The_Grinder_Jan_-_Ma.. - Little Miss Arty Pants

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The
Grinder
An Almost Quarterly Newsletter for the Santa Cruz Area
“Hank the Crank”
Inside!
Radiator Caps, Hood Ornaments, or
Mascots? You Be the Judge....
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curmudgeon
reporter
editor
photographer
printer
publisher
ethernet paperboy
[email protected]
…Where memories of things that never were, become the good old days….
January - March 2011
On Leaving
Like myself, I suspect that many other Caffeine Cruisers look forward to heading off to our gathering each week.
Being an early riser, Iʼm usually parked by 7:10 a.m. with only a few others there before me. If the weather is fair or
better, that pretty much assures a filled lot and several never-seen-before vehicles.
But like all
t h r o u g h
leaving home,
make
a
with events
celebrations,
arrivals, there must be departures too. Weʼve all gone
several of those: Leaving our childhood (some never do),
leaving school, jobs, and relationships. And often, we
special effort to commemorate some of those leavings
like birthdays, anniversaries, reunions, retirement
and funerals.
At the cruisein thereʼs no start or end time. From 7 to about 9:30 a.m.
is the average
interest span of regular attendees. Other than the crankcatch-and roar
of an engine, thereʼs never been a signal for a mass fireup and go.
We leave when we do for other reasons and pursuits: a
“honey-do” list,
to eat, buy, sell, give, or get a part, surfing, fishing, etc. I
havenʼt heard
of a mass exodus heading out to “4-lanes” north of Santa
Cruz to settle a drag race lately. Maybe that would also be an homage to something left in the past....
So, itʼs about time to leave the first page and get into other matters on the next. I started this rant waxing how I look
forward to being at the next gathering of our internal combustion fantasies. But, with every look forward I have to
remember the emotional let down of leaving each weekly gathering. Having
waited all week for that time -- itʼs
over. Driving from is a lot different
that driving to.... For me, all the
events I experience are
milestones in the chapters of my
life, and all are unique. Iʼm proud
to spend some of those
milestones with all of you.
Remember, love is rare, life is
strange, nothing lasts, people
change....
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Hank
Stop! - Think! - Act....
This is a “heads up” notice to those Caffeine Cruisers
arriving later in the morning and find that all the choice
parking spots seem to be taken. There
are plenty of slots--just not down
“Broadway,” the first to fill up....
Regardless of how tempting it is to head
in or back in to a slot in front of Starbucks
or Subway, PLEASE DONʼT. Both businesses have
politely asked that we leave the parking spaces in front
of their shops open for in-and-out customers.
Apparently, several “non-cruiser” customers have
carped about having to walk a bit farther for their joe.
So far, the dissatisfaction hasnʼt reached the property
management.
If and when it does, our Saturday
morning soiree may be in jeopardy and asked to
relocate. Or, at a minimum, post “parking guards” to
keep those spaces open. I donʼt want to do that.
Believe it or not, several desperate cruisers have even
parked in slots for the disabled and not posted a blue or
red hang tag. They are asking for a $1000 fine, even if
parking there for a minute.... (check out the next article
on new 2012 California fine rates!)
- Headlights: You DONʼT have to turn them on when using
the windshield wipers unless the wipers are “in continuous
use due to rain, mist, snow, fog, or other precipitation or
atmospheric moisture.” Would that include sputum from the
car in front of me?
- Radio: State law says it is illegal to play “any sound amplification system so loud that it can be heard 50 or more feet
from the vehicle. Anyone who has driven anywhere knows
that this is not generally enforced.
- Barefoot:
It is legal to drive shoeless, even on a
motorcycle. That doesnʼt mean itʼs a good idea. “We donʼt
recommend it, but thereʼs no law against it,” said the CHP.
2012 Updated Traffic Fines for California
Weʼll try putting pleasant little notes on the windshields
of cruisers obviously not making a quick stop for coffee.
Thanks for leaving those 10 - 15 slots in front of
Subway and Starbucks open for the caffeine addicts,
not the cruisers.
Several Traffic Laws - Clarified
Here are five laws on the books that may be unknown
to you or you are not certain of the details:
- earplugs: Itʼs illegal in California to drive or bicycle while
wearing “a headset covering, or earplug in, both ears.
Exceptions are made for drivers of trash trucks or emergency
vehicles. (Ed. note: would that be the police using their
personal cell phones on the way to get donuts).
driver with earplugs
GPS: You can attach a unit to your windshield, but only to
the lower corners of the driverʼs or passengerʼs side. Putting
it anywhere in the middle is outlawed by the state. (Ed. note guess Iʼll have to take the fuzzy dice off my GPS and put
back the rearview mirror)
not a GPS
Here are several common violations and their new fine
structure. Remember: thatʼs just the fine--each county
gets to add on its court/processing fee....
Failure to stop at stop light - $436
Rolling through or failure to stop at a stop sign - $214
Passing a school bus with flashing red lights - $616
Failure to provide evidence of insurance - $796
Driving while using a wireless phone (not hands free)
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1st offense - $148
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each subsequent offense - $256
Driving while texting (read, write, or send) "
1st offense - $148
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each subsequent offense - $256
Parking in a bus loading zone - $976
Inadequate muffler(s) - $178
Headsets or earplugs covering both ears - $178
No evidence of current registration - $256
Violation of disabled parking provisions "
1st offense - $976
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2nd offense - $1876
Failure to notify DMV of change of address - $178
Failure to display license plate(s) - $178
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(these last two may be reduced with valid proof)
Driving with coffee in one hand, donut in the other hand,
cell phone to your ear = $/death by your own “hands
free....”
Essential News
Regular Caffeine Cruiser, Cam-Snapper, and all-around good guy (donʼt think “Goodguys”) Jeff Tracey recently
shared this breaking news item.
AP Wire - Charlotte, NC
Jeff Gordon announced today that he was firing his entire pit crew. This announcement
followed Gordon’s decision to take advantage of President Obama’s scheme to employ
inner-city youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent
documentary on how unemployed youths from the inner-city were able to remove a set
of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon’s existing
pit crew could only do it in 8 seconds with thousands of dollars worth of high tech
equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon’s management team, as
most NASCAR races are won or lost in the pits. However, Gordon got more than he
bargained for.
At the crew’s first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change
all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had changed the paint
scheme, altered the VIN number, and sold his car to Dale Earnhardt Jr. for 10 cases of
Budweiser, a bag of week, and some photos of Gordon’s wife in the shower.
New 4-Lane Drag Strip To Open In North Carolina
Leave it to the “moonshiners” to build a proper drag strip! The Loweʼs Motor Speedway will open in September. It is
revolutionary on account of two facts: It will have 4 lanes for competition, and the entire quarter-mile will be concrete.
Four lanes provide advantages, such as: * one pair of lanes can prep for top fuel or funny cars while the other pair of
lanes run pro stock, bikes, or gas classes. * the length of the race day can be streamlined too.
For the Love of Crosleys
I-5 Terror Flashback of Spielbergʼs Genius
There is probably only one guy that loves the iconic
Crosley motor car more than our own iconic motorhead,
Vern Caron, and itʼs this guy:
While getting fuel recently on I-5 near Stockton, I caught
sight of this dirty relic
tanker truck.
I m m e d i a t e l y, a n
irrational fear
gripped me. Do you
know why?
If you had watched
the 1971 TV movie
“Duel” you would
know why. And here it was in 2012, that 1955 Peterbuilt
281 tanker in the flesh rust, grease, grime, and dripping
oil.
Now Vern doesnʼt have a Crosley, but he has 6 or
7 Crosley engines in various states of completion.
This guy doesnʼt seem to have more than 2 halves
of a Crosley dealer “sign,” with which he has built
himself an odd scooter of sorts....
Was I now David Mann (played by Dennis Weaver), the
L.A. businessman driving his 1970 red Valiant on a
Mojave 2-lane road being pursued by a psychotic
never-to-be-seen driver of the tanker? What was it
doing there on I-5? Would it follow me north?
Actually, no. I made all this up to try to get you to find
and watch that TV movie (then made into a theater film)
by Steven Spielberg -- his 1st feature film directing
debut. Hereʼs a couple shots of the last of the three
trucks used to make the film. Those “god oleʼ No.
Carolina boys” again, holding an annual Antique Truck
and Vehicle Show featuring famous movie cars and
trucks.
Try Netflix....
Perhaps Vern and “scooterman” could get together
(probably in Iowa or somewhere) and work a trade.
Gee! Looks like a good variety of cars in the the
shows where scooterman lives.... no musclecars,
but too many Crosleys....!
p.s.
...thereʼs rattlesnakes
in the film....
The Amazing world of Ron Covell
If youʼve ever picked up and read an issue of Street Rodder magazine since 1995, you mustʼve see this catchy
artwork by Dave Bell (think: artist of the Henry Hi-Rise
cartoons) in the Tech section.
The rather hirsute gentleman portrayed is none other
than Ron Covell, aka
“Professor Hammer,” and known both nationally and
internationally as one of the
finest metalworkers in the world. Ronʼs regular column
appears in Street Rodder, as
well as Classic Trucks magazine. He has also written
articles for Metalcrafterʼs News,
Super Rod, Sport Aviation, and Hot Bike magazines.
The best Christmas present I received last year was on
us were treated to a tour of Ronʼs shop in Freedom, CA.
me itʼs more of a “laboratory,” “playroom,” “museum,”
December 30, when about 40 of
Some may call it a “shop,” but to
“treasure vault,” and “studio.”
Ron and his close friend Don
Houseman are currently
working on a project to build themselves each an all-aluminum
ʼ26-ʼ27 T roadster body. A perfect metal fabrication often begins
with a perfect “buck” on which to shape the metal.
Few of us are even capable of building the buck..
Check out that 1st turtle deck shaped off the buck.
All the coamings, curved trim, and insets were made
individually and then fitted to the shaped aluminum.
Iʼve put the web address of Covell Creative Metalworking shop
below. Be sure to click on it and get a much better and fuller picture of
Ronʼs work and accomplishments. For example, if you drooled over
some of those aerodynamic bodies on Kent Fuller slingshot dragster
chassisʼ in the 60ʼs & 70”s, itʼs a fair chance that Ron built the bodies
on many of them....
Ron and his wife Aloma offer a variety of DVDs including “shop tours of
other notable metalworkers. In the outer vestibule of Ronʼs shop there
is a quote that certainly fits Ron and his
belief in what he does:
“Excellence is the result of caring
more than others think is wise,
risking more that others think is
safe, dreaming more than others
think is practical, and expecting
more than others think is
possible....”
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www.covell.biz
the real Professor Hammer
...And the Amazing Collections of
A recent excellent human interest story in the Santa Cruz Senile Sentinel featured the life and lore of the man who
brought us Mercury Metals, a source for Model T parts, speedster bodies, r/c sailboats, and a host of engaging,
unique, and miscellaneous collectibles in, on, and around his barns and land. Meet Don Houseman, one of several
Caffeine Cruisers who also tread the salt outside Wendover Utah -- Bonneville.
Each year after Speed Week, Don and other land speed record holders like Paul Heady, bring their salt-encrusted
rides down to the cruise-in so we can touch ʻem, smell ʻem, hear ʻem, (a few lick ʻem) and generally picture ourselves
strapped in roaring down the short or long course at well over
100-300 mph....
After the Covell shop tour, we headed over to Donʼs shop. Like in
Ronʼs shop, everywhere you looked youʼd see something
spectacular! Radio-controlled sailboats ringed the ceiling, unique
vehicles in various stages of completion were here and there, and
the focal point of the “industrial tools” was a monstrous “pullmax.”
That machine can do edge turning, flanging, shrinking, shearing,
beading, slot cutting, louvering, etc. when using the proper heads.
Here we see Vern Caron, Caffeine Cruiser and “forge expert”
handing Don a sheet of steel and asking, “Don, could you use that
pullmax to stretch and stamp out a Crosley body for me?”
Don fires up the pullmax....
...and quickly fashions a neatly shaped and rounded Crosley hubcap....
...a vintage 10th scale park steam train and Model T
Donʼs “boneyard ”?
hereʼs a rare Porsche body being reformed
one guy was really interested in maybe
restoring this vintage “camper”
Shop tours are bit different from going through a museum. “Shops” are where creations are brought to reality. Oleʻ
Hank here hopes to bring you a few more shop tour “overviews” in future issues. If I had my life to do over again, I
wish I would have done more of what Ron and Don have done. Theyʼre masters! Believe or not, there are many
“masters of their craft” among our local Caffeine Cruisers. Gary Evans and Dave Welles are masters. Take a look at
their Seabright Hotrods website: http://www.seabrighthotrods.com/
Some Odds ʻn Ends
One Manʼs Dream
A Great “Open Letter”
by Jory John & Avery Monsen
Who says that only people with a lot of schooling can
start their own business? Look at what Elroy has done
Gud Chickn 4 U
Dear Guy Pictured On My Hair Gel Tube,
What’s you secret, guy? You look so cool, so confident! Your
hair seems mussed, but still fully within your control! When I
use your gel, my hairstyles are limited to “neglected cat” and
“car dealer that sometimes screams at his family.” I’m not
asking for a miracle, here. I’m just trying to leave the house
without inspiring laughter and/or pity and/
or fear. Please advise! Otherwise you
might have a false-advertising lawsuit on
your sticky little hands.
Yours,
Wearing A Hat
Elroyʼs entire fleet....
Two for A Quarter....
in So Cal.... Now, Elroy, a man from Louisiana with a
room temperature IQ, has taken on “the Colonel,”
“Popeye,” and other local entrepreneurs. His secrets:
1st, cook with peanut & castor oil mixed. 2nd, make
sure you have a fleet of sharp delivery vehicles like his
1973 Olds Cutlass. He got the rooster head and tail
from an old Mardi Gras float. Too bad the Olds had
187,000 on the odometer when he purchased it....
Questions
Why is it called a “driveway” when cars are only parked
on it, and why is it called a “parkway” when cars are
only driven on it? Just wonderinʼ....
Possible Bumper Stickers?
SACRED COWS MAKE DEVINE HAMBURGER
WAR IS TERRORISM WITH A BIGGER BUDGET
SUPPORT CAPITOL PUNISHMENT
FLOG A POLITICIAN TODAY
Some push the envelope, some just
lick it, and others
can’t find the flap....
There is no freedom OF religion
without freedom FROM religion
want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet?
Put shoes on the cat!
In the last issue, I guess I offended a few avid readers
of the “flea market / yard sale” genre of paperbacks, so
hereʼs a couple more....
• Gams. Heels, hosiery seams ...
the works.
• World's shallowest bathtub.
• Where is the ax (axe?) that she
gave him? I wish I could see it.
• What kind of skirt is that? It
looks like a pelt of some kind.
• Did they kill Big Bird to make
that bath mat?
• great realism on that guy's face
folds.
• I guess they weren't that hungry ... this guy's corpse looks
in pretty good shape
• "If only I had used the leash
and collar ... right ... there ...
so close!"
• The scariest part of this cover
is the risen skeleton of Andy
Wa r h o l w e a r i n g a c a d e m i c
regalia!
• The weirdest logo ever to be
found on paperbacks anywhere!
Coming Home From Home Depot
They were all SO excited about painting the house. Dad said, “Son, be sure to strap that paint down” as Jimmie
wedged his 5-gallon bucket of paint between his sister and himself. Uh oh, no belt for the bucket! Mom was careful to
strap herself in with her 5-gallon bucket on her lap. Dadʼs job was to get them all home without causing a 6-car
pileup....
I really hope that was waterbase paint...." "
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Better take Momʼs car next time--the one with the trunk....
Radiator Caps, Hood Ornaments, and Mascots
On march 10th at an RM Auctions in Florida, a complete set of 30 Rene Lalique glass automotive “mascots” was
offered. One of only 3 sets in existence, the ethereal glass mascots (“hood
ornament is too mundane a term) were expected to bring between $800k and $1.3
million when sold.
Smaller metal cast sculptures began to replace the
safety valves and motometers serving as radiator
caps in the earliest cars. The most famous of
these was the Rolls Royce Spirit of Ecstasy
(common name - “Flying Lady”)first seen in 1911.
Google on Lalique Glass Automobile Mascots and
you can probably see all 30 of them. They are
stunning!
Laliqueʼs mascots include only 2
seminude female forms. This one is
“Chrysis”
But we are more of the “beer” wallet vs. the “Dom Perignon” valise, so letʼs look at the evolution of that focal point on
the top front of the car.
On a Packard?
Spirit of Ecstasy
A Packard Transition....
Eventually, the hood
decor had nothing to
do with the radiator.
I think it was more of
a “focal point” or an
“aiming device.”
Like a gun sight....
Hereʼs the dashing Ford greyhound....and here he is in his “cozy”....
You can find samples of most hood ornaments, by year, and by make, foreign and domestic by Googling “hood
ornaments”. Scroll down far enough and youʼll get one like this:
Click on the image and it will take you to a site that has a similar
panel for about every make....
How about some ingenious radiator toppers, hood ornaments, and
“mascots” from the ranks of Caffeine Cruisers here and in So Cal....
Some Final Notes and Nonsense
Where Are They Now
1960ʼs - Fling Taylorʼs US Turbine I. The Turbonique Drag Axle Engine
The Kingsmen Car Club sponsored by the produced 1075 h.p., weighed only 120 lbs., and was only 18” long. It made 1030
Twin Lakes Church puts out this postcard ft. lbs. of torque at 7200 rpm. It was “sleek!” Whaaa haapppaan to ʻem???
size notice of activities they sponsor or
Optimistic Map of the U.S.
support. Thanks for mentioning the Caffeine
featuring towns that actually exist!
Cruisers regular Saturday cruise-in....
Mystery Solved
Have you ever seen that bizarre TV ad
featuring a “Patton-like” general? What
possessed them to think that insurance and
the military should be linked to sell car
insurance? And doesnʼt the general look
more like a Hellʼs Angel or Hulk Hogan than
say, Ike? I discussed those questions with a
No Show Car Show regular, Dewey Young.
Dewey was stumped, too. Heʼs still waiting
for his first royalty check....
Next Issue: Caffeine Cruisers at
Bonneville and the drags
Vernʼs
Crosley
Fund
If You See This Man
Heʼs NOT drinking coffee.
Heʼs NOT making a toast.
He IS begging for a Crosley
Please! Help Him....
...been there, done that,
went back for more....
Entrepreneurs, what can you say....
...letʼs all paint our cars flat black with
red wheels, get some matching jackets,
start a car club and call it “the
individuals
I gotta go "
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Hank