Hakamat Matzevah

Hakamat Matzevah
The Unveiling Ceremony
B’nai Jeshurun
Synagogue: 257 West 88th Street (between Broadway and West End Avenue)
Office: 2109 Broadway, Suite 203 • NYC, NY 10023-2106 • Tel: 212-787-7600
Hakamat Matzevah - The Unveiling Ceremony
Introduction
The custom of placing a matzevah [grave-marker] at a
gravesite can be traced back to our ancestors in the book of
Genesis.
‫כ‬- ‫יט‬:‫ב ְֵּראשִׁ ית לה‬
‫ רָּ חֵל; ו ַתִּ קָּ בֵר‬,‫ו ַתָּ מָּ ת‬
‫ הִּוא בֵית‬,‫בְּדֶ רֶ ְך אֶ פְּרָּ תָּ ה‬
,‫ וַיַצֵב יַעֲק ֹב מַ ֵצבָּה‬.‫לָּחֶ ם‬
‫הִּוא מַ ֶצבֶת‬-- ‫קְּ בֻרָּ תָּ ּה‬- ‫עַל‬
.‫הַ יֹום‬- ‫ עַד‬,‫רָּ חֵל‬- ‫קְּ בֻרַ ת‬
Genesis 35:19-20
Then Rachel died. She was buried
on the road to Ephrat - now
Bethlehem. Over her grave Jacob
set up a matzevah; it is the
matzevah at Rachel’s grave to this
day.
Following Jacob’s example, marking the placement of a
matzevah at a loved one’s gravesite can indicate the
permanence of memory, and can serve as a demonstration
of our commitment to remembering and honoring them.
The unveiling ceremony has few set rules, and can be
performed whenever the family and friends of the deceased
feel is most appropriate. Some choose to perform this
ceremony three to six months after the funeral, while others
wait until the end of the eleven-month period reserved for
reciting kaddish, or until a full year has passed. This waiting
period allows the mourners to go through many of the
traditional Jewish rituals designed to carry them through
periods of loss, and helps them return in a formal way to the
gravesite after a period of reflection with the support of loved
ones.
1
Hakamat Matzevah - The Unveiling Ceremony
The basic structure of the unveiling ceremony involves:
I.
II.
III.
IV.
The recitation of Psalms or other texts, either from
those provided in this packet (pick one or two) or of
your own choosing.
A short dedication of the matzevah (either with the
text below or with your own words), followed by a
chance for mourners to share memories and
reflections about the deceased.
The chanting or reading of El Malei Rachamim [God
Full of Mercy], the funeral prayer, in Hebrew and/or
English, followed by a moment of silence.
Mourner’s Kaddish (if a minyan of ten Jews is
present).
The ceremony should conclude with mourners placing
stones or pebbles on the matzevah.
We hope that this ceremony will be helpful in supporting you
through your period of loss.
2
Hakamat Matzevah - The Unveiling Ceremony
I. Psalms and Other Traditional Readings
Choose one or two.
‫תהלים טו‬
‫מִּ זְּמֹור לְּדָּ ו ִּד ה’ מִּי־י ָּגּור‬
:‫בְָּאהֳ לֶָך מִּי־י ִּשְּ כֹן בְּהַ ר קָּ דְּ שֶ ָך‬
‫הֹולְֵך תָּ מִּים ּופֹעֵל צֶדֶ ק ו ְּדֹבֵר‬
:‫אֱ מֶ ת ִּב ְּל ָּבבֹו‬
‫ֹלא־רָּ גַל עַל־לְּשֹנֹו ֹלא־עָּשָּ ה‬
‫לְּרֵ עֵהּו רָּ עָּה ו ְּחֶ רְּ פָּה ֹלא־נ ָּשָּ א‬
:‫עַל־קְּ רֹבֹו‬
‫נ ִּ ְּבזֶה ְּבעֵינ ָּיו נ ִּמְּ ָאס ו ְּאֶ ת־י ִּרְּ אֵי‬
‫ה’ יְּכַבֵד נ ִּשְּ בַע לְּהָּ רַ ע ו ְֹּלא‬
:‫י ָּמִּ ר‬
‫כַסְּ פֹו ֹלא־נ ָּתַ ן ְּבנ ֶשֶ ְך ו ְּש ֹחַ ד‬
‫עַל־נ ָּקִּי ֹלא לָּקָּ ח ע ֹשֵ ה־אֵ לֶה‬
:‫ֹלא יִּּמֹוט ְּלעֹולָּם‬
Psalm 15
Mizmor l'david, Adonai mi yagur
b'oholekha, mi yishkon b'har
kodshekha
Holeikh tamim u’fo’eil tzedek,
v’doveir emet bil’vavo
Lo ragal al l’shono, lo asah
l’rei’ei’hu ra’ah, v’herpah lo nasah
al k’rovo
Niv’zeh b’ei’nav nimas, v’et yir’ei
Adonai y’kha’beid, nishba l’hara
v’lo ya’mir
Kaspo lo natan b’neshekh,
v’shohad al naki lo lakah, oseh
eileh lo yimot l’olam
A Psalm of David: Adonai, who shall sojourn in your tent,
who may dwell on your holy mountain? One who lives
without blame, who does what is right, and in their heart
acknowledges the truth; whose tongue is not given to evil;
who has never done harm to their fellow, or borne reproach
for [their acts toward] their neighbor; for whom a
contemptible person is abhorrent, but who honors those who
fear Adonai; who stands by their oath even to their hurt; who
has never lent money at interest, or accepted a bribe against
the innocent. The person who acts thus shall never be
shaken.
3
Hakamat Matzevah - The Unveiling Ceremony
‫תהלים קכא‬
‫שִּיר לַּמַ ֲעלֹות אֶ שָּ א עֵינ ַי אֶל־הֶ הָּ רִּ ים‬
:‫מֵ ַאי ִּן י ָּב ֹא ֶעזְּרִּ י‬
:‫ֶעזְּרִּ י מֵ עִּם ה’ ע ֹשֵ ה שָּ מַ י ִּם ו ָָּארֶ ץ‬
‫ַאל־י ִּתֵ ן ַלּמֹוט רַ גְּלֶָך ַאל־י ָּנּום‬
:‫ש ֹמְּ רֶ ָך‬
‫הִּ נ ֵה ֹלא־י ָּנּום ו ְֹּלא י ִּישָּן שֹומֵ ר‬
:‫י ִּשְּ רָּ אֵל‬
:‫ה’ ש ֹמְּ רֶ ָך ה’ ִּצלְָּך עַל־י ַד י ְּמִּינ ֶָך‬
ַ‫יֹומָּ ם הַ שֶ מֶ ש ֹלא־יַכֶכָּה וְּי ָּרֵ ח‬
:‫ַב ָּליְּלָּה‬
‫ה’ י ִּשְּ מָּ רְּ ָך מִּ כָּל־רָּ ע י ִּשְּ מ ֹר אֶ ת־‬
:‫נַפְּשֶ ָך‬
‫ה’ י ִּשְּ מָּ ר־צֵאתְּ ָך ּובֹואֶ ָך מֵ עַתָּ ה‬
:‫וְּעַד־עֹולָּם‬
Psalm 121
Shir la-ma’alot, esa einai el
he’harim, mei’ayn yavo ezri
Ezri mei’im Adonai, oseh
shamayim va-aretz
Al yi’tein la’mot rag’lekha, al
ya’num shom’rekha
Hinei lo ya’num v’lo yi’shan
shomeir yisrael
Adonai shomrekha, Adonai
tzi’le’kha al yad y’minekha
Yomam ha-shemesh lo
ya’ke’kah, v’yarei’ah ba-laylah
Adonai yishmor’kha mikol ra,
yishmor et nafshekha
Adonai yishmor tzei’tekha
u’vo’ekha, mei’atah v’ad olam.
A song for ascents: I turn my eyes to the mountains; from
where will my help come?
My help comes from Adonai, maker of heaven and earth.
God will not let your foot give way; your guardian will not
slumber; See, the guardian of Israel neither slumbers nor
sleeps! Adonai is your guardian, Adonai is your protection at
your right hand. By day the sun will not strike you, nor the
moon by night. Adonai will guard you from all harm; God will
guard your life. Adonai will guard your going and coming
now and forever.
4
Hakamat Matzevah - The Unveiling Ceremony
‫ תהילים א‬Psalm 1
‫ אַ שְּ ֵרי־הָּ אִּיש אֲ שֶ ר ֹלא הָּ לַ ְך‬Ashrei ha-ish asher lo halakh ba‫ בַ עֲ צַת ְּרשָּ עִּים ּובְּ דֶ ֶרְך חַ טָּ אִּים‬atzat r’sha’im u’v’derekh hata’im lo
‫ ֹלא עָּ מָּ ד ּובְּ מֹושַ ב לֵ צִּים ֹלא‬amad , u’v;moshav leitzim yashav.
:‫ יָּשָּ ב‬Ki im b’torat Adonai heftzo,
‫ֹורת ה’ חֶ פְּ צֹו‬
ַ ‫ כִּי אִּ ם בְּ ת‬u’v’torato ye’he’geh yomam
:‫ֹורתֹו יֶהְּ גֶה יֹומָּ ם וָּלָּ יְּלָּ ה‬
ָּ ‫ ּובְּ ת‬va’laylah.
‫ וְּהָּ יָּה כְּעֵ ץ שָּ תּול עַ ל־פַ לְּ גֵי‬V’hayah k’eitz shatul al palgei
‫ מָּ יִּם אֲ שֶ ר פִּ ְּריֹו יִּתֵ ן בְּ עִּ תֹו‬mayim asher pir’yo yitein b’ito
‫ וְּעָּ לֵ הּו ֹלא־יִּבֹול וְּכ ֹל אֲ שֶ ר־‬v’alei’hu lo yibol, vkhol asher
: ַ‫יַעֲ שֶ ה יַצְּלִּיח‬
ya’aseh yatzliah.
‫ֹלא־כֵן הָּ ְּרשָּ עִּים כִּי אִּ ם־כַּמ ֹץ‬
Lo khein ha’r’sha’im ki im ka’motz
: ַ‫אֲ שֶ ר־תִּ דְּ פֶ נּו רּוח‬
asher tid’fenu ru’ah.
‫עַ ל־כֵן ֹלא־יָּקֻ מּו ְּרשָּ עִּים‬
Al kein lo ya’kumu r’sha’im ba‫בַ ּמִּ שְּ פָּ ט וְּחַ טָּ אִּים בַ עֲ דַ ת‬
:‫ צַדִּ יקִּ ים‬mishpat, vhata’im ba’adat
‫ כִּי־יֹודֵ עַ ה’ דֶ ֶרְך צַדִּ יקִּ ים ו ְֶּד ֶרְך‬tzadikim.
:‫ ְּרשָּ עִּים תֹאבֵ ד‬Ki yodeia Adonai derekh tzadikim,
v’derekh r’shaim to’veid.
Blessed is the one who never follows the advice of the
wicked, who never lingers with sinners, nor joins the
company of scoffers, but delights in the Torah of Adonai,
meditating on it both day and night. Like a tree planted by
streams, producing fruit in its season, and whose foliage
never withers, they prosper in all they undertake. It is not so
with the wicked; they are like wind-driven chaff. The wicked
shall not be upheld when their life is judged, nor will the
sinners remain in the company of the righteous. The way of
the just finds favor with God; the way of the wicked leads to
destruction.
5
Hakamat Matzevah - The Unveiling Ceremony
‫ קהלת ג‬Ecclesiastes 3
‫ לַ כ ֹל זְּמָּ ן וְּעֵ ת לְּ כָּל־חֵ פֶ ץ תַ חַ ת‬La’kol zman v’eit lkhol heifetz
:‫ הַ שָּ מָּ יִּם‬tahat hashamayim.
‫ עֵ ת לָּ לֶ דֶ ת וְּעֵ ת לָּ מּות עֵ ת לָּ טַ עַ ת‬Eit la-ledet v’eit la-mut, eit la: ַ‫ וְּעֵ ת לַ עֲ קֹור נָּטּוע‬ta’at v’eit la-akor na’tua.
‫ עֵ ת לַ הֲ רֹוג וְּעֵ ת לִּ ְּרפֹוא עֵ ת לִּ פְּ רֹוץ‬Eit la-harog v’eit lir’poa, eit
:‫ וְּעֵ ת לִּ בְּ נֹות‬lif’rotz v’eit livnot. Eit livkot v’eit
‫ עֵ ת לִּ בְּ כֹות וְּעֵ ת לִּ שְּ חֹוק עֵ ת סְּ פֹוד‬lis’hok, eit s’fod v’eit rikod.
:‫ וְּעֵ ת ְּרקֹוד‬Eit l’hashlikh avanim v’eit k’nos
‫ עֵ ת לְּ הַ שְּ לִּיְך אֲ בָּ נִּים וְּעֵ ת ְּכנֹוס‬avanim, eit lahavok v’eit lirhok
‫אֲ בָּ נִּים עֵ ת לַ חֲ בֹוק וְּעֵ ת לִּ ְּרח ֹק‬
mei’habeik.
:‫מֵ חַ בֵ ק‬
Eit l’vakeish v’eit l’abeid, eit
‫עֵ ת לְּ בַ קֵ ש וְּעֵ ת לְּ אַ בֵ ד עֵ ת לִּ ְּשמֹור‬
lishmor v’eit l’hashlikh.
:‫וְּעֵ ת לְּ הַ שְּ לִּיְך‬
Eit likroa v’eit litpor, eit lahashot
‫עֵ ת לִּ קְּ רֹועַ וְּעֵ ת לִּ תְּ פֹור עֵ ת‬
:‫ לַ חֲ שֹות וְּעֵ ת לְּ דַ בֵ ר‬v’eit l’dabeir. Eit le’e’hov v’eit
‫ עֵ ת לֶ אֱ הֹב וְּעֵ ת לִּ שְּ נֹא עֵ ת מִּ לְּ חָּ ָּמה‬lis’no, eit milhamah v’eit
:‫ וְּעֵ ת שָּ לֹום‬shalom.
A season is set for everything, a time for every experience under
heaven.
A time for being born and a time for dying.
A time for planting and a time for uprooting the planted.
A time for slaying and a time for healing.
A time for tearing down and a time for building up.
A time for weeping and a time for laughing.
A time for wailing and a time for dancing.
A time for throwing stones and a time for gathering stones.
A time for embracing and a time for shunning embraces.
A time for seeking and a time for losing.
A time for keeping and a time for discarding.
A time for ripping and a time for sewing.
A time for silence and a time for speaking.
A time for loving and a time for hating.
A time for war and a time for peace.
6
Hakamat Matzevah - The Unveiling Ceremony
II. Dedication
Remove the covering over the matzevah if present, and read
what is written on it. Then recite:
In the name of the family of _________ and in the presence
of (his) / (her) family (and friends) we consecrate this
monument to (his) / (her) memory, as a token of our love and
respect.
For a man:
)‫ תְּ הִּי (נ ִּשְּ מָּ תֹו) | (נ ִּשְּ מָּ תָּ ּה‬T'hi nishmato
‫ צְּרּורָּ ה ִּבצְּרור הַ חַ יִּים‬tzru’rah bitror
ha-hayim
For a woman:
T'hi nishmatah
tzru’rah bitror hahayim
May (his) / (her) soul be bound up in the bond of life.
Almighty God, eternal Creator, we are thankful for the life of
__________, for the years which (he) / (she) was granted,
and for the privilege of having shared those years. May the
memory of (his) / (her)
devotion to family (and
friends), and love for them
gentleness and
thoughtfulness
integrity and dedication
goodness
warmth and friendship
patience and courage under
affliction
loyalty to the tradition of our
people
continue to inspire us, that we may live a better life. Adonai,
help all who mourn __________ honor (his) / (her) memory
through their daily lives. Comfort them, and grant them
strength, for You are our Rock and Redeemer. Amen.
Allow family and friends to share memories and reflections
about the deceased. In what ways have their influence and
memory been felt since their death?
7
Hakamat Matzevah - The Unveiling Ceremony
III. El Malei Rachamim
Chant or read in Hebrew and/or English
,‫ הַ מְּ צֵא מְּ נּוחָּ ה נְּכֹונ ָּה עַל כַנְּפֵי הַ שְּ כִּינ ָּה‬,‫ל מָּ לֵא רַ חֲ מִּים שֹוכֵן בַּמְּ רֹומִּים‬- ֵ‫א‬
‫ כְּזֹוהַ ר הָּ רָּ קִּי ַע מַ זְּהִּירִּ ים אֶ ת נ ִּשְּ מַ ת‬,‫בְּמַ ֲעלֹות קְּ דֹושִּים וטְּ הֹורִּ ים‬
ָ ָ‫הלְכָה לְעֹול‬
ָ ‫ש‬
ֶׁ ( | )‫הלְַך לְעֹולָמֹו‬
ָ ‫(ש‬
ֶׁ ______ )‫______ (בן) | (בת‬
‫מּה) ְּבגַן‬
ִּ ‫ס‬
ְ ‫ה‬
ַ ( ,‫ ָאנ ָּא ַבעַל הָּ רַ חֲ מִּים‬.)‫תּה‬
ָ ‫ח‬
ָ ‫מנּו‬
ְ ( | )‫חתֹו‬
ָ ‫מנּו‬
ְ ( ‫עֵדֶן תְּ הֵ א‬
| )‫תירֵהּו‬
ָ ‫ש‬
ְ ִּ ‫ ּו ְּצרֹור ִּב ְּצרֹור הַ חַ יִּים אֶ ת (נ‬,‫ה) בְּסֵ תֶ ר כְּנָּפֶיָך ְּלעֹולָּמִּים‬
ָ ֶׁ‫תיר‬
ִּ ‫ס‬
ְ ‫ה‬
ַ (
| )‫מתֹו‬
ַ ‫תנּו‬
ָ ְ ‫ח) | (ו‬
ַ ‫ (וְיָנּו‬,)‫תּה‬
ָ ָ‫חל‬
ֲ ַ ‫חלָתֹו) | (נ‬
ֲ ַ ‫ ה' הּוא (נ‬,)‫תּה‬
ָ ‫מ‬
ָ ‫ש‬
ְ ִּ ‫(נ‬
‫ח) בְּשָּ לֹום עַל‬
ְ ‫מ‬
ִּ ( | )‫שכָבֹו‬
ְ ‫מ‬
ִּ (
‫ ו ְּנ ֹאמַ ר ָאמֵן‬,)‫שכָ ָבּה‬
For a man:
El malei rahamim,
shokhen bam'romim,
hamtzei menuhah nekhonah
al kanfei hashekhinah,
b’ma'alot kedoshim ute'horim,
kezohar harakia mazhirim, et
nishmat
________ben _________
For a woman:
El malei rahamim,
shokhen bam'romim,
hamtzei menuhah nekhonah al
kanfei hashekhinah,
b’ma'alot kedoshim ute'horim,
kezohar harakia mazhirim, et
nishmat
_______bat _________
Shehalakh leolamo,
b’gan eden tehei menuhato,
ana ba'al harahamim,
has’ti’rei’hu b’seter
kenafekha l'olamim, u’tzror
bitzror hahayim et
nismato, Adonai hu
nahalato, v’yanuah beshalom
al mishkavo,
v’nomar amen.
shehalkhah l’olamah,
b’gan eden tehei menuhatah,
ana ba'al harahamim,
has’ti’rei’ah b’seter
kenafekha l'olamim, u’tzror
bitzror hahayim et
nishmatah, Adonai hu
nahalatah, v’tanuah beshalom
al mishkavah,
v’nomar amen.
8
Hakamat Matzevah - The Unveiling Ceremony
Exalted, compassionate God, grant infinite rest, in Your
sheltering Presence, among the holy and pure, to the soul of
__________, who has gone to (his) / (her) eternal home.
Merciful One, we ask that our loved one find perfect peace in
Your eternal embrace. May (his) / (her) soul be bound up in
the bond of life. May (he) / (she) rest in peace. And let us
say: Amen.
Allow for a moment of silence
IV. Mourner’s Kaddish
If there are ten Jews present, recite:
‫י ִּתְּ גַדַל וְּי ִּתְּ קַ דַ ש שְּ מֵ ּה רַ בָּא‬
‫(ָאמֵ ן) ְּב ָּעלְּמָּ א דִּי בְּרָּ א‬
‫ וְּי ַמְּ לִּיְך מַ לְּכּותֵ ּה‬,‫כִּרְּ עּותֵ ּה‬
‫בְּחַ יֵיכֹון ּו ְּביֹומֵיכֹון ּובְּחַ יֵי דְּ כָּל‬
‫ ַב ֲעגָּלָּא ּו ִּבזְּמַן‬,‫בֵית י ִּשְּ רָּ אֵל‬
.‫ ו ְּאִּ מְּ רּו ָאמֵ ן‬,‫קָּ רִּ יב‬
Yitgadal v'yitkadash sh'mei raba
(amen) b'alma di-v'ra khirutei,
v'yamlikh malkhutei b'hayeikhon
uvyomeikhon uvhayei d'khol beit
yisrael, ba'agala uvizman kariv,
v'im'ru: amen.
‫ י ְּהֵ א שְּ מֵ ּה ַרבָּ א מְּ בָּ ַרְך לְּעָּ לַם‬Y'hei sh'mei raba m'varakh
.‫ ּולְּעָּ לְּמֵ י עָּ לְּמַ יָּא‬l'alam ul'almei almaya.
‫י ִּתְּ בָּרַ ְך וְּי ִּשְּ תַ בַח וְּי ִּתְּ פַָּאר‬
‫וְּי ִּתְּ רֹומַ ם וְּי ִּתְּ נ ַשֵ א וְּי ִּתְּ הַ דָּ ר‬
‫וְּי ִּתְּ ַעלֶה וְּי ִּתְּ הַ לָּל שְּ מֵ ּה‬
‫ ל ֵ ְֵּֽעלָּא מִּן‬,‫דְּ קֻ דְּ שָּ א בְּרִּ יְך הּוא‬
‫כָּל בִּרְּ כָּתָּ א ו ְּשִּירָּ תָּ א‬
‫ דַ אֲ מִּירָּ ן‬,‫תֻ שְּ בְּחָּ תָּ א וְּנ ֶחֱ מָּ תָּ א‬
.‫ ו ְּאִּ מְּ רּו ָאמֵ ן‬,‫ְּב ָּעלְּמָּ א‬
Yitbarakh v'yishtabah, v'yitpa'ar
v'yitromam v'yitnaseh, v'yithadar
v'yit'aleh v'yit'halal sh'mei
d'kud'sha, b'rikh hu, l'eila min-kolbirkhata v'shirata, tushb'hata
v'nehemata da'amiran b'alma,
v'im'ru: amen.
9
Hakamat Matzevah - The Unveiling Ceremony
,‫ י ְּהֵ א שְּ לָּמָּ א רַ בָּא מִּן שְּ מַ יָּא‬Y'hei shlama raba min-sh'maya
,‫ ו ְּחַ יִּים ע ֵָּלֵֽינּו וְּעַל כָּל י ִּשְּ רָּ אֵל‬v'hayim aleinu v'al-kol-yisrael,
.‫ ו ְּאִּ מְּ רּו ָאמֵ ן‬v'im'ru: amen.
‫ הּוא‬,‫ע ֹשֶ ה שָּ לֹום בִּמְּ רֹומָּיו‬
‫יַעֲשֶ ה שָּ לֹום ע ֵָּלֵֽינּו וְּעַל כָּל‬
,‫ישְּ בֵי תֵ בֵל‬- ‫י ִּשְּ רָּ אֵל וְּעַל כָּל‬
.‫ו ְּאִּ מְּ רּו ָאמֵ ן‬
Oseh shalom bimromav, hu
ya'aseh shalom aleinu v'al kolyisrael, v’al-kol-yoshvei tevel,
v'imru: amen.
May God’s great name be exalted and hallowed throughout
the created world, as is God’s wish. May God’s sovereignty
soon be established, in your lifetime and in your days, and in
the days of all the House of Israel. And respond with:
Amen.
May God’s great name be acknowledged forever and
ever!
May the name of the Holy One be acknowledged and
celebrated, lauded and worshipped, exalted and honored,
extolled and acclaimed - though God, who is blessed, b’rikh
hu, is truly far beyond all acknowledgment and praise, or any
expressions of gratitude or consolation ever spoken in the
world. And respond with: Amen.
May abundant peace from heaven, and life, come to us and
to all Israel. And respond with: Amen.
May the One who brings harmony on high, bring harmony to
us and to all Israel, and to all the inhabitants of the
world. And respond with: Amen.
Invite mourners to place stones on the matzevah before
leaving.
10
B’nai Jeshurun
Synagogue: 257 West 88th Street (between Broadway and West End Avenue)
Office: 2109 Broadway, Suite 203 • NYC, NY 10023-2106 • Tel: 212-787-7600