barefacts-issue1064-161003 - University of Surrey Students` Union

Thursday
16 October 2003
Published by the USSU
Communications Office
issue number 1064
free
www.ussu.co.uk
THE UNIVERSITY
MUSIC SPECIAL
OF
SURREY STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER
WHERE IS THE MONEY?
Catherine Lee meets
Mark Owen, in part of
a special multicoloured
barearts music section.
The people from USSU show
you exactly what happens to all
the money in the University of
Surrey Students’ Union.
Music| pages 12-14
Union | pages 6 & 7
I N T H I S W E E K ’ S PA P E R
PORN, ANYONE? | Neil Christie spends a
night in with some pornography | page 5
THEATRE | More fun at the Yvonne Arnaud
theatre with Daisy Clay | page 18
INTERNET GAMES | Ben Berryman
distracts us in all lab sessions | page 20
Stop Fees Now
BY NEIL CHRISTIE [USSU ACADEMIC
AFFAIRS OFFICER] WITH CLAIE ILES [VP
EDUCATION & WELFARE] AND PHIL HOWARD
THE NUS ARE organising a march into
London on Sunday 26th October and
USSU needs your support to contribute
to this pro-student welfare campaign.
Student living costs in Surrey are amongst
the very highest in the UK and imminent
government proposals are set to inflate those
costs exponentially. The Vice Chancellor
has indicated that Surrey will be forced to
introduce top-up fees and, whilst remaining
pro-student, he feels that universities are
vastly under funded and need extra income.
This income will come from students and
student families, who are already suffering
under the financial strain.
The government are proposing to raise
contribution
student
maximum
the
towards course fees to £3,000 with the
implementation of top-up fees, and raise
the income threshold at which student
loans are to be paid back to just £15,000.
Universities would be able to set their own
fees up to a maximum of £3,000 a year. In
short, students at Surrey will be increasingly
in debt if these plans are to come into effect,
and the proposed initiative of bringing back
grants for poorer families will not be enough
to alleviate the financial burden.
Top-up fees could increase the cost and
long-term debt by at least £9,000. The
government claims to wish to increase
student participation in higher education
yet is not offering enough financial support
for potential students, and this could result
in students not being able to study at the
institution of their choice.
The NUS is calling for no student
contribution to tuition fees, university grants
for living costs, an increase in the repayment
threshold for loans to reflect above-average
– i.e. graduate - earnings, and for the interest
rate on the student loan to be maintained at
current inflation rates. By supporting this
campaign you will not only be showing
that the proposed implementation of fees
is unacceptable, but also that the current
state of affairs for students financially is also
cause for widespread protest.
The march will take place at approximately
midday and last for a few hours, with the
day starting at approximately 9am and
finishing mid evening. USSU are organising
free coaches to the event, so keep your eyes
open for more information. A sign up list
will be at the Students’ Union Reception in
the Activities Centre. It promises to be a
superb day out - with over 20,000 students
attending last year there was an excellent
atmosphere and this year is expected to be
even bigger.
As a student it is necessary to voice
your complaint, as the government are
continually adamant that there is not
widespread opposition to the introduction of
more fees. Tony Blair has recently reiterated
his pledge on top-up fees and if nothing is
done the financial demands on students will
further increase. USSU and students across
the UK need to be heard, and this chance
may not come up again.
surrey students demonstrate
Self Defence | page 8
Ents | page 11
Rawson’s Creek | page 21
The Best TV Films | page 17
2
NEWS
EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4
Editor in Chief
Sarah Butterworth
comms
@ussu.co.uk
Editor
Chris Ward
cs21cw
@surrey.ac.uk
Music Editor
Matt Badcock
ms01mb
@surrey.ac.uk
Music Editor
Jon Allen
bs21ja
@surrey.ac.uk
News Editor
Philip Howard
When they said £400,000 better off...
...they may have miscounted, writes Phil
Howard. According to the DfES, a more
accurate figure of the monetary benefit of
having a degree is not £400,000 over the
length of a career, but £120,000.
The
government’s £400,000 figure, it seems,
was the difference between the average
life earnings of graduates and the average
earnings for the whole population. The
DfES’ new figures compare the earnings of
those with a degree against those with the
same grades at school, but who chose to
go straight into employment. According to
the THES, Alan Johnson is ‘uncomfortable’
with the government’s favoured figure
because ‘graduates in the public sector see it
as unrealistic.’ A DfES spokesman said “The
£400,000 figure is still valid and is based on
comparing the earnings of graduates with
non-graduates. However, another way of
BY PHIL HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
Degrees may be replaced entirely in
their current form with progress files
detailing aggregate marks, rather than a
single 1st/2nd class degree, reports the
THES. Research funded by the DfES
(Department for Education and Skills)
showed most universities were embracing
a recommendation made 6 years ago to
introduce student progress files, including
an “aggregate summative mark” for
final results. The research supports the
government’s intention to replace traditional
classification of degrees. To this end, the
government is creating a group which will
“consider possible alternative methods
for presenting the overall achievements of
students”, reporting next year. The chief
executive of the Quality Assurance Agency,
Peter Williams, said “The time is more than
Neil Boulton
cs21nb
@surrey.ac.uk
Theatre Editor
Daisy Clay
ps21dc
@surrey.ac.uk
Literature Editor
Jennifer Walker
ph21jw
@surrey.ac.uk
Sports Editor
CONTRIBUTORS
Ben Berryman
Catherine Lee
Andy Blair
A Little-Person
Dave Chapman
Carol Main
Neil Christie
Alan Roy
Jonathan Darzi
John Rye
Scott Farmer
Katy Saunders
Chris Hunter
Tim Savage
Claire Iles
Ian Stephens
Laura Koskemaki
Pete Tivers
Design & Layup:
Sarah Butterworth
Andy Blair | Ben Berryman
will graduates really earn as much
as the government claim?
photo: sarah butterworth
After recent research, there is speculation that current degree classifications may be axed
Film Editor
cs11pn
@surrey.ac.uk
looking at the investment value of a degree
is to compare the lifetime earnings of those
with degrees with [earnings] of people who
have the qualifications to get into higher
education but choose not to go to university.
Whichever way you look at it, the investment
in gaining a degree is a good one.” The
cost of attending university for 3 years
varies widely, but if the student acquires
a not-unreasonable £15,000 of debt, the
purely economical arguments for attending
university are not nearly so persuasive. The
cost of spending 3 or more years out of
work is also a factor, and may weaken the
government’s arguments for top-up fees.
Mandy Telford said “The main problem is
that whatever graduates are predicted to earn
will remain a pipe dream for the thousands
of students who are currently priced out of
higher education.”
The End of a 1st Class Degree?
ph02ph
@surrey.ac.uk
Peter Nichols
16 October 2003
barefacts is an editorially independent
newspaper and is published by the University
of Surrey Students’ Union Communications
Office.
The views expressed within the paper
are those of individual authors and do not
necessarily represent the views of the Editor,
the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the
University of Surrey.
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Articles submitted Anonymously and Pseudonymously will
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barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions.
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WWW.USSU.CO.UK
© USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2003
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ripe for a fundamental look at the way
students’ achievement is described and
recorded.” His own opinion is that the
system “gives little useful information
about achievement and is confusing to those
outside the UK higher education world. It
may once have served a valuable purpose,
but it is probably now doing more harm
than good.” The infamous White Paper was
critical of the classification system; “We want
to ensure that whatever system universities
use is transparent and adequately conveys
the difference between the achievements of
individual students, so that it has credibility
with students and employers.” Peter Knight,
VC of UCE said “We make extensive use of
transcripts and progress files and would not
regret the passing of the old classification
system except that I think there is still value
(and currency) in keeping the first-class
award.”
barefacts notices
Barefacts Meeting | Thursday 16th October | 5pm | Media Centre
La Latina AGM | Thursday 16th October | 5pm | Location TBC
Afro-Caribbean Society AGM | Thursday 16th October | 7pm | TB13
Windsurfing Club AGM | Friday 17th October | 6pm | Committee Room
Lacrosse AGM | Monday 20th October | 6.30pm | Committee Room
Malaysian Society AGM | Friday 17th October | 9pm | Lecture Theatre L
RAG | Tuesday 21st October | 6pm | TB6
Tamil Soc AGM | Tuesday 21st October | 6pm | Lecture Theatre E
Game Soc | Wednesday 22nd October | 1pm | Union Balcony
Mauritian Society AGM | Wednesday 22nd October | 6pm | LT F (note changes)
Aikido AGM | Thursday 23rd October | 8pm | Sports Centre
Swimming AGM | Friday 24th October | 2pm | Committee Room
Women’s Basketball AGM | Tuesday 28th October | 1pm | Committee Room
Men’s Basketball AGM | Tuesday 28th October | 1.30pm | Commirrww Room
Science Fiction & Fantasy Society AGM | Tuesday 28th October | 6pm | TB19
EARS AGM | Wednesday 29th October | 1pm | 27BB04
Cyprus Society AGM | Thursday 30th October | 6pm | Lecture Theatre L
Switchgear Gaming Society | Monday 3rd November | 6pm | TB11
3
NEWS
16 October 2003
Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper.
Letters may be edited for length or clarity | [email protected]
Dear barefacts,
Last week Jon Allen wrote in his review
of ‘Tuesday Night Live’ @ the Union,
“After paying £5 entry my hopes were
rather high - after all, that is how much it
cost to see ‘The Darkness’ here.” Now I
realise £5 is more than most nights at the
union, but it is loads less than you would
pay to see live bands anywhere else.
The Darkness show last year did not cost
£5 because that’s how much the Live Music
Society thought it was worth paying to see
a band of their quality. Part of the reason it
was so cheap was that The Darkness were,
at the time they played here, relatively
unknown. Most of the people who went
to the show had heard a lot of talk and a
lot of hype about them, and came to see
arguably the best show of the year purely
because they had heard good things about
the band. But only a few weeks after the gig,
‘Growing On Me’ went into the charts and
The Darkness were on Top Of The Pops.
They are now charging upwards of £16
for their 17 upcoming shows, 15 of which
are sold out. People have paid up to £175
for tickets to see the band this year. Doesnt
£5 seem rather good value in comparison?
However, I think the main reason the gig
was priced at £5 was that the Live Music
Society committee thought that no student at
the university would pay any more than that
for a night at the Union. And it seems they
were right. Surrey students seem willing
to pay £2 or £4 to come to dance at ‘Flirt’
or ‘Citrus’ but when bands come and play,
they become frustrated at paying even £4,
let alone £5 or more. The bands that play at
the Union are not cheap. Sorry, what i really
mean is, to get a good band who put on an
exciting show is not cheap. To get a band
anyone at the University is likely to have
heard of is definitely not cheap, and the Live
Music Society has very limited funds to run
their shows. They do not use ticket sales for
profit, they rely on them just to break even,
and most nights, they just about do that.
That is why we have to get bands like
‘Second Monday’ as support acts. Jon Allen
referred to them as “kids!”. And kids they
were, but very talented ones at that. And I am
not by any means trying to say that they or
even headline act ‘Appease’ are in the same
Dear barefacts,
students at freshers’ fayre, making the
most of
everything
ussusome
has to offer
Holt constructive.
She
makes
fine
photo:
hunterat
participated in many during
mychristime
league as The Darkness - neither band make
a living out of their art and that is why they
might only have a set that lasts a measly half
an hour. What we pay them is what it costs
them to get there and back on the night, and
what we make on the door just about covers
the cost of paying them and the other bands.
And that is at £5 a ticket, although Jon
Allen failed to mention that most people
had flyers that allowed them to enter at 3.
The Live Music Society organises a show
every other Tuesday in the main Union,
which means about 14 shows a year. As the
only society to run an event regularly in the
main Union, they are grossly under-funded
BY the Union, which makes a load of money
at the bar each night, and which does not
contribute any more to making the events
successful than the small, budgeted amount
given to them as a society. If they were given
more money at the start of the year they
would be able to pay for well-known acts
who could attract enough people to not only
break even, but make a profit, which would in
turn be used to fund the next event. And this
ignores the additional money made through
increased bar takings, that would (correct
me if Im wrong) go back into the union for
use by future students and future societies.
A good example that shows the possibility of
success in this area is the No Wave society.
They receive a lot more than the Live Music
Society each year, and only put on 2 live
shows each year, as well as their DJ nights,
and as a result of being better funded they
have a dedicated following who are willing
to pay good money for good events. Last year
both of their live events were not only hugely
popular but made them a large profit that has
been passed on to the new committee to use
this year to make the shows even better.
And yet the Live Music Society still works its
ass off to put on shows twice a month, only to
be criticised for it in Barefacts the week after.
BEN WREN,
SECRETARY, THE LIVE MUSIC SOCIETY
P.S. If anyone is interested in helping
us in our struggle to provide good live
music to the students of UniS, write to
[email protected] and we’ll willingly
accept your assistance!
rushes restaurant on campus
I found the comments from Amanda
points about student clubs and I have
Surrey. I know that the union pays for sports clubs, equipment, minibusses, etc.
I still stand by the points I made regarding the bar/night club. Wilf made some
valid points, but forgot to mention that for the last few weeks (except for the toga
night) it has been 4 all night on the Friday. I find it amusing, but positive, that this
has suddenly been changed back to how it was last semester, i.e. £2 before 10:30. As
for the comments about paying for the gym, I agree that you can run or in fact do
a number of expensive sports such as Archery, sub aqua, and gliding very cheaply
through the union. In addition, the dance classes and other such activities are excellent.
Concerning the matter of which drinks to choose/possibly drinking before you get to the
union/etc these are handy tips. None of the above, however, excuses the cost and quality of
the union alcohol. Yes. There are more important things to complain about, but if you can’t
sort out something this simple.....! I do agree that to sort it, you need to get involved in it.
SUMEET BELLARA.
Dear barefacts,
The response from Simon Booth in this week’s Barefacts to Catering concerns is at
best disingenuous. Whilst I would expect students to focus on their individual situation,
Simon ought to be open about the University’s situation with relation to Catering.
Firstly, he justifies “value” by surveying customers of his establishments. He fails, of course, to
ask those students not using the facilities. By definition, existing regular customers are far more
likely to be positive about a facility than those who dislike it- either on cost or other grounds.
Secondly, he fails to point out the financial reality of the department he works in. A
glance at the University’s accounts reveals that in 2001/2, Residences Catering and
Conferences generated over £10,000,000 in income from £5,800,000 in expenditure,
yet anecdotally rumours fly around the campus that catering on its own loses money.
This sorry state of affairs - the University with millions in the bank that can’t cross
subsidise its own catering for students’ benefit - is a more realistic and educational
picture than “delivering customer focus”, or whatever the nonsense is he spouts.
ALICE ROBSON
got something to shout about?
email your letters to [email protected] by Monday at 5pm.
Dear barefacts,
Dear bearfacts,
I am writing this letter to vent some of my
frustrations out about the campus restaurants
and their staff, somehow they have managed
to annoy me once again. Today I was
fortunate enough to venture into Rushes,
to get my usual beans, hash browns and a
vegetarian pasty. As usual I checked that it
was a vegetarian and asked the staff at least
2 or 3 times - today I asked four times for
safety. I sat down with friends, took a bite and
discovered lamb inside it – it was a Cornish
pasty! I took it to the staff and told them I
want a refund and that I was very unhappy.
The supervisor apologised and told me that
the staff have a lack of communication
skills and their English is poor. How can
you employ people in a restaurant who
don’t know the meaning of the word
vegetarian? Isn’t it fundamental to your job?
Please let the person responsible for the
Pub Quiz section know that he/she has
made a mistake in last week’s edition...
Argentina is not the largest country in area
in South America. Brazil has 8,511,965
square km compared to Argentina’s
2,766,890 square km.
This week there seems to be another
mistake. The Red Sea does not form the
north coast of Africa. According to my atlas
the sea that forms the north coast of Africa
is the Mediterranean Sea.
RAJIV DOSHI
YOURS SINCERELY,
CAETANO DOREA
barefacts replies: many apologies for the
mistakes in last week’s quiz - blame the bf
quiz book! If anyone fancies writing the pub
quiz themselves one week, then just email
[email protected] or pop in for a chat.
4
COMMENT
opinion
Stop Fees on
26th October 2003
IT IS SOMEWHAT unlikely that all the unrest concerning
student fees has passed you by. Nowadays most of us take it
for granted that we will leave University with over £10,000
debt, most likely significantly more, yet ten years ago
students could attend University for nothing at all. There
is an old barefacts which angrily proclaims from its front
cover that students “may pay up to £300 per year to attend
University”. Everyone was up in arms about those proposals,
yet the plans brought in were far worse. We now pay over
£1100 simply to learn the skills that will not only improve
our job prospects, but provide the country with more skilled
professionals. Yet if government proposals are passed, then
our successors will have to pay fees of around £3,000, before
even thinking about rent, or food.
If everyone sits back and accepts that this will happen,
then it will. The Vice Chancellor of UniS has indicated in an
interview that Top Up Fees will be implemented at Surrey,
if the government passes its current plans. Imagine paying
£12,000 in fees alone for your 4 year degree here. Students
will be graduating with current and projected debts in excess
of £25,000.
As you will have seen from the front page, NUS are
organising a national demonstration in London on Sunday
26th October, and USSU needs as many people as possible
to join together and make students’ voices heard. We are
providing coach travel from campus to London, and back
again, and it should be a great day out, as well as quite an
experience.
Look out for sign up lists at the Activities Centre Reception
in the Students’ Union, or speak to any of the Sabbatical or
Executive Officers if you have any questions. Otherwise, we
look forward to seeing you on Sunday 26th!
A Quick Note
FINALLY, JUST A bit of a quick note from the VP Comms and
Marketing, to anyone who’s sent in an email to barefacts
over the past few weeks. If you’ve submitted articles and
haven’t received a reply, huge apologies. At present I am
receiving a good 40 emails a day, and what with everything
else that goes on in the bustling hub of activity known as
the Media Centre, several have been overlooked, and even
the ones I’ve managed to find have often not been replied
to. I hold my hands up - it is my responsiblity, but rest assured, they have been received. For those of you who have
sent in recipes, there are plans for a recipe page in the near
future, and any letters not in this week will definitely be here
next week. Thanks to everyone who’s been contributing to
barefacts, be it writing articles, staying up half the night to
put the paper together, or just popping into the Media Centre
to say hi during a busy Tuesday. You are what makes this
thing happen, and you are all stars.
barefacts | be heard
16 October 2003
Sun, Sea and Sangria
BY A. LITTLE-PERSON
Another year, another holiday romance and another bout of
tears only a few days in.
Ladies – we are suckers. I’m sorry but it has to be said.
We spend 11 months of the year meticulously planning
our destination and arguing with our bank manager (and
conscience) about how much spending money is really
necessary for a two-week stint in the sun. Then dreaming
about the gorgeous foreigner/slimy creep (delete as
appropriate) who will whisk us off our feet. Except it never
seems to happen that way.
We lie on the beach, praying that the result will be golden
brown not cherry tomato, and trying to keep up a sexy allure
whilst rubbing factor 15 into cellulite-riddled body parts.
Spotting a potential target over the top of your beach-trash
book (thank God for reflective sunglasses), the mind is
easily whisked away to a Jackie Collins fantasy. Will the
young stud come and sweep you off your feet? Not likely,
as he returns to his place on the beach – complete with wife
and 2 kids.
Many hours (occasionally days) later, after a little too
much sangria or ouzo, we get chatting to a more appropriate
potential pull and things move from potential to the present.
Score! You will get your happily ever after ending, you
think, smiling cheekily to yourself as you remember the
previous night.
However, and I’m sure a large proportion of the male
population will shout me down over this, men are horribly
predictable. We know that at the best of times their eyes are
caught by a strategically placed cleavage and toned pair
of legs. But, just as holiday romances travel at twice the
speed of those home grown for us ladies, the average male’s
attention span is halved once on foreign soil. Maybe it’s
those UVA rays frying (or blinding) them, but I’ve noticed
that any exposed flesh will get the once over.
Now before I get a torrent of abuse for my sexist comments,
I will happily admit that checking out the pool-side eyecandy is near the top of my list of favourite things to do
(along with retail-therapy, devouring fudge-brownie Ben
& Jerry’s and drinking copious amounts of vodka). It’s
especially fun because, although I’m a fan of more-is-less,
you can see exactly what you’re in for (bring back cold
swimming pools I say…!), so it works both ways.
The thing I’m basing my rant on this week though, is
the moment when you realise that you and your new beau
are after slightly different things. You want to spend your
holiday trying to achieve the locals’ colour by day and
staring at the stars with him by night. He however wants to
do dive bombs in the pool, then spend the nights seeing how
many notches can put on his bedpost, and you realise that
you are already a has-been.
The moment itself is horrible, and often brings the infamous
Ms Bobbit to mind. You’re out drinking with the girls,
wondering when you’ll bump into you Prince Charming
when you hear a familiar voice and your heart picks up
speed. Turning around to give him your best Oscar-winning
smile, you realise that Mr Holiday Fling is not alone. In fact
he’s now locking lips with one of the girls you rival for deckchair space. The bastard! Fighting the urge to go and tell him
(and her) exactly what you think, you turn back to the table
and promptly burst into tears.
After spending the rest of the evening locked in the toilets,
you wake up the next day feeling sorry for yourself, but
fuelled with determination not to let one arsehole spoil your
holiday. So the rest of the time is spent enjoying girls’ nights
out, and you return home feeling refreshed and ready to face
the world again. And two weeks later when you get your
holiday snaps back, you laugh at his picture, remembering
the size of his… nose!
[email protected]
5
COMMENT
16 October 2003
Are We a Sex Mad Society?
Controversy? Outrage? A bit of fun? Or an extension of our love lives? Neil Christie
offers up some thoughts after a night in with some ‘harmless’ porn.
It’s pretty much the least talked about industry in the world,
but the pornographic industry is booming and continuing to
grow (particularly in the US) and affect our lives. Everyone
knows what it is, a lot of people have seen it, some people
buy it, and others take part in it. So why is porn such a
dirty word? And why – at the back there – are you already
sniggering at the mere mention of the word? This isn’t aimed
to be an overly analytical approach to the industry, just
questioning why so many shocked faces cropped up at the
mention of the word, and why it’s seen as a non-social aspect
of life. How many people go to the pub for a chat about the
latest porn release – or more importantly – why don’t they?
Lets be frank about this. Almost everyone on the planet has
or will have, or has had, sexual intercourse. And of those
that do, the huge majority enjoy doing so. We’re animals,
we have primitive instincts, and sexual acts play a part in
those primitive instincts. In short, we love to fuck, and the
porn industry acts as a kind of supply for those primitive
demands.
Who watches porn then? It’s not just the anti-social nerds of
the Internet that enjoy a bit of bishop bashing sexual pleasure
over pornographic material. Couples, parents (just don’t
dwell on it), teenagers, single men AND women – pretty
much someone from every possible group of people. Some
are more open about it than others, but there aren’t many
people out there who either enjoy watching porn, or think
they would enjoy watching it. Those that say they wouldn’t
are usually among those that say they don’t do X Y and Z of
a sexual nature – but blatantly do.
In a society that is more liberal, more open, and more
relaxed in terms of attitudes and ethics, I find it surprising
that there aren’t more arguments for porn. I have watched a
few documentaries about the porn industry and even I was
surprised at how completely professional it is. In fact, when
you’ve seen just how it’s done it may even take away some
of the enjoyment.
Imagine a Hollywood film set – with cameras, lights, a huge
stage crew, a director, script writer – the whole works. Now
undress the actors and make every scene a love scene. That
is the porn industry. I should add now that I am referring
to the legal, the professional, and the tasteful porn that is
available. I’m disgusted and as outraged as everyone else
over the material a certain Mr Glitter was found to have on
his laptop, and I’d like to point out that the porn I am making
reference to is not perverse, or sick, but contains acts most of
us do behind closed doors with our loved ones.
So anyway – when watching a documentary on how the
actors rehearsed their lines and their movements, it’s no
surprise that the finished product does look so professional.
For instance, how many guys can orgasm on queue each
time, every time? And girls – how many of you know
exactly what’s coming next and what the best ‘turn on’
line is? Basically it’s mechanical and pretty void of all
emotion – more so than acting on the big screen where
actors have to get into character and make us feel and
believe that character. With porn nobody really cares about a
storyline, the character’s motives or feelings. It’s primitive,
it’s touching the senses that trigger arousal within us – it’s
animalistic, and it’s just sex.
If, in ten or so year’s time, you had a daughter that wanted
to be in the porn industry – would you say no and prevent
her from (possibly, given the right characteristics) making
an obscene amount of money and doing what she wants
to do – or would you give her your blessing? Personally
I wouldn’t ever be able to watch any of her work or talk
about it – probably again a primitive instinct of ‘protecting
one’s young’ – but I’d certainly not stand in her way. It’s
not prostitution, it’s not dangerous, it’s just an industry
providing yet another service – although it touches our most
personal instincts. So what’s with the fuss?
If you’re interested, this article came about as a thought
when some friends and I were having a few drinks and jokes,
then out came a DVD (we love you Pornboy – just don’t
shout it in Tescos again). Most of us had all seen porn before,
but for those that hadn’t it was certainly an experience.
Not everyone appreciated every scene, but individual
preferences certainly seemed to be catered for. Most of the
time we were laughing, but occasionally there was a silence
and a common thought of “where is he putting it now?!”.
But basically, there’s nothing in it that’s warped or overly
shocking – so for those that condemn porn and that haven’t
got any knowledge of it – have a more open mind. There will
be some beliefs that simply don’t agree with the idea of porn,
which is fair enough as I’m not here to convert anyone, but
porn should no longer be hidden away or something to be
ashamed of. After all, it’s all natural.
So, who wants to create a porn society?
An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away
BY
LAURA KOSKEMAKI
Actually it’s an apple, a kiwi, an orange, a
few tomatoes and other red vegetables, leafy
green veg, pint of skimmed milk, vitamin D
tablets during the winter, 8 glasses of water,
glass of red wine, nuts (not peanuts) and
seeds, or some fatty fish, but not too much
as most of it is quite polluted, some pate or
spinach, margarine or butter (which ever the
scientists happen to prefer in any given day),
garlic, handful of frozen or fresh red berries,
wholemeal bread, a few cups of herbal tea,
a carrot, lentils, potatoes boiled with skin on
and the list goes on.
If you religiously followed all the
guidelines, ate the recommended amounts of
all the foods, you would do nothing but stuff
yourself all day long, or worry if you missed
your omega 3 fats. But the trouble is if you
eat everything you are supposed to then you
are going to exceed the recommended 2000
calories daily intake and pile on masses of
weight leading to more problems. It’s like
tossing a coin saying, “If it’s heads I win,
tails you lose!”
To add to the problem, the scientists keep
changing their minds about the benefits
and risks of eating certain products. When
Benecol first came out it was advertised as
the best spread as it lowered cholesterol.
Then it was banned for a while because it
was found to increase cancer risk. Then it
was brought back to the markets saying that
it is ok again.
I tend to analyse everything I put in my
mouth. I take calcium supplements to
prevent osteoporosis, I avoid saturated fats
and processed foods, I make sure I eat my
five daily portions of fruit and veg, and
drink plenty of water. Whenever I read
health magazines I begin to panic about
not getting enough iron, or vitamin B12. I
start making mental notes of things my diet
is missing. When I manage to introduce
these changes then I notice that again I am
missing something else vital, like sunshine
to produce vitamin D during the winter
months to help my body to absorb calcium
efficiently. Then I rush to Tesco’s vitamin
and minerals supplement shelf. When I get
there I realise that not only am I missing out
on vitamin D, but there are another dozen
products that I absolutely can’t do without.
Last year during my placement I purchased
my food from a shop that only sold organic,
free range and fair trade products. I spent a
fortune
on
these products while
my friends did their weekly shopping in
Lidl or Aldi for around 5 euros a week.
Organic fruit tastes great, but there is hardly
a massive difference between organic and
normal spaghetti.
A couple of days ago I read an article about
a new eating disorder, orthorexia nervosa,
which is obsession about healthy eating.
Either you are not eating healthily enough,
or you are making yourself ill by eating too
healthily.
6
UNION
9 October 2003
The State of the Union
BY PETE TIVERS,
UNION PRESIDENT
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION
PROVIDED BY THE UNION
SENIOR MANAGEMENT TEAM
Every student is a member - but where does the money that runs the
Union come from and where does it go?
Over the past few weeks there has been a number
of points raised in Barefacts about the Union and
Chancellors in particular. The Union always welcomes
these constructive points of view and the issues that
have been raised. It is the Union’s duty to listen to
things that you as our members feel are not quite right,
so with this in mind we’ve decided to take a pro-active
view and provide a recap for all student members on
how the money that runs the Students’ Union is raised
and spent.
If you feel that we’re not meeting your expectations or still
uncertain having read this article, you need to tell us. The
best forum for that is via Union Council where you can
openly and honestly debate the future direction of your
union and how its monies are distributed. Otherwise, any of
the Union Executive or senior staff will be happy to listen.
It needs to be said that if you look at our finances like a
cake then you can cut it any way you like - but if you give a
bigger slice to one area then by definition another area will
get a smaller slice.
To put the whole issue of money into context, on these pages
you will find areas we have looked to develop over the last
few years and the cost of developing them. It will always be
the case that the most expensive item is people. To have a
complement of employees within any organisation costs a
great deal of money, not just in wages - but in hidden costs
like employer National Insurance, Pensions etc.
We also employ a large number of student staff that play an
important role in the day-to-day running of the Union. This
is intended to help them during their time at University as
well as encouraging them to develop work disciplines. It is
the Union’s continued commitment to make sure students
get the opportunity to work if needed and we do our utmost
to employ as many students as possible in the running of
USSU.
Over the last three years we have reduced our permanent
staff in the commercial services departments by eight
people. This has allowed us to hold firm on the price of
beer and food, and keep admission to the union as low as
possible. During this sustained period all the prices from
our suppliers have continued to increase and the operating
costs of the Union have risen overall year on year. You will
see from the graph below how over this period we have
reversed the losses into profit all of which goes back into
the Union as a whole.
Those of you who have been here more than two years
will have seen the advent of the new student facilities
centre. This area was created after USSU took a strategic
look at what the Union was giving its members by way of
additional support, life skills, opportunities and activities
etc. We undertook a major exercise and visited over twenty
other student unions from across Britain to see what they
were doing for their students that Surrey was not.
The result of this review was that Surrey Students’ Union
was not delivering to its members as it should have been.
A working party was set up with the University and the
net result was that the University increased our subvention
grant resulting in the development of our new Membership
Services Department to modernise USSU and bring it to the
forefront of Student Union development nationwide.
This new area and department is continuing to add to the
overall value that USSU can deliver to student life and to
The University of Surrey as a whole. This new direction
could not have been achieved without the full support of the
University and the Vice Chancellor.
Obviously, some members will take part in more than one
activity during the 30 weeks of the academic year, but
this gives a rough guide as to how many people receive
opportunities funded through the Union’s annual budget. It
should also be stressed that this is only an example of some
of the areas that Union provides resource to. This does not
include people who utilise the Union’s catering services,
computing resources, private bookings, societies ents
events, website, take part in campaigning etc.
The number of people involved in the Union’s associated
activities has continued to increase over the last 12 months.
Based on information available through various Union
departments, conservative estimates can be made as
examples of the number of people actively participating
in various Union funded activities across an academic year
(unless stated otherwise).
With all this in mind, it’s important that the membership
put the Executive and staff team under the microscope and
make sure that the Union is going in the right direction on
your behalf. Some times the price of a pint can be emotive
when you look at the price in Tesco / Wetherspoon - but
neither of these organisations put anything back into student
life, only the pockets of their shareholders.
Union Sports
Union Societies
DAVE Training
Volunteering
Student Media
Representation & Welfare (Cases)
Representation & Welfare (Referrals)
It’s your money and if you are not happy about the way we
spend it then tell us at Union Council or through any of the
Union Executive Officers.
– 1295
– 2945
– 500
– 350
– 190
– 600
– 170
= 6050
The Union also provides its members with opportunities/
information that are utilised by students on a weekly basis
with the obvious tangible examples being things like
Barefacts and the weekly subsidised entertainments.
Readers of Barefacts
– 8,000 (per week)
Av. number of people attending Union subsidised
entertainment
– 2,000 (per week)
= 10,000 (per week)
So what is the current state of play
financially?
9 October 2003
The Sabbatical Team and management staff are now able to
announce that the Students’ Union has posted an overall surplus
of £56,691 for the year to 31st July 2003 as the accounts have
now been audited.
Overall total income is up nearly £91k against last year, the
reasons for this are as follows: - Subvention received from the
University was increased to cover the cost of extra Sabbatical
support staff.
surrey ballroom dancers [right: claire beckett]
Activities centre
£59k (this is over and
above the University’s
contribution of 80k).
5 new
minibuses and 1
van at a cost of
£144k
OFU projector
£13k
Plasma screens, amps,
lighting, rigging, speakers,
flight cases, drapes, dvd’s,
miniscans, projector, t.v.’s
security radios, circa £40k
Union and
Haris bar
decoration £21k
The Summer Ball generated a surplus of £22k (last year it posted
a £1k loss). Commission received from Graduation photos
increased from £14k to £23k. Market stall and office space rental
(Kellys and Pizzaman) added an extra £19k.
7
UNION
The Students’
Union is currently in
negotiations with builders
and architects re a new
Launderette (to be located
opposite the Student Media
Centre) this will cost in the
region of £18k.
GU2
Radio Station
£39k
Over the last
couple of years the
Students’ Union has
undertaken a large
capital investment
programme, these
have included the
following: -
Plans are afoot to
refurbish Chancellors
(with a start date of
hopefully the first week in
January), we are awaiting
final costing but it is
estimated the work will be
in the region of £70k.
Pizzaman
operation £10k
Blinds and furniture
for offices (health and
safety issues) £9k
One area of decline however is net trading income down £49k.
This area covers the Bar, Catering and Entertainment sections.
The reason for the decline is firstly that nationally there is a
decline in the Student Union market, secondly over the last three
years we have not increased selling prices in pace with inflation much of a cost price increase whilst trying to maintain
or supplier price rises, our philosophy has been to absorb as competitive prices.
Expenditure on Clubs and Societies rose by £14k, this was
in line with our forecasts. Expenditure on Union amenities
and trading support costs fell by £82k, of this £59k was the
Students’ Union’s contribution to the new activities centre,
and £18k saving on a Marketing position.
Minibuses cost the Students’ Union an extra £10k this
year. This is because a full year depreciation has been
included. (The Minibuses were purchased in December
2001, therefore only half a years depreciation was charged
in last years accounts). Central administration increased by
£123k, this was in line with our forecasts. (5 new full-time
Membership Services support staff).
To conclude then, the Students’ Union is in a sound
financial position, any surpluses made go directly back
into the Students’ Union, either to the sports clubs and
societies or membership services.
Overall, it is easy to assume that you get better
value for money buying a possibly cheaper pint in
Wetherspoons than Chancellors. It is not surprising that
some members may feel that 5p, 10p or 20p on a pint
makes all the difference on that day, at that time.
The honest truth is that all of the Union’s income,
irrespective of whether it is from the sale of a pint,
a ticket on the door, a grant from the University or
an investment from its reserves, will at some time
be spent to benefit the members of the University of
Surrey Students’ Union.
Taken from the Draft Annual Audited Accounts
The Union has also
revamped an area near the
box office to begin selling
clothing to students.
Whilst you are a student here, you should continue
to expect the best from the Union in all aspects of
what it does; be that representation, sports, societies,
communications, training, volunteering, entertainment or
Union roof
soundproofing and
Haris secondary glazing
£20k
catering. This is your Students’ Union and as long as you
are a member, the Union’s income will be spent trying to
develop the opportunities it can provide to satisfy the needs
of its membership.
If you have any comments or queries about anything
you have read, please contact either Pete Tivers (Union
President) [email protected]
If you would like to find out more about how the
Union represents its members or would like to get
involved more closely with how the Union operates,
pick up a copy of the Student Representation
pamphlet from the Union Activities Centre. If you
can’t find a copy, ask at Union Reception and we’ll get
one for you!
8
WELFARE & V
16 October 2003
Can You Risk Not Going?
USSU’s Vice President Education and Welfare, Claire Iles,
introduces the new self defence courses being run by USSU and
UniSport, and shows why you can’t risk not going.
With a variety of self defence workshops being offered this
year, the question you have to ask yourself, is: ‘Can you risk
not going?’
Hopefully the Students’ Union’s Lights, Camera, Action
campaign has highlighted the risks involved in walking
under the Southway and Tesco underpasses. However this is
obviously not the only place where assaults can take place.
The ‘it won’t happen to me’ frame of mind, is worryingly
misguided and indeed it is a sad reflection upon modern
times that it may well. Your gender nowadays would appear
irrelevant, as would whether you are alone, in a group, on
campus, in town or even rather frighteningly in your own
home. The latter was particularly drummed into me when a
teenager was viciously attacked 6 months ago in my parents’
front garden in the ‘nice, quiet suburban town’ where I live.
Unfortunately if I’m honest this was the first time that I’d
ever really stopped and considered some of my actions and
behaviours. I personally rather like to think of myself as
quite a capable individual, who need not rely on other people
to proceed in life.
Additionally another incident springs to mind, when after
a night out in a nearby town with friends (all of whom
unfortunately lived a distance from myself), I defiantly
refused to pay late night taxi fares, when an hours brisk walk
was an alternative. Luckily I made it home safely, although
I clearly remember regretting my decision the instant it
was made and I avoided the shadowy areas and looked
accusingly at the passing cars, but stubbornly refused to
change my mind. When I last traveled home and visited my
grandparents, the conversation moved towards local scandal
(as my rather nosey grandmother seems to know everyone
and everything that happens within the vicinity). Whilst
shockingly finding out that her next-door neighbours’ son
was serving an 8 year sentence for rape, I was also alerted
to the fact that there had been two attacks on local people at
night, on the same route as the one I had traveled those many
months prior. I don’t consider myself to be overly dramatic,
but it does make you wonder, what if …..?
This article is not meant to scare you
and it worth reiterating
that
Surrey itself is a
comparably
safe county to
live in. However
I do ask you to stop and think, like
I did. Just ponder a few questions: How
do you travel to and from home? Do you
ever pick up your pace in certain areas
and glance over your shoulder? Do you
ever walk home late at night and even
when in a group wish that some of the
street lights were a bit brighter? After
a couple of drinks, have you ever
considered walking home alone
(convincing yourself that it’ll
only take 10 minutes)? When
you visit friends, do you ever
have to travel in an unfamiliar
town and wish you knew were
you were going?
A British Crime Survey has
estimated that the number of
violent incidents experienced
by adults in England and
Wales is 2.8 million for
2002/03. Violent crimes can involve actual violence, the
threat of violence or harassment. Young men aged 16 to 24
were found most at risk, with 15.1 per cent experiencing a
violent crime of some sort in the year. However it is also
worth noting that it has also been estimated that 60% of
crime against students is unreported.
Open the local paper, it’s full of reports of theft, muggings
and assaults and ask yourself, is it worth hedging your bets
and not attending a self-defense course?
So please don’t let it be you that I talk about with my gran
when I next go home, take advantage of the sessions on offer
and learn how to not be the next victim.
Self defense course details
Since Aikido is the chosen martial art and self defence
system of police forces world wide and the British Armed
Forces. Our self defense courses are being in collaboration
with Unisport and the Aikido club.
The Students’ Union has been extremely fortunate in
signing up Ray Panter as the instructor for all the sessions.
Ray has practised Aikido and Aiki JuJutsu for about 25
years and has developed an extremely effective combat
style incorporating the bodies anatomical weak points, so
even the smallest person is able to overcome an attack
unharmed, irrespective of the opponent’s size.
Every attendee of any of the courses will receive a free
attack alarm.
The sessions offered are:
Sunday 19th October 3-5
Sunday 30th November 3-5
Both of the above sessions are a brief taster in self defense,
where the basic moves are demonstrated and can be
practiced. The sessions are completely free (to University
of Surrey students) and are being run on a first come first
serve basis to the Sports Centre Studio at Unisport.
We are also for the first time ever, running a four
week course, which will cover the basic moves, but
also allow you to develop them and practise them
in a safe environment, with expert teaching. You
can sign up to the course in the new Union
Shop (opposite the main reception in USSU)
or speak to Jacqui Hollis in the Activities
Centre Reception. The places for this
course are limited.
Dates:
3-5pm Sunday November 2nd
3-5pm Sunday November 9th
3-5pm Sunday November 16th
3-5pm Sunday November 23rd
Venue: Sports Centre Studio (Unisport)
Price: £5 (plus £5 deposit)
All money must be paid in advance and
deposit will not be reimbursed if not all
four sessions are attended
For more information, contact Claire
Iles, at [email protected], or
pop into the Activities Centre in the
Students’ Union.
The Ever Popular & Exciting - V Project!
The V Project is UniS/ USSU’s volunteering programme
for all students and staff. We offer you the fantastic and
definitely un-missable opportunity of gaining valuable life
skills, meeting new people, having great fun, boosting your
CV, and doing something that really makes a difference!
Here’s a couple of one-off events for Saturday 18th
October:
Eradicate The Weeds! Come along to a local infants
school 10am-2pm to help plant a sensory garden and
pull out lots of weeds! – free lunch and travel expenses
included!
OR…
Clean Up! Be environmental and help make the earth a
clean place to live by helping at a fun ‘clean up day’ in
Tongham from 1pm! – travel expenses will be paid!
Please contact me asap if you want to get involved.
There are also lots and lots and even lots more exciting
longer term opportunities, such as…
‘He’s football crazy, he’s football mad, he’d like to go
to matches, if a volunteer he had! Chris is a resident
at SeeAbility in Leatherhead. He is visually impaired
and also has additional disabilities, so getting him to a
game is not so easy. He loves to go to football matches
to hear the roar of the crowd and feel the excitement of
the game. If you think you can help escort Chris to local
football matches (in Leatherhead) and give him a running
commentary on a sport he loves, please get in touch! OR…
Take the plunge!
Dennis is visually impared and communicates by sign
language. He and his staff worker need your help and
support one evening a week in a swimming session at
Leatherhead Leisure center. Learn a new skill, meet new
people and spend some rewarding time seeing potential
being fulfilled.
Do you live In Park Barn or Westborough? Literally
hundreds of you do! There are loads of exciting activities
right on your doorstep! There is a community development
organisation here that really wants you to get actively
involved in your local community (even if it is just in term
time), which also has the bonus of being great experience
for your CV - and for life in general! There’s wildlife
opportunities, youth and elderly groups, ‘good neighbour’
activities, as well as a community newspaper that is
especially looking for someone to help make it online and
updated… can you do that? There are loads and loads of
super-duper activities!
There are loads more opportunities available! If you are
interested in finding out more just contact me!
Many thanks.
Name:
Tel:
Email:
Web:
Person:
Carol Main
(01483) (68) 3254
[email protected]
http://www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering
The Activities Centre @ USSU
10
PROFESSIONAL
16 October 2003
The Class of 78 Comes of Age Dr Russ Replies
Tim Savage looks at the Class of 1978’s Reunion, a quarter of a century later
DR RUSS CLARK
CAREERS SERVICE
A strange mixture of feelings, emotions and questions
preceded the reunion of the best and the brightest – nervous
anticipation, excitement, who is going to turn up, will it be
worthwhile, what will we talk about, what will everyone
look like, will they have changed, will I have changed,
will we still have anything in common. These were all
swept away on a wave of relief as the small crowd began
to form on the well trodden ground outside the concrete
blockhouse of the Students’ Union. Fading eyesight scanned
the assembling faces and cries of glee emerged from open
mouths as familiar features came into focus . With only
slight and momentary hesitation – kisses and warm hugs
were exchanged with shared reassurances of “ you haven’t
changed at all !”
Due to the hard work and dedication of Wendy Purchese
– the 25 year reunion of the Hotel & Catering graduating
class of 1978 had started. We made our way into the modern
environment of Roots Café and Bar – co-incidentally on the
previous site of historic moments such as the Great Chinese
Disco Fire-hose incident and the infamous first & last
appearance of Diana Toss and the Chicken Supremes.
Alcohol soon loosened any last remnants of inhibitions as
it had done so frequently in the past. The level of chatter
increased gradually as old dormant friendships were quickly
rekindled and brought up to date. A brief interlude for
the graduation photo to be recreated on the stairs in the
amphitheatre with a conspicuous number of gaps in the
ranks.
The trip down memory lane commenced with “did you
remember when..” the stories started to emerge polished and
embellished by repeated telling over the years. Accounts of
outrageous behaviour still inducing hilarity and laughter, it
all seemed so long ago and yet it was like yesterday. As the
evening gathered pace over the mushroom stroganoff – the
years fell away from the eager faces as their voices grew
louder and the wine flowed.
The bar staff listened to the conversations with bemusement
as they came to terms with the fact that they had probably
not even been born when all these conversation topics had
originally taken place.
So – was it all worthwhile ? A universal – absolutely - and
shame on the others who had seemingly better things to do
– you missed out on a really unique and meaningful evening.
Hands were firmly held and cheeks anointed with kisses as a
general consensus was reached swiftly for an event in 2008
– potentially in Jersey chez Patrick Burke.
As we all started to drift away with the memory banks
newly replenished and affections shared – there seemed to
be a general feeling not to let everything fade away again.
Promises to meet for lunch in the interim were made with
sincerity – I believe some of us will make an effort to keep
in touch now we have found each other again.
You know what - Nostalgia is good for you.
Do you think it’s worth doing a postgraduate degree?
I’m going to throw the ball back into your court and ask
‘do you think it’s worth it?’ In other words, why has it
come into your mind in the first place? For example, you
may be attracted to the prospect of remaining a student. Or
maybe you think it would give you a breathing space before
deciding which career to follow. Perhaps you’re thinking
it might improve your employment prospects, or, that you
ought to stay on simply because, after all, doesn’t everyone
stay on who gets a good degree?!
Coming Up in Week 6 at
the Careers Service
FIND OUT MORE
SUCCESSFUL INTERVIEWS
MONDAY 20 OCTOBER 1 – 1.45 PM IN LT F
Russ Clark will talk you through a typical interview and provide hints
on answering both common and unusual questions.
DEVELOPING YOUR SKILLS
PERSONALITY AND CAREER CHOICE*
TUESDAY 21 OCTOBER 6 – 8 PM IN LT B
Based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to help you relate various
aspects of your personality to your future career.
HOW TO SURVIVE THE INTERVIEW*
WEDNESDAY 22 OCTOBER 2 – 4 PM IN LT B
This workshop is designed to help you develop an effective interview
technique. In a friendly and relaxed way you will have the opportunity
to be interviewed and to be the interviewer.
EMPLOYER PRESENTATIONS
AMEC*
MONDAY 20 OCTOBER 6.15 PM IN LT M
Opportunities for final and placement year students in all disciplines,
but particularly engineering.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIC SERVICE*
MONDAY 20 OCTOBER 6 PM IN OAK SUITE 1 AND 2
Opportunities for economists
BBC TECHNOLOGY*
TUESDAY 21 OCTOBER 6.15 PM IN OAK SUITE 1 AND 2
Opportunities in Broadcast Engineering, R & D and Project
Management
KBR*
THURSDAY 23 OCTOBER 6.15 PM IN LT B
Subsidiary of Halliburton. Opportunities for electrical, mechanical,
chemical, civil engineering, physics and business related students.
ACCENTURE TECHNOLOGY SOLUTIONS*
THURSDAY 23 OCTOBER 6.30 PM IN LT M
Opportunities for final and placement year students in computer
science, software engineering and related disciplines.
* PLEASE REGISTER WITH CAREERS IF YOU WISH TO ATTEND OR
EMAIL [email protected]
So where should I start?
I think a good place to start is to think about the career you’d
like to follow and then work backwards. For example, if you
see yourself in a research career, then a PhD is a tremendous
asset since it confirms your ability to carry out effective
research. It also means you can compete more effectively
with colleagues when promotion opportunities come up.
Similarly, you may be considering a career which requires
more specialised knowledge than your first degree provided.
Masters courses are tailor-made to meet these demands with
virtually every subject from actuarial work to zoology covered
in one course or another. On the other hand, if you would
like to pursue a career in say, chartered accountancy, your
employer would sort out your training for you. A postgraduate
degree would be quite unnecessary.
How can I find out whether I need a postgraduate degree
for my area of work?
A simple way to do this is to check the Occupational Profiles
folders in the Careers Service. You’ll find them on the
shelf under the clock! This information is also available on
the Prospects website www.prospects.ac.uk. Just click on
“Explore types of jobs”. Each profile will tell you whether
postgraduate study is essential, desirable or unnecessary.
Armed with this information, your decision should be a lot
easier.
Got any other advice?
Just this. A lot of people drift into further degrees without
having a clue what’s at the end of it. Fortunately, most
directors of postgraduate courses know what’s happened to
their former students. Why not ask them for this information
before you commit yourself? If they are reluctant to tell
you, perhaps it’s because many of their students are still jobhunting. On the other hand, if most are getting jobs related to
their course, you could be on to a winner.
MARK OWEN
FILM FEVER
Catherine Lee and Chris Neil Boulton brings us yet
Ward meet the legend
more exciting things from
that is Mark Owen - and
the world of cinema and
get their photo taken!
TV film...
GORKY’S ZYGOTIC
MYNCI
MOW THE LAWN
Sanctuary Records
kosheen: the bristol band’s latest single is reviewed above right
ms
Taken from their new album Sleep/Holiday, this folk-rock
number may take a few listenings to get into but soon becomes an
infectious, catchy song. The lyrics are fairly off-the-wall, yet decorated
as they are with a variety of vocal effects such as swoops and slides,
you can’t help but be drawn into the nonchalant optimism the track
suggests. Even the rather repetitive chorus fails to grate, such is the
cheeriness of this tune. c.l.
Bristol’s, Kosheen return with the
electrofying anthem, Wasting My
Time. Their unorthodox sound
mixes dance, guitar melodies
and beautifully strong vocals
stamping their unquestionable
sound now associated with one of
Britain’s most original dance acts.
Beginning with a Morcheebaesque vibe Wasting My Time
moves on delivering a hefty
chorus in this addictively catchy
manor achieving where others
fail, commercially appealing and
innovative at the same time. m.b.
albu
singles
KOSHEEN
WASTING MY TIME
BMG
outstanding
excellent
good
average
poor
FOUR TET
AS SERIOUS AS YOUR LIFE
Domino
STELLASTARR*
Stellastarr*
RCA Records
RELAXED MUSCLE
A HEAVY NIGHT WITH…
Rough Trade
Of all the uber-cool bands to
come from New York, Stellastarr*
are one of the most original.
Alongside Interpol, Stellastarr*
take their influences from the 80’s,
namely The Cure and some of The
Pixies’ jauntier material. My Coco
is a spiky combination of The
Cure and New Order, whereas first
single Somewhere Across Forever
has a fantastic uplifting tune going
on behind the very distinctive
vocals. Moongirl has a very
atmospheric introduction, building
up into what is a superb rock
instrumental, and then mellowing
out for the main body of the track.
All in all, this has the potential to
become one of the alt.rock albums
of the year. j.a.
Jarvis and his pal have decided that
what the world was lacking was a
bad electro music group. This idea
must have come to them on one of
their heavy nights out and on their
way home, in their wasted state,
put their genius idea into the form
of a 12 track album. This sounds
nothing like pulp so don’t be
fooled. Disguised vocals complete
with random howling animal
sounds on tracks like beatmaster
are what you have to look forward
to. They preach ‘I’m for real’ on
B Real, but its hard to take them
seriously when they attempt a
harmony on Mary. d.m.
After a distinct lack of pictures of the above
bands, here’s one of pete, matt and neil
from the barefacts music team, entertaining
themselves with the game with one of last
week’s cds
The CD I’m listening to must be stuck; but on closer inspection the
numbers roll on and a quick of thump of the stereo doesn’t alters the
sound from the speakers. This track has no vocals and unfortunately no
real direction. Finding the live track takes 3 minutes to sound remotely
like the original is worrying, but at 23minutes and 16 seconds they are
definitely in no rush. d.m.
a perfect circle
KINESIS
HANDSHAKES FOR
BULLETS
indepentiente
A quick glance at the
tracklisting for Kinesis’
debut album – featuring
such titles as Conveyor Belt
Destruction and Everything
Destroys Itself – should tell you
they are not entirely satisfied
with the status quo. Setting the
tone for much of the album with
the fierce discordance of recent
single One Way Mirror, the band
live up to their frequent lyrical
and musical comparisons with
Richey-era Manics, but wisely
at this stage of their careers
have not created an experience
as unremittingly bleak as The
Holy Bible (predictably cited
as a personal favourite by two
of four members). Instead,
they intersperse their polemic
rage with moments of relative
optimism on (Cling To Your)
Innocence and album highlight
Billboard Beauty, adding a
splash of colour to their largely
monochrome-hued musical
palette. Hopefully they’ll do a
lot more of that with their next
release, until then their obvious
potential remains untapped. j.d.
This week’s music section
is brought to you by:
Matt Badcock, Jon Allen,
Catherine Lee, Jonathan
Darzi, Dina and Neil
‘Tree’ Boulton.
gigs
13
MUSIC
16 October 2003
The Sleepy Jackson
and The Delays
London Astoria
Tuesday 7th October
The Sleepy Jackson have had more personnel changes than Liam
Gallagher has had fights. Lead singer Luke Steel, a bit of a control
freak, is a born again Christian, and I’m guessing he’d be even weirder
if he hadn’t found religion. But more of that later. Tonight’s support act,
The Delays, show quite a resemblance to JJ72’s earlier material, but with better
tunes, supplemented by the singer’s strong falsetto. Stand out tracks in their set
were debut single Nearer Than Heaven, and current song Long Time Coming. Then,
The Sleepy Jackson appeared. They started off with a couple of tunes under a lot of
influence from 60’s psychedelia. These were followed by new single Good Dancers.
It was around then that the oddness started. We were treated to a rather moody and
atmospheric interlude, involving the drummer standing on his bass drum using a strange
contraption to make funny noises, some horror movie style background music, Luke
walking around like he didn’t know where he was and a lot of confusion on the crowds
part. This did eventually build up into the heaviest song of the set, which was then
followed by Luke playing two solo songs, the second of which seemed
rather bodged, and led into a two minute section where the band did
nothing. That is, they stood stock still, didn’t make a sound and caused
To become part of the
further confusion amongst the crowd. Eventually they burst into another
of the set’s stand out tracks. After an encore of Vampire Racecourse,
, just
the crowd left quietly and quite puzzled. Some of the tracks were
awesome, but the rest was odd, to say the least. jon allen
turn up to the meetings
music team
at
bf
5.15pm on Mondays in
Elbow/Longview @ London Astoria
Wednesday 8th October
I arrived in London full of anticipation for what should be one of the
best gigs I’ve ever seen. Boy was I right. Support tonight was from
Longview. They are one of those bands that you hear the album of,
and think that they’re quiet, mellow, generally ‘nice’ music. Trust me,
they’re not. Live, they have an awesome intensity, provided by some
fantastic drumming and some quality screaming guitar solos. All of
tonight’s tracks were off their debut album Mercury, finally crunching
to a finish with top-40 bothering debut single Further. Then came the
arrival of Elbow. They opened with the epic Ribcage, followed by
Red and the first single off critically acclaimed new album Cast of
Thousands, Fallen Angel. These were followed by the tribal rhythms
of Bitten by the Tailfly. They continued to power their way through
most of the new album, and the bigger tracks off debut Asleep in the
Back. The standouts were the yearning Fugitive Motel and Newborn,
which was eight minutes full of calm melody leading into a breathtaking crescendo. The only slight disappointment was the surprising
lack of crowd participation in show closer, Grace Under Pressure.
The album version features a whole Glastonbury crowd singing, and
I think I was one of about twenty people with arms aloft shouting
“We still believe in love, so fuck you”. I won’t whinge
too much about that though, seeing as Elbow are the
kind of band that remind you that, you know,
life is actually quite good.
jon allen
starsailor
the
USSU Media Centre
or email [email protected].
Starsailor @ Brixton Academy | Friday 3rd October
AMPLIFIER
The Consultancy
Infected
After a longer-than-normal drum intro the first, and title, track The
Consultancy kicks in and the first impression is ‘Bush’. The singer
sounds like Gavin Rossdale and the music sounds like, well, like Bush
and this similarity continues. The band take their time about things as
the tracks move along at their own pace, however none can match the
energy of the first. This doesn’t mean the other tracks and tiresome, the
guitars are nice and the drum work is especially nice, but there isn’t
anything too distinctive about the sound – Solid stuff though. n.b.
Inoffensive rockers and chart lingerers, Starsailor bring their UK tour to an end at this evening sold out
Brixton Academy. Support for tonight’s headliners came from Bellx1 warming up the crowd with their
highly hyped promising sound offering a fitting start. Opening Shark Food was eclipsed with dazzling
beams whilst the toe taper Music Was Saved set early standards. After their acclaimed million selling debut
album Love Is Here, progressive second album, Silence Is Easy is more mature, though previous glories
seemed better received. The groping couples taking over Brixton Academy were momentarily torn apart
to applaud rapturous versions of Alcoholic and a cover of U2’s stomping The Streets Have No Name. The
massive top ten hit Silence Is Easy was declared by Walsh as “The best song we have ever written” being
met with delight as the catchy radio friendly sound was catapulted into another sphere. Coming back for the
encore the descriptive Fever was only bettered by the excellent live version of Lost Souls making the original
version sound bland in comparison to this electrifying rendition. Leaving the stage tonight, Starsailor
showed they’re much more than an inoffensive wet guitar band but solid at what they do. Matt Badcock
14
MARK OWEN INTERVIEW
16 October 2003
Twelve years ago,
in a bubblegum pink
bedroom
in
South
London, a teenage girl
gazed longingly at an
assortment of dog-eared
posters, ripped weekly from
issues of Smash Hits - the
purchase of which never failed
to induce a frisson of excitement
as precious pocket money was
exchanged for such delicious
glossiness. The subject of the
posters was uniform: Mark Owen,
cheeky fresh-faced boy-next-door,
one fifth of the internationally
renowned boyband Take That.
As the years passed, her oncetreasured hope of meeting the boy
of her dreams gradually began to
fade; the dramatic breakup of Take
That in 1996 and Mark’s newfound
independence as he moved into
the solo arena highlighted the
ever-growing distance between
the famous popstar and the
ordinary lovestruck adolescent.
Nevertheless, as a hopeless
romantic
and
unrelentingly
stubborn as always, she refused
to let go of that final shred of
optimism, convinced one day their
paths would indeed cross. Such
belief in the power of destiny would
seem to be well-founded. Now a
final year student at the University
of Surrey, an article innocently
submitted for her weekly column
fixture in barefacts was to act as
the fateful catalyst that would
transform her dream into reality.
From the rather embarrassing
admission of her teenage crush,
emerged opportunity: she was
asked to interview Mark Owen
at the Freshers Ball. After over
with the popstar. He was trendily
dressed, in black T-shirt and jeans,
choosing to accessorize with an
overly long pink and black striped
scarf [rather Doctor Who-esque, it
has to be said, although barefacts
can exclusively reveal that he has
not yet been approached to become
the next timelord]. He was even
more friendly and down-to-earth
than in Angelica’s dreams; it’s
a wonder she managed to pose
any questions, let alone relate the
interview later, since it passed in
a heady blur of awe and nervous
laughter. Despite severe posttraumatic stress however, she has
been able to put pen to paper to
bring you the lowdown, but first
wishes to extend one big fat thank
you to the Barefacts editors – it
really was a Chris-and-Sarah’llFix-It dream come true!
barefacts’ catherine and chris with mark owen
How does it feel to be back in the musical limelight? I’m really
enjoying it. It’s still very early days. I think the thing is, with me having
had a few years away, I’m finding it all very exciting, it still feels very
fresh. I’m not taking it for granted, which maybe I did in the Take That
days. Now I’ve seen the other side, having been sat at home not really
doing anything, it all feels new again. When I first got on the tourbus,
it was like “wow I’m on a tourbus” whereas in the old days it was like
“urgh, not the tourbus again”.
How’s the university tour going? OK I think. It’s quite strange when
you put it into perspective with other bands. In Leeds, there was another
band playing with us, Four Day Hombre, who are getting played on the
Radio 1 Chris Moyles show quite a bit. They’re on their 350th gig now
– I’m on my 9th, so I’ve got quite a way to go yet. The crowds seem to
be enjoying the songs though. I think it’s quite difficult in many ways,
because a lot of the songs I’m singing are new, and I know that when I
go to watch my favourite band, it’s when they play their new songs that
I nip to the toilet to be back in time for the songs I do know!
Who would you say is your favourite band? Er… probably
Radiohead. I don’t sound anything like them, but they’re probably the
band I’ve seen the most.
Who would you say your musical influences are? I don’t know really
- Radiohead, Foo Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age, Chilli Peppers,
Rufus Wainwright, Jeff Buckley. I don’t really hear them in the music I
play but that’s what I listen to at home. Although on a Friday or Saturday
night in a nightclub, I do like Beyoncé and Justin Timberlake…
What persuaded you to go on Celebrity Big Brother? My mates
really. Initially when they called me, I thought no. Sometimes you can
take yourself a bit too seriously, you know, say you’ll not do anything
to detract from your music. But
there’s been a few offers over the
mark owen at freshers’ ball 2003
years I wish I’d taken up when I’ve
watched them on the TV later, so I
thought this could work out well. I
thought it’d be a bit of a challenge,
something a bit different, and
obviously it was for charity. So I
phoned my mates and they told me
to go on, just be myself. The worst
thing though was that two days
before I was due to enter the house,
they all phoned me up, told me to
make sure I wasn’t the first one
out or they wouldn’t be my mates
anymore! Bit late by then!
a decade of waiting, and having
spent the week neither sleeping
nor eating due to the unhealthy
level of adrenalin pumping
through her veins, on Saturday
4th October 2003 Angelica
Fruitcake finally met Mark Owen.
Although accompanied by the
editor Chris Ward lest she be
reduced to a drooling, stuttering
wreck in Mark’s presence, right
until the very last moment she
still expected to be frogmarched
out of the building, removed by
security and branded criminally
insane since both Mark and his
manager had read her confession
of teenage love. Yet once again
fate was to play a significant
role. Miraculously, clearance was
given for her to breach the six-foot
restraint-order radius, shake hands
and even have her photo taken
Mark Owen
Angelica Fruitcake
meets
Are you still in contact with the other members of Take That? Yeah.
I’ve been out for a few drinks with Jason. I’ve seen Robbie obviously.
I spent a week with Gary at his house doing some writing. I haven’t
seen Howard actually but I spoke to him a couple of days ago. He’s an
international DJ now, I’m not cool enough for him!
How are feelings between you, the band and Robbie? Obviously,
I can only speak for me, not the others. I chat to everybody, I’m not
bothered. To me, they’re old friends. I don’t know whether other people
don’t talk to each other or what, but me, I’d rather talk to everybody.
I’ve shared six or seven years of my life with them, it’d be silly not to. I
think things are fine, but I could be wrong.
Any chance of a Take That reunion? No no. Though I do think it’d
be great if when we’re all about 55, we were sat round in our smoking
jackets with pipes, writing an old man’s album!
Is it true you’re planning to record a duet with Robbie? No. I might
do a duet with Mr.Blobby though, that might be where the confusion
came in - Blobby/Robbie maybe?!
What do you hope the future holds? Erm… I’d like to keep touring,
that’s the thing I really want to do. My two favourite things are writing
songs then performing them. I want to make the next album, perform
those songs… if I can carry on with my music, I’ll be very happy.
Lastly, since you’ve read my column and know I’m a fruitcake, if
you were a cake what sort of cake would you be? I’d be a cheesecake.
I love cheesecake!
words: Catherine Lee and Chris Ward
photos: (bottom left) Nicki Luscombe & (above) Daisy Clay
Literature
LITERATURE
16 October 2003
15
Alice in Wonderland - by Lewis Caroll
Literature Editor, Jennifer Walker looks at Lewis Caroll’s possibly drug fuelled, and very unusual classic
When reading Alice in Wonderland, you cannot help but
think that you have taken magic mushrooms; this is not your
average fairy story or fantasy, but a fine example of surrealist
literature. There have been rumours that “Lewis Carroll” (a
pseudonym) was on opium when he wrote this book, so it
is not a surprise that it reads as a drugs trip. Its not just the
whole surrealistic style of the story, but some of the drugs
related implications within it. The Caterpillar smoking the
hookah (possibly the personification of the author?), whose
attempts to give advice to Alice just ends up confusing her
even more, the mushroom that causes her to change in size
(which is the said effects of magic mushrooms, that your
feeling of size is distorted), also the numerous number of
other size altering cakes and potions that Alice encounters.
So what else does this book have to say other than a creative
work of somebody who was possibly on hallucinogens?
“Lewis Carroll” aka Charles Lutwidge Dodgson was also
a mathematician at Oxford University. The inspiration for
Alice in wonderland came from the idea of an “EinsteinRosen Bridge”, in other words a wormhole. The idea must
have seemed possible mathematically to Carroll but he felt
that the idea was so extreme he chose to write his ideas down
in the fictional form of Alice in Wonderland. The concept of
the Wonderland toys with the idea of parallel universes, an
idea that is used in quantum physics and wormholes to solve
the time paradox. Is Alice in Wonderland a deep scientific
theory about wormholes and parallel universes dressed up to
look like an innocent children’s novel.
As children’s novel it is out of date for the children of our
Drowning
age. Alice as a child is supposed to represent the average
Victorian child who is eager to show of her knowledge by
using long words and inquisitive question, which modern
kids of today could not relate to. Hence it is more of a
By John Rye
surrealistic fantasy that adults tend to enjoy more. However
there have been points when I have been so scared by the
weirdness of the book I had to put it down. Originality is
definitely something I would credit Carroll’s book, but it is
weird to the extent it is truly disturbing. It makes a good read
(that’s if you can understand it, or just get beyond the general
shock of how weird the book actually is!) The otherworldly
feel of this book is mainly captured by the strange way of
thought of the characters, the general “madness” of them as
quoted by the Cheshire cat “We’re all made here. I’m mad.
You’re mad.” Wonderland is a world enlaced with weird
everyday creatures with surrealistic twists and turns. Where
ordinary logic goes out the window as soon as you fall down
that rabbit hole with Alice. Prepare to let your sanity go out
the window as soon as you open the book, and let the world
of madness draw you in.
An interesting point I have encountered in the introduction
is the representation of Alice; although she is based on a true
character (that of Alice Liddell) it is suggested that she is
really a “carefully constructed allegory” that satirises the
religious and political controversies of the day.
So at the end of the day what is “Alice in Wonderland” truly
about? Drugs? Physics? Satire or just plain insanity? A the
end of the day it makes a good read, in the sense of drawing
you into a world where the works of Salvador Dali seems
as dull as Turner prints. I would definitely recommend this
book if your looking for something different, but if you like
normality, do not touch this book with a barge pole!
Perfection
By Katy Saunders
When your breaths pull in nothing more
Than lungfuls of darkness
And you can hear every hair on your head
Start to shriek, cry and wail.
When you can feel the rain
Pouring down like crude oil,
Your fingers endlessly reaching,
Clawing at cold, empty space.
How the sun seems like nothing
But a dull wasteful orb
Awash in a deep black void;
And the lightning can’t help but strike.
Glowing eyes boring into your soul
Exposing everything you ever dreamed of.
Laughter bellowing, echoing
Around your empty skull.
That I cannot begin to describe how it all feels.
When the scream bubbles up
From the depths of your stomach
Yet your mouth can’t form any noise.
When you know you can do nothing
But fail.
Is it even a life at all,
That’s what it’s like
When she’s not there.
Do you envy my life
Or do you pity it?
Perfection is so dull, so full of shit
There is no worry and no pain,
And yet there is no feeling at all.
What is a life without feeling?
For without feeling there is nothing.
A big, black, swirling nothing.
So, in fact, my life is not perfect.
Perfection is for the gods,
And not for us mere women.
And certainly not for men.
Perfection is nothing to aspire for
And will only disappoint one.
16
FILM
16 October 2003
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Neil Boulton heads to the preview at the Guildford Odeon, and brings us back his thoughts
Another year, another comic book adaptation – Only this
time it’s from a comic book you probably haven’t heard of.
The comic the characters were plucked from was written by
Alan Moore (Who has also had another work of his, From
Hell, converted into cinema fodder sometime during 2001…
starred Johnny Depp, wasn’t that bad.) and features the
coming together of several Victorian sci-fi literature greats
into the same tale. Participants include Alan Quartermaine,
the gallivanting adventurer - Captain Nemo, with his supership the Nautilus – Mina Harker, Vampire-hunter’s wife
turned Vampire – An Invisible man, not ‘the’ invisible man,
but the same principal applies and finally Dr. Jekyll with his
scientifically extracted alter-ego Mr. Hyde. Also added into
the mix are an Immortal and a re-realised Tom Sawyer as
a CIA agent of the time. The big name tagged onto the top
of this; technically, already star-studded adaptation is none
other than Sir Sean himself… Mr. Connery hasn’t had the
best of luck with this sort of thing in the past (He still has his
kilt in a twist and holds a mighty grudge about the tortured
production of The Avengers and the film’s subsequent
tanking at the box office.) so it’ll be interesting to see how
things go this time around.
Sean gets to play leader to the League and takes the role
of aged adventurer Alan Quartermaine who is dragged out
of Africa by ‘M’ back to London on a mission for Queen
and Country. His task is first to lead and gather the League
and then, basically, stop to the onset of World War. This
war is being started by shadowy Super-villain type, The
Fantom, who is setting countries off against each other so
he’ll have customers for his shiny new weapons of war. So
the League set about their job and as their task begins they
slowly discover that all is not as simple as they were first
led to believe. Explosions, car chases and a lovely array of
special effects deck out the proceedings and the group sail
around in the Nautilus performing such deeds as preventing
the sinking of Venice. Style-wise it all looks as you expect a
story concerning Victorian superheroes would.
I have to say the premise is as excellent one, the idea
to take a selection of famous science-fictiony characters
and effectively turn them into superheroes is appealing.
Especially considering the darker origins of the characters
it’s like they’re being given an opportunity for redemption.
Unfortunately the premise isn’t quite realised through the
course of the film, this can probably all be traced back to Sean
Connery. The main reason I think Sean holds things back is
that the film is supposed to be the League of Extraordinary
Gentlemen and it feels a little too much like Sean Connery
and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. When you’ve
got a line up of great characters you don’t want one person
hogging the proceedings and Sean kinda does. Also where
I’ve mentioned the number of great characters the film has to
build on, the film also has one very unnecessary one, namely
the American Tom Sawyer. The character’s place in the film
is so contrived it hurts. It feels like the producers felt the
film needed an American character (a trait held by none of
the others) and it also gave Sean’s Quartermaine someone
to connect with in father/son type way. I don’t think the
character was in the original comic anyway which probably
aided his sticking out like a sore thumb.
Nowadays it’s quite hard to tell if Sean Connery is acting
or not, he just always seems to be ‘Sean’ despite the role he
plays. His entourage however do very well for themselves Jason Flemyng gives a great jittery performance as fractured
mind Dr Jekyll and Peta Wilson does well as the dignified
Vampiress capable of doing damage when she needs to.
The film also looks superb in it’s own dark way - from the
unusual Indian elegance of the Nautilus to the expansive
streets and canals of Venice. The special effects are good,
even if it does feel like it’s the special effects of other movies
being reapplied to this one, for example the Invisible man
and Dr Jekyll’s monstrous side, Mr. Hyde, both look great
but feel a little bit like leftovers from Hollow Man and Hulk.
The film was entertaining but definitely flawed; the plot
wasn’t too grand and they could have done so much more,
and better, with the characters they had.
The
Comic
Book
Shuffl
e
why are comic book adaptations a disappointment?
After some thoughts prompted by his viewing of ‘The League of Extraordinary Gentlement’, Neil Boulton wonders
about the merits of the page to screen transition.
No classic of the week this week… initially
I was trying to think of a classic which
would tie-in to the recent release above, I
was thinking of the classic being a comic
book adaptation. But then - as thinking and
head scratching continued – no resolution.
I couldn’t think of a comic book adaptation
that would really sit well with the header of
‘classic’. I’ve seen good adaptations, I’ve
seen bad adaptations, but none which should
be loftily carried above the flock. Many
films are adapted from books and many
of these are considered classics, so why
not in the case of its graphic brethren the
comic? Maybe it’s that many of the comicconverted films involve people with super
powers, could it be this fantasy element
holding them back? Or is the fact that most
comics are based around action, leading to
films also tending to be action-packed - It’s
very rare for an action film to be heralded as
a classic too (I consider action films worthy
of classic status, especially
Die
Hard).
Maybe
dealing with characters
people already know
and have ideas of
their own about from
reading
comics
can only lead to
disappointment?
In the past films
like the pioneering
Superman, Burton’s
2 Batman films,
recent crowd pleaser
Blade, cult hit The Crow
and the “hold on, that was a
comic book!?” real life drama
of Ghost World have been at the
better end of the adaptation spectrum.
Similarly some have taken the prettydamn-bad Spawn, Joel Schumacher’s Neonlit disasterpieces Batman Forever and Robin,
hyped-up letdown Spiderman
and others to represent
the worst. Maybe films
of this nature need
more than the usual
90 to 120 minutes
to successfully carry
the story through
- X-men 2 seemed
to be superior
to the slightly
average
first.
Did you know
there’s
going
to be another
Batman
film,
this time with
Christopher
Nolan
(Him what did Memento) directing
with Christian Bale as Batman, will
this lead to a rebirth for comic book
adaptations, or just bloom into
another disappointment. I’m not sure what
kind of response, if any, I’m going to get
for this - but I want to hear everyone else’s
ideas about the whole thing. So, what do you
think? Tell me, I dare you…
Seen a film you want to talk
about? or think you can write
about a great ‘classic of the
week’ for barefacts?
Then drop our film editor,
Neil Boulton, an e-mail at
[email protected], or
pop into the media centre at
5pm every Thursday for our
informal weekly meeting.
barefacts | be heard
[email protected]
Film in Guildford
www.odeon.co.uk
Friday 17th October Thursday 23th October
FINDING NEMO (U) [1hr
THE LEAGUE OF
THE ITALIAN JOB (12A)
SINBAD: LEGEND OF
44min] FLS
EXTRAORDINARY
[1hr 51min]
THE SEVEN SEAS (U) [1hr
Fri & Sat 12.00 12.30 13.35
GENTLEMEN (12A) [1hr
Monday only 20.50
25min]
14.45 15.15 16.20 17.30
50min] FLS
Tuesday only 20.50
Saturday 10.50
18.00 19.05 20.15 20.45
Fri & Sat 12.45 15.45 18.45
Wednesday 20.50
Saturday 11.00
21.35
Sun-Thu 12.00 12.30 14.45
Sun-Thu 12.45 15.30 18.15
DOWN WITH LOVE (12A)
FRIDA (15) [2hr 3min]
15.15 17.30 18.00 20.15
21.10
[1hr 42min]
Thursday only 11.00
Sun-Wed 13.00 15.45 18.30
21.05
Extra Terrestrial
The Week Ahead
Film Editor Neil Boulton presents your table
like guide to the cinematic creations cavalcading
onto your screen for the next week. Rejoice.
Senior Screen
Daily 12.05
CALENDAR GIRLS (12A)
IMAGES OF CHINA - A
[1hr 48min] FLS
THE PIRATES OF THE
KILL BILL - VOLUME 1 (18)
Friday 13.00 15.30 21.10
CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE
[1hr 51min] FLS
Saturday 13.00 15.30 18.10
OF THE BLACK PEARL
LOTUS LANTERN (U) [1hr
Fri & Sat 13.30 15.10 16.15
20.30
(12A) [2hr 23min]
25min]
17.55 19.00 20.50 21.45
Sun-Thu 13.00 15.30 18.10
Fri & Sat 12.45
Fri & Sat 10.30am
Sun-Thu 12.45 15.30 18.15
20.30
Sun-Tue 11.55
21.00
MYSTIC RIVER (TBC)
Sun-Tue 14.45 17.30 20.15
Daily 14.30 17.35 20.40
Wednesday only 18.00 20.40
Thursday only 18.00 20.40
17
FILM
16 October 2003
FESTIVAL OF FILM
THE ROAD HOME (15) [1hr
ODEON Movie Mob
29min]
AGENT CODY BANKS
Fri 9.10
BAD BOYS 2 (15) [2hr
(12A) [1hr 42min]
27min] FLS
Saturday 10.35
ZHOU YU’S TRAIN (15)
INTOLERABLE CRUELTY
Friday 14.30 17.50 21.50
[2hrs]
(12A) [1hr 40min] FLS
Saturday 13.55 17.10 21.50
Sat 8.30
Sun & Thurs 20.50
Sun-Thu 13.50 17.10 20.35
Dark
Blue
by Neil Boulton
“Its fresh choice of background could have set it apart from
the other gritty crime/corruption thrillers of recent times.”
THIS FILM WAS being shown for one Wednesday evening at the Odeon last week and I felt that
was reason enough to go and see it. Dark Blue is another in the recent speight of gritty crime
thrillers such as the excellent Training Day and the following Narc. Days before the result of
the Rodney King trial in central Los Angeles the tale concerns Kurt Russel and his partner
Scott Speedman as members of the LAPD Special Investigations Squad (SIS). Russel plays
the rule bending/breaking veteran trying to teach/impart knowledge to Speedman’s rookie.
In the process of solving a high profile homicide Speedman soon discovers the deep rivers of
corruption and intimidation in the SIS and the rest of the LAPD. Speedman tries to set things
right with the help of assistant Chief of police Ving Rhames – Rhames being one of the few
policemen willing to stand up to the corruption of his fellow officers.
The film had many things going for it - The story was adapted from a book by James Ellroy,
who also wrote the L.A. Confidential story that did very well for itself. It starred Kurt Russel
and Ving Rhames, both recognisable names and faces. The story’s set just on the eve of the
L.A. riots, a potentially very interesting and explosive time frame for a film. But somehow
things don’t quite work out for it. There’s no one factor which can be pointed at and parts of
the film are very good, after watching it I just got the feeling that it was either trying to be
something it’s not, or it wasn’t being all it could be. Maybe the director was ill suited to his
role, the director Ron Shelton in the past seems only to have directed sports movies (Tin Cup
& White Men Can’t Jump). Ving Rhames (as usual) played his character excellently as did
Russel, this could easily be one of his best films. The racial tension and the background of the
LA Riots could also have been utilised more in some cases and better represented in others.
It’s fresh choice of background could have set it apart from the other gritty crime/corruption
thrillers of recent times such as Training Day and Narc, however given it’s inability to really
stand apart from the others it seems content to stand along aside them. Entertaining but
nothing expressly new or intriguing.
Thursday
16th October 2003
Five |
9:00pm –
11:10pm
The Specialist | Sylvester Stallone plays a retired (they always are) bomb
expert hired by Sharon Stone to kill the people who killed her parents.
Reluctantly Stallone looks into the case but things get dangerous as a former
colleague of his comes crawling out of the woodwork.
Friday
17th October 2003
Five |
9:00pm –
11:35pm
Unforgiven | It’s Clint Eastwood – in a western – again. But this time he
directs the film as well. Clint plays a killer brought out of retirement from
his farm for money. All he has to do is kill two lowlifes who deserve it, so he
rounds up a posse and rides into town. The film also stars big names Gene
Hackman and Morgan Freeman.
ITV |
12:05am –
2:10am
Crimson Tide | It’s Gene Hackman again, this time in Submarinious escapades
with Denzel Washington. A U.S. nuclear sub is dispatched to watch over
a base recently taken over by rebels. The sub gets attacked and their radio
gets wrecked, meaning they only partially received an important message.
Contention over the message’s contents lead to conflict onboard as they argue
over whether to attack the base or not.
Saturday
18th October 2003
Channel 4 |
10:05pm –
11:55pm
Risky Business | Cruise plays a suburban teenager left alone in the house for
a week… so he hires call girl Rebecca DeMornay’s. Upon causing his Dad’s
Porsche to no longer be in factory conditions he holds a house party with
hookers to help get enough money together to sort out all his troubles. Odd.
Sunday
19th October 2003
Five |
9:00pm –
11:55pm
Gladiator | Ridley Scott’s reinvention of the sword and sandal epic makes it’s
way onto the small screen. Russell Crowe plays Maximus a roman general who
gets sold into slavery by the Emperor’s young upstart son, who then proceeds
to butcher Maximus’ family. From slavery he then proceeds to battle his way
back to Rome intent on going head-to-head with the son for revenge. Also
contains the last screen performance of Oliver Reed who passed away after
drinking too much during filming.
BBC2 |
12:00am –
2:00am
Catch-22 | Film adaptation of the classic book - In order to stop flying
missions in World War II a soldier tries to get himself declared insane.
However things don’t go quite according to plan as his attempts to get himself
grounded invoke the catch 22 law. Anti-war satire in the same ilk as M.A.S.H.
Monday
20th October 2003
Five |
9:00pm –
11:00pm
Star Trek: Insurrection | It’s a Star Trek movie… I’m not a Star Trek fan,
far from it. But, in case you are, Picard and crew try to protect a planet from
enemies and even their own organisation as they try and ruthlessly steal the
planet out from under it’s natural inhabitants.
Wednesday
21st October 2003
ITV |
9:00pm –
11:00pm
X-men | Relevant to the whole comic book adaptation idea, here’s one of the
more recent ones. Mutants with super powers hide amongst the normal folk of
a not-to-distant future. One group of mutants rises against their oppression and
try to teach the ‚normal’ human race a lesson. Professor Xavier’s good team of
mutants are going to stop them. Contains Wolverine. Nice.
BBC1 |
11:25pm –
12:55pm
Mr. Nice Guy | Jackie Chan! It’s about time there was some Jackie Chan on
TV again. Today Jackie plays a TV chef who gets mixed up with nefarious
types... as usual. Mr. Chan’ll kick his way through bad guys, probably injure
himself too. Excellent comedy-kung fu stuff. Nice cameo from director Sammo
Hung.
AND THE FREE FILM THIS SUNDAY IS… 2 Fast 2 Furious
Max Power: The Movie returns for a second installment. Lots of racing and big shiny cars
sort of attached to a loose plot about taking down a nasty drug lord. If you’re interested in
tweaked-up racing cars you might enjoy the film... or you’ll find it an insult.
Helyn Rose Bar | 8pm | Sunday 19th October 2003
18
THEATRE
16 October 2003
Ross Kemp takes on Will
at the Yvonne Arnaud
Theatre Editor Daisy Clay takes a look at Ross Kemp’s new production of ‘The Taming of the Shrew’
One of Shakespeare’s most intriguing
comedies, The Taming of the Shrew contains
his most explosive couple, Petruchio the
fortune-seeking tamer, and Katherina,
the wilful and fiery-tempered daughter of
Baptista.
The rocky road to their eventual union is
littered with some of Shakespeare’s most
barbed wit. Petruchio’s harsh wooing
tactics are part of a process rarely seen
before. Its conclusion and the couple’s
joyful acceptance of each other has been the
subject of much heated debate since the play
was first written. This production promises
to continue the debate and the sparks will
certainly fly!
One of television’s biggest stars teams
up with an accomplished stage actress in a
legendary battle of the sexes at the Yvonne
Arnaud Theatre, Guildford. Set in the 1960s
amid scooters and mini-skirts, The Taming
of the Shrew (13 – 18 October) features
Nichola McAuliffe as Katherina and
Ross Kemp as Petruchio in Shakespeare’s
controversial exploration of marriage.
Petruchio wants Katherina for his wife – not
necessarily for the most romantic of reasons
– but Katherina is resolutely against the
idea. From this position, the chase begins,
with Petruchio the hunter and Katherina as
‘the shrew’. Through comedy, drama and
occasionally ribald language, Shakespeare
examines the essence of what makes a good
marriage. But the ending of the play has
caused controversy for years, with George
Bernard Shaw describing it as “altogether
disgusting to modern sentiments”!
Nichola McAuliffe has been prolific
both on television and on stage. Coming
to prominence in the Channel 4 sitcom
Surgical Spirit, she has recently starred in
the West End in Hobson’s Choice, SemiMonde, the Real Inspector Hound and as
the Baroness in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
She has also had a one-woman show written
for her by Arnold Wesker.
After studying drama at the Webber
Douglas Academy – and having played
rugby for Saracens – Ross Kemp soon
found roles on television, including an
often shown advert for Fruit and Fibre.
Soap stardom followed, making him one
of the biggest names on TV throughout
the 1990s. Since then, he has headed series
including Hero of the Hour and Ultimate
Force, while showing his versatility by
playing a drag artist in BBC’s City Central.
He has recently taken the role of Chinna the
Gladiator Trainer in a star-studded remake
of the classic film Spartacus, to be shown in
the US and on Sky next year.
The Taming of the Shrew is directed
by Mark Rosenblatt, an acclaimed young
director who won rave reviews for his
production of Somerset Maugham’s The
Circle, seen at the Yvonne Arnaud in
September 2002. The play is produced by
Thelma Holt in association with Theatre
Royal Plymouth, who last year brought
Richard Briers to Guildford in The
Tempest. A free post show talk follows the
performance on Tues 14 October.
For any of the actors, directors,
techies, or any theatre-appreciators
out there, Share in the Experience
In a move to bring the process of creating theatre closer
to the audience, an innovative theatre company is offering
audiences the chance to share in their techniques. Shared
Experience are presenting ‘Inside Out’, a workshop prior
to next Wednesday’s performance of Madame Bovary:
Breakfast With Emma, showing at the Yvonne Arnaud
Theatre, Guildford, from 21 October.
Members of the company’s creative team will illustrate
the techniques and ideas used in rehearsals to create
Shared Experience’s unique and visually stunning style.
Stage managers will then offer tips into the use of lighting,
sound and set design, with audience members able to offer
feedback.
‘Inside Out’ takes place at 4pm on Wednesday 22 October.
Student tickets are £10 (price includes a ticket for the
Wednesday evening performance); all others £5 (plus
usual ticket price). There is also a free post show talk with
members of the company following the Tuesday night
performance.
Ticket prices for the play range from £10
(students/under 18s, Mon – Thurs); then £11
to £23.50. Performance times Mon – Thurs
7.45pm, Fri & Sat 8pm; Mats Thurs & Sat
Terence Rattigan’s Deep Blue Sea
Now showing at Woking’s New Victoria Theatre, a starstudded classic drama with Harriet Walter (The Men’s
Room), Roger Lloyd Pack (Only Fools & Horses, The Vicar
of Dibley), Neil Stacy (Lovejoy), and Una Stubbs.
One of England’s most successful playwrights, Rattigan’s
absorbing post-war drama brilliantly depicts the swirling
complexities and heart-rending dilemmas of life, when
decisions can leave you caught between the devil and the
deep blue sea.
Obsessed by a younger man, Hester Collyer leaves her
affluent and eminent husband for a shabby flat and a
socially downgrading affair. Tormented by her hopeless
passion, Hester cannot face a life without love and
commitment. With the spectre of scandal looming ever
closer, the deep blue sea looks the more attractive option….
Harriet Walter brings her exceptional talents to one of the
greatest female theatrical roles ever written. Swept into a
vortex of intense, self-destructive passion, the audience bear
witness to the torment of Hester’s inner chaos and touching
vulnerability. Infatuation, intrigue and confusion, surge and
swell through every scene, as this beautifully crafted drama
of the soul unfolds with breathtaking intensity and touching
poignancy.
2.30pm. An Yvonne Arnaud Ticket & Meal
Deal is available on Mon and Thurs eves.
Box Office is open Mon to Sat 10am to 8pm
– call 01483 44 00 00.
Ross Kemp and Nichola McAuliffe in
‘The Taming of the Shrew’
Interested in theatre? Does free
interval drinks, a free programme,
and special guest treatment sound
good to you? Interested in getting
two free tickets in the front rows,
close to the stage?
All you have to do is write a
theatre review – it is that simple!
If you are interested in going to see
one of the many upcoming shows at
either Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud
Theatre or at Woking’s New Victoria
Theatre then just email Daisy at
[email protected], or pop along
to the barefacts meetings at 5pm in
the Media Centre every Thursday!
[email protected]
THEATRE
16 October 2003
19
Humble
Boy
Written by Charlotte Jones and directed by John Caird
Daisy Clay pops along to the Yvonne Arnaud, for her weekly theatre fix, and isn’t disappointed.
Upon entering the auditorium I was
immediately impressed before I had even
reached my seat. The stage has been
transformed into a summery garden of long
reeds and blooming flowers. Although at
first the garden looks to be rather wild, it
appears to be neat, organised and loosely
symmetrical on closer inspection. The
centre piece of this pretty Cotswolds garden,
and the underlying feature of Humble Boy, is
a large bee hive. It is, however, bee-less.
It seems that the bees left home recently
when beekeeping husband and father James
Humble passed away. The opening scene of
the play takes place after the funeral, where
we are met with the noticeably distressed
character of Felix (Hugh Sachs), dressed
in cricket whites, wandering aimlessly
around the garden. Soon after, we are
introduced to Mercy (Bridget Forsyth), a
friend of the Humble family, who is clearly
of a nervous disposition. 35 year old Felix’s George is an outspoken and opinionated
mother and ex-bunny girl Flora (Hayley man, who is charming to Flora, although
Mills) then appears wearing sunglasses brutal and teasing towards Felix whom
which are serving to hide the effects of her he resents. Rosie (Carla Lang), George’s
recent nose-job, as she fights against the daughter, is behind George’s resentment
signs of aging with plastic surgery. Flora of Felix it emerges, through the revelation
wastes no time in displaying her bitter and that Rosie’s seven year old daughter was
critical nature, first condemning Felix for the product of her’s and Felix’ previous
wearing cricket whites, then disapproving relationship, unbeknown to Felix.
of Mercy’s combination of brown shoes
By the interval it was clear that this play
with a black dress. Although both criticisms contained many characters who were
may seem reasonable, they
fragile, either obviously
are certainly less so when
unstable or hiding their
“The play carries
we see more of Felix’s
The character
numerous undertones weakness.
troubled nature and Mercy’s
of Felix was hard to relate
vulnerability.
throughout its course, to, as he was unpredictable
Despite James Humble
seemed disturbed, so
primarily sadness and
having passed away, by
I am not sure how well
the miracle of theatre he although with sharp his character worked. The
is able to make numerous
obviously unstable
stings of humour.” other
appearances in the garden,
character was Mercy,
initially appearing only to
although this character
Felix. (James Humble is played by John definitely succeeded as being entertaining.
Burgess). Felix is estranged from his mother As a friend of the family, she seemed
Flora, having been away at Cambridge much more like a house maid, making
studying astrophysics. Flora is dismissive sandwiches, trying to look after Felix,
of her son, and distances herself from him, and trying to please the ever-disapproving
whilst seeming to take her husbands death Flora. Nevertheless, it was her nervous
in her stride. She also blames her misery disposition that was the highlight of the
squarely elsewhere: “I have been doubly play for me. True to theatrical form, it is
unlucky in my life. To marry a biologist often the quiet ones you have to watch out
and give birth to a physicist.” We see her as the end of the play looms closer and they
attitude towards her late husband with the ‘cannot take it anymore’. Mercy’s altered
entrance of George Pie (Paul Hecht) a man version of saying ‘Grace’ is possibly the
clearly besotted with Flora from the outset, most heartfelt rendition I have witnessed,
and as it is soon revealed, the ‘other man’ in as she told everyone around the table what
Flora’s life with whom she has been having she really thought of them. I am not sure
a five year affair. With her husbands death that the alterations made by Mercy would
Flora seems only marginally hesitant about be accepted by many in polite company
continuing her relationship with George. though. Although there were several strong
However, when she turns down his offer of performances delivered in Humble Boy,
marriage, it becomes evident that she misses come the bows at the end it was Bridget
her husband more was initially apparent. Forsyth who truly won my applause.
How to get to... Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre
By foot from campus:
Leave campus by the bottom of University Court, go across Yorkie’s bridge, down the
hill and turn right to go into the town centre. Walk past the train station and down Bridge
Street. Then turn right along Onslow Street (past the Friary Shopping centre), cut through
the pedestrianised Friary Street, continue
along Millbrook past Debenhams. The
Theatre is just past this large building on
the right.
Box Office (01483) 440000
www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk/
Want to be part of the Barefacts Theatre
Team? For more details, email Daisy at
[email protected], or just
turn up to barefacts meetings in the USSU
Media Centre at 5pm on Thursdays.
In case you haven’t made the connection
already, as many of us in the audience did
not either until it was spelt out to us, the
wittiest line of the play had to be when
George announced to everyone that he
wished to marry Flora. He was received by
Felix’s remark that they could become the
“Humble-Pies”!
The play carries numerous undertones
throughout its course, primarily sadness
although with sharp stings of humour.
Humble Boy explores themes of love,
longing and death, with an ever-present
suggestion of the power of humanity. A sad
but humorous play, Humble Boy contained
snatches of philosophy and wisdom with
contrasting references to astrophysics and
to relationships. The play shows how certain
personalities within one family can clash,
and how they can later come to realise the
importance and fragility of their familial
bond.
How to get to... New Victoria Theatre, Woking
By car: Woking is just a 10 minute drive
from Guildford, and parking is free in the
Peacocks car park after 6pm. The New
Victoria Theatre is part of the Peacocks
Centre in central Woking, easily accessible
from the M25 (Jct 10,11), M3 (Jct 3) and
A3.
By train: Woking is also just a 10 minute
train journey from Guildford, with trains
going every 5-20 minutes between
Guildford and Woking.
Box Office (01483) 545 900
www.theambassadors.com/newvictoria/
20
INTERACTIVE
Word Search
Fruit is the order of the day with Ben Berryman’s wordsearch this week - in fact there are
20 goodness filled fruity words hidden in the grid below. A handy tip: they range from the
rather common, such as the apple (there’s we’ve given you one already!), to the rather more
obscure... and no hints on those ones I’m afraid!
Got any more crossword ideas? Then send your words across to [email protected].
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1
16 October 2003
bfpub quiz
In the acronym ‘laser’ what does the L stand for?
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Sedimentary and igneous are types of what?
By what title was Mohandas K Gandhi known?
What team knocked England out of the 1999 rugby world cup?
Which stand-up comic stars on TV as Jonathan Creek?
Afrikaans developed from which European language?
What flavour is the drink Pernod?
William the Conqueror was duke of which French region?
Edgbaston is a suburb of which city?
Which bomb, used in the Dambuster raids, was invented by Barnes Wallis?
The upsidedown answers to this week’s wordsearch are at the bottom of page 21. And before you say
anything, yes, we know they weren’t upsidedown last week - a mere schoolboy error!
Lab Session Distractions: Internet Games
By Ben Berryman
Picture this: you’re in a computing lab session, you’ve
looked through the lab sheets and decided you don’t really
fancy doing them. You’ve also checked your emails, found
out if you’re still hot (or not) and now you’re thinking about
slipping out the door.
Only thing is, that if
you do the lecturer may
just catch you and ask
you awkward questions
in lectures for the rest
of the semester.
Whilst I haven’t had
many lab sessions so
far this year, I have
been stuck in the media
centre all hours of the
day. During this time all
manner of people have
passed me by with their
busy schedules running
to and fro. All the while
I’ve been playing games on the internet. To appease my
draconian girlfriend, who thinks I should be studying more
than I am, I alleged that I was doing ‘research’ for an article
in barefacts on internet games. Unfortunately this excuse
isn’t working any more so here it is.
I was in a lecture recently that was a tad boring, when a
friend of mine got out his new mobile to amuse himself.
The game he started to play was a real blast from the past.
It involves hitting a ball against a wall made of various
colourful bricks. After many attempts to try and find out
what this game is called I was informed it’s known as
breakout. The best version of this game I could find was at
the following location:
www.springfrog.com/games/javanoid/
This website has a whole host of other
interesting games and one of the ones that
really stood out to me was Asteroids. This is yet
again another very good yet rather simple game
where you control a space ship that destroys
incoming asteroids with it laser type weaponry.
www.springfrog.com/games/asteroids/
If you’re up for something new and exciting but
that can still be played on most computers then
this is a great game. It can only be described
as a version of volleyball
played by alien slime things. This game
also has the added bonus of having a
two-player version built in to it. So
you can challenge others face to face.
www.student.uwa.edu.au/~wedgey/
slime1/
The only problem with these games is
they’re horribly addictive, especially if
you start competing against other people
and comparing scores. Word of advice, if
you are going to play these games in labs sessions please
switch the sound off, or you’ll be collared straight away!
Anyway, if you’re caught playing games by your boyfriend,
girlfriend or indeed lecturer, then feel free to use the reason
that you’re researching for barefacts as an excuse. (If you
really want to do some research on the other hand and send
in any of your favourite game sites then you can also do that
too)! Email: [email protected].
21
LIFESTYLE
16 October 2003
The SLOGAN Quiz
IT’S THAT TIME of year again - when someone
discovers www.pornolize.com again. If you
haven’t seen this website, then head there
right now - it’s really amazing how even
the most sensible person can be reduced
to tears of laughter upon adding random
swear words in the middle of sentences! On
Thursday night, in the middle of a long long
barefacts night, Chris, our esteemed editor,
decided to pop in icklesarah.co.uk [yes,
my website] to pornolize, and proceeded
to read out my ‘edited’ weblog entries to all
and sundry. I attempted a semi-disapproving
look, but unfortunately couldn’t keep that
up for long, as Chris read out the sentence
“lots of people have been looking at my
Union weblog”. But,
instead of ‘looking’,
there was a rather ruder
word, beginning with
letter ‘w’, and ending
with ‘ing’, which made
me start to choke on my
wine....
YES, my wine.... I
was laying up this
‘ere newspaper whilst
sipping a lovely glass
of white wine. After a
rather too stressful last
week [never, ever agree to go to your least
favourite meeting on the morning of a very
pressing deadline] I decided a little light
relief was needed. It was a present from the
lovely lovely people on the Charity Dinner
Dance Committee, who were running a quiz
in the HRB that night. Neil, our bf regular,
was down there quizzing, or so we thought,
untilthere was a bang on my office window,
and a wobbled into the room, slightly worse
for wear, saying “I’ve been sent up to find
out the quiz answers!” However, it seemed
that his quiz mates were as trolleyed as he
was, as they’d sent him upstairs so they
could message him the questions, and
completely forgot to do so!
NORMALLY, I sit here at my desk with
my lovely boyfriend, Ben, behind me at
the other computer, often doing barefacts
stuff [the good ole interactive page], and
probably just as often toddling around the
net and finding the most bizarre online
games! I think many people must harbour
a secret addiction to internet games - if I
had a pound for everyone who walked in,
saw Ben, and exclaimed “wow... you know
what? I know a really cool online game...”
and then proceeded to sit down and show
him yet another game, I’d be rich! Luckily,
though, this had paid off this week, and on
the previous page [which you’ve probably
already read] barefacts is proud to present
Ben’s guide to keeping yourself entertained
whilst your girlfriend lays up barefacts....
sorry... Ben’s extensively researched article!
WITH THE INVESTMENT in a new camera I
have been taking a lot more photos recently.
The lake is quite a nice place to start
photographing as the wildlife is really quite
tame and there are some really funky colours
in the trees and bushes with the approach of
autumn. Being around the animals you get
to notice a bit about how they react to each
other and you the photographer. Here are my
observations of the main lake wildlife:
- Big swans are quite wary of you, and won’t
let you get that close to them, although they
will come up if they are interested in you.
- The young swans are very tame, and get so
close that you could almost take a bite out
of them! One even flapped its wings almost
knocking the camera
from my hands!
- Ducks let you get
quite close and put on
bothered faces if you
try and chase them.
Interestingly they seem
to get on quite well with
the young swans, and
follow them around.
- Coots (the ones with
white bits on their
heads) seem really
sweet and innocent, but
they have real attitudes. I’ve witnessed them
chasing other coots on land and water, and
even having a stress at ducks! If you walk
slowly up to them they will not instantly run
away, but they will keep a set distance away
from you the whole time
- Moorhens (the smaller ones with red bits
on their head) are very cute, but they are just
nervous! You can’t even get close to these,
and when you even think about approaching
them they put their heads down and shoot
away from you like mini rockets!
TO be honest coots and moorhens look
similar when running away from you, and
I’m not encouraging anyone to purposely
bother lake wildlife, but they are really cute
and funny when running away in terror from
you!
STICKING with the wildlife theme I actually
saw a hedgehog outside Battersea Court
the other night! It was really rather cute as
it knew just what it was looking for, and
wasn’t bothered about anything as it was
sniffling its way through the grass.
HEDGEHOGS produce baby hedgehogs, and
baby hedgehogs are so small and cute that
you really do just wanna eat them! I think
though that I should just stick to licking the
screen when I see them on TV, as if I really
did eat them in real life then the hedgehog
population would be under threat… Ok time
for a nice long sniff of Lapsang Souchong!
‘ickle sarah butterworth
chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter
“instead of
‘looking’, there
was a rather
ruder word,
starting in w,
and ending
in -ing!”
Think you can write the lyrics/slogan/anything else quiz? Email [email protected].
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Probably the best lager in the world.
Pleasure is the path to joy.
Finger lickin’ good.
Once you pop, you can’t stop.
Keep hunger locked up ‘til lunch.
Don’t leave home without it.
How do you eat yours?
Soft, strong and very long.
Because life’s complicated enough.
Good things come to those who wait.
This week I am mostly … clinging on to my last thread of sanity as
coursework deadlines loom ever nearer…
For those of a more sensitive nature, I suggest you skip a few lines
– the picture I’m about to paint isn’t pretty. It involves me sat at a
kitchen table, teaspoon in one hand, jar of horseradish sauce in the
other. I did warn you. Thankfully, a few mouthfuls in, I snapped
back to reality, aware that something must be profoundly wrong: seeking comfort at the
bottom of a horseradish jar is not a pastime any twentysomething female wants to find
themselves indulging in. I wish I could admit that it was a distracted activity, that my mind
was elsewhere and I’d simply mistaken it for something far more excusable and … well,
tasty really … chocolate spread or Branston pickle for example … but I’d be lying. As it
happened [although unfortunately there aren’t any witnesses to corroborate my story] the
horseradish was actually screaming out to me from inside the fridge. I wouldn’t go so far
as to say I’d have murdered for it but had you have come between me and the jar, I confess
I may have inflicted some degree of minor bodily harm. OK, so it had been a particularly
stressful week – not least since I was told my dissertation topic may not actually be viable
after all [only three weeks to go before the working title deadline…]. Still, there was the
niggling sense that these were perhaps more desperate times than I’d previously realised.
My friends are more-than-used-to my random food cravings that can strike without
warning at any time of day; bizarrely enough they’re always for things I don’t even eat
normally – before this unsettling horseradish incident, carrot dunked in mango chutney
held rank as the most crazy impulsive-snackette. Scientists would have us believe that food
cravings are the body’s way of telling us it needs certain nutrients. Jury’s out on that one
- what on earth I could have needed in a gloopy mixture of apple purée and reconstituted
dried egg yolk [albeit Tescos’ Finest] is anyone’s guess. Equally baffling though is [if I
choose instead to concede to the stress-level-theory] how my brain made the psychological
leap between crippling-workload and horseradish sauce. But then I find trying to analyse
any of my quirks is never a particularly good idea. Nope, sign me up for denial. Sometimes
ignorance really is bliss. Work, what work?
Catherine Lee
upsidedown answers: [and yes, they’re actually upsidedown this week!] wordsearch:
apple, avocado, banana, cherry, clementine, gooseberry, grape, grapefruit, kiwifruit,
lychee, mango, melon, mulberry, olive, orange, peach, pear, pineapple, tangerine, tomato |
bf pub quiz: 1. Light 2. Rock 3. Mahatma 4. South Africa
5. Alan Davies 6. Dutch
7. Aniseed 8. Normandy 9. Birmingham 10. Bouncing bomb | slogan quiz: 1. Carlsberg
2. Haagen-Dazs 3. KFC 4. Pringles 5. Shreddies 6. American Express Credit Card 7.
Cadbury’s Creme Egg 8. Andrex Toilet Rolls 9. Abbey National 10. Guinness
Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random
slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court
Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the Students’ Union...
In a break from the long standing barefacts tradition of the lyrics quiz, this week
Catherine Lee presents the ‘slogan quiz’. It’s like the lyrics quiz, but that slight bit
different. All you need to do is name the product that each of these slogans is advertising.
22
STARS & PERSONALS
silly
Stars
16 October 2003
the
Libra
Sometimes you have
to stop and listen,
and realise what the
squirrels are trying to
tell you. It’s been one
crazy week for all you Librans, so take
the chance to chill next week, with the lull
in coursework - you won’t have another
chance for quite a while!
Scorpio
Sometimes when people
say ‘yes’, they actually
mean ‘no’. Bear that
in mind when you’re
trying to persuade all
and sundry to accompany you out partying
every night of the week - they might well
have a good point! And visit the launderette
- your dirty clothes are starting to sprout
over 37 different types of mould...
Sagittarius
Head to pahe 5 of
this week’s barefacts
- there’s a hidden
message in there, if
you can find it. Your
coursemate who’s been helping with your
assignments deserves a second look - they
could be trying to tell you something with
those late night visits and helpful smiles.
Capricorn
Well, it’s all rocking for
you, isn’t it! but keep
up this partying streak
you’ve suddenly found
and you’ll be heading
down to Natwest, tail between your legs,
before long. Give your cash card to you
friend (minus the pin, of course), hide your
going out clothes - anything to give your
friends a bit of peace!
Aquarius
Make sure you’re out
in the Union on Friday
night, as Hari’s Bar is
the place where it’s all
happening for you this
week. The person behind the bar second
from the left will ahve something profound
to say to you. Just make sure you don’t ruin
your chances with whatever you say back!
Pisces
Oi, turn the music
down, we can hear it for
miles! It might be ok to
blast out “Reeeech for
the Staaaars” at 8pm on
a Friday night, but 3am on a Monday really
is beyond a joke. S Club 7 have split up,
and no amount of mourning will bring them
back together, I’m afraid.
by not so psychic ickle sarah
Aries
Your lucky place this
week is Stag Hill 21.
Even if you’ve never
been there before, take
a look, just in case.
It’s a magical place, it really is. And just a
note: if you’re looking for job head to Kelly
Service. Not the Media Centre. There’s a
distinct difference.
Cancer
Kids TV themes are
the order of the day.
Go seek out someone
with everything
from Dog Tanian to
the Mysterious Cities of Gold on their
computer, and spend the whole day
watching them, end to end. It’s an amazing
form of stress relief!
Taurus
Yes, I know you’re
feeling a bit tired
nowadays, but the best
thing to do is get out
there and get active! No,
I’m not going to spout something at you
about what is supposedly the best exercise,
I’m just saying - do some sport, it’s calling!
Leo
You’ve been invited
to a birthday party in
the next 2 weeks, so
do everything in your
powers not to miss it. It
will be a defining point in your University
career, and the contacts you make will be
invaluable. Damnit, I’m starting to sound
like a careers advisor!
Gemini
Swich on the radio.
Now. OK, you may
not have one on you,
but when you get
home, remember this
command. There are secret messages being
sent across the airwaves and it is up to you
to decode them and save the world. Oh, and
stay away from anything alcohol related
- it’s making you read funny things in
barefacts that really aren’t there.
Virgo
Stay away from
computers. They are
liable to crash, beep
uncharacteristically
loudly or eat things they
shouldn’t this week. Reporting it to UCS
won’t help - it’s your magnetic personality
affecting them, and there’s nothing you can
do about it. Until next week, that is, when
you will have lost all magnetism...
- Personals It’s very simple, really. All you need to do is wait for your friends (or yourself) to do something silly, amusing or just downright strange, and then find
yourself a computer or indeed a scrap of paper if technology isn’t your thing). [email protected] is the email address, ‘Personals’ is the email subject,
and then all you need to do is sit back and wait for the next issue of barefacts, and the look of horror on your friends’ faces...
Someone’s got a new toy!!
Let’s face it, who WOULDN’T want to violate him? 0.o
And who says I do! Hahaaa
Miiiiiika I’m gonna kick ur butt... right after I give u a
good towel-whipping
=) Stevie Wonderful and Jonnyville Jon, ur both
terrible! Em n Raj, behave u
crazy party animals! ;)
gonna borrow our words PLEASE use them on the
right week!
A BIG thank you to Deepheat and Eveready for a fab
Fondu night x x
I love you, sexy bubbity bear!! ;-)
crazy chris and neil - no fighting in the Media Centre!
Biggest of all is Danny he’s a longen,
and also Rich the dirty wrongen.
does Steve like us? He never comes out,
unlike big daddy Kevin the lager lout.
Ed pinches nipples when he is pissed,
Nick goes mental when he’s dissed.
Drop out stu can’t be forgotten....
and stay away from that Andy he smells rotten.
Poor little Jeff stays at home in his room,
and last but not least BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Layher does he live up to his name?
Shaki n Khalid, dont u dare 4get about me! =) xxx
Marc: Becky, I don’t want to tweak your nipples
I repeat girls Fire Officials Neednt Discolour Ur Edible
Underwear
Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great, If a
sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.
IBBLE DIBBLE, WITH FIVE DOBBLES!!
“think portugese wing back’s brother’s mum’s
dog...... jord, shut up”
hippocrockapig’ was NOT last weeks word of the
week, it was the week befores, last week it was
‘chunder’ and this week it’s ‘fondu’!!!!...............if you
“i knew she’d be from essex, look at her grinding”
“that’s bordering on pornography”
Committee Committe? It’s a real word... honest!
have you had a kebab before - cos apparently your
pushing all the right buttons!
Shall we split it 4 ways or 5?
The word of the week “chunder” not “hippocrocapig”,
actually!! Guess this weeks!
Taste the goo - Its fondu!!
Hardened rugby girl? How many times did you vom?
Reach for the ball! oh no, i’ve caught it with my face..
“It was the shoes. . . .”
get well soon mel
“make sure you nick it. lick it? what? NICK IT!”
Would either of the people know as KYLE or XIN on
the DDR machine in the
union like to step? Paul.
neil ‘the hobbit’ christie - yes, that has a ring to it!
The girls of no.1 Weyside gardens like each other a
bit too much... Not that we’re complaining! ;)
big Jon have you layed-her yet??
Sarah, what’s this about you dreaming about being
in a relationship with a “gay boyfriend”?
how about dipping that prize winning pizza in the
fondue?
I love Ben lots and lots and lots and lots! Isle of Wight
tonight, and I really can’t wait! X x X x X x X
Nicky: I just love sticky fluid in my hair!
any radiohead fans in this goddamm uni?! if so
[email protected]. cheers.
princess says wouldn’t you like to know!
these music girls... up for anything
-The unions full of pikeys -No its not! -Have you seen
the freshers?!
Marc: I can’t wait to eat cheese tomorrow
Yes, ur meant 2 hand dat silver Accessorize purse to
Security... n hand urself
in while u at it!
I’d like to send a big shout out to everyone who
voted for me at the Union Council meeting. I am
looking forward to working with you during this
coming year. THANKS once again for your vote of
confidence. See you around campus. From Doreen
Kiambuthi (Placement and Employed Students
Officer)
Me and the Boys!
Why do I get hot water out of my cold tap? No, I
don’t want it fixed - I’m enjoying the novelty!
poems?! not again... i thought we all got that out of
our systems last year!!
i should be considered to take place at this school is
simply because i am ambitious and willing to work
hard in order to achieve something!
Humm, one big fat cucumber, eh!?
16 October 2003
23
SPORT
UniSport Guildford mean business UniS Social Sports
UNISPORT GUILDFORD 4 BEAT SWSA BICESTER 1
UniSPORT Guildford, the National Squash League team
based at the Varsity Centre started the new season in fine
style with a morale boosting 4 - 1 win over newcomers to the
league SWSA Bicester. Admirably led by Stephen Meads,
who is in fine fettle, the home team played efficiently to deal
with the Sue Wright Squash Academy sponsored Bicester
team. As the name and sponsor implies the emphasis in
the Bicester ranks is on young player development, but on
this occasion experience got the upper hand. Ably led by
the in form Scott Handley and Sue Wright who is making a
comeback after the birth of her son, Bicester were nobody’s
fools and fought hard.
Sue Wright made her comeback against Fiona Geaves
for the home team. Fiona is having a wretched time at
present trying to make her way back from a freak on court
accident which may well necessitate some rather nasty
dental work. She launched her comeback at the British Open
where she won the over 35 title before losing in the main
event to the eventual winner. Sue Wright is not the sort of
player to run into after losing this sort of confidence. Despite
taking a 2 - 0 lead Fiona was never convincing. She looked
the better player when she remembered to play her game but
too often drifted out of it and the visitor took full and ruthless
advantage. On game point in the third game Sue hit the
winner to keep herself in the match and to add insult to
injury caught Fiona accidentally in the face with her racket,
leading Fiona to believe that there was not much more that
could go wrong. An already tentative Geaves, now looked
shell shocked. Despite this reverse Fiona stormed to match
ball in the fourth only to fritter it away in the most dismal
circumstances. In the fifth, Sue romped home with Fiona
not really in the contest. ! - 0 Bicester.
While Fiona was confronting her demons, on the outside
court Neil Frankland was efficiently dealing with the
youthful challenge of Kristen Johnson. Neil has been
training hard for the World Team Championships where he
is representing Scotland. There were no real problems for
the Guildford player here, having too much experience and
too much variation for his opponent. It is a pleasure to see
Neil making such a strong start to the season. Match score
1 - 1.
New boy in the UniSPORT Guildford ranks is Tony Hands
and he set to work against Mike Elford. The Bicester player
is young, fit and fast around the court, but did not trouble
Tony to any great degree. The vast experience of being a
top 10 player in the world at his best and the racket skill
that comes with that was too much for the youngster to
deal with at this stage of his development. Only a lapse in
concentration let Elford into to take the third game, which
to his credit he took with style. But then good order was
restored in the fourth as Tony became more accurate and hit
more winners to finish his first win of the season and that
in his new colours. The local supporters are in for a treat
especially when Tony plays at his best like this. He looked
in good physical condition as well, clear evidence that there
has been some hard work going into his game in the off
season. Guildford 2 - 1.
After the hard work had been done on the outside court,
Stacey Ross’s appearance on the show court was eagerly
anticipated. He looks full of confidence at the moment
and is hitting the ball beautifully. Clive Ewins of Bicester
is no beginner, but this was not a night that he will want
to remember. He found Stacey moving around the court
like a gazelle and no matter where the visitor hit the ball
Stacey was seemingly there early and hitting the ball back
with interest. It was a sparkling display of accuracy, speed
and winners. Ewins had no answer. There will be greater
challenges ahead for Stacey, but he is in the right sort of
form to meet them right now. Guildford 3 - 1.
Last but by no means least on the show court was Stephen
Meads and he was determined to lead from the front
especially as points count back has proved so important at
the end of the season in the past. Scott Handley however
recently made the final of the recent Barcelona world circuit
tournament and has been in good form, which caused some
concern in the Meads household. On the night a very
motivated Stephen charged around the court hitting good
balls deep and wide and never allowed the visitor to settle
and was equally miserly in his error count. Stephen ran out a
comfortable winner by 3 - 0 only conceding 9 points thereby
claiming the man of the match award.
This was a solid start by the university side who looked
in rare good form for this point in the season and it will be
interesting to see how the form goes as we prepare to visit
perennial rivals Chichester for the next match away from
home on the 28th October.
UniSport Guildford 4 beat SWSA Bicester 1
Stephen Meads 3 beat Scott Handley 0: 9 - 3, 9 - 4, 9 - 2,
Stacey Ross 3 beat Clive Ewins 0: 9 - 5, 9 - 2, 9 - 3
Tony Hands 3 beat Mike Elford 1: 10 - 8, 9 - 3, 5 - 9, 9 - 3
Neil Frankland 3 beat Kristen Johnson 0: 9 - 5, 9 - 6, 9 - 6
Fiona Geaves 2 lost to Sue Wright 3:
9 - 4, 10 - 8, 4 - 9, 8 - 10, 2 – 9
UniSPORT Card holders get to see NSL matches for free.
Next home match is against Lee-on-Solent on 4th November.
For tickets contact the Varsity Centre tel. 01483 689242.
Is your talent in Leadership Skills? How about putting some
of those skills into helping develop sport at Surrey? Every
department and court has the opportunity to take part in the
‘UNIVERSITY SOCIAL SPORTS LEAGUES’ (Intramural
Sport) but nothing can happen without enthusiastic sports
representatives to cajole, motivate and organise their friends
in their department or court to take part!!
The University Social Sports Leagues (USSL) are run in
partnership between UniSport and the Students’ Union here
at Surrey, and are a great way for people to get involved in
organised sport at the University, particularly if perhaps the
Sports teams aren’t for you.
No experience is needed, and the programme is aimed
at staff and students who want to take part in lunchtime
competitive sport where the emphasis is on fun and
participation! Last year we had over 1000 students from 20
departments and courts taking part!
It’s a great way to meet people, keep active and leave your
mark on sport at Surrey!
Although by the time you have read this you would
have missed the first Sports Representatives Meeting, the
deadline for team entries is SATURDAY 18TH OCTOBER
so you have a few days left to get your teams organised!
Application forms are available from the Student Union
Sports Office and from UniSport.
The programme starts on MONDAY 27TH OCTOBER so
grab your coursemates, housemates, or even people who
aren’t your mates, and get involved in USSL!
For more information contact Dave Hitchcock ext.9201 or
email [email protected]
Are you a member of a sports clubs, or
part of a committee?
Do you want to write about your club’s
activities in barefacts?
All you have to do is write it all
down (preferably in times new roman size 10)
and email it to [email protected]
or barefacts’ Sports Editor, Pete
Nichols, at [email protected].
Club AGM notices must also be in 2
barefacts before the date they are
happening, so book your AGMs in the
Sports Office as early as possible!
remember:
[email protected]
USSU Union Council Positions now
available for:
Disabled Students Officer
Environmental Officer
International Students Officer
Mature Students Officer
Part-Time Students Officer
Racial Relations Officer
Womens’ Officer
For more information please contact Pete
Tivers at [email protected] or pop into
the Students’ Union for a chat
Charity Dinner Dance | Saturday 7th February 2004 | Hotel InterContinental, Hyde Park Corner | Champagne Reception, 3 course meal,
1/2 bottle of wine | Live band, Magicians, Illusionist, Photographer | An event not to be missed | Watch out for events and ticket sales
throughout the semester | For more information visit www.dinnerdance.info
24
SPORT
16 October 2003
teamsurrey
Challenge Chops: Equestrian
BY DAVE ‘CHOPS’ CHAPMAN
VICE PRESIDENT SPORT
This was the challenge which has had me
most worried to date. If I’m honest, I’m a
little scared of animals that weigh in excess
of a ton and can run a lot faster than I can.
Regardless of how well trained animals are,
they still have the potential to be spooked or
distracted and regardless of their intention,
its very easy for large animals to hurt
people.
However, the chances of anything going
wrong are obviously very small, so I agreed
to go along last Wednesday afternoon and
Claire Iles, VP Education and Welfare
joined me, after a number of years out of
the saddle. Proving even more popular than
last year, we all pilled into 2 minibuses and
headed off to the local Equestrian Centre we
ride at.
Once there, helmets were handed out and
a list of our horses was read out. As my
horse was mentioned, Harry (Club Chair)
said something along the lines of “oh no”
and laughed. Indeed those are the exact
words she used. There I was, a bit nervous
anyway, and when my horse was read out
the Chairperson of the club says “oh no.”
I’m not going to forget that in a hurry. Of
course I enquired why she had responded in
that way and was reassured that “Valentine”
was just a little naughty sometimes, but that
it would be fine.
We then split into our various experience
groups. I was the least experienced of the
beginners, although the others hadn’t much
experience and hadn’t ridden for years, and
had to ask how to lead my horse when it was
brought up to me.
Having made it safely over to the training
“barn” we lined up in the center to make
sure the saddles were suitably fitted. While
cautiously attempting to get the reins over
Valentines’ head, he tried to bit me. The
instructor helped me, again assuring me that
he would be fine once I was in the saddle
and that he was just a bit frisky. I was
helped onto my fairly sizeable steed with
the assistance of a mounting box. We then
started out with a fairly simple walk around
the walls of the barn and then did the same
in the other direction. Following that, we
made a few diagonals across the barn.
The next step was to up the pace and give
trotting a go. Taking it in turns we all broke
into a trot. The three or four people who
went before me managed to varying degrees
of success. For example, one of them had
difficulty getting his horse moving, but all
did quite well. When it came to my turn I
didn’t have much trouble getting Valentine
to move, but he didn’t seem too keen on
going in a straight line. A fairly sharp and
expected turn, nearly had me out of the
saddle and certainly had my heart going.
With my weight clearly not where it was
supposed to be, Valentine was quick to
stop and with a couple of seconds to regain
my composure, I returned to the back of
the group to await a second attempt. The
remaining couple of people in the group
also managed a trot with considerably more
success than me.
The second time around was more successful
but was far from competent. In order to be
comfortable at a trot, you need to use your
legs to cushion the bumps, essentially using
them as suspension. Clearly this requires
reasonable timing or it will not be effective.
During my second attempt at a trot I didn’t
get the hang of this very well and spent most
of the time just bouncing up and down in the
saddle. This isn’t painful but you wouldn’t
want to do it for long. The third time around,
I got it a bit better and the trot was a lot more
comfortable as a result.
After the fairly simple task of dismounting,
I handed Valentine over to Claire who was
riding in the intermediate group. Despite
not having ridden for quite a few years, she
didn’t seem to have many problems during
her session.
The club rides on Wednesday afternoons,
meeting up at 1pm in the Union foyer and
due to demand are also looking into adding
weekends as well. Pop along to the stage
in the main union on the Monday before to
book your ride.
the ussu equestian club - and no, that’s not chops!
SPORTS PROFILE
Name: Matthew Betts
Nickname: Skippy, Kanger, Betsy
Sport: 2nd Team Hockey Captain
Hobbies: Wrestling, Clubbing in
Brighton, Morris Dancing
Best Thing about your sport: The social
aspects of the hockey club, fitness aspects
and the team showers.
Most Memorable Sporting Moment:
Leading Surrey in my first match as 2nd
team captain.
Most Embarrassing Moment: Playing in
an old women’s dress the day after Fetish
night and looking good in it
The Plug: Hockey Training… 6-8pm
every Tuesday at the Varsity Centre.. All
abilities welcome