relation - Webitude

Mumbai, Thursday, February 26, 2015
relationship 07
htcafé
PHOTO: IMAGESBAZAAR/ PICTURE FOR
REPRESENTATION ONLY
STARS WHO HAVE
DATED/MARRIED
OLDER WOMEN
Abhishek Bachchan is two
years younger than wife
Aishwarya Rai
■ Farhan Akhtar is six years
younger than wife Adhuna
■ Arjun Rampal is two years
younger than wife Mehr
Jessia Rampal
■ Shirish Kunder is eight years
younger than Farah Khan
■ Aditya Pancholi is six years
younger than wife Zarina
Wahab
■ Saif Ali Khan is 12 years
younger than his former wife
Amrita Singh
■ Julianne Moore is nine years
older than her husband Bart
Freundlich
■ Antonio Banderas is three
years younger than his wife
Melanie Griffith
■ Hugh Jackman is 13 years
younger than his wife Debora
Lee-Furness
■
AGE NO
BAR
As rumours of Justin Bieber and Naomi Campbell
dating subside, we see what goes into maintaining
an ‘older woman-younger man’ relationship
Collin Rodrigues
■
[email protected]
E
arlier this week,
photographs of
pop star Justin
Bieber (20)
holding model
Naomi
Campbell’s (44) hand flooded
the Internet. In no time,
rumours of them dating
surfaced. While the British
supermodel cleared the air
after the incident, the buzz
didn’t keep the tabloids from
drawing attention to the age
difference between the two.
Sure, the difference of 24
years between them made a
few jaws drop, but the ‘older
woman-younger man
romance’ per se isn’t a new
phenomenon. In real life, too,
such relationships are
common.
But every now and then,
especially when news
appears of such alliances
ending in separation or
divorce — actor Demi Moore
(52) and ex-husband-actor
Ashton Kutcher’s (37) age
difference was apparently
responsible for them parting
ways — one wonders whether
these relationships work in
the long run. Relationship
expert Kinjal Pandya says the
longevity of such bonds
depends on the reason behind
why the partners are together
in the first place. “Men tend
to want to be with women
who can let them be the way
they are,” she says.
Young and wise
Stock broker Naman Shah
(29), for instance, met Manali
Ghorpade (38) when he was
only 23. “I was taken aback by
Manali’s knowledge of the
world. Unlike me, she knew
what she wanted from life…
she gave me stability,” he
says. Today, they are happily
married.
Pandya adds that dating
older women has a few
advantages. “They are not
insecure because they are
more mature, and that adds
to the comfort level,” she
says. Take into account the
case of Anmol Sheth, a
businessman, who got
married at the age of 29. His
wife, Kanika Mathur, was 40
at the time. Before he met
Kanika, he had three failed
relationships behind him. “I
felt different in this
relationship. She was unlike
any other girl I had ever
dated. She was financially
stable and sensitive to my
needs. Even when I was
meeting a
female friend,
she would
never bombard
me with calls to find
out what I was doing,”
says Anmol.
Dual benefit
The advantages of this
settlement aren’t just limited
to men. Many women, too,
feel that they derive
happiness out of getting to be
with a younger, more
energetic partner. “The fresh
thinking becomes the point
of attraction for women,”
adds Pandya.
A 2008 study in the journal,
Psychology Of Women
Quarterly, found that women
who are 10 or more years
older than their partners,
report higher satisfaction
levels and commitment,
compared to those who are of
the same age or younger than
their partners. Kanika, who
has been married to Anmol
for five years, agrees, saying,
“He brought out my younger
side.” Manali, on the other
hand, is glad that Naman
gave her a new perspective on
life. “His view of the world
was different from that of the
people who are my age,” she
says. On the flipside, Pandya
says that women mature
much faster than men. “With
time, it becomes hard for the
man in the relationship to get
along with the woman,” she
says. As a result, the woman
Farhan Akhtar with wife Adhuna
loses interest because “she
hits midlife sooner”.
But like all relationships,
those involving an older
partner also have no rules.
The trick is to remain
patient. Clinical psychologist,
Neha Shah says that the
woman in such a relationship
shouldn’t assume that she is
always right just because she
is older. “The man shouldn’t
use his being younger as an
excuse or justification for
mistakes or irresponsible
behaviour,” says Shah,
adding, “But in most
instances that I have seen,
men enjoy the company of
older women as they find
them more relaxed, confident
and focused. In the end, the
most important thing is to
remember that the primary
aim of establishing the
relationship is love and
companionship.”
(All names have been changed
on request)
‘Forget the competition’
I have been friends with a girl
from the last nine years.
Earlier this month, she asked
me who my crush was. She
had asked me this question
earlier as well. But I had tried
to change the subject. This
time around, she stuck to it. I
told her that she is my crush,
but she said she only
considered me a good friend.
I’m sure she doesn’t have a
boyfriend. I wanted to tell her
how much I love her. We are
still friends, but I think she
gets uncomfortable while
talking to me. What should
I do?
— AM
There could be 37 reasons
for this, but to save time
we’ll concentrate on just
three, a) she has the same
good feelings, b) she wants
to clarify that you are just
friends, c) she wants to
kill time with inane
cooperation. I feel she’s
moving towards option B.
That said, option A and C
are still vaguely on the
table. I suggest you avoid
confessing your love for a
while and focus on
strengthening your bond
as ‘friends’ with her. Why
is everyone in such a
hurry to seal the deal
these days? Please don’t
answer that. The ‘to and
fro’ will just take too long.
A few months back my
friends dared me to
confess my
feelings to a girl
I like. So I took
some tips from
experienced
friends.
When I told
her, she
rejected
me, and asked me how I had
the courage to tell her the
truth. It turned out that she
had a huge crush on one of
the guys who had advised
me. Her crush is not
interested in her. But I also
don’t want to break her heart.
So, should I just let it be or
tell her crush not to hurt her,
as I still have feelings for her?
— AD
She broke your heart. He
may break hers. You want
to save hers. The damage
is sort of done. She knows
he knows the truth. Yet
she doesn’t seem to care
for you, and you are only
looking out for her. I say
pull out with dignity (that
is with your clothes and
hat on). Extricate yourself
from the mess. Whatever
else plays out is between
her and him. As former
US President Bill Clinton
allegedly often said at
Thanksgiving get
togethers “forget about
the girl”.
I liked a guy in my class. I
never told him the truth. He
told me that he had fallen for
me. We used to talk on the
phone for a long time. But,
one day, suddenly, he told me
that he cannot talk to me
anymore as he gets
distracted from his studies.
seriously
cyrus
just write
to uncle cy
[email protected]
And I’ll give you some relief….
err… that is, provided, I’m
not doing a headstand at
the time.
After that day, he stopped
taking my calls and
responding to my messages. I
tried to talk to him many
times. He even admitted to
me that he had friends with
benefits. Was he lying? How
should I get over this?
— KM
How does it matter if he
was lying? He’s avoiding
you as if you have a
Justin Bieber haircut.
And I’m taking the liberty
to assume you are not. Get
away from him. Accept
the bitter reality.
I was in a relationship for six
years. I had told her that I
didn’t want to marry her
because I had never thought
about it. We had broken up
and patched up many times.
Now she is getting married to
someone else. She has
always been there for me. I
think of her all the time. But
she is not that attractive.
What should I do?
— SA
You say she’s not that
attractive. But you’ll still
be condescending towards
her? This is because you
are all about doing
favours. She, on the
other hand has always
been there for you,
which is great. In all
this, you haven’t even
said if you want to
marry her. So forget
about the competition.
If you want to marry
her act fast because
she’s slipping
away.