OIL ON FISH A fourth grade class was asked to write about the

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OIL ON FISH
A fourth grade class was asked to write about the effects of
modern society on animals.
One child wrote, "My mom opened a
can of sardines last night it was full of
oil and all the sardines were dead."
EYES ON HEAVEN
The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open
a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told
the combination, but couldn't quite remember it. Finally she
went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor
came into the room and began to turn the dial.
After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for
a moment. Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his
lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the
lock, and quickly turned to the final number,
and opened the lock.
Amazed, the teacher said, "I'm in awe at your
faith, pastor."
“It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling."
WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE
"My wife stays up until 5 in the morning," said
one man.
"What is she doing 'til 5 a.m?" the pal asked.
"Waiting for me to get home," came the response.
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I HAVE OFTEN REGRETTED MY SPEECH, NEVER MY SILENCE
IF A MAN DOES HIS BEST, WHAT ELSE IS THERE?
EVERYBODY PITIES THE WEAK; JEALOUSY YOU HAVE TO EARN
INCONTINENCE WITH DIGNITY
Many have loved ones who suffer the pain of incontinence. It is real
effort to deal with incontinence in an older person, especially one
who cannot take care of themselves in that department. Those who
have mobility issues or excessive weight issues struggle even more.
For those who are capable of caring for their own personal needs,
the frustration, energy and worry of embarrassment can be overwhelming, and limiting.
Time also is a factor to consider when pondering an outing. Learning to calculate how to negotiate a set schedule when a simple bathroom stop can take up to 20 – 40 minutes depending on what has to
happen can take practice and patience. Navigating doctor appointments, a trip to watch a grandchild’s ball game or an hour or two at
church can be daunting. Don’t give up.
Maintain a restroom schedule as much as possible, every 2 hours is
suggested, whether you are home or away. An alarm is helpful.
Plan an additional 45 – 60 minutes before your departure time, or
time before the actual engagement once you arrive at your destination as a buffer. Remain patient and calm at all times. Bring reading material.
Keep a packed smart looking bag to attach to a wheelchair or walker
with a brief change, wet wipes, hand sanitizer, large Ziploc bags for
anything wet, and a set of clean, wrinkle- free clothes. Rolling the
clean clothes in a Ziploc baggie is best for keeping them wrinkle
free. Include Kleenex, a bottle of water, several small snacks, and a
sweater/lap blanket because air conditioning is very abrasive to the
elderly. Lastly, keep something of interest to them in that bag so for
long waits they have something to do.
The Summit at Sunland Springs Memory Care will be holding a
support group on Monday, October 28th at 3:00 p.m., 2415 S. Signal
Butte Rd, Mesa, 480-359-3358. Elaine Poker-Yount from Visiting
Angels will be speaking on community eldercare resources that can
help families who may be struggling with finding the right kind of
help for their situation.
For information on incontinence products that don’t leak or smell,
contact Elaine, Community Liaison for Visiting Angels Mesa at 480833-8247 or [email protected]
I DON'T KNOW WHY WE ARE HERE, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT IT IS NOT IN ORDER TO ENJOY OURSELVES
IT'S KIND OF FUN TO DO THE IMPOSSIBLE
TO LOVE ONESELF IS THE BEGINNING OF A LIFELONG ROMANCE
Worship 9:30am
Children’s church: 10:20
Fellowship: 11am
Women’s Outreach Thurs: 9am
520.723.5141
WHEREVER JESUS SITS, THERE IS THE HEAD OF THE TABLE
I BELIEVE IN CHRISTIANITY AS I BELIEVE THAT THE SUN HAS RISEN. NOT ONLY BECAUSE I SEE IT, BUT BECAUSE I SEE EVERYTHING BY IT
Q: I have several pieces of Corning Ware
and was surprised to see some for sale at
a local antique mall. What's the deal? -Susan, Littleton, Colo.
A: Corning Ware was introduced in 1958 and was high-fired
glassware capable of going from the freezer to the stove without damage. The first pattern was Blue Cornflower, which
was followed by several other popular designs such as Spice
O' Life, Renaissance, Peony, Friendship and Indian Summer.
More than half a century has passed since Corning Ware
found its way into American homes, and it is, perhaps, a combination of its durability and a nostalgia for mid-century
America that has drawn increased interest. Although prices
are fairly reasonable, I predict the values will steadily climb.
Q: My family lived in Manhattan during the 1930s and was
one of the first to have a television set. It is a General Electric
model HM-185 console and was purchased by my dad in
about 1940. I have always been curious about how much it
might be worth. -- Carl, Sun City West, Ariz.
A: Your television set was marketed in 1939 and is referenced
in the Antique Trader Radio and Television Price Guide editI HAVE HAD THE EXPERIENCE OF BEING GRIPPED BY SOMETHING THAT IS STRONGER THAN MYSELF, THAT SOMETHING IS GOD
ALL WHO WOULD WIN JOY, MUST SHARE IT; HAPPINESS WAS BORN A TWIN
ed by Kyle Husfloen, and valued at $12,000.
Q: I purchased a collector plate at a yard sale, "Pieta" by Michelanglo. I was offered $15 for it, but that doesn't seem like a
fair price for it. -- John, Sioux Falls, S.D.
A: Walk into almost any antique mall and you're likely to find
stacks of collector plates, most priced in the $5 to $15 range.
As with most collectibles, there are always exceptions, but the
market for collector plates is stagnant, and many are selling
for a fraction of their original cost. I don't see this trend
changing, at least not in the immediate future.
Q: I have the first issue of "Mirabella" magazine from June
1989. What’s it worth? -- Charlotte, Albuquerque, N.M.
A: "Mirabella" magazine was named for Grace Mirabella, a
former editor-in-chief of Vogue. It struggled for more than a
decade before finally folding. Your magazine is probably
worth in the $10 to $15 range.
Write to Larry Cox in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O.
Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mail to [email protected]. Due to the large volume of mail he receives,
Mr. Cox is unable to personally answer all reader questions. Do not
send any materials requiring return mail. (c) 2013 King Features
GOD IS A COMEDIAN PLAYING TO AN AUDIENCE AFRAID TO LAUGH
THE OPTIMIST PROCLAIMS THAT WE LIVE IN THE BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS, AND THE PESSIMIST FEARS THIS IS TRUE
MORAL INDIGNATION IS JEALOUSY WITH A HALO
¥ On Oct. 6, 1683, encouraged by William
Penn's offer of 5,000 acres of land in the
colony of Pennsylvania and the freedom to
practice their religion, the first Mennonites
arrive in America aboard the Concord. The
German Mennonites were founded in Europe by Menno Simons in the 16th century.
¥ On Oct. 2, 1780, British Major John Andre, an accomplice
of Benedict Arnold, is hanged as a spy by U.S. military forces
in Tappan, N.Y. Andre wrote a letter to Gen. George Washington asking that he be executed by firing squad, that being a
more "gentlemanly" death than hanging.
¥ On Oct. 4, 1861, President Abraham
Lincoln observes a balloon demonstration near Washington, D.C. Both
Confederate and Union armies experimented with using balloons to gather military
intelligence in the early stages of the war, but
the balloons proved to be dangerous and impractical for most situations.
BLESSED IS THE MAN, WHO HAVING NOTHING TO SAY, ABSTAINS FROM GIVING WORDY EVIDENCE OF THE FACT
¥ On Oct. 1, 1908, the first production Model T Ford is completed in
Detroit. The cheapest one initially cost $825, or about $18,000 in
today's dollars. It had a 22horsepower, four-cylinder engine
that could run on gasoline or hempbased fuel.
¥ On Sept. 30, 1954, the USS Nautilus, the world's first nuclear submarine, is commissioned by the U.S. Navy. In August
1958, Nautilus accomplished the first voyage under the geographic North Pole. After a career spanning 25 years and almost 500,000 miles steamed, Nautilus was decommissioned in 1980.
¥ On Oct. 3, 1967, writer, singer and folk icon
Woody Guthrie dies in New York. Guthrie,
originally from Oklahoma, introduced a
form of music called protest folk. Most famous was "This Land Is Your Land," written
in 1940 and first recorded in 1944.
¥ On Oct. 5, 1978, Isaac Bashevis Singer wins the Nobel
Prize for literature. Singer wrote in Yiddish about Jewish life
in Poland and the United States, and translations of his work
became popular in mainstream America as well as Jewish circles. One of his stories, Yentl, was made into a movie directed
by and starring Barbra Streisand in 1983.
(c) 2013 King Features Synd., Inc.
THE ONLY THING YOU CAN GIVE AND STILL KEEP IS YOUR WORD
THE MORE I KNOW, THE MORE I KNOW I DON'T KNOW
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IS JUST TYRANNY WITH MANNERS
MAYBE THIS WORLD IS ANOTHER PLANET'S HELL
1. GEOGRAPHY: The Khyber Pass connects which two nations?
2. FOOD & DRINK: What kind of food is a nectarine?
3. MUSIC: In what Rod Stewart song does he say he "really
should be back at school"?
4. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What kind of animal also is known
as a "gnu"?
5. HISTORY: When did the Cuban Missile Crisis occur?
6. LANGUAGE: What is meant by the term "lingua franca"?
7. ANATOMY: Where is the uvula in the human body?
8. FAMOUS QUOTATIONS: What comedian observed,
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the
time"?
9. LITERATURE: Which poet's 1928 book was titled "Good
Morning, America"?
10. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Which president's face is on the
$100,000 bill?
Answers
1. Afghanistan and Pakistan
2. Peach
3. "Maggie May"
4. Wildebeest
5. October, 1962
(c) 2013 King Features Synd., Inc.
6. Common language
7. Suspended from the soft palate
8. Steven Wright
9. Carl Sandburg
10. Woodrow Wilson's
ONE OF THE SYMPTOMS OF AN APPROACHING NERVOUS BREAKDOWN IS THE BELIEF THAT ONE'S WORK IS TERRIBLY IMPORTANT
SLEEP IS AN EXCELLENT WAY OF LISTENING TO AN OPERA
A PEOPLE THAT VALUES ITS PRIVILEGES ABOVE ITS PRINCIPLES SOON LOSES BOTH - DWIGHT EISENHOWER
EDUCATION IS A PROGRESSIVE DISCOVERY OF OUR OWN IGNORANCE
VICTORY GOES TO THE PLAYER WHO MAKES THE NEXT-TO-LAST MISTAKE
WHEN YOU DO THE COMMON THINGS IN LIFE IN AN UNCOMMON WAY, YOU WILL COMMAND THE ATTENTION OF THE WORLD
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN SINCERE IGNORANCE AND CONSCIENTIOUS STUPIDITY
FACTS ARE OFTEN THE ENEMY OF TRUTH
¥ It was Israeli politician Abba Eban who made the
following sage observation: "A consensus means
that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one
believes individually."
¥ Moose are so nearsighted that they have been
known to try to mate with cars.
DON'T BE SO HUMBLE - YOU ARE NOT THAT GREAT
¥ According to tradition, a bride whose dress is
made of silk will have good fortune in her marriage. A woman who wears velvet to her wedding
will face poverty, and a satin wedding gown will
bring bad luck.
¥ On average, there are 50,000 earthquakes world-wide every year.
EGOTIST: A PERSON MORE INTERESTED IN HIMSELF THAN IN ME
¥ Beloved composer Frederic Chopin died in 1849 in
France. He was terrified of being buried alive, so at
his request, after his death his heart was removed, preserved in alcohol and returned
to his native country, Poland. Once in
Warsaw, the urn containing his heart was
sealed into a pillar of the Holy Cross
Church with the inscription, "For where
your treasure is, there will your heart be
also."
¥ Spanish explorers named California after a mythical island of Amazon women ruled by a warrior queen named Califa.
¥ An assemblyman in Alaska once wrote and tried to pass legislation
mandating a $100 fine for "public flatulence, crepitation, gaseous
emission and miasmic effluence."
¥ In 1903, a now-unknown inventor (and breeder of
chickens, one might venture to guess) submitted a
request to patent eyeglasses for chickens, designed
to prevent injury due to pecking by other
chickens. The request was refused.
¥ The Sphinx in Egypt is the
only one of the Seven Wonders
of the Ancient World still in
existence.
***
Thought for the Day: "Only two things are infinite, the universe and
human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." -- Albert Einstein
(c) 2013 King Features Synd., Inc.