Creating Cooperative Kids

Creating
Cooperative Kids
Johanna Goldenberg
Child & Family Services Coordinator
T
he purpose of this booklet is to put together a collection of resources that can assist parents in “creating
cooperative kids”.
There are several types of incentive (reward) systems to reward your child for chores/behaviours that you can try.
They are similar in that they all use visual cues for chores but differ in the ways the chores are presented and how the
rewards are delivered. If your children are always cooperative, then a family chore chart with visual reminders of
each individual’s jobs may suffice. However, if (like most families), the children need some encouragement to do
their chores, then a reward system/incentive program may be in order.
The goal isn’t that the children work towards rewards; that’s just the added benefit to them. The ultimate goal is for
the family to experience fewer conflicts because expectations are clear. When the family is r unning smoothly
and chores are being done, then there is naturally more time to bond positively as a family unit. The focus is on
positive results, not punishments for negative behaviours; the idea being that children love/need/crave attention and if
you focus on the positive behaviours, you are more likely to achieve them.
I have included several examples for you to choose from and links that may help you if you have further questions.
General Guidelines
Family Meetings
A family meeting to introduce the idea of the new system is a good place to
start. It is best if it is a relaxed, non-threatening atmosphere where the child(ren)
can participate and their suggestions are heard. For example, you can explain
what you feel they are doing well and the areas in which you would like them to
improve. The child(ren) then know what is expected from them. You can ask
them what they would like to have as rewards. Their ideas of rewards may
differ from yours, but through discussion and compromise, decisions can be
reached. Explain that the ultimate goal is a happier, smoothly-functioning
family. Regular family meetings can assess what is going well and what could
be improved. Remain open to any changes that may be needed with time.
http://www.albertahealthservices.ca/ps-1604-family-meetings.pdf
http://store.positivediscipline.com/Family-Meetings--Podcast_b_26.html
What can I expect my child to do?
I have included a chore chart which outlines what can be reasonably expected from children, arranged by age groups.
Of course, you know your child(ren)’s development best, so use your judgment. Include chores that are a bit of a
challenge but also include ones they do well already so they have a good feeling of success. For example if child has
difficulties in taking out the garbage but has no problems brushing teeth, then include both on the chart. Remember,
you are trying to reinforce positive routines. Any behaviours you wish to modify can be included as well as chores on
your charts! For example, if there is problem with sibling rivalry, feel free to include some sort of “no fighting” on
the chore chart; this may well be one of the more difficult tasks to achieve.
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Contracts
You may wish to draw up a contract with your child(ren). This is an optional step and up to your own judgment. They
can be a simple or as complex as you wish, taking into account your child(ren)’s ages and development. One of the
websites I review later has a section for contracts. However, if you also have a teen at home, this site may help:
http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/write-teen-parent-contract-7840.html
What are good incentives/rewards?
Find out what motivates your child! Sometimes we may be surprised if we ask. Try not to make them too labourintensive or financially burdensome. Some more challenging behaviours may well warrant larger rewards, but again,
use your judgment. This should be fun for all, not a burden.
Suggestions include:
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Time alone with Mom and/or Dad
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Getting to choose the movie for family movie night
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Getting to pick the game for Family Game Night
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Computer time (by 15 minute increments)
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Time for video games (by 15 minute increments)
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Extra TV time during the week (by 15 minute increments)
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Having special deserts on Sundays
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Staying up late on Fridays
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Having a friend sleep over
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Getting to choose dinner for one night
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A free pass to skip one chore
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Favourite activity
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Actual prizes (dollar store)
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“Choose your own” reward (within reason!)
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Candy (No more than $1.25 worth!)
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Going to see a movie OR movie rental
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Getting pizza/other favourite fast food
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Teaching child(ren) a favourite hobby of yours
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Stay up 5 minutes extra
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Extra snuggle or story time at bedtime
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And of course little toys (think Dollar Store and save big toys for presents so child(ren) don’t need to spend
points for them)
Keep in mind that small rewards are more effective than large ones in the long term.
http://www.koobits.com/2012/10/02/motivating-your-child-smaller-rewards-yield-bigger-results
www.familyforce.ca/sites/wainwright
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Money rewards:
You may choose a reward system using actual money. At one time, I used a program with my own children (a chore
chart for each child) that outlined 12 behaviours/habits I wanted to reinforce. If they successfully completed eight of
them, I gave them $1 at the end of the day (max $5 per week – I could afford $10 weekly and kept lots of loonies on
hand). I would then take them to the Dollar Store on Fridays where they could “blow” some or all of it. They learned
the value of a dollar this way and discovered they could get nicer things if they saved their money. If they completed
more than the minimum eight, they earned other rewards, as outlined above, so there was still incentive to do more
than the minimum.
Toys and Treasures currently has “Kids Cash” in stock (on sale $6/box) with which your child(ren) can buy
electronics time in 15 minute increments. The bills are the size of real money in different colours, so your child(ren)
can choose.
Points rewards:
1) “Star charts” – these ar e the “tr aditional” for m of chor e char ts. These ar e easy, visual and effective. You
can use stars, other stickers or check marks for the successfully completed tasks. Be sure you have a chart outlining
the rewards as well. For very young children, you may wish to use pictures to denote the chores and rewards.
2) You may choose tokens which the child(ren) can then turn in for rewards. Poker chips are good to use for this, as
each colour can be used to denote a different point value. For example, the white could be 1 point; the blue, 5 points
and the red, 10 depending on the difficulty of the task. You could save the “10 pointers” for something the child did
“out of the blue,” either a chore or some surprise act of kindness to a sibling. This graduated point system worked
well for my family.
The containers used to keep these chips should be clear (visual incentive!) and large enough to hold at least a week’s
worth of tokens per child (a large peanut butter jar, cleaned out works well). They should also be kept in a prominent
place (out of sight also means out of mind). Let the child decorate his/her own name sticker. The chips can then be
turned in to buy the rewards listed above. This is a little more labour-intensive to set up (deciding points earned for
chores and points required for rewards) but can run very smoothly after this is all decided. With this system, you need
only make a chart of required chores/tasks, including the points to be earned and spent. No chart to tally is required,
as the chips already serve that purpose. Tip: be sure to keep tokens out of reach so child(ren) aren’t tempted to sneak
extra tokens.
House Fairy:
House Fairy is a “canned” program; all the organisational work is done for you. The House Fairy program takes the
pressure off the parent since “The House Fairy” is the one who decides if the child(ren) have accomplished their
cleaning tasks well enough to earn a reward. There are fun videos to introduce the program to parents and children.
The (New) House Fairy program is divided into 12 weeks of almost daily videos as well as print resources to support
the program. The advantage to this program is that all the materials are provided for you. They are themed, bright and
cheery. There is a one-time fee to join, but I felt it was well worth it. The membership does not expire as long as the
program is available so you can re-watch videos as needed.
Once you become a member, there is an opportunity to post pictures of the child(ren)’s clean rooms (how fun is
that?!). You will also receive a parents’ only email to introduce the week’s theme then throughout the week, you will
receive emails with the supporting materials and videos.
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The House Fairy can help if the main issue is a clean room. The bonus, of course, is improved behaviour with no
nagging on the parents’ part and more time for “fun stuff.” I had the House Fairy “visit” my home when my children
were younger (when the house was on the market) and it worked very well – even with the boy! (He was ten at the
time; my daughter was seven.)
The House Fairy is also on Facebook.
www.housefairy.org will re-direct you to:
http://www.makeitfunanditwillgetdone.com/housefairy/
The House Fairy has a friend called The FlyLady who helps with home organisational routines for adults and there is
usually a weekly surprise “assignment” for children as well. www.flylady.net (FlyLady is on Facebook also.)
Online Resources
It has been my goal to simplify the process of chore reward systems for busy parents, but I have reviewed the
following online sites for you as well. In doing this, I hope to save parents hours of searching and to provide enough
resources (without being overwhelming!) for parents be able to implement a program right away. Two of these sites
have online point applications. The advantage to these are that they are interactive and the tallies are automatic. The
disadvantages are that kids (and parents) can easily get distracted online and they also don’t provide the constant
reminder of the physical chart on the wall. I have found the following three sites to be the most useful as a starting
point for more information:
http://www.kidpointz.com/
This is an extensive site which includes videos by child development experts answering common parenting
questions (e.g. stopping sibling rivalry). Resources include:

Printable charts (for different ages and stages)
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Behaviour-specific charts (potty training, homework, pet care)
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Online point application (free) and iPhone app
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Behaviour tools, parenting advice and blog for parents
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Printable workbooks for homework helps
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Awards certificates
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Contracts
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Checklists
www.familyforce.ca/sites/wainwright
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Online Resources (continued)
http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/
This has an extensive library of chore, step-by-step and goal charts arranged by both age and specific behaviours.
As well, there are articles covering many issues. Articles include: behaviour management, anger management,
school, child development, ADHA, stress management, general parenting tips and game ideas. Resources include:

Printable chore charts

Parenting articles
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Picture cards and charts
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Printable rewards certificates

Printable “behaviour bucks” and stickers

Between this and the previous site, you could be lost for hours – but the information and resources in
both are arranged logically and are easily navigated so it is possible to get what you need and get out.
http://www.myjobchart.com/
This is a free online points system for parents and kids. With the mobile apps, parents can easily update (add or
subtract) tasks as they come up and allows kids to always have at hand what they need to accomplish for the day.
Mobile apps included are: iPad, Phone, android tablet, android app
How long should I try a system?
Experts agree that it takes approximately one month for new habits to become ingrained. With children, where
consistency and routine are key, you should try a new system for at least this long. At the end of the month, your
family meeting should address whether the system needs adjustments, or whether a new system is required. If it is
working, then commit to at least six months. Re-asses after this period to decide whether you wish to continue with
your current system (with any adjustments) or change to another system completely.
You may have noticed that I relate personal experience with several systems. I discovered that my children liked the
change of pace, according to their ages and stages. Your child(ren) may well like a change of pace too. Some children
may require the consistency of one program. Again, you know your child(ren) best.
Conclusion:
Whichever chore reward system you choose will teach responsibility, accountability and consequences to your child
(ren). In addition to gaining a work ethic, they learn team work, sharing, spending choices and the value of saving.
Do remember that the ultimate goal is to create cooperative kids for harmonious family relationships. Good
luck.
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Ideas for Chore Charts
I have included a traditional chore chart that you can copy and use immediately, but if you or your child(ren) ache to
be creative, here are some ideas to explore:
“Traditional” chore charts.

Reprint new one each week (date them and this way, they can be kept in a binder to show improvement
or merely to keep a record) – stickers, stars or check marks


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Place in frame with glass and use dry erase marker for checks – reusable
http://totallytogetherjournal.com/write-on-wipe-off-chore-charts/
You may wish to show ways to lose points too—but focus more on the positive!
Magnetic chore charts
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Baking pan idea #1 – make/print out weekly chore chart (and decorate if desired) use flat magnets to
place on squares as tasks are done. Voila – re-usable!

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Baking pan idea #2 – daily chores. 3 columns 1) chores 2) “to do” 3) “done”

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Fridge – place the weekly chore on fridge door and use flat magnets
If you can print your own magnets, you can use pictures to denote the chores and have “to do” and
“done” columns http://wegotreal.com/new-magnetic-chore-chart/ OR use with “traditional” chore chart
http://blog.silhouetteamerica.com/2011_04_01_archive.html (Scroll down to April 22)
The potential disadvantage of using magnets is the possibility of falling off if bumped (or cheating…)
Clothes pins
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Good for daily chart. Laminate cardstock or use board and then the clothes pins can be put beside the
chores as they are done. This is good for small children with a picture chart.
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Write chore on clothespin with sharpie and move from “to do” side to “done” side.
Clip board http://www.bigfoottribe.com/2013/02/diy-chore-charts.html
Wooden doorknob hanger http://myblessedlife-lora.blogspot.ca/2012/08/door-hanger-chore-charts.html
Tokens
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Poker chips & jar (very visual)
“Kids cash” & wallet – wallet gets thicker
Monopoly money (this is available to purchase as a separate item) – jar or clear plastic container
For money http://www.howardhousereviews.com/2012/12/how-to-make-a-chore-chart.html
Money (use chore chart and tally money at the end of the day – or week – as outlined on pg. 3) – store
loonies in clear jar or clear piggy bank.
Other ideas
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Chore wheel http://questtoperfectimperfection.blogspot.ca/2011/06/chore-chart.html
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Popsicle sticks http://www.toddlerapproved.com/2012/08/bedtime-battles-and-chore-sticks-for.html
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Paint chips http://www.smockityfrocks.com/2012/02/paint-chip-chore-cards.html (this is good for chores
that require a few steps to complete)
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7
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780-842-1363 Ext. 1253
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