Faith, Hope and Love – Ways We Heal After Loss

Volume 25, Issue 1
January/February 2016
Sharing Magazine...
touching lives…
healing hearts…
giving hope...
This Edition’s Topic:
Faith, Hope and Love:
Ways We Heal After Loss
We hope this brings you comfort
and hope for the future.
Page 2
Volume 25, Issue 1
Dear Friends,
In our last issue of Sharing, we joined you in hope that the holidays would be a
gentle, healing time for you and your families, and that you might find occasions in
the last weeks of the year to be surrounded by love and comforted by remembrance.
These moments are those that can help in healing our hurting hearts, refueling our
spirits, and rekindling our hopes for the future.
As we move into the New Year, we recognize that it may be with mixed feelings that
we turn that calendar page. For some of us, reflections and memories from the
previous year may linger heavily on our hearts. For others, there may be great
anticipation of the fresh start a new year brings, and hope for things to come. Time
moves forward and we do too, sometimes in very small steps, bringing with us our
memories of the past, as well as perhaps tentative seeds of hope for the future.
It is with that understanding that we bring you a very special issue of Sharing, one
which visits the very concepts, ideals, and values we hold dearest every day of our
lives: those of faith, hope, and love. These are the very things that are impossible to
hold in hand, but are so much the foundation of our everyday lives. We often use
beautiful, embellishing words to describe these things that are in essence, somewhat
indescribable, but are at the core of nurturing our human spirit.
They are also things we talk about a lot, and perhaps struggle to redefine, after a
loss. Many of us have asked repeatedly, What happens to our faith? Where do we
begin to hope again, or discover hope in our hearts? And what do we do with the
love we have, that unfolds, that continues to grow? How do we re-engage in these
necessary aspects of our spirit, our humanity, our lives?
After a loss, many of us are faced with re-evaluating all aspects of our faith: faith in
life, faith in goodness, faith in God or a higher being, faith in ourselves, faith in the
future. Often, we find ourselves in a position of vulnerability as we take steps to trust
again, or more deeply trust in that which is beyond our understanding. For each of
us, examining our faith is an integral part of our grief journey. The steps we take
are very personal and uniquely ours.
Behind the Scenes...
Debbie Cochran, RN
Executive Director
Patti Budnik
Bereavement Care
Manager
Rose Carlson
Program Director
Miranda Coker
Support Group
Facilitator
Vicki Kiefer
Accounting Manager
To love, and be loved, may be the deepest desires of the human soul. Grief can
disrupt our usual expressions of love and ways of loving, and can confuse the
compass of our hearts—at times rendering our hearts hardened, at times seemingly
insatiable. Our hope is that each of your hearts will be opened in new and beautiful
ways to give and receive love abundantly.
Sarah Lawrenz
Development
Director
Hope is perhaps the gift that faith and love help to bring to our lives. For all of us,
we strive for hope to grow in our hearts again, though it is sometimes hard to
imagine or see. As we allow those things that soothe, comfort and mend us to shape
our hearts, we step a bit closer to desiring a future again, believing in the possibility
there is one to be found that may be filled with joy again, someday. That is hope.
Jaclyn Nikodym
Development & PR
Associate
From the National Office, we offer a tender embrace of faith, hope and love for you
as we step beside you into this New Year.
Blessings,
Debbie Cochran, RN
Jennifer Stachula
Chapter Coordinator
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 3
Contents
Features...
4………….Honoring Chase
4………….Before I Lost Simeon
5………….Sharing & Caring Spring Training
5……..…...International Perinatal Bereavement Conference
8……..…..I Remember
9……..…..Love Lives On
9……..…..Book Review: Three Minus One
10………Self-ish
11……....The Glory of You
12……….Finding Hope
13……….Finding Hope (cont.)
14……….Random Act of Kindness
14……….Vinny, My Glory Baby
15……….Vinny, My Glory Baby (cont.)
18….…..UnEven
18….…..UnEven (cont.)
19………..Trivia Night & Spanish Share Group Launching
20.……..Angel Ball - Save the Date
In Every Issue...
Dear Friends……………………….…2
In Memory Of…….….….….….….….6
Sharing is the official newsletter of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. © 1997
Page 4
Volume 25, Issue 1
Honoring Chase
By: Carol Elmendorf
It's hard to believe it is Christmas
and you are not here
but that was okay, there is
nothing doctor's can't fix.
Now you live in eternal peace
with Jesus above
We were so excited about your
parent's announcement last year!
Oh how wrong we found we
would be with each passing day,
and are surrounded by people we
have lost and love!!
A boy as our first grandchild on
each side....
as news of surgeries, cancer and
chemo came our way.
We will continue to tell your
amazing super hero story
Our excitement was so evident
and unable to hide.
We cried, begged and prayed to
God for a cure,
until we meet you again some day
in God's everlasting glory.
A crib was set up and your room
was decorated to a tee
He would answer our prayers, we
thought that was a for sure!!
It's hard to believe it is Christmas
and you are not here
People showered Mom and Dad
with gifts as far as the eye could
see.
How hard it must have been
Sweet Baby Chase to fight such
pain
but we will go on because we hold
your memory so dear!!!
You decided to arrive early as
Momma got sick
You hung in there for twenty days
until the time came.
~ In memory of Chase Ryan
Elmendorf
Before I Lost Simeon
By: Stephanie Crawford
Before I lost Simeon, I was a super
free spirit! I went with the wind
and brought my friends with me. I
was the life of the party. After
losing him at nine months in
February, 2011, just a week
before my due date, I
changed.
through and for struggling youth. I
wondered, “How could I teach
them to live positive lives if I
couldn't balance my own energy?”
I became an impulsive
over-thinker who
sometimes had more
negative thoughts than
positive words. So when I
became anxious or
overwhelmed, I just shut
down. It took a while to
become someone who
actually was the person on
the inside that she played
so well on the outside.
I started a non-profit for families
who go through what I went
belly he heard me be free and laugh
and live! So if he is looking down
on me now, he is probably
confused. I am not being the
mother he once knew.” So I made a
conscious decision to live
like Simeon was
watching. Since then, my
non-profit has really grown
and my smiles are genuine
from the inside and out!
I made this video for anyone
that feels alone and like they
will never smile again. My
journey: https://youtu.be/
WCLHp2Fcn_g
One day I said out loud in a loss
group, “When my son was in my
For more information on
Stephanie’s organization,
Propa City Community
Outreach, please visit http://
www.propacityco.org/home.html
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 5
Sharing & Caring Perinatal Bereavement Training
The National Share Office is proud to announce the details of our first bereavement skills workshop of 2016:
Sharing & Caring will be held on March 8, 9 & 10, 2016 in St. Peters, Missouri.
This 2.5 day training is an exceptional opportunity for those interested in gaining skills needed to work with
families who have experienced the heartbreaking death of a baby. This specialized education explores
pertinent topics such as the unique nature of perinatal grief, the rights of parents when a baby dies, how to
provide aftercare support, and how to establish a system of perinatal bereavement care in a hospital or facility
setting.
All attendees will gain insight, skills, confidence, support and ideas on how to better serve bereaved families
within their communities. Professionals who attend will be awarded 17.75 contact hours through the Missouri
Nurses Association and the National Association of Social Workers.
Cost:$500; 2 or more registrants: $400 each
Fees include all workshop materials, snacks,
beverages, and lunch on Wednesday and
Thursday.
Location: Spencer Road Community Commons,
427 Spencer Road, St. Peters, MO 63376
For more information, please visit http://
nationalshare.org/act/attend-training/sharingcaring/
Stay tuned for additional training opportunities
and dates of upcoming events for professionals in
our local community. Visit our website for
continued updated information!
2016 International Perinatal Bereavement Conference
Mark your calendars for this exceptional perinatal
bereavement conference in sunny Phoenix, Arizona!
On September 28-October 1, 2016, join hundreds of
fellow professionals striving to improve perinatal
bereavement care across the world. Network with
international leaders and learn from incredible speakers
ways we can enrich the care provided families after losing
their baby.
For more information, please visit the conference website
at www.perinatalbereavementconference.org.
For updates, follow on Twitter @PLIDAnetworking, or
check it out on Facebook. Registration will be open soon!
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 6
Thank You for Your Gifts!
In Memory of…
My two rainbow babies
I know what it's like for women who
have experienced this type of pain. The
pain doesn't ever go, it's always present
in the back of your mind and all you
can do is push forward knowing that if
its in the Lords plan he will bless you
with a child. All my love and strength
from one woman to another.
By: Carmen Acosta
Joseph William Carter
Happy Birthday to our Blessing.
By: Deborah Carter
Alexander Castillo
By: Susan Woodard
Garrett Coleman
By: Bridget Reeves
Cronan Babies
By: Becky Cronan
Isabella Jean Heimann Nunes
By: Wendy Heimann
Caroline Henry
By: Mary Vancil
Bianca Josephine Hoelmer
By: JoAnn Vetter
Kiera Elizabeth Keady
Love you, baby girl!
By: Laura Keady
In memory of my 4 Angel Babies
Thank you for allowing me to do this
Jamberry fundraiser! Share means a
lot to me. Love, Toni
By: Toni Austin
Eliza Taylor Duckworth
We will always miss Eliza but are so
happy to have her sisters here.
By: Peggy Baker
Owen Michael Backer
By: Debbie Ball
Chase Ryan Elmendorf
By: Lynne Wuelling
Hannah Marie Bailey
By: Lauren Hess-Metz
In memory of Chase Ryan Elmendorf
By: Jeremy Elmendorf
Nathaniel Bemke
By: Geri Grisham
Maureen Elizabeth Kelly
By: Marjorie Kelly
Greta Claire Black
By: Charles Black
The Fisco Babies
In memory of Fisco babies: Niko,
Ferrari, Anela, Aolani, Hope & sibling
babies
By: Donna Fisco
Corynn Boresi
By: Joy Boresi
Baby Fogarty
By: Jessica Fogarty
Emmett Robert Kraus
By: Amber Kraus
Griffin Brase
Nana & Poppy's Lil' Buddy
By: Merlene Jeffries
Chase Foster
By: Barbara Smith
The Liddy Baby
By: Carol Buck
Joshua Bruenning
Love, Carol & Steve Jasper
By: Steve & Carol Jasper
Isaac Sewell Burling
"Blessed be the God and Father of our
Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of
mercies and God of all comfort, who
comforts us in all our affliction, so that
we may be able to comfort those who
are in any affliction, with the comfort
with which we ourselves are comforted
by God. For as we share abundantly in
Christ's sufferings, so through Christ
we share abundantly in comfort too."
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
By: Heather and Joe Lataille
Samuel Garrison Byers
By: Meredith Byers
Philomena Rose Carmean
In memory of Mena Rose, always in
our hearts.
By: Nancy Fontana
The Ganousis Angels
By: Megan Lodderhose
Xamayta Graver
We stand with you in your grief and
pray for your peace. Love, All the
Praying Sisters
By: Catherine Passmore
Claire Conroy Guckes
By: Sarah Guckes
You are in our memory and our hearts
every day.
By: Pamela Wilkerson
Fiona Hafner
By: Justin Lammert
In loving memory of Fiona Hafner
Andrew Hampes
By: Anita Hampes
Mason Harris
By: Lisa Hannon
Audrey Hope Keinrath
We hold you in our hearts. Missing and
loving you always. Dad, mom and your
sisters
By: Tracy Keinrath
Emily Kelley
You loved her so... you love her always.
In loving memory of your sweet Emily.
By: Casie & Brent Rentel
The Kiefer Babies
By: Joyce Budt
Joseph M. Margherio
By: Mike Margherio
Baby Metcalf
To Joe and Elaine, A donation in honor
of Baby Metcalf. "Your small life left a
love that will go on forever."
By: Danny and Ashley Elchert
The Mills Babies
By: Christine Mills
Penelope Rose Mueller
By: Susan Popovich
Michael & Christian Mutchler
By: Rachel Jaar
Samantha Nash
Kelly & Elliot, I'm sorry I couldn't
make the walk (again) this year, but
please know my thoughts and prayers
are with you and Samantha always ♡
By: Sheri Butts
Page 7
Volume 25, Issue 1
Thank You for Your Gifts!
Colton C. Natsch
By: Joan Natsch
Love Forever, Pops and Grammy
Denzel Nelson
By: Patricia Rich
Denzel Nelson and Max
Williamson
By: Dorothy Mehegan
Marley Caroline Neville
Thinking of you and Marley as her
birthday approaches. She is loved and
missed and thought of often. Love
from The Keenes
By: Candice Keene
By: Cristina Neville Rombough
In memory of my sweet goddaughter
Marley!
By: Alisa Osborne
Jacob Samuel Peacock and Josie
Lafata
By: Erin Sind
Samuel Jacob Peacock
Praying for the Peacock family in their
time of grief and loss.
By: Elizabeth Davie
We are so sorry for your loss. Your
family will continue to be in our
thoughts and prayers. Love, Keith &
Donna
By: Donna Long Memorial
By: Normand & Melinda Gaboury
By: Paul Peacock
By: Sharon Simpson
By: Colleen Wolf
Ryan Plattus
By: Hilary Plattus
Angelique & Michael Price, Jr.
By: Erika Becker Price
Amy Noel Rathsam
By: Glee Ann Huddlestun
Joshua Mirkay Redington
By: Nicholas Mirkay
By: Melissa Redington
We will always keep Joshua in our
thoughts.
By: Michelle Schuamcher
Cameron Roberdeau
By: Chris Roberdeau
Oliver David Roberts
To my first nephew, Oliver. You will
always be in our hearts.
By: Kate Jones
Charley Rowekamp
By: Stacey Hohn
By: Kathy Rowekamp
By: Megan Rowekamp
Jordyn Tyse-Dallas Sander
Merry Christmas in Heaven, Sissy! We
love you! Love, Joslyn & Tysen
By: Kelly Sander
Gregory Barrett Sill
Happy 4th Birthday Gregory!
Mommy, Daddy, Victoria, Gabriel, &
Lucas love you very much! Sending
kisses to heaven!
By: Emily Sill
Alyssa Kay Smith
By: Amy Smith
Alexander Boone Snyder
By: Debbie Hasko
Frankie Stockmann
By: Anne Phelps
By: Tara Perman
By: Kimberly Uxa
In memory of Hunter Charles, we will
remember you always!
By: Byron Walsh
By: Christine Watson
In honor of our son, Hunter Charles
Webb
By: Betsy Webb Memorial
Abigail Renee Welch
By: Teresa and Sean Welch
Kaiden Scott and Kennedy Grace
Wengler
from Aunt Carol, Charlene and
Grandma Florence
By: Carol Drummond
Son of Kristy and Alex White
Please accept our most heartfelt
sympathies for your loss. Holly & Jon
Thompson
By: Holly Thompson
Finn Edward Thilenius
By: Tammy and Brian L. Olson/
Thilenius
Elijah Ray Willings
I'm donating in memory of my
grandson. He gave us 22 hours and 22
minutes of the purest love I've ever
seen. Our hearts are forever broken.
By: Lori Taber
Happy Birthday to Finn! Love & hugs!
By: Gretchen Goodall
Nicholas Robert Ybarra
By: Amy Ybarra
Marek, Kellen, Easton, Barrett,
and David Varady
By: Danielle Varady
Andrew Zappacosta
By: Rebecca Lando
Luca and Elisa Vega
In memory of Luca Adriana Vega
8.10.13 and Elisa Josephine Vega
1.20.15
By: Maria & Mark Vega
Adam N. Wasif
By: Aamna Jalal
Hunter Charles Webb
By: Jacqueline Behnen
By: Rachael Bradley
To support the fundraising efforts of
Betsy Webb - I am happy to contribute
to this important cause.
By: Tammy Burton
By: Tara Green
By: Michael Greenstein
By: Margot Hintlian
All the little ones
By: Lee Rigg
Joshua
By: Jan Jerden
Robert
By: Carolyn Hays
In Honor of…
Alyssa Dolge
Thinking of you this week as the date
approaches. Sending our love and
prayers.
By: Jessica Rowden
The Hans Family
By: Julie Thomas
Page 8
Volume 25, Issue 1
Thank You for Your Gifts!
Cathi Lammert
This gift to Share is in honor of the
years of devoted service Cathi
Lammert gave to Share's staff, boards,
and bereaved families, as well as to her
colleagues in other pregnancy loss
support programs across the nation
and around the world.
By: Perry Lynn Moffitt
My Share girls
<3 you all...keep up the good work
By: Megan Nichols
Friends of Share…
Adam Abdelhadi
Cynthia Aranda
Nancy Armstrong
Amanda Borgmann
Teresa Brassfield
Deborah Bush
John Capellupo
Cynthia Cattoi
Beatriz Cervantes
Lions Club
Debbie Cochran
Madison Cooper
Kyle Dent
Barb Donahue
Tom and Marlene Evans
Missy Ewald
Peter Finnerty
Barbara Fresenburg
Douglas A Gansler
Wendy E. Garcia-Mercado
Cynthia Gelsthorpe
Carole Georgen
Lisa Hamilton
Jean Hannes
Thomas Henk
Melissa Hunte
Sarah Johnson
Aura Joyce
Frank Klass
Jane Krug
William Kutteh
Erica Lambert
Catherine Lammert
Angela Laurence
Ann Lehmann
Steven Light
Erin Maurer
Angela Meyers
Elizabeth Mirabile
Karen Mumm
Kimberly Nicholson
Enda O'Donovan
Kevin and Lisa O'Hern
Tammy and Brian L. Olson/Thilenius
Susan Petzel
Jenny Ramsey
David J. Reinhart
Pamela Smith
Stephanie Smith
Nicole Stroud
Valerie Sturm
Leah Waldrum
Constance Woods
I Remember
By: Laura Winik
I wrote this to my daughter on August 2nd, 2007. One
week before the journey which changed 'me' forever
began:
The “Why's” and “What if's” are definitely expected in
grief, but I did not find peace until I let go of the
questions that really there were no answers to. They
didn't bring Bridget home to me or alive in my arms. It
was when I turned it over to God, the universe, what
“To my Precious Baby, I have named you Bridget. Did
have you, that I could breathe again. It takes so much
you know that Bridget means resolute strength…you
have been a pleasant little fighter since conception. We courage to find hope in such heartbreak. But you will. I
are so grateful and admire your strength already! Baby knew I would be ok deep inside when I started looking
Bridget, I really need you to help Mommy. I know there for signs that she was with me. The doe across the
is something wrong with me. You need to keep growing cemetery at her memorial service. A shooting star, a
butterfly that brushes your shoulder or a rainbow that
and stay inside of me until the doctors say it’s safe for
fills the sky after a storm. These signs show you that you
you to be born. Can you do that for Mommy?"
are healing. They bring you hope and renew your heart.
Bridget did wait until the doctors said it was ok, and by
that time, we were both very sick. Not a day passes that I I guess what I want to say is that the pain WILL lessen
and you will find peace within your journey. And yes,
do not think of her. I speak of her each and every day.
Her little life changed me forever… and I must admit… I you will definitely change. Friends and hobbies you had
am a better person now because of her. Many of you are before your loss may be out of your life and replaced
very new to your loss, but please know you are not alone. with new friends, hobbies, and interests. You will not be
I remember how surreal and heartbreaking the first year the person you were before your baby passed away. But
was. I screamed, wailed, and sometimes would whisper know that this loss will TEACH you. One day down the
road you will offer comfort to someone new in their loss,
“WHY?” I felt helpless, angry, defeated, and alone. At
feel empathy for those struggling with their own journey,
times self-doubt and guilt kept me buried deep in the
and smile through the pain. Soon you will look for HOPE
grief. Also, I often played the “What if” game in my
brain. "What if I didn't jog that week?" “What if I went during the dark times and when a butterfly lands in the
grass by your feet. You will be a stronger/better “new”
to another OB that so-and-so had recommended?" It
you.
was a game that did not bring me answers.
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 9
Love Lives On
By: Dawn Casey, Family Support Coordinator, SIDS Resources, Saint Louis, MO
One of my favorite sayings
regarding grief is, “Love Lives On.”
It is descriptive, honest, simple,
and true, especially for the parent
who has lost an infant. The love a
parent has for their child is deep,
rooted in their soul, in their every
fiber of their being, and like no
other love they have ever known
before. A love that simply cannot
be taken away, even by death. It is
a love that will live on forever,
regardless of the number of days
that pass, the new events that will
occur in a parent’s life, or the
general busyness of day-to-day
activities ~ a love that they will
always cherish.
“Love Lives On,” applies to all
parents, regardless of their faith,
religion, church, practices, or
upbringing. Grieving parents of
various faiths, or no faith at all, can
be together and share the thing
they all have in common, and that
is, love. The love they each had for
their child. The love they can
describe with words and with tears.
Faith, religion, and church is part
of many parent’s support after the
loss of their child. It brings some
closer to their religion, and allows
them to learn more about their
faith. It is a saving grace for some
and avoided by others. Whatever
faith or belief a parent who has lost
a child practices, it is their love for
their child that will live on. That
love will guide them in their
decisions, support them through
good and bad times, and will never
leave them. It is a continuous love
that knows no end.
Healing through the pain of loss is
different for each parent; it is
dependent on their age, gender,
faith, past experiences, health, and
is individual as their fingerprint.
Just as no two individuals grieve
the same, no two individuals heal
the same. The healing process can
be a long journey with many twists
and turns. Parents often find ways
to support their journey through
activities, and sometimes that is
physical exercise; they start
jogging, going to the gym, yoga etc.
Though the activities may start out
as an escape from the pain of loss,
they eventually assist with their
healing process and provide a longterm positive effect. Crafts, such as
painting, knitting, and drawing
have also been known to support
parents during their time of grief.
Those tasks often provide a quiet
and productive time for the
parents when their lives seem out
of their control. Attending support
groups is very beneficial for
parents, and many find it
encouraging to witness others who
have experienced similar loss and
see their ability to laugh or smile
again. I encourage parents to
journal, nothing fancy, or poetic,
just jotted down notes of their
feelings and thoughts. I remind
them to date their entries so they
can go back and read their journal
and realize just how far they have
come in their journey.
As professionals, family members,
friends, or whatever role you play
in a grieving parent’s life,
remember the holidays, seasons,
and special days are stimuli for
increased emotions for the parent.
It is a time we should support them
by listening as they share their
happy and sad memories, laugh
and cry with them, say their child’s
name, and be present as they
experience life without their child.
Mostly it is our task to respect
them as they learn, “Love Lives
On.”
Book Review: Three Minus One: Stories of Parents’ Love and Loss
As I read this collection, I found myself feeling so
grateful to even hold this book in my hands; I
was grateful for the editors for taking a chance and
Inspired by the film RETURN TO ZERO—the first
inviting parents to share their most shattered moments
Hollywood film to tackle the taboo subject of stillbirth— of loss and to also share their most flickering hope for
Three Minus One is a poignant, inspiring anthology that healing; I was grateful that those who contributed their
offers much-needed insight into the unique, shattering,
stories or art did so with honesty and truth, knowing that
and life-changing experience of losing a child. It is a
another parent would pick up this book longing for
collection of intimate stories, poems, art, and
understanding and a shred of hope for healing on their
photographs by parents who shared in the heartbreaking own heartbreaking journey. And now, after having read
and often lonely experience of the death of their
this book, I am so grateful to have a resource to share
baby. Raw, honest, and soul-wrenching, this book is
with you, our parents, as your own story unfolds.
intended to open the hearts of friends and family to the
reality of the experience of loss, and also to acknowledge Interested in reading, or sharing this book?
to other parents that they are not alone in their
Share offers Three Minus One in our online store:
heartache. It is ultimately hopeful for parents seeking
https://www.z2systems.com/np/clients/share/
understanding, comfort and healing.
product.jsp?product=155&
Edited by Sean Hanish and Brooke Warner, reviewed
by Jenn Stachula, Share Group Coordinator
Page 10
Volume 25, Issue 1
Self-ish
By: Ginny Limer
Your baby has died. You have lost
all of your heart. Your will. Your
breath. Your care. Your self. The
grief takes over and your soul
succumbs to the heartbreak that
has become a daily reality.
families who have endured the
death of a child.
etc. Starting on the left side of the
page, begin illustrating your
journey of grief thus far. Draw
your grief, color your grief, and
share your grief journey with at
least one person.
Scared Sidless provides a “Retreat
from Grief” camp called Camp
Cullin in July of each year. This
year, for our third annual camp, we
You care less about yourself, and
had two families drive four hours to Your baby has died. You have lost
you feel selfless, literally without
attend, and one family even drove
all of your heart. Your will. Your
self. Your baby has died. And with from Chicago to Texas to be a part
breath. Your care. Your self.
her, or in my case him, the old
of our healing experience. 42
You will find your heart, will,
children and 35 adults were able to
you has come to pass.
breath, care, and self again.
attend for free due to generous
But the fact is that pieces of You
donations, sponsors, and fund
You may not recognize this
remain; they are broken, sharp,
raising events throughout the
weathered, new self,
rigid pieces, but pieces of you
year! This year, we were blessed to
remain.
have a Camp Cullin
but you have the power to reshape,
Counselor.
Penny
Haight,
with
recreate, and renew
You remain. And
Penny
Haight
Counseling,
held
one
maintain. Most days.
that which has been worn down.
session for the parents and
Then one day, something deep grandparents of loss and one
You can become self-ish again.
session for the grieving siblings.
down inside your heart
For your child.
During the sessions, we illustrated
wishes to thrive once again.
our grief through art, creating
For yourself.
For your child. For
symbols to explain the deep valleys
YOURSELF.
of grief, the thunderous triggers
that occur, steep mountain ranges
Where do you start? For this
of determination, and the rainbows
grieving mama, I looked within my in our lives representing hope.
broken heart to find a way to love &
start living life again, beginning
Hope for healing. Hope for a
with my passions. What are your
return of self.
passions? What did you enjoy
Hope for the future. Hope for
doing before your enjoyment
our grieving hearts.
passed away? Focus on three
Ginny Limer’s personal journey of grief
passions. If three seems like too
represented as art.
The
theme
at
camp
this
year
was
many, pick one. Focus on that
“Finding the Everyday Rainbows
passion, and pour the remaining
in your life.” You can do this too,
pieces of your heart and soul into
as an individual, family, couple, or
that passion.
with your child or children.
Live your passion. Selfishly.
Gather your materials: big pieces of
paper, markers, crayons, pencils,
When I decided to “Turn my Pain
courage and a truth. Take a few
into Passion”, I chose to focus on
minutes to reflect on the patterns
my love for photography, helping
of grief in your life. Then, imagine
people, and family/team
those patterns of grief to be forces
building. These personal loves
and landforms of nature. Rivers,
were the catalysts for the creation
oceans, mountains, plateaus,
of Scared Sidless, a non-profit
This young girl is showing her grief
thunderstorms, rainbows, valleys,
work. To me, the shadow makes her look
organization that gives love,
like a "strong girl", which she truly is.
hurricanes, tornadoes, hills,
support, and resources to other
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 11
The Glory of You
By: Justine Froelker, LPC
Justine Froelker, LPC, and author of Ever Upward,
Choosing to give ourselves graceful permission to
wrote and read the following poem on December 6th embrace the paradox that is defining our happy
at the Angel of Hope in St. Charles, MO.
ending within the arms of lifelong loss.
The Glory of You
The darkness left behind by the loss of you can feel as
if the breath, the very essence of who we once were
and who we wanted to be, has been taken from us.
Within these arms of permission and unwavering
hope we can find our truth.
Some days the darkness so heavy it can be difficult to
put one foot in front of the other, let alone breathe.
Because through this honor we fight, fight to take
back the pieces of ourselves that grief has tried to
plunder from our souls.
Some days the dawn strikes and our love for you fills
us with wonder so
powerful it propels us
forward in the day of the
living.
Our truth to live our lives in pure honor of you.
Taking back the pieces
of you in us battling to
weave them into the
fabric of what we must
carry with us always.
The wonder of how your
giggles would have filled
our souls with joy,
instead allowing our
hearts to hear for us in
the silence that can stifle
us. The silence of your
life gone too soon
scarring our souls,
trusting we always know
and see you as our
hearts will forever speak
you.
The battle of who we
once were and who we
are now as we parent
you from afar. Parenting
with scarred souls the
scars which were once
shattered hearts through
which we are forever
changed.
Forever changed and yet
choosing to be always
healing.
Missing the warmth of
your skin in our arms
and yet, we feel you
holy every day and
always.
Never to know the
tangible completeness
always wondering who
you might have been and who we could have been.
And yet, trusting and knowing we are whole, even in
our endless longing.
Healing within the
complicated gray of our
eternal love for you and
the darkness of grief.
In the tension of sorrow
and love, walking into
this complicated gray awakening to life in color we
breathe glory into our lives.
The glory of our love for you.
We will spend the rest of our lives moving through the
The glory of you.
grief with whatever grace we can muster in that day.
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 12
Finding Hope
By: Rose Carlson, Share’s Program Director
One definition of hope is the
“feeling of expectation and desire
for a certain thing to happen.” It
can also be described as the
expectation that things will change.
When your beloved baby has died,
your heart’s desire—to have your
little one with you—is no longer a
possibility, which can leave you
feeling uncertain about your future.
Parents who experience a
miscarriage, stillbirth, or death of a
new baby often struggle with a
feeling of hopelessness not only in
the early days and weeks, but also
for years to come. They frequently
feel stuck in a place of sadness and
anguish, believing their life no
longer has meaning. In other
words, they may have lost all hope
for the future, convinced
there is nothing at all
that will ever relieve
their aching arms, heart,
and soul. The common
emotions, worries, and
fears of grief often
intensify these hopeless
feelings.
Ronna Jevne and James
Miller, in their book
“Finding Hope: Ways to
See Life in a Brighter
Light,” write that when we have
hope, we look forward to the future;
we know we will be able to go on
and expect that the future will be
better. Since feeling completely at a
loss as to how to move forward
when someone so precious is
missing from your life is a very
common feeling, grieving parents
often feel adrift, as if the future will
never be better. And, as many of
you reading this have likely
discovered, finding hope does not
always come naturally. Being
hopeful after your baby has died
can seem downright unnatural.
Jevne and Miller acknowledge that
healing and finding ways to be
hopeful again can be a lot of hard
work—a slow and painful process.
You may struggle greatly to find
hope.
So how do you move from a place of
hopelessness and despair to a place
of hope again?
That is not an easy question to
answer because just as everyone’s
grief is different, so are everyone’s
dreams and life situations. In other
words, finding hope again means
different things for everyone. And,
unfortunately, it is not something
anyone else can tell you how to do.
When I asked bereaved parents
who have lived through the death of
their baby and eventually found a
way to restore their hope in life
again what they thought helped
them, the answers they gave were
as varied as their baby’s stories. As
always, I was humbled to be given
glimpses into their lives and hearts.
Several parents expressed how they
found the most promise of hope for
the future in their faith. In some
cases, that is the only thing that did
indeed provide them that hope. As
one mom, Tara, explained, “My
faith has been important to me for
all of my life, even when I was a
little girl. I know that some parents
who lose their baby blame and hate
God, but I couldn’t do that. I turned
to God to offer comfort and hope to
me. I turned to Him for reassurance
that someday, I would be reunited
with my son. I couldn’t have gone
on if I hadn’t. If I had let my faith
waver, I would have been broken in
a way I could never have recovered
from.”
Other parents shared stories about
how they regained a sense of hope
in their lives when they were able to
find ways to make meaning from
their baby’s life. Again, that can
take many different forms: doing
things for others in the baby’s
honor and memory, sharing their
baby’s story as a way to bring
awareness to various issues,
starting a not-for-profit
organization or volunteering for
one, even making career choices to
honor the baby’s life. One such
mom is Sarah; in honor of her son
Will, she decided to become a
nurse. “Nurses have
been a huge part of the
last 10 years for me.
Trying to recover from a
terrible battle with a
burst appendix that led
to my infertility, to
getting pregnant, to
losing my son Will. The
nurses were the ones
who insisted that we
spend as much time as
we needed with him.
The nurses were the ones that were
there in the middle of the night
when the shock wore off. They were
there for my family in the waiting
room, and they were there for me
after I went home. The marriage of
science, technical ability and
compassion is hard to come by, and
that’s a factor to the shortage. It
takes an insane amount of skill.”
Another mom has devoted herself
to speaking about car seat safety
after her daughter died because of
an improperly installed seat. Sari,
whose twin boys died in 2013,
shared that she “found hope and
meaning in my life after my sons
Carter and Easton died by serving
on the board for Harlynn’s Heart, a
nonprofit for pregnancy and infant
Page 13
Volume 25, Issue 1
Finding Hope (continued)
loss. I also make greeting cards (for
all occasions) because if I can make
someone smile or let someone know
I am thinking about them, then I
have done my job and made my boys
proud!”
Doing things to make their children
proud is a common theme when it
comes to finding hope and healing.
In fact, quite frequently, one of the
first things grieving parents long for
once the initial shock of their baby’s
death has passed is to do something,
anything, for others that will help
heal their broken hearts and give
their baby’s too-short life meaning
and purpose. This desire is what
often motivates parents to make
darling little hats, blankets, memory
boxes and other items to donate to
hospitals. It is as if bereaved parents
instinctively know that putting the
abundance of love they have for their
beloved baby to “work” will not only
give their hands and minds
something to do but also help soothe
their spirits. Mandy summed this up
perfectly, “Crocheting tiny little hats
and blankets gives my hands
something to do and gives me a way
for my son’s life to have a positive
impact on the world. He was much
too small for a regular baby blanket
and hat, and I will be forever grateful
to the mom who made the beautiful
blanket I was given to wrap him in. I
treasure it, and I hope that another
grieving mom treasures the pieces I
make just as much,” she explained.
Several parents mentioned that
becoming pregnant and having
another baby is what finally gave
them some hope. Lyndsey, a
bereaved mom who had three
miscarriages before giving birth to
her son Benjamin last winter, wrote,
“Each time I became pregnant, I was
hopeful because I had suffered years
of unsuccessful treatments for
endometriosis. There was a time
when I wasn’t sure I would even be
able to get pregnant, so just knowing
that I could was enough to offer
some light to my days. Each time I
miscarried, even though my hopes
were dashed, I told myself that one
day, my dream would come true. I
just knew that it would.” Another
mom, Christina, told me how getting
pregnant again brought hope to her
entire family. “I will always miss my
little guy; we all will,” she said, “but
it helped me tremendously to once
again have the anticipation of the
laughter of a child in our home.”
Many times, those who are grieving
are hesitant to seek professional
help, but a professional counselor,
especially a grief therapist, can be
invaluable. “My counselor helped me
to see that even though my life may
always be tinged with a hint of
sadness, that didn’t mean I couldn’t
still have a life. And not just a life,
but a good and happy one. So for me,
realizing that being happy again
didn’t mean I would stop loving and
missing my Summerlin, and I didn’t
have to stop missing her, gave me
such hope,” was a sentiment shared
by Tess, whose daughter was born
still at close to full term.
There are so many other things one
can do to foster a sense of hope, and
sometimes, those things seem small
and perhaps insignificant. But, small
steps are important, so take pride in
whatever you discover that brings
you comfort and hope. Following are
some additional suggestions and
ideas for ways you can actively seek
out hope:
* Plan activities and events to look
forward to. Whether it is a vacation,
plans for a garden, or lunch with a
friend, having something to look
forward to can make you feel happy
and hopeful.
* Think of specific things you enjoy
that make you feel hopeful and find a
way to incorporate those things into
your life. Do you enjoy poetry? If so,
print poems that make you feel good
and remind you of your baby, or just
inspire you. Keep them with you,
and share them with others. If you
like to write, start a journal or blog.
* Try not to shut people out, because
feeling lonely can contribute to
feelings of hopelessness. While it
may seem easier right now to
hibernate and keep to yourself,
surrounding yourself with people
who love you can be an important
part of your grieving and healing. Let
those who love you LOVE you.
* Pay attention to little things that
might bring a smile to your heart.
* Find a creative outlet.
* Keep reminders of your baby with
you, and share his or her story with
others.
* Make a playlist of songs—songs
that remind you of your baby or
pregnancy, are inspirational, or that
you love, for whatever reason.
* Collect quotes that you find
inspiring.
* Be open to unexpected people and
experiences.
As you read much of what I have
written here, you may be thinking
that doing any of these things,
especially feeling hopeful again, is
out of your reach. And it may be
right now. And that is okay; give
yourself permission to freely grieve
in whatever ways you need to. It will
likely take some time for you to feel
hopeful again. Sometimes, it is
simply a matter of one day realizing
you want to feel hopeful again, and
when that happens, you may still
have to make a conscious effort to
find ways to bring hope and joy back
into your life. It is my hope that a
few of the ideas I have shared here
have inspired you and that you will
find some touching ways to bring
meaning not only to your beloved
baby’s life, but to your own life as
well.
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 14
Random Act of Kindness: Michael & Scott
By: Kelly & Traci LeTourneau
The first Christmas after our twin sons passed away was
so hard. They had only been gone a few months. We
sent letters out to family and asked them to complete
one random act of kindness in the name of our children
and then send that information to us. I saved every
letter we got. Some donated to a charity in the boys’
names, some bought gifts for the poor, some paid for
another's turnpike toll in honor of our sons. This was
so much sweeter than 100 angel statues for us.
The hardest was my own mother who didn't want to
participate. Later she told me that she did do
something, but she didn't want to tell me about it
because she felt it was bragging about her good deed.
She didn't get it. Her good deed wasn't supposed to be
for her, or even our sons, it was for us. For me! To
know my pain was brining goodness to the world
somehow. To make the pain bearable for a few more
days.
These days we don't ask people to do anything in their
name, but some friends still do. My husband and I both
do something special each Christmas in honor of our
sons. And it's the one thing we don't argue about. If he
wants to donate $100 to a charity, in honor of our boys,
even if money is tight, it will bring a smile to my face.
Michael and Scott May 6, 2007
Vinny, My Glory Baby
By: Jennifer Engel
In February 2007, I became
pregnant, and it was a very much
wanted and planned for pregnancy.
My husband and I were so excited.
Ultrasounds were one of my
favorite experiences. I got to see
the little life that was living right
inside my belly. This baby was a
very active baby; he was always in
motion. I could see and feel the
little arms and legs moving around
and listen to the heartbeat.
When the ultrasound lady asked if
we wanted to know the sex we both
yelled, "YES"! She then said the
magic words, "It's a...boy"! I had
tears in my eyes, and my husband
had the biggest grin on his face. I
have never had any brothers, so the
thought of a son was an amazing
feeling. Plus, he would be the first
grandson on my side of the family!
We started planning right away.
Within a few months of finding out
I was pregnant, we already had the
nursery finished and furnished and
a closet full of clothes. I even had a
little black leather biker jacket for
him.
I could not wait to meet our son.
We decided to name him Vincent
Von Engel and call him “Vinny”. I
used to daydream and wonder if he
would look like me or his father.
I had another ultrasound and got
to hear the heartbeat several times.
It was always so exciting! During
my second ultrasound, he really
started showing his personality. He
was quite a character. I asked if I
could get a picture showing that he
was a boy. Every time the
ultrasound lady would go to click to
take a picture showing he was a
boy, he would cover himself with
his hands. It's like he knew we were
watching.
I had a doctor’s appointment on
Monday, August 20, but she called
me to reschedule because she had a
delivery during my appointment
time. We rescheduled for a few
days later.
I went to the doctor that
Wednesday, August 22, after work.
I got really excited when she said
that she was going to listen for the
heartbeat. She tried really hard for
several minutes, and when she
couldn’t find it, she asked me if I
would go to the hospital for an
ultrasound, just to make sure that
everything was okay. I said sure. I
would get to see him again! I loved
getting ultrasounds and seeing him
play around inside my belly. Plus, I
would have some new pictures for
his scrapbook.
My husband Doug had been to
every single appointment except
for this one. Something inside me
told me to call him and ask him to
take me. He picked me up and took
me to the hospital. On the way
there, he assured me that it was
just a glitch in the machine. I
figured something like that had
happened too.
When I got to the hospital, instead
of taking me to the imaging center
where they normally do the
ultrasounds, they made me go to
labor and delivery.
They took me to a room and told
me to get into a hospital gown. I
started crying because I knew
something was wrong. I kept
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 15
Vinny, My Glory Baby (Continued)
asking the nurses what was
happening and they just put their
heads down. Finally a doctor came
in. He said that he was going to do
an ultrasound and that my son
could be dead.
He was perfect. And he was so
beautiful.
broken heart. I can no longer be sad
that my son is dead because he is
alive and well in heaven with Jesus
Leaving the hospital not being
for eternity. Vincent means
pregnant and with empty arms was Victorious and Engel means Angel.
painful. I went home and sat in the So he is my “victorious angel.” He
rocking chair in the empty nursery conquered this earth and went
They started to do the ultrasound
and looked around. I began to pray. straight to heaven with Jesus.
and that is when I looked at the
It was during this terrible time I
little black and white screen and
developed a deep relationship with I know that someday I will be there
saw it. A lifeless limp little body
the Lord. The weeks following were with him FOREVER. I cannot wait!
floating around inside my own
hard, but I held onto the Lord and
The Lord led me to a group called
belly. No waving hands or arms. No He held onto me. He showed me
hands covering himself. No
through his word and prayer how to Glory Babies that was started by
Jennifer Carson in Tyler, Texas. I
heartbeat!
deal with what had happened and
gave me hope for the future. I could found hope and healing through
I squeezed my husband’s hand as
not have dealt with it without Him. this group and started one here in
hard as I could. Then I heard the
St. Louis to help local women going
words, "Sorry, your baby is dead."
Some people may wonder how can through the death of a child before
My husband and I held each other
someone go through this, or think, or after birth. Our goal is to walk
and cried for a long time. Then they “I could not handle this if it
alongside others who are grieving
started hooking me up to machines happened to me,” or, “I feel so bad and help them find the mercy and
to induce labor, and we started
or sad for this family.” I admit the
grace that God offers us through His
calling the family to tell them what first year was hard. I remember
Son Jesus, in our time of need.
had happened.
certain events and times when I
broke down. Like at Christmas
About 24 hours later, Thursday,
when everyone was gathering for
August 23, 2007 at 7:09pm, Vinny the family picture and I realized my http://vincent-von-engel.memoryof.com
was born. He looked exactly like
son would never be in one.
Doug—he had Doug's eyes, hands
http://www.glorybabies.com/
and arms. He had little sideburns.
But the Lord has mended my
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 16
With Gratitude
Share sincerely thanks those who have so graciously given donations in memory of a baby, relative, friend, and in honor
of all loved ones and through Matching Gift Programs. Gratuitous donations are also accepted from anyone who wants to
help Share in its mission. We gratefully acknowledge these gifts, which help us continue to reach out and fulfill the daily
needs of bereaved parents. Share’s services are available free of charge to bereaved parents, family and friends, or
anyone whose life has been touched by the loss of baby.
When you make a donation in memory of a loved baby, please include the name of the baby or babies, the birth or death
date(s) and the parent’s name(s). We would love to acknowledge your donation to the parents. If you donate in memory
or honor of a special loved one, please include their name(s) and pertinent information. A short message may also be
included with any donation. Please remember to include your return address and the addresses of those you wish to
receive an acknowledgement. Unless previously authorized to do so, Share will not release any personal information,
(address, phone number, e-mail, etc.) except to print donors names in this magazine. If you wish your name to remain
anonymous, please indicate this when submitting your donations. Thank you so much for your tender gifts!
The Mission
Share’s mission is to serve those who are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or
in the first few months of life.
Six times a year, we share information and ideas from parents and professionals in a magazine to provide support and a
sense of friendship for bereaved parents. We hope you will find this magazine helpful and that you will share it with
others you feel it would interest.
We encourage you to send your personal articles, stories, poems, artwork and recipes to our magazine at any time.
Please do not submit copied, copyrighted, or web articles. The Magazine Editor reserves the right to edit your personal
submission for content and/or length to fit the needs of the particular magazine edition in which it will appear. Your
submission may be used for the current magazine, or may be used in a future publication. All submissions become the
property of Share.
Please include all pertinent personal information so we may identify you and your baby/ies in the respective publication.
Your submission grants Share permission to list your personal information with the publication unless instructed
otherwise.
Magazine Submission Guidelines:
1. Please provide title, authors’ name and applicable loss information for article submissions. If donating monetarily in
memory of a baby, please provide loss information, including the parent’s name(s).
2. Submissions must be received no later than the 1st of the month, one month prior to issue month. If you are making
a donation and would like to be recognized, or honor a birthday or anniversary, in the most recent edition of the
magazine, then it, must be received by the 10th of the month, two months prior to the publication.
3. Please type your submissions in single spaced, 10 point, Times New Roman or Arial font when possible.
4. Submissions can be mailed to 402 Jackson, St. Charles, MO 63301, e-mailed to [email protected] or faxed
to the National Share Office at 636-947-7486.
Sharing Magazine Information:
Sharing Magazine is published by Share Pregnancy & Infant
Loss Support, Inc. If you would like to reprint articles or
submissions from Sharing please properly cite Share and the
writer by stating the name of the organization, website,
magazine, volume, and issue in your acknowledgements. If
you would like to reprint an article or submission that is
copyrighted by an author or a publishing company, you must
obtain permission from the copyright holder to reprint. Email
any questions to [email protected].
Would you like to be removed from
mailing lists?
To remove bereaved parents’ names from mailing lists you
can visit
http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs4-junk.htm#MPS
-ORSend a letter plus a $1 check or money order to:
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PO Box 643
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Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 17
Upcoming Issues of
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Magazine
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March/April 2016
Surviving, Loving and
Thriving in the Everyday
In this issue, we will share stories
from parents who found ways to
cope with everyday life after the
death of their baby. If you have a
story, thought, or poem to share
about how you handled things
such as going back to work,
easing back into friendships,
dealt with baby showers and
other celebrations, as well as tips
for how to carry on with life
while grieving, we want to hear
from you.
May/June 2016
Mother’s/Father’s Day
How do you honor your role as
parents when your beloved baby
is not with you? What ways have
you found to spend these two
special days? Has someone done
something special for you or
given you a touching gift
celebrating you as a parent?
These days can be especially
difficult for those who are newly
grieving, and we invite you to
share whatever might bring some
comfort to those who are not
sure how to cope with these
holidays.
Sharing Magazine reaches over
10,000 families, and is shared
with countless others around the
world. Please know how many
lives your story will touch.
Please submit your stories,
poems and artwork to
[email protected]
Thank you!
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 18
UnEven
By: Nora LaFata
Dear Josie,
beautiful and so tragic and so
repetitive, was all that I could hear.
There is a perpetual earthI told him what's the point,
quake beneath me. I know it
essentially, because if I live to be
sounds absurd, but I can think of
ninety and if I have twelve
no better way to describe this time grandchildren and if I die in
without you. My life on the uneven protest, fighting to be here until my
bars.
very last breath I will still never be
as happy as before you left me. I
It was the hardest part, initially.
will never be 100%.
The most difficult thing for me to
grasp was the finality of it all. In
I appreciated his response very
one second, everything in my life
much, because he didn't tell me
shifted. Altered. Kinked. In one
this was untrue or unwarranted or
second and there was no going
that life would ever resume what it
back.
once was. He agreed that 100
wasn't an option, but he said
Minutes would pass and people
maybe I could get to 99. And was
would walk in and around me and 99 really so bad?
it was comical, almost, in a very
cruel sense because it was so
Sometimes I feel so happy that it's
incredibly wrong and awful and
almost like this never happened to
horrific and everyone knew it, and us. The guilt that consumes me as I
there was nothing anyone could do read that sentence is worth noting,
because it was already done.
but it's true. Sometimes I wish it
weren't true, but I have gotten used
I remember driving home from the to wishing things weren't I guess.
hospital and wanting it to be ten
years from now. I wanted the song Your little brother will be laughing,
playing on the radio to be old news, the most perfect and most
people scanning the archives of
contagious baby belly laugh, some
their respective collections to hear of the very best stuff this life has to
this very song, because so much
offer and I will forget,
time had passed and they'd
momentarily, that you never took a
forgotten and they wanted to listen breath. I will forget how you
again. To reminisce. To
looked that morning, so peaceful
remember. You died and
and so very far from me, how my
immediately I wanted you to be a
body failed you. Or when I step
memory. This most distant thing
outside just before a storm and I
that I had to strain to think about. I can smell the water in the air, and
longed for the day where thoughts I'm puzzled because there's a
of you became a forceful,
gratitude that once escaped me.
purposeful action. A reminder of
some specific time. How was it
Sometimes I'll be sitting in traffic
again? Oh yes.
and I can see it so clearly, my
parallel universe. She drives to the
I remember a conversation
hospital that night and hears your
with your uncle one night,
heart beating. They send her home
during those first few torturous,
and she digests the reassuring
grueling weeks without
paperwork with the leftover
you. When the volume turned my
ravioli. Climbs into bed next to her
stomach. When your melody, so
husband and wakes to eggs in the
morning, laughing at the absurdity
of it all, this notion that a perfectly
healthy baby could just die. Just,
die.
This weekend your father and I
attended the wedding of two of our
closest friends. They are more like
family, actually, and it was an
absolutely beautiful day. People
were taking pictures and smiling
and celebrating, and I couldn't help
but allow my thoughts to wander to
you. It is during these happiest of
times where I find it impossible to
ignore the disparity. My dead
daughter's ashes beneath the Earth
and the people dancing above
them.
During the reception as I lifted the
fork, your name seemed to scream
at me from my wrist. I felt the
ground shift and it became difficult
to hear the clanking glasses. For a
moment things grew dark and I
couldn't taste the food on my plate.
I pictured us leaving. Your father
holding my hand in his left and my
pointy black heels in his right. I
tell him where I want to go. We
reach your tree and we bend,
openly aching and yearning and
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 19
UnEven (continued)
sad, and we drive home together
feeling better because we cried.
I felt the shift and somehow
I didn't fall.
I didn't run because I also wanted
to dance.
And it would have been granted,
our exit. It would have been
appropriate. I could have gone
home to my babies, explaining
to friends in the morning how it
had consumed me so abruptly and
they would have understood, only
none of that happened.
I was sad because you weren't
home waiting for us in your fuzzy
pink pajamas, but I could still
appreciate the garlic mashed
potatoes.
Love,
Mom
While I certainly felt the urge to
run, I want you to know that I
didn't run this time.
To read more of Nora’s writings
on her blog, Here Comes the Sun,
please visit:
noralafata.blogspot.com
Thank you, Nora!
Save the Date: Trivia Night to Support Share
Mark Your Calendars!
For those interested in mindless trivia, a whole lot of fun, AND supporting
Share and the families we serve, please save the date for the 2016 Share
Trivia Night on Saturday, April 16, 2016. Details to follow, so stay tuned!
Spanish Share Group Launching
Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support is
pleased to announce the launch of a Spanish
Facebook community page. Watch for additional
information on the launch, and please forward this
along to anyone you believe would benefit.
Share comenzará a ofrecer apoyo a través de
Facebook a padres que han padecido la pérdida de
embarazo o muerte infantil. La página estará
habilitada a mediados de Enero.
[Share will be offering support through Facebook
to parents who suffered a pregnancy or infant
loss. The Facebook page will be available in midJanuary.]
If you have any interest in becoming involved with
the Spanish group, please email Share’s Executive
Director, Debbie Cochran,
[email protected]. We are always eager
to have additional volunteers to assist with the
translation of the Share materials, online support,
and translate our resources to Spanish-speaking
families.
Volume 25, Issue 1
Page 20
Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support is proud to announce the date and theme of the upcoming 14th
Annual Angel Ball Gala! Please join us as we “Let It Glow” on Saturday, April 9th at 6:00 PM at St. Louis
Marriott West. This elegant event is expected to raise thousands of dollars to support Share’s mission to serve
those whose lives are touched by the death of a baby. The gala includes a lovely dinner and fantastic auction,
along with the company of many of Share’s strongest supporters and beloved families.
“The Angel Ball is an exciting event that allows Share to showcase our mission to the attendees, in addition to
generating funds for such an important mission. The monies assist Share in achieving our many goals of
supporting bereaved families in crisis and making hope tangible,” said Share’s Executive Director, Debbie
Cochran, BSN, MA.
For information on sponsorship opportunities, attending the event, or making a donation, please contact
Sarah Lawrenz at 636-947-6164 or [email protected]. Registration will be opening soon!