Here`s - The Ormondian

Edition 16, 18th March 2012
Kony
Konundrum
O
THE
et nova, et cetera...
Ol’ Man
Forgot Tax
Invoice
Double the
Moistly
RMONDIAN
a publication of the OCSC
2
Get Around It:
Around Ormond:
21st March - Ormond Ball Launch Night
Post formal dinner, head to Turf for a night a cheap drinks,
fun times and most importantly to launch one of the most
exciting events on the Ormond calandar.
23rd March - Open Mic Night
Get down to the JCR to check out the Ormond Talent
and the gorgeous people working behind the bar - if you’re
lucky they might even do a sweet deal for you.
28th March - Ormond Shorts
Launch of the Drama Club 2012, showcasing the finest
dance, musical and drama talent that Ormond has to offer.
30th March - Alan House Music Soiree
More details to follow
31st March - Ormond Olympics
Compete in your building groups on Picken Lawn in a
variety of novelty events, from tug-o-war to an eating
contest. So start training, it’s going to be great!
Around the Crescent:
25th March: ICAC Pool and Darts
Turf is the place to be, with the tournament starting at
6:45. Drink specials on the night, so head on down and
support our team!
1st April: ICAC Public Speaking
Definitely an evening not to be missed, as college representatvies are put through their paces, more details to
come but make sure you’re there to cheer our Ormondian
on.
Most Importantly...
1st April - Your next Ormondian Release
we’ve got loads of great stuff, inluding an Ormondebate
between Aus and Mos...if they can ever decide on a topic.
Got your calenders? Here’s
some upcoming events for you
to sink your teeth into...
Sporting Endeavours:
30th March - Swimming Carnival
Details to follow, but a wonderful event and chance
to show our colours with pride.
Girls’ Hockey starts this week; first match is Thursday 22nd March, 8am Melbourne Hockey Field.
Matches continue until the Grand Final on April 1st
Keep an eye out for details
Rugby Training Coming Soon - Don’t let Trinity
have it their way again, let’s show them what we’re
really made of !
3
Table of Contents
Keeping You All On Track
2
Love or Hate Your Student Union?
4
Sing-A-Long to the Tune of Community Spirit
5
Best (and Worst) of the Smoko
6
Bash the BS
7
What Uganda going to do about it?
8
Mickey Bee and Friends
10
Meet Your Newest GC Additions
12
A Word of Wisdom
13
Learn How to Write Amazing Applications
14
The Best Bits
18
Editor’s Note:
‘Sup gangstas.
If you’re anything like us you’ve been flat
out between the dining hall, Picken Lawn,
the dining hall, floor challenges and the
dining hall. Presumably you aren’t reading
this while our awesome team on the front
cover is doing their dance off. If so, get over
there!
We’ll show you flag applications, Brack
applications and introduce you to the dastardly mascots of our neighbourhood rivals.
Have you been following the Kony Kraziness? We have two great interviews from
members of our community in the know.
There’s been decent input into The Ormondian dropbox so keep it coming! Remember to feed us anything funny, interesting or
saucy that you think deserves some space in
our pages. To finish, we must acknowledge
that the views expressed in these pages
are the views of the authors only and not
necessarily those of the South American
Llama Lovers Society or affiliates.
Catch ya on the flip side!
The Editors
4
The Ormondian presents...
For
Ormondebate
Oliver Whitton
The argument against the compulsory payment of student
union fees seems to be that it does not benefit the college
kids who get all the social aspects of university life within
their tight little bubble.
1. Similar to tax, we pay our dues for the collective whole.
Although sometimes these taxes do not benefit us specifically
or do not directly impact on our lives, they are imperative to
the daily running of services. By contributing to the welfare
of the University, in which we are predominately at college
to attend, we are contributing to the long-term success of the
university and the reputation that it upholds. Similarly, this
reputation is kept in check and balance by such fees paid to
the student union.
2. That the union does actually benefit all students regardless of college. Contrary to popular belief, the union does not
solely spend their extremely modest budget on barbecues and
music performances that are attended by only weird arts kids
and day students at university. Rather, the funding is put into
various different facets of the university life. This includes
education (both public and academic), welfare, activities, arts
and a multitude of other areas. In particular, in the case of
education, the funding goes towards campaigns which aim to
make recording lectures (Lectopia) compulsory
3. The politicking of the student union has nothing to do
with student union fees. While it is true that unions do
perhaps follow a more state and federal line in terms of the
way they structure their campaign and perhaps this might
not be the most efficient way of gathering support within the
university cohort, it is what the party does once elected that
impacts upon the students as a whole.
For young, bright minded people, an institution such as University of Melbourne is never simply a neutral organisation
(unlike Ormond), there will always be conflict and variations
of opinion and an open discourse in these matters is, after all,
what we are at university to explore.
Got an Ormondebate of your own?
[email protected] OR the Ormondian Drop Box, JCR
This Week:
Is compulsory student union
membership just?
Will Mosley
Against
It was fine that the Melbourne University Student Union
had misguided funding priorities and chronically inefficient
spending processes when we were not members. Now membership of that organisation has been forced upon us and
these deficiencies have become our problem.
Few object to it, and even then they can personally not take
part if they wish. It is a culture that rewards those who like it
and doesn’t affect those who do not, other than causing them
to be the only sober person in a room full of stumbling lads.
Questions need to be raised about where our money is going.
The uni o-week program is brief and run almost exclusively
by the University staff and the camps that are on offer are
boozy and pricey and hardly appeal to the whole student
cohort. The money that does go to Union affiliated Clubs
seems to have little effect on prices for activities, and one
wonders how many clubs you’d have to join to get a return
anywhere close to your initial $260 investment.
For a student union, supporting student welfare should be its
bread and butter, yet for this campus, one would rarely expect
any support. Student unionism is defended for its role as an
advocacy organisation for students - but at this uni, it’s far
more likely to see the Union advocating for Julian Assange
than for better lecturers.
That really is the main problem - the politicisation of the
Student Union. The affiliation of Union groups with political
parties is totally without justification. Federal politics, and
state politics, have almost nothing to do with what should
be the priorities of this Student Union. The politicking and
factional battles may train our next generation of career politicians, but they serve no use to us.
There are many opportunities for the Student Union. Better
multicultural integration policies. An equal opportunity program that goes beyond semantics. A diverse and interesting
campus life that can come close to what we provide here at
Ormond. It’s time we demanded that Union Leadership put
us at the centre of their priorities and make better funding
decisions, or else they be replaced.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
It’s very easy to get too wrapped
up in one’s own life here at College, especially considering how
insulated we are. The argie-bargie
around the salad bar at lunch becomes an epic battle of oppression
and injustice, getting up at 8:30AM
to have breakfast before a class is a
struggle akin to summiting Everest, and when the upstairs printer in
the Acca fails and you have to walk
downstairs to get your work, it feels
like trekking across the Kalahari
Desert.
When this happens, it is worth taking a step back and remembering
that our salad bar is filled, refilled
and cleaned by Ormond staff; your
class is full of people who have travelled a lot further and woke up well
before you; IT will get onto it eventually. What I’m getting at is that
life at Ormond is an awful lot easier
than day students have it and this
is due almost entirely to the work
done by staff behind the scenes.
Common courtesy can be surprisingly rare sometimes. When we all
moved in at the start of the year,
there were people who just waltzed
into reception and demanded their
keys, no ‘please,’ no ‘how was your
break?’ The important thing to
remember is that at this college
we have a curious mix of business
and personal relationships: the staff
and patrons of this organisation
5
Editorial
also have almost perpetual personal
contact. Unfortunately, this often
turns into a familiar many being serviced by a faceless few, with
many students wandering by a row
of offices in Main Building while
neither knowing nor caring what
goes on inside and who these people
are. Admin-bashing is a lunch table
pastime all enjoy, but it is of import
to note that decisions of the college,
even the bad ones, have lots of time,
thought and manors invested into
them, and should be respected and
treated as such.
While respect should be extended
to everyone, staff are often at the
receiving end of our most condescending behaviour. Remember that
they are here to work for the College, not for you. All of them are
wonderfully helpful and friendly
people who happily sort out your
problems for you but it makes their
lives so much easier if you just show
a bit of decency.
One of our team has had the dubious pleasure of working behind the
front desk at Ormond and experienced first-hand the abrupt manner
in which many new and returning
students addressed their demands.
If this is how a fellow student
is treated, it can only be worse
for those with whom you do not
even have those tenuous bonds of
brotherhood. So let us have a bit of
respect: you gotta do it, even if just a
little bit. In fact, you should do more
than that. Get to know the people who live and work around you,
whose decisions shape your college
experience. At the very least, it is
the foundation of a more informed
business relationship. You could
form stronger connections with the
community. You could make a new
friend.
Retraction of Editorial, 4th March 2012 - The Ormondian Edition 15, P.9.
Like learning to always check the use-by date on milk, there are some lessons that have to be learnt the hard way. Here at The Ormondian, we aim to
balance editorial integrity and protecting the personal feelings of our subjects.
We always strive to have the facts on our side, and in circumstances in which
the truth appears a bit murky, to be cautious in our step, to hunt down those
facts and confirm and check before going to print. On this vein, we at
The Ormondian would like to note that the circumstances surrounding the
cups disappearing from the dining hall, discussed in the last issue, was not as
simple as we may have led to you believe. Indeed, there are two sides to every
story, and we apologise for not properly representing the complete picture on
crockery supplies.
6
Smoko Who’s-Who & How-To
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Hawa
Why Bother With a BA?
Last week I found myself in a scary
situation at Uni. I was faced with
two options: a) Loiter alone due to
a lack of Ormondian presence. b)
Befriend a muggle. As true Gryffindor, I opted for the second, but my
efforts were not rewarded. When it
was revealed during the usual small
talk that I was an Arts student, she
snorted and told me I ‘might as well
not even go to uni’.
Arts-hating. It’s like a virus that has
insidiously infected the brains of
society, formulating terribly predictable jokes about my career trajectory and its inevitable landing at
MacDonald’s. The BA gets a bad
name because of the number of kids
who fall into it by default, thinking
they can bluff their way through the
degree in a fashion that wouldn’t be
possible in Science or Commerce.
Sure, I may spend more time in the
dining hall than I do in the classroom, but this is no reflection of the
academic rigour of my degree. In
fact, one may often find me spending my three-day weekend battling
through the harsh terrains of Shakespearian language, suffering sleepless
nights as I toss and turn over the
meaning of life, and intermittently
muttering to myself in French.
In all seriousness though, why do we
not value the BA? It may not always
be a means to an end in itself, but
7
I’ve spent the whole thing chasing
the big dollar sign.
Izzy Borshoff
it is helpful to view it in an educational rather than vocational context. Through literature, history and
philosophy we learn to understand
what it means to be human. Not
only do we become citizens with a
capacity for broader thinking, but
we also have the opportunity to gain
important ‘transferrable’ rather than
vocational skills. We learn to digest
copious amounts of written information, pinpoint the relevant parts,
and summarise them with clarity.
We learn to write under pressure.
We learn to ask important questions. And so what if it’s not earning
us 100k a year straight out of university?
I would be the first to admit financial security is a good incentive.
Having a bit of cash to play
with is great. In our early
adulthood, however,
we shouldn’t be living by the old Bittersweet Symphony
adage: “trying
to make ends
meet, you’re a
slave to money
then you die…”
Money is only
one small part of
the one short life
we have. I know
I don’t want to
get to the end of
mine and realise
If you want to answer life’s small
questions, take your Commerce or
Science degree. You’ll be able to pay
the mortgage or calculate the airspeed velocity of an African swallow
(both, if you’re lucky). However, it’s
the big questions - refugees, climate
change, and the war in Afghanistan - that require the historical and
philosophical perspective offered
by an arts degree. So stop the BA
bashing, because we know from past
experience that when shit hits the
fan, it’s not the
bankers
who are going to save
us.
8
The Kony Phenomenon
Meet Andre Louhanapessy, Ormond’s Learning and Community Associate, and Kerry Tucker,
a lecturer in media studies who
works at reception in the evening. As the internet phenomenon
known as KONY2012 swept across
our collective consciousness during
the last fortnight, few would have
been aware that several of our very
own staff members had extensive
knowledge and experience of Joseph
Kony and the LRA. It should be
noted that the views expressed in
this article are their personal views
and are not necessarily the views of
Ormond College, the University of
Melbourne or the United Nations.
We settled into the comfortable sofas in the top floor of the Academic
Centre. Andre is a softly spoken,
eloquent man and he was happy to
talk about his experiences in Africa. In 2006-2007 he was working
in Southern Sudan for the United
Nations, whose mandate included
mediating between warring factions
in what was not yet an independent country. Joseph Kony and the
Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA)
were active in Southern Sudan at
that time. Their modus operandi
had been well established over many
years and they were adept at striking
unprotected villages which lacked
rapid communication, meaning
that the word of their attacks was
received well after the event had
taken place. By operating out of the
semi-wilderness area that straddles
the borders of Uganda, Sudan, the
Central African Republic and the
Democratic Republic of Congo, the
group was able to minimise contact
with government military personnel
or the UN Peacekeeping forces.
Although a large portion of the
international community has only
recently become aware of the atrocities committed by the LRA under
Kony’s orders, Andre remains optimistic that the efforts undertaken
by organisations such as Invisible
Children can make a difference. He
believes that because there are many
warlords like Kony in the world,
enlightening people to these situations is the first step to real change.
While he is happy to see people
getting involved and purchasing the
action pack, saying “it’s a beautiful thing” to see people around the
world wanting to help and contribute to improving the lives of people
from the other side of the planet, he
cautions that he is not best placed
to say whether or not the organisa-
tion’s resources are being well spent,
the way their resources have been
divided into awareness raising, film
making and projects on the ground.
The opinion that matters most in
the end is of the people affected by
the LRA’s atrocities and whether
they get to experience a positive
change.
His greatest worry is that there
will be no resolution on the Kony
situation for some time, causing
those who were initially enthusiastic about donating and supporting
the effort to become disenchanted
and cynical about both these and
future campaigns. Another question
he would like to raise is whether
the supporters of the KONY2012
campaign have asked themselves is
if they will support the likely methods by which Kony will be deposed
and what the ultimate goal of the
intervention will be. Does the effort stop at the removal of Kony or
continue on to help the people who
have been affected? Although he is
excited about the Ormondians he
9
hears talking about the issue even
with such a geographical distance, it
is important to always keep in mind
that although the end goal is good,
the means used in achieving it are
important.
While working with the UN in
Bangladesh he was granted full time
residency in Australia, enabling
him to move to Melbourne with
his family. Ormond offered him the
chance to learn about how tertiary
education can be used to help people enact and enable change, especially as Ormondians have opportunities that many people don’t have,
we are able to be agents of change
in the world, whether that be in the
community development, corporate
or educational spheres. While at
the college he hopes to support the
learning and community processes
and help build a program that will
allow the development of ideas into
action that changes the world for
the better.
Kerry was borrowed from her reception duties to engage with us in a
wide ranging discussion about the
Kony phenomenon from a media
studies perspective. She explained
that the Invisible Children campaign was a prime example of a media spectacle that turns inwards once
the initial story has been exhausted.
Although the cause is just, Invisible
Children is incredibly transparent
and the only bad guy involved is
Kony himself, there has been huge
backlash against the movement. It
must be remembered that he has
we surely can all agree on: “Where
taken up to 104,000 children and
you live should not affect whether
displaced 1.2-2million people from
you live.”
Uganda and South Sudan.
In her view, the charge that intervention would be imperialistic or
colonial is irrelevant. “This should
not be about being politically correct, someone needs to help these
children.” We do not need to look
far back to see an example of a
similar intervention, the invasion
of Afghanistan and the pursuit of
Bin Laden for the deaths of roughly
4,000 people in the attacks on the
Twin Towers. The scale of Kony’s
atrocities is far larger than this, yet
the reaction seems to be one of
indifference, even hostility to the
suggestion that we should act. Australia and the USA have a strong
racist undercurrent that is illuminated by our differing reactions to
these events. The issue should not be
about the specific campaign or the
nature of intervention, this is a man
who has been convicted of crimes
against humanity and has been
destroying lives for 27 years. For
Kerry, this is about a principle that
Part of Kony’s charismatic influence
is his spiritual overtones. He is bent
on creating a nation ruled by a theocratic government built on the Ten
Commandments. African culture is
still very superstitious, the vast majority believe in voodoo, witchcraft
and spirits and Kony has convinced
his followers that receives messages
from God. He has no guilt or empathy; she tells us how in the only interview he has ever done he repeatedly claims that he and the LRA are
not guilty of the crimes which they
have committed. In short, this man
is a monster, and to get caught up in
arguing that the Invisible Children
campaign misuses funds or that we
cannot intervene because we don’t
want to be an imperialistic power is
missing the point of the movement
entirely. Kerry’s view is clear and
succinct: the point is that something
has to be done to help those who
cannot help themselves because of
the power that Kony wields.
Mascot-Raid
As you will no doubt be out and about supporting Ormond in our sporting campaigns, you will surely come
across the mascots of other Colleges. Fear not, we have
prepared a hard hitting and thoroughly researched article
into the strengths, weaknesses and history of each and
every one of them. Remember, knowing is half the battle.
St. Mary's
Moose
Relevance: 2
Sturdiness: 6
Queens
Goat
Guilt-tripping: 9
Poison Resistance:
0
Legend has it that
an early Master
of Queen’s was the
owner of a stretch of farmland in Wales which included a bridge over a river. When a troll moved in underneath said bridge and began terrorising his flock of
sheep, he was in danger of losing his livelihood. A passing stranger who went by the moniker “Billygoat Gruff”
slew the troll, accepting no payment for his heroic deed
other than the troll’s head as his trophy. He honoured this mysterious hero years later when he
moved to Australia and adopted the goat as
the mascot of Queen’s College.
In 1927, the son of the Master of St Mary’s
College was hiking through the Canadian
wilderness when he fell from a sheer escarpment. He would have died had his fall
not been broken by a passing moose, who
was sadly killed in the collision. When the
Master heard of his son’s fortunate escape,
he had a large bronze statue of a moose
commissioned to guard the halls of Mary’s.
While the statue has long since been stolen
and melted down, the legacy of the moose
lives on at Mary’s.
King Louis XXXVII was assassinated by a man disguised
as a court jester. While nothing has ever been proven,
Trinity was established only 3 years after his death by a
man who is described only as “jocular” and “colourful”.
Although he may have originated from more noble origins, rumour has it he’s currently living in Trinity’s tent.
Trinity
Jester
Volume: 8
Humour: 1
International
House
Panda
Scariness: 1
Cuteness: 8
You may think that IH chose the
Panda to represent the large
contingent of overseas students
they host. Actually a panda
escaped from Melbourne Zoo one
night and took up residence in
their kitchen, forcing students to
go hungry for three days until it
was coaxed out by concerned zoo
keepers.
udderof
assuff”
deed
Ormond
Mickey Bee
Spirit: 10
Sexiness: 10
Speed: 10
Whitley
Wolf
Floats and stings
like it says on the
package, our very
own Mickey Bee has long been a mysterious deity like
figure in the many rituals that have been performed
on new students throughout our history. It all began
back the heady days of `402 B.C. when a nameless
Ormond student transgressed College etiquette by ringing the fire bell at 3am. Before anyone could mete out
retribution for this terrible act, a swarm of angered
bees struck instead, chasing the culprit all the way off
the grounds. Ever since then, Mickey Bee has been
thought of as the very embodiment of Ormond
Spirit.
Height: 1
Bravery: 7
Students of
Whitley have
always seemed
a little odd to
outsiders. Something about the way they always
move in large groups and how large their smiles
are. No one knows why they chose the wolf to be
their mascot but we advise you to stay well away
from Whitley on your nocturnal travels, roughly
every month there is a spate of disappearances
from that neighbourhood, all at night.
Newman
Griffin
Public appearances: 0
An American, an Englishman and a Transylvanian all
worked on the faculty of Newman just after WWII. It
sounds like the start of a bad joke, but the arguments
about whose national animal would become the mascot
of that college were no laughing matter. In a move
some called “playing God” they spliced them all together to invent the griffin (some would say a poor man’s
hippogryph).
University College
Boar
Sense of Smell: 8
Eyesight: 3
A prominent member of the student body at UC some years ago
was known for long, dull speeches.
He hung around for so long that they
began imitating pig noises when he started to waffle. This became such a tradition for any speech that took
longer than was deemed necessary that a subsequent Master banned the tradition, installing the boar as the college
mascot in order to appease angered students.
12
Our Newest Leaders
Benton Ching
Fast Facts:
1st Year Environments
Can you smell that in the air? (No, it’s not the unmistakable, indefinable lingering
smoko smell) It’s the whiff of democracy! You have all been casting votes left right and
centre (although mostly in the vesti) and the results are in – it’s time to meet your new
members of the General Committee. Alice Goodman sat down with Jesse Poulton, Dinu
Kumarasighe and Benton Ching.
Interests: Scotch Club (They meet every
Thursday evening – there is some sort of
test. Benton tells me it’s very hard, but he
passed) and “something edgy” – at this
point he asked me to find me an edgy
hobby that would make him look cool.
Sorry Benton.
Fast Fact:
1st Year Arts – although this might be
subject to change…
There is one thing that becomes exceptionally clear a few minutes into sitting down
with Benton Ching. There are no simple
answers. Like a true Ormondian, asking
him where he calls home is a real head
scratcher. Somehow we’ve ended up talking
about a mysterious maternal grandfather
who may or may not have been a spy and
I’m no closer to knowing the answer.
Dinu Kumarasighe
Every year, the nature of the fresher representative role changes. Naturally, no fresher
rep can know how the last year chose to
do things, and each fresher year is different. It is keeping this is mind that I can
imagine Dinu is the perfect fresher rep. As
I sit down with Dinu, it seems that I have
caught her on the brink of change. I ask
her about her degree – what is she studying
– apparently it’s a long story, but it seems
like she’s an Arts degree with a major in
wait-and-see. Dinu has a history of rolling
along with major change, moving from Sri
Lanka, to Singapore, to Perth and now,
finally, but I imagine not lastly, Melbourne.
Dinu is truly an international individual –
she
even receives mail from the
UK while we’re talking – and
with the freedom that
university offers,
she’s grabbing
every opportunity coming
her way.
We’re pretty
lucky that
she grabbed at
Ormond, I look
forward to seeing how
Dinu will shape the role of
fresher rep this year, this
is a woman with big
hair, and even bigger ideas.
Jesse Poulton
Fast Facts:
2nd Year Science - Engineering
Hometown: Leongatha – although he
went to school on Phillip Island ( J: people
always go “awww”)
Jesse Poulton steps up in a rather unusual
circumstance to fill a spot on the General
Committee. Whilst Jesse insists that he is
very privileged for the chance to join the
GC, I get the feeling that is us who should
feel lucky. They say that passion is contagious, and if so, Jesse is a walking
incubus, infecting all of those
around him with his own
urge to see change in the
world around him.
Ask him about
his work as Victorian State leader of
VGEN – World Vision’s Youth Organisation, and you’ll be
asking where to sign
up. He’ll be working
with Austin to more
clearly define his role
on the GC – he’ll be
the proverbial putty
to the perceived holes
in the GC’s wall. Undoubtedly, it will be
a mix of his passions;
sustainability, community service and
student welfare.
While he did beg me to paint him as an
international man of mystery, I’m happy
to report that this fresher rep is in fact the
exact opposite. It’s hard to nail down any
straight answer from him, but mostly it’s
because he thinks that it’s important
that you first know another fascinating story and then another,
and another... In between
sips from his GLO
juicebox (he BYO’d)
and while I
dodge his
offer to
conduct the
whole interview
in third person, I
learn that Benton
Ching is an enthusiastic, passionate
individual, lacking a
single iota of mystery. He’s excited
about the year
ahead, and freshers, you should
be too.
Raise a Glass
Alcohol is and always has been an
integral part of western culture, as a
necessary ingredient to any successful gathering, party, or hoe-down
and it is one that shows no sign of
wavering in importance in the modern age. We can see clearly in the
youth of today just how pronounced
the allure of the bottle is, even more
so when we look at our own Ormond community. At smokos, when
the youth of Ormond gathers in a
room with an unlimited supply of
alcohol, the expected result is what
our peers would call “awesome!” and
the more restrained previous generation would deem “interesting”.
But what lies behind this overwhelming culture of loutish behaviour supported by alcohol and
defined by a particular horoscope
section of The Ormondian? Some
would say that alcohol is a social
lubricant that injects a stale social
group with the chance to open up
to each other. Some would say that
it excuses and forgives late night
misadventures, allowing young
people to experiment in an environment in which they can
forgo being responsible for the
consequences. Then there are a
few who actually like the taste
of beer, but they don’t count.
The truth is most likely different for each particular person, each
13
someone makes an error, the typical response is “you’ve had way too
much” or “taxi!”, and the onus of
Alex Wisdom
blame never falls onto the drink
buying into their own mythology of themself. The implied truth is that
responsible people can enjoy alcothe all-revealing bottle. There is no
hol without falling for its quadratic
“answer” to the reason behind this
culture of drinking at Ormond other charms, and for the most part this
than it has always been this way and seems true. But we all know that the
there is no reason to stop. The new
best stories come from those who
members are indoctrinated into the heavily dilute their blood streams,
leading to a counter-belief that alcoculture by the older members and
hol is best used to just get everyone
the tradition is continually passed
on; it would take a community-wide wasted and see what happens.
veto lasting for three or more years
However alcohol fits into Ormonbefore it would have any chance of
dian culture, no one can deny that
being stamped out, and even then
it does. Young people just want to
it could easily be reintroduced by
have fun, and alcohol is a good way
an outside factor. As a result, such
to make sure that everyone can
a concept is impossible, so we must
in a chaotic and morally ambiguaccept that we’ll often see the lads
stumbling down our corridor late at ous environment that no one will
remember. Such an attitude is not
night.
something we want to stamp out;
if we can’t do it now, when can we?
The down-sides of alcohol almost
Being young is all about doing stualways derive from over-consumppid things and walking away from
tion and misjudgement, but these
them, and alcohol makes being
issues arguably stem from the
an idiot easy and fun.
casualness of alcohol in a loose
party environment. When
14
Request by: Sustainability Subcommittee
Request for: The centre of MacCaughey Court to be
filled in with water and turned into an aquarium
Estimated cost: $100,000
ck n
a
r
B
tio
a
c
i
l
App
Dearest Brack Subcommittee,
We would like to start the first Brack season with a bang. We ask the full
extent of Dick’s generosity on this matter. Knowing the ins and outs of
college funding, we know this proposition would be a tight fit with the
Ormond budget. It has been a long, hard wait for the Brack fund to grow to
its current girth. Thus, we request Dick’s assistance in thrusting this project
into going the distance. The college has a throbbing, pulsating need for an
aquarium. The social lubricant that it will provide will penetrate deep into
the social cavity that is McCaughey. Potential problems may include moisture and dripping, but the seamen of the UCR boat club purport that Dick
can satisfy our needs by consenting to our yearning for a water feature.
While Dick is often quick to come to conclusions, erecting this structure
will pleasure our entire community.
From a brief survey of the Students’ Club, we have polled that support for
an aquarium in MacCaughey would be high:
‘Smurfin spot on!’ Darcy Holdsworth
Graph: Aquarium Support in our Survey
‘I love water!’ Georgia Vann
Ormond App
DICK
Understandably
there has been plenty
of interest in the
slightly elusive flag
sub-committee over
the past few weeks.
Flag is a long running sub-committee
of Ormond College
and the OCSC:
although no official
records are
kept, Flag
archives
include an
Ormond flag
from 1932.
Membership
in this prestigious, alluring
and somewhat
strange subcommittee has
always been
highly sought
after, for example last week
we received 65
applications (a
few of the funnier applications
have been shared
here). Finally, it is
tradition that Flag
designs and purchases a new Ormond
flag every 10 years,
as it has been over a
decade since the last
redesign, Mr Pickering and Mr Thomas
are fortunate enough
to head the subcommittee during
this project.
For approximately 20 years, the Brack sub-committee has been decorating our great halls with priceless artwork (although, for tax
reasons, we are assured they do have a value, we’re just not sure what it is) and providing Ormondians a chance to invest in something
that they really want. Like an aquarium in the Middle of McCaughey (application above). If you have any ideas of your own on how we
could better the grounds of Ormond, submit your application to Dick, head of Brack when applications open.
Applications
15
F
App lag
lica
n
ts
Picko & Jono
If you’ve got any
more questions,
queries or doubtful
points feel free to
have a chat to either
Picko or Jono.
16
Glasnost, Perestroika, Ormond
Two things are certain in the life
of an Ormond student – death and
fees. To be frank, I don’t have any
issue with the current costs of the
college. But this comes with two
important qualifiers. Firstly, students
of merit from any financial background ought to be able to attend
Ormond. Secondly, that the college
is completely transparent about how
the fees are spent.
It is my understanding that the college’s financial position was severely
compromised for many years, and
it is up to current and future students fund the college’s viability
and building projects over the long
term. This may seem unfair, but it
is something we should all accept –
after all, Ormond’s financial security
is in everyone’s interests.
William Moisis
is $250.50 a week. If fees rose by
the average Australian inflation rate
of 2.7%2 from 1996 to 2012, they
would be $383 a week in 2012, or
$13,405 for 35 weeks in residence.
Fees have an increased at a rate far
higher than this, and are now $671
a week – a 167.8% increase between
1996 and 2012.
It should be noted the level of
financial assistance has increased,
with the average amount of assistance between $2,000 and $5,000 a
year given to over a quarter of the
College’s residents3. Even taking this
into account, for the vast majority of
students, Ormond is more expensive
in real terms than ever before. It is
over three times more expensive to
live at college than it is to rent close
by.
The College’s Advancement Office,
headed by Ann Badger, has done a
brilliant job in securing and allocating scholarship and bursary donations. With over $500,000 in funds
allocated annually, Ormond has
one of the largest assistance funds
of any college in Australia, and the
accountable and equitable manner
in which these funds are distributed
should be applauded.
Comparative to other reputable
colleges, Ormond’s fees are significantly higher. Below is a schedule of
2012 fees for colleges around Australia. These colleges are the most
expensive on their respective university campus, and all are fully catered
and offer tutorial programs.4
That being said, the exponential rise
in college fees over the last 15 years
is astounding. In 1996, fees for 39
weeks in residence were $97701. This
St Paul’s College, Sydney - $18,400
– including room hold over the
mid-year break, and $500,000
of scholarships allocated yearly
St Andrew’s College, Sydney - Ormond’s sister college - $18,772
amongst 200 students.
St Mark’s College Adelaide $16,040.00 for 40 weeks of residence.
St George’s College, Perth $15,288
$
$
Burgmann College, ANU - $13,571
for 41 weeks (Standard room) OR
$15,990 for 41 weeks (Deluxe room
with en-suite, built in wardrobe,
queen size bed.)
Two significant questions arise1) With average fees in excess of
$20,000 a year, why is almost every
University of Melbourne college
more expensive than their interstate
counterparts?
2) What justifies the significant differential between Ormond fees and
other colleges that offer the same
facilities, academic programs, and
have similar buildings? (Sydney colleges, in particular, have similar neogothic architecture to maintain). If
there is a difference, does it justify
the disparity between fees between
Ormond and other colleges?
Paying for the Ormond experience
is probably the best investment I’ll
ever make. But that doesn’t mean
students should be unthinking in
spending tens of thousands of dollars a year. We are lucky enough to
have an effective working relationship between the Student’s Club
and college administration, and we
ought to call for transparency and
accountability from the college on
this matter.
Transparency – A public breakdown of the College’s revenue and
expenditure. This would include
the amount spent by each college
department, including how much is
spent on maintenance, administration, academics, utilities, and savings
for the future. We also ought to
know how these costs have changed,
in percentage terms, over the last
few years.
These costs ‘per student’, as a breakdown of the $23,500 we each pay,
should also be released. Releasing
revenue sources, including the total
amount raised from fees and other
sources.
Accountability – The amount of
spending in every area, from administration to capital savings, should be
justified to the Student’s Club.
It has long been argued that there is
a need to cut the number of administrative staff and to seek greater
efficiency5. There are also broader
questions that need to be addressed.
How do we effectively manage
an increasingly larger college, and
ought we place a cap on the number
of non-resident students? Are we
placing too much emphasis on profit
at the expense of the student experience?
The issue of fees, while incredibly important, is just the tip of the
iceberg. In a cooperative framework
these are decisions which need care
and diplomacy, but which are essential. Generations of students before
us have asked similar questions.
Now it is time to seek the answers.
$
$
$
17
Sources
1. 1996 college fee sourced from
‘The Buck Stops…Where’ by
Christopher Johnston, The Ormondian, 22 September 1996
2. Inflation rate from 1996-2012
sourced from RBA website.
3. Ormond Undergraduate marketing brochure, 2011
4. All fee information sourced from
the colleges’ respective websites.
5. ‘From the Chair…’, Rufus Black,
The Ormond Chronicle, 1990
College Student Enjoys Melbourne University
Melbourne, Victoria: In unprecedented
news, a college student has told reporters she ‘valued’ her University of
Melbourne education. Lucy Brown, a
media and communications major, said
the experience of an ‘underfunded, incompetent learning environment’ really
made the transition from public school
a breeze.
minutes!” Interacting with students
from different backgrounds was also a
highlight. “This one time, I spoke to a
guy who I had a tutorial with. He had
to commute for three hours a day to
get to a class where the lecturer rarely
showed up. What an experience”, Lucy
remarked.
The girl stated how she enjoyed the
experience of tutorials. “Cramped,
overcrowded rooms filled with students
with poor spoken English really excited
me. I love how no more than two or
three people ever did the required
readings - it really gave a somber,
melancholic atmosphere. It meant that
one time, I got to speak for like, two
The University are justifiably proud of
Lucy’s remarks, and are launching a
$10 million dollar marketing campaign
to celebrate their success. Glyn Davis,
Vice Chancellor of Melbourne University, exclaimed, “We all know that the
University of Melbourne is first Australia, but thankfully most people aren’t
aware that the rankings are all based on
research. To be honest, we couldn’t give
William Moisis
a shit about undergraduate degrees.
That’s why this news is so surprising”.
The marketing campaign will be funded
through cuts to The Centre for Historical and Philosophical studies, which
will be re-developed into another gym.
Dean of Arts, Mark Considine, believed
Lucy’s experience at the University was
exactly what employers were looking
for in today’s job market. “We really
encourage our undergraduate students
to develop the skills vital for future
success in the real world. Being able
to recite what other people say without critical analysis or fact checking is
exactly the kind of talent required in
print media”.
NOTE: THIS IS SATIRE
18
Horoscopes
by Phoenix Stars
It Iz-n’t Al that far to walk,
but if you’re Craw-ling, you
might have a-Pardi.
This is a bit of curly one –
Campbell’s soup was Fished out of the Chambers
The state of Georgia
is heating up: you’ll
need Gutz to With-stand
that heat.
Speaking of which, The
sa-Hand of authority was
brought down on the Pardi
You can complain until the
cows come home, it Will
not change a thing!
Wat’s On for the week
ahead? Every Monday Is
Light Yoga
Wats that? Not quite
successful, but Dad’s
been handing out mini
Warnaar-ings.
A fr-Eccled frog from
across the pound landed
on a Lilly-pad.
Bottle shop special:
Gordon’s gin is on sale –
Go get ‘Em!
When Wardl-ing
through the Chambers,
take the straight path,
don’t get Lou-st!
Re-Ward: He’S Loss-t,
can you find him?
Winners of the floor challenge: It’S Tef-initely Almost worthy of Merit
Overheard
“We ate it, then we ate its babies as
well”
- Ben Stanley
“If we had a pool, people would
start using it as a wonder and
everyone would get pregnant”
- Marcelle Fleming
“I really think being unable to teleport is a major life issue for me”
- Lulu Minnet
“It’s not a burger, it’s a lie in bread”
- Jack Anderson (on vegie burgers)
“I had a sexual dream about
Bransden and in the end it turned
out he didn’t have genitals”
- Kaity Brown
.
“I like the word ‘began’ because it looks
like ‘vegan”
.
- Jono Thomas (reading)
“Joseph Kony, like he’s like a bad
dude... like i would not add him on facebook”
.
- Al Meredith
“I smell like i’ve bathed in the waste bin
in the kitchen”
- Drop Box Anon
“Can I have a pizza with beer on
it? So I can sign it to my account?”
- Alex Cameron
“There should be a vet subject where
you study animals then eat them”
- Hugh Billings
Would You Rather...
Have a third leg or a third arm?
Be a giant hamster or a tiny rhino?
Be born with an elephant trunk or a
giraffe neck?
Walshy’s Limerick
The girls softball semi grew tense,
Balls flying at our opponents expense.
But when the wolf from Whitley,
Tackled our Mickey Bee,
Mos and Picko stood in for defense.
Konograph
19
by Will Mosley
Ol’ Man Ghazi
What ho, Ormondians!
As we enter a new semester busier
than ever, I am both irked and condescendingly pleased by the energy and
excitement you whippersnappers bring
to our little Ormond Empire.
I would firstly like to congratulate young
Jesse P on a race well run. I must confess that the possibility of a third year
in office was more tiring than exciting,
although I hesitate to venture whether
I should have published my full curriculum vitae?
Speaking of our splendid elected officials, I wonder whether at times we
haven’t been holding the reigns a little
too tightly? I confess that in my own
days holding the purse-strings, I saw
the need to reign in a few of the more
‘independent minded’ committees (notably, bringing the outdoor committee
away from certain ways of ‘appreciating
nature’). But there is a fine line between steering the direction of the club,
and a fear of handing over control.
ate, capable and energetic people to
share the load and the responsibility.
Rather than going on a power trip,
we need to find ways to empower our
committees, while still giving them
clear accountability. Not to rehash an
old slogan, but we need to ensure that
ALL of us are encouraged to ‘Own our
Ormond’.
As my old childhood friend Kipling used
to say -
Speaking of which, I must applaud the
introduction of a Financial Interests
Commission* as a way of bringing the
acumen of Ormondians to bear on
OCSC funds.
“I always prefer to believe the best of
everybody, it saves so much trouble.”
Naïve chap he may have been, but he
never seemed to fall prey to those who
shared his commitment to Queen and
Empire.
There are plenty of talented, passion-
Good hunting, ladies
and gentlemen!
Ol’ Man Ghazi
Contact the Ormondian at
[email protected]
© 2012 OCSC