be your child`s

Transcription

be your child`s

5/9/2011
Early Childhood Conference
“Communicating with Families”
H tto approachh families
How
f ili andd encourage them
th to
t become
b
engaged with their children to enhance their development
Janice S. Gebicki
Director of Education
United Way of Westmoreland County
PA Learning Standards for
Early Childhood
20.1 Connections: Shared Understandings
• “The relationship between family and school is a critical
foundation to children’s success in school.”
• How do schools understand family
values and attitudes towards learning?
• How do schools familiarize families
with school’s philosophy?
Parent Resources
• PA Early Learning Standards-inform parents of age-appropriate
expectations for children
• http://www.pbs.org/parents/earlylearning/parenting.html
• Every Child Inc:
• www.everychildinc.org
• Child Interest Checklist
• www.brighthub.com
• Family
F il Support
S
t
• www.cdc.gov
• Family Voices
• www.familyvoices.org
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5/9/2011
Early Childhood
20.2 Family Engagement
• “Families support and involvement impact children’s
motivation to learn.”
• How do we insure critical information exchange
between families and schools?
• What
Wh t ki
kindd off school
h l events
t promote
t collaboration
ll b ti
between families and
• school?
• Do we recognize the importance of
• celebrating ethnicity?
Center on the
Social and Emotional
Foundations for Early Learning
• http://www.vanderbilt.edu/csefel/resources/
family.html
• *Positive Solutions for
Families Workbook
• *Family Routine Guide
Early Childhood
20.3 Supporting Children’s Learning
• “It is imperative that early childhood programs work
closely with families to scaffold children’s development
and learning both at home and at school.”
• Do families and early childhood programs set
short and long-term goals for learning?
• How do schools provide individualized
learning supports for home as well
as at school?
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5/9/2011
Born Learning
•http://www.bornlearning.org
•*Child Development Stages
•*Five Key Ideas for New Parents
•*Fun and Games
•*How Does My Child Learn?
•*How Does Play Encourage Literacy?
•*What Is Intelligence?
Early Childhood
20.4 Transition
• “A seamless transition from pre-school to kindergarten is
imperative for long term success in school.”
p
, and pparents
• How do schools,, earlyy care providers,
collaborate to insure quality transitions?
• What materials and resources benefit both early childhood
and school districts and families for transition?
• (* high quality transition activities and handouts, group
discussion)
Transition to Kindergarten
http://www.pakeys.org/pages/get.aspx?page=TransitionToolkit
Kindergarten, Here I Come!
Kindergarten, Here I AM!
*Get Off to a Good Start Brochure
*Family Transition Checklist
*80 Skills That Help Ease Kids Transition into Kindergarten
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5/9/2011
Special Needs Families
•
•
•
Autism
www.autismspeaks.org
Early Intervention
www.earlyinterventionsupport.com
y
pp
/
Advocate for Your Child
• * Be Your Child’s Champion
Family Involvement
http://youtu.be/9A2Ap3DyvLg
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5/9/2011
Quality Parenting Can Be
Hair Raising
Contact Information
Janice S. Gebicki
Director of Education
1011 Old Salem
S l Road,
R d Suite
S i 101
Greensburg PA 15601
Phone - 724/834-7170 ext. 19
Fax - 724/837-1614
Email: [email protected]
5
Family Transition Checklist
As a parent you can do many things to support your child’s move into kindergarten. Use
this checklist to help you stay focused on your child’s education.
BE SURE YOU HAVE THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION
1.
Where will your child attend kindergarten? ___________________________
2.
Is your child enrolled for fall?
Yes
No
If your child isn’t already enrolled, do you have all the
necessary documents you need in order to register?
(Birth certificate, proof of immunization, proof of residence,
social security number, and any other information required
by your school system)
Yes
No
3.
Who are the contact people in your new school?
Principal ________________________ Phone________________________
Teacher _________________________ Phone ________________________
4.
Which other children from your child’s class this year will be enrolling in the
same elementary school?
Name ___________________________ Phone ________________________
Name ___________________________ Phone ________________________
Name ___________________________ Phone ________________________
Name ___________________________ Phone ________________________
Name ___________________________ Phone ________________________
5.
Do you have copies of your child’s records from
Head Start or preschool?
Yes
No
Be sure to include medical history, school progress, current performance in
all skill areas, teacher recommendations, formal evaluations, Individual
Family Service Plans (IFSP), and samples of your child’s work. Find out
exactly how this information will be used to help your child.
6.
Do you know the following about your child’s school:
At least one person to contact for questions and concerns?
Yes
No
Rules and regulations?
Yes
No
Goals for children in kindergarten?
Yes
No
Discipline and behavior policies?
Yes
No
Communication between home and school?
Yes
No
Quality and quantity of parent involvement with the school?
Yes
No
Schedule of activities, report cards, closures, and meetings?
Yes
No
Transportation (who/what/when/where)?
Yes
No
Meals (who/what/when/where)?
Yes
No
Available support people (counselors, social workers, tutors,
special education, interpreters, bilingual programs)?
Yes
No
Expected skills to be learned by the completion of
kindergarten (reading, spelling, writing, math)?
Yes
No
DO THESE THINGS BEFORE YOUR CHILD STARTS KINDERGARTEN
1. Have you visited the school with your child?
Yes
No
2. Have you visited the library and gotten a library card for
your child?
Yes
No
3. Have you identified a study area and time in your home?
Yes
No
4. Have you talked with your child about the positive
aspects of going to school?
Yes
No
5. Have you arranged for all necessary school supplies?
Yes
No
6. Have you established a routine that includes meal time, time
to talk, and reading time?
Yes
No
7. Have you discussed the expectations you have for your
child and the school?
Yes
No
1. Have you started a telephone tree for parents, beginning with
those you know from Head Start or childcare?
Yes
No
2. Do you know the principal, and does the principal know you
and your child?
Yes
No
3. Do you have a school calendar posted so that you can keep
track of school holidays and teacher workdays?
Yes
No
TIME TO GET ORGANIZED
DO THESE THINGS DURING THE FIRST MONTH OF SCHOOL
1. Have you made sure your child attends on time, every day?
Yes
No
2. Have you made sure the school has your current phone,
address, and emergency contact numbers?
Yes
No
3. Does your child eat breakfast and lunch?
Yes
No
4. Have you visited your child’s classroom and met the teacher?
Principal? Others?
Yes
No
5. Do you have a calendar of events posted at home, including
parent meetings, events, grading periods, and conferences?
Yes
No
6. Do you have a phone list of other parents, including those
from Head Start or childcare, in order to share information,
ask questions, and attend school activities?
Yes
No
7. Have you talked with your child’s teacher to discuss how and
when to contact you with progress information and questions?
Yes
No
8. Do you clearly understand how your child’s progress will be
measured (tests, observations, portfolios) and when?
Yes
No
9. Do you know what you can do to support your child’s
academic success (homework, materials, participation)?
Yes
No
10. Do you show your child that you value educational success
DAILY by your comments, praise, schedule (e.g., turning off
the television), interest, and participation?
Yes
No
Yes
No
Celebrating your child’s successes?
Yes
No
Addressing any areas of need on a daily basis?
Yes
No
Clear about your child’s performance in comparison
to his peers, grade, and individual potential?
Yes
No
Yes
No
CONTACT THE SCHOOL STAFF
1. Have you contacted your child’s teacher regarding academic
and social performance, success, needs, and questions?
2. Are you and the school staff:
3. Have you received and discussed your child’s report card?
FOLLOW THROUGH ON NEEDED STEPS
1. Have you had AT LEAST monthly contact with your child’s
teacher?
Yes
No
2. Have you taken steps needed to improve your child’s
academic and social success in school?
Yes
No
3. Are you satisfied with the program which has been
implemented for your child?
Yes
No
4. Is there a plan in place to access support from the community,
including neighbors, police, social service agencies, churches,
and local businesses?
Yes
No
5. Have steps been taken to help children and families who don’t
speak English?
Yes
No
1. Have you planned steps to address new and ongoing needs?
Yes
No
2. Have you celebrated successes and shared this information?
Yes
No
3. Have you told staff and parents “thank you”?
Yes
No
4. Have you received final report card and progress information
on your child?
Yes
No
5. Do you know where your child will attend school next year
(school, room, teacher)?
Yes
No
6. Do you know what to work on over the summer to help your
child improve areas of need and build on strengths?
Yes
No
7. Do you have a list of summer activities from the school, parks,
library, and social service agencies? Have you shared this
information with other parents?
Yes
No
THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR
This checklist is adapted from National Head Start Association’s publication After Head
Start: Success in public school.
5
Five Tips for Getting
Involved
It is VITAL to get involved. You can…
…Visit the school
Special events
Open House
Parent meetings
Share your talents
Introduce yourself and your child to
the teacher.
Talk to the teacher about
Your child’s likes/dislikes
Family concerns
Ways to get in touch with you
Ask questions:
How can I help my child do well in
school?
Will there be homework?
When is the best time to talk with
my child’s teacher?
Let the teacher know you are open
and willing to talk
Have fun!
University of Pittsburgh
OCD
Office of Child Development
Supporting families and professionals through research, education and policy
Distributed by:
1011 Old Salem Road, Suite 15601
Greensburg, PA 15601
724-834-7170
The University of Pittsburg is an affirmative action,
equal opportunity institution. Published in
cooperation with the Dept. of University Marketing
Communications. UMC 46293
Get off to a
good start.
Help your child get a
good start in kindergarten
5
Five Keys to a Good Start in School
Make sure your child …
… is rested and healthy.
What you can do:
Have the same bedtime every night
Have regular wake-up times- at least one
hour before the school bus arrives
Eat well-balanced meals.
Remember, all shots (immunizations)
must be up to date!
Ask your doctor to check your child’s
vision and hearing
…can ask and answer questions
What you can do:
Teach your child how to answer questions
like: “What is your name?”, “What bus do
you ride?” “Can I go to the bathroom,
please?” And “Could I try that, please?”
…is excited about school.
Say good things to your child about
school, like: “You’ll meet new friends”, “I
wonder what your desk will be like?” You’ll
be like the big kids- riding the bus, looking
at books, and lots more!”
...can follow directions and knows how
to pay attention.
What can you do:
Play games where you take turns, like GO
Fish or Kickball
Read stories together for 15-20 minutes
Teach your child to do easy chores, like
matching socks.
…looks forward to meeting new friends.
What can you do:
Practice saying: “Hi, my name is _______
can I play with you?”
Practice using “Please” and “Thank you”
with your child.
When Signing Your Child
Up for Kindergarten:
Before doing anything, contact your
local school district to find out where
and when you can register your child.
Bring the necessary paperwork,
including:
Proof of residence, such as a deed or
copy of your lease, a utility bill (e.g.
gas, electric, phone), or a voter
registration card.
Child’s birth certificate or other legal
proof of age.
Proof of shots (immunizations).
Expect to fill out an enrollment form
and provide more information, such as:
Emergency contact phone numbers.
Names and phone numbers for others
who are permitted to pick up your
child.
Income information.
Further health information.
Provide any information from your
child’s past preschool child care
experience – the school, teacher’s
name, and phone number, and any
other information - that may help the
kindergarten teacher.
Bring your child with you to
registration. Some schools perform
screening tests at that time.
5 The Five Weeks before Kindergarten-Tips for Parents
5 Weeks before Kindergarten Starts:
Walk around the school grounds and play
on the playground.
Talk to friends or family who have
school-aged children about what you and
your child should expect.
Read parents’ magazines or books about
starting kindergarten.
Read stories to your child about starting
kindergarten.
Have your child practice his or her
address.
Review with your child his or her home
telephone number.
Talk with your child about how to behave
at school. Rules at school may be
different than rules at home.
Ask your school district what supplies
your child may need.
Work on other school skills, such as
asking for help and using the restroom.
Talk with your child about meeting the
kindergarten teacher.
Discuss meeting and getting along with
new classmates
Begin to practice daily routines, such as
going to bed at a new bedtime and
getting up and ready in the morning.
1 Week before Kindergarten Starts:
Talk about the first day of school.
Discuss the types of work your child
might be given in kindergarten.
Talk with your child’s new teacher. Ask
questions and give helpful information
about your child.
Practice getting to school, discussing the
rules for walking to school, taking the
bus, or riding with family or in a carpool.
If you have any questions during these weeks,
or at any time, contact your local school
district or elementary school. The more you
know, the better it will make both you and
your child feel.
Five Effects of Transition
on Families
Your family…
…may feel a loss as they move from
being the center of your child’s
universe.
Your child will have new friends and
adults in her or his life.
Your child will be away from you all day,
but he or she still needs your affection,
guidance and nurturing support.
…may need to rearrange schedules to fit
around the school day.
Line up quality before- and after-school
and holiday child care for your new
school-aged child.
…can look forward to being involved in
your child’s education.
Make time to talk about school with your
child every day.
Check the school backpack for
newsletters, homework, requests for
supplies, volunteer opportunities, etc.
Attend scheduled school family social
events.
…will benefit from establishing regular
communication with your child’s
teacher.
…may want to talk with other families
about children starting school. Sharing
your concerns and hearing from others
can relieve stress and give you ideas to
prepare for this big event.
Five Important Safety Tips
Getting to school safely is as important as
what happens in school. Take some time
to talk about and practice the following:
If your child will ride the bus, find out
the bus number, the time and the stop
near you. Make plans for getting your
child to the bus stop. Do a “practice”
walk to the bus stop and point out
landmarks along the way. Remind your
child to:
- Sit quietly in his or her seat to hear
the bus drive.
- Stay on the sidewalk while waiting
for your ride.
If your child will walk, make plans
for someone to walk with him or her.
Make arrangements for rainy days.
Remind your child to:
- Always walk with friends.
- Cross the street safely.
- Stay on the sidewalks
- Don’t take shortcuts.
- Follow the directions of the crossing
guard and school safety patrol.
If you will drive your child, find out
the school procedures for dropoff and
pickup. Make plans for possible
emergencies. Remind your child to:
- “Buckle Up!” and keep the seatbelt
on at all times.
- Stay with school personnel if you
are unexpectedly delayed.
Practice for the unexpected. Role
play with your child. What to do if…
- Someone asks for help looking for a
lost pet and leads you to an
isolated area?
- Someone asks for directions and
wants you to get into his car?
- Someone says your mother/father
told me to pick you up?
Remember to:
- Call the school if your child is going
to be absent.
- Make sure the school can reach you
in case your child does not show up.
- Teach your child your work number
and how to call collect.
- Arrange for other parents to take
care of your child in an emergency or
if you are going to be late.
BE YOUR CHILD’S
CHAMPION
Discover ways you can be a champion
for your child
CONTENTS
Before You Get Started. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
Your Workbook. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
Communicating with Your Child Care Provider. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
Meet John. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
Communicating with Your Child’s Healthcare Professional. . . . . 26
Meet Angie. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32
Communicating with Another Family. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40
Meet Latisha and Dan. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42
Communicating with Your Legislators. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
Meet Sarah. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55
How do you know when it’s time to explore other options?. . . 65
Additional supports and resources. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66
1
You may have heard the expression,
“It takes a village to raise a child”. Aside
from a child’s family, there are others
who may be involved in assisting and
supporting you to shape the way your
child develops, what your child learns
and how your child grows. There may
be other parents, your child’s child care
provider and healthcare professional, and even your policymakers. As an expert on your child, you may need to address all types
of situations with the goal of telling your child’s story and making
things better for your child.
This booklet is designed to help you through four parts of
communicating on behalf of your child.
1. MY THOUGHTS can help you identify, organize and
prepare your thoughts before you begin a conversation.
2. OUR CONVERSATION can provide helpful phrases that
you might want to use during a conversation to assist you in
telling your child’s story.
3. MY REFLECTIONS can help you determine how you feel
about what occurred during a conversation and how you
felt a conversation went, as well as any additional questions
or concerns you have.
4. NEXT STEPS can help you outline what needs to be done
next.
2
Each section contains questions or phrases to get you started, as
well as a place you can fill in your responses. It’s not necessary to
provide a response to every question. Sometimes, it may even be
helpful to admit that you just don’t know the answer! There is also a
scenario provided so you can see a similar situation.
You may want to take this booklet with you when you begin the
conversation, so you can reference what you’ve written.
Sometimes it may help to be able to see how someone else handles
a situation, which is why this booklet contains four different
situations in addressing concerns on behalf of your child:
n Child Care Provider: Meet John who addresses a concern
about his daughter with their child care provider.
n Healthcare Professional: Meet Angie who addresses a
concern about her son with his healthcare professional
n Another Family: Meet Latisha and Dan who address a
concern about their son with a friend’s family.
n Policymaker: Meet Sarah
who addresses a concern
about families in her
community having access
to quality early learning.
3
Before You Get Started
Here are some helpful tips to consider before you begin.
n Keep the lines of communication open. Make sure you
share the positive feedback, as well as the concerns. When
you do start a conversation, make sure each person has a
chance to participate.
n Use your ears. Listening is just as important as sharing, as
communication is a two-way street. It is important to be committed to listening and problem solving together. By working
together, it offers an opportunity to develop
solutions that may not have been identified by one person.
n Share concerns. Don’t be afraid to share a concern that
involves your child. Other people can be great resources to
help you problem solve and learn more about how you can
support your child. Reaching out to others means that everyone can come together to find a solution.
n Consider all circumstances. Share any family circumstances
that might be affecting your child. Changes in employment,
family schedules, moving, death of a pet, family member or
friend, or divorce can affect children in different ways.
Others may be able to provide support for your child and
your family.
n Provide details. If you have concerns, share them as soon
as possible. Be specific by providing relevant details, such as
what happened and when and how your child was
impacted by this event.
4
n Have a purposeful conversation. When concerns arise,
it can be an emotional conversation. Be prepared to have a
conversation that looks for a solution. The outcome you want
is what is best for your child and perhaps also for other
children and their families.
n Think ahead. Consider what comments the other person
might have, and what your possible responses might be. How
will you handle the situation if it gets heated or emotional?
Think about what your own emotional “hot buttons” are and
what you can do to stay calm and focused on your child.
n Taking deep breaths
n Counting to ten
n Practicing a phrase to use, such as “Can we can have
this conversation at another time?” “I need some
time to think about this.”
n Bringing a visual support (like picture of your child)
that you can use to refocus your thoughts
n Verbally acknowledging this is a difficult
conversation
n Listen to what’s being said. Even though you might have
thought ahead and anticipated what the other person’s
comments might be, they might surprise you. Listen to what is
being said, not what you thought would or should be said.
5
Your Workbook:
MY THOUGHTS
Take a few moments before engaging in a conversation to consider
the situation.
Remember: It’s not necessary to provide a response to every
question. Sometimes, it may even be helpful to admit that you just
don’t know the answer!
What is working well in this situation is_____________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
My concern is_______________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What I see in my child is_______________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is how my child is affected___________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is what I have done or tried to do_____________________
________________________________________________
These are the results I’ve gotten__________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
6
This is what I think I would like to happen ___________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
OUR CONVERSATION
Set up a time to speak with the other person. Tell them beforehand
that you have a concern you would like to share with them.
What is working well in this situation is _____________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
My concern is_______________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What I see in my child is _______________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is how it affects my child____________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
7
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
DURING THE CONVERSATION
Can you please tell me your thoughts?_____________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What are your suggestions to resolve this?__________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
How can we work together to make this happen?_____________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What can I do to help make this happen?___________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
Can I get additional information?_________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
8
MY REFLECTIONS
Take a few moments to think about the conversation. Consider
what the other person said and then read what you’ve written
about the conversation.
This is how I feel about the conversation____________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What I learned or information I gained as a result of this
conversation is______________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
The additional concerns or questions I have as a result of this
conversation are_____________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
9
NEXT STEPS
You can use this section to record what needs to be done next,
by either you or the other person engaged in the conversation.
If you’re not sure what needs to be done next, you may want to
discuss it with the other person during the conversation. That way,
each of you will have a clear understanding of the situation.
To get more information, I can contact_____________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What I will need to do next is____________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is when I will attempt to do this _______________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What I expect the other person to do next is_________________
________________________________________________
This is when I can expect to hear from them _________________
________________________________________________
This is how I will know the situation has been addressed or resolved_
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
If I need help from someone else, this is who I can contact _______
________________________________________________
10
Communicating with
Your Child Care Provider
Families are the child’s first teacher and the expert on their child.
When child care providers and families engage in the shared care
and education of children, the quality of the experience is rich and
nurturing for everyone.
Some of the benefits of working together and sharing information
include:
n Getting a richer, more accurate “picture” of your child and
family.
n Gaining valuable insights about your family values, traditions
and interests so teachers can develop plans that are more
meaningful to you and your children.
n Providing on-going communication which supports
consistency of care between the child care provider and
your home.
Families certainly have clear expectations of what they want from
their child’s provider, but have families considered what they can
do to strengthen that partnership?
Although each child care provider may be different, the following
are a few helpful suggestions that will enhance and strengthen your
partnership.
11
Choose Quality. Selecting a quality child care provider, like one
that is licensed and certified by the Department of Public Welfare
(DPW), and participate with Keystone STARS for example, can
mean staff have special education and training in providing the best
environments for your child. (For more information on selecting a
quality child care provider and Keystone STARS, please visit the PA
Promise for Children website at www.papromiseforchildren.com).
Paperwork with a purpose. This paperwork may sometimes
seem not important, but these important forms help to ensure that
kids are safe and to help maintain quality programs. These forms
also assure that in an emergency the provider has the information
they need to help your child. Those child care providers who are
licensed & certified by DPW must have a complete child file
as defined by DPW. This file must include:
n An agreement that specifies your charges per day or week,
arrival and departure, persons to whom your child can be
released, services to be provided by the facility, and date of
admission;
n Parent Consent & Emergency Contact Form that includes
all of the important information needed to be used in an
emergency;
n An initial health report to be updated which will include
your child’s immunizations.
n You should also receive information (such as a Family Handbook) that may include an acknowledgement that you have
read the information.
n Some centers may ask you to complete a Pre-Enrollment
Questionnaire that will enable center staff to get to know
you and your child.
12
Walk your child to his/her classroom each day. Help your child
prepare for his/her day by following established classroom protocol
such as taking off your child’s coat, signing your child with the signin sheet, helping your child wash his/her hands upon entering the
room, sharing information about your child’s evening or morning if
it might affect your child’s day, etc.
Call the provider if your child will not be attending on a
scheduled day. By letting the provider know your child will not be
attending, the provider can then adjust staff to accommodate the
change in ratios between teacher and child. (This may vary from
provider to provider.)
Update contracts and emergency forms. In case of emergency,
your child care provider should have up-to-date contact information with all current information. Anytime you have a change in
your contact information, notify your provider. This information
may include changes in: address, home or work telephone numbers, employers, physicians and/or dentists, insurance information,
emergency contact, and any other important information. You
should leave a current emergency telephone number if the number
is different from the emergency contact form.
Check for current information. Updates or changes on class
activities may be posted on bulletin boards or a specific area
designated by your child care pro-vider. In addition, when you
share how you have extended some of the ideas at home it helps
your child care provider learn how what’s being taught in the
class-room is being used at home. You can also ask about themes
or activities that can be done at home to support what your child
is learning in the classroom. You can also check out the Learning is
Everywhere Calendar at www.papromiseforchildren.com to check
out some fun activities you can do at home.
13
Keep on top of supplies. Provide a complete extra set of clothes for
each season, labeled with the child’s name and check monthly for size
and any needed replacement items. Ensure your child has enough
supplies such as diapers and wipes for the day (if applicable), as well
as formula or other needed supplies. If your child is working on toilet
learning, dress for ease of independence in toileting—no leotards or
tights for girls or overalls for boys and girls. If your child’s provider
requires it, make sure the child’s sheets, bedding and other napping
items are taken home weekly, laundered, and then promptly returned.
Keep in touch with your child’s teacher. Ask how your child’s
day went, any difficulties that came up, or things you should be
aware of while at home. Is there available a daily activities record
for your child that you can take home?
Dress your children according to the weather. Hats, mittens,
coats and appropriate footwear are required for winter and lighter
weight clothing for the summer. Scarves, hats that tie under the
chin, mittens with strings, and coats or jackets with long drawstrings
can present a strangulation hazard. Try to avoid outerwear that is
unsafe for your child.
Leave all toys and any valuable items at home. When children
bring toys from home it may be difficult to understand “sharing” or
items be lost or broken. However, a security item may be acceptable throughout the day in order to assist the child’s emotional
development. If your child is having difficulty leaving their favorite
toy at home, talk with your child care provider about their rules and
preferences and get their ideas of how you can help your child to
leave their items at home.
Pick up your child based on the schedule agreed upon by you
and your provider. Your child care provider understands that
emergencies occur, but if you are unable to arrive by the time
scheduled, contact the provider. If you need earlier hours than
scheduled, speak with your provider to see if that change can be made.
14
Communicating with Your Child
Care Provider — Meet John
a situation. That’s why we’ve provided you with John’s situation.
John is a working single dad with a two year old daughter who
recently moved to the toddler room. His daughter cries and clings
to him when John drops her off at child care, and on several
occasions, John has been late to work because of this.
With John’s situation, you’ll be able to see how John used the
questions in the workbook to identify the problem, what is working and what he’d like to happen (My Thoughts), how he prepares
for the conversation (Setting up the Conversation), what happens
during the conversation, and the results of the conversation (My
Reflections). You can also see the next steps John takes to resolve
the situation. The boxes reflect what John wrote in his workbook.
15
WORKBOOK: MY THOUGHTS
the situation.
________________________________________________
My concern is_______________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is how my child is affected __________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
16
JOHN’S THOUGHTS
What is Working
n The child care center is close to my house and work.
n They accept Child Care Subsidy and are a Keystone STARS
center.
n I like the director, my daughter really liked her old class, and I
really like her teachers.
n My daughter seems to be learning so much and has friends in
her class.
n When I pick my daughter up, she seems happy.
My Concern
n Now that my daughter has moved to a new class, she doesn’t
seem to like coming to school.
n She cries and clings to me—it even starts before we even leave
for the center.
n It’s hard for me to leave in the morning and I have been late to
work several times.
n I don’t think that the new teacher is helping my daughter in
the morning when she cries and gets upset.
n When I pick up my daughter in the afternoon, there is a
different teacher, so I don’t have the chance to talk to the
morning teacher.
n I hate leaving my daughter when she’s so upset—it ruins my
day at work and I have difficulty concentrating.
n I wish someone would recognize that I am struggling!
17
What I see in my child
n My daughter used to love school, but now she is crying and
doesn’t want me to leave. She seems so unhappy and doesn’t
seem to like her new teacher.
n She is so sad when I leave, and I am afraid of what this is
doing to her.
This is how it affects my child
n She is unhappy and I am afraid that she won’t like school
anymore.
This is what I have done or tried to do
n I tell my daughter that I have to get to work on time or I will
lose my job, but she doesn’t cooperate.
n I remind my daughter that she likes school and that she can
still see her old teachers.
n I try to tell my daughter that she will get to know her new
teachers and that they are nice.
The results I have gotten
n Nothing I have tried has helped. My daughter still cries and
clings to me.
18
This is what I think I would like to happen
n I would like for my daughter to begin to like coming to her
classroom again and have fun like she used to do.
n I would like help from my daughter’s teacher so my daughter
can begin her day without tears.
n I would like not to have to worry that my daughter is unhappy
while I’m at work.
JOHN’S SETTING UP THE CONVERSATION
When John picks up his daughter, he speaks with the child care
Director about his concerns. He mentions his daughter is having a
really hard time in the mornings with the new room and would like
to talk about can be done to help, but John does not have time in
the morning to talk to the teacher. (See My Concern)
The Director suggests that she, John, and his daughter’s new teacher
meet to talk about what can be done. They set a meeting time for
a little earlier than drop off time for the following morning. The
Director also offers to put some information in his daughter’s cubby
about transition.
WORKBOOK: DURING THE CONVERSATION
n Can you please tell me your thoughts?
n What are your suggestions to resolve this?
n How can we work together to make this happen?
n What can I do to help make this happen?
n Can I get additional information?
19
JOHN’S CONVERSATION WITH THE STAFF
John lets the Director & teacher know why he selected this
particular child care center and how well his daughter had been
doing in her old classroom. (See What is Working.)
John shares that his daughter seems very unhappy and no longer
seems to enjoy coming to school and the situation is causing a lot
of stress. (See What I see in my child.) John says that he wants to
work with the staff to figure out how they can help his daughter like
school again and help him be able to get to work on time. (See This
is what I would like to happen.)
The teacher had no idea that John is so frustrated. She tells John
that she frequently sees children having difficulty when they first
move to a new classroom and what John and his daughter are going
through seems normal. She also points out that John is doing a lot
of the right things with his daughter to support this transition, like
staying with his daughter for a few minutes and telling his daughter
that he will be back after work.
The teachers admits that John’s daughter is typically a little upset
after John leaves, but it doesn’t last long. Both the teacher and the
Director thank John for bringing these issues to their attention and
start thinking of ideas to help with John’s concerns.
The teacher suggests that when John and his daughter come in, John
walks his daughter to the group so his daughter can get comfortable
engaging with the other children. The teacher offers to try to make
sure there are some of his daughter’s favorite toys available and to
help by picking up his daughter or holding her. The Director offers
20
to change John’s contracted times for drop off by 15 minutes
earlier, so that there is more time for the transition. She also offers
to provide written information for things John can do with easing
drop off times.
In addition, the teacher offers for the next week to send John a text
message or leave a message on his cell phone when his daughter
gets settled, so John knows that his daughter is okay while he is at
work. The teacher also offers to take pictures of his daughter and
classmates having fun and post them in the room and give a few to
John. This way, John can remind himself on difficult mornings that his
daughter is learning new things and is not sad all day.
The teacher and director thank John for bringing up this issue and
agree to keep in touch with each other.
21
WORKBOOK: MY REFLECTIONS
JOHN’S REFLECTIONS
John feels really uncomfortable at first talking with the teacher. He
is surprised when the teacher mentions that she did not know that
John and his daughter are having such a hard time. After the
conversation, John feels so much better. He learns that the child
care staff is willing to be flexible with the drop off times for his
daughter, the behavior his daughter is displaying is normal, and his
daughter is happy during the day.
What I learned
n Difficulty with the transition to a new classroom is normal.
n I am doing some things right to help my daughter.
n The teacher and Director do care--they just didn’t recognize
how frustrated I was.
n I can make adjustments to my daughter’s pick up and drop off
times. This means I can spend more time with my daughter in
the mornings, helping her get adjusted to her new classroom if
I need to. I just need to talk to the director and she will check
and see if it is possible.
n I can help my daughter get engaged by bringing her to the
group before I start to say goodbye.
n The teacher is willing to help my daughter separate by holding
her and are comforting her so I can leave for work and not be
late.
n That I can have a difficult conversation and it is ok!
22
What I need more information about
n I realize I could still use some ideas of how I can stay calm
and not show my daughter how upset I am when she is upset.
In the information they sent home with me, I read that if I got
upset, it could make it harder. It still makes me sad to see her
cry—then we both start to cry or I just get so frustrated and
afraid I am going to be late that I am short with her.
n I need more information on what I can do to help us get
started from home easier.
WORKBOOK: NEXT STEPS
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What I will need to do next is____________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is when I will attempt to do this_______________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
23
What I expect the other person to do next is ________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is when I can expect to hear from them _________________ _
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is how I will know the situation has been addressed or resolved _
________________________________________________
If I need help from someone else, this is who I can contact
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
24
JOHN’S NEXT STEPS
My Next Steps:
n Keep talking with the teachers and the Director if I continue
to have concerns.
n I need to get up 15 minutes earlier and get our stuff organized
the night before, so it is easier to get out of the door in the
morning.
n I need to try to get my daughter closer to the teacher & group
before I leave.
n I need to give the teacher some suggestions of what my
daughter likes, so there can be ready a toy or activity.
n I need to calmly tell my daughter that she is ok and that I
will be back at the end of the day to pick her up.
n I noticed there is another parent who drops off her daughter
at the same time and her daughter is also having a hard time,
but that parent seems so calm! I am going to try to talk with
her to find out how she does that.
In the next few weeks, John, the classroom teacher and the Director
worked together to help John’s daughter with the transition to a
new classroom. At first, it was difficult, but the teacher quickly
engaged John’s daughter when they entered the classroom. Getting
up earlier in the morning and preparing the night before really
helped John be able to get ready quicker in the mornings, and he
was able to spend a few extra minutes with his daughter in the new
classroom. After a few weeks, John realized that his daughter is
more comfortable entering her classroom, and even has a friend she
looks for each morning. During the day, John frequently looks at the
photo of his daughter playing in the classroom to remind himself
that both he and his daughter are doing great.
25
ommunicating with Your
C
Child’s Healthcare Professional
From well baby visits to health emergencies that occur in a moment’s
notice, establishing good communication with your child’s health
care professional can ensure that you are understanding the
options and treatment for your child, and that your child’s healthcare professional understands your concerns.
There are several key items to consider when communicating with
your child’s healthcare professional.
Choose the “right” healthcare professional for your child.
Don’t underestimate the importance of choosing your child’s
healthcare professional. They will shape the feelings your child has
of healthcare visits. If your child is in need of specialty care or if
there are a lack of providers in your area, this could be challenging.
However, doing a little homework prior to deciding on a provider
may make for a more positive experience you and your child.
Ask around and get referrals. Finding the right healthcare professional for your child can be a confusing and scary time. You may
be faced with many choices—a clinic, a pediatrician, a family doctor,
a nurse practitioner, a physician assistant—or you may feel as if your
options are limited.
26
Choosing the best healthcare professional for your child may begin
before your child is born! You may want to get recommendations
of friends, family members, or even the healthcare professional that
provides your prenatal care.
You might also want to check with your insurance company to see if
they have a physician referral number or online searchable provider
feature. The last thing you want to do is find the perfect healthcare
professional, only to find out that they do not accept your insurance. If your child has more than one insurance, you need to make
sure that the healthcare professional will accept both insurance
plans to get the maximum benefits on behalf of your child.
You will usually be able to determine if this healthcare professional
is a “good fit” for your family within the first six months or so.
During this time, there is a lot going on within the family adjusting
to your new baby. Working with your healthcare professional
during this time can help you decide if you are a good match for
each other. If after a few visits, you are uncomfortable then don’t
be afraid to change!
How do you know if you’ve found the right healthcare professional? The right healthcare professional will be a good listener. If you have a concern, the healthcare professional should take the
time to answer your questions or provide a resource where you can
find more information. Your child’s healthcare professional should
be respectful, value your input and understand that you are the
primary expert on your child and know your child better than anyone else. Your healthcare professional should be able and willing
to communicate in a style that you can understand, while being
sensitive to language, educational or cultural differences. A medical
office with polite, friendly nurses and office staff is a good place
to take children because often these are the people who you will
deal with in addition to the primary healthcare professional.
27
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR CHILD’S
HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL.
n What are their regular hours? Do they have extended hours
on evenings and/or weekends?
n If they do have weekend or evening hours, what types of
appointments will they schedule, such as sick visits or wellchild checks?
n What is their policy regarding filling out of physical and
other forms? For families of children with special needs and/
or involved in sports, this may be an important factor.
n What is their philosophy or policy regarding referrals to
specialists? Families may want a healthcare professional who
is comfortable with referring to outside specialists, but who
also views their role as helping to coordinate care across
specialties. n Does the practice use nurse practitioners and/or physician
assistants? How are they used within the practice? Ask
yourself if you are comfortable with this arrangement.
n If the office uses an automated phone tree or directory, is it
helpful? Is it easy to use?
n Do they have separate rooms for sick visits versus well
checks? If not, and your child has a particular type of
disability or special need that would make this important,
would the office offer an accommodation for your child?
n How do they handle insurance claims and billing? Do they
accept the type of insurance you have for your child? Do
they bill on a sliding fee scale if necessary?
n How do they handle calls after hours? Can you reach or
speak to a physician if you need to?
28
Preparing for a visit. If you know you have a lot of questions when
you schedule the appointment, let the office know so they can
schedule accordingly. The healthcare professional may prefer to
schedule a longer visit, have a conversation on the phone before or
after your scheduled appointment, or refer you to a nurse or someone
else in the practice to spend more time answering your questions. Write down any questions or concerns so you don’t forget. For
example, prior to a well-child check, ask what they will be screening
for, what immunizations your child will be receiving, etc. This will
help you be better prepared and have appropriate questions ready.
If your child is sick or seems to have developmental issues that
are of concern, have a list of things you’ve noticed, or complaints
your child has expressed that you can discuss with the healthcare
professional. Before the visit, ask other adults who care for your
child what they may have noticed. All of this information may be
helpful to the healthcare professional in diagnosing or making
referrals. Don’t be afraid to ask for a referral for a second opinion,
especially for issues like surgery, concerns about a child’s development, or a new diagnosis or treatment plan. Parents often have a need to share medical information with those
that are in charge of their children at child care or school. The CD
51 form, available on-line at the DPW website1 or from your care
provider has questions about medical conditions which a child care
provider should be aware of to provide the best care daily or on
an emergency basis. The Pennsylvania Chapter of the American
Academy of Pediatrics’ ECELS program2 can help providers, health
professionals and families share this important information with
further documents as necessary.
1
2
www.dpw.state.pa.us/partnersproviders/childcareearlyed/003671041.htm
www.ecels-healthychildcarepa.org
29
Don’t ignore your instincts! If you have concerns regarding your
child, express them to your healthcare professional. Try to be as
concrete as possible and give examples. Every child is unique and
grows and develops at his or her own pace, but if you have concerns, then share them. You know your child best, and health care
professionals rely upon you to tell them concerns you may have. If
you are not satisfied with a recommendation you receive, it’s okay
to ask for a second opinion.
If you should switch healthcare professionals, don’t forget to
request that your child’s records be transferred to the new healthcare professional. Usually this can be as simple as filing out a form
at the new healthcare professional’s office, but contact both the old
office and the new one to make sure.
Whenever a medication is prescribed. Before you leave the
office, make sure you know the dosage amounts, the times to give
the medication to your child and any other special restrictions (like
taking medicine with food, or avoiding particular foods while taking
the medicine). Make sure you can either read the prescription, or
write it down yourself and confirm with the healthcare professional
before you leave.
Ask if this will interfere with any medications your child is already
taking, including vitamins, herbal treatments, or over the counter
medications. You can also ask this of the pharmacist. Ask what the
anticipated side effects are, and what you should do if your child
exhibits the side effects. You can also ask this of the pharmacist.
Before you leave the pharmacy with your medication, check and see
if what you have matches what the healthcare professional ordered. The pharmacist may provide you with a generic medication. It is ok
to ask if you are not sure.
30
If you are nursing your baby, and you are taking medications, make
sure your doctor knows what medications you are taking.
Where to find additional information. During well-child checks,
ask your healthcare professional what you should expect from your
child, plus any words of advice or tips that will help you understand
and be aware of what should be coming next with your child. There are many books, websites and videos available which can
provide information about specific milestones in your child’s
development and when you can expect them. Ask your child’s
healthcare professional, early learning provider, or a local librarian
to recommend their favorites! There are also many great programs
and resources available for children who are found to have
developmental delays or health issues.
If you have questions about your child’s development, contact the
CONNECT Helpline at 1-800-692-7288. The CONNECT Helpline
assists families in locating resources and providing information
regarding child development for children ages birth to age 5. In
addition, CONNECT can assist by making a direct link to a local
Early Intervention program or local preschool Early Intervention
program.
Check out the Pennsylvania Early Learning Standard3 for milestone
recommendations your child may reach. The Learning is Everywhere Calendar4 can provide everyday activities which align with
the Pennsylvania Early Learning Standards and will support your
child’s early learning.
w
ww.portal.state.pa.us/portal/server.pt/community/standards/8709/
standards%2C_assessmentUand_curriculum/522220
4
http://paprom.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=LIECIndex
3
31
Communicating with Your Health
Care Provider – Meet Angie
a situation. That’s why we’ve provided you with Angie’s situation.
Angie is a working single mom with a two year old son. Her son has
experienced a lot of ear infections and she fears he has another one.
She has concerns that she should be doing something else to help
her son, but she does not know what else could be done.
With Angie’s situation, you’ll be able to see how Angie used the
questions in the workbook to identify the problem, what is working
and what she’d like to happen (My Thoughts), how she prepares for
the conversation (Setting up the Conversation), what happens
during the conversation, and the results of the conversation (My
Reflections). You can also see the next steps Angie takes to resolve
the situation. The boxes reflect what Angie wrote in her workbook.
Take a few moments before the visit with the healthcare
professional to consider the situation.
What is working well in this situation is_____________________ _
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
32
My concern is_______________________________________ _
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is how my child is affected___________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
These are the results I’ve gotten __________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
33
ANGIE’S THOUGHTS
What is Working
n Other than the ear infections, my son seems healthy.
n My son’s healthcare professional is nice and seems smart.
n The treatment that is prescribes does clear up the ear infection.
My Concern
n My son keeps getting ear infections and they are really painful for
him.
n We keep doing the same thing when he has an infection, and he
keeps getting them.
n I think that we need to do something different to treat his ear
infections.
n I can’t help but wonder if with all the ear infections, if my son can
hear well enough to learn what he needs to learn at this age.
n He tugs on his ear, tells me it hurt. He cries and sometimes does
not want to eat or drink.
n He has a much shorter temper when his ear hurts—it seems like
the smallest thing makes him throw a temper tantrum.
n He is in pain and his behavior is worse when his ears hurt.
n It seems like for the past year, either he has an ear infection, or is
getting over one.
34
n I take him to the doctor right away now when I think he has an ear
infection.
n I follow the doctor’s instructions for treatment.
The results I have gotten
n The treatment does clear up the infection, but then it just happens
again a few weeks later.
n For the doctor to do something else to treat the ear infection.
n For my son to stop getting ear infections.
ANGIE’S SETTING UP THE CONVERSATION
When Angie calls to schedule the visit for her son with her health
care professional, she tells them she thinks her son has an ear
infection. She also lets them know that this has been an ongoing
issue and that she would like to talk to the doctor about other
options in treating her son’s ear infections. (See My Concern)
The scheduler lets Angie know that she is going to have a nurse call
her back to get some more information on her concerns, and
schedules an appointment for later that day.
35
ANGIE’S CONVERSATION WITH THE STAFF
When the nurse calls, Angie lets her know that her son keeps
getting ear infections and that even though the treatment works, they
keep reoccurring. (See What I see in my child.) She lets the nurse
know that she is concerned that something else should be done to
treat the ear infections. (See What I see in my child.) The nurse lets
Angie know that the doctor is going to want to know how many ear
infections her son has had and what has been prescribed. She let
Angie know that she will alert the doctor of Angie’s concern so the
doctor can review that information in her sons chart. She also lets
Angie know there is information in the waiting room about ear
infections that Angie can get when she comes in for the visit. The
nurse thanks Angie for letting the scheduler know of her concern,
because it helped them to make sure that the doctor would have the
information needed to discuss her concern. (See What is Working.)
When she sees the doctor, she lets her know that she is very
concerned that although the treatment for the ear infections seems
to be working, her son keeps getting them. It is hard for Angie
to see her son hurting and her son’s behavior is more difficult to
manage when she is sick. She also shares her concern that the ear
infections may be damaging his hearing, or at least affecting it so
he’s unable to properly hear well enough to learn. Angie wants to
know if there’s something else that can be done.
The doctor listens to Angie’s concerns and lets her know that she
did review the chart to make sure that she had all of the information. She lets Angie know that she understands the concerns and
thanks her for bringing it to her attention. The doctor lets Angie
know that there are other options and talks to her about the pros
and cons of the options. The doctor provides a recommendation
and also suggests that Angie can seek a second opinion. The doctor
offers assistance in getting a second opinion.
36
The doctor also asks Angie about the behavior that she is seeing her
son exhibit. She lets Angie know that illness can influence behavior
and that the types of behaviors she is seeing with her son are typical
for children her age. She also reassures Angie that she is correct to
make the connection between his behavior and his ear infections,
and that it is not surprising that her son is exhibiting more difficult
behaviors when he doesn’t feel well. The doctor gives Angie some
suggestions of what she can do to help her child with his behavior.
ANGIE’S REFLECTIONS
Angie feels a little concerned that she is not sure exactly what she
wants to happen. All she knows is that what they are doing was not
working. This is also the first time that she “questions” a doctor. She
is not sure how that is going to go. After the conversation, Angie
feels that she has a plan and feels even more comfortable in her
choice of a health care provider. She is also happy to realize that
her doctor will give her suggestions on how to deal with her son’s
behavior. She is happy that her doctor also addresses that concern.
She does not expect that.
What I learned
n If I have a concern about my son’s medical care or health, I can
talk to his doctor about it.
n That if I let them know of m y concern when I schedule the
appointment, it is helpful for the staff.
n Getting a second opinion for medical treatment is being a good
advocate for my son.
n There are some things I can do to help my child’s behavior.
37
n Who I can go to that accepts my insurance for a second
opinion.
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What I will need to do next is ___________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What I expect the other person to do next is_________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is when I can expect to hear from them__________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
38
This is how I will know the situation has been addressed or resolved
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
ANGIE’S NEXT STEPS
My Next Steps:
n Speak with the nurse to get suggestions of where I can go for a
second opinion.
n Get a referral to and schedule an appointment with the doctor
for the second opinion.
n Follow up to make sure that my son’s medical records are
shared with the second doctor.
n Talk to my child’s teacher to let them know what is happening
with my son’s ears.
n Reconnect with the first doctor to review the second opinion
and decide what the next steps will be.
In the next few weeks, Angie schedules the second opinion; speaks
with her son’s teacher about the plan so school is aware of the
situation, and arranges for the referrals and medical records transfer.
She feels much better about the situation, because she has a plan in
place and is feeling confident that she is being a good advocate for
her son.
39
C
OMMUNICATING WITH
ANOTHER FAMILY
As family members, we are thrilled when our children make new
friends, are invited to play dates, birthday parties and other events.
Family members learn so much from each other by sharing
experiences, problem solving together, and celebrating the joys
and successes of parenting.
Connecting with other families is beneficial to both children and
parents. These relationships can establish bonds of friendship that
can last a lifetime, provide support through difficult times, and
create opportunities to share ideas, goals and experiences.
However, these relationships can also bring up issues that you might
never have imagined. A difference in values and parenting styles
can be difficult to navigate at times. Sometimes there can be a need
to have a conversation that requires more diplomacy than you
would have ever imagined necessary to simply plan a play date!
Families have different values, goals and traditions. Often these go
unspoken, not because they are a secret, but more likely because
they are so much a part of how we view the world, that it doesn’t
occur to us that others may do things differently! What is important
to one family may not be important to another.
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Keep an open mind and try not to assume that the way your family
does something is the only way or the correct way. Even though
someone has a different value or parenting style than your own, it
doesn’t make them right or wrong. Just as there is more than one
type of child, there is more than one way to parent.
It is important for children to know and understand that
families are different. Different homes might have different rules,
and it is important to be respectful of others.
Address the issue without judgment and focus on your child.
As a parent, you may encounter situations with other families that
you feel puts your child in a health and/or safety risk. If this is the
case, then it needs to be addressed, but doing so without judgment
and focusing on the child may mean the outcome is a positive one.
Speak up, especially with a health or safety concern. When
you feel there is a health or safety concern, it is even more
important to address the situation. Issues such as car safety, bike
safety, eating of unhealthy foods, and firearms safety can make
even the savviest parent want to avoid the play date or situation all
together. While that is understandable, the health and safety of a
child should always be most important.
It is better to have a difficult conversation than to not have
the conversation at all. Not every conversation will go the way
you hope. However, if you keep your child as the focus and keep
in mind your role as a parent, the conversation may go much better
than you anticipated!
Stay focused. During a conversation with another parent about a
sensitive issue, it is important to focus on your child. As a parent,
your role is to keep your child safe, healthy and to support their
positive and healthy relationships with their peers. While it may be
difficult to remember, your role is not to change another parent’s or
child’s behavior!
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COMMUNICATING WITH
ANOTHER FAMILY
MEET LATISHA AND DAN
a situation. That’s why we’ve provided you with Latisha and Dan’s
situation.
Latisha and her husband, Dan, have a four year old son, Nathan.
Nathan and his neighborhood friend, Bruce, occasionally get
together to ride their new Big Wheels®, and sometimes Bruce’s
grandfather takes the boys to the neighborhood park to ride.
However, they have noticed that Bruce’s family does not require
him to wear a helmet when he rides his Big Wheel®. Latisha and Dan
have a very clear rule in their house that if something has wheels
then a helmet must be worn!
Latisha and Dan know this is one conversation that could be ripe for
conflict. They understand and support Bruce’s family’s authority to
set rules for him. However, they would like Bruce’s family to support
their helmet rule if Nathan is in their care. In addition, they feel that
if Bruce is in their care, he needs to follow the helmet rule. Latisha
and Dan are struggling with how to approach this without alienating
Bruce’s family.
With Latisha and Dan’s situation, you’ll be able to see how they
used the questions in the workbook to identify the problem, what
is working and what they’d like to happen (My Thoughts), how they
prepare for the conversation (Setting up the Conversation), what
happens during the conversation, and the results of the conversation (My Reflections). You can also see the next steps Latisha and
Dan take to resolve the situation. The boxes reflect what Latisha and
Dan wrote in their workbook.
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the situation.
What is working well in this situation is _____________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
My concern is ______________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is how my child is affected __________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
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________________________________________________
________________________________________________
LATISHA AND DAN’S THOUGHTS
What is Working
n Nathan and Bruce have become fast friends and Nathan loves
going to the park with Bruce and his grandfather to ride Big
Wheels®!
Bruce’s family are neighbors, so it’s easy to have Bruce come to
n our house, or have Nathan go to Bruce’s when the boys want to
spend time together.
Next year, when the boys enter kindergarten, they will be in
n the same school, so their friendship could last for some time.
My Concern
n Nathan will not receive a clear message that our rule is to
wear his helmet.
Bruce’s family may not understand why we feel it’s important
n that Bruce should wear a helmet when he’s in our care.
In explaining how and why it’s important for Nathan to wear
n a helmet, we may offend Bruce’s family.
44
n Nathan loves being outdoors and can be a bit of a daredevil.
We want to support Nathan’s sense of adventure, but keep him
safe so he doesn’t get hurt.
n Nathan readily accepts that he should wear a helmet when he
rides his Big Wheel®.
n He also accepts that both Mommy and Daddy wear a helmet
when we bike as a family.
n When he sees someone on a bike without a helmet, he points
out that it’s not safe.
n Right now, Nathan doesn’t know any different—helmets are
just part of what we do, and we don’t want him to question
that.
n With a helmet, he’s safer than if he wasn’t wearing one.
n Nathan always wears a helmet, but talking to other families
about our rules is new to us!
n When Nathan is with other families, we feel he needs to follow
the safety rules we have established in our family.
n We want other families to support our safety rules with
Nathan, even if we aren’t there!
n If Bruce comes to our house to play, we feel that he needs to
follow the safety rules of our family.
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LATISHA AND DAN’S SETTING UP
THE CONVERSATION
Latisha and Dan were very uncomfortable to have this conversation
with Bruce’s family—but they knew it had to happen. Nathan was so
excited to play with Bruce and they did not want their discomfort to
be a barrier to him having fun with a friend.
LATISHA AND DAN’S CONVERSATION
WITH THE BRUCE’S GRANDFATHER
One afternoon, Latisha and Dan were able to speak with Bruce’s
grandfather. They pointed out how much fun the two boys were
having, and how well they played together. They conveyed how
much fun Nathan had at the park with Bruce and his grandfather.
(See What is Working.)
They pointed out how fast and sometimes out of control Nathan
tended to be on his Big Wheel®. Latisha and Dan told Bruce’s
grandfather of their family rule that if something had wheels, a
helmet was required, and expressed why this safety rule is in place.
(See What I see in my child.)
Latisha and Dan asked Bruce’s grandfather if he would be willing
to help with Nathan and their safety rule. They asked Bruce’s
46
grandfather if he noticed Nathan was not wearing his helmet to
please remind him that his parents said that he always had to wear a
helmet. Latisha and Dan also said that if Bruce was under their care,
he would need to wear a helmet while riding Big Wheel® or bike.
(See This is what I would like to happen.)
Bruce’s grandfather said he had never thought of the Big Wheel® as
a bike, and that when he was raising his children, helmets weren’t
even available! He also stated he hadn’t known how important it
was to wear one while riding something like a Big Wheel®. Latisha
and Dan thanked him for respecting her family rule and acknowledged that a lot has changed over time with safety rules. They
mentioned that Nathan was an adventurous boy and they were
sometimes concerned for his safety. Latisha and Dan wanted to do
everything they could to instill some respect for safety rules while
he was young. They mentioned that they understood that different
families have different rules, but this was one that they felt Nathan
always has to follow. Bruce’s grandfather didn’t necessarily feel the
same way, but respected their family’s rule, stating that he would
make sure Nathan kept his helmet on.
This is how I feel about the conversation____________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What I learned or information I gained as a result of this
conversation is ______________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
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The additional concerns or questions I have as a result of this
conversation are ____________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
How I feel about the conversation
n Neither of us feels that Bruce’s grandfather really “buys into”
why wearing a helmet is important, but we feel that we made our
safety rule known without offending Bruce’s grandfather.
We also feel that we made an important step in conveying to
n Bruce’s grandfather why it’s important to wear a helmet.
What I learned
n Although Bruce’s grandfather didn’t see eye-to-eye with our rules,
he was willing to respect them.
The additional concerns or questions I have
n Even though Bruce’s grandfather said he’d make sure Nathan was
wearing his helmet, we want to be sure that it gets back on if he
stops to play at the playground or stops for a snack, then returns
to his Big Wheel®.
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To get more information, I can contact _____________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
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________________________________________________
________________________________________________
LATISHA AND DAN’S NEXT STEPS
My Next Steps:
n Get a copy of the bicycle helmet safety pamphlet from The
Bicycle Helmet Safety Institute5 about why it’s important for
everyone to wear a helmet. We can give this to Bruce’s family.
Offer for one of us to go to the park with Bruce’s grandfather
n and the boys for awhile to show how to get the helmet on
properly after it’s been removed to play at the park.
5
h ttp://www.helmets.or/pamget.htm
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C
OMMUNICATING WITH
YOUR LEGISLATORS
Your legislators make very important decisions that impact what
early education opportunities are available to families. Along with
the Governor, state senators and state representatives decide the
amount of funding Pennsylvania will spend on early education
programs like Pennsylvania Pre-K Counts, Keystone STARS, Child
Care Works, Early Intervention, Nurse-Family Partnership, ParentChild Home Program, and Head Start Supplemental Assistance
Program.
Because your state legislators decide funding for early education,
it is important that they really understand why these programs are
necessary for your family and other families in your community.
They need to hear your story and the stories of other parents to
make the right decisions for Pennsylvania.
Telling your story to your legislators is easy. Remember, they work
for you! It is their job to know what their constituents (you) want
and need. Here are some tips to consider when communicating with
your legislators:
Find out who your legislators are. Go to the PA Promise for
Children website6 and click on “Find your legislator.” Enter your zip
code and you will learn who your state senator and state
representative are, as well as how to contact them. You can also
learn more about them by visiting their websites, signing up for
their newsletters, and asking your friends and family if they know
them.
6
w
ww.papromiseforchildren.com
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Send letters, pictures, artwork. You can send your legislators a
letter and include your child’s artwork or send an email. To get the
best results, use your own words! The more personalized your
letter, the more interesting to your legislator.
Visit your legislators in their district office. Community
Engagement Groups (CEGs) build support networks in every county
for organizations and individuals interested in quality early
education by bringing together early childhood programs, parents,
school districts and child-serving organizations to assess quality
early learning programs and to develop ways to encourage quality
early learning. If you’d like to meet with your legislators, connect
with your local CEG or talk to your early education provider – they
can help set up a meeting and get you prepared. If you’d like to set
up a meeting yourself, call the legislator’s district office closest to
you and ask to speak with the scheduler. Let him/her know that you
are a constituent (if you are a registered voter, that’s even better!)
and that you’d like to share with your legislator how important early
education is to your child and children in your community. You will
probably have to be flexible since legislators have very busy
schedules. Call again the day before to confirm your meeting. You
52
could meet with the legislator and/or one or more of their staff.
Usually these meetings are short (15 – 30 minutes) but if the
legislator is really interested, you could have an hour or more! You
may want to start the meeting simply by asking them if they have
young children/grandchildren and if they know about the early
education programs in your area. Then just share your story – feel
free to bring artwork or other information to leave behind. After
your meeting, send them a thank you note.
Thank your legislators for their support. Legislators always
appreciate when they are thanked for doing something right.
When you contact them, thank them for making early education
programs possible.
In your story share:
n The early childhood programs you participate in (list programs by name)
n How these programs help your child grow – learning letters,
numbers, shapes, but also social skills
n What these programs mean to you and your family
n Other families that you know that could benefit from these
programs but are on waiting lists right now
Share your child’s progress throughout the year. Legislators
don’t always understand the amazing progress young children make
over the year when they have quality early education. Every two
months or so, send a note to your legislators telling them the new
things your child has learned, from letters, numbers, to how to play
well with others. Include pictures of your child and family or artwork from your child to really make an impression!
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Discover how you can help. Within each county, members of a
Community Engagement Group come together to promote the
importance of quality early learning for all children in Pennsylvania.
The group, made up from people within the community just like
you, may sponsor or host events, provide information on fun
learning activities families can do, assist with locating community
supports, or aid in helping families get their voices heard. To find
a Community Engagement Group in your county, or to become
involved, visit the PA Promise for Children website7.
Continue the conversation. Remember, you know much more
about your child and early education in Pennsylvania that your
legislators ever will. When legislators respond to you, answer their
questions and give them more information on why early education
is important to your community. It may take a while for a legislator
to fully “get it,” so be patient and be available to answer questions.
7
h ttp://paprom.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=EEin_ceg
54
COMMUNICATING WITH
YOUR LEGISLATORS
MEET SARAH
a situation. That’s why we’ve provided you with Sarah’s situation.
Sarah works full time and has two children. As a working mom, she
feels strongly that her children are benefiting from having a safe,
nurturing, and friendly environment while she is working. When
she first began searching for a child care facility, her local Child Care
Information Services (CCIS) office helped her identify what to look
for in a quality child care facility. Sarah decided to choose a
Keystone STARS facility and has felt good about this choice, seeing
her child grow and develop over the past few years.
One day while picking up her son, she received a flyer in her son’s
locker about Pennsylvania’s Promise for Children (www.papromise
forchildren.com) which talked about how families and communities
can help young children learn, information about Pennsylvania’s
early learning programs (such as PA Pre-K Counts, Head Start, and
transition to kindergarten), and why everyone needs to help Pennsylvania’s children reach their promise. Later that evening, Sarah
went online and visited the PA Promise for Children website and
discovered stories from other families just like herself who felt that
having access to quality early education was important. It never
occurred to her that there were families who didn’t have access to
quality settings! She also did not realize that the child care center
her children attended received money from public funds to
support the center. She knew the child care center participated in
Keystone STARS, but she had never made the connection that this
meant that they received public (state) money, too.
55
Sarah reviewed the information on how families can get involved and
found herself thinking how different her life and that of her children’s
might be if they didn’t have access to quality early learning. She then
decided to sign the declaration to support Pennsylvania’s Promise
for Children (www.papromiseforchildren.com) and signed up to
receive emails. While on the PA Promise for Children website, Sarah
also discovered a Community Engagement Group in her area that
brings together early childhood programs, parents, school districts
and child-serving organizations to assess what quality early learning
programs was currently available in the community and to develop
ways to encourage quality early learning. This group also worked
with school districts and community-based early learning programs
to develop ways to make smooth transition from preschool to
kindergarten for child, parents and teachers. This really interested
Sarah because her oldest child would soon be entering kindergarten.
Soon, she found herself wondering what she could do to help out
other families and children in her community. She contacted the
Community Engagement Coordinator listed on the website and the
coordinator provided Sarah with information as to how she could
become involved.
Sarah also discovered she could contact her legislator. She had
never written to anyone “important”, even a legislator, and had no
idea how to go about it—she wasn’t even sure who her legislator
was! She wondered if her legislator would even want to hear from
her. As she read other family stories on the site, she thought to
herself, “I can do this, too!”
With Sarah’s situation, you’ll be able to see how Sarah used the
questions in the workbook to identify the problem, what is working and what she’d like to happen (My Thoughts), how she prepares
for the contact (Setting up the Contact), what happens during the
56
contact, and the results of the contact (My Reflections). You can also
see the next steps Sarah takes. The boxes reflect what Sarah wrote
in her workbook.
Take a few moments before the contact with the legislator to
consider the situation.
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
My concern is ______________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
What I see in my children is _____________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is how it affects my family ___________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
This is what I have done or tried to do _____________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
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These are the results I’ve gotten __________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
SARAH’S THOUGHTS
What is Working
n My family has access to a quality Keystone STARS child care
program that my children love attending.
I feel confident that my children are at a safe learning environn ment while I’m at work.
My Concern
n Without access to this child care, I wouldn’t be able to work and
my children might not be learning things they need to know to
prepare them for school.
I couldn’t afford to pay more for child care—what would
n happen if this provider didn’t participate with Keystone STARS?
Would it cost more? Would the quality not be as good?
There are families in my community who don’t have access to
n quality early learning for their children!
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What I see in my children
n My children are learning so much! Every day they are excited
to share what they’ve learned at the child care center.
n They have learned how to play with others and follow
directions—skills I know will be helpful when they soon begin
kindergarten.
This is how it affects my family
n Access to quality child care allows me to work and to focus on
my work while I’m there, without worrying about my children’s
safety or well-being.
n Access to quality child care has helped me as a parent to better
understand how I can help support my children’s learning.
n When I visited my CCIS office, I also learned about other
resources that can help my family.
n I would like my legislator to understand how important
quality early care and education are to not only my family,
but for other families in my community.
n I want my legislator to know what a great job my child care
center is doing! They are working really hard for families in
our community.
n I would like my legislator to make a strong commitment to
investing public dollars on early care and education.
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SARAH’S SETTING UP THE CONTACT
Sarah used the PA Promise for Children website to find out who
was her legislator and discovered she could send an email, make
a telephone call, or write a letter and mail it. Deciding to write a
letter, she started writing her story and used the responses in her
workbook to guide what she wrote in her letter—telling her story
was much easier than she thought it would be!
In her letter, Sarah shared her family’s situation and how they relied
upon a Keystone STARS facility so her children could get a good
start on their early education, how important this was so Sarah
could work and how much her children were learning in the great
child care facility they attended. (See What is Working, What I
See in My Children and This is How it Affects My Family). She even
briefly wrote about a funny experience her son had shared after
child care one day. Sarah then wrote about how concerned she was
that other families in her community may not have access to these
services, or how children could be affected if they didn’t have access to a quality early education. (See My Concern) Towards the
end of her letter, Sarah asked her legislator to please support funding so other families in Pennsylvania could have the same chance at
an early education. (See This is What I Would Like to Happen)
Still, she wondered if she’d really covered everything, so Sarah
took her draft to the Director at her child’s program to see what
she thought. The Director suggested including a picture of Sarah
and her children, and maybe some of their recent artwork. Sarah
agreed, feeling as if it would make her words seem more “real” if the
legislator was able to actually see her family.
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SARAH’S CONTACT WITH HER LEGISLATOR
After the positive feedback from the child care Director, the
encouragement from the Community Engagement Coordinator and
with the tools from the Pennsylvania Promise for Children website,
Sarah mailed her letter with a picture of herself and her children
and a drawing the children done that showed their favorite activity
at school.
After sending the information, Sarah realized that she felt
empowered. She was proud she’d taken the time to write the
letter and hoped that it would make a difference. Most of all, she
was surprised at how easy it was!
A few weeks later, Sarah received a letter in the mail from her
legislator, thanking her for the picture and artwork. The letter
stated how important the legislator felt it was to hear from people
in the community.
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SARAH’S REFLECTIONS
What I learned
n I learned that I can write a letter to my legislator. Although
at first, it was a bit scary, it was actually very easy to tell my
story—I just talked about how this has affected my family!
n I learned it’s important that my legislator hears from people in
the community, and that my legislator does want to hear from
me.
n I need to know if my legislator will actually support funding
quality early learning for the families in my community!
n I want to know what I can do next!!!
Sarah shared her letter with the Director of the child care facility
and it was included in the center’s parent newsletter!
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
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________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
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My Next Steps:
n I want to contact my county’s Community Engagement
Coordinator again. Although I don’t have a lot of spare time,
I would like to know what I can do to help other families in
my community.
I want to keep my legislator updated as to what families in
n my community are experiencing around quality early
learning. I want to let my legislator know if things are
changing—either for the worse or for the better!
I will sign up for alerts from the PA Promise for Children
n website so I know what’s happening with my legislators and
other ways I can help.
Sarah discovered that her county’s Community Engagement Group
would soon be visiting the legislator in the Harrisburg office and
they invited Sarah to join them to talk about the importance of
quality early learning. Although Sarah was not sure she was ready to
take that next step, she talked to the Coordinator to discover other
ways she could help.
In the mean time, Sarah decided to share with her legislator pictures
of a recent Transition to Kindergarten event her family participated
in…and she also shared how important this moment was for her
family and others in her community.
64
OW DO YOU KNOW
H
WHEN IT’S TIME TO
EXPLORE OTHER OPTIONS?
You may find that it’s time to find another child care provider, seek
a second opinion from a healthcare professional, give your family a
break from another family, or even become active in an advocacy
organization if you feel that you’re just not getting anywhere with all
the conversations you’ve had.
HOW DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE?
n Listen to your instincts
n When the needs of your child are not the focus of ongoing
conversations
n When you feel your child’s health or safety is at risk
n When that’s what you want to do
65
ADDITIONAL SUPPORTS
AND RESOURCES
CCIS: Child Care Information Services (CCIS) agencies are the hub
of child care information in your local area. CCIS agencies provide
you and your family with information on quality child care and
personalized child care referrals to child care providers based on
your specific needs or preferences. CCIS agencies also administer
the Child Care Works subsidized child care program. For all of your
child care questions and needs, contact the CCIS agency for your
local area. Visit www.dpw.state.pa.us for additional information.
CHILD CARE WORKS: If you are concerned about the cost of
quality child care, Child Care Works may be able to help. Working
parents may be eligible for assistance for child care expenses if they
meet the income guidelines. The annual income for a family to be
eligible to receive subsidy if 200 percent or less of the Federal
Poverty Income Guidelines. Visit www.dpw.state.pa.us for additional information.
PROVIDER SEARCH (COMPASS): COMPASS is an online
application for Pennsylvanians to apply for many health and human
service programs. Visit www.humanservices.state.pa.us/compass.web
for additional information.
CONNECT HELPLINE: If your child, up to age 5 years, has a
disability or developmental delay, Early Intervention services can
provide access to as many opportunities as possible to help them
reach their promise. Families interested in early intervention services
may contact the CONNECT Helpline at 1-800-692-7288.
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PA PROMISE FOR CHILDREN: A great place to find out how we
can help our young children learn, learn about Pennsylvania’s early
learning programs (such as child care, Head Start, and preschool), and
why we all need to help Pennsylvania’s children reach their promise.
Visit www.papromiseforchildren.com for additional information.
IC: WIC provides Federal grants to States for supplemental foods,
W
health care referrals, and nutrition education for low-income pregnant,
breastfeeding, and non-breastfeeding postpartum women, and to
infants and children up to age five who are found to be at nutritional
risk. Visit www.pawic.com for additional information.
PA CHIP: Pennsylvania’s program to provide health insurance to all
uninsured children and teens who are not eligible for or enrolled in
Medical Assistance. Visit www.chipcoverspakids.com for additional
information.
ARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATION:
E
Visit www.papromiseforchildren.com for additional information
about any of the following programs.
n EARLY HEAD START: Early Head Start’s programs are
designed to provide the same kinds of comprehensive child
development and family support services to families with children under age three, and pregnant women that are already
involved in Head Start. Early Head Start’s services include
home visits, health and nutrition services, and referrals to
other social services that may be needed.
n EARLY INTERVENTION: For parents of children ages birth
to five with disabilities or developmental delays,
Pennsylvania’s Early Intervention (birth- five) program
provides individualized support and assistance for both child
67
and family. Early Intervention provides children from birth to
five with developmental delays with services to help maximize
their development so they are successful in any early
education setting.
n HEAD START: Head Start is a comprehensive preschool
program for low-income three, four, and five year olds. It
provides children with a developmentally appropriate early
childhood education. The program ensures that young
children get health checkups and treatment, and that they are
fed a nutritious hot meal every day.
n KEYSTONE BABIES: Keystone Babies uses evidence-based
approaches to fill gaps in early childhood services, to extend
high quality learning opportunities to Pennsylvania’s infants
and toddlers, to promote all areas of child development
(language, thinking, physical health and social-emotional
development), and offer supportive resources to their families. n KEYSTONE STARS: Keystone STARS supports child care and
Head Start programs that are committed to continuous quality
improvement and offers families a valuable tool to gauge
quality in early learning programs. Programs may enter Keystone STARS at the Start with STARS level and earn a STAR 1
through STAR 4 rating based on research-based standards for
staff education and professional development, early learning
environment, and business management. Child care programs
receive professional development, technical assistance and,
when eligible, targeted financial supports to continue to
improve the quality of the early learning they provide.
n NURSE-FAMILY PARTNERSHIP: In the Nurse-Family
Partnership program, through ongoing home visits from
68
registered nurses, low-income, first-time moms receive the
care and support they need to have a healthy pregnancy,
provide responsible and competent care for their children,
and become more economically self-sufficient.
n PA PRE-K COUNTS: Pennsylvania Pre-K Counts provides free
half-day or full-day pre-kindergarten throughout Pennsylvania.
n PARENT -CHILD HOME PROGRAM: Pennsylvania’s ParentChild Home Program, provides a home visitor to help parents
learn how to read to and play with their children in a way that
promotes early learning and builds a positive parent-child bond.
Regardless of how difficult a situation gets,
you always have a choice.
A choice to remain in the situation, to continue forward, or not.
A choice to speak up for your child and your family.
A choice to be your child’s Champion.
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Paid for by
The Grable Foundation,
The Heinz Endowments,
and The William Penn Foundation.
Fun and Games with Songs
Singing together is learning together. Songs help your child connect
words with their meanings. So, fill your house with songs and music.
Here are some of the rhymes and songs that children love best.
Learn the words, learn the motions, and sing along with your child.
This Little Piggy (can be done on fingers or toes)
This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had none. And this little piggy cried,
“Wee, wee, wee!” All the way home.
touch
touch
touch
touch
and
and
and
and
wiggle
wiggle
wiggle
wiggle
thumb
index finger
middle finger
ring finger
touch and wiggle pinky
The Itsy, Bitsy Spider
The itsy, bitsy spider
Went up the water spout. Down came the rain And washed the spider out.
Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain.
And the itsy, bitsy spider Went up the spout again.
put finger to opposite thumb and pretend to crawl up
wiggle fingers from top of “spout” down to lap
move hands/arms across lap;
ie, motion of safe in a baseball game
move hands in large circles to show sun coming out
show spider again going up
If You’re Happy and You Know It
If you’re happy and you know it,
Clap your hands.
Clap your hands.
Then your face will surely show it,
Clap your hands.
Suggestions for other verses:
stamp your feet
pat your legs
wiggle your ears
Civitas thanks Parents as Teachers, an international early childhood parent education and family support program, for their ongoing support.
Fun and Games with Songs, page 2
Teapot
I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. bend knees
put hand on hip with elbow out;
the other hand should go out to be a spout
When I get all steamed up,
Hear me shout,
“Tip me over and pour me out.” pretend to tip over
The Wheels on the Bus
The wheels on the bus go round and round, bend your arms and make them go around like wheels
Round and round, round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
All through the town.
The people on the bus go up and down, Up and down, up and down.
The people on the bus go up and down,
All through the town.
sit up and down
Other verses:
The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish.
use your hands as wipers back and forth
The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep.
pretend to beep a horn
The money on the bus goes clink, clink, clink. pretend to put money in
The driver on the bus says, “Move on back.”
hand-motion your thumb over your shoulder
to move on back
Born Learning SM is a public engagement campaign helping parents, caregivers and communities create early learning opportunities for young children. Designed to support you
in your critical role as a child’s first teacher, Born Learning educational materials are made available through the efforts of United Way, United Way Success By 6 and Civitas.
For more information, visit us online at www.bornlearning.org.
This Civitas tool was adapted for the Born Learning campaign. © 2006 Civitas
PT/E/0506
Five key ideas for new parents
You can help your child learn better and be happier
just by following these five simple guidelines.
Understand and
respond to your
baby’s needs
Talk, sing and read
Take care of
yourself so you can to your child
care for your child
Create a predictable Provide a warm and
world for your child loving environment
You can’t “spoil” an infant, so go
to her when she fusses or cries.
By responding to your baby’s cues,
you teach her that you care about
her needs and that she can trust
you. Ignoring a baby’s needs can
do harm by causing stress levels
to rise. You may not always
understand your baby’s cues, but be
patient. This is a learning process
for both you and your baby. If she
likes what you are doing, you know
you are getting it right.
Becoming a parent can be
overwhelming and exhausting.
Unless you take care of yourself,
you will have a hard time taking
good care of your child. For this
reason, it is important to have
support from friends, family or
community organizations.
Do not be afraid to ask for help
caring for your child.
Providing routines and expected
responses gives your child a
sense that the world is a
trustworthy place. It also teaches
him that he can depend on you.
If your child understands this, he
will spend less energy fussing
over his needs and more time
learning. Routines can include
basic activities like feeding and
bathing.
Let your child hear your voice as
much as possible—it does not
matter what you say to him. The
newborn brain is especially
interested in sound. You can form
a deep emotional connection
between you and your child by
simply sharing the sound of your
voice with him. Sounds also are
important to a newborn because
they are the building blocks of
speech and language.
Born Learning™ is a public engagement and material distribution campaign that provides important information about what young children
need every day to ensure quality early learning. Designed to support you in your critical role as a child’s first teacher, Born Learning materials are
made available through the efforts of United Way, United Way Success By 6 and Civitas. For more information, visit us online at bornlearning.org.
Helping your child feel safe and
secure is the key to encouraging
growth and development. A child
who feels loved will have an
easier time learning about the
world around her. Therefore, make
sure you interact with your child,
providing love and affection.
your child @
TM
highlights of what’s happening
at this stage of your child’s development…
birth
Welcome to a whole new world! No parent is ever really ready for the changes that
come with having a new baby. It’s a wonderful time, but it’s also a challenging time,
full of new worries, new feelings and new experiences. Just remember, ask for help
when you need it and don’t expect everything to be perfect.
your child’s health
take note…
The American Academy of
Pediatrics suggests that you
tell your doctor if you notice
any of the following during
your baby’s second, third, and
fourth weeks of life:
• Sucks poorly or feeds
slowly.
• Doesn’t blink in bright light.
• Doesn’t focus and follow
movement of a nearby
object.
• Rarely moves arms and
legs, seems stiff.
• Seems very loose in
the limbs or floppy.
• Lower jaw trembles
constantly, even when
the baby is not crying
or excited.
• Doesn’t respond to loud
sounds.
Reviewed and approved by the
American Academy of Pediatrics
Well Visits
Before leaving the hospital, your baby should have a complete
physical exam. Unless there are health problems, your baby
should have her first well visit sometime during her first month,
and another one at eight weeks. If you are concerned about
your child’s health in between visits, call her doctor.
Sleep
Your infant’s sleep will be disorganized during her first six
weeks, because she doesn’t yet know the difference between
day and night. At six weeks, her total sleep may be about
16 hours per day, including a stretch of four to six hours per
night. You can help to soothe your newborn to sleep by:
• Swaddling her securely in a blanket or cloth.
• Letting her suck on a pacifier, bottle, hand or wrist.
• Rocking or swinging your baby gently.
• Giving her a soft massage.
Typical immunizations at this age will include:
• Hepatitis B
SIDS
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) was formerly known
as crib death. To reduce the risk of SIDS:
• Always place your baby on his back to sleep during
naptime and at nighttime, and remind other caregivers
to do so as well.
• Keep toys and other small objects out of your baby’s
crib to prevent choking.
• Make sure the mattress and bedding are firm and flat
and fit perfectly into the crib without gaps between the
crib walls.
• Do not place your infant to sleep on soft surfaces such
as waterbeds, sofas, soft mattresses, pillows, comforters
or sheepskins. Also, keep toys and stuffed animals out
of the crib. They can smother your baby.
• Dress your baby in as many layers of clothing as you
would wear and keep the temperature in your baby’s
room comfortable for an adult.
• Do not smoke around your baby.
Nutrition
Breast milk is the ideal food for infants, however, formula
is an acceptable and nutritious alternative. If you want to
breastfeed and need support, talk with your doctor.
According to the AAP, breastfed babies generally eat more
frequently than bottle-fed infants. Some breastfed newborns
will need to nurse every two hours, others every three.
Formula-fed infants will need to eat every three to four
hours. Remember to burp him after each feeding.
Cleaning and Bathing
Sponge Baths
Your infant’s umbilical stump will fall off 10 to 20 days after
birth, leaving a small wound that will take a few days to heal.
Until then, wipe your baby’s body with a clean, warm, wet
washcloth instead of using a bathtub. Be sure to regularly
wipe her face and hands and carefully clean her genitals.
Tub Baths
After the umbilical stump heals, you can give your baby a
traditional water bath in the kitchen sink or a plastic baby
tub. To bathe a newborn:
• Fill the tub with two to three inches of warm water.
(Double-check the water temperature before placing
your baby in the tub.)
• Gradually slip the baby into the tub using your hand
to support her head and neck.
• When using the sink, seat your baby on a washcloth
and hold her under the arm to prevent slipping.
• Pour cups of bath water over her instead of water
directly from the spout.
• Wash her with a gentle hair and body soap.
• Wrap your baby in a towel and pat her dry.
Sources: Your Baby’s First Year and Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, American Academy of Pediatrics, Steven P. Shelov, MD, FAAP, editor
in chief; Understanding Children, Civitas and Richard Saul Wurman; KidBasics, Civitas; Healthy Sleep, Happy Child, Marc Weissbluth, MD.
your child @
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birth
(continued)
Jaundice
Many newborns have a jaundiced or yellowish skin color,
which may last the first week or two — until the newborn’s
liver begins to remove bilirubin from the blood. Your baby
should be examined for jaundice at the hospital. If she has
been diagnosed with jaundice at the hospital, it is important
that she be examined again between three and five days of
age. If you have any concerns, you should call your baby’s
doctor.
Skin Care: Sun Exposure
Do not expose your baby to direct sunlight. The risks or
your child’s growth
and development
nurturing your child
your child’s safety
take note…
Never place a baby in the front seat
of a car with an activated air bag.
The strength of the air bag could
kill your baby.
benefits of sunscreen use are not yet known for babies
younger than six months of age. If your baby needs to be
outdoors, discuss sunscreen use and other options with
your pediatrician.
Skin Care: Cradle Cap
What it is: A dry, flaky, harmless scalp condition that
usually goes away on its own after several months.
Treatment: Washing with water or gentle baby shampoo
and brushing the hair regularly can help. If the problem
continues, talk to your doctor about special shampoo to
treat the condition.
The AAP says that your infant should achieve these milestones by the end of his first month:
Movement:
• Makes jerky, quivering arm thrusts.
• Brings hands up to eyes and mouth.
• Moves head from side to side
while lying on stomach.
• Has strong reflex movements.
Eyesight:
• Focuses 8 to 12 inches away.
• Eyes wander and occasionally cross.
• Prefers black and white or high
contrast patterns.
• Prefers human faces to patterns.
Hearing:
• Has fully matured hearing.
• Recognizes some sounds.
Smell and Touch:
• Recognizes the scent of his
mother’s breast milk.
Take Care of Yourself. Becoming a parent is overwhelming
and exhausting. Make sure you get plenty of support from
friends, family or community groups. Don’t be afraid to ask
for help. Call your doctor if your “baby blues” last more
than two weeks.
Understand and Respond to Your Baby’s Needs. You
cannot spoil an infant, so be sure to go to him whenever
he fusses or cries. When you answer him, he learns that
you understand his signals and are going to take care of
his needs.
Follow Your Baby’s Cues. As you respond to your baby’s
needs, you will learn what her different cries mean and how
to soothe her. If she likes what you’re doing, you know you
are getting it right! If she does not, experiment. After all,
this is a learning process for both you and your baby.
Talk, Sing, Read and Play with Your Baby. Just as a baby’s
body depends on parents for food to grow, his brain
depends on experiences to grow and develop. Talk, sing,
read and play with your baby right from the start to help
him learn.
General Safety
• Never leave your baby unattended on any surface
above the floor.
• Don’t attach pacifiers or other objects to your baby or
the crib with a cord, string or necklace of any type.
• Always support the baby’s head and neck when moving
her body.
• Never shake your baby.
• Call 1-877-KIDS-NOW to see if your baby qualifies for
free or low-cost health insurance.
In the Car
The law requires that your baby ride in:
• A properly installed, federally approved car seat every
time she is in the car.
• The rear facing position.
• The back seat.
• For more information, go to www.fitforakid.org.
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2 months
Learning begins at birth and your child at two months has been learning a lot! He is
already able to smile at you and tell you by crying if he’s hungry, cold or scared. At this
stage, the most important factors in his healthy development are loving relationships
with warm, responsive and dependable adult caregivers. It’s essential to make the most
of this critical period in his growth by spending lots of time holding, cuddling, playing
and reading with your child.
Make sure your child’s
immunizations are up-to-date.
Typical immunizations at this
age will include:
• DTaP (diphtheria, tetanus
and whooping cough)
• Hib (protects against
meningitis)
• IPV (polio injection)
• Hepatitis B
• Prevnar (pneumococcal)
The Well Visit
At two months, your baby should have another well visit.
• Bring notes with you about your baby’s habits, such as
sleeping and feeding, and ask any questions you may
have at your visit.
• Until your baby is three months old, always call the
doctor if he develops a rectal temperature of 100.4˚ F
or higher.
• Your baby’s next well visit will probably take place at
four months. Contact the doctor if issues arise between
visits about your child’s health and development or
illnesses.
take note…
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics,
at two months, let your doctor know if your baby:
• Doesn’t notice his hands.
• Doesn’t smile at the sound of your voice.
• Doesn’t follow moving objects with his eyes.
• Doesn’t respond to loud noises.
Sleep
Your baby needs about 16 hours of sleep in a 24-hour
period to maintain healthy development. Your baby should
be starting to have one long stretch of nighttime sleep
(between four to six hours). However,
she is still too young to have a set
daytime nap schedule.
• Encourage nighttime sleep by
putting your baby to sleep
between 6 and 10 pm, turning
off lights and keeping the
area quiet.
• Always put your baby to
sleep on her back to
reduce the risk of SIDS.
Nutrition
At this age, your baby is not ready for cereal or any solid
foods. Until your baby is six months, provide only breast
milk or formula. Your baby will generally take four
to five ounces per feeding, or 20 to 25 ounces per day.
safety tip…
Never shake or spank your baby. Shaking can cause
brain damage.
Colic
Colic usually sets in between two weeks and three to four
months of age. An infant with colic is an otherwise healthy
baby who cries for more than three consecutive hours at a
time, three days a week, for three weeks or more.
To
•
•
•
•
•
console a colicky baby, try the following:
Let your baby suck on a pacifier, bottle, hand or wrist.
Rock or swing your baby.
Take her for a drive or stroll.
Swaddle your baby by wrapping her securely in a blanket.
Try to stay calm, since your baby can sense when you
are stressed.
• Create shushing sounds or white noise by running a
hair dryer, a fan, a vacuum cleaner, the shower/water
faucet, or a recording of wind or surf.
• Hold your baby on her left side or stomach until she
falls asleep. Be sure to roll her onto her back once
she is asleep.
your child @
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2 months
and development
safety tip…
Keep small objects that present
a choking hazard away from your
baby. (Anything that fits in a
toilet paper tube is too small.)
Read to Your Child from Day One. When you read together,
you help your child learn to love books — and you!
• Introduce cloth or board books to explore.
• Choose books with bright colored pictures, familiar
objects or photos of babies.
Play Together Right from the Start. Play allows your baby
to explore and express herself, connect with other people
and make sense of her surroundings.
• Make silly faces, tickle her body. You are your baby’s
first toy.
• Slowly move objects in front of your baby and watch
as he tracks them with his eyes.
Take Care of Yourself, So You Can Take Care of Your Baby.
Your moods and lack of energy can affect your baby as well.
• Let your doctor or a friend know if you have signs of
post-partum depression, including feelings of sadness,
anxiety or restlessness.
• Take breaks from your baby to rest and re-fuel.
Create a Predictable World for Your Baby. Providing routines
lets your baby know that he can depend on you, allowing
him to spend less energy fussing over his needs and more
time learning.
• Create routines for your child to follow every day —
children thrive on consistency.
• Build routines that suit your style. Before bedtime you
can: read a book, give a bath, talk to stuffed animals,
hug and kiss, say “I love you.”
Call 1-877-Kids-Now to see if
your baby qualifies for free or
low-cost health insurance.
In the Car
Your baby must ride in a car seat that is:
• Rear-facing.
• In the backseat (ideally, in the middle of the backseat).
• Properly attached or secured.
remember…
Never leave your baby unattended anywhere near water.
Babies can drown in less than one inch of water.
Sing Songs. Your voice will soothe your baby and the sounds
and rhythms will teach her about words and language.
• Repeat your favorite songs and nursery rhymes again
and again.
• Play fun music at play time, or relaxing rhythms to calm
your baby at bedtime.
Talk to Your Baby. Babies learn by listening to you talk,
so the more you talk to your baby, the better.
• Talk about what you see and what you are doing during
everyday activities.
• Watch as he communicates through his coos, smiles,
laughs and cries.
• Respond to your baby’s sounds and give him time
to respond to yours.
Provide a Warm and Loving Environment. A baby’s ability
to learn depends upon her emotional well-being; a baby
who is content and comfortable has an easier time learning
about the world.
• Tune in and respond to your baby. An infant cries only to
let you know that she needs your help. Since you cannot
spoil an infant, pick up your baby whenever she cries.
• Show her you care about her by making eye contact
(at about 8 to 12 inches away), holding her close or
rocking her in your arms.
remember…
Discipline is never appropriate for infants. They have
no control over their actions and therefore should not
be held accountable.
In the Crib
• Empty the crib of blankets, pillows, and stuffed
animals — any of these can smother the baby.
• Avoid devices that maintain sleep positions, since
many of these have not been tested for safety and
none have been proven to decrease the risk of SIDS.
• Keep your baby’s room at a temperature that’s
comfortable for adults — don’t make it too warm.
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4 to 6 months
By about four to six months, your baby will be cooing and gurgling, wiggling and
kicking, rolling over and trying to sit up by herself. Remember to talk, sing and read
to your baby every day, and let her use soft and colorful books as toys. Your loving
relationship with her will make all the difference in her learning.
age will include:
• DTaP or DTP
• Polio
• Hepatitis B
• Hib
The Well Visit
At four months, your baby may have another well visit.
Prepare for the visit by observing your baby’s habits and
making notes about questions you may have. Bring supplies
with you such as books or toys to entertain him, a blanket
to keep him warm, and diapers and wipes to change him.
• When your baby becomes used to spoon feedings, add
single ingredient smooth or pureed foods, like carrots,
peas or apples, or “stage one” baby foods in the jar.
To make sure your baby is not allergic to a specific
food, be sure to wait for at least two to three days
before starting another new food.
take note…
Your Child’s Teeth
Clean your baby’s new teeth daily by brushing with a soft
child’s toothbrush and water.
at four months let your doctor know if your baby:
• Doesn’t seem to respond to loud noises.
• Doesn’t reach for and grasp toys.
• Doesn’t babble or try to imitate any of your sounds.
• Doesn’t push down with her legs when her feet are
placed on a firm surface.
• Has trouble moving her eyes in all directions.
• Doesn’t pay attention to new faces, or seems very
frightened by new faces or surroundings.
Contact your doctor if issues about your child’s health and
development or illnesses arise between visits and always
call your doctor if your baby is older than three months
and has a temperature of 101˚ F or higher. Your baby’s
next visit may be at six months.
Nutrition
At this age, breast milk or iron-fortified formula are still the
primary forms of nutrition. Although the AAP’s Committee
on Breastfeeding recommends waiting to introduce solids
until six months, you may begin to introduce single
ingredient cereals at around four to six months. Basic
strategies for starting solids are:
• Mix single ingredient solids like rice cereal with equal
amounts of breast milk or formula.
• Start with one feeding of solids a day (such as single
ingredient cereals). Add a second when your baby can
eat two to three tablespoons per feeding.
Sleep
At this age, your baby should be sleeping about 15 hours
per day. He may be taking either two or three daytime
naps and may be waking twice per night for feedings.
Although your baby is too young to have a regular sleep
schedule, there are steps you can take to help him learn
healthy sleep habits:
• Put him to bed between 6 and 8 pm every night.
• Start a bedtime routine that you can follow consistently,
no matter where you are. Activities might include giving
your baby a bath, singing a song, reading a book, and
hugging good night.
safety tip…
Although your baby can roll over on his own, you should
still place your baby to sleep on his back (don’t worry
if he rolls over on his own). Also, lower the mattress to
its lowest level if your baby can sit up; don’t put toys,
pillows and large blankets in the crib with your baby;
and keep the temperature in your baby’s room
comfortable for an adult.
your child @
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4 to 6 months
and development
safety tip…
Keep small objects that present
a choking hazard away from your
baby. (Anything that fits in a
toilet paper tube is too small.)
safety tip…
Never shake or spank your baby.
Shaking can cause brain damage.
remember…
Never leave your baby
unattended anywhere near
water. Babies can drown in less
than one inch of water.
Between four and six months, you will be able to observe
amazing changes in your baby. Your child may:
Physically
• Try to grab things with her hands.
• Wiggle and kick with her arms and legs.
• Sit with support.
• Begin teething.
• Roll over from stomach to back and back to stomach.
Discipline
Discipline is never appropriate for babies. Since they cannot
control their actions, they should not be held accountable
for them. At this age, babies simply need your attention
and affection. Therefore, you should always pick up your
baby when she cries, and try to read and respond to all
of her needs. You cannot spoil your baby at this age.
Play
Play with your baby! Early exposure to simple toys will
activate your baby’s imagination and help him grow. Also,
your playful loving care will help you form a strong, secure
relationship with your baby. Try activities like these:
• Help your baby hug stuffed animals. Use them to touch
and tickle your baby.
• Stack plastic rings and knock them down.
• Place your baby on his tummy to help strengthen his
neck, torso and upper body.
In the Bath
• To prevent burns, always check the temperature of
the water before setting your baby in the water. Also,
never put a baby in a tub with running water since the
temperature can quickly change and burn the baby.
• Fill the bath with only two to three inches of water.
In the Car
Your baby must always ride in a car seat that is:
• Properly attached or secured, and rear-facing.
• In the backseat (ideally, in the middle of the backseat).
• For more information go to www.fitforakid.org.
Socially and Emotionally
• Respond to a shaking rattle and peek-a-boo games.
• Express herself by laughing when happy, or crying or
turning away to show signs of fear, anger or dislike.
Intellectually
• Use eyes and hands together.
• Explore objects with her mouth.
• Use verbal and non-verbal cues to signal her needs.
• Understand that she can reach to touch objects.
• Try to talk to image of self in mirror.
Literacy
Your baby has already begun to learn language by listening
to you talk, tell stories and sing songs. When she moves
her mouth and makes sounds, she is trying to imitate you.
Also, the first steps towards writing begin when she learns
to grasp at objects. So, even at this young age, there is
a lot you can do to help her skills along:
• Let her listen to songs and music with different rhythms.
• Surround your child with books by incorporating reading
into your daily routines.
• Give your baby cloth or board books that have pictures
with bright contrasting colors, and textures and objects
to touch and feel.
Around the House
• Do not give your child toys with small parts to play
with or chew. They present a choking hazard.
• Never leave your baby on a bed, couch or chair where
she can roll off and fall. A baby may move faster than
you would expect and get seriously hurt.
• Do not drink or carry hot liquids when holding your
child or when children are nearby.
• Contact Poison Control immediately if you think your
child has eaten or drunk something poisonous:
1-800-222-1222.
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6 to 12 months
By the end of your baby’s first year of life, she might already be crawling and trying to
take her first steps. Remember that a warm, responsive and dependable adult caregiver
is the most essential ingredient to her healthy development.
age will include:
• DTaP (diphtheria, tetanus
and whooping cough)
• Hib (protects your child
against meningitis)
Other than the flu vaccine,
vaccines do not usually occur
at the nine month visit, unless
your child has missed earlier
vaccinations.
The Well Visit
Your baby will probably have well visits at six months and
again at nine months.
Sleep
At this stage, your baby still needs two or possibly three
naps a day — a morning, afternoon, and late day nap. Put
your baby down to sleep for the night between 6 and 8 pm,
and expect her to sleep 11 to 13 hours. However, even as
late as eight or nine months, she may still wake for a night
feeding — especially if she’s being breastfed.
take note…
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, you
should let your doctor know if your baby:
…at 6 months:
• Seems very stiff, with tight muscles.
• Seems very floppy, like a rag doll.
• Refuses to cuddle.
• Doesn’t seem to enjoy being around people.
• Cannot sit with help.
• Does not laugh or squeal.
• Does not actively reach for objects.
…at 9 months:
• Drags one side of body while crawling (for over a month).
• Does not point to objects or pictures.
• Does not search for objects that are hidden while he
watches.
and development
Physically
At 6–9 months, your baby will probably:
• Sit alone without support.
• Reach for a cup or spoon when being fed.
• Transfer objects from one hand to the other.
• Crawl well.
• Pull herself to a standing position.
keep in mind…
• If your baby doesn’t like a new food, don’t give up —
re-introduce it in a few days. Often a baby needs to
try a food several times before he will eat it.
• Avoid foods that could cause choking such as whole
grapes, popcorn, uncooked carrots, hot dogs, nuts
or hard candy.
Nutrition
Although you might have introduced cereals to your baby
over the past few months, she should still be drinking
about 24 ounces of breast milk or formula per day.
Once your baby adjusts to cereal, move on to new,
single-ingredient foods — fruits and vegetables first; then
introduce protein. Experiment with mashed or pureed
foods, but remember to introduce only one food type at
a time for at least two to three days to detect allergies
and sensitivities.
At around nine months, your baby should eat three meals
a day while still receiving breast milk or formula. Serve
soft, easily gummed and digestible finger foods cut into
safe, bite-sized pieces. He’ll love small pieces of cheese,
steamed vegetables and fruit or Cheerios.® Avoid foods
that need to be chewed. He should also begin drinking
from a sippy cup, and by his first birthday (or soon after),
he should be weaned from the bottle.
Intellectually
• Make noises to show displeasure or satisfaction.
• Look for a ball rolled out of sight.
At
•
•
•
•
9–12 months, your baby will probably:
Play Pat-a-Cake.
Dance or bounce to music.
Say her first word.
Clap hands, wave goodbye.
your child @
TM
6 to 12 months
and development
(continued)
• Try to talk to image of self in mirror.
• Become distressed if a toy is taken away.
• Respond to own name and recognize family
members’ names.
• Show mild to severe anxiety at separation from parent.
• Offer toys or objects to others but want them to be
returned.
• Push away toys or foods when she doesn’t want them.
• Become attached to a favorite toy or blanket.
Attachment
Over the next months, your child will show her strong
attachment to her primary caregiver by acting upset when
she leaves and happy when she returns. To ease the
anxiety caused by separating:
• Say goodbye, so she learns that you will come back.
• Explain that you are going to leave, but that you’ll return.
• Provide a comfort object that will make her feel close
to you.
Discipline
At this age, a baby still doesn’t understand discipline.
Instead, as your child gains mobility, your focus should turn
to safety and exploration:
• Distract or redirect your baby from unsafe objects or
activities.
• Never use physical punishment.
Literacy
Between 6 and 12 months, your baby will begin to
communicate with you — first by mimicking your sounds,
and then by speaking his first words. To encourage his
ability to talk as well as his love of reading:
• Talk and interact face-to-face so he begins to understand
the connection between sounds and words.
• Point to familiar objects and people everywhere and ask
him to identify them.
• Sing songs with repetitive verses and hand motions that
will interest your baby, such as The Wheels on the Bus.
• Provide books that are made of cardboard or cloth to
withstand a little chewing and make page turning easier.
Play
At this age, a baby will use play as a chance to develop new
cognitive, physical and social skills. Watch your child — you
can learn so much about your child’s interests by simply
observing. In addition:
• Provide tummy time to help strengthen the neck, torso,
and upper body as well as time to practice walking,
pushing, pulling, climbing and jumping.
• Play hide-and-seek with different objects. Your child will
enjoy seeing the objects appear and disappear.
As your baby begins to crawl, he will want to touch
everything he can — this is how he learns about his world.
Therefore, make his environment safe.
• Install safety latches on cabinets, drawers, and toilets.
• Cover unused electrical outlets with outlet covers and
use cleats to secure dangling cords on drapes and blinds.
keep in mind…
Always be aware of your baby’s safety. Never leave her
unattended near water, open windows, fireplaces or any
electrical appliances. Watch her carefully when she is in
the kitchen or bathroom where potential dangers are
everywhere.
• Gate staircases and steps, cover sharp edges of
furniture and ledges on fireplaces.
• Keep older children’s toys out of your baby’s reach.
These may have small parts that can be a choking
hazard for your little one.
• Keep all detergents, medicines, sharp objects out of
your child’s reach.
• Contact Poison Control immediately if you think your
child has eaten or drunk something poisonous:
1-800-222-1222.
YC-BL/E/0207
your child @
TM
12 to 18 months
Your child at 12 to 18 months is developing a real personality. She is still growing rapidly,
but not as dramatically as in the first year. As she begins to walk, run and climb, she
gains confidence and a greater sense of independence. At this stage, your child needs
encouragement and freedom to explore, as well as clear boundaries and limits to feel safe.
take note…
According to the American
Academy of Pediatrics, at 12
months, let your doctor know
if your baby:
• Does not crawl.
• Drags one side of body
while crawling for over
one month.
• Cannot stand while
supported.
• Doesn’t search for objects
that are hidden while he
watches.
• Says no single words.
• Does not point to objects
or pictures.
• Does not use gestures such
as waving or shaking head.
and development
The Well Visit
At your child’s one-year check-up, you should expect your
doctor to:
• Give certain vaccinations, listed below, which will keep
your child healthy and growing strong.
Your next visit may be at 15 or 18 months.
Typical immunizations at this age will include:
• Polio • Hepatitis B • MMR (measles, mumps, rubella)
• Chicken Pox • Hib • Prevnar (pneumococcal)
• DTaP or DTP
Sleep
At around 12 to 18 months, your child needs about 14
hours of sleep in a 24-hour period. At this time, most
children start giving up their morning nap and instead take
one longer afternoon nap per day. As your child begins to
lose the second nap, you may notice he is ready for bed
a little earlier while he adjusts to the change — anytime
between 6 and 8 pm.
Nutrition
Eating. At 12 months, a baby should eat a balanced diet of
healthy foods, such as: squash (vegetable), bananas (fruit),
cheese (dairy), or chicken (meat).
All foods should be cut into small pieces so that the child
can feed independently without the risk of choking. Foods
you should AVOID include:
• Raw carrots
• Popcorn
• Nuts
• Hot dogs
• Hard candy
• Whole grapes
Because your baby is still exploring most foods, she
probably won’t eat a lot at a single sitting. So, try to provide
five or six small meals a day instead of three larger ones.
Drinking. By 12 months, your baby is ready to stop
drinking formula and begin drinking up to 24 ounces of
whole milk a day. He should be drinking from a cup rather
than a bottle. Don’t forget to offer water throughout the
day.
keep in mind…
Now that your child has teeth, you should brush them daily
with a baby toothbrush and water.
Between 12 and 18 months, your child might be able to:
Physically
• Walk without help.
• Enjoy holding objects while walking — often one in
each hand.
• Hold a crayon and scribble (but with little control).
• Gesture or point to indicate what she wants.
• Turn pages in a book.
• Like to push, pull and dump things.
Intellectually
• Understand and follow simple, one step directions.
• Say about 8 to 20 understandable words, including
“hi” and “bye” if reminded.
• Identify objects in a book, if prompted.
• Pay attention to conversations.
• Enjoy being held and read to.
• Imitate others with sounds and facial expressions.
• Play alone with toys.
your child @
TM
12 to 18 months
Literacy
As your child’s vocabulary grows, his interest in books and
songs will grow, too. Take advantage of his interests by
reading, singing and talking all the time.
• Make reading interactive by asking questions while
looking at pictures and reading stories. Even though
your child cannot yet answer fully, pay attention to his
verbal and non-verbal responses.
• Provide your child with books that can easily be carried
by little hands and which offer flaps and textures he
can explore.
• Teach new songs and incorporate hand movements
such as “Pat-a-Cake” and “Itsy-Bitsy Spider.”
Discipline
Your child’s growing sense of independence will push her
to test her behavior with you. This is the right time to set
a few limits. Your child’s first rules should help protect her
safety and be enforced clearly and consistently. You can
also try these age-appropriate discipline techniques:
• Stay one step ahead. Distract or redirect your child from
unsafe objects or activities.
• Save “no” primarily for safety issues. If your child hears
“no” too often, she will start to tune it out.
• Use non-verbal communication. Give a stern or firm
look for minor incidents.
As your child becomes increasingly mobile and curious, you
must make “child-proofing” your home a priority.
In the Car
• When your child is at least 12 months old and weighs
at least 20 pounds, she can ride in a forward facing car
seat (although the AAP recommends that babies remain
rear-facing as long as possible) in the backseat of the car.
• For more information, go to www.fitforakid.org.
take note…
Now is the time make sure the mattress on the crib is
lowered all the way. It is also important to keep the side
rail up when your child is in bed.
Play
Your child’s desire and ability to do things on her own will
extend to her play. So, allow your child to use toys in any
way she wants. When your child is able to explore freely,
she learns to imagine, invent and problem solve. Other
considerations:
• Plan play dates. Consider your child’s nap time so she
won’t be too tired to spend time with her new friend.
Remember, children at this age are too young to be
expected to share.
• Allow time for your child to play alone. Independent
play allows him to choose and direct the activity, and
helps build confidence.
• Try new ways to play games like peek-a-boo and
introduce new toys she can push and pull, or items she
can stack such as boxes or cups.
take note…
Never use spanking or other physical punishment. Spanking
is never an effective form of discipline.
Around Your House
• Block staircases and the kitchen with gates, install
safety latches on toilets, drawers, and cabinets or
anyplace where cleaning materials are kept.
• Cover sharp edges, electric outlets and fireplaces.
• Keep hot liquids out of reach.
• Make sure window treatments are not strangling
hazards and install window guards to prevent your child
from falling out.
• Call Poison Control immediately if you think your child
has eaten or drunk something poisonous:
1-800-222-1222.
YC-BL/E/0207
your child @
TM
18 to 24 months
Your child at 18 to 24 months is becoming his own person. His sense of independence
is growing as he starts to walk, run and climb with greater ease. This is a wonderful time
to help your child’s rapidly growing vocabulary by talking to him about everything, and
reading together every day.
age will include:
• DTaP or DTP
• Hepatitis B
• Polio
• Chickenpox
and development
The Well Visit
At your child’s 18-month check-up, you should expect your
doctor to give certain vaccinations. Also, use this visit to
catch up on any missed immunizations. Usually shots are
completed by the 18th month and therefore no shots will
be needed at 24 months. Most doctors have you bring your
child in for a well visit again at 24 months. Contact your
doctor if issues about your child’s health and development
or illnesses arise between visits.
Nutrition
By 18 months, toddlers should eat most table foods
cut up into small pieces, drink from a sippy cup and be
fully weaned from a bottle. Because toddlers may not be
interested in sitting still for meals, you can make sure
your toddler gets enough food by:
• Giving him five to six small meals per day.
• Offering finger foods so she can feed herself.
• Making meals fun by serving foods with a variety of
colors, textures and tastes.
Between 18 and 24 months, you will see your toddler make
great strides in all areas of development. By the time your
child reaches 24 months, he will probably do most of the
following:
Intellectually
• Refer to self by name and use the words “me”
and “mine.”
• Copy single words spoken by someone else and use
the words “please” and “thank you” if prompted.
• Choose between two objects.
• Enjoy humming or trying to sing familiar songs.
• Use two to three word sentences.
take note…
take note…
at 18 months, let your doctor know if your child:
• Cannot walk.
• Fails to develop a mature heel-toe walking pattern
after several months of walking, or walks exclusively
on his toes.
• Does not speak at least 15 words.
• Does not seem to know the function of common
household objects (brush, telephone, fork, spoon).
Sleep
Most toddlers sleep about 14 hours a day. They often take
one nap a day, usually from about 1 to 3 pm, and go to
bed between 6 and 8 pm. It is still important for her to
sleep during the day. If she is well rested, she can fall
asleep easier and sleep longer during the night.
Physically
• Walk well and run, even though he may not always
stop and turn well.
• Toss or roll balls.
• Enjoy moving on small-wheeled riding toys.
• Feed himself with a spoon.
• Begin to gain some control of bowels and bladder.
• Imitate actions.
• Get angry and even may have temper tantrums.
• Act shy around strangers.
• Have trouble sharing.
• Show signs of independence, like saying “no” and
trying to do many things independently.
At this age, your child needs the freedom to explore and
make choices, as well as clear limits to follow.
your child @
TM
18 to 24 months
remember…
To encourage good behavior from
your child, you should try to
be patient as well as clear and
consistent with your rules and
consequences.
Discipline
Because your child is starting to understand expectations
and consequences, you can begin to teach your child
proper behavior. You should try to:
• Praise good behavior — teach through positive
reinforcement.
• Ignore small incidents and accidents, such as spilled milk.
• Give your child the opportunity to correct misbehavior
by giving her a second chance.
• Never use spanking or other physical punishment and
limit your use of the word “no.”
• Model good behavior.
Literacy
This is a period of huge growth for language skills and
you can help your toddler along by talking and reading
with her as much as you can.
• Teach new words all the time. The more you speak
to your toddler about what you are doing and what
is around you, the more you build his vocabulary.
• Expand your child’s language by adding to what he
says. If he says “kitty” you can say, “Yes, the kitty
is little and soft.”
• Pick books that address your child’s interests like
animals, trains or a new sibling.
• Even if your child can’t speak yet, ask “Where’s?” and
“What’s?” whenever you can while looking at pictures
and reading a story.
• Add songs and rhymes into all of your routines, sing
“Rock-a-Bye Baby” at bedtime or “Rub-a-Dub-Dub” at
bath time.
• Give your child the tools to learn by scribbling, drawing
or pretending to write.
As a parent, safety always should be your first concern.
• Limit access to rooms, drawers and dangerous objects:
block staircases, install safety latches on cabinets,
toilets and drawers and cover sharp edges.
• Avoid climbing accidents by using “L” brackets to
secure large objects and furniture and installing
window guards to prevent your child from falling out.
Attachment
Your toddler is, at the same time, excited about his newfound independence, but hesitant to stray too far from you.
Chances are, he struggles with goodbyes and returns often
to your side. To help your child transition away from you:
• Say goodbye when you leave. At first he might cry, but
soon he’ll learn that you always come back. If you leave
without saying goodbye, he may begin to fear that you
may slip out at any time, and so he may cling to you
even more.
• See that your child is involved in an activity when
you’re ready to leave. If he’s busy, he will have an
easier time getting over your departure and getting
re-involved after you leave.
take note…
When you leave, give your child an object that will soothe
him and make him feel close to you.
Play
You may notice that as your child approaches two, she does
less imitative play and more fantasy or pretend play, plays
with toys for longer periods of time, and enjoys doing things
for herself. Use these strategies to enhance your child’s play:
• Play simple recognition games. Place three familiar
objects in front of your child and say, “Please give me
the…”
• Encourage your child to play by himself, but be
available to help out if an activity seems too difficult.
• Arrange play dates. They can be rocky but it is good
for toddlers to learn about interaction with other
children. Remember, toddlers are just learning how
to play with someone else and should not always be
expected to share.
• Keep hot liquids out of reach.
• Make sure window treatments are not strangling hazards.
1-800-222-1222.
YC-BL/E/0207
your child @
TM
24 to 36 months
By the time your child reaches 36 months, she will probably have a vocabulary of around
900 words and use three to five word sentences. Your child at this stage is bursting with
curiosity. Your praise, encouragement and support as she works to perfect her motor
skills and increase her knowledge of the world around her will help her grow up strong,
happy and confident.
take note…
Academy of Pediatrics, at 24
months, let your doctor know
if your child:
• Cannot push a wheeled toy.
• Does not follow simple
directions.
• Does not imitate actions or
words.
• Cannot walk (by 18 months).
• Fails to develop a heel-toe
walking pattern after several
months of walking or walks
exclusively on toes.
• Does not speak at least
15 words by 18 months.
• Does not use two word
sentences.
The Well Visit
Most doctors have you bring your child in for a two-year
check-up. By age two, your child has received most of her
immunizations, including: Hep B, Hib, Polio, DTaP or DTP,
MMR, and Chickenpox. Use this visit to catch up on any
missed vaccinations. Your doctor may also do a lead test at
this time and should check cholesterol if you have a family
history of heart disease and/or high blood pressure.
Nutrition
At this age, children often become picky eaters and lose
interest in food. You may find that some days, your child
might not be interested in food at all, and other days, he
might only want to eat a certain type of food. Be assured,
when you child is hungry, he will want to eat — it is your
job to ensure you are providing healthy options by offering
a variety of nutrient-rich foods.
Sleep
Moving out of the crib. For many, it’s time to leave the crib
and move on to a bed.
• Make the transition exciting by talking about the big
bed and the items that might go in it such as new
bedding or favorite stuffed animals.
• Stick to the same bedtime (between 6 and 8 pm) and
make sure your child understands that she can’t get out
of bed once she’s been kissed good night and tucked
in. If your child gets out of bed, you should quietly and
calmly take her back to bed until she learns to stay
there. It might be necessary to return her to the crib
and try making the transition in a month or so.
• Continue with your normal routines like reading, singing
and bathing even after you’ve moved your child to a
big bed.
Toilet Training
Around this time, your child will begin to show signs that
he is ready for toilet training. If you have any questions
talk to your health care provider. In general, your child is
ready if he does any or some of the following:
• Pulls his pants up and down.
• Is interested in the toilet and imitates others’ bathroom
habits.
• Can and will follow simple instructions.
• Dislikes the feeling of being in a dirty diaper.
• Understands the physical signs that indicate he has
to “go” before “going.”
• Has long “dry” periods.
Starting the process
• Buy a child-sized potty seat or attachment for the toilet.
Let him get comfortable with it and practice sitting on it.
• Teach him to sit and wipe. Teach him to sit first, then stand.
• Take it slow. Some children take a couple of weeks to
learn, for others it takes months.
Remember
• Wait to begin until you are both ready.
• Be encouraging and patient.
• Try not to worry about what others say and think.
• Accidents are natural — don’t punish your child.
safety tip…
Make sure that the area around your child’s bed is safe,
in case she falls or gets out of her bed by herself at night.
your child @
TM
24 to 36 months
and development
You can expect your toddler to do most of the
following by the time she reaches three years old:
Physically
• Throw and kick a ball.
• Zip and unzip.
• Help to put things away.
• Drink from a cup without spilling.
• Pull off and begin to put on her own clothes.
• Jump in place and walk on tiptoes.
remember…
Although a temper tantrum is a
natural and healthy expression
of your child’s emotions and
frustrations, he must be taught that
it is not an acceptable behavior.
The Terrible Twos
Between two and three, your child is beginning to realize
that he is a person independent from you. He will want to
exercise his free will, largely by opposing much of what you
want or expect from him. His protests will probably include
temper tantrums and heavy use of the word “no.”
Tips for taming tantrums
• Try to keep your cool. He will lose control even more
if you really lose your temper.
• Rather than using physical punishment, create
consequences that relate to the behavior. For example,
remove a child from the store if he misbehaves.
• Stay in control by not giving in to unreasonable
demands.
• Discuss the issue. When your child is calm, validate his
feelings while letting him know that his behavior is not
acceptable.
• Avoid problem-causing situations. If you know your
child throws a fit when he’s hungry, remember to carry
snacks with you.
safety tip…
Two-year-olds still must ride in the backseat of a car in
a car seat with a harness — preferably in the middle of
the backseat. Check with your state laws to see when your
child will be ready to switch to a booster (usually around
age four).
Intellectually
• Call herself by her own name.
• Have a vocabulary of 900 or more words.
• Point and name her own body parts when asked.
• Use phrases and three to five word sentences.
• Initiate her own play activities.
• Want routines to always be the same.
• Observe other children at play and join in.
• Have a hard time sharing things.
Play
Your child is now learning to incorporate her real-life
experiences into pretend play. This is her way of figuring
out the world around her. For example, you’ll see her
“talking” on the phone, driving a car, talking to a friend
when she’s by herself. You can encourage this type of play by:
• Helping her create imaginative games and new ways to
use toys. Blocks can be flying cars or even zoo animals.
• Giving her time to play by herself. Playing alone gives
her a chance to process and understand what she has
been doing and learning all day.
Literacy
Expand your child’s language by reading together every
day and by:
• Asking questions about the book you’re reading
to include her in the story and to make sure she
understands.
• Offering materials to scribble, draw or pretend to write.
• Encouraging her to identify letters and their sounds.
• Pointing to words when you read. This will help your
child understand how the reading process works.
• Choose toys that do not have small parts.
• Although your child has probably mastered the stairs
and corners, you should still block staircases, latch
cabinets, toilets and drawers, secure large objects and
furniture with “L” brackets, and install window guards
to prevent your child from falling out.
1-800-222-1222.
YC-BL/E/0207
your child @
TM
3 years
Your “little baby” is off to preschool, where her world will broaden seemingly overnight.
And she’ll need your hand to guide her. As she makes friends, you can teach her to
share. As she potty trains, you can help her practice. With encouragement and patience,
you can help set up your child for success.
take note…
Academy of Pediatrics, you
should let your doctor know
if, by the time your child is
four, she cannot or does not:
• Jump in place.
• Grasp a crayon between
thumb and fingers.
• Scribble.
• Use sentences of more
than three words.
• Use “me” and “you”
appropriately.
The Well Visit
Expect to take your child to the doctor for checkups when
she turns three and again, when she is four. Exams might
include tests to check for lead poisoning, tuberculosis, and
kidney and metabolic diseases. Also, well visits are a good
chance to check with your pediatrician about any booster
shots that your child may need before starting school and
be sure to catch up on any missed immunizations.
The Dentist
By the time your child turns three, she should have almost
all of her 20 baby teeth. This means it’s time to visit the
dentist if you haven’t already.
Before the visit. Prepare your child by talking about what
will happen at the dentist’s office and reading books about
going to the dentist.
At the dentist. The dentist will count and examine your
child’s teeth, and give a lesson about how to brush her teeth.
• Brush teeth at least once per day (especially at night).
• Use a child-size toothbrush with a pea-sized bit of
fluoride toothpaste.
• Let your child brush her teeth herself and then help
her to make sure her teeth get cleaned. Is brushing a
battle? Give her your toothbrush so that she can “clean”
your teeth while you clean hers.
Nutrition
Part of the family. At this age, your child’s eating habits
should be similar to yours. She should eat the same foods
at the same times, and use child-size utensils.
Beware. Choking is still a hazard because your child has
not yet mastered chewing and swallowing. So, make
portion sizes small, especially when serving:
• Grapes (cut them in half ).
• Hot dogs (slice in half across and lengthwise).
• Raw vegetables, such as carrots and celery.
• Peanut butter (avoid spoonfuls).
• Avoid entirely foods such as hard candies and cherries
with pits.
Sleep
Goodbye naptime. Between the ages of three and four,
children commonly give up their afternoon naps. Your child
should sleep anywhere from nine to thirteen hours per day.
Hello bedtime battles. As a way of gaining control of her
world, your child may try to resist bedtime. You can ease
the process if you:
• Stick with the bedtime routine.
• Allow your child to make choices — pick out pajamas
or books to read.
• Provide a sense of security with night lights, security
blankets or stuffed animals.
Toilet Training
At this age, children’s toilet skills are all over the board.
Some kids may have mastered it. Others may be just
starting. Don’t get down on your child (or yourself) if your
child is still learning. No matter where your child is in the
process, you will probably deal with:
Accidents. They happen. Don’t get mad or make a big deal
about it. This will only discourage your child from trying on
her own again.
Preschool. First, your child’s preschool may require her to
be trained in order to attend. So, set her up for success:
• Let her use toilets outside of your home.
• Dress her in clothes that are easy for her to pull up
and down.
• Have boys practice from a standing position.
Staying dry at night. Help her along by:
• Using the potty right before bed.
• Limiting liquids after 5 pm.
• Putting her to bed in underwear instead of pull-ups.
• Making the potty accessible to her in the night.
your child @
TM
3 years
and development
Your child should be able to do most or all of the following
by the time he turns four years old:
Physically
• Throw and kick a ball.
• Draw circles and squares.
• Begin to copy capital letters.
• Dress and undress.
Sharing
To have a friend means to be a friend. Whether at school
or at a playgroup, you’ll notice that your child is beginning
to make friends. For the first time, he faces difficult new
issues like sharing and taking turns.
To help your child understand these concepts, you can:
• Show him how to share. Offer your child a pen from
your desk in exchange for one of his markers. Also, let
him see you sharing with others. Use the word “share”
during these interactions, so he can begin to connect
the word to the action.
• Use “share-friendly” toys. When your child has a friend
over to play, put out toys that lend themselves to
sharing and cooperating. Try blocks, dress up clothes,
art supplies and climbing toys. Also, before guests
arrive, put away toys that your child does not want
to share.
In the Car
Booster time? If your child has reached the top weight or
height allowed for her car seat, her shoulders are above
the top harness slots, or her ears have reached the top of
the seat, she is ready for a booster seat. Always use a lap/
shoulder belt with a booster seat.
Intellectually
• Identify “same” and “different” objects.
• Talk in short sentences so that others can understand.
• Tell and remember parts of stories.
• Cooperate with other children.
• Engage in fantasy play.
• Understand that there are ways to solve problems.
• Practice with your child. Play games that involve taking
turns such as board games, the memory game and
hide-and-seek are good.
• Encourage and explain. Praise your child when he
shares, but don’t punish him if he does not. Instead,
wait until you are alone with your child and talk about
sharing. Explain that just because he lets his friend use
his toy doesn’t mean that the friend will get to go
home with it.
Television/Computer time
Limit media watching (including TV, computer, video
games, etc.). One to two hours per day is more than
enough. Also, monitor the shows he watches. Tune into
shows that have nice messages. Tune out violence.
take note…
Now that your child is interacting more with other children,
she is more likely to be exposed to new germs. Remind her
to wash her hands well when she comes in from outside,
after using the toilet and before she eats.
Note: Stick with the booster until the adult seat belt fits
properly, usually between 8 and 12 years old and about
4’9” tall.
YC-BL/E/0207
your child @
TM
4 years
This year, your child will finish preschool and get ready for kindergarten. It’s a big jump
and with it comes growing pains. Your child will challenge himself to learn new things —
like staying dry through the night or tying his shoes. As he does, he will face frustration.
Your encouragement and support can ease aggravation and help him accomplish his goals.
take note:
According to the Academy of
Pediatrics, you should let your
doctor know if, by the time
your child is five, she exhibits
any of the following:
• Very fearful, timid or
extremely aggressive
behavior.
• Unable to concentrate on
one activity for more than
five minutes.
• Little interest in playing
with other children.
• General unhappiness or
sadness much of the time.
• Trouble eating, sleeping
or using the toilet.
• Can’t tell the difference
between fantasy and
reality.
and development
The Well Visit
At your child’s yearly check-up, her doctor may test her
hearing and vision. Also, don’t forget to check with the
pediatrician about required booster doses for school entry
and be sure to catch up on any missed immunizations.
Sleep
Your child probably sleeps between 10 to 12 hours per night
and no longer takes an afternoon nap.
Those things which most often cause children to wake in
the middle of the night include:
• Bad/vivid dreams. If your child wakes in the night from
a bad dream, comfort her until she is able to go back
to sleep. You also may want to talk to her about the
dream.
• Night terrors. These are episodes in which a child
may suddenly bolt upright in bed, cry, scream, moan,
mumble, and thrash about with her eyes wide open,
even though she is not truly awake. Do not wake your
child. Rather, stay with her until the terror ends and
she calms down.
• Bedwetting. Reward your child for dry nights, but do
not punish her for wet nights. Give her lots of support.
Seek professional help if the problem persists.
Your child should be able to do most or all of the following
by the time he turns five years old:
Intellectually
• Use future tense. For example, “Tomorrow I am going
to school,” or “On my next birthday I will be five.”
• Tell her full name and address.
• Count ten or more objects.
Nutrition
Encourage healthy eating by offering:
• Three meals per day, plus two small snacks.
• Small portions.
• Nutritious food.
• Explanation about why eating healthy is important for
your body. Talk about how eating fruits, vegetables,
low-fat meats and whole grains helps your body stay
healthy.
• Chances for your child to plan meals and prepare foods.
Take your child grocery shopping and let her pick out
a new fruit to try. Cook healthy meals together —
smoothies with fresh fruit, pizza with cheese, blueberry
muffins. Visit an apple orchard or farm, to help your
child understand about natural foods.
• A good example. If you choose healthy foods for
yourself, your child will likely follow.
notes about toilet training…
The AAP says to see your doctor if your child:
• Stays dry at night for a while, but then begins to wet at
night again and must go back to wearing training pants.
• Is five and still consistently wets the bed.
• Is completely toilet trained for at least six months but
suddenly begins to have many accidents during the day
and night.
• Want to be like her friends.
• Exhibit greater independence, such as a willingness
to visit a friend’s house alone.
• Easily agree to rules.
• Enjoy singing, dancing and acting.
Physically
• Hop on one leg.
• Do somersaults.
• Copy triangles and other geometric patterns.
your child @
4 years
TM
Discipline
Rules for all ages. Your child will act out periodically.
Whatever the reason, you should handle discipline with
the same set of rules:
• Don’t say “no.” If you constantly tell your child “no,” he
will stop listening. Use positive wording instead. Say,
“Let’s jump off the pillows instead of the bed,” and
only say “no” when necessary. Give your child as much
freedom to explore as possible.
• Give choices. Choices allow your child to feel in control
of his world. But make the choices limited so they are
not overwhelming, “Would you like to do a puzzle or
read a book after dinner?”
• Make your expectations clear. Set up rules that are easy
to understand and enforce them time and again. For
example, tell your child that he can play outside after
he cleans up his toys.
Facing frustrations. Children this age may fall apart when
they can’t do certain activities on their own — color in
the lines, do a puzzle, put on their shoes. To help prevent
these meltdowns, you should:
• Understand your child’s limits — be aware of what
situations might frustrate your child, and suggest your
child take time away from difficult tasks.
• Offer options that might calm your child. Make yourself
aware of activities or behaviors that help your child
relax (taking a walk around, breathing deep) and direct
him towards them when you see his frustration rising.
In the Car
Your child should ride in his booster seat until the adult
seat belt fits properly, usually between 8 and 12 years old
and about 4’9” tall.
Home Fire Drills
Plan and practice. In addition to a working fire extinguisher
and smoke detectors, your family should have a plan for
members to follow in the event of a fire.
Around the House
Because your child is more independent at home, safety
precautions must be taken to assure he doesn’t get hurt
while on his own.
• Never leave your child unattended near water, even if
he knows how to swim.
• Remove cleaning substances, medicines, vitamins, and
toxic houseplants out of the child’s reach.
• Keep hot food and drink away from your child’s reach.
• Keep pots on back burners of the stove.
Street Safety
• Be sure your child wears a bike helmet while riding
a scooter or bicycle.
Do not, however, do the task for your child. This will
prevent your child from learning how to cope with
frustration as well as master the skill he is developing.
YC-BL/E/0207
your child @
TM
5 years
This is a big year for your child! It brings with it the start of kindergarten as well as a
new sense of independence (that may test your patience), developmental achievements
and social relationships. At this time, what your child needs most is your attention,
respect and patience.
The Well Visit
Your child might have her hearing and eyesight checked at
this year’s check-up. Her vision should be 20/30 or better.
Check with your child’s doctor and school to ensure she
has had the required vaccinations.
Nutrition
A taste of independence. The start of kindergarten may
mean that your child will eat at least one meal per day
outside of your home. Make sure she’s prepared. Talk to
her about healthy eating habits and the importance of a
balanced diet. Also, make sure she knows about any food
allergies or other dietary restrictions that she has.
and development
Sleep
Fighting sleep? Sleep defiance issues are typical. To find
a solution:
• Determine the cause of the behavior (attention-seeking,
fear of something, exerting independence) and make
proper adjustments. (Change the bedtime, put in a
night light.)
• Set aside time each day to talk to your child about
school and other things going on in her world.
• Stick to your usual bedtime routine, but include
choices which will help your child feel in control.
• Stay consistent and firm. Every night, adhere to the
same bedtime rules. And, no matter how tired you
are, don’t give in to her requests or demands.
Your child should be able to do most or all of the following by the time he turns six years old:
Physically
• Assist in making his bed.
• Color within lines.
• Tie his shoes.
• Jump rope independently.
Intellectually
• Use past, present and future tenses accurately.
• Group similar objects together.
• Understand the idea of today, tomorrow and yesterday.
• Identify most letters and numbers.
• Retell a story from a picture book with reasonable
accuracy.
• Comfort friends who are sad or hurt.
• Understand that there are rules when playing games.
• Express feelings.
Because each child develops
differently, you should
use these developmental
milestones as only a general
guideline of what to expect
from your child.
your child @
5 years
TM
Handling Defiance, Back Talk and Lies
Keeping authority. Here are some strategies to help you
manage your child’s new independence.
• Praise good behavior. This is the best way to encourage
more of the same.
• Be respectful. Don’t yell. And, before you ask him to do
something, make sure he knows how to do it.
• Pick your battles. Respect his needs to feel independent
and explore. Also, where you can, avoid situations that
trigger your child’s defiant streak.
Stopping the sass. Talking back is often a sign of anger,
frustration, fear or disappointment. When you respond:
• Stay cool. Be a good role model for your child. Speak
quietly and calmly.
• Offer support. Let your child know that you understand
that something is bothering him, but that he cannot
behave badly.
• Make rules. Teach him that when he yells, you will
either ignore him or leave the room. Tell him that if he
speaks nicely, you will listen.
take note…
Simply telling your child to not
talk to strangers is not good
advice. Sometimes, such as
when you introduce her to a
friend of yours, it’s okay to talk
to a stranger. Or, if your child
is lost, she should know to ask
someone for help.
Dealing with Strangers
Tell your child that she should walk away and find an adult
she knows if approached by anyone who:
• Asks her for help.
• Shows her a picture of a pet.
• Asks to take her picture.
• Tells her that there is a family emergency.
• Calls her by name even though she doesn’t know him.
Uncovering the truth. A kindergartner may make up
stories for lots of reasons. Before you confront your child,
try to understand why he lied. Was it to protect himself
from punishment, act out a fantasy or simply to get your
attention? You also may want to read books with your
child about telling the truth, to help him understand the
importance
of honesty.
Preparing for Kindergarten
Great beginnings... The start of kindergarten is a time of
excitement, anxiety and change for a child. To get your
child off on the best foot, you should help him understand
what to expect before classes begin.
• Talk about school. Discuss what he will do during the
day, how many kids will be in his class, his teacher’s
name, what he will carry in his backpack.
• Take your child through his new routine. Drive or walk
to school and back. Take a tour of the school. Show
him his classroom.
• Be supportive. Appreciate that going to kindergarten is
a big deal for your child. Listen to his concerns, answer
questions and read books about starting school. Be
patient if his transition is rough.
• Keep it calm at home. With all the adjustments to
school, it is important that home remain a safe haven.
Try to stick to the same routines. Don’t schedule your
child for many other activities. Provide for plenty of
down time. Make yourself available to play with and
talk to your child.
On the Playground
Check places your child plays for:
• Sharp points, corners or edges, splintered wood or hot
metal (such as slides).
• Openings that might trap a child’s hands or feet, and
loose cables, wires and ropes that may trip a child.
• Equipment that is not securely anchored to the ground,
including handrails, ladders and steps.
YC-BL/E/0207
Session 1
Positive Solutions for Families: Making a Connection
Session 1—Activity #1
Relationship Activity
1
(1) Think of someone who was really special to you when you were growing up. Write this
person’s name below. What is/was your relationship to this person?
(2) What made you think of this person?
(3) What did this person do that made him/her so important or special to you?
11/08
The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning
Vanderbilt University
vanderbilt.edu/csefel
Session 1
Things to Try at Home!
“Filling/Refilling” Activity
2
List 5 things that you will try to do in the next week to “fill/refill” your child’s relationship tank—
things that will make your child feel really special!
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
Some ideas to try…
reading a book together
taking a walk together
singing favorite songs together
saying “I love you”
eating dinner together
asking your child about his/her day
hugs, high fives, kisses, winks, thumbs-up
playing together
letting your child be your special helper (helping with dinner, laundry, etc.)
11/08
Session 1
Encouragement Log
3
Tip 1
Get your child’s attention.
Tip 2
Be specific!
Tip 3
Keep it simple (try to avoid combining encouragement with criticism).
Tip 4
Encourage your child with enthusiasm!
Tip 5
Double the impact with physical warmth.
Tip 6
Use positive comments and encouragement with your child in front of others.
Try to encourage your child at least 5 times this week.
I encouraged my child or used
positive comments when…
11/08
What happened? How did your child
respond? How do you think your child
felt? How did you feel?
Session 2
Positive Solutions for Families: Making It Happen!
Parent Encouragement and
Positive Comments!
4
Write an encouraging note or positive comment to yourself about something
you did with your child this past week that you feel really proud about!
11/08
Session 2
5
Play as a Powerful
Parenting Practice
Powerful Parenting Practice Tips:
Tip 1:
Follow your child’s lead.
Wait, watch, and then join your child’s play
Tip 2:
Talk, talk, talk! Talk about and describe what your child is
doing while you are playing together.
Tip 3:
Encourage your child’s creativity and imagination.
Tip 4:
Watch for cues that your child might be losing interest.
Tip 5:
Avoid power struggles.
Tip 6:
Have fun together!
Your Play Goal for the Week
What you did together
11/08
How your child reacted
:
Positive comment or encouragement
that you used
Session 2
Session 2—Handout #6
Supporting Development
of Friendship Skills
6
Before Play
• Arrange for your child to play with 1 or 2 other children.
• Try to pick a play partner who has good play skills.
• Provide enough toys or materials to prevent the likelihood of sharing problems.
• Prepare your child for the playtime by talking about how to be “a good friend.” To make it
fun, you can play “What would you do if….” games with your child to talk about things
that might happen and what your child can do.
During Play
• Stay nearby so that you can help the children interact or come up with play ideas.
• Keep playtimes short until your child is able to play well without supervision.
• Remind the children to use their words when negotiating.
• Help your child see the other child’s perspective.
After Play
• Make sure your child knows all the things he or she did well during the playtime
(deposits/ positive comments/encouragement). Let him/her know how he/she was “a
good friend.” Be specific. For example, say, “You were being a good friend when you
offered to help your friend with the puzzle.”
• Ask your child if he/she enjoyed playing and follow his/her lead in describing what
happened during playtime.
• If the playtime went well, set another time for the children to get together again.
• If the playtime did not go well, talk to your child about some things he/she could do to
make the next playtime better and review these before the next play session.
11/08
Session 2
Encouraging Positive Behavior
List behaviors you would
like to see LESS of:
11/08
List behaviors you would
like to see MORE of:
7
List ways to ENCOURAGE
your child to use the behaviors
you would like to see:
Session 3
Why Do Children Do What They Do?
Positive Comments!
8
11/08
Session 3
9
Session 3 – Activity #9
Determining the Meaning
of Behavior
Number of times
behavior occurred
Describe the Challenging Behavior
How long the
behavior lasted
What Happened Before?
___ I told or asked my child to do something
___ Changed or ended my child’s activity
___ I removed an object from my child
___ An object was out of reach
___ My child was doing an activity he/she didn’t like
___ My child requested something
___ My child was playing alone
___ My child moved from one activity to another
___ I told my child “No,” “Don’t,” “Stop”
___ I was giving attention to others
___ The task/activity was difficult for my child
___ Other (specify) ______________
What Happened After? How did it end?
___
___
___
___
___
I
I
I
I
I
gave my child attention
gave my child an object/activity/food
removed my child from activity/area
ignored my child
used “time-out”
___
___
___
___
___
I punished or scolded my child
I withdrew my request or demand
I hugged my child
I helped my child
Other (specify) ______________
Why do you think your child was using this behavior?
What do you think he/she was trying to tell you?
11/08
Session 3
9
of Behavior
Number of times
behavior occurred
How long the
behavior lasted
___ Other (specify) ______________
___
___
___
___
___
I
I
I
I
I
ignored my child
used “time-out”
___
___
___
___
___
I hugged my child
I helped my child
11/08
Session 3
9
of Behavior
Number of times
behavior occurred
How long the
behavior lasted
___ Other (specify) ______________
___
___
___
___
___
I
I
I
I
I
ignored my child
used “time-out”
___
___
___
___
___
I hugged my child
I helped my child
11/08
Session 3
9
of Behavior
Number of times
behavior occurred
How long the
behavior lasted
___ Other (specify) ______________
___
___
___
___
___
I
I
I
I
I
ignored my child
used “time-out”
___
___
___
___
___
I hugged my child
I helped my child
11/08
Session 3
Positive Words Activity
Let’s Practice
10
Tell your child what to do instead of what not to do.
Clearly and simply state what you expect your child to do.
Have age-appropriate expectations.
Use language that your child can understand. Young children often have difficulty with
contractions (two words that are combined to form one, such as “don’t” and “can’t”).
Don’t…
Do…
Don’t run!
Stop climbing!
Don’t touch!
No yelling!
Stop whining!
Don’t hit!
No coloring on the wall!
Don’t throw your truck!
11/08
Session 3
Household Rules
Write out 3-5 household rules. Remember the “rules” for rules:
• Set no more than 5 rules.
11
• State rules as “do’s” (not “don’ts”)—tell your children what you want them “to do.”
• Pick rules that apply to many situations.
11/08
Session 3
Teach Your Household Rules
•
•
•
•
•
12
Make a rules chart (pictures may be helpful) with your child.
Discuss and demonstrate the rules until you are sure that your child understands the rules.
Review the rules every day! You can even make up songs about the rules!
Remind your child of the rules before challenging behavior can occur.
Praise your child for following the rules.
Don’t worry about how to respond if your child does not follow the rules. At this point, we just want
to focus on teaching your child the rules and expectations!
How to TEACH rules:
Step by Step—Focus on teaching your child the new skills and expectations.
• Children need to have tasks broken down for them. Often we have to help them learn how to
do the skill before we can expect them to do it independently. That might involve showing them
how, doing part of a task and having them finish it, or asking them to only do one part of the
task.
Review, Review, Review!—Review the new rules many, many times!
• It may take repeated review of the new information before your child really understands it. If
you show your child the rules chart only 1 time and then forget to review it again, and again,
and again, he/she is going to forget what is on it.
Practice, Practice, Practice—Give your child many opportunities to follow the rules.
• Children need lots of practice to learn new skills.
Support, Not Criticism—While your child is practicing the rule, help him/her or tell him/her how
great it is that he/she is trying.
• When we learn something new, we need people to encourage us and cheer us on.
Celebrate Your Success!
• Give your child encouragement. Let your child know how proud you are!
How did it go? Write comments to bring back to the next session:
11/08
Session 4
Positive Solutions for Families: Teach Me What to Do
Positive Comments!
13
11/08
Session 4
14
Session 4 – Handout #14
Feeling Words
Emotional Vocabulary is the ability to recognize, label, and understand feelings in one’s self and
other.
To
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Enhance Emotional Vocabulary:
Talk about your feelings.
Say to your child, “Tell me how that makes you feel.”
Teach new emotion words (e.g., frustrated, confused, anxious, excited, worried, disappointed).
Talk about how characters in a book, video or on a TV show may feel.
Reflect on specific situations and discuss feelings.
Accept and support your child’s expression of feelings.
Use books and art activities to talk about emotions.
Talk aloud about your own feeling in a variety of situations.
Describe how your child’s face looks or pictures of people in magazines and books.
Pretend play with toy figurines, stuffed animals, or puppets and have them use “feeling words.”
Feeling words that 3-5 year olds who are developing language typically understand: (Joseph 2001;
Ridge, Walters, & Kuejaz, 1985)
Affectionate
Agreeable
Angry
Annoyed
Awful
Bored
Brave
Calm
Capable
Caring
Cheerful
Clumsy
Confused
Comfortable
Cooperative
Creative
Cruel
Curious
11/08
Depressed
Disappointed
Disgusted
Ecstatic
Embarrassed
Enjoying
Excited
Fantastic
Fearful
Fed-up
Free
Friendly
Frustrated
Gentle
Generous
Glad
Gloomy
Guilty
Happy
Ignored
Impatient
Important
Interested
Jealous
Joyful
Lonely
Lost
Loved
Mad
Nervous
Overwhelmed
Peaceful
Pleasant
Proud
Relaxed
Relieved
Sad
Safe
Satisfied
Scared
Sensitive
Serious
Shy
Stressed
Strong
Sick
Stubborn
Tense
Terrific
Thoughtful
Thrilled
Tired
Troubled
Unafraid
Session 4
Embarrased
Frustrated
Happy
Lonely
Loved
Mad
Nervous
Proud
Relaxed
Sad
11/08
Scared
Session 4
Book Nook
15
Using Books to Support Social Emotional Development
Glad Monster Sad Monster
By Ed Emberley & Anne Miranda
Little Brown and Company, 1997
Glad Monster Sad Monster is a book about feelings with fun monster
masks that children can try on and talk about times when they felt
glad, sad, loving, worried, silly, angry and scared—just like the
monsters! Each monster is a different color to represent specific
emotions. For example, the yellow monster is glad when he gets to
open presents, play ball, slurp ice cream and dance with his friend!
Examples of activities that can be used while reading Glad Monster Sad Monster and
throughout the day to promote social and emotional development:
• While reading the story, pause and ask children if they feel the same way the monsters do. For
example, do they feel glad when they get to play ball like the yellow monster? Ask what other
kinds of things make them feel glad. Do they think the same kinds of things that make them
feel glad would also make yellow monster feel glad?
• Show the monster masks while reading about each monster and have children talk about how
they can tell what the monster feels by looking at his face. For example, Blue Monster has a
frown on his face that makes him look like he might be feeling sad.
• After reading about each monster, have children try on the monster masks (or make their own
monster masks and talk about times when they felt glad, sad, silly, etc.)
• Have children make glad monster/sad monster stick puppets. Give each child 2 blank paper
circles (one yellow/one blue). Ask them to draw a glad monster face on the yellow circle and a
sad monster face on the blue circle. Help them glue their monster faces back to back with a
popsicle stick in the middle. Talk about or role play different situations and ask children to hold
up their glad monster or sad monster puppet according to how they think the monster would
feel. For example, explain that Purple Monster was playing with his favorite truck when Red
Monster came and took it away because he wanted to play with it. Ask how they think that
would make Purple Monster feel. Why? Have children think of other things that Red Monster
could try if he wants to play with Purple Monster’s truck.
• Make a chart that shows each color monster and emotion from the book (yellow/glad,
blue/sad, pink/loving, orange/worried, purple/silly, red/angry, green/scared), Encourage each
child (& teacher!) to put a mark, write their name or place a sticker beside the monster that
shows how they are feeling that day. Ask why they feel that way. With the help of the
children, count the number of marks to see how many children feel glad, sad, silly, etc. Talk
about/problem solve what they can do to change the way they feel if they marked that they are
feeling worried or angry.
11/08
Session 4
Reading the same book for several days in a row is a great way to provide more opportunities for
children to feel confident and competent, which is an important part of social and emotional
development. Children become able to talk about the story, predict what will happen next, learn new
vocabulary words, talk about their own experiences in relation to the story and even make up their
own story! Try reading Glad Monster Sad Monster for several days in a row and use some of the
ideas, activities and teaching opportunities listed below to enhance children’s social and emotional
skills.
Monsters
Talk about the monsters in the book. Ask children if they have ever seen a movie or read a different
book about monsters. How did those monsters make them feel? Refer back to any books that you
have read in class that had a monster. Ask the children if they can remember some of the emotions
that the monsters felt in the book. What made the monsters feel this way?
Music/Movement: Have children create a name for 2 or 3 different monsters using feeling words
(Hank the Happy Monster, Allie the Angry Monster, Wu-Ying the Worried Monster, Sam the Silly
Monster, etc.). Write these on a chart that everyone can see. Together, talk about how each monster
might move. For example, Hank the Happy Monster might skip around and jump for joy, while Allie
the Angry Monster might move by stomping her feet and raising her arms above her head! Create a
game by telling the children that when you call out the name of one of the monsters, everyone will
move like that monster. You might want to play monster’s background music while you are all
moving like the monsters!
Art: Let each child make a “feeling monster” by using a paper cup or toilet/paper towel tube and
attaching various items to it (yarn, buttons, pipe cleaners, pom poms, ribbon, etc.). Children can
make “feeling” faces on their monsters and give their monsters a feeling name! Talk to children
about their monster—what is their monster feeling. Why does their monster feel that way? What
happened? They can also write a story about their feeling monster and make their own book!
Literacy/Writing: Have children create their own Glad Monster Sad Monster Book. Have a copy of
the book at the literacy/writing center. Remind children how each monster in the book talked about
activities or events that made then feel a certain way. Children can pick which emotions they want to
use for their book and then draw pictures of the monster as well as pictures of the things that make
them feel that way. For example, children might pick the pink monster (loving), they would draw
their "loving" monster and then draw things that make them feel loved such as being hugged by
mom and dad, baking cookies with grandma, playing ball with dad, reading a book with mom,
playing a game with their teacher, playing with their friend etc... Adults can help children write the
words in their book to describe the pictures.
11/08
Session 4
Children’s Book List
16
Being a Friend
A Rainbow of Friends by P.K. Hallinan (Ages 4-8)
Best Friends by Charlotte Labaronne (Ages 3-5)
Can You Be a Friend? by Nita Everly (Ages 3-6)
Can You Talk to Your Friends? by Nita Everly (Ages 3-6)
Care Bears Caring Contest by Nancy Parent (Ages 3-6)
Care Bears The Day Nobody Shared by Nancy Parent (Ages3-6)
Fox Makes Friends by Adam Relf (Ages 3-5)
Gigi and Lulu’s Gigantic Fight by Pamela Edwards (Ages 3-7)
Heartprints by P.K. Hallinan (Ages 3-6)
How Do Dinosaurs Play with Their Friends by Jane Yolen and Mark
Teague (Ages 3-5)
How to be a Friend by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown (Ages 4-8)
Hunter’s Best Friend at School by Laura Malone Elliot (Ages 4-7)
I’m a Good Friend! by David Parker (Ages 3-5)
I Can Share by Karen Katz (Ages infant-5)
I Can Cooperate! by David Parker (Ages 3-5)
I am Generous! by David Parker (Ages 2-5)
I’m Sorry by Sam McBratney (Ages 4-7)
It’s Hard to Share My Teacher by Joan Singleton Prestine (Ages5-6)
Jamberry by Bruce Degan (Ages 2-5)
Join In and Play by Cheri Meiners (Ages 3-6)
The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry, and The Big Hungry Bear by Don &
Audry Wood (Ages 2-5)
Making Friends by Fred Rogers (Ages 3-5)
Making Friends by Janine Amos (Ages 4-8)
Matthew and Tilly by Rebecca C. Jones (Ages 4-8)
Mine! Mine! Mine! By Shelly Becker (Ages 3-5)
Mine! A Backpack Baby Story by Miriam Cohen (Ages infant-2)
My Friend Bear by Jez Alborough (Ages 3-8)
My Friend and I by Lisa John-Clough (Ages 4-8)
One Lonely Sea Horse by Saxton Freymann & Joost Elffers (Ages 4-8)
Perro Grande…Perro Pequeno/Big Dog…Little Dog by P.D. Eastman (Ages 4-8)
The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister (Ages 3-8)
Share and Take Turns by Cheri Meiners (Ages 5-8)
Sharing How Kindness Grows by Fran Shaw (Ages 3-5)
The Selfish Crocodile by Faustin Charles and Michael Terry (Ages 4-7)
Simon and Molly plus Hester by Lisa Jahn-Clough (Ages 5-8)
Sometimes I Share by Carol Nicklaus (Ages 4-6)
Strawberry Shortcake and the Friendship Party by Monique Z. Sephens (Ages 2-5)
Sunshine & Storm by Elisabeth Jones (Ages 3-5)
Talk an d Work it Out by Cheri Meiners (Ages 3-6)
That’s What a Friend Is by P.K. Hallinan (Ages3-8)
We Are Best Friends by Aliki (Ages 4-7)
11/08
Session 4
Accepting Different Kinds of Friends
And Here’s to You by David Elliott (Ages 4-8)
Big Al by Andrew Clements (Ages 4-8)
The Brand New Kid by Katie Couric (Ages 3-8)
Chester’s Way by Kevin Henkes (Ages 5-7)
Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkes (Ages 4-8)
Franklin’s New Friend by Paulette Bourgeois (Ages 5-8)
Horace and Morris But Mostly Dolores by James Howe (Ages 4-8)
I Accept You as You Are! by David Parker (Ages 3-5)
It’s Okay to Be Different by Todd Parr (Ages 3-8)
Margaret and Margarita by Lynn Reiser (Ages 5-8)
General Feelings
ABC Look at Me by Roberta Grobel Intrater (Ages infant-4)
“Baby Faces” books (most are by Roberta Grobel Intrater) (Ages infant-4)
Baby Faces by Margaret Miller (Ages infant-3)
Baby Senses Sight by Dr.S. Beaumont (ages infant -3)
Can You Tell How Someone Feels? (Early Social Behavior Book Series)by
Nita Everly (Ages 3-6)
Double Dip Feelings by Barbara Cain (Ages 5-8)
The Feelings Book by Todd Parr (Ages 3-8)
Feeling Happy by Ellen Weiss (Ages infants -3)
Glad Monster, Sad Monster by Ed Emberley & Anne Miranda (Ages infant-5)
The Grouchy Ladybug by Eric Carle (Ages 1-6)
The Pout Pout Fish by Deborah Diesen (Ages 3-5)
The Three Grumpies by Tamra Wight (Ages 4-8)
Happy and Sad, Grouchy and Glad by Constance Allen (Ages 4-7)
How Are You Peeling: Foods with Moods/Vegetal como eres: Alimentos con
sentimientos by Saxton Freymann (Ages 5-8)
How Do I Feel? by Norma Simon (Ages 2-7)
How Do I Feel? Como me siento? by Houghton Mifflin (Ages infant-4)
How I Feel Proud by Marcia Leonard (Ages 2-6)
How I Feel Silly by Marcia Leonard (Ages 2-6)
How Kind by Mary Murphy (ages 2-5)
I Am Happy by Steve Light (Ages 3-6)
If You’re Happy and You Know it! by Jane Cabrera (Ages 3-6)
Little Teddy Bear’s Happy Face Sad Face by Lynn Offerman (a first book about
feelings)
Lizzy’s Ups and Downs by Jessica Harper (Ages 3-9)
My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss (Ages 3-8)
On Monday When It Rained by Cherryl Kachenmeister (Ages 3-8)
Proud of Our Feelings by Lindsay Leghorn (Ages 4-8)
See How I Feel by Julie Aigner-Clark (Ages infant-4)
Sometimes I Feel Like a Storm Cloud by Lezlie Evans (Ages 4-8)
Smudge’s Grumpy Day by Miriam Moss (Ages 3-8)
11/08
Session 4
The Way I Feel by Janan Cain (Ages 4-8)
Today I Feel Silly & Other Moods That Make My Day by Jamie Lee (Ages 3-8)
What Makes Me Happy? by Catherine & Laurence Anholt (Ages 3-6)
What I Look Like When I am Confused/Como me veo cuando estoy confundido
(Let’s Look at Feeling Series) by Joanne Randolph (Ages 5-8)
When I Feel Frustrated by Marcia Leonard (Ages 2-6)
When I Feel Jealous by Marcia Leonard (Ages 2-6)feelings)
Lizzy’s Ups and Downs by Jessica Harper (Ages 3-9)
My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss (Ages 3-8)
On Monday When It Rained by Cherryl Kachenmeister (Ages 3-8)
Proud of Our Feelings by Lindsay Leghorn (Ages 4-8)
See How I Feel by Julie Aigner-Clark (Ages infant-4)
Sometimes I Feel Like a Storm Cloud by Lezlie Evans (Ages 4-8)
Smudge’s Grumpy Day by Miriam Moss (Ages 3-8)
Today I Feel Silly & Other Moods That Make My Day by Jamie Lee (Ages 3-8)
What Makes Me Happy? by Catherine & Laurence Anholt (Ages 3-6)
What I Look Like When I am Confused/Como me veo cuando estoy confundido
(Let’s Look at Feeling Series) by Joanne Randolph (Ages 5-8)
When I Feel Frustrated by Marcia Leonard (Ages 2-6)
When I Feel Jealous by Marcia Leonard (Ages 2-6)
Happy Feelings
Amadeus is Happy by Eli Cantillon (Ages 2-5)
Feeling Happy by Ellen Weiss (ages 2-5)
If You’re Happy and You Know it! by David Carter (Ages 2-6)
If You’re Happy and You Know It by Scholastic/Taggies book (Ages
infant-2)
The Feel Good Book by Todd Parr (Ages 3-6)
Peekaboo Morning by Rachel Isadora (Ages 2-5)
When I Feel Happy by Marcia Leonard (Ages 2-6)
Sad Feelings
Let’s Talk About Feeling Sad by Joy Wilt Berry (Ages 3-5)
Franklin’s Bad Day by Paulette Bourgeois & Brenda Clark (Ages 5-8)
How I Feel Sad by Marcia Leonard (Ages 2-6)
Hurty Feelings by Helen Lester (Ages 5-8)
Knuffle Bunny by Mo Willems (Ages 3-6)
Sometimes I Feel Awful by Joan Singleton Prestine (Ages 5-8)
The Very Lonely Firefly by Eric Carle (Ages 4-7)
When I’m Feeling Sad by Trace Moroney (Ages 2-5)
11/08
Session 4
Angry or Mad Feelings
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
(Ages 4-8)
Andrew’s Angry Words by Dorothea Lackner (Ages 4-8)
Bootsie Barker Bites by Barbara Bottner (Ages 4-8)
The Chocolate Covered Cookie Tantrum by Deborah Blementhal (Ages 5-8)
How I Feel Frustrated by Marcia Leonard (Ages 3-8)
How I Feel Angry by Marcia Leonard (Ages 2-6)
Llama Llama Mad at Mama by Anna Dewdney (Ages 2-5)
Sometimes I’m Bombaloo by Rachel Vail (Ages 3-8)
That Makes Me Mad! by Steven Kroll (Ages 4-8)
The Rain Came Down by David Shannon (Ages 4-8)
When I’m Angry by Jane Aaron (Ages 3-7)
When I’m Feeling Angry by Trace Moroney (Ages 2-5)
When I Feel Angry by Cornelia Maude Spelman (Ages 5-7)
When Sophie Gets Angry – Really, Really Angry by Molly Garrett (Ages 3-7)
Lily’s Purple Plastic Purse by Kevin Henkes. (Ages 4-8)
Scared or Worried Feelings
Creepy Things are Scaring Me by Jerome and Jarrett Pumphrey (Ages 4-8)
Franklin in The Dark by Paulette Bourgeois & Brenda Clark (Ages 5-8)
How I Feel Scared by Marcia Leonard (Ages 2-6)
I Am Not Going to School Today by Robie H. Harris (Ages 4-8)
No Such Thing by Jackie French Koller (Ages 5-8)
Sam’s First Day (In multiple languages) by David Mills & Lizzie Finlay (Ages 3-7)
Sheila Rae, the Brave, by Kevin Henkes (Ages 5-8)
Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes (Ages 5-8)
When I’m Feeling Scared by Trace Moroney (Ages 2-5)
When I Feel Scared by Cornelia Maude Spelman (Ages 5-7)
Caring About Others and Empathy
Bear Feels Sick by Karma Wilson and Jane Chapman (Ages 3-5)
Can You Tell How Someone Feels by Nita Everly (ages 3-6)
Understand and Care by Cheri Meiners (Ages 3-6)
When I Care about Others by Cornelia Maude Spelman (Ages 5-7)
Problem Solving
Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus by Mo Willems (Ages 2-7)
Don’t Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late! by Mo Willems (Ages 2-7)
I Did It, I’m Sorry by Caralyn Buehner (Ages 5-8)
It Wasn’t My Fault by Helen Lester (Ages 4-7)
Talk and Work it Out by Cheri Meiners (Ages 4-8)
11/08
Session 4
Self Confidence
ABC I like Me by Nancy Carlson (Ages 4-6)
Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman (Ages 4-8)
Arthur’s Nose, by Marc Brown (Ages 3-8)
The Blue Ribbon Day by Katie Couric (Ages 4-8)
Can You Keep Trying by Nita Everly (Ages 3-6)
I Can Do It Myself (A Sesame Street Series) by Emily Perl Kingsley (Ages 2-4)
I’m in Charge of Me!, by David Parker (Ages 3-5)
I am Responsible!, by David Parker (Ages 3-5)
The Little Engine that Could by Watty Piper (Ages 3-7)
Susan Laughs by Jeanne Willis (Ages 4-7)
Too Loud Lilly by Sophia Laguna (Ages 4-7)
Try and Stick With It by Cheri Meiners (Ages 4-8)
26 Big Things Little Hands Can Do by Coleen Paratore (Ages 1-6)
The Very Clumsy Click Beetle by Eric Carle (Ages 3-7)
Whistle for Willie/Sebale a Willie by Erza Jack Keats (Ages 4-7))
You Can Do It, Sam by Amy Hest (Ages 2-6)
Good Behavior Expectations
Can You Listen with Your Eyes? by Nita Everly (Ages 3-6)
Can You Use a Good Voice? by Nita Everly (Ages 3-6)
David Goes to School by David Shannon (Ages 3-8)
David Gets in Trouble by David Shannon (Ages 3-8)
Excuse Me!: A Little Book of Manners by Karen Katz (Ages infant-5)
Feet Are Not for Kicking (available in board book) by Elizabeth Verdick (Ages 2-4)
Hands are Not for Hitting (available in board book) by Martine Agassi (Ages 2-8)
Hands Can by Cheryl Willis Hudson (ages 1-5)
I Tell the Truth! by David Parker (Ages 3-5)
I Show Respect! by David Parker (Ages 3-5)
Know and Follow Rules by Cheri Meiners (Ages 3-6)
Listen and Learn by Cheri Meiners (Ages 3-6)
No Biting by Karen Katz (Ages infant-5)
No David by David Shannon (Ages 3-8)
No Hitting by Karen Katz (Ages infant-5)
Please Play Safe! Penguin’s Guide to Playground Safety by Margery Cuyler (Ages 2-5)
26 Big Things Small Hands Can Do by Coleen Paratore (Ages 3-5)
Quiet and Loud by Leslie Patricelli (Ages 1-3)
Words Are Not for Hurting by Elizabeth Verdick (Ages 3-6)
Session 4
Family Relationships
Are You My Mother? by P.D. Eastman and Carlos Rivera (Ages infant-5)
Baby Dance by Ann Taylor (Ages infant-4)
Because I Love You So Much by Guido van Genechten (Ages 2-5)
Counting Kisses by Karen Katz (Ages infant-5)
Full, Full, Full of Love by Trish Cooke (Ages 4-6)
Don’t Forget I Love You by Mariam Moss (Ages 2-7)
Guess How Much I Love You By Sam McBratney (Ages infant-5)
Guji Guji by Chih-Yuan Chen (Ages 5-8)
How Do I Love You? by P.K. Hallinan (Ages infant-5)
I Love it When You Smile by Sam McBratney (Ages 3-5)
I Love You All Day Long by Francesca Rusackas (Ages 3-5)
I Love You: A Rebus Poem, by Jean Marzollo (Ages 1-6)
I Love You the Purplest, by Barbara M. Joose (Ages 4-8)
I Love You Through and Through by Bernadette Rossetti-Shustak (Ages 1-5)
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn (Ages 3-8)
Koala Lou By Mem Fox (Ages 4-7)
Mama, Do You Love Me?/Me quieres, mama? By Barbara Joosse (Ages 3-6)
More, More, More, Said the Baby: Three Love Stories By Vera B. Williams Morrow
(Ages infant-3)
No Matter What by Debi Gliori (Ages 2-5)
Owl Babies by Martin Waddell (Ages 3-7)
Please, Baby, Please by Spike Lee (Ages infant-5)
Te Amo Bebe, Little One by Lisa Wheeler (Ages infant-3)
You’re All My Favorites by Sam Mc Bratney (Ages 5-7)
Bullying/Teasing
A Weekend with Wendell, by Kevin Henkes (Ages 4-8)
The Berenstain Bears and the Bully by San and Jan Berenstain (Ages 4-7)
Big Bad Bruce by Bill Peet (Ages 4-8)
Chester’s Way by Kevin Henkes (Ages 5-7)
Coyote Raid in Cactus Canyon J. Arnosky (Ages 4-8)
Gobbles! By Ezra Jack Kets (Ages 4-8)
Hats by Kevin Luthardt (Ages 3-6)
Hooway for Wodney Wat! by Helen Lester (Ages 5-8)
Hugo and the Bully Frogs by Francesca Simon (Ages 3-7)
Grief and Death
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia (Ages 5-adult)
Goodbye Mousie by Robert Harris (Ages 3-8)
I Miss You by Pat Thomas (Ages 4-8)
The Next Place by Warren Hanson (Ages 5-adult)
Sad Isn’t Bad: Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss Series by Michaelene
Mundy (Ages 5-8)
11/08
Session 4
Children’s Book Activity
Using Children’s Books to Promote
Your Child’s Social-Emotional Development
17
Read the book with your partner.
Did you like the book? Why?
What kinds of emotional words or feeling words are in the book?
What kinds of fun activities could you do with your child based on the book?
11/08
Session 4
Session 4 –Handout #18
Turtle Technique
(Includes Picture Cues, Tucker Turtle Story,
Teaching Tips, and Puppet Pattern)
Step 2
Step 1
Step 3
11/08
18
Step 4
Tucker Turtle Takes Time
to Tuck and Think
A scripted story to assist families with teaching the “Turtle Technique”
By Rochelle Lentini
Adapted for Families September 2006
Created using pictures from Microsoft Clipart® and Webster-Stratton, C. (1991).
The teachers and children videotape series: Dina dinosaur school. Seattle, WA: The Incredible Years.
Tucker Turtle is a terrific turtle. He likes to play with
his friends at the park and in his backyard.
But sometimes things happen that can make
Tucker really mad.
When Tucker got mad, he used to hit, kick, or yell at
his friends. His friends would get mad or upset
when he hit, kicked, or yelled at them.
Tucker now knows a new way to “think like a turtle”
when he gets mad.
He can stop and keep his hands, body, and yelling
to himself!
He can tuck inside his shell and take 3 deep
breaths to calm down.
Tucker can then think of a solution or a way to
make it better.
Tucker’s friends are happy when he plays nicely
and keeps his body to himself. Friends also like it
when Tucker uses nice words or has an adult help
him when he is upset.
The End.
Teaching Tips on the
Turtle Technique
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3
Step 4
Tucker’s friends are happy when he plays nicely
• Model remaining calm.
• Teach your child the steps of how to control feelings and
calm down (“think like a turtle”).
– Step 1: Recognize your feeling(s).
– Step 2: Think “stop.”
– Step 3: Tuck inside your “shell,” and take 3 deep breaths.
– Step 4: Come out when calm, and think of a “solution.”
• Practice steps frequently.
• Prepare for and help your child handle possible
disappointment or change and “to think of a solution.”
• Recognize and comment when your child stays calm.
Webster-Stratton, C. (1991). The teachers and children videotape series: Dina dinosaur school. Seattle, WA:
The Incredible Years.
Session 4
19
Problem Solving
Create opportunities to problem solve by setting up situations:
For example, say, “I keep putting my keys where I can’t find them and
then we have to look for them. I have a problem; what do you think
would be a good solution?”
Ask your child which solution to use for problems that arise.
Pause in a story, and ask your child to think of a solution.
Use puppets to discuss hypothetical problems that your child may have
encountered in the past.
Encourage your child to think of as many different solutions as he/she
can. This is a time to brainstorm with your child and help him/her find
solutions. Do not criticize; instead, have him/her think about what
would happen: Would it be safe? Would it be fair? Would everyone
involved be OK with it?
Think. Think. Think. of
some solutions.
What is my problem?
Step 1
11/08
What would happen?
Step 3
Step 2
Give it a try!
Step 4
Session 4
Emotional Vocabulary Skills
20
Try 3-5 emotional vocabulary strategies/ideas this week
What I Tried
11/08
What Happened
Session 4
Measuring Behavior at Home
21
Observation Three: Clearly define the problem
Number of times
behavior occurred
How long the
behavior lasted
___ Told or asked to do something
___ Changed or ended activity
___ Removed an object
___ Object out of reach
___ Not a preferred activity
___ Child requested
___ Playing alone
___ Moved from one activity/location to another
___ Told “No”, “Don’t”, “Stop”
___ Attention given to others
___ Difficult task/activity
___ Other (specify) ______________
What Happened After?
___
___
___
___
___
Given social attention
Given an object/activity/food
Removed from activity/area
Ignored
Put in “time-out”
___
___
___
___
___
Punished or scolded
Request or demand withdrawn
Request or demand delayed
Given assistance/help
Purpose of Behavior:
To Get or Obtain:
___ Activity
___ Attention
___ Object
___ Food
___ Person
___ Place
___ Help
___ Other (specify) ________________
To Get Out Of or Avoid:
___ Activity
___ Attention
___ Object
___ Food
___ Person
___ Place
___ Demand/Request ___ Transition
___ Other (specify) __________________
Observation Three
Questions, concerns, unusual events:
11/08
Session 5
Positive Solutions for Families: Facing the Challenge, Part I
Positive Comments!
22
11/08
Session 5
Logical Consequences
Resource
23
Logical consequences are an alternative to punishment.
• They are responses to the child’s behavior that are logically related to the behavior
(example – If you break the toy, you won’t be able to play with it anymore).
• They teach your child that he/she has a responsibility for and control over his/her own
behavior.
• They show your child the results of his/her behavior.
Logical consequences must be practical and enforced.
• Only select options that you are willing to enforce!
• Don’t intervene before the consequence takes place!
• If you feel empathy for your child, offer a chance to try again.
Choices should be stated calmly, clearly, and respectfully.
• Consequences should not be arbitrary, threatening, or punitive.
• Plan the consequences ahead of time.
• Options for actions or consequences should be logically linked to the activity.
Logical consequences help guide children in learning how they are expected to behave
in the real world.
• Talk about the consequence with your child before the activity or routine where the behavior is likely to occur.
• Remember that logical consequences help to teach your child about behavior that is
expected and why it is expected.
Examples of the Use of Logical Consequences
Behavior
11/08
Logical Consequence
Roberto refuses to
wash his hands before
snack.
Roberto’s mom restates the rule to Roberto: “You must wash your
hands to eat.” Roberto continues to refuse. His mom responds,
“You can wash your hands and have a snack, or you can continue
playing while your brothers have a snack.”
Kyra throws blocks in
the kitchen.
Her dad reminds her of the rule “toys need to stay on the floor in
the kitchen.” When Kyra continues to throw the blocks, her dad provides her with a choice: “Blocks stay on the floor in the kitchen, or
they will need to be put away in the box in the TV room.”
Session 5
Logical Consequences—
Let’s Practice
24
As a group, list some of your children’s behaviors that you have been working on at home.
Once we have a list, we will try to determine logical consequences for each behavior.
Behavior
Logical Consequence
Logical Consequences
Try out at least one of the logical consequences from the list above with your child this next
week, and see how it goes!
Behavior
11/08
Logical Consequence
What happened
Session 5
Redirection Activity
25
Examine each situation and develop an idea of a redirection that could be a response.
Situation
Redirection Response
Child grabs toy from sibling
Child throws toy when sibling asks for it
Child throws sand in sand box
Child pulls hair when patting the dog
Child cries “I don’t want to clean up” when
asked to pick up toys
Child says “This is yucky” and spits out food
Child screams to sibling, “No, its mine, don’t
touch!”
Child begins whining for attention when parent
is making dinner
11/08
Session 5
Strategies That Help
26
1. Know what is reasonable
2. Plan ahead
3. State expectations in advance
4. Present limited reasonable choices
5. Say “when”
6. Catch your child being good!
7. Stay calm
8. Logical consequences (see Handout)
9. Neutral Time
11/08
Session 5
Strategies To Do List!
27
3 Strategies that I will try at home:
1.
2.
3.
11/08
Session 6
Positive Solutions for Families: Facing the Challenge, Part II
Positive Comments!
28
11/08
Session 6
Positive Solutions for Families: Facing the Challenge, Part II
Family Planning Sheet
29
What _________________________ does during ____________________________:
(child’s name)
(routine)
Why I think he/she does it:
What can I do to prevent
the problem behavior?
11/08
What can I do if the
problem behavior
occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
Family Routine Guide – Page 1
Family Routine Guide
By Rochelle Lentini and Lise Fox
Table of Contents
How to Use the Family Routine Guide .......................................................................................................................... 4
Family Planning Sheet ............................................................................................................................................... 5
Getting Dressed/Undressed ........................................................................................................................................ 6
Brushing Teeth/Hair .................................................................................................................................................. 9
Meals/Snacks ........................................................................................................................................................
12
Play .....................................................................................................................................................................
14
Outside Play .........................................................................................................................................................
17
Clean-up ..............................................................................................................................................................
19
Riding in the Car ...................................................................................................................................................
22
Shopping ..............................................................................................................................................................
25
Restaurants ..........................................................................................................................................................
28
Going to the Doctor ...............................................................................................................................................
30
Taking Medicine.....................................................................................................................................................
32
Taking a Bath........................................................................................................................................................
34
Bathroom (Potty/Wash Hands) ................................................................................................................................
37
Bedtime/Sleeping/Napping ......................................................................................................................................
39
When Parents Can’t Play (Chores, On Phone, etc.)......................................................................................................
42
Transitions: Going From One Place/Activity to Another ...............................................................................................
44
How to Use the Family Routine Guide for Young Children with Challenging Behavior
This Family Routine Guide was developed to assist parents and caregivers in developing a plan to support young children
who are using challenging behavior. Children engage in challenging behavior for a variety of reasons, but all children use
challenging behavior to communicate messages. Challenging behavior, typically, communicates a need to escape or avoid
a person/activity or communicates a desire to obtain someone/something. Once parents understand the purpose or
meaning of the behavior, they can begin to select strategies to change the behavior. They can do this by selecting
prevention strategies, teaching new skills, and changing the way they respond in an effort to eliminate or minimize the
challenging behavior.
The Family Routine Guide includes strategies for the common routines and activities that occur during the family’s week. The
first column in each routine is titled "Why might my child be doing this?”. This column provides ideas that will assist
parents/caregivers in thinking about what the child may be communicating through his/her challenging behavior. Once the
parent/caregiver is able to identify what the child is communicating through challenging behavior (i.e., the function), he/she
can proceed with developing a plan of support by then examining the next column in the chart, "What can I do to prevent the
problem behavior?”. The prevention column provides strategies that will help the child participate in the routine without having
challenging behavior. The next column, "What can I do if the problem behavior occurs?", provides the parent/caregiver with
ideas on how he/she can respond in a way that does not maintain the problem behavior (or keep the behavior happening).
Finally, "What new skills should I teach?” suggests new skills to teach to replace the challenging behavior. Many of the
strategies mentioned in the guide are quick and easy to implement. It is important to use all of the columns in the guide
(function or why, prevention strategies, ways to respond to behavior, and new skills) to develop a support plan that will be
effective for your child. The guide provides ideas about commonly occurring situations and children’s behavior. Please note
that this list many not address all situations or reasons the child is using challenging behavior. If the child’s purpose of
challenging behavior is not represented on the chart, the parent is encouraged to write down the purpose and then think of
prevention strategies, new skills to teach, and ways to respond to behavior.
Instructions for use: A Family Planning Sheet is available at the beginning of this Family Routine Guide for writing down
the strategies that will be selected for the child. To develop the plan, first determine the routine(s) in which the child is
having difficulty. Then look for the reason as to why the child might be having trouble in the routine(s). Once you know
why the child is using the challenging behavior, you can begin to look at the ideas suggested and to determine what will
work for your family and child. Once you have identified supports within each routine that your child is displaying
challenging behavior, it is important to then write the plan for the individual routines on the Family Planning Sheet. If you
write the plan down, you are more likely to implement the strategies.
FAMILY PLANNING SHEET
What _________________________ does during ____________________________:
(child’s name)
(routine)
Why I think he/she does it:
What can I do if the
problem behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
GETTING DRESSED/UNDRESSED
Why might my
child be doing this?
What can I do if the problem
behavior occurs?
Your child does not want
to stop the “activity” that
he/she is doing to get
dressed/undressed.
Signal your child ahead of time -- Use a “warning” to let your child know
that it will soon be time to “stop” and to get dressed/undressed.
Depending on your child’s ability, you can use a timer or a verbal signal
by saying “in five more minutes” and then coming back to let your child
know when it’s “one more minute”.
Ignore inappropriate behavior,
and point to the timer or clock
and say, “All done ____. Now
we need to get
dressed/undressed to (next
activity).”
Help him/her understand you know how he/she feels -- Validate your
child’s feelings and then point out what fun thing is coming up after
getting dressed/undressed.
Give clear expectations -- Use a “first-then” statement (e.g., “First get
dressed, then play.”) to help your child clearly understand expectations
and help your child through the routines and remember to encourage
through praise.
Get a book about dressing -- Go to your local library or book store, get a
book about dressing, read it with your child, and then suggest to your
child that he/she can make his/her own “getting dressed/undressed
book” using real photos. Take photographs, develop pictures, and staple
several pieces of paper together to make a book for your child by gluing
in the photographs and by writing the steps of dressing. Read your
homemade book on a regular basis, and allow him/her to read it to you.
(Suggested story books: Dress Maisy by Lucy Cousins; Ready, Set, Go!
Practice Getting Dressed by Quinlan B. Lee; I Can Get Dressed! (Blue’s
Clues Series) by Lauryn Silverhardt; All By Myself by Mercer Mayer;
Froggy Gets Dressed by Jonathan London.)
Encourage success -- Praise your child and let him/her know that
stopping is difficult and you will make sure that the activity can be done
at a later time/date (follow through on your promise).
Reduce distractions -- If your child wants to watch TV or his
sister(s)/brother(s) play while dressing/undressing, turn off the TV or
shut the door until the routine is completed.
Follow through by helping your
child get dressed/undressed.
Don’t scold or talk to your
child when helping him/her.
Just be matter-of-fact and
say, “I will help you do it.”
Validate feelings and say, “I
know it’s hard to stop ____;
you can do ___ again later.
First get dressed/undressed,
then (fun activity).”
Praise any and all small
attempts to stop activity and
get dressed.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child how to follow
your warning.
first-then statement: first get
dressed/undressed, then (fun
activity).
Teach your child when he/she can
have the “favorite activity” again.
GETTING DRESSED/UNDRESSED (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child’s refusal to
participate in the routine
becomes a game to get
you to chase him/her or
get your attention.
Your child has a difficult
time getting
dressed/undressed and
wants to avoid the
activity.

that it will soon be time to “stop” and to get dressed/undressed.
Depending on your child’s ability you can use a timer or a verbal signal
by saying, “in five more minutes” and then go back to let your child

Make getting dressed/undressed the fun activity -- say “pee yew” as
each piece of clothing is removed and then try to make a “basket” by
throwing the clothing into the hamper. Another way to make the activity
fun is to sing a song about getting dressed and incorporate silly
dancing, or play a song and ask your child to see if he/she can finish
before the song ends.

Use first/then statements -- tell your child “first get dressed and then
you can ___.” Follow dressing or undressing with a fun activity your
child can do with you, e.g., play chase, tickle, or play ball with me.

Praise you child for doing each step of the routine.
Simplify the activity -- have your child take off or put on one item while
you do the other items, or put the clothing items on part way and have
your child do the rest.
Make the task easier -- select clothing that your child can put on easily,
e.g., T-shirt and pull-on pants, for dressing “all by him/herself”, and
assist your child with more difficult items.
Give one step at a time -- When giving your child directions, state steps
one at a time. For example, if you want your child to get his/her socks
and shoes on, first say “Get your socks”, and wait for him/her to get the
socks. Then say, “Thanks for getting your socks. Now go get your
shoes.” When he/she comes back with the shoes, then say, “You are
such a big helper; now I can help you put your socks and shoes on.”
Get a book about dressing -- Go to your local library or book store and
get a book about dressing, read it with your child, and then suggest to
your child that he/she can make his/her own “getting dressed/undressed
book” using real photos. Take photographs, develop pictures, and staple
in the photographs and writing the steps of dressing. Read your
homemade book on a regular basis and allow him/her to read it to you.
(Suggested story books: Dress Maisy by Lucy Cousins; Ready, Set, Go!
Practice Getting Dressed by Quinlan B. Lee; I Can Get Dressed! (Blue’s
Clues Series) by Lauryn Silverhardt; All By Myself by Mercer Mayer;
Froggy Gets Dressed by Jonathan London.)
behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
If your child runs away or acts
silly, ignore.
your warning.
Turn off TV, or shut the door
once the child is in the room
you want him/her to be in.
first-then statements: first get
activity).
Use wait time. Give your child
an instruction calmly, and
then wait at least 4 seconds
before repeating it.
Ignore when your child does
inappropriate behavior.
Teach your child how to put
clothing on or take clothing off.
Follow through by helping your
child get dressed/undressed.
Don’t scold, or talk to your
child when helping him/her.
Just be matter-of-fact, and
say, “I will help you do it.”
Teach your child how to
manipulate fasteners.
Praise any and all attempts to
get dressed/undressed.
Teach your child to put laundry in
the hamper when undressing.
Teach your child to select clothes
and dress independently.
GETTING DRESSED/UNDRESSED (CONTINUED)
Why might my
to change out of what
he/she is already
wearing.
Make getting undressed fun -- say “pee yew” as each piece of clothing is
removed, and then try to make a “basket” by throwing the clothing into
the hamper.
Let him/her know what’s coming up -- Point out what fun thing (or
outfit) is coming up next.
Use a mini-routine visual schedule -- Take photographs of your child [or
of a sister(s)/brother(s)] doing the morning routine, and include “getting
dressed” in the routine. Do the same for bedtime routine to include
getting into pajamas. Then, display the photographs in the order of the
routine, and allow your child to turn the pictures over to indicate that the
routines are “all done”.
Help your child understand he/she can wear it again -- Remind him/her
that the outfit/pajamas/bathing suit will be cleaned and he/she can
choose to wear it again on another day. You may even want to put a
picture on a calendar so your child knows when he/she can wear the
item again.
Use favorites and choice -- For getting dressed allow your child to
choose from two or three outfits, and make sure that at least one of the
outfits has a preferred character or color on it. For getting undressed
allow your child to choose which order to remove clothing.
Encourage success -- Praise him/her for changing and for being a big
boy/girl.
behavior occurs?
Validate your child’s feelings
e.g., saying, “I know you like
wearing your red dress,” and
then follow through helping
your child dress/undress with
minimal words and emotions.
Say, “I know you love your
____ shirt. You can wear it
again _____. You can get
dressed/undressed on your
own, or I can help you.”
Refer to the visual photo minischedule and say, “First get
dressed, then (next fun
routine/activity)” while
showing your child the
photograph.
If appropriate, praise
sister(s)/brother(s) or parent,
Say, “Wow, look how fast,
e.g., daddy, your brother, got
dressed. He’s ready for a fun
day!”
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to put clothes in
the hamper when undressing.
Teach your child how to make a
choice of what to wear and/or
what article of clothing to remove
in which order.
Teach your child how to follow a
mini-photograph routine schedule.
Teach your child when he/she can
where the “favorite item of
clothing” again.
BRUSHING TEETH/HAIR
Why might my
Your child does not like
being touched.
Simplify -- Keep hair cut fairly short so that it is easier to manage.
Handle with care -- Hold the end of the brush/comb/toothbrush to guide
your child in brushing.
Have everything out and ready to use to reduce the amount of time that
your child has to wait.
Offer fun choices -- For brushing teeth, give your child a choice of what
kind of toothbrush and what kind of toothpaste he/she can use (i.e.,
electric, character brand, favorite flavor, preferred color). For hair
brushing, give your child a choice of a comb or brush, gel or mouse,
and/or wet it first or brush it dry.
Play “copy cat” -- Model for your child how to brush. Point to a mirror to
have him/her watch reflection, demonstrate how to brush, and then say,
“copy me”. Praise any attempt to brush.
Examine your materials -- is the hair brush or toothbrush too stiff or
rough? Select a brush or comb type that will not pull hair, or select a soft
toothbrush.
to leave the activity
he/she was doing.
behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
Validate feelings, and say, “I
know it’s not too fun brushing
your _____. First, we’ll brush
fast and then (fun activity).”
Teach your child to make a
choice, i.e., “Do you want the red
electric brush, or the regular blue
brush?”, or “Do you want to use a
brush or a comb?
attempts to brush teeth/hair.
Offer choices (see column to
left), and then help follow
through the routine quickly.
Ask if he/she wants to play
“copy cat” and model for your
child how to brush, show
him/her how, and then say
“copy me”. Praise any
attempt to brush.
Encourage success -- Praise your child, and let him/her know that you are
so happy he/she is such a big boy/girl.
and help him/her follow
through with minimal talking
and emotion in your voice.
that it will soon be time to “stop” and to brush teeth or hair. Depending on
your child’s ability, you can use a timer or a verbal signal by saying, “in
five more minutes, time for ____” and then come back to let your child
Ignore inappropriate behavior
and point to the timer or clock
and say, “All done ____, now
we need to brush ______.”
Help your child follow through.
Help him/her understand you know how he/she feels -- Validate your
child’s feelings, and then point out what fun thing is coming up after
brushing.
know it’s hard to stop ____,
First brush ______, then (fun
activity).”
Give clear expectations -- Use a “first-then” statement (e.g., “First clean
up, then ___.”) to help your child clearly understand expectation and help
your child through the routines and praise.
Encourage success -- Praise your child, let him/her know you understand
that was really hard and that you will make sure that the activity can be
done at a later time/date. Follow through on your promise.
Reduce distractions -- If your child wants to watch t.v. or his
sister(s)/brother(s) play nearby while dressing/undressing, turn off the
t.v., or shut the door until the routine is completed.
attempts to stop activity and
brush teeth/hair.
Teach your child to play “copy
cat”, and use the mirror to make
it more fun. e.g., “Look at me
brush my teeth. Copy cat, you
do that!”
Teach your child to get ready to
stop activity when “warning” is
given.
Teach your child to stop activity
when time to brush teeth/hair.
Teach your child to first brush
____, then he/she can do (fun
activity).
Teach your child to label his/her
feelings.
BRUSHING TEETH/HAIR (CONTINUED)
Why might my
to brush, i.e. doesn’t
like to or doesn’t like
the feel.
behavior occurs?
Offer fun choices -- For brushing teeth, give your child a choice of what
kind of toothbrush and what kind of toothpaste he/she can use (i.e.,
electric, character brand, favorite flavor, preferred color). For hair
brushing, give your child a choice of a comb or brush, gel or mousse,
and/or wet it first or brush it dry.
Validate feelings and say, “I
know it’s hard to brush your
____, you can do it! First
brush ____; then (fun
activity).”
Use first-then statements -- Have your child first brush (teeth or hair) and
then do something really fun for your child. Say, “First brush, then (fun
activity)”, and help him/her follow through so he/she gets to experience
the really fun activity.
attempts to brush.
Use a mini-routine visual schedule -- Take photographs of your child [or of
sister(s)/brother(s)] doing the morning routine, and include “brushing
teeth” in the routine. Then display the photographs in the order of the
routine, and allow your child to turn the pictures over to indicate that the
routines are “all done”.
Use job chart -- Create a job chart of the activities you want your child to
do by him/herself. List the activity, and draw or paste a cut-out picture to
represent each job. When your child completes the job, put a sticker or
check mark on the chart. Let you child know that if he/she does the jobs,
he/she can have a special reward, such as an extra book at bed time to
read with you, a bedtime snack, or time to sit on your lap. Do not use the
job chart to take something away, or threaten your child with the loss of
something. The purpose is to help your child remember his/her goals and
celebrate the accomplishment of them.
Use detangling spray -- If your child has knotted hair, this can help
alleviate the tangles which can hurt. Also, if your child has longer hair,
hold the ends, and comb through slowly.
Make it fun -- take turns brushing, or sing a song about brushing hair or
teeth while incorporating silly dancing.
Change your expectations, and build your child’s success -- reduce your
expectations for your child. Instead of expecting the child to do a
thorough job of brushing, ask him/her to begin by brushing 5 times.
Praise him/her for the effort. Then you complete the job gently.
Gradually, build up your expectations each time you do the routine.
Remember to use favorites
and choices, i.e., “Do you
want the Spiderman
toothbrush or the Elmo
toothbrush?”, “Do you want
gel or mousse?”, or “Do you
want to brush your hair wet or
dry?”
If appropriate, praise a
sister/brother or parent who
brushed quickly. Say, “Wow,
look how fast (mommy, your
sister) brushed her _____.
She’s speedy fast!”
Restate “First brush your
_____, then you can ____.”
Pause (4 seconds) and if
he/she still doesn’t brush, say,
“You can do it on your own, or
I can help you.” Follow
through on helping your child
brush teeth/hair with minimal
words and emotions. Then
when done, say, “Yeah, you
brushed your ____!”
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to make a choice
by holding the choices out or
pointing to for your child to
choose.
Teach your child to first brush
teeth/hair, then (fun activity).
Teach your child to copy his/her
sister/brother or parent by
modeling how to brush
teeth/hair.
BRUSHING TEETH/HAIR (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child doesn’t know
what he/she is expected
to do.
Give clear expectations -- Use a “first-then” statement to help your child
clearly understand your expectation and help your child through the
routines and praise. Say, “First brush, then (fun activity).”
Get a book about brushing teeth and/or hair -- Go to your local library or
book store, and get a book about brushing teeth/hair, read it with your
child, and then suggest to your child that he/she can make his/her own
book about “brushing” using real photos. Take photographs, develop
pictures, and staple several pieces of paper together to make a book for
your child by gluing in the photographs and writing the steps of brushing.
Read your homemade book on a regular basis, and allow him/her to read it
to you. (Suggested story books: Brush Your Teeth by Leslie McGuire; All
By Myself by Mercer Mayer; Happy to Be Nappy by Bell Hooks.)
Use a mini-routine visual schedule -- Take photographs of your child or a
sister(s)/brother(s) brushing teeth/hair. Then display the photographs in
the order of the routine, and allow your child to turn the pictures over to
indicate each step of the routine is “all done”.
behavior occurs?
know it’s hard to stop ____;
First brush, then (fun
activity).”
Refer to the visual photo minischedule and say “First brush,
then (next fun
routine/activity)” while
showing your child the
photograph.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to follow firstthen statement; first brush
teeth/hair, then (fun activity).
Teach your child to follow the
mini-routine photo schedule.
Teach your child to follow one
direction at a time.
Remember to use one step
directions.
one at a time. For example, if you want your child to come into the
bathroom to brush, first say, “Go to the bathroom” while showing him/her
the toothbrush/hair brush, and wait for 4 seconds and then restate. Then
say, “Thanks for coming to the bathroom.” Now get the toothpaste or hair
detangle spray while pointing to the location of the item. When he/she
completes that step, then state the next, and cue him/her by also pointing
to the expectation or by modeling the movement.

Your child’s refusal to
participate in the routine
becomes a game to get
you to chase him/her or
get your attention.
that it will soon be time to “stop” and to brush hair/teeth. Depending on
your child’s ability, you can use a timer or a verbal signal by saying, “in
five more minutes time for ____”, and then come back to let your child

Make brushing hair/teeth the fun activity -- sing a song about brushing,
and incorporate silly dancing, or play a song and ask your child to see if
he/she can finish before the song ends.

Use first/then statements -- tell your child “first brush hair/teeth and then
you can ___.” Follow brushing with a fun activity your child can do with
you (e.g., play chase or tickle, play ball with me).

Encourage success -- Praise you child for doing each step of the routine.
If your child runs away or acts
silly, ignore.
your warning.
Turn off t.v., or shut the door
once the child is in the room
you want him/her to be in.
first-then statement: first get
activity).
Use wait time. Give your child
an instruction calmly, and
then wait at least 4 seconds
before repeating it.
MEALS/SNACK
Why might my
Your child has restricted
eating preferences.
Make your child a little helper -- Allow your child to be a “helper” to
encourage participation, i.e., help with preparing food, cooking, setting
table, planning menu.
Offer choices -- Allow your child to choose food(s) and drinks(s).
Modify your expectations -- Don’t insist that your child “cleans the plate”.
Allow the child to pick one non-preferred food to try, e.g., one bite.
Use first-then cues -- say to him/her, “First take a bite of (less preferred
item), then you can have (more preferred food item).”
Cue to drink and sit -- Allow your child to just have a drink and sit with
sister/brother for snack.
Encourage success -- Praise for eating and/or trying new foods.
Give visual choices -- Allow food choices. Cut labels or ads/coupons out to
offer picture choices or hold a few food choices in front of your child or
preferred sauces like ketchup, BBQ, mustard, salad dressing.
Help your child say “all done” -- Cue your child to gesture/say “all done”,
and then let him/her out of the meal/snack for an alternate activity.
Your child doesn’t like to sit
to eat (roams and eats
while walking around the
house).
Use a timer -- Set a timer for a short period of time (1 minute) and have
your child wait for the timer before leaving the table. Slowly increase time
as he/she succeeds.
Provide preferences -- Provide your child highly preferred foods to
encourage sitting.
Offer fun choices -- Allow your child to choose from a bowl/plate with
favorite color or characters on it.
Make sitting for meals fun -- Talk with your child, praise your child for
sitting, look at a book together while eating a snack or playing a game, put
on child’s favorite music or TV program while eating. Gradually lessen
over time.
Make your child a little helper -- Have your child help prepare the table for
snack/meals to encourage participation in routine.
Use choices -- Allow a choice of whom to sit next to, where to sit, or what
cushion to sit on.
Encourage success -- Praise for sitting.
Provide a first-then cue -- Say, “First sit and eat, then music/TV.”
behavior occurs?
Introduce non-preferred foods
by giving very tiny portions
along side preferred food; do
not expect him/her to eat the
non-preferred food, just build
up tolerance for the presence
of food.
Avoid force feeding; this can
cause your child to become
afraid of foods or may cause
gagging/choking.
Use first-then visual cue while
saying, “First snack, then ___”
(favorite item).
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to expand
food tolerance or preferences
by offering the food with
highly preferred foods and/or
sauces.
Teach your child to make food
choices. If needed, show
choices.
Teach your child to follow
first-then cue. If needed,
show visually.
Teach to gesture/say “all
done.” If needed, help
gesture to encourage success.
Remind your child he/she can
choose to just drink.
Re-cue your child to
gesture/say “all done”. Use
hand-over-hand prompting to
help him/her make the
gesture, if necessary.
Gesture, and tell your child,
“Say all done”, and let him/her
leave. Slowly increase time
required to sit.
Cue to wait, and to watch
timer.
Comment aloud, “Mary is
sitting”; using your child’s
sisters’/brothers’/other
parents’ names, if applicable.
Remind with a first-then cue
to “First sit, then eat” or “First
sit and eat, then music/TV.”
Offer alternate choices of food.
Redirect by restating rule “sit
to eat”, then remove plate or
food if he/she does not sit.
Take food away from child if
eating while walking. Then
restate rule.
Teach your child to sit to eat
by embedding choices.
Teach your child to
gesture/say “all done”, and let
out. Slowly increase time.
As you increase time, teach to
wait and to watch timer.
Teach to follow visual/verbal
first-then cue, e.g., “First sit,
then eat”, or “First sit and eat,
then music/TV.”
MEALS/SNACK (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child is silly during
snack or meals to get your
attention or the attention of
others, e.g.,
sisters/brothers.

Engage your child in non-silly conversations so that he/she has your
attention.

Seat your child near you so that you can give him/her more frequent
attention for appropriate behavior.

Use your child’s name or interests when talking at meals, e.g., “Tanisha
played with her friend Joey at school. They rode on the bikes.”

Play a game that your child can participate in while eating.

Avoid asking your child questions that are too difficult to answer, e.g.,
“What did you do at Grandma’s?”

Provide lots of attention for appropriate behavior.
behavior occurs?

Ignore your child’s silly
behavior, and talk to
someone else.

If the child gets out of
control, calmly guide your
child to his bedroom, and let
him/her know that he/she can
return when ready to behave
or be calm at the table.
What new skills
should I teach?

Teach your child to ask for
your attention. Say “I like
talking with you. If you want
to talk with me, you can say,
“What did you do today,
Mommy?”
Teach your child to participate
in meal time appropriately by
praising appropriate behavior.
PLAY
Why might my
Your child wants adult’s or
sister’s/brother’s/friend’s
attention.
Get your child started -- Accompany your child to the play area to get
him/her started on play; then tell your child, “I’ll come back to play with
you in a few minutes.”
Limit play time -- Set a timer to let your child know how long
mommy/daddy will play during play time.
Return when the timer rings -- Set a timer to let your child know how long
before mommy/daddy will return to play; this may need to be very short to
begin with, and then gradually extend time mommy/daddy is away.
Encourage success -- Praise your child for playing throughout play time
and for gesturing/asking to play with mommy/daddy or
sisters/brothers/neighborhood friends.
Special time together -- Schedule “time” for your child to be with favorite
friends/adult, and tell your child when he/she can play with friends/adults,
e.g., after lunch, after bath.
behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
Tell your child “When you are
calm or quiet, I will come play
with you.” Do so as soon as
your child quiets.
Teach your child to
gesture/ask “play with me” for
attention from adults or
sisters/brothers/neighborhood
friends.
Prompt child to gesture/ask
“play with me”; then follow
that with telling your child “I
can play for ___ minutes (set
timer), and then I need to
___.”
Validate feelings; say
something like, “I know you
want to play with me; we have
fun together. But I need first
wash clothes, and then I can
play with you.”
Teach your child to play
independently for a few
minutes through the use of
verbal cues and/or timer.
Slowly increase independent
play time.
Teach your child to say
“Excuse me” or “Play with me”
for mommy’s/daddy’s
attention by pointing to mouth
as a cue.
Teach your child to
gesture/say, “Look at me” or
“This is fun”.
Teach your child to wait for
scheduled “special time
together”.
Your child is confused or
does not understand the
activity.
Talk about the activity ahead of time -- introduce and/or show each step of
the activity prior to the time your child plays with a sister/brother/friend.
Pre-plan -- Make sure that all materials are ready and that the activity
steps are clear. There should also be enough materials to share.
Keep it short and simple -- Make sure the activity is neither difficult nor too
long.
Kids help each other -- Have your child play with a “friend” or
sister/brother that can help him/her with the activity.
Give him/her a favorite job -- Give a preferred job to do in the activity.
Modify the activity -- Sometimes children want to play with others but
can’t play the game, or with the toy correctly. Think of ways the activity
can be modified so that your child can join in. For example, if he can’t hit
the ball with the bat, maybe he can run bases with the batter; or if the
other children are racing on their bicycles, your child can say “Ready, set,
go”.
Encourage success -- Praise your child for participating, and teach the
other children to encourage your child and each other, e.g., clapping,
thumbs up, high five.
Remind your child of the
activity steps so that he/she
knows what’s next in the
activity.
steps or the sequence of
activity by modeling how to do
them.
when something is difficult.
Say, “This is hard. Let me help
you.”
Teach your child to use
gestures/words: “help please”,
“What’s next?”
Verbally prompt your child to
help pass out or get out
materials while handing
him/her the items.
Prompt a sister/brother/friend
to help. “Could you please
show ____ how to ____?”
Remind your child to
gesture/ask for help.
Teach your child to imitate
sister/brother/friend. Cue
them to look and say, “Look
what ___ is doing; you do
that.”
PLAY (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child wants the same
toy as another child.
Teach your child about turn-taking -- Say to your child, “First ____ plays,
then your turn,” and point to each child as the phrase is spoken.
For very young children, have two of the same item. Toddlers don’t
understand the concept of waiting for a turn with an object.
Demonstrate how two children can play with one toy, teach your child how
to play with a toy together, e.g., “Push the truck to your friend. Now he
can push the truck to you.”
Get a book about playing with friends -- Go to your local library or book
store, and get a book about playing with friends, read it with your child on
a regular basis, and allow him/her to read it to you. (Suggested story
books: Barney’s Little Lessons: Be My Friend by Sheryl Beck; Making
Friends by Fred Rogers; Just Me and My Friend by Mercer Mayer; I am
Sharing by Mercer Mayer; Clifford Plays Fair by Dena Neusner.)
Use a timer -- Set a timer, or count so your child will know when his/her
turn is coming up next, depending on the toy.
Stay nearby to help -- Plan to stay with your child to teach turn taking; use
short turns to teach turn taking.
Help your child learn to control anger -- Use the “Turtle Technique” with
visuals and puppet to discuss and model “anger control”. Assist your child
with understanding what is not available and how to think of a solution.
Read Tucker Turtle Takes Time to Tuck and Think (printable story under
“practical strategies” on website www.csefel.uiuc.edu).
Encourage success -- comment and praise any attempts your child makes
to take turns.
behavior occurs?
Remind child of the timer.
Keep it short for turns. Say,
“Listen for the bell”, or “I am
going to count; 1, 2, 3, your
turn.”
Validate your child’s feelings,
and re-cue verbally the turns.
Say, “I know it’s hard to wait.
First ____’s turn, then your
turn.”
If angry, re-cue to use “Turtle
Technique” by showing picture
steps from story and
demonstrating how, and help
him/her through the steps.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child turn-taking
or sharing through use of
timer or counting.
Teach your child to wait for a
turn by saying, “First ____
plays, then your turn,” and
point to each child as phrase
is spoken.
Teach your child to use the
“Turtle Technique”: recognize
feeling of anger, think “stop”,
go inside “shell”, and take 3
deep breaths, think calm, and
think of a solution.
PLAY (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child wants a different
item/activity or wants an
item/activity that is not
available.
behavior occurs?
Show choices -- Provide your child with choices of what to play with. Use
photographs or pictures from boxes/catalogs of the items/activities; some
children may need to see real items to choose from.
Restate your schedule, and
focus on preferred activities
that are coming up.
Give your child some assistance -- Help your child find a fun toy or item
based on your child’s preferences.
Show your child the choices
and when the preferred
activity will be available.
Use first-then cue -- Say, ”First this toy/activity, then _______ (something
your child prefers).”
Help your child stop -- Use a stop sign to indicate which items/activities
are not available. For instance, put a stop sign on the computer screen if
that is not a current choice.
Play with your child -- Let your child pick a preferred family member to
play with him/her with an alternate activity/toy.
visuals and puppet to discuss and model “anger control.” Assist your child
Encourage success -- Praise for choosing and/or staying with alternate
activity/toy.
Show your child when he/she “can” play -- Visually depict when the
item/activity will be made available, either on a visual schedule or on a
week-long visual calendar. Take a photograph of the item/activity or hand
draw picture on a sticky note pad, and place it on the schedule/calendar.
Give words: say, “You’re sad
you can’t play with____.
Maybe tomorrow. You can
make another choice.” Show
choices.
Offer alternative choices by
pointing out what is fun about
the alternative choices.
steps from story and
demonstrating how and help
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to “stop” by
using a visual stop sign.
Teach your child to predict
upcoming events.
Teach your child when that
activity will occur through use
of a week long calendar visual.
Teach your child to choose
alternative activity/item.
Teach your child to use the
OUTSIDE PLAY
Why might my
Your child hates being hot
and wants to go inside.
Quench his/her thirst -- Have a drink available outside.
Cool off -- Allow him/her to wear a “cold pack” scarf.
Cool off -- Bring a fan outside.
Cool off -- Allow him/her to use a “mister”.
Made in the shade -- Point out the “cooler activities”, such as sandbox if
under a roof, swinging can be breezier, or going under a tree.
Make it fun -- Have highly preferred activities available your child really
enjoys like bubbles, trikes, big bouncy balls, etc.
Your child loves running and
thinks outside means run
away.
Where can I run? -- State when and where your child can run. Cue with a
picture, if necessary. If possible, mark “running areas” outside.
What can I do? -- Give your child concrete boundaries. For example, you
may say, “Not past the big tree.” If you child plays on the porch or
driveway, you might use sidewalk chalk to draw a line the child should not
cross.
Reward chart -- Create a check off list or sticker chart about “staying safe
outside”, including outside boundaries and indicating where children can
play. You can use a photograph, draw the “boundary” on the photograph,
and place it on the chart.
Your child wants an adult as
a play partner (adult
attention).
Let your child know before you leave -- Warn child when getting up to
leave from playing. “Three more scoops of sand, then I need to go push at
the swing”, “One more time around the track, then a friend can pull you in
the wagon,” “One more minute ball play, then I play with another friend,”
etc.
Play partner -- Pair child with neighborhood friend or older sister/brother,
and frequently praise when child plays with friend/sister/brother and vice
versa.
A few more minutes -- Use a timer to let your child know how long before
you come back to play.
behavior occurs?
Remind your child of
alternative choices, e.g., get a
drink, sit under tree, mist with
water, etc.
Validate feelings. Say, “I
know it’s hot; a few more
minutes and we can go
inside.” Then state
alternatives.
Remind your child of “outside”
boundaries; show marked
areas.
Remind your child to stay with
mommy/daddy.
Use “staying safe” reward
chart.
What new skills
should I teach?
alternative “cooler” activity.
Teach your child to use cold
pack scarf, mister, fan, and/or
get a drink.
Assist your child in learning
when and where it is
permissible to run through use
of a photograph.
outside “expectations”.
Cue your child to say “play
with me”.
Teach your child to ask adult
to play.
Cue your child to ask a friend
to play.
Teach your child to ask a
friend to play.
Remind of timer and when it
goes off you will come back.
Teach your child to play alone
for short periods of time after
he/she has learned the above
skills.
and cue to use new skills.
OUTSIDE PLAY (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child wants
objects/activity that another
child is using or is having
difficulty taking turns.
Have more than one of favorites -- Provide multiples of same
items/activities that have high child preference between the
sisters/brothers or neighborhood friends.
Time turns -- Use a timer, when necessary, to indicate turns, preferably
one that indicates time passing in a visual manner.
Give your child the “words” to ask -- Anticipate when your child wants an
object/activity, and cue to ask/gesture to join in play: “Can I play?” or
“My turn.”
Use first-then verbal cue -- Say, “First ask, then play.”
Get a book about playing with friends -- Go to your local library or book
store, get a book about playing with friends, read it with your child a
regular basis, and allow him/her to read it to you. (Suggested story
books: Barney’s Little Lessons: Be My Friend by Sheryl Beck; Making
Friends by Fred Rogers; Just Me and My Friend by Mercer Mayer; I am
Sharing by Mercer Mayer; Clifford Plays Fair by Dena Neusner.)
Other fun choices -- Provide alternative choices that are of high interest,
have outside play choices available: bubbles, yo-yo, pin wheel, sidewalk
chalk, balls, bug catcher, binoculars, etc.
Encourage your child -- Praise your child when he/she uses or attempts to
use new skill in place of challenging behavior.
Help your child calm down -- Teach your child to use the “Turtle
Technique”: recognize he/she is feeling anger, to stop and take 3 deep
breaths, think calm, think of a solution e.g., check the timer, pick another
fun activity, ask for a turn. (Read printable story, Tucker Turtle Takes
Time to Tuck and Think, from “Practical Strategies” on website
www.csefel.uiuc.edu)
behavior occurs?
ask/gesture to play.
ask/gesture for a turn.
Offer alternate activity/toy.
Remind your child of when
his/her turn is coming up, and
show timer.
and offer alternative fun
activity.
Validate that he/she is angry,
and remind him to stop, take
3 deep breaths, calm down,
and think of a solution
(something to make it better).
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to
gesture/ask to use object or
activity, “Can I play?”
Teach your child to wait for a
turn.
Teach your child to “think of a
solution”. What could he/she
do: get another item, ask to
join, ask another child to let
him know when he/she is
done?
alternative activity while
waiting.
Teach your child to wait for
the timer to sound prior to
taking a turn.
Teach your child to: recognize
he/she is feeling anger, think
‘stop’, and take 3 deep
breaths, think calm, and think
of a solution.
CLEAN-UP
Why might the
Your child has not finished
doing the activity.
Use a timer -- Set timer, and allow child a minute or two to finish.
Save special projects for later -- Place unfinished projects/activities in a
special place to finish later; let your child know when unfinished
projects/activities will be rescheduled.
visuals and puppet to discuss and model “anger control”. Assist your child
behavior occurs?
Remind your child that he/she
can finish later, and tell
him/her when.
Validate feelings, “I know you
want to finish. We can finish
____.” Show on calendar, or
tell when can be completed
later. “Let’s put your work
____ (special place).”
steps from story,
demonstrating how, and help
Your child might not want to
clean-up.
Use a “warning” -- Give your child a cue as to when it will be time to cleanup (2 more times; 5 more minutes; 3 more turns, then time to clean-up
for next activity).
Use a fun cue -- Cue to clean-up with song, bells, lights off. Then, go over
directly to cue your child.
Get a book about cleaning up -- Go to your local library or book store, get
a book about cleaning up, read it with your child a regular basis, and allow
him/her to read it to you. (Suggested story book: Maisy Cleans Up by
Lucy Cousins.)
Play a turn-taking game -- Take turns cleaning up with your child. Say,
“First I put away a train; then you put away a train.” Also visually cue
where to put the train by pointing to the container or shelf.
Point out who’s cleaning -- Praise sister/brother/friends who are cleaning
up. “Look how Tim put the car in the bin,” “Sammy is helping her friends
put away blocks,” “Wow, Vin put the book on the shelf,” etc.
Turn clean-up into play -- Use a toy scoop truck or small sand shovel to
scoop up the small pieces and dump into the truck/bucket, and then
transport to the toy bin. Sing or dance while you clean-up.
Modify your expectations -- start with asking your child to clean-up a
limited amount of items, e.g., “You put the books in the basket”, and then
praise. The next day have the child select two items or more items to
clean-up; gradually increase your expectations.
Use verbal first-then cue -- Say, “First, clean-up; then (choice of preferred
activity/item).”
Ignore inappropriate behavior.
Point out “super cleaneruppers”, e.g., other parent,
sister/brother, friend, and
quickly praise the child if
imitates.
Using verbal first-then
statement remind child, “First
clean-up; then (choice of
preferred activity/item).”
Redirect to area and model
clean-up through turn-taking.
Model the “fun way to cleanup,” show how to scoop, and
dump into bin.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach the child to finish in
allotted time.
Teach the child to place work
in special place to finish later.
Teach the child to use the
verbal “first-then” cue.
Teach your child how to
imitate cleaning up.
Teach your child to clean-up
through turn taking.
Teach child how to make
cleaning up fun.
CLEAN-UP (CONTINUED)
Why might the
Your child might not have
realized that clean-up time
was coming up.
behavior occurs?
Give child “warning” -- Tell your child clean-up is coming up, and then use
a countdown signal (For example, 2 more times; 5 more minutes; or 3
more turns, then time to clean-up).
Verbally re-cue using firstthen statement. Say, “First,
clean-up, then outside.”
Use a fun cue -- Cue your child to clean-up such as a song, bell, or lights
off. Then, go over directly to cue child individually.
State “all done play” while
repeating fun cue, “Do you
need help, or can you clean-up
on your own?” Help child if
needed, and immediately
praise.
Use verbal first-then cue -- Cue child individually by saying, “First cleanup, then (next activity).”
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach the child how to cleanup.
Teach the child how to imitate
cleaning up like parent and/or
friend.
Teach the child how to follow a
fun cue, such as song, bell,
lights off, to start cleaning.
Validate feelings, by saying, “I
see clean-up is hard,” and
remind when your child can do
the activity again.
Your child likes to dump.
Match the pictures -- Use visual photographs on shelf and material
containers so your child will know where items belong.
Make baskets -- Provide a clean-up bin, such as a crate or laundry basket
for developmentally younger children.
Make cleaning up fun -- Turn-take cleaning up with the child. Say, “First I
put away a train, then you put away a train.” Also cue visually where to
put train by pointing to container or shelf.
Get a book about cleaning up -- Go to your local library or book store, get
a book about cleaning up, read it with your child a regular basis, and allow
him/her to read it to you. (Suggested story books: Maisy Cleans Up by
Lucy Cousins; I am Helping by Mercer Mayer; Franklin is Messy by Paulette
Bourgeois.)
Encourage success -- Encourage the child as he/she participates in
cleaning, even if it’s just a little bit. Praise sisters/brothers/friends that are
cleaning up. Say, “Look how Tim put the car in the bin,” “Samantha is
helping put away blocks,” “Wow, Vin put the book on the shelf,” etc.
Model or have
sister/brother/friend model
how to clean-up.
Teach the child how to cleanup. Put in basket, and match
label.
Point/pat with your hand
where the item(s) go.
Teach the child how to imitate
friends, sibling, or parent
cleaning.
Say, “Let’s take turns putting
in the basket. Do you want to
go first or me?”
Praise others for cleaning.
Prompt a sister/brother/friend
to help the child clean-up.
CLEAN-UP (CONTINUED)
Why might the
Your child might want
adult’s/sibling’s/friend’s
attention.
behavior occurs?
Take turns cleaning up with the child -- Say, “First I put away a train, then
you put away a train.” Also visually cue where to put the train by pointing
to container or shelf.
Point out who’s cleaning -- Praise children who are cleaning up. “Look how
Tim put the car in the bin,” “Samantha is helping her friends put away
blocks,” “Wow, Vin put the book on the shelf,” etc.
Make cleaning fun -- Have child pick a helper or clean-up buddy, e.g.,
sister/brother, friend, or parent, where one carries the bin, and the other
loads items in the bin and then he/she switches roles.
Use verbal first-then cue -- “First clean-up, then ride bikes with friends” as
an incentive or use some other preferred activity/item.
Encourage success -- praise for cleaning up. Give high fives, thumbs up.
Point out if
sister/brother/friend is
cooperating, and quickly
praise your child if imitates
“Kirsten is cleaning up; wow
what a helper.”
Use verbal first-then cue to
remind child: “First clean-up,
then _____.”
Remind child to gesture/ask
for help from a parent,
sister/brother, or clean-up
buddy.
What new skills
should I teach?
“first-then” cues.
Teach your child to clean-up
through turn taking or with a
buddy.
Teach child to gesture/ask for
help either from adult,
sister/brother, or buddy.
RIDING IN THE CAR
Why might my
Your child does not want to
get in the car.
behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
Let your child know where you are going – prior to your child ending
previous activity let him/her know that soon you are leaving to go to
________.
and remind your child where
you are going.
Use verbal first-then cue – say to your child, “First get in the car, then you
can play with _____,” and show him/her a highly preferred item/toy that
he/she can hold in the car.
Restate to your child, “First
get in the car, and then you
can play with ____,” and give
him/her the preferred item to
hold while riding in the car.
choice of how to go to the car,
and make it fun, e.g., fly, skip,
hop.
Make going to the car fun – give your child fun choices for how to go to the
car: “Do you want to hop, skip, or fly like a plane to the car?”
Give choices – Offer choices of what to bring in the car: “Do you want to
bring a stuffed animal, Game Boy, books, or toy cars?”
Get a book about cleaning up – Go to your local library or book store, get a
book about cleaning up, read it with your child a regular basis, and allow
him/her to read it to you. (Suggested story books: Away We Go: Sesame
Beginnings to Go by Abigail Tabby; My Trusty Car Seat: Buckling Up for
Safety by Stan and Jan Berenstain.)
Your car is too hot, and your
child hates being hot.
Cool the car off -- If at home, run the air conditioner in the car for a bit
before getting in.
Cool the seat -- put an ice pack with a towel over it on the seat of the car
seat, or place a towel over the seat if ice is unavailable. Store the ice pack
in a small cooler.
Quench his/her thirst -- Have a drink available for the car ride.
Cool off -- Allow him/her to wear a “cold pack” scarf.
Spray the heat away -- Allow him/her to use a “mister.”
Offer a cold drink -- Freeze a bottle of water or juice that can thaw while
you get out of the car. Offer your child the slushy when you get back in
the car.
Restate choices of fun ways to
go to the car.
Teach your child to first sit
and put on seat belt or buckle
up car seat. Then, he/she can
play with something fun in the
car.
Help your child to the car,
keeping your emotion as calm
as possible. Once in the car,
quickly encourage him/her by
saying, “Look at you! What a
big kid you are sitting in your
car seat!”
Remind your child that you
cooled off the car. Your child
could be prompted to touch
the seat to feel that it is cool.
Offer a drink.
Offer a mister spray.
Teach your child to sit once
car is cooled off a bit.
Teach your child to use a cold
pack scarf and/or a spray
mister to cool off.
and then he/she can have a
drink.
RIDING IN THE CAR (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Plan for the transition -- Start transition about 5 minutes before end of
activity and every minute there-after; tell your child “5 more minutes”.
Your child does not
understand where he/she is
going.
Use a timer -- Set if for 5 minutes, and let your child know when the bell
rings the activity is finished or all done; give your child a warning before
the timer goes off.
Let your child know where you are going -- prior to your child ending
previous activity, let him/her know that soon you are leaving to go to
________.
Use verbal first-then cue -- say to your child, “First get in the car; then we
are going to _____,” and you may want to give him/her a highly preferred
item/toy to hold in the car.
behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
Show child a timer, remind
him/her that it’s now time to
get in the car, and help to the
car. Once in the car, praise
your child immediately, even if
you had to help.
Teach your child to listen for
the timer, and go to the car.
Ask your child to repeat to you
where it is that you are going,
and if he/she cannot recall,
restate where you are going.
Teach your child to go to the
car.
Re-cue your child by saying,
“First get in the car, then you
can play with _____.”
Teach your child to ask to
bring a toy in the car.
Teach your child to restate
where it is that you are going.
Show child a timer, remind
get in the car, and help to the
car. Once in the car, praise
your child immediately, even if
you had to help.
Schedule time to “play with” your child -- Let your child know when you
can “play”, e.g., chase, tickle, run with, hide and seek with him/her.
Your child refuses to get in
the car so that you will
chase/play and he/she gets
your attention.
Make getting in the car fun -- If you are at home, you could say, “Let’s
________ (e.g., race, jump, fly) to the car.” If you are out in the
community, you could say, “Let’s _______ (e.g., hold hands and swing our
arms, tip-toe, choo choo) to the car.”
Have something exciting in the car to play with -- Use verbal first-then
cue: say to your child, “First get in the car, then we are going to _____,”
and you may want to give him/her a highly preferred item/toy to hold in
the car.
Re-cue your child by saying,
“First get in the car, then you
can play with _____.”
Validate that your child wants
to play, and let him/her know
that he/she can play ______
later. Say something like, “I
see you want to play ______,
(e.g., chase, hide and seek,
tickle). We can play when we
get home. Right now it is time
to get in the car.” Quickly and
with no emotions, help your
child to the car, then praise
for sitting in the car seat, and
hand a toy to play with in the
car.
car by having him/her choose
an appropriate way to go to
the car, e.g., jump, fly,
holding hands.
Teach your child when it is
time to play, e.g., chase,
tickle, running, hide and seek.
Teach your child that when
he/she sits, then he/she can
play with a toy in the car.
RIDING IN THE CAR (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child wants to keep
doing the activity the he/she
was doing before getting
into the car.
Plan for the transition -- Start transition about 5 minutes before end of
activity and every minute there-after; tell your child “5 more minutes”,
wait, and then count down for each minute there after.
Use a timer -- Set it for 5 minutes, and let your child know when the bell
the timer goes off.
Bring it along -- If the item he/she is playing with can be used in the car,
then allow him/her to take it or a piece of it on the car ride.
Let your child know -- Show your child when he/she can return to the
activity again. Point to the time on the clock or the day on the calendar.
behavior occurs?
Show child timer, remind
get in the car, and help
him/her to the car.
Ask your child if he/she wants
to bring the toy to the car.
Let your child know that
he/she can continue the
activity he/she was doing
when you get back. Leave the
activity out so that he/she can
see that it will still be there.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to listen for
the timer and go to the car.
bring a toy in the car.
car.
Teach your child that he/she
can return to the activity at a
later time.
SHOPPING
Why might my
Your child wants to
leave or wants to go
home.
Make a list together -- Let your child know ahead of time, what you plan to
do. Draw in a small notepad pictures to represent the 3 items you need,
and then a picture of a house to indicate that after you get those “3
items,” (list them) “then, we will go home.”
Get a book about shopping -- Go to your local library or book store, get a
book about shopping, read it with your child on a regular basis, and allow
him/her to read it to you. (Suggested story books: Maisy Goes Shopping
by Lucy Cousins; Just Shopping with Mom by Mercer Mayer.)
Plan shopping when you child is well-rested.
behavior occurs?
and restate what is left on
your “shopping list”. “I see
you are sad. We need to buy
one more thing. First we get
_____; then we go home.”
Remind your child by saying,
“First we pay, then we can go
to the car.”
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to look at the
pictures of the items you need to
buy and to check off the
“shopping list” as you buy each
item.
Teach your child “First check off
list, then go home.”
Plan shopping when your child is not hungry.
Make shopping time short, and slowly increase time to 30 minutes as your
child is successful with shorter time spans. If needed, start at 5 minutes,
and slowly increase time shopping.
Play a game while shopping -- Look for something red, look for something
that begins with “A”, look for something that you drink, etc.
riding in the
cart/stroller.
Offer choices -- Give your child a choice of holding your finger. Many
children don’t like you holding his/her hand but will hold your finger or will
hold onto the shopping cart.
Distract -- If the child must ride in a cart/stroller, give him/her a choice of
something small to hold in the cart, e.g., juice cup, goldfish crackers, small
car, small baby.
Check it off -- Give your child a small notepad and crayon to mark off the
“shopping list”. Draw 3 pictures of 3 items that you are shopping for so
that he/she can check them off once they are placed in the cart.
Play a game while shopping -- Look for something red, look for something
Encourage success -- Praise your child the moment that he/she sits
appropriately or walks with you holding the cart or your hand/finger.
Redirect your child to make a
choice to hold the cart. Point
to the cart as you say it, or
hold your hand/finger. Reach
out your hand as you say it.
and then say, “First sit quietly
in the stroller/cart, then you
can have _____ (e.g., toy,
snack, juice).”
Show “shopping list pictures”
again, and remind child of
what is left. Have him/her
help you locate those items.
to hold hand/finger or side of the
cart.
quietly, then he/she can have
_____.
Teach your child to check off the
pictures that represent the 3
items on your shopping list.
SHOPPING (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child wants
toys/items off the
shelves.
Encourage your child -- Praise your child for walking/riding quietly you.
Make a list -- Prior to shopping, make a list of what you will be getting at
the store, and review the list with your child. Use simple pictures on a
small notepad to indicate what you are getting, and show it to your child.
behavior occurs?
Remind your child that you
have a “shopping list”.
Validate your child’s feelings.
Say, “I know you really want
_____. Maybe another time.
Today we are buying
_______, _______, and
_______.”
What new skills
should I teach?
of a “shopping list” item that
he/she wants prior to going
shopping.
Teach your child how to look at
the shopping list and check off
items as you get them.
Check it off -- Give the “shopping list” to your child while you are
shopping, and allow him/her to check off the list. Stress that “we are only
buying things on the list today”.
Offer choices -- Prior to shopping, offer a shopping item choice to your
child. For example, your child can pick out a snack, the type of bubble
bath soap he/she would like, or maybe a small toy item. Then put that
item on the “shopping list”. Again, stress that you are only buying items
on the list.
Remind your child of the items
you need help finding.
Encourage success -- Pay attention to and praise your child for
walking/riding quietly with you. Purposely do this every few minutes.
Your child wants the
adult to pay attention to
him/her. He/she may
want to play chase or
hide and seek.
Helping hands -- Have your child be your “helper”. Give your child items
that he/she is suppose to help you look for and put in the cart.
Have your child help you put items on the check out counter or belt.
Schedule time to “play”, e.g., chase, hide and seek, together at home.
Engage your child as you shop. Look for things together. Talk about what
you are seeing. Make your child a “shopping buddy”.
Remind your child you need
help putting the items on the
checkout belt.
Teach your child to be a helper
and help you find the items.
Teach your child to put items in
the cart.
Cue your child to say “I want
to help”.
Teach your child to put items on
the checkout belt.
Let your child know when you
will play with him/her. Say,
“When we get home, we can
play chase or hide and seek”.
Teach your child to say “I want to
help”.
SHOPPING (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Let your child know ahead of time what you plan to do. Draw in a small
notepad pictures to represent the 3 items you need and then a picture of a
house to indicate that after you get those “3 items” (list them), then we
will go home.
Your child does not
know why you are in the
store or how long it will
take to shop.
Plan shopping when you child is well-rested.
Plan shopping when your child is not hungry.
Make shopping time short and fun.
Play a game while shopping: look for something red, look for something
Your child wants to be
carried or held.
Give your child a choice of walking or riding in a cart.
Avoid shopping when your child is tired or hungry. Make sure he/she is
well rested and well-fed prior to shopping.
Encourage success -- praise your child for walking or riding like a big
boy/girl.
Limit your expectations -- reduce the length of the trip to match your
child’s tolerance level.
behavior occurs?
and restate what is left on
your “shopping list”. “I see
you are upset. We need to
buy one more thing. First we
get _____; then we go home.”
Review the entire shopping
list. Keep the list to a
minimum until your child
understands the shopping
routine.
has a choice to walk or ride.
Say “I know you want me to
carry you, but I can’t. I know
you are sad, but you can walk
holding my hand or ride in the
cart, and I will talk to you”.
You can periodically give hugs.
Ask your child if he/she is
tired. If he/she is, then have
him/her ride in the cart.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to look at the
pictures of the items you need to
buy and to check off the
“shopping list” as you buy each
item.
Teach your child “first check off
list; then go home”.
Teach your child to walk.
Teach your child to ride in the
cart.
Teach your child to tell you if
he/she is tired.
RESTAURANTS
Why might my
behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
Your child wants an adult to
play or pay attention to
him/her.
Get a book about eating in restaurants -- Go to your local library or book
store, get a book about going out to eat, read it with your child, and then
suggest to your child that he/she can make his/her own “restaurant book”
using real photos. Take photographs, develop pictures, and staple several
pieces of paper together to make a book for your child by gluing in the
photographs and writing the steps of eating at a restaurant. Read your
homemade book to your child prior to going to a restaurant, and allow
him/her to read it to you. (Suggested story books: Barney and Baby Bop
Go to the Restaurant by Lyrick Publishing; Cailou at a Fancy Restaurant by
Sarah Margaret Johnson; Froggy Eats Out by Jonathan London.)
Remind your child of the steps
that you need to go through
when at a restaurant.
choice of a quiet activity to
play with. You may even want
to show him/her the options
so that the choice is easier
than just hearing the choices.
Restate choices of quiet
activities/toys to play with
while waiting.
Teach your child to review the
steps of eating at a
restaurant.
Teach your child to say, “Play
with me” to get adult’s
attention.
Bring quiet but interactive activities that you and your child can do while
waiting for the meal, e.g., paper and crayons, books, small puzzle.
Make sitting fun -- talk with your child, play simple games, give your child
positive attention when sitting.
Encourage success -- praise your child for sitting, eating, and/or waiting to
go outside.
Encourage success -- Pay attention to and praise your child when he/she
sits and eats at the restaurant.
Your child wants to leave or
go home or go outside.
Let your child know the steps you need to go through at a restaurant:
First we order, draw/read while waiting for food, eat; and then we get our
check, pay, and go home.
Let your child know about how much time there is before he/she gets to
leave or go for a walk outside.
Give your child a choice of alternate, quiet activities to do while waiting.
(e.g., paper and crayons, books, small puzzles)
Go to an outdoor restaurant.
Say something like, “I see you
are mad. First we pay, then
we can leave.”
that you need to go through at
the restaurant.
Remind your child of his/her
choices of alternate activities.
Point out how nice others,
especially children, are sitting
in the restaurant.
Remind your child to first sit
quietly for a few minutes, then
he/she can ask to go for a
walk outside.
Teach your child to ask “how
much longer”.
Teach your child to wait
quietly while doing an
alternate activity, such as
drawing, reading, or playing
with a small toy.
Teach your child the steps you
need to go through at a
restaurant.
Teach your child how to first
sit quietly; then he/she can go
out for a walk.
Teach your child to ask to go
for a walk outside in a calm
voice while sitting quietly.
RESTAURANTS (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child is very hungry
and can’t wait for food.
Give your child a small snack prior to the meal.
Bring a small snack with you to the restaurant.
Distract your child, and play simple games or read a book while waiting for
the meal. “I Spy” is a great restaurant game.
If your child is hungry, go to a restaurant where you know you can receive
the food quickly.
behavior occurs?
Ask your child if he/she is
hungry. If he/she is, offer
choices of a small snack.
Ask your child if he/she would
like to play a game or read a
book.
Call in an order for an appetizer ahead of time to have ready for your
arrival.
sitting.
Practice sitting to eat at home.
Take a photograph of your child sitting in a chair at home at the meal
table. Then you can use that photograph of your child sitting to prompt
him/her to sit in the chair. Show the photograph to your child and say
“First sit (while patting the seat of the chair); then ____ (a favorite food)”.
Make sure that your child is sitting comfortably. For instance, make sure
that the child is stable in his/her seat. Consider using a booster seat that
fits securely on the chair and leaves enough room on the seat to rest
his/her feet.
Make sitting fun -- Talk with your child; play simple games; give your child
positive attention when sitting.
Encourage your child, and praise for sitting.
Ignore inappropriate behavior
if possible, and point out
others who are sitting quietly
and correctly.
Show your child his/her
photograph sitting in a chair
for a meal and say “First, sit.
Then ______”. Show snack
item.
Remove plate from child’s
reach; prompt to sit; and then
allow to eat once he/she is
sitting.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child how to make
a snack choice.
Teach your child to eat the
snack choice.
choice to play a game or read
a book.
Teach your child to use a
booster chair, if appropriate
for his/her age.
Teach your child to look at
his/her photograph sitting and
sit.
GOING TO THE DOCTOR
Why might my
Your child is fearful and
wants to leave.
Get a book about going to the doctor -- Go to your local library or book
store, get a book about going to the doctor; read it with your child, and
then suggest to your child that he/she can make his/her own “going to the
doctor book” using real photos. Take photographs, develop pictures, and
staple several pieces of paper together to make a book for your child by
gluing in the photographs and writing the steps of going to the doctor in
the book. Read your homemade book to your child prior to going to the
doctor, and allow him/her to read it to you. Bring the book with you to the
doctor’s office for review if needed. (Suggested story books: Doctor Maisy
by Lucy Cousins; Barney Goes to the Doctor by Scholastic Inc.; Froggy
Goes to the Doctor by Jonathan London; Blue’s Checkup (Blue’s Clues
#13) by Sarah Albee.)
Prior to going to the doctor. Pretend play at home being a doctor and a
patient. Practice with each other, or use a baby doll as the patient.
Discuss feeling words so your child can express feelings: happy, sad,
scared, and excited. Model on your own face, or use pictures or story
books to discuss the different feelings.
behavior occurs?
Say “I see you are scared. I
will stay with you the whole
time”.
Re-read the story about going
to the doctor.
Say to your child “Tell me how
you feel”. You may have to
ask, “Are you scared? Say
scared”.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to say how
he/she feels.
Teach your child to take slow
deep breaths.
Teach your child to go through
the steps in his/her book about
going to the doctor.
Remind your child to take slow
deep breaths, and model how.
Ask your child if he/she wants
a stuffed animal to hold or a
small toy, sippy cup, or
blanket.
Share with your child something that might scare you, and let him/her
know that when you breathe slow deep breaths it can help you do the
scary thing.
Allow your child to bring a “comfort item” to the doctor’s visit, such as a
soft stuffed animal, favorite small toy, a sippy cup, or a blanket.
Your child wants to be
held/carried.
Have your child ask you appropriately to carry him/her.
If this is not an option, or you are trying to work on walking, give your
child a choice of holding your finger, hand, purse strap, or belt loop.
Let your child know that first he/she walks like a big kid into the doctor’s
office, and after checking in, then he/she can sit on your lap.
Remind to ask first and then
you will carry him/her. Only if
possible, and he/she asks
without using challenging
behavior.
Give your child a choice of
holding a hand, finger, purse
strap, or belt loop.
Teach your child to gesture/ask
to be held, if possible.
to hold your hand, finger, or
purse strap/belt loop.
Teach your child to first walk,
then he/she can sit in your lap.
Remind your child to first
walk; then he/she can sit in
your lap.
him/her.
Let your child know ahead of time that when the doctor comes into the
room, that first mommy/daddy talks to the doctor, and then
mommy/daddy can play and talk to the child.
Praise your child every so often for doing what the doctor asked or waiting
quietly. Take toys or books that you can use to play with your child while
waiting. Encourage your child to play or look at the book while you talk to
the doctor.
Remind your child, first you
talk to the doctor; then you
can talk to and play with your
child.
Teach your child to sit or play
quietly while waiting.
Teach your child to say “Play with
me”.
GOING TO THE DOCTOR (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child wants to
leave or go home.
behavior occurs?
Get a book about going to the doctor -- Go to your local library or book
store; get a book about going to the doctor, read it with your child, and
then suggest to your child that he/she can make his/her own “going to the
doctor book” using real photos. Take photographs, develop pictures, and
gluing in the photographs and writing the steps of going to the doctor in
the book. Read your homemade book to your child prior to going to the
doctor, and allow him/her to read it to you. Bring the book with you to the
doctor’s office for review if needed. (Suggested story books: Doctor Maisy
by Lucy Cousins; Barney Goes to the Doctor by Scholastic Inc.; Froggy
Goes to the Doctor by Jonathan London; Blue’s Checkup (Blue’s Clues
#13) by Sarah Albee.)
you need to go through at the
doctor’s.
steps of what to do at the
doctor’s office.
Remind your child about how
long it will be before you can
leave.
Teach your child to make choices
of what to play with while
waiting.
Let your child know the steps you need to go through during the doctor’s
visit: sign-in, sit and wait/play, go step on scale, go into doctor’s room,
get blood pressure, give gentle arm hug, wait for doctor, doctor checks
you, go pay, get in car
Let your child know about how much time there is before he/she gets to
leave. (e.g., “After the doctor checks you, then all we need to do is pay,
and then we can go.”)
Encourage your child and praise any attempts he/she takes to do steps of
“visiting the doctor”.
Bring several small items that your child prefers to play with, and give
him/her choices of items to encourage him/her to stay.
Point out that first you are going to the doctor, and then you are going to
_________ (something fun).
Give your child a choice of
items to play with.
What new skills
should I teach?
TAKING MEDICINE
Why might my
behavior occurs?
Your child hates taking
or the taste of medicine.
Get a book about taking medicine -- Go to your local library, your
pediatrician’s office, or book store and get a book about taking medicine,
read it with your child, and then suggest to your child that he/she can
make his/her own “taking medicine book” using real photos. Take
photographs, develop pictures, and staple several pieces of paper together
to make a book for your child by gluing in the photographs and writing the
steps of “taking medicine” in the book. Read your homemade book to your
child prior to medicine time, and allow him/her to read it to you.
(Suggested story books: How Do Dinosaurs Get Well Soon? by Jane
Yolen; Blue’s Checkup (Blue’s Clues #13) by Sarah Albee; Don’t You Feel
Well Sam by Amy Hest; Lion Who Had Asthma by Jonathan London.)
Validate your child feelings. “I
know you don’t like taking
medicine. But you have to
take it ______ (to feel better,
to breath easy, so your
tummy doesn’t get sick).”
Give your child medicine in combination with something that tastes good,
like a sweet juice or a yummy snack.
Remind your child that first
he/she needs to take
medicine, then he/she can
_________ (something fun).
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to use a self
monitoring chart, and check off
medicine as he/she takes it.
Teach your child how to first take
______ (do something fun).
Teach your child to take
medicine.
can check off on the chart
when he/she is done.
Tell your child that first he/she needs to take medicine, and then he/she
can ___________ (something fun).
Make taking medicine fun -- if your child takes more than one medication,
tell your child to think of what medicine he/she wants to take first, and
then you will try to guess what medicine it is that he/she is going to take.
Make it a race -- play a game with your child, and have him/her try to take
medicine before you finish 30 jumping jacks/push ups/putting all the
dishes in the dishwasher.
If you, as the parent, also take medicine, take your medicine at the same
time as your child, and see who can take all their medicine first.
Make a “medicine chart” -- Use a chart, and list the medications and every
time your child takes a medicine. Or each day he/she takes medicine the
child puts a sticker on his/her medicine chart.
him/her, e.g., runs,
wants to play chase,
acts silly for attention.
Let your child know that first he/she takes medicine; then you both can
_______, e.g., do fun activity, together. Say, “First I will watch you take
your medicine and then we can _________.”
Point out what your child is doing correctly, and praise him/her.
Make a “medicine chart” -- Use a chart, and list the medications and every
time your child takes a medicine. Or each day he/she takes medicine the
child puts a sticker on his/her medicine chart. You can hold the stickers,
and let him/her choose which sticker to place in each spot.
Remind your child that first
you will watch him/her take
medicine; then you can
______.
Point to the medicine chart,
remind him/her to take
medicine, and check off or put
a sticker on the chart.
Teach your child to first take
medicine; then he/she can
______.
Teach your child to use self
monitoring chart, and check off or
put a sticker on the chart when
finished taking medicine.
TAKING MEDICINE (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child wants to do
something different than
taking medicine, e.g.,
play, run, chase.
Let your child know that first he/she takes medicine; then he/she can
_______, e.g., do fun activity.
Schedule taking medicine at a time of the day to allow for something fun to
occur after medicine time.
behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
Remind your child to first take
medication; then he/she can
_____, e.g., do fun activity.
medicine; then he/she can do
something fun.
Remind your child why he/she
has to take the medicine.
“This medicine helps you feel
good. When you don’t take
this medicine you might
____________ (have a hard
time breathing, get a sick
tummy).”
medicine; then he/she can do
something fun.
Give your child a choice of something fun to do after medicine is taken. So
say “First medicine and then you can ______ or ________”.
Your child doesn’t
understand why he/she
has to take medicine.
Let your child know what the medicine is for. You could say something
like, “This medicine helps you feel good. When you don’t take this
medicine you might ____________.”
Let your child know that first he/she takes medicine, then he/she can
_______ e.g., do fun activity.
Get a book about taking medicine -- Go to your local library, your
pediatrician’s office, or book store; get a book about taking medicine, read
it with your child, and then suggest to your child that he/she can make
his/her own “taking medicine book” using real photos. Take photographs,
develop pictures, and staple several pieces of paper together to make a
book for your child by gluing in the photographs and writing the steps of
“taking medicine” in the book. Read your homemade book to your child
prior to medicine time, and allow him/her to read it to you. (Suggested
story book: How Do Dinosaurs Get Well Soon? by Jane Yolen; Blue’s
Checkup (Blue’s Clues #13) by Sarah Albee; Don’t You Feel Well Sam by
Amy Hest; Lion Who Had Asthma by Jonathan London.)
Let your child know that sometimes you too have to take medicine, and
then give him/her an example of when you had to take medicine and why.
Remind your child to first take
_____, e.g., do fun activity.
Teach your child that the
medicine helps you feel better.
TAKING A BATH
Why might my
Your child loves bath time
and does not want to get
out.
behavior occurs?
Set a timer -- Let your child know that he/she has _____minutes for
bath and then it will be time for __________. Plan something fun just
after bath time.
Show your child the timer, and
remind him/her it is time to get
out and help out.
Plan to do something that your child considers fun or exciting right after
bath, and say to him/her, “First bath, then ________,” e.g., fun activity.
Point out the fun activity after
bath.
Give your child a warning to let him/her know that bath time will be
ending soon. Say something like “In 5 minutes it will be time to get out
of the bath and ________”. Then when there are 2 minutes left, let
him/her know again. And finally at 1 minute let him/her know one last
time. When it is time to get out, say “Time to get out and _______” and
quickly and safely help him/her out of the tub. Then make drying fun.
Remind your child about the
favorite pajamas that he/she
has to put on after taking a
bath.
Make drying off fun -- Give your child choices such as, “Do you want me
to dry your arms or your legs first/your belly or your hair first?”
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child how to get
out when the timer goes off;
then he/she can do _____,
e.g., fun activity.
choice of what parts of his/her
body he/she wants dried first,
second, third.
Remind him/her to give you
his/her choice of what to dry
first.
Have special pajamas with the child’s favorite character or color.
Remind him/her that when bath is done, he/she will put on _______
pajamas.
Your child wants to play
and splashes more water
out of the tub than in.
Get a clear shower curtain, and close it to allow for water play time.
Let you child know that first he/she needs mommy’s/daddy’s help to
wash while he/she sits still, then you will close the clear shower curtain,
and he/she can play “splish splash bath”.
Place towels at the base of the tub, and after bath time, have your child
help wipe up any excess water.
needs to sit/stand still while you
quickly clean, then he/she can
splish splash with the clear
curtain closed.
Teach your child to sit/stand
still for when you bathe
him/her.
Teach your child to first close
clear curtain, then splash and
play.
Teach your child to clean the
floor with your help using the
towels.
water/soap in his/her eyes
so struggles with washing
hair.
Use a plastic visor so that the soapy water will not run in your child’s
eyes.
Model how to lean your head
back.
Teach your child how to lean
head back.
Use plastic swim goggles so that the soapy water will not run in your
child’s eyes.
Validate your child’s feeling: “I
know you hate water in your
eyes. I will try to keep the
water away from your eyes.”
choice to wear plastic visor,
swim goggles, or hold a face
cloth over his/her face.
Give your child a choice of wearing the visor or the goggles.
Allow your child to hold a face cloth over his/her eyes, tilt his/her head
back, and use a cup to rinse hair.
Ask your child if he/she needs a
face cloth, visor, or goggles.
TAKING A BATH (CONTINUED)
Why might my
behavior occurs?
bath time and wants to get
out.
Get a book about taking a bath -- Go to your local library or book store,
and get a book about taking a bath, read it with your child, and then
suggest to your child that he/she can make his/her own “bath time”
using real photos. Take photographs, develop pictures, and staple
in the photographs and writing the steps of bath time in the book. Read
your homemade book to your child prior to taking a bath and allow
him/her to read it to you. You could even laminate or clear contact
paper the book, and use it during bath time. (Suggested story books:
Maisy Takes a Bath by Lucy Cousins; Just Me in the Tub by Mercer
Mayer; Spot’s Bath by Eric Hill; Clifford’s Bathtime by Norman Bridwell;
Froggy Takes a Bath by Johnathan London; Cailou Time for Bath by
Christine L’Heureux; This is the Way We Take a Bath by Ken WilsonMax.)
Validate your child’s feelings: “I
know you don’t like bath. We
can do it fast.” And move
through the steps quickly as you
say what each step is.
Move through washing your child quickly so that your child has minimal
time in the water.
Give your child a choice to sit or stand still to get cleaned.
Get fun toys for bathtub play, and give your child choices of what to play
with in the bath.
Use bathtub tints or food coloring to make the bath water a different
color. Let your child choose the color. You can even experiment with
the colors, and add more than one color to see what color it makes.
Give your child a choice to take a shower or a “shower-bath”. Plug the
drain, but let the tub fill at the same time you are showering.
Use some “fun foam soap” that changes color and smells like different
scents.
Sing a silly song, or play a game with your child to make bath time more
fun.
Remind your child of the bath
time steps.
Ask your child if he/she would
like to sit/stand to get cleaned.
What new skills
should I teach?
bath time steps.
Teach your child to make
choices: to stand or sit to get
cleaned/bubbles or color tints/
a shower, bath, or showerbath.
TAKING A BATH (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child is silly or
disruptive to get your
attention.
Get a book about taking a bath -- Go to your local library or book store,
get a book about taking a bath, read it with your child, and then suggest
to your child that he/she can make his/her own “bath time” using real
photos. Take photographs, develop pictures, and staple several pieces
of paper together to make a book for your child by gluing in the
photographs and writing the steps of bath time in the book. Read your
homemade book to your child prior to taking a bath and allow him/her to
read it to you. You could even laminate or clear contact paper the book
and use it during bath time. (Suggested story books: Maisy Takes a
Bath by Lucy Cousins; Just Me in the Tub by Mercer Mayer; Spot’s Bath
by Eric Hill; Clifford’s Bathtime by Norman Bridwell; Froggy Takes a Bath
by Johnathan London; Cailou Time for Bath by Christine L’Heureux; This
is the Way We Take a Bath by Ken Wilson-Max.)
Schedule time to “play with” your child -- Let your child know when you
can “play”: e.g., tickle, silly faces, or some other favorite activity with
him/her after bath.
Use a timer, set if for 15 minutes, and let your child know when the bell
rings bath time is finished or all done; give your child a warning before
the timer goes off.
Have something exciting in the tub to play with “together” -- Use verbal
first-then cue – say to your child, “First get in the tub, then we are going
to _____,” and you may want to give him/her a highly preferred
item/toy to play with in the tub.
Encourage success -- Give your child lots of attention for doing what is
expected, e.g., getting in tub correctly, helping wash up, playing with
toys the right way.
behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
Remind your child what he/she
needs to do: “First ______;
then you can play with _______,
(e.g., highly preferred bath toy)
with me.”
Remind your child that when the
timer goes off, bath time is all
done.
Teach your child the schedule
with clear expectations for
bath time.
Teach your child that you can
play with him/her when
he/she first sits and washes.
BATHROOM (POTTY/WASH HANDS)
Why might my
go to the bathroom.
Get a book about going potty -- Go to your local library or book store,
get a book about going potty, read it with your child, and then suggest
to your child that he/she can make his/her own potty book using real
photos. Take photographs, develop pictures, and staple several pieces
of paper together to make a potty book for your child by gluing in the
photographs and writing the potty steps in the book. Read your
homemade book to your child prior to toileting, and allow him/her to
read it to you. (Suggested story books: New Potty by Mercer Mayer;
Dora’s Potty Book by Melissa Torres; I Can Go Potty by Bonnie Worth;
My Potty and I by Stan and Jan Berenstain; Rugrat’s Potty Book: A
Baby’s Got to Go by Kathi Wagner; Potty Time with Elmo by Staff of
Publications International; Once Upon a Potty: Girl by Alona Frankel;
Once Upon a Potty: Boy by Alona Frankel.)
behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
Offer reassurance and say, “I will
help you;” “Let’s get your toy;”
“Can you help me turn on the
music?”
Teach your child the bathroom
routine sequence.
Remind your child to ask/gesture
for help.
Teach your child to ask or
gesture for help. He/she
takes your hand.
Prompt your child: “Let’s look at
the schedule and see what to
do.”
Praise for staying in the
bathroom.
Use a schedule -- Use a “bathroom” activity routine schedule using real
photographs.
Ease his/her nerves -- Allow your child to take a favorite toy/book into
the bathroom or play soothing music.
Take small steps -- Start by just having your child enter, maybe just to
wash hands.
Encourage your child -- Praise for staying in the bathroom.
Make it quick -- Keep bathroom visits short in the beginning, especially
when your child is first learning to use the toilet.
Your child wants attention
and/or someone there.
Stay nearby -- Stand near your child or in the doorway. Slowly increase
distance over time.
Let your child know -- Tell your child that you are waiting just outside
the door or in the doorway.
Use first-then verbal cue -- “First potty; then I will help” or if your child
toilets independently, “First potty; wash hands; then I will play with
you.”
Reassure your child -- Let your child know that he/she will get
assistance when finished. “I will be right here when you’re all done.”
Use a timer -- Set timer for one minute, and check on your child. Do
this throughout activity every minute.
Encourage every attempt -- Praise for washing hands and/or sitting on
the toilet like a big boy/girl.
Remind child of first-then cue;
say, “First potty; then wash
hands with mommy/daddy” with
no direct eye contact, and walk
away.
Give much encouragement when
sits on the toilet.
“first-then” verbal cue: “First
potty; then ______.”
Teach your child that you will
come back when the timer
goes off, and leave the timer
near your child so he/she can
see the time pass.
BATHROOM (POTTY/WASH HANDS) (CONTINUED)
Why might my
wash hands.
behavior occurs?
Get a book about washing hands -- Go to your local library or book
store, get a book about washing hands, read it with your child, and then
suggest to your child that he/she can make his/her own “washing hands
book” using real photos. Take photographs, develop pictures, and
gluing in the photographs and writing the steps of hand washing in the
book. Read your homemade book to your child prior to going into the
bathroom, and allow him/her to read it to you. (Suggested story books:
Germs on Their Fingers by Wendy Wakefield; Those Mean Nasty Dirty
Downright Disgusting but…Invisible Germs by Judith Rice.)
Say to your child, “ I will help
you. You turn on the water; I will
get soap.”
Show the steps -- Use wash hands visual routine sequence to cue steps.
Use photographs of each step of the hand washing routine. If the
pictures are laminated and Velcroed, your child can remove the picture,
or turn the picture over to indicate completion.
Back up hand washing with something fun -- Tell your child he/she can
do something fun after hand washing.
Make it fun -- decorate sink area with your child’s favorite characters.
Sing a song -- Sing a fun song about washing hands to encourage child
to wash.
Encourage your child -- Praise for all attempts at washing hands.
Make sure your child can comfortably reach the sink using a step stool.
Use pump soap in a decanter if that will be more interesting or fun for
your child, or use some scented soap.
Let your child play in the sink after washing hands.
Use a first-then cue: first wash
hands; then ___.
Count with your child how many
more steps, or count how many
times they need to rub his/her
hands together, e.g., “O.K. put
soap on, now rub 1-2-3” make it
fun or silly.
Remind your child of something
fun he/she can do after hand
washing.
Praise for completing each step.
Praise for washing hands.
What new skills
should I teach?
steps for hand washing.
BEDTIME/SLEEPING/NAP
Why might my
Your child doesn’t like to
nap/sleep/is not tired.
behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
Read a simple story about nap/bedtime -- Go to your local library or book
store, get a book about nap/bedtime, read it with your child, and then
suggest to your child that he/she can make his/her own nap/bedtime book
pieces of paper together to make a nap/bedtime book for your child by
gluing in the photographs and writing the nap/bedtime steps in the book.
Read your homemade book to your child prior to nap/bedtime, and allow
him/her to read it to you. (Suggested story books: Froggy Goes to Bed by
Jonathan London; Time for Bed by Mem Fox; Just Go to Bed by Mercer
Mayer; My Big Boy Bed by Eve Bunting; Big Enough for Bed (Sesame
Street Series) by Apple Jordan; Maisy’s Bedtime by Lucy Cousins; Good
Night Maisy by Lucy Cousins; The Going to Bed Book by Sandra Boynton;
Going to My Big Bed!: Barney’s Little Lessons by Cheryl Berk; Just a Nap
by Mercer Mayer; Clifford’s Bedtime by Norman Bridwell.)
Remind child of favorite or fun
activity that comes next.
Teach your child to stay in bed
and rest/sleep.
Tell your child, “First, be
quiet; then I will rub your
back.” Wait for child to quiet.
This will not reinforce problem
behavior if your child is quiet.
have back rubbed.
Set a timer, and let child know when it goes off, nap time is over.
Allow child to use a favorite sleep item, e.g., stuffed animal, pillow,
blanket, etc.
Give child alternative quiet activities to do if not tired.
Use first-then visual or verbal cue: first sleep; then______.
Schedule a fun activity after sleep, and use stories and/or first-then
statements (“First sleep, then cartoons in the morning.”) to remind your
child of the schedule prior to sleep time.
Try to darken the room or your child’s sleep area.
When quiet, lying down, and covered, offer to rub back for a short period
of time, then leave for a minute or two. While your child is still lying down
and quiet, return again to rub his/her back; do this intermittently.
Allow child to look at a book or to do a quiet activity while staying in bed
for nap/sleep.
Play soothing music.
Keep bedtime consistent even through the weekend.
Your child might not need naps any longer, maybe just to go to bed a bit
earlier at night time.
Praise for resting quietly.
Validate feelings, and offer
alternative, “I know this is
hard. You want to play, but it
is time to rest. You can lie
down, and when you are quiet
I will sit with you, or you can
look at a book.”
Offer child choice of alternate
quiet activity, e.g., stuffed
animal, book, color, squish
ball, etc. Say, “First rest
quietly; then you can ____ or
____.”
choice of a quiet activity.
BEDTIME/SLEEPING/NAP (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child wants adult
attention.
behavior occurs?
Rub child’s back and slowly back away while increasing distance over time.
Use first-then prompt to
remind, “First rest or lie down;
then I can come rub your
back”.
Provide a choice of a doll, stuffed animal, or a comfort item to sleep with.
Offer choice of “comfort item”.
Use first-then verbal cue -- “First rest; then I will rub your back.”
Have child positioned with minimal distractions and “escape routes”.
If nap time, schedule a short fun activity with child following nap so that
he/she can have time with mommy/daddy.
Read a simple story about nap/bedtime -- Go to your local library or book
store, get a book about nap/bedtime, read it with your child, and then
suggest to your child that he/she can make his/her own nap/bedtime book
pieces of paper together to make a nap/bedtime book for your child by
gluing in the photographs and writing the nap/bedtime steps in the book.
Read your homemade book to your child prior to nap/bedtime, and allow
him/her to read it to you. (Suggested story books: Froggy Goes to Bed by
Jonathan London; Time for Bed by Mem Fox; Just Go to Bed by Mercer
Mayer; My Big Boy Bed by Eve Bunting; Big Enough for Bed (Sesame
Street Series) by Apple Jordan; Maisy’s Bedtime by Lucy Cousins; Good
Night Maisy by Lucy Cousins; The Going to Bed Book by Sandra Boynton;
Going to My Big Bed!: Barney’s Little Lessons by Cheryl Berk; Just a Nap
by Mercer Mayer; Clifford’s Bedtime by Norman Bridwell.)
Allow your child to take one of his/her stuffed animals to bed to keep
him/her company. You might want to get a “bigger” stuffed animal so that
he/she feels more comforted, like someone is nearby.
For the first week or so, you can sit in his/her room as he/she dozes off,
say good night, and leave. Make sure to say good night, and let your child
see you leave. Over time, slowly back your chair up so that it is closer to
the door. Once you leave, don’t go back into the room. You can reassure
your child from outside the room.
Use a job chart -- Make a chart to keep track of when your child sleeps in
his/her own bed. Put on the chart “I can sleep in my own bed!” with a
photograph on the chart of your child in his/her bed. On the mornings that
your child wakes in his/her own bed, celebrate his/her success and have
your child put a sticker or stamp mark on the chart.
Teach your child to first rest
quietly; then mommy/daddy
will rub back.
Teach your child to rub baby
doll’s or stuffed animal’s back.
choice of a comfort item to
rest with.
Your child wants to sleep
with you or have you lay
down with him/her.
What new skills
should I teach?
to let him/her know you
understand, and then restate
that you have your bed and
he/she has his own bed.
If your child gets out of bed,
gently and calmly take
him/her back to his/her own
bed, say good night, and walk
out.
Offer choices of stuffed
animals to sleep with.
is a big kid now and needs to
stay in his/her bed until the
sun comes through the edges
of the window(s).
Teach your child to sleep in
his/her own bed.
BEDTIME/SLEEPING/NAP (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child has a hard time
settling down or soothing
self to sleep.
behavior occurs?
Offer to put on music and/or rock or rub your child’s back using a first-then
visual or verbal prompt: “First go lie down; then I can rub your back or
rock you for a bit”.
Say, “First lie down quietly;
then I will put on the music,
rub your back, or rock you.”
Have child positioned with minimal distractions or escape routes.
Offer choice of comfort item.
Provide a choice of a doll or stuffed animal to sleep with.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to first rest
quietly; then mommy/daddy
will turn on music, and rub
back or rock.
Teach your child to rub baby
doll’s or stuffed animal’s back.
choice of a comfort item.
Sleep can be a more complex problem for both children and adults. We recommend reading the following book for more strategies around “sleep issues”:
Durand, V. Mark. (1998). Sleep better! A guide to improving sleep for children with special needs. Baltimore: Brookes Publishing.
WHEN PARENTS CAN’T PLAY (CHORES, ON PHONE, ETC.)
Why might my
Your child wants your
attention.
Prepare a small box of fun toys, and keep it near the phone or in an easily
accessible location. If you need to make a phone call, or do a chore
without interruptions, then your child can have the small box of toys to
play with.
As you work or are on the phone, pause in a few moments, praise your
child for waiting and playing appropriately, and remind him/her that you
will play with him/her when you are done.
behavior occurs?
Remind your child to play
quietly with small box of fun
toys.
Show your child the timer, and
let him/her know how long
before you can play.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to say, “Play
with me.” And then play with
him/her for a bit, and set the
timer.
Teach the child to wait for the
timer to go off before you can
play with him/her again.
Teach your child to play
nearby with small box of toys.
Let your child know that you need to work/talk alone for a bit and if
possible, set a timer. When the timer goes off, stop and play with your
child, and praise him/her for playing by him/her self.
Say to your child, “First I need to ______; then we can play ______.”
Your child wants to talk on
the phone.
Let your child know that sometimes the phone is for mommy/daddy only.
But that when grandma, another relative, or special friend calls, then
he/she can talk.
If needed, plan times when he/she can talk to a grandparent, relative, or
special friend.
accessible location. If you need to have a conversation without
interruptions, then your child can have the small box of toys to play with.
Have a play phone available that your child can talk on while you are also
talking on the phone.
Remind your child that first mommy/daddy talks on the phone, and then if
he/she can talk to the individual, your child can talk on the phone.
Your child doesn’t like
waiting for item/activity
until you are done.
Validate your child’s feelings:
“I see you want to talk.” If it’s
someone he/she can talk to
then say, “First I talk; then
you can talk.” If it’s someone
he/she can’t talk to then say,
“First I talk; then we can call
_____.”
Remind him/her to
gesture/say, “Talk please.”
Hand him/her the play phone
to talk on.
accessible location. If you need to make a phone call, or do a chore
play with.
Validate your child’s feelings:
“I know it’s hard to wait; I will
be done in ______ minutes,”
and set the timer.
Cue your child to look at the
timer, and remind him/her
how much time is remaining.
Let your child know that you need to work/talk alone for a bit and if
possible, set a timer. When the timer goes off, stop and play with your
child, and praise him/her for playing by him/her self.
Remind your child of his/her
choices of what to play with
while you are busy.
Prior to beginning your work/phone call, ask your child if he needs/wants
anything, and let him/her know that you need to work/talk on the phone,
and then you can help him/her again after.
gesture/say, “Play with me.”
Then play with for a bit if
he/she says it, and reset
timer.
Teach your child to talk on
his/her pretend phone while
you talk.
Teach your child that first you
talk, and then he/she can talk.
Teach your child to
appropriately gesture/say,
“Talk on phone please.” Slowly
increase your expectations as
he/she learns how to use this
skill of asking to talk and say
something like, “In _____
minutes I will let you have a
turn on the phone.”
Teach your child to wait by
using a timer.
Teach your child to
appropriately gesture/say,
“Play with me.” Slowly
increase your expectations as
he/she learns how to use this
skill of asking to play and say
something like, “In _____
minutes I will play with you.”
WHEN PARENTS CAN’T PLAY (CHORES, ON PHONE, ETC.) (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child needs your help.
behavior occurs?
If your child needs help with something that cannot wait, stop and help, let
your child know that you need to work/talk on the phone, and then you
can help him/her again after.
Cue your child to gesture/say,
“help me,” and then help.
accessible location. If you need to make a phone call or do a chore
play with.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to
gesture/say, “Help me.”
Remind your child to play and
offer box of toys.
Your child does not know
what to do.
Give your child a few choices of independent activities prior to beginning
chores/phone call, such as coloring, computer play, favorite toys, or chalk
board.
Take out 3 sets of bins with toys in it, and have your child play on the floor
near you.
Restate choices.
Gesture to your child to play
with one of the 3 bins of toys
you have set out.
choice of what to play with
while you are busy. Before
starting your work/phone call,
make sure he/she has made a
choice and has begun to play.
TRANSITIONS: GOING FROM ONE PLACE/ACTIVITY TO ANOTHER
Why might my
Your child doesn’t want to
leave activity.
Prepare child for a transition, by providing a warning about 5 minutes
before end of activity and every minute thereafter. Tell your child “5 more
minutes, then time for _____, 3 more minutes then time for ____, etc.”
Validate your child’ s feelings,
“I know you like___; we’ll do
that tomorrow.”
Tell your child when he/she will do the activity again. Say, “We’ll do that
tomorrow.”
Let your child know when
he/she can do the activity
again by putting a picture or
allowing your child to put up
the picture of activity on a
schedule for the next day or
on a calendar.
the timer sounds. Say, “One more minute, then bell and all done.”
Have your child transition with a friend, sibling, or you.
Use a calendar to show child when upcoming fun activities with
brother/sister will occur. Allow child to count the days by crossing through
days on the calendar.
Have or help your child put materials away for closure. Play a clean-up
turn-taking game.
Praise child for putting away materials.
Your child doesn’t want to
leave parent to go to child
care/preschool.
behavior occurs?
Tell your child, “I know you
really like ___, but you will
have fun at ____. I can help
you go to the ____, or you
can go on your own.” Pause,
then assist if needed and
immediately praise.
What new skills
should I teach?
Teach your child to
gesture/ask for one more
minute or one more turn and
then transition.
visual schedule and predict
when the activity will happen
again.
Teach your child to choose a
preferred activity and/or
person to play with in the next
activity.
Praise child for going to next activity.
Redirect, and focus child on
the visual schedule and
upcoming fun activity.
Use “I Go to Preschool” story at both home and school. This story is
available for download at www.csefel.uiuc.edu under “Practical Strategies”.
Tell child to say/gesture good
bye to parent while waving
and vice versa.
Teach your child to
ask/gesture for a hug or to sit
on mommy/daddy’s lap.
Help child inside classroom.
visual schedule and predict
when parent will pick up.
Have parent drop child at the door or designated drop off area, and say a
quick “good bye” and “see you after school”.
Comfort and reassure child that someone, mommy or daddy, will pick
him/her up after school.
Comfort child by saying “You’ll
see mom or dad after school.”
Allow child to bring a comfort item from home and hold it during day.
If upset, read the “I Go to
Preschool” story to your child.
Provide a fun job as he/she enters the classroom.
Have a friend from class greet your child each day.
Allow child to keep photo of parent in cubby or pocket.
Redirect child with comfort
item, and allow him/her to
take the item to the next
activity.
Teach your child to
say/gesture good-bye. Use
hand-over-hand prompting if
necessary so that you can
then praise your child for
saying good-bye.
TRANSITIONS: GOING FROM ONE PLACE/ACTIVITY TO ANOTHER (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child doesn’t like or
want to go to or do next
activity.
Start letting your child know about the upcoming transition about 5
minutes before the end of the activity and every minute there-after; tell
your child “_____ more minutes”.
the timer goes off.
Shadow child through transition to next activity.
Give your child a special job that he/she can do job in the next activity. If
necessary, cue with a picture or object.
Have child transition with a photograph or an object that represents an
area/activity he/she is expected to go to. This is especially helpful for
when your child needs to go to something/somewhere that he/she will not
got to without challenging behavior.
Have your child walk with a sister/brother/parent holding hands or one
finger.
Make sure there is something fun for your child in the next activity, such
as a special job or something of interest for your child. Let him/her know
what’s in the next activity.
Help your child find something fun about the next activity.
Give choices of where to sit, what to play with, or who to play with in the
next activity.
Use a fun “transition activity” such as “move like a frog to ___” , “hop on
one foot to ___” , “choo choo like a train to ___,” or sing a song about the
next activity.
Use a photograph visual schedule– take photographs of your daily routine,
post it in an easy to reach location, and review the schedule with your child
each day so that he/she can predict upcoming events throughout the day.
Praise child for going to next activity.
behavior occurs?
What new skills
should I teach?
Remind your child of a special
job that he/she can do job in
the next activity. If
necessary, cue with a picture
or object.
choice of what and whom to
play with in upcoming activity.
Use photograph of something
fun in the following activity
and say, “First ___; then
___.“
Redirect child by stating
exactly what you want your
child to do, and ignore
behavior when possible.
Cue sister/brother to show
him/her where to go or to take
his/her hand to help.
Re-cue child of expectation by
pointing to photograph,
showing an object used in the
next activity, or gesturing
where you want him/her to
go.
Re-cue child to make a choice.
Teach your child to transition
through the use of prevention
strategies listed.
TRANSITIONS: GOING FROM ONE PLACE/ACTIVITY TO ANOTHER (CONTINUED)
Why might my
Your child doesn’t
understand where to go or
what to do.
Have next activity totally set-up so that when your child transitions it is
ready, and the activity can begin immediately.
Give your child a “transition activity” to reduce wait time, e.g., look at
book while waiting, sing a song, puppet play at seat, photo albums, etc.
Give your child a visual, picture, photograph, or real object to walk with to
the next activity to cue him/her where to go and what to do.
Use a photograph visual schedule -- Take photographs of your daily routine
and post it up in an easy to reach location. Review the schedule with your
child each day so that he/she can predict upcoming events throughout the
day.
behavior occurs?
Redirect child verbally and
with a visual
photograph/object as to what
to do or of next activity; help
your child succeed if needed
and then immediately praise.
Model expected behavior.
If possible, point out
sister(s)/brother(s) who are
transitioning appropriately.
What new skills
should I teach?
visual photograph schedule.
with a photograph or object
representing the next activity.
Teach your child to imitate
sister(s)/brother(s)/parent.
choice of a “transition activity”
while waiting for next activity.
one at a time. For example, if you want your child to get his backpack and
put his lunch box inside the backpack, first say “Get your backpack,” and
wait for him/her to come back with the backpack. Then say, “Put your
lunchbox inside your backpack” while handing him/her the lunchbox and
pointing to the backpack.
Your child is silly or
resistive to get attention
from friends or adults.
Have your child carry something to next activity.
Let your child choose a sister/brother or mommy/daddy to walk with to the
next activity, e.g., can hold hands.
Have child transition while moving like an animal, e.g., hop like a frog,
crawl like a turtle, etc.
Shadow your child during the transition so that you can prompt and praise.
Allow your child to do something special in the next activity, e.g., sit next
to a friend or mommy/daddy, help with a favorite activity.
Help or remind him/her how to
move to the next
area/activity.
Give him/her something to
carry, e.g., picture of where to
go, item to use in next
activity.
and praise those
sister(s)/brother(s)/parent
transitioning correctly.
Remind him/her to walk
correctly and model, then
remind that he/she can sit
next to a friend or
mommy/daddy in next
activity.
visual photograph schedule.
moving in a “special way”
(hop, crawl, skip) to make the
transition more fun.
Teach your child to choose a
friend or mommy/daddy to
transition with to the next
activity.