life to you?
(6) How should we face questions of life and death?
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Death education
DEATH education, which focuses on the human and emotional aspects of death,
has become more common in recent years. Its primary concern is coping with
grief.
Death education may be given to those whose line of profession puts them in
constant contact with dying or bereaved people, such as those working in geriatric homes (老人院舍) or hospice care (善終服務).
The public may also be the target of death education, the purpose of which is
aimed at correcting general misconceptions about death and dying and stimulating
more open discussion on the subject.
Certain schools have also incorporated the subject into their curriculum, but
this has created some controversy. Some dispute the subject matter while others
find the teaching method unacceptable.
Supporters argue that an education on death and loss “may help young people
to better understand themselves and their world and develop skills required for
coping positively with life’s stressful events.”
A closely related subject is thanatology (生死學), the study of death among
human beings. This is an interdisciplinary (跨學科的) study probing death-related
issues such as grief experienced by those close to the deceased, and society’s attitudes towards death.
In their work “Death Education”, Eddy & Alles highlight the importance of education about death:
(1) It helps people to cope with internal conflicts (內在衝突) and fear about death,
and helps them face their own death.
(2) It helps young people to develop a healthy, positive outlook towards questions
of death to counter-balance (平衡) the diverse and often emotive depiction of
the subject in the media and literature.
(3) Death is the end of life as we know it. Contemplating death will stimulate people to ponder questions of life. This may help them lead a more meaningful
and fruitful life.
(4) It helps family and professionals to cope with grief and provides the training
for them to help others to cope.
(5) It helps people to see the importance of making early preparations for their
own death, such as making a will, or choosing one’s own form of funeral.
SUFFERING
LOSS
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Living with death
Dealing with the loss of a loved one is a traumatic experience,
but there are ways of coping, as Chow Suk Ping explains
Translated by Lon Yan
Advice on coping with grief
THE Comfort Care Concern Group (贐明會) offers advice on coping with bereavement (哀傷):
1. Acceptance
DISBELIEF is a common initial reaction. The griever denies the fact that a loved one
has passed way and dwells on thoughts that the deceased is still living. It is important that friends and relatives help the grieving person to accept the death as a fact.
2. Not forgetting but accepting
DEALING with grief by trying to forget it is not desirable. This only means that
negative emotions are suppressed, not purged. In the long term, suppressed
emotions may cause health problems. True healing starts with facing grief
head-on, not running away from it, and with the acceptance of one’s vulnerability.
3. It is all right to let grief show
GRIEVING the passing of a loved one is a natural human reaction. It
is perfectly all right to let your grief show. Crying releases emotions
and is a relief for the body during bereavement.
4. Don’t face it alone, accept help
UPON the passing of a family member, the surviving family members
should offer each other emotional support. They should also accept the
support of friends and relatives. Share your feelings with those you trust.
Don’t let yourself face the trauma alone.
5. The speed of recovery varies
JUST like sickness, the time needed for recovery from grief varies from person to
person. The first three weeks following the death is toughest, with things improving after the funeral.
6. Stay healthy, sleep and eat well
THIS is a time during which having a healthy body is particularly important. As one is overcome by emotions, it is
easy to neglect basic things such as eating well, drinking
enough water and getting enough sleep. Exercise also
helps relieve depression. One must stay away from
drugs or alcohol, which will do nothing but harm.
Reliance on chemicals to relieve pain will not only prolong the healing process but also cause a host of other
serious problems.
7. Avoid important decisions
IT is not advisable to make any important decisions
during the bereavement period, particularly in the
first six months or a year. Those decisions are usually
not in one’s best interest. They do nothing to help
relieve the grief and will just add pain and hassle.
Leave those decisions to a time when the body and
mind is in a more stable condition.
8. Read books about those who have been there
FOR those who are not comfortable expressing themselves verbally, reading helps. Read about the healing
process of others. It helps to know that you are not alone
in this world with such suffering. Some find solace in religion. Reading religious books can also help.
References
Grief and bereavement resources
http://www.grief-and-bereavement.com/
Grief_Website/Website_Resources.html
If I should die
http://www.ifishoulddie.co.uk/helping_the_ber
eaved.htm
Coping with grief
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.ht
m#strategies
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