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LUCKY ’07
Your annual guide to what’s in and what’s out as another year kicks off.
By Peter Chianca
[email protected]
BOSTON HERALD PHOTO
We can see where experience has gotten
us so far, so … Obama is in!
N
o, it’s not that cold medicine
you’re taking — you really are in a
fog. It’s because you’ve lost track
of what’s in and what’s out when it
comes to society, politics, fashion,
the arts and life in general. Don’t
be embarrassed, it happens to the best of us.
And the good news is, you have our annual
roundup to fall back on as you enter 2007. But if
any of the following falls flat at your next cocktail
party, please don’t blame us. Blaming is out.
Life in the USA
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They may be crazy, but Gnarls Barkley
are (is?) in.
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Nicole Richie has the in mug shot. Of the
week, anyway.
What’s that smell? Is that patchouli? Good God, the
nation’s gone liberal!
Well, maybe not liberal, exactly. It’s just clawing its
way gradually leftward, after a sojourn in
They’re in!
the land of conservatism. But you never
This year’s “What’s
In/What’s Out” features
know when it may
additional writing by Kris
swing back again, so
Olson, and research by:
better get on welfare
Gary Band, Josh Boyd,
now while you have
Elizabeth Christiansen,
the chance.
Jane Enos, Nicole GoodOf course, here in
hue-Boyd, Lisa Guerriero,
Massachusetts we’ve
Chris Hurley, Jesse
Kawa, Dan MacAlpine,
remained decidedly
Joe McConnell, Kathryn
left of center throughO’Brien, Donna O’Neil,
out, as evidenced by
Jennifer Page, Charlene
the fact that we can
Peters, David Rogers,
fit every statewide
Renee Seymour, Kevin
Republican officeSmith, Marlene Switzer,
holder into a single
Barbara Taormina and
Wendall Waters.
Chevy Suburban.
(By the way, with gas
prices down, Chevy Suburbans are back in. Global warming, global shwarming!)
One reason for the shift is that for some reason,
everyone seems fed up with that little skirmish in Iraq,
which is turning into a huge monumental disaster and
not the forgettable minor disaster everybody thought it
would be. In a related story, predicting the end of the
world as foretold in Revelations 18:21 is in.
Elsewhere, big, scary border fences are in and illegal immigrants are out! Not that we can get them out,
but we plan to be very chilly to them when we see
them at the supermarket.
Selling your home is in, but unfortunately buying a
home is out. That means if you hold out just a little
while longer you might be able to get that McMansion
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BOSTON HERALD PHOT0
Daisuke Matzusaka is the in hundred-million-dollar man. And maybe he can even pitch!
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He looks good for a man in his 80s! Rocky is back in.
LUCKY ’07
Your annual guide to what’s in and what’s out as another year kicks off.
➤ IN-OUT, FROM PAGE 1
COURTESY PHOTO
Helen Mirren is the in portrayer of royalty. Quite, quite.
you’ve always wanted for cheap money, like
$750,000. By the way, calling large, ostentatious houses on small pieces of property
“McMansions” is out — the preferred term is
now “Triple Foreclosure with Cheese.”
Hurricanes, thankfully, are out — they are
so 2005. But floods are in, meaning you can
plan to find yourself in your basement, with a
sump pump that you really had meant to test
before the water was up to your fine china.
Crime is out for businessmen and politicos,
now that people have actually started to go to
jail for this stuff — who would have thought?
Corporate fraud used to be one of those cute
crimes, like marijuana possession. So if
you’re keeping score at home, Jack
Abramhoff is in jail and Martha Stewart is out
of jail, while Ken Lay avoided jail by checking out of this world. Guess he got the last
laugh.
Being rich is still in, except among everybody we know.
Politics
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What the hell is going on with these people? We don’t care — ‘Lost’
is in.
On the national scene, Democrats are in
and Republicans are out. We’re not sure if
you noticed.
The Democrats used the ingenious strategy
of standing very, very still and waiting for the
Republicans — particularly the president —
to screw up so royally that people would have
to get rid of them. And it worked! If you were
ever photographed with the president, said
something nice about the president or even
once opened a can of Bush’s Baked Beans,
you were swept out of office.
Unfortunately, now the Democrats have to
actually, you know, do something. We’re sure
incoming Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi
has a plan for Democrats, most likely involving being vague and yelling at each other.
Howard Dean is loosening up his vocal
chords as we speak.
Looking toward 2008, Barack Obama is
the in charismatic guy without any real experience. He has a slight edge over the other relatively inexperienced charismatic guy, Mitt
Romney, mainly because Mitt’s charisma
seems to stay behind whenever he leaves
Iowa. (John Kerry, meanwhile, has dropped
out of the presidential race and is going for a
regular spot on the Def Comedy Jam.)
And Mitt is of course out of the governor’s
mansion here in Massachusetts, and taking his
fellow Republicans with him. Kerry Healey
had been looking like the in gubernatorial candidate, and then she opened her mouth.
That makes the in governor Deval Patrick,
who talked a lot about hope and energizing the
grassroots, but as it turns out just wanted to
have an excuse to throw a kick-butt inaugural
party. We hear Christy Mihos is providing the
Big Gulps.
As for foreign affairs, taking a zero tolerance policy to countries that want to nuclear
up seems to be out. But never fear: Giving
them a stern talking-to is in. And Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld is out, having chosen
retirement over option No. 2, getting shot in
the face by Dick Cheney.
Celebrities
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Giddiyap! Kramer is out.
We’ve added a “celebrities” category to this
year’s list, now that it seems pretty much anybody can become one — all you need is some
money and a penchant for forgetting your
skivvies.
With that in mind, the following celebrities
are out: Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris
Hilton, Tara Reid, Nicole Richie … Please,
somebody make it stop!
COURTESY PHOTO
Borat make for wonderful cultural learnings in present timeframe.
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Old Bruce is in, thanks to three new books, and new
Bruce is in, but playing old music. Like, really old.
Of that bunch, Nicole may be the most out,
at least of circulation if she gets sent to jail for
drunken driving. The good news for her is that
she could probably slip through the bars while
nobody’s looking. The other ones haven’t broken the law yet, although we’re told the fashion police are on high alert. Meow!
Celebrities having babies as accessories is
out. Suri Cruise doesn’t count, because she’s
not an accessory, she’s the prophesied heir to
the jumped-upon throne of celebrity wackiness.
But celebrities adopting babies (especially
African ones) as accessories is in. Adopting
babies that already have parents is especially
in — it’s the new millennium equivalent of
getting engaged to someone who already has
a wife.
Marriage was out among celebs like Reese
and Ryan, Pam and Kid Rock (gasp!) and, of
course, Britney and K-Fed (double gasp!).
Meanwhile, that same-sex couple down the
block is still going strong after 23 years. Go
figure.
Tu’x ka binex? That’s Mayan
for, ‘Is Mel off his meds again?’
Making stupid, bigoted remarks — a la
Mel Gibson and Michael Richards — is
apparently in, and in Mel Gibson’s case it
didn’t even seem to hurt the box office for
“Apocalypto.” But that could just be due to
the public’s insatiable thirst for ultra-violent
subtitled Mayan epics.
Did we mention that underwear was out?
Somewhere, Inspector 12 is sighing.
Movies
Everybody say it with us: Yaaaargh! Pirates
are in. It won’t be long before we’re all walking around with live parrots on our shoulders.
But just because the “Pirates of the
Caribbean” sequel earned more than $400
million at the box office doesn’t mean the
audience has lost interest in small, thoughtful,
independent pictures. They never had an interest in those in the first place.
What they do have interest in is comedy
that makes fun of people who don’t know
they’re in a movie, like in “Borat,” the best
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BOSTON HERALD PHOTO
Suri Cruise is the in celebrity descendant.
What’s in, what’s out in 2007
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BOSTON HERALD PHOTO
Britney and Paris are out, along with underwear.
film featuring naked male wrestling you’ll
see this year. And believe us, we’ve seen
them all.
Superhero movies are still in: “X3” was a
huge hit despite (or maybe because of) having the most blue characters in a single work
since “Smurfs” went off the air, and “Superman Returns” cracked the $200 million
mark and is making a splash on DVD, even
though Brandon Routh’s Superman always
looked on the verge of breaking into a
Daniel Powter song.
And the comic book trend should continue in 2007 with “Ghost Rider,” “Iron Man,”
“Spider-Man 3,” “Fantastic Four 2” and
possible new vehicles for the Hulk, SubMariner, Wonder Woman and Wolverine.
But still no “Little Lulu” movie. It’s sad.
Snakes, planes: Both out.
“Curious George” did his cute little darndest to save 2-D animation, but even Will
Ferrell as the Man in the Yellow Hat
couldn’t pull that off — CGI is king when it
comes to cartoons. Oh, and dancing penguins are in. We’re not sure if you noticed.
Aaaaaaaadriaaaaaaannnnnn! “Rocky” is
back in.
On the serious side, Helen Mirren is the in
thespian, with her portrayal of Queen Elizabeth II being arguably the best put on film
since the one in “The Naked Gun.” And if
Martin Scorsese doesn’t finally win his
Oscar for “The Departed,” we’re going to
beat someone in the head with a hat rack.
Finally, among teenagers, movies in
which people get their limbs sawed off continue to be the feel-good hits of the season.
Teenagers need help.
Television
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Mario Lopez was in the running, but fell to Emmit Smith in the
‘Dancing’ finale, much to the chagrin of surly partner Karina. She
scares us.
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Yo ho ho! Depp and the rest of his piratical crew are in.
The big news on TV this year is that,
thanks to TiVo and DVR, nobody has any
idea when shows are on anymore — cable
boxes are just grabbing shows out of the
ether for you to sit down and watch whenever you want. But when they find out a way
to fast-forward to the end of a live football
game, then we’ll be impressed.
As for what’s on, the sitcom is now officially dead, after having been taken out back
and beaten within an inch of its life by Matt
LeBlanc. That said, “The Office” is in —
but not so much on TV as on iTunes. Guess
there’s something about that 2-inch iPod
screen that makes for great comedy. Or you
can watch shows like “Grey’s Anatomy” on
the ABC Web site, although we hear a few
people actually watch that one on TV too.
Being a “Daily Show” alum like
“Office”-mates Steve Carell and Ed Helms
is in, but actually being on “The Daily
Show” is out unless you’re Jon Stewart.
(Quick, name one of the new correspondents! See?) Steven Colbert is the in fake
Bill O’Reilly, but the real Bill O’Reilly is
out, at least among liberal iTunes downloaders. Don’t worry, he’s still in among people
who think Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi
are planning to go door to door and make
people of the same sex marry each other.
Also “out,” and loving it: Doogie Howser.
Serials are still in, particularly the Emmywinning “24,” and people are still watching
“Lost” despite having no idea what’s happening — we’re just going with it. And
“Desperate Housewives” is back, thanks to a
very clever dramatic twist: having the entire
female cast wear nothing but lingerie.
Rosie O’Donnell is in and Star Jones
Reynolds is out among the starting five of
“The View.” And Barbara Walters wasted
no time in welcoming Rosie to the table by
being immediately condescending, in that
cute Barbara way that she has.
The cast of “Saved by the Bell” was out in
2006, what with Mario Lopez falling in the
“Dancing with the Stars” finals to former
Dallas Cowboys star Emmitt Smith. But
BOSTON HERALD PHOTO
Their basketball is mezza mez, but the Celtics do have some talented new dancers. For instance,
their hair can defy gravity!
Mario did handle the loss with dignity,
unlike partner Karina, who we can only presume was waiting for Emmit in the parking
lot that night with a shiv.
Then there’s Mario’s former cast mate
Dustin Diamond — “Screech,” to Bellheads — who really thought you would
rather send him $15 for a T-shirt to help him
save his house, rather than send it to, say,
Oxfam. When that didn’t pan out, he sold the
rights to distribute video of his sexual
exploits. Congratulations, Screech: You’ve
earned the right to join Danny Bonaduce,
Todd Bridges and Dana Plato on our Mt.
Rushmore of disgraced former child stars.
Katie Couric is in place at CBS as the new,
leggier Walter Cronkite. But network news
in general is still out, given that no one’s
home from work yet when it comes on. But
don’t worry, we’re all home in time for “The
Insider.” Pat O’Brien is in, baby! Not really.
Reality TV still very much in, though
“Survivor” was out for its misguided idea to
divvy up the contestants according to race in
what was billed as a “social experiment.”
Memo to creator Mark Burnett: Fewer
morally bankrupt concepts, more morally
bankrupt contestants like Richard Hatch, the
guy who thought he could hide from the IRS
a million dollars that he won on national TV.
Mostly, though, reality TV about celebrities (or celebrities in training) is in, particularly if those celebrities are dancing. And did
we mention that underwear was out?
Howie Mandel must go. There, we said it.
Music
As usual, music that can be carried in your
iPod is in, and music that must be carried in
your hands, like on those big, bulky CDs, is
out. Those who can remember vinyl LPs
now recall them as being grotesquely huge,
like the Elephant Man’s head.
As for the music itself, it’s all over the
map. About the only thing you can count on
is that if it came from an album featuring the
words “High School” and “Musical,” it’s
probably being played in the household of a
7- to 13-year-old as we speak.
“American Idol” contestants are in record
stores everywhere, raising the horrifying
prospect that your well-intentioned grandmother will stuff some Taylor Hicks into
your stocking, having followed the herd at
the local HMV. And at last check it seemed
that Carrie Underwood — Carrie Underwood! — might have the top-selling album
of the year. So much for her becoming one of
those obscure but influential acts, like the
Velvet Underground.
In the former Boy Band department,
Justin Timberlake was in, in large part for
bringing “sexy back.” We’re still waiting for
someone to bring “portly and balding” back.
(Jason Alexander, a nation of men turns its
lonely eyes to you.) Meanwhile, Timberlake’s former ’N Sync band mate Lance Bass
was out, in the Doogie way.
Fergie is in everywhere, including the
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What’s in, what’s out in 2007
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gym, where she’s “working on her fitness.” And
even though she’s apt to rhyming “fitness” with
“vicious,” at least she did not release a song this
year that referred to her “lovely lady lumps,” as far
as we can tell.
A new genre of music including acts like The
Killers, My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy
is in. Is it rock? Is it pop? Or is it just bad? Our critics say: All three! Then there’s Nickelback, who
we can’t help but feel is the band Soundgarden
would have beaten up on the playground.
But some rock old-timers continue to be in, even
if they’re not doing rock, per se. Bruce Springsteen
has taken a surprising detour into big-band folk,
increasing the number of acts with 17-piece touring
bands featuring horn sections to two (take that,
Brian Setzer!).
Bob Dylan is also in, marking his highest chart
debut ever back in September with his “Modern
Times” besting Danity Kane for the No. 1 spot. (In
a related story, Danity Kane will soon be mud
wrestling with the Pussycat Dolls for the title of
most in group consisting of trampy-looking
women shaking their lovely lady lumps. Meow!)
Memo to Rod Stewart: The Ramada features
Karaoke every Thursday night. Let’s stick to that
from now on.
Rap is in free fall, with a hit CD from Eminem
being the genre’s only representative in the Top 10
of 2006. And rap’s big success story of the year,
Chamillionaire’s “Ridin’,” had the disadvantage
of being the subject of “Weird Al” Yankovic’s funniest parody since “Fat.” “Weird Al” Yankovic is
in!
In rap’s place is the likes of Gnarls Barkley and
“Crazy,” which, like the aforementioned Fall Out
Boy and company, defies classification — but in a
good way.
BOSTON HERALD PHOTO
BOSTON HERALD PHOTO
And thanks to the downward spiral of corporate
Everett’s own Ellen Pompeo is among the attractive docs
They
seemed
so
happy
…
but
Pam
and
Kid
Rock
are
out
of
wedlock.
radio, proven acts like John Mellencamp continue
sleeping with each other on the very in ‘Grey’s Anatomy.’
to have to debut their new songs in car ads. Car ads
are in.
Country music continues to exist. Film at 11.
youth on, Grand Theft Auto San Andreas is ing soon: a sneaker that will require quarterly Wiggle, who is retiring due to illness. We
always thought it would be the narcoleptic one
out, and Guitar Hero II is in. That’s good news oil changes.
Sports
For girls, status logo-laden handbags, like who would be the first to go.
for parents who would rather see their kids
All things Red Sox are still very much in in emulating rock stars than hooker-beating drug Coach, are out — even the fake ones. In their
2006. The signing of Japanese phenom Daisuke dealers. Hobson’s choices are in.
place are quilted, brightly colored cotton
Miscellaneous
Matzusaka was a nice “in your face” to the rival
Speaking of Disney Channel, the aforemen- handbags, like Vera Bradley. Put one with
In the technology world, YouTube has
New York Yankees, which has led to several relat- tioned “High School Musical” movie is way your jeans, Uggs and big sunglasses and
allowed millions of would-be filmmakers to
ed ins and outs:
in — it’s like “Grease” was back in the ’70s, you’re looking cool. Er, sick. Whatever. unleash their inner Martin Scorseses, if Martin
∑ In is hand wringing over the $51.1 million the except without all the sexual innuendo and Sid “Whatever” is still in.
Scorsese made movies of people hand-farting
Sox had to pay just to talk to Daisuke (pronounced Caesar. Coming in on its heels are Disney’s
Sorry, barbers: Long straight hair is in — “The Star Spangled Banner.” You can also use
“Dice-K,” and spelled that way too if you ask the Cheetah Girls and Hannah Montana, which think Joan Baez circa 1965. For boys too.
it to watch full-length Godzilla movies in
Boston Herald’s headline writers). For the record, like HSM are multimedia powerhouses, with
At the movies, Napoleon Dynamite, last seven-minute bits, which many believe is pretty
we’d let the Sox talk to us just for picking up the tab TV, music, Internet and book offerings. (No year’s misfit hero for teens, is out — this much the end goal of technology.
for a venti white-chocolate mocha at Starbucks “Suite Life of Zack & Cody” album yet, but year’s hero is Borat. Hopefully not just
Even though grownups now have pages on
(which, come to think of it, is only slightly less we’re sure one is coming. If they wait long because of the naked male wrestling.
MySpace.com, it’s still a space for the young:
expensive).
The word on the new James Bond is too Word has it that kids in middle and high school
enough those boys will look just like Nelson.)
∑ Out is hand wringing over not being able to
Nickelodeon is out. You can only drop much romance and not enough gadgets. But right now are going to be referred to as the
compete with the Yankees’ payroll. If George slime on people for so many years before it with the end of the “Star Wars” series and the “MySpace Generation.” Us oldsters will have
Steinbrenner is Darth Vader, heading up the Evil gets old.
“Lord of the Rings” trilogy, it’s one of the to be content to remain in the Pepsi Generation.
Empire, Sox owner John Henry is Jabba the Hutt,
For transportation, longboards are in. These only series left to follow. There’s always the
In the world of literature, falsifying your
albeit a skinny, much pastier version.
are like skateboards except, well, longer. next “Pirates,” but Harry Potter films have book is out, thanks to James Frey and Kaavya
Speaking of New York, A-Rod (Alex Unfortunately, it seems using helmets, knee become a non-event, possible because those Viswanathan (the Harvard undergrad who
Rodriguez) is out as far as Yankee fans are con- guards and wrist guards is out. Apparently, kids are now 40.
copied “‘How Opal Mehta Got Kissed …”
cerned, and they mean way out, as in “get out of bruised elbows are in. But they’re not “cool”
In fact, Pottermania in general has died from, well, everywhere). And yet thanks to
here” — forgetting about his 40-plus homers, 100- — the current in term for what’s cool is “that’s down as we await the final literary installment Borat, falsifying your documentary is in. It
plus RBIs and high batting average. Yankee fans sick.” Which, if you’re talking about long- of the boy wizard saga, although we’re sure seems unfair.
want a championship; after all, it’s been a whole six boarding without a helmet, seems appropriate. once a release date is announced for that there
The book “If I Did It” by O.J. Simpson was
years since the last one. Meanwhile, Cubs fans
Sitting in your room sending text mes- will be much wailing and rending of garments. out of circulation (except on eBay) after it
continue to contemplate jumping into the Chica- sages to your friends on AIM is out. (And
The jury’s still out on the “Eragon” film, but turned out that Americans do still have some
go River en masse.
just to show you how out we are, we still kids still love the books. For aging writers, being sense of moral outrage; it’s just increasingly
Celtics and Bruins, both out. How bad has it thought AIM was a toothpaste.) Sitting in jealous of 23-year-old “Eragon” writer Christo- more difficult to trigger. Pat yourself on the
gotten for Boston’s winter-sports teams? The class and sending text messages to your pher Paolini is in.
back, Juice (and since-fired publisher Judith
biggest ovation in the Garden recently was when friends on your cell phone is in.
Pixar is still the toon champ, as evidenced by Regan): Somewhere in Darfur, members of
Daisuke Matzusaka dropped a ceremonial “first
The good news is, posting your deep, dark the stellar performance of the fun but not exact- the Janjaweed are marveling at your ability
puck” before a B’s game. On the plus side, personal secrets on MySpace is out. The bad ly Nemo-riffic “Cars.” But did we mention the to get Americans’ attention.
they’ve added the Celtics Dancers, who are sort news is, posting your parents’ deep, dark per- dancing penguins?
And while literature remains out — its
of like the Paul Taylor Dance Co., if the Paul sonal secrets on YouTube is in.
For the young ’uns, any class or extracurricu- two remaining giants, John Updike and
Taylor dancers wore sparkly green bikini tops
In fashion circles, Nike Shox are the in- lar activity that was once done by their older Philip Roth, released underwhelming books
and hot pants.
shoe for tween hoopsters — this year’s ver- siblings now has a counterpart for 1-year-olds. this year about a terrorist and a dead guy,
Tom O’Brien is out as head coach of the sion has four sets of shock absorbers in each Expect Mommy and Me lacrosse any day now. respectively — never fear: Books about
Boston College football team, and if some had heel, rather than the three that were there last
And a moment of silence, please, for Greg rock stars are in. Particularly the aforementheir wish, in O’Brien’s place would be none year. Comthe yellow-shirted tioned Bruce Springsteen, who was the
other than Doug Flutie. Doug Flutie is in. Yes,
subject of no fewer than three. (Our
still. On the flip side, we see two words in the
favorite is “Greetings From E Street,”
future of our old friend Drew Bledsoe: Arena
which not only traces the E Street Band
Football.
from its formation through its most
Astroturf is in and grass is out at Gillette Starecent tour, it has little
dium. And you know who’s responsible
fake posters and
for that, don’t you? The Jews!
tickets from
(Eight years later, quoting
throughout that
“Seinfeld” is still in.)
era. Just don’t try
Tom Brady will always
to sell them on
be in, but it’s been a rough
eBay — boy, did we
year for the star QB, what
ever find that out the
with Bridgette Moynihan
hard way.)
following David Givens
In transportation, T
and Deion Branch out of his
fares are going up
life. Given the way the Patriots
again, but they’re makseason is going, it’s hard to say
ing you buy little cards in
which departure is making Tom
the hopes that you won’t
the most mopey.
feel like you’re spending
Tennis continues to exist. Film at
actual money. They’re crafty,
11.
those folks at the MBTA.
On the road, as mentioned,
Kids
falling gas prices have people
In case you were wondering, kids are
feeling a little less guilty about
now officially smarter than adults. Clueless
their Hummers. But that doesn’t
parents are in.
mean people have lost interest in
For any kid who’s old enough to have
hybrid cars like the Prius — word has it
graduated from PBS Kids to the Disney
that Al Gore is in talks with Oprah to
Channel, high-tech is where it’s at, be it video
have her give them away on her show.
games, portable music, computer games …
Finally, in fashion: We’re told that flats
basically anything their parents likely can’t
and tapered pants are in, possibly owing to
operate.
that creepy Gap ad with Audrey Hepburn
Of course they all want PlayStation3, but
plugging khakis from beyond the grave. But
the Wii will do — at least until they injure their iPods
thongs, our spies say, are out. Are they talking
little brothers by swinging around the motion- are so
about the shoes or the underwear? We were
sensor joysticks. Say what you want about our
in, you
too embarrassed to ask.
can buy
generation, we never got a black eye playing
By the way, did we mention that underwear
little
“Yar’s Revenge” on the Atari 2600.
was out? That would explain the breeze
sweaters
As for what games they’re wasting their
we’re feeling right about now.
for them.
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