February 28, 2003 - Virginia Law Weekly

Virginia Law Weekly
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“Freedom of religion, freedom of the press;
freedom of persons under the protection of the
habeas corpus; and trial by juries impartially
selected, — these principles form the bright
constellation which has gone before us, and
guided our steps through an age of revelation
and reformation.”
THOMAS JEFFERSON
Around
North Grounds
Congratulations
to third-year Aaron
Longo and his wife
Emily on the birth of
their son, Benjamin
William, on Feb. 13. Spring may
not be bustin’ out all over, but
babies sure are.
Congratulations
to new father and
Law School favorite
Chris Sanchirico, on
the birth of his
daughter, Emilia. Apparently the
students aren’t the only ones finding some time for love. ANG has
tons of time, won’t someone share
some love?
Congratulations
to third-year Julia
Worcester on her
Valentine’s weekend
engagement.
And another congratulations
to
third-year Rebecca
Lucas and Jim
Dillavou ’02 on their
engagement last weekend (in
Hawaii, no less).
Vol. 55, No. 19
Friday, February 28, 2003
Subscriptions Available
Moot Court Semis Claim Another Two Teams
by Justin Park ’03
Last Friday and Saturday, in a
pair of closely matched oral argument sessions held before panels
of real-life federal and state
judges and audiences of about 80
in Caplin Auditorium, two teams
of third-years advanced through
the semifinal round of the grueling 20-month-long Bataan Death
March that is the Lile Moot Court
Competition. The final round,
which will be held in the Auditorium on Saturday, Apr. 5, will
feature Friday’s winners, Tom
Bayliss and David Sergenian,
squaring off against Jason Smith
and Zach Hafer, who won on Saturday.
The four finalists represent the
last remnants of the 140 thensecond-years who entered the
competition in Sept. 2001. The
first two rounds were held that
fall and the following spring, after which the field was narrowed
to eight two-person teams and
grouped into a three-round singleelimination bracket. The four
teams that dueled over the weekend were the survivors of last
November’s quarterfinals.
Two third-years on the Moot
Court Board, Michael McIntosh
and Sean Buckley, with the help
of several faculty members including Professors Caleb Nelson,
John Harrison, and Ruth Buck,
designed the semifinal problem,
which was made available to the
competitors on Jan. 24. The prob-
lem, which involved the federal an administrative agency,
courts doctrine surrounding the against the port authority of the
intersection of the Eleventh fictional state of Lile. The state
Amendment with state sovereign was told that it need not particiimmunity and personal and sub- pate in the commission’s hearject matter jurisdiction, was so ing, but that a fine could be levcomplex that its facts and proce- ied in its absence. Lile then appeared,
dural hisbefore an
tory could
adminisnot
fit
trative
into the
law judge
printed
but did
program,
not ineven with
voke sova
very
ereign
small font
immusize. Innity until
stead, the
the ALJ
program
made faclimited ittual findself to the
photo by Alison Perine
ings. The
legal quesSergenian and Bayliss Prepare for Their
ALJ held
tions, while
Argument Friday Night
that eiMcIntosh
read the facts aloud before oral ther there was no immunity, or it
arguments began. Audience ob- had been waived by Lile’s initial
servers on both days seemed to participation. The commission
struggle to understand the ba- fined Lile, which refused to pay.
sics of the case. Even U.S. Dis- The U.S. Attorney brought an
trict Court Judge Frederick Motz enforcement action against Lile.
of the District of Maryland, who The legal questions were: Did
heard Saturday’s arguments, Lile have sovereign immunity,
admitted, “When we picked up given that the enforcement acthe papers, all of us had the same tion was brought by the U.S.,
reaction, which was, ‘Oh my God, against which state sovereign
we’re not going to understand immunity is inapplicable? Was
Lile’s appearance before the ALJ,
any of this.’”
The hypothetical scenario which arguably waived sovereign
stemmed from a private party’s immunity, voluntary or involunfiling of a complaint with the tary? And, could sovereign imFederal Maritime Commission, munity be waived at all, or is it,
like dismissal for lack of subject
matter jursidiction, unwaivable?
“Who says we’re not intellectuals here?” Moot Court Board
Chief Justice and third-year
Hiren Patel quipped to the audience on Friday, after McIntosh
finished his explanation.
On Friday evening, Bayliss
and Sergenian argued for the respondents, the U.S., against petitioner Lile, represented by
Valerie Nannery and David
Zetoony, before what proved to
be a hot bench consisting of U.S.
District Judges David A. Faber
of the Southern District of West
Virginia and James P. Jones of
the Western District of Virginia,
as well as Albemarle County Circuit Judge Paul A. Peatross. All
four oralists followed textbook
styles, and none appeared shaken
as the judges repeatedly interrupted their scripts after as little
as one sentence. Despite a surprisingly short deliberation, all
three judges termed Bayliss and
Sergenian’s victory, in Faber’s
words, “an extremely close call.”
Peatross noted that he had
graded the two teams’ briefs,
which constituted 50 percent of
their scores, only one point apart,
and Jones added, “Truth be told,
all of your performances were
higher than the normal level of
advocacy in our respective
courts.” The only negative word
see MOOT COURT page 3
ATTENTION ALL THIRDYEARS — don’t forget to stop by
the Josten’s table in WithersBrown on Monday, Mar. 10 and
Tuesday, Mar. 11 for cap and gown
measurements.
Thumbs up to Professor Merrill.
He canceled the class right before
break to go to an out-of-town conference. When the conference was
canceled, he still let his class have
the day off to start break a little
earlier. Good thing, too. ANG had
developed a reliance interest in the
scheduling change.
Yo! Pictures from Barrister’s are
online at partypics.com. Password:
barrball. Go online, check out your
fellow classmates all cleaned up
and looking hot. Find the picture of
yourself, made at 10 p.m., when
you were already blind stinkin’
drunk. Don’t you look funny? ANG
laughed.
Congratulations to
the new SBA thirdyear representatives
Adrian Guy, Rob
Johnston, Josh Katz,
Diane Marciniak, and Fern
Mechlowitz, and second-year representatives Christopher Amar,
Margaret Cantrell, Adi Herzberg,
Scott Pluta, and Marcy Smirnoff.
In this issue:
Professor Evaluations
................................ p. 5
The Michael Jackson Interview Reviewed .. p. 7
photo by Alison Perine
photo by Alison Perine
Michael Autuoro and Amanda Nichols
“It’s Time to Party!”
Peer Advisor Directors
Named
Barrister’s Ball a Success
by Chris Colby ’04
Second-years Michael Autuoro
and Amanda Nichols will be next
year’s Peer Advisor Directors, according to third-years Nessa
Horewitch and Aaron Longo.
Horewitch and Longo, who served
as Peer Advisor Directors this year,
made the announcement this past
Tuesday.
“This year’s Peer Advisor class
was wonderful, committed, and
hard-working,” said Longo. “We
were looking for two people who
would complement each other, run
a strong program, and foster diversity and inclusiveness both in
selection of Peer Advisors and in
the Peer Advisor interaction with
first-years.”
According to Horewitch, candidates completed an essay-type application. After reading the applications, Horewitch and Longo interviewed the applicants and then
selected next year’s directors after
discussing their choices with Dean
Harmon.
Candidates were evaluated on a
number of criteria, said Horewitch.
“We were looking for two candidates who have strong leadership
abilities, have concrete ideas on
how the program should run, are
committed to the role that the
Peer Advisor program plays in
developing the collegial atmosphere of the Law School, can
handle the plethora of issues that
arise throughout the year, and
can present a strong and happy
face on behalf of U.Va. Law.”
Dean Harmon emphasized the
importance of finding a good team.
“The program is highly effective
and successful due to the tireless
efforts of the Peer Advisors and
Co-Directors. The role they play
in the lives of first-year students,
transfer students, and LL.M.s is
essential.”
Autuoro discussed some plans
for the coming year. “One new
idea is finding ways to foster bonding among students and faculty
by encouraging joint community
service outings, such as volunteer
work for Habitat for Humanity.”
Autuoro described the important bonds that a Peer Advisor
can make through relatively
simple means. “Nessa was my Peer
Advisor as a first-year. Her generosity and enthusiasm really
see ADVISORS page 2
Printed on
recycled paper
by Scott Pluta ’05
This year’s Barrister’s Ball took
place Saturday at the Omni Hotel
in Charlottesville. Upon arriving
at the Ball, attendees were greeted
by a small contingent of
Charlottesville’s Finest, who were
checking licenses and placing
wristbands on those of legal drinking age. Some found this an amusing contrast to the oft-referenced
high school prom, only now the
chaperones had guns and pepper
spray.
By 10:30 p.m., which by pure
coincidence was when the open
bar began, attendees began arriving in droves. In all, 593 tickets
were sold for the event. By 11
p.m., the party was well under
way, with the beer flowing like
wine and a dance floor full of people
getting down. This year’s music
was the live sounds of the Voltage
Brothers, a cover band that alternated between laying out smooth
Motown grooves and dropping
rhythmic funk bombs on the lively
U.Va. crowd.
Meanwhile, the other half of
those in attendance was busy mingling off the dance floor. The layout of the event seemed very well
done. There was a plentitude of
bars inside the ballroom, as well
as one outside, which kept the
lines short and the people happy.
Getting to the restrooms was a bit
of a hassle, however, as those sporting drinks had to abandon them in
the ballroom before they were allowed to enter the lobby.
By this point in the night, the
parties being held upstairs in various hotel suites were gaining
steam. BLSA, Lambda Law/
Women of Color, the LL.M.s, and
FYC all hosted separate hospitality suites that were open to everyone and intended to be the afterparty party place to go once the
Ball ended. By 1 a.m., Barrister’s
was officially a huge success, and
the mass of people shifted from
the hotel ballroom itself to the
after-parties upstairs in a secluded
section on the second floor of the
hotel.
At 2:30 a.m., however,
Charlottesville police officers
were dispatched by the Omni to
clear everyone out of the hospitality suites. In the FYC suite,
for example, police officers entered the room with flashlights
drawn demanding everyone
whose name was “not on the
lease” to “get out now.” While
pizzas had recently been delivered and were now being consee BARRISTER’S
page
3
see XXXX
page
2
News
Virginia Law Weekly
the BEET
○ ○ ○
○ ○ ○
Sowing sarcasm at the Law School
Belize-Bound Student
Greets Law School
by Drew Larsen ’04
Belize. It’s pretty great.
I am lying down on a beach in
But, back to you. I’ve been
Belize, and it is an absolutely thinking over your situation there
beautiful day. I can feel the in good ol’ Charlottesville. And I
warmth of the sun on my arms, don’t know why, but I feel bad
legs, and chest. The sky is almost about what I’ve said. Granted,
as clear as the crystal-blue water you are surrounded by snow-covgently rolling in with the tide. It’s ered hills under a gray sky and I
warm, sunny, and wonderful to be outside on a day
like this. I am totally relaxed.
So,
how
is
Charlottesville treating
you? Still have snow on the
ground? Is it still depressingly cloudy and cold? Does
the weather make you feel
miserable?
Or, is it the Journal Tryouts that are killing you?
You waited until the last
courtesy belizean.com
weekend to do them, didn’t
Did Someone Say Boat Drinks?
you? I really hope that
Valentine’s Day weekend and am on a beautifully sunny beach.
Barrister’s Ball lived up to all the But, well, that’s it. I just wanted
hype. Otherwise you could be on to say it again.
the beach with me. But, no, you
But in all seriousness,
are reading the Journal Tryout. Charlottesville is my home now
That does not sound relaxing. As and it is always a little sad to be
opposed to lying here on this warm away from your own bed, your
sand, soaking up the rays, which own bathroom, and your normal
is VERY relaxing.
surroundings. Unless, of course,
Or are you in transit to your you are lying on a beach in Belize
Spring Break destination? Stick and the surroundings are so much
around for a Friday class, did better than your normal suryou? Do you know what is really roundings ever possibly could be.
great? NOT having class on Fri- It is at this point that you don’t
day, so that you can spend the miss Charlottesville at all. It is at
day lying on a beach in Belize this point that you turn up Dobie
instead. I hope you are not stuck Gray, close your eyes, feel the
in traffic anywhere. Because I’m warm sand beneath you, lie back,
sure not. I’m lying on a beach in and drift away.
Virginia Law Weekly
Sharon Yuan
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Susan Burgess
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COLUMNISTS : Jean Marie Hackett, Kate Horsley, Rees Morgan (SBA Notebook), V ANGUARD.
CONTRIBUTORS : Gretchen Agee, Chris Jones, Drew Larsen, Brent Olson, Scott Pluta, Darcey
Rhoades, Laura Soong, Sam Young.
R EVIEWERS: Lee Dunham, Alison Haddock, Lee Kovarsky, Carsten Reichel.
Published weekly on Friday except during holiday and examination periods and serving the Law School community at the University of Virginia, the Virginia Law Weekly (ISSN 0042-661X) is not an official publication of the
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© 2002-2003 Virginia Law Weekly
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The Virginia Law Weekly publishes letters and columns of interest to the Law School and the
legal community at large. Views expressed in such submissions are those of the author(s) and not
necessarily those of the Law Weekly or the Editorial Board. Letters from organizations must bear
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guidelines, we regret that not all submissions received can be published.
Friday, February 28, 2003
Student Council Candidate Assaulted
by Justin Park ’03
This Wednesday at 2 a.m., University Student Council presidential candidate Daisy Lundy, a second-year undergraduate student,
was assaulted on Central Grounds
in Poe Alley, near the Lawn. The
assault was apparently racially
motivated.
According to reports in The
Cavalier Daily, Lundy had just left
the room of a friend on the Lawn to
retrieve her cellular phone from
her car. Several sources have stated
that while Lundy was leaning into
her car, an unknown assailant
wearing a “hat and jacket” grabbed
her by the hair and slammed her
head against the steering wheel.
Lundy then fell to the ground.
Multiple sources also confirmed
that Lundy told police that during
the incident, the assailant told her,
“No one wants a nigger to be president.” Lundy is part African-American and part Korean. If she wins
the presidential election, she will
be the first African-American to be
elected to that position in U.Va.
history.
Lundy was taken by ambulance
to the University Medical Center.
She suffered no serious injuries. In
a Wednesday evening Universitywide e-mail, Vice President for Student Affairs Patricia M. Lampkin
reported that the University Police
were investigating the incident as
a “hate crime,” and described the
assailant as a “heavy-set white
male wearing a dark coat, light
pants and a dark hat.”
Lundy had been the subject of
several news stories this week on
Central Grounds after the inconclusive results of the initial presidential election, held from Feb. 18
through Feb. 20. Because Lundy
led her opponent, third-year undergraduate Ed Hallen, by less than
five percent when the polls closed,
a run-off election was commenced
Tuesday in accordance with election rules. The run-off, which was
to remain open to voters until
Wednesday evening, was postponed after the assault.
The Cavalier Daily also reported
Wednesday that Lundy had filed a
police report on Monday after receiving intimidating, obscene telephone calls in her room on Sunday
night.
In both the University and Law
School, several student groups and
administration figures had publicly responded to news of the assault by the end of Wednesday. On
Central Grounds, the first scheduled event was a Community Reflection and Response held Wednesday at 4:30 p.m. at the Newcomb
Hall Ballroom. The event was cosponsored by several University
administrative offices and publicized via e-mail by Laurie Casteen,
Assistant Director of the
University’s Office of Orientation
and New Student Programs. “The
attack can be seen as part of an
unfortunate pattern of incidents
that signals deep divides within
our community,” Casteen wrote.
Through the meeting, she added,
“[We will] seek to cope with feelings of shock, outrage, and fear.”
The Reflection and Response was
supported by the Law School’s administration in an e-mail sent by
Assistant Dean for Student Affairs
Beverly Harmon and authorized
by Dean John Jeffries.
The event was followed by
Lampkin’s Wednesday evening email. In addition to describing the
assailant, Lampkin announced
that the University was offering a
$1,000 reward for information leading to an arrest; students were
encouraged to report tips by calling
924-7166. “Our institutional values do not condone physical violence, racism, stealth, intimidation
or terror,” Lampkin said. “Yet, we
must realistically admit that something very wrong and terrible has
occurred in a place we believed to
be reasonably secure and above
such baseless, violent acts.”
The most prominent response
at the Law School came in the form
of a Thursday morning meeting in
Scott Commons initiated by second-year Mike Signer. In an e-mail
to various student group leaders
sent Wednesday morning, Signer
suggested possibly using the meeting to organize the drafting of a
letter to be signed by law students
and sent to The Cavalier Daily
expressing outrage, or an “impromptu communal event — a vigil
or a town meeting.”
In a later interview, Signer
named other potential goals, such
as “investigating calling on the
Commonwealth’s Attorney to prosecute the assault as a hate crime”
or assembling an “ad hoc committee” to address related concerns on
a long-term basis. “We hope to accomplish a sustained and thoughtful response that will take place
over time and have a legal dimension,” Signer said. “An event of
such moment deserves a sustained,
coherent response…. I think we’re
at a flashpoint for race relations in
this country and in the South. This
is really a despicable and eye-opening event that demands a response
now.”
Virginia’s hate crimes statute
can be found at Va. Code Ann. §
18.2-57(A-B). It states that for any
person who “intentionally selects
the person against whom an assault and battery resulting in bodily
injury is committed because of his
race, religious conviction, color or
national origin,” the penalty upon
conviction “shall include a mandatory, minimum term of confinement of at least six months, thirty
days of which shall not be suspended, in whole or in part.”
Speakers Recount Global Terrors
by Gretchen Agee ’04 and
Maruti Racherla ’04
Last week, several speakers
came to the Law School to discuss
important issues relating to both
domestic and international
women’s rights.
Last Tuesday, Barbara
Ehrenreich, renowned journalist
and author of Nickel and Dimed,
came to the Law School to discuss
her new book, Global Woman.
Ehrenreich was introduced by her
daughter,
Professor
Rosa
Ehrenreich Brooks, who recounted
her mother’s tireless research on
the plight of female domestic workers. In fact, Ehrenreich worked
undercover as a maid in order to
gather information for Nickel and
Dimed. Her research led her to
write her second book on “the female underside of globalization.”
Global Women contains case studies of Latina domestic workers in
Los Angeles, Vietnamese contract
brides, and Thai sex workers.
Ehrenreich discussed her perspectives on activism on behalf of these
disadvantaged females with members of Virginia Law Women and
Women of Color.
Also, last Thursday, Women of
Color presented a panel of Burmese human rights activists. The
panelists, who came from Thailand, discussed their personal experiences and efforts to raise awareness of human rights abuses by the
Burmese Army.
Khin Ohnmar, from the
Women’s League of Burma, gave a
historical background of the
troubled nation. Since gaining its
independence from Britain in 1948,
Burma has struggled to define its
national identity and, in the process, has fallen prey to successive
military regimes. Burma has been
isolated from the international community, and despite efforts by students and young people to promote
democracy, the country has remained shackled by repressive governments.
The Burmese Army continues
to perpetrate countless acts of violence on the innocent civilians of
the country, and particularly on
women, the panelists explained.
Paw Hset Hser, a young member of
the Karen Women’s Organization,
indicated that most men are able to
flee a village before troops arrive,
leaving the women to be victimized
by the soldiers. Rape is used as a
weapon of war and women are routinely taken into forced labor. She
emphasized the importance of obtaining international recognition
and support for the Burmese
people.
Many of the activists on the
panel had been forced to flee
across the border into Thailand.
Bo Kyi, another panelist, spoke
about his experiences as a political prisoner in Burma and his
eventual escape to the Thai-Burmese border. While a student, he
decided that he could not remain
idle while others fought for his
freedom. He chose to join those
advocating for democracy and was
imprisoned successively for a total of more than seven years.
During that time, he taught himself to speak English by bribing
the guards to bring him pages of
English textbooks and by learning from a professor who was imprisoned in the same cell. Today,
Bo Kyi is a member of the Assistance Association for Political
Prisoners and seeks to promote
awareness in other countries so
that they may put pressure on
the Burmese government to release political prisoners.
program that I feel is the most
important in the school.”
Nichols emphasized the need
for finding the best candidates to
serve as Peer Advisors. “The Peer
Advisor program is and should be
the tool used to integrate the new
students into the U.Va. atmosphere,” according to Nichols.
“Peer Advisors should be mentors helping students learn the
ropes of a new school, a new town,
and a new way of learning. Choosing the best possible Peer Advisors is the only way to implement
this goal.”
Horewitch and Longo will miss
their work with the Peer Advisors, but they feel confident for
the future. Said Horewitch, “I’ve
been truly impressed at how hard
people work in this entirely voluntary program. It makes me feel
a little less sad to leave the school
knowing it is in good hands.”
The new Peer Advisor Directors will have an informational
session in mid-March for applicants for the coming academic
year.
ADVISORS
continued from page 1
made me feel at home at the Law
School. For example, she would
organize section dinners for us
every Wednesday throughout the
year.”
“I think the program is the
most influential program at U.Va.
for maintaining and improving
the culture of respect and geniality that currently exists among
U.Va. Law students and their relationship with faculty. The best
part of being a Peer Advisor Director,” Autuoro said, “ is that I’ll
be able to shape and build upon a
Virginia Law Weekly
Friday, February 28, 2003
Letters to the Editor
To the Editor:
I write in response to last
week’s letter concerning the class
gift for the Class of 2003. While
there may be reasons to disagree
with those who have proposed to
use the class gift as “seed money”
for a public service scholarship,
redundancy is not one of them.
Although it is an extremely generous program, the Virginia Loan
Forgiveness Program (VLFP) does
not duplicate or replace scholarship dollars. Students who commit to work in the public sector in
jobs paying under $60,000 annually can apply for assistance from
VLFP, but this assistance does
not constitute total forgiveness of
their law school loans. Even those
To the Editor:
At approximately 2 a.m. on
Wednesday morning of this week,
Daisy Lundy, candidate for Student Council president, was attacked as she was leaning into her
car. The assailant reportedly
grabbed her by the hair from behind and slammed her head
against the car steering wheel and
stated, “no one wants a nigger to
be president.” Ms. Lundy, if
elected, would be the first AfricanAmerican woman Student Council president. Prior to the attack,
Ms. Lundy had received threatening phone calls.
We write to express our utter
outrage over the assault of Ms.
Lundy and to call our community
to awareness and action. This incident may seem shocking but is
not an isolated act of violence or
“
at the very bottom of the program’s
income scale (earning an annual
salary of $35,000 or less) do not
receive complete or immediate forgiveness of their loans. Rather,
the VLFP provides a one-year loan
which is forgiven at the end of the
program year to assist a qualified
graduate in covering their law
school loan payments for that year.
VLFP would cover a graduate’s
total law school loan repayment
commitment only if they were to
participate in the program for 10
years with an adjusted gross income of $35,000 or less. Clearly, a
scholarship that reduces the
amount a student planning to work
in the public sector needs to borrow can significantly influence his
career choice and is far from re-
dundant.
In addition, the value of a public service scholarship also derives from its usefulness in recruiting highly qualified applicants. Many other law schools
have these types of scholarships
and use them effectively in enticing the most desirable students.
Prospective applicants can immediately comprehend the value
of a public service scholarship
but may have difficulty being as
attracted by a loan forgiveness
program which is a delayed benefit with limited applicability.
Finally, it is important to understand the extent to which all
programs, not just public service
programs, are supported by the
generous contributions of the
Law School’s alumni. Class and
reunion gifts fund a wide variety
of scholarships, faculty chairs,
and physical improvements to the
Law Grounds. Tuition dollars,
which I assume are what the
writer refers to when she cites
“the administration,” can only go
so far. We all benefit on a daily
basis from the “tangible lasting
legacy” alumni gifts have provided and continue to provide.
Whatever the Class of 2003 may
decide, I hope that they will not
ignore the benefits of creating a
lasting, if not physical, legacy
that will be enjoyed by generations of future law students.
racism. This incident may have
happened to an African-American, but affects every person, regardless of color. This incident
may have happened to an undergraduate student, but she is also
part of our U.Va. community.
While Ms. Lundy suffered the
physical attack, our entire community bears her injuries.
To become a unified community, we must address the gravity
of this incident as a hate crime.
We need to recognize that the
racial violence of this incident only
signifies what is a greater problem at U.Va. Most often, we do
not address racial incidents as a
student body. Race is an issue
that must be recognized and confronted. Refusal to respond to
these incidents allows these incidents to continue. We must draw
the necessary connections be-
tween hearing racially derogatory
comments in the halls, seeing a
fellow student in blackface at a
party, and the racially motivated
physical attack on Ms. Lundy. The
effects of these incidents collectively create an unacceptable educational environment for all students.
While the Law School is physically separated from the undergraduate college, we share a common history of difficult race relations that continues to affect our
university today. Moreover, we
share a common goal of acquiring a higher level of education in
a welcoming environment for all
students. With this goal in mind,
we stand with Ms. Lundy and
other students who face racial
animosity and commit ourselves
to rebuilding a community of
trust. We ask that our student
body join with us in taking back
our University.
Kimberly Emery ’91
Assistant Dean for Public Service
American Constitution Society
Asian Pacific American Law
Students Association
Black Law Students Association
The Conference on Public Service and the Law
First Year Council
Lambda Law Alliance
Law Christian Fellowship
Law Democrats
Legal Assistance Society
Libel Show
National Lawyers Guild
Public Interest Law Association
Student Bar Association
Students United to Promote Racial Awareness
Virginia Law Women
Voz Latina
Women of Color at Virginia Law
SBA Notebook: Lovies to All!
Barrister’s Ball was a great
time, until Sheriff’s deputies
swarmed the second floor of the
Omni and we all were booted out
of the hotel. Up until then, things
were going swimmingly. Even as
the cops rolled in, however, your
SBA President, in fine form, attempted to negotiate with Omni
management for a continued
party. Of course, apparently two
deputies intensely debated
whether they should arrest me for
being drunk in public throughout
my dialogue with the Omni manager. Occasional-member-of-theSBA Carsten Reichel tells me that
he approached the cops as I discussed important public issues
with Omni management. Pointing at me, he asked one deputy,
“How close is he to getting arrested?” The cop responded, “Really close. AND SO ARE YOU!”
Rees Morgan, a
third-year law
student, is SBA
president.
The point of all this is to inform
the student body that SBA is continuing, in a more sober fashion,
to negotiate with the Omni regarding our return next year, and
to find a compromise that will prevent future raids by the “Man” on
innocent and peace-loving law students just trying to blow off some
steam. Whether the Omni’s problem boils down to capacity issues,
noise concerns, or an aversion to
fun, I am sure SBA will find a
solution for next year’s Barrister’s
Ball. Thanks go to Sheryl Koval
and Megan Davidson for their hard
work in putting together a fantastic Barrister’s, which only degenerated when 400 of us crowded
into the suites and started getting
sick in the hallways. That’s not
the Barrister’s organizers’ fault,
and I appreciate all their hard
work in preparing and organizing
a great event.
Class representatives have
been elected! Congratulations
to third-year representatives
Adrian Guy, Rob Johnston, Josh
Katz, Diane Marciniak, and Fern
Mechlowitz. And congratulations
also go to Christopher Amar,
Margaret Cantrell, Adi Herzberg,
Scott Pluta, and Marcy Smirnoff
for winning the election for rising second-year representatives.
SBA is lucky to have you all, and
wishes you good luck in the coming year.
Well, this is my last column.
I made it a full year as SBA President without getting impeached
(put that in your pipe and smoke
it, Kendall Day). I have a lot of
people to thank for that, so let
me move right along. First, I want
to thank all of the SBA Class
Representatives with whom I
have had the honor to serve.
Third-years Julie Jordan, Kate
Brennan, Emily Fan, Grant
Penrod, and Carsten Reichel provided seasoned leadership to SBA
this past year, as well as many
frustrating legislative defeats for
my agenda, which only goes to
show that democracy works. Second-years Rob Johnston, Diane
Marciniak, J.D. Thomas, Sarah
Baker, and Davis Kim did stuff
too. (Just kidding guys; you were
great!) First-years Adi Herzberg,
Marcy Smirnoff, Marcus Brown,
Matt Janson, and Adam Greene
successfully represented the new
kids on the block. Will Webb ably
represented the LLMs on SBA,
and I want to thank him for being
the most active LLM representative in quite some time. Thanks to
Seth Whitaker and Chang Chiu
MOOT COURT
continued from page 1
came from Jones, who mildly
criticized the petitioners for
speaking quickly. Notably, the
three judges also shared great
difficulty in pronouncing
Sergenian’s name.
Saturday afternoon’s bench,
comprised of U.S. District Judge
James T. Giles of the Eastern
District of Pennsylvania, Motz,
and Roanoke City Circuit Judge
Clifford R. Weckstein, was noticeably slower to warm up than
Friday’s panel, yet more combative once heated. Smith and
Hafer argued for Lile, against
Ethan Tidmore and Ben
Moncrief, representing the U.S.
Motz seemed the most confron-
for their work on the Honor Committee, to Liz Nichols and Scott
Thompson for their efforts on the
Judiciary Committee, and Jenny
Lemker and Andrew Woodson for
their representation on Student
Council. The Law School has never
been so well represented at the
University level. And a special
thanks to all of SBA’s Committee
Chairs, who’ve put on a great series of events for the student body.
Finally, I want to thank the
Executive Board, with whom I
have worked closely all year.
Thanks first to Scott Luftglass
for his tolerable work as SBA
Secretary. You didn’t completely
blow it, Scotty. Just kidding, you
were great and I appreciate all
that you did. Second, I want to
thank Catherine “Self-Appointed
Cutest Thing Ever” Connor, our
SBA Treasurer. I’ve said this
before, and I’ll say it again…I am
not smart. But Catherine is, so
be grateful she’s running the
money and not me. Otherwise
the SBA Treasury would evaporate in a cloud of 1-900 charges
and empty Jäger bottles. Thanks
so much, Catherine, for your dedication and diligence. And last
but certainly not least, I want to
Student Life
3
Faculty Quotes of
the Week
And the winner is…
G. Lilly: “In the end I
think Justice Douglas was,
quite frankly…bored.”
Runners-up:
P. Huang: “Grading exams is the bane of law professors. The idea of grading
— it’s like laundry and flossing.”
P. Huang: “Your final
exam will be open book, open
notes, completely multiple
choice. I used to give short
answer exams, so now they’re
just really short answers, as
in ‘A,’ ‘B,’ ‘C,’ or ‘D.’”
G. Rutherglen: [to student on call] “I was in the
same
position
you
were…sitting out there,
1974, wondering why I
couldn’t remember the case
I’d
read
the
night
before…only 30 years ago
and it feels like yesterday.”
B. Cushman: [using
geek-speak for “comprehend”] “He didn’t fully grok
the mechanism through
which a no-contest clause operates.”
”
thank Laura Soong for being, and
this is no exaggeration, the best
Vice President SBA has ever witnessed. Where I am stupid, disorganized, and frankly embarrassing, Laura is thoughtful, in
control, and a wonderful public
face for SBA (if you get by the
cussing and all those tattoos). Not
only is she good at her job, but she
is fun and a joy to work with, and
I feel privileged to have served as
her deputy for the past year. And
she never came on to me, which
made for a very comfortable atmosphere of mutual respect and admiration (actually, I respected and
admired her; she tolerated me).
In sum, to all of SBA 2002-03,
it has been a privilege and an
honor to work with you this past
year. Thanks for a great time
and for your tremendous effort; I
hope you enjoyed it as much as I.
And good luck to SBA 2003-04!
With Sarah, J.D., Erik, and Adam
in charge, I know the student
body is in good hands. And that
means I can confidently retire to
the baby pool in my backyard, a
glass of scotch in one hand, a
stogie in the other, naked and
content.
Done, and done.
BARRISTER’S
tational, particularly with Hafer,
while Weckstein took the lead
during Tidmore’s argument. As
on Friday, the judges showered
all four competitors with praise.
As Weckstein said, “The four of
you did a wonderful job of making the complex easy to understand. You know, lawyers usually do a very good job of the
opposite…. Before going on the
bench, I kicked around a number
of appellate courts. I’ve lost at all
levels and jurisdictions. And
these two teams would appear
proudly anywhere, in any court.”
The final round will use the
same problem used in the semifinals. Because the two teams rep-
resented opposite sides in the
semifinals, neither team will
have to switch sides via coin flip
nor argue “off brief” in the finals.
Reflecting on the weekend’s
events, Patel seemed highly
pleased by the round’s results.
“Every one of the participants
performed admirably,” he
noted. “They are all seasoned
oral advocates and they demonstrated it.” Patel encouraged
all law students to attend the
final round on Apr. 5, noting
that the Moot Court Board will
also, on that day, announce the
names of the 16 second-years
who will advance to next year’s
continued from page 1
sumed in a not-so-orderly-or-appetizing manner, according to
first year FYC President Adam
Greene, the “noise level seemed
appropriate.”
The event organizers, Sheryl
Koval and Megan Davidson, characterized this year’s Ball as a
victim of its own success. “There
were a number of factors that
contributed to the situation, including a new director of operations who wasn’t familiar with
the party, heightened concerns
after incidents in Rhode Island
and Chicago, and the fact that
the parties have grown beyond
what they were initially when
we first starting using the suites.”
Koval and Davidson wanted to
stress that “people shouldn’t be
angry at the Omni for having to
break up the party, as their primary concern was the safety of
the guests.” Next year’s event
organizers will be faced with the
task of managing this tension
between a desire for fun afterparties and an acceptable level
of safety.
Besides a bit of an anticlimactic ending to the night, Barrister’s
Ball 2003 was an enjoyable event.
“Despite what happened with the
police, I had a blast,” Greene said,
though he also confessed to treating himself at a popular postBall eatery, the Waffle House.
4
Features
Virginia Law Weekly
This Week in
U.Va. Law History
From the Annals of the Law Weekly
Feb. 18, 1954: 30 First-Year Men Try Out for Law Weekly
Positions — Traditional Competition Draws Large Number For
Jobs on Staff
Feb. 26, 1988: “A fire in the motor of a moveable chalkboard
caused an hour and a half evacuation of the Law School last
Friday. Students and faculty noticed a smoky haze in a classroom near the vending machines and called the Fire Department.”
Friday, February 28, 2003
End-of-Semester Evaluation Process
Evaluated and Revamped
by Chris Jones ’04
Last semester, approximately
82 percent of us did it. We completed end-of-course evaluations.
Ever wonder who sees those
things? What they are used for?
And why we fill them out?
According to Associate Dean for
Academic Affairs Paul Mahoney,
all faculty are required to distribute the evaluations, as there is no
“opt-out” option. The evaluations
are processed by the Dean of
Students’ office and delivered
to professors after grades are
submitted. While faculty are
required to distribute the evaluations, according to Dean John
Jeffries there is no formal requirement that faculty actually review the results. Jeffries,
however, did indicate that faculty are “expected” to review
them and he is confident that
the vast majority review them
and take them seriously.
Do most professors actually
look at the results and take
them to heart? Some do more
than others. According to Professor John Setear, he reads
the evaluations, considers them a
useful tool, and personally knows
of just one member of the faculty
who does not review the results.
In the past, Setear has supplemented the end-of-semester evaluations with his own mid-semester
feedback form, saying, “I supplemented it because it’s too late to
change things once you get the
end-of-semester evaluations, and
sometimes you can usefully improve a course midstream on the
basis of the evaluations.” Dean
Mahoney echoed these sentiments,
noting, “My consistent experience
is that the faculty here care a lot
about teaching and put great effort into making it as effective as
possible. Evaluations are one tool
for spotting potential areas of improvement.”
Professors aren’t the only ones
who have access to the evaluations.
After the surveys are received, numerical summaries are compiled
and delivered to both Mahoney and
Jeffries. Mahoney indicated that
this information plays a significant
Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin
role in the decision to offer a professor tenure. Mahoney stated, “The
quality of a professor’s teaching is
an important factor in making tenure decisions. The tenured faculty
look at three types of evidence about
a tenure candidate’s teaching. One
is the student evaluations, both the
numerical ratings and the comments.”
In addition, students have access to the results, as they are
placed on reserve in the library by
the SBA’s Academic Concerns
Committee each semester. According to Assistant Dean for Student
Affairs Beverly Harmon, all pro-
fessors’ results are placed on reserve, and controlling student access is not up to professorial discretion. Second-year Pepin Tuma
recognized this as a valuable
mechanism for determining which
courses to take, saying the evaluations “serve as a mechanism by
which we can see what our peers
think of a particular teaching style
or method before we choose a
class.”
However, when students attempted to access the results of
previous semesters’ evaluations, they found some of them
entirely missing. Second-year
Molly Campbell remarked, “I
was curious about the reactions
of my classmates to a teacher
whose class I had found frustrating, so I went to the reserve
room to look up the course
evaluations and was disappointed to see that although
the other classes I took that
semester were all represented
in the SBA binders, the evaluations for that course were
missing.”
Perhaps to prevent such missing records and to enable greater
student access, Gary Banks is currently working to create an online
version of the evaluations for all
semester-long classes. Students will
be able to both complete the surveys
and access the results online. SBA
President Rees Morgan says, “We
think that will make the information much more accessible than the
debacle of written forms available
in the library currently.” According
to Banks, the new system is predicted to go into effect at the end of
this semester, will entirely supplant
the paper-and-pencil version, and
will be accessed through LawWeb.
Third-Years Start Work Early
Feb. 17, 1989: A Sudden Snowstorm Left Many Law Students
Underdressed
Feb. 28, 1992: Around North Grounds: “It has finally happened — a laptop in lecture. A first-year student was tap-taptapping away in Wadlington’s Family Law class on Wednesday
morning. While ANG has discovered a legitimate reason for the
tapping, all others beware. Do not follow suit — ANG will be
ruthless in the future. We are at U.Va., not Columbia. Stop the
temptation before it starts.”
by Darcey Rhoades ’03
Summer jobs are usually just
that — jobs that begin in May
and end when students return to
school in August. Some enterprising third-year law students,
however, have found ways to continue working for their summer
employers long after the fall semester began.
Rob McBride is a law associate with Finnegan Henderson in
D.C., and will work for the firm
after he graduates. Finnegan
Henderson gives all of its summer associates the option to continue working for the firm during the school year. Last summer, five summer associates accepted school-year positions, including McBride. McBride has a
flexible schedule, working about
one or two days per week.
Money was McBride’s primary
motivation for taking the job. He
hopes that working at the firm
will help to make his offer more
secure, although he does not believe that it will give him an
advantage over his fellow summer associates. “I don’t think my
job is any more secure than the
other students that accepted offers. It would be unfair, since
many students can’t work during the school year due to class
schedules, location, etc.,” explained McBride.
Karin Ottens is another student who is still working for her
summer employer. Ottens is a
law clerk with Arnold and Porter
in Washington, D.C. She works
every Monday for approximately
10 hours. The firm does not typically allow summer associates to
continue working during the
school year, but the firm made
an exception in Ottens’ case. “I
worked particularly closely with
a pretty important partner on a
continuing matter, and he
wanted me to continue to work
on the project,” said Ottens. “The
other attorneys in this particular partner’s department agreed
that I could help ease the heavy
caseload.”
Ottens’ motivation to accept
the job was partially the money,
but more because of her desire to
“lock in” to her practice group
and to learn more about it before
she began to work there. She was
also concerned about the economy
and wanted to ensure that she
“would be last on the list of layoffs, if any were made.”
Matt Atlas travels a long way to
continue working for his summer
employer, Akin, Gump, Strauss,
Hauer & Feld in New York City.
Atlas goes to New York — where
his wife lives — every other weekend, and works in the office all
Monday. His hours are flexible,
however, and he has no required
schedule. Atlas works for the firm’s
litigation department, and communicates with the attorneys primarily through e-mail. “Usually,
they’ll e-mail me a set of questions
and ask that I research the caselaw
and simply send them a reply email with my findings,” said Atlas.
Atlas was not at all motivated
to accept his job because of the
economy. Instead, he mentioned
the benefit of further developing
relationships within the firm’s
small, 30-attorney office, which
will help him to make the transition from school to work. “Because
of the size of the office and the
lawyers I was working for, I quickly
developed personal relationships
at the firm and felt a strong commitment towards them and felt
they had an investment in my career development,” explained Atlas. “I do feel as though working
for the firm during the school year
will make my transition back to
firm life in the fall easier, since it
has allowed me to…maintain the
relationships I had begun to develop as a summer associate. I
would imagine that in most cases,
by the time most people graduate
law school and begin full-time
work, it has been over a year since
they have had truly substantive
interactions with the attorneys
they will be working with. Since
I’ve been able to continue working
with my firm, I have been able to
stay in close contact with those
attorneys.”
Atlas recommends working for
a law firm during the school year
as long as “you can find a good
balance between your school
work and your firm work.... The
pay is great, and the hours, at
least in my case, are fairly flexible. And, it’s a great way of staying in close contact with the attorneys at the firm.”
Virginia Law Weekly
Beating “It”: Sick of Being Sick
Ah, the scenes of Charlottesville
in February. The snow is on the
ground. The sky is a gentle gray.
And the rolling hills of white that
stretch on forever — are in fact a
pile of wadded-up Kleenex on my
coffee table. My eyes are watering, my throat aches, and my head
is filled with molten snot. I can’t
say what “it” is, but it is going
around.
Kate Horsley,
a third-year law
student, is a Law
Weekly columnist.
My boyfriend, Daniel, and I
have been trading whatever “it”
is back and forth since midmonth. I was good to go on
Valentine’s Day, but he was out
for the count. Being a trouper, he
insisted we do something romantic for our first Valentine’s Day
together. I propped him on a chair
in a fancy restaurant and we enjoyed a lovely meal — a good nine
percent of which he could actually taste.
The most pitiful thing was
when we were both pretty sick.
We made a good effort to nurse
each other back to health — but
we both felt like poo. We’d start
out with “Can I get you something, honey?” but it soon deteriorated into a series of grunts
and coughs that meant something like: “Yes, I’m still
alive…you?” “Why yes, thanks
for asking!” Really though, illness is a test of your love for your
partner. Once you’ve handled his
drippy tissues or held her hair
back while she pukes, “I love you”
becomes redundant.
I hate being sick. There’s nothing I hate more than being sick
— except maybe exams, car acci-
dents, bad perms, things stuck
in your teeth, reality TV, and
blue eyeshadow — but being sick
is definitely up there — oh, and
taxes. When other things are
going wrong in your life, people
love to tell you that “at least you
have your health.” When you’re
sick, they say, “At least you have
your hea…oh wait, you’re
screwed — you got nothin’.”
I went to trial ad the other day.
I told my neighbor that I was sick
and promised not to breathe on
him…but then my other neighbor
got wind of the deal and wanted in
— so I couldn’t breathe on her
either. Although I concentrated
on breathing only front and center, I was sure I was getting dirty
looks from the people ahead of me
who were sensing my germs creeping towards them, so I spent a
The Only Good Sick
Comes From a Keg
good deal of my class turning blue.
That and reading lips — this particular illness comes with a heavy
dose of congestion that makes everybody around you sound like
Charlie Brown’s teacher.
Before I collapsed, I managed
to present my summation. I was a
Columns/Features
Friday, February 28, 2003
little nervous about public speaking because I envisioned the whole
thing going terribly terribly wrong:
“So, in conclusion, ladies and
gentlemen, you must find for my
— cough, bleh, hack, snot, snort,
gork, wheeze, dilf, pass out — (then
from a puddle of Kate on the floor)
client.” Thankfully, Judge Crigler
took pity on me and chucked me a
Ricola from the bench — very kind.
It’s no secret that whatever “it”
is, I’m not the only one who has it.
It is also no secret that law school
attracts a pretty competitive crowd
— illness is no exception. Take
this 100 percent typical hallway
conversation:
Patient #1: “Dude, I was so sick
yesterday, I was up all night coughing.”
Patient #2: “Oh yeah? Well I
had a fever of 175 and gangrene in
my right elbow.”
Patient #1: “Oh yeah, well I was
just diagnosed with glaucoma, rabies, and face cancer.”
Patient #2: “I had to shoot myself in the foot to distract myself
from the searing pain in my chest,
left ear, and right kidney.”
Patient #1: “At least you have
kidneys.”
At least now, for me, the “it”
has deteriorated into a dull cough
that pops up at the most convenient and appropriate times,
such as during my friend
Melissa’s play last night. We were
seated in the very first row. I
would have sucked down another
cough drop but for the fear that I
would cough anyway and jet-propel a Halls Mentholyptus into an
actor’s eye and ruin Melissa’s directorial debut. Not good. Although I coughed once or twice, I
did not cause any eye injuries —
phew! Anyhoo…stay well everybody, and don’t let me breathe on
you.
Spring Break
think he did the boozing part — Rainey states that they “have
by Andrew Falevich ’04
Ah, Spring Break. Choices and but then again he always talks agreed to concentrate on three
possibilities are looming on the about those Martinis, right? Still, main activities while there. They
horizon. The traditional party there’s something about Spring are, in order of priority, 1) drinktime. Harry Marks, in “Top 10: Break that makes it a non-real ing, 2) fishing, and 3) crashing golf
Spring Break Locations” at world, strictly student-driven phe- carts. We are staying in a humble
AskMen.com, writes that the most nomenon. Can one imagine a law- bungalow hotel on the beach.” And
favored destination during Spring yer working at a law firm plan- if that’s not exotic enough, Rainey
Break is Daytona Beach, Florida. ning a Spring Break vacation? summarizes that they “will be fly
“Daytona Beach is one of the most Well, if it’s a corporate lawyer, the fishing for bonefish, permit, and
inexpensive choices for students. quarter would be ending around tarpon, as well as doing some deepDaytona has so much to offer its this time, so the only sea he or she sea fishing perhaps.”
And one would think that the
visitors, and is an experience un- would be swimming in is one filled
like any other: a sure-fire way to with highlights, brackets, and third-years would have it the easibreak up any couple. Perhaps no those wiggly lines that seem rather est now, but a surprisingly large
other spot is as synonymous with artistic at 3 a.m. The same senti- contingent is planning to stick
Spring Break.” But that’s not the ment seems applicable to profes- around U.Va. and take the MPRE
or go home and take it there. Not
only Florida hotspot that
all third-years are in the same
made it on to Marks’ list.
boat, however. Julie Jordan states
In fact, three more Florida
that “a large group of
locations find their busithird-years, including
ness booming in and
myself, are going to St.
around this time —
Johns, where we’re rentPanama City, Key West,
ing two houses.” So all is
and South Beach.
right with the world afIt is obvious that stuter all.
dents seek to escape the
Not to be outdone by
cold during Spring Break.
the upperclassmen, the
To put it another way, if
first-years have their
you stick around your
own plans, which in some
alma mater, you’ll be
“shaking it” for an entirely
courtesy visit-key- cases include squeezing
west.com, in a journal tryout. Jendifferent reason, espediscountdaytonahotels.com,
nifer Crone states that
cially with 20 to 30 inches
Nat’l Council of Bar
Examiners “a friend from my firstof snow barricading your
year section and I are
doorway. And U.Va. Law
going to Las Vegas the
students are making their
Spring Break Options: Good, Better, Best
Tuesday after journal
plans accordingly.
Second-year Peter Oh is plan- sors — with the exception of Pro- tryouts. She had an airplane ticket
that needed to be used, and I found
ning a trip to Key West, which fessor Leslie, maybe.
A significant number of other a good deal for a flight out of D.C.
made it to the bottom of Marks’
list. “Spring Break takes place 52 second-years are going to San As far as plans, we are hoping to
weeks of the year over there,” Pedro, on the island of Ambergris enjoy the weather (even if not tropiMarks writes. “Of course, Key West Caye in Belize. Charlie Alm states, cal, hopefully not blizzard condioffers revelers far more than booz- “This is a sex vacation, for God’s tions like here), see the sights on
ing and bathing along the water- sake! I’ll tell you what, I’m really the Strip, possibly gamble (win
front, but who goes there for any- looking forward to smoking foot- back the mid-year tuition surthing [else]?” Key West is also a long mota sticks and then getting charge!), and take in a show....
destination for some of the fac- some stanky on my hang down. Just a four-day break from school
ulty. For example, last year Pro- Yeah, you thought it was rain. before outlining begins.”
And begin it shall. Have a great
fessor Douglas Leslie partook in Well, bring a towel, cause in Belize
the celebration, though I don’t it’s laid out like that.” Gordon Spring Break in the meantime!
5
Snow Rage
Maybe you haven’t noticed, but
it sure has snowed a lot these last
couple of weeks. (And if you haven’t
noticed, then you probably need to
detox a bit, my friend.) I personally have never experienced anything like the weather we’ve had
this year! Now, I know some of you
are shaking your heads and saying in your snide New Jersey accents, “Silly Southerners, this is
nothing!”
Julie Jordan,
a third-year law
student, is the Law
Weekly’s Columns
Editor.
My dad has always laughed
similarly at Southerners’ inexperience with the snow. He grew up
in Northern Pennsylvania — a fact
that most people don’t know until
he tries to say the word “y’all.”
Despite 30 years of living in the
South and being married to a true
Georgia Peach, he still can’t say
this word without sounding absolutely friggin’ ridiculous. However,
mom has cured very nicely his
penchant for black socks and
shorts. That would just be too
much….
Anyway, every time winter
rolled around, we’d get the annual
dusting of flurries that local news
stations would soon dub something
like “Winter Storm ’86” or “the
Blizzard of 1996,” and everyone
would run for the grocery stores to
stock up on soup, hot chocolate,
and Coca-Cola. (I do not believe
one can really live a full life without drinking Coke, preferably
Cherry, on a daily basis.) My dad
would roll his eyes and go into the
same old diatribe of how silly and
weak the South is. This would
inevitably be followed by some
story about battling six-foot snow
drifts to get to school 20 miles
away with no shoes on.
Now, despite having the normal thought that my dad was a
total dork when he went on in this
manner, I was always impressed
when he described the amount of
snow they get in Pennsylvania.
Six feet of snow? To me it was like
a fantasyland! And I always
thought it would be so cool to live
in a place with a lot of snow —
imagine making a snowman taller
than a foot or two! Or actually
sledding down a hill without having someone push you the whole
time! It sounded like paradise!
I was a stupid, stupid little kid.
Now, I admit, at first the snow
thing was pretty cool. Yet soon I
got tired of nearly killing myself
every time I journeyed outside in
inappropriate shoes, not to mention the cancellations of several
Feb Club parties! I shudder even
now. It also didn’t seem to be helping along the process of killing the
Feb Club funk sickness I’d contracted. But what really made me
reconsider my previous awe of
snowstorms came when I attempted to dislodge my car from
my driveway so I might actually
go somewhere, like school. (Thanks
for that one day of cancellation, by
the way.)
Keep in mind here that I have
never ever had occasion to shovel
snow. Also keep in mind that I’d
acquired a heavy Advil Cold &
Sinus habit that made me a little
loopy — and not the fun, laughinggas type of loopy. I quickly found
that shoveling snow, while constituting a great upper-body workout, really isn’t all that much fun.
At first, I was going on quite vigorously — something new, hurrah!
But soon my zest turned to despair. After the first 30 minutes, I
took off my jacket. After 10 more
minutes, I lost the sweater. Then
the gloves. Soon I’m standing outside, surrounded by snowdrifts, in
a T-shirt and jeans, completely
sweaty and red in the face without
my Honda Civic anywhere near
leaving that driveway. People in
the neighborhood are walking by
and smiling — i.e., secretly laughing — at me. It is at this point that
things take a nasty turn.
Eventually I began throwing
the shovel across the yard, kicking the snow, pacing the front yard,
and yelling in a desperate rage
that can only be characterized as
scary, “This isn’t the friggin’ North!
Forget this!” Only I didn’t actually
say “friggin” or “forget.”
Finally, after an hour and a
half, I slammed into my house,
called my parents while lying in
the fetal position in the middle of
my bedroom floor, and asked them
between sobs to “come pick me
up.” Of course their response was
the non-helpful “We live six hours
away. No.” So I was forced to collect myself and finish shoveling
my car out with the aid of my
lovely roommate, Alison.
Luckily, no one seems to have
videotaped the aforementioned
events, because I haven’t seen
myself yet on America’s Funniest
Psychos. I also found out I was not
the only one who experienced a
psychotic episode brought on by
the snow. A news story the other
day dubbed recent angry acts by
various people here in Virginia as
“snow rage.” Apparently I am not
the only one with a little snowinduced frustration, and feel
strangely relieved that, yes, I am
a psycho, but not the only one!
So, all in all, I think this really
is a very good lesson for all, and I
feel compelled to share it: It
shouldn’t snow in the South. I feel
equally compelled to share another
lesson I have learned this February: Equal parts Nyquil and Bud
Lite do NOT cure colds.
With those two lessons in mind,
it’s Spring Breaking time! Enjoy
yours as I am sure to enjoy the
absence of snow that will be mine!
6
Columns/Reviews
Virginia Law Weekly
Friday, February 28, 2003
Check Yo’ Self
Big Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Too
Jean Marie Hackett,
a third-year law
student, is a Law
Weekly columnist.
This gave me pause. The calendar seemed more in-your-face than
in years past. It seemed more daring. The ante had been upped.
So when I read the “letter to the
editor” by Valerie Nannery, I have
to admit that I was glad to see
someone taking the time to mention this development
But the blame simply does not
belong to the NGSL.
This debate is not about the “objectification of women” in general
terms. Obviously, we’re not so uncomfortable with these party themes
— hey, it is we, the law students,
who suggested them. In her letter,
Ms. Nannery said that she would be
embarrassed to take a relative visiting the Law School past the calendar hanging up in Hunton & Williams Hall. But maybe what she is
really embarrassed about is the
women who suggested these parties. Looking at the Feb Club calendar, I know that a lot of these “offensively” themed parties were inspired, planned, and desired by the
women hosting them. Which is to
say, we’re not witnessing a reaction
to a bunch of “meatheads” planning
parties encouraging the attendance
of scantily clad girls. Rather, Ms,
Nannery’s response raises the question:
How do we respond when women
objectify themselves?
The flaw in Ms. Nannery’s piece
as well as in Mr. Benjamin’s bombastic, tongue-in-cheek reaction is
that they offer insufficient consideration of this question. They both
speak of this “objectification” of
women as if “objectification” is something foisted upon a bunch of unsuspecting and unwilling women —
um, excuse me, I meant girls. Ms.
Nannery might have a point when
she says, “It is not satisfying to
know that women are hosting some
of these parties…because objectifying people is not ‘just in good fun.’”
Call me subversive, but maybe
women desire objectification. Maybe
it is “good fun” for them. For instance, way back on Feb. 2, the Law
Review hosted an innocently titled
“Revenge of the Nerds” party. There
was a similar party my first year,
and I recall guys wearing pocket
protectors and ugly glasses and
strange-looking orthodontic contraptions. This year, a gaggle of
first-year females — that’s right,
Feb Club virgins — walked in
dressed like backup dancers for
Britney Spears’ “Hit Me Baby One
More Time” video. In other words,
they were dressed like trashy schoolgirls with one oh-so-nerdy touch:
glasses.
Nothing about the “Nerds” party
begged women to dress suggestively.
So why did they? Had one James
Bond-inspired theme party the
night before inspired them to “take
it off”? Were they, with one glance
at the Feb Club calendar, brainwashed into believing that they had
to dress this way for every party,
even if the party did not carry a
sexualized theme?
And don’t even get me started on
Halloween. What is Halloween, but
every woman’s chance to dress slutty
without being a labeled a “slut”?
Women voluntarily dress sexy.
So where does this phenomenon fit
into that dissenting cry falling under the amorphous banner some
like to call “the objectification of
women”? Of course, some might look
at this unladylike behavior and say
it is not voluntary at all. But I am
uncomfortable with this brand of
feminism, which views women as
brainwashed fembots. Note: this
“brainwash” idea is not an argument advanced by Ms. Nannery.
However, it is an argument that
some might use to criticize the scandalous Feb Club party themes. And
I refuse to look at those 22-, 23-, 24,
and 25-year old first-year women
and say, hey little girl, you didn’t
want to dress like a trashy schoolgirl, instead, you were only brainwashed into believing that you
wanted to. You are not acting yourself; instead you are merely a manpleasing automaton, moving not as
you want, but as He makes you
believe you want.
So if Ms. Nannery’s beef is with
the NGSL “approving” any party
based on a theme “objectifying” a
group of people such as women,
then she also has a problem with
adult women choosing to host a
theme party such as “Hugh Hefner’s
Midsummer Night’s Dream,” where
they might be choosing to dress in
bunny ears or god knows what else.
I just don’t see how women are
injured when they choose to have a
party that will allow them to dress
in “god knows what else” in their
own homes. Instead, I see women
injured when other women slap
them on the wrist and tell them
they can’t do as they want. Of course,
Ms. Nannery isn’t saying outright
that women can’t do as they want.
But when you tell them they can’t
have their party, what else could it
mean? Why is it that the harshest
judgments of women come from
other women?
And we could stand judgmentally
and say, “Bad girl, go to your room.”
But those girls might be risqué anyway. Women might want to push
the envelope. Some women will find
innocent theme parties and dress
saucily anyway. I say, good for them.
Maybe what we are afraid to recognize is that sometimes women want
to objectify themselves, and sometimes women want others to objectify them. And maybe, just maybe,
this isn’t about a bunch of meek
women “wired” to believe that this
is what they want by an all-powerful “male” oppressive presence wafting through the Law School hallways. Maybe, just maybe, it’s about
women taking the very things that
once kept them down and shut them
up, and using them to assert power.
Or maybe they just like it.
Of course, Ms. Nannery doesn’t
say that women can’t do what they
want. She is saying that no one can
have an “offensive” party theme
under the banner of the NGSL, or
the Law School. I think this is a
valid point. But I would rather not
have her definition of “offensive”
ruling my social life.
Still, I think that Ms. Nannery’s
editorial should not have been directed at “the Feb Club organizers
from NGSL” who “created a hostile
environment where women are valued only as sex objects.” What the
discussion about this issue thus far
hides is that we might really be
annoyed at the women. The women
of NGSL. The Women who suggested these theme parties. The
Women who look racy even at innocent theme parties. The women who
dress risqué, period, no matter what
month it is, no matter what time or
place. If we’re talking about a “hostile environment,” well, let’s put the
blame on the capable adults who
created it:
Women.
Maybe it’s not the “Hustlers &
Harlots” party making some people
wince. Maybe we’re afraid of a world
where women can be their own
pimps.
Newspaper Review: The Law Weekly
The Virginia Law Weekly represents one of the glittering editorial
accomplishments of modern journalism. Hailed by many in the field
as a literary forum unparalleled in
the annals of Southern law school
student-run weekly publications, it
occupies the core of this institution’s
collective unconsciousness. I don’t
want to ruin for any first-timers the
exhilaration of an initial read, but
suffice it to say that the centerpiece
of the publication remains the satirical postmodern masterstroke
that is the VANGUARD.
thing that offends somebody else.
Then, invariably, that remark will
be taken slightly out of context and
then exaggerated in an indignant
or mildly sanctimonious response
that will be published either as another column or as an open letter to
the editor. After the indignant response, one of two things will happen. Either the author or speaker of
the original remark will respond by
earnestly attempting to clarify the
original intent of the statement, or,
if the tête-à-tête is sufficiently ripe
for parody, a third party will intervene in the form of a Beet column. It
is as if the exchanges are Greek
Publication
tragedies in three acts except that,
Review
for at least one set of protagonists,
by James Joyce
(a.k.a. Lee Kovarsky) the relevant hubris — offensively
calculated inoffensiveness — goes
unpunished by the gods.
Speaking of gods, of all the stars
But that brilliant parody of highschool gossip columns is only the tip in the Law Weekly firmament, Tom
of the iceberg, as the Weekly consis- O’Grady shines the brightest.
tently features a dazzling array of O’Grady remains something of an
material that is sure to keep the enigma to much of the Law School
Law School community turning the community, operating in the shadpages. The Weekly encourages an ows of his more prolific colleagues
open dialogue between its editorial Drew Larsen and Julie Jordan.
staff and the community at large Consistently a riot, the man eats
through a tried and true system of ’80s for breakfast. One by one,
opinion-statement and response 90210, Rocky IV, and Blossom have
that can span several editions. First, all fallen into the O’Grady
someone will do, say, or write some- crosshairs. O’Grady’s work, how-
ever, is only a single asset in a
portfolio of literary talent — constitutionally elected representative Rees Ferriter Morgan’s political commentary, Drew Larson’s
cerebral potty humor, Victor Kao’s
undeniably sociopathic Top Ten
lists, and Stu Shapley’s what-thefuck-is-he-talking-about
ghettofab-intellectual pidgin all
add unique dimensions to this
eclectic publication.
There is but one blemish on the
Law Weekly’s otherwise impeccable
journalistic record — Lee Kovarsky.
That bloated, pretentious, arrogant,
bile-mouthed, wannabe alterna-shit
is one of the more self-important
schtick-peddlers I’ve ever encountered, and the Weekly is all the
worse for his participation. I don’t
think anybody takes him seriously,
and with good reason. It’s as if
some deranged scientist commingled the DNA of Bobcat
Goldthwait and Jack Osbourne. I
need him to give me a breakdown
of the college radio top-40 like I
need him to give me a 50-dollar
lap dance. Oh wait — a review of
the very publication in which the
farcical review appears! How
fucking wonderfully and self-referentially contrived, you indulgent, predictable knockoff.
Staring out into the frozen vortex
of yet another snow shower, I find
myself confused and bewildered, as if
I have suddenly wandered into a foreign land whose denizens speak gibberish and eat nothing but Combos
served by impeccably mannered
helper-monkeys. This world fascinates
me and I long to live there forever,
basking in the glorious warmth of
yummy nacho-cheese filled pretzel
snacks running amok through my
digestive system. But alas, something
shiny catches my eye, and I return to
the frozen tundra that is
Charlottesville this winter and to the
grim realities of life as a second-semester third-year.
Alex Benjamin,
a third-year law
student, is the Law
Weekly’s Associate
Features Editor.
The great majority of my Law
School days are gone; they slipped
away into the night like nitrous oxide
from a whipped cream container. I
have torn through my last Feb Club
as rapidly as I have burned cash — at
a rate that would make an NBA
groupie blush. All that is left is the
desperate hope that I counted my
credits correctly and that New York
will permit me to take the bar exam in
crayon. But enough of this dreary
talk; the joyous warmth of Spring will
melt this malaise, showering rays of
sun and delicious monkeys and erudite Combos upon the happy valley of
U.Va. I think now is the time to reflect, refocus, reprioritize, and possibly to recombobulate.* Accordingly, in
the optimistic spirit that only true
fools possess and smack dealers lament, I would like to call your attention to the following rites of spring
that should bring a smile to all your
faces, a spring to your steps, and quite
possibly a “funny feeling” to your
nether regions:
Sundresses: Now, before I get
called out for objectification, sexism,
jeujeunosity, or acute automatonophobia — the fear of
ventriloquist’s dummies, animatronic
creatures, statues of Amy Wax, or of
anything that falsely represents a
sentient being — I’m talking about
both sexes in sundresses. Sure, most
guys will tell you that few things in
this world are more joyous and wonderful than the first spring day warm
enough for women in sundresses.
True, sundresses are really like XMas, the Fourth of July, and Baywatch
all rolled into one. But have you ever
seen a guy, especially with nice legs,
in a sundress? Not too shabby either.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve got a
hunch that now that Rees Morgan
has been retired from his elevated
position of power, he just might start
wearing sundresses. Now ladies, I
ask you, does it get any better than
Rees Morgan in a sundress?
The Sport of Kings (and Lawyers): So what if Winston Churchill
said, “Golf is a game whose aim it is to
hit a very small ball into an even
smaller hole with weapons singularly
ill-designed for the purpose.” What
did that guy know, anyway? Helped
to save the free world, you say? What,
was he some sort of ninja or something? I bet Steven Seagal in Above
the Law could have kicked his ass.
Regardless, Churchill was an idiot
about golf. What other sport allows
you to ride around in a little mini-car,
drink beer, and smoke a cigar at the
same time? What other game sucks
you into spending thousands of dollars on equipment, hundreds of dollars on individual greens fees, and
unknown fortunes betting on holes,
yet so consistently tells you to go “F!”
yourself? None. But on a sunny late
March Thursday afternoon, get a 40
of Crazy Horse, a driver, and a sleeve
(or two) of balls, and recognize the
wondrous freedom of our lives down
here.
Softball: Now, I’m not talking
about the NGSL or even the spring
tournament. Regardless of your skill
level or athletic interest, there is
something to be said about being
able to cruise out of a lecture straight
onto a dirt diamond and toss around
a round ball like the boys. Maybe
it’s some sort of latent memory from
days of recess, four-square, and getting picked last for kickball. I mean,
who’s really good at kickball, anyway? Why did I always have to be
picked last? I hustled, I always ran
out the grounders I hit right back to
the pitcher. For the love of god, they
picked a kid who was legally blind
over me. Every time. Anyway, where
was I? Oh, right, softball is nice in
the springtime.
Admitted Student’s Weekend:
Is it going to suck or not? Big question? Are we going to get “the type of
students this school wants to attract,” or not? Is this school antiintellectual? I dunno. I do know
that no one cares what I think, least
of all this administration. And I
know what I learned in ninth-grade
Biology: that a niche is a very fragile thing and easily destroyed. So, I
tell you what. I’ll go to the Biltmore,
order us a pitcher or two, and we’ll
cross our fingers that future springs
at U.Va. Law are as great as those
that we had the privilege to enjoy.
That Smell: Get your minds out
of the gutter! The smell I’m talking
about is the one that accompanies a
warm spring breeze — the one that
summons thoughts of 18 holes of
golf, chirping birds, margaritas on
the terrace, and an adolescent Soleil
Moon Frye. Forget about those aphrodisiac oils you order out of the
backs of magazines you keep in the
bathroom. Flush your little blue
pills. Forgo scrambled Skinemax.
Spring is about new life, rebirth,
and lots and lots and lots of sex.
So remember (with apologies to
Ralph Waldo Emerson):
“Spring still makes spring in the
mind,
When three long years are told;
Love wakes anew this throbbing
heart,
And we are never old.”
*
While this word cannot be found
in any English dictionary, in Monkey-Combo Land a dictionary would
inform you: “recombobulate, v, to
bang one’s head repeatedly against
a wall in anguish, as if someone else
ate your last Combo.”
1
CROSSWORD
SOLUTION
When I first looked at the Feb
Club Calendar this year, I jokingly
mentioned to the friend beside me
that dressing for this year’s theme
parties could easily be accomplished
with a single costume: a bikini.
Virginia Law Weekly
Reviews
Friday, February 28, 2003
7
The Original American Idol: The Michael Jackson Interview
I have never been ashamed to
admit that I am a Michael Jackson
fan.
TV Review
by Carsten Reichel
It goes all the way back to 1983,
when Thriller was tearing up the
charts, the Jackson 5 were on their
Victory tour, and the coolest thing
in the world you could wear was one
of Michael’s trademark jackets.
Which jacket, of course, was the big
issue — would it be the zipper-andchain-mesh “Beat It” model, or
would you go with the black-andred high-shouldered “Thriller” version? I always preferred the latter,
which I begged my mom to buy me
every time we passed their storefront display in Wal-Mart. I never
got it, not even at Wal-Mart’s everyday low prices, but later I did manage a T-shirt from Sears that featured a pretty fresh silkscreen of
Michael dancing and the words
“Beat It” across the chest. It was on
clearance, so Mom couldn’t resist.
Anyway, by age six, I was hooked.
A lot of folks dropped off the
bandwagon after that, of course.
Like when M.C. Hammer came
along, and everybody thought he
was a better dancer than Mike. Not
me, though. I stood by my boy, taking a beating from my peers even
against the seemingly irresistible
force of Please Hammer Don’t
Hurt’Em. Hammer didn’t hurt me.
And when Mike did the halftime
show at Super Bowl XXVII? Don’t
even get me started. Maybe it wasn’t
the coolest thing for a 16-year-old to
admit, but damned if my heart didn’t
melt when all those people at the
Rose Bowl turned over their seat
cards to show a ring of multiethnic
children holding hands while Mike
sang “Heal the World.” For my money,
that’s still the greatest sports entertainment moment ever, and I include
Wrestlemania VI in that analysis.
And so, my lifelong fascination
with Mike came calling once again
when I read about British reporter
Martin Bashir’s 90-minute interview with him. I missed the original
20/20 American broadcast, but fortunately for me, a snowstorm, VH1
rebroadcasts, and my 36-hour battle
with cabin fever all came together
for two hours of the greatest TVwatching ever. And I don’t say that
lightly. This was good stuff.
Now, you should know that I
hate reality TV. Survivor? Didn’t
get it. American Idol? Does nothing
for me. Joe Millionaire? Didn’t see a
single episode. But Bashir’s inter-
view was reality TV in its purest
form. He didn’t have to manufacture a train wreck — it was already
there. This was like the two minutes on Cops where they arrest the
really funny drunk guy, or the one
good bear-mauling on When Ani-
courtesy hemlockvintage.com
Thriller? I Hardly Know Her!
mals Attack! Only this lasted a full
90 minutes.
And it wasn’t just the part where
Michael sat on his couch and told
Bashir about sleeping in the same
bed with other people’s kids, claiming it was a very loving thing to do,
all the while holding the hand of
Gavin, a 12-year-old cancer survivor and quite possibly the most beatup kid in America by now. That
grabbed the headlines, for sure, but
Bashir’s interview was so much
more than that.
It was a trip to Mike’s Neverland
ranch, where the two rode go-karts
and a Ferris wheel with no one else
around. This place was like the
county fair without the carnie-folk,
and with a few giraffes roaming
around to boot. It was Mike telling
us about getting a booty call from
Tatum O’Neal and then chickening
out on his first chance to score. It
was the Vegas hotel room where
Jackson holed up for a month, surrounded by a seven-foot-tall model
of the Jolly Green Giant and another mannequin that looked
strangely like Tom Wingfield in a
butler suit. It was the Berlin balcony where Mike was positively
manic over the few German fans
camped down below. Apparently,
Jackson forgot that the Germans
were also responsible for David
Hasselhoff’s music career — he
seemed positively delighted that
these people still cared. It was the
shopping spree where the Gloved
One bought by simply pointing at
just about everything in the store,
with most items carrying a six-figure price tag.
Bashir’s special was, in a way,
the final chapter in a modern tragedy. It was cruel, to be sure — a
harsh reminder that Jackson is now
44, years removed from any sort of
current relevance. It laid bare a
modern grotesque, a character created by throngs of screaming fans
who would later simply lose interest, leaving a show with no audience. And yet Mike obliged every
question. I was reminded of the old
parable about the tree that obligingly lowered a limb for the woodsman, only for the woodsman to craft
his axe-handle from the limb. Either Bashir is freakin’ Paul Bunyan,
or Jackson is the dumbest tree ever.
Either way, Mike just let himself
get chopped down for 90 minutes.
Yet at the same time, it was a
reminder of who he was and why we
loved him. Jackson still seems a
celebrity, the same guy I wanted to
be like in first grade. The same guy
who almost made me cry with a
halftime performance. I felt real
pity for Mike as I watched this. Like
watching Jackson’s nose jobs over
the years, I wanted him to stop for
his own good, but it was too fascinating a show for me to stop watching. It was the obsolescence of a
mythical figure, and that makes for
a mythical obsolescence.
And that, in the end, is good TV.
Home on the Range: Or How I Learned to Unload
I have never really felt the need
to own a gun. Unlike 50 Cent or P.
Diddy, my mortality is threatened
only by those average safety concerns I can counteract through precaution and common sense.
In Da Club
by Alison
Haddock
Gun use, however, has retained
a mystic aura absent rationality in
my memories. I recall days taking
riflery at camp, shooting .22s at tiny
paper targets, feeling strong and
independent despite my persistent
inability to look through the sight
— and therefore aim — correctly.
So when I heard Professor Stephen
Smith was the resident “gun nut”
on the faculty, I couldn’t resist revisiting this fondly remembered
pastime. I dragged two other neophytes out with me and drove to
meet Smith, his Glock, his 9mm
special, and his .357 Magnum at the
Rivanna Rifle and Pistol Club.
Not unlike Club 216, the Rivanna
Rifle Club is a members-only institution. After being escorted through
the gate, we proceeded up a short
driveway to a low-slung cinderblock
clubhouse. The anteroom of this
building, papered in NRA posters and photographs from shooting contests, looked like a cross
between the gathering place of a
Rotary Club and the auditorium
of my elementary school.
Through an inconspicuous door
that in any other meeting hall
would reveal a restroom or a
kitchenette was the indoor pistol range.
If you have ever seen The
Silence of the Lambs or any other
movie that featured FBI agents
or policemen honing their aim,
then you have a pretty good picture of what an indoor range
looks like. Perhaps the only difference at Rivanna was that the
overall effect was a little more
rustic — picture more sheet
metal— and there were more
signs saying, “Clean up after
yourself, your mama doesn’t
work here.” Professor Smith immediately handed us all earplugs, which led to an afternoon of
exaggerated gestures and me
screaming my questions about how
to not shoot myself in the foot.
Glock and the 9mm, which used
clips. The 9mm special was appealingly small, however, and for someone worried about her daily
safety, it would make an unobtrusive addition to a book bag or
purse. The Glock was mostly
thug-like and powerful and
would serve as an intimidating
essential only to those heavily
involved in gang wars.
Perhaps the most informative element of this trip was
discovering how strangely exciting firing a gun can be. My
memories of lying on a mat firing a small rifle did not compare to staring down the sight
of a powerful, recoiling handgun. It simultaneously imbues
you
with
feelings
of
powerfulness and powerlessness. It in some ways made me
want to learn physics and to
applaud the person who conphoto by Alison Haddock
cocted gunpowder. But it oddly
“You’ve got to ask yourself one
left me unable to say anything
question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’
more than the words my friends
Well, do ya punk?”
and I later used to describe it:
its size counteracted some of the “Wow. That was really fun.”
As we left the compound, Profeskick I found so difficult to handle in
the semiautomatics. The revolver sor Smith offered us a little insight
was also easier to load than the into the gun ownership laws of VirThe .357 Magnum was by far my
favorite weapon of the arsenal. Although the biggest gun of the three,
ginia. Apparently, we could go out
and buy a gun at Sears or K-Mart
that very day and only suffer a
waiting period of minutes. We could
also apply for a concealed weapons
permit, dropping 50 bones for a
three-year right to carry a hidden
Glock or 9mm anywhere except bars
and some alcohol-serving restaurants.
Oddly, having this much fun
made me think a lot of deep
thoughts. I like shooting as a sporting activity, and apparently I am
not alone. Does that old man who
carries his ammo in a tackle box
and carefully zips his guns into carrying cases really represent a risk
to America’s children or to the unknowing guy who picks a bar fight
with him? Should a frightened individual be deprived of a pistol simply
because semiautomatic handguns
are the favored weapons in gang
wars? Although I don’t support the
rights of former felons to pack heat,
law-abiding individuals who carefully shield their guns from foreign
and unwary hands should have the
right to shoot skeet and targets and
maybe even to thin deer populations. Otherwise, how will we protect ourselves from Professor Smith?
Better Than Sex — *Crash!* — No, Just Like Sex
24 Hour Party People is an account of the rise, slight fall, re-rise,
fall, and final crash of Factory
Records, the punk record label
founded in the 1970s by Manchester TV journalist Tony Wilson.
Movie Review
by Lee Dunham
In the film’s opening scene, Wilson is launched off of a mountain in
a hangglider, to the soaring strains
of “The Ride of the Valkyries.” “I’m
flying!” he shouts. “This is the most
amazing feeling! Better than sex!”
Seconds later, he painfully crashes
into a large field of sharp-looking
shrubbery. “Oh,” he says. “Shit.” He
detaches himself, hobbles toward
the camera, and explains, “You’re
going to be seeing a lot of that sort of
thing in the film. Although that
actually did happen, obviously it’s
symbolic…. I’ll just say ‘Icarus,’
okay? If you know what I mean,
great. If you don’t, it doesn’t matter.
But you should probably read more.” hicle for punk music on British tele- tive. Wilson’s contract with the
This scene encapsulates much of vision. Wilson then goes on to sign bands, written in his own blood,
the joyful spirit and wry, literate the bands Joy Division (later, New provides only that profits will be
self-awareness that makes 24 Hour Order), the Stone Roses, and the split 50/50 and that the artists will
Party People such terrific fun. Happy Mondays to the Factory la- retain “total creative freedom.” He
Merely calling the film the history bel. In the film, live performances opens the celebrated Hacienda club
in Manchester, and it beof a record label does it a
comes the first “cathegreat injustice: it is a
dral” of rave culture. Intightly written, intellievitably, piece by piece,
gently acted, and artistithe project falls apart,
cally filmed comedy. How
largely due to the ebulmuch of the movie is fact
lient anarchy that made
and how much fiction apit a success in the first
parently depends on
place. However, the diwhom you ask. The real
rector and screenwriter
Tony Wilson denies about
make it clear that this is
half of the events in the
no tragedy: if you ride
movie, but as the “fake”
fortune’s wheel to the top,
Tony Wilson says at one
you can’t complain when
point, “I agree with John
it turns you back down to
Ford: When you have to
the bottom.
choose between the truth
courtesy United Artists
Wilson is endearingly
and the legend, print the
portrayed by Steve
legend.”
Present at the Early Days of Punk and Rave
Coogan, an actor familThe plot is simple: inCulture: From Safety Pins to Ecstacy
iar in Britain as the
spired by attending the
first performance of the Sex Pistols, are recreated using historical foot- comic character Alan Partridge, a
Wilson begins featuring punk bands age of the bands spliced with foot- local TV talk-show host. Intereston his TV show. Due to a large-label age of the actors, a simple tech- ingly, Coogan reportedly based the
monopoly, the show is the only ve- nique that is nonetheless very effec- Partridge character on the real
Tony Wilson. Given the evident
delight of the film’s directors and
producers in elaborate irony, this
fact no doubt boosted Coogan’s
chances at the role. Wilson, as
Coogan portrays him, is an intelligent, overeducated man who takes
himself so extravagantly seriously
that he can’t help but see his own
absurdity. It is his appreciation
for life’s irony that enables him to
take his violent reversals of fortune with equanimity. The
character’s self-awareness is fertile ground for comedy, as it extends even to his status as a character in a movie — at one point he
refers to a scene that “didn’t make
the final cut, but will probably be
on the DVD” — and to the fact that
he is not the “real” Tony Wilson,
who, he points out, has a cameo in
the film.
Why this terrific film wasn’t
picked up by a Charlottesville theater is incomprehensible. Fortunately, the video is available at
Sneak Reviews. Rent it: 24 Hour
Party People is all joyride, no crash
landing.
8
Law School Life
Virginia Law Weekly
VANGUARD
NGSL’S
OF DEMOCRACY
As cavorting law students, one into the breach, my friends. While
assumes that we are aware of what many of the 3Ls credited F.H. for
cavorting behavior is legal and what the genesis of their statutorily
is not. But sometimes it gets tricky. risky relationships, other 3L men
For instance, does it violate some cited the weather — apparently
open-container law to drink alcohol these gals were stuck at 8U for the
out of those red cups while casually entire blizzard. Can’t you just hear
strolling past the Greenskeeper? VG the dramatic dialogue?
Undergrad Slut: Oh, future lawis not sure…. Is it legal to relieve
oneself of urine clandestinely be- yer, I just have to get back to my
hind a bush by the side of the road? sorority house! What will my sisters do without my hurricane lamps
3L R.D. is not sure….
But new and more interesting if the power goes out?!
8U Resident (removing cigar):
questions of legality have arisen
this week. As an example, is it Ah, yes, but my darling, I cannot
legal to bring a 19-year-old to allow you to venture…ah…out into
Barrister’s Ball? According to a this maelstrom. You’ll have to repoll of 3Ls, the answer is yes. 3Ls main here for the foreseeable fuN.B., S.B., F.H., C.K., L.M., A.R., ture. [Passionate embrace].
Nice work, gentlemen. Of course
and J.V. were seen with handsome undergrads on their arms at the reliable 3L women had somethe Ball, proving that it’s never thing to say about all this. In a huff
too late to find dates who enjoy of feigned anger at Barrister’s, C.C.
objectification — one final time declared: “What does that undergrad
Friday, February 28, 2003
Is That Legal?
punany got that my 27-year-old
punany don’t!?”
In any case, Barrister’s Ball was
a relative success. The open bars
were overpriced, but they were
accessible, which means a lot. In
more exciting news, apparently
the cast of The Learning Channel’s
While You Were Out showed up at
the Omni and moved the dance
floor from the middle of the room
to the end of the room. VG liked it
better last year. But the Ball did
raise other questions of legality….
Is it legal to kick people out of
hotel rooms for no reason at all? In
case you missed it, the Five-O
showed up and booted everyone
out of the suites, prematurely ending what has typically been the
best part of Barrister’s. While 3L
E.B. gave those pigs a piece of her
mind, El Presidente performed for
them a coughing, slurring spasm,
and 3Ls J.A. and N.F. made out.
Next, is it legal to post pictures
of 3L N.M.’s out-of-town
girlfriend’s ass on the Internet?
Apparently 3L N.M. sent a
strongly worded e-mail to
Partypics.com demanding some
kind of You-Must-Be-18-Or-Over
warning to be placed upon entry to
the website. And, jealous that her
ass wasn’t featured, 3L C.C. inquired: “What does her punany
have that mine don’t?”
Surely Barrister’s wasn’t the only
news posing tough legal questions
last week. For example, how many
girls can you hit on in one night
before you’ve reached the legal limit?
Thursday night at the “Wild On
Fontaine” party, 2L A.P. was the
man testing the limits. Then again,
as a recent arrival, he may not know
that the legal limit is lower in Virginia. 2L M.A. may have also crossed
PHOTO GALLERY
some social, if not legal, boundaries
that night by publicly declaring himself a “social dynamo.”
On Friday night, 2Ls T.G., J.H.,
C.J., R.J., and D.L. hosted the Cosa
Nostra party on Cabell, which presented the issue of whether or not
it is legal to have last call at a
Friday night Feb Club party at
3:45 a.m. VG thought it was standard to wait until at least 4 a.m
before shutting the place down. In
any case, some troupers braved
the snowy conditions to play outdoor beer pong despite the lack of
a Winter X-Games party. 2L J.T.M.
swooped into the party on his
drunken horse and managed to
offend at least three people before
he even walked in the door. Which,
of course, brings up the issue of
whether it is legal to ride a drunken
horse.
Finally, VG has received word
that the other former VG from last
year, ’02 S.B., recently got engaged
in London. VG just has to know
two things: Did S.B. get a haircut
before proposing? Does this mean
that both of us will be engaged by
this time next year? Frightening
thoughts. But, our heartiest
congrats to S.B. And that wasn’t
the only engagement this week.
3L R.L. was also taken off the
market this week, by ’02 J.D., and
to the dismay of 3L M.A. Is that
legal? Only in Vermont.
Send
your
gossip
to
[email protected]. Yes,
it is Yahoo! — we can’t even keep
it straight after those tricky Law
Review nerds confused us two
weeks ago.
photo by Alison Perine
photo by Alison Perine
“No, we will not grind up
against each other even if you
ask us nicely.”
“What do you mean you took
this photo ten years ago with a
different group of students?”
photo by Alison Perine
“So what is this ‘Roger Rabbit’
dance of which you speak?”
The Weekly Crossword
Edited by Wayne Robert Williams
A-ONE
By James E. Buell, Edgewater, Florida
1
6
10
15
19
20
21
22
23
26
27
28
29
31
32
33
34
37
38
39
40
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
55
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58
59
61
64
67
68
70
71
73
74
76
77
81
83
84
85
86
90
91
92
93
ACROSS
Spicy condiment
Musical pulse
In a state of excited
activity
Bind with rope
Show subservience
Site of the 1952 Winter
Olympic Games
Weasellike mammal
Sax for Bird
Unparalleled
I’ve __ had!
Misses in Madrid
Author of “Riders of the
Purple Sage”
__ and feathered
Leonard of “Star Trek”
Lump of clay
“From Here to Eternity”
Oscar winner
Pinch
Twosome
Burn up the highway
Not like at all
Ultramundane
Fort Knox bar
Show of hands
False witness
Niagara noise
The Who drummer Keith
Vague
Hazards
112.5 degrees from W
Ultraviolet filter layer
Ditty
Immortals
Genetic copies
Dirty spots
Fair-haired ones
Jimmied
Clarinet relative
Young wolf
Now __ seen everything!
Scent-laden
Heavy hammer
Ben and Bobby
Department store
department
Vocalist Vikki
Toy with a tail
Run __ of the law
Standout
Chinese evergreen tree
Dunkable treats
Bakery buy
German dramatist
solution p. 6
Hauptmann
94 Bar-code
reader
97 Succumb to
worry
99 Worn away
unevenly
100 Liquefied
101 Source of
dietary fiber
102 Flora
106 Geometry
calculation
107 Preeminent
110 Party faction
111 Rectify
112 Toward
shelter
113 Lethargic
114 Memo
115 Intermittently
windy
116 Rocky crags
117 Furtive looks
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
24
25
30
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
DOWN
Downhill
gliders
British
princess
Jack Sprat’s
diet
Unsurpassed
In working order
Tea Party locale
Composition
Celebrant robes
Fiddle (with)
“The Jetsons” dog
Founded
Abide by
Under the weather
Southpaws
Part of Newfoundland
On guard
Take the helm
Accord concern
Actress Anouk
Dome-shaped building
From scratch
Winsome
Tapering to a point
Actor Pickens
Pre-stereo sound
“Othello” villain
Moral obligation
Uneven haircut
40
41
42
43
44
45
47
51
52
53
54
57
58
60
61
62
63
65
66
69
72
75
76
78
Exudes slowly
Pipe fitting
Slight coloration
Pine product
Blasted, as cataracts
Frock
Moving vehicle
Watered, as a lawn
Long-gone birds
Rise up
Window ledge
Goose egg
Outlying district
Brand’s best
Ascend
Embankment
Bakery fixtures
“A Visit from St. Nicholas”
poet
Path of a mower
Seuss or Spock
Coloration
College cheers
“Of __ and Men”
Cape near Lisbon
79 Essen’s region
80 Peek-a-boo fashion feature
82 “The Flintstones” epoch
84 Contract in wrinkles
85 Landing field
87 Caen’s river
88 Diner’s put-on?
89 Overturn
90 Hotelier Helmsley
93 “The __ of Wrath”
94 Progeny
95 Unusual item
96 Looks __ everything
97 Firing line
98 Newman or Travis
99 Gantry or Fudd
101 Automatic advances at
Wimbledon
102 Equestrian game
103 Palm-reader’s words
104 Choice spot in the road?
105 Adjective-forming
suffixes
108 Aussie bird
109 Mouser
VANGUARD OF DEMOCRACY is an
independent column and does
not necessarily represent the
views of the editors of the Virginia Law Weekly.
Top Ten Reasons Why the U.S. Should
Send Me to Fight Iraq
by Victor Kao ’04
10. They put up my picture in silence ’cause my identity alone causes
violence.
9. Hey, have you seen me in khaki? I look cute in desert fatigues.
8. I’m getting caught up in all this nostalgia for American culture
between 1981 and 1991.
7. If Gary Banks can convince you to pay $100 more than necessary
for a wireless card with an underdeveloped user interface and
marginally greater signal strength, I can win a war by myself.
6. The ROTC guys on Main Grounds told me that war crimes are a
great way to get laid.
5. You didn’t let me pay for gas when we took that road trip to NYC
last year. It’s the least I can do.
4. I never met a person who didn’t look better with his lips wrapped
around the barrel of my gun.
3. Why should the blue-collar working stiffs have all the potentially
mortal fun while we just cheer them on? Oh yeah — we’re lawyers.
2. With my income potential, this is the only way I’ll ever get to drive
a Humvee.
1. At least I’ll definitely get an offer from Uncle Sam to stick around
after my second-year summer if I do a competent job.