Anna Marie’s Alliance Domestic Violence Mission

Domestic Violence
Children and
Anna Marie’s Alliance
Domestic Violence
s
320.253.6900
1.866.223.1111
Toll Free
Access to ASL interpreting on line
behavior where one person in a relationship tries to gain power and control over
include:
Safe Confidential Free
For shelter and information closest to you
anywhere in Minnesota
Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive
their partner. Controlling behaviors may
24 hour Crisis Line
Providing safety
and shelter
today…
violence free
communities
tomorrow
Visit Our Web Site
fear
physical abuse
isolation
verbal abuse
sexual abuse
destruction of
pets or property
economic abuse
intimidation
Children may witness domestic abuse in
different ways:
•
Actual physical abuse of parent:
Shoving, kicking, slapping, punching,
use of weapons
•
Emotional abuse of parent:
Threats, name-calling, swearing,
put-downs
•
Aftermath of violent physical attacks:
Bruises, tears, damage to household
items and toys
•
The unseen can be as damaging as the seen:
Feelings of tension, hearing screams,
cries, slaps, sensing fear
320.253.6900
TTY 320.258.3321
Mission
To provide a safe place for victims of domestic
violence and to achieve systems change that
reduces violence.
Anna Marie’s Shelter
Anna Marie’s provides safe shelter and advocacy
services for battered women and their children in
the nine county region of central-east central
Minnesota. Counties serve include: Benton,
Chisago, Isanti, Kanabec, Mille Lacs, Pine,
Sherburne, Stearns and Wright.
Witnessing Domestic Violence
www.annamaries.org
*Quotes throughout this brochure are
from Domestic Violence & Children:
Creating a Public Response
by Susan Schechter & Jeffrey L. Edleson
Anna Marie’s Alliance
*“Exposure to domestic violence
is associated with children’s approving of
and using violence.”
Providing for the children
Child advocates work with children at the shelter
who have experienced a violent home life.
Advocates provide the children structure to
encourage a sense of normalcy and role model
positive ways to interact
To help the child we must
be able to help the parent.
By providing childcare
services, mothers are able
to work towards establishing a safe and healthy home
environment. Parenting
support groups allow for
education, interaction and
sharing of positive child
rearing skills.
Love & Care For Your Children
The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children
Emotions and Feelings
Physical
For children living in domestic violent
situations, feelings of helplessness can
affect their mental and physical wellbeing.
•
Nervousness and tension
•
Gastrointestinal complaints
•
•
•
•
•
Powerlessness caused by not being able to
stop the violence against their parent or
themselves. They are unable to defend themselves when abuser tries to get them to
choose sides.
•
Body aches
•
Sleeping disorders
•
Neglect of personal hygiene
•
Regression to an earlier stage of
development
•
Bruises and injuries suffered while trying to
stop abuse or being the focus of abuse
Anger toward the abuser for causing the
abuse or toward the victim-parent for not
stopping the abuser. They feel anger at being
made to leave their home, toys, school and
friends to move to a shelter.
Guilt because they love the abuser or may
blame themselves for the violence.
Conflicted by their love/hate emotion
toward the abuser and lack of understanding
of why the abuser acts violently when they
say they love them. Doesn’t know why the
victim-parent stays.
Isolated by feelings that they are alone and
no other family has this problem. Abuser
may interfere with relationships and get in
the way of friendships.
•
Fear of abandonment, being hurt, losing a
parent and not feeling safe.
•
Anxiousness brought on by constant worry
and uncertainty
•
Sadness and Shame that this is happening to
them and their family.
Social
Behavioral
•
Exhibits low self-esteem
•
Overly aggressive or passive behavior
for age
•
Attention seeking
•
Underachiever/overachiever
•
Acting out or withdrawn
•
Excessive caretaking role reversal
•
Pre-delinquent
•
Pet or animal abuse
•
Chemical/alcohol use
•
Running away from home
•
Skipping school
•
Suicidal
Cognitive
•
Difficulty making or keeping friends
•
Develop unhealthy relationship skills
•
Lacks trust in adults, suspicious
•
Learn that anger is a bad feeling
•
Poor social skills
•
•
Improper ways of resolving conflicts
Learn to use violence to get what they
want and to solve problems
•
Avoid going home, may be overly
involved socially or at school
*“Domestic violence affects children in
multiple, complicated, and long
lasting ways.”
Acknowledge children’s
right to have own feelings,
friends, activities and
opinions Promote independence Allow for
privacy Respect feelings
for other parent Believe
your children
Talk and act so that
children feel safe and
comfortable expressing themselves Be
gentle Be dependable
Provide food,
shelter, clothing Teach personal
hygiene and nutrition
Monitor safety
Maintain a family
routine Attend to
wounds
Give yourself
personal time Keep
yourself healthy
Maintain friendships
Accept love
Trust &
Respect
Care for
yourself
Provide
emotional
security
Nurturing
Children
Provide
discipline
Give affection
Express verbal and
physical affection
Be affectionate
when your children
are physically or
emotionally hurt
Encourage
and support
Be affirming
Encourage children
to follow their
interests Let
children disagree
with you Recognize
improvement Teach new skills Let
them make mistakes
Provide
physical
security
Give time
Partcipate in your
children’s lives:
activities, school,
sports, special events
and days,
celebrations, friends
Include your
children in your
activities Reveal
who you are to your
children
Be consistent
Ensure rules
are appropriate
to age and
development
of child Be
clear about
limits and
expectations
Use discipline
to give
instruction, not
to punish