WESSEX HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

WESSEX
HASH HOUSE HARRIERS
HASH HACK 2010
Founded In 1979
Wessex Hillbilly’s
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E m a il : m e @ n ic k g a v in .c o .u k
GM’s BLURB
We have had some excellent runs and social gatherings this year and the fourth edition of our hash trash
comic once again gives me the opportunity to recall
last year’s frolics. The mismanagement has worked
hard behind the scenes and sometimes FRBing to
ensure the Wessex ‘On Tour’ enjoy their hashing.
On tour we visited UK Nash Hash in Perth, Scotland
and Inter Hash in Borneo thus ensuring the Wessex
was remembered in the circles and on the trail! We
try to extend our hospitality more by inviting local
hashes to joint runs and next year we will be celebrating our 1700th Run. We have cemented the camaraderie with joint runs with the Hardy, Hursley,
R2D2 and Oxford hashes.
One thing we all have in common is ‘Hashing’. No
matter where you are in the world there are hashers,
hashing and therefore friends.
This coming year will be special as the Wessex will
be hosting the UK Nash Hash, which will be based at
Bournemouth Sports Club, Christchurch. We last
hosted the Nash Hash way back in 1985...so 26 years
on on we welcome everyone to the Jurassic Coast.
The midsummer camp in Princetown on Dartmoor
was once again a great success with the mismanagement looking at different ways to keep you entertained. Great runs, Orienteering, Games and Après,
a special thanks goes to Hansel, Gretel, Takin d Pith,
Snorkel, Grafitti, , Poppet Arseabout and Inside Out
for all their efforts.
What does the future hold, well with a busy UK Nash
Hash programme we will not be having the ‘traditional’ midsummer next year but we will celebrate
our 1700th run on the 16/17th July by organizing an
function at the village hall at Harmans Cross,
where there will be a Hog Roast, Live Entertainment, Cask Ales and over night camping
available, with a run on the Sunday and circle to
finish.
The Hash House Foundation have secured the
plot of land and laid the foundations for what
should be a superb building for use by all hashers
and chapters, the home of the hash. Wessex are
on the way to becoming a Torch Bennet patron
through our contributions, thus ensuring our
place in hashing history.
So farewell till the next time readers and don’t
forget to sign up for the UK Nash Hash next summer, if not already done. As usual, if you have
any questions please do not hesitate to contact
some one else…
P a s t G ra n d M a s te rs
1 9 7 9 -1 9 8 2
R am Seeger
1 9 8 2 -1 9 8 4
T o n y " B a d g e r " W e d la k e
1 9 8 4 -1 9 8 6
A n th o n y " S h a rk y " W a rd
1 9 8 6 -2 0 0 3
G o r d o n R a g g e tt
2 0 0 3 -2 0 0 6
C liv e " C lip b o a r d " E n g la n d
2 0 0 6 -p re s e n t
M a r t in " M r B e a k y " S im m s
Honorary Members
Ram Seeger
Founder
Penny Fairclough
Founder
Anthony ‘’Sharky’’ Ward Ex Godfather
Tony "Badger" Wedlake Grand Dustmaster 27 years
Derek “Von” Harker
Original Runner
Life Honorary Members
Steve Dawson "Ho Chi Minn"
Kath Mackie “Domestos”
Phil Davies "Ancient Hasher"
George Burns
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible-George
Annual Grumblers Meeting
Sunday 8 November 2009 - At the Bournemouth Sports Club, Blandford
th
Present:
Martin “Mr Beaky” Simms
Colin “Snorkel” Shearing
Steve “Fursty Ferret” McGuiness
Pam “Poppet” Reynolds
Jackie “Arseabout” Vincent
Margaret “Upfront” Laurie
Angie “Inside Out” Simms
Andrea “Ratarsed” Chidley
Alan “Gates” Reynolds
-Grandmaster & Chairman
-Joint Master & Dustman
-Joint Master
-Joint Mistress
-Joint Mistress & Hare Razor
-Joint Mistress
-Hash Cash
-On Sec
-Godfather
With 64 hash members present.
The Grand Master (GM) welcomed members to the AGM at the Bournemouth Sports Club which would be the venue for the UK
Nash Hash 2011. He hoped that members had taken the opportunity to look around the clubhouse, facilities and grounds. The
arrangements for the Nash Hash 2011 would be discussed later in more detail in the meeting.
Apologies: Jon ‘’Circus Boy’’ Smallwood, Patty “Cream Crackered” Brennan, Chris “P.P.” & Nick “Navigator” Gavin
Cindy “Cinders” and Tony “Badger” Wedlake, Charlotte “Pixie” & Rikki “Rattlebones” Thornton,
Barry “Bumhugger” and Wendy “Wheeze” Bowers, Paul “Orange Bollocks” Gavin,
Kath “Domestos” & Dennis “Half a Mind” Mackie, Penny Fairclough, Ram Seegar,
Marie “Ginger Puss” Higley, Andy “Taken the Pith” Fraser
Minutes of 2008 AGM: The G.M. reminded members that the 2008 AGM Minutes had been printed in the ‘Hash Beano’ and
further copies had been distributed prior to the meeting. Members agreed that the minutes were an accurate account.
Proposed by Arctic Ken and seconded by Clipboard.
Grand Master’s Report: The GM gave a short review of the year as his main report had been published in the ‘Hash Beano’.
He would like to add that the Wessex is a fantastic hash and he enjoyed being involved and making a positive contribution in
its thirtieth year, ably assisted by the Mismanagement. Since the last AGM the Posh Nosh had been held for the first time on a
Saturday night at the Springfield Country Club, Wareham with many hashers enjoying the facilities and staying the night. A
‘Red Dress’ Charity Run was held on the following day with the Mayor of Wareham starting the run off with the donations
collected on the run going to his chosen charities. The anniversary run in January launched the 30th year celebration events for
the Wessex Hash which included a very successful Pirates & Wenches’ night at the Antelope in Poole and saw the attendance
of two founder members Penny Fairclough & Ram Seeger. The Midsummer Camp took place on Dartmoor at the Plume of
Feathers in Princetown. This was a very enjoyable event despite Gretel’s sub-sixty run on the Friday night lasting over one hour
and forty-five minutes! Although the pubs restaurant sitting was restricted to 80 for the evening meal, the Hash entertainment
with Banjo Billy was such a success that we are to return there for the 2010 Midsummer camp. Another social event was a HoeDown held in late October at Martins’ Social Club with dancing to the Black Sheep group with some members camping overnight in the car park and a run next day, completing another successful hashing weekend.
The G.M. reminded members that a couple of the functions were subsidised by the hash and urged members to support these
events in the future and thus benefit from the subsidy.
Annual Accounts and Subscriptions 2008-2009: The Grand Master invited the Treasurer Inside Out to report on the accounts
for the year. Inside Out was pleased to report that the accounts were in an excellent state and there was no need to increase
subscriptions. Questions were then invited. Pete Spud Taylor requested to see the accounts before the AGM to which Inside
Out replied that they were available in October even if Spud was not! Vivien Smash & Grab Withers asked what the Hash
Thrash functions were and this was explained to her.
The GM thanked Inside Out for her hard work with such a time consuming job. Clipboard took the opportunity of congratulating and thanking Inside Out for her contribution in managing the Hash accounts.
Proposed by: John Polk Polkinghorn
Seconded by: Clive Clipboard England. Approval of the accounts was unanimous.
Election of the Mismanagement.
Grand Master: The Mr Beaky told members that the Mismanagement had stood for 3 years and were prepared to carry on if
re-elected.
The GM said he would carry on for a further 2 years to cover the UK Nash Hash 2011 and was unanimously re-elected with a
show of hands.
Joint Masters: The GM thanked all the Joint Masters for their support over the last 3 years with Snorkel and Fursty Ferret
consequently being re-elected.
Orange Bollocks was standing down due to career commitments. Taken the Pith offered help and involvement and his application was read, in his absence, by Pierced Nipple sporting a pillow or two under her sweater. (See page 10). His election was
unanimously approved.
Joint Mistresses: The GM thanked Arseabout, Poppet and Upfront for their continued efforts and hard work in supporting him
and the hash. They were All duly re-elected by an overall show of hands, with only one objection by Bill ‘Y Nam Im’
Honeyman.
On Sec: The GM reminded the Hash of the numerous changes of Hon Secs since Von Harker stepped down but Andrea
Ratarsed Chidley had now done the job the last 3 years and was re-elected, with only one objection, from Oxfam, for no explained reason!
Hash Cash: The GM told members how hard Angie Inside Out Simms had worked as Treasurer. (Hash Cash). It was very time
consuming and he observed first hand the hours she put in. Inside Out was duly re-elected.
UK Nash Hash 2011.
The GM stated that large numbers of Wessex hashers ‘On Tour’ attend the Inter-hashes, Euro-hashes and Nash-hashes and felt
the Wessex Hash was more than able to host the next Nash Hash in 2011, especially as it was twenty years since we last hosted
the event and some older members talk a lot about halcyon days ‘When It was a hash and Trails were hard, full of Shiggy...’
The venue would be the Bournemouth Sports Club, which had shower facilities, bars, beer, catering and space for a Marquee (s),
a large field for camping with Portaloos. With the already agreed assistance of other local hashes to lay trails the Wessex H3
would be more than capable of staging this event. The overall programme was still to be finalised but as with all Nash hashes
breakfast would be from Saturday to Monday and evening meals on Saturday & Sunday. There would be a Red Dress run on
the Friday, possibly in Poole around Baiter, Poole Park and Poole Quay. Charities would most likely be Poole Hospital Wish List
and the Dorset and Somerset Air Ambulance. Arctic Ken said he would ask Lytchett Striders to help with marshalling. The
outline programme would support: Transport to run sites in and around the Jurassic Coast line, Purbecks and New Forest. There
would be10 runs per day with a Ballbreaker on Saturday and a Bash on Sunday:- ‘A’ to ‘A’ runs and ‘A’ to‘B’ runs, which would
be around a sixty minute coach/bus ride from the Sports Club. The Down Down circles would be at the run site and no longer
than 60 minutes and the theme for the UKNH would be ‘The Flinstones’.
The Nash Hash accounts would be audited by Princecroft & Willis. The Insurance had already been drawn up at a reasonable
cost and the Risk Assessments were being reviewed from Perth’s event earlier this year.
Bill Y Nam Im Honeyman felt that the Mayor should nominate charities but the GM reminded all that this had already been
addressed. Tom The Grocer Sainsbury suggested Bournemouth would be a good venue for the Red Dress run.
Pat The Dragon Lewis said that it might be possible to lever grants from Bournemouth Council if the Red Dress run took place in
Bournemouth.
The GM called on any volunteers to make themselves known to the Mismanagement. Alan Sinbad Gittins said he was happy to
service the young ladies! Margaret Upfront Laurie wondered if the Red Arrows could perform that weekend but the GM said
they would be at the Bournemouth Air Show the previous weekend.
Bands for evening entertainment would be considered. The Perth Nash hash had used an excellent Blues Band and something
along those lines would be popular. The GM said that there was lots of work to be done before and during the event and that the
Wessex H3 were capable of putting on a good UK Nash Hash and was proud of their positive support.
The Wessex (UK NH2011 Committee) already volunteers were: Chairman – Mr Beaky, Hash Cash – Inside Out, Trail Master –
Fursty Ferret, Hash Transport – Snorkel, Beer Bitch – Gretel Administration/Registration – Poppet & Arseabout, Marketing/
Sponsorship – Ratarsed &Upfront, Site/Facilities Guru – Hansel Website – Pearl’n’Dean (R2D2 H3)
Hash Calendar…Hash Flash: The GM asked for members comments on the hash calendars – did they want a calendar, how
much were they prepared to pay and were they prepared to subsidise it from subscriptions to keep the cost down? It was agreed
by the majority that the calendars were wanted and £6 was a reasonable amount to pay, any inflation cost could be met by
subsidy from the Hash funds. Gretel suggested there could be a 6-month calendar for £3. The GM said Circus Boy had volunteered to be Hash Flash but would need some assistance. Odd Sox and Gooseberry Fool said they would be happy to help him.
Charity Donations: Mr Beaky invited the members to put forward a charity for the hash to support for the coming year – Gretel
replied that 300 yards from the Bournemouth Sports Club was the Portfield School for Autistic Children which was established
40 years ago and depended entirely on donations without any government support.
Snorkel came forward to suggest the Hash support Cancer Research as present and past members had benefited from this
charity. Y Nam Im stated that Cancer Research spent less on admin than many other charities.
Clipboard stated that he preferred to support a local charity. Mr Beaky suggested a donation of £100.00 to go to Cancer Research and other money raised during the year to go to the Wessex Autistic Society.
Proposed: Clipboard
Seconded: Enema Scale
This was unanimously approved by a show of hands.
Any Other Business
Christmas cards: Glenda Slender Huckle has again kindly offered to coordinate the collection of money in lieu of Christmas
cards. A contribution of up to £5 per person was suggested, rather than the £3 paid last year. The GM said this was a voluntary
contribution and felt no member should feel pressurised.
This was unanimously approved by a show of hands.
Special Thanks: Ancient Hasher Phil again expressed his thanks to John Frostbite and Anita Forget me Knot Herbert for
bringing him along to the hash every week and to everyone for making him feel so welcome.
1000 Runs: The Grocer was awarded his Hash polo shirt for 1000 runs.
Down Downs
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
Hornblower - for Hornblowing.
Snorkel - for Dustman and not putting dust in bread bags
Gates - for sleeping at an airport and missing his plane to Oz
Poppet - for no clean knickers in Australia.
Inside Out for being Hash Cash.
Oddsox - for falling on the trail, “Stumbler”.
Fishfingers for groping on the trail and “Choking the chicken”.
Grocer- for cheapest car recovery (Snorkel) and 1000 runs.
Snorkel by rescuing the Grocer.
Gates & Gretel – Hares for a straight trail and collecting signs too early.
Ratarsed for endurance as ON Sec.
Next AGM: The next AGM will be on Sunday 7th November 2010.
The meeting was brought to an end at 2.10pm.
Andrea Ratarsed Chidley
On Sec
SANTA CLAUSE RUN
Sir Walter Terrell
Frolicing Santa
French Mistress
Freddy Flasher
Fantasy
Fun Fun Fun.....
Fandangos
Friendly Fudge
Fursty Fridge
Santa’s Flower
Filthy Mind
Santa’s Fairies
Frumpy’s
DASH Ski Trip
- Jan 2010
Beaky asked me to do another write up but, like ski
photos, they are all the same with minor variations each
year!
Fortunately Ben Zenees, our valiant organiser, having
had a year off holidaying in New Zealand, managed to
find a flight from Southampton so we had some sleep
the night before. The journey was so efficient that
some of us even managed to ski for free on the nursery slopes on the first afternoon.
absence of the Grocer. It was unfortunate it was snowing as due to various helpers and some confusion amongst
the hares the main was left without a hare and soon lost
the trail. After what seemed like hours of running around
the whole of Val Thorens some of the diehards (unlike
Snorkel who had given up and gone home leaving a trail
The weather was fantastic. Snow the day we arrived
and mid week but not enough to close lifts, only to
make the skiing better. Everyone had a fantastic first
day except ‘Tit in a Trance’ who was attacked by a hit
and run snowboarder and ended up with a broken wrist.
She managed to make the best of it and had a good
of French Teddy Bears behind him) eventually found
the trail and even later the hare who directed them on
the last loop. We had the usual down downs in spite of
not having the RA and then back to the chalet for yet
another excellent meal.
Thursday was the chalet staff,s night off. Well deserved as they worked hard and joined in the fun each
night. Various restaurants had to put up with Dashers
having a good time.
holiday walking and meeting up with people for lunch
not to mention the bars in the evening.
On Friday a lunch trip for the famous RIBS at La Tanya
was organised by Snorkel. He booked ahead to prevent
the Wednesday fiasco when only Tarquin, who was the
reason they were late, got them! About 14 of us??
Tuesday we were all invited to Karen’s chalet
(Margaret’s daughter) in Courcheval for lunch..only two
valleys away and
probably about 50
miles by road. Around
20 of us made it to the
usual
wonderful
spread of food and
drink with fabulous
views as another
sunny day and we
toasted Nigel as it
would have been is
76 th birthday. The
golden girls managed
to work out a route
which involved minimal skiing and maximum
gondolas!
Wheeze’s group nearly got stranded in Les Menuires
catching the last lift back with 1 minute to spare.
Wednesday afternoon was the only time when the light
went and it started to snow. Wiggy had spent ages
reccing his DASH trail as a virgin Dash hare in the
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
NASH HASH
PERTH
2009
Moment of Madness
Beaky!
Sniff & Scratch
Shandy Man
Pierced Nipple & Inside Out
Oc’Dust... What Dust!
Hash Survivors
NASH HASH
PERTH
2009
Brilllll!
Hurricane
last
Usefull......at
Centurion
Poppet!
It’s Beer
Social GM & Team
Pair
Horny
Tic Tac Toc
Uhm....nice shirl Taffy
SMP, Lybyan
Prisoner & Escort
Smoke gets in yr eyes!
Fancy a ride?
You’re my mate
Dead cert...my boy!
They also met a very nice man who explained what the
blobs of sawdust were for and he let slip that it was he
who had put down those little piles and he had done so
to let his friends follow and enjoy themselves. He was a
nice man and rather “dishy”, or so the giggly pair of Inside Out and Pierced Nipple told us later. Inside Out
began flirting girlishly with the nice man whilst Pierced
Nipple just sat with big doe eyes. The boys thankfully
had their beers to content them and soon the nice man
moved away to be nice to other ladies in the bar.
Five Find The Trail
a short story in the style of
Enid Blyton
Characters
Martin who’s nickname is Beaky
Angie who’s nickname is Inside Out
Colin who likes to be called Snorkel
Linda who might have a Pierced Nipple
Andy who is Taking the Pith
Snorkel was first and was waiting when Inside Out and
Beaky arrived but it was not till Pierced Nipple and Taking the Pith got there that the five could plan the fun that
might be had on that cold and wintery weekend on
Dartmoor. They were on a mission that would take them
to the lonely and desolate moors to search out and reconnoiter a trail through some of Dartmoor’s finest landscape and bring home the plans of the perfect route for
all their friends to follow.
Lunch was first and some fine local produce was washed
down with a taste of fine ale but not so much as to dull
the senses as that afternoon the intrepid five headed out
to a secret location to look for the special route. But it
was difficult and took hours to find the right mix of woodland trails, leafy lanes and open moorland. It was on
that day that all five noticed, one by one, strange little
piles of sawdust, rough cut and fresh, and though their
own route was different it seemed strange that every so
often another pile of sawdust would appear. Something
strange was going on and they would have to find out
what it was all about.
After several hours the five returned to the Inn where
they had met and settled down to a well-earned evening
meal and lashings and lashings of the same “Jailer” ale
they had tried earlier that day. They made a friend of
Sarah, whose hostelry they were in, and she was friendly
and so very helpful that they decided that they would
come back again and bring lots of friends, some of whom
had been there before, for a weekend of fun and adventure.
It was much later that evening that all five decided that
they should get some sleep and so that the boys did not
need to get up to the toilet too often during the night they
thought it a good idea to have smaller drinks, called
shorts, and had a few of them before going to bed. Snorkel however, who was in a room all to himself, did have
to get up in the night and for some reason had forgotten
where he was and in the darkness found his way to the
toilet by bashing into things and knocking them over.
Though he found his way back to bed it was not long till
he heard a man next to him talking. Snorkel was surprised and could not remember inviting anyone to stay
but all was explained when he found the alarm clock had
come on and it was the radio from which the voice came,
he was relieved but soon shocked again when he looked
outside and saw it was snowing heavily.
Breakfast was nice though Beaky became so excited
that he spilled his breakfast over himself and the floor. A
nice lady came with a cloth and cleaned him up and we
were soon finished and heading back to the Moor as
soon as the snow stopped. All that is except Taking the
Pith who decided not to go and secretly set out to find
some nice paths and trails that were not too far away
and would be good for those friends who came along
and wanted to go out and play as soon as they arrived.
It snowed again which turned to rain and got heavier
and heavier. Luckily all had finished finding trails and with
the rain not looking as if it was going to go away the
intrepid five went home. However they would return later
that year when the weather was better and Beaky had
learned how to eat off a plate.
In their adventure the five met Sarah who runs the Plume
of Feathers Inn and who has a campsite where friends
can come and stay. We met a chef who promised to
cook a fabulous evening meal which all the fives friends
could come and eat in the big room Sarah would keep
aside for them. After the meal some tables could be
moved to allow anyone who wished to perform a skit,
to sing, dance or tell funny stories, people like Banjo
Billy who we all love so much or Stoker who will get
everyone up to dance.
They also met that very nice man from the Stannery Hash
House Harriers some of whom might come along and
join in the fun sometime this Summer.
On On Pierced Nipple (Aka Linda)
If you win,you need not have to explain. If you lose, you should not be there to explain - Adolf Hitler
Hash House Harriers Really Score A Hit At
Harmans Cross
A bright and breezy Sunday (18th October), witnessed the colourful ‘invasion’ of over 45 Poole
based Hash Harriers who ran, sauntered and walked 2 cross country course before arriving back at the Village
Hall, suitably tired, hungry and
thirsty. All of which added a financial sparkle to the organiser’s
eyes – and cash tills ! Just over
£250 was raised for New Hall
Funds.
This event was the first of what
could become a regular one, as
the HHH members were most
complimentary about our pleasant environment, competitive
food and drink pricing and, of
course, the friendly natives !
The enjoyable day was
‘rounded-off’ with the traditional
Down Down singing and drinking which is a comic send up of
members who had gone off course in following the elusive hare. Even the host – yours truly – was not exempt from
these proceedings ! But still had enough left to thank all those concerned behind the scenes! This included Olive
Stephenson, Jean Edwards, Reg Carden, David and Tina Hollister as well as Shaun and Helen Williams.
In all a most good humoured and fun day.
Alan Stephenson/October/’09
Joint Master Application
from Taken d Pith
Pith:
Hashers and Harriet’s, it seems in my absence, whilst working no less, that I volunteered to put myself forward for
a position amongst the unloved ranks of the mismanagement.
Indeed it seems if I am not to be present when the ranks of honourable Hashers make their views known and being
absent at my volunteering, the proposing, the voting and the result that if I am actually voted in my candidacy will
have been so successful that I may never need to turn up again.
But that would not do because I like my hashing, I like the Wessex and I would like to be
a part of it for years to come and so I may as well offer my services to the Wessex whilst
I’m still young enough to be bothered and inexperienced enough to say yes if asked.
More fool me as I’m sure in the next few years the mismanagement will be called upon
to steer the Wessex towards the best Nash Hash ever and to make sure the rules and
regulations of Hashing, whatever they are, are ignored whenever they come in conflict
with a Wessex Hasher enjoying themselves.
Above all, if elected, my Hashing name of Taking the Pith will be lived up to and whilst
I may posses only half a wit I will use it to take the pith out of any hasher deserving it and the mismanagement even
when they don’t.
Please vote for the best candidate or vote for me, your choice.
Chunky
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘BARB you should have remained a virgin.’ -Barbara Bush
POSH NOSH 2009
SPRINGFIELD COUNTRY HOTEL
Snorkel’s Last Stand
Phantoms of the Ball
Bed Time
Promises
Beaky
Chips
with
Sex
&
Odd Sox
Frostbite
Willie
Fursty Ferret Clipboard
Royal Wessex Hashers
POSH NOSH
HANGOVER RUN
Hash Life
Ratarsed
Warthog
Rotten Egg
Tight Bums
Stray Love!!
Oxfam
Hilda & Poppet
Peanut
Plotters
Racers
Ladies Check
O2 & Clipboard
Chip ‘n’ Dale
Parkstone Pikies
Cum Lately
If Hashing Was Simple!
If you can keep on the dust when all about you
Are loosing their trail and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when the pack doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait at checks and not be tried by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk to wise;
If you can dream-and not make dreams your master;
If you can think-and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by hashers to make a false trail for fools,
Or watch the FRB’s you gave your trail to, broken,
And stoop and build’em up with worn-out shoes
If you can make on heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “On On!”
If you can talk at circles and keep your virtue,
“or walk with FRB’s-nor lose the common touch,
If neither SCB’s nor loving harriet’s can hurt you,
If all hares drink with you, but none to much;
If you can down a pint unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Trail and everything that’s in it,
And-which is more-you’ll be a Hasher, my son!
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw
that statement. - Mark Twain
SPRINGFIELD COUNTRY HOTEL
Saturday 11th December 10
POSH NOSH 2010
This years Posh Nosh will be held once more at the Springfield Country
Hotel in Wareham. An evening of splendor with a magnificent
Christmas Feast, Live Music With Saxuality and a Grand Raffle, plus
the full use of the Health Club, Spa and Swimming Pool.
There is limited B&B accommodation reserved for Wessex Hashers at a
Special Rate. Book direct – 01929 552177
Dress: Black Tie & Posh Frocks.
Interested? See Poppet - A £5pp Deposit Required
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
Inter Hash 2010 – Kuching, Borneo, hosted by Hornbill H3.
The Far East Wessex On Tour diary...
Thursday 1st July - Red Dress Run.
Agood night in ‘Johnny’s Bar’ which has become our local hash bar, met a few old mates OB’s (NZ) Ban the Cock (Shanghai)
and Olymprick (Aberdeen). Tigers (without the tails) are under 4RM and food splendid. All in
our finest outfits for the Red Dress run
with all the money going towards the
Sarawak children’s autistic society, heart
foundation and cancer research, very similar to the Wessex. 4ooo hashers starting
off from the MBKS Jubilee sports stadium
after a short speech by the VIP ‘officials’,
Deputy Chief Minister, about 5.2 km ending up at the Civic Centre (venue) which is
starting to take shape. Some of the bars
en route provided a ‘special’ offer to the
hashers and all were given two beers and sandwich tokens to spend...
Wessex Ladyboys
Thunder and lightning, raining tipping down buckets or in Malay Monsoon. The
Red Dress formalities addressed the On On was a welcome down pour, which cooled the temperature right down by 5 degrees.
Police escort in and around the city streets, with a ‘water’ stop at the Hilton. The school children enjoyed a break from lessons
to cheer on the runners, their little faces overwhelmed by the sight of runners dressed in ladies red dresses or something
similar. Back at the finish, as always the rain stopped, time for a fully deserved Tiger (without the tails) beer and club sandwich.
A few had fallen by the wayside as Gates was found nearby in a local bar, the temptation too great! Inter Hash 2010 was off to
a great start, good run, cold beer and food.
Friday 2nd July – Opening Ceremony
Following the GM’s meeting at the Sarawak Club which proved to be an interesting
insight to an UN conference of national debate regarding a Hash ‘Charter’ or ‘Guidelines’, a five minute agenda item where after two hours, it was agreed ... Cannot
remember what!!!
The Southern v Northern hemisphere Hash Rugby match was well attended and
interesting, in that both Gretel & Gates were eager to play but found feeble reasons
why not to! (Wearing best shorts and best shoes etc). There were some odd shapes,
sizes and gender with most players opting for the bare foot option due to wet and
muddy pitch. It was a close tense match which Gretel could not bear any longer than
half time. On went our Wessex warrior, promptly giving the referee some advice and
Good Hair Day Poppet?
finger wagging, only to find not only did the players change the refs did too! With great
vocal support and encouragement from the stands with Hoi Chi Minn, Honeybun, Fursty Ferret, Hansel and Mr Beaky. At one
time the Northern hemisphere team were seen to be picking up the Southern Full back and running with her while she held onto
the ball... The final score was 20 – 10 to the Southern Hemisphere.
The vote canvassing was going strong at the Hash Bazaar where Cuddles and Centurion did a great job clearing out old Hash
Tee shirts and Wessex stock. The venue had had a makeover and was now turned into an outdoor eating & drinking area with
a large stage. Chairs were at a premium and the Wessex Harriet’s, Poppet, Inside Out and Hansel, proudly commandeered
enough, but sighting them next to the ‘officials’ table service area was questionable. Much to the amusement of Hansel who was
seen sitting on the Police Commissioners lap! The presentations by Java (Indonesia) and Mombasa (Kenya) for the 2012 IH
had variety and colour. The Tigers (without the tail) flowed and food was replenished long into the night. A good start to IH
Kuching.
Saturday 3rd July – The Runs.
The Ball Breaker hashers were up early at 8am, Gretel, TiT, Commando and Lady Boy, these once proud hashers drank water
the night before to conserve their energy for a run around the rubber plantation, prime jungle, streams and five hills and finishing
in Petag village some 22km later. The ultimate challenge in the jungle is the ‘buddy
buddy’ system. After six hours Ladyboy, Commando and Gretel emerged from the
Rainforest, found the cold Tigers and developed their trail escapades whilst taking
in the sunshine. Following several beers it was noted the Ferret had not made it!
Then with loud crashing and cursing came the man from Borneo himself, Fursty
Ferret, minus his ‘buddy’, had made the beer after a mere 8 hours!
Kuap long trail was well attended with 300 hashers including Mr Beaky, Inside Out,
Poppet and Gates converging down through thick vegetation, over the hills before
proceeding through scenic dense jungle festooned with fiercest thorns, shiggy and
ravines with bamboo vines to help lower you. The temperature in the high 30’s and
10.4kms later coming out into bright daylight was the picturesque Bidaya village of
Kuap. Tired hashers were a constant stream heading towards the cold Tigers for
Kernackered
another two hours.
Hansel, Cuddles and Centurion experienced the delights of the Pesa trail, a very pleasant 4kms beginning at the Tabuan village
and going through the rice fields, forested foothills and plantations.
Sunday 4th July – More Runs. Off to Apar village for a trail of 6.4kms through low lying swampy forest, crossing the Selalang river
to the heavily thick timbered foothills to Mt Singgai. The trail took us almost to the top before rapidly
descending along a shady footpath, finishing at Redeem Centre. Half a Mind just happened to
break the local villages water supply pipe, which sent gallons of gushing water down into the
ravine as hashers were trying to scale up. It pays to be a FRB at times as you could hear the
groans and moans of hashers slipping back down into the swamp, as Domestos demonstrated
falling flat on her face into the shiggy and having other hashers stepping on her, as a bridge. What
a sight, the Wildman of Borneo! The hares controlled the trail well and the circle was joyous and
active. Ladyboy, Poppet, Inside Out, Gates, Cuddles, Centurion and TiT really enjoyed the trail.
Fursty Ferret went off licking his wounds of yesterday to do the memorial run, Gretel decided he
had had enough of hills and Commando found it difficult getting her mattress off her back!
The closing ceremony, party time...there were a few surprises when Java won the bid to host the
IH2014. Disappointed Kenya did themselves no favours with the booing and no refunds after
three previous bids as Java won easily by over 1000 votes. Kuching did well, going back to basics,
plenty of Food, cold Beer and Good runs, a far cry from IH Perth. On On to Indonesia and Java
Inside Down Down
IH2012.
Monday 5th July – Kota Kinabalu.
The Wessex hashers moved not only hotels but countries, flying over to Sabah to finish off their Far East tour by climbing Mt
Kinabalu.... climbing up to the base camp at Mt Hut at 3,273m and staying overnight. Early start to the summit at 2am, Gretel &
Inside Out making the summit in the early hours before daybreak. Lows Peak at 4,095m an exhilarating and scenic overlooking
Borneo’s virgin jungle. Descending to Timpoho view Gate, four hours trekking, aching quads and off to the airport, a quick stop
review of the Wessex ‘On Tour’ 2010.
On On IH Java...Mr Beaky
The building will have sufficient rentable space to generate revenue to offset operating costs of the Hash House.
The actual cost of rebuilding the Hash House comes to
nearly $3,000,000.
HASH HERITAGE FOUNDATION
The two main objectives of the Foundation are to preserve the Hash Heritage and rebuild the Hash House.
Although the Foundation was established in 2000 it took
until August 2005 before the Malaysian authorities accepted Hashing as a recreational sporting activity! (They
must have missed the beer drinking part).
As agreed at the last AGM, Wessex HHH has become
a Hash House Partner. This category is open to all
Hashers anywhere in the world and will hold fund raising events to donate proceeds to the HH Building Fund.
At last we will all have a spiritual home and international
membership as a club who have contributed to the funding of this international centre.
On On!
Gates the Godfather
The original Hash House was demolished in the 1960’s
to make way for a freeway, thus making reconstruction
near the original site problematic.
The Foundation was then granted a 99 year lease on a
one-acre plot of land whereon to construct our Hash
House as a centre for World Hashdom. The site is at a
prime location set aside for sports related activities on
the North West of Kuala Lumpur. This is the largest
green area at the foot of Kiara Hill, rising 1,000 feet amidst
lush tropical forests and the adjoining park extends to
200 hectares – enough for hashers to get lost in!
The design will include a public HHH museum as well as
a members area with a bar, shower facilities and meeting rooms. It will offer a permanent home for Hash Genealogy and a Hash Library.
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - ‘No good in
a bed, but fine against a wall.’ - Eleanor Roosevelt
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one
morning when the wife says, ‘Just think,
fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
breakfast table together.’
‘I know,’ the old man said. ‘We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty
years ago.’
‘Well,’ Granny snickered. ‘Let’s relive some
old times.’
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff
and sat down at the table.
‘You know, honey,’ the little old lady breathlessly replied, ‘My nipples are as hot for
you today as they were fifty years ago.’
‘I wouldn’t be surprised,’ replied Gramps.
‘One’s in your coffee and the other is in
your oatmeal
Little Emily went home from school and told her mum
that the
boys kept asking her to do cartwheels because she’s
very good at them.
”You should say No” - Said Mum, “they only want to
look at your knickers.”
”Oh I know they do.” said Emily, “that’s why I hide
them in my bag.”
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Ser
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74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
hasw
HASHRUNS
RUNS
haswHASH
NAME
AINSWORTH Brian (Mr Bunn)
hash
hash
ALLEN Chess (Legover)
ALLEN Joan
ALLEN Robert (Boy Lost)
ALLEN Wendy (Isreali Cdo))
AUSTRENG, Melanie (The Wolf)
BAILY Graham (Rice Crispie)
BARKER Fred (The Bastard)
BARRETT Colin (See Bee)
BARRETT Sara (The Voice)
BATCHELOR Paul
BATTISON Cilla (Cobblers)
BAYLIS Trish
BEECH Janet (Dribbler)
BEECH Nick (Blowjob)
BEECH Rachel (Tightarse)
BEECH Sarah
BOWERS Barry (Bumhugger)
BOWERS Wendy (Wheeze)
BRENNEN Geoff (Milky Bar)
BRENNEN Patty (Cream Crackered)
BUDD David (Mufti)
BUDDEN Victor (Car Wash)
CARTER Lynda
CHARLTON Belinda (Avon Queen)
CHIDLEY Andrea (Ratarsed)
CHIDLEY Geoff (Oxfam)
CHING Chas (Swampy)
COLLINS Peter (Graffitti)
COLLINS Chrissie (Weather Witch)
COLLINS Mark (Cacklyn Coyote)
COLLINS Jessica
COLLINSON Andrew (Hornblower)
COOMBS Tricia (Tit in a Trance)
COUCH Wendy
CROUCH Ann (Bluesox)
CROUCH Hugh (Death March)
CUMMINGS Rita (Meter Maid)
DAWSON Steve (Ho Chi Minn)
DENT Carolyn (Warthog)
ENGLAND Anne (02)
ENGLAND Clive (Clipboard)
FAIRCLOUGH Penny
FINCH Mary (Sex Therapist)
FLAVELL John (Capt Oates)
FLAVELL Pam (Lilly The Pink)
FORBES Louise
FRASER Andy (Taking d Pith)
FRASER Linda (Pierced Nipple)
GAME Steve
GARTSIDE Jeremy
GARTSIDE Dilys
GAVIN Christine (Pee Pee)
GAVIN Nick jnr (Student)
GAVIN Nick snr (Henry d Navigator)
GAVIN Paul (Orange Bollocks)
GITTINS Alan (Sinbad)
GRAHAM Sean (Loose Moose)
GRAHAM Lisa
GREEN Jill (Iron Bladder)
GREEN John (Groper)
HADDEN Sheila
HARKER Derek (Von Harker)
HARWOOD-BUTLER Brian (Wiggy)
HAYWARD Maria (Fork Candles)
HAYWARD Bob (Three Beans)
HELYAR Peter (Camel Humper)
HERBERT Anita (Forget Me Knot)
HERBERT John (Frostbite Willy)
HIGLEY Marie (Ginger Puss)
HIGLEY Steve (Ginger Nuts)
HIGGS Elaine (Fish Fingers)
HOLLAND JONES Ginny (Gerbils)
HOLLAND JONES Rosemary
HONAN Roy (Slackarse)
HONAN Val (Miss Perfect)
HONEYMAN Bill (Y Im)
HONEYMAN Teresa (Foot Stuck)
HOULTON Alison (Crack)
HUCKLE Glenda (Slender)
HUCKLE Ralph (Greek God)
JAMES Simon (Sloppy Seconds)
JOHNSON Mary (Squiffy)
JOINT Jim (Hash Cake)
KING Eryl (Soap Suds)
KING Mike (Bogman)
42
842
0
143
132
8
108
1091
541
70
64
8
798
45
41
37
31
636
311
339
160
296
222
5
121
424
411
544
213
241
171
27
222
96
162
3
3
181
121
26
337
778
10
368
1098
505
4
94
116
7
153
46
280
222
224
238
795
24
24
84
138
443
1112
764
23
25
186
761
978
277
182
97
1090
917
653
554
836
217
21
240
882
117
431
918
142
123
(as at Aug 2010)
Ser
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
NAME
KINGSLAND Trish (Hansel)
KINGSLAND Alan (Gretal)
LANG Ian (Jokes)
LANG Rina
LANGER Alexander (Riding Hood)
LAURIE Margaret (Upfront)
LAWRENCE Tony (iPod)
LAWRENCE Sara (Stumpy)
LEWIS David
LEWIS Pat (Dragon)
LIPPOLD Jackie (Parcel Force)
LYNCH Cathy (Memsahib)
LYNDENE Dawn (Cuddles)
LYNDENE John (Centurion)
MACKIE Dennis (Half A Mind)
MACKIE Kath (Domestos)
MATHEWS Irene
McGRAIL- WYKE Lee (Nell Gwynne)
McGUINESS Steve (Fursty Ferret)
NICHOLSON Barrie (Battersea)
OXFORD Iris
OXFORD Ken (Arctic Ken)
PEEK Stuart (Cum Lately)
PERRINS Angela
PERRINS Royston
POLKINGHORN John (Polk)
POWERS Les
REYNOLDS Alan (Gates)
REYNOLDS Pam (Poppet)
ROSS Will (Tonto)
ROSS Tom (Splash)
ROSS Millie (Grass Hopper)
ROSS Katie (Rubber Cheque)
ROSS Stuart (Specky Git)
SAINSBURY Tom (Grocer)
SAINSBURY Yvonne (Mamma Cass)
SCHOFIELD Robert (Peanut)
SCOTT Geoff (Lady Boy)
SEDDAN Dan (Chipendale)
SEDDAN Louise (Sex Slave)
SEEGER Ram
SHEARING Colin (Snorkel)
SHORT Lynette (Big Issue)
SHORT Tom (Naked Tutor)
SIMMS Angela (Inside Out)
SIMMS Martin (Mr Beaky)
SIMMONDS Allison (Megga Mouse)
SIMMONDS Paul (TP)
SKILLINGS Jimmy
SKILLINGS Sherrie
SMALLWOOD Jon (Circus Boy)
SMITH Clive (CIA)
SNELL Paul (Odd Soxs)
STRONG Dave (Mr Chips)
SUTCLIFFE Julie
SUTCLIFFE Mike
TAYLOR Peter (Blue Peter)
TERRY Mike (Gaylord Focker)
TERRY Linda (Roz Focker)
THORNTON Rikki (Rattlebones)
THORNTON Charlote (Pixie)
TODD Geoffrey (Jock Strap)
TODD Patti (Fancy Pants)
TURNER Paul (Gooseberry Fool)
UNDERWOOD Tony (Slurry)
VINCENT Jackie (Arseabout)
VLAARKAMP Judith (Wet Patch)
WARD David
WARD Fiona
WATERS Gerry (Attrick)
WATERS Jane
WATTS Rowan (Mr Sheen)
WEBB Margaret (Hilda)
WEBLEY Pat (Wobbly)
WEDLAKE Cindy (Cinders)
WEDLAKE Tony (Badger)
WEST Geoff
WHITE Marilyn (Alcatraz)
WILLIAMSON Beverley
WILLIAMSON Peter (The Monk)
WILSON Lionel
WITHERS Vivien (Smash & Grab)
WORTH Maggie (Sniff & Scratch)
WYKE David (Cabin Boy)
YOUNG Andrea (Temptation)
YOUNG Sarah
RUNS
117
128
1092
0
8
595
148
11
42
490
88
374
451
221
157
80
54
243
352
437
5
713
23
246
246
942
88
1285
1062
12
12
12
12
12
1031
874
31
18
62
45
95
427
68
72
380
380
287
228
10
4
76
9
197
30
24
31
1050
30
28
1025
36
116
9
359
26
325
11
11
7
561
152
52
821
190
633
1201
10
56
190
368
6
239
97
4
70
1
Memorial Run 1638
9th May 2010 - The Fox - Ansty
The one and only God Father Gates gave a solemn but humorous annual memorial eulogy by remembering all
those who have gone before us on the Wessex Hash complete with sober and respectful down downs. This
year was rather poignant as Ancient Phil did not quite manage to last out for the Queen’s Birthday card by one
year and few days. We can only hope he looks down upon us with a chuckle as he drives to the heavenly hash
in an old battered Volvo. A hash medium tells me that Frostbite’s dog Gringo has already peed on his back
wheel.
On the more humorous side a blue sports car held together by elasto-plaster driven by the one and only, (thankfully, we could not stand two of them) Peter Taylor arrived just a little late with Nell Gwynne commenting the car
was one he made earlier, and in conjunction with his love life, she called him Blue Peter, which Mr Beaky later
named him in the circle. The antics of the other Peter, the Hash Airedale, doing a runner in Exmoor resulted in
Oxfam getting yet another Down Down so much so he is sending the dog back.
Before the ‘on off’ the Hares, Ratarsed, Poppet and Arseabout stated all false trails were barred, plus a couple
of view point arrows and assured everybody both trails were good and varied.
The usual front runners rushed off over the styles as if they knew where they were going only being fooled
several times which kept the pack together.
At the parting of trails the writer observed two unsavoury characters already moaning about the trail who then
went muttering on to the mini. The main front runners streaked up the first real hill with some smart arse’s having
cardiac arrests at the top; perhaps Ancient Phil wanted some company, well at least Frostbite, like the old song
followed behind, pacing himself to avoid any premature re-union with Phil.
As the main sped on over toward Milton Abbas through the Bluebell Woods, the Last of the Summer Wine
Porlock Hash followed the main into the woods and did an interesting midi detour, blissfully unaware of the
Election results, the rest of the world, and a huge bull in one field, eventually observing the front runners coming
up behind them.
It is a pity the Hash Saboteurs who changed bars into arrows sending the Main and the Midi the wrong way on
the ‘On in’ were not being observed by Ancient Phil, otherwise a streak of lightening would have flashed down
(which would have been too kind and far too quick) to obliterate them. The Author would have preferred them
to sink into a nice shiggy bog, never to be seen again. Giving them salt, vinegar and water down downs let them
off too lightly.
If, they when reconnoitring, and laying their trails, took the care and time that today’s hares took, we could look
forward to trails ‘par excellent’. However, I wonder if it has ever dawned on Lord Avon and associate Mahatma from the DH4 why hashers do not turn up on their master class classic so called Wessex Trails.
The remembrance Down Down went to the Liberal Dragon & Little Pat for going yet again to the wrong polling
booth at the other Ansty. A big, big thank you for Rice Crispy’s generosity when he nipped over to the Garden
Centre opposite and purchased several plants for the raffle, which were much appreciated by the winning
recipients.
In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart - Mahatma Gandhi
BRHASHBITUARY
HASHBITUARY
‘Ancient’ Phil Davies
1911 - 2010
GATHER Rooooound!!
Phil loved nothing better than to call the faithful in his strident voice, at the start of the Hash – even at
98! Being theatrically trained, it was all part of “having to project!”
Who doesn’t remember him being the centre of attention at the hash bash when les girls danced
around him (in his evening suit) singing ‘Hey Big Spender’
And appearing in wig & tights for another strange performance with the
Coffee hash Chief and Frostbite.
Being a hasher was just up Phil’s street because of the acting, the shouting,
and the driving! We were compelled to take a few stiff drinks on the occasions that Phil offered to drive us back, since he thought he was Stirling
Moss & Mr Toad born again, especially being a “London Driver”, but once
you got used to the driving in the middle of the road at 80 mph it wasn’t so
bad.
He’s not managed to survive to 99, but I remember the parties we’ve had on
his birthday when he insisted we all wear Chinese wicker hats and pencilled
in Moustaches – and the fright Lynette gave herself when she woke up next
day complete with mascara & Moustache.
London Marathon 1986
In later years hashing was Phil’s life, and he lived for Sundays. The hash has kept him going for
longer than anyone could reasonably expect, and his family are grateful to all for doing that.
He departed this life in the early hours after the London Marathon, which seems fitting considering he
completed it twice, the second time at the age of 84.
Forget me Knot.
They will be sorely missed. On On
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield
Hash Tees
Basball Caps
South African Sand
Stone
Jumper
Result Fleece
Trackster
FR52 Drill Shirt
Hash Mug
Ladies FR77 Rugby
Shirt
Polo Shirt
Asbo Hoody
FR2 Rugby Shirts
Classic Vest
Interested in purchasing Wessex Haberdash Hash
See Gretel - wessexhashab.blogspot.com
October - Ratarsed
November - Sinbad
Hash Chumpions
December - Sinbad
January - Graffiti
February - Gates
March - Dragon
April - Dragon
May - Blowjob
June - Dribbler
July - Arseabout
August - Grocer
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
Pigs Ears
.... R U?