Editorial - Queen Mary Students` Union

BARTS AND THE LONDON’S NUMBER 1 STUDENT NEWSPAPER: MARCH TO JUNE 2010
OFFICIALLY
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Editorial
Another monumental year
comes to a close and a lot
has happened since the
experimental release of
The Vulture back in February.
We hope you enjoyed it. From general
feedback, we have decided
to bring you a regularly
monthly issue of the newspaper in the new academic
year, starting in September.
However, we’ve accumulated a number of
articles since February and
it would be injustice if we
didn’t publish such ground
-bre a king l i te ra t ure .
Therefore, we’ve put
together a mixed bag of
articles to develop this emagazine (probably not
worth printing this since
I’m currently writing this
introduction having just
realised that half the medical school are already on
their summer holiday).
So without further
ado, we present to you,
THE VULTURE REVIEW
2009-2010.
Barts and The London Vultures 2009-2010
What Leopard?
Unfortunately, we didn’t win the
Merger cup this year. However,
BLSA received an unlikely visitor on the eve of the tournament.
As a welcoming medical school,
we accepted the naked leopard
and taught him the value of
shame and presented him with
some appropriate clothes before
he went on a tour of all that Barts
and The London had to offer. Unfortunately, due to not actually
attaining the grades required to be
a student at the medical school,
he had to leave. However, the
leopard did send me a facebook
message before he left our
grounds for good:
“Twas the night before
merger and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring...not
even a leopard...
Oh hello eager reader, I
didn't see you there. The name's
Leopard, QM Leopard. You may
recognise me from helipads such
as the Royal London Hospital
Helipad. Garth Marenghi-esque
introductions aside, hello and
welcome to the diary of me...QM
Leopard.
Now as you can imagine,
typing up my diary entries with
paws is no mean feat, so you must
appreciate the work I (Leopard)
will go through to ensure that
Vulture readers are kept up to
date with my thoughts, musings
and general goings on from my
headquarters; the QMSU office.
A leopard writing for a vulture. When I told my good friend
Gary the Griffin about this he
said this happenstance was
ironic. I nodded furiously in
agreement, pretending that my
futile leopard brain could comp r e he nd w hat t he wo r d
1
to set us all free was lost
on a leopard being kept
captive in a Mile End office.
The malodorous
stench of the office
jobsworths still burns in
my nostrils - they didn’t
even crack a window
open before they locked
up.
Yet I was still able
to enjoy TV episodes of
new Dr Who (the new assistant is the fittest ginger
bird I’ve seen since Sarah
O’Rourke) and new Jonathan Creek (La Danse
Macabre still sends chills
up my whiskers till this
day).
Thank you for reading, I’m due a feeding so
I’m off to the wildly over
priced Mile End student
shop next door to my office. Please tune in next
issue, where I give a step
"irony" (and “happenstance”) by step account of what happened
meant. When I eventually googled that momentous night before merger
these words (Gary helped me with
the spelling), I realised that he was
referring to one animal being commissioned to work for another like
someone mixed the jungle book and
Alan Sugar's The Apprentice into
one. The show would be hosted by
Cat “Where is she now?” Deeley.
with my Bartan liberators, who
showed me that there was nothing to
fear from BL- apart from the cold
glare from the sallow eyes of John Le
Bar, according to whom, this was in
fact the 6th time I was set free from
QM grounds and taken to see London.
But we were talking about animal based irony. Leopards writing
for vultures, during the Chinese year
of the tiger after the holiday where
bunnies bring us eggs despite not
being able to lay eggs. Apologies for
my Easter message on facebook, perhaps the irony of a holiday celebrating the resurrection of someone sent
2
The city was so beautiful that
night. And in this leopard’s humble
opinion, it is a city that Vulture readers should be honoured/relieved to
call your term time home.
This is QM Leopard, faithfully
yours and still wondering...Where is
Cat Deeley? Ah, there she is, by the
canal. Ta-ra”.
QM Leopard
Secret Diary of a Fresher
The Vulture set up a competition
amongst the freshers just before the
release of the first issue. The winner
of the competition was published in
the first issue and his/her second
piece is as follows:
“Since I have come to university, my perception of what are acceptable living conditions has definitely faltered. I realised this when
the halls manager arrived in our flat
to tell us we needed to clean our
kitchen minutes after I had expressed
how impressed I was at how tidy it
looked! Apparently, having phallic
symbols drawn on the fridge out of
magnets and custard covered walls
doesn’t go down too well with halls
management.
I sometimes forget that I live in
London, considering my life virtually
consists of one straight road. I someone was to pick up Mile End road
and plonk it in Antarctica, it probably wouldn’t affect my life. It would
just make the walk back from the union/ LHT a bit chillier, making me
more inclined to pay the £1.20 for the
5 stops on the bus. I kid myself that I
get the bus for security sake, but this
is just a disguise for frank laziness. If
I could pay a pound for a bus to take
me from the East gate at Queen Mary
campus to my flat door, I probably
would.
So, today I got hit in the face by
a hockey ball and came out of the
match with a one extra orifice, where
I had managed to cleanly bite
straight through my lip. I’m not sure
what I was more upset about, not being able to eat my newly bought
sandwich, or having to drink through
a straw at tables (of course I wouldn’t miss it!). Through my medical
hysteria, I diagnosed myself with Von
Willebrand’s disease as it was still
bleeding for several hours afterwards. This is not the first disease I
have diagnosed myself with, but an
addition to the list including; GORD,
anaemia, leukaemia, pneumonia and
cirrhosis of the liver, all since I’ve
been at medical school, it’s been a
tough few months.
I gave up chocolate, flapjacks,
beer and cigarettes for lent. I had a
cigarette on the first night, one down.
I had beer unknowingly poured into
my glass of wine (naturally I don’t
count this as a fail), but technically
two down. And whilst talking to my
friend about how I hadn’t eaten any
chocolate yet, I sipped away at my
hot chocolate. Apparently hot chocolate contains chocolate, who knew,
three down. This was one of the 6 or
7 times that I have ‘accidentally’
eaten chocolate since lent began. As
for flapjacks, my one and only success, if it wasn’t for this hole in my
lip, I would be straight over the village shop, conveniently placed right
next to my flat, to get one.
Never leaving Mile End road
meant that having an SSC in another
part of London proved to be quite
difficult. This was made clear when a
friend and I arrived an hour early to
a lecture and still managed to be 15
minutes late to a location that we had
been to almost every day for the last
week and a half. Navigation is not a
strong point if the road to your destination is not straight and littered
with perfect fried chickens. The two
weeks ended with us all giving presentations on an area on forensics
lated topic, the twin towers. I’m still
waiting for my mark, but it doesn’t
look promising”.
From the many fresher diaries we
received, there was another entertaining read, and we thought it would
be appropriate to publish the runner
up’s piece as well:
“So, we got into medical
school! Whether straight from
school, graduate, gapper who vegetated in India for a year and forgot
how to hold a pen, househusband
with a sudden yearning to become a
neurologist and everyone else: we
have arrived and after the initial
shock of all the new faces, BL customs, workload and ridiculous
amounts of fun we have finally settled
into our new lives in Blanc Chapelle.
And what a start we have had!
There we were, first year medical students, no real clue what to expect, off to the union for the first
night of what was to be an immense
fortnight. And as the fresher goss accumulated, friends were made, families extended, snakebite necking skills
acquired and fancy-dress wardrobes
were compiled. Jungle fever, Toga &
Tequila, numerous excuses to work
teeny skirts (I’m thinking ‘Back to
School’ and ‘Pimps and Ho’s’) and
many more events– they were weeks
to remember (or not). Topping it off
with a boat ball (shortly followed by
alcohol withdrawal symptoms), we
were convinced we had come to the
right place! We were ready to rock a
year of good fun, new friends, banter,
sports, new experiences, learning
and all look forward to amazing
years to come at Barts and the Lonthat we found interesting. I gave mine don”.
on a completely non-medically re3
As one reign ends...
the downstairs of the union.
That's just off the top of my
head in a sleep derived haze. All in all
I think we’ve done okay, honestly. I
couldn't really be more grateful for
being given the opportunity to do this.
I love this job. I love the people, the
staff and being able to work with you
So its 4am. I’m still awake and wishing I could fall asleep. I've become
almost incapable this year what with
worrying about one thing or another.
At the moment there are loads we’re
trying to get done with bursaries and
alumni bids amongst other things,
and in the midst of it I'm sat here trying to work out what to say about
this year. How to describe handing
over the reigns to Laura, who I am
sure will be brilliant and build on
everything we've done this year.
other medical school envies. That’s
really all there is to it to be honest.
My SPC, the staff and yourselves
have not so secretly worked together
lot. I will miss it more than I think
to make this year a great one.
anyone realises, and it will be hard to
walk away (though I will.) and I’ll
miss writing your BL messages
(whether you read them or not.) Honest to god, its been emotional.
We’ve had so many wins organisationally, a great events programme, huge RAG success, sporting success (don’t mention the
merger), huge impact in London and
nationally and won some battles
down the road (though I've personally lost a couple. On things like accommodation for next year and funding, we have more money coming in
to our societies, more involvement
with our alumni, and more money for
To be honest, I don't know
what there is to say to most of you.
My job is a joy (most of the time). Its
made easy by the fact our students
are so brilliant, so involved and so
passionate about this place. We see
the union as our home and we fight
for it every day; we fight for our
identity and bear it with pride. We
have the support of incredible staff
that share a strange and unique relationship with us, one I think every
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Jeeves Wijesuriya
(BLSA President 2009-2010)
welfare as well as a new band room,
a new newspaper, a new charities
fayre, a new attitude to how our
clubs and socs are run and a bid for
...another begins
ing to put together
a list of contacts so
that communication next year between the SPC and
Clubs/Socs can be
improved. This ties
in very much with
my plan to hold a
training day early
next year, in which
all committees will
be shown how to
do all of the above
(hopefully with a
free lunch included) and will
inspire clubs to be
more pro-active in
their management.
Dear Vulture Readers,
I’m also looking forward to
Hello! My name is Laura Bren- getting stuck into the redevelopment
ner, and I shall be your president project for the Griffinn bar. Currently
next year. I’ve been asked to give a I’m waiting to see the plans that have
been drawn up, before they are presented to the SPC. Once the plans
have been finalised, I plan to display
them in the union so that any students with suggestions or proposed
changes can have their say. Hopefully this will be happening in the
next few months. This brings me
nicely onto the re-opening of
ready for Freshers fortnight!
Obviously there are other
plans, but if I told you, I’d have to
kill you… and I’ve only got a page in
here, so you’ll have to wait in suspense until July. Or just come and
chat to me, I promise not to bite.
I’d like to finish off by thank-
ing all of you who voted in the elections this year, it meant a hell of a
lot. There was a massive turnout and
I’m proud to say that a greater proportion of BL students voted than
QM (naturally). Luckily for me, the
end result has made the torments of
campaigning a distant memory- kind
of like child birth…but I’m not
gonna lie, it was a bitch!
As some of you may know it
snowed for most of the week and I
managed to lose about 60 hours of
my life to Library Square; however, I
wasn’t alone in this and my respect
goes out to Ankit and Laurence who
put up a tough fight and made it the
closest race since Jeeves vs RON.
Lastly, I’ve always got time for
your ideas and suggestions and really
want to get the student body more
involved in BLSA, so be it this year
or next, my door is always open.
sneak peek at my plans for world
domination, so you can all prepare
yourselves appropriately…making
bomb shelters, stock piling snakebite
etc.
So far, I’ve been recovering
from campaigns week and catching
up on my firms; though I’ve still
managed to squeeze a few presidenty
things in. In my scraps of spare time
I’m currently working on a handbook
that will be given to all Clubs and
Societies, detailing how to keep track
of finances and subs online, information on booking fixtures and um- BARTS BAR! Or now tastefully repires, as well as booking events and named as “The Shield”, which de- Laura Brenner
hosting nights at the union. I’m hop- spite constant delays is on track to be (BLSA President Elect)
5
The Barts Knight 2
fore “swiftly” returning to the pre- members. Unfortunately due to unsent, meeting an array of familiar foreseen circumstances, lyrics of said
characters along the way. With sterling performance from Richard
After much anticipation, this January
saw the return of Barts and the London’s infamous “the just after Xmas,
Xmas play – the sequel.” With familiar faces and an impossible plot, this
year’s play seemed to be full of outrage and debauchery with a drunken
twist.
songs were only partially audible, but
not to fear, as the audience were
Healey playing Mark Carroll and a there to sing along….albeit the
fantastic performance from Alice wrong lyrics….it was the though that
Thomas, Dave Annan and Laurence counts.
Chacksfield, the audience found
themselves enthralled, if they were
not already on the wrong side of a
few due to copious amounts alcohol
available for purchase, including the
horrid Barts bucket which was consumed at ones own risk. With a special guest appearance on the final
What was the plot of the play I
hear you ask? Well that’s a good
question. Due to the imaginative and
slightly surreal brains of the directors, a synopsis of the plot would end
up longer than I am allowed to write night, John Le Bar made his debut on
to the big stage leaving the audience
stunned in their seats….
Parodies of popular music were
also present in the play. From favourites such as Monster to classics
like Bart’s Life, the audience were
enticed by the singing of various cast
for, but it is safe to say that a hairy
zombie, played by the one and hairy
Yassir falls in love with a medical
student portrayed by one of new additions to Barts, Lorrelle, ends up
back in time, then in the future be-
It is worth a mention to Tim
Nash as sadly, this will be his last
Christmas play, and even more upsetting, his last ever appearance as
Nigel Winifred Yeatman. To Tim,
we wish you all the best and will
miss you torn stained shirts.
So with another Christmas play
over and done with, we bid a final
farewell to Mark Carroll and Nigel
Yeatman and the PRICS and wait in
anticipation to what next year has in
store.
Sachin Shailendra Shah
7
BLAS: Elegance
On the 1st of March 2010 an audience of over a 1,000 strong made up
of parents, students and sponsors
flocked to the prestigious Sadler’s
Wells theatre in Islington for the latest edition of Barts and The London
Asian Society’s ELEGANCE, this
year being a ‘Cultural Show’ recognising the wide variety of talent
rather than just a its previous title of
a fashion show. For our efforts and
the money raised towards the RAG
total at the Association dinner this
year I am proud to say that BLAS
won the award for Bart’s Best Society.
As always early on in the year
we had several people from both
Barts and QM coming forward to
with their ideas for choreography for
the show. In the end the show had 17
8
acts and over 150 students taking formances, Abi Sampanthan’s vocal
part! This article could never do talent once again mesmerised the
BLAS audience.
them all justice.
This year the show included
some more theatrical productions,
the crowd favourite being the story
of Aladdin, an explosion of dance
and drama that narrates the magical
story in Agrabah. Barts and The
London created its own version of
high school musical, BLAS School
Musical choreographed by Sadia
Asan.
As always the Asian catwalks
and dances captivated the audience
with the dazzling colours and costumes, The bridal catwalk choreographed by Shaheen Jogiat and Rebecca Kandasamy finished the show
as well and a breathtaking dance production by Sonam Arora: Desi
Dhamak.
Two of the largest dance
groups in QM and Barts performed
Vibrant African wear by N’kya
Design with exciting dance moves
inspired by the wonderful culture and
a taste of Barts and the London Afro
Caribbean society who once again
took part in the BLAS show.
All in all it was one of the
highlights of the year for all those
who took part, and was by many accounts one of the highlights of the
BL calendar this year. The committee
for next has been elected and hopefully we can improve on the massive
successes of this year’s show and elevate BLAS to new heights. Anyone
wanting to get involved in any way
in the show, LPD Bhangra & Gidha for next year contact myself or the
Team and Flex FX, the dance group rest of the BLAS committee.
recently featured in Britain’s got Talent.
Masseh Yakubi
BLAS also provided several (BLAS President 2010-2011)
stunning dance acts including BLAS
veterans Hoodfellas, and a new all
female cast from I AM DIVA and
Daan Malik’s group 8th Wonders. We
had 3 western catwalks performances
all choreographed beautifully with a
variety of different clothing sponsors.
Amongst other musical per-
RAG: PULSE
Diet plans had been formulated for
months and Q-Motion membership
had skyrocketed, yes it could only be
time for the annual BL RAG Fashion
Show. This year Pulse 2010 was held
at Troxy, in our beloved east end as
if there isn’t a vast selection of fried
chicken outlets to choose from and
the background threat of a stabbingwell, it just isn’t Barts! This year all
profits went to Barts and the London
Charity to fund the building of a new
cancer diagnostic facility at Barts.
After holding a gruelling
round of auditions in November requiring strutting, posing, blue steel
impression and the all-important topless photo; the cast was chosen. Then
after Christmas the rehearsals started,
and although most of the cast had
over 20 years experience, walking
actually turned out to require 6
weeks of practice!
Everything kicked off in February with the pre-show party at the
Hoxton Pony, where cocktails were
served in teacups! Exciting stuff!
With a great turn out and lots of
money made to put on the show
things were looking good for Pulse…
And then as if from nowhere
it was the weekend before the
show… which unfortunately did coincide with the day after the Smoker,
but luckily after all traces of Olly
Sohan’s red vomit were scrubbed off
the floor we were ready for a hardcore weekend of rehearsals… yes
that’s right, more walking practice.
Then as if we hadn’t practiced it
enough the lovely folks from FM
Models came along on Monday just
to check that the walking was up to
scratch.
Then it was the day of the
show, everyone was spray tanned,
groomed, plucked,
waxed and shavednot a stray hair was
in sight, especially
amongst the boys
in the underwear
catwalk. Hair was
quaffed and bouffanted, makeup was
applied liberally and everyone was
looking their hottest ready for the
show to start. Although, in true Barts
fashion, everyone was an hour late!
This seemed to work quite well for
the students in VIP as due to some
sort of massive champagne miscalculation everyone seemed to end up
with about 5 glasses each.
Jodie Harsh (angry man in a
wig) took centre stage to introduce
the show, which started with some
amazing dresses by Brick Lane’s
Dragana Perisic. Traffic People
dressed the next catwalk, though
Kim Van Winsen’s breasts overshadowed any of the clothes that were
being worn. Next up was London’s
hottest talent Mark Fast and All
Saints closed the first half. After a lot
of mid-interval sit ups, press ups and
a lot of fluffing on the part of the
gentlemen, it could only be the turn
of the underwear catwalk; where Jon
Nicholas sported his ‘Action Man’
physique to spark a fairly massive
female following. Barts’ very own
Zaiba Hashimi then showcased her
amazing design talent. Next on stage
was Danish favourite By Malene
Birger with Jaeger and Ghost finished off alongside blazer designers
Social Suicide.
And then after all that work it
was all over for another year and after one amazing night of playing supermodel, it was back to glamorous
old medicine!
Jonathan Kentley
(RAG Fashion Show Co-president
2010-2011)
9
RAG for Victory
drivers were beginning to
look out for us in our blue
scrubs and sticker covered
buckets as they pulled into
the station so they could
kick us off before we even
got onto the trains. Even
with TFL hot on our tail,
we were able to scrape a
whooping £30,000 from the
London commuters on the
last day of RAG!
The
BLAS
and
PULSE fashion shows for
RAG were both stunning
successes, which everybody
enjoyed. The ‘Dental’ Beer
Race had more than a few
people legless and stumbling down Whitechapel
Road with tattered costumes, missing accessories
and lost friends by the end
of the night.
BL Beach Party was also
while getting very comfortable on
the union floor....
All the way through RAG
week, there were events at the union
that were very messy, alcohol fuelled
and fun-filled nights. In particular the
This year, RAG at Barts and the London has been its most successful to
date and so many thanks to everyone
that got involved. Many of you got
up at ridiculous hours to jump on the
tubes and pounce on the unsuspect-
highlights included “Scrubs, Shot
pretty successful, despite it being and Shaving Foam”, where most
near freezing in January, many people donned beach shorts, Hawaiian tshirts, tank tops, flip flops and the
like as they headed down to the union for cocktails and vodka jelly
shots. Some of the lads also thought
it was far too bright and managed to
get their hands on a few shades,
ing public who hadn’t even managed
to have their morning cup of coffee,
but clearly it was worth the effort.
However, towards the end of the
week, people had smartened up as
they began to formulate similar excuses, stick headphones in their ears
and pretend to be asleep when they
saw us coming. Some of the tube
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people were covered after sprayed
down in foam. The stunned looks on
the faces of random people of the
buses/roads were priceless.
Those that didn’t quite make
it to the BLAS fashion show ventured down to the union for a bit of
beer pong. What was meant to be a simply a matter of getting as many
So, with this year coming to
chilled out night soon turned into a drinks as possible while the prices an end, I hope you all have an amazwere low. It was pretty difficult to
resist the temptation of pulling up a
stool and spending the night at the
bar. Our RAG captain, Joy, was finally hauled home caveman-style
ing summer and prepare yourselves
highly competitive event where most
for next year, because it will be bigpeople’s aims got progressively
ger and better than ever!
worse as the night wore on. One
group took it one step further and
Surekha Lysha Selvarajah
found an alternative: “Vodka after spending the week in the RAG
office.
All in all, this year has been
amazing for RAG, with all the effort
that everyone has put into raising
Pong”...no guesses as to how the
night ended up for them!
Prohibition Party/Bar FTSE
was an eventful night and some people even managed to dress up in money and attending the events. A
suits, dresses and pearls, feathers, special thank you goes to Joy Clarke
lingerie.....
and the RAG committee this year for
It was definitely one night
guaranteed to ensure no one remembered much of the night, with many
cheap drinks on offer, from Jager- getting involved and putting in so
bombs to Vodka mixers, there was much of time and effort to ensure
something to suit everyone, it was that this was the best year to date.
11
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!
It
is quite simply the biggest night of top night when you predrink for a
the year and one where students pub crawl. Dressed as nuns, we lit
spend much more time and effort in our candles and equipped ourselves
preparing their outfits than they do
for exams. The famous Whitechapel
carnival (AKA The Beer Race) was
unfortunately cut short this year...by
my memory.
with a crucifunnel and premorbid
bank accounts before hitting the
‘Chapel, only to be greeted at the
start by a number of gorillas, cupcakes, crayons, Lucha libres, hoovers, Phileas Fogg (including the hot
air balloon), Hare Krishnas, Ronald
The evening kicked off early McDonalds, scuba divers and not to
and you know you’re going to have a mention a giant phallus!
12
After 5 minutes, the designated route massively went to pot
due to a tactical detour to the nearest
offy for a cheeky bottle of Glen’s
each. This somehow led to being
taken into an underground dwelling
by the Maltese Cosa Nostra, where
Don [name of individual has been
censored for the author of this article’s own protection] treated us to a
few traditional beverages over a
game of pool.
After failing to convince one of the
locals that I was dressed in a nun’s
outfit and not a burka, he proceeded
to chase me down the street with a
two-by-four. I somehow managed to
run off unscathed to be reunited with
the masses at the Griffinn.
A lot of strawpedos, boat
races and chunder ensued in the
usual fashion before continuing on to
LHT for some similar, but more expensive shenanigans into the early
hours. It was truly a night to remember (in an ideal world).
Walking through Whitechapel the morning after was less
than a treat as the stench of stagnant
booze and sweat filled the air and
battered remnants of costumes were
strewn across the streets.
I can only tell you my experience of this wonderful event. That’s
why I’ve added a selection of photos
of the spectacular costumes that were
on display. Thankyou to the number
of photographers whose facebook
pages I stalked in order to rob these
13
14
15
Association Dinner
16
One of the highlights of the year, the
annual association dinner recognises
the student body’s group and separate accomplishments. As always, a
champagne reception followed by an
excellent 3 course-meal at the great Wright, Professor Tom McDonald,
hall kick-started the night off. The Professor Mike Roberts and Jeeves.
various clubs and societies took it in The association awards followed:
turns to toast themselves before
speeches from Professor Sir Nicholas
Association Cup
Football
Rugby
Cricket
RAG (WINNER)
Club of the Year
Football (WINNER)
Rugby
Squash
Netball
Team of the Year
BL Football 2nd X1
BL Rugby 1st X1(WINNER)
BL Netball 4th Team
BL Cricket 1st X1
Society of the Year
BLAS (WINNER)
RAG
Dance
Music
Sports Woman of the year
Sophie Lynch (WINNER)
Alice Unwin
Charlotte Trainer
Hannah Devlin
Most missed female finalist
Esme Olivier-Hobley
Vicky Dawson
Katie Irwin
Pippa Dwan (WINNER)
Female Fresher of the year
Amy Coulden (WINNER)
Charlotte Trainer
Kimberly Van Winsen
Samantha Chessell
Association Joker
Libby Fellows
Olly Sohan
Ed Davis
Partha Ray (WINNER)
Nick White
Academic Society of the Year
Pathology (WINNER)
CLASS
Anatomy
Medi-Share
Most improved Club/Society of the Male Fresher of the year
Mike Shaw
Year
Andy Balme
Squash (WINNER)
BL Womens Boat Club
Mike Smith (WINNER)
Lewis Raiman
BLACS
Anatomy
Sports man of the year
Kenny Olufemi
Charlie Warburton
Trevor Gaunt (WINNER)
Most missed Male Finalist
Mally Scott (WINNER)
Chris Hall
Toby Mitchell
Seun (Kwame Prempeh 2) Aneyam
Jz
Best Pre-clinical Teacher
Dr Burleigh
Dr Carroll
Dr Yateman
Lesley Robson (WINNER)
Best Clinical Teacher
Dr Feather (WINNER)
Rachna Chenoy
Malcolm Fish
Prof Parveen Kumar
17
After all the food was eaten; the wine students and staff headed towards ceipts were far from friendly the next
was consumed; and all possible Smithfield’s Beduin bar to dance and morning!
toasts were exhausted, the stumbling drink the night away. The bar re-
18
19
God made the world in seven days...
BL makes ours every Wednesday
Rugby
The 2009-2010 season marked the
most successful year for BLRFC as a
club for the last 20 years, both on
and off the field. The boys have
worked harder than ever before under the tuition and guidance of our
coach Tom Burwell and the leadership of our amicable first team captain, Charlie Warburton. It has been
an exciting but gruelling season but
all in all one to remember! Notable
social events included the pre-season
Chislehurst tour, the ‘Old Boys Beer
and Curry’ and the brutal Nottingham Super hero NAMS 7’s tour,
credit must be given to our two outstanding tour secretaries, Jenks and
Nick, for all the hard work they put
in throughout the year.
and narrowly missing out on the 2nd
team UH plate. Other successes included Will Dooley captaining the
prestigious UH 15’s side and the club
hosting their end of season dinner in
the Bart’s Great Hall with special
guests Simon Shaw MBE and Ex
London Wasps captain Peter Scrivener.
games of the campaign. This left
them with a mountain to climb.
Of this hypothetical mountain they
only managed to make it to base
camp at the end of the season with
too many draws and not enough wins
to recover from their poor start.
However they did manage to get
their biggest ever point tally in the
league; the league was stronger than
previous years and meant they finished bottom of ULU. However the
fourth team’s lack of success on the
field was not matched off it, with
many socials and great banter to and
from games, making this team surely
one of the most friendly and social in
the union. I thoroughly enjoyed being captain especially as we actually
had enough players this year, and
Unfortunately, in classic despite the results people kept wantBLRFC style key players were lost at ing to play! If we keep the same
the tail-end of the season - we wish
Jeff and Nick a speedy recovery!
However the sheer grit and determination of the squad showed through
finishing the season in style – top of
the league, BUCS 2B champions!
Bring on the new season!
Alex Pickard
bunch of boys together next year I’m
sure the quality of the banter may
finally be reflected by quality on the
Since Christmas BLFC has been field.
through a roller coaster of ups and Dave Sims
downs competing in 5 competitionsBUCS, ULU, UH, The Merger cup The thirds have had a somewhat bipolar season. With the league slowly
and NAMS.
slipping out of their grasp throughout
the year they concentrated all their
energy on the UH vase. Gio’s tactics
proved too much for the rest of the
London medical schools by comfortably securing a place in the final
at The Hive. On the day a few controversial selection decisions looked
to leave questions asked as the 3rds
had a shaky start to the game going
one nil down from a looping shot.
th
The 4 team’s season unfortu- However the team came together and
nately started slowly losing the first 6 pulled through to leave the game 2-2
Football
On the rugby front, the 1st
team finished the season 1st in the
league (winning 12 of 13), being promoted to BUCS London 1, and winning the UH plate for the first time in
years. The 2nd team battled hard
throughout the year, under the guidance of their brilliant captain Chris
Hay, winning 50% of their games
21
at the end of 90 minutes. In a spectacular extra time show man of the
match Nick White scored a last minute winner to be carried off the pitch
held in the arms of roaring Barts
faithful. What a game. Unfortunately
the team suffered a blow on the last
day of the ULU season as they lost
their vital relegation battle game.
Some fingers have been pointed at
the organisers of NAMS as a couple
of vital players missed the 3rd team
game for the tournament in Leeds.
The 2nd team produced an
equally cup orientated season as Imperial’s 4th team steamed away in the
league with no hope of being caught.
They finished a healthy 3rd in ULU
division 1 but a mention has to go to
Remi and Kosi who between them
netted close to 40 goals. Camara
(Dom) commandeered a great UH
campaign as the team won the qualifying group to earn themselves a date
at the UH reserve cup final. The Hive
witnessed a great game of football as
an outplayed Imperial 2s team
melted under the pressure from an inform Kosi and Remi to win the cup 3
-1.
The 1st XI’s season looked to
be extremely promising with a very
talented team under the reign of enthusiastic captain Adam Hexter. In
the ULU premiership we struggled to
keep up with a heavy fixture list and
lost vital games to teams such as
Queen Mary 1s and UCL 1s. This
resulted in relying on a controversial
last game of the season relegation
battle against Royal Hollaway 2s. A
relieved Barts team won 3-2 to keep
them in the league. In BUCS South
Eastern conference the 1st team
showed their superiority with con22
vincing wins such as smashing University of Arts 5-2. The league came
down to a two horse race but with a
disappointing 10-2 drubbing against
the league contenders Middlesex, the
league title fell out of our hands.
Captain Adam Hexter made it
obvious from the outset of his reign
that the UH cup was his priority. In
the group stage Barts 1s dominated
by winning the group with some brilliant team performances. The fixture
against Imperial turned out to be one
for the history books as while predicted by the bookies to be a close
encounter, Barts dismantled Imperial’s organised defence to leave fort
Chislehurst with a wonderful 8-1
win.
On the day of the UH final
controversy was circulating once
again within BLFC. Much like other
teams within BLFC the firsts were
struck with a huge selection nightmare for their captain. This resulted
in some angry responses from experienced faces within the club, however, the team pressed on. The highly
anticipated final against RUMS unfortunately turned out to be a nightmare performance from Barts 1s.
RUMS showed their superiority in
front of a Barts dominated crown to
crown themselves UH champions
with a 4-1 win. Was it that our first
team weren’t good enough or was it
the pre match meal at Noodle King?
With the season over it looked
as if the only thing that BLFC had to
look forward to was the annual tour
to Tenerife. Due to a few mix-ups
within the committee the club looked
as though it had failed to qualify for
the NAMS football tournament in
Leeds. However, a couple of days
before the tournament itself a delighted Barts learnt that due to Peninsula (weak) pulling out, we now had
a place! In an intense day of organisation, Fish (Nick Wilson), myself
and Smeltz (Stampy) put together a
last minute pilgrimage to Leeds including car rentals, luxury hotels,
continental breakfasts and a mix and
match of Barts’ footballing faithful.
We turned up to the tournament at
8.30am, Barts time. This meant that
consequently we were 30 mins late
for our 8.30 kick off which was luckily postponed. In all honesty at this
time the whole team was still completely drunk. We kicked off with a
fixture against an accomplished and
very efficient Leeds 1s. With very
little memory of this game it is hard
to report on it but somehow with the
whole team being in a drunken stupor we only suffered a 2-1 loss to a
team vastly better prepared than ourselves. Luckily this acted as an incentive that we really should sober
up and play football. The next game
was a fixture against Edinburgh and
Barts turned it on with an emphatic 2
-0 victory. Brighton were our next
opponents and were shocked by being dominated by a now sober and
confident Barts. We put them out of
the tournament with a 3-1 win. The
final fixture in the group turned out
to be a nail biting encounter with
Glasgow 1s, with Barts now only
requiring 1 point to qualify. In the
opening minutes of the game it was
evident that Glasgow were a very
good team completely dominating us
all over the pitch. Consequently they
went one nil up. They controlled the
game until the final few minutes
when a great show of Barts character
allowed Remi to power through a
tough, Scottish defence to set myself
up for a last ditch equaliser. The
crown went wild and Barts went
through to the last 16. The look on
the Glasgow players faces was priceless and such quotes as ‘I can’t believe we lost to those lunatics’ could
be heard from their camp.
A long wait to our next fixture
resulted in massive influx of hangover induced ‘beer fear’. This combined with a pitch that made Chissy
look like Camp Nou lead to an embarrassing 5-0 defeat to Liverpool.
Barts left the tournament still
feeling jubilant about their qualification from a very tough group and
went on to have an awesome night
out in Leeds. The man of the tournament was Adam Burt.
Maximilian Julvé
vantage of more races available at
the Tideway. It brought valuable experience to a relatively novice first
VIII and gave us the chance to race
against the Cambridge Isis Crew.
After the Christmas break, the
“Silvertoe” Hatton and James “The
Horse” Soldan. The weekend culminated in the first VIII maintaining a
high position at the top and the second VIII bringing up the rear after
Joe Smith in a Power Horse fuelled
burst of energy broke his foot plate.
The season was rounded off with the
epic BUMPs party including Hog
Roast and KY jelly wrestling. Special thanks to Professor Gerald Libby
for keeping the club so well hydrated
throughout the year and for devoting
so much of his time to the club.
Jon Cramphorn
Women’s Rowing
Men’s Rowing
It was an exciting year for the boat
club, not without its difficulties. The
club relocated to the Tideway from
the Royal Albert Docks to take advantage of the better conditions and
longer stretches of water that it provided. The first VIII have been training hard all year, six times a week
come rain, sleet or snow. Led from
the front by Captain David Brooke,
we have consistently been regular
faces at the gym and Stepney Green
Park. November brought with it
Fresher Sprints and the annual
Henley Tour, one of the biggest and
most successful of recent years, fitting in meeting Olympians at Leander Boat Club and the customary
skinny dip in the Thames. The Autumn term saw the boat club take ad-
first VIII was back on it, with a successful showing in the winter sprints
indulging in a couple of debauched
socials courtesy of Joe Smith to get
us back into the swing of the new
term. Training continued hard, and
with the advent of our new coach,
things started to come together and
our attentions turned towards the
Head of the River and the all important UH BUMPs.
In the summer term Ilia Kantsedikas organised the first ever 48
hour “ergathon”. The Boat Club was
camped outside of Liverpool Street
Station for two days solid, raising
money and awareness for haemorrhagic and ischaemic strokes on behalf of the Stroke Association. Christopher “Lats” Millward kicked off
proceedings, which saw the Boat
Club raise an impressive £3250
pounds over the two day period.
The season finished on a high
with the mighty two day UH
BUMPs. The first VIII saw the return
of a couple of old members of the
boat club to bolster numbers in the
shape of Jon “El Big Unit”
It’s that time of year again where
spring teases you with a bit more
sunshine during the day but a hell of
a lot of rain as if it were trying to
warn you not to get your spirits up
too high just yet. The women of
Barts and The London Boat Club
however know better because we’ve
had to toughen up more than ever
before through the winter months
when the time called for us to be
loyal to our oars in strong winds,
hailstones, heavy rains and even
snow this year!
The year started off with our
annual tour in November. This was a
lovely weekend away to the posh little town of Henley-on-Thames for a
bit of rowing besides all the mingling! A week later came the UH
Novice Sprints race where they came
2nd place just behind RUMS in the
finals and this result was repeated
again at the Winter Regatta in January. All in all, a very promising
fresher crew!
The seniors also had some en23
couraging results where they made it start when our GK Catherine was
into the semi-finals at the Winter Re- taken out in the first quarter and left
injured on the edge of the court.
With one player down, it was a fight
to the death. Every player gave their
best performance of the season to
keep ahead in the game. Unfortunately, having drawn the whole way
through, the tiredness started to show
and we came away with a loss of 2631. By some stroke of luck, Vets lost
gatta but lost half a boats length to St their game too, meaning we were
Georges. For the first time in 3 years still promoted!! A well deserved rethey have entered the UH Head of sult for the 1st team. Unfortunately,
the River Race where they ranked playing a different team to our usual
last amongst the women’s senior line-up, we did not have the same
crews but are not about to give up luck in Merger. But there is always
anytime soon. Next up is the Bumps next year…..
races on the weekend of 22nd and
It has been a pleasure to caprd
23 of May which is the season fi- tain the amazing girls in the 1st team
nale in the UH rowing calendar and and see them to a promotion. (And
what an event it is with fancy dress I’m so sorry I missed merger!!)
being the dress code for the last race! Aisha Jalaly
BLWBC has had a fantastic
year so far with dedicated members
working together to make our club a
happy place for everyone to be and
we’re only halfway through the year
so watch out for more!
Simerdip Kaur
The Vulture apologises for the late
publication of this article and has
received good news that BLWBC got
BUMPED UP TWICE in this competition!
Netball
match, which was close throughout!!
I really enjoyed being captain
of the thirds. They have been a very
dedicated team and have loved playing with them.
Lucinda Bell
The 4th team have had a consistent
first season with draws and unfortunately losses in the first part of the
year but ending up winning the last
matches of the season, coming up
seventh in our league. We did however completely SMASH QM at
Merger, winning 29-9, truly showing
how much we have improved over
this season.
It has been amazingly fun
being captain of the 4th team this year
and I am proud of my team for how
well we have done and hopefully
have laid the foundations to have an
even more successful season next
year - ending hopefully in beating
The 2nd team finished 5th in ULU QM by even more goals!!!!”
with the same points as Royal Hollo- Abi MacLeod
way and Imperial but unfortunately
missing out on 3rd place due to goal
difference. We had some great games
and all the girls have improved loads
over the season. I have thoroughly
enjoyed being captain, even with all
the issues it's brought with it! But
none of them matter because we won
merger so it was all worth it in the
end! Yay!!!!!
Christie Brennan
Men’s Hockey
The 1st team had a lot of drama towards the end of the season. Our
main concern was BUCS, with one
game left against South Bank, we
needed a convincing win to ensure a
promotion. We were off to a terrible
24
The 3rd team finished 6th in their
ULU division, winning five matches
and drawing one!! So a very good
season in ULU, however we do not
wish to comment on BUCS!!
We would on the other hand
like to make comment on MERGER;
WINNING 19-13, in a very intense
Seeing as though the men's hockey
club missed the boat with the previous issue of The Vulture this is a
brief insight to our season. We had a
good intake of freshers with players
coming in to help boost both the first
and second teams in their season’s The next step for the hockey club
endeavours. Freshers were welcomed was our annual tour to Doorn in Holland. This year 15 lucky tourists
made up the now infamous 'BL Raiders' touring side which took part in
the 26th International Dick Ruimschotel tournament. There was beer,
hockey and of course, poorly spoken
Dutch.
The 15 members of the BL
Raiders touring side returned victorious from the Netherlands having
toured hard all weekend and winning
the most sought after prize of the
tournament, the Hans Schot Trofie.
A prize awarded to the best team of
the tournament both on and off field.
Well done to all who toured so well.
Winning tourists were; Alex
with a curry alongside the women's 'Superted' Speight, Jon 'test tube'
hockey club where much fun was Fenn, James 'PMT' Pittaway, Ed
had by all.
On the pitch the first team
hockey was good in parts. When we
played well we looked like a force to
be reckoned with. Unfortunately we
were far to inconsistent and results
suffered as a consequence. The best
hockey from the first team came in
the two weekends of the United Hospitals cup. Playing against strong oppositions from the other London
medical schools, BL put in four solid
performances and were unlucky to
not be rewarded.
This season saw the re-kindling
of the annual old boys fixture which 'Quakers' Davis, Jon 'Sweaty Chuff'
took place on the 7th of May down in Beake, Anthony 'Farmer Giles'
Wapping. This was expertly arranged Thaventhiran, Will 'Haut de la Gafor the morning after the AGM so the renne' Selway, Max 'Flikker' Gibstudents were finely tuned for a game bons, Ha mish 'Za kke wa sse r'
of hockey. A hard fought game took Fletcher, Andy 'Rufio' Balme, Mark
place and the old boys clinched a 5-4 'Tyler Durden' Gregory, Ash 'Viagra'
victory. Following the match both Patel, Sikander 'Kippen Neuker' Mateams ventured to the Captain Kidd jid, Jeeves 'Rose' Wijesuriya and
for post match refreshments which Remi 'Dolph Lundgren' Adeyemo.
As for next season, we as a
remained civilised at all times and in
no way were any pound coins club are hoping for another good intake of players of all abilities and are
harmed.
looking to build upon what we have
learnt this season.
Will Selway
Women’s Hockey
Another BARTS-tastic season for the
BL Women’s Hockey Club. The 1st
team had a promising start to the season with the addition of some bright
eyed freshers in the form of Lucy
Glasgow, Amy Coulden and Charlotte Trainer. We had a strong start
to the season with some cracking
striking skills from Lucy Glasgow
who was later awarded top goal
scorer of the season. The team began
to struggle as the season drew on, in
part due to our recent promotion to
the ULU premiership. Nevertheless,
spirits remained high and we reached
the semi finals in both the ULU and
BUCS Cups. Amy Coulden was
awarded most commited player at the
AGM for her constant dedication to
the team and hardcore-ness, playing
on even when she had a serious injury, quite rightly she was also
awarded Fresher of the Year. Sophie
Lynch, vice-captain, was most deservingly awarded player of the season for her dedication and persistant
mad hockey skills throughout the
season; this was reiterated in her being awarded Sports Women of the
Year at the Association Dinner.
Sophie takes over as 1st Team Captain for the 10-11 season and is sure
to do us proud.
The season drew to a close
with the epic battle against QM for
the Merger Cup. BL dominated from
the start with our 16 strong squad. A
fantastic performance from everyone
brought the final score to an impres25
sive 3-1 win. In true BL Women’s
Hockey Club style, the team hit the
union in force, showing the QM girls
how to perform both on and off the
pitch. It appears not even the QMers
themselves could disagree...
‘It seems Barts can show QM a
thing or 2 not only about how to play
hockey but also about how to session
afterwards’ (QM hockey girl March
2010).
My thanks to everyone who
played in the 09-10 season, of which
there were a great many! A fond
farewell to our lovely finalists Vicky
Dawson, Katie Irwin and Esme
Oliver-Hobley. You will be greatly
missed. In the mean time bring on
TOUR!!! Much Hockey Love.
Sophie Williams
BL Women’s Hockey 2nd XI have
had a not altogether successful, but
very character-building season. We
got off to a good start with a huge
fresher intake and a very promising
fresher’s trials, and an even more
promising first tables. Somehow we
managed to secure a 4-2 win against
RUMS in our first match which was
very ego-boosting, but alas, it was
short lived. As the year went on and
we lost finalists and many players to
the 1st XI, we were often unable to
field a team. As such, we successfully managed to be demoted from
the ULU league we had just been
promoted into ( a 13-0 loss springs to
mind...) and are now back in the
same division as the 3rd XI. Hopefully we will have a few more wins
next season, and get our promotion
back!
26
Despite all of that, every cloud has a
silver lining; ours being the massive
15-0 and 9-1 wins against St.
George’s 2nd XI. I had an amazing
time as captain, but am glad to be
handing the title over to a very worthy candidate, Cat Miles. She definitely earned her position after necking a jar of ‘pickled onion gin’ at the
AGM. Finally, thanks to Jenna, my
vice-captain and Sophie the 1st XI
captain, who have been a great help,
and thank you to everyone, from
fresher to finalist, who put in even
one performance for the 2s this year!
P l a ye r ’ s p l a ye r : A l i c e
Dewhurst
Captain’s player: Cat Miles
Most improved player: Kimberley van Winsen
Most dedicated player: Katherine
Gillespie.
Nasreen Moini
ing at times due to some cancellations but the team, now used to each
other and established in our positions, was making definite progress
towards the later part of the season
with some close games and great
chances. Spreading out better around
the pitch we put together some lovely
runs up the wings and started to
really use the space and get the best
out of some great individual talents.
The UH Reserve cup was
a fantastic way to see the season out
in style - our team of face painted
lions (plus zebra and giraffe!) battled
valiantly in the sun against some
great opposition, not to mention the
gin fairies... An excellent fun afternoon.
So from the outgoing team captain, a massive thank you and congrats to all those who were involved
over the year, it was awesome
fun and I have no doubts that next
year is going to be even better for us!
Emma Kedgley
Tennis
The 2009/10 hockey season got off
to a fantastic start for Barts' Women's
3s with our best e ver re sult leaving us really enthusiastic for
the season ahead.
Score lines
seemed to reflect the weather as we
approached Christmas but we definitely made progress in the area of
team spirit with everyone really
looking forward to their Wednesday
hockey whatever the result!
The start of 2010 was frustrat-
What a long year it’s been for the
tennis club...I suppose our year began in Summer 09. After a very successful showing in the early rounds
of UH, Men’s Tennis found our way,
for the umpteenth year running, into
the UH final, matched up against our
arch nemesis St. George’s. Unfortunately, the good form that saw us to
the final dissipated and we crumbled
to a bit of an embarrassing loss…
BAD TIMES! Luckily enough this
mishap wasn’t a bad omen for the
rest of the year.
October 09 saw the return of
BL Tennis’ tour! We packed our
rackets, along with some bright and
tight gear and other bits of random
fancy dress (including a Jamaican
flag mesh vest top), as we headed off
to Majorca. We did play some tennis,
in fact quite a lot of tennis, and had
the time to have a bit of a tournament, but the tour will definitely be
remembered by those present for the
following things: intubations, the
Magaluf night and the emergence of
Juan, the captain using a chorizo
sandwich as a pillow and the very
organised girly breakfasts.
aged to persuade our staff president
to go to Tiger Tiger!
And finally, a quick plug. As
many sports clubs seasons end, the
tennis club’s picks up. We meet
every Wednesday at the tennis courts
in Bethnal Green Park (walk down
Cambridge Heath Road, under the
rail bridge, the courts are just on the
left hand side) at 2pm. Rackets and
coaching provided; any standard
most welcomed!!
I’m looking forward to seeing
some new faces grace the hallowed
Bethnal courts this summer!
Aaron Braddy
Once again, The Vulture apologises
for the late publication of this article
and hopes that all budding tennis
players bear Aaron’s final message
in mind and take it up in the summer
of next year if not this year.
Merger was a bit 50:50 this
year. After last years success where
both Men and Women’s tennis
picked up wins, this year the Men
pulled of a victory, but unfortunately
the women lost in a close tussle.
Very recently, on 5th year results day, we had our annual AGM at
Queen’s Club. After a couple of
hours of tennis on their amazing indoor courts, we enjoyed an exceptional 3-course meal (and the odd
glass of wine!) whilst deliberating
over the election our new committee!
For the next season, Minh Quang Lu
will be Men’s Captain, Maddie
Lightwood will be fronting as
Women’s Captain, committed fresher
Henry Collette will be looking after
the money as Treasurer, Sarah Williams will be imposing her amazing
organisational skills on our Socialities and I will be the general whipping boy in the role of secretary! All
in all, the AGM was well attended by
the student body and by our extremely committed alumni base. The
night was concluded with a trip to a
bar in Tower Hill, but I do think
some of our graduate members man-
Sailing
the end of April, and even sailing
tour to France aboard a 60ft Carbon
fibre Farr racing yacht in the early
summer, all at minimal cost!!! We
can even set you up with people willing to take you cruising around the
med on their yachts over the summer
at minimal cost! Sound too good to
be true? Get in contact through
Facebook (BL Sailing) or drop us an
email at [email protected]
and we can get you out on the water!
Happy Sailing!
Mark Lewis
If your club or society has
not been published in The
Vulture yet, please get in
touch by e-mailing [email protected] with a
clear subject, stating your
club or society’s name.
Please try and accompany
any articles with appropriate photographs.
The new sailing club always has stuff
lined up for sailors of all or no ability! Starting mid spring, regular
weekend trips down to the beautiful
Burnham on Crouch in Essex as well
opportunities to race with experienced dayboat crews, no experience
necessary.
All new Wednesday evening
sailing, perfect for beginners and
BBQ in the docklands starts towards
27
This section is an added bonus for all the readers who have stuck it through this edition of The
Vulture so far. It is a light hearted section designed to put a smile on your face whether it be to
relieve some stress if you are currently revising for exams or to keep you occupied if you’re already bored of your summer holiday. Whatever your reason may be, we hope you enjoy it. This edition includes some elements from the last issue such as lookalikes (we’ve provided quite a few since
it was a while since the last issue of this publication) and a caption competition. New features of
this section includes a youtube competition and Dear Fanny, our resident agony aunt. Please give
your feedback on all of this on our facebook fan page...ENJOY!
Ever looked at one of your peers and thought
“hang on a minute, don’t they look just like...” If
you have, then we want to hear from you. Send in
your suggestions to [email protected] with the subject: LOOKALIKES and stating your name.
If you have pictures to back up your claim, all the better. Send them in too. The best claim will go
appear in next months issue.
Jonathan
Ross
Lindsay
Lohan
A young
peter jenkins
Emma
Presern
Lea
Michele
Cristiano
Ronaldo
Nasreen
moini
Deepak
Kumar
29
Alex
Conran
James “JJ”
Berwin
ryone to chuckle at. In the spirit of the
GENUINE VULTURE VUVUZELA (so you
credited in the next issue. The sender of
lack of banter. Send your videos wisely
CONTEST and stating your name.
Dev
Patel
Olly
Sohan
This is a new competition where we’re asking
readers to send in funny youtube videos for evefootball world cup, the funniest video entry will win a
can annoy all of your friends) and will of course be acthe least funny video will also be named and shame for
to [email protected] with the subject: YOUTUBE
entries to [email protected] with the subject: CAPTION COMPETITION and stating your name. The winner will receive a mystery prize!
Send
30
in
your
Hi ! My name is Fanny and I’m YOUR agony aunt.
Whether you want a shoulder to cry on or some heartfelt advice, I’m your woman! Some say my advice is worse than rubbish. To that, I
say whatever! Nobody’s making you take my advice. It’s there if you want it. And
if you do, please don’t hesitate to send your problems (no matter how ridiculous)
to [email protected] with the subject: DEAR FANNY and stating your name.
Dear Fanny,
I've fallen in love with a sim from the computer game, The Sims 2. He is called "Trevor Tonguewaggle" and I created him myself using Body Shop. He's a little over-weight and likes to set fire to his cat, but I love him anyway. I
didn't realise I had feelings for him until he had an affair with another sim, Kerrie Kontwhistle. I was so jealous
that I had to drown her by commanding her to dive into the swimming pool and then deleting the steps. I spend
hours a day just watching Trevor eat pizza and kick pink flamingo garden ornaments, all the time wishing I could
make woohoo with him. Do you know any cheat codes to make Trevor real?
Mel (39), Bethnal Green
Dear Mel,
NO.
Dear Fanny,
I was examining a patient on my firm the other day (by the way, my consultant absolutely despises me and thinks
I’m an idiot as it is). As I leaned in, the patient had a look of pain on his face, to which I asked "are you okay?".
The resulting dialogue followed:
A wide-eyed patient: WHAAAAAT?! That's a rather inappropriate question. How is that relevant?
Me: Well, you looked uncomfortable.
Patient: What's that got to do with anything?
Me: I didn't want to hurt you so I asked if you were okay
Patient: Oooh. I thought you asked me if I was gay.
Me: God no. Absolutely not.
An awkward silence followed, and it seemed odd that nobody was laughing. It turned out the patient was in fact
gay. Needless to say, my consultant wasn’t impressed. So now I'm really worried about failing. What should I do?
John Doe
Dear John Doe,
Sorry, but Fanny is away on annual leave.
Gertrude (Fanny’s secretary)
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