Blue Anhydrite - Homeopathy Vancouver

Transcription

The Homeopathic Trituration Proving of Angelite (Blue Anhydrite)
~ Disowning One’s Demons/Shadow Side ~ Deep Festering Wounds ~
~ Judged and Judges Others Unfairly ~ Self-Expression Shut Down ~
Core Essence: I am an Angel and they are all Devils
Written and compiled by Sonya McLeod, BA, DCH, RCSHom
“. . . When the darkness grows denser, I would penetrate to its very core and ground, and would not rest
until amid the pain a light appeared to me, for in excessu affectus Nature reverses herself. I would turn
in rage against myself and with the heat of my rage I would melt my lead. I would renounce everything
and engage in the lowest activities should my depression drive me to violence. I would wrestle with the
dark angel until he dislocated my hip. For he is also the light and the blue sky which he withholds from
me.”
-Carl Jung, “Selected Letters of C.G. Jung,” 9 March 1959
Index
About Angelite…………………………………………………………..……………………………………………………………….. 2-3
Angelite Proving Information and Summary……………………………………….………………………………………..3-17
Pre Trituration Proving Journal Entries ………………………………………………………………………………………. 17-29
C1-C7 Trituration Proving Notes, May 2-3, 2015 ………………………………………………………………………… 29-81
Post Trituration Journal Entries, May 3 - November 19, 2015 …………………………………….………………. 81-96
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About Angelite
What is Angelite?
Angelite is a form of celestite gemstone that has been compressed for many millions of years. It was first
discovered in Peru fairly recently, in 1987 during the Harmonic Convergence.
Description
Angelite (CaSO4) is a solid pale blue form of calcium sulfate or "anhydrite", which is gypsum that has lost
water and crystallized. It sometimes shows traces of white calcium mineral.
Anhydrite is commonly found in evaporate deposits, especially salt deposits, where it forms in coarse
crystalline blocks. While colorless and brown Anhydrite is fairly common, blue Anhydrite (Angelite) is
much rarer.
Etymology
Angelite is a trade name for a translucent to opaque, light blue variety of Anhydrite. Angelite is named
for its “angelic” light blue to lilac-blue color. Anhydrite is named from the Greek word “anhydros”
meaning “without water.”
Synonyms
Anhydrous Gypsum, Anhydrous Sulfate of Lime, Cube Spar, Karstenite, Muriacite, Siliceous Anhydrous
Gypsum
Location
Britain, Egypt, Germany, Mexico, Peru, Poland, Libya
Symbolism
This stone is said to represent peace and brotherhood.
Physical Healing Properties
Applied to the feet, angelite unblocks meridians and energetic pathways. Angelite has been used with
great results for atrophy of the thymus. It is used for relieving throat inflammation and to balance the
thyroid and the parathyroids. Angelite also repairs and soothes tissues and blood vessels, and can act as
a diuretic. It is very useful for weight control. Angelite can cool the pain of sunburn.
Psychological Healing Properties
It is very calming and its shade of blue refreshes the eyes and spirit. This crystal helps us to be in touch
with angels and animal guides, as well as assisting in distant communication with other humans. Most
effective on the throat chakra, Angelite helps in self-expression, communication and allows us to speak
our mind, helping us to become more assertive. Its soothing effects on the throat chakra works
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beautifully in calming and soothing anxiety or overactive children. It dispels anger, renews connections
with universal knowledge, and reduces the "upstream struggle" during new endeavors.
Spiritual Healing Properties
Angelite is filled with compassion. It transmutes pain and disorder into wholeness and healing, opening
the way for spiritual inspiration. It creates a deep feeling of peace and tranquility. It helps connect to
universal knowledge and raises awareness. Angelite facilitates the rebirthing process, stimulates healing,
and opens psychic channelling.
References
Hall, Judy. The Crystal Bible, Cincinnati: Walking Stick Press, 2003.
http://classicgems.net/gem_angelite.htm
http://www.crystalsrocksandgems.com/Healing_Crystals/Angelite.html
http://www.healing-crystals-for-you.com/angelite.html
https://moonrisecrystals.com/tumbled-stones/angelite/
The Homeopathic Trituration Proving of Angelite
Angelite Proving Introduction by Sonya McLeod
It’s true that I’ve done many provings in the past, but the story of why I chose to prove angelite is an
interesting one that must and should be told, for the sake of all our ancestors, life on this planet Earth,
and beyond.
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The story of why I chose to prove angelite probably originates from childhood; I was forced to confront
and process my childhood wounds during the proving in a most healing way. My cat became the
archetype of the wounded healer during the proving, his abscess being the physical representation of
the inner wounding that I experienced as a child and continue to experience as somebody who is antiauthoritarian, refusing to go along with the corporate mentality and the capitalist ideals which keep
everyone unknowingly enslaved.
But I digress. My very real and direct confrontation with evil started almost the very day I opened up my
homeopathic practice. Hoping to spread the word about using homeopathy as a safe effective healing
modality, I wrote a couple articles about homeopathy in a local paper. The backlash that ensued was
completely shocking to me and unexpected, as I had the best intentions and was only trying to “do
good.” I was subjected to many blog articles/posts as well as nasty comments on my articles, which
were very insulting, hostile, and downright demonic. The learning curve was fast: I soon came to
understand something about the minefield I had waded into. These “devils” who were writing the nasty
comments and articles were members of an umbrella organization called the Skeptics Society. A bit of
research on my part uncovered the unsurprising truth that the Skeptics Society is funded by none other
than the pharmaceutical industry. Of course the pharmaceutical industry would have the most to lose if
homeopathy ever gained any real ground in its strongholds (i.e. North America), so they had set up and
pay the Skeptics Society to spread disinformation and lies about homeopathy.
Now enter centre stage: The Mainstream Media, bought and paid for by the pharmaceutical industry
aka corporate interests. I know that homeopathy in the US and elsewhere has had its own share of
attacks but here in Canada we have to deal with the biased corporate reporting of CBC Marketplace.
This show hit a moral low when they decided to film myself and my colleagues undercover without our
knowledge; a mother came in with her baby and pretended to be a client; the fact that a baby was used
in this way was truly disturbing and I feel grief for that baby. More mayhem ensued after CBC decided to
report me to the local health authorities. I was never charged with anything, and I had done nothing
wrong or illegal, but I don’t think they liked my courage and my unwillingness to just play dead and shut
up.
Soon after the CBC Marketplace episode aired, my name started appearing in the newspapers because
of my views on vaccines and my offering of safe homeopathic alternatives. Also around that time one of
the health authorities decided to come after me, trying to scare me into censoring information on my
website, even though they didn’t have the real authority to do so and I was not doing anything illegal.
After going through everything I’ve been through I realized that most people in my shoes would have
played dead, stopped writing articles, maybe they would have taken their website or they would have
stopped practicing homeopathy, but I chose not to do any of those things. At this time I became the
archetype of Christ on the Cross, choosing to suffer and be crucified and sacrificed for the common
good.
It had all become too heavy for me as it was a heavy cross for me to bear. I chose to call for help. I knew,
in the past, that trituration provings have always helped me to gain insight and perspective on different
aspects of my life, so I knew that doing a proving would provide me with guidance.
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I also thought of the larger picture. Since starting on this homeopathic journey, I have become
intimately aware of the very real and powerful forces at work against homeopathy; these forces seem
motivated by greed for the most part. The odds seem to be stacked against homeopathy, but I still
somehow believe that good will win out over evil. I was also acutely aware of the concept that we
cannot dismantle the master’s house with his own tools. I feel like the homeopathic community, in
many ways, has fallen into the trap of thinking and acting like the oppressor, and often buys into the lies
and we are somehow inferior and should be silent, and thus we are trapped in a prison of our own
making.
In the end, it turned out I was right after all. Proving angelite did help me; it was not exactly the help I
was looking for, but it was the help I needed. Instead of communicating with a lovely beautiful angel, I
was forced to come face to face with the devil, and the devil was me! I was forced to face and come to
terms with the shadow parts of who I am. I embraced the Skeptic in myself! In the process, I became
more whole, and more powerful. And now, because I was conscious of my own darkness, I no longer
need to unconsciously project my shadow self onto others. I realized that I had unconsciously given
away my power when I projected shadow qualities that I found “scary” onto other people.
I feel like this world could use a whole lot more tolerance, forgiveness, compassion and love. I know that
the first step towards cultivating these qualities is to become more whole by making the unconscious
conscious, by embracing our shadow side. The concept of duality is harmful and false, and I believe this
dualistic way of thinking is what is destroying our planet. We need to finally grow up! There are many
paths to true maturity, for example one could study Eastern philosophical literature or the writings of
Carl Jung. One could also use the homeopathic remedy angelite as a tool to mature the human race. I
am excited to think about how the triturated information about this remedy could ripple out into the
collective unconscious of all humanity.
I would like to thank Judy Schriebman and Dr. Jane Ferris, my California colleagues who were able to
take some time to look over my work and offer some very helpful suggestions. And last but certainly not
least, my provers; you all know who you are and you were able to be my real life angels, offering a
perfect counterbalance to the demons in my life.
Angelite Basic Proving Information
Proving Location
Vancouver, BC, Canada
Provers
Prover #1, female
Prover #2, female
Prover #3, female
Prover #4, female
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Prover #5, female
Sonya McLeod, BA, DCH, RCSHom
And their children (Aysha, Sahara, etc.)
Proving Date
May 2015
Trituration Proving Method
The C4 trituration proving protocol used is outlined in “The Trituration Handbook: Into the Heart of
Homeopathy” by Anneke Hogeland and Judy Schriebman.
To learn more about trituration provings, read the Homeopathic Trituration Proving FAQ.
This proving was not blinded; provers knew the identity of the remedy before and while it was being
proved.
Source
Mountain Gems, Burnaby, BC.
Pharmacy
This remedy has been hand potentized up to the C7/200 and C7/LM1 level by Little Mountain
Homeopathy www.littlemountainhomeopathy.com
Angelite Remedy Information
Physical Affinities
HEAD
THROAT
Extremities (esp. KNEES/ANKLES)
Skin (esp. INFECTED ERUPTIONS/WOUNDS)
Intestines
Modalities
Desires
To be alone
Meditation
Music/Singing
Religious/Biblical Hymns/Passages
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Poetry
Food (esp. eggs)
Water (thirsty)
Animals/pets
Deep, meaningful connections & conversations
Deep communication beyond words
Aversion
Authority
Contradiction
Idle chit chat
Shallow connections
Worse
Overheating
Chill
3 or 4am (waking/anxiety)
Night
When judged
When voice is suppressed/shut down
Better
Speaking one’s truth
Feeling heard
In a community of like-minded people
Artistic expression (singing, poetry, etc.)
Breathing deeply
Causation
Abuse
Being Judged
Domination
Neglect
Grief/Death of a loved one
Miasm
Leprosy
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Compare
The Lacs/Mammal Remedies, Carcinosin, Staphysagria, Leprominum, Anacardium, Lachesis, Natrum
Muriaticum, Ignatia, Scarlet Macaw
Main Remedy Themes of Angelite
Separation of the Opposites. The Split. Dualities. Extremes. (Examples: Good/Evil, Angel/Devil.
Light/Dark, Chill/Overheating, Truth/Lies, Men/Women, etc.)
All remedies have opposites and dualities but the polarities are very extreme in this remedy. This could
be a remedy for alternating states of mind and moods; for extreme physical and emotional highs and
extreme lows. Energy tends to be quite low during the day with sleepiness, then at night there tends to
be too much energy and jitteriness with sleeplessness. Physical as well as emotional symptoms are
extreme, and tend to come and go very suddenly. There is a complete lack of integration in this remedy
that is quite striking. A client needing this remedy tends to see things in black and white; people are
either evil or good, things are either true or false, etc. There is no balance or in between, no grey areas.
Extreme, Intense Emotional States
Very intense emotional states are experienced in this remedy. Emotional states are so sudden and so
intense that they can lead to tantrums or emotional meltdowns. There can be intense depression,
despair or sadness with weeping, as well as intense anger and rage. There was a tendency to isolate
oneself due to one’s emotional state of mind and also a desire to breathe deeply and/or meditate. A
feeling of guilt and blaming oneself often accompanied the emotional state. There was also a tendency
for anxiety, for obsessing or worrying over things, often worse at night. Provers experienced feelings of
extreme fear, terror, and panic.
Religious Affections. Biblical Imagery.
Biblical and religious imagery and figures are quite prevalent in this remedy. Demons and devils were
featured in the dreams of most of the provers. The theme of angels also came up many times. Biblical
hymns and poems and quotes and passages from the bible were also a theme. Jesus and the idea of
crucifixion came up, as well as his mother Mary. Heaven and hell is also a theme in the proving.
Somebody needing this remedy could use passages from the bible or religious dogma to justify their
intolerance towards others who think or believe differently. They might also suffer from religious guilt or
they may have abandoned the church because the authorities judged them and silenced them if they
expressed a viewpoint that differed from what they believed. Because of their aversion to herd
mentality, they are more likely to be a member of a smaller fringe religious organization such as the
Jehovah’s Witnesses rather than a larger organization such as the Catholic Church. Or, more likely, they
have spiritual beliefs and enjoy reading religious literature, although they wouldn’t consider themselves
to be a member of any specific religious organization.
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Demonizing Others. Disowning the Shadow. Not Wanting to Face the Dark Parts of Life.
“Filling the conscious mind with ideal conceptions is a characteristic of Western theosophy, but not the
confrontation with the shadow and the world of darkness. One does not become enlightened by
imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
- Carl Jung, “The Philosophical Tree” (1945). In CW 13: Alchemical Studies. P.335
Someone needing this remedy would have an imbalance in their personality, seeing themselves as
fundamentally good; and will tend to project onto other people the qualities that they have disowned
(their shadow qualities) and labelled as evil. They have a tendency to demonize other people. They may
disown their shadow side completely, refusing to believe that the qualities they label as “evil” are a part
of them too, because the potential for evil and for committing terrible atrocities is a scary potential that
is shared by all humanity, given the right circumstances (e.g. Germans during World War 2). They may
even go as far as to label others with these shadow qualities as aliens, not human, Archons, or lizard
people. Or they can dehumanize these people with the qualities they don’t like (the qualities they
disown in themselves) by calling them psychopaths or sociopaths. This might be a good remedy for New
Agers, followers of David Icke, or alien conspiracy theorists. They may judge qualities in other people,
refusing to realize that others are only reflecting back a part of themselves that they don’t want to see.
They find it hard to face and understand the fact that the potential for evil is inside them.
Somebody needing this remedy would also have a tendency to try to protect themselves from
experiencing anything dark or negative. They might believe that life should be a fairy tale and that one
day we will all live happily ever after. They don’t understand that darkness is just a part of life and
without experiencing the darkness we cannot truly be whole or have compassion for other people. For
example, instead of recognizing death as just another phenomenon, they will label it as bad and will try
to avoid encountering it at all costs (they may have a fear of death).
Judged Unfairly. Judges Others. Judges Oneself. Feels Guilty.
Healed Aspect: Without Judgement. Practicing Compassion and Forgiveness.
People needing this remedy have been wounded because they were judged unfairly, which makes them
angry and irritated. Judging somebody superficially without acknowledging their perspective can be
very painful and wounding. They also tend to judge themselves harshly, and/or internalize the
judgements of others, which leads to a feeling of guilt. In turn, they can also judge others for being
different from them and not seeing things the way they do, which causes them to feel separate and
isolated. They tend to judge others for having the negative shadow qualities that they refuse to see in
themselves. For example, they cannot understand people who like martial arts or kickboxing because it’s
violent, and violence is something that they have labelled “wrong” and “bad.” These people tend to take
a defensive attitude with other people because they are afraid of being wounded further by
judgements; which may take the form of removing themselves from others’ company, not revealing
their true selves to others (stifling their truth/voice), or judging others in order to deflect the unwanted
attention onto somebody else.
This remedy may be suitable for a celebrity such as a child star or one-hit wonder who may have known
fame in the past but like a fallen hero has fallen off their pedestal and was judged harshly by the public
and/or media.
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The healed aspect of this remedy would be compassion and forgiveness of oneself and of others. Take
responsibility for any wrongdoing, but don’t hold onto the guilt or regret. We all see things from a
unique perspective and we have to respect those differences. To heal, the client must first acknowledge
their wound and then forgive the people who judged him/her unfairly, because they were unconscious
of how their judgements wounded the client. Recognize that even though we are all different, we are all
just reflections of the different aspects of the whole of humanity. The client would gain the ability to
laugh at him/herself and at certain situations without judgement and without taking life too seriously.
“Truth” vs. “Lies.” Self-Righteousness. Dogma. Difficult to Relate with Others’ Perspectives
A person needing this remedy may be bothered by the “lies” of others and may feel that they are one of
the few who know the “truth” of things. They may have an air of self-righteousness and will take the
moral high ground. They may feel themselves to be separate from others and they judge others,
because other people don’t see things their way, and because others have judged them in the past. They
often disagree with how others see the world and can’t relate with them. They can have trouble
empathizing and relating with other people because they haven’t had the same experiences as others
have. They judge other people as “wrong’ because of they were judged unfairly in the past by others.
Judging others is a way for them to separate themselves off and thus protect themselves from other
people and their judgements. The people they label as “liars” are the people with shadow qualities that
they don’t want to acknowledge in themselves.
A client who experiences the healed aspect of this remedy realizes that “truth” is relative and depends
on the person’s perspective, life experience, and knowledge. Gender can also impact perspective as
well, whether it’s learned or whether it’s the hormonal difference; a transgendered person has an
especially unique perspective because they perceive that they are trapped in the wrong body. Truth is
hard to pin down, it’s always changing. What’s “true” for you is not necessarily true for me. Everybody
has a unique individual perspective of reality. Just because you don’t see things the way they do doesn’t
mean someone’s beliefs are not “real” or “true.” Realizing this will help the client develop respect,
empathy and compassion for others.
Aversion to Herd Mentality. Not Going along with the Crowd/Group. Aversion to Authority.
Somebody needing this remedy is not inclined to just go along with the crowd and has an aversion to
herd mentality. They have been judged and wounded by parents and/or other authority figures such as
religious organizations or the scientific community, and therefore are not that trusting of authority. They
tend to be independent thinkers, which also tends to contribute to their feeling of isolation from others
if they are in an imbalanced state.
This remedy may be best suited for somebody who lives outside of the norms of society. For example,
they may be a homeopath, a political activist, live off-grid, or live in an alternative sustainable
community. For example, the Unibomber is an extreme example of somebody who would have
benefited from this remedy.
Yes, one’s unique perspective has value, and needs to be expressed, but that must be balanced with the
spirit of cooperation and connection with others. In the healed state of this remedy, the client would be
motivated to find a group, however small, of like-minded people, a small community where they could
express and share their views freely.
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Leprosy Miasm. Sense of Isolation & Disconnection.
The odd one out of the group. Feeling left out, in disagreement with the group. Refusing to work
cooperatively within the group, attached to one’s individuality; they may rather want to work
competitively rather than along with others. Feeling alone, not feeling connected with the community.
At some point in their lives, they were judged, and they reacted by disconnecting with other people. In
turn, they judge others, and refuse to empathize with and see the others’ points of view.
Technology can connect us with others yet often the connections are superficial, which heightens the
feeling of isolation.
In the cured state of this remedy, the client realizes that by nature, we are all connected, and it’s an
illusion to think that we exist in isolation from each other. They would learn to work cooperatively
instead of competitively with others. Of course they would want to engage in and seek out meaningful,
genuine, deep relationships and it would be healthy for them to disconnect or distance themselves from
relationships that don’t meet that criteria. They would realize that potential helpers (“angels”) and
caring friends are all around them and all it takes is a shift in perspective and the realization that helpers
are there in order to find them. S/he would realize that love literally is present and surrounding them all
the time, they just need to see and recognize that.
Difficult Communication. Difficulty with Voicing One’s Truth. Silenced. Shut Down/Repressed Voice.
A person needing this remedy may have difficulty with speaking their truth. They may only be saying
what others want to hear. They may try to “sugar coat” things in order to protect themselves from
others’ reaction. Or they may repress their point of view completely and avoid speaking at all. A person
needing this remedy may have low confidence and self-worth, perhaps stemming from a history of
abuse, neglect and/or being judged. Authorities or other people in their lives may have told them their
ideas were wrong, or punished them (“shut them down”) for not being in agreement with them, leading
to the suppression and repression of their voice. They don’t feel safe voicing their opinions around
people who have shut them down or around the authorities, because they are scared of being judged,
shunned or removed from the group/community. Yet they do long for deep communication, whether it
be verbal or non-verbal (e.g. through art).
Difficult/impossible communication was also experienced by provers in the form of cell phone calls
getting cut off, or of cell phone calls or texts going to an unintended recipient during the proving.
The healed state of this remedy is speaking with honesty and integrity from one’s unique point of view,
in a forceful yet kind way, which fosters better connections and communication with others. This
remedy gives the client the confidence to speak their truth to others.
This remedy could also help the client with non-verbal communication, for example communicating with
animals or people non-verbally, even telepathically. Taking the remedy will help foster in the client an
ability to communicate on a deeper level, and not just talk on the surface level or make idle chit chat.
Animals. Animal Communication. Non-Verbal Communication.
Animals were a huge theme during the trituration as well as in the dreams of the provers. Provers’ pets
were affected by the remedy. There was the theme of seeing animals as intelligent, sentient beings who
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can communicate with each other as well as with us, maybe even telepathically. A person who needs
this remedy could be a vegetarian who is acutely aware of animal suffering and feels compassionate
towards them.
In its healed state, this remedy may help one to learn from animals about non-verbal communication,
about communicating on a deeper more meaningful level beyond words. Babies were also a theme
during the proving and they communicate non-verbally as well.
Specific animals that came up during the proving were: Pigs, Cats, Dogs, (Killing) Spiders and Birds.
The Arts. Music, Singing.
The theme of music came out strongly during the proving. There is a desire or increased ability to
express and communicate authentically through art, singing, poetry and music. This remedy has a
special affinity for all types of music; especially songs by the Beatles, and religious hymns.
The Wounded Inner Child. Not Protecting Children.
The theme of the wounded/abused (inner) child came up many times in the proving, sometimes in a
most disturbing way. Many of the dreams were about children in danger. The theme of not protecting
children (neglect) and the consequences of that came up during the trituration. In their dreams, provers
were saving and protecting children; for example, covering them with blankets to keep them safe. The
Presentchild modality, which is mainly centred around healing one’s own inner child, was a theme.
Deep Festering Wounds. Ailments from Abuse and/or Being Judged.
“The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering”
“God enters through the wound”
- Carl Jung
This is a very deep and powerful remedy that has the power to heal deep wounds of all kinds, whether
they be physical, emotional, or both. This remedy has the ability to open up unresolved past wounds,
giving the client the opportunity to resolve and heal them fully. Acting similarly to a volcano, the remedy
has the ability to bring the festering wound to the surface from deep within the psyche. Though most
people are unconscious of what they are doing when they judge people, the act of judging or being
judged has the power to silence and wound others deeply.
This remedy is not recommended for clients who are unwilling to or not ready to “go deep” within
themselves. Confronting the wounded inner child could be a scary, ugly, and difficult to look at, and a
potentially damaging experience for some, though there is also potential for profound healing if the
client is truly ready.
This remedy is also indicated for many types of infected wounds and/or deep physical wounds such as
bone infections; and deep infected skin eruptions such as cystic acne or discolored skin ulcerations that
time a long time to heal.
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Fire, Volcanos, Eruptions, Burning, Rage, Boiling Over, Demons/Devils/Ghosts, Hot Burning Flames
“The change of character brought about by the uprush of collective forces is amazing. A gentle and
reasonable being can be transformed into a maniac or a savage beast. One is always inclined to lay the
blame on external circumstances, but nothing could explode in us if it had not been there. As a matter of
fact, we are constantly living on the edge of a volcano, and there is, so far as we know, no way of
protecting ourselves from a possible outburst that will destroy everybody within reach. It is certainly a
good thing to preach reason and common sense, but what if you have a lunatic asylum for an audience
or a crowd in a collective frenzy? There is not much difference between them because the madman and
the mob are both moved by impersonal, overwhelming forces.”
- Carl Jung, "Psychology and Religion” (1938). In CW 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P.25
Some of this imagery overlaps with other themes in the proving. In the unhealed state of this remedy,
these fiery, volcanic themes might play out mainly in their dreams, which might be full of dark creatures
such as ghosts, devils and demons. Skin “eruptions” come from deep within, very slow to heal. The
headaches are often characterized by burning pain; burning and hellfire was often a theme in the
dreams. They also tend to have a temper, and can get angry and irritated when they feel judged. But, for
the most part, they keep their rage unconscious, suppressed and under control.
In the healed or healing state of this remedy, the unconscious would be made conscious, as it erupts
from the depths (the unconscious) to the surface (consciousness). They would face and accept their
demons and their shadow side, and festering wounds would be examined and allowed to fully heal.
They will find their true voice, which they kept hidden in order to protect themselves, and will start to
form deep, meaningful relationships.
Brokenness: Repair (Healing) or Beyond Repair/Death
Tied to the idea of woundedness is the theme of brokenness and repair in this proving. Cars broke down
and malfunctioned. Shoes, cell phones and computers were in need of repair, or had to be replaced if
repair was no longer possible. Repair is of course preferable to replacement, but sometimes the
defect/wound is beyond repair and thus death is inevitable.
Mineral Themes. Collapse/Breakdown
Again, continuing with the theme of woundedness and brokenness is the idea of collapse in this proving.
Dreams of houses and walls collapsing. Bones demineralized. Knees became weak and could not hold
provers’ weight.
Physically & Mentally Unconscious. Sleepiness, Laziness, Cannot be Rushed. Ungrounded. Headache.
The client is unconscious on the physical plane, with symptoms of sleepiness, disorientation, feeling
zoned out, dizzy, feeling lazy, forgetful, misplacing things, feels ungrounded, feels discombobulated,
with a sense of amnesia; and symbolically there are dreams of beheadings (“losing one’s head”). A
person needing this remedy would operate at a slow pace and cannot be rushed. There is also a marked
affinity for the head with headaches or migraines, which come very suddenly and are quite intense.
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Fearful & Terrified of Owning One’s Strength and Power
Healed Aspect: The Union of the Opposites. Owning the Shadow Brings Wholeness
“To confront a person with his shadow is to show him his own light. Once one has experienced a few
times what it is like to stand judgingly between the opposites, one begins to understand what is meant
by the self. Anyone who perceives his shadow and his light simultaneously sees himself from two sides
and thus gets in the middle.”
~Carl Jung; Good and Evil in Analytical Psychology; CW 10; Civilization in Transition; Page 872.
This person is somebody who is mentally unconscious of their shadow side i.e. their darkness, the evil or
demon within them, their power, the “opposite” qualities that they have projected onto others. A
person needing this remedy feels, partly because of the past wounds that they have experienced, that
power and strength are “bad” and thus have disowned these qualities in themselves, projecting these
shadow qualities in themselves onto other people. They have been cut off or split off from an essential
part of themselves.
After taking this remedy, this client who has unconsciously disowned and projected their powerful “evil”
shadow side onto others can reclaim these disowned traits and become more whole. They are now able
to integrate these traits into their personality, thus taking a more active role in their life and in the
world. They are able to voice their truth and unique perspective and are able to connect harmoniously
with like-minded friends and members in their community in a more loving and meaningful way. They
can become completely embodied in their full power. Thus, our “demons” are our greatest challenge in
life, but they also bring us great potential for healing and for becoming more whole. In Jungian
psychology, this process is called individuation, to bring into consciousness the unconscious (shadow)
parts of oneself.
Useful as an Intercurrent to Accept the Shadow & Merge the Opposites
For a client who is willing to “go deep” and confront and integrate the shadow parts of him/herself, this
remedy could be used as an intercurrent remedy. This remedy could act like a bridge for the client who
truly awakens and realizes there is evil in the world (a client who has “taken the red pill”) and thus
inevitably starts to move away from the mainstream. This client would be confronting a lot of darkness
in his/her waking life and/or would be having very dark dreams. This remedy could act like a catalyst, to
help the client realize that the darkness he is projecting “out there” is actually a part of him/her. Like in
the Matrix movie when Neo absorbs Agent Smith into himself, this remedy can help the client merge the
opposites within him/herself and become more whole.
Other Remedy Themes, Dreams & Imagery
Dreams - Riding in vehicles: Cars, Chariots, Skidoos, Shopping carts.
Eye. Circles. Black hole. Vortex. Wholeness. Eggs
Colour: Light blue, turquoise, purple.
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Summary of Main Physical Angelite Symptoms
The remedy has a marked affinity for the head, throat, extremities and skin. Deep wounds and/or
eruptions are characteristic of this remedy, sometimes itching and usually slow to heal. All provers
experienced headaches of various kinds that were quite intense; headaches are very characteristic of
this remedy. Most provers experienced throat pain or irritation with mucus/postnasal drip. Extremity
pains tended to have an affinity for the joints and affected mostly the knees and ankles. The digestion
was also affected with a tendency to frequent large bowel movements as well as gas and bloating. In
general, energy was quite low with a sleepy feeling, although provers tended to be quite anxious at
night with easy waking.
List of Physical Angelite Symptoms
Vertigo
Dizzy, lightheaded
Head
Intense Migraine/Headache. Cannot think properly.
Headache comes and goes suddenly
Head pain - Forehead, temple, heavy.
Headache – back of skull (occiput), top of head (crown).
Headache with pressure behind eyes.
Headache - burning pain, heat, sharp pain, dull pain, with pressure, throbbing, aching.
Migraine with nausea, vomiting.
Headache before period/menses
Eyes
Dryness
Burning
Nose
Nasal congestion.
Postnasal drip.
Sneezing.
Mouth
Tongue – swollen, soreness, inflamed, red.
Throat
Phlegm back of throat upon waking.
Throat pain, stinging.
Throat irritation.
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Choking feeling. Easy choking.
Dryness.
Stomach
Thirst increased esp. at night
Hunger increased
Nausea
Abdomen
Bloating after eating
Abdominal cramping.
Pressing, stinging pain
Rectum
Constipation or Diarrhea.
Gas
Large, frequent bowel movements.
Bladder
Urination increased
Respiration
Feeling of suffocation
Desires and feels better when breathing deeply
Back
Neck, shoulder and upper back pain, tightness.
Extremities
SRP: Weak/unstable knee joint.
Leg pain
Pains - KNEES. Wrists. Feet. ANKLES. Heels. Arms
Fleeting pains
Arthritic, rheumatic pain
Wounds, skin eruptions
Sleep
Sleepiness during the day
Light, anxious sleep.
Waking at 3 or 4am.
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Waking with anxiety, nervous tension.
Waking with perspiration, heat.
Waking with thirst
Perspiration
Increased, worse overheating
Skin
Painful cystic acne & deep skin eruptions, bumps.
Dark dirty looking discolored (blackish/bluish), desquamating eruptions.
Wounds/eruptions slow to heal.
Itching eruptions.
Oozing eruptions
Dry red itchy eczema.
Abscesses.
Festering wounds.
Eruptions/wounds have an affinity for the extremities.
Physical Generals
Suddenness and Intensity of Symptoms (headache, etc)
Sharp shooting/stitching pains.
Bone infections (osteomyelitis)
Angelite Remedy Nucleus
Physically and mentally unconscious; headache/migraine
Deep festering physical and emotional wounds
Unfair judgements; judges others and oneself
Throat chakra affinity; cannot communicate one’s truth
Projects & cannot accept shadow side; demonizes others
Angelite Proving Journals
March 11, 2015 (Sonya Journal)
Technology fail - everywhere. David Icke “Awaken” show. Sahara’s speech about technology ruining the
world. Broken cell phone (battery dying); battery died on laptop computer. New cell phone ordered and
new laptop ordered. Then car died too - alternator died and drained the battery, so new battery (at first
BCAA told us it was the battery then it died again the next day, took it into the mechanic who identified
the real problem which was the alternator).
Then today the gears weren’t switching properly in the car. There was construction going on, on the way
to school, and I turned down the alley, then somebody not paying attention hit the side of the car. He
got out and was very kind and compassionate but the guy in front of me was very unfeeling and
arrogant (maybe a lizard person/psychopath). All in that moment/example I could see the potential of
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what the world could become, in the example of the kind, caring compassionate man - and example of
what the world is, with the cold-hearted, arrogant psychopathic man.
Funny but there is a client of mine who I am pretty sure is a lizard person. In her natural state I can see
that she feels no emotion and is very cold. Then she “turns it on” pretending to be all woo-woo,
buttering up my ego, but I can tell it is an act. It’s not really her and it’s too abrupt a change.
Good vs. evil. Showdown?
Lately a lot of evil has showed up, yet a lot of good too. People joining together and collaborating.
People speaking truth and speaking up.
There are traps. They trap us in the negativity, in their web of lies. Focussing on what they say can be a
trap, even responding to them can be. Obviously we need to identify the problem but not get sucked
into their story.
No! Their lies are not truth, no matter how many times they say them - they are not true for me or for
my people who see beyond the lies.
Maybe there is starting to be enough people who know the truth and see beyond the lies, to gain some
forward momentum.
Negativity - anger - hate. Can we not change this to the idea of “potency” instead - not in the remedy
sense but the gaining of forward momentum?
March 19, 2015 (Sonya Journal)
Dream a few nights ago- voice said "Mary is alive! Let's go to the temple of Angelica!" Then last night
dreamt that a level in the house I was in collapsed.
March 20, 2015 (Prover#2 Journal)
Spring equinox – eclipse – new moon
Holy crap what a big cosmic day!
Seems oh so appropriate to write with this “light” (energy) blue pen. Yay.
March 25, 2015 (#2 Journal)
Notice past few nights: Lots of dreams. Short little ones…In one I witnessed a toddler girl fall over a
railing to her death(!); in another was a girl toddler again – I wonder if this is to do with ME old patterns
from that age/begun at that age are shifting/dying/metamorph…
On March 17 – was an X4 geomagnetic storm, also on that day I experienced SEVERE “migraine” with
vomiting that took me out for 1+ day and another full day to recover. Felt very sensitive and “at the
mercy” of planetary/cosmic forces I had no control over. This was/is scary to me.
I have a senses of my/our “Tribe” coalescing, crystallizing. Seems friends are coming out of the
woodwork and expressing like-mindedness in wanting a new (evolved) way of living (in community),
educating and BEING in general. Land is being discussed, school, water, housing, climate change…It’s as
though this urge to shift cannot be supressed any longer. Boiling over.
Speaking of boiling over – my skin is a MESS. Pimples that are “underground,” on chin for WEEKS now
(since March 6/7). This happened as a teen/20’s but rarely of late. YUCK!
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Notice phlegm in deep back of throat upon waking up, but it feels dry back there at the same time.
Period is exactly on time (28 days) almost to the hour. Strange thing for me to notice. No cramps, just an
“awareness” of fem. Organs (Usually cramps on day 1) * Note: also been taking evening primrose oil
which seems to help.
March 31, 2015 (#2)
FORGIVENESS – recalling this as theme of several conversations in past 2 weeks. Given new way to look
at forgiveness (from an unexpected source Peter Sage) to see it as what they DIDN’T DO (ie. Were not
kind, was not generous, etc). which then exposes their/our limits at that moment – ie: she was not kind,
she was incapable of it at that time; we see the humanity in a situation more easily this way. Am
reminded about this whilst looking at celestite in Robert Simmons’ book “Stones of the New
Consciousness.” Forgiveness has been historically difficult for me to understand – this new perspective
gives soothing clarity <3.
March 31, 2015 (#4)
Started after receiving confirmation email from Sonya.
A peaceful lulling feeling and a need to slow down – as things were slowing down.
Hymns coming into my head – very odd – not at all usual – from my childhood though.
“The angel of the Lord came down and glory was around….peace on the earth and mercy mild….good
will to men…”
Then In Excelsis Deo
Angels we have heard on high…
April 1, 2015 (Sonya Journal)
Last night talking with husband U about noticing how people are just sheeple, they follow the crowd
without critical thinking. U gave an example of how one of his friend’s said an untruth about a fellow
writer/activist because she had heard it about the person by rumor, instead of reading the book for
herself. And I saw some people giving a bad review of somebody’s book without reading it or reading
her blog, just going on what their friends had say (herd mentality/taking a friend’s word for truth). We
discussed how that is exactly what the skeptics do, as well as the mainstream media - they just repeat
what their leaders say (ultimately, repeat the script that Pharma hands them).
Felt very thirsty when picking up the Angelite sample today! Had to stop at the gas station and buy a big
bottle of cold water (warm didn’t seem appealing at all).
Using A LOT of exclamation points in my writing these days, pretty much every line.
Sharp shooting pains in random places (e.g. eye). Nails breaking easily and brittle.
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Angelite Journal – April 1 – May 1, 2015 (#3)
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Soreness under chin left side < pressure, feel it when I swallow
Feeling full easily after eating a little yogurt
Eczema in small patch – top of left thigh, dorsal
Stitching pain under left jaw – can feel it swallowing but doesn’t agg
Talking about judgement and compassion after working at Onsite
Conversation about judgement and privilege – empathy
Throat pain < eating, swallowing – throat pit – radiating to left ear – stinging
Dream: trapped in building like an institution – huge animal is loose inside – feeling of sudden
danger and fear; trying to find a way out; lots of people in panic
Sharp pain top of left foot < descending
Feeling bloated and full very simple meal
Conversation about duality, Buddhism and sensory manifestation
Why beat around the bush; why not be honest
Right ear blocked; can hear own breathing – like an echo
Sharp pain top of right foot < movement
Speaking honestly about what you feel or think
Talking about animal nature – what is it
Pain in throat under chin; seems to be near thyroid bone, spots < pressing, swallow
Sentience of all things
Throat pain both sides < swallowing – sore in spots - < touch
Waking with nausea – 4:30am
Ate piece of toast; felt very full, uncomfortable; lots of gas which is unusual for me
Heel pain left on rising > sitting <standing, pressure
Burning in right temple – evening around 9:45pm
Pain in left heel while walking
Pain in right ankle lying in bed – like electric zig zag – quick – radiating up calf
Reading/talking about competition and how the desire to be the best can prevent doing or
trying anything for fear of failure
Sense of isolation
Thinking about isolation – more connected technologically and more isolated emotionally,
spiritually
Talking about communication; not taught how to “do” it
What is spoken/what isn’t; difficult to speak truth – your truth ie. Say what you mean vs what
other wants to hear or what you think they want to hear – can be way to protect yourself from
their reaction
Head pain vertex – kind of burning pain – from eyes up < evening
Thinking about death/dying and why such a natural part of being alive is so taboo
In bed around 10pm; feel uncomfortably full after eating 3 hrs ago; gas but no pain
Listening to Beck’s new CD; song of isolation very beautiful
Reading “Die Wise” by Stephen Jenkinson – assumptions about death, the dying
Eczema; break out on right hand between last 3 fingers – dry, itchy < night – heat of bed
Eczema; on left hand side of middle finger – dry – scratching < night
Thinking about and looking at mandalas
Very dry skin on hands; itching right and then left; < night, heat of bed, becoming warm
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Wondering if anyone else feels isolated now that no one is using the phone to actually call
anymore
Sharp pain in top of foot; very brief while going down the stairs in the morning
Eyes feel dry, slightly blurred vision going into a brightly lit room
Right calf itching and eruption with dark, dirty looking discoloration > after bath
Feels like something pressing upper right abdomen – sore, < bending forward, rich foods
Eruption itching left calf – dark spot – hard, red, swollen < walking, night, bathing
Eruption right hand – base of fingers between middle, pinky – itchy, < night
Numbness in forearms, arms, pinky finger < right, night
Hands feel asleep again in the night – woke up with feeling like wearing baseball gloves > as
soon as I moved them around a bit and took a few deep breaths
Dry eyes – kind of stinging like something is burning in the air; acrid
Looking at images of “loneliness” on Pinterest
April 5, 2015 (Sonya)
Well this is new - I am getting widespread acne breakouts on my chest. It’s like every clogged pore is
now susceptible to inflammation
Also in last few weeks noticed something new - a cystic type of acne that takes a long time to heal. The
cyst/inflammation sticks around for many weeks - just a big red bump.
Living with full integrity
Living our truth. Being honest, speaking from our point of view. Don’t sugar coat it. Being forceful and
potent and still being kind.
The problem with abuse is it takes away our power. Not shown kindness. But we can give ourselves
kindness. It’s in us, we just need to keep being generous with ourselves and be kind to ourselves.
The deliberate weakening of our self-esteem and feeling of self-worth in order to take away our power.
The remedy Carcinosin and cancer miasm keeps coming up lately.
How do we show kindness to ourselves, show ourselves love and self-care. Show kindness to ourselves
and to others but have strong BOUNDARIES when they are trying to take advantage. Valuing ourselves
as much as others.
Not giving too much of ourselves. If we don’t show self-care we will burn out, want to go on vacation,
escape to a quieter and simple life. We must find balance.
Living our truth and asserting ourselves and BELIEVING IN OURSELVES is the answer.
We have a lot to offer just by being ourselves; that is potent.
Being honest and living our truth will change the world.
April 11/15, 2015 (#4)
More songs “Michael Row the Boat Ashore. Halleluja.”
This is repeated during the next few days as well.
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Love yourself; it takes practice
Technology distracts us from our power; keeps us from understanding who we are; from self-discovery
We needed love and care when we were children; now give the inner child the nurturing it never
received; it’s in our power to give
Abuse; it reveals itself in so many forms: neglect, not acknowledging another person for who they really
are, not seeing who they are and not even being curious about it or caring! (think Kelly Clarkson song
“You Don’t Know a Thing About Me”)
Saying/phrase “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”
U told me this morning he knows what I am up to with this proving, I summoned a demon, and is
wondering what’s next. So far this week I am having difficulties with my new laptop, the cat’s wounds
reopened (he has an abscess) and the car has more problems. He says he’s waiting for the other shoe to
drop.
Aysha had a dream a couple weeks ago being in school and her class was given a choice whether they
would get injected with a serum or not - Aysha declined and so did some other kids. Then she
remembers a bunch of colourful streets going in many directions. There were these robots walking
around. Then Valentine (evil character from “Mortal Instruments” book series) comes out of nowhere
and her friend hacks his head off with a hatchet.
U: Dream of evil robots (in last week or so)
April 15, 2015 (#1)
Dream: Staying with the kids in a ghost demon hotel. The ghost demons were in physical form and they
were trying to control our minds and make us do things. In the dream, my youngest daughter was 2.5
and was trying to walk off a cliff into the water - and I was pulling her back, fighting my own urge to
jump. The nanny was with the 2 older kids and didn’t realize it was thought control. I tried to yell to the
nanny and my voice was so quiet but I got the message to her to hold the other kids’ hands. Then we
were all sitting around relaxing because we were on vacation and A (youngest daughter) disappeared
but we didn’t remember we had her, and she was in another dimension. And then I flashed to
remembering and said, “Oh my God I have three kids!” And then son N shifted the whole dimension and
we could see between worlds and A was running around in circles with another lost girl. So we snatched
A and saved her and the other kid was still there with a pet of some sort. Then I saw a sign on the front
desk that said: To control the demons call on the name and blood of Jesus the Christ and truly believe.
And because N had shifted the dimension and outsmarted them the battle was over and they were
gone.
My symptoms: I’ve been getting headaches and extreme eye brain tiredness in early evening like I’m out
of body
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There was another dream of hot burning coming and I had to make sure everyone was in the protected
house and the babies were tucked in their special room. 7 and baby A, so 8 babies.
Tucked In a little row and the flames came scorching everything
This dream happened twice with the threat of our brains melting
In the second one a lady moved the babies to a different room. I was very upset because she didn't tell
me. And I was the protector. A was on a shelf.
The dreams all ended up OK.
Also what is strange, astral travel has happened too. I have a friend but I've never actually met him in
real life. Two or three times we've met in the astral plane. And then another male from the desert
whose wife had the baby while we were down there and we've grown close over the Internet (the wife
and I). He came when my teeth fell out in my dream and held me comforting me (non sexual), but
deeply balanced divine males showing up in my sleep to protect and hold me.
Thank god or who the hell knows!
Oh!! Yes, and then a truck ran over a baby severing its head!!!! And I couldn't stop it. Like her choice was
stronger than my choice
I am like Jesus Christ, being tortured and people want to crucify me for spreading gospel (truth).
I thought technology was supposed to make life easier but all it’s doing right now is make life more
difficult. I feel like it’s preventing me from really doing what I should be doing. I want to be a Luddite.
Oh no, today I just heard about a fire with toxic fumes that broke out in Squamish, people had to clear
the area in order to avoid inhaling the fumes - some creosote under the docks was fueling it.
And only last week there was a huge oil spill in our harbour. It was really gross, a very large spill and the
government didn’t seem willing to really try to clean it up properly.
Then last night I had food poisoning - severe abdominal cramping and bloating and nausea. Just
recovering from that today.
April 18/19/20 (#4)
Right knee has pain and feels unstable like when I walk it won’t hold me up– not usual for me (Sonya’s
note – this proving symptom of weak/unstable knee almost like it’s dangling from its socket was later
confirmed/experienced by husband U)
3to 4am most nights awoken with body hot all over, restless and slight perspiration all over body- passes
in about 15 minutes
A way stands open into heaven
But none can enter the way
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except those who have heaven within them
-Emanuel Swedenborg
(“We must find peace and love within ourselves” – Don Hamilton book)
We are all God’s children
And the meek shall inherit the earth
Access Consciousness abuse clearing:
What are the RR’s (receptor, responder and retention points where energy comes in and out of the body
and locks into it) for the SAS’s for the creation of all forms of abuse; with domination, manipulation,
control, orchestration, creation and destruction; it’s got nothing to do with me. Seething inside, I’ve got
to experience it to do it properly. Total confusion, it proves how much they love me. Internalizing
everything confirms my own judgment of self. Power over others; overcoming it proves power and proves
weakness. Being absolutely crushed by it and living in total doubt of it. Being the doormat of love, I
deserve whatever I get. I absolutely go SHICUUUU (Secret, Hidden, Invisible, Covert, Unseen, Unsaid,
Unacknowledged and undisclosed). I fight for my very life and rights. Going insane, embracing my evil
self and the destructive universe; taking it proves existence. No other choice; non-existent if I don’t
experience it, and I will fucking get even, as the Machiavellian perfection of the ineptitudes and
impunities of linearities, through the AEA’s of consciousness, for the total annihilation and invalidation of
true being, knowing, perceiving and receiving, eradicating simultaneity, all realities, relationships and
that diminish us...
April 20th (#4)
My attention was caught by a poem on facebook, “Pennies from Heaven,” and I thought what will they
do now there are no pennies – will it be dimes? Quarters? What? That afternoon I went for a walk and
found a dime in the middle of the road. I felt it was a connection. Here’s the poem below. I also looked
up what was said more about dimes in particular.
"Pennies from Heaven"
I found a penny today
Just laying on the ground.
But it's not just a penny
This little coin I've found.
Found pennies come from heaven
that's what my Grandpa told me.
He said Angels tossed them down
Oh, how I loved that story!
He said when an Angel misses you
They toss a penny down,
sometimes just to cheer you up
To make a smile out of your frown.
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So don't pass by that penny
When you're feeling blue.
It may be a penny from heaven
That an Angel's tossed to you.
Author: Copyright © 1998 C Mashburn
The Meaning of the Angel Number 10 (and Finding Dimes)
Seeing the number 10 (or finding dimes) is often a message of validation that you are receiving guidance
and insight from your angels and from the realms of spirit. Release any fear or uncertainty and
know that you are loved and supported. Things are working out for you for the highest and greatest
good.
The #10 is also a call to pay attention, to trust your instinct and honor your intuition, especially
regarding making changes to move forward in your life, and to take action to create positive change as
you’re inspired. Part of making positive changes is keeping focused on what you want to manifest… Call
on your angels to help align your thoughts with what you want to experience in your life.
April 20 and 23 (#2)
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Sad? Not exactly “sad”…cannot hold back tears – Grandpa? (alive and well at 95). Saw tractors
and farm land, sent me into bawling my face off (while driving!)
Relationships – evaluating, questioning
Waking up with IMMEDIATE “worry” thoughts, feels almost obsessive thinking, like a hamster
wheel
SUPER sleepy weekend (husband too) slept instead of doing anything (including saying “screw
it” to taxes which are due in 1 week).
“I get by with a little help from my friends” - friends showing up with help and support for my cat’s
abscess, with remedies and advice. Thank you.
Interesting theme going on with Presentchild. I borrowed the book from #4 - loved and learned a lot
from it and left it in the rain. Got an email from #5 today and she is at the Presentchild training, asked
her to bring a few back - one for #4 and a couple to sell at the proving.
Deep emotional wounds coming to the surface for me; that the cat’s abscess mirrors. His wound first
started when the truth about my family was first being uncovered, now I’m slowly healing and so is he.
April 23rd (#4)
A dream about being in a car more like an open truck with my partner and I on the outside – there was a
clearly delineated space between my partner and I and the 2 drivers of the car that were dressed in
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flowing grey silk gowns, were quite androgenous and were angels. They were not the type that were
“only good nice” angels- they had an aspect that could be terrifying only in the sense of their strength
and power that could be felt. I however felt entirely safe. This was a very conscious dream. On reflection
I feel these angels were connected – one to me and one to my partner. It seemed very natural and we
were moving quite fast in the vehicle.
Proverb 4:18
The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
Love is not enough - we must take ACTION. As the saying goes, action speaks louder than words. Love is
just an emotion, but alone it’s not strong enough to change anything, but can be a catalyst for change.
Beware the silver-tongued devil
Forgiveness - of self and others
Taking full responsibility for our choices, and for our mistakes (we are all learning)
Repent
Atone for our sins - for our mistakes
Guilt. Doing penance.
Panic - paralyzing fear
Intense, deep emotions
Sheer terror
U: Dream of a demon or devil. At a circus or playground, amusement park/kids park, roller coaster sized
climbing equipment. The devil chased a girl and we were all trying to help her and it was hard to catch
up to her - she was really fast and there was fancy climbing and we couldn’t really help her and one
obstacle had coals and fire and she slipped and I thought she was dead but she survived and came to the
ground and people helped her. Then the demon chased me and I was trying to escape him and I ran
through all these different scenarios that were metaphorical having to do with the bible, I was supposed
to pick up clues about what to do. I was really worried, I was climbing up this wall and there was
nowhere for me to go, I thought the demon was trying to catch up to me, then the solution came to me,
something told me I had to destroy the wall and when I destroyed the wall the demon would be killed. It
was a metallic very strong wall and I wasn’t expecting it to come undone. And to make the wall collapse
I had to solve an astronomical puzzle.
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April 29, 2015 (#2)
General thoughts…
 My writing is messy, and has been of late
 Sensitive to sound – very auditorily aware – to the point of lying in bed listening to sounds which
never normally annoy me/keep me up
 Noticed a trend in my thought patterns – which has either always been there and I’m just now
noticing, or it’s new: obsessing over thoughts – like hamster on a wheel. The thoughts are of the
“not good” category – i.e.: worry, fear, disturbed. As example – I watched a documentary and
then all the rest of that evening, all through the night – (waking up) and the first thought upon
arising was about the documentary – me feeling disturbed, worried, upset about it, mulling it
over and over, trying to make sense of it (unsuccessful). It’s like I get stuck in a loop, a track,
repeat repeat repeat. Yuck.
 I accidentally screwed up a computer file which was months in the making. I clicked save too
fast because I was tired at the end of the day. Realized I saved it in a screwed up state. FACK!! I
cried and cried. Stupid stupid stupid. And, I was under deadline for a project (several years in
development). I had a total crying, laying-on-the-floor fit. Looked at it 2 days later – saw the
issue, fixed it – no problem. All solved. What the hell? Filed not corrupted after all.
 Not wanting to socialize (not out of character for me, but the impetus feels different).
 Feeling VERY specific about what food I’m willing to put into my body. Wanting to cleanse and
clear.
 Hubby stopped coffee because he thought maybe it was making him feel dizzy/strange/yuck.
 Despite feeling specific about (healthy) food, managed to manifest a cake: told hubby at night it
would be great to have my favourite cake (chocolate with white frosting) and the next day my
sister in law called asking if we wanted a cake – guess what kind? Yep. Exactly.
 Feeling forgetful at work; forgot keys, lost keys multiple times but later discovered I had them
the whole time.
 Usually I read a lot! (books at night, etc. ) – haven’t touched a thing lately.
 Seems like I always mention mucous when we do provings…well, it’s showing up again
 I don’t want to play (suffer) in the old lame matrix paradigm/structures that are oh-so-expired.
No. Let’s move on, people!
 Lawsuit I’ve been assisting a friend with fell apart in January – lawyer gave up, he sucks, is in old
system and refuses to see it’s broken. This has been in process since spring 2012. God! Part of
me says, “What a waste! 3 years!” And part of me knows there’s always wisdom to be gained.
AND – what a bullshit system (one of many).
 Want to get out of the city (move away).
 Want green natural setting. Clean clear connected to earth.
April 29, 2015 (#4)
3am and 4am - night awakening, with tension throughout whole body – like a nervous excited energy in
all of the cells- feeling the need to breathe deeply to release it
Right hip sore and cramping in right calf
Very hungry
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U keeps saying “the cat has suffered for 40 days” Just realized the biblical significance!
http://www.ecclesia.org/truth/40.html
“The number forty is used by God to represent a period of testing or judgment (the length of time
necessary to accomplish some major part of Gods plan in his dealings with various portions of mankind).
The 40 days of rain in the days of the flood were the judgments of God. The 40 day periods of fasting,
testing, and communing with God that were faced by Moses and Jesus were a form of God's judgments.
The forty years that the Israelites spent in the wilderness were also the judgments of God. Various
leaders in Israel who reigned for 40 year periods were put there BY God according to His Will and
Judgments. Egypt was left desolate for 40 years because of God's judgments. I could go on and on, but I
think these examples should suffice for now.
The maximum number of "stripes" allowed for punishment was 40. "Stripes" have to do with judgment
(including God's). See Luke 12:47-48. When God brings judgment upon His people, it may be rightly
termed, "stripes". When Peter states (about Jesus) "by whose stripes ye were healed" in 1 Peter 2:24, he
is quoting from Isaiah 53:5 which is a prophecy concerning spiritual and not physical healing as many
teach. Although physical healing from God is a wonderful blessing, spiritual healing is an even greater
blessing. Our salvation is dependent on the fact that Jesus bore the stripes that you and I deserve to
bear. In other words, Jesus' bore the main force of the judgments that should come upon you and I as
sinners. Isaiah's prophecy shows the judgments of God were poured out upon Jesus for our healing.”
I believe one of the easiest "40s" to use to illustrate this symbolism is the story of Noah and the flood.
There are two basic forms of judgment that God sends forth. One is the type that He pours out upon the
ungodly. This would be the kind we see illustrated in the flood, and also the destruction of Sodom and
Gomorrah. The other is the type that He sends upon His people in order to awaken them or bring them
to a closer "walk" with Him.
“When the Music’s Over” by The Doors
What have they done to the earth?
What have they done to our fair sister?
Ravaged and plundered and ripped her and bit her
Stuck her with knives in the side of the dawn
And tied her with fences and dragged her down
April 30 (#4)
9-12pm Slight nausea and general irritation, weakness, unable to think
4-5pm exhausted, very down emotionally, mentally overwhelmed, need to get away into a quiet dark
corner and meditate. Needed to be in nature, better by 7pm
Anterior right knee still sore when sitting cross legged
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Hungry feeling even after eating
Joint pain - left knee, yesterday left wrist
May 1, 2015 (#2)
Crazy stupid bullshit day.
Stuff coming out of left field.
 Woke up to phone call – where’s my stuff I’m downstairs to pick it up. WTF?! (I had today to
prep it, he changed his plans and fucked me up).
 Printer refuses to print properly despite using identical settings as last time. Wasted 18-20
sheets of 11X17 paper (not cheap!) Annoying!
 Fedex – shipments sent as “From” hubby he did not ship them. Some other company.
 Received pocket call from dad
 42 text messages (yes, 42) sent to me that were intended for my sister/mom
 Computer – 3X crashes
 P’s dad showed up out of blue to visit
 While on phone with B (receptive) she told kids in back alley to “knock it off” (dragging chair
behind their bikes) when she normally enjoys their laughter/playing/antics
 Realized a friend is having an affair (allusions to this before, but now very clear).
 Want to throw a tantrum
May 1 (#4)
3:40 am woken with body hot all over mild perspiration.
Allergy like sensations irritation in throat mild, nose stuffed mildly, persistent like that for a few days
worse in the morning – off and on during the day, mild pressure in head.
May 2, 2015: Angelite Trituration Day 1
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Angelite Trituration Proving Notes (transcribed)
Sonya’s note: While transcribing the voice recording of the angelite trituration proving, some voices
were crystal clear and others were very garbled and almost blocked and obscured and fading in and out,
especially #1’s voice but it happened at times with other voices randomly. Seemed a little like
interference like when a radio channel keeps switching in and out with no discernable pattern or cause
to it.
Pre-Trituration Discussion
#3: Not sure about anyone else, but I’ve been having headaches! And I don’t usually get headaches a lot.
#4: I’ve been having little ones and I never get headaches. Sonya: Yeah me too. #3: I had one on the bus
coming here.
#4: Been getting temperature changes hot/cold and it’s not me. #3: That’s been happening to me too.
#4: I’m getting it again right now as I’m holding the angelite. Took my jacket off and it was cold and then
put it on.
C1: Group Notes
#1: This remedy is pretty powerful and deep. Through the process that we can unravel it and come to a
conclusion and have a regrounding within each of us. If we leave our bodies we can come back or
experience things we will process it.
Sonya: Me and #1 have experienced some of the negatives of the remedy and it’s pretty negative! #4:
Oh yeah no kidding I know that one! (everyone laughs in agreement)
#4: Thursday I was in the corner of my office on the floor in the darkest place I’ve been in such a long
time, right out of the blue, the whole day was weird. Incredible! I knew it wasn’t anything except that
(the proving) because it was just so unusual. In the morning I was very discombobulated during the night
very agitated with a lot of energy and really intense and I couldn’t sleep at a certain point, out of the
blue, what is going on here?! Internal excitement, but it wasn’t really excitement it was excitation of
everything, molecular stuff. Blah!! I had to breathe and meditate really intently and then it came down.
#1: My baby has had five fevers in the last 6 weeks! The two extremes are happening. So we can
increase the awareness of shadow and light side, and stay in truth beyond the matrix.
#4: I’m not disturbed. #1: But it’s OK to be disturbed. #3: I wasn’t foundationally disturbed.
#4: Dark picture then above it this whole other things that’s light. Vey extreme. Kept getting an image in
my head. Image of a person huddled in the dark, shadow, then above huge winged angelic shape. Huge!
Like a tree. Sense of a light part then a dark part. Personally quite astounded. Deep place.
#3: Animals a big theme for me - how we treat them, animal sentience, animal emotions. It’s come up
numerous times in conversation. Just randomly looking at things and there’s an article about how pigs
are treated and how smart they are. Brother just got a pig, and he said I’m not eating pork anymore
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because this pig is so emotional. He really bonded with the pig. It’s a micro pig, so they had it in their
apartment, and then they moved it out to the farm. It’s become friends with the horses, who chased it
at first but now they all graze together. It looks so hilarious, my brother sent me a picture and there’s his
4 huge horses and then this tiny little pig!
Sonya: Aysha chose a fox notebook for writing her proving notes.
Sonya: So my poor cat got dragged into the proving! The bone infection. It’s a deep thing and I’m not
feeling good about it, so there’s a lot of emotions around that. Some heavy stuff. There were a lot of
trials throughout this whole thing, trying to do the best for him and realizing OK that may not have been
the best decision. We picked a vet that was not very balanced, she’s more holistic and we needed both
and she just treating him holistically, and she didn’t clean the wound and then the infection went
deeper. We were trying to treat with homeopathy, not knowing that it was a bone infection and the
homeopathy was palliating, and eventually I saw this was not working, and brought him to an allopathic
vet, who diagnosed the bone infection. And then at that point my husband starts yelling, “It’s been 40
days that he’s suffered!” And 40 days in the bible is when God puts you through a trial. But he didn’t say
“It’s been 5 weeks,” he said, “It’s been 40 days!”
#3: My older dog who is 12 has developed a lot of cysts on her belly, in the last month she now has 10.
She’s been behaving in an unusual way, like she wants to tell me something, especially at night. The
cysts on her belly are not attached, they are round like tiny little pebbles and are free floating. My dog
will stand behind chair and cry. I turn around and look at her and she is agitated and looking at me really
intensely and she’s eaten and has been walked. I ask her if she wants to be petted, nope, she will not let
me touch her. Very agitated, unusual behaviour.
#5: Everything is about children right now for me, recently got back from week long intensive
Presentchild training. My dreams have been of children. Dream of pushing a 2 year old in shopping cart,
going down steps, the shopping cart tipped over and the baby landed on his forehead on cement and
there was a wound on his forehead. I felt so bad. Baby was holding the pain in but didn’t cry, and there
was blood on his forehead, I felt terrible. Shortly thereafter in the dream the baby wasn’t there
anymore. Then another dream of being in a house with people that didn’t belong to any of us and had
to clean the house up, it was grotty, messy bed with spiders under the desk, kept trying to kill a spider.
Two little children under the covers, covered up wearing pajamas, they must be suffocating under there,
they’d been there a long time. Was it more about my stuff rather than proving stuff? When I woke up,
thought about it, I don’t like that.
#1: Dream about the land rising, then a week later the land started rising. Also dream around children.
Texted my sister’s number. I get a phone call back and it’s this young man, are you talking about my
family? I think he stole her phone, he asked is this about my family. I asked where do you live and he
said I live in Alberta. I could tell English wasn’t his first language. This is how the grid works, we are
potent at stopping fear. People have suffered a great deal and more suffering will happen. Then I had
paranoid thoughts, is that a policeman? Shady men.
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#2: We are in this matrix and have these glitches and something slips through and it shouldn’t have.
Cracks or breaks in it, that should not have happened. My husband has been affected, and usually he’s
not, but this time he is. He’s said that all these weird things are correcting. Something was blocking it or
screwing up previously and now it’s as it should be the way he had intentioned or imagined.
#2: Saw a show about mom and son who rented a house, stuff started happening, dangerous and bad
things and son was targeted. They cleared what they thought it was but there was also another energy
there and things got worse. They had called in lots of angels, freaked out, then they actually saw the
battle between dark and light energy. It was a movie that played out. I could see in both of their faces
that they were rattled. It was able to be cleared and it had a happy ending. Why am I watching this?
Normally I avoid that kind of stuff. It was some sort of paranormal show.
#2: Husband’s been feeling dizzy, usually he is solid, and normally physically nothing goes wrong for him.
It alarmed me, he’s supposed to keep me grounded. It was intense enough for him that he stopped
coffee and changed his diet. Also technology glitches. Computer and phone stuff, getting texts that
weren’t for me.
Sonya: Aysha’s brand new laptop didn’t work, had to get it exchanged, a MacBook Air, brought it back to
the Apple store. Rechargeable batteries wouldn’t charge.
#4: My phone would just stop, hang up. I hadn’t moved or done anything. It was consistent and absurd,
very odd. Just completely disconnected. And it wasn’t the other person, they weren’t doing anything
either, they weren’t on a cell phone. Weird.
#5: Read an article that the earth’s access changes minutely which can be tied to increase in
earthquakes
#1: Or the reset button has been hit. The feminine energy has been honored and the sacred masculine
should rise. One day I woke up and heard a voice that said you’re here for the men and the children.
(Conversations about the different provings we’d done previously like estrogen and woad and how
different participants had described them and experienced them very differently, had different
perspectives about them)
Sonya: My husband is tired of all the demons and angels in this proving, he wants our next one to be
lettuce. #5: What about a proving of semen? There are so many motherhood remedies.
(More conversations about past provings. Conversations about how weird the house was in the Mount
Shasta woad proving. Some found it so weird that they decided to stay in a hotel instead of sleep there.
Sonya and #1 stayed in a wall tent during the wild horse proving!)
#3: The moon is so full, it was Beltane last night.
#2: Are the tech glitches about the moon?
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#3: Friend of mine a physicist, published video about why the earth is round. There’s all this flat earth
stuff on the internet.
Sonya: Starting to feel the beginning of a headache, fuzzy feeling
#3: Upper back, arms, shoulders, neck, getting hot and cold. My upper back was like a rock yesterday.
Also upper shoulders, pulsing aches. Slow pulsing aches, not hard but gentle ones. Unusual for me.
Aysha: my knees and ankles hurting. #2: yes, me too, knees (Sonya and #4 also). #4: it was my right
knee, and very unstable, taking a step and thinking that won’t hold me.#5: Left leg tighter and some
sciatica. Sonya leg pain as well. #1: Also my wrist kept me awake all night (#4 too, fleeting pains, that’s
weird, they feel so achy and creaky).
#5: Last night went to Sweeny Todd opera about this murderer, a barber, very dark. I am yawning a lot
right now. Aysha: I am. #2: Sleepiness coming up for me too, didn’t touch our taxes, we slept all Sunday.
Usually with that stuff I’m organized and strategic. Sonya: Took me months to do taxes, it went on and
on. #2: this year there was a computer meltdown and extension on taxes. #1: there is no time and
space, it’s starting to crumble.
#2: Show about family unplugged that went to live in the woods. They unplugged and had no running
water or electricity. Woman says we’re always feeling so busy and had to get back sense of time and
remove ourselves from the structure of time. They took no clocks, watches or electronics.
#1: Took kids out of school, let’s see what it is to do nothing
Aysha: Took away electronics at school. Family moved their technology into the 1980’s. Unplugged from
most things, for a whole year, got closer as a family but disconnected from people outside of themselves
and couldn’t connect with friends who were on social media.
Sonya: Sahara’s theme for her speech this year is technology.
#1: Some young people are speaking up. I had a fear come up, a weird fear yesterday and this morning
that military will come and say we are dividing people - separate immunized and non immunized and I
will be separated from my children. What are the last words to say to older daughter, how do I say it will
be OK, how do I say that in one minute?
Sonya: Like the Hunger Games. In that story they send their children off to kill each other in these
games, and only one comes out alive. The parents have to spend basically 2 minutes saying goodbye to
their kids as they go off to these hunger games. They get picked in a lottery system, so you don’t know
whether your child is going to be picked, but if they do get picked they have 2 minutes to say goodbye.
#1: I haven’t been eating animal products. I should teach the kids to eat simply so they can eat without
me and wherever they are. Train them to eat scarcely and train their bodies. #2: We need to know how
to make fire! We need to know how to make the basic things. #3: And how to get water. #1: thinking a
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lot about water, it’s become contaminated. What is the technology that purifies that? #3: Ozone, the
military uses it.
#4: I had this dream, a vehicle or truck or more of a chariot because it was flat on a slant, a front part
was being driven. On the back I was there with partner K, at the end of this platform, it could seem like
we were going to fall off yet felt very attached and stable. And there was a strip of dark on the platform,
then the other side was whitish light, then these 2 figures, one opposite me and one opposite him, in
lovely flowy silk gowns, and the gowns were the colour of angelite, not really grey. They were driving
this vehicle, going pretty fast
#1: Dream of a skiddoo, thought I would fall off the back, and my son was in front, and hanging onto the
little ones, I might fall off, it’s going too fast but we didn’t fall off.
#4: Same feeling. Yes but should fall. Pretty solid, OK, not going to fall off, but we should by the looks of
things. Completely open, like a chariot. And they were very big figures, beautiful, quite lovely. I didn’t
feel disconnected, I felt connected to the drivers, not scary like they were taking me away but it was
part of me in a sense. A connection there but I couldn’t go over there. That dark part in the middle was a
barrier, you can’t go over here, but it’s OK. For my own protection as well. It’s like a no go zone. Like tar
paper, like stuff they put on the side of houses, insulation, dark like that yet more substantial than tar
paper. If I was to put it in a different direction it would be like the layers of rocks, the striations.
#4: Felt hot after holding the angelite in my hand.
Aysha: I’ve been freezing lately, especially feet. #4: Me too, extremes. Also a bit of a dizzy feeling.
Sonya: My husband doesn’t talk when you want him to talk. He’s usually quiet but when you don’t want
him to talk oh my God blah blah blah. Aysha: He’ll talk about random things that don’t really make
sense.
C1: Prover Notes
C1: #1
Tall
Small
Inside-Intention goes beyond the censored filtered darkness

A sense of not wanting to talk about the darkness…but we have to see it

Headache at back of skull

My tongue is very sore today *right side*
Interesting conversation about alternative points of view. This has come up a
lot in this remedy and knowing that if you hold a different point of view you
are not stupid. Wanting to shake humanity awake. Propaganda isn’t
everywhere it just simply is everything. This is hard to fathom. This is what is in
the ?? Lost my train of thought. There is a division happening within humanity
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though. And it’s as simple as choice. This came up because some evidence of the very fabric of reality
crumbling. When that happens you seek the truth above all else.
I read about the hollow earth and inner earth.
There is the feeling of a mission to crumble the lies from the inside. Amnesia, wake up.
C1: Angelite (#2)
Hello ant on my paper
Timer is dead
In the a.m. reminded about seeing show on TV about trying to clear “something” from a house. Don’t
usually watch shows like that/avoid. But saw this one where dangerous/trouble causing energy was
traumatizing a boy and mother in rented house. People came to release it but cleared another energy
instead who was actually a “ghost” who was protecting the family. Once he was cleared the other
energy got more violent. Then in trying to clear the dark energy they literally saw a battle between
angels they called in and the dark energy and it was a wild, difficult, trying, scary battle.
Dream last night: disturbing…being blamed/accused by mother of “cheating all along” on my husband.
Pointing finger at me like “Ah ha!” and in the dream I was in bed with an ex-boyfriend from my teens.
Dad had a secret too, of a sexual nature, and I knew it but mom didn’t. I felt awkward that I knew it
(can’t recall now) and wondered how I was going to deal with it, what was dad going to do. It felt awful.
I woke up feeling sad, guilty (even though I’m not in real life) and attached to husband. I don’t want to
talk about this dream. I really like Sonya’s bubble shirt – iridescent pretty!
C1: #4 Notes
1. Talk of intention with the group brings up my recall of the depths of despair dark place that
came up on me at work on Thursday – had to sit in quiet and meditate to rebalance – saw the
image even more clearly and saw a child-like figure legs sitting with knees bent up, head down,
dark in color and in emotion while above it there is a huge figure that appeared light and winged
felt powerful, light and huge reaching far above energetically.
2. Atlantis images as another prover spoke of a dream she had. Images of crystals and light –
wanting to wear stones that attract the light – getting my goose bumps.
3. Aches - in my shoulders and along the back of my neck and in upper arms. Alternating hot and
cold. Chiropractor I saw yesterday said that my upper back has never been so tight – like a rock.
4. Holding the angelite wand and feeling heat spreading from my hands into the rest of my body
along with a dizzy, stuffed feeling in the centre of my face – third eye area above my nose and
going into my ears and eyes.
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C1 (#3)
-Hand Gesture HG (#4); rapidly moving fingers
pushing away from body straight out
-Head pain forehead; burning
-Irritable about theories, judgments
-feeling annoyed about the conversation about the remedy
-chilly (sitting beside door)
-earache L
-religion/spirituality; what do we need -holding on to old doctrine, resisting the new
-movement from the cosmos into the micro cosmos -the very large and the very small
-we become more alone in our individuality; isolated behind the idea of being more connected through
the internet and media
-connection/disconnection -duality
-deep connection -how do we get it? -where does it come from?
-cooperation; working together can bring deep connection through shared experience
-blocked from connection; isolated, alone
-autism
-how to reach each other in a different way – non-verbal communication; what has my dog been trying
to tell me all week?
-communication through thoughts and not feelings -saying what you think instead of what you feel theories, small talk; empty words
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-what do I feel from you?
-talking about competition in the room; I’ve been reading about the growth of competition among
school kids; testing increases competition and can create animosity and disconnection -it can also create
false understanding of what people are capable of -different people respond to testing in different ways;
some excel, some go blank, some are inhibited by competition and so don’t try as hard
-the dark is perceived as bad or negative; dark is what’s hidden, unknown
-cold/hot
-fear will keep you safe, complacent
-empty communication
-desire to escape or shut off from the world; what’s happening, what’s being said
-no chit chat; desire for something deeper, beyond words -what does this mean? - could animals teach
this?
-desire for another language -something visual?
-deep; under pressure
-earthquakes, volcanos bring things to the surface -what is released?
-what’s inside the earth? -the enormous energy released from an eruption
-eruptions in Chile -bursting, exploding up and out -hot, fast, powerful; spreads quickly through the air
-what is communication? -so limited
-feel removed, distant, isolated and don’t want to talk
-volcanos
-HG; rapid circles around the head
C1 Discussion
#4: Hungry has been coming up for me! I’m hungry and then eating and still hungry. And quickly too, it
will just come up. #1: I’m not a hungry person, but hungry. #5: Me too, hungry, looking forward to eat.
Sonya: We bought all this random food yesterday for the proving
#5: Very tired and zoned out. Everybody’s going yadda yadda, it’s not registering. But it doesn’t bother
me.
#2: I am zoning out. Yesterday I was a passenger and all of a sudden couldn’t determine what country I
was in, so disoriented. Forgetfulness, losing keys. Sonya: Forgot school lunches. #4: daughter in law
forgot keys. Then she couldn’t find wallet, so disoriented, usually she’s not like that. The suddenness of
it. Everything seemed fine, I didn’t see anything on the benches. Discombobulated. Funny. Then the keys
turned out not to be lost (both in #4 and #2’s story). They were in a pocket in a jacket. Quite a series of
things.
#1: I like the disoriented word. Part of your brain disappears, whoa what’s going on. Went swimming
and daughter lost her goggles. #5: My daughter lost her cell phone the day before yesterday. Aysha: I
am so disorganized normally with papers all over the ground, then suddenly organized my whole binder.
Got rid of the old papers and articles.
#1: You want to touch on the nice stuff and don’t want to get to the deep stuff.
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#4: That’s what was so striking about those 2 figures, that’s was what was important about them – it’s
like they were angels but not the nice angels with halos and sweetness; but they were fully embodied in
their whole power which included both, and could potentially go in any direction. I felt the fear of the
intensity of that, fear is not the right word but felt the awareness of it. I was getting too close to
something that was really radiating power, and the power could go in any direction and not in my
control. But I didn’t feel unsafe, I did feel safe within it but realized it could go in any direction. There
was safety, it’s OK you’re alright, there’s nothing wrong. But understanding the potential, pretty intense
to feel that. They could do anything or it could go any way but it’s OK. Quite beautiful. Not amnesia, it
wasn’t lulling you. There was awareness. #1: hypnosis has come up to me. #4: This was not hypnosis.
More like a natural state. It was amazing!
#4: It’s a normal state but it’s a scary state to realize as a human being. Wow, that’s a lot to contain and
hold. I felt that barrier; you should stay where you are, not cross the barrier.
#2: I had other child dreams too, wrote it in my journal.
Sonya: My husband had a dream of a demon or a devil that chased a girl, we were trying to help her, she
slipped into the fire, had to destroy a wall to destroy the demon.
#3: A few fragments. Idea of volcanos and eruptions. Huge eruption in South America, idea of something
deep inside the earth exploding and erupting and pushing out. Something hot and powerful spreads
throughout the air. Then I started thinking about that as a form of communication, I don’t know why. I
feel removed, distant, isolated and don’t want to talk. Idea of something really deep, and then it
explodes.
#4: I got a picture of this volcano, so close to that power.
#5: Daughter hiked to the edge of a volcano then came back and were told that hiking had been banned
because volcano so active.
#2: Volcano blew up in Peru. I have a friend with property in Chile. The town is near to there. Then had a
feeling that it’s fine, it’s far away, everybody’s OK, but then texted her and said I feel a connection and
feel like I have to say something to you. I think she gets information but denies it. She said of course
you’re connected who else has property in Argentina, she shut me down. Then the next day said friends
of hers were hiking only a few kms away and had to split. Then I wasn’t willing to engage with her
because she had shut me down.
#1: Truth telling.
#3: Different forms of communication. People communicate in different ways. Dog is trying to tell me
something, I couldn’t understand. The desire for deep communication beyond words and what does
that mean. Could animals teach this? Impatience with chit chat this month, normally it doesn’t bother
me. A desire for something deeper. We’ve been talking about social media, and my young nephew and
his friends are super connected but they all feel very lonely, because the connection is very short and
shallow connections. Nobody ever phones me anymore and I don’t have a cell phone, and because I
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can’t text, all of a sudden I’ve lost all my friends, bizarre. Sonya: U also doesn’t have a cell phone, and his
friends refuse to call him. #3: So bizarre. Recently someone said to me a phone call is an invasion of your
privacy. Friend doesn’t call because she doesn’t want to interrupt me. She’s my friend, and this is our
form of communication unless we see each other. Strange. I’m not connected in that way. Connection
and disconnection keeps coming up a lot.
#4: I had to disconnect from the world and myself when I had the dark moment. It happened at 3 or
4am then 4-5pm. Irritation then a little amnesia which was nice. I needed to just breathe. Had to cut off
from everything else. Disconnected to the world. Had to make a connection with something that felt
more real and comfortable and balanced. Just needed to breathe and meditate. But it was disconnecting
from one world completely.
#1: Daughter wanted the mountain to blow up it was just too hard. It’s the same feeling.
#3: This angel comes from deep in the earth, not winged and air and related to religion. Religion has
come up for me, the struggle that religions are having with keeping people coming. The numbers of
people going to church, they are losing people. What does spirituality mean and what is it? Beyond
religion, what is that? Symbols like the angel and demon. In DTES (the downtown eastside, poor area of
Vancouver) they were talking about demons and devils, intense dark messages in graffiti and signs and
what that means. We have the idea demons-dark, angels-light.
#1: Programming! Not real
#3: Language is so manipulative, and so far away from actual experience.
#4: Religious hymns kept coming into my head when proving was announced. Hadn’t been to church in
so long. #3: Music is a whole other language, isn’t it? Aysha: I’ve gotten really into music lately, really
drawn to it.
#4: I had this metal thing fall and it went right into my toe, into my foot, likes nails in a cross, went
between the tendons. #1: I had that happen to my foot too, it bruised. #1: Awareness of separation
from true light, we are truly disconnected as a race, the polarity around that and both sides to that.
#2: P woke up with these marks on his back. I thought it was like an alien probe. These red marks.
C2 Level: Group Notes
(Unlike C1 where there was almost constant talk, a lot of silence at the beginning of this round)
#4: Pain right side of upper chest through to the upper back, a sharp pain.
#3: Parents trying to rationalize with their very young kids. #1: Women leaving their kids for a second
and someone called the cops on them
#2: Get me off this merry go round, this society!
#4: Feeling mesmerized in that one, watching it go around.
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Sonya: Hypnosis, swirling round and round. Hawking mucus in back of throat, postnasal drip.
Sonya: Chestnuts keep away spiders if you put them on the window sill.
#1: Spiders keep showing up in the bathroom
#4: Son who had a spider in BBQ and it got cooked. Another time I was making a fire and putting the
wood in and there was a spider in the wood. Got it out, rescued it but it was quite burnt. A roasted
burnt thing.
#1: J is so scared of spiders. She panicked when she thought there was a spider on the bed. That was a
devil moment. The devil mom, threw fluff at her, I’m the worst mom in the world. We have such power
and they are naive. I don’t get a good vibe from spiders.
#4: Used to sit and watch spiders building a web. Beautiful. You get the rain on it and sun shining
through. But some spiders freak me out.
#3. I was so scared of spiders as a child. Teacher bribed me to hold a jar with a spider in it and I could
not do it. Freaked out when I saw spider in the bathtub. I was so traumatized, he threw a piece of
Kleenex at me. Then later I decided I can’t be constantly afraid. It helped to look at them.
#4: It could go either way; are spiders good or bad; do you want to control them? I had to sleep in a
jungle once with spiders that were really big. The caretaker said to me that they have as much right to
be here as we do.
#3: Line of bright yellow spiders in one line, the first time they ever saw social spiders, they were living
under leaves and hunting as a colony.
#4: Jumping spiders creep me out, don’t know where they will go.
#5: Daughter saw a jumping spider, it was jumping and she was jumping!
#3: Not knowing how they will behave, where they will go, will they bite. Unpredictable and fast. They
come out of nowhere. Unpleasant. Black widows hide. There is some incredible power with those
dangerous spiders, you just know… It’s that unspoken language telling you something about what it is.
#4: And you are listening to it.
#1: I made a joke that if I ever have a partner they better be telepathic, I don’t w ant to sit and talk
about nothing, chit chat.
#4: What is communication and how do we communicate
#3: My brother has these horses, I’m afraid of them and they are so big. He asked me if I could feed
them. They are in the corral. Then I’m sleeping and dreams of fields of grass waving in the sunlight. I
came up the hill and they stared at the place I would come up waiting for me to get up. They are sending
me hay dreams! The power of 4 them just staring at that spot was intense.
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#1: A was trying to communicate with Sahara.
#4: I was getting this Icy feeling. Ice. The sound is like ice.
#1: I was playing this Vanilla Ice song, “Ice Ice Baby.” Sonya: He was big at one point but short lived.
#3: Justin Bieber - people booing him, so damaging, and bullying of the audience.
#4: Too much power being given to someone and you can’t hold it and it goes out all haywire.
#3: Adults who don’t protect children. Sounds a little Christ like, the suffering. The fallen hero. Put them
on a pedestal and they crash down everyone feels better, they are more human. Happens to a lot of
celebrities. Or like Britney Spears, child star loses it and attacked. We don’t like that show of
vulnerability.
#1: Flicking the fuzz at J was impulsive. Also beheading was impulsive in that dream. The consequence of
the impulsion. The lacking of the thoughtfulness.
#5: That’s how I felt in that dream of baby in the shopping cart, baby fell on its head. Not impulsive but
so not my intention.
Me: Feeling sneezy. Sneezing chorus (Sahara and A sneeze). Grinding in one and then the other direction
like a see saw or pendulum.
#3: Man with a parrot fish, would put hand in the tank and scratch under its chin, rubbing against him
like a cat. We just assume certain creatures don’t feel, that fish don’t want affection. Friends that surf
are caressed by the waves and tossed around. How do fish not hit each other? They are connected, form
of communication. Reading this book about competition. Woman who’s an economist. Education
system is changing and they are making children more competitive, they are using a tool in the form of
testing. It’s not effective because they miss giftedness. People express things in different ways.
Cooperation rather than competition. Cooperation binds and unites and you have all these collective
minds working together as one. There was a natural disaster, list of what they had to work with. Some
argued, but groups that were most successful had reached consensus and cooperation.
#4: How to work together to survive yet as an individual. At what point do you continue to express what
your thought is? You used the word arguing. You did your own, then you did it with the group. So you
got to see the difference between what you did on your own and what you did with the group. And we
got good results as a group. I was one of the people that got the learning that had I been more emphatic
with what I believed, the group would have survived. Must express oneself, it is so important. To avoid
some of that arguing I kind of caved. I didn’t insist whereas others did. Fine balance, competition yet
working as a group - something else beyond that, give it 100% and still understand that together you can
create something else. Now I will say what I think, and it’s important.
#3: Sometimes you are afraid of saying for fear of what someone’s reaction will be. So you don’t have to
deal with it.
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Aysha: At school, did group exercise where people were working together, we had to recreate
something with our bodies. The other group was not working together at all. S was bossing everyone
around, people yelling and crying. Everyone unhappy with their roles, and not working together. Our
group worked together but the other group wasn’t happy so they weren’t working together. #4: The
value of different perspectives.
#4: Angelite reminds me of those little mints
C2: Aysha
I was laying down and then my heart rate picked up quickly, and it took a couple mins to die down.
During those mins my head hurt a bit.
C2: #1
I wonder if insanity is a descriptive element in this remedy…
 Simply a thought
 My writing seems very messy.
 Seeing an eye
 Looking deep
 Beyond intellect
 A feeling of Not knowing what to share, but acutely aware of each thing, sound, movement.
 Headache again sharp above eyes
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C2: #2
Angelite. Angel light. Who decided that name anyway? Feel like we’re on a merry-go-round and I just
want OFF! In life, I guess. Want out of this rat race hamster mess.
Interesting that not a lot of physical stuff is coming up (in relation to other remedies).
Spider discussion. Fear. Bad vibes.
Dry eyes.
Sleepy? No – just “lazy” – Don’t want a mortar and pestle.
Can I come up with some insight? Let’s not force it, shall we…
Meh. Nothing.
Fish discussion. We don’t often think of the sentence of fish and what they feel. Discussion of water, the
relationship with it, being caressed, etc.
C2: #4
Sensation and pictures of ice, Mention of Vanilla Ice – singer – fame, power, misuse, can’t handle it….
Need to stretch at end, jittery inside at beginning and end, Occipital pressure, stiff neck.
C2: #3
-headache forehead -feels heavy -pressure above R eye to L
-throat pain under chin both sides -small spots <touch
-tension upper shoulders, neck -want to stretch
-loneliness and isolation -being alone and not lonely -being isolated and ok
-pressure behind eyes
-head pain; pressure -aching < temples
43
C2 Discussion
Sonya: Energy feels like we’re in the eye of the storm right now. #4: Feeling giggly and jittery.
#4: But there’s something. Feeling of seeing a storm coming. And I get jittery inside. It could be muscular
but that’s not how I’m feeling it. #1: Calm before a storm; calm before insanity.
#2: I traced the raw angelite rock. Then I was thinking about the name angelite. Who decided the name
angelite? Obviously we accepted it, the label, we just accept things. Want to get off the merry go round.
Not a lot of physical stuff has come up for me. Spider discussion. Do I feel sleepy or is it laziness. Like
swaying on a hammock or raft just bobbing and OK with it.
#4 picture (above): So many layers with different colours. A lot of brown. Light and dark. This round was
very different than the first one.
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#5 picture (above): Movement with arrows, from the bottom up
#1: Left thigh muscle starting to hurt
C3 Group Notes
#3: There has to be a remedy for the world right now. Sonya: Maybe a slap awake? The apathy. #3: I
don’t think slapping works. But so much amnesia going on.
#1: I have a grittiness. When I get excited about a topic. Guts! Ovaries! Doing reflection around how the
feminine has been silenced and looking around how to unsilence it and create space around how that
can be heard.
Sonya: Theme of abuse. Not acknowledging the other person, who they are or how they feel. Abuse can
be minimizing somebody. A person who is perpetuating what they know. It comes from a place of
abuse, a sick place, not healthy.
#1: It’s not a part of our true nature. #2: Competition is singular but we can’t operate alone, we are
social.
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Sonya: Capitalism separates people. Capitalism is about the individual, consumer, not sharing. Everyone
lives in a separate house or has a gigantic house, there is no equality. Or people with no house and no
fresh water or food.
#3: Travelling with a friend, going under the tunnel and picture in my head of cousin and idea that I
should call her. That’s odd, haven’t seen her in awhile and we’re so different. She called me back later
that day, I just got back from Onsite. Told her I work in DTES. She said I can’t stand those kind of people,
they need to get a job and get their life together. I said they grew up with poverty and addiction. She
lives in a monster house with huge vehicles, gave her son a house when he graduated from high school. I
told her you live in a place of privilege. Then silence. She told me a story of wanting to be more involved
in community so she volunteered for a domestic violence shelter, and they did an orientation and she
was asked to role play the victim role, and she realized she’d never been a victim, so she couldn’t really
relate. Said if my husband hit me I would pound him with a baseball bat. She didn’t understand that so it
was hard for her to develop empathy for it. She didn’t have that larger frame of reference. She’s always
told me how weird I am. She’s not a mean person just very fearful. She’s got a constant battle against
herself, always putting herself down, that is really abuse, a victim of her own self-hatred. She’s very
blunt and direct. Anyway, something opened up, and we talked for hours.
#3: Thinking about communication, non-verbal etc.
#1: My dreams are more accurate, info coming through. More prophetic.
#3: I actually saw a picture of my cousin. And thinking about communication, doing more artwork after a
hiatus. Art is a form of communication and easy to access the skill. The healing is not the product but the
process and the mistakes and the invention. I started drawing in pencil, very light, very tentative
insecure lines, fear of making a mistake. I made art for a living, that can kill the creativity and emphasis
on the product. The selling of the product made it impossible to continue. You have to sell it to make a
living, you learn what sells and then you start to do that. It took a toll on me.
#3: How do you do without money? It’s damaging on so many levels #2: Corrupts process. #3: Huge
separation and it becomes how we’re valued. Woman at Rainier said human contact was what she got
the most there. When she was using no one would look at her. It’s hard to look at it, like looking at a
giant open wound, you’re looking at pain and it’s really ugly and dirty and there’s a feeling that comes
up. Listening and not judging and not trying to fix anything. Community down there is so tight. DTES
community is being disappeared, their territory being moved and manipulated like Gaza.
#4: (her cell phone rings). That phone call was from a guy working with a friend of mine, many years in
the making, a film about a meteor hitting the earth.
#1: Alternative ways of thinking. #4: It’s about perspective. The ways we perceive things, people, etc.
#3: I was going on and on about “they” this and “they” that and conspiracy issues. And my friend said
there is no “they.” Oh yeah! It’s so much fun to talk about that, talking about “them.” #1: What if there
is a them? #4: They’re still part of us.
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Sonya: Boundaries and overstepping them - give an inch and they’ll take a mile. That can be true with
some people. Majority of my clients don’t take advantage.
#1: People making sense of their own realities.
#2: We innately know we need a purpose. #1: We know innately something is missing, separation. We
constantly strive for the reconnection. #2: There must be a reason for this bullshit! #1: A is trying to get
Sahara’s attention, she’s used to being entertained by her. Well there is no purpose! You can strive and
strive. Then you see the shadow. #3: Of death? #1: It’s so overwhelming. Sonya: The depression comes
in, what’s the point of this. #2: Purposelessness is not negative, there’s a different quality to it. Hopeless
is not purposeless. #1: The hope is in the reset button.
#2: Does purpose have to be big? #1: That’s what’s good about that breaking down. You can just enjoy.
One doesn’t have to have a purpose. So what you work on Wall St and bust your butt, for what? Sonya:
Something that is not real, like money. #1: That doesn’t even matter. #2: It doesn’t even actually exist.
#1: It matters to some
#4: Growth can be a purpose. Purpose is such a right or wrong concept. I think I get what you are saying
but I don’t know. The idea of a purpose to me is beyond my ability to comprehend, but I can get what
works for me on a feeling good level.
#1: Do we just feel good while evil happens? #2: Does it feel good just for me or does it feel good for
everybody? Oh, I’m going to do that because it feels good. It ripples out, radiates to everywhere.
#1: (to #3) You voiced your truth to your cousin.
#3: With family it’s different than with a complete stranger. Some knowing gives you grounding or basis
to go from. That’s lacking in DTES, they never had any of that. I was watching some parents and a baby,
baby always coming back to the parents and getting grounded, so profound, and if you don’t have that
you’re not really even on the planet. Being high is raised up above.
#1: Sensitivity to judgment is coming up. #3: Or feeling judgmental and critical. #1: Yet being able to
navigate that. #3: She always tells me I am so weird and I think thank god and don’t take it as an insult.
Weird is that her experience is different than my experience. She always wanted to get married as a
young girl. My grandmother believed in getting married and having children and my mother was the
opposite, which is often what happens, you do the opposite of what comes before. I wasn’t interested in
getting married, but I was worried about my cousin, what would happen if she didn’t get married. The
word “Purpose” is a big word, what does it mean? What is meant by “purpose?”
#4: Every person’s perspective is different.
#3: This shared experience connects us. We are in each other’s morphic fields. We are sharing this
substance, a unique experience. It’s full of purpose and meaning. #4: But only because we’re declaring
it. There are so many undeclared moments.
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#2: Sonya you sent me a text about doing a rock and I saw this immediately, when was that? Sonya:
March 13 I think.
#3: Woman who made this huge copper art, it changed the space. Your eye follows it, like a line. Very
organic. You could walk and look up at it. I like the installations because it’s not a product. #1: I saw a
stool exhibit, stacked and creating an archway. #3: I have this friend whose studio was like an explosion
of stuff. Then in his house there was nothing in it, no tables or knick knacks. Where’s your stuff? He
spends all this time in the chaotic studio. When he relaxes he doesn’t want to be stimulated and wants
things simple. Just built in furniture, no tables.
C3: #2
At lunch we were talking about “how to deal with psychopaths” a book #1 joked she would write.
Discussed speaking your truth – a statement and not engaging those not worthy of our truth.
Discussed how important curiosity is.
Discussed the word “fix” and how it’s used as “attached to” (affixed) or a fixed/stationary item and then
also to “correct” or remedy something – and not toward change. We so often are against change. We
are “fixed” in our positions, perspectives, views, etc…
Purpose…hahaha “purple” purpleness
C3: #4
Pig theme – smart – emotional (watermelon story from #3)
Back of neck pressure – into ears – aches
C3: #5
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C3: #3
-speaking the truth
-disengaging from relationships that don’t serve by being direct
-headache in temples behind eyes -want to press on it
-lavender
C3 Group Discussion
#5: I like the purple in the picture (below).
#4 picture: Not sure what it is, maybe a bird, feathers. And music. #3: Reminds me of a butterfly. And a
flower. #4: I see different vibrations and energy and frequency and different kinds of waves. Song and
music and sound. Even beyond sound. Darkest Peru comes up.
Sonya: Don’t even talk about Peru! We were going to do a proving of a rock taken from a Stargate,
something we brought back from Peru. Daughter Sahara was cursed by the object we brought back, and
I had to throw it into the river to break the curse. #4: Weird stuff in Peru. Aliens? Sonya: Not sure if it
was aliens, the Stargate was related to the older culture in Peru
49
#3 and #1 have a headache (so does Sonya). They are intense and they come and then they go. How do
you think when there’s pain in your head? #3: I’ve been noticing my vision getting dim. My eyes were
kind of burning. Burning sensation with headaches, that’s not a familiar sensation for me. There’s some
heat. Now it’s more pressure, like I want to press it. #4: For me there’s burning heat. #1: In my dream
had to save the babies from the burning sun and the radiation burned the planet. #4: That movie that’s
being filmed is about a cataclysmic event, about a meteor hitting the earth
#1: Also headache right before my period. #2: Normally I get headaches before my period but not this
cycle.
C3-C4 Tea Break
#3: Used to have a pig as well as a border collie. Let him out and he never came back when I called him.
Came back into the house sometime later, and he looks really funny. The pig had pushed the door open
of our root cellar and he jumped up and knocked the watermelons down that we had in storage, they
cracked in 2 and then they gorged themselves! The dog was just covered with watermelon juice! That’s
pretty smart. The dog couldn’t have done that without the pig. It was the two of them together,
teamwork.
#4: I was in Skookumchuck on this rail, and all of a sudden this pig appeared. It was like a guardian to a
portal, that was the feeling, weird feeling, strange, what is this pig doing here. Eventually it left but I
wasn’t going to go near it because I didn’t know, it was quite big and it wasn’t happy we were there, it
was a territorial thing. But I hear so many fond things about pigs. I had a friend in high school who had a
farm and he loved his pig. #3: They are smart. Also they do not like to be dirty; it’s the way we keep
them; in their own muck, feed them this slop. #4: Pig farms really smell! #3: But they don’t live like that!
#4: It’s horrible what’s done to animals, like pigs and chickens, the living conditions, it’s just wrong. #3:
Our pig, he was so smart, he was playing with the dogs. My brother had a camper, and he figured out
that if he ran around the camper, the dogs couldn’t get him. He had them racing around the camper, it
was amazing.
C4 Group Discussion Notes
#5: If you understand something it can be healing. Psychic told me my first child needed this time with
me alone, it healed a wound for me. I’d had miscarriages after my first child. This different perspective
made it OK and all of a sudden life made sense. A parent whose child is born with a terminal illness,
there is a way it has to be felt in a healing way.
#3: In the grieving of the child, the child is released as a spirit, as a guardian angel that is helping you and
with you like an aide. A friend of mine whose best friend died, and in him dying her life was saved and
she had a hard time grieving. She didn’t grieve and got stuck, she showed up after the ghost tree
proving. She kneeled down and told me her story. I gave her the remedy and it helped her.
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#3: So easy to dismiss something you’ve never experienced. Like my cousin saying just get a job. The
idea of channeling used to be so foreign to me, couldn’t understand it until it happened to me.
Channeled ghost tree, felt so sick while on the bus home, so exhausted and felt high.
#3: Looking at A – non-verbal expression, she’s very expressive. I have a dog that’s psychic. Neighbors in
our area so great, part of the community, never complain about the people who get drunk in the nearby
park. These people will talk to my dog and pet her and she sits on their lap.
#3: Feels heavier to me. Sonya: Feeling anxiety last week, hard to breathe. #2: Felt a mucusy chokey
feeling. #3: I had throat pain, odd, coming and going and worse left side and worse swallowing. #4: I was
driving and choked on my own saliva, weird, what just happened, spastic, very odd, I was really choking.
#3: kind of shocking. #2: A glitch in the program.
#4: My abdomen is cramping. Felt that earlier in the week too (Sonya also felt this cramping in
abdomen).
#2: The theory of “gravity is sound” is coming up, it’s not what we think it is - it’s sound! #4: Yes,
everything is sound. #2: It’s not an attractive force, it’s a wave force, a pushing towards force. #4: It’s a
sound we can’t hear. #2: Most of us I suppose. #4: As a frequency or wave. Everything is a wave. #2:
That’s information I received from a friend, who is trying to find people in science who are aligned and
prove it. #1: If it’s truth science won’t prove it because science is a masquerade and the goal for it is to
keep us all trapped here. If you see the lies you will be able to see the truth, we must identify the lies.
#2: Science says gravity is a pulling force. But if it’s sound it requires receptive space to move into, so it’s
both a wave and can morph between solid and matter and not-matter. #1: Now you are going to try to
prove it to people who don’t give a shit, don’t need to concern ourselves with that. It’s an essence and
it’s a fraction of a shift and it has to do with a field we’re trapped in. Is this a true source, there is a lot of
distorted information. Will this help to expose the lies? Exposure of the lies brings the truth.
Sonya Notes: C4
Mortar keeps falling over. Feeling energy shift.
What is truth? It’s all relative. Important to speak, get my truth across, my perspective.
Achy arms. Achy shoulders. Achy right hip. Achy back neck.
Achy right ankle.
Feeling like we’re in an in-between space. (A lot of silence and gaps in conversation this round).
C4: #2
Soooo sleepy! Had a little lay down with eyes closed on the floor for one round. That was me speaking
my truth, ha!
Lots of yawning
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I think this is the least I’ve ever written during a trituration. Ever!
WORLD – white lights (trails/lines) zooming all around. Is that us? Are we sending light waves out and
about by doing this? I suppose!
Maybe it doesn’t even matter so much what the actual remedy does, but is this process, this union in
the spirit of healing, making whole that is truly so important?
When I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror it’s not what I expect to see. Is that me? Who am I
anyway?
--Regarding Sound as Gravity Theory—
Will this help to expose the lies? Forget science “proving” it, that system is designed to break down light
into dark.
C4: #4
Stomach and abdomen cramps- deep under the skin a deep pimple on right side of nose near nostril –
generally just aches and very sore with every facial movement= came up suddenly during the day.
“Horton Hears A Who”- worlds within worlds
C4: #1
Speak Your Truth
Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be will be
Known sorrow vs shock sorrow
Sorrow change
Tears for what can’t be changed.
Tears for what will be lost.
Tears to let go, relinquish
Game is over but there is no end
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Only a finish that folds into a new beginning. Built on intricate lies is the foundation. The rock doesn’t
feel real. Created chambers to keep you lost, looking in the wrong direction. The pretty colour texture,
wanton spirit dresses to please the subtle intelligence of the psyche – Beware the cloth isn’t real. The
disguise is shaded. These layers of sediment put in place like a crystal cave luring you into the trap. Into
the trap.
Confusion. Seeing mirrors reflecting smoke in my mind.
Delusion upon delusion with no image, like a silohette (I seriously can’t spell right now)
C4: #3
-head feels fuzzy
-music
-loss of voice
-#1 singing about spider to her baby
-circles
-compression
-take a deep breath, sigh -fill my lungs -suffocation
-pressing down, pressing in
-itching R hand and scratching -<middle finger between middle and ring finger
-feeling tired, sleepy -yawning, lethargic
-headache; upper L above temple and behind L eye -dull
-moving my eyes make headache worse
-wearing the stone is healing -touching it, making it warm in your hands, touching it to the area that
hurts
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-tradition; what does it really mean, why is it so important, why do we cling to the old and why are we
so afraid of the new, the unknown?
-small spasm in L scapula; sharp, stinging pain; radiates down
-’gravity is not an attractive force it’s a wave’ -gravity is not what we think -gravity is sound (#2); maybe
this is the other language I was thinking about -sound is another language -but gravity? What could
gravity be communicating?
-gravity; in physics is the force that attracts a body towards the center of the earth, or toward any other
physical body with mass... or... extreme or alarming importance, something serious
-feel good -somebody says something and feel caught (#5) -caught by what they’ve said or caught by our
reaction to it?
-what is said by words, images etc. initiates a reaction or response according to personal relation to
what is being said or read
C4 Group Discussion
#5: Picture (above) very much like an eye. #2: Like an eyeball shattering through an illusion. #5: It’s a
circle but then you hit a wall. Somebody will say something and I get a little caught. Are we circling
around the issues? #4: The contrast between light and dark, life has that. Shadow illuminates things as
much as light does, you can’t get rid of it altogether, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. #4 picture (below)
and #5’s pictures are both circular. #4: Like a vortex, black hole that absorbs everything. #2: Sound is
gravity. Black holes bring in energy and transmute it, they can’t detect anything coming out because
54
they can’t detect that kind of changed energy, we don’t have the know-how to measure it. #4: Waiting
to be proved by science is slow and behind the time of what is existing but it’s the reality. #2: It’s a lie
#4: For example, this is the case with homeopathy. Science is used and manipulated to become the
authority, just like religion has authority. As a kid I read that people can’t comprehend infinity, it’s hard
to imagine infinity. Sound and vibration and gravity and those kinds of conversations, at a certain point I
feel like that, not sure that I will ever know that. I don’t want to buy, in the terminology you’re using, a
lie, but that’s kind of limited. Limitation’s not fun on that level. We live in a world that is limited.
#3: A word is a bunch of sounds that gives way to an idea. #4: And we are a bunch of things that pick up
those sounds and translate them into something. #3: Had a conversation about truth. Truth for
someone in darkest Peru is different than truth of someone who lives in downtown Tokyo or African
Sahara. Relative to who you are, and what you have experienced.
#1: The ultimate truth is going inward?
#3: It doesn’t mean anything, it’s an experience, can’t be pinned down. #4: And it will change constantly.
#3: Someone will want to name the constellation and some people look at the darkness and others at
the light. How can we define anything with accuracy?
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#4: You see this little baby coming into a body. So cool to be a grandparent. Granddaughter wanted to
run off to mermaid island, and her mom wanted to shatter the illusions that mermaids aren’t real. The
more I know the less answers I have.
#3: The film “Babies,” babies from all these different cultures. These little sponges taking in all this stuff.
This naked baby up on this little stump trying to get down and all these cattle coming towards him, tries
to get down, sees them then gets back in. Another San Francisco baby whose room is full of toys and in a
high rise and she is kicking and fussing and having a temper tantrum. Then mom in Africa, baby has a
poo and she wipes it off and puts it on the fire. Scene on a plane, baby wrapped in a bundle, a giant
rooster comes in. My mom was watching the movie with me beside her, she was so freaked out and
overprotective. Great movie. Just watching the babies reacting to their environment.
#4: Hard to grasp the bigness of truth. Burning through things to get to I don’t know what. The Phoenix
burns in the fire then rises up. A lot of plants need to be burnt before they open up and go to seed. The
heat pops open the seed pods. #3: The same with lava, the lushness, think of Hawaii (Sonya was just on
the Big Island of Hawaii). It’s so destructive yet so creative at the same time. Why do we cling to old
traditions? Why such a huge thing when an old tradition is threatened? I saw something about same sex
marriage - what is it about the new that is so scary? It comes up more as I get older. I felt resistance to
those terms nephew was using, such a weird word, would sound ridiculous if I used that word. Am I
afraid of the new? Yeah! Standing on the street corner, the girl was making this hand gesture, she was
swiping, like swiping a screen, she was trying to change the image of the bus, as if she had a cell phone.
The other day, a trailer for Captain America movie and it was so rapid and I wanted to close my eyes.
Those old movies are so slow. #2: That is such overstimulation and it impacts your heart and adrenal and
you can be so tired after you’ve watched that sort of TV or movie, you are on edge.
#4: Do we all agree what’s real? #3: As a kid imagination is encouraged. But don’t believe in Santa, that’s
bad. Kids are told not to lie; they’re not lying, they’re just making it up! Their truth is different than
yours. It’s been a theme for the last while. Is it just because you can’t perceive it? I had a teacher that
sat at a restaurant and watched the spirits come in and have a conversation about them. That’s her
reality! I get it, I feel it but I don’t see it physically. Is she nuts? Some might say so. I know she’s not.
Animals see things that we don’t see. What tuning fork are we listening to, what frequency? Oh I don’t
hear that one. It’s a vibrational thing. Everything is a wave or a particle. Science is so slow.
#3: Someone in DTES, something is so real for that person and they see what they see and react the way
they react. Should I categorize it as delusions? If you haven’t perceived it… My dogs smell things. How
on earth did you find that tiny piece in that giant field? One of these dog shows, they took a
decomposing body and sank it into a lake and the dog is trained to bark when it senses something and it
barked in this huge lake. They are looking at the sonar and he was 10 feet off. That, to me, seems alien. I
remember seeing a praying mantis on a sunflower. I brought it a grape. It took a bite of the grape and it
would clean its body and looked at me. And if I moved its head would move. They look like aliens. Alien
heads.
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End of Day 1 of Angelite Trituration. Break for the Evening.
May 2, 2015 Late night. (facebook message from #1 to Sonya that night)
#1: Pretty analytical group...I am finding it hard to sit through this proving...excruciating. Like being
suffocated without a heart. Not meshing for me. Parts ok, parts not.
Sonya: If you need to say something please do
#1: No I don't feel safe. I am picking up some harshness. Yes I'll get it out in some form.
Sonya: Harshness in what way? From who?
#1: I feel like a righteous indignation or something. No I'd rather not say
#1: I just thought I'd say it cause it is weird sensation for me. Not my norm. But I am less tolerant than I
used to be! Lol
Sonya: Yeah it's a proving symptom
#1: I might keep it. Try on intolerance for a while! Lol. That whole discussion around perception was
misconstrued and went really funny. People saying the same thing but thinking others weren't. Totally
weird. Yes. Well I will try to sleep. This proving makes me feel grumpy tonight. Lol
May 3, 2015
Between C4 and C5 (#2 Notes)
Song Sequence –
Dance into the Fire – View to a Kill
Sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree
Don’t stop – thinkin about tomorrow, yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone
Freedom. All we have to do now is take these eyes and make them see somehow. I don’t belong to you
and you don’t belong to me.
I knew you were waiting…
Out of the darkness…I kept my faith. I still believed.
Overnight:
Really weird evening – went to dinner as previously planned – turns out it was a steak BBQ centred
around “the Big Fight” on pay per view in Las Vegas. These professional fighters each got $400 million to
fight.
May 3, 2015 (Sonya Thoughts: Before Group Discussion)
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The unspeakable - something that we collectively don’t want to look at because it’s too terrible and
terrifying. Torture, slavery, inequality. The “dark” stuff - and it’s very dark.
What the hell has happened to us as a species? It’s all ass-backwards.
Things are so wrong in this world that “good” is labelled bad (homeopaths are “dangerous”) and bad is
labelled good (oil fracking creates jobs).
The truth is that we are collectively living a lie. Our society cannot and will not survive if it continues to
live this way.
There is something very, very wrong here!
There’s an elephant in the room. We can’t sweep it under the rug and I am not pussy footing around
anymore!
I choose life!
Could and are these systems keeping it in place break down? Good riddance.
The systems that are perpetuating the abuse of humans and the planet are breaking down.
Before C5: #4
The pimple on my face hurts still but is coming to a head.
Awaken with the words of the song “Let It Be” by the Beatles running through my head.
"Let It Be"
Usage of azlyrics.com content by any third-party lyrics provider is prohibited by our licensing agreement.
Sorry about that. When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
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There will be an answer, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be
Ah, let it be, yeah, let it be
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music,
Mother Mary comes to me
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Oh, there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Group Discussion before C5
#3: Wickedly bad headache that got worse and worse, the worst I’ve ever had in my life. Felt ill by the
time I got home. Then took dogs out for a walk and it was just gone. I was very happy that it left. It just
came and it went. The pain was so intense that I couldn’t think. I was exhausted!
#1: Dream that I bought an old fashioned car, couldn’t tell what it looked like. What if I don’t like the
colour? Then another dream with children and inappropriate sexualness. The remedy makes me very
grumpy. My feeling is that people needing this remedy won’t want to talk about their symptoms or
dreams. I don’t want to talk about those sexual dreams, that’s not good and right and not OK, that can’t
be in my dreams, I am very defensive and grumpy about the dream.
#5: I got extremely irritated through the day yesterday. I woke up at 5am. What is this all about? What
irritated me was I thought I heard people saying things that were very judgemental to a large group of
people and that really got to me. Like “anybody who thinks this is bad” or “anyone who is rich is bad”
and “anyone who is a scientist is bad” and it really irritated me. So I looked back and I found some places
in my life where I was extremely judgemental. This experience was so profound, and I knew it was truth
and took the dogma around the truth and thought this was truth too. In accepting the dogma, I then
assumed a huge swath of people were outside of the truth. I accused people dear to me - I felt that
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because they didn’t accept the same thing I accepted - there was a huge rift, with my parents. We talked
about communication as being part of this remedy. There is so much pain in being judged superficially.
And then there’s anger too when that happens. I don’t feel the anger anymore but I want to find a way
through this. The bottom line is always love and that’s what I want to find.
Sonya: Felt some issues come up for me when you shared that. Recently, getting my own voice heard,
with my parents. Having my truth heard. My reality was voiced and heard. I felt a lot was resolved, just
having my perspective acknowledged. Another parallel, recently, U believing one thing and his friends
believing another thing and it causing a rift in the relationship.
#5: Something about judgement. Getting past being judged and being judgemental
Sonya: We need to look at the good of the collective. We are taking this very personally. Taking things as
a personal attack. We need to get beyond the “I feel hurt, etc., the defensiveness – I feel judged right
now. What is the higher good? That wall. We’re not really looking at that.
#2: I had a dinner that was arranged a long time ago and went last night. It was a steak BBQ. My 11 year
old niece declared 4 days ago that she’s a vegetarian. It was arranged around a fight in Las Vegas. A
boxing match. A big fight that people had been waiting 6 years for. I am really upset by it! These two
men are paid to hurt each other and getting 100 million dollars each (crying). I can’t believe this is
happening and can’t believe my relatives are paying to watch this! I was really upset by it. All night I was
trying not to cry. This is how people are, I am trying not to judge.
#1: What if you did cry and they heard your voice? You are trying so hard not to judge them. What
would happen if you cried in front of them? We don’t let ourselves be who we are because we’re scared
of judgement and of judging.
#2: I don’t want to be taken out and overwhelmed by the emotion I’m feeling...control not the right
word, but I want to be stable. Tried to talk myself down from it. Slept really well. Woke up with
foreboding feeling of coming. I don’t think I’ve been afraid doing a proving like this but I am worried. I
am worried about checking out if it becomes too much or if something is stirred up I can be
overwhelmed and overshadowed by it. But I’m also very excited about what this remedy will bring. I
started the car and words to a song “Dance into the fire” Then the next song I heard Eurythmics “Sweet
dreams are made of this and who am I do disagree” The next song “Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow
yesterday’s gone.” Next song was “Freedom” “All we have to do is take these eyes and make them see
somehow.” then “I knew you were waiting - out of the darkness I kept my faith, I still believed.” Felt
good.
C5: Group Notes
#3: I had an experience at the bus this morning. Working in the DTES, I feel extremely protective of
those people now, and I feel people looking at them and judging them and I get really irritated by it. This
morning ended up waiting at the bus stop for a long time at Main and Hastings. There were people
partaking, shall we say, and two very well dressed men standing and watching. There was also a well60
dressed lady there, she may have been on her way to church, and she seemed angry. But these other
men were just kind of looking. A man who is using makes a pitch for some money. He’s telling him this
story and the story was really out there. I keep thinking, “What’s he gonna do?” I felt like I was just
looking for the judgement so I could pounce. But he didn’t, he just listened to him and talked to him and
the other guy was in the background. Then he reached into his pocket and gave him some money. And I
rarely see that. It didn’t make me feel better but it was very rare. He was heard.
#5: Where is the resolution here?
#3: He is being honest. It’s true, he does need this. It’s not like he was lying. I’ve heard people say I can’t
give him a quarter because he will just buy booze and drugs. We go buy booze and drugs, people who
have the money, and nobody blinks and eye, it’s respectable. That’s the thing about judgement, and
about religion too. In elementary school we studied digestion and all my friends went to church day
camp and I went and then that led to Sunday school. I told the Sunday school teacher that the story of
Jonah and the whale didn’t make sense because he would have been digested, and they took me aside
and reprimanded me like I’d done something wrong; then I was so confused by that; I thought,
somebody is lying to me here. The elementary school teacher taught me the digestive stuff and Sunday
school teacher says that Jonah lived inside this whale. They are teaching it like this happened, this is not
a metaphor, this is real. Then I never went back. Felt like something was broken - some kind of trust. It’s
about having your voice heard and not being shut down by someone else’s idea. I was punished, and
made to feel less than. At least they didn’t do it in front of the whole class. #2: They just removed you,
and nobody ever saw you again. #4: Now that’s never happened in the history of mankind!
Sonya: It’s about the authorities and how they shut down our voices.
#4: When you see pain, it’s so big, how can I do anything with it? I work with children who have had
violence and sexual abuse in their life and it’s a challenge for me to deal with it. In the last week an
unpleasant situation came up, dealing with a sociopath, somebody who feels no emotion or empathy. I
don’t want to be a part of this
#5: Despair. How do you reconcile a situation like this?
#4: It is their life. I do believe that somewhere in there, there is a redeeming quality. We’re not just who
we are here. It’s an expression of part of humanity. How can it be resolved if it’s not included? Feel
angry and despair. Scared to go in there tomorrow.
#3: Reminds me of albino redwood proving, what is the purpose of this thing? Somebody at the proving
said it has no function, so why is it even there? It has no chlorophyll, it’s just this phenomenon. When
you look at these atrocities that happen, how do you cope with that? How do you bear witness to that
without turning away? When you turn away it’s like it doesn’t exist; that’s a lovely place to be, it’s very
safe and you don’t have to feel anything; but when you face it, it’s very real. Then we have to face part
of ourselves because we are all human. Saw a film last week called “Woman in Gold” about wealthy
German woman, her family was wealthy in Austria; and during the war, because her family was Jewish,
the Nazis went in and they took everything. She escaped, but she had to leave her parents behind, and
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they took everything. And her uncle commissioned a portrait of her aunt, and it became a prized
possession of this Austrian gallery. And when she tried to claim it, because it was in her family, her
family owns this painting, it’s mine, give it back, the lengths they went to, to deny that they had taken it!
Fascinating film. Also in the film bits about Germany and the Holocaust. You can’t imagine people doing
that to each other. Under duress and when your life is threatened, we don’t know what we would do. If
somebody was threatening your family, line your family up and kill them all, things would change inside.
It’s not necessarily something that people are choosing. Before studying homeopathy, I thought bad
behaviour was just choice. I thought somebody was choosing to behave badly. This helped me with my
judgement. It’s not like the person is choosing to be like this, they are like this because they’re sick.
Wow, that makes more sense.
#3: We don’t want to be in the moment. We want to be in our story, our reaction to this or that. Instead
of just being in the moment and feeling what we feel, and that being OK, not trying to fix or change it.
That’s the only way I can work at Onsite. Otherwise if I don’t do that I feel haunted, thinking about
certain people and certain stories. How to be there without taking that on. Read this book by this Sioux
Holy Man, “Fool’s Crow,” where he says you have to be like a hollow bone, take it in and let it pass right
through, let it out, don’t hold onto it. With him he’d take the sick person and create this environment
under blankets, they would both be under blankets and then he would take the sickness into himself.
He’d often be really ill. He’d come out, they’d be better, and he’d be ill, but then he knew how to then
let it go with different rituals. Book called “Fool’s Crow: Wisdom and Power”
#2: It sounds like a black hole. Takes in discordant energy, transmute it and place it back out in a healed
and harmonic way.
#4: Like kitty’s bones - infected bone. Birds can fly because they have hollow bones.
#4: Judgement’s an easy way out. It’s easier to contain a feeling than have to be impacted or absorbed.
How is it that people hurt each other? How do they like that when it makes me feel very upset?
#3: You are you and they are them. You are not watching that and enjoying that and that’s great. The
idea of duality; there is no separation but there is separation.
#5: Feeling of “them” and “me.”
#3: That came up yesterday too feeling of “they,” “they.” There is no they!
#4: Very dark dark place
#2: If people around you are seeing something a different way, if I speak my truth I will be judged or
removed from them?
#4: Excommunication, like from the church. You are shunned and banned
#3: Did that serve the church to do that to me? They don’t have me anymore. By treating me like that,
and not listening to what I said, and not talking to me about it, they lost me.
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#5: Don’t let anybody think differently, it’s too dangerous.
#3: I loved the music and the community and loved getting dressed up. My mom rejected religion but I
found it interesting. Didn’t understand the reverence around it but it seemed interesting. Didn’t
understand the doctrine; it just seemed like a bunch of stories.
#4: They encourage you to explore some feelings but not others.
#4: When people are really manic they go from one to the other. The whole being is trying to resolve
those two extremes and address it in some way.
#3: Story of Lord Krishna’s parents, protected him from seeing anything negative, any illness etc. I think
the darkness is to teach us compassion. If he can’t see it he can’t have the opportunity to feel it; he
wasn’t balanced, he wasn’t whole, he felt something was missing. Why is it that the darkness is always
bad? It’s connected to fear and violence and anger and all those negative things, but it’s also a part of
life. The darkness, the taboo vs. the fairy tale. And then they all live happily ever after in the kingdom
and they love each other. We hear about that in childhood but we learn very quickly that’s not real - we
tell children there’s no Santa or mermaids.
#3: We project this onto children. My brother brought his baby to visit and I had baby pheasants that
hatched out of the incubator and she was fascinated. She watched it hatch out of the egg, her eyes were
like saucers. It looks wet and ugly then it fluffs up and running around, then it fell into the water dish
and drowned, it happens. I didn’t want her to see that but she wanted to see it. My brother said let her
see it. She doesn’t know what it means, she’s just observing it as a phenomenon. But I really didn’t want
her to see it. She saw it - just looked at it but didn’t react to it, didn’t cry or anything. She was maybe 6
months old.
#4: Around this timeframe granddaughter came over with mom and dad - was talking about my cat who
used to be a ferocious hunter who used to bring in a lot of animals. Used to hunt these birds. That
morning she went out and had a bird in her mouth. I had her drop it outside. Looked at the bird with
granddaughter, got the gloves on, held it up and there was blood on the bird. She said there’s blood on
my gloves, I want to show mommy and daddy and she was so excited. She was completely enthralled.
There’s that death thing. She had no judgement of it. She’d gotten into a car accident with parents, very
slight, and went to school and was excited about it, that it was cool! Judgements seep in so quickly
#3: There’s always something in yourself in it. Something I reject about myself
#4: That’s the gateway to it, when you can see it in yourself
#3: My nephew was behaving so badly and it was so painful. Phoned friend who is a counsellor, felt
desperate, didn’t know what to do. I don’t know how to talk with him or to cope with it. My friend said
tell him you don’t like the behaviour but tell him you love him. He was coming home drunk and waking
everyone up, and making sure we knew what he was doing. Told him it makes me feel bad when you do
this, but I really love you, but I need you to know that I don’t like this behaviour. He said you want to
kick me out and get rid of me, you don’t want me in your life. He really wanted me to reject him, like a
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test. Because he’d been kicked out of his home by his mother. So he really wanted that to play out
again. I just kept repeating no that is not what I want, just want you to change this behaviour. Then one
day he got beat up and realized he wasn’t a bad boy and didn’t like this. Also it helped for him to get into
martial arts, he loved that, and it was so good for him, just the discipline. It gave him self-respect. For
the young boys that don’t have a father figure
#4: With my son, one summer we were building a house and he dug ditches then joined kickboxing. It
was great, very grounding. The guy was a good teacher
#3: What #2 was saying about the boxing, that came up for me, when nephew got into martial arts and
it is so violent and I was repulsed by it. I had a really hard time with it. I’ve never been able to go watch
him compete because of the kicking and punching, asked him what about it appeals to him. It was the
martial arts part of it, the discipline and self-control, the skill. There was something about it I didn’t
understand, the male thing. To physically express aggression helped him calm his mind down, and it’s in
a safe environment. Better than going out and kicking someone’s head in. Very controlled and the
people that are there are there willingly, in that together, like an unspoken deal, very animal.
#2: Martial arts is about redirecting energy, redirecting the flow of it. Not about violence, it’s about
redirecting the flow. Discipline and structure.
Sonya: How do we redirect the energy that has impacted us?
#2: I felt like we might as well be gladiators
#3: Very primal. Women don’t understand it. I have a transgender female to male friend who started
taking testosterone. Used to be very classically feminine, emotional and giggly. After testosterone she
wanted to hit things and speed around and aggressive and disconnected from emotions, flatness. She
became a totally different person. Strange.
#4: I know a woman who was taking testosterone and she was appalled at herself, was noticing
women’s boobs and said no this is horrible. The struggle. Yet inability to control the hormones.
#3: Thinking bad behaviour was a choice then seeing that happen and watching this man emerge that is
so different from the woman that I’d known. It was really hard.
#5: Transgender really is walking in someone else’s shoes, you are not living in the right body.
#3: My friend was always a masculine woman. She hated the feminine part of herself. She showed me a
picture of herself as a little girl in a puffy little dress and the look of misery was so deep. She says this is
what it’s been like for me all my life.
#4: We make that such a big split, the male/female split. My son, when he was little used to love pink.
Then at a certain age said boys don’t actually like pink. We shut down the variety out of fear.
#3: Also you have to change the pronoun. Imagine a good friend of yours saying all of a sudden, start
calling me he. So difficult. Devastating to him when I made a mistake. I was confused a lot. I said you’ve
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got to give me some time with this. We lost the friendship, he needed a new set of people who didn’t
know the she in order to move forward.
#4: My friend’s daughter is undergoing the process now.
#5: We have to be able to laugh at ourselves, even when it’s been heavy
Sonya: Very weird weather lately. Either very dark, or very light, or both at once.
#3: Spring aggravation? Coming from the darkness of the winter into the light. So many people go
through a hard time in the winter.
#4 had a cystic eruption, under skin pimple on face. #2: My skin has broken out too. #4: It’s like it’s so
deep and large.
#5: For me what came up this morning is that things had touched a nerve.
#4: And facing things too. Things about humanity that we’d prefer not to.
#5: Like this fellow who is a sociopath. We (humanity) are this too. And how to reconcile it.
#4: A lot of my symptoms have been quite right sided. But that’s probably my own susceptibility.
C5: Tea Break
#2: These men (the fighters) were paid a hundred million dollars! #3: These men end up with massive
head injuries and horrific health problems. #2: And they replay it in slow motion! I couldn’t watch it. #3:
It’s like a morbid fascination. #2: I was hiding under the blanket. I don’t understand, I don’t understand!
#3: If I’m in that room with that, there’s a part of me that is drawn to it. But then I can’t look at it.
Fascination with the morbid and the darkness. TV shows, detective shows with a lot of gore. There’s
morbidity about entertainment.
C5: #2 Notes
Are we doing the best we can? Do we think “I’m making the best choice” no matter what, even if we are
ill and may not appear to be a supportive choice.
Hollow Bone idea – to take in the “illness” and transform the energy (heal) – sort of like the same idea as
a black hole – taking in discordant energy and transmuting it as harmonic.
About the upset at witnessing the “fight” – why couldn’t/didn’t I express my sadness and my Truth at
seeing the violence…what could have come out of that, if I expressed? Could that have opened healing
for others, too?
Hmmmmmm….
C5: #4 Notes
Sore on face is getting better – releasing the infection easily.
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Woke up with “Mother Mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom Let it Be” Beatles song In my head
Androgeny
Sociopath
Compassion
C5: Aysha
Communication through different forms, whether it be music, writing, animal noises, or anything else.
C5: J
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C5: #1
C5: #3
-(#5) dogma, judgment of people outside of your truth -pain in being judged
superficially -anger, irritability
-(H) talking about martial arts... ‘take in discordant energy, change it and let it go’
-darkness, fear, taboo vs fairy tales
-Lord Krishna’s story of being protected from anything ‘unpleasant’ in life ie. illness, death, poverty
-Androgyny
-Turquoise
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-darkness into light -spring agg or amel
-fire; cleans and destroys
-the fire inside; inspiration and passion
-the fire down below; sexuality
-fire; ire = wrath, becoming heated, rage
-burning through, out, down -could be burning sensation -I had a lot of burning sensation in the form of
head pain during the last month
-moving from the head into the heart
-volcanos; eruption -skin
-large, so deep, coming out, extends beyond (#4)
-things touched a nerve in my face (#5)
-facing things
-rewards for living with/in your head; having smarts -considered Masculine
-dangerous to live through your heart -we never say my thoughts are hurt
-feelings can be elusive, changeable, organic
-thoughts can be factual, linear, fixed
-I can change my mind but can I change my feelings as easily? -both can be difficult
C5 Group Discussion
#4: The circle is the centre, and it’s shifting around (picture below).
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#5: I don’t feel sleepy but yesterday I had to go to sleep and become unconscious about things. #3:
heaviness, sleepiness
#4: Speaking one’s truth can be beautiful, and raw. It’s whole. Beautiful, layered. But it’s not
comfortable, it’s hidden away.
#3: Weird fascination. Darkness. The goth thing. Art scene in Vancouver, the art used to be very dark
and ugly like looking at someone’s dark painful wound. Everybody was wearing black and it was very
tight. Hung around them for years and I was never allowed into that community. And now live in the
same neighborhood as those people from that time, and they are adults and are still very closed and
guarded. Their art has totally changed, it’s totally different, not so dark.
#3: A lot about fire and volcanos came up for me. When I was grinding thought about a cone and fire.
Volcanos and eruptions, skin eruptions, and things coming from inside out trying to break through. The
fire inside and the fire down below. Ire, wrath, rage, heat; burning through, out and down.
#3: Living in our heads, having smarts, linear thinking. Dangerous to live through heart - broken heart,
feelings are hurt. We never say our thoughts are hurt. Feelings are changeable and organic, and
thoughts are very factual and linear and fixed. Can you change your mind and can you change your
feelings? It’s not the same thing.
#2: Last night throat sore driving home.
C6 Group Notes
#5: (Has to exchange pestles) You have something of mine and I have something of yours.
#4: We all must! #5: It’s where you least expect it. #4: My mom told me years ago she looked into my
eyes and worried how I was going to survive this world, would I go insane? I had beauty and
vulnerability. How does this work to live in this world?
#1: N’s having a challenge with school, his teacher is inside the box and he doesn’t want to be in the box.
He keeps trying to get her out of the box. You have to go on your merry way and you can’t save people,
you have to live your life. That vulnerability.
#4: Reminds me of a Presentchild case, how to fit in, etc.
#2: Grandma used to say “Isn’t that something,” and it was used for everything, either for something
terrible or amazing. That is so inclusive, it doesn’t define what it is, you can think what you want of it.
It’s a good phrase. You be with what you want to be with.
#5: Friend of mine used to say, “Ain’t life grand” about whatever.
#4: We tend to want to make answers to make it satisfying and it’s a made up answer that we’re living
with. It’s a tendency we have to comfort
#2: Needing to label things, then I know what it is.
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#4: We need to learn those things, have those basics then move on.
(Long period of mostly silence)
Sonya: #3 starts scraping before scraping time! She’s outside the box!
#4: I remember when we moved from Toronto to the Sunshine coast it was quite different for my son.
Someone came to talk, said that everything is energy and he said yeah and started laughing and looked
around and nobody else was laughing.
Sonya: We are often outside calling the cats late at night. Usman sticks his head out the window and
yells “Lady.” And one day there was a woman walking out on the street while he was calling.
(talking about a lady who did not mince words)
#3: I was at my dad’s house. These guys out there laughing and talking at all hours. Seems like a party is
happening all the time, till 2am. My dad’s window is on the side where they are talking, and he lies in
bed and seethes. I got up, listened for awhile, felt myself get all riled up, got up and went outside and
went to the back of the hedge and yelled “Shut Up!” The next day the neighbor asked was that you last
night? I think the whole neighborhood breathed a collective sigh, nobody had ever said a word to them.
#1: Did they listen? #3. Yes, they went right into the house. But it was like they were completely
oblivious. It’s 2am and everyone else is sleeping! The tolerance and the putting up with it and then the
explosion.
#3: My parents were helped by marijuana tincture. It worked really well for mother’s anxiety and dad’s
insomnia, incredible. So I planted some marijuana plants in mom’s garden. Neighbor was watching it
through her binoculars, I explained I am growing it for my parents. Neighbor said we have one too for
son’s OCD and it really helped him. I would have never known. She’d always been so hidden about hers.
C6: #5 Notes
You have something of mine and I have something of yours. When I bare myself, without defense,
laying down sword and shield, your view of me loses its sharpness. Should you be tempted to pierce, it’s
my own pleasure to submit, to down myself for your expression, in the hope it will shake something
loose. Is my wound forever? Will it become petrified and slowly turn the rest of me to
stone? Maybe. Maybe it’s not for me to “know” how the story ends. Maybe that pleasure of
submission, that laying bare, is the ultimate trust; wounds of generations, hardened into stone,
compressed into what looks like eternity – will 1 day crumble, chip off, shatter, explode as other forces
do their work and create their effects.
Let me go deep, let me bed down. I will wake with the shadow of an opening, the tiny hairline crack, the
silent slightest shift.
Sleep sweetly, trouble not. There are hurts that need the deeps, that honor a time and place nothing
else can reach.
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Our hardest places, tucked in beside the softest, the tender underbelly that also holds that rock-hard
root.
C6: #3
-(L) the trachea is the connector between the head and the torso -this seems significant to me in
relation to all the beheading stuff -someone pointed out that it seemed like the top of the Angelite was
cut off/sliced
-exchange
-in charge
-angel; you’re an angel -means you’ve done something for me
-guardian angel -means you are protected by some other energy
-volcano = Mordor in the Lord of The Rings
-mortar; a gun used to fire bombs
-morbid, mortal, murder; concerning death -thoughts of death -morbid thoughts
-blood and gore -war, violence, death -fear and destruction
-destruction moving into growth, change, regeneration
-the next generation -out with the old, in with the new
-end stage and infancy
-nursing, caring for others
-mortality -witnessing death, struggle, pain and the fear it brings up
-violence; someone is getting hurt, someone could be killed
-death; what does it mean -is death destruction or is it continuation and rebirth?
-spring comes after winter; winter is cold, everything looks dead, dry, lifeless, colorless, dark and gloomy
-spring is green, growing, flowing, colorful, bright and light
-life or death = acute
-life and death
-creation and destruction = Earth
-changes in the earth = changes in humanity ie. we frack the earth, we frack ourselves
-fracture; earthquake
-no such thing as lifeless -delusions death
-black, dark, red, blood
-vibrant colors; bright light
-slow, delayed, detoured vs quick and easy or fast and powerful
-grind; the daily grind -make a living working 9-5 -work week
-grind; wear down, worn out -used up, washed out, lifeless
-laughing at yourself
-no one else is laughing = judgment
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C6: #4 Notes
Womb seeds eggs blood
A wound also has blood.
C6: Sonya
All you need to do is acknowledge the wound, to look at it, however gory it is, with no judgement or
fear. Acknowledge the hurt, the emotion. But we don’t want to look at these things because we think
they are “ugly” and “bad” (thinking of cat’s wound, Usman would not examine it and was afraid of it)
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C6: #1
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Dear Tears, I shed you for the planet, I shed you for the light workers who have toiled for so long.
Throwing themselves into the deepest darkness to bring illumination.
I shed the tears for all of it cause I can’t hold them anymore. The words I want to say will not be heard.
The words I want to say have not found their home.
It just is. I hear
No words
Lost words
It’s OK
C6: #2
Grandma used to say: “Isn’t that something” and what a lovely and inclusive, neutral way of expressing.
It gives the listener the opportunity to colour the story with whatever crayons they choose.
Eggs. Wholeness. Round but not a sphere.
C6 Group Discussion
All: We’ve all been eating a lot of eggs lately.
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#3: Feeling chilly all of a sudden. Temperature change. Sonya: Sunny but the air is cold. #3: That seems
to be a theme too – chilly/heat, chilly/heat. I’ve been having these hot flashes, and then chills where I’m
actually shivering. Chills after hot flashes can be common, but not shivering.
#3: Easier to be a democracy when there’s a small amount of people. #1: And a lot of it is driven by them
having to sustain themselves. Monetary collapse drove the environmental movement in those
Scandinavian countries. #3: Also in Japan it’s being driven by economic and environmental collapse. But
Government tells people it’s fine to eat and drink despite the pollution. But what else can they say –
don’t eat or drink anything?
(we decide to do one more round, and break for lunch)
Lunch Break
#3: I have this turquoise ring that I normally never wear, for some reason this morning opened this box
and there it was, put it on. Then took it back off and took dogs for a walk, then thought I would wear it,
put it on then took it off, did some things, put it on again and took it off. OK, it wants to come with me! I
put it on.
(#4 and #3 talking about Presentchild modality) #3: Without parenting there’s no grounding, there’s
nothing. There’s no real strong identity. When I repertorize those types of cases what comes up is
opium, morphine, all the drug remedies.
#3 to #4: Often we don’t ask for what we want. We can’t just say, “I want this.” I’ve been thinking about
that. Now I’ve been saying that to my clients at Onsite, “What do you want? What do you need” And it’s
easier for them because they understand that, they kind of come from that level, immediate
gratification, so they know what they want.
I moved here to Vancouver after a house fire. I lost everything I owned and thought this is the time to
move. Nothing to pack. I just felt so lost. Came here when I was 13 and moved here with nothing, and
moved right into the downtown eastside, got a studio space. Realized I’m surrounded by junkies and
alcoholics and at that time people were using Lysol, horrible. But it really made me see that community.
I grew up in Edmonton, and we would drive through this tiny part of Edmonton and he would lock the
doors, and I was always like, “What’s gonna happen?” Very different when I moved here. People used to
say to me, “That’s a dangerous part of town.” But where the danger used to lie is people coming from
the burbs on the weekend hitting the strip joints, that’s when the fighting happened. #4: You were there
before it became gentrified. #3: Yes now the houses there are worth millions. #3: Met this man
downtown, such a kind man, he said to me, “You live in the bowels of Vancouver. It’s such a challenge.”
And he used to bring cookies. We were sitting on the sidewalk outside the building I lived in having a
conversation. He was such a nice man. This guy in a punk rock band came out of the building, he sees my
friend and says “What the fuck are you doing here?” He says, “I brought cookies.” And he lifts up this
box to give him the cookies and he kicked the box and all the cookies go all over. I look at my friend and
we both start to laugh! You know how you were saying, the power to laugh in that situation. We’re
laughing and we look at the guy and he just kind of huffs off. Afterwards I thought that was a really
mean thing to do. And I said to my friend, “Why did you laugh?” And he said, “What else was I gonna
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do?” I thought that’s the deflecting. I’m just gonna move the energy into somewhere else. It was very
ugly, and it could have escalated very quickly. He definitely changed it. #5: The two of you together did
it. #3: I didn’t realize what the place was until I moved in, it was party central, full of bands. I didn’t have
any prejudice at that time. I met the people, and then realized these people are using. When you meet
them without the stereotype you’re actually meeting them, which is what happens for me at Onsite.
Amazing to work there. People are always saying, “You should be paid,” because it’s a volunteer thing.
But it’s a different kind of currency. There’s some exchange that happens that is valuable.
Remember when we were talking about money? I was working as an artist and could not afford to buy
my own work. But I traded a lot, and I have an amazing art collection. We never went, “Mine is worth
this much and yours is worth this much,” we were like, “I like yours and you like mine, let’s trade.” I
loved that.
C7 Group Notes
#3: The sound A makes reminds me of a dove that sits outside my window, it makes these little cooing
sounds. #4: I think there’s a relationship with birds to this remedy. #3: Went for a walk with dog late at
night and she’s in this bush. She’s holding a speckled egg in her mouth. Speckled and thin and tiny. She
gave it to me and I was holding it and the wind knocked it out of my hand and it crumbled, very fragile.
#1: That egg theme!
#3: Feeling a little light headed
#2: Pass me the mortar! #5: A mortar board is that hat that is being thrown up in the air after you
graduate. Flat with a tassel. (lots of talk about “mortar” and its meanings and where it originated)
#2: A friend of mine was learning French and got more advanced. They use “one” as a pronoun “one
walks their dog a lot”. I am struck by how inclusive and not separated, “one does that” and “we are
one.” But we don’t do that in English.
#3: I have a friend, she does these gender performances, and she likes to be referred to as “they.”
Prefers “they” to he or she. Interesting, because “they” are the ones who always get blamed. It’s their
fault. Those pronouns are tricky and designed to separate
#4: Language is so interesting, the way you learn a language is how you learn to think.
#2: I was watching some kind of talk, discussion of language and it was talking about failure. In Inuit
language there is not a word for failure. Instead they say “the arrow didn’t go where I intended it”
#5: How many wounds are from feeling like you failed or told you are a failure?
#3: Self-hatred is a huge theme in our world. Especially with women’s physical bodies, so bad. #4: That’s
a judgment. What’s good and bad. #5: Those judgements are very deep.
#3: They did this study on Harvard graduates. They wrote a test and everyone passed, then a few
months later wrote the same test and 30% of them failed it badly. Difference between real learning and
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just cramming. Cramming is so traumatic and stressful for the students. The idea of the study was to
help them redesign courses, and how they were evaluating them so that it was less stressful for the
students. I have a friend taking a psych nursing program and he said that the last exam is worth 60%. He
was doing really well all semester then all of a sudden so freaked out about it. Sonya: Grade 12 exams
are like that.
#3: My dog loves being under a blanket. My friend took her pet to an animal psychic, the cat was
spraying, psychic told her that her cat wanted to know where her blue beads were. As a kitten she had
blue beads on her string they used to play with together. And she wanted to be called queenie when
they were in the bedroom together.
#1: Dr. Who episode where he was a baby whisperer and wanted to be called Stormageddon, father got
over his fears and went back to his normal name.
#2: Realtors purposely place their signs ambiguously so you can’t tell exactly what place it is. Then
nobody knows which house, and may want the house next door and realtor can say to neighbor I’ve got
a possible sale for you. This is a common thing.
Sonya: Keep having to drink and pee! #4: Very thirsty. #3: Definitely been peeing more. Aysha: I’ve been
drinking more. Drank a whole container of lemonade. #3: I drink a lot at night and normally not. #4: Me
too! #3: I’ve been getting up to drink.
#3: My friend was told by therapist that she’s an introvert and she embraced it and announced it to
everyone. So interesting that she would embrace that. She was always told by her mother not to waste
her time daydreaming or not even thinking about anything.
#5: Counsellor Mark Gungor, youtube talk about men’s and women’s brain. Men can do nothing and sit
and do nothing and be happy but women have all these connected wires.
#3: Research psychologist friend that teaches at U of A, goes to these huge conferences and these
presenters get up and give the latest research, start off with the history and talk about what they
thought then realized they were wrong. Basically they come up with some theory to explain something
then they realize it was short sighted. It’s been going on for years and years! It makes her think about
what she puts down on paper when she makes a theory. She studies how children learn to navigate
through the internet. She’s an adult with these ideas about how children’s minds work, and it’s really
challenging.
Sonya: Neck tightness.
#1: How many men would choose that level of aggression if given a choice (e.g. boxing). #2: A asked are
you excited about the fight and P didn’t know about the fight. Is it about the fight or is it just a way of
getting together and bonding? #1: They are doing it because they’re expected to do it. #3: A lot of men
don’t like fights.
#4: It’s the fitting in. How to demonstrate that bond and everyone needs that bond.
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#1: There are women fighting for equal which strips them of masculinity. It’s not equality that strips
them.
Sonya: Both women and men need to shift, because women have shifted
#4: Was speaking with a women about feminism. Colonialism and feminism crossing over. A white
woman had called out First Nations about what she had said. The white woman said we all have to be
aware of our own colonizing and how it happened. It’s too small a word and concept. It needs to be
inclusive, it’s not just a female thing.
#1: But on the one hand we have said it’s the testosterone that makes men do these things. There
seems to be a split.
#5: We are all on a journey and nothing can encompass it all. #3: It’s non-verbal
C7: #2 Notes
Egg discussion again. Lots of separate conversations around the room.
If it’s all illusion, and there’s no purpose (not in a “negative” way) then truly aren’t we here to simply BE
and EXPRESS as a spirit through a human (or is it to experience being a human as a spirit?) Hmmmm.
So if there’s no purpose, then what am I striving for, what am I aiming toward? Because certainly I feel
that stasis is not the way to be. I am looking to place myself physically and emotionally where I can be
supported in my most authentic expression.
I feel at ease to express when I feel happy, secure, supported, honoured, held in reverence for the
miracle that I am (that we all are).
Here come the tears. But tears of what?
Recalling now that in the French language there is a pronoun “one” that’s often used instead of “we” or
“they.” This is interesting to me because it is far less separate/divisive.
C7: #4
Birds, sky, layers, pool, water, earth, elements, journey, fly.
After a hot bath intense itching came on at the back of my neck- old symptoms from a rash way back but
suddenly again here – lasted till I went to sleep.
C7: #5
What was the big deal? I had a vision of an angel, traditional with wings, smiling and descending slowly
into the earth, deep down, where she can safeguard, protect our wounds and help us process our
judgements.
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C7: Aysha
C7: #3
-identify the egg
-pressing pain forehead behind my eyes -bit dizzy, lightheaded
-baby bird
-give and take -exchange, trade -what we give and what we receive
-receivers translate sound waves to ‘audible’ sound
-receiving blankets; welcome the new baby
-after Sonya tells us about C 7(global archetypes and issues); what can we ‘receive’ if we listen to the
earth -the language of weather, environmental ‘accidents’
-gender pronouns; who are ‘we’
-competition; top and bottom -pushed to be the best -the elite
-the power of words; they give shape to thoughts, feelings
-the earth’s voice -what does this sound like when we’re living in the city?
-realtors are hungry for it -real estate = property, land ownership, residence
-the nature of reality is change -constant change and why is it threatening to our sense of ourselves and
our place in the world and in time
-the desire to ‘know’ is the desire to fix something -to be ‘grounded’
-fear of the unknown; what will happen if we don’t know -how can we ‘know’ anything when it’s all
relative to experience
-feeling and listening vs thinking and seeing
-nonsense is something silly, funny, whimsical
-essence is the core
-the earth’s core is molten -melted stone -magma/lava
-beyond words -pre verbal
-we know nothing about anything
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C7 Group Discussion
#4: This picture (above) reminds me of a dream where I was up in the air looking down over the water
and could see all these red fish underneath, this is really cool, then scared, I am so high, then I was on
the water, really moving but not up there, these different perspectives and each one was OK, a new
place. Darker blue took on the shape of a canoe and it became like a sailboat. Movement and change yet
quite formed. Like a volcano. Like layers of stone under the earth and a water table. #3: It’s like a
mountain. I wrote all this stuff about molten melted stone at the core. It’s hard to imagine melted stone.
#3: I wrote about reality and change and why that’s threatening. The desire to “know” something. We
know this about this, but that changes, and then you don’t know anymore. We’re really in a constant
state of not knowing anything, and that’s really uncomfortable sometimes. #5: It’s a huge relief.
#3: Great remedy for the DTES! Deep wounds. Judging and feeling judged is painful. I read this great
thing about compassion; it is about thinking about what’s really hurt you and making a commitment
never ever under any circumstances to do that to someone else. Judging is a big part of that.
#5: But you can do it and not even know you’re doing it. #3: It’s not a dogma, it’s a suggestion. #5: It’s an
attitude. But it’s how they receive it, it may have nothing to do with you.
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#4: And never do it to yourself! #5: But you might do it and just catch yourself. If you say never will be
harder on yourself when you do it. It’s very freeing, I feel a lot of freedom - freedom of soaring with it.
Just really enjoying that feeling. Even if you’re flying in the air the air is still part of the earth, birds have
the ability to move from up to down.
#5: Reminds me of Friday night dream, walking down a road and ran into Warren Beatty and Annette
Bening. Had desire to fly, I went right up, oh this is great, every time I tried it, it works. Not soaring, I
would literally go up and hang around the trees.
May 3, 2015: (Sonya) After the proving, later that day
This song keeps going through my head:
"With A Little Help From My Friends"
Billy Shears
What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm gonna try with a little help from my friends
What do I do when my love is away?
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day?
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)
No I get by with a little help from my friends
(Do you need anybody?)
I need somebody to love
(Could it be anybody?)
I want somebody to love
(Would you believe in a love at first sight?)
Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time
(What do you see when you turn out the light?)
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine
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Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends
(Do you need anybody?)
I just need someone to love
(Could it be anybody?)
I want somebody to love
Oh I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends
Extras (Prover #3)
-I got a bad headache when I left on Saturday evening; the whole top of my head was aching, throbbing pain was a kind of burning pressure and it escalated until I got home then disappeared quite suddenly
-I’ve had large bowel movements in the last month -3-4 times a day
-the pressure I’ve been feeling in the liver area; R upper abdomen is gone; it was a pressing pain;
stinging -felt like some inflammation >lying on that side, <eating
-I have a spot on my lower L calf that looks like a varicosity; blueish color, itching and red -this came on
over the last month and feels hard to touch -sometimes a kind of dirty look to the skin, almost black alarming -desquamation of dead skin is sometimes black and blue underneath -<scratching; causes
vesicles to form and oozes bit of clear liquid -clears right up if I don’t scratch it
May 3, 2015 Email (#5)
Thank you again, Sonya. It was a great weekend, and I also feel like some of those old wounds I hadn’t
even touched for many years came up for healing. I am profoundly grateful, especially to #1 who was
the catalyst for me. Without someone to prick and pierce, the old abscess wouldn’t have been opened –
to drain and ultimately be embraced. I expect this process will continue for awhile!
May 3, 2015 (after the proving) Facebook message: #1 to Sonya
The hardest concept for the light worker to come to terms with is pouring love into a being/portal that
cannot receive love. This is ignorant love that becomes immense energy and food for the parasite that is
feeding off the host. Like a festering wound that is caused by an inner demon ... loving it with
homeopathy was a language that fed the demon. I know we did not go deep enough with this remedy ...
maybe that is part of its nature...to hide its true self because of the intense judgement it has to make
everything have a nice package or a nicely wrapped up poem or energetic. The rawness of it comes in
the realization that we are not in a time when a nice package is the answer. It is the delusion.
Obviously I can't think
And obviously I embodied the full aspect of the closed throat chakra ... silenced repressed but not
willing to buy the pretty package.
I think it is highly strange how the whole thing finished
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Much like a dream
Everyone but me breathing a collective sigh of ok good that's good ... and me in my head thinking 'ok'
And 'I don't have energy to even fight this ridiculous anymore'
Sorry if I am offensive and way off right now
This is a brutal remedy and I wanted to make sure at least some of its absolute abhorrent nature got
captured.
I am too busy to journal so I hope that my conversations with you shed some light.
But the dreams are violent
And gruesome
And violating both to the victims in the dreams and the dreamer. I woke each time thinking I must be
abhorrent because I have the belief that dreams are real.
In two dreams a child made me orgasm...so heart sad so disgusted when I awoke.
Then the beheadings and the feeling that could N really chop someone's head off
And the fear of what to do if that were to happen.
Then the satanic dreams
The children being thrown in the water and they were all in a row so serene looking up holding their
hands together in front of them and a disfigured child was saved. Obviously possessed.
It is a horrible state
My brain feels like it can't go on... But there is not option
Trapped in this pedantic life
This meaningless life
I bought 15 dollars’ worth of gas because that is all I could budget! And came home in tears with not
even a quarter tank.
The experience of looking out at everyone else thriving and me and my kids starving. The reality is
comical and deeply agonizing
I've numbed my emotion just to deal with the stress. I don't know if that is the remedy or just my shitty
reality. lol.
But the part that is the remedy is wanting such high vibration living like good food and not being able to
sustain it.
Ok
I have to stop here cause I am determined to be done with this shorty ass state of consciousness.
May 4, 2015 facebook message (#1)
I would say a symptom that is strong is worries keep person awake and voicing them (for me in writing)
immediately resolved the insomnia.
I do have savings that is why I think the panic is part of the remedy. And a distinct feeling of not fitting,
not a part of this world. Not wanting to be a part of this world... Because of trying too long. To fit the
mold. To fix the mold. To infuse the light into very deep dark. And also a distinction between darkness
and evil. We have to use our pillars of light judgement or discernment to see the evil for the truth that is
present and also we are supposedly matter which may or may not be an illusion. I noticed an inability of
#4 to stick to one core belief and I think she was really in the remedy. Her tone of voice tried to make
everyone feel better. Her word were this way and that seeing all sides and not choosing a side.
So potentially there is a need so badly to fit in that they forfeit belief on the outside and suffer in the
inside. And yet such great relief comes in expression of self in safety. Safety looks highly unique to the
individual.
Back to evil and darkness
This has not been made clear yet
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In all honestly I think it is surrounding the delusion that we are matter when actually we are only
holographic and the lie that we are matter creates our need to illuminate with ignorant love feeding the
beast.
This is all feeling much more clear than yesterday and I am also removed from the group.
This remedy is not inclined to groups that are stuck in their head and talk a lot of nonsense.
Or really potentially any group, that is probably more accurate. Groups highlight the way that this
remedy stands out.
In some ways it is an outcast or has been cast out or feels cast out because it is so different.
The difference is aggravated in a group.
And although there is this deep desire to fit in and not be judged they can't help but be a kink, be
obviously awkward, stop conversation, point out flaws in reasoning. Very annoying people although
likely very evolved in their thinking.
One would potentially have to be after so many years and years of compression! Lol.
I feel lighter in expressing this.
I share this in hopes that it will help the picture form. Because that is what is important.
I can see someone coming to your practice who will need this and it will change their life.
In dedication fully to the light,
#1
May 4, 2015 (#4)
Digestion issues- elimination issues –
I am exhausted even before the day begins and feel the need to ensure my day is an easy one so cancel
my evening singing group since I know the morning work will be intense. Dealing with a situation where
court is involved for protecting a child from a parent who is questionable in his ability to understand
anything other than his own perspective and is dangerous to the child. An extreme and unusual
situation for me to be in as a witness to this process.
All day, The Beatles song ‘Let it Be” continues to flow through my head.
Sore spot and pimple on face is gone
All day my tongue is so sore at the root on the left side I can hardly talk – it feels swollen and too large –
can’t see if there is an infection or a wound – has it been bitten by me? Maybe -not sure what is going
on – can see it is red but located at the root it’s hard to see. Painful.
Email May 4, 2015 (#2)
Yes on the bowel stuff.
One night last week I had a 'violent' movement - which I thought was due to having spicy seafood food
earlier in the day… but on hearing other stories now I'm thinking it was remedy related. Bloating ditto.
Also, double the movement since ending trituration. Happy to let it all go!!
I'm also wondering if (haywire) sexual appetite was remedy related now…. was SO not interested of
late… then last night, boom!
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May 4, 2015 email (Sonya)
Definitely some abdominal/intestinal symptoms for me as well - severe abdominal cramping I had a
couple times. One of those times had food poisoning type symptoms with gas, nausea and bloating
May 4, 2015 email (#5)
I will keep you posted. Somehow the idea of it for colon cancer especially seems quite pertinent. Some
bowel cleaning has been going on for me, starting Saturday morning with an impressive stool (sorry but
as a homeopath we know how important these things are!), very uncharacteristic for me, and then I had
to get up in the night last night and there has been continuing bowel cleaning this morning. Getting rid
of the shit that has plugged me up seems like a very true analogy! I feel a delicious empty space inside,
which before was filled with concerns and worries. I’d say this substance has had a big impact for me
and I am looking forward to seeing how it continues to play out.
It hasn’t been painful, but there has been a lot of gas also. I tend towards constipation usually, so this is
a good correction!
May 5, 2015 email (#1 to Sonya)
Eating seems to make raging headache rage less
I think it's ok. I always get residual. But there is a stubbornness
Perhaps too soon post partum to be inviting energies in.
One must be in a strengthened state and I am expanding in my awareness too. I have had this with other
remedies.
Aluminum nitrate was particularly painful.
Thank you for offering help. I will keep that in mind.
There is some essence of being cracked open
Not quite sure what that means.
Oh well maybe I need to jump in the ocean! Lol
Shock it out of my system.
Drinking a strong coffee anyways!
85
86
The water we drink is laced with strychnine and the air we breathe induces an even deeper state of
nauseous amnesia.
Please go back to sleep to the drum beats.
You are abundant.
You are conscious
You are love
Oh what is that you live in poverty and your child was just hit by a barrel bomb.
Shh shh shh… it’s OK baby
I love you!
Shh shh shh…
It’s just karma
WTF why do I keep falling asleep to the voices of murderers.
See the Demon Name
The Demon
Call the Light
TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH
This may be dark
This may be heavy
Are you paying attention…?
Is anyone paying attention?
How do you think a human
A true spark of highest consciousness could ever FRACK anything?
They couldn’t…
I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear it…but they couldn’t…TINY sparks of love are born out of love.
Do you honestly think a spark of LOVE CONSIOUSNESS would betray a living breathing lake and sell it to
be defiled.
Or slay another life form for recreation
#TRUTHHURTZ
#WAKETHEFUCKUP
OTHERS ARE HERE
FIND YOUR KIND
May 5 (#4)
4:24 am. My body is hot all over and I wake up thirsty –
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Today people I work with are remarking on what an odd day it is with many lost personal items and
clients not showing up and generally being out of sorts. The word discombobulated comes to mind again
for me – or wobbly….
Again a different situation involving court, protecting children from parents and questioning the mental
health of parents. Again an extreme work situation for me - I am not directly involved in the court
process, only on the sidelines observing or witnessing the events.
My energy is still low but improving and feels more solid – my tongue is also less painful.
May 6, 2015 (#1 facebook)
Yes. My migraine stopped at about 4 am
A little post ictal but recovering.
I'm learning to go inward. This helps greatly to shift the thought insertions.
It is not easy. But we know what to do. I think the uncertainty is worse at night. But I'm sure that is
remedy related and will pass soon.
May 6 (#4)
3-4 am again awoken with heat all over – doesn’t last as long – thirsty.
Dreams – I dream of three sisters one is a jewel thief and the words I hear are” better they think she is
insane otherwise they will know she is a jewel thief!” the impression was that insanity would save her
from jail or some kind of prosecution.
Dream- I am driving on a long road but the drivers seat is at the back of the vehicle and there is a lamp in
the way – I strain to see around it – the road is dark and going uphill. I don’t want to go off the road. I
can’t see well into the distance and need to focus intensely to avoid the few cars and other obstacles
that are along the route. There is a feeling toward the end that the light is coming and the road is easier.
Only now, in my head I get the song “The Long and Winding Road” again by the Beatles as I write this.
Looking up the lyrics I read that apparently the Beatles were feeling disappointment and despair when
writing this song.
I wonder about some element of “fame” and the impact of it??
The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door
The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day
88
Why leave me standing here
Let me know the way
Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried
Any way you'll never know
The many ways I've tried
But still they lead me back
To the long winding road
You left me waiting here
A long long time ago
Don't leave me standing here
Lead me to your door
But still they lead me back
To the long winding road
You left me waiting here
A long long time ago
Don't leave me standing here
Lead me to your door
May 6, 2015 email (#4)
I feel this is a much needed remedy -surely the issues of judgement, fear and wounding affect us all - I
am interested in the aspect of fame that seems to be in there as well - so many singers, and songs came
up - our modern day worldly angels that live in an exaggerated world where they are given so much
power and virtually worshipped by so many yet then can fall so far with our condemnation…..the
themes seem to fit
May 7, 2015 (Sonya)
I was telling U last night about #1’s situation of not being in agreement with the rest of the proving
group, and he said he was sure he could identify because he’s been going through something similar
with some of his close political friends. He feels so close to them in many ways, and always felt like he
shared a similar ideology with them, given that many people don’t share his ideology. Yet lately there’s
been a political disagreement about a feminist issue, and he feels a little like an outcast because most of
his friends don’t agree with him about the issue and is disappointed that they don’t share his point of
view. He’s noticing that they are just towing the party line and are not really thinking for themselves
about the issue which is kind of shocking given that they are intelligent thinkers about so many other
issues.
Devil’s advocate
Throwing a wrench into it
Why can’t we all just agree and be homogenous?
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May 7 journal (#4)
No heat, no pains, no dreams, digestion back to good…
Only the music…
Song in my head today….
If I had a hammer I’d swing it in the morning…the hammer of freedom, the hammer of justice…About
the love between my brothers and my sisters . . . all over this land . . .
More songs and images
Surfing waves, riding waves, choosing directions in life – big themes coming up in conversations with
others – more conversations with references to religion, songs; “He loves me too he loves me too I
know he loves me too” …old hymns recalled barely from childhood.
Feeling it’s time to move on….
May 11, 2015 - Potentizing Remedy from C7 to C40 (Sonya)
Started potentizing, then knocked over the water bowl and had to start again - ug
Alright, restart - practice makes perfect
“So be it” - I’ve been thinking this phrase a lot the last few weeks. Just so be it. It is what it is and there’s
nothing more to say about it. If that’s what you feel/think then so be it. Who am I to judge or even
comment on it, it’s your truth.
Help and friends are all around us, if we choose to see/take it
“Healing is a choice”
That’s odd, the bottle overfills with water - this has never happened before when potentizing
Is the glass half empty or half full? Maybe both
You might not always get what you want - but you will get what you need (song “Can’t always get what
you want”)
Seek and ye shall find
Life is a winding road. Song: “Life is a highway. I’m gonna ride it all night long.”
The unknown is scary. But so is knowing
Ow - headache starting (back of head/neck)
Knowing/finding one’s life path
90
There are guides. Not exactly angels. Angels that speak like devils. Devils that speak like angels. Beware
the silver tongued devil
Something we judge as bad might actually be giving us “good” direction on our life path
Maybe just a messenger or direction giver like a sign post
Pay attention
Suffering can have an important/”good” purpose
We label/judge some things too much, and other things we maybe should question more
Why should I let something or somebody mediate my experience? Truth is there inside.
It’s annoying when somebody else is right and you are wrong (for example, spousal disagreements!)
We are all on different roads of life. Sometimes our paths intersect and those are the people who are
our companions on our journey. Travel companions
And let’s not forget our animal companions, nature companions, the trees and rocks and the ocean
And how I have enjoyed my journey with Angelite and how it’s added to my life and the life of those
around me
Yes there was pain and suffering but there was also joy and learning and growth
It was a little bit of a mix, a balance between all of that. Just like life, it’s not all light, and it’s not all dark
either.
Things feel lighter now, like the clouds have parted
Email May 11, 2015 (#2)
On Monday (day after proving finished) I was soooo done with people! I wanted to hide away. Refused
to call anyone, return calls etc. It was like I needed a people-detox.
I am unclear about the foreboding feeling I was having… It was actual fear. Not worry, not concern . . .
but FEAR. I heard myself thinking, 'Oh shit, I could get totally taken out by this (proving), then it would
be all dramatic and would it be a game, would I be (over) dramatizing what I was experiencing (ie: if
someone were to fake being possessed). I have a history of being impacted by entity in that way (taken
out/over) and so I was fearful…… I felt some relief after I expressed (a fraction) of this to the group on
Sunday morning, but I feel like we didn't go there/ I didn't go there fully. Also felt better after crying
about the Fighting/boxing thing I witnessed. Still though, a depth was untouched (and not sure that I
want to even go there for fear of the danger/challenge to recover).
It seems to me there was a lot of talking when truly there was more potential to go
deeper/inward/silence. I notice much of the talking was about stories/historical, and in contrast I feel
like the stories keep us bound. By retelling stories we ensure the lie/brainwash/dream/program or
91
whatever you want to label it, lives on. In relation to others, I often speak far less than most, but this felt
very pronounced during the proving.
Post-trituration, I notice I am laughing. Laughing at things commonly labelled as shitty or negative. It is
along the lines of "I don't give a shit," but not in an apathetic/dismissive way, rather more of an
unattached/uncharged neutral way.
I'm still having bloating things going on so I am not clear whether it's me or the angelite.
In this moment I am having the thought that this remedy (if taken in the true spirit) is actually lifealtering in that you cannot un-see, or cannot go backwards from it…. But I think it's a choice, one must
be receptive to that (which means someone could take it and declare 'nothing' happened/didn't
"work"). However, if one opens to it . . . well . . . holy shit . . . you can't unsee.
I had mentioned at some point that hubby P was having dizziness. Now he wonders if it was from getting
hit in hockey… He is unclear. What we do know is that he "never" has anything going on with
weakness/weirdness of the head/headaches - so whether it's angelite direct or indirectly . . . not sure.
I myself have just recovered from a 3-day migraine (Friday AM until Sunday PM). Usually I come through
the other side in less than 24 hours… this was insane, with a more dull/heavy feeling to it. And usually I
vomit but not this time despite the lengthy duration.
May 14, 2015 (Sonya)
Dream of a child who was given a red liquid to drink and it was addictive like heroin and he drank it and I
got a sense of foreboding.
May 15 email (#3)
I had a very restless sleep last night followed by a dream...
A wild cat was trying to get into my apartment through the window. My dogs were going crazy. I threw a
blanket over the cat so I wouldn't get bit while trying to push it back out the window. It bit me hard
through the blanket and the pain was excruciating. I wanted to drop the cat but it was latched onto my
hand. Finally I got it out the window and when I looked at my hand there was a tooth buried deep in my
finger. It was so painful I was beside myself. I kept trying to pull the tooth out but it was like it was
cemented in. Finally I decided to get some help. I found a man and asked him to please help me. He very
calmly reached over, pulled the tooth easily and looked at me like I was an idiot
Guess what? I felt judged unfairly.
Another child dream. Then realized what these dreams are about - the inner child. The abused child. We
can give it love, starting now.
92
Very painful chancre sores on my bottom inner lip the last few days. Also a deep wound, almost like an
ulcer that would not heal, on my right shin, for the last few weeks. Started out painful and itchy and it
would bleed.
Ulcer-like wounds.
May 17, 2015 (#3)
Eczema on both hands flared up during this whole proving. Very dry and itching < night (this is an old
symptom for me). What's new is a spot on my R leg. The spot was there for a while but it was small and
didn't hurt or itch. It just seemed to be discolored. During the proving it's become much larger, hard,
red, inflamed and very itchy. The discoloration has gone from a very light brown to black. After bathing
the skin comes off and I can see that it's not the spot that's black, just the skin over it. Very weird. If I
scratch it stings and burns and is much worse. It gets weepy (clear, thin), becomes crusty and dry, then
the crust slowly blackens. When the skin comes off it looks and feels much better.
It's been steadily getting better since the proving. It's not so itchy and the skin hasn't become black and
scaly for about a week. It's not as indurated and is much lighter in color.
I was also thinking about that dream again and it was like the tooth was stuck in the bone. I remember
thinking in the dream that I couldn't get it out because it was stuck in the bone.
Deep bone pathology, deep, dark eruptions. Deep and dark.
May 18 email (Sonya)
My eczema on my left arm really flared too, assuming it was proving related - very dry and red and itchy.
It has since calmed down.
June 2 email (#4)
Hi Sonya,
I have returned and am so inspired with the PresentChild work. I am still hoping we can have an
International workshop here. The idea was greeted with a lot of enthusiasm. Details to be announced in
the future of course. I had to take these pictures to send to you now as I was reminded of
the Angelite trituration experience.
will be in touch more soon
love #4
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June 25, 2015 (potentizing to C220) (Sonya)
Still having trouble healing from that deep wound (emotional, and on my leg, still a scar)
It’s hard to accept that the people closest to you, at some time or another, the people who you thought
you loved and loved you, were the ones who betrayed you and very deliberately kept you from your
own power. They were my silver tongued demons. Their promises kept me in the illusion, but it was
manipulation and lies. Some people are just not able to connect with their emotions, those people who
are most “successful” in our world and who also known as sociopaths (I was just reading an article
recently that stated that most successful people in a position of power in our society as it is now are
sociopaths, no surprise because you’d have to disconnect from your emotions or not have any to do
what they do, and run the world as it is)
The ugly truth. I don’t have to “like” it, but I must accept it, and move forward
I can’t give any time or energy to anything that doesn’t come from a place of love
Love is truth
94
Greed is illusion
Greed and selfishness is delusion
The lies are now oh so transparent. They have no hold on me any longer
The abuse. The put downs. Making me believe I was inferior
My heart aches for that inner child. My suffering as deep as many lifetimes, we can relate and we can try
to empathize but nobody can truly relate to the suffering of another person
“Power over” is an illusion. We give our power away and thus enslave ourselves, thinking that others are
somehow better than we are and know better than we do
We need to have empathy for other people and to treat them as equals and have freedom
And that starts with the realization that we the people have been abused and enslaved in order to serve
and participate in a system of exploitation for the gain of only a select few sociopaths
David Icke calls those select few the Lizard People, or in recent years, the Archons.
I will let you believe what you believe because I believe in freedom of thought
In any case, what I do know is that we have been enslaved by these “people” who don’t resemble
people at all because they cannot connect with empathy or their emotions, and most people would
agree that love and kindness are a central part to the human experience, and therefore maybe they are
aliens but who am I to know or say
What does it mean to be human? I don’t and cannot know but I know we do need love and compassion
if we are to survive much longer on this earth.
I am not a slave
I am free
Thought creates reality
We are trapped in the illusion of our own slavery
Find your sense of self. Find your voice. Wake from your slumber
Awake from your slumber; join with like-minded people; find your kind
It’s oh so scary at first but behind the fear you will find your true self
(My hands are shaking). Yes, this is what they didn’t want you to find, what they were afraid of, your
voice, your opinion, that they tried to make you think did not matter, but it means everything
95
We need to expose the lies for what they are; no more hiding, call people out on them; no more secrets,
that’s what gives the lies power
If we live in that fearful wounded place we lose our power. Difficult but we must heal
The first step is anger and the healing from that, because what has been done to us has been utterly and
profoundly wrong
Trust has been eroded
(I am shaking with rage)
But the anger is only a path towards greater healing. First our suffering and the outrage and the
immorality must be acknowledged though
And how the earth has suffered and how the ancestors have suffered and how the animals have
suffered
Enough
Trust yourself above all, your own intuition. Trust others, but not too much, they have to earn it first;
many silver tongued deceitful devils are among us
Confronting our demons makes them less scary, dissipates them
“Confronting our demons: Healing from the deep wounds of childhood trauma”
You deserve happiness, joyful living, harmonious living in tune with nature in a community of likeminded people. This is your birthright.
Once the healing has taken place, it is time to go out there, and finally now really start living.
November 19, 2015 (Sonya) Writing the proving
This process of writing the proving has been a slow and rather drawn out with many layers to it. Every
time I think the writing is “done” another facet is revealed.
For U there was a strong theme of his shoes breaking. Then yesterday Aysha’s dance shoe broke in a
very unusual way and I knew it had to also be a theme of the remedy. There were also dreams of shoes.
I thought more about the supposed theme of technology breakdown. It’s not so much the idea of
“technology” or “machines” that is important here, but the idea of brokenness and repair which is a
theme, linked to the idea of the wound (something broken and in need of repair within us).
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Blue Anhydrite - Homeopathy Vancouver

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